A toxic narcissistic ex will never quit fighting in court
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- A toxic narcissistic ex will never quit fighting in court
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Unfortunately due to a bad, and entirely biased, ruling I have had to be the one to keep contacting the courts to find some level of equity with my orders.
No, their games never stop. The only way I’ve found to counter them is to take them head on. It exhausting and time consuming, but if you don’t stand up for you and your child(ren) it’s only going to get worse.
Bullies are emboldened by having their targets be meek, stand up for yourself and what’s right.
Yeah that's how they do it... If they are really empowered THEY will keep going back to court. Whereas typically they make things so bad that we have no choice but to have to go back... I had to do that - well basically twice... Hope you're doing good TC in spite of it all...
I was separated in 2016. In that time (with no court appearances in the last one year due to a forced mediation agreement), I have appeared in Court 52 times. Four mediations are not counted in that figure. Just last night I was again denied reasonable parenting time with my girls. There is no question we are headed back to Court. Friends who are tired of hearing the shenanigans just shake their head and express their sorrow I am dealing with such an incalcitrant idiot. At each hearing and trial, she has balked and refused to share the children and the Court has forced her to start sharing overnights and give more parenting time for me. I am at 30/70 right now after six years. What is still shocking to me to this day is how I can be called the Greatest Father in the World by her repeatedly over many years, only for her to suddenly call my parenting harmful to the girls. She has applied 4 times to Court to have my parenting supervised. Called emergency hearings to Court. How can someone who is so incredibly well accepted in the world (she earns six figures, is extremely pleasant to be around for anyone who has not pissed her off) be such a narcissistic wretch doing her utmost to keep a loving parent from the children they co-created. I just dont get evil minded and spirited, mental people. The only thing I can possibly point to, is what a policeman once told me (he was called in by her to protect her person when collecting her stuff), that was going through post partum depression. She changed each time a child was born (3 of them), getting worse and worse. Any insights? (I have volunteered to be interviewed by child protection services, child counsellors and the police - and they all cleared me). The children love me dearly and at age 4, my second oldest told me with pure anger in her voice - that her mom was holding the children back from their Dad. Now the girls are twice as old, and they tell me that same story regularly. They feel frustrated and powerless over their chameleon like mother - much like I do. Like this video says - the games dont stop and neither will the Court appearances. I have used up all my life savings through legal fees and represented myself multiple times too. If reason would prevail, life would be much easier. I have considered getting out if you know what I mean, but that would be detrimental to my girls who love me.
You ve not lost the kids, nor are you going to. They get it. Just keep going, they'll be in their twenties soon enough. You can only provide a calm refuge till then, you cant make it that the evil never happened and its not your fault.
Great show D. One thing for all ppl splitting from a narc- conceal your intentions. If you plan to do anything to better your life, journal it until you manifest. I Split from my narc ex 2yrs coming up. I’m doing so much better, had to accept loss of youngest child as ex works her over textbook. But I found someone that says “hello,how are you?” Every morning and means it too!
To a narc survivor that’s epic. Thanks D.
Man when you finally start surrounding yourself with good people who actually care about you it is amazing. Yeah I made the mistake of not concealing my intentions and it blew up in my face early on.
Thank you so much for your work. It is crucial to know when you go through this nightmare that you are not alone. You describe the same exact behavior as my ex has been doing to me.
Thanks for the support Roman, validation that these situations are "real" is VERY important because we all feel like we are in the twilight-zone...
Yes, l watch your videos over & over 🤗 l get so much out of them & am revisiting this one. Your recommendation, "Don't make decisions in chaos" is sage advice that l will always keep in mind & benefit from thanks to you. On a less serious note, that "turd in your bowl" bit made me laugh out loud which l really needed! Stay blessed Duane.
Great show Duane as always you have it spot on.i always look forward to your show coming up. And really appreciate your hard work. Hope you and Debbie are having a wonderful time lots of love to you both.
Mick from Ireland
Thanks so much Mick I really appreciate your support and feedback! I'm really kind of enjoying making these type of videos - will have to see how everyone likes them! We are doing pretty good - I think we're going to do a day-trip to the coast for her birthday this weekend.
Victims want nothing to do with the abuser, you can tell who the victim is by the actions of the parties involved. It makes the abuser so angry that the victim is having a life and will not bow to them ever again. The victim is often completely disgusted with the abuser. The abuser hates this but cannot learn or be an adult about the situation. It's truly sad that I barely even give them a thought but they are still smearing me and look for ways to take revenge. Thank you!
When does it end? For me, never! It started when I was almost a baby and continued my entire life, poisoning my relationships with my parents, relatives, friends and boyfriends. If the narcissist dies at least 1 day before me, I would already consider myself happy. But I cannot forget that he will leave his children and wife to destroy my only day of peace. I'm sorry, Duane, for my pessimism.
I understand and I was there for a long time myself. These people and their surrogates really do cause a tremendous amount of damage.
The sad part is how the narc seems to publicly rise and thrive, including in humanitarian work. My ex just continued to serve in church, feed the poor and even subsidised my daughter's friend's studies. All public heroic efforts, while you die inside cos you know what you're dealing with privately. How they succeed in being publicly good and privately evil is mind boggling!
Thank you!
It’s been 39 years for me and the children are grown! He keeps on...
The best for me was my ex studied law whilst living with me .I played Mr Mom for years ,whilst she studied her law .The kicker is she used her law degree against me when we divorced which I helped her get 😂
Ugh that sucks Alonzo... Sure would have been nice if you had said, "and her law degree didn't help her"...
Ingratitude and betrayal are typical of these demons.
I think the betrayal of trust is the worst. I mean cheating is bad but it’s just not quiet as evil as just trying to destroy someone for the sport of it…
The Terminator never stops. Same
Yeah that is a great analogy - I used to reference that a lot in my earlier videos...
People need to realise and accept its not a broken system. It's a well oiled machine designed to create disharmony & division and will act unethically, immorally etc to ensure conflict and $$$ is continually spent.
Lenan that is a great point. And it’s a very import shift because “broken system” means something much more different that it’s working as designed!!! Great point!
She doesn’t want the kids or the property. None of the animate or inanimate things are viewed as anything other than her possessions. Above all, *she just wants to ensure he doesn’t have anything.* Mine (mommy dearest) continued her campaign of destruction/retribution against me until her death, decades after I terminated the relationship completely.
Their rage is fission fueled.
Good point. You’d think at some point they would want peace in their life and let this crap go. But they never do…. Getting away and setting solid boundaries is key to getting your life back!
My husband of 11 years has a narcissistic ex wife who is determined to disrupt our family routine! They share a now 13yr boy whom struggles daily because he goes back and forth every other day! In court for 2yrs now to change it. The ex wife keeps pushing it off and reschedules. She turns into a damn squid when I feel like progress is going to happen, always getting out of it because she loves the schedule that suits her work obligations.
Wow every other day.. that definitely it good for the kid…. Yet they only ever care about themselves. I was stuck with 2/2/3 and that schedule was a total pita…. Hope you can get it changed soon…
I had to get a job working for Attorneys to finally get ex Narc in laws off my case. They still pulled stuff but not in the courts. Of course this was 22 years ago but the sting never ends.
That was a good idea!!! We are forever changed after these experiences. But hopefully the effects can be mitigated and their “control” over or emotions and reactions can stop.
22 years ! It would give you a degree in law to defend yourself. That's what my friend did to defend himself against a narc uncle who wanted to keep all of his grandparents' assets, in an inventory that lasted 20 years.
Did he win that Maura? Sure hope so!
I have to ask, how much of the filing for extreme things (money, abuse, custody) is attorney offering and encouraging it even if there is no need for it? The depressing reality to me is that attorneys and narcs go hand in hand. They control and get rich using fear, anxiety, guilt, and responsibility. The really depressing part is people who legitimately need protection and financial security are now questioned on whether they are getting revenge or actually need help.
I ask this because in my experience when my ex-husband and I split, our friends, family, and attorney's told us both to go after everything. They told us not to trust the other and that we have to strike before the other one does. They actually mocked us when we said we would sit down, work out the details, use a mediator to make sure everything was covered, and have a lawyer review, advise and file.
I cannot think of one person who actually believed we could be amicable. We were and still are. However, my new partner's ex acts awful and I see that it is encouraged. Part of the problem is sometimes people are encouraged through fear and greed to go so far.
anyone who cheats on their spouse, deserves this.
Great Attorney in Houston Texas Geric Tipsword he can help with these situations.
And again, I cannot stress this enough, if you can go pro se (unless you have the means, but even then…) and control your emotions in court (not speaking in the pejorative on that) do so.
Yeah, it's really risky TC and I know I would NOT have been able to successfully do that. MAYBE I could today but back in the midst of this I was barely holding on - I don't think I could have pulled that one off...
I totally agree. Initially, I was reeling from all of it. There was no way for me to put my emotions aside and look at things logically. Even now (three years later) I have to focus on the task in order to not get swept up in the emotional injustice, blatant projection, and mischaracterization. That is when I start getting emotional (who wouldn’t?).
What’s more is it took years for me to research laws, case law, motions filings, rules of civil procedure, etc. I am by no means an expert, but I have a good feeling for it. I think the rules of civil procedure, for me, is the most difficult aspect of this whole ball of crap I never asked for.
If you can do that it can be very effect. Like what Alex Falconi did. They pushed him to learn their game - and he did and then beat them with it…
The accusations against me began with:
1st: Abuse/Neglect -Cleared
2nd: Alcoholic - Unfounded, Test & Cleared
3rd: Pill-head - Tested & Cleared
4th: Drug Addict - Tested & Cleared
5th: Now I’m just crazy & he watches every move I make. He’s also a cop.
I just keep my brim low, go to work and school and take care of my girls. Don’t even have social media anymore. I know I’m getting too old for this shit though.
After 10 years I'm still having to deal with games. I'm not "in court" but they just don't seem to stop. Have you had them "stop" in your situation?
The best thing I did Duane was walk away, it hurt like hell waking away from my children but I couldn’t continue to deal with this crap. I was losing my sanity. Kids put against me mom and her boyfriend talking crap and threats, court hearing getting no where, cps involved and being biased. I felt like I aged 10 after dealing with this. Sometimes we are left with no choice
Yeah this stuff will really wear you down and take years or at least time off your life. I think there is a point where walking a way is the only option left to save your life and sanity. The tough part of that is working through the anger and bitterness.
Definitely anger and bitterness takes over. I was hit with depression and anxiety as well. I ended up remarrying with a great woman the total opposite of the toxic ex.
That is so great to hear! The hell you go through, it's hard to believe (when you in the midst of it) that there is something good on the other side! Definitely glad you found it!
DISGUSTING on their part. If we knew these “people” exist we never would have gave them a second thought.
Yup. Going through this right now. $500K over the past 2 years to fight false allegations that have been unfounded by 7 agencies. Was just about to have a trial last week and then it got delayed for 5 months. She took it personally when every agency basically called her a liar. Now she’s hired an expert to discredit them all. Meanwhile, my kids are suffering from limited custodial time with me. POS.
I hope you interview me someday to hear how f’ed up my case is. I’ll have to wear a mask and have my voice disguised because it’s an entire wealthy family that is bullying me and keeping me from my kids after false abuse allegations were made for an upper hand in custody.
It’s weird Duane: I think when you no longer care, no longer fight, and even talk to the kids about their mom glowingly….the kids have incredible trust and love in you they will never feel for their mom who they actually fear (usually)
Mr. and Mrs. Smith the sequel
Omg I hadn’t thought about that. Now that is funny!!!
Great
Thank you for the support! 👍🏻
Seems the female narcs are the worse hi Duane miss you and may God keep you safe in the mist of all the Insanity 🙏
They all are bad Cindy in their own uniquely evil ways... Though it does seem that most female narcs are able to weaponize both the kids and courts... But I've seen men do this as well - we have a few subs and discord members who are dealing with that right now...
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