I live with an angry man with his own set of issues who told me I lied to him because when we met I didn't tell him I was crazy. I wake up and cry every day knowing i'm going to have to fight through not functioning well enough, fighting to make myself do what I have to (which i can't), trying to meditate, breath, listen to your videos, write, draw, crochet, walk etc and since its almost impossible most days I spend hours freaking out because I can't pick what to do and my house is a mess and I should be cleaning it and the next thing I know hours have gone by and I feel like a bigger failure. I find it so difficult to leave my house. And on top of it all I'm the the more evolved one, so it will be me making all the needed changes without any understanding from my partner who scares me because he's so loud and angry. Rambling on...sorry.
My husbands alter, that has held all the trauma, anger @ bitterness, tried for two years to get rid of me, by making my husband ‘do’ dealbreaker-actions to me. He was really sadistic and hurtful. I now have a new relationship with him, where he claims to see, that I’m ok. He says, that he loves me and want to help me all that he can, because he’s mortified over what he’s done to me. When I’m sad, he appears and comforts me completely. I think the turnaround happened, when I told him, that my husband/the system was wonderful. He saw the love in me - even after all the hurtful stuff, that would have made other people run for the hills ♥️ I hope he tells me the truth, because I want to care for all the parts of my husband.
Wife's 15 yr old alter acted out. Her 28 yr old alter displayed tendencies toward self harm. It's taken almost a decade talking to them to instill a feeling a sense of safety. I'm no therapist, but so far so good.
I'll be clear. My first reactions was what can be expected. When the 15 yr alter pulled a knife on me years ago I told her go ahead. I was scared to death in that moment. But I drilled down to try to uncover her behavior. Fear turns to anger. At 15 she only knew one way to react. She's much better now. Her outbursts are gone. Giving safety seems to have been the key.
I'm chuckling at that. No, I'm no saint, just a guy who loves his wife...and all her parts. Can't love the host and reject an altar, or all of them. It's like asking a Christian who is your favorite...father, son or holy spirit? Can't separate them. I won't.
This is not boasting. I'm genuinely touched by it. Yesterday the 3 yr old alter asked me what I wanted for fathers day. "We know you're not our dad, but we're grateful for everything you've done for us." She was talking on behalf of all the alters. I fought back the tears. I don't need a present. She gave it to me right then.
It's confusing to know that these parts are me. When one part does everything that I am so not, it is hard to understand how he can be a part of me. Which leads me to think of myself as "bad". How could I have something so "bad" inside me and still be a good person? This video helps. In a family where everything had to appear perfect on the outside, I had to isolate the rebel inside me. It could not exist on the outside. The danger would have been terrible. But by having the dissociated belief that I could be powerful inside, that part helped me to survive. I still fear that he (the part) could ruin my life. I also almost lost a therapist when my therapist started talking about understanding and forgiving abusers. I disappeared, but I could hear the part turn on my therapist with sarcasm and hatred. The words were cruel and targeted. My therapist was triggered. We stormed out of therapy. I was horrified and apologized over and over. Thankfully over the course of the week, my therapist recovered and took me back. Why or why can't there be clinics like CTAD in more than one location on earth?
I like to think of it in terms of protection, which in a way can also be thought of as control. “This person can’t abandon me if I abandon them first” “this person won’t hit me if I hit them first” “This person can’t hurt me if I never become friends with them” Some of these protection mechanisms are maladaptive to the current situation - though perhaps in the past they were in accordance to the needs of that moment. We always try to keep that in mind when we find some of us are acting “bad”
Sadly, my previous therapist did not understand this. He triggered an alter by saying that alter sounded/acted like one of the abusers. That alter verbally responded in a way he wasnt able to tolerate, and then wanted ME to go on medication via a psychiatrist. Its a long story. Im now working with an actual specialist. I was shocked and devastated by both the alters response and the therapists reaction. That was a defining moment for me. Albeit painful, I could clearly see that I was not alone. Denial took a hit that day. ME, the person typing this, would NEVER have responded the way that alter did. I wish I could've been like that, sometimes people deserve what they get, but my fear of upsetting anyone was always too strong. Thanks for the videos. They're quite helpful.
The world is adamantly not safe. I live near ukraine, in war. My iranian friend in Germany experiences enormous sexism and racism. The economic system is entirely based on accumulating wealth by exploitation of one groups exposure to hazard. Look at republican states in usa removing women’s reproductive rights, attacking immigrants, genocide against First Nation people in Canada, economic slavery with western countries exploiting third world nations. No economic safety. Only those with economic safety and membership in the socio dominant group can feel the world is safe, and not grasp just how violent, hostile, predatory and exploitive the global socio economic system is.
“A sense of solidity” is so important! Thank you for mentioning it. We often feel like we are falling through space or moving through water. Nothing is solid. On top of it, the external world doesn’t match our internal distress, which can drive someone to manifest what’s internal just to feel real. At least, that’s our experience. Great video as usual! 🙏🏻
The synchronicity of this is quite perfect. As I am facing two court cases as a victim of historical abuse, the process has meant I have used up ALL of my internal reliance built up over years of therapy. This manifests as flashes of anger and internal rage at people. The lack of trust in people, means we are noticing we are micro-managing our social worker as a way to cope. Also flashes of anger at our psychologist. Alas have noticed this happen to the poor love at the supermarket checkout counter as well. Can see the link of how this is all part of the jigsaw puzzle, so as always thank you so much 🙏
Thank you for making videos like this. We have a part that is full of rage, and sometimes they can be too harsh, too loud, they can spot all weak spots in a person, so, they can use it later if something will go wrong. And i don't blame them. Yep, it causes some problems in my relationships, but they were the only one who stood up for me/us when no one was there... when i was bullied, neglected, lost... people were telling us that we changes, we became too out of hand, they didn't like that we stopped being a carpet that they can wipe their legs with. I think that they formed because of betrayal and loneliness, and people can't accept that they are receiving what they give.
The joy of being able to actually get a response definitely seems to be a big part of the motivation of some of our sadistic alters 😅💯 And yeah, when you've only known yourselves as "wrong and bad" it's hard to completely change your self concept. I guess some of us have embraced that "monster" role, because it felt like the only way to exist at the time
Oh wow! So much to talk about here! I did a lot of work with my ‘difficult’ or ‘scary’ alter Turns out, she just wanted to be heard. She's not bad at all. She's a good kid and I can work with her now. She takes no c**p, don't get me wrong, but my therapist ages her at about 15. So, it's pretty typical for that age I think But she even verbally went at me at the beginning, and made me cry a few times. But we are ok now And I love your clinic videos- it's one of the few places that talks about DID without it being a joke or a trend. So, thank you 😊
@@astraetluna yeah My therapist said that they tend to be the most, shall we say, confrontational and upset. Mine has made me cry a few times but now she knows it isn’t ok to do that. How do you manage yours?
Really appreciate your videos. With this specific video I had to turn away from the screen, as it was 'too scary' that you were so close. Still got value from keeping it to audio only, so we can work around it. But as you asked for feedback, we have this: much prefer the set-up where you are a little further away. Less scary that way.
Perfect timing 🙏 I'm just noticing this new alter, this screaming, swearing, defensive, offensive person. She shocks me! She shocks others around me. All I know at the moment about her is that she is very frightened. Thank you for this great video, its helping me to see and hear her💚
Love the new intro! The control thing is huge because maybe that WAS useful at one time. Also, maybe certain alters have access to memories I don't, so they feel the need to act aggressively to protect them. Overall it seems like just like any other alter, these ones need to feel safe to move forward.
Thank you for another infomative and respectful video We appreciate them both host and internals. The "bad ones" in our system are mostly protectors. They front vere rare and only for a few seconds. It happens when our host and pleaser-alter get to stressed due to coping with the outer world and as consequence neglect the little internal ones. In the last months where we worked as a peer. at the local psuchitric center he stress made the protector press the alarm button in spite of just testing it. Later the work computer disappeared totally. And it did not reappear before our host had taken time to reunite with the internal ones. Then it reappeared in a place the host had looked for it ten times or more. 😊 We like each other. But the host has to be reminded of staying in touch and stop denying us.
Is it more like passive-aggressive or closer to vulnerable narcissist actions? Also, what kind of recommendations do you have for handling abandonment by a DID spouse (undiagnosed) who's alters continue to reenact disciplinary narcissistic trauma and maintain contact [mutual no contact dissolution clause]? I haven't the heart to reject them, and they refuse to leave me alone. I made the mistake of believing my spouse was having an affair due to her internal support systems, lack of emotional intimacy, and amnesia. As I educate myself further on the subject, I recognize the behaviors and my mistakes in great detail.
Thanks for this. This is some old stinky dank moldy belief living so deep inside. Trying to battle and disband this belief so as not to behave “badly” and say things meanly and push away ……. Thanks again Dr. Mike 💙👊
This has been so incredibly helpful for us. We have two alters that can go out of their ways to hurt us or act out, and I have always been trying to better understand their motivation. Everything here made so much sense, I could almost see the pieces fitting together, and I think I have a much better grasp of why they do the things they do (it's all related very closely to our trauma...it feels like everything in our life is sometimes), which provides me with more confidence and stability. Thank you so much
Thank you for this! Can you touch on alters that are ? Drug/alcoholic tendencies. How to navigate recovery with an abusive alter. Thanks. And thanks for the videos... we ❤️ them.
The simplest answer is that you make life in the present feel intensely safe and satisfying. With skills on handling the ups and downs in the present time. That takes a lot of skill development as well an inside communication. But it makes a huge difference.
Thank you for this . Yes, my family don’t like a couple of my parts because they are hostile but some of my parts are just acting out of just trying to communicate to say back off or protection mode. I have a part that nips my fiancé physically and gets angry and lashes out when he touches me (her ). My fiancé is now building a relationship with this part and knows she is not bad or a total bitch but is just protecting me. My mother hates this part. People like the DID when it’s fun , the young parts but don’t like it when it’s the challenging parts. I’m like “ I’m me and all parts are all me.” So try and love them all 😆. Some of my young ones can be very embarrassing for me and tend to act up sometimes in public and this is difficult. I hide the DID as much as I can but this is a very challenging side , young part’s behaviour in public. 😢
I understand. Trauma-based defence systems in activation are rarely going to be “fun”, I think! If we can learn to channel the historical defence into something useful in the present, that can be!
@@thectadclinic thanks . I think some people don’t realise that my parts exist for a reason. They each have a role in some way. One of my parts comes out to distract and wants to play and have fun. This use of playfulness and creativity from this part of me can be useful (if I’m getting your point made above) in doing art , crafts and being with children. She can lighten my mood , when she’s near by I can be more creative and do some art activities I love. However, it’s getting that balance in being present and still being creative and using these skills. I’m wanting to be my Stephanie part , playful , fun and creative but not be stuck at 6 and act like a child , and have memory blanks.
I have a part that is all emotions and had been unpredictable to what she wants. For years she had believed that she was a demon and mimic what it would do and created a lot of troubles and sufferings, seeking to destroy the ANP. It was only a couple of years since we realised of her existence was not demonic and that she’s part of the person. She has finally accepted that she’s human, but she still does destructive or at least conduct unhelpful things to the rest of the person. She might need time to change, try to accept and learn to be human, contributing positively to the person and not contradict everything that the rest all seek to do. One thing particularly problematic from her is compulsive buying and it’s potentially dangerous and I have weak self-control. Gonna see a new therapist today and see how it will go. Thanks for the video🙏🏼🙏🏼
Interestingly, all 5 of my alters are of contemporary age to the ANP although they first appeared at different times. They differ in functions and characters, but not age, so I guess it’s easier to deal with.
What are the similarities between OSDD and autism. The “masking” in autism seems to be similar to the “alters” in OSDD. We (autistics) often pick up comorbidities throughout life. Much more so in late term diagnosis. I find my therapists were chasing my “symptoms” of bipolar, c PTSD, dissociative disorders, etc. Finding the root cause has been eye-opening. Many of the medications and hospitalizations caused additional symptoms! It been a fun week for a 50 year old.
I would love to know more about possible connections as well. Unfortunately, autistic children are probably more likely to be targets for abuse, and less able to get help in dealing with trauma. I know that I play characters sometimes to deal with social situations, as an autist, but those are not dissociative parts. I certainly questioned it, but having some experience with people with actual DID helped me understand the difference. Everyone I've known with DID also has symptoms of ASD that are not the trauma-related ones. Thank you for mentioning this. I hope the topic interests others as well.
I think there is a huge around of autism/DID that we do not yet know. I am being taught new things by patients in the clinic all the time. Certainly differences, too, but we have to assume we probably don’t know more than we do about this!
@@thectadclinic I love that you're saying that. As a patient you often think that if something can be diagnosed and professionals can give you a name for it, they know what it is. But then you find yourself walking into a lot of walls. I kinda think it's much more empowering to know that research is ongoing. And what can help you is still out there to find. Or within of course!
ASD is a developmental brain wiring disorder. DID is caused by severe trauma in very early life. Dissociation in ASD is not the same as a dissociative personality disorder, but it can be just as disabling. Lots of folks dissociate. So many. So often. Not so many have distinct personalities. Testing people with DID you will not find the same early life issues with communication and social skills across all environments the child engages in, nor will you find the same pattern of sensory processing difficulties. Different wiring issues.
This means the world to me. Really validates me on the deepest level. Also difficult to watch will definately have to watch it a couple of times. Thank you
I have Alters that are acting in destructive ways, but it is not based on badness. It almost always revolves are wanting the pain/trauma they are experiencing to stop. So this surfaces as: (a) self medicating to numb pain, (b) looping looking for ways to stop self and others getting hurt due to system failures in religion, culture and society. Point a is particularly problematic, because the body feels crap afterward so it retraumatises the system resulting in a spiral. There is no “I’m bad”, there is “how can i escape the cyclic destructive behaviour and move out of fear response. Ultimately while I may have moments of safety, fundamentally no human is safe in our global culture, and we are forced to engage in exploitive or restrictive behaviours. (I can’t survive by simply helping others, I have to force them to give me cash for my services, and I can only help those who have the economic means to make money for my employer, and so forth). I am forced by capitalism to act unethically (forced by laws to exploit others for profit), participating in violence to survive. So that is constantly retraumatiszing. I’m not bad. Society is dysfunctional and abusive.
Thank you for the last sentence. I desperately need therapists to be honest about the racist, capitalist and bigoted society many of us live in, because that is a source of other ongoing trauma. However since 99% of therapists (in the U.K.) are wh i te and middle class, they have zero clue about any of this.
High tech: Janina Fisher has a terrific free video on addiction and trauma that practically quotes you regarding the spiral of using then feeling miserable! It is either on the NICAM site or on her site.
What about someone wìth OSDD1a who has a paŕt who makes it their business to torture you with horrific visions, predictions, and disgusting comments. Until recently I thought it was my evil/angry side. I watched a young lady with DID on youtube explain the difference between normal internal dialogue and what is not. I'm not sure but I think much of what I hear in my head may be parts. Why would I want to torture myself? I keep to myself and can't bear what I hear in my head from this one. All I can do is say stòp. I wòuld never repeat it...therefore the only one affected is me.
Lots of people with D ID have alters that mimic their abusers and the abuse they faced. It’s kind of a way of processing it and making sense of it and taking control of the abuse. Those are persecutor alters.
I’d like to know what it’s like to think and live in a non defensive non negative (positive) world day by day. My husband is a gem and is a positive person in every sense. He’s had to live with me for 34 years and I wish I could be different, at least for him. When I entered therapy, I looked at my husband and said oh, maybe my little black cloud will go away! 😊
Melissa, to live in that world is truly a blessing. I experience that most of the time (maybe not recently) and I am always appreciative. Many of the patients in the clinic learn they can have this, and accept it, after a while.
That’s the most exciting thing for me right now.; to know that maybe I can have and accept some of that positivity that I see modeled in him. (My husband) he’s an amazing person! He’s been positive for us both!! I’m starting to see some light through the trees. This channel and you have been a big part of keeping me focused and excited about that potential. You’re a blessing! -Mo
How are you supposed to balance the huge risks of leaving the house or being by yourself against the chronic loneliness and isolation of having to be a safest possible place, which is always alone ? You would think multiple personalities you could never feel alone! But I guess it’s also the shane that makes you hide. I think death from loneliness is worse no matter now risky these alters behaviours are! Thanks, JN 24.06.23
Thank you too for this comment, Dr J, it is a hard balance to achieve. Working with signposting can help the 'going outside' aspect. Hopefully this can improve over time for you!
A very helpful video! Thank you a lot. I have a question, unrelated to this video though: Do patients sometimes come to you and report bad experiences with previous doctors or professionals alike? If so, what is your personal stance on that? Personally, I see that a lot that people report their doctors don't believe that their trauma is "bad enough" and unfortunately, my psychologist has made that assumption as well. Do you have any tips for acting or handling this situation, as a patient? I apologise if this is too big of a question
I can remember two therapists telling me, “Nothing you can do will hurt me.” Scared me to death for at least two reasons. To me it was a lie. Therapists are humans and can be hurt. Second, I was afraid my teen would take them up on the challenge. Looking back. For one therapist that is what happened and what destroyed the relationship. Also, if I can think from the parts’ perspective, the behavior makes sense. Just not helpful in now time.
Really sad this was your experience. We have boundaries, so not everything is acceptable, it simply cannot be. We have to be transparent and honest, not promising things we cannot deliver.
Yep! I agree. It is tricky to be a therapist. You have to be professional with good boundaries but still a real human. I can’t imagine how hard that is. Thank you to everyone who does it well.
What a rookie therapist comment by your previous therapists!! Patients have killed therapists. There are laws protecting providers from patients for good reasons. Run, do not walk, from a therapist without the ability to know that boundaries make everyone feel safe.
Maybe me always being late gives a sense of deciding what 'the arena' is. Like an obvious problem that everyone can focus on and, yeah, where I know what the response usually is. People being nice or things going well isn't really a trustworthy thing. I need control because all interactions will be negative. But if you've been doing something for a long time, I think you discover many uses for it and come to rely on it for many things. When I started having such a hard time even showing up, it was for a different reason. I just never managed to get the response I needed.
What is the best way to submit questions to your channel? Is there some online form or a specific post we should comment on? Thank you for everything you do 💛
@@thectadclinic thank you! Two questions for you: 1) why do parts have different handwriting? 2) perhaps should be answered individually but I’m wondering your thoughts on maintaining spiritual practices w/ did/osdd. I know having consistent spiritual practices prayer/mediation in the past has provided comfort for me but as I learn more about myself I realize I engage in prayer in a similar mechanism as I communicate internally and I’m worried parts could take advantage of that. Do you have thoughts on how ppl maintain their own spiritual beliefs while addressing complicated system work?
About control: working on that. Got a fT job , and one angry alter keeps talking negative about outr customers and on one call it came out the moth. The negativity. We work at loan company and call on the phone all day. So halrdll to keep some lalters l")homel l" to wa8😅😢😢 fir their time out. 9-6 land not everyone is really the right temperaments for the job. 😮 any ideas? I apmin therapy mondays
This was a really good video but a hard watch. I felt like i was squirming inside the whole time. Usually the tough ones to watch are the ones that hit deep.
Confused. Recently told we have an introject. I've heard about prosecutors. Is it introjects vs internals? Is this video addressing all negativity, internally or externally? Why would a system created for survival.. create a part that is also abusive? Do you have a video on this? Are introjects same as prosecutors?
Introject is an alter that developed based on some source. It can be a real life person you know (often it can be abusers), also it can be from media (tv shows, anime, books, series, movies, celebrities, games). Persecutors are sometimes protectors that need help with navigation, it is how they think they can protect the system from further abuse, to prepare the system.
@@AnnaGreenMoon thank you. So an introject is recreated abuser? To remind the others alters why they exist or to maintain their reason for existence? What's the best way to work with introjects. Is there a way to squelch them?
@@kj-sf4md My understanding is that introjects serve to keep certain alters “in line” to reduce the abuse as much as possible. If the introject can get other alters to behave as the abuser wants them to, then the abuse may be less severe. Helping the introject to understand that the abuser is no longer present, and conforming to the abuser’s wishes is no longer necessary, as well as giving the introject an opportunity to become their own self and use better coping mechanisms to feel safe can be helpful.
The world is not safe. The initial trauma may have ended, but I am traumatised on a daily basis due to racism, queerphobia, poverty etc. How can my Alters feel safe if I’m constantly afraid of mistreatment or abuse? I dread going to ‘normal’ places like going into a shop or to the cinema, without fear of being verbally or physically attacked or accused of stealing shop items. It’s rare to go a week without something like that happening. Please take a gentle look at the privileges you hold as a wh i te, educated cis man, and then take a look at what the world is like for those of us with DID, who have none of these traits.
You build skills for protection. A big toolkit of them. One of them is seeing yourself as an adult body, not a child. Another is to live in an area that isn't filled to the very brim with haters. Not none; just the least you can manage. San Francisco is a city that has a huge community that would welcome you. A rented room in a welcoming community could feel better than a spacious home in a threatening one. Another is to objectively assess the level of threat in specific locations so that there is some ability to logically talk back to the fear with facts. Another is to have a plan to leave a situation safely rather than to never insert yourself outside of your home. And celebrate small wins as proof of agency and ability.
@@Cathy-xi8cb I live in the uk, but visited San Francisco 10 years ago. I was assaulted twice in my stay and ended up in hospital for 2 months. If that city is safe for you then that’s great. But it’s a privilege to be able to move to other parts of the uk , much less another country, when you’re disabled and poor.
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I live with an angry man with his own set of issues who told me I lied to him because when we met I didn't tell him I was crazy. I wake up and cry every day knowing i'm going to have to fight through not functioning well enough, fighting to make myself do what I have to (which i can't), trying to meditate, breath, listen to your videos, write, draw, crochet, walk etc and since its almost impossible most days I spend hours freaking out because I can't pick what to do and my house is a mess and I should be cleaning it and the next thing I know hours have gone by and I feel like a bigger failure. I find it so difficult to leave my house. And on top of it all I'm the the more evolved one, so it will be me making all the needed changes without any understanding from my partner who scares me because he's so loud and angry. Rambling on...sorry.
My husbands alter, that has held all the trauma, anger @ bitterness, tried for two years to get rid of me, by making my husband ‘do’ dealbreaker-actions to me. He was really sadistic and hurtful. I now have a new relationship with him, where he claims to see, that I’m ok. He says, that he loves me and want to help me all that he can, because he’s mortified over what he’s done to me. When I’m sad, he appears and comforts me completely. I think the turnaround happened, when I told him, that my husband/the system was wonderful. He saw the love in me - even after all the hurtful stuff, that would have made other people run for the hills ♥️ I hope he tells me the truth, because I want to care for all the parts of my husband.
Wife's 15 yr old alter acted out. Her 28 yr old alter displayed tendencies toward self harm. It's taken almost a decade talking to them to instill a feeling a sense of safety. I'm no therapist, but so far so good.
Good for you both!
I'll be clear. My first reactions was what can be expected. When the 15 yr alter pulled a knife on me years ago I told her go ahead. I was scared to death in that moment. But I drilled down to try to uncover her behavior. Fear turns to anger. At 15 she only knew one way to react. She's much better now. Her outbursts are gone. Giving safety seems to have been the key.
@david rada A decade! You have the patience of a saint, here I am complaining about two weeks and I find this comment
I'm chuckling at that. No, I'm no saint, just a guy who loves his wife...and all her parts. Can't love the host and reject an altar, or all of them. It's like asking a Christian who is your favorite...father, son or holy spirit? Can't separate them. I won't.
This is not boasting. I'm genuinely touched by it. Yesterday the 3 yr old alter asked me what I wanted for fathers day. "We know you're not our dad, but we're grateful for everything you've done for us." She was talking on behalf of all the alters. I fought back the tears. I don't need a present. She gave it to me right then.
It's confusing to know that these parts are me. When one part does everything that I am so not, it is hard to understand how he can be a part of me. Which leads me to think of myself as "bad". How could I have something so "bad" inside me and still be a good person? This video helps. In a family where everything had to appear perfect on the outside, I had to isolate the rebel inside me. It could not exist on the outside. The danger would have been terrible. But by having the dissociated belief that I could be powerful inside, that part helped me to survive. I still fear that he (the part) could ruin my life.
I also almost lost a therapist when my therapist started talking about understanding and forgiving abusers. I disappeared, but I could hear the part turn on my therapist with sarcasm and hatred. The words were cruel and targeted. My therapist was triggered. We stormed out of therapy. I was horrified and apologized over and over. Thankfully over the course of the week, my therapist recovered and took me back. Why or why can't there be clinics like CTAD in more than one location on earth?
I like to think of it in terms of protection, which in a way can also be thought of as control. “This person can’t abandon me if I abandon them first” “this person won’t hit me if I hit them first” “This person can’t hurt me if I never become friends with them”
Some of these protection mechanisms are maladaptive to the current situation - though perhaps in the past they were in accordance to the needs of that moment. We always try to keep that in mind when we find some of us are acting “bad”
Sadly, my previous therapist did not understand this. He triggered an alter by saying that alter sounded/acted like one of the abusers. That alter verbally responded in a way he wasnt able to tolerate, and then wanted ME to go on medication via a psychiatrist. Its a long story. Im now working with an actual specialist.
I was shocked and devastated by both the alters response and the therapists reaction. That was a defining moment for me. Albeit painful, I could clearly see that I was not alone. Denial took a hit that day. ME, the person typing this, would NEVER have responded the way that alter did. I wish I could've been like that, sometimes people deserve what they get, but my fear of upsetting anyone was always too strong.
Thanks for the videos. They're quite helpful.
That’s wonderful you could find a specialist, that can be hard! Wishing you healing and happiness!
@@tactileproduct03 Thank you so much :)
The world is adamantly not safe. I live near ukraine, in war. My iranian friend in Germany experiences enormous sexism and racism. The economic system is entirely based on accumulating wealth by exploitation of one groups exposure to hazard. Look at republican states in usa removing women’s reproductive rights, attacking immigrants, genocide against First Nation people in Canada, economic slavery with western countries exploiting third world nations. No economic safety. Only those with economic safety and membership in the socio dominant group can feel the world is safe, and not grasp just how violent, hostile, predatory and exploitive the global socio economic system is.
It’s great to see more comments like this for this video. The world is definitely not safe for people with marginalisations.
“A sense of solidity” is so important! Thank you for mentioning it. We often feel like we are falling through space or moving through water. Nothing is solid. On top of it, the external world doesn’t match our internal distress, which can drive someone to manifest what’s internal just to feel real. At least, that’s our experience. Great video as usual! 🙏🏻
Thank you! It’s a complex one.
@DIDHatchery We can relate. We go through this off and on. Less often now.
I love your channel. I've subscribed.
@@BlueHeron654Omg! Thank you! 💜
@@gracesilpe6039It’s not very fun, is it? Just another thing people with DID have to deal with. 💜
The synchronicity of this is quite perfect. As I am facing two court cases as a victim of historical abuse, the process has meant I have used up ALL of my internal reliance built up over years of therapy. This manifests as flashes of anger and internal rage at people. The lack of trust in people, means we are noticing we are micro-managing our social worker as a way to cope. Also flashes of anger at our psychologist. Alas have noticed this happen to the poor love at the supermarket checkout counter as well. Can see the link of how this is all part of the jigsaw puzzle, so as always thank you so much 🙏
Jigsaw puzzle is the perfect description.
Eye opening. My alter that 'acts out' feels very seen by this closed loop explanation
Thank you for making videos like this.
We have a part that is full of rage, and sometimes they can be too harsh, too loud, they can spot all weak spots in a person, so, they can use it later if something will go wrong. And i don't blame them. Yep, it causes some problems in my relationships, but they were the only one who stood up for me/us when no one was there... when i was bullied, neglected, lost... people were telling us that we changes, we became too out of hand, they didn't like that we stopped being a carpet that they can wipe their legs with. I think that they formed because of betrayal and loneliness, and people can't accept that they are receiving what they give.
The joy of being able to actually get a response definitely seems to be a big part of the motivation of some of our sadistic alters 😅💯
And yeah, when you've only known yourselves as "wrong and bad" it's hard to completely change your self concept. I guess some of us have embraced that "monster" role, because it felt like the only way to exist at the time
Oh wow! So much to talk about here! I did a lot of work with my ‘difficult’ or ‘scary’ alter
Turns out, she just wanted to be heard. She's not bad at all. She's a good kid and I can work with her now. She takes no c**p, don't get me wrong, but my therapist ages her at about 15. So, it's pretty typical for that age I think
But she even verbally went at me at the beginning, and made me cry a few times.
But we are ok now
And I love your clinic videos- it's one of the few places that talks about DID without it being a joke or a trend. So, thank you 😊
@@astraetluna how old is she?
I’ve found that with my teenage alter, she’s doing it to get a reaction
@@astraetluna yeah
My therapist said that they tend to be the most, shall we say, confrontational and upset.
Mine has made me cry a few times but now she knows it isn’t ok to do that.
How do you manage yours?
@@astraetluna also, thanks for responding 😊
Really appreciate your videos. With this specific video I had to turn away from the screen, as it was 'too scary' that you were so close. Still got value from keeping it to audio only, so we can work around it. But as you asked for feedback, we have this: much prefer the set-up where you are a little further away. Less scary that way.
Sorry to hear that, I was using a different camera because of the time of day affecting light. Thank you!
Your work is positively and profoundly transformative for so many lives, thank you!
Thank you so much!
Perfect timing 🙏 I'm just noticing this new alter, this screaming, swearing, defensive, offensive person. She shocks me! She shocks others around me. All I know at the moment about her is that she is very frightened. Thank you for this great video, its helping me to see and hear her💚
Love the new intro! The control thing is huge because maybe that WAS useful at one time. Also, maybe certain alters have access to memories I don't, so they feel the need to act aggressively to protect them. Overall it seems like just like any other alter, these ones need to feel safe to move forward.
I very much agree, and am also really pleased you like the new intro!
i watch your videos several times. I can't always take it all in at once.
Thank you for another infomative and respectful video We appreciate them both host and internals.
The "bad ones" in our system are mostly protectors. They front vere rare and only for a few seconds. It happens when our host and pleaser-alter get to stressed due to coping with the outer world and as consequence neglect the little internal ones. In the last months where we worked as a peer. at the local psuchitric center he stress made the protector press the alarm button in spite of just testing it. Later the work computer disappeared totally. And it did not reappear before our host had taken time to reunite with the internal ones. Then it reappeared in a place the host had looked for it ten times or more. 😊 We like each other. But the host has to be reminded of staying in touch and stop denying us.
Is it more like passive-aggressive or closer to vulnerable narcissist actions?
Also, what kind of recommendations do you have for handling abandonment by a DID spouse (undiagnosed) who's alters continue to reenact disciplinary narcissistic trauma and maintain contact [mutual no contact dissolution clause]?
I haven't the heart to reject them, and they refuse to leave me alone. I made the mistake of believing my spouse was having an affair due to her internal support systems, lack of emotional intimacy, and amnesia. As I educate myself further on the subject, I recognize the behaviors and my mistakes in great detail.
Thanks for this. This is some old stinky dank moldy belief living so deep inside. Trying to battle and disband this belief so as not to behave “badly” and say things meanly and push away ……. Thanks again Dr. Mike 💙👊
This has been so incredibly helpful for us. We have two alters that can go out of their ways to hurt us or act out, and I have always been trying to better understand their motivation. Everything here made so much sense, I could almost see the pieces fitting together, and I think I have a much better grasp of why they do the things they do (it's all related very closely to our trauma...it feels like everything in our life is sometimes), which provides me with more confidence and stability.
Thank you so much
Thank you for this! Can you touch on alters that are ? Drug/alcoholic tendencies. How to navigate recovery with an abusive alter. Thanks. And thanks for the videos... we ❤️ them.
The simplest answer is that you make life in the present feel intensely safe and satisfying. With skills on handling the ups and downs in the present time. That takes a lot of skill development as well an inside communication. But it makes a huge difference.
I love how you present info in multiple ways; I dissociate so much when watching that it helps bring me around again.
Thank you for this . Yes, my family don’t like a couple of my parts because they are hostile but some of my parts are just acting out of just trying to communicate to say back off or protection mode. I have a part that nips my fiancé physically and gets angry and lashes out when he touches me (her ). My fiancé is now building a relationship with this part and knows she is not bad or a total bitch but is just protecting me. My mother hates this part. People like the DID when it’s fun , the young parts but don’t like it when it’s the challenging parts. I’m like “ I’m me and all parts are all me.” So try and love them all 😆. Some of my young ones can be very embarrassing for me and tend to act up sometimes in public and this is difficult. I hide the DID as much as I can but this is a very challenging side , young part’s behaviour in public. 😢
I understand. Trauma-based defence systems in activation are rarely going to be “fun”, I think! If we can learn to channel the historical defence into something useful in the present, that can be!
@@thectadclinic thanks . I think some people don’t realise that my parts exist for a reason. They each have a role in some way. One of my parts comes out to distract and wants to play and have fun. This use of playfulness and creativity from this part of me can be useful (if I’m getting your point made above) in doing art , crafts and being with children. She can lighten my mood , when she’s near by I can be more creative and do some art activities I love. However, it’s getting that balance in being present and still being creative and using these skills. I’m wanting to be my Stephanie part , playful , fun and creative but not be stuck at 6 and act like a child , and have memory blanks.
Amazing video!! So, so very enlightening and helpful. Will definitely keep these things in mind going forward when dealing with our “angry” alter.
I have a part that is all emotions and had been unpredictable to what she wants. For years she had believed that she was a demon and mimic what it would do and created a lot of troubles and sufferings, seeking to destroy the ANP. It was only a couple of years since we realised of her existence was not demonic and that she’s part of the person. She has finally accepted that she’s human, but she still does destructive or at least conduct unhelpful things to the rest of the person. She might need time to change, try to accept and learn to be human, contributing positively to the person and not contradict everything that the rest all seek to do. One thing particularly problematic from her is compulsive buying and it’s potentially dangerous and I have weak self-control. Gonna see a new therapist today and see how it will go. Thanks for the video🙏🏼🙏🏼
Interestingly, all 5 of my alters are of contemporary age to the ANP although they first appeared at different times. They differ in functions and characters, but not age, so I guess it’s easier to deal with.
Fantastic! Thanks a lot for this video, very necessary! -Caretaker of a System
Hoping to see the best response to this behavior soon! Thank you
Thanks for explaining this dynamic!
What are the similarities between OSDD and autism. The “masking” in autism seems to be similar to the “alters” in OSDD. We (autistics) often pick up comorbidities throughout life. Much more so in late term diagnosis. I find my therapists were chasing my “symptoms” of bipolar, c PTSD, dissociative disorders, etc. Finding the root cause has been eye-opening. Many of the medications and hospitalizations caused additional symptoms! It been a fun week for a 50 year old.
I would love to know more about possible connections as well. Unfortunately, autistic children are probably more likely to be targets for abuse, and less able to get help in dealing with trauma. I know that I play characters sometimes to deal with social situations, as an autist, but those are not dissociative parts. I certainly questioned it, but having some experience with people with actual DID helped me understand the difference. Everyone I've known with DID also has symptoms of ASD that are not the trauma-related ones.
Thank you for mentioning this. I hope the topic interests others as well.
I think there is a huge around of autism/DID that we do not yet know. I am being taught new things by patients in the clinic all the time. Certainly differences, too, but we have to assume we probably don’t know more than we do about this!
@@thectadclinic I love that you're saying that. As a patient you often think that if something can be diagnosed and professionals can give you a name for it, they know what it is. But then you find yourself walking into a lot of walls.
I kinda think it's much more empowering to know that research is ongoing. And what can help you is still out there to find. Or within of course!
ASD is a developmental brain wiring disorder. DID is caused by severe trauma in very early life. Dissociation in ASD is not the same as a dissociative personality disorder, but it can be just as disabling. Lots of folks dissociate. So many. So often. Not so many have distinct personalities. Testing people with DID you will not find the same early life issues with communication and social skills across all environments the child engages in, nor will you find the same pattern of sensory processing difficulties. Different wiring issues.
Oh what a great topic, thank you.
We deal with this and so good video thanks see much Dr Mike
This means the world to me. Really validates me on the deepest level. Also difficult to watch will definately have to watch it a couple of times. Thank you
So pleased this was useful for you!
I have Alters that are acting in destructive ways, but it is not based on badness. It almost always revolves are wanting the pain/trauma they are experiencing to stop. So this surfaces as: (a) self medicating to numb pain, (b) looping looking for ways to stop self and others getting hurt due to system failures in religion, culture and society. Point a is particularly problematic, because the body feels crap afterward so it retraumatises the system resulting in a spiral. There is no “I’m bad”, there is “how can i escape the cyclic destructive behaviour and move out of fear response. Ultimately while I may have moments of safety, fundamentally no human is safe in our global culture, and we are forced to engage in exploitive or restrictive behaviours. (I can’t survive by simply helping others, I have to force them to give me cash for my services, and I can only help those who have the economic means to make money for my employer, and so forth). I am forced by capitalism to act unethically (forced by laws to exploit others for profit), participating in violence to survive. So that is constantly retraumatiszing. I’m not bad. Society is dysfunctional and abusive.
Thank you for the last sentence. I desperately need therapists to be honest about the racist, capitalist and bigoted society many of us live in, because that is a source of other ongoing trauma. However since 99% of therapists (in the U.K.) are wh i te and middle class, they have zero clue about any of this.
High tech: Janina Fisher has a terrific free video on addiction and trauma that practically quotes you regarding the spiral of using then feeling miserable! It is either on the NICAM site or on her site.
What about someone wìth OSDD1a who has a paŕt who makes it their business to torture you with horrific visions, predictions, and disgusting comments. Until recently I thought it was my evil/angry side. I watched a young lady with DID on youtube explain the difference between normal internal dialogue and what is not. I'm not sure but I think much of what I hear in my head may be parts. Why would I want to torture myself? I keep to myself and can't bear what I hear in my head from this one. All I can do is say stòp. I wòuld never repeat it...therefore the only one affected is me.
Lots of people with D ID have alters that mimic their abusers and the abuse they faced. It’s kind of a way of processing it and making sense of it and taking control of the abuse. Those are persecutor alters.
Thankyou for this and all your videos. Very helpful.
We do bad things because bad things have been done to us.
I’d like to know what it’s like to think and live in a non defensive non negative (positive) world day by day. My husband is a gem and is a positive person in every sense. He’s had to live with me for 34 years and I wish I could be different, at least for him. When I entered therapy, I looked at my husband and said oh, maybe my little black cloud will go away! 😊
Spouses need gratitude and esteem too.
Melissa, to live in that world is truly a blessing. I experience that most of the time (maybe not recently) and I am always appreciative. Many of the patients in the clinic learn they can have this, and accept it, after a while.
That’s the most exciting thing for me right now.; to know that maybe I can have and accept some of that positivity that I see modeled in him. (My husband) he’s an amazing person! He’s been positive for us both!! I’m starting to see some light through the trees. This channel and you have been a big part of keeping me focused and excited about that potential. You’re a blessing! -Mo
How are you supposed to balance the huge risks of leaving the house or being by yourself against the chronic loneliness and isolation of having to be a safest possible place, which is always alone ? You would think multiple personalities you could never feel alone! But I guess it’s also the shane that makes you hide. I think death from loneliness is worse no matter now risky these alters behaviours are!
Thanks, JN 24.06.23
Thank you too for this comment, Dr J, it is a hard balance to achieve. Working with signposting can help the 'going outside' aspect. Hopefully this can improve over time for you!
absolutely on point
A very helpful video! Thank you a lot.
I have a question, unrelated to this video though:
Do patients sometimes come to you and report bad experiences with previous doctors or professionals alike? If so, what is your personal stance on that?
Personally, I see that a lot that people report their doctors don't believe that their trauma is "bad enough" and unfortunately, my psychologist has made that assumption as well. Do you have any tips for acting or handling this situation, as a patient?
I apologise if this is too big of a question
It certainly does happen. Pretty much every patient we have in the clinic has reported some very unhappy stuff going through mental health services.
I can remember two therapists telling me, “Nothing you can do will hurt me.” Scared me to death for at least two reasons. To me it was a lie. Therapists are humans and can be hurt. Second, I was afraid my teen would take them up on the challenge. Looking back. For one therapist that is what happened and what destroyed the relationship.
Also, if I can think from the parts’ perspective, the behavior makes sense. Just not helpful in now time.
Really sad this was your experience. We have boundaries, so not everything is acceptable, it simply cannot be. We have to be transparent and honest, not promising things we cannot deliver.
Yep! I agree. It is tricky to be a therapist. You have to be professional with good boundaries but still a real human. I can’t imagine how hard that is. Thank you to everyone who does it well.
What a rookie therapist comment by your previous therapists!! Patients have killed therapists. There are laws protecting providers from patients for good reasons. Run, do not walk, from a therapist without the ability to know that boundaries make everyone feel safe.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Thank you!!! I think you nailed it.
Maybe me always being late gives a sense of deciding what 'the arena' is. Like an obvious problem that everyone can focus on and, yeah, where I know what the response usually is. People being nice or things going well isn't really a trustworthy thing. I need control because all interactions will be negative.
But if you've been doing something for a long time, I think you discover many uses for it and come to rely on it for many things. When I started having such a hard time even showing up, it was for a different reason. I just never managed to get the response I needed.
Agreed, habit and reinforcement aren’t always what we want, but they can give us what we need.
What is the best way to submit questions to your channel? Is there some online form or a specific post we should comment on? Thank you for everything you do 💛
straight into the comments is fine!
@@thectadclinic
thank you! Two questions for you:
1) why do parts have different handwriting?
2) perhaps should be answered individually but I’m wondering your thoughts on maintaining spiritual practices w/ did/osdd. I know having consistent spiritual practices prayer/mediation in the past has provided comfort for me but as I learn more about myself I realize I engage in prayer in a similar mechanism as I communicate internally and I’m worried parts could take advantage of that. Do you have thoughts on how ppl maintain their own spiritual beliefs while addressing complicated system work?
?? Doc. So we feel mor3 solud if we say were bad because we already tbink were bad?
Thanks ❤️
Should our therapist use fake communication when we need her?
About control: working on that. Got a fT job , and one angry alter keeps talking negative about outr customers and on one call it came out the moth. The negativity. We work at loan company and call on the phone all day. So halrdll to keep some lalters l")homel l" to wa8😅😢😢 fir their time out. 9-6 land not everyone is really the right temperaments for the job. 😮 any ideas? I apmin therapy mondays
This was a really good video but a hard watch. I felt like i was squirming inside the whole time. Usually the tough ones to watch are the ones that hit deep.
Hope it softens a bit for you, maybe watch in sections?
🙏
Confused. Recently told we have an introject. I've heard about prosecutors. Is it introjects vs internals? Is this video addressing all negativity, internally or externally? Why would a system created for survival.. create a part that is also abusive? Do you have a video on this? Are introjects same as prosecutors?
Introject is an alter that developed based on some source. It can be a real life person you know (often it can be abusers), also it can be from media (tv shows, anime, books, series, movies, celebrities, games). Persecutors are sometimes protectors that need help with navigation, it is how they think they can protect the system from further abuse, to prepare the system.
@@AnnaGreenMoon thank you.
So an introject is recreated abuser?
To remind the others alters why they exist or to maintain their reason for existence? What's the best way to work with introjects. Is there a way to squelch them?
@@kj-sf4md My understanding is that introjects serve to keep certain alters “in line” to reduce the abuse as much as possible. If the introject can get other alters to behave as the abuser wants them to, then the abuse may be less severe. Helping the introject to understand that the abuser is no longer present, and conforming to the abuser’s wishes is no longer necessary, as well as giving the introject an opportunity to become their own self and use better coping mechanisms to feel safe can be helpful.
@saa1094 this is probably the clearest explanation of this dynamic I’ve come across, thanks for sharing!
This video was kind of "deepgoing" as you said.
The world is not safe. The initial trauma may have ended, but I am traumatised on a daily basis due to racism, queerphobia, poverty etc. How can my Alters feel safe if I’m constantly afraid of mistreatment or abuse? I dread going to ‘normal’ places like going into a shop or to the cinema, without fear of being verbally or physically attacked or accused of stealing shop items. It’s rare to go a week without something like that happening. Please take a gentle look at the privileges you hold as a wh i te, educated cis man, and then take a look at what the world is like for those of us with DID, who have none of these traits.
You build skills for protection. A big toolkit of them. One of them is seeing yourself as an adult body, not a child. Another is to live in an area that isn't filled to the very brim with haters. Not none; just the least you can manage. San Francisco is a city that has a huge community that would welcome you. A rented room in a welcoming community could feel better than a spacious home in a threatening one. Another is to objectively assess the level of threat in specific locations so that there is some ability to logically talk back to the fear with facts. Another is to have a plan to leave a situation safely rather than to never insert yourself outside of your home. And celebrate small wins as proof of agency and ability.
@@Cathy-xi8cb I live in the uk, but visited San Francisco 10 years ago. I was assaulted twice in my stay and ended up in hospital for 2 months. If that city is safe for you then that’s great. But it’s a privilege to be able to move to other parts of the uk , much less another country, when you’re disabled and poor.
Promo_SM 😃