I’ve never been physically addicted to drugs, but I have had problems of turning to drugs in hard or depressive times. I will occasionally go through a destructive phase and then I stop once I run myself in the ground. I’ve been this way for years. Sometimes I’ll go a full year completely sober. Other times I’ll run the cycle every other month. Do you have any videos that address anything similar to this? I’m loving your channel.
Finally some real talk for those of us with addicted partners. Been trying to make my decision forever and it's ruining me. This happens to guys in relationships too not just women. Love and light!
After two years of dealing with the anger, loneliness, disappointment, missed opportunities, ruined Holidays. I gave up. I tried everything and back again. It's a hard decision. And it hurts. But in the end you have to look after yourself. Because while you are busy constantly sorting your partner out. You realise you have neglected yourself. I'm free. It wasn't easy. And I still struggle. She was the Love of my life. But she chose drink. I chose life. You've only got a short time on this world. Make the best of it. Be yourself. Be free. Al Anon is a good place to get advice from like minded people. You're not alone. Good luck.
@@Englandnowsucks yup I’m over it. I blocked her out and moved on. It’s hard sometimes but the key for me was to cut it early before my mind gets fixated on her. Then quickly give my mind something else to work out. Also imagining that she’s just a kid still growing up so and to let her go learn on her own. Happy now and just focusing positive forward moving life giving things in my life.
I've found that when you have a strong sense of self, you are less likely to be influenced by gaslighting and lies. Nobody can make you feel less than or crazy when you know who you are and you practice self care. That is recovery.
It's very true, the higher my self esteem is, the less I'm impacted by others behaviour. I know that 1) I can't know anyone's intention 2) people are people, all flawed, incl. Me 3) hurt people hurt people, it's about them, not about you. Life-changing
The abuse I've experienced at the hands of my alcoholic husband is nothing short of sadism. I've lost all sympathy for alcholics. I've run out of tears to cry.
Its funny cause I said the exact same word with him. "Sadism". I told that it was wild to hurt someone that is suffering. I am just understanding the meaning of dry drunk as well.
I just had to call my parents to intervene after my boyfriend just got violent with me. My mom told me I should be crying right now not stressed out. I said I've ran out of tears over this.
I have been dating someone for about three months and he treated me so well. He would disappear for a day or two without reason. At first I thought that he was cheating but soon found out based on his looks and behaviors that is was drugs. I was so hurt because he never told me that drugs was in his history. When I confronted him he became angry, and began to accuse me of silly things like cheating and other things that made no sense. Needless to say his sudden agitation and anger after he had been so loving and kind, led me to cut it off with him. I truly began to fall in love with him but Thankful that I had dodged the bullet.
Your channel has been such a eye opener. I feel like I've been in a dramatic, chaotic, emotional roller-coaster with my bf for 7 years. His family did not help his issues. I lost myself completely. I feel like I was his enabler for drugs and alcohol. I cannot tell you what a weight off my shoulders ending the relationship is. Omg... Gaslighting daily, denial and what a victim. Emotional and financial abuse. I'm free!!! I'm discovering my old self again daily. ❤️
For me it was 1 year of absolute terror...constant lying, fake promises, gaslighting, manipulation and all to repeat the same cycle the every one or two weeks. And again, drunk, lying, hurting, negleting until i break up. Next day sober he would make all the apologies, fake promisses, future faking, promising rehab and therapy help bla bla....and again another cycle...
@@mary_jane6670it's so comforting apologies reading your comment. I have the very same issue and I feel so trapped. Angry & bitter he isn't a happy person anymore and gets high/drunk every chance he gets when friends or family are now rarely around he embarrasses himself and me
It’s been six months since the breakup, and I’m still struggling. He ended things out of the blue. I’ve tried moving on, but I just can’t. I still think about him every single day, and it feels like there’s no way forward
I completely understand. My partner left me too and it shattered me. I thought we had everything figured out, but he said he needed time apart. I was devastated and didn’t know where to turn
Honestly, I couldn’t handle it alone. I found someone who truly changed everything for me.. Father Akabu. He’s a spiritualist who specializes in restoring broken relationships. He helped me reconnect with my partner when I thought it was impossible
I'm just finally burned out from my alcoholic hubs. The emotional, verbal abuse, gaslighting,& complete lack of accountability are insane!! I'm the only person who truly sees the behavior, too. Financial reasons have kept me in this, but I'm at a point now that I'd rather struggle financially than deal with all of this. 😢
Just left my girlfriend who is an alcoholic. I was the classic enabler all the way up till she hit rehab. She got out of rehab and I changed, but she didn't. It took a week for her to ask me for vodka. I said no. A week later she probably snuck alcohol around me, and was trashed in front of my dad. Claimed it was her muscle relaxers. Found the bottle the next week, and asked her to talk to me about it when she is tempted or does drink, and make some changes to her life to keep this from happening. (attend meetings, see a therapist, remove triggers, etc.) A little over a week later she called out to work to get drunk with someone she met in rehab. When I tried to talk to her about it, she literally did not pick up the phone or answer my text. She finally called me as I brought her things to her mother, but told her this will not work. She doesn't want to help herself. I can't fix it. Only thing I can do is help myself.
Bro I’m in a very similar situation. My girlfriend is a binge drinker. Could be once a week, every two weeks, a month; but when it happens it’s a nightmare. Can’t convince her to get help. Her daughter is trying to get through college and her anxiety is through the roof. Her and I have tried to do and say the right thing to convince but we just can’t. It’s a constant cycle of the same exact thing. We’re both terrified we’re gonna find her dead one day and I think that’s why we don’t cut her off. I just don’t know what to do anymore and it’s killing me. Reading these comments help though. You like to think your story is somehow unique but you realize that millions of people are dealing with the same thing you are.
You ve done the right thing to leave my mum ended commit suicide cos my alcoholic dad she tried to help him to a point it affected her mental health. The addiction affects more the partner than themselves 😢
That relationship with an addict will dim your light. I dated this woman for two months who does blow periodically and in the 2 months we ended up in the hospital twice because she overdid it. I hate hospitals and had not been to one in years before that. I ended things because I couldn't keep enabling this behavior. Addicts are not relationship material period.
I just ended a relationship because of his drinking .it was hard because he is a good man but I don't see a future with someone who drinks and also drinks to destress and he can't find another way to destress. He ends up drinking too much.i saw a person I didn't like and I don't want a future with and I've really tried .I've been supportive and I've tried to get him to go to meetings and counseling and he doesn't think he needs that and I can't get through to him and I know I won't.. He doesn't think he has a problem and I honestly don't think he will stop drinking. I did what was right for me.
@@westcoastweird455 Sorry, I know, 7 months after ending things I'm still healing from that stuff... I think it's a good choice to stop expecting things to change and to start the healing process sooner rather than later.
I was in such a dilemma with my addicted spouse, I loved him so very much I loved his personality and everything about him and still at the end the addiction has won. He was taken by his addiction and so was our relationship. It is so sad, truely. Heartbreaking
I feel the same way I just told him to go I can't do it anymore. I lost my best friend months ago. It was just his empty she'll that I had. Be strong I'm trying too
I’m over here trying to put the shovel down so I can stop digging my own grave. Married to the love of my life for 6 years, but we have been off and on for 19 years. He’s a very addictive alcoholic. Thank you for being you. This is the best channel for me.
I finally got out of an addictive alcoholic girlfriend relationship. It was on and off for around 2 years. I would always break up with her and then I would go back because she would say she’s sober now and going to aa meetings and doing great but then start binge drinking again. I loved her so much. She was a great person when sober but when she was drunk it was all self pity and lies. I finally had to let go but I’m having trouble still constantly thinking about her because I have that fear of missing out if she really gets sober.
@@maddyirving8819 I finally decided to just cut ties. As hard as it is you have to let go and heal yourself. I hope you can make a decision wether to move on stay. It’s a horrible trauma bond.
It's really hard but these people need to grow!!! Ride it out and watch and fousos on your self I made the mistake I have gone back over 20 times I find my self trying to leave again at 32 ..
The isolation is so severe at this point, I don’t see the mental, emotional and physical strength to get out of this so I feel stuck like a catatonic zombie. The suffering has turned into numbness and I fear existing in this state for years. Not going anywhere forward. The fear is of withdrawal. The fear of feelings of abandonment is higher than the fear of staying. This is the scariest part atm. That it might take something severe to catapult me out of this. I have no hope nor faith in myself after trying to leave multiple times and returning due to panic from separation. Then isolate more.
My wife struggles with bing drinking, self medicating herself with anti depressants. She has three DUI’s and is drinking and driving again. I’m so over her shit, but we have two young boys at home. I’m watching my boys struggle with what she is doing. I’m loosing myself trying to hold my house together. I work ten hour days. I get home, get the boys fed, do laundry, home work, she seems to not even be mentally attached to us most days. She won’t go to a counselor and get help. I gotta fuckin leave her, I can’t take this crazy shit anymore!
My gf is an alcoholic went to rehab 2 times just came back home 3 days ago and is already back drinking. She hides it from me tell me i’m crazy that she’s not drinking but smells of alcohol she tell her family lies saying i’m the bad guy meanwhile i don’t drink at all she been talking to other guys every word outta her mouth is a lie.. 4 years down the drain ! For the guys out there leave, because staying is only gonna bring you more pain.. good guys finish last !
My partner was alcoholic/ dependent he gave up 3 years ago everything was great. I stuck by him through his alcoholism it was so hard. A year and a half after quitting alcohol he then started smoking weed. He spent all the savings on it leaving us with no money and weed is now his priority. He has no intention of giving it up or cutting it down. His attitude is "if I don't like it I know where the door is". I'm moving out in a few days after 10 years. I stuck by him through one addiction and I'm not doing it with another. I feel like I'm wasting my life sticking around hoping for change. I love him with every fiber of my being. But I have to put me first now. I hope for his sake he sorts himself out as right now all he wants and spends money on is weed and without it he's a nightmare
wow my bf is the same he has a alcohol and coke addiction. I've been with him almost 2 years and I didn't now this until living with him. we were suppose to get married... he didn't pay my ring in full... he spend thousands on partying. he did help me also with my bills but he even doesn't make his kids a priority and I've been helping him and getting the kids gifts and trying to make them feel like they can have nice holidays because they are little....and hes just like whatever.... oh well things happen. it's really not good and it's exhausting to keep pushing someone in the right direction. I can't imagine partying all the time...not wanting to work...who cares if you see the kids... who cares if phone or bills get paid.... just party party go to the bar... and oh well. it blows my mind. I've never grown up around this or seen this in my life.
@@jdashlovela it's so mentally draining isn't it. You stick by them in hopes for change but it seems to take over their life. Partying all the time will only get you so far in life before it comes crashing down and they stop enjoying it and ends up being dependent and depressed. That's what happend with my ex he drank all the time became dependent on it and got really sick he got liver problems now. He finally gave up when his body couldn't take it anymore and got detoxed he got better over time, looked and felt great and our relationship was great. We had savings life was good. Then he started weed and he would say "at least it's not alcohol". Maybe not but the principles are the same. Instead of alcohol taking over his life it's now weed. All the savings is gone because he spends ridiculous amounts on it. He started hanging around with his mates getting stoned I was on my own majority of the time, felt like a one sided relationship. His attitude changed towards me acting like I was the villain. Everytime I would voice my feelings and concerns he would get defensive and act oblivious to the fact weed was the problem instead he would say I was the problem. I did everything for him and stuck by him when no one else would through his alcoholism ect. I lost myself taking care of him just for it him to do it again with another addiction.
Same here. Four months ago. She said she was on detox. Obviously didn't believe a word. And when I dropped some left over stuff of hers off. She was hammered. At Noon. Yeah. And had a delivery of more as I was about to leave for the last time. That is the picture I will have in my mind for the rest of my life. How sad. A tragedy. The Love of my life.
Amber, I am so grateful that I found your channel. I recently got out of a friendship with a drug addict a few months ago and I am struggling to this day from all of the name-calling, gaslighting, and manipulation that left me feeling confused and constantly second-guessing myself and my decisions to try and help this person. Everything seems to make sense again after watching your videos. I'm 17 and have learned a lot from your videos, and I will be better prepared for if I ever encounter another addicted person.
Hi Ryan, You've learned some really hard lessons for someone so young. But, all the things you're learning in this process will serve you well as an adult. You should be proud of yourself for showing great strength.
This helps me... thank you. I want to write Everything you said word for word and post it to the world. The gaslighting, the lying, the loss of family for loving an addict, and the things he says about me to our friends and his family instead of telling the truth. I'm judged from every angle.
I gave up drinking a year ago with no help from anyone apart from myself. I did not want any help from anyone, even my partner. Thankfully the love we feel for each other has shone through and we are really happy now. So it is not always the case that addicts are messed up trash. I guess it depends on how far down the road the addict has gone.
@@Skoopyghost I'm sure that is really hard, however, I was addressing the people who left comments stating that alcoholics are hopeless scumbags and the only course of action is to leave them. If my partner had left me I'm fairly sure I would be in a terrible mess. Thankfully not the case, but the very best of luck with your problems.
Enough declares itself. Self Care is so important starting with little things. Many co-addicts have a fear of upsetting the addict by setting boundaries and practicing self care. Their response is their problem. Walking on eggshells only prolongs the inevitable. Such a hard thing loving an addict and you need to do your own work or you will roll into another relationship with an addict. Get off their back, get out of their way and get on wirh your life. Al-anon is a great support for those with an addict. You can tell how sick the addiction is by how crazy the spouse behaves. Much love to all and thanks for the great video!!
Thanks for giving out great insights on addiction! I have been codependent on the relationship and resentment start to grow and I became really emotional, which eventually lead to a vicious cycle. I realize I need to take care of myself more and regain mental power to fight the addiction with the person I love.
Thank you. Finally a video on spouses and loved ones of the addict. I have taken the plunge and am moving out in a couple of days. I tried to make it work, but my wife simply won't put down the bottle. A lot of the things you discussed I went through, mostly violence and her telling others and myself how bad I am and that it's my fault. It's been about 3 years and I just can't take it any more. It hurts as I really wanted my marriage to succeed and I still love her. I'm also worried about her and how she will cope now I'm gone, but I'm at the point where I need to think about myself and my own mental health. I really hope she will see the light before it's too late
If I were to comment on this video this is almost word for word for my situation 😂 all the best sir and hope you find your happiness and well-being drastically increase 🫡
I read all these comments and i dont understand why people get into relationships. I feel like a lot of it is the fear of being alone. Not having an identity, so they are in a relationship and build their identity around their partner. Maybe that's the lesson of ending up with an addict. You have to face yourself in the end and become independent
I’ve never had to deal with this type of issues in any relationship and I’ve had some really bad ones . I’ve known my husband for about 11 years before getting married . I had no idea the issues he faced and how bad it was truly. For first couple of months were hard but I figured it was changes, we bought a house and there was a lot of stress . Now years later we are still struggling to get a normal relationship going . He’s been very reactive, disrespectful, cold, disconnected , etc. I started looking into things more and found a lot of lies and a pattern of drinking all day . This is heart crushing . Lots of talking and I feel like I’m talking to a stone cold person that cares about everyone else but me . I take all the crap and everyone else gets the best of him . I’m at the end of my rope . Love him to death but I’m stressed out all the time and finding that I’m becoming that crazy person that has to know everything their husbands doing . Not sleeping right and my eating is has decreased a great deal. That’s just crazy . Trying to stay grounded but it’s been hard and I am lost in what to do to better my situation . He doesn’t think there’s an addiction issue but agrees there is a problem. He said he’s going to counseling but I can’t believe anything he says . He cannot tell me the truth , little or big. I’m so lost in my head at this point .
I’m so glad I found your channel. Your videos are helping me so much. This week I all of a sudden looked up and found myself dealing with my loved ones active addiction. Your videos make sense of my current emotions and I’m learning so much.
I think we all really need a video on how to go about building up your family and friends support either after or while being with an addicted spouse. Theres no resources out there that I can find on it
I hope you're free from the addict. While you're in a relationship with an addict, leaning on family and friends without taking any action doesn't really do much. It's almost like using them as a punching bag. There's nothing for them to do but hug and pray for you. They can't make it better or promise that the addict will change. Therapy counseling after the relationship ends is extremely beneficial.
If a person refuses to utilize the tools available to them, for their alcoholism/drug abuse......thats the choice they have made.....let them live with their consequences. We are each responsible for our own actions period.
@@karinagonzales9505 I just left my spouse after our first child was born. It's so hard and im still questioning what to do long term, but its what's best for our children if the home is toxic! Trust your gut girl!!!
@@lizzi7128 8 months later and I haven't turned back. It's so freeing. I'm learning who I am without him and I've never been happier. We have a daughter together so I still have to see him. He still tries to reel me back in with his woe it's me stories. I told him I don't want the stress and issues that comes with him. My new life motto is "Protect Your Energy". Peace is so worth it. I wish you the best.
Thank you for this ❤️ my long-term partner is currently in active addiction and he has been lying about it for over a year (loved ones were all aware of past addiction but had no clue it was active. He OD a year ago and we thought that was the end of it. It wasn't). We were going to get married in a month and a half and he has now moved back in with his parents and is starting rehab. I am personally in a lot of pain because I do not want to leave him but I am so deep in his addiction emotionally and it's a lot to handle. This video has helped me see that leaving and staying are both valid options and that I don't need to choose right now. That can come later and when I know, I'll know. Thank you ❤️
I absolutely love your videos. I'm in my third relationship with a alcoholic. I was married to my HS sweetheart and was with him since I was fifteen and I was 21 when we married. We had houses , 3 boys that are amazing and are not alcoholics . I divorced him when I was 43 . When right into another alcohol relationship that of course I thought would be different. 2 years down I had to let him go. Skip ahead I'm now with who I feel is my guy. For year and half he was sober then went through a relapse . I felt everything you talk about and have been mad and even madder that they are not changing. My bf now does know he is a alcoholic and does seek AA but I listen alot I mean a lot of your videos. Thank you so much for what you do ❤
WOW this is my first video of yours and I’m so thankful i found you. You ladies literally said exactly what I’m experiencing. Looking forward to watching more.
Thanks for referring this video to me! Gaslighting is what he’s been feeding onto me. I knew he was lying to me and he wants me to 2nd guess myself, so toxic! So sad that I didn’t see this side of him and been with him for so long. He loves me a-lot but he doesn’t love himself which I feel like I want to separate from him so he can have time to self reflect on himself. But when he thinks he doesn’t need it and blames that I’m crazy, I’m out! Heading straight to the door. Now he don’t want me to leave and give another lie that he’ll change and he’s sorry, but I know he ain’t sincere about it. If he won’t let me leave I’ll find a way. I know him like the back of my hand. He seriously have issue and he needs to realize his fault and guilt. Wasting no more time, no more years. Ladies and gents, Trust your instinct and love yourself. If he or she truly loves you they won’t hurt you. If they continue hurting you, get help together, if he/she don’t want to commit to that to making ya relationship better and healthier, Run! If there’s no trust, there’s nothing! Anyway love this video!! Very helpful! *new subscriber 💕✨
Hi Mai, Welcome to the channel. We're so glad to have you as part of our community. Sounds like you're getting the confidence to make some serious changes.
The part where the wife says her husband told her he wasnt drinking but he has lost several jobs and destroyed several cars. Sometimes that is the truth, he isn't drinking he's doing drugs and your just not aware of it. It was true with my husband, I was so focused on believing his behavior was due to alcohol and he was also doing drugs.
For whoever is listening.. I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years.. But in this case we both drink but, what i realized is that simply it isn't fun or entertaining anymore. the problem is she can't stop, she is what you would call a functioning alcoholic" on the outside her life is perfect looking in has the great job nice home. and such but besides that when it comes to socializing and hanging out alcohol always has to be involved and she doesn't think she is a alcoholic because she's not falling down drunk but she can drink 10 to 12 beers daily if it's in her presence. I can too but i have limits i can't drink like that everyday it takes its toll on me and when we argue about it she thinks i have the problem and she doesn't because she is fine.. and she loves drinking. awhile back we were going to a party and i told her just so we are clear I'm not drinking at this party and i swear i could see smoke coming out her ears she flipped out. Why are you even going if you aren't going to be drinking!!! i told her right there you don't see a problem with how you just reacted because i told you i wasn't going to drink?? Keep in mind this is a grown very grown almost 50 year old woman trying to make me feel like if i don't drink at the party then I'm the odd ball out.. that was a major red flag for me.. One time we were drinking at home and i asked her if i would look good modeling underwear.. I know silly right! But she responded with no then says her friend at works husband would look really good modeling underwear and the next day when she woke up i told her what she said and she literally didn't believe me she said that. She actually thought i was making it up. Normally she would never do or say anything like that but that all stems from being an alcoholic nowadays i feel like if I'm not drinking with her she sees me as the problem. I can give up drinking on the drop of a dime honestly.. But she can't she's always got an excuse and the crazy thing.is.none of her friends drink like her not even her best friend. We just bought a house together few years back and she's not even realizing as much as i love her I'm already 1 foot out the door. because as good as our life looks to the public eye it's almost like living with the devil. She messes up telling me she will never do or say things in the presence of company anymore then turns right around and does it when company is around and she is drinking, then when i call her out on it she turns it into the ohhh.. You're so perfect game you never make mistakes. Neither of us are perfect but in this relationship i can honestly say i am perfect i haven't messed up i haven't cheated or said i think her friends would look sexier in bra and panties stuff like that. Honestly sometimes i think she does things intentionally to make me mad in hopes that i will just leave her so she don't have to feel guilty about things she does and says. and this is things i know about as well as things i probably don't know about. I helped her change her life around pretty much financially, emotionally. and living situation. Now she is in the position she needs to be in and it's as if she's like thanks but i don't need you anymore unless you are continuously doing something for me. even saying things like if you leave me i will understand and telling me she's having dreams of coming home and me being gone and when she does this i automatically think she has done something wrong like she has a guilty conscious or something. I've done more for her than anyone in her entire life and its like now that she has what she wants her attitude has changed. She's the type to say baby we need a lawnmower we need a dishwasher we need furniture ect.. I'll give her the money for it and she'll keep the money and put whatever on a credit card spend the money and then complain when the credit card bill is sky high!! and act as if she paid for everything when an argument pops up. I blame all this on alcohol destroying her memory cause she can't remember anything at all.. She is the love of my life so much to the point I'm about to make all her dreams come true cause like i said I'm already one foot out the door and she will come home to a very empty house cause she don't realize i bought almost everything in this house from furniture to curtains and blinds toasters microwaves all that stuff. I could care less about a house I'd rather be homeless than live with an alcoholic manipulative girlfriend who can't even stop drinking for a month. Her mother is an alchy just like her never knew that until i met her not long ago. I'm praying for anyone who is in a similar situation may God heal it all. I love her but she is walking an extremely thin line with me and doesn't even know it. Or she does and don't care and is doing this intentionally. either way she's about to get a serious rude awakening if she don't change her ways. a drunk ain't S××t...
Sounds to me she’s abit if a narcissist as well as having a drink problem.. I am going through a similar situation, last year he left but I took him back as he promised he would change , he didn’t ! And now wen I mention his drinking I’m the one with the problem, I’m the boring one ☝️… but during that year he was gone I was actually at peace. So round two here I go , but this time I’m making the break up official with divorce. My advice to you, leave, be happy .. she will suck the soul from you until your the shell of a person , I wish you luck x sadly love just isn’t enough to stay sometimes x
I was with mine 9 years .I made him leave almost a year ago. I told him I can't be around him drinking or cheating .it's to hard and it hurts .he needs help .I was seeing him and I thought we could rebuild it but my trust isn't there .he still was lying and cheating and didn't change.....I just can't anymore. I'm numb now...I blocked him .
I was in a horrible relationship with a female from Ireland. I’m American , and naively thought her drinking was just a big cultural difference. I tried to work through it for some dumb reason. She liked to stop for pints after work. Most of the time she got home at 2 or 3 am. She loved starting a fight when she would get home, our neighbors hated us because of her drunk arguments 3 nights a week. She would always apologize a couple days later and promise to stop her shit. As soon as she would start up again she would recite all of my shortcomings to justify her actions. This lasted for 8 years. I definitely feel I am to blame for not leaving sooner. Now I am absolutely frightened to date again.
Hi Jessica, Thanks for your positive feedback! I'm so glad to hear that your boyfriend went to detox. I hope he continues his journey after that. The fact that you've educated yourself, greatly increases the chances that he'll find recovery!
@@PutTheShovelDown thank you, but unfortunately I'm not sure I see any change in him, which is why this video had such good timing. I've learned so much valuable information from this channel. I cannot thank you enough.
This is my life. It’s so crazy, and hard, and confusing and consuming, it is so difficult dealing with the deceit and lies and worry and love that you have for someone.
I have been lied to for almost 20 years. Finally left because I lost myself, trying to save him. Now he's trying to get me to let him come back, by always manipulating me, saying he's going to hurt himself. Keeps my head crazy all the time.
I hope you can block him and put some distance between you two. You are so brave for leaving, you will never regret this! The future you is thankful to you right now, because you made the right choice, you saved yourself.
My bf gets mad at me for not believing him. Nevermind that he created the distrust by lying. He says if I will never trust him again then whats the point. We have been together around 7 years and I trusted him 100% until the last 2 years after his sneak drinking was exposed.
@@PutTheShovelDown Yes, for someone who has been in a relationship for 17 years and married for 6 with the person who developed a alcohol addiction. These videos give a better understanding of how to tackle this painful life of Uncertainty.
A topic i would like you touch on is intimacy with your addicted loved one/spouse while under the influence and while their getting sober. Like when is it ok? That bond gets broken too.
@@PutTheShovelDown she's amazing! losing yourself in their addiction is the worst thing!!!! and the hardest thing to find again, because you don't know who you are and you need to start again
It's because they are. Not because of who you are but because drugs rewire their thought process. It was hard for me to grasp but once I did, I was no longer living like I was less than. Good luck in your journey to healing.
I left my husband a year ago cause of his substance abuse, he got clean and we’ve been working it out for a year and I thought it was going great, until one day…… i caught him high. He said he has getting high on and off for about a month. He said he doesn’t have a substance issue and he never did and I’m controlling. I’m Officially filing for divorce Thursday. The pain knowing he chose to get high over me and our two sons is almost unbearable and really struggling seeing his side.
I have just been dumped by my abusive boyfriend of 4 years, (alcohol and cocaine) I have been the only one there for him when no one else was, I have stood by his side when he was down and scraping the bottom, I have found him where he was about to take his own life, I've been there all the way and found myself in so much crap and lies and now that he's in treatment and on day 40 clean he's ditching me because he needs to focus on himself , I have never felt more used and laughed at. I was good enough when no one else was there for him, when he needed a place to live, when he was at his worst, I stood by his side. I am left with the feeling that now that he is recovering I am not good enough. and the funny thing is that he will never find such a sweet, caring, loyal and loving girlfriend like me. and I have no abuse I live a quite normal life with work and healthy relationships
Words of wisdom, my friend, words of wisdom! Honestly it’s so hard to love someone who likes to drink and just vanishes from time to time. I love my boyfriend so SO much, but my love for him isn’t enough. Apparently he cannot stop his drinking habit. He truly doesn’t care and it hurts so much. We were planing to go to Sicily at the end of May, but now our future is so unsure. Yesterday we were talking on the phone and everything was fine, but I heard in his voice that he had a beer or two, or a couple of glasses of wine. He never gets so drunk that he cannot walk or something like that, but he does have a regular drinking habit. So, I was confronting him and asked him if he had something to drink that day because I hear it in his voice. He didn’t confess, he said no. But I knew better. So I said why doesn’t he just admits it. It’s no big deal if he had a glass of wine. Just don’t lie to yourself or myself. And then when the argument started. I haven’t heard from him since then. Today he missed work, I know that because we’re coworkers and they know about his problem, so they contacted me, if I know where he is. I said no, which is the truth. I’m very hurt and don’t know what to do. He is a kind man and never violent towards me or others, he is a sweetheart. That’s why leaving him makes it so much harder!
I was getting close with a man who actively sells and is an addict. I want the best for him, I’m the only good person in his life. He cares about me but just doesn’t make time for me/us. He’s too busy driving around with random strangers.. sleeping with them, getting high, etc. It hurts. I feel he’s too far gone and I should stop communication. Although, I care about him so much. He has potential in my eyes. I know I’ll get hurt more 😕
Im a recovering addict. My story is very long. So, to make it quick, I did it hurting my wife. I went to a 2 year program, graduated. She feels I left herr.. she didn't say we were done, but she was. And being to move on. I talked to her, and she said we would give it a chance. So now she said she has changed and might not ever be the same.
I’m going through addiction myself and the real problem is that I can see the problems and effects it’s having on people around with and sadly my partner! I really really don’t want him to leave me because I do love him but my childhood trauma from abuse is actually crippling and I can’t stop:/
My brother is 70 years old he constantly lies to me and every time I see him he wants at least 1000.00 from me for rent etc I can’t be around him anymore I feel so used but I feel so guilty he is my only sibling left in my life 😢
“I only had two shots” but the two shots turns out to be four and a can of Corona. I’m done after I got embarrassed at my birthday celebration yet again. I even have a video of him drunk and talking crap to me and he denied the next morning. Look me straight on my face and said he not going back to rehab…ok…then this is DONE! I refuse to settle for this! I refuse!
Wow. You hit a whole lot of things I feel is being done to me by my husband. It’s always, “no don’t dont do that! You can’t do that! I’d rather you not work, we don’t have the money “as I see him come home from work with 2 12 packs or the biggest case he can get available. I feel stuck
@@lisamarie62525 I'm in disbelief, he doesn't realize he's drinking so much. But then comes the thinking out loud and the hurtful things he says. Then the gaslighting follows. Then he'll apologize until it happens again.
Sometimes I wish I would’ve been more compassionate towards my ex gf, but the gaslighting and manipulation with sex, always seemed to give me that rush again, and I loved her so much hoping this would be the time. Only to feel like I was fooling myself. I hope she turns her life around for her sake and her kid. I couldn’t have that stuff around my home as a responsible dad. I tried many different approaches, only to feel like I was failing when she wasn’t even trying. 😞
@@PutTheShovelDown she didn’t see I was looking out for her kid and trying to keep everybody safe here. It’s like they are hypnotized or even demonic possessed depending on one’s beliefs, we can all agree if we’ve been close enough to them it’s chaos. I know for many years I ruined people’s hearts cause of my drinking. I’ve been sober from alcohol for 4 years. Actually quit when I met her, she confessed to abusing amphetamines at the time and flushed them. That didn’t last though. Then a year later switched DOC to M and later progressed to H. She’d talk down to me for using cannabis, but one of sound mind knows there’s no comparison to MJ and the other hard drugs that are wiping out so many people’s minds and lives. I even was sober from everything for months and months, but she would fall back. Two years ago we worked out together 3-4 days a week, weekly dates and did everything together with both our kids. She’s lost everything, car, jobs, evicted and now probs with the law. Her rope has to be close, was so afraid I’d find her not alive here. All I can do is pray for her now. 🙏🏻 😞
@@moneauxje I’m so sorry you experienced all of that. I can relate to the feeling of loving someone so deeply and being willing to give up whatever to help them. I’m in that situation myself currently and don’t know what to do. His drinking gets out of control and he becomes violent and mean. Other than that our relationship is good and I love him with my entire heart. Im scared to walk away because what if he is my future? Just feels like God keeps giving me signs that it’s not right but my heart is having a hard time accepting it. This past weekend I thought the phone call I got was telling me he was dead. He tells me (again) he won’t drink anymore. I am so glad that you got clean for yourself and your child, and I would argue that MJ is far less destructive than alcohol and every other drug out there (including prescription). I wish you the best and hope your heart heals soon 🤍😞
He is a functioning alcoholic and pot smoker. My behavior has become so resentful towards him and I’m always a stick in the mud around him. I don’t know if I can ever be accepting of him using and I don’t know if it’s even about that anymore. I’m always judging him.
My wife relapsed on meth badly. She treats me so badly right now while I'm home taking care of her children. I've blocked her on everything because all she does is attack me. Yet she tells her mother and friends how much she loves me. But I don't see any of that. This is just purely the addiction making her act this way towards me isn't it?
That so sad and I feel for you. I must say; consider if it's not the addiction making her treat you that way, she simply might not appreciate you but want family and friends to relay to you that she does so you will remain hopeful! My current situation.
You need to get out and get out now, I did the same for my ex for almost three years and looked after his children and it pretty much destroyed me..still put the kids first and contact her family or child services but don't stay..nothing will change it will only get worse.
Don't let an addict guilt trip you because you can't trust them.. that ball is in their court.. trust is something that's built over time, destroyed in a moment.. it really has to be earned, of course you want to believe this person you love.. but addiction will just tell the lies for them.. asking for time to regain trust isn't asking to much- when they ARE transparent and honest rub their belly 🤗
Has anybody ever experienced the most amazing human being the most amazing man you’ve ever met treats you like an absolute queen, but it’s an alcoholic. Even though he treats me like an absolute queen, he is an alcoholic do I stay or do I go? 💔
so sad... after reading all the comments... leave my friend :( I know how heartbreaking this is... the most wonderful person , good one with a beautiful heart but no future ahead... I wish you light,clarity , strength and that you meet the perfect one for you Love
Hopefully, someone will see this... Question: My boyfriend of 2 years has a terrible smoking problem. He smokes tobacco and marijuana ALL THE TIME. Wakes up and smokes. He sneaks away from work to smoke. He can't go to bed without smoking. He is now, also drinking alcohol every day. A bottle every other day. His eating habits are horrible (take out and soda) if I or his mom doesn't cook for him. He will drink a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi in a day or 2. Terrible life habits. My problem is that he is an amazing guy. He is Faithful, Loving, kind, and thoughtful but he won't seek help or try to kick ANY of his bad habits alone. I've asked him several times to try to improve but it goes on deaf ears. I've tried to help with resources and advice but was told that he didn't need my help. I've asked him to consult with his health care provider, and all I get are excuses. (SN: he hasn't had a physical or seen the doctor in years!!) What should I do? Should I stay with him or leave? I grew up in a home with an abusive alcoholic father who is now sick due to his excessive drinking. I am afraid that this will happen to my boyfriend. What should I do? I hope to hear from someone soon
Listening to this is listening to the truth of my previous life... I had the help and support of alanon who helped me to understand to look after myself and not focus on the alcoholic and the issues at home. Thank you for this honest video.
The mind makes a human being gear towards addiction. If the person cannot cope up with problems, doing the wrong thing makes them irresponsible. Believing and knowing God and Jesus Chist plus having faith and hope will make the addiction go away. Weak faith will defeat the addict. They will never change. Those addicts who pester the lives of their love ones are the devil’s tools to make sober people angry. Stay away from the addicts, they will drag you down. Life is not all about misery but enjoying the gifts and talents God has given us. Do not waste your time changing a person. Move forward and love those who loves you and cares for you. Love yourself. 1 Corinthians 13. Identify real love within you and the people you know whether or not they have love within them.
Maby so... I dont understand that answer.. do u mean i should feel sorry for him? Continue to be with him? Help him?... bc in the end he wanted the bottle more...he didnt take responsbilite for any of his doping.... his ego was to big for that..
I left my fiance of almost 3 years because of drinking... emotional cheating and lying....I could not tolerate it anymore. He emails me after I tell him...that what I did was wrong and that he is just done with me now
His rage is so scary! He blames me for everything and tells everyone I constantly lie! It’s not true! I absolutely stopped fighting back and arguing! He’s constantly telling me I’m gas lighting! But it’s not me doing that! But I know what I know and I see what I see! I left two nights ago for fear for my life! Our son begs me not to go back! 32 yrs and this is what our marriage has become! This all is new to me! I don’t know what to do next! I’m homeless and I’m not the addict!
I love your clips. I'm 73 and got lied and betrayed and stolen by a 20 year friend. I denied so much, all her friends are ex cons for drugs, it was a strange world, I never met any of them until this year, they are all so ugly. I played professional football, top producer in my field after football, and these people were yelling at me, tearing me down, doing everything they could to make me feel bad. It worked, thank God I sought professional help from an ex policeman, a psychiatrist, and rehab person to find out what was going on. I was so hurt, confused, and I still am. The pain of betrayal, theft, lieing, it is horrible and I'm thinking it will be a long process for me to heal. Drug addiction is such an ugly, horrible, and destructive thing. I now find it impossible to trust anyone. It really hurt me. I am almost convinced that the "Natural course of events" and probably prison time for drug addicts is the only thing left, nothing else seems to matter to them, all they want is to take, take, take. If it weren't for the pain, they would be stupid and funny. The fake crying, and the stupid lies, extremely stupid lies, it is all a terrible joke.
I'm dealing, with a close family friend who is on meth! He totally doesn't want to communicate with me!! I have cut him off! He has hurt me in so many ways 😢 I've told him that if he needs help then I'm here for him! It's so hurtful breaks my heart 😢 yea he would tell me that I'm crazy! When he is actually the crazy one & he needs help 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for this, especially to Kim who is not used to being onscreen apparently and doesn't like it! Thank you!!! In regard to what was said about "The addiction erodes the person's sense of self, makes them hate themself, makes them feel shameful and guilty and that's what makes them dependent on the substance" ...I think this makes me or him, feel like it's ME that's causing the shame or guilt he feels b/c I'm like a mirror holding it up to him showing him, see what you're doing and how it's affecting me/us(intimacy esp.)?? It leaves us AT ODDS in a vicious cycle. And what about if they do get off of alcohol? Are there always underlying issues to deal with as well that the alcohol is covering uP?!
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. He is in recovery from meth (5years) and alcohol (6 Mia) and we almost divorced last year because of his continued drinking and the verbal abuse that goes with it. 6 months ago he got sober and came home and we reconciled. My 15 yo daughter who is not his has ptsd from his behavior over the years. He had a single night relapse three days ago where he became angry and verbally abusive to my daughter while I was out of town for an overnight conference. I want to fight for my marriage, but how do I continue to subject my daughter to him, even if he is sober? His presence alone triggers her. She is in day treatment and addressing her own mental health, but I don’t know how to repair my family with both of them in it, or if it’s even possible. 😞
How do cope leaving an addict when you can clearly see that their addictions are coping mechanisms for the deep level of suffering they have under the surface? I wish i could have done more to help but he doesn't want to help himself. I love him so much and walking away is hurting me a lot. 😞 He's been honest with me too about it all, no gaslighting or stuff like that. When he isnt drinking, doing drugs, or gambling hes lovely and caring, these instances are rare though.
Same with my gf.. she even is going to AA now..but doesn’t stop drinking. Fuck man.. so ig I have it alot better than most here. But how long wait to leave?
What I need is what happens to these partners that love alcoholics? Do they need help as well? Those partners dealt with the addicts-what should they do.
Here's a video about the trauma of living with someone who has addiction. I think this might be just what you're asking about: ruclips.net/video/_IIIebnumpg/видео.html
Thanks for the video. I kicked out my husband. His drinking behavior went out of control. It has been a year and he had many relapses. I let him come back expecting he will recover..nope. it didn't happen. He claims he is going to AA and to classes because he got a DUI. It is sad, because you want to believe they will get better, but reality proves you different. I am going to Al-Anon for support. It helps.
Trying to address the alcoholism just added a B movie level of gaslighting. It’s been horrible. But slowly, one cruel incident at a time, I’m starting to pull away. Sure is hard to be in a relationship when you have to shut down your feelings for them when they are drunk and raging. Then for them to expect to be back to “normal” the next day like nothing happened. And gaslighting if you ever bring it up. Currently I’m in the mindset of hes just a beloved toddler when he starts in on me.
Mine was so loving and felt like he really loved me until I found out he cheated. Then he tells me he was in love with both of us but just prior to that asked me to marry him. How was he going to marry me also being in love with someone else??
I went through this exact scenario. Unfortunately my fiancé passed away a few months after I found out.. in a vehicle accident of all things 😢😢😢 Worst pain I could ever imagine.
Iv been with this alcoholic man and I saw some of the signs in it .today I bump into him we started talking I told him we can be friends like associate ya know but he still have an alcoholic problem I told him I want to be a brand new me .so I don't really want to be his friend right now I want a break from him 💕😊👍
I'm in the same situation. My wife of 5 years is addicted to alcohol. I wanted to fix her so badly and i still do love her very much. We have a 2 and half year old and she drank through the pregnancy and that's when I knew for sure she had a problem. This past year has been very hard. All she has done i lied telling me she wants to fix this and to give her another chance. She would stay sober for 2 months then drink. She has been staying with her mom during the day to watch her but now she's drinking rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer and i feel like i just need to move on but it's hard to do that.
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
🙋To see more videos by Kim, watch this next: 👉ruclips.net/video/wpJS36_KDNg/видео.html
I’ve never been physically addicted to drugs, but I have had problems of turning to drugs in hard or depressive times. I will occasionally go through a destructive phase and then I stop once I run myself in the ground. I’ve been this way for years. Sometimes I’ll go a full year completely sober. Other times I’ll run the cycle every other month. Do you have any videos that address anything similar to this? I’m loving your channel.
How do we reach Kim to set up an appointment? TIA ❤️
Finally some real talk for those of us with addicted partners. Been trying to make my decision forever and it's ruining me. This happens to guys in relationships too not just women. Love and light!
It absolutely does happen to guys as well. Women can be very aggressive and problematic when they have substance abuse issues, just like men!
it's already ruined me! n I still don't know how to leave....he's my only "friend/family"
After two years of dealing with the anger, loneliness, disappointment, missed opportunities, ruined Holidays. I gave up. I tried everything and back again. It's a hard decision. And it hurts. But in the end you have to look after yourself. Because while you are busy constantly sorting your partner out. You realise you have neglected yourself. I'm free. It wasn't easy. And I still struggle. She was the Love of my life. But she chose drink. I chose life. You've only got a short time on this world. Make the best of it. Be yourself. Be free. Al Anon is a good place to get advice from like minded people. You're not alone. Good luck.
@@Englandnowsucks yup I’m over it. I blocked her out and moved on. It’s hard sometimes but the key for me was to cut it early before my mind gets fixated on her. Then quickly give my mind something else to work out. Also imagining that she’s just a kid still growing up so and to let her go learn on her own. Happy now and just focusing positive forward moving life giving things in my life.
Your life matters ! Think of yourself before you lose yourself in their addiction! Find peace in your life and move on and be happy.
I think it is time to leave when you want a better life for yourself.
Good advice, A. Ye!
Absolutely, well put. Nothing too "serious" has to happen in order to want that, just the ups and downs are enough and you don't need to justify it.
Straight to the point
I felt that when she said, u forget to have fun and enjoy life,,, my focus has just been helpingmy addict gf
I know it’s time to get out but she has nowhere to go and I’m feeling so guilty
I've found that when you have a strong sense of self, you are less likely to be influenced by gaslighting and lies. Nobody can make you feel less than or crazy when you know who you are and you practice self care. That is recovery.
That's good advice!
It's very true, the higher my self esteem is, the less I'm impacted by others behaviour.
I know that 1) I can't know anyone's intention 2) people are people, all flawed, incl. Me 3) hurt people hurt people, it's about them, not about you.
Life-changing
The abuse I've experienced at the hands of my alcoholic husband is nothing short of sadism. I've lost all sympathy for alcholics. I've run out of tears to cry.
I hope you were able to get out of the relationship 😢
I hope you can find healing through support groups like Al-Anon. I’m struggling with my husbands alcoholism and I may need to go back to meetings.
Yup fuck them!!
Its funny cause I said the exact same word with him. "Sadism". I told that it was wild to hurt someone that is suffering. I am just understanding the meaning of dry drunk as well.
I just had to call my parents to intervene after my boyfriend just got violent with me. My mom told me I should be crying right now not stressed out. I said I've ran out of tears over this.
I have been dating someone for about three months and he treated me so well. He would disappear for a day or two without reason. At first I thought that he was cheating but soon found out based on his looks and behaviors that is was drugs. I was so hurt because he never told me that drugs was in his history. When I confronted him he became angry, and began to accuse me of silly things like cheating and other things that made no sense. Needless to say his sudden agitation and anger after he had been so loving and kind, led me to cut it off with him. I truly began to fall in love with him but Thankful that I had dodged the bullet.
It's amazing how fact their attitude can shift!
My guy did the same with me after a year of him being clean. Be grateful you didn’t waste any more of your precious time.
@@PutTheShovelDown Sooo fast my head is still spinning.
Please could you explain a bit more how his appearance was; I think I was with an addict but never realised. It’s my therapist who noticed 😫
Enjoy surviving that bullet.
My addicted husband tells me I am mean constantly! I’m not mean! His behavior is so toxic and when I react I’m mean. It’s killing me slowly
Your channel has been such a eye opener. I feel like I've been in a dramatic, chaotic, emotional roller-coaster with my bf for 7 years. His family did not help his issues. I lost myself completely. I feel like I was his enabler for drugs and alcohol. I cannot tell you what a weight off my shoulders ending the relationship is. Omg... Gaslighting daily, denial and what a victim. Emotional and financial abuse. I'm free!!! I'm discovering my old self again daily. ❤️
That’s wonderful, Leigh! Thank you for the kind feedback ❤️
For me it was 1 year of absolute terror...constant lying, fake promises, gaslighting, manipulation and all to repeat the same cycle the every one or two weeks. And again, drunk, lying, hurting, negleting until i break up. Next day sober he would make all the apologies, fake promisses, future faking, promising rehab and therapy help bla bla....and again another cycle...
@@mary_jane6670it's so comforting apologies reading your comment. I have the very same issue and I feel so trapped. Angry & bitter he isn't a happy person anymore and gets high/drunk every chance he gets when friends or family are now rarely around he embarrasses himself and me
It’s been six months since the breakup, and I’m still struggling. He ended things out of the blue. I’ve tried moving on, but I just can’t. I still think about him every single day, and it feels like there’s no way forward
I completely understand. My partner left me too and it shattered me. I thought we had everything figured out, but he said he needed time apart. I was devastated and didn’t know where to turn
How did you cope with it? Was there anything that helped you?
Honestly, I couldn’t handle it alone. I found someone who truly changed everything for me.. Father Akabu. He’s a spiritualist who specializes in restoring broken relationships. He helped me reconnect with my partner when I thought it was impossible
I just looked him up, and I can see so many people he has helped. Thank you for sharing this I finally feel like there’s some hope for me
I'm just finally burned out from my alcoholic hubs. The emotional, verbal abuse, gaslighting,& complete lack of accountability are insane!! I'm the only person who truly sees the behavior, too. Financial reasons have kept me in this, but I'm at a point now that I'd rather struggle financially than deal with all of this. 😢
I’m in the same position.
Same... I'm so numb at this point. Been staying for financial reasons but I'm ready to face the struggle for the sake of my sanity & peace
Same 😢
Same :(
I'm here too, but I remember being single without kids and it was so hard. I have four kids. 😢
Just left my girlfriend who is an alcoholic. I was the classic enabler all the way up till she hit rehab. She got out of rehab and I changed, but she didn't. It took a week for her to ask me for vodka. I said no. A week later she probably snuck alcohol around me, and was trashed in front of my dad. Claimed it was her muscle relaxers. Found the bottle the next week, and asked her to talk to me about it when she is tempted or does drink, and make some changes to her life to keep this from happening. (attend meetings, see a therapist, remove triggers, etc.) A little over a week later she called out to work to get drunk with someone she met in rehab. When I tried to talk to her about it, she literally did not pick up the phone or answer my text. She finally called me as I brought her things to her mother, but told her this will not work. She doesn't want to help herself. I can't fix it. Only thing I can do is help myself.
Bro I’m in a very similar situation. My girlfriend is a binge drinker. Could be once a week, every two weeks, a month; but when it happens it’s a nightmare. Can’t convince her to get help. Her daughter is trying to get through college and her anxiety is through the roof. Her and I have tried to do and say the right thing to convince but we just can’t. It’s a constant cycle of the same exact thing. We’re both terrified we’re gonna find her dead one day and I think that’s why we don’t cut her off. I just don’t know what to do anymore and it’s killing me. Reading these comments help though. You like to think your story is somehow unique but you realize that millions of people are dealing with the same thing you are.
You ve done the right thing to leave my mum ended commit suicide cos my alcoholic dad she tried to help him to a point it affected her mental health. The addiction affects more the partner than themselves 😢
It's very heartbreaking when all you do is try to help/fix them and it doesnt work. You love them so much. You just wish that was enough.
I leave my alcoholic husband.
I feel peace for not being with him but sometimes I feel bad for leaving him.
But I tried so hard to be strong alone.
That relationship with an addict will dim your light. I dated this woman for two months who does blow periodically and in the 2 months we ended up in the hospital twice because she overdid it. I hate hospitals and had not been to one in years before that. I ended things because I couldn't keep enabling this behavior. Addicts are not relationship material period.
Well said
I just ended a relationship because of his drinking .it was hard because he is a good man but I don't see a future with someone who drinks and also drinks to destress and he can't find another way to destress. He ends up drinking too much.i saw a person I didn't like and I don't want a future with and I've really tried .I've been supportive and I've tried to get him to go to meetings and counseling and he doesn't think he needs that and I can't get through to him and I know I won't.. He doesn't think he has a problem and I honestly don't think he will stop drinking. I did what was right for me.
How are you now?
Good for you 🎉
And this doesn't change that much after 9 years of being sober either, the emotional stuff inside them is what's wrong, not the substance abuse.
Ouch, that makes me solid in my choice for sure
@@westcoastweird455 Sorry, I know, 7 months after ending things I'm still healing from that stuff... I think it's a good choice to stop expecting things to change and to start the healing process sooner rather than later.
I totally agree! The substance abuse seems to be a physical representation of the emotional/psychological issues.
@@kameishagreenunapologetica8210 Exaaactly. Absolutely agree on this. It's too bad they've sold us it's the other way around.
Aha
I was in such a dilemma with my addicted spouse, I loved him so very much I loved his personality and everything about him and still at the end the addiction has won. He was taken by his addiction and so was our relationship. It is so sad, truely. Heartbreaking
It really is heartbreaking. Addiction takes down so many good people!
I feel the same way I just told him to go I can't do it anymore. I lost my best friend months ago. It was just his empty she'll that I had. Be strong I'm trying too
Same with me... so so heartbreaking.
@@TapIntoAlignment the same here i had to save me.
I’m in the same boat now. It’s gotten so bad that there’s no way to continue. There’s no hope for sobriety anymore.
I’m over here trying to put the shovel down so I can stop digging my own grave. Married to the love of my life for 6 years, but we have been off and on for 19 years. He’s a very addictive alcoholic. Thank you for being you. This is the best channel for me.
So glad it was at least a little helpful in a very tough situation.
I finally got out of an addictive alcoholic girlfriend relationship. It was on and off for around 2 years. I would always break up with her and then I would go back because she would say she’s sober now and going to aa meetings and doing great but then start binge drinking again. I loved her so much. She was a great person when sober but when she was drunk it was all self pity and lies. I finally had to let go but I’m having trouble still constantly thinking about her because I have that fear of missing out if she really gets sober.
Going through exactly the same thing
@@maddyirving8819 I finally decided to just cut ties. As hard as it is you have to let go and heal yourself. I hope you can make a decision wether to move on stay. It’s a horrible trauma bond.
It's really hard but these people need to grow!!! Ride it out and watch and fousos on your self I made the mistake I have gone back over 20 times I find my self trying to leave again at 32 ..
IF THEY DON’T QUIT LEAVE ITS THE ONLY THING THEY CAN SEE
They are narcissistic too.
The isolation is so severe at this point, I don’t see the mental, emotional and physical strength to get out of this so I feel stuck like a catatonic zombie. The suffering has turned into numbness and I fear existing in this state for years. Not going anywhere forward. The fear is of withdrawal. The fear of feelings of abandonment is higher than the fear of staying. This is the scariest part atm. That it might take something severe to catapult me out of this. I have no hope nor faith in myself after trying to leave multiple times and returning due to panic from separation. Then isolate more.
My wife struggles with bing drinking, self medicating herself with anti depressants. She has three DUI’s and is drinking and driving again. I’m so over her shit, but we have two young boys at home. I’m watching my boys struggle with what she is doing. I’m loosing myself trying to hold my house together. I work ten hour days. I get home, get the boys fed, do laundry, home work, she seems to not even be mentally attached to us most days. She won’t go to a counselor and get help. I gotta fuckin leave her, I can’t take this crazy shit anymore!
I wish you well!!
My gf is an alcoholic went to rehab 2 times just came back home 3 days ago and is already back drinking. She hides it from me tell me i’m crazy that she’s not drinking but smells of alcohol she tell her family lies saying i’m the bad guy meanwhile i don’t drink at all she been talking to other guys every word outta her mouth is a lie.. 4 years down the drain ! For the guys out there leave, because staying is only gonna bring you more pain.. good guys finish last !
How are you doing two months later? Time to build your support network and get out of there. Look after those kids as your top priority.
stressful I understand mu bf is similar
is there AA for the spouses?
My partner was alcoholic/ dependent he gave up 3 years ago everything was great. I stuck by him through his alcoholism it was so hard.
A year and a half after quitting alcohol he then started smoking weed. He spent all the savings on it leaving us with no money and weed is now his priority.
He has no intention of giving it up or cutting it down. His attitude is "if I don't like it I know where the door is".
I'm moving out in a few days after 10 years.
I stuck by him through one addiction and I'm not doing it with another. I feel like I'm wasting my life sticking around hoping for change.
I love him with every fiber of my being. But I have to put me first now.
I hope for his sake he sorts himself out as right now all he wants and spends money on is weed and without it he's a nightmare
wow my bf is the same he has a alcohol and coke addiction. I've been with him almost 2 years and I didn't now this until living with him. we were suppose to get married... he didn't pay my ring in full... he spend thousands on partying. he did help me also with my bills but he even doesn't make his kids a priority and I've been helping him and getting the kids gifts and trying to make them feel like they can have nice holidays because they are little....and hes just like whatever.... oh well things happen. it's really not good and it's exhausting to keep pushing someone in the right direction. I can't imagine partying all the time...not wanting to work...who cares if you see the kids... who cares if phone or bills get paid.... just party party go to the bar... and oh well. it blows my mind. I've never grown up around this or seen this in my life.
@@jdashlovela it's so mentally draining isn't it. You stick by them in hopes for change but it seems to take over their life.
Partying all the time will only get you so far in life before it comes crashing down and they stop enjoying it and ends up being dependent and depressed.
That's what happend with my ex he drank all the time became dependent on it and got really sick he got liver problems now.
He finally gave up when his body couldn't take it anymore and got detoxed he got better over time, looked and felt great and our relationship was great. We had savings life was good.
Then he started weed and he would say "at least it's not alcohol". Maybe not but the principles are the same.
Instead of alcohol taking over his life it's now weed. All the savings is gone because he spends ridiculous amounts on it. He started hanging around with his mates getting stoned I was on my own majority of the time, felt like a one sided relationship. His attitude changed towards me acting like I was the villain.
Everytime I would voice my feelings and concerns he would get defensive and act oblivious to the fact weed was the problem instead he would say I was the problem.
I did everything for him and stuck by him when no one else would through his alcoholism ect. I lost myself taking care of him just for it him to do it again with another addiction.
Just left.....he hasn't changed...loves the alcohol more...simple
Same here. Four months ago. She said she was on detox. Obviously didn't believe a word. And when I dropped some left over stuff of hers off. She was hammered. At Noon. Yeah. And had a delivery of more as I was about to leave for the last time. That is the picture I will have in my mind for the rest of my life. How sad. A tragedy. The Love of my life.
Leaving. Anytime from now
Even they quit or calm down they will still take that sip and their attitude still there
Same Im out keep your gabapentin and weed✌🏾
Me right now and I’m 5 months in.. I can’t take it anymore.
Amber, I am so grateful that I found your channel. I recently got out of a friendship with a drug addict a few months ago and I am struggling to this day from all of the name-calling, gaslighting, and manipulation that left me feeling confused and constantly second-guessing myself and my decisions to try and help this person. Everything seems to make sense again after watching your videos. I'm 17 and have learned a lot from your videos, and I will be better prepared for if I ever encounter another addicted person.
Hi Ryan, You've learned some really hard lessons for someone so young. But, all the things you're learning in this process will serve you well as an adult. You should be proud of yourself for showing great strength.
This helps me... thank you. I want to write Everything you said word for word and post it to the world. The gaslighting, the lying, the loss of family for loving an addict, and the things he says about me to our friends and his family instead of telling the truth. I'm judged from every angle.
Thank you, ladies. The gas-lighting was a primary issue that I was overlooking. My awareness is now heightened.
I gave up drinking a year ago with no help from anyone apart from myself. I did not want any help from anyone, even my partner. Thankfully the love we feel for each other has shone through and we are really happy now. So it is not always the case that addicts are messed up trash. I guess it depends on how far down the road the addict has gone.
It gets worse when you have two alcoholics not in recovering. No one gets under your skin like an resentful addict.
@@Skoopyghost I'm sure that is really hard, however, I was addressing the people who left comments stating that alcoholics are hopeless scumbags and the only course of action is to leave them. If my partner had left me I'm fairly sure I would be in a terrible mess. Thankfully not the case, but the very best of luck with your problems.
I needed this ❤
Enough declares itself. Self Care is so important starting with little things. Many co-addicts have a fear of upsetting the addict by setting boundaries and practicing self care. Their response is their problem. Walking on eggshells only prolongs the inevitable. Such a hard thing loving an addict and you need to do your own work or you will roll into another relationship with an addict. Get off their back, get out of their way and get on wirh your life. Al-anon is a great support for those with an addict. You can tell how sick the addiction is by how crazy the spouse behaves. Much love to all and thanks for the great video!!
Spot on!
Love this!!!
Thanks for giving out great insights on addiction!
I have been codependent on the relationship and resentment start to grow and I became really emotional, which eventually lead to a vicious cycle. I realize I need to take care of myself more and regain mental power to fight the addiction with the person I love.
You're so very welcome, Sortrachel!
Thank you. Finally a video on spouses and loved ones of the addict. I have taken the plunge and am moving out in a couple of days. I tried to make it work, but my wife simply won't put down the bottle. A lot of the things you discussed I went through, mostly violence and her telling others and myself how bad I am and that it's my fault. It's been about 3 years and I just can't take it any more. It hurts as I really wanted my marriage to succeed and I still love her. I'm also worried about her and how she will cope now I'm gone, but I'm at the point where I need to think about myself and my own mental health. I really hope she will see the light before it's too late
This comment really resonated with me. I totally get this.
If I were to comment on this video this is almost word for word for my situation 😂 all the best sir and hope you find your happiness and well-being drastically increase 🫡
@@guppy9186 Thank you. I hope all is good with you and that you find happiness
I read all these comments and i dont understand why people get into relationships. I feel like a lot of it is the fear of being alone. Not having an identity, so they are in a relationship and build their identity around their partner. Maybe that's the lesson of ending up with an addict. You have to face yourself in the end and become independent
spot on!!
I’ve never had to deal with this type of issues in any relationship and I’ve had some really bad ones . I’ve known my husband for about 11 years before getting married . I had no idea the issues he faced and how bad it was truly. For first couple of months were hard but I figured it was changes, we bought a house and there was a lot of stress . Now years later we are still struggling to get a normal relationship going . He’s been very reactive, disrespectful, cold, disconnected , etc. I started looking into things more and found a lot of lies and a pattern of drinking all day . This is heart crushing . Lots of talking and I feel like I’m talking to a stone cold person that cares about everyone else but me . I take all the crap and everyone else gets the best of him . I’m at the end of my rope . Love him to death but I’m stressed out all the time and finding that I’m becoming that crazy person that has to know everything their husbands doing . Not sleeping right and my eating is has decreased a great deal. That’s just crazy . Trying to stay grounded but it’s been hard and I am lost in what to do to better my situation . He doesn’t think there’s an addiction issue but agrees there is a problem. He said he’s going to counseling but I can’t believe anything he says . He cannot tell me the truth , little or big. I’m so lost in my head at this point .
I hope you are doing better now. Sorry for the sad experience
I’m so glad I found your channel. Your videos are helping me so much. This week I all of a sudden looked up and found myself dealing with my loved ones active addiction. Your videos make sense of my current emotions and I’m learning so much.
Hi ChesiPaid, Thanks for your positive feedback. Knowing my videos help others is exactly what keeps me motivated to keep making them.
I think we all really need a video on how to go about building up your family and friends support either after or while being with an addicted spouse. Theres no resources out there that I can find on it
I hope you're free from the addict. While you're in a relationship with an addict, leaning on family and friends without taking any action doesn't really do much. It's almost like using them as a punching bag. There's nothing for them to do but hug and pray for you. They can't make it better or promise that the addict will change. Therapy counseling after the relationship ends is extremely beneficial.
"Going towards yourself" being brought up as a practical thing you can do is so helpful
If a person refuses to utilize the tools available to them, for their alcoholism/drug abuse......thats the choice they have made.....let them live with their consequences. We are each responsible for our own actions period.
NEVER LEAVE WHEN THEY ARE HOME UNLESS YOU CAN DO IT SAFELY
It's much harder when children are involved.
Like my situation am jobless, I need some help because i cannot stay here any longer😭😭 i have two kids
Truer words have never been spoken!
Yesssss it really is
@@auntiejane8209 You'll find a way to respectable way to provide for yourself and your children when you become the lioness and not the prey.
Kids are the only reason I stayed so long.
After 4 trips to rehab since October, and drinking again. I have had enough.
Nicotine? If that was my biggest worry with my significant other I'd get down on my knees and thank God.
I just left my husband a month ago and I can relate to all of this. I have frequent moments of self doubt.
It really is like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. there are no good answers
Am pregnant with my 2nd child its hard but i know i need to leave him .
@@karinagonzales9505 I just left my spouse after our first child was born. It's so hard and im still questioning what to do long term, but its what's best for our children if the home is toxic! Trust your gut girl!!!
You're not alone. I feel the same way but we must stay strong!
@@lizzi7128 8 months later and I haven't turned back. It's so freeing. I'm learning who I am without him and I've never been happier. We have a daughter together so I still have to see him. He still tries to reel me back in with his woe it's me stories. I told him I don't want the stress and issues that comes with him. My new life motto is "Protect Your Energy". Peace is so worth it. I wish you the best.
Thank you for this ❤️ my long-term partner is currently in active addiction and he has been lying about it for over a year (loved ones were all aware of past addiction but had no clue it was active. He OD a year ago and we thought that was the end of it. It wasn't). We were going to get married in a month and a half and he has now moved back in with his parents and is starting rehab. I am personally in a lot of pain because I do not want to leave him but I am so deep in his addiction emotionally and it's a lot to handle. This video has helped me see that leaving and staying are both valid options and that I don't need to choose right now. That can come later and when I know, I'll know. Thank you ❤️
Love this comment!
Omg. Thank you for saying the things about getting angry. Then they are like “you’re not cool anymore. You’re a square. You’re always angry” 😳
You're so welcome! People with addictions always tell me those things about their family members.
I feel this also 100%
Absolutely insane. So so so helpful for me as the non-using partner. Never knew any of this. THANK YOU
I absolutely love your videos. I'm in my third relationship with a alcoholic. I was married to my HS sweetheart and was with him since I was fifteen and I was 21 when we married. We had houses , 3 boys that are amazing and are not alcoholics . I divorced him when I was 43 . When right into another alcohol relationship that of course I thought would be different. 2 years down I had to let him go. Skip ahead I'm now with who I feel is my guy. For year and half he was sober then went through a relapse . I felt everything you talk about and have been mad and even madder that they are not changing. My bf now does know he is a alcoholic and does seek AA but I listen alot I mean a lot of your videos. Thank you so much for what you do ❤
Do you drink?
WOW this is my first video of yours and I’m so thankful i found you. You ladies literally said exactly what I’m experiencing. Looking forward to watching more.
I'm going through it right now too. Are you doing better?
Dealing with a gf who goes thru w/d’s every few months, falling asleep while sitting down .. i cant take it anymore
Thanks for referring this video to me! Gaslighting is what he’s been feeding onto me. I knew he was lying to me and he wants me to 2nd guess myself, so toxic! So sad that I didn’t see this side of him and been with him for so long. He loves me a-lot but he doesn’t love himself which I feel like I want to separate from him so he can have time to self reflect on himself. But when he thinks he doesn’t need it and blames that I’m crazy, I’m out! Heading straight to the door. Now he don’t want me to leave and give another lie that he’ll change and he’s sorry, but I know he ain’t sincere about it. If he won’t let me leave I’ll find a way. I know him like the back of my hand. He seriously have issue and he needs to realize his fault and guilt. Wasting no more time, no more years. Ladies and gents, Trust your instinct and love yourself. If he or she truly loves you they won’t hurt you. If they continue hurting you, get help together, if he/she don’t want to commit to that to making ya relationship better and healthier, Run! If there’s no trust, there’s nothing! Anyway love this video!! Very helpful! *new subscriber 💕✨
Hi Mai, Welcome to the channel. We're so glad to have you as part of our community. Sounds like you're getting the confidence to make some serious changes.
The part where the wife says her husband told her he wasnt drinking but he has lost several jobs and destroyed several cars. Sometimes that is the truth, he isn't drinking he's doing drugs and your just not aware of it. It was true with my husband, I was so focused on believing his behavior was due to alcohol and he was also doing drugs.
For whoever is listening.. I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years.. But in this case we both drink but, what i realized is that simply it isn't fun or entertaining anymore. the problem is she can't stop, she is what you would call a functioning alcoholic" on the outside her life is perfect looking in has the great job nice home. and such but besides that when it comes to socializing and hanging out alcohol always has to be involved and she doesn't think she is a alcoholic because she's not falling down drunk but she can drink 10 to 12 beers daily if it's in her presence. I can too but i have limits i can't drink like that everyday it takes its toll on me and when we argue about it she thinks i have the problem and she doesn't because she is fine.. and she loves drinking. awhile back we were going to a party and i told her just so we are clear I'm not drinking at this party and i swear i could see smoke coming out her ears she flipped out. Why are you even going if you aren't going to be drinking!!! i told her right there you don't see a problem with how you just reacted because i told you i wasn't going to drink?? Keep in mind this is a grown very grown almost 50 year old woman trying to make me feel like if i don't drink at the party then I'm the odd ball out.. that was a major red flag for me.. One time we were drinking at home and i asked her if i would look good modeling underwear.. I know silly right! But she responded with no then says her friend at works husband would look really good modeling underwear and the next day when she woke up i told her what she said and she literally didn't believe me she said that. She actually thought i was making it up. Normally she would never do or say anything like that but that all stems from being an alcoholic nowadays i feel like if I'm not drinking with her she sees me as the problem. I can give up drinking on the drop of a dime honestly.. But she can't she's always got an excuse and the crazy thing.is.none of her friends drink like her not even her best friend. We just bought a house together few years back and she's not even realizing as much as i love her I'm already 1 foot out the door. because as good as our life looks to the public eye it's almost like living with the devil. She messes up telling me she will never do or say things in the presence of company anymore then turns right around and does it when company is around and she is drinking, then when i call her out on it she turns it into the ohhh.. You're so perfect game you never make mistakes. Neither of us are perfect but in this relationship i can honestly say i am perfect i haven't messed up i haven't cheated or said i think her friends would look sexier in bra and panties stuff like that. Honestly sometimes i think she does things intentionally to make me mad in hopes that i will just leave her so she don't have to feel guilty about things she does and says. and this is things i know about as well as things i probably don't know about. I helped her change her life around pretty much financially, emotionally. and living situation. Now she is in the position she needs to be in and it's as if she's like thanks but i don't need you anymore unless you are continuously doing something for me. even saying things like if you leave me i will understand and telling me she's having dreams of coming home and me being gone and when she does this i automatically think she has done something wrong like she has a guilty conscious or something. I've done more for her than anyone in her entire life and its like now that she has what she wants her attitude has changed. She's the type to say baby we need a lawnmower we need a dishwasher we need furniture ect.. I'll give her the money for it and she'll keep the money and put whatever on a credit card spend the money and then complain when the credit card bill is sky high!! and act as if she paid for everything when an argument pops up. I blame all this on alcohol destroying her memory cause she can't remember anything at all.. She is the love of my life so much to the point I'm about to make all her dreams come true cause like i said I'm already one foot out the door and she will come home to a very empty house cause she don't realize i bought almost everything in this house from furniture to curtains and blinds toasters microwaves all that stuff. I could care less about a house I'd rather be homeless than live with an alcoholic manipulative girlfriend who can't even stop drinking for a month. Her mother is an alchy just like her never knew that until i met her not long ago. I'm praying for anyone who is in a similar situation may God heal it all. I love her but she is walking an extremely thin line with me and doesn't even know it. Or she does and don't care and is doing this intentionally. either way she's about to get a serious rude awakening if she don't change her ways. a drunk ain't S××t...
Sounds to me she’s abit if a narcissist as well as having a drink problem.. I am going through a similar situation, last year he left but I took him back as he promised he would change , he didn’t ! And now wen I mention his drinking I’m the one with the problem, I’m the boring one ☝️… but during that year he was gone I was actually at peace. So round two here I go , but this time I’m making the break up official with divorce. My advice to you, leave, be happy .. she will suck the soul from you until your the shell of a person , I wish you luck x sadly love just isn’t enough to stay sometimes x
I was with mine 9 years .I made him leave almost a year ago. I told him I can't be around him drinking or cheating .it's to hard and it hurts .he needs help .I was seeing him and I thought we could rebuild it but my trust isn't there .he still was lying and cheating and didn't change.....I just can't anymore. I'm numb now...I blocked him .
I was in a horrible relationship with a female from Ireland. I’m American , and naively thought her drinking was just a big cultural difference. I tried to work through it for some dumb reason. She liked to stop for pints after work. Most of the time she got home at 2 or 3 am. She loved starting a fight when she would get home, our neighbors hated us because of her drunk arguments 3 nights a week. She would always apologize a couple days later and promise to stop her shit. As soon as she would start up again she would recite all of my shortcomings to justify her actions. This lasted for 8 years. I definitely feel I am to blame for not leaving sooner. Now I am absolutely frightened to date again.
This is three years old, but right on time for me. Thank you for the insight.
You're so very welcome. Glad this was helpful for you!
This video could not have been more well timed. I dropped my bf off at detox tonight. As I watched I kept saying, yes...yes...seen that. Thank you!
Hi Jessica, Thanks for your positive feedback! I'm so glad to hear that your boyfriend went to detox. I hope he continues his journey after that. The fact that you've educated yourself, greatly increases the chances that he'll find recovery!
@@PutTheShovelDown thank you, but unfortunately I'm not sure I see any change in him, which is why this video had such good timing. I've learned so much valuable information from this channel. I cannot thank you enough.
So helpful with dealing with co-dependancy.
Thanks Melissa! I'm glad you liked it😊
Just finding this video tonight. It’s very interesting addicts and relationships
This is my life. It’s so crazy, and hard, and confusing and consuming, it is so difficult dealing with the deceit and lies and worry and love that you have for someone.
I have been lied to for almost 20 years. Finally left because I lost myself, trying to save him. Now he's trying to get me to let him come back, by always manipulating me, saying he's going to hurt himself. Keeps my head crazy all the time.
I hope you can block him and put some distance between you two. You are so brave for leaving, you will never regret this! The future you is thankful to you right now, because you made the right choice, you saved yourself.
My bf gets mad at me for not believing him. Nevermind that he created the distrust by lying. He says if I will never trust him again then whats the point. We have been together around 7 years and I trusted him 100% until the last 2 years after his sneak drinking was exposed.
Try saying something like "You're right I don't really trust you right now, but I know you and I can get back on track if we keep working at it"
@@PutTheShovelDown I tried. He wants instant. And it does not work that way. I told him I can not give a time frame. Every relapse sets us back again.
@@lw8140 he’s trying to put the blame on you for the lack of trust. He’s Turkey the one in charge of the time frame.
Mine used the same exact language and was trying to force me to trust him. That was the giveaway.
Same here. Blamed me for lack of trust after he would lie about anything and everything. Even used same words - “what’s the point “.
Im really Glad that this tpoic is being discussed. Alot of times theraphy is not available for spouses married to someone with addiction.
Thanks Mo'. I'm so glad it was helpful!
@@PutTheShovelDown Yes, for someone who has been in a relationship for 17 years and married for 6 with the person who developed a alcohol addiction. These videos give a better understanding of how to tackle this painful life of Uncertainty.
A topic i would like you touch on is intimacy with your addicted loved one/spouse while under the influence and while their getting sober. Like when is it ok? That bond gets broken too.
This is amazing!! One of your best videos yet, and helps me understand so much more and become stronger! Thank you
Lisa N Edwards so glad you liked it. That kim is really great!
@@PutTheShovelDown she's amazing! losing yourself in their addiction is the worst thing!!!! and the hardest thing to find again, because you don't know who you are and you need to start again
I always felt like the drug's were more important than me.
It's because they are. Not because of who you are but because drugs rewire their thought process. It was hard for me to grasp but once I did, I was no longer living like I was less than. Good luck in your journey to healing.
I left my husband a year ago cause of his substance abuse, he got clean and we’ve been working it out for a year and I thought it was going great, until one day…… i caught him high. He said he has getting high on and off for about a month. He said he doesn’t have a substance issue and he never did and I’m controlling. I’m Officially filing for divorce Thursday. The pain knowing he chose to get high over me and our two sons is almost unbearable and really struggling seeing his side.
I have just been dumped by my abusive boyfriend of 4 years, (alcohol and cocaine) I have been the only one there for him when no one else was, I have stood by his side when he was down and scraping the bottom, I have found him where he was about to take his own life, I've been there all the way and found myself in so much crap and lies and now that he's in treatment and on day 40 clean he's ditching me because he needs to focus on himself , I have never felt more used and laughed at. I was good enough when no one else was there for him, when he needed a place to live, when he was at his worst, I stood by his side. I am left with the feeling that now that he is recovering I am not good enough. and the funny thing is that he will never find such a sweet, caring, loyal and loving girlfriend like me. and I have no abuse I live a quite normal life with work and healthy relationships
Words of wisdom, my friend, words of wisdom! Honestly it’s so hard to love someone who likes to drink and just vanishes from time to time. I love my boyfriend so SO much, but my love for him isn’t enough. Apparently he cannot stop his drinking habit. He truly doesn’t care and it hurts so much. We were planing to go to Sicily at the end of May, but now our future is so unsure. Yesterday we were talking on the phone and everything was fine, but I heard in his voice that he had a beer or two, or a couple of glasses of wine. He never gets so drunk that he cannot walk or something like that, but he does have a regular drinking habit. So, I was confronting him and asked him if he had something to drink that day because I hear it in his voice. He didn’t confess, he said no. But I knew better. So I said why doesn’t he just admits it. It’s no big deal if he had a glass of wine. Just don’t lie to yourself or myself. And then when the argument started. I haven’t heard from him since then. Today he missed work, I know that because we’re coworkers and they know about his problem, so they contacted me, if I know where he is. I said no, which is the truth. I’m very hurt and don’t know what to do. He is a kind man and never violent towards me or others, he is a sweetheart. That’s why leaving him makes it so much harder!
I am in your exact situation. Will you provide an update? This is horrible!
@@steelcitystyle7654 update is that I just gave up. I cannot do this anymore, it’s so bad for my soul, my health. I let him go.
@@samantarizzi248 I’m so sorry but totally understand. I let mine go a month ago and I miss him so much but it was the right thing to do 😞
@@steelcitystyle7654 it’s definitely the right thing, though hurtful 😢 We have to be strong and listen to our intuition, always!
I was getting close with a man who actively sells and is an addict. I want the best for him, I’m the only good person in his life. He cares about me but just doesn’t make time for me/us. He’s too busy driving around with random strangers.. sleeping with them, getting high, etc. It hurts. I feel he’s too far gone and I should stop communication. Although, I care about him so much. He has potential in my eyes. I know I’ll get hurt more 😕
Im a recovering addict. My story is very long. So, to make it quick, I did it hurting my wife. I went to a 2 year program, graduated. She feels I left herr.. she didn't say we were done, but she was. And being to move on. I talked to her, and she said we would give it a chance. So now she said she has changed and might not ever be the same.
I’m going through addiction myself and the real problem is that I can see the problems and effects it’s having on people around with and sadly my partner! I really really don’t want him to leave me because I do love him but my childhood trauma from abuse is actually crippling and I can’t stop:/
My brother is 70 years old he constantly lies to me and every time I see him he wants at least 1000.00 from me for rent etc I can’t be around him anymore I feel so used but I feel so guilty he is my only sibling left in my life 😢
“I only had two shots” but the two shots turns out to be four and a can of Corona. I’m done after I got embarrassed at my birthday celebration yet again. I even have a video of him drunk and talking crap to me and he denied the next morning. Look me straight on my face and said he not going back to rehab…ok…then this is DONE! I refuse to settle for this! I refuse!
You’re worth MORE! Don’t look back!!!!
I decided that they have to be sober for one year before I will have anything more to do with them.
Wow. You hit a whole lot of things I feel is being done to me by my husband. It’s always, “no don’t dont do that! You can’t do that! I’d rather you not work, we don’t have the money “as I see him come home from work with 2 12 packs or the biggest case he can get available. I feel stuck
I really need someone to talk to😭😭😭I’m really going though alot
Same here. ❤️
@@lisamarie62525 I'm in disbelief, he doesn't realize he's drinking so much. But then comes the thinking out loud and the hurtful things he says. Then the gaslighting follows. Then he'll apologize until it happens again.
I'm so sorry
Hey THERE is SOOOO many people that would love to tell THIER stories!
Sometimes I wish I would’ve been more compassionate towards my ex gf, but the gaslighting and manipulation with sex, always seemed to give me that rush again, and I loved her so much hoping this would be the time. Only to feel like I was fooling myself. I hope she turns her life around for her sake and her kid. I couldn’t have that stuff around my home as a responsible dad. I tried many different approaches, only to feel like I was failing when she wasn’t even trying. 😞
It's tought because, you have to look out for yourself and your kid too!
@@PutTheShovelDown she didn’t see I was looking out for her kid and trying to keep everybody safe here. It’s like they are hypnotized or even demonic possessed depending on one’s beliefs, we can all agree if we’ve been close enough to them it’s chaos. I know for many years I ruined people’s hearts cause of my drinking. I’ve been sober from alcohol for 4 years. Actually quit when I met her, she confessed to abusing amphetamines at the time and flushed them. That didn’t last though. Then a year later switched DOC to M and later progressed to H. She’d talk down to me for using cannabis, but one of sound mind knows there’s no comparison to MJ and the other hard drugs that are wiping out so many people’s minds and lives. I even was sober from everything for months and months, but she would fall back. Two years ago we worked out together 3-4 days a week, weekly dates and did everything together with both our kids. She’s lost everything, car, jobs, evicted and now probs with the law. Her rope has to be close, was so afraid I’d find her not alive here. All I can do is pray for her now. 🙏🏻 😞
@@moneauxje I’m so sorry you experienced all of that. I can relate to the feeling of loving someone so deeply and being willing to give up whatever to help them. I’m in that situation myself currently and don’t know what to do. His drinking gets out of control and he becomes violent and mean. Other than that our relationship is good and I love him with my entire heart. Im scared to walk away because what if he is my future? Just feels like God keeps giving me signs that it’s not right but my heart is having a hard time accepting it. This past weekend I thought the phone call I got was telling me he was dead. He tells me (again) he won’t drink anymore. I am so glad that you got clean for yourself and your child, and I would argue that MJ is far less destructive than alcohol and every other drug out there (including prescription). I wish you the best and hope your heart heals soon 🤍😞
He is a functioning alcoholic and pot smoker. My behavior has become so resentful towards him and I’m always a stick in the mud around him. I don’t know if I can ever be accepting of him using and I don’t know if it’s even about that anymore. I’m always judging him.
My wife relapsed on meth badly. She treats me so badly right now while I'm home taking care of her children. I've blocked her on everything because all she does is attack me. Yet she tells her mother and friends how much she loves me. But I don't see any of that. This is just purely the addiction making her act this way towards me isn't it?
That so sad and I feel for you. I must say; consider if it's not the addiction making her treat you that way, she simply might not appreciate you but want family and friends to relay to you that she does so you will remain hopeful! My current situation.
You need to get out and get out now, I did the same for my ex for almost three years and looked after his children and it pretty much destroyed me..still put the kids first and contact her family or child services but don't stay..nothing will change it will only get worse.
Great talk, very helpful, and it describes my last 16 year relationship
Hi Kay, thanks! I'm so glad it was helpful!
Don't let an addict guilt trip you because you can't trust them.. that ball is in their court.. trust is something that's built over time, destroyed in a moment.. it really has to be earned, of course you want to believe this person you love.. but addiction will just tell the lies for them.. asking for time to regain trust isn't asking to much- when they ARE transparent and honest rub their belly 🤗
Has anybody ever experienced the most amazing human being the most amazing man you’ve ever met treats you like an absolute queen, but it’s an alcoholic. Even though he treats me like an absolute queen, he is an alcoholic do I stay or do I go? 💔
so sad... after reading all the comments... leave my friend
:( I know how heartbreaking this is... the most wonderful person , good one with a beautiful heart but no future ahead...
I wish you light,clarity , strength and that you meet the perfect one for you
Love
@@veritasveritae9578 thank you for your response. I’m soo heartbroken. I left 💔💔💔 thank you so much for your wishes 🥹❤️
@@veritasveritae9578 I left. I’m so so hurt 💔thank you for your well wishes 😢💔
Your videos are so helpful! You were really made to help others ❤
Hopefully, someone will see this...
Question: My boyfriend of 2 years has a terrible smoking problem. He smokes tobacco and marijuana ALL THE TIME. Wakes up and smokes. He sneaks away from work to smoke. He can't go to bed without smoking. He is now, also drinking alcohol every day. A bottle every other day. His eating habits are horrible (take out and soda) if I or his mom doesn't cook for him. He will drink a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi in a day or 2. Terrible life habits.
My problem is that he is an amazing guy. He is Faithful, Loving, kind, and thoughtful but he won't seek help or try to kick ANY of his bad habits alone. I've asked him several times to try to improve but it goes on deaf ears. I've tried to help with resources and advice but was told that he didn't need my help. I've asked him to consult with his health care provider, and all I get are excuses. (SN: he hasn't had a physical or seen the doctor in years!!)
What should I do? Should I stay with him or leave? I grew up in a home with an abusive alcoholic father who is now sick due to his excessive drinking. I am afraid that this will happen to my boyfriend. What should I do?
I hope to hear from someone soon
I have this dilemma right now
Please leave him😴😴
Listening to this is listening to the truth of my previous life... I had the help and support of alanon who helped me to understand to look after myself and not focus on the alcoholic and the issues at home. Thank you for this honest video.
The mind makes a human being gear towards addiction. If the person cannot cope up with problems, doing the wrong thing makes them irresponsible. Believing and knowing God and Jesus Chist plus having faith and hope will make the addiction go away. Weak faith will defeat the addict. They will never change. Those addicts who pester the lives of their love ones are the devil’s tools to make sober people angry. Stay away from the addicts, they will drag you down. Life is not all about misery but enjoying the gifts and talents God has given us. Do not waste your time changing a person. Move forward and love those who loves you and cares for you. Love yourself. 1 Corinthians 13. Identify real love within you and the people you know whether or not they have love within them.
You don’t have to ask, because you know whether they’ve been consuming or not. 😔 this is a sad, but true reality.
The hard part for me is that Im stuck in the feeling that maby it wasnt that bad... Maby i over reacted .....even though i know that i was bad....
That's cycle actually very similar to what the addicted person goes through.
Maby so... I dont understand that answer.. do u mean i should feel sorry for him? Continue to be with him? Help him?... bc in the end he wanted the bottle more...he didnt take responsbilite for any of his doping.... his ego was to big for that..
I left my fiance of almost 3 years because of drinking... emotional cheating and lying....I could not tolerate it anymore. He emails me after I tell him...that what I did was wrong and that he is just done with me now
It's like no matter what, you can't get out of the bad guy role. 😥
His rage is so scary! He blames me for everything and tells everyone I constantly lie! It’s not true! I absolutely stopped fighting back and arguing! He’s constantly telling me I’m gas lighting! But it’s not me doing that! But I know what I know and I see what I see! I left two nights ago for fear for my life! Our son begs me not to go back! 32 yrs and this is what our marriage has become! This all is new to me! I don’t know what to do next! I’m homeless and I’m not the addict!
I love your clips. I'm 73 and got lied and betrayed and stolen by a 20 year friend. I denied so much, all her friends are ex cons for drugs, it was a strange world, I never met any of them until this year, they are all so ugly. I played professional football, top producer in my field after football, and these people were yelling at me, tearing me down, doing everything they could to make me feel bad. It worked, thank God I sought professional help from an ex policeman, a psychiatrist, and rehab person to find out what was going on. I was so hurt, confused, and I still am. The pain of betrayal, theft, lieing, it is horrible and I'm thinking it will be a long process for me to heal. Drug addiction is such an ugly, horrible, and destructive thing. I now find it impossible to trust anyone. It really hurt me. I am almost convinced that the "Natural course of events" and probably prison time for drug addicts is the only thing left, nothing else seems to matter to them, all they want is to take, take, take. If it weren't for the pain, they would be stupid and funny. The fake crying, and the stupid lies, extremely stupid lies, it is all a terrible joke.
I'm dealing, with a close family friend who is on meth! He totally doesn't want to communicate with me!! I have cut him off! He has hurt me in so many ways 😢 I've told him that if he needs help then I'm here for him! It's so hurtful breaks my heart 😢 yea he would tell me that I'm crazy! When he is actually the crazy one & he needs help 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for this, especially to Kim who is not used to being onscreen apparently and doesn't like it! Thank you!!! In regard to what was said about "The addiction erodes the person's sense of self, makes them hate themself, makes them feel shameful and guilty and that's what makes them dependent on the substance" ...I think this makes me or him, feel like it's ME that's causing the shame or guilt he feels b/c I'm like a mirror holding it up to him showing him, see what you're doing and how it's affecting me/us(intimacy esp.)?? It leaves us AT ODDS in a vicious cycle. And what about if they do get off of alcohol? Are there always underlying issues to deal with as well that the alcohol is covering uP?!
I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. He is in recovery from meth (5years) and alcohol (6 Mia) and we almost divorced last year because of his continued drinking and the verbal abuse that goes with it. 6 months ago he got sober and came home and we reconciled. My 15 yo daughter who is not his has ptsd from his behavior over the years. He had a single night relapse three days ago where he became angry and verbally abusive to my daughter while I was out of town for an overnight conference. I want to fight for my marriage, but how do I continue to subject my daughter to him, even if he is sober? His presence alone triggers her. She is in day treatment and addressing her own mental health, but I don’t know how to repair my family with both of them in it, or if it’s even possible. 😞
How do cope leaving an addict when you can clearly see that their addictions are coping mechanisms for the deep level of suffering they have under the surface? I wish i could have done more to help but he doesn't want to help himself. I love him so much and walking away is hurting me a lot. 😞
He's been honest with me too about it all, no gaslighting or stuff like that.
When he isnt drinking, doing drugs, or gambling hes lovely and caring, these instances are rare though.
Same with my gf.. she even is going to AA now..but doesn’t stop drinking. Fuck man.. so ig I have it alot better than most here. But how long wait to leave?
Feeling so alone and judged. So true 😞
What I need is what happens to these partners that love alcoholics? Do they need help as well? Those partners dealt with the addicts-what should they do.
Here's a video about the trauma of living with someone who has addiction. I think this might be just what you're asking about: ruclips.net/video/_IIIebnumpg/видео.html
Thanks for the video. I kicked out my husband. His drinking behavior went out of control. It has been a year and he had many relapses. I let him come back expecting he will recover..nope. it didn't happen. He claims he is going to AA and to classes because he got a DUI. It is sad, because you want to believe they will get better, but reality proves you different. I am going to Al-Anon for support. It helps.
Good for you. His behavior is his choice. All alcoholics and drug addicts are selfish and self-absorbed. He chose booze over you.
Trying to address the alcoholism just added a B movie level of gaslighting. It’s been horrible. But slowly, one cruel incident at a time, I’m starting to pull away. Sure is hard to be in a relationship when you have to shut down your feelings for them when they are drunk and raging. Then for them to expect to be back to “normal” the next day like nothing happened. And gaslighting if you ever bring it up. Currently I’m in the mindset of hes just a beloved toddler when he starts in on me.
Mine was so loving and felt like he really loved me until I found out he cheated. Then he tells me he was in love with both of us but just prior to that asked me to marry him. How was he going to marry me also being in love with someone else??
I went through this exact scenario. Unfortunately my fiancé passed away a few months after I found out.. in a vehicle accident of all things 😢😢😢 Worst pain I could ever imagine.
Iv been with this alcoholic man and I saw some of the signs in it .today I bump into him we started talking I told him we can be friends like associate ya know but he still have an alcoholic problem I told him I want to be a brand new me .so I don't really want to be his friend right now I want a break from him 💕😊👍
I'm in the same situation. My wife of 5 years is addicted to alcohol. I wanted to fix her so badly and i still do love her very much. We have a 2 and half year old and she drank through the pregnancy and that's when I knew for sure she had a problem. This past year has been very hard. All she has done i lied telling me she wants to fix this and to give her another chance. She would stay sober for 2 months then drink. She has been staying with her mom during the day to watch her but now she's drinking rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer and i feel like i just need to move on but it's hard to do that.
She would apologize and say there is no more alcohol hidden but would get drunk again the next day
If her drinking is to that level, she probably can't stop cold turkey. It's very possible that she may need medical detox.
The hard part is distance..when they just get distant and say things like “you’ve been nothing but good to me”..so it’s like what else can u do
Exactly 😔
Exactly