5 Weird, Suspicious Phone Habits of Narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
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5 Weird, Suspicious Phone Habits of Narcissists//Whether covert or grandiose narcissists, these toxic personalities are definitely difficult to deal with. By understanding their behavior, you can protect yourself from them. Rebecca Zung, lawyer and narcissist negotiation expert, shares five weird and suspicious phone habits of narcissists that you should be aware of.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• 5 Weird, Suspicious Ph...
• 5 Weird, Suspicious Ph...
Do you want to know more about weird habits narcissists have? Join me in my free webinar and I'll tell you all about them - and how to deal with these toxic habits! Sign up here: slay.rebeccazung.com/
See you all there! NamaSLAY! 🙌
Namaslay! Love that!! 😁
Thank you
TOTALLY
The devil devil devices
When you are having a conversation.. they allow other people to interrupt the conversation. Then they start a chat with the other person and make you wait until they are done.
Yes
Yes I have noticed…
Yes... He did that to me a lot
@@HonestyIsAVirtue7 What do you mean?
Yes, and gawd forbid you ever interrupt them while they’re texting or messaging!
I have 2 more to add. First is when they are doing something on their phone, and you move near them, they turn the phone to where you can't see it. Second is when you enter a room and they're on their phone, and they fumble it wildly!
Definitely!!
Have you considered that the person trying to eavesdrop is being nosy or intrusive? To your second point, maybe they were looking at something that you may judge them harshly on if you knew they were viewing it.
@@ruckusbuck no, I never considered they were eavesdropping, because it was usually only me and the other person in the home.. and on fumbling because of fear of judgement, yes I have considered that, but how earnestly I have tried to show that I don't judge this person, I want him to trust me.. but I think the breakdown is on him and not so much on me..his fear of judgement or rejection is deeper than how he perceives how much I can love a person. Love is patient, kind, forgiving... I have tried to demonstrate that I live a lifestyle of love.
Spot on
Mine does this crud all the time. Makes me sick.
Here’s an indicator: if you’re both in the same room and they text you photos, links, videos that they want you to see-so you look at them on YOUR phone, instead of you both looking at these things on their phone together.
Isn’t that a riot? Like yeah dude. Um that’s not suspicious behaviour at all, and don’t call them out on it either. Then you’re just paranoid crazy again. Three years out. Man I don’t miss one minute of living like that
🤣rite like u don't kno their 🤡😁
I do that sometimes what's weird about that
@@rebeccawellington6481 same 3 years out thank the lord but I have kids with him so it never really ends 😢
Ah nice insight! Thank you. Definitely a huge red flag!!!
Well, I don’t want my wife to know that I’m watching your videos. She sees a change in me because of your videos. Because I think they’re helpful…very helpful.
So you don't want your wife to realize you're pretending to not be a narcissist? 😅
@@Ms.Delphine1204 Yes
I understand you. Way back in the 90's, I had no cellular phone.
I was reading books on narcissism that my psychiatrist recommended to me after having seen my now ex husband 3 times.
Each time, I would have to quickly hide the book when I heard my husband's car arriving home .
The psychiatrist helped me during the awful never ending divorce by writing a letter that I presented to my lawyer and that the judge read.
Now, unfortunately, my daugther and I are realising that my 35 years old son is also a narcissist... so sad.
Best wishes to you from Switzerland!
This behavior is not only narcissist, is the same behavior that any one who cheats🙅🏼♀️
Cheaters are narcissists. They never stop cheating.
I would say more so cheaters than narcissists. This video is about someone who is cheating.
Oh yeah, a narcissist can justify any and all behavior they would be highly critical of in another.
They cheat and it's your fault. They did nothing wrong. And they will justify it every single time.
There’s always a sign of some kind. Usually the phone. It’s stuck to them like glue and even take it into the bathroom when they need to go there for a shower. They don’t even let you pick it up to move and usually snatch it out of your hands. Sometimes when they’re most likely going out to meet someone they look really spruced up and put aftershave on. Can’t tell me they do that for their guy friends. Ask you how they look before leaving. Their minds also “wander” quite a lot when someone else is in their head. They can mention a “new” friend of their guy friends girlfriend or wife and say what hobbies she is into or what musical instrument she plays. They mention something outstanding to them anyway and sound awed by their talent. They look like they’re thinking about something really hot but will deny it when you say something. You see them on FB a lot surfing the internet and when you take a quick peek they change the page at super lightning speed and say you were imagining that they did that. They come home late with dumb excuses. Or they want to go to sleep straight away and have no time for small chit chat. They’ve recently showered and told you that they played a dirty game of football, squash, tennis or something, changed a tyre for a friend or covered in a foul smell from something or rather. They can look you in the eye and blatantly lie about what they’ve been up to. I think any man can do this they don’t necessarily have to be someone with NPD. The signs will be there. You just have to look. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Omg, I’ve been with 2 narcs that do exactly what you’ve said with their phones. Take it with them in the middle of the night going to the bathroom.
Totally,
And why are you still with a cheater????
Get yourself together ❤
I had always had the mindset to never ask to check anyones phone, that it would make a dent in the relationship to be insecure...
Now if I ever get into a relationship again, I will only be with someone who doesn't protect their phone.
I will never just give trust freely again.
same with me
I agree. Honesty and transparency build trust. Narc always wanted to see my phone and my location shared, but never reciprocated... And I shared, because I don't have anything to hide, and now will look for someone who has nothing to hide too
And she would always turn her phone down on the screen
Married a Narcissist 6 years ago, super secretive and a straight face Con and Liar. Divorced her and never looked back!!!!
God exposed the covert chameleon, he protected me while bringing her double life to the light.....
Vett these people before Trusting anything they say......4 REAL,,,,,,,
💯
I caught my wife of 22 years cheating almost two years ago. We’ve been together since we were sophomores in high school. She’s been the only love of my life. I caught her and 4 of these things were happening with her and her phone. I’m learning more and more about narcissistic behaviors. I’m also learning that her mother is a narcissist. I’m trying my best to forgive and reflect Christ. But the whole family is toxic as I’ve seen. It’s really sad and hard to deal with. I’m here for my girls right now. God help me.
Best to leave narc
I understand that you try to reflect Christ. I think its extra hard for a,Christian. Simply because you do everything to make it work for the love of God in the end but for me after 40 us years I had to leave. Good luck.
I personally cannot forgive the narcissist. His treatments, mistreatment of me over 10 years, are to me, unforgivable, and so much to forgive. Itsvtoo big for me, so I hand it over to our Savior to deal with it.
It only gets worse and effects you worse.
Your sanity and well-being is most important, and will be for your kids.
Staying for your children are you sure? Think about it from their perspective they watch Mommy abused Daddy and daddy says okay.
Totally I git another one. They get mad if they are texting a lot and you ask them WHO they’re texting. They get all defensive & turn it around in you.
Yes it's like their phone is another limb of their body. This feeds into the narcissist s overt need to gossip all the time. Gossip is a MAJOR type of SUPPLY for the narcissist.
Interesting
Very true .
He's always calling to ask me if I hear this or that about others.
Absolutely.. they are backbiters
Truth
Yes and people don't get it they talk shit about everyone including you.
Replacing names that they’re cheating with , with a fictitious name so you don’t suspect and won’t know who they’re talking to.
Yep, my girl thought she was slick
My ex wife did this. She forgot the search function. I searched key words (‘sex’) and all the misnamed suitors came up.
She had a contact saved as pizza hut with the last message received "I love you, baby."
oh my gosh yes ! placing contacts in his phone under fake male names, with text to a woman... several different women. Then tell you it's a buddy he works with .
@@brightmark777 wow... just, wow. 🤦
OMG....Rebecca is spot on! This s exactly what they do. They are literally attached to their phone and hide it from everyone.
Bizarre behavior. Never saw a "normal" person so incredible protective of their phones. My theory is that the phone has become part of their supply or connection to supply; so they are freakishly attached to that device.
The one I knew was always exactly like that with his phone until I mentioned it to him now it’s the complete opposite , he leaves the phone open doesn’t take it everywhere he goes now….Thoughtsz😉😉
they are still doing it. Things are being hidden better. Don’t fall for it.
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
Of course so!
I’m glad these aren’t the only behaviors to distinguish a narcissist. I do all of these 🤣🤣🤣 but I’m a victim of a narcissistic parent and ex-boyfriend, so I think this type of behavior is also true for those who suffered abuse from narcissism as well. Thanks for this video!
These are definitely not the only things that define a narcissist. So sorry that you were a target of a toxic parents and ex. Please know that there is a support group here for you! NamaSLAY! You got this!
Me too. I have learned to be more secretive. Plus they just get off on hearing and watching you be upset. They like hurting people for no good reason. They are bullies. So yes, it's good to be careful. Trust is earned.
@@elizabethandiosa4579 Yes, I have had to learn to be more secretive also, which is hard for me to do and I hate it, I hate that I need to be secretive now to protect myself against my spouse who ironically.. I found out about a secret “friendship” he had with a female for almost a year before I found out.. and the way I found out for sure was by a chance occurrence when a text happened to come across his phone one day when he accidentally left his phone in plain sight one day while he was in the shower. Of course the text was kind of vague but it said enough for me to realize they were quite familiar with each other and she was expecting him to “come over” and disappointed she hadn’t heard from him yet that day. This was someone I had never even heard of. Of course he first lied about who she was, and what she was talking about, and after I did my own investigating and found out about the constant texts/calls (like CONSTANT throughout the day while he was away from me, every day) which had been happening for almost a year at that point.. and I told him I knew something was going on.. of course even at that point he called it “just a friendship”, he was “only talking to her because he was trying to ‘help’ her, she was going through a lot, he was kind of mentoring her”.. all complete BS. I said well if it was supposedly so innocent and plutonic then why did you do everything you could to keep it a secret from me? I’ve been through a lot in life, I could’ve helped her by talking to her along with you. He didn’t have a good excuse for that, lol. Mind you he is not a teacher, counselor, pastor, doctor or anything of the sort, he hasn’t even ever taken any psychology courses (I have taken some), and the people we know that are qualified to help her.. of course he never reached out to them or recommended them to her.. so he’s full of it. The reason I know that is because asked him if contacted any of those people on her behalf or connected her to them and he said no.
This was a little over a year ago, since then I found out about what narcissism really is, and he checks off almost all of the behaviors. Thank God for people like Ms. Zung who are helping us be aware of this!
TRH , i think were both in the same boat too !! Basically we arent Narcissists but we suffer from something called " Narcissistic Flea's " basically were victims who suffered under Narcissistic Abuse we begin to pick up the Narcissists " Traits " thinking that this is " normal " behaviour , such as interrupting a conversation and making it " all about you " unintentionally , but the difference is compared to an actual Narcissist , we Narc Victims are SELF-AWARE !! Thats how we know !!
I hear my family whispering too.
5 out of 5 .My wife is suspicious about me texting her sister (who lives in a different country) So 4 weeks ago when we were out for a meal I opened my phone so she could have a look at all my messages and showed her how to retrieve deleted messages . then asked her to do the same. She went ballistic so much we had to leave before eating . I'm now living on my boat.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
You got a boat!? Cool.
Good for you!
Another huge red flag is 2 factor authentication to secret folders, and also multiple phones.
This was exactly my ex-wife. Everything you just described there is what a cheater does also. This is what a cheater does after they’ve cheated and got caught. They go to great lengths, trying to hide their adultery and lies. It was amazing to watch this woman go from somebody I trusted to somebody I didn’t even know anymore. The pure evil that came out of her towards me was shocking actually. For about a month I was trying to work it out with my ex-wife until I realized that it was a lost cause. Then I just let it all go and filed for divorce. Once somebody betrays you in that way, you can never trust them again, ever.
i don't think this is a narcissist behavior, i think it's more of a cheater/liar behavior.. I've dealt with all of these behaviors from previous partners.. smh we live in a world full of deceitful people. so sad ...
To have two or several cellphones is another big red flag when we speak about narcissists. I saw in the bedroom of my ex a cheap cellphone on the floor and without battery. It seems like she sometimes, or maybe in a daily basis, turn on that phone to speak with another sources of supply. Possibly this other phone had another phone number.
Another one: often they receive calls from numbers that aren't in their contacts and say things like: "that should be a call from the bank" or “it's a call to sell me something".
When the narcissist sibling calls I can hear him and his wife sharing the phone, whispering, etc. Even worse they both text using the same shared phone number but don't tell you who is texting. They got their jollies ambushing me for not guessing correctly. These are middle aged adults acting like children.
Nope. These are middle aged adults behaving the same as grossly abusive children. The children often emulate the parents or close family associate. While many children will grow out of bad behaviours if taught correctly, childhood bullies turn into adult bullies and target the vulnerable and unsuspecting.
Not only can they be very rude, they can absolutely be very childish. They can be hilarous at times, but most of the times, they're very distractive. Take care and stay strong, Ping!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thanks Rebecca. I was in a fog trying to make sense of this over the years. Narcissist was just a word to me. It took a death in the family to reveal that something was really wrong. And by luck I found your channel.
His phone was ALWAYS on silent. He would pick it up and check it every time he walked by, while it was on the charger... funny how they have such suspicious behaviors. Like you say, they tell on themselves. Just sit back and observe.
Lol, my ex never used a wall charger around me, he would use battery chargers, he had several. 41 years of marriage and almost 9 months free! 🙌✌️😎
Was his name Jeff? LOL.....My X-Narc BF dad the same thing always....In the whole 10 months that I was with him I only heard his phone ring 1 time and he immediately put it back on silent. He was a manager at a plant and told me the employees would call him 24/7 bugging him...even on his days off!
@@christinefair7858 lil... No it was Bill, lol.
Unbelievable deceit !
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
She accused me of everything she was doing. She had two phones and a private vpn. She kept picking fights with me so I would react to her and she would leave the house for weeks at a time until I begged her to come home. This pattern repeated for almost a year. I feel like such an idiot for falling for this because the sex was amazing. I am in a much better place now, therapy is going well. I hope everyone reading this gets help because I almost died from this covert malignant abuse. I firmly believe that it’s a demonic possession.
😢
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
What's VPN
Jezebelians
9yrs. I was 100% to him. He dumped me. His phone was ALWAYS on silent. The WHOLE time.
I did all of these, but it’s because I was working behind his back to get a restraining order on him, which I got last week. He’s out of the house now, and the kids and I are safe.
God bless you and your kids. I hope you stick to it. And heal. Nothing more confusing to a child, if the adult keeps taking the abuser back. Trust me I speak from experience.
On a separate, note...I give you total props. You are hopefully leaving your situation much sooner than I did. I was married to my DV narcissist for 23yrs finally left him after my kids were out of the house. Stay safe @Kristen Moore you deserve so much better then you were given. Prayers to you and yours.🥰💙💜💖🙏
@@bethldh67 Thank you for that. Our 11th anniversary was in July, but neither of us reminded the other of it. It’s been like that for a couple of years with that day and birthdays, too. I vow to never take him back. Our kids’ safety depends on my decision. I know he’ll try to get the better of me in our hearing next Monday, but my older sister will be with me and my advocate. It’s been an adjustment so far, not having him in the house, but I’m getting used to it already!
@@kristenmoore650 yes, but the more time your away, slowly you will heal. And your kids will adjust to a much more peaceful life with you.
You, leaving has showed your children, THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR from someone who should love you.
My prayers to you for your Monday hearing. I'm glad to hear you have back up. ( I did too from a shelter advocate and friend also. Angels sent to me 💙💜) If you wish to talk more id be happy too. I'm on most social media under my same name listed here. If you have Facebook send me a direct message on messenger. Otherwise, know my prayers are out there for you and your family.
Smart girl ❤ May God protect you and your NEW family without the abuser in it 🙏😘
❤ Never go back!
When they are showing you something on the phone, they become so protective and jumpy (maybe because they are afraid their other supplies will text them)
Yes
He was showing me pics of his work on his phone, when a watsapp pop up message came in, from a woman whose name I saw .. he acted so weird when it happened - suddenly trying to give me hugs. I knew then . .. It has been months since my discard, but I see this woman cracking up on FB... Seems she is getting the torment now ..
yep, hovering around. she once let me look through some photos but literally stood like an inch away from the screen...
Lol. Yup!!! Death grip on that phone and you might get a five second view. Usually my ex would just send the picture to my phone for viewing. Safer that way.
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
Can we talk about the ones that hung up constantly? Soon as I start getting emotional, or confronting him, or said the F word from him pushing me too far, as if he doesn't swear, allot of endless phone games. Very hurtful, traumatic too, abusive, controlling. Infuriating.
I get hung up on when he can't handle the truth and then
A long text message
@@jyes23.
It’s so strange and frustrating isn’t it?
It’s like the light that burns the vampire! It hurts them too much, it burns, I guess, and they won’t be reasonable or rational or sensible or even care to listen and hear us out.
Oh yeah, or.ask a question they don't want to answer. I was dating a cop who would flat out hang up the phone when I'd press too hard about his past. Then the next time we would talk he wouldn't address why he did that. Cops ar fķed up people.
Yes. If I try to express myself about something he doesn’t want to talk about -.-, he just goes silent or all of a sudden has to click over or just something strange af ugh
One thing I would like to add to this list that I have noticed is they don’t auto save their passwords on their phone or computer, obvious reason is they don’t want to make it easy for anyone trying to login into their accounts.
I'm in my 60s and really feel for people in relationships nowadays, due to the fact that mobile phones and social media etc are causing way too much extra stress!
I even heard on the radio that Facebook was the one of main reasons cited for divorces occurring more frequently now.
I've only had one "relationship" since mobile phones became widely used and that was bad enough. He wasn't on Facebook etc, which made it easier, but the phone did cause issues in other ways like when he'd ring friends, including after he woke up, then chatted for a long time, whereas he didn't have conversations with me much at all.
It's one of the reasons why I'm choosing to stay single and I've noticed that many thousands of others online are doing so as well. 😊
So true
You are 100% correct
My Facebook turned into DramaBook. After my girlfriend started getting mad about 'liking another girls photo BEFORE we were even in a relationship!. Needless to say she's not on my FB anymore
he was avoiding intimacy by calling other people
All this, and then they want your passcodes and just want to look through your phone, pictures, whatever, as if they’re entitled.
Yeah he wants my passcode he’s ask me I’m not gonna give you my passwords but they will never ever give you theirs
Right? I'm okay with people wanting their privacy, but it's definitely a narcissistic sign when they want access to all YOUR passwords or phone passcode but if you want theirs, it's considered "paranoid" and they shame you for it. I think it's kind of a gaslighting technique.
I called my mom for help and she pretended I was cussing her out to all the other people in the room with her. I was so scared and confused. I am very careful of when and where I am around her now.
TOTALLY!!!! And here is one to top the cake….. just last weekend, notification literally “dropped” down on his phone and I asked what that was for him to say he didn’t know! I investigated myself to find it’s a hook up app and he has like 4-5 pictures posted and no mention of being married!!!! Of course you knew what it was it was a NOTIFICATION on YOUR phone which means YOU DOWNLOADED IT!!!! But he’s soo smart?? Wow
This is what my Covert Narc wife does on a daily basis. I’ve been stuck married with her for 11 years with a child. I deal with her because of my kid.
You have my sympathy. 22 years for me. Thankfully she couldn't get pregnant.
My son finally left his narc wife for his sanity.
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 It was my sole legal property and home. I simply quit giving her supply, and she left.
Destroying the 'kid" in the process
Be real about it
Such a sentimental way of speaking about your child, calling them my kid Maybe your wife is rubbing off on you
Same 🖤
#6 The texts are reasonable(they know there is a record), but the phone calls are abusive(they assume I'm not recording everything).
That's why they prefer to speak on the phone. It's not recorded. Or so they think
Yesss
Used to come home after a hard day's work and click my answering machine only to find an accidental butt-dialed message from my hobgoblins I didn't need to hear...several times. Now they TOTALLY don't have my new phone number.
Hobgoblins 😂
I’ve seen it ALL! He would lie on the sofa and text at night and make up lies about who he was texting. I don’t think those red hearts were going to Roger! He would “sneak” and text and turn his phone away from view when I came in the room, like a teenager who didn’t want his mother catching him. Thankfully I found the text between him and his new supply. Not long after I found the text, he went into a demonic rage and beat me. Divorce here we come!!
People suck. I never gave my ex a reason to look through my phone, but she always did just because she was thx one being a whore and wanted to make herself feel better. Her phone was glued to her, and I never had access to it and honestly didn't want to know what I'd find out what she was doing behind my back. Just wish I would've been smarter about her behaviors and seen the signs sooner
These do sounds like suspicious behaviors but if I had a notion to go into or looking at someone else’s phone/computer/email in an investigative way, to me that would be an immediate sign not to spend time with them and distance myself rather than invade their privacy by sneakily peeking at a passcode or reading messages.
Side note: I have used the silent mode from 8pm-8am for years as long as I have owned a cell phone, that way I don’t get distracted or needlessly look at my phone unless I am expecting a call. These functions are there for a reason and when used maturely they’re very effective at setting boundaries. People know I won’t answer the phone or text after a certain time and it’s a really nice way to administer self care and personal space. If you don’t agree then you are probably also glued to your phone lmao 🤣.
Good point! To consider, these phone habits alone don't make one a narcissist. But, if they have other narcissistic traits, then most likely they'll also be doing these weird habits (in a non-work context), too.
well if you happen to get into a relationship with a narc then they might not have these behaviours at first. then develop later...at that point you could be like 2 years into the relationship and in "love"...not so easy at that point "not spend time with them" or "distance yourself". a lot of times a narc will gaslight you or trick you and getting that validation through evidence of cheating is like lifting a huge weight off your shoulders or a veil from your eyes.
How bout this. My sister calls, when I answer she keeps having a conversation with her kids or someone she is with, I'm saying hello, hello, sometimes I hang up ...
Very familiar 🤔
My mother I will be talking to her and she will get a call from my brother and she hangs up on me every time! Just to let me know that my brother is more important to her .
@@aliceroberts1980 I wouldn't take her call, make her text or leave a message
That's why I don't answer A LOT..
The narc did this with me whenever he had his son he would call me barely give me any conversation but will start conversation with his son while ignoring the fact I'm still on ...everytime I would just eventually hang up and most times I don't even think he noticed.
Totally! Everything that you mentioned is 100% I experienced from my spouse. Very sad despite of the total sincerity I did to him from day one! Thank you for all of the FYI’s. Am very grateful. GOD BLESS YOU and your family.🙏
God bless you as well, Sariah. I know it hurts to know that our loyalty and love is not reciprocated but with the right approach and the right strategies, we can rise above the difficult situation. Stay strong!
Totally! Oh one more thing is that at some point, they will give you complete access with their password but what you don't know is that they have 3 other phones locked in a drawer! TRUTH!!!
"5 wierd is phone behaviours of narcisists" get em Rebecca you're choice at this stuff. Great video!
Yes ! Did you say that they also set it face down ? Did you say that they hide it at night? Did you say that they turn off the bluetooth in their cars? Did you say they make a habit if going outside to call? Did you say that they freak out if you touch it or can't hold it to see a picture? The shower time says it all
My ex had his on him at all times . He would have the phone face down & place his glasses or cigarette box on top of phone .
Then the total opposite happened , leaving his phone in truck . He also plugged in his phone to a speaker he had outside in his man cave . The music stopped when text came through .
My ex husband would hold the phone under the dinner table and be texting during dinner. I didn't know he was doing this until a friend came for dinner and told me he was doing that. She was very suspicious. I asked him about it and he pitched a self righteous rage saying my friends were trying to cause him problems in our marriage. He said he was texting his parents. Why so secretive then? So glad he's my ex.
Stay strong! ❤
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No one should access into your phone passcode nor husband or boyfriend. They are not entitled to your property neither to theirs. This doesn’t mean you are a narcissist, you’re inviting a dangerous move here.
Bullshit .if there is nothing to hide you would freely give up this information.
Oh my God you called itSOOO acurately!!! It's like you are in the room, narrating my narcissist specific behavior, EVERYwaking moment!
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
My family will text each other "private jokes" with others sitting with them in the same room. It is so obvious what they are doing, but if you call attention to their phone behavior they get defensive and angry saying You don't know what you are talking about! And they will deny it but yet NOT stop doing it. Every holiday and get together is like this, I have gone No Contact a year ago. No longer can handle the toxic behaviors and narcissistic ways anymore. It took me 50 yrs to finally realize that no matter what I do they will never change the way they treat me. Or others
Another tactic I’m noticed they will start small argument's until you leave them in private ,because whatever they having going on on their phone is much more important & that what privacy to not get caught & care less about your feelings.
Never answer their phone around you.
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As a subscriber from the "younger" generation, I loved the point you made about the apps on their phone. Snapchat is the first one that came to mind because it's such a common means of communication and the messages delete after 24 hours of viewing them (or sooner if you go into settings lol) but it's so sneaky, and I always raise an eyebrow in suspicion when someone asks me for theirs 😂😅
Request the data and have the messages they think got deleted
@@lindseybond-perez6048 I don't think there is a way to recover photos though- you can correct me if I'm wrong on this- but if a person really wanted to be sneaky they could just send messages through the photos/videos and leave it at that.
They are very, very sneaky - for sure!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Definitely! And technology enables a lot of their behavior these days as well!
Even when you request data, it’s only the messages saved by the person the data is getting pulled from if that makes sense. They would have to save them at some point in order for them to come up if they didn’t they won’t.
I caught my boyfriend changing the name of someone, say "Rebecca W" became "Billie W", so when notifications appeared, it would look like a business associate was texting/calling. Also, because he owns a few restaurants, constantly on the phone with young women/managers. His ex-girlfriend is part-owner of one of his restaurants and happens to be 23 years younger than him. Entanglements/bonds that he can't/won't dissolve, and actually seeing and being around ex-mates more than he's with me. Since he owns a restaurant with her, there is the "perfect" excuse to still be there and involved. When we 1st started datiing, he said they had been broken up for Over six months; the truth came out that they had actually only been broken up for about 2-3 months. So Much Baggage! He's also paying his ex wife about 8 grand/month in alimony (for over Seven Years!!). I'm feeling more and more like he has no intention of a real committment/relationship with me, and I feel played.
Mine did this too. Juan wasn't Juan after all, it was a girl from work he was cheating on me with...
I recently broke up with a narcissist and actually left him in the middle of the night. I had already been listening to you and dr ramini to help me with some family related issues about narcissistic behavior and I immediately knew to grey rock him. He used to screenshot texts from his ex to me to try to make himself look like the better person. And after I left him and went no contact, he’d send texts rewriting history and projected his exact sins upon me. I just knew he was going to do the same to me as he did with the ex. I kept a personal journal instead of all my replies but never sent any of them. Because if he really cared about me, he would have called, not texted. I realized he does not deserve to receive any emotional supply from me until he stopped throwing fits like a child. That has not happened so the no contact will continue until the end of time until he learns how to treat me with respect and be honest.
Thank you for all your good advice and saving me from these traps.
They don't change. They just get nastier and screw you over, invalidate, dismiss, steal, gaslight, hurt you, minimize, disregard, disloyal Diss, etc even more as time goes by.
Never let them or their supporters back in on any level. Garbage belongs in the dumpster.
Stay away for good.
Move on.
When they r out with someone suspicious like a date and they don't want u to know, they will block u on WhatsApp for that time period and unblock you once they r done. Ever wondered why some msgs had just the 1 tick and later on all the other msgs have 2 ticks, this is the reason. Stay vigilant people and get out ASAP. They ain't worth it. Go through the pain in the short to medium term but get out of the relationship. The fear of losing ourselves if we end the relationship is what's keeping so many people stuck. Take a leap of faith, go through the pain in the intermediary, trust me u will come out a much more evolved human. Don't hold yourselves back.
Using WhatsApp period is a good first red flag. Did they tell you to get it or if you had it?
Strange calls coming on his phone he refused to answer the phone and when questioned they get mad
Reminds me of my sister whenever I’d call or text she’d always have the ‘Driving right now, can’t pick up’ thing and I always doubted that, then she’d call back a couple hours later I always figured it was a control thing.
Totally!! You have been spot on with every step of the way. Thank you so very much 💕💖💕
I’m dealing with my aunt and grandma. My father told them off today about picking with me all the time and my aunt called and said we’re not talking to u anymore so don’t be surprised if we don’t call u and she said ok bye fast. It hurt bad and I told my father not to say anything just let them talk about me. I love my grandma so much she’s up in age and she used to take care of me so this hurts. I don’t want my grandma getting sick over stress. For some reason my aunt don’t want anyone around her since she’s very old now. I think she wants her stressed out so she can die fast. This is hurtful but they’re both narcissistic
I found my wife's second secret phone, it wasn't a good scene when I confronted her about it, she tried to lie and say it was a gift to me but when I asked for the password she flipped out at me
I put a tracker on his phone and caught him on his date with a friend that I asked him abt for months and lied the entire time. next day he said he had feeling for her for her the past few years and told her in Feb and then he filed for divorce in april and felt he could take her out as a "friend". What a joker! He denied that it was a date and I said then why were they both ashamed and why didn't he tell me about it like he usually does and why didn't they go Dutch and why didn't she say hello?!?! Such a lier caught in the act and still lied abt it.... mediation is in Sept and possible court date in Jan. Yes he's definitely with her.... I'd rather had been told the truth....not go to marriage counseling the past few months making me think we can work on his struggles. I was fooled. Asked him why did he drag me along the past few years knowing I'm only getting older and he hates I say that...but it's the truth. 25 years down the drain for sure. This is all messed up. He had no respect in himself, me or her....but she also dsnt have respect in others either and therefore she won't have respect for him. But they are each others problems now.
it happens to the best of us
My Ex used to turn his phone over so the screen was always down. I have to say, I didn't even know what a narcissist really was until 3 months after I left my ex( narcissist) I saw an article that said don't over-praise your children it breeds Narcissism. When I opened the dictionary to look up the meaning my ex's face was right there :) 🤣🤣🤣🤣 seriously though that was the point when I realized that I never actually was in love with him, I was in love with a figment of my imagination because the person I fell in love with NEVER existed... I spent almost 20 years of my life raising his child because his parents ran his bio mother off. Let's just say if it wouldn't have been for that little innocent boy I would have left a lot sooner but I knew that if I left, they would never let me see him & worse yet they would have told him that I didn't want to ( after all the x-mil told the child his bio-mom was dead!!) I knew that if I abandoned him, he would struggle with women for the rest of his life ( although those people always told him that I didn't love him & that I was bad so not sure it really did all that much good) :( Needless to say, it was a rough road but I couldn't give up on him, I was the only person in that family that didn't treat him like a possession :( they were ALL messed up in the head... I look back now & tell myself I am just thankful for the things I did help him with & at least when I lay my head on the pillow at night I never have to feel like I failed him :)
Ahhh the old screen down trick ! Seen this one before ! NO ONE puts phone down on screen , unless….
My narcissistic ex and her grandiose narcissist partner have another two common phone traits,
1. Always call with "no caller id "
2. Carry two seperate phones each.
On vacation with a narc he’d spend the first half of the day just sitting around on his phone “looking for things to do on the vacation”, he also had a female friend overseas that he was obsessed with, and he loved triangulating and making video calls with her right in front of me, even if we were hanging out, going to a restaurant or driving to vacation. It drove me crazy.
What is so important that you always have to be on the phone it’s ignorant when you talk to somebody but they’re always looking on the darn phone. I am suspicious what they are hiding. Maybe I’m right.
Narcissist that I knew always online everyday and he always comment or view my story to find some mistake so he can argue with me. And, yes he really glued to his phone 😕
Later after I got back the first time with my ex(1 sr separation, the 2 ND one ended with a actual divorce), I discovered while we were seeing a counselor ' he picked ', I found out he was involved with another women with 3 kids.When I confronted him with what I found ,he called her crazy🙄. Now after being divorced awhile, I realize that the person who told me he cheated with her before we married, and others after we married, were not ' crazy'- I'm going to get a restraining order in him now for harassment.
Victims of domestic abuse also do this. It's fear of being found out when you are seeking help. Eg keeping notes, incident diaries calls from support agencies, tge police etc
And the spare sim card that's kept hidden ☻️🤮totally ✨️
He would regularly spin my room and give me a monthly shake down to see if I was hiding things
@@no.9961 they are evil ✨️
@@no.9961 the ones I've known think that everybody's hiding, lying and cheating because they are@
Excellent breakdown of their phone habits. The instant I notice any one of them, I’m outta there-instant discard. From that point forward it’s gray rock and distancing if not full blown no contact. Have been at this a long long time. Am still learning. The more I learn the more contented I am. I’ve kept so many toxic people out of my life that it’s not even funny!
Another two I've noticed is One: They show you (when questioned on an alert) a text or call that is spam. However, they don't expect you to match the notification with the amount of time that has passed to correspond with the alert that they show you as if you're stupid.
The second is that some of those supposed spam callers are actually people they are communicating with that they save as "SPAM", or spam likely, etc.
Stay strong! ❤
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Some of these I developed after 25+ years of living with a narcissist. I kept my phone at the ready in case all hell would break loose and I need to call cops. My notifications were always off because the narc would complain if anything made a noise on my phone. I would delete call history from my friend that helped me escape in case he saw it. And my phone was always silenced or he'd flip out because only his phone could have notifications on, it was so weird but I just kept it on silence for most of marriage. Now we're not together it's weird hearing my phone ring or hear notifications.
I've seen that, When I workout on mountain bike I leave my phone in kitchen so anyone can use it I don't care I'll share, but when I see strange phone behavior from those types I ignore it cause I don't give a hoot , it's all part of their game and I don't have time for it.
Rebecca, Non-narcissist that are dealing with a narcissist ... that gaslight them, take pleasure in disrupting any plans they make for themselves, sabotage their 'safe relationships' and even important appointments should not have access to their victims phone. All of the 5 points could be a means of protecting a person from being victimized.
This is true.
Truth.
Totally!! Married to your kind of narcissistic controlled isolation mental emotional and I am still working through the motions of my own life and his children's place is the only reason we have to talk. I need help with the traumas. My life is not anything to be a part of my own life yet.
I run a business on my phone and security for my customers is important so I fit this mode. Lol I’m never on silent and I know any notifications. People think I’m a phone addict but I love some videos like this one, Rebecca. I very much appreciate your guidance Rebecca. I have a history of trusting the wrong people. You are my super star lady😀👍❤️
I played this for my narc on the way to Home Depot. Boy was he mad lol. Not to long ago he took me on a high speed raging car ride and drove so recklessly. He does this when he’s on one of his episodes, sad that I’m used to it. Conditioned. Anyways I busted out some narcissistic material on my phone again and he got so mad he drove me home so he didn’t have to hear it anymore.
I’m honestly just so over his shit, the phone things funny though. If one of the kids have it I’ll pretend to grab for it and he comes with a flying leap out of no where litetally diving for it. On one hand I can’t wait for him to move on to the next supply and leave me alone but then again I feel bad for the next girl who doesn’t deserve this. If I warn her I seem jealous and if I don’t she’s in for a ride. None of my business i guess.
I also used play these & ex psychology professor (& diagnosed Narcissistic Psychopath) Dr. Sam Vaknin while my nex was around. It’s a good way to protect oneself from a hoover 😂
(if you are unable to go no contact).
Yes, he has these all. I’m done with him and loving my BS free life
Stay strong! ❤
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I'm a US citizen currently residing in Shenzhen, China.
I record voiceovers for an English news video service, and sometimes forget to un-silence my phone afterward, and often have to apologize to my friends when I miss calls or messages as a consequence, so that doesn't count!
Also, I have my phone with me almost all the time, but for the same reason a health practitioner will carry a beeper (now a cellphone!) everywhere; I also edit for an English version of a Chinese newspaper, and in effect am "on call" most of the time. Additionally, here in China the phone is used for everything from ordering carry-out (delivered) and for paying for services, including rent and utilities to shopping and ordering rides and tickets. So this circumstance also doesn't count!
I do mute most of my group chats, as there sometimes may be more than 200 messages arriving daily, but I do have my work and close friends (10, maybe) unmuted so I can catch my more urgent and personal messages. So I guess that doesn't count either!
What you describe is accurate (I do have a covert narcissist acquaintance who matches all five), but I do like to remind myself and others that it is always ultimately a matter of context. 😊
Stay strong! ❤
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Totally! Yep, hes guilty of all but number #4. How is it that they have all of our passwords but we arent allowed theirs!
!!!!Ok.. so on FB messenger.. in the top right icon to view message settings, I ended up finding out the narcissist had me on "RESTRICT" mode. This mode doesn't allow you to see they've seen your messages. That way it leaves you hanging, even though they have seen them, and are purposely acting as if they didn't, using this as a weapon to have the upper hand. It's a way to gauge, and test you. Super shady.. smh!!!!
My husband does all of this. 😡
Dump the loser 💔😓
You deserve so much better!
Mine would leave her notifications on at night so they would be going off all hours causing me a loss of sleep for the following day.
2nd phone showed up..burner phone. Never heard it ring . never saw him talking or texting on it. Dead give away of an affair. More than one..maybe 3 women in the harem garage. So glad im gone!!!
I know narcs have other cell phones period. They just get another cell contact number altogether and hide it in their car which you don't have access to!
I didn’t see the 5 things they do here. I grew up in an abusive home with no boundaries so I am hyper private coming from shame even ifs a benign notification I don’t want someone to make fun of me or use it against me - so I don’t see that as a sign of a narcissist. It could be someone super private as a sign of old abuse
I can tell you right now the phone habits of narcissists …
• they never call and when they do they call over and over till you pick up - they expect immediate access
• they control the conversation
• they have to be the one to get off first (usually when you’re opening up or starting to share)
• if you do say you have to go they say they have to go too they are very busy
• they can put you on hold easily and indefinitely but will NOT tolerate being put on hold and will hang up
• they send breadcrumb texts that trigger or hook you in so you have to call them in a strange fog of panic and confusion
I could go on and on … and on and on
This is sooo true. Everything is correct. They also turned the phone face done in silent mode.
She spills all their secrets,turn the tables and get the upper hand,without their phones they suffer,without their supply they suffer,without their moolah they suffer.Weird habits with their phones,how do you know what's on their phone💲✔️🆘🚩
@@Jackgritty28 every time he went to the toilet, so did the phone. I remember I was sitting near his phone. He went downstairs to cook. Not even 3 minutes. He came for his phone. Now we know!!!
In addition to all these you mentioned, my narc ex-fiance would: 1) always have at least 2 or 3 phone to use with different supplies 2) store women contacts under men's names or relatives' names 3) erase MY phone's conversation history with him to destroy evidence
Totally!!!!! Every single one of the 5--amazing!
Gaslighting is a big tell take of a narcissist .
All of this happened in my marriage. And, I was called crazy if I said anything …
It's a common tactic for abusers to call their victim s crazy and try to get the victims to believe it. Reality is that they are the crazy psycho. Dump them.
Me too!! For the last five years or so I stopped even paying attention. I knew the cheating and lying hadn’t stopped I just got sick of being traumatised over it time and time again. By the time I finally had enough I was crazy. Didn’t have a problem showing him just how crazy I was either. Guess that’s why he has avoided me for the last 3 years. Some people may say I’m crazy. I say crazy maybe but smart enough to scare him off forever 🤣
@@rebeccawellington6481 it comes to that doesn’t it. By the time you’re done trying to salvage things - we’re the crazy ones. My story continues to follow the play book. I went no contact and was shamed by his family for that. A family that loves me whole heartedly until I threw him out. Now that legal proceedings are done he has no need to contact me so he has been reaching g out to my family and one sister/brother in law has indulged him. He has been emboldened and I’ve asked my family not to do that. My BIL got angry, told me he can do what he wAnts, said his kids miss my ex, he victim shamed me for choosing my ex in the first place. It was awful. Now there’s a family riff because I can’t feel close to my sister and BIL if there going to maintain contact with him. He tortured me in every way. This is exactly what he wanted to interfere with my personal life. He succeeded. Makes me so sad.
@@tracywirthhutchison9802 I’m so sorry. I understand. My ex in laws all shunned me as well. Not that that is a bad thing. They’re all toxic. It’s the kids. That’s where they attack when they can’t get you to react anymore. I’ve been no contact for two solid years and for some reason the stalking and harassment has really amped up again. Stay strong and whatever you do don’t engage or react. They literally feed off of it
@@rebeccawellington6481 athat’s good advice. I’m just trying to stay away from anyone I can’t trust even if it’s family. There are enough beautiful places and people, no need to cling to the toxic ones.
Interesting you’re being stalked again. If I had to guess, your ex is bored and or recently been dumped so he’s back to looking for your attention be it negative or positive. He just needs some drama.
I wouldn't want the pass code to someone else's phone. I have finally learned to listen to my instincts , snooping is so needy and weak.
My ex loved when I left my phone out. It was like a scavenger hunt for her, lol. Just looking to fight with me, but when I asked to see her phone she lost it and said I'm the one hiding shit lol. Love is blind and I was just retarded for not seeing it sooner
I disagree. Was with someone who later was diagnosed as a narcissist by 3 different psychologists, and he was very cocky and always had a lie for everything. Would grab my phone and then blow up over the smallest, that would make me hesitant to hand him my phone because he would find nothing to blow up about. Picked a fight over everything and would blow up over everything. On social media, he showed up as charming and a kind, grandiose person but was a nightmare behind closed doors. If i didn't act or react the way he wanted, he would tell me that i should be insecure and i should be trying to go through his phone and if i wasn't then there was something wrong with me or i didnt care, gave him a reason to blow up. He left his phone off silent, but out of town, he'd say he put his phone on silent, and that's why he missed my calls. He was too confident that he'd have an excuse and lie for everything. He lied about everything. If caught in his lies, he would twist and turn it to you being crazy and he never said what you knew and others knew he said. He would say his phone was open to look at anytime, but if you ever wanted to look, he'd blow up. Not all of his history was deleted, so it didn't look obvious. If his phone was checked, he would be so shocked when something was found on his phone and would say he's so careful and was so sure I wouldn't find anything. Then blow up that it was an innocent flirt, or that he didn't mean it the way i took it. He did have his phone attached to him at all times, even in the shower but he was too sneaky and made sure he deleted things before he came around me, so then he could claim that his phone was open. He pushed being so amazing and he'd never do something, so much to try to convince you he would never do anything bad, so you'd never think to check any of his stuff. He didn't realize that normal people dont keep pointing out how he's amazing, faithful, phone open, ect. People are just these things and don't need to emphasis it all the time. Not all narcissists are these, don't be fooled if they are too far the other way and insist your not open enough in your whole world. This Narcissists tried to be too open in his world so he could make you feel guilty for not being as open and then hed try to get full access to everything to take over control and ultimately try to destroy your world.
I think your ex and my ex would be perfect for each other
Thank you very much for your videos. They are very helpful!
My ex would do everything that was described in the video. The one be thing that she had on her phone was a privacy screen protector. She was always very suspicious when she was on her phone. I told her she needs to leave her phone in the car when we would go out to eat. You would think that someone cut her right hand off. She would complain and be very anxious that she didn’t have her phone. Then she would demean me for wanting alone time with her without her phone. Three months was all I could take of that. Dropped her like a bad habit. She would always try and be manipulative.
On telegram you've an option for deleting both sides of the conversation, they use that a lot. Especially after a relationship has ended. Keeping no proof conversation after they've done something wrong, goes to say that they're afraid & do feel guilty, or rather don't wanna get caught in any way. Constantly erasing one's stuff on phone is a sign but then erasing a shared & common history is next level
Enjoy your show.👍
I must say that giving out your passcode isn't a good idea generally. It's my guess that most people wouldn't.
I consider my privacy important.
Aren't I keeping gossipy narcissists at bay?
These habits are so spot on! my wife is the classic Covert Narcissist which even included hidden affairs. They also have a need to know what is on your personal phone also, especially if they feel if they have lost their control over you. I leave my phone out knowing she will snoop (I openly gave her my pass) and leave a lot of history. I do delete anything that may be assumed as suspicious in her mind though and also have the ring tone on a flat/ blunt tone because she is tone deaf. Before that, it was similar to ringing a dinner bell for the dog because she can become quite delusional. Maybe soon all this will come to an end, and she feels this.
So not only is it their phones they take everywhere and I mean everywhere! Even to the bathroom, it is often their Ipads and their laptops I assume? My husband takes his Ipad everywhere! It is with him to the bathroom, to bed, to work, to leave the house. I already know he is a narcissist and I know he has things on his Ipad that he uses daily for his own entertainment and not just every day kinds of movies.. I am also assuming he has dating apps and WHO KNOWS what else on there.. Just pointing out that this extends beyond their phones being totally off limits to you and also being in their reach at all times. Your videos are amazing and very helpful in guiding me through this new part of my life as I educate myself on who and what my husband of twenty seven years is all about, and as I am on this journey I am heading it in the direction of divorce and finally freedom, thank you for helping me and so many others.. You are a light!
Totally! Lived this battle for 8 yrs!
He wants me to hear the text and Facebook! But I don’t care anymore!
This is so much like him!!
My supposed " best friend" always seemed to have phone troubles. Saying things dissappear, texts, emails, etc. She uses and iPhone. I'm not tech savvy, but never had anything dissappear unless I deleted it. She acts really confused about any online links, basic social media there's always something that doesn't work right, volume etc.
For instance because I've had trauma with narcissistic partners I don't give my passwords out anymore. I changed my passwords when that relationship went bad and now I'm the only one who has them.
My last narc kept his phone on silent the whole relationship
The constantly password changing, the continuous erasing and the silent mode is 10000000 % TOTALLY