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We stay because people are not perfect and we try to give the relationship the benefit of the doubt by working hard at it to see if in time will the two spirits eventually gel together or will they work against each other. This is just a thought of genuine people.
I love the athlete mindset for going through a breakup. I gave myself a couple of "drunken" days to ugly cry and eat some ice cream, binge watch Netflix and mope. I gave myself grace, picked myself up, dusted myself up, and started working on me and envisioning what I want for the future. I'm also focusing on my peace and daughter. I want to be a good example to my daughter and teach her to set good boundaries with people.
What you need to do is lower your expectations in regards to the men you want... speaking frankly, you had a daughter by a man that is not in the picture because you lost him or tried to babytrap him... being a single mom, the caliber of men that you can lock down is very slim, so if you're shooting for the stars you are going to fail 100% of the time, because if a man commits to you, there's probably something about him that WILL turn you off in the long run... TL;DR - you need to realize at this point in your life, you cannot expect to attract the same type of men you were able in your early 20s and childless...
Love Stephan Speaks: A) RESPECT is key! Disagreement is acceptable; disrespect is NOT! Choose your words wisely and watch your tone! B) Don't internalize things personally. Don't be quick to react. Take a step back and listen to what people are saying. Don't become emotional when talking with others. 1) Connection! You must have a connection to be able to be yourself with each other. Feeling comfortable enough to tell your partner anything. Can we enjoy each other without no distractions? Finding a deep connection is rare! You may only find this once or twice in your life. It's an interaction between 2 people. It can't be created. 2) Balance! Complementing each others weaknesses with your strengths so we can make each other whole. Working together! 3) Chemistry! Chemistry can be created if you have a connection. 4) Attraction! You have to have some kind of physical attraction to each other. Do not let yourself go and work to maintain your physical self for yourself and your partner.
Going though trauma sometimes makes you question your self worth especially when you are very young when you are dealing with trauma. If your parents or caretakers are abusing you it's hard to feel worthy of self love or even love from anyone else. You have to learn that from somewhere and it's hard to make it up.
We try to learn love from another human and that is where we are going wrong putting our trust in the wrong place. A rare gem will be there in the form of an angel to care for your needs just as you are there for another friend or stranger. We all have these good and bad moments. Get stuck in the good moments!
Yes it's hard. Once you step into the real world you realise what you've been through isn't "normal" and it's a struggle at times. The fact that you do wake up and change direction is a major achievement that not everyone manages. 💜
On one hand I applaud you. I appreciate the fact that you understand yourself enough to know that. On the other hand, I sincerely hope you breakthrough it because we all need someone, and can do better with the Right one.
I like my solitude too. I find when I'm with someone I go into entertainer/provider/caretaker/placater mode. That's not their fault, but I have trouble turning it off and it's exhausting
Esther….” indifference, contempt, neglect and violence…” you marked it. It hit home…heart wrenching work to heal from such dynamics of relationships. I was raised on these 4…it is such a painful, impacting long lasting experience that sadly shaped most of the basis of my interpersonal adult relationships. It is such a warp of knowledge to gain once one finds oneself at this place of acknowledgement. Thank you so so much for the content🙏🏻❤️
Same here! All 4 were a big part of my childhood and have negatively impacted all my romantic attempts. I love when she talks about sex and the way women actually feel towards it, too. She was spot on. Personally, I've had a lot of sexual trauma and had a lot of healing to go through. But even after all that, experiences have died so quick, felt like the men didn't even care about my enjoyment and I've genuinely lost interest entirely. Turns out they just didn't understand how to please women.
100% agree, it's about real peace! Peace is our barometer. And when you have the peace of God, you see how everything lines up with it. A perfect barometer! Definitely follow true peace.
On jealousy, there are times when it IS a valid and appropriate response. if your partner is “always” flirting and never FEELS loyal to YOU, believe they are showing you WHO they are! Trust your gut. Perhaps staying in a relationship in which the person puts you at the level and value they put everyone else…is the insecure choice. Not the jealousy. The jealousy may be 100% valid. And the fear is in leaving. Or in losing them. In other words, jealousy is a valid emotion (I.e., when you are “connected” to a partner who is disloyal; even if it’s not sexually disloyal, but disloyal in the sense that they don’t know how to value you more than the general public. In short, a narcissist. If you’re with a narcissist, you are simply an asset (OR a liability) to them.)
So true you are either a liability or assets to them he practically asked me what do I get from this relationship? You keep taking and taking and in my head I don't know what I have took 🤣 he went on and on to the point when he orders pizza and I start eating I felt like a looser even when I can get us that pizza men like that are toxic he will raise his voice when we had conversations when I told him to stop shouting at me he will say this is just my voice but that was a lie when we talked other times he got calm voice he said to me your feelings are senseless and I told him that was invalidating because all emotions are valid.
My rule of thumb is, if the person/relationship makes us feel Jealousy/& Insecurity: it's not the right time to be dating. Counterfeits come when we go out of God's timing. Valuing yourself and not settling for anything less, weeds out All Counterfeits! Even in friendships :)
When people realize that this life is not there own but its the life God has given you and we are here for his purpose and his purpose only and that is to serve him and his purpose than we are living a selfless life dying to ourself ......i love it
That's what " DATING "is for give it enough time and everyone's true colors come out you have the right to choose and the smarts to let go of that which is not in your liking . Take your time don't rush anything . Unfortunately all this knowledge comes with age and experience . We would like young people to know and avoid pain but we can't it's live and learn can't teach about love if you never been in love .
Yes, do true Be the person you know you are. . Don't stay in something where you have to change to make the other person love you, like you. . It is your responsibility to be the person God wants you to be Not someone else's. . Move on to + away from that person You don't need them
I loved my ex boyfriend, but after 4 to 6 months he would sabotage it. Things were going great and than he would start looking for other. And it broke my heart. 3 times I let him come back. It was hard when the last time that he left. But I also grew from my broken heart. I was literally broken. But that’s when you go is when you literally hit bottom.
I have been watching this all week and I think I might review it all month. It's so good! I'm going through a divorce right now and it's helping me so much with my mindset. Thank you so much for putting these interviews together! I have learned from Matthew in the past a lot, and I am so glad to meet the others who I just learned from. They all have such great insights! I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this! 💖
Love this title … red flags aren’t necessarily about the other person?! They may be a deeper meaning about oneself. Reflection and being honest with yourself first takes relationships to a whole new level! Very exciting!
There is loads of great advice here. Really invaluable. I think this covers a lot of relevant arras in relationships in considering your own behaviour and that of your partner. I'd suggest everyone listens to this. But regrettably, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink.
I was treated like I was in the wrong for him not being my sole source of companionship, but he didn't care if I was happy provided he got what he wanted. I ended up feeling like I was completely alone.
You are right on point… I have been alone since my husband of 11 years passed away in 2005 I’ve been out on dates had some little short term on and off relationships but being involved with narcissistic people I realize I always had worse and finally got out of that and I’d rather be by myself then be not equally yoked with another person I know what it takes to work in a marriage or relationship it’s give-and-take it’s being a good listener it’s participating it’s being present and a lot of people don’t want to put value or significance . They just settle: Compromise so important-
*(When you are doing something because of expectations from another, love goes down and fear rise). Can you live with what is expected but never what was destiny ?
After my divorce...I met plenty of women that didn't do to well with receiving love either. And I learned that the mainstream suggestion men share their feelings more is completely wrong. Never met a women who was looking for a sensitive man. Man up is a phrase thrown around way to much.
I don't agree with that. I think it's good and healthy for men to express their feelings, (it's honesty), a sign of maturity not a sign of weakness. I think it's sad that some men feel that they are not allowed to be sensitive just because they are a man.
I thought I wanted a sensitive man. And I found one. He took offense to everything I said. I walked on eggshells for much of the relationship. Couldn't talk about or resolve issues. I continually got the silent treatment for days, weeks, months. I had no security. He was constantly telling me to go away and find someone else if he didn't make me happy. Yeah, don't think I want that again.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr ppl who have double standards are not healthy. My ex also had double standards. Another reason he is my ex. I'd rather be alone than with someone who isn't healthy. It was very multilayered. I want a healthy relationship or nothing at all. When sensitivity goes over the edge it's no longer healthy. Both ppl should be happy or be able to work things out in that direction. When it doesn't work for us, we have to eventually let go.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr you need to do what is best for you. If this relationship is not best for you, it is certainly not best for her. Life is too short not to be happy. Do some research on narcissists. And maybe cluster B personalities. You can find the strength here on you tube. There are many resources here for that! It took me a couple years to get out. Due to being trauma bonded. Now that I'm out, I've determined if I am in a relationship again and I'm crying more than I am laughing, I'm leaving. There are way worse things than being single, my friend. No, you don't sound crazy. You are being gaslighted. You need to get out of the relationship for you and your daughters mental and emotional health. Not sure why you deleted your posts. Hope you are ok.
Someone sent me this because I am going through some really though times and man oh man this is so good and I haven’t even finished it yet. Sending this to a lot of people I know who need it
However, We need acceptance as we are to feel safe enough to start opening up about our worst and make the change. We need safe supportive environment and that doesn't come with a partner that somehow tries to coerce you into change. That type of motivation causes protection, and growth stops.
What do you do, when your companion needs a break, claiming to be healing, from past relationship, not even communicating with you? Being in limbo isn’t a good place.
Instant connection can only produce a healthy relationship if one grew up with emotionally healthy people. Otherwise what attracts is familiar but unhealthy characteristics of a father or mother. We try to recreate past dysfunctional relationships to fix or heal what we could not fix as children. It's why people often choose the same type partner in failed relationships after another.
I have taken so much from this video .. thank you 🙏🏼.. Stephan your words “the spirit knows before you do “ hit me hard . So my spirit knows it loves a narcissistic.. but he doesn’t !!! like Matthew said , loving someone is not always a happy feeling. So I am going through a heartbreak . Thank you to you all . Lewis you have a really good energy about you . Thank you
Thank you I will listen again to make notes this collection of speakers was a blessing Thank you always and to everyone who are with you and all the coaches and speakers and ppl behind the scenes a big Thank you Nameste 😇🙏🏻😎❤
I haven't seen anybody in these interviews address the complexity of "just leaving" when you believe that doing so is not God's best for you or that it will be in a sense, punished according to the plan of God. Or your children will reap heartache, if one should divorce or leave. Especially when people from your faith community constantly reinforce this sentiment. So then one feels they need to sacrifice themselves on that altar.
Have no kids,wasn't married yet did get caught up with a narrcist who 1.lovebombed me 2.isolated me to a different state from friends/family.3.slowly took my belongings 4. Verbal/ physical abuse..5.I waited months for that one moment to leave, left all my belongings moved state 6. There are amazing people on this earth (BE ONE).I didn't even know people behaved that way so am more aware now..Oh and guy Got me by saying he is a follower of Christ/GOD so I appreciate that he taught me how to have a closer relationship with Jesus and not to fall for.others words.
Alright, let's go Coach Holmes. Since watching your videos and other incisive RUclipsrs that you interview, i've been getting good vibes and preparing for what I want to change in my life.
Am glad for these 3 years single life, learnd what kind of relations I had with the 2 father's of my childeren in 18 years and another 17 years, also the relations with my family, 6 sisters and a mom, left them for the better of me, very happy with the person who I am now, and ready for a relation with a man. 🙏🏻❤️
Are people really leaving too early? 50% divorce rate? Isn’t it often that people end up in a similar mess with another partner after some time? If so, wouldn’t it be smarter to work on an existing relationship?
You can't say that it deepens the connection and they say that its OK to do outside of marriage. You either cheapen it to where you just don't attach to anyone, or you attach and then have a piece of you irreparably ripped out. You can't have both .
Women are not the only people who sabotage relationships and are not ready to enter back into the dating scene. I have experienced this with men and I had to move on because they were not ready.
He’s right on! My wife wanted to change me until I told her this. I’ll never change unless I choose to and what she expected was not me so it wasn’t happening.
Women also desire other men even when in committed relationships. We're not THAT different. Also, as to connection, there are different levels and ways of connecting. I don't think anyone should believe that you can only connect deeply with one, possibly two people in the course of a lifetime. That's a perspective maybe felt in the first third of a lifetime. A lot of very good information here, but bits of it are inside of the box ideas. Enjoyed this immensely nonetheless. Thank you Lewis!
If you’re w a toxic person, it doesn’t matter what you do. They will always treat you poorly. Take good care of yourself and surround yourself w kind quality people❤️
I am so guilty of wanting answers from everyone who were not there during a time I need answers. I consciously know they wouldn't know if they do not know the date. It frustrates them of course then I realized my behavior and genuinely apologize. I get it
I was in that kind of relationship, that he expected things from me he KNEW that I couldn't do, coz I had chronic pain when we met and moved in together, and after 3 years he suddenly expected more that he knew I could ever do, even after I had an accident that destroyed my left knee, right ankle, plus issues with left shoulder, all after an accident where si twisted my ankle where his family asked me to go for a walk around the camping. I destroyed enough that I needed surgery in both shoulder (2019) and my knee (2020), so November 2020 became the end for us, even tho is started out as the best thing in my life, but he broke my, my trust and my love and made me fear my relationship is I didn't do things he expected me to do through the day when I was home, even tho I was in to much pain and then way too tired to move around. That kills your feelings over years, sadly, specially when you don't feel loved under it, even tho he says he does, but if you don't feel it, you or love will die in the end.
We need someone to step into the lives of the person that needs to leave but does not understand themselves. This person does not realize that the trauma they are going thru has everything to do with perspective and there is hope and so many have gone through that door of healing and not going back. Looking back in a healthy way and keeping only the good from all of it.
Absolutely, arguments are not acceptable with me , being disrespectful, putting me down, screaming at me not acceptable. Talking to me, bottom line is be careful how you respond when we disagree, Stephen 100 percent correct.
The easiest way to hack life and relationships with women is to rent them. We don’t own anyone. I would rather rent them knowing that they have free will just like I do and just focus on my own path. Nothing is gained chasing love from someone else. The greatest love you can experience is self love. It’s a hell of a lot better than chasing someone these days. You wanna speak of love, show some respect. That will get you further than anything love can bring. You can measure that and it’s tangible. Fvck love, I value respect.
People who don't realize how intimate sexual activity is or people who don't respect their body will treat it like a trash dump. True strength is the ability to control your strength.
The man that started off speaking inside this video he is on the right path take note of the way he thinks and it might help the way you think but it's only thought at the end of the day it's the actions that we create from our imagination into creation is what we must be aware of so create from your imagination something that is beautiful that starts with love and ends with love there's the answers of all answers
The draw in a relationship, is in my view, a soul connection. In Spiritualism it's pre-life planning and soul contracts. You choose your partners and friends before you incarnate.
The subject at the end, about 3 hrs 20 mins. I'm having that debate now. If I don't have that debate how do I know that leaving or staying is the right choice. Surely having that debate endures your not making rash decisions do that when you do decide you know it's the right choice. I get your maybe talking about new relationships but at 20 years in, I think that debate is useful. I suppose it could also suggest procrastination but you have to decide if enough is enough or if your going to put up and shit up. Once you've been in a relationship that long, there doesn't seem to be an easy fix or wining decision.
I loved the entire encompassment of all of these conversations and messages. Thanks a ton Lewis for putting yourself across with pen and paper. Loved the way you laughed ( child like laughter out of curiosity) when you asked about the 2nd draft. Thank you again 😊
Listened to the first 15min - I like what I hear so far: Really caught my attention when I heard Lewis proclaim that he is a Christian > I can already see this is something I need to hear ☝😊
What bothers me is when online men push you to meet NOW ~I'm in the middle of setting up of setting up my online business and they want me to drop time I'm spending on the business to talk and meet NOW! UGH! Have some patience please~ i don't what I'm doing to be suddenly free for you.
I posted an add to start a spiritual group. I had 4 replies. 2 were men looking for sex. What part of setting up a spiritual group says I'm looking for sex? Don't even get me on sexual harassment in the work place. To be honest, men are taught to sexualise women. There's always been the double standard were if a guy sleeps around he's a stud if a women sleeps around she's a cheep tart. And yes, the expectation is that if sex isn't on the table from day one, your either not interested or not worth bothering about. They want you to have sex then they slag you for having sex. As a woman you just can't win.
When dude said that the woman who wouldn’t give it up to you is a one worth keeping he lost all credibility to me. He skipped right past the fact that they let Chad and Tyrone hit while they keep beta orbiters around to appease their existence.
@@brandonjackson3641 if you think Megan settled your a fool. That guy is the boss that cuts the checks. She finally got blessed with a real man. Just like you had to go through a few women to meet that one... did she settle for you? Or are you mad because deep down your still lonely... so you go around trying to lessen others happiness.
@@mariaclark8507 do I sound mad to you in what I wrote I'm just stating facts some of you women love pookie and ray rays but know they will never wife yall so yall run to the guy when yall was in yall prime years called lame,corny,and a square to save yall because yall hit the wall and is now looking for a sucka to fix yall problems look at jada pinkett for example she settled for will smith and is still crying over tupac in public reading his poems after all these years he's been gone because he imprinted her look at the difference between tupac and will it's like night and day
Behold the wrath of God is upon us. I understand both sides but the cause of this is decades of arrogance and ignorant of responsibility by men living selfishly in a life of pleasure, and as leaders and heads our women and children have followed. I’m in my 60’s and married for 41 years with up and downs and the answer my friend is getting right with God first with yourself, by changing the momentum, so in time things will change for the better as it took time to get here. We WILL be held accountable one day how we lived in front of the weaker and poor spiritual vessel, remember women do follow our lead by our actions. We must return to help the poor in all areas of life and in due season will reap the blessing. King David loss their wives and children to the enemy for rejecting the poor and repented and recover them back. 1st Samuel chapter 30
I think you may look upon God more clearly if you could pry yourself out of the old covenant and into the new covenant. There is no condemnation through Christ.
The Logos means what it says. Wisdom goes out the window if ya fornicate or adultery. Then devilshness and sensuality and lust and perversion. If ya wouldn't say it or do it in front of God. Then ya probably shouldn't. Because in actuality you are doing it In front of God. This coming from an awake wretched sinful person who repented and learned some tough lessons in life.
I literally just experienced everything you guys talking about. I keep expecting and the Cards said that - Tarot said first stop expecting too much when a person can only give what they can, based who they are , what they have and what they want - and I have a tendency to do that with my friends alot I love people so much that I look past my own expectancies for my life , afraid of myself I just need to do things for myself and others are an addition. Using the Tarot has opened up so much forethought that I know but with the Tarot - what are my options , what am I missing ?
U shouldn’t get caught into tarot tuff it can get addicting and soon depressing . From what I hear from other people it also can open up not so good spirits to you. We are in control of the way things go . Always use and trust your discernment
problem is giving to much to love instead of unnerstanding peace ..like eye and my other gods and goddess know we have our true powers and secrets ...sad for all these love chasers they vibrate too low for me and hope is weakness in it self
Arguments will not be tolerated. Disagreements will NOT be tolerated. She can raise a concern in a respectful manner however I will not be challenged in my role of leadership. If she is disagreeable she is not in alignment.
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IMPORTANT:
There are many accounts impersonating me. I will NEVER ask you to contact me through RUclips comments. All comments coming from me will have a checkmark and be highlighted like this comment here. Please be aware of fake accounts trying to scam others using my name and picture!
We stay because people are not perfect and we try to give the relationship the benefit of the doubt by working hard at it to see if in time will the two spirits eventually gel together or will they work against each other.
This is just a thought of genuine people.
@@Jamworldtv o999
I wish I could talk to guest #3 “the abstinence guy” . These were good interviews btw., Lewis. Thank you!!!
Done ☑️
Ni
I love the athlete mindset for going through a breakup. I gave myself a couple of "drunken" days to ugly cry and eat some ice cream, binge watch Netflix and mope. I gave myself grace, picked myself up, dusted myself up, and started working on me and envisioning what I want for the future. I'm also focusing on my peace and daughter. I want to be a good example to my daughter and teach her to set good boundaries with people.
I join u ..this mother is teaching self love self care ..after my heart break it was my me time 2 tlc me ...
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT❤️
What you need to do is lower your expectations in regards to the men you want... speaking frankly, you had a daughter by a man that is not in the picture because you lost him or tried to babytrap him... being a single mom, the caliber of men that you can lock down is very slim, so if you're shooting for the stars you are going to fail 100% of the time, because if a man commits to you, there's probably something about him that WILL turn you off in the long run...
TL;DR - you need to realize at this point in your life, you cannot expect to attract the same type of men you were able in your early 20s and childless...
@@ginkamikaze2 it's too late she's already a single mother and undate-able
@@ginkamikaze2 we got a Kevin Samuels fan here
Love Stephan Speaks:
A) RESPECT is key! Disagreement is acceptable; disrespect is NOT! Choose your words wisely and watch your tone!
B) Don't internalize things personally. Don't be quick to react. Take a step back and listen to what people are saying. Don't become emotional when talking with others.
1) Connection! You must have a connection to be able to be yourself with each other. Feeling comfortable enough to tell your partner anything. Can we enjoy each other without no distractions? Finding a deep connection is rare! You may only find this once or twice in your life. It's an interaction between 2 people. It can't be created.
2) Balance! Complementing each others weaknesses with your strengths so we can make each other whole. Working together!
3) Chemistry! Chemistry can be created if you have a connection.
4) Attraction! You have to have some kind of physical attraction to each other. Do not let yourself go and work to maintain your physical self for yourself and your partner.
Going though trauma sometimes makes you question your self worth especially when you are very young when you are dealing with trauma. If your parents or caretakers are abusing you it's hard to feel worthy of self love or even love from anyone else. You have to learn that from somewhere and it's hard to make it up.
Well said
Very sad that caretakers would abuse their children, but Unfortunately very true - it happens bc they are abused and damaged too!
We try to learn love from another human and that is where we are going wrong putting our trust in the wrong place. A rare gem will be there in the form of an angel to care for your needs just as you are there for another friend or stranger. We all have these good and bad moments. Get stuck in the good moments!
@Renee Terry the lord hears all crystal heals all wounds..he is always on time..he did it 4 me he can do it 4any1
Yes it's hard. Once you step into the real world you realise what you've been through isn't "normal" and it's a struggle at times.
The fact that you do wake up and change direction is a major achievement that not everyone manages. 💜
Communication is key in a relationship but when the other person doesn't talk its difficult to make progress. Unequal give and take.
yeah I tend to quit talking when listening stops.
Impossible
Your right
And when you don't talk to me I over think and make assumptions
Im very much beginning to learn that im only comfortable when completely alone.
On one hand I applaud you. I appreciate the fact that you understand yourself enough to know that.
On the other hand, I sincerely hope you breakthrough it because we all need someone, and can do better with the Right one.
I like my solitude too.
I find when I'm with someone I go into entertainer/provider/caretaker/placater mode. That's not their fault, but I have trouble turning it off and it's exhausting
Alone means Alll One.
Are you complete spiritually and mentally....
If so then that would be true.
@@olandofuller5588 that's nonsense. Alone means no one else present.
Be careful. I've spent a lot of time in that land. It's a seductive trap. Go for vacation only
Esther….” indifference, contempt, neglect and violence…” you marked it. It hit home…heart wrenching work to heal from such dynamics of relationships.
I was raised on these 4…it is such a painful, impacting long lasting experience that sadly shaped most of the basis of my interpersonal adult relationships. It is such a warp of knowledge to gain once one finds oneself at this place of acknowledgement. Thank you so so much for the content🙏🏻❤️
Same here! All 4 were a big part of my childhood and have negatively impacted all my romantic attempts.
I love when she talks about sex and the way women actually feel towards it, too. She was spot on. Personally, I've had a lot of sexual trauma and had a lot of healing to go through. But even after all that, experiences have died so quick, felt like the men didn't even care about my enjoyment and I've genuinely lost interest entirely. Turns out they just didn't understand how to please women.
Wow..me too unfortunately. I'm trying my best to transcend. It's not so easy for me.
100% agree, it's about real peace! Peace is our barometer. And when you have the peace of God, you see how everything lines up with it. A perfect barometer! Definitely follow true peace.
On jealousy, there are times when it IS a valid and appropriate response. if your partner is “always” flirting and never FEELS loyal to YOU, believe they are showing you WHO they are! Trust your gut. Perhaps staying in a relationship in which the person puts you at the level and value they put everyone else…is the insecure choice. Not the jealousy. The jealousy may be 100% valid. And the fear is in leaving. Or in losing them. In other words, jealousy is a valid emotion (I.e., when you are “connected” to a partner who is disloyal; even if it’s not sexually disloyal, but disloyal in the sense that they don’t know how to value you more than the general public. In short, a narcissist. If you’re with a narcissist, you are simply an asset (OR a liability) to them.)
So true you are either a liability or assets to them he practically asked me what do I get from this relationship? You keep taking and taking and in my head I don't know what I have took 🤣 he went on and on to the point when he orders pizza and I start eating I felt like a looser even when I can get us that pizza men like that are toxic he will raise his voice when we had conversations when I told him to stop shouting at me he will say this is just my voice but that was a lie when we talked other times he got calm voice he said to me your feelings are senseless and I told him that was invalidating because all emotions are valid.
My rule of thumb is, if the person/relationship makes us feel Jealousy/& Insecurity: it's not the right time to be dating. Counterfeits come when we go out of God's timing.
Valuing yourself and not settling for anything less, weeds out All Counterfeits! Even in friendships :)
This doesn't just apply to dating, but just communicating and interacting with other people in general.
Right!
💯
What if your ex is friends with all your lady friends on Facebook so does she still care or isn't this a little weird ?
Agreed, but also Subtle hints of subliminal messages of a prerequisite Divorce.
When people realize that this life is not there own but its the life God has given you and we are here for his purpose and his purpose only and that is to serve him and his purpose than we are living a selfless life dying to ourself ......i love it
Really learned a lot.
Great speakers
Relearning common sense and more
Thanks for getting good guests
So we are nothing but a vehicle to do the bidding of another being who never allows us to see him, …hmmmm, seems like a healthy outlook on life…
@@andreamartin2953 God Has Given you free will to believe think whatever you want he doesn't force his creation to serve or praise him
@VA Homie You Should Do It Only if it glorifies God
That's what " DATING "is for give it enough time and everyone's true colors come out you have the right to choose and the smarts to let go of that which is not in your liking . Take your time don't rush anything . Unfortunately all this knowledge comes with age and experience . We would like young people to know and avoid pain but we can't it's live and learn can't teach about love if you never been in love .
Yes, do true
Be the person you know you are. . Don't stay in something where you have to change to make the other person love you, like you. . It is your responsibility
to be the person God wants you to be
Not someone else's. . Move on to + away from that person You don't need them
Right! Choose the people who choose you 😊
Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slower to anger, good rule to live by, no matter the relationship.
I speak to provoke...and walla reactions come😷
I'm getting better with that, it is my desire and intention.
@Renee Terry absolutely, that where I found it. And you are so correct.
I wish the host could learn this lesson
@@k.c.8535 amen
An interesting thought: "Healing is Reinterpreting What You Believe Happened to You'
Good simple point friend
@@kelleybright3113 Sometimes we acquire more data & info on our 'trauma/hurt' and then it comes into focus!
I loved my ex boyfriend, but after 4 to 6 months he would sabotage it. Things were going great and than he would start looking for other. And it broke my heart. 3 times I let him come back. It was hard when the last time that he left. But I also grew from my broken heart. I was literally broken. But that’s when you go is when you literally hit bottom.
I think some men are Pheromone chasers they ride out the chemical high
💠 “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance”
-Eckart Tolle
Love from Level Up Your Life Channel 💖
Assess yourself but don't let a narcissist flip it on you
👏👏👏
Having borderline personality disorder in relationships is very hard
I have been watching this all week and I think I might review it all month. It's so good! I'm going through a divorce right now and it's helping me so much with my mindset. Thank you so much for putting these interviews together! I have learned from Matthew in the past a lot, and I am so glad to meet the others who I just learned from. They all have such great insights! I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this! 💖
Love this title … red flags aren’t necessarily about the other person?!
They may be a deeper meaning about oneself. Reflection and being honest with yourself first takes relationships to a whole new level! Very exciting!
There is loads of great advice here. Really invaluable.
I think this covers a lot of relevant arras in relationships in considering your own behaviour and that of your partner. I'd suggest everyone listens to this.
But regrettably, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink.
I was treated like I was in the wrong for him not being my sole source of companionship, but he didn't care if I was happy provided he got what he wanted. I ended up feeling like I was completely alone.
This guy is brilliant. What a spirit with a huge heart! 💛
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
I have been through pain in the past, but the pain of a heartbreak is unmeasurable. 6 months and counting. Getting better daily.
You are right on point… I have been alone since my husband of 11 years passed away in 2005 I’ve been out on dates had some little short term on and off relationships but being involved with narcissistic people I realize I always had worse and finally got out of that and I’d rather be by myself then be not equally yoked with another person I know what it takes to work in a marriage or relationship it’s give-and-take it’s being a good listener it’s participating it’s being present and a lot of people don’t want to put value or significance . They just settle: Compromise so important-
🧡
*(When you are doing something because of expectations from another, love goes down and fear rise).
Can you live with what is expected but never what was destiny ?
Your channel has so much value it's impressive.
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
After my divorce...I met plenty of women that didn't do to well with receiving love either. And I learned that the mainstream suggestion men share their feelings more is completely wrong. Never met a women who was looking for a sensitive man. Man up is a phrase thrown around way to much.
I don't agree with that. I think it's good and healthy for men to express their feelings, (it's honesty), a sign of maturity not a sign of weakness. I think it's sad that some men feel that they are not allowed to be sensitive just because they are a man.
I thought I wanted a sensitive man. And I found one. He took offense to everything I said. I walked on eggshells for much of the relationship. Couldn't talk about or resolve issues. I continually got the silent treatment for days, weeks, months. I had no security. He was constantly telling me to go away and find someone else if he didn't make me happy. Yeah, don't think I want that again.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr My ex guy didn't have those reasons.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr ppl who have double standards are not healthy. My ex also had double standards. Another reason he is my ex. I'd rather be alone than with someone who isn't healthy. It was very multilayered. I want a healthy relationship or nothing at all. When sensitivity goes over the edge it's no longer healthy. Both ppl should be happy or be able to work things out in that direction. When it doesn't work for us, we have to eventually let go.
@@RicardoLopez-ts3sr you need to do what is best for you. If this relationship is not best for you, it is certainly not best for her. Life is too short not to be happy.
Do some research on narcissists. And maybe cluster B personalities. You can find the strength here on you tube. There are many resources here for that! It took me a couple years to get out. Due to being trauma bonded. Now that I'm out, I've determined if I am in a relationship again and I'm crying more than I am laughing, I'm leaving. There are way worse things than being single, my friend.
No, you don't sound crazy. You are being gaslighted. You need to get out of the relationship for you and your daughters mental and emotional health. Not sure why you deleted your posts. Hope you are ok.
Someone sent me this because I am going through some really though times and man oh man this is so good and I haven’t even finished it yet.
Sending this to a lot of people I know who need it
However, We need acceptance as we are to feel safe enough to start opening up about our worst and make the change. We need safe supportive environment and that doesn't come with a partner that somehow tries to coerce you into change. That type of motivation causes protection, and growth stops.
What do you do, when your companion needs a break, claiming to be healing, from
past relationship, not even communicating with you? Being in limbo isn’t a good place.
Believe them. Watch as well as pray. The person is telling you honestly what they need and most likely needed from the very Start.
Instant connection can only produce a healthy relationship if one grew up with emotionally healthy people. Otherwise what attracts is familiar but unhealthy characteristics of a father or mother. We try to recreate past dysfunctional relationships to fix or heal what we could not fix as children. It's why people often choose the same type partner in failed relationships after another.
I have taken so much from this video .. thank you 🙏🏼.. Stephan your words “the spirit knows before you do “ hit me hard . So my spirit knows it loves a narcissistic.. but he doesn’t !!! like Matthew said , loving someone is not always a happy feeling. So I am going through a heartbreak . Thank you to you all . Lewis you have a really good energy about you . Thank you
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
I'm learning from this entire Interview, what a forthcoming Divorce can look 👀 like, when you're Dating successful Actresses in “Hollywood”...
Amazing, divorce just a few months later
Advice he gave was solid. His wife was just for the streets
I had multiple long term relationships that should've ended by the fourth date. Now I cut them off fast.
BLOWING MY MIND
Everything you've said so far, I literally discussed this within the past 24hours. I am hearing and understanding 100%
It all goes full circle back to us first. Thanks. I like the way you put the pieces together.
Thank you I will listen again to make notes this collection of speakers was a blessing Thank you always and to everyone who are with you and all the coaches and speakers and ppl behind the scenes a big Thank you Nameste 😇🙏🏻😎❤
I haven't seen anybody in these interviews address the complexity of "just leaving" when you believe that doing so is not God's best for you or that it will be in a sense, punished according to the plan of God. Or your children will reap heartache, if one should divorce or leave. Especially when people from your faith community constantly reinforce this sentiment. So then one feels they need to sacrifice themselves on that altar.
Have no kids,wasn't married yet did get caught up with a narrcist who 1.lovebombed me 2.isolated me to a different state from friends/family.3.slowly took my belongings 4. Verbal/ physical abuse..5.I waited months for that one moment to leave, left all my belongings moved state 6. There are amazing people on this earth (BE ONE).I didn't even know people behaved that way so am more aware now..Oh and guy Got me by saying he is a follower of Christ/GOD so I appreciate that he taught me how to have a closer relationship with Jesus and not to fall for.others words.
@@christinalove6344 sounds like the guy I just broke up with
especially if it is a primitive angry god one is attending to.
Alright, let's go Coach Holmes. Since watching your videos and other incisive RUclipsrs that you interview, i've been getting good vibes and preparing for what I want to change in my life.
Am glad for these 3 years single life, learnd what kind of relations I had with the 2 father's of my childeren in 18 years and another 17 years, also the relations with my family, 6 sisters and a mom, left them for the better of me, very happy with the person who I am now, and ready for a relation with a man. 🙏🏻❤️
Are people really leaving too early? 50% divorce rate? Isn’t it often that people end up in a similar mess with another partner after some time? If so, wouldn’t it be smarter to work on an existing relationship?
What a podcast! This is precious n priceless.. I will be revisiting time n again to listen and reflect... thank you 🙏🏻❤️
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
You can't say that it deepens the connection and they say that its OK to do outside of marriage. You either cheapen it to where you just don't attach to anyone, or you attach and then have a piece of you irreparably ripped out. You can't have both .
Women are not the only people who sabotage relationships and are not ready to enter back into the dating scene. I have experienced this with men and I had to move on because they were not ready.
Your Guest is so on point on so many levels. Thank you, your team players, and your guest for all that you all do. Keep the greatness coming!!!!!
He’s right on! My wife wanted to change me until I told her this. I’ll never change unless I choose to and what she expected was not me so it wasn’t happening.
Same with my marriage. And now he is leaving me and we just had a baby. :”(
Women also desire other men even when in committed relationships. We're not THAT different.
Also, as to connection, there are different levels and ways of connecting. I don't think anyone should believe that you can only connect deeply with one, possibly two people in the course of a lifetime. That's a perspective maybe felt in the first third of a lifetime.
A lot of very good information here, but bits of it are inside of the box ideas.
Enjoyed this immensely nonetheless. Thank you Lewis!
Yea we need to accept and appreciate that in both partners
What a great compilation of powerful interviews, thank you. 😊🙏🏼
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
Lewis. Thank you from my heart all the guests you bring to your amazing life!!!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
Some people have too much of themselves with selfies and some others have apps to make them look skinnier and prettier
If you’re w a toxic person, it doesn’t matter what you do. They will always treat you poorly. Take good care of yourself and surround yourself w kind quality people❤️
🧡🧡🧡
I love hearing Devon Franklin laugh 😂 it's a sound of real, genuine, deep laughter from within❣️
🧡
I so agree it is never just one of the people. We have to take responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the situation.
yepper
I am so guilty of wanting answers from everyone who were not there during a time I need answers. I consciously know they wouldn't know if they do not know the date. It frustrates them of course then I realized my behavior and genuinely apologize. I get it
I was in that kind of relationship, that he expected things from me he KNEW that I couldn't do, coz I had chronic pain when we met and moved in together, and after 3 years he suddenly expected more that he knew I could ever do, even after I had an accident that destroyed my left knee, right ankle, plus issues with left shoulder, all after an accident where si twisted my ankle where his family asked me to go for a walk around the camping. I destroyed enough that I needed surgery in both shoulder (2019) and my knee (2020), so November 2020 became the end for us, even tho is started out as the best thing in my life, but he broke my, my trust and my love and made me fear my relationship is I didn't do things he expected me to do through the day when I was home, even tho I was in to much pain and then way too tired to move around.
That kills your feelings over years, sadly, specially when you don't feel loved under it, even tho he says he does, but if you don't feel it, you or love will die in the end.
Love ur common sense approach. No gimmicks or tricks!!
Great question!!! Why do we stay much longer etc
Greaaaaat question! Many people need help leaving earlier
Sometimes it's harder to quit a job, than it is to get one.
We need someone to step into the lives of the person that needs to leave but does not understand themselves. This person does not realize that the trauma they are going thru has everything to do with perspective and there is hope and so many have gone through that door of healing and not going back. Looking back in a healthy way and keeping only the good from all of it.
Absolutely, arguments are not acceptable with me , being disrespectful, putting me down, screaming at me not acceptable. Talking to me, bottom line is be careful how you respond when we disagree, Stephen 100 percent correct.
The easiest way to hack life and relationships with women is to rent them. We don’t own anyone. I would rather rent them knowing that they have free will just like I do and just focus on my own path. Nothing is gained chasing love from someone else. The greatest love you can experience is self love.
It’s a hell of a lot better than chasing someone these days. You wanna speak of love, show some respect. That will get you further than anything love can bring. You can measure that and it’s tangible. Fvck love, I value respect.
Hey there! It is nice to see you reading this. I am 6 minutes in and i just love it!!!
Everyone is a relationship expert except for their own.
Wow, where has this podcast been!! This is sooo inspiring and helpful 👏 🙌💯
Glad you enjoyed it!
People who don't realize how intimate sexual activity is or people who don't respect their body will treat it like a trash dump. True strength is the ability to control your strength.
self control
Sorry 😢
The man that started off speaking inside this video he is on the right path take note of the way he thinks and it might help the way you think but it's only thought at the end of the day it's the actions that we create from our imagination into creation is what we must be aware of so create from your imagination something that is beautiful that starts with love and ends with love there's the answers of all answers
The draw in a relationship, is in my view, a soul connection.
In Spiritualism it's pre-life planning and soul contracts. You choose your partners and friends before you incarnate.
The subject at the end, about 3 hrs 20 mins. I'm having that debate now. If I don't have that debate how do I know that leaving or staying is the right choice.
Surely having that debate endures your not making rash decisions do that when you do decide you know it's the right choice.
I get your maybe talking about new relationships but at 20 years in, I think that debate is useful. I suppose it could also suggest procrastination but you have to decide if enough is enough or if your going to put up and shit up.
Once you've been in a relationship that long, there doesn't seem to be an easy fix or wining decision.
I loved the entire encompassment of all of these conversations and messages. Thanks a ton Lewis for putting yourself across with pen and paper. Loved the way you laughed ( child like laughter out of curiosity) when you asked about the 2nd draft.
Thank you again 😊
Yes...,I have experience this, doing things to just be in a relationship
A gold or canary blouse would look nice with her burt orange jacket. Close to the color of the buttons on the jacket sleeve.
Absolutely a wonderful message here. 💯🥰🌸
Appreciate you! 🙏
Take time out to love yourself first. Next,if your partner does not want to meet in the middle on pressing topics then look to take time ou
You become what they want you to be but not who you are. Do what is destined not what they expected - Powerful!
Great segment. I enjoyed hearing from the different panelists and learned a lot.
👍
Good interview. Great questions and answers!!
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
Real but mutual connection is the first thing that's a must, otherwise u can t work with that partner and you'll have nothing in the end.
Grateful to hear a man’s perspective on this!❤
Bad advice when your in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder.
Wow this woman really has a great insight into relationship dynamics,pretty cute too lol
RUclips should definitely create some sort of notes under videos to write down your aha-moments with timing codes.
I totally felt and understood that trust issue too little too late of what I was putting out there I’d receive back. 😅
Listened to the first 15min - I like what I hear so far: Really caught my attention when I heard Lewis proclaim that he is a Christian > I can already see this is something I need to hear ☝😊
What bothers me is when online men push you to meet NOW ~I'm in the middle of setting up of setting up my online business and they want me to drop time I'm spending on the business to talk and meet NOW! UGH! Have some patience please~ i don't what I'm doing to be suddenly free for you.
I posted an add to start a spiritual group. I had 4 replies. 2 were men looking for sex.
What part of setting up a spiritual group says I'm looking for sex?
Don't even get me on sexual harassment in the work place. To be honest, men are taught to sexualise women.
There's always been the double standard were if a guy sleeps around he's a stud if a women sleeps around she's a cheep tart.
And yes, the expectation is that if sex isn't on the table from day one, your either not interested or not worth bothering about.
They want you to have sex then they slag you for having sex. As a woman you just can't win.
Stephan speaks probably the best speaker on this blog
Exactly attraction is what you see be on the e looks .
When dude said that the woman who wouldn’t give it up to you is a one worth keeping he lost all credibility to me. He skipped right past the fact that they let Chad and Tyrone hit while they keep beta orbiters around to appease their existence.
Facts and he got with Meagan Good after she was done with the bad boys and settled for him smh 🤦♂️
Finally a Man who paid attention to what that beta was saying ...Thank you 👏 👏
@@brandonjackson3641 if you think Megan settled your a fool. That guy is the boss that cuts the checks. She finally got blessed with a real man. Just like you had to go through a few women to meet that one... did she settle for you? Or are you mad because deep down your still lonely... so you go around trying to lessen others happiness.
@@mariaclark8507 do I sound mad to you in what I wrote I'm just stating facts some of you women love pookie and ray rays but know they will never wife yall so yall run to the guy when yall was in yall prime years called lame,corny,and a square to save yall because yall hit the wall and is now looking for a sucka to fix yall problems look at jada pinkett for example she settled for will smith and is still crying over tupac in public reading his poems after all these years he's been gone because he imprinted her look at the difference between tupac and will it's like night and day
@@brandonjackson3641 You still sound mad!!! Stop listening to Oshay and Kev Sam …they ruining your mine boy.
This advice is so good, it feels as if though i have to be paying for it to get it
Thank you for this compilation of dating coaches
Behold the wrath of God is upon us. I understand both sides but the cause of this is decades of arrogance and ignorant of responsibility by men living selfishly in a life of pleasure, and as leaders and heads our women and children have followed. I’m in my 60’s and married for 41 years with up and downs and the answer my friend is getting right with God first with yourself, by changing the momentum, so in time things will change for the better as it took time to get here. We WILL be held accountable one day how we lived in front of the weaker and poor spiritual vessel, remember women do follow our lead by our actions. We must return to help the poor in all areas of life and in due season will reap the blessing.
King David loss their wives and children to the enemy for rejecting the poor and repented and recover them back. 1st Samuel chapter 30
I think you may look upon God more clearly if you could pry yourself out of the old covenant and into the new covenant. There is no condemnation through Christ.
I appreciate the Biblical response. Self checks with the use of God's Word will heal self. Repentance will heal All. Thank you for your comment.
All relationships have a used by date attached.
Get use to it, and get over it.
In most cases yes and we shouldnt fight it
Great 👌👌👌 interview and interaction this is wealth millions , kudos for putting this together, thanks Lewis.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Life holds less stress when you don't try to help those that don't seek help. That means they are trying to help themselves not try to get help.
1:25:26
the question you HAVE TO ask at the first date.
brilliant!!
The Logos means what it says. Wisdom goes out the window if ya fornicate or adultery. Then devilshness and sensuality and lust and perversion. If ya wouldn't say it or do it in front of God. Then ya probably shouldn't. Because in actuality you are doing it In front of God. This coming from an awake wretched sinful person who repented and learned some tough lessons in life.
Greed, gluttony, and self righteousness are even worse.
I literally just experienced everything you guys talking about. I keep expecting and the Cards said that - Tarot said first stop expecting too much when a person can only give what they can, based who they are , what they have and what they want - and I have a tendency to do that with my friends alot I love people so much that I look past my own expectancies for my life , afraid of myself I just need to do things for myself and others are an addition. Using the Tarot has opened up so much forethought that I know but with the Tarot - what are my options , what am I missing ?
U shouldn’t get caught into tarot tuff it can get addicting and soon depressing . From what I hear from other people it also can open up not so good spirits to you. We are in control of the way things go . Always use and trust your discernment
problem is giving to much to love instead of unnerstanding peace ..like eye and my other gods and goddess know we have our true powers and secrets ...sad for all these love chasers they vibrate too low for me and hope is weakness in it self
Superb interview and talk ! Deep stuffs said out there ! This live purpose It’s all about love ❤️ !! Period ! Thank you 🙏🏾 !!
❤️
👍 "Not every emotion is a cue to do something."
As a woman this was great advice! Thank you!
Arguments will not be tolerated. Disagreements will NOT be tolerated.
She can raise a concern in a respectful manner however I will not be challenged in my role of leadership. If she is disagreeable she is not in alignment.