The #1 RED FLAG You Should NEVER Ignore Before You Marry Him
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- Опубликовано: 17 июл 2023
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My ex was/is an addict…as I was walking down the stairs, I heard God’s still voice not to do it…I ignored it. Marriage does not change a person addicted to drugs or alcohol! I’m so glad that it is over now so that I could work on me!!
Glad you listened and got away! 🙏
@@keishamariedouglashe did listen but he got away. I didn't listen either. God told me know, heck random people started telling me he wasn't the one for me 🥴 Didn't listen. It was one hellish 12 yr marriage.
@@GeminiCloudTech glad you realized it sis and didn’t just stay in it. I’m sorry it happened though.
I heard God's voice it will only get worse if you get married. So l called off the Wedding I'm still hurting but my heart feels lighter by the decision. 😢 it's not easy now but could have been worse.
@@keishamariedouglas I’m not sorry…because it taught me about me and my codependent behind!🤣
On my wedding day my gut instinct was don't marry this person. I ignored my feeling and went ahead. 26 years later his patterns and actions didn't make sense. He turned out to be a malignant narcissistic personality. Listen to your gut instinct,
Same. I married a man KNOWING on my wedding day that I'd made HUGE mistake. It didn't last long at all...2.5 years later I filed. He was very complacent... on many levels.
26yrs How do you all stay so long when it was wrong from the start? I always so curious about that
@@bellaapple2166 I was niave, I didn't know about NPD and we had three children together and I didn't want our children to grow without their father. Plus I was trauma bonded, his manipulation led me to believe I couldn't make it without him. I suffered from low self esteem and no confidence. Narcs break your soul.
Same...
Called it off 6 months before our wedding date. No regrets!
I see so many people that have married the wrong person, family, and church members, especially
This is so scary to me and sad because it’s like does real marriage exist?
@@CL-do5eq I know, frightening times we live in.
People are just looking for reasons to back up their divorce decisions
Keep in mind this doesn't just apply to financial....if he is ok with being someone who regularly drinks, if he is ok with being a poor communicator, if he is ok with not evolving as a human being then chances are you aren't going to change him. ...we tend to think we can if he cares enough about us but if he really doesn't see a problem within himself or is satisfied with who he is that's probably not going to change.
Speak the truth. My ex and I were unequally yolked in the desire to grow in multiple areas. It was frustrating and disheartening.
My ex was very ambitious and not complacent at all in his career and material things but was fully complacent personally and in our relationship, which I found to be worse. He didn't want to grow much as a person or grow together with me (or compromise) and even expressed after we married that now that we were married he didn't have to do anything more (to evolve) in this area of his life. Last time we talked about this, after separating, he said that I should've known he was like that when we married. And I did know it deep inside but as another commenter said I ignored my intuition that said to me that I shouldn't go through with it on the wedding day. So beware of that type of complacency too. And trust what your inner voice and God says to you.
Made these mistakes, my now ex husband thought he was the best gift from God to woman. He rejected every possible help not just from me but others also. Said as long as he has $500 in hand he will be o.k. what about your wife and kids? Him plus two kids had three kids in the house. I knew I didn't love this man but I chose the other reasons thinking love would grow. The man is unlovable. All his faults magnified and everything we discussed during dating went through the door. Biggest mistake of my life.
The #1 red flag you should NEVER ignore before you marry someone:
His habit of being complacent = showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements. This man does not see the need to change or even a need to grow or evolve. He thinks where he is is good enough and that there is nothing wrong with it. He doesn't hear a thing you have to say about where he is. He won't be motivated to go any higher than he already is. He does not want to change.
I've seen more guys like this than I don't.
This is why it did not work with my first boyfriend. Everybody loved him and he seemed like a dream guy, but there were things that didn’t do it for me like lack of ambition. I am so happy I saw this video, not that I wanted him back, but I kept mentally beating myself up for a while about how I let such a good guy go. I trust that I have let go all people and situations necessary in order to continue to evolve, allow God to continue to shape me into the woman he wants me to become. I have faith my equal is out there and I will naturally attract him when the time is right 😍🙌✨
I made this mistake with my now x husband!My advice don't make this mistake
This was definitely my ex. I left him for other reasons but it was such a huge red flag to be content with being complacent. Such a huge turnoff. No need to go outside his own city, no need to save money for a house, no desire to travel, no desire to get out of debt.... no need to get out of his own way...
Wow. I never knew someone would be okay with that. It’s so important to get out of your comfort zone. Glad your out of that situation.
You are the best thank you ❤️
I am saving money for a house, I don't have ANY debt, I'm working to get raises and better positions at my work, I have traveled the world, and I love to hang with friends, and I still don't feel like I could find a "good woman."
@HiddenOcelot because those are all external factors of a person. What about emotional intelligence? What about effort, loyalty, respect, communication, understanding, shared values, consistency, integrity, there's a lot of traits as a person's character that determines if a relationship can work or not.
Also, I can guarantee you there's so many good women out there, there's a high chance you're just not attracted to them. The people that typically have a "type" will keep going for that type because that's what you want or think you want. You go outside of that and you'll see things differently.
Maybe the best thing is not to encourage people to continue relationships but to wish the person good luck and encourage him/ her to get healing.
and encourage them to gain confidence through some courses and empathy and gratitude.
Complacency is a prominent glaring red flag …. aka the elephant in the room.
You also have to be careful for the ones that are complacent, but ACT like they are not! They know their complacency is unattractive to women and that they SHOULD better themselves. They will say they need to and that they will, but they NEVER do! It’s empty promise after empty promise smh.
This! Underrated comment!
That's what makes an ambitious person- it's not just related to their career ambitions or climbing the ladder there, ambitious people are that way to their core. Ambitious natured people are never fully satisfied; they are always thirsty for more in all areas. To see more, do more and achieve more. Honestly, extremely differing levels of ambition in men and women are disastrous as a romantic pair. One will be happy to be where they are and won't want to get out of their comfort zones; this usually transcends to never wanting career progression, or never wanting to get over the backyard fence to travel anywhere or experience new things etc. This will irritate an ambitious person, who will constantly have to drive the other person.
My mother married my father - a brilliant intellectual and so much talent in him. But he was lazy. She saw " potential" in him at first, but although he made good money she was so drained by having to push him to do .... everything!!!!
He was a big talker and very therotical but all the tangible achievements in their marriage came off the back of my mother. She was utterly miserable as a result! She unknowingly took the masculine role with him. By contrast she was so much happier with her ex fiance before dad - an ambitious man who she never had to push ! This made her deeply admire him ( which is what men want). She said she felt so much better being with ambitious partner. My mum is a feminine women who took on the masculine role with most of her partners. Only three of her partners were ambitious - and she was so much happier with them but not for monetary reasons like often believed. Her two sons are very lazy and she pushes them too. Over a life time it's drained her life force.
Don't mind pushing, but don't always want to carry. Frfr!!💯
I met a very attractive man who was complacent among other things. I started to experience his resentment with me, too. I broke it off. He asked why. I said because we aren’t compatible. We want different things. I didn’t bother to mention to him that I’d like to be with someone who enjoys being with me rather than resenting me.
Hi Stephan, thanks for your advise. I am a widow of for almost 3 years now. I was married for 31 years. I know my worth, value and my identity in Christ. I am now praying for my future husband that God has prepared for me. Btw I am just curious why you are not married yet?
He’s absolutely right. I knew when I got married to my ex husband that this was wrong and I didn’t want to. I knew he was abusive but I had no other options. Worst mistake of my life.
Nope not at all I rather be by myself I am not playing with these stupid men..I can take care of myself and my attitude towards Men has totally different now
I prefer to a good partner but I'm to the point that what is for me it's for me
My question is when you're dating men who are retirement age and have done all they wanted to achieve, isn't their contentment a good thing?
Apply this logic to other things that may be important to u. For example, being complacent when it comes to personal growth and conscious thinking is a deal breaker for me. At minimum the man has to have the desire to wanna learn more or see beyond the veil. If the man is just going thru life taking everything as is (religion, politics, news, etc) and doesn’t even have the curiosity that there could be more to life, I can’t move forward. A conscious mindset is more important to me than anything, bcuz if they have that, everything else more or less falls into place.
Pheuw, you put this so well for me. I've been having issues with a man who wants to marry me but doesn't read books, doesn't own a book, magazine or anything of the sort. Time is spent on Facebook. Conversations revolve around how he loves and wants to marry me. What do we talk about once we are married? I'm out.
That’s what I married! Do do it! He said he wasn’t but his actions showed otherwise. I had to go! Lol
Totally agree . Have to recognize better . Lesson learned !
SUPER well said!!!
Spot on !!! this man always preaching helpful facts🔥saw this on a very perfect timing 👌🏻Thanks
Thank you for your videos!
I believe with my whole heart most people marry the wrong person.
Most people don’t marry for love. They marry because that’s who’s there at the time lol
@@2_blAck yep! That’s why most marriages don’t have longevity.
@@2_blAck yep! That’s why it pays to be your best self!
You are speaking directly to me. I ignored the red flags because I wanted to believe the best and things would get better. I hoped it was a phase he was going through. You are speaking nothing but the truth! God bless you…🙏🏽❤️✝️
I agree.
These are questions one has to ask themselves. Knowing oneself Is equally important.
Totally do not want to carry him
And what about men who've been married and divorced three times in 11 years? Unfaithful on steroids! He wants to talk to me and make me laugh after not a single word since 2015. Access denied!
Love ya, Stephan!!!!
It is so true!
Where are the good men at?
I absolutely agree with you! 🙄🥴
💨🗣🎛🎙🪇🥁 Yes Lord, talk it out !!
Great teaching tool,Abuse is so long term...
That was my ex of 5 years ☹️
Amen amen and so well said. My man has clinical depression from a horrible childhood and it breaks my heart because he can’t seem to learn he needs professional
Help. I’m debating staying with him to be honest . I’ve tried for 5 years!! Wasted time!! I needed to hear this. Thanks so much !!
I was in therapy for deep depression for years and years. It didn't help that much. When I sought out the Lord Jesus..He healed my trauma. Completely! The Bible calls Jesus The Mighty Counselor.
Therapy only works if the person is willing to REALLY do the work. If you force him to go it won't work. He has to admit that within himself first.
@@mca217 Therapy will show you the problem and why it's there. It can't heal you. Only the Lord heals the deep trauma. He's able.
Amen I agree and I felt the same with this one a guy who I thought would be the one. And I know it was my fault for falling for him and for what happened. I coming to terms with God maybe he doesn’t want me to be in a relationship. Maybe he has better plans for me down the road. Or he might have someone for me and I am not ready cause what I have been through. But I am also scared that I am going to get my heart broken again or be lied to and not willing to grow a godly relationship the way that god wants that will honor and glorify him. I have been reading this book that Stephan recommended love after heart break and it has been helping me go through this process in a healthy way and getting prepared for the next relationship and what to look for
You right, Stephan. I knew he was the wrong one from the start.
complacency is subjective and natural to some extent, both sides are equally guilty of doing it , when is enough...enough? wanting more or too much only brings u more suffering depending on what it is , nothing is ever enough when your with the wrong person, both partners need to communicate, express and own up to their expectations and take accountability with themselves and their happiness within the relationship , if they can't be reasonable, responsable, honest or understanding in what they want or the goal they have in mind and take the steps needed to work together with their partner to achieve it whether it's a goal, making more money, having memorial experiences, traveling, having children, emotional growth/intimacy as a couple, or overcoming obstacles or achievements it comes down to balancing expectations, compromising and coming together to make that happen as well as being grateful for what u do have with your partner. I understand getting out of our comfort zone helps us grow as individuals, and not having any ambition of any kind is a turn off or bad thing because it can stop u from growing or creates blind spots but how is being comfortable with who u are and where your at, showing yourself self love at the moment be a complete red flag in a man if u only choose to focus on the lack of what u have in front of u and not the good in the partner?, I get not all relationships or situations are like that some are just bad like addiction or drugs but sometimes we have to accept that we can't change the things that are out of our control if someone needs to change for the better they have to see it in themselves first besides if u truly love that person ask yourself do want them to change for bettering themselves and the relationship or do want them to change because u are unhappy with yourself and where your at in the relationship? But what do I know I have had only one relationship so far in my life which just ended I'm 36 and my relationship lasted 17 years I' am grateful for having it, it taught me a lesson I'm still learning from even now sure it was hard and might have been toxic but I enjoyed every moment of it good and bad, it has made me realize that I have a lot to learn when it comes to love but despite that, that love is worth having and finding and fighting for I won't give up I will find my next soulmate or twinflame even if it's her years from now change is always a constant but nothing is impossible people are capable of change we need to be more grateful for what we do have instead of just complaining or comparing, yes there is truth in what he's saying but it doesn't feel like it's fully explained well or understood by all. Just feels like the law of attraction, spirituality, God and man's faulty understanding are all contradicting each other at same time. If someone could explain what I'm not seeing or if my perspective is wrong please do. Even people who have everything are unhappy, money, status, ambition, drive, power, influence, can all mean nothing or mean something different to someone else we all have different ideas of what complacency is not all who are compliance are narcissistic or bad people. Having the discernment and ability to make or see the difference between the two is key I think.
..I knew i wasn't ready and ignored my true feelings...14 years later, happily divorced. Trust yourself always
I’m glad I learned at a young age
Not everyone marries for love. Some women marry so they can have absolute control over a man, even if she knows he's weak, bizarre, and not a good person. Then, she really has to face the consequences in old age.
This is Just one of My Wild Thoughts... When I heard that they was cloning people I thought 'WHAT.!!!!... Now this response was Based On Most Of The People I Knew 'Right...So I said thats a bad idea!!!!!!!Hell No🚫
Then I started looking at your Videos...Then I thought... Cloning Might Not Be So Bad 🤔 God Forgive me...its just a thought ...Stephan Is Putting this knowlege down let me move on now
:He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches” (Matthew 13:31-32). GREAT JOB ON This ONE👍
Amen thank you for helping me but I’m single tho
Lets find out do I have that red flag
It’s never about just money
This video Should be used in an Institution for Higher Learning because ''WE THE PEOPLE'' Need to Major in__ Life Skills 101
This Video is Complete Knowledge ... This video is a dispay of how The Most High God can Renew one's Mind ... SO DIVINE 💜
MUCH LOVE 💜
Ps. Because ive experience many of the after effects of bad selections ...
I Can Honestly Say that it all goes down just the way Mr. Stephan Teach
SO OPEN YOUR MINDS TO THE SOUND OF THE TRUMPET
🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺🎺✍
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💯💯💯 ❤❤❤
I was her...not anymore
I love stephen BUT…if he’s that good of a coach, where is his wife ????????????
Somewhere respecting herself
Me!!!!
Stephen can a woman change a man into what she wants him to be?
In Europe 40 000 is a very good salary! Here people earn 30 000 mainly
40k after taxes and deductions is pretty much 20k net in Europe - after you pay bills and such, it's not that much!
Americans are obsessed with money
Typical and sad that you only see someone's value in their financial worth.
I dont think using the money example was a good idea. Because that can easily be taken to extremes. Like for instance, lets say I make 80k. I can provide for my family very easily with that much money and dont feel the need to add extra stress into my life to make more; Im content, but now my girlfriend sees it as a bad thing and leaves me. Its like, bruh, Im make 80K! I think I deserve to be content. (I dont make this much in real life, this is just an example.)
Also, the Bible teaches that we should be content with what we have and it also teach not to be anxious to be rich. Even Jesus was homeless. This isnt to say that the Bible is teaching that we all should be homeless and broke, but it DOES teach that money and materials is not something that should be running human relationships. Work to survive, not survive to work.
get real. there’s no plan from imaginary god and people are simply animals, not superior to worms. actually nonhuman animals are possibly superior to human animals in many many ways