I just started ADHD meds for the first time in my life. I’ve struggled with it since I was a kid, but my symptoms of depression and anxiety were more obvious so they were my only diagnoses for years. I was on an antidepressant from ages 13-17 and accidentally quit cold turkey when I travelled to Lake Superior for two weeks and forgot my medication at home. I will never forget sitting on a dock looking out at the largest freshwater lake in the world and beginning to cry. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried, but I was crying then and it felt so. good. It felt so good in fact that I went the next four years of my life unmedicated and miserable in the name of “feeling the full range of human emotion.” What I realize now, however, is that while deep emotions are beautiful and necessary, they are more beautiful when you can feel them with clarity. I give my ADHD meds 4 1/2 stars
Wow I think you just helped me realize why I have started crying so much in the last several years. I went off my meds because life got in the way and I got too anxious to go to my psychiatrist and explain what happened, so I just ran out of refills. All that to say, I have been “experiencing the full range of human emotions” for several years now, but it would be nice if it weren’t the low end of the range so often. Thank you for sharing and making me remember that my brain is just chemicals and it needs help regulating those things.
After listening to this week’s episode of DH+J, it seems like John is feeling the loss of the groundhog in his yard so deeply that he must revisit his disdain of pennies so he can once again have a rival 😂
I find it incredibly satisfying that "poetically", "politically" and "personally" are such similar-sounding words. It's like extremely fine, soft sand running through my fingers.
“The fact of a cost does not negate the fact of a benefit.” Holy crap that’s such an eloquent way to remind me that hard things can be worth doing even if the process has costs. I’ve already weighed the cost-benefit analysis and chose to do the thing, I don’t need to second guess my choice just because my mind prefers to focus on the costs of doing the thing that will ultimately be good for me.
Me. Right now. Working on my bachelor's thesis. Yes it's tedious at times and scientific literature is not known to be the most emotionally involving or stimulating of literary genres, but man if the cost isn't worth the benefit of getting a degree. :D
My favorite vlogbrothers videos are the ones that make me go "huh" and then think for a while and feel like I've learned something new just by contemplating facts that already existed. This is one of those videos. Thanks, John.
Love that song, and especially that line. One small correction: Geddy sang those words, but Neil Peart wrote them, along with the vast majority of Rush lyrics.
That penny video is what brought me to vlogbrothers in the first place all those years ago. What a great callback! Thank you for this video john. What a gift
Hi John, I just wanted to take a second to thank you (for the millionth time, it feels like) for your Harvey story. Both the podcast and book forms of the essay, but also just... every single time you have shared that story with the community. I have had more than my fair share of bad mental health periods in my life, but I'm currently in one that feels like I'm slowly sliding towards that "lying on the kitchen floor staring at a bottle of Sprite" moment. It is... not fun. But in all the not-fun moments, I have been able to cling to the reminder that this feeling is not going to last forever (although it feels like it will) and that there IS hope (although it feels like there isn't) and that if you- with the help of medication and therapy and people who loved you (all things that I am very fortunate to have too)- were able to get through that, then I can too. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
In my family when we have a lot of stored up feelings we can’t seem to access we say “I have a lot of cry in me” this helps me acknowledge and realize my feelings even when they aren’t forcing me to confront them by being explosive. I’m a person who disassociates so acknowledging my feelings is something I’ve been working on.
this brought to mind something I've been thinking about. I resisted going on medication to treat my ADHD and my anxiety because I don't like my mental state being altered. I didn't acknowledge until recently that everything affects your mental state whether you like it or not and that isn't such a bad thing. my brain chemistry is out of balance and medication helps to correct it.
Good luck in the journey. A wonderful thing about trialing medical intervention is you know what is altering your mental state and you have control over it. You have control over how long you give a medication a trial, and you know to expect some instability. I hope you find your balance. 💕
I really, really needed this today. I've been trying too hard as I work on health issues to find some "answer" that gives me everything I want, when the sad truth is that my body doesn't work like that.(ableism is deeply ingrained, y'all) I've also been job hunting while looking for a new apartment in this economy. It's good to get facts that are hard, but knowing that John understands this somehow comforts me. Thank you, John.
Hey, me too. I think I grew up with the idea that doctors can fix everything and anything if they just have the right information, and I've been struggling with guilt over not being able to explain my symptoms properly or recall exactly when something started or got worse. I hope we can both learn to manage our health, physically and emotionally. Dftba!
Sending love, it is very weird to have to relearn the way you think especially about yourself . I’ve had to make work arounds for mental such all my life but how much the physic can’t be worked around with extra work is really stumping me. I started my university life with one set of physical abilities and have ended with complete different ones, which massively affects my chosen area of study and the work that comes from it. I both really want to believe medicine can made this easier and not get hope up on a system that has both been amazing a failed me massively.
@@KWolf2013 I feel the same way-- although there have been good results in my obsession to find an answer, especially when doctors don't look outside their normal statistics. I fall outside of them almost every time and have had to change doctors quite a few times. Exhausting. But I will DFTBA too!
I feel you John. At my most depressed, I couldn’t cry, and to loose the ability to feel truly sad nearly broke me when I had long lost being truly happy. For me, Meds and Therapy brought the tears back first, and yet it was a big relief to feel anything. Hope you get a good cry in at some point!
As someone who also lost the ability to cry on medication, I feel a duty to prepare you for the possibility that the dam-breaking flood of tears you may desire or anticipate... may not arrive. When I finally cried, it was a single forced tear and I wanted so desperately for more, more, more, but they did not come. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
This sounds pretty similar to my experience being in my ocd meds. I do get more than one tear when I do occasionally manage, but it clears up pretty quick.
Whenever I feel like a good cry, I just watch Titanic. Works every time. John needs to find his own Titanic story that moves him when nothing else does.
The problem I have with the 3 pick 2 scenarios is that you can usually pick 66.7% of each, or some other balance. You very much can have good friends, a good marriage, and a good job. In fact, given what we know on here, I suspect *you* do. Sure, maybe you could do more, have a closer relationship, or more, deeper friendships. So what? Why do we need to be 100% of everything? Your 66.7% looks really good to me!
I agree, but at the same time I don't. To get my disagreement out of the way, it's the simple quote, "Don't half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing," which is a quote I find useful whenever I find myself scattered. To my agreement, it's that having those things means different things to different people. Maybe friends means you're a daring socialite among a large friend group, maybe it means a tight-nit friend group that neither demands attention nor shys away from it, or it could mean just keeping in touch with some of your favorite people. The same goes for the other two, in that there's vast variation in what satisfaction means, not only in terms of amount of effort, but also in terms of 'routes' to satisfaction.
I view the 3 pick 2 scenario as an (often intentional) oversimplification for effect. There can be some penny-type situations where you really have a fairly cut-and-dried choice, but usually it's like you and John say. We decide where to spend our finite resources. If we do so consciously, we often can choose an outcome more to our liking than we would have achieved by making those choices unconsciously. And the key to making those choices is understanding that there are real tradeoffs. If you focus exclusively on work your relationships with family and friends may suffer. That doesn't mean you can't have family, friends, and work. It means that you only have so much time and energy, so try to spend it wisely and in concert with your priorities while minding the cost and benefits which matter to you. And as you said, most people would probably be most happy with a balance of some sort.
It's worth remembering that you're only seeing a curated portrait of John's life. That's not to say that John is being deceptive or anything like that--some degree of curation is necessary and healthy for public figures. John has needed to make decisions about how much of his life he wants to spend writing and how much of his life that he wants to spend with his children, and we only see as much angst about those decisions as John lets us see. "Your 66.7% looks really good to me!" I often feel the same way. But what percent of John's life informs our perception of the rest of it? A few edited minutes a week?
Applying to jobs again, I am struggling how to explain my 3 gap years. John, I'm pretty much going to plagiarise a lot from this video. Yet again, without knowing, you give words to very personal worries for I guess a lot of people. Thanks bud.
@shalvi Garima Negi - Same here, but w/a gap 8 times as long (due to complicated health matters of family members, among other things.) The best advice I’ve come across (from The Mom Project) is to **own** it. Whatever the reason for the break, you’ve gained experiences from/during it. If possible, reframe those experiences into how they helped you develop into the person you are now and how that makes you a better employee. If nothing else, the time away has made you *very* energized to contribute to an organization again! Best wishes - I know we’ll *both* be fine!
Aww man, I feel you on the crying thing. I'm transgender and ever since making the switch from testosterone to estrogen, I have experienced a shift from what can only be described as an emotional color palette in 8-bit grayscale to one that is in full 32-bit HDR color. While this is a welcome change, it is an invisible one to everyone but myself. As a result, I have often found that those who have not gone through a shift of this nature (hormonal or otherwise) often misinterpret the occasional bout of crying as evidence of there being a problem with my treatment (or worse, my diagnosis). They armchair-pathologize based on the incorrect assumption that the default state is (and should be) some strange alchemy of numbness and stoicism. It is a pity, imho, that in their internalizing of our culture's media messaging that 'to feel is to be ill' that they are not unlike hikers who have only ever summitted peaks in the daytime, completely unaware that the majesty of the viewpoint doubles when the sun has gone down.
I love how I've heard seperately from multiple trans people how estrogenic HRT felt like "seeing new colours". It's neat when people come to the same metaphors on their own :]
This was super interesting to read as a trans man who has experienced the shift in the opposite direction. I don't think my emotional range has changed much since starting testosterone, but especially early on I found it harder to cry.
I don't know i f this helps, John, but I've recently realised that just because you don't express your emotions in the same way (to yourself) it can be very confusing but it DOESN'T mean that you don't have access to these emotions. It's just harder to find them because the usual flags that your body puts up to tell you that you are feeling them are now displaced. And it can be daunting to play hide and seek with your emotions but I'm sure you can find them again.
@@cel2460 I'm wondering if that'll work better as a new written song preformed by someone acting John, or song-efying Johns various rants through the years into an epic remix...
Earlier, I cried while listening to a chapter of The Anthropocene Reviewed. And i listened to that chapter because I was trying to escape a negative feeling that was brewing up within myself. It replaced the negative feeling with a feeling that is still somewhat negative but also made me feel great about being here right now. I cried.
I think is my favorite Vlogbrothers video. I love the idea of looking at the same concept through these complementary lenses, and there's so much happening in a small space.
I also base a chunk of my self-image in being a crier. It's my most effective way to release tension and stress and I've come to depend on my daily cries a lot. However, a couple of weeks ago I had A Thing™ that required my focus to the point where whenever I thought "I need a cry", I just... couldn't. It seemed like an advantage at the time, it allowed me to spend that time that I would've otherwise spent crying focusing on The Thing. Turns out, frog-in-the-pot style, I didn't realize just how much pressure I was accumulating and, like a pressure cooker with a stuck top, I eventually blew up. Approaching the stuff that happens to us in a cost-benefit way might not be the most romantic way to look at life, but sometimes it can definitely be helpful. Thank you for the video John, thinking about this is helping me get over The Thing. I'm glad your new meds are so effective!
Has anyone else been recommended by RUclips, old Vlogbrothers videos over the past few day. Like I watched the penny video a couple of days ago and today John is providing an update despite a decade between the videos.
I had a weird cost/benefit realization about my meds when I started them for Anxiety and ADHD (accompanied by a tic disorder). The dosage still needed work at the time because I wasn't getting as much benefit as I wanted and the side effects were concerning. But I remember a moment where I was laying down with my partner, taking a Sunday cat nap after lunch, and I realized I hadn't needed to move for 20 minutes. No tics. No feeling like my limbs were trying to escape my body, like my bones were made of ants. I was completely still for the first time I could remember. I cried so hard. I've worked on my dosage and gotten to a pretty even regimen, but that alone, sitting still, was worth everything.
There really is something in feeling the full range of human emotion. I have clinical depression and PTSD, and there was a time in my life when I could not feel any emotions at all. I went about a month where I felt no joy, no sadness, no anger, no fear, no love, no hunger or thirst or exhaustion. I felt absolutely nothing. It was literally maddening. I sought out a series of increasingly intense experiences in an attempt to feel ANYTHING, and it ended with a week in the hospital. It's been almost 8 years since then, and I'm happy to say that therapy and medication has allowed me to not only feel the full range of human emotion but also process it in a healthier way. I learned a lot from that month of nothingness, including that all emotions are valuable, even the less pleasant ones like anger and sadness.
The moment video #2 started I was taken back to years ago and said out loud “oh here he goes on a rant about pennies again.” Thank you for being ever thoughtful on your approach and for making me laugh over penny hatred time and time again.
(A comment on video editing: I quite like the little breaks you used to seperate the three scenes from each other. It had a subtle old-timey slideshow vibe.)
I loved when you hosted Mental Floss vids. I rediscovered you again when I learned you were a writer. Now, in four minutes I learned that I have a like minded soul out there. A) I absolutely detest pennies and wish someone in the treasury dept would realize how stupid they are. B) Although I'm a 6 ft tall, 50 Y/O male of (very stout) Scottish heritage I cry ALL THE DAMN TIME. I could be watching a Kraft Mac and Cheese commercial where the little boy just loves his mom so much for making it and I would lose my sh!t. It's ridiculous. It used to really bother me. But I now appreciate the extra tender soul inside this ample, rugged exterior. Not sure how I would feel if it just went away. Probably pretty sad, which I realize is incredibly ironic. Thank you for this open and honest video. Big respect. Going now so I don't get weepy. Too late...
I feel like I was meant to find this video two weeks late. I just opened RUclips to catch up on vlogbrothers in an effort numb my despair over this exact cost-benefit problem and found myself here. Recent adhd diagnosis, tried to make it work without meds, then finally gave in and got the script, and after several months was just starting to find equilibrium and freedom in the support my meds gave me. Until today, when after 25 years of my life with no cavities, my dentist told me I have 12 of them, and one of them needs a crown. My medication’s side effects are literally destroying my teeth, and despite my insurance coverage, it’s going to run $1800+ just to fix these cavities, never mind what to do now about managing my mental health. I’m so overwhelmed, but now I think I feel understood, and maybe a little better for it.
I've been paralyzed for a full year now, and I have noticed core changes in me directly related to it. My talking and expressions changed because it's a lot of effort to do gestures or movement without falling forward. And my reactions to fear or anxiety feel muted because I couldn't run from something if I wanted to, almost forcing me to face things I wouldn't have. These aren't massive problems, but things I acknowledge have changed because of my new condition. I think I had a point, but now I'm not sure what it was. So if you've read this, things can change, sometimes it stinks, but we all try to make it through. Keep up your good work, and don't be afraid to ask for help or be vulnerable to your friends or loved ones.
As a writer, and a former RUclipsr, I loved this video. It's such a good illustration of how there are a million ways to approach a topic, and why writers can spend a literally infinite amount of time working on a project if we don't self-limit. All three of these approaches were great. There are no "wrong" answers here, which is what makes writing so rich and also so challenging.
This video hits right after coming to the realization that my new medication isn't working for me, which has sent me into a spiral of thoughts that have me asking these questions. Wondering how society has made it so easy to feel guilt or laziness for doing things that come naturally to daily life. Working and not spending enough time with my husband and son, or spending time with them and not working enough. Not to mention my friends, who help me keep my thoughts in check. A very overwhelming feeling of never having it together. It's comforting to know I am not the only one navigating these thoughts.
This reminds me of a video Hank made a while back about a "tool with no blood on it." I think about that video a lot. It really made me reexamine the way I think and talk about problems in the world.
I was recently introduced to the idea that "you can have anything, but not everything." I've been struggling with this as a student because I desperately want everything, but for the first time in my education I'm noticing that I have to cut back on the things I used to do in my free time. I'm very grateful for this video today as it's given me not just perspective, but three perspectives. I'm so glad that I don't cut back on your videos. Thank you ❤
The last time I cried was yesterday morning watching Harvey Elliot's comeback goal. I am just so inspired by how hard he has had to work to come back this season and how difficult it must have been to be injured just weeks into his breakout season. He is such a wonderful play and, from what I can tell, a great person.
i was the most depressed i’ve ever been my senior year of high school & i cried CONSTANTLY. i have also always been a crier & it helped me navigate the overwhelming emotions i felt that year. i (ironically) felt a lot better once covid hit, giving me the opportunity to isolate COMPLETELY & take the step back from my life that i needed. i found out i have adhd right After i graduated. ever since then, i’ve stopped crying as much. there was a time right after my diagnosis where i *couldn’t* cry, & it caused me almost an identity crisis. i had been crying so much, & now, nothing? was i even feeling at all? now i’m back to somewhere i’m comfortable with. but all of this to say, you will cry again, & it will probably feel better than you think. just another thing of yours i see myself in :]
Heard on Twitter that this is the most rewarding it's been to make vlogbrothers in 15 years… and I have to say, having been along for the ride for 12 of those now, this might be the most rewarding it's been to watch! There have been moments when I miss how easy and ridiculous the "old school" videos are… but if that's the trade off for the level of insight I get from you and Hank nowadays, I'd say that's a benefit worth its cost :)
John, growing up I had crippling anxiety that manifested in uncontrollable crying. As a middle school student, the trauma of being made fun of for my crying, of which I could not control, nor understand the reasoning for their onset, really damaged me. After I began medication and therapy I did not cry for 10 years. I still don't cry much, but when I do it is wonderful. I hope you cry again soon and really enjoy it. I hope it happens sooner than 10 years.
This video feels very on point for me. I’m chronically ill and am on a plethora on medication. I started with a new doctor today and she we were discussing a new medication for a big problem I’m having. She was going over some of the long term problems that have been shown with this medication and I had to stop her. I mentioned that I have accepted the fact that with the many, and I mean many, medications I have tried or am on I accept that I will have a shorter life span or problems from them later in life. But I have a now. And having a now is more important to me than limping along for my whole life just to make it to the end. That’s the cost - benefits analysis that’s been a part of my life. A now is more important to me.
I feel informed yet also a bit confused, but above all I’m glad to hear you have found a medication balance which hopefully works as well as you could need.
My first Vlogbrothers video was "I hate pennies." It's always good to remember that it's been more than a decade of this life that you all have been inspiring me and challenging me to reconsider how I approach the world. DFTBA, Brothers Green and all Nerdfighters!
I have had one of the most challenging and heartbreaking months of my life, today was actually one of the worst and watching this, I feel like i just got a cosmic hug. I’ll do a better job of sorting my pennies and try not to stress over them too much. Thanks John.
This video comes to you in three parts, with three shirts. Great points John. :) Also what a good way to summarize the way the pandemic makes me feel exhausted: A constant cost-benefit analysis. This is exactly it. Constantly weighing if going to the grocery store today means that I can't visit my mom this week, or if beginning again to explore my teaching career is going to negatively impact my health in dramatic and unknown ways. I'm just so tired...
I’ve been on Prozac for quite awhile now and have also lost the ability to cry. I did not like that this was happening just as you said, because I still want to be able to experience full range of emotion. After flying halfway across the country to help my friends for a month move from a beaten down rental in San Diego to a much more pleasant apartment, I finally experienced crying again. And it was wonderful.
The thesis of the video as I understand it: In life, we must all choose between a robust social life, a passionate love life, a rewarding work life, getting rid of the penny, maintaining our mental health, and crying; but we may only choose 2 But in all seriousness, wonderful video John, and definitely a great way to make cost-benefit analyses less cold and statistical and more real and personal!
I’ve always admired you very much John and Hank. I’ve watched you for years even though I examine my world from a different perspective. This video reminded me that people examine their worlds from a physical perspective while others examine it spiritually. I am constantly comparing and contrasting the two points of view. I examine mine spiritually. However, many people feel the way each of you do about the world. There is no doubt you try your best to be good people. It’s evident in the way you try to help people. I hope for nothing but the best for both of you and your families futures. 🌸🐝
This is a great video but the first time your shirt changed I was questioning myself and then it happened again and I realised you did it to split the stories. There are always lots of ways to tell a story or to value something. Love this analysis of cost vs benefit.
Before I started on meds, I genuinely thought that the deep, underwater void that I felt was the best thing ever because I stopped feeling emotions and just existed. I'm still trying to find the right combo, but finding meds that cut through some of the nonsense and allow me to function? SO much better. I've cried more on these meds than ever before, but out of relief, not fear or anxiety. It's a huge change for me to cry - and I'm having to adjust to being a crier, which I never expected. I never thought that feeling the full range of human emotion would be something I would look forward to or even enjoy
I’m so glad you found a medication with obvious benefits and can deeeeeply sympathize about the costs. I have an appointment tomorrow to try again after quitting cold turkey in the summer.
i cried very little once i started antidepressants and then just the other night i sobbed hysterically to encanto for tens of minutes. not even the sad bits, i was just emotional about the beauty of family
I am also on a medication that makes it extremely difficult for me to cry. So much so that for years I only ever cried in extreme emotional distress while sleep deprived. Until my wedding, then I cried happy tears for the first time one decades. It was such a wonderful feeling, perhaps more so because it was so rare.
I haven't been able to cry for most of my life due to trauma but in the last few years I've been slowly gaining my ability to cry back and within the last month I've been crying a lot! It takes time to gain the ability to cry!
I started on some new meds in December 2020, and I also lost the ability to cry! It's been over a year now and I've cried maybe 5 or 6 times - which, from someone who used to cry almost every day, is extremely bizarre. But when I do cry it's not how I imagined - all my pent up emotions spilling loose. Usually it's a very gentle release of emotions with a poetic and pretty set of tears. Still not sure how I feel about this change, but here we are!
I didn’t realize I have quit needing to cry since taking a medicine too. Before this medicine, I desperately needed to cry when I got my feelings hurt which wasn’t all the time, but occasionally. When you said that I was shocked.
Loved the video, but one of my favorite parts of a vlogbrothers video is trying and failing to wait to read the comments until I finish the video. Then I just scroll and end up liking every single one. This community ❤️
Vid #1: I never understood the ‘choose two’. I thought it’s my fault, that I just need to work harder to do it all. Listening to John explain it it just clicked. There is always a trade off. Thank you.
I have a fun paradoxical cost/benefit meds situation going on right now; I have, since middle school, had periodic panic attacks about some obsessive worry, it used be be a fear of vomiting, it transformed mid-college into a fear of heart attacks, with a fear of stroke added on as a pandemic bonus. These panic attacks got out of control in mid-2020 for the obvious reasons, as well as a spike in depression, so I started taking SSRIs again, and started tracking my panic attacks on my period tracker because it was a handy calendar I was already used to accessing that showed data very clearly. I discovered, once I got my panic attacks under control again, that they happened near-exclusively once monthly, on or just before my period. Talking to my GP, she said the hormone shifts of my cycle might be affecting my anxiety, and I went on birth control pills for the first time in my life, and my panic attacks have all but stopped one of my big fears that would spiral into a panic attack was the fear of having a blood clot... something I worry about much less now, even though I have very slightly increased my chance of getting one with the medication I take to not worry about it. Life is hilarious and human emotions are awful at risk assessment
I think the magic and true talent of the green bros is making a video that is concise but doesn't seem rushed. I don't understand it! It seems like it'd be easy to make a 4 minute video with a lot of content, you just speak fast and cram more in. But when I wrote college essays and had to trim for word count, it came at the expense of a natural voice and flow. Somehow, you both have mastered keeping the pace high without it ever feel like you're rushed for time
As someone who habitually records the date and time they cry, the last time I cried was during New Year's Eve listening to the Auld Lang Syne episode. However, I realized that there has been a 7 month gap between me crying on new year's eve and me crying for another reason and during it was a myriad of scenarios that should have made me sob like contracting COVID, my SO breaking up with me, etc. and yet i didn't cry... It wasn't medication, but it was repression... the consistent deadlines of college applications combined with self-expectations on maturity, like how i'm productive because I don't cry or don't give myself time to... I guess, what you can get from here is that the Auld Lang Syne episode is a masterpiece or that i incredibly suck at handling my emotions that I only let my self experience emotions once I look at it in the future... i'd always love to think that the former is truer than the latter...
What a beautiful video in such a short time. I like how there were different ways you could articulate what you were feeling and you decided to just go with all 3. I've been dealing with heavy burnout and not wanting to do anything lately and it feels so frustrating when I think about how hardworking and productive I was pre-pandemic. And it's starting to hit me that I didn't suddenly become lazy, my body is just taking back all the rest and fatigue that I denied myself for many years. And while that can be frustrating at times, it also has lead me to reconsider what is actually worth spending my energy on and how I can build back up my stamina without just incurring another burnout later down the road.
As someone who cried often and still cries often just less so what it boils down to is an understanding that I can express the full range of emotion without the water works just fine. Another aspect is a lot of my water works stemmed from a belief that I was an inherently incapable person doomed to cause grief and upset regardless of where I went or what I did. Most of my adult life, I'm still rather young, has been spent realizing that yes I actually am capable of doing good things and now I cry when I see beauty.
I'm glad to hear you like your new medication and the cost benefit analysis comes out wildly better than pennies! From some of the last few months of videos I know it's been a hard couple years, so I'm really glad to hear this news for you John. I've never been a regular crier, but the few times I recall were a relief. I still feel deep sadness for personal losses and other more nebulous reasons though, as I'm sure you will too. I don't consciously try to suppress my sadness, but it seems to be expressed in different ways? I'm unmedicated so far, so I guess I'm just a different corner of the experience spectrum.
I've considered coming out as trans and discussed this with my therapist. I mostly held the opinion that it's a bad idea due it being very complicated on my family and friends and will probably somewhat hinder my professional life and also just be really hard in general. My therapist keeps making the point that not being true to myself and not telling the people close to me could have a much greater mental toll on me than I realize and there are major benefits to coming out I should consider. I've been doing a lot of work on seeing the benefits in things that have costs so this video really resonated with me on that front.
i know that before i came out as trans, it weighed on my mind as an incredibly scary path to take. when i did finally take the plunge i felt alive in a way i never had before. your therapist's comment about the mental toll of staying closeted absolutely rings true in my experience. coming out has made so many struggles for me these past few years, but i know for a fact i would not be here today if i hadn't. i hope you find whatever it is you need to properly love yourself and pursue it with your entire being
I guess I wanted to give an update on this lol I came out! Doing well and most of my friends and family have been great about it. It's probably been some of the hardest months of my life but also this is the happiest I've ever been! I want to thank you guys for the kind comments, they came in a time when I needed them the most
I don't remember the first videos I saw of most of the people I follow on RUclips, but for whatever reason I distinctly remember that penny video being my introduction to vlogbrothers!
The switching between polos of different colors reminded me that I used to LOVE wearing polos, I thought they were so cool, and John makes them somewhat cool again
Thanks to a new full-time job under my own insurance for the first time with basically unlimited therapy visits for a $20 co-pay and a new doctor who believed what I was feeling and put me on a medication, for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful I can be my best self. I thought for a long time that I had to weigh the cost of my mental health against the gain of being a grad student and an academic. I was scared that if things changed too much, I wouldn't be able to keep up with all of the things that I wanted to do. Through therapy and hopefully through the new medication and a stable work environment, I can chill out a bit and focus on my personal life and learn that my life doesn't revolve around what I want to do professionally/in academia. Thought I wanted to share that. Thank you John, and everyone else sharing their stories in the comments.
Needed this. I'm currently considering leaving my first job. It has me on my feet and exhausted, and I work over 40 hours every week.The pay is really good, especially for my first job, and I'm trying to save up for college, but I haven't really hung out with my friends in weeks and I'm experiencing significant mental health effects. I've had trouble putting it in words for my family, because they want to see me succeed, but at the end of the day - I am tired and sad, and the cost is starting to outweigh the benefits for me.
It's so good to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't cried since I started anxiety meds. I love my meds and I feel so much better on them, but that's been something missing from my emotions. It's a weirdly empty feeling to not cry in movies and other situations when I know I would otherwise.
After increasing my lexapro dosage for OCD, I stopped crying for about 9 months. It actually came back literally almost 1 tear at a time. Now I’m back to normal after about 2 years, so my guess is that it will level out for you at some point.
I don't have very nuanced thoughts on cost:benefits or pennies atm, so instead I note how we're seeing more of John's shirts in this one video than in, I think, all other videos except for Pizzamas ones and I think that's beautiful. ❤
I used to be someone who would cry at the drop of a hat and then after starting antidepressants found I didn’t cry, at least no where near as often. I remember sitting and watching something, thinking about how before meds I absolutely would be crying right now. Over the years I’ve started to wonder if it’s not so much that there medication numbs me but instead keeps me away from the very tipping point of sadness. That I’m not crying because things are in a more stable point of reference. Anyways, if I need to cry I’ll just look up “We’re here because we’re here” and bawl. ♥️
I was not able to cry really at all from age 13ish until a couple years ago (in my early twenties). I have no idea why (I wasn't on any medication) but it was pretty terrible. I felt deep despair and anguish etc and it felt like my inability to cry just made it so these things couldn't be released -- like a huge amount of pressure was just building up all the time. I was always really jealous of people who talked about crying, and I'm really grateful now that I am able to cry. So I definitely see why not being able to cry is a cost and not a benefit, even if your experience is probably somewhat different from mine.
Yooooo I´m a crier tooooooo! It's honeslty one of the things I most love about myself, because it makes me feel human and full of love. Hopefully you get your cry back and it is everything you longed for.
Continue making your Accountant proud with all this talk about Cost-Benefit ratio 😉. I wish most of my clients thought about it as much as you clearly have -Your friendly neighborhood CPA
it's like Geddy Lee of Rush once said, "You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
I just started ADHD meds for the first time in my life. I’ve struggled with it since I was a kid, but my symptoms of depression and anxiety were more obvious so they were my only diagnoses for years. I was on an antidepressant from ages 13-17 and accidentally quit cold turkey when I travelled to Lake Superior for two weeks and forgot my medication at home. I will never forget sitting on a dock looking out at the largest freshwater lake in the world and beginning to cry. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried, but I was crying then and it felt so. good. It felt so good in fact that I went the next four years of my life unmedicated and miserable in the name of “feeling the full range of human emotion.” What I realize now, however, is that while deep emotions are beautiful and necessary, they are more beautiful when you can feel them with clarity. I give my ADHD meds 4 1/2 stars
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Love this. Happy for you ☺
Wow I think you just helped me realize why I have started crying so much in the last several years. I went off my meds because life got in the way and I got too anxious to go to my psychiatrist and explain what happened, so I just ran out of refills. All that to say, I have been “experiencing the full range of human emotions” for several years now, but it would be nice if it weren’t the low end of the range so often. Thank you for sharing and making me remember that my brain is just chemicals and it needs help regulating those things.
I am often astonished at how much John manages to fit into 4 minutes, but I think this video sets a new record.
Yeah, the title really says it all. Felt like that really could have been three 4-minute segments.
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After listening to this week’s episode of DH+J, it seems like John is feeling the loss of the groundhog in his yard so deeply that he must revisit his disdain of pennies so he can once again have a rival 😂
I believe he actually found his rival in Ryan Reynolds what with blatant poaching on AFC Wimbledon's beloved striker.
@@anikaphillips1372 YES
give him a break, tomorrow is Groundhog's Day after all
@@outoforder5475 don't you mean whistle-pig day?
I love this comment so much
Penny rants, John Green in green, a poetic connection -- vlogbrothers at their truest
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So cool that this video featured John Green, John Red, John Blue, and John Cyan!
I find it incredibly satisfying that "poetically", "politically" and "personally" are such similar-sounding words. It's like extremely fine, soft sand running through my fingers.
We need to bring alliteration back!
@@tomrogue13 We better bring alliteration back. We will leverage alliterations more. We now need new consonant redundancy.
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That is a sense memory I had forgotten having... Thank you forbringing back that perfect warm summer tingle or the child winter beach cling. Iconic.
“The fact of a cost does not negate the fact of a benefit.”
Holy crap that’s such an eloquent way to remind me that hard things can be worth doing even if the process has costs.
I’ve already weighed the cost-benefit analysis and chose to do the thing, I don’t need to second guess my choice just because my mind prefers to focus on the costs of doing the thing that will ultimately be good for me.
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Me. Right now. Working on my bachelor's thesis. Yes it's tedious at times and scientific literature is not known to be the most emotionally involving or stimulating of literary genres, but man if the cost isn't worth the benefit of getting a degree. :D
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My favorite vlogbrothers videos are the ones that make me go "huh" and then think for a while and feel like I've learned something new just by contemplating facts that already existed. This is one of those videos. Thanks, John.
“If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.” - Geddy Lee, Rush
Love that song, and especially that line. One small correction: Geddy sang those words, but Neil Peart wrote them, along with the vast majority of Rush lyrics.
That penny video is what brought me to vlogbrothers in the first place all those years ago. What a great callback! Thank you for this video john. What a gift
Hi John, I just wanted to take a second to thank you (for the millionth time, it feels like) for your Harvey story. Both the podcast and book forms of the essay, but also just... every single time you have shared that story with the community. I have had more than my fair share of bad mental health periods in my life, but I'm currently in one that feels like I'm slowly sliding towards that "lying on the kitchen floor staring at a bottle of Sprite" moment. It is... not fun. But in all the not-fun moments, I have been able to cling to the reminder that this feeling is not going to last forever (although it feels like it will) and that there IS hope (although it feels like there isn't) and that if you- with the help of medication and therapy and people who loved you (all things that I am very fortunate to have too)- were able to get through that, then I can too. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
In my family when we have a lot of stored up feelings we can’t seem to access we say “I have a lot of cry in me” this helps me acknowledge and realize my feelings even when they aren’t forcing me to confront them by being explosive. I’m a person who disassociates so acknowledging my feelings is something I’ve been working on.
It's hard not to just let yourself float around life disconnected from everything when the alternative is negative feelings
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Pennies are simple, life is complicated is my new motto
I'd take that on a shirt
That's a motto everyone can agree on.
this brought to mind something I've been thinking about. I resisted going on medication to treat my ADHD and my anxiety because I don't like my mental state being altered. I didn't acknowledge until recently that everything affects your mental state whether you like it or not and that isn't such a bad thing. my brain chemistry is out of balance and medication helps to correct it.
Good luck in the journey. A wonderful thing about trialing medical intervention is you know what is altering your mental state and you have control over it. You have control over how long you give a medication a trial, and you know to expect some instability. I hope you find your balance. 💕
I really, really needed this today. I've been trying too hard as I work on health issues to find some "answer" that gives me everything I want, when the sad truth is that my body doesn't work like that.(ableism is deeply ingrained, y'all) I've also been job hunting while looking for a new apartment in this economy. It's good to get facts that are hard, but knowing that John understands this somehow comforts me. Thank you, John.
Hey, me too. I think I grew up with the idea that doctors can fix everything and anything if they just have the right information, and I've been struggling with guilt over not being able to explain my symptoms properly or recall exactly when something started or got worse. I hope we can both learn to manage our health, physically and emotionally. Dftba!
Sending love, it is very weird to have to relearn the way you think especially about yourself . I’ve had to make work arounds for mental such all my life but how much the physic can’t be worked around with extra work is really stumping me. I started my university life with one set of physical abilities and have ended with complete different ones, which massively affects my chosen area of study and the work that comes from it. I both really want to believe medicine can made this easier and not get hope up on a system that has both been amazing a failed me massively.
Saying "I want to be completely healthy isn't ableism" saying "I am less of a person because I am not completely healthy is ableism"
@@KWolf2013 I feel the same way-- although there have been good results in my obsession to find an answer, especially when doctors don't look outside their normal statistics. I fall outside of them almost every time and have had to change doctors quite a few times. Exhausting. But I will DFTBA too!
@@TessaOswin holding two opposing thoughts and experiences is so difficult! Here to support your journey!
Never been so early. We also need more "thoughts from places" please
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I feel you John. At my most depressed, I couldn’t cry, and to loose the ability to feel truly sad nearly broke me when I had long lost being truly happy. For me, Meds and Therapy brought the tears back first, and yet it was a big relief to feel anything. Hope you get a good cry in at some point!
As someone who also lost the ability to cry on medication, I feel a duty to prepare you for the possibility that the dam-breaking flood of tears you may desire or anticipate... may not arrive. When I finally cried, it was a single forced tear and I wanted so desperately for more, more, more, but they did not come. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
I've been on that for 3 years now, no tears yet. I really don't like it =/ glad to know others have that too.
This sounds pretty similar to my experience being in my ocd meds. I do get more than one tear when I do occasionally manage, but it clears up pretty quick.
I've been on antidepressants for 6 years and the last time I remember crying was approx 3 years ago, when finishing Turtles All The Way Down
Whenever I feel like a good cry, I just watch Titanic. Works every time. John needs to find his own Titanic story that moves him when nothing else does.
The problem I have with the 3 pick 2 scenarios is that you can usually pick 66.7% of each, or some other balance. You very much can have good friends, a good marriage, and a good job. In fact, given what we know on here, I suspect *you* do. Sure, maybe you could do more, have a closer relationship, or more, deeper friendships. So what? Why do we need to be 100% of everything? Your 66.7% looks really good to me!
I agree, but at the same time I don't. To get my disagreement out of the way, it's the simple quote, "Don't half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing," which is a quote I find useful whenever I find myself scattered. To my agreement, it's that having those things means different things to different people. Maybe friends means you're a daring socialite among a large friend group, maybe it means a tight-nit friend group that neither demands attention nor shys away from it, or it could mean just keeping in touch with some of your favorite people. The same goes for the other two, in that there's vast variation in what satisfaction means, not only in terms of amount of effort, but also in terms of 'routes' to satisfaction.
I view the 3 pick 2 scenario as an (often intentional) oversimplification for effect. There can be some penny-type situations where you really have a fairly cut-and-dried choice, but usually it's like you and John say. We decide where to spend our finite resources. If we do so consciously, we often can choose an outcome more to our liking than we would have achieved by making those choices unconsciously. And the key to making those choices is understanding that there are real tradeoffs. If you focus exclusively on work your relationships with family and friends may suffer. That doesn't mean you can't have family, friends, and work. It means that you only have so much time and energy, so try to spend it wisely and in concert with your priorities while minding the cost and benefits which matter to you. And as you said, most people would probably be most happy with a balance of some sort.
It's worth remembering that you're only seeing a curated portrait of John's life. That's not to say that John is being deceptive or anything like that--some degree of curation is necessary and healthy for public figures. John has needed to make decisions about how much of his life he wants to spend writing and how much of his life that he wants to spend with his children, and we only see as much angst about those decisions as John lets us see.
"Your 66.7% looks really good to me!" I often feel the same way. But what percent of John's life informs our perception of the rest of it? A few edited minutes a week?
Applying to jobs again, I am struggling how to explain my 3 gap years. John, I'm pretty much going to plagiarise a lot from this video. Yet again, without knowing, you give words to very personal worries for I guess a lot of people. Thanks bud.
Never feel ashamed for taking the time that you need to be a human!
@shalvi Garima Negi - Same here, but w/a gap 8 times as long (due to complicated health matters of family members, among other things.)
The best advice I’ve come across (from The Mom Project) is to **own** it.
Whatever the reason for the break, you’ve gained experiences from/during it. If possible, reframe those experiences into how they helped you develop into the person you are now and how that makes you a better employee. If nothing else, the time away has made you *very* energized to contribute to an organization again!
Best wishes - I know we’ll *both* be fine!
Hey Shalvi. All the v best!
In the same boat today. I'm rooting for you!
@@movingforwardLDTH That's actually top tier advice for how to frame a resume gap in an interview!
Aww man, I feel you on the crying thing. I'm transgender and ever since making the switch from testosterone to estrogen, I have experienced a shift from what can only be described as an emotional color palette in 8-bit grayscale to one that is in full 32-bit HDR color. While this is a welcome change, it is an invisible one to everyone but myself. As a result, I have often found that those who have not gone through a shift of this nature (hormonal or otherwise) often misinterpret the occasional bout of crying as evidence of there being a problem with my treatment (or worse, my diagnosis). They armchair-pathologize based on the incorrect assumption that the default state is (and should be) some strange alchemy of numbness and stoicism. It is a pity, imho, that in their internalizing of our culture's media messaging that 'to feel is to be ill' that they are not unlike hikers who have only ever summitted peaks in the daytime, completely unaware that the majesty of the viewpoint doubles when the sun has gone down.
I love how I've heard seperately from multiple trans people how estrogenic HRT felt like "seeing new colours". It's neat when people come to the same metaphors on their own :]
This was super interesting to read as a trans man who has experienced the shift in the opposite direction. I don't think my emotional range has changed much since starting testosterone, but especially early on I found it harder to cry.
me too!
I don't know i f this helps, John, but I've recently realised that just because you don't express your emotions in the same way (to yourself) it can be very confusing but it DOESN'T mean that you don't have access to these emotions. It's just harder to find them because the usual flags that your body puts up to tell you that you are feeling them are now displaced. And it can be daunting to play hide and seek with your emotions but I'm sure you can find them again.
the penny is john's arch nemesis at this point and i fully support that, i need an epic rap battle of history between john and the penny
Alas, it has no bars. -John
@@vlogbrothers Which sounds like it could be one of the lines in the rap... "the only way you could have bars is if I melted you down"
IDEA: Epic rap song about john's hatred for penny as a P4A perk.
@@cel2460 I'm wondering if that'll work better as a new written song preformed by someone acting John, or song-efying Johns various rants through the years into an epic remix...
ERB takes ideas from the audience, but i doubt many get taken up l
Earlier, I cried while listening to a chapter of The Anthropocene Reviewed. And i listened to that chapter because I was trying to escape a negative feeling that was brewing up within myself.
It replaced the negative feeling with a feeling that is still somewhat negative but also made me feel great about being here right now. I cried.
The fact that you got this boiled down to four minutes is remarkable. You are forever a gift to this community.
I think is my favorite Vlogbrothers video. I love the idea of looking at the same concept through these complementary lenses, and there's so much happening in a small space.
I also base a chunk of my self-image in being a crier. It's my most effective way to release tension and stress and I've come to depend on my daily cries a lot. However, a couple of weeks ago I had A Thing™ that required my focus to the point where whenever I thought "I need a cry", I just... couldn't. It seemed like an advantage at the time, it allowed me to spend that time that I would've otherwise spent crying focusing on The Thing. Turns out, frog-in-the-pot style, I didn't realize just how much pressure I was accumulating and, like a pressure cooker with a stuck top, I eventually blew up. Approaching the stuff that happens to us in a cost-benefit way might not be the most romantic way to look at life, but sometimes it can definitely be helpful. Thank you for the video John, thinking about this is helping me get over The Thing. I'm glad your new meds are so effective!
Has anyone else been recommended by RUclips, old Vlogbrothers videos over the past few day. Like I watched the penny video a couple of days ago and today John is providing an update despite a decade between the videos.
I had a weird cost/benefit realization about my meds when I started them for Anxiety and ADHD (accompanied by a tic disorder). The dosage still needed work at the time because I wasn't getting as much benefit as I wanted and the side effects were concerning. But I remember a moment where I was laying down with my partner, taking a Sunday cat nap after lunch, and I realized I hadn't needed to move for 20 minutes. No tics. No feeling like my limbs were trying to escape my body, like my bones were made of ants. I was completely still for the first time I could remember. I cried so hard. I've worked on my dosage and gotten to a pretty even regimen, but that alone, sitting still, was worth everything.
There really is something in feeling the full range of human emotion. I have clinical depression and PTSD, and there was a time in my life when I could not feel any emotions at all. I went about a month where I felt no joy, no sadness, no anger, no fear, no love, no hunger or thirst or exhaustion. I felt absolutely nothing. It was literally maddening. I sought out a series of increasingly intense experiences in an attempt to feel ANYTHING, and it ended with a week in the hospital.
It's been almost 8 years since then, and I'm happy to say that therapy and medication has allowed me to not only feel the full range of human emotion but also process it in a healthier way. I learned a lot from that month of nothingness, including that all emotions are valuable, even the less pleasant ones like anger and sadness.
The moment video #2 started I was taken back to years ago and said out loud “oh here he goes on a rant about pennies again.” Thank you for being ever thoughtful on your approach and for making me laugh over penny hatred time and time again.
(A comment on video editing: I quite like the little breaks you used to seperate the three scenes from each other. It had a subtle old-timey slideshow vibe.)
I loved when you hosted Mental Floss vids. I rediscovered you again when I learned you were a writer. Now, in four minutes I learned that I have a like minded soul out there. A) I absolutely detest pennies and wish someone in the treasury dept would realize how stupid they are. B) Although I'm a 6 ft tall, 50 Y/O male of (very stout) Scottish heritage I cry ALL THE DAMN TIME. I could be watching a Kraft Mac and Cheese commercial where the little boy just loves his mom so much for making it and I would lose my sh!t. It's ridiculous. It used to really bother me. But I now appreciate the extra tender soul inside this ample, rugged exterior. Not sure how I would feel if it just went away. Probably pretty sad, which I realize is incredibly ironic. Thank you for this open and honest video. Big respect. Going now so I don't get weepy. Too late...
I feel like I was meant to find this video two weeks late. I just opened RUclips to catch up on vlogbrothers in an effort numb my despair over this exact cost-benefit problem and found myself here. Recent adhd diagnosis, tried to make it work without meds, then finally gave in and got the script, and after several months was just starting to find equilibrium and freedom in the support my meds gave me. Until today, when after 25 years of my life with no cavities, my dentist told me I have 12 of them, and one of them needs a crown. My medication’s side effects are literally destroying my teeth, and despite my insurance coverage, it’s going to run $1800+ just to fix these cavities, never mind what to do now about managing my mental health. I’m so overwhelmed, but now I think I feel understood, and maybe a little better for it.
I've been paralyzed for a full year now, and I have noticed core changes in me directly related to it. My talking and expressions changed because it's a lot of effort to do gestures or movement without falling forward. And my reactions to fear or anxiety feel muted because I couldn't run from something if I wanted to, almost forcing me to face things I wouldn't have. These aren't massive problems, but things I acknowledge have changed because of my new condition. I think I had a point, but now I'm not sure what it was. So if you've read this, things can change, sometimes it stinks, but we all try to make it through. Keep up your good work, and don't be afraid to ask for help or be vulnerable to your friends or loved ones.
As a writer, and a former RUclipsr, I loved this video.
It's such a good illustration of how there are a million ways to approach a topic, and why writers can spend a literally infinite amount of time working on a project if we don't self-limit. All three of these approaches were great. There are no "wrong" answers here, which is what makes writing so rich and also so challenging.
This video hits right after coming to the realization that my new medication isn't working for me, which has sent me into a spiral of thoughts that have me asking these questions. Wondering how society has made it so easy to feel guilt or laziness for doing things that come naturally to daily life. Working and not spending enough time with my husband and son, or spending time with them and not working enough. Not to mention my friends, who help me keep my thoughts in check. A very overwhelming feeling of never having it together. It's comforting to know I am not the only one navigating these thoughts.
This reminds me of a video Hank made a while back about a "tool with no blood on it." I think about that video a lot. It really made me reexamine the way I think and talk about problems in the world.
I was recently introduced to the idea that "you can have anything, but not everything." I've been struggling with this as a student because I desperately want everything, but for the first time in my education I'm noticing that I have to cut back on the things I used to do in my free time. I'm very grateful for this video today as it's given me not just perspective, but three perspectives. I'm so glad that I don't cut back on your videos. Thank you ❤
The last time I cried was yesterday morning watching Harvey Elliot's comeback goal. I am just so inspired by how hard he has had to work to come back this season and how difficult it must have been to be injured just weeks into his breakout season. He is such a wonderful play and, from what I can tell, a great person.
i was the most depressed i’ve ever been my senior year of high school & i cried CONSTANTLY. i have also always been a crier & it helped me navigate the overwhelming emotions i felt that year. i (ironically) felt a lot better once covid hit, giving me the opportunity to isolate COMPLETELY & take the step back from my life that i needed. i found out i have adhd right After i graduated. ever since then, i’ve stopped crying as much. there was a time right after my diagnosis where i *couldn’t* cry, & it caused me almost an identity crisis. i had been crying so much, & now, nothing? was i even feeling at all? now i’m back to somewhere i’m comfortable with. but all of this to say, you will cry again, & it will probably feel better than you think. just another thing of yours i see myself in :]
Heard on Twitter that this is the most rewarding it's been to make vlogbrothers in 15 years… and I have to say, having been along for the ride for 12 of those now, this might be the most rewarding it's been to watch! There have been moments when I miss how easy and ridiculous the "old school" videos are… but if that's the trade off for the level of insight I get from you and Hank nowadays, I'd say that's a benefit worth its cost :)
John, growing up I had crippling anxiety that manifested in uncontrollable crying. As a middle school student, the trauma of being made fun of for my crying, of which I could not control, nor understand the reasoning for their onset, really damaged me. After I began medication and therapy I did not cry for 10 years.
I still don't cry much, but when I do it is wonderful. I hope you cry again soon and really enjoy it. I hope it happens sooner than 10 years.
This reminds me of the secret live streams while John was signing a quarter million pages
i like the premiere too john, it's like watching with friends
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This video feels very on point for me. I’m chronically ill and am on a plethora on medication. I started with a new doctor today and she we were discussing a new medication for a big problem I’m having. She was going over some of the long term problems that have been shown with this medication and I had to stop her. I mentioned that I have accepted the fact that with the many, and I mean many, medications I have tried or am on I accept that I will have a shorter life span or problems from them later in life.
But I have a now.
And having a now is more important to me than limping along for my whole life just to make it to the end. That’s the cost - benefits analysis that’s been a part of my life. A now is more important to me.
I feel informed yet also a bit confused, but above all I’m glad to hear you have found a medication balance which hopefully works as well as you could need.
Thank you for changing your shirt 3 times for us
My first Vlogbrothers video was "I hate pennies." It's always good to remember that it's been more than a decade of this life that you all have been inspiring me and challenging me to reconsider how I approach the world. DFTBA, Brothers Green and all Nerdfighters!
I always hoped you'd make an updated penny video. This wasn't what I expected, but it was even better.
I have had one of the most challenging and heartbreaking months of my life, today was actually one of the worst and watching this, I feel like i just got a cosmic hug. I’ll do a better job of sorting my pennies and try not to stress over them too much. Thanks John.
What a beautifully classic vlogbrothers video. This one made me feel really good, like a warm hug.
This video comes to you in three parts, with three shirts. Great points John. :)
Also what a good way to summarize the way the pandemic makes me feel exhausted: A constant cost-benefit analysis. This is exactly it. Constantly weighing if going to the grocery store today means that I can't visit my mom this week, or if beginning again to explore my teaching career is going to negatively impact my health in dramatic and unknown ways. I'm just so tired...
I’ve been on Prozac for quite awhile now and have also lost the ability to cry. I did not like that this was happening just as you said, because I still want to be able to experience full range of emotion. After flying halfway across the country to help my friends for a month move from a beaten down rental in San Diego to a much more pleasant apartment, I finally experienced crying again. And it was wonderful.
The thesis of the video as I understand it: In life, we must all choose between a robust social life, a passionate love life, a rewarding work life, getting rid of the penny, maintaining our mental health, and crying; but we may only choose 2
But in all seriousness, wonderful video John, and definitely a great way to make cost-benefit analyses less cold and statistical and more real and personal!
When you should be studying but John provides the procrastination needed
I’ve always admired you very much John and Hank. I’ve watched you for years even though I examine my world from a different perspective. This video reminded me that people examine their worlds from a physical perspective while others examine it spiritually. I am constantly comparing and contrasting the two points of view. I examine mine spiritually. However, many people feel the way each of you do about the world. There is no doubt you try your best to be good people. It’s evident in the way you try to help people. I hope for nothing but the best for both of you and your families futures. 🌸🐝
This is a great video but the first time your shirt changed I was questioning myself and then it happened again and I realised you did it to split the stories. There are always lots of ways to tell a story or to value something. Love this analysis of cost vs benefit.
The Green Brothers are two of my favorite people. God bless you!
Before I started on meds, I genuinely thought that the deep, underwater void that I felt was the best thing ever because I stopped feeling emotions and just existed. I'm still trying to find the right combo, but finding meds that cut through some of the nonsense and allow me to function? SO much better. I've cried more on these meds than ever before, but out of relief, not fear or anxiety. It's a huge change for me to cry - and I'm having to adjust to being a crier, which I never expected. I never thought that feeling the full range of human emotion would be something I would look forward to or even enjoy
I’m so glad you found a medication with obvious benefits and can deeeeeply sympathize about the costs. I have an appointment tomorrow to try again after quitting cold turkey in the summer.
i cried very little once i started antidepressants and then just the other night i sobbed hysterically to encanto for tens of minutes. not even the sad bits, i was just emotional about the beauty of family
I started new meds and I described it as “I’m crying less but not necessarily in a good way”
I am also on a medication that makes it extremely difficult for me to cry. So much so that for years I only ever cried in extreme emotional distress while sleep deprived. Until my wedding, then I cried happy tears for the first time one decades. It was such a wonderful feeling, perhaps more so because it was so rare.
I haven't been able to cry for most of my life due to trauma but in the last few years I've been slowly gaining my ability to cry back and within the last month I've been crying a lot! It takes time to gain the ability to cry!
I started on some new meds in December 2020, and I also lost the ability to cry! It's been over a year now and I've cried maybe 5 or 6 times - which, from someone who used to cry almost every day, is extremely bizarre. But when I do cry it's not how I imagined - all my pent up emotions spilling loose. Usually it's a very gentle release of emotions with a poetic and pretty set of tears. Still not sure how I feel about this change, but here we are!
I didn’t realize I have quit needing to cry since taking a medicine too. Before this medicine, I desperately needed to cry when I got my feelings hurt which wasn’t all the time, but occasionally. When you said that I was shocked.
Loved the video, but one of my favorite parts of a vlogbrothers video is trying and failing to wait to read the comments until I finish the video. Then I just scroll and end up liking every single one. This community ❤️
I cried for the first time in years today. Really cried. I feel like I have a head cold now and my eyes are raw but it felt so good to feel.
Vid #1: I never understood the ‘choose two’. I thought it’s my fault, that I just need to work harder to do it all.
Listening to John explain it it just clicked. There is always a trade off. Thank you.
I have a fun paradoxical cost/benefit meds situation going on right now; I have, since middle school, had periodic panic attacks about some obsessive worry, it used be be a fear of vomiting, it transformed mid-college into a fear of heart attacks, with a fear of stroke added on as a pandemic bonus. These panic attacks got out of control in mid-2020 for the obvious reasons, as well as a spike in depression, so I started taking SSRIs again, and started tracking my panic attacks on my period tracker because it was a handy calendar I was already used to accessing that showed data very clearly.
I discovered, once I got my panic attacks under control again, that they happened near-exclusively once monthly, on or just before my period. Talking to my GP, she said the hormone shifts of my cycle might be affecting my anxiety, and I went on birth control pills for the first time in my life, and my panic attacks have all but stopped
one of my big fears that would spiral into a panic attack was the fear of having a blood clot... something I worry about much less now, even though I have very slightly increased my chance of getting one with the medication I take to not worry about it. Life is hilarious and human emotions are awful at risk assessment
I too like accessing the full range of my emotions. They are a really great way to express myself.
I think the magic and true talent of the green bros is making a video that is concise but doesn't seem rushed. I don't understand it! It seems like it'd be easy to make a 4 minute video with a lot of content, you just speak fast and cram more in.
But when I wrote college essays and had to trim for word count, it came at the expense of a natural voice and flow. Somehow, you both have mastered keeping the pace high without it ever feel like you're rushed for time
As someone who habitually records the date and time they cry, the last time I cried was during New Year's Eve listening to the Auld Lang Syne episode. However, I realized that there has been a 7 month gap between me crying on new year's eve and me crying for another reason and during it was a myriad of scenarios that should have made me sob like contracting COVID, my SO breaking up with me, etc. and yet i didn't cry...
It wasn't medication, but it was repression... the consistent deadlines of college applications combined with self-expectations on maturity, like how i'm productive because I don't cry or don't give myself time to...
I guess, what you can get from here is that the Auld Lang Syne episode is a masterpiece or that i incredibly suck at handling my emotions that I only let my self experience emotions once I look at it in the future... i'd always love to think that the former is truer than the latter...
What a beautiful video in such a short time. I like how there were different ways you could articulate what you were feeling and you decided to just go with all 3. I've been dealing with heavy burnout and not wanting to do anything lately and it feels so frustrating when I think about how hardworking and productive I was pre-pandemic. And it's starting to hit me that I didn't suddenly become lazy, my body is just taking back all the rest and fatigue that I denied myself for many years. And while that can be frustrating at times, it also has lead me to reconsider what is actually worth spending my energy on and how I can build back up my stamina without just incurring another burnout later down the road.
As someone who cried often and still cries often just less so what it boils down to is an understanding that I can express the full range of emotion without the water works just fine. Another aspect is a lot of my water works stemmed from a belief that I was an inherently incapable person doomed to cause grief and upset regardless of where I went or what I did. Most of my adult life, I'm still rather young, has been spent realizing that yes I actually am capable of doing good things and now I cry when I see beauty.
Not being able to cry is like having an itch you can’t scratch, the feeling will pass but in the moment it’s very uncomfortable
I'm glad to hear you like your new medication and the cost benefit analysis comes out wildly better than pennies! From some of the last few months of videos I know it's been a hard couple years, so I'm really glad to hear this news for you John.
I've never been a regular crier, but the few times I recall were a relief. I still feel deep sadness for personal losses and other more nebulous reasons though, as I'm sure you will too. I don't consciously try to suppress my sadness, but it seems to be expressed in different ways? I'm unmedicated so far, so I guess I'm just a different corner of the experience spectrum.
I've considered coming out as trans and discussed this with my therapist. I mostly held the opinion that it's a bad idea due it being very complicated on my family and friends and will probably somewhat hinder my professional life and also just be really hard in general. My therapist keeps making the point that not being true to myself and not telling the people close to me could have a much greater mental toll on me than I realize and there are major benefits to coming out I should consider. I've been doing a lot of work on seeing the benefits in things that have costs so this video really resonated with me on that front.
If you do choose to come out, you have support here. Im proud of you no matter what pal.
Sending you love Turtlecactus! (And what an amazing username!)
i know that before i came out as trans, it weighed on my mind as an incredibly scary path to take. when i did finally take the plunge i felt alive in a way i never had before. your therapist's comment about the mental toll of staying closeted absolutely rings true in my experience. coming out has made so many struggles for me these past few years, but i know for a fact i would not be here today if i hadn't. i hope you find whatever it is you need to properly love yourself and pursue it with your entire being
I guess I wanted to give an update on this lol
I came out! Doing well and most of my friends and family have been great about it.
It's probably been some of the hardest months of my life but also this is the happiest I've ever been!
I want to thank you guys for the kind comments, they came in a time when I needed them the most
Watch part of a film or toon you love, one that pulls at the heart strings.
AND WEEP, IN JOY. GO ERIC!
Ive been arguing your side of the penny argument since i watched that video as a teenager. I don't remember how many years it's been, but at least 7
I don't remember the first videos I saw of most of the people I follow on RUclips, but for whatever reason I distinctly remember that penny video being my introduction to vlogbrothers!
I really appreciate being able to navigate this video by seeing what color John's shirt is at any time in the thumbnail preview.
The switching between polos of different colors reminded me that I used to LOVE wearing polos, I thought they were so cool, and John makes them somewhat cool again
Thanks to a new full-time job under my own insurance for the first time with basically unlimited therapy visits for a $20 co-pay and a new doctor who believed what I was feeling and put me on a medication, for the first time in a long time, I am hopeful I can be my best self. I thought for a long time that I had to weigh the cost of my mental health against the gain of being a grad student and an academic. I was scared that if things changed too much, I wouldn't be able to keep up with all of the things that I wanted to do. Through therapy and hopefully through the new medication and a stable work environment, I can chill out a bit and focus on my personal life and learn that my life doesn't revolve around what I want to do professionally/in academia. Thought I wanted to share that. Thank you John, and everyone else sharing their stories in the comments.
Needed this. I'm currently considering leaving my first job. It has me on my feet and exhausted, and I work over 40 hours every week.The pay is really good, especially for my first job, and I'm trying to save up for college, but I haven't really hung out with my friends in weeks and I'm experiencing significant mental health effects. I've had trouble putting it in words for my family, because they want to see me succeed, but at the end of the day - I am tired and sad, and the cost is starting to outweigh the benefits for me.
Love this video. Keep it up brother.
It's so good to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't cried since I started anxiety meds. I love my meds and I feel so much better on them, but that's been something missing from my emotions. It's a weirdly empty feeling to not cry in movies and other situations when I know I would otherwise.
After increasing my lexapro dosage for OCD, I stopped crying for about 9 months. It actually came back literally almost 1 tear at a time. Now I’m back to normal after about 2 years, so my guess is that it will level out for you at some point.
Laziness is the word we use for time taken to care for yourself in contrast to time spent for the sake of others.
I don't have very nuanced thoughts on cost:benefits or pennies atm, so instead I note how we're seeing more of John's shirts in this one video than in, I think, all other videos except for Pizzamas ones and I think that's beautiful. ❤
The penny video is 11 years old?! I watched that when it was NEW! At 24 years old, I suddenly feel like I am crumbling to dust.
I used to be someone who would cry at the drop of a hat and then after starting antidepressants found I didn’t cry, at least no where near as often. I remember sitting and watching something, thinking about how before meds I absolutely would be crying right now. Over the years I’ve started to wonder if it’s not so much that there medication numbs me but instead keeps me away from the very tipping point of sadness. That I’m not crying because things are in a more stable point of reference.
Anyways, if I need to cry I’ll just look up “We’re here because we’re here” and bawl. ♥️
I was not able to cry really at all from age 13ish until a couple years ago (in my early twenties). I have no idea why (I wasn't on any medication) but it was pretty terrible. I felt deep despair and anguish etc and it felt like my inability to cry just made it so these things couldn't be released -- like a huge amount of pressure was just building up all the time. I was always really jealous of people who talked about crying, and I'm really grateful now that I am able to cry. So I definitely see why not being able to cry is a cost and not a benefit, even if your experience is probably somewhat different from mine.
Premiere for the win! Also interesting format for a video! Love this one John!
Yooooo I´m a crier tooooooo! It's honeslty one of the things I most love about myself, because it makes me feel human and full of love. Hopefully you get your cry back and it is everything you longed for.
I love how you changed your shirt for each section.
I appreciate the three different shirts to outline the three different videos
I always appreciate you sharing your experiences with OCD medication and treatments and your wise perspective on such
Continue making your Accountant proud with all this talk about Cost-Benefit ratio 😉. I wish most of my clients thought about it as much as you clearly have
-Your friendly neighborhood CPA
it's like Geddy Lee of Rush once said, "You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."