Not gonna lie, the pendulum swinging is tough to go through. I've unpacked so many illusions in my own life since awakening, and they've been so difficult to let go. Trying to communicate this with others close to me is near impossible. No one seems to understand how I see the world now which makes me feel crazy "nutty" from time to time. The thing is, I know Truth now. There is no way to unsee it. There is no way to stop it. Although the ego cranks up its fight to keep its grip in the world of illusion. Creating fear and panic. However, reality is better in Truth. I'm still not fully on the other side of it yet, but I've tasted it enough to know that it'll "happen".
Jaguar, I'm so glad this found you. I encourage you to pop over and visit my website... as I can only imagine you might find even more of a sense of solidarity there, and perhaps some useful support for your journey. Feel free to reach out with an email there if you like! Or join in one of the free zoom sessions coming in August. (it's all in the video descrription.) Or... barring all of that... may you go inward to the place of peace that passes all understanding and find your guidance from that quiet place. It will indeed tell you of itself, perhaps with your patience, It is always there, eternally, but for our willingness to listen. (And nobody's perfect!) In the meantime, travel light and journey lightly! Peace be with you, friend! All my best to you. - Jonathan
Female 49. Yes , all of the above : mostly grateful moments of bliss , few moments of fear then back to inner comfort . Definitely not interested in a social life in fact I go out only when necessary. New values , new priorities , yes the pendulum drives me nuts too. But I'm lucky this is not new to me but I'm very excited and encouraged it's not just me , more and more people are admitting & embracing this change ! Hold on tight as much as equally go with the flow . ❤
Beautifully said! I do understand! Here's wishing you the very best in your journey Vaphiadis, and that you might find that quiet place inwardly where the roller coaster doesn't touch at all, even while it continues it's ups and downs on the outward plane. And do feel free to reach out, if you like. Peace be with you friend! - Jonathan 😊🙏
@@jonathanvanvalin4518 We are in this together ! What more could I want ? Inner peace , world peace ? Yes all of it . But thank goodness we have each other thank you Johnathan 💯❤️ I'm so glad I stumbled onto your channel I'm going to subscribe right now before it's too late . I'm always around too looking for more of us , if you ever need to chat this is where you'll find me 🦋
I'll keep that in mind Vaphiadis... I am happy to count you as a fellow traveler as well. I will look forward to seeing you on the trail somewhere along the way. Peace be with you! Alla prossima... ciao ciao cara!
@@jonathanvanvalin4518 A wild ride indeed! I often laugh to myself when different things occur and communicate with myself about how funny it is to have signed up for this ride and how this or that makes sense for me to have experienced, even when it would not be my first choice 😏 It helps to lighten the trip a lot. It also helps to hear people, in communities like this one, that I would certainly classify as “sane” 😏, based on what I get from them, who do have very similar experiences. That helps tremendously. And it keeps me optimistic that the time is nearing when this is the norm and not that, if you know what I mean. It’s wild for sure, but I feel more than ever that I meant it to be, to really get the bang for my buck on this trip 😄
Soooooo great to see you popping back up again, dear Jonathan - this time by the Puget Sound! Neato! And, as always, you say exactly what is needed at exactly the right moment. I especially appreciate the self-disclosure of your own head-scratching (then ferocious) process inward! You didn’t even have a community or group to contextualize what was happening to you. This is such a HUGE point to emphasize. I have been thinking a lot about how much people need to hear one another’s “Wilderness” stories. It’s often the part left out. And like you said, it may not be a discrete chapter of the story: It might pendulum back and forth over a long stretch of time between peace (or whatever carrot keeps our attention there) and panic till you start recognizing and trusting the pattern - then I suppose when the pendulum swings back to fear you can be at peace in the knowing it will pass. Jonathan - you didn’t speak about this experience to your family. But did they sense something was shifting in you? Did they worry? Did you ever get negative feedback or judgment from your work or social community? Did you have to let go of anyone in particular who was confused, maybe angry about it? I am in that part of the Wilderness. ✨🙏🏾
Dear Darby, as for my family... I've never been quite clear on whether or not my family members new something was shifting in me. I rather doubt it. In my mid-thirties when this was really picking up speed, I think many family members had already long since decided they didn't really understand me, but had opted to love me anyway. They might say: "yeah... I don't get what he's up to at all, but he's a good guy!" ...or something like that. To many, I also simply kept such things so internally, I just never let on. I also had the "benefit" of having such a widely dispersed family group that I could rather easily keep things under wraps when/if I wished. At that time, I also couldn't have imagined how I'd put any of it into words anyway, even if I did want to try and explain myself and what I was experiencing. Later, after going through absolutely life-altering shifts of consciousness, commonly known as awakening and whatnot... I got alot weirder! After the awakening shift, I barely spoke at all for over a year. But one of the few ways in which I did speak, is when I could fall back onto common patterns - like talking to my family members. It was still kept to an absolute minimum, tho. Eventually, I just took off with a backpack and wandered the globe in faceless, anonymous quietude. Asia, Africa, across the USA a few times. It's a long story and I'm leaving out much, but being quiet and hard to find was easy. If my family was baffled by me before, they certainly were more so. Except... they had also, again, kind of accepted that they couldn't quite fathom how or why I made my choices; what I was up to, or where I thought I was going. Yet they opted to love me anyway. Life circumstances have played a huge part in this journey... If was married, it would have looked differently. If I had children of my own, it would have looked very different! (I find myself quite surprised that those things didn't come to pass, sometimes!) So it's been a long strange trip. Largely outside the norm of most people's life experiences. My family members and friends, at the very least, tend to experience me as a vibrant, kind, fun, uplifting presence. And wherever I go, I also tend to cook! The food's good... so whenever I'm with family and friends, I think they are usually curious about what I'm up to as we sit down to a good meal... so they just accept the rest. Along the way, over all these years, I've spent a vast amount of time in solitude. So.. if there was negative judgment from any quarter... it is rather likely I was not paying attention to it. In fact, it is rather likely that - if people in my circles were upset - I may never have even known about it. In a few cases, I was... but also knew without any doubt at all, that the solitude was necessary, right, appropriate; and that to kotow to their emotional need for something else was something they would have to reconcile within themselves. It was not my job to fix it for them. (And sometimes this was hard. But still...) These days, that drive for solitude has almost completely flipped. I do still need and enjoy solitude on a regular basis, but in much, much smaller doses. And most of the time, if I'm not sharing, reaching out, engaging the world and people in it... in some form or another... I am clearly "off-track." My journey is not necessarily a model for anyone else. We, all of us, will and must travel paths completely unique to each other! This is one of the reasons I have been loathe to talk much about my own journey at all, for years. I'd rather people "do their own work" than get caught up in mine. Take the journey they must take. Yet... I also have come to concede that we all do go together. Yes, your journey will necessarily be different, and unique. Yet it is still possible to support each other, to point the way down pathways that are already familiar, even though you must still take your own steps. And sometimes, telling stories is just a helpful inspiration to others. So I'll try to do those things. 😊🙏 Jonathan
J - Thank you so much for writing this, even if it was long ago and maybe not even relevant to your experience at this time. From where I am standing I appreciate having as many models of experience I can. Lots of models. There are lots of parallels for me. I did a lot of solo travel until I became a teacher at age 29. Then that became such an ignited passion that I couldn’t learn fast enough. So I hunkered down and made a heartfelt commitment to serve my community. I returned to college, still using summers to travel (and teach). But over time my nervous system was craving a great deal of grounding in pursuit of something called “home” - a safe place to be myself - an unanswered yearning since childhood. In fact, that tension between my need to cultivate rootedness and belonging was just as demanding as my need for the freedom to disappear (often) from my community and culture, travel, and just put down the heavy load of being “seen” in ways that were often limiting. Then I had a special needs baby at age 43. While working 60 hours a week. And writing a dissertation. No maternity leave. Alone. What has followed in the 15 years since has been, well, hard. My body went through a sort of slow-motion “crash and burn” and said, “No more.” Not a chosen Awakening, but one nonetheless. And one noticed by family, friends, community - which is especially unwanted. Darn. I just ran out of energy. I will hopefully finish this thought another time. Again, as always, I appreciate your courage to put yourself out there, Jonathan. Just great teaching. And artistry! You seem to really be enjoying it. Yay for me and for all of us who can hear you. 🤜🏽🤛🏼
Beautiful message. I am on the path and I hope to meet you on a zoom call sometime. I would say peace be with you but I know it already is, as it is with me
I can really relate to this, had a 5meo ceremony a few weeks ago that threw me into the deep end again with dreams of who am I, what am I doing, what is anything and the self realisation that I’m truely alone on this journey deep down. It feels like I’m literally coming apart at the seams at times and gives me a great respect for those dealing with schizophrenia… It also showed me how I cling to my comfort zone and identity and the habits I seek out to hide or numb from the world. Feels like being trapped in a web sometimes.
Dear electricsnut, it sounds like you really are in the thick of things... but also know enough to recognize there is only one direction that really makes sense: to keep going through it to find what is ultimately "on the other side." And here is a simple prayer of support for you to keep going! Keep going my friend! You're on the right track... keep going. Peace! - Jonathan 😊🙏
Hello Marilynn, if by "believer in Christ" you mean the typical framework of our organized religions and many of the core beliefs of dogmatic Christian faith, then... no. However, having read the bible and studied the work of Jesus among other works, and having gone through the experiences and transformations I've (mostly unexpectedly) gone through..., I have come to believe that the core of his understanding - not that of Christianity as a religion; formed in the centuries after his death - is an understanding I would resonate with very deeply. I consider him a brother and shining light and embodiment of pure spirit. But I wouldn't fit very well into most churches. The funny thing, is that when I go to church - usually when a family member is taking me, which is pretty rare - I love going. I feel a connection to the Jesus that lived and worked before all the religiosity took over, and that connection feels exquisite. So though I am literally not "on board" with much of the dogma being espoused, I am frequently delighted to be there. - Jonathan 😊🙏
Not gonna lie, the pendulum swinging is tough to go through. I've unpacked so many illusions in my own life since awakening, and they've been so difficult to let go. Trying to communicate this with others close to me is near impossible. No one seems to understand how I see the world now which makes me feel crazy "nutty" from time to time. The thing is, I know Truth now. There is no way to unsee it. There is no way to stop it. Although the ego cranks up its fight to keep its grip in the world of illusion. Creating fear and panic. However, reality is better in Truth. I'm still not fully on the other side of it yet, but I've tasted it enough to know that it'll "happen".
I understand! And your note will surely be a great encouragement to many others as well... Blessings be upon you, and Amen, my friend! 😊🙏 - Jonathan
keep going ur almost home! I will! Thank you
Amen, my friend! I will see you there. 😊🙏
You are talking about me. Word for word. That's exactly what I feel. Amazing.
Jaguar, I'm so glad this found you. I encourage you to pop over and visit my website... as I can only imagine you might find even more of a sense of solidarity there, and perhaps some useful support for your journey. Feel free to reach out with an email there if you like! Or join in one of the free zoom sessions coming in August. (it's all in the video descrription.) Or... barring all of that... may you go inward to the place of peace that passes all understanding and find your guidance from that quiet place. It will indeed tell you of itself, perhaps with your patience, It is always there, eternally, but for our willingness to listen. (And nobody's perfect!) In the meantime, travel light and journey lightly! Peace be with you, friend! All my best to you. - Jonathan
Female 49. Yes , all of the above : mostly grateful moments of bliss , few moments of fear then back to inner comfort . Definitely not interested in a social life in fact I go out only when necessary. New values , new priorities , yes the pendulum drives me nuts too. But I'm lucky this is not new to me but I'm very excited and encouraged it's not just me , more and more people are admitting & embracing this change ! Hold on tight as much as equally go with the flow . ❤
Beautifully said! I do understand! Here's wishing you the very best in your journey Vaphiadis, and that you might find that quiet place inwardly where the roller coaster doesn't touch at all, even while it continues it's ups and downs on the outward plane. And do feel free to reach out, if you like. Peace be with you friend! - Jonathan 😊🙏
@@jonathanvanvalin4518 We are in this together ! What more could I want ? Inner peace , world peace ? Yes all of it . But thank goodness we have each other thank you Johnathan 💯❤️ I'm so glad I stumbled onto your channel I'm going to subscribe right now before it's too late . I'm always around too looking for more of us , if you ever need to chat this is where you'll find me 🦋
I'll keep that in mind Vaphiadis... I am happy to count you as a fellow traveler as well. I will look forward to seeing you on the trail somewhere along the way. Peace be with you! Alla prossima... ciao ciao cara!
This story I experience over and over; myself, and also seeing it in others. 💗
It really can be quite a wild ride... here's wishing the peace that passes all understanding upon you, my friend! - Jonathan 😊🙏
@@jonathanvanvalin4518 A wild ride indeed! I often laugh to myself when different things occur and communicate with myself about how funny it is to have signed up for this ride and how this or that makes sense for me to have experienced, even when it would not be my first choice 😏 It helps to lighten the trip a lot. It also helps to hear people, in communities like this one, that I would certainly classify as “sane” 😏, based on what I get from them, who do have very similar experiences. That helps tremendously. And it keeps me optimistic that the time is nearing when this is the norm and not that, if you know what I mean. It’s wild for sure, but I feel more than ever that I meant it to be, to really get the bang for my buck on this trip 😄
@@naig2956 in fact you ARE the bang, haha!
@@felice9907 right back atcha ☺️💗
This helps❤
I'm glad it helps. I can't really imagine a better reason for doing this... and I appreciate your kind words. Thank you Kathleen! 😊🙏- Jonathan
Thanks for sharing! Very relatable! The more this empties out, the more joy I feel! Joy of freedom!
Amen, Kevin! Peace be wit'chu on the journey... 😊🙏
Soooooo great to see you popping back up again, dear Jonathan - this time by the Puget Sound! Neato! And, as always, you say exactly what is needed at exactly the right moment. I especially appreciate the self-disclosure of your own head-scratching (then ferocious) process inward! You didn’t even have a community or group to contextualize what was happening to you. This is such a HUGE point to emphasize.
I have been thinking a lot about how much people need to hear one another’s “Wilderness” stories. It’s often the part left out. And like you said, it may not be a discrete chapter of the story: It might pendulum back and forth over a long stretch of time between peace (or whatever carrot keeps our attention there) and panic till you start recognizing and trusting the pattern - then I suppose when the pendulum swings back to fear you can be at peace in the knowing it will pass.
Jonathan - you didn’t speak about this experience to your family. But did they sense something was shifting in you? Did they worry? Did you ever get negative feedback or judgment from your work or social community? Did you have to let go of anyone in particular who was confused, maybe angry about it? I am in that part of the Wilderness. ✨🙏🏾
Dear Darby, as for my family... I've never been quite clear on whether or not my family members new something was shifting in me. I rather doubt it. In my mid-thirties when this was really picking up speed, I think many family members had already long since decided they didn't really understand me, but had opted to love me anyway. They might say: "yeah... I don't get what he's up to at all, but he's a good guy!" ...or something like that. To many, I also simply kept such things so internally, I just never let on. I also had the "benefit" of having such a widely dispersed family group that I could rather easily keep things under wraps when/if I wished. At that time, I also couldn't have imagined how I'd put any of it into words anyway, even if I did want to try and explain myself and what I was experiencing. Later, after going through absolutely life-altering shifts of consciousness, commonly known as awakening and whatnot... I got alot weirder! After the awakening shift, I barely spoke at all for over a year. But one of the few ways in which I did speak, is when I could fall back onto common patterns - like talking to my family members. It was still kept to an absolute minimum, tho. Eventually, I just took off with a backpack and wandered the globe in faceless, anonymous quietude. Asia, Africa, across the USA a few times. It's a long story and I'm leaving out much, but being quiet and hard to find was easy. If my family was baffled by me before, they certainly were more so. Except... they had also, again, kind of accepted that they couldn't quite fathom how or why I made my choices; what I was up to, or where I thought I was going. Yet they opted to love me anyway. Life circumstances have played a huge part in this journey... If was married, it would have looked differently. If I had children of my own, it would have looked very different! (I find myself quite surprised that those things didn't come to pass, sometimes!) So it's been a long strange trip. Largely outside the norm of most people's life experiences. My family members and friends, at the very least, tend to experience me as a vibrant, kind, fun, uplifting presence. And wherever I go, I also tend to cook! The food's good... so whenever I'm with family and friends, I think they are usually curious about what I'm up to as we sit down to a good meal... so they just accept the rest. Along the way, over all these years, I've spent a vast amount of time in solitude. So.. if there was negative judgment from any quarter... it is rather likely I was not paying attention to it. In fact, it is rather likely that - if people in my circles were upset - I may never have even known about it. In a few cases, I was... but also knew without any doubt at all, that the solitude was necessary, right, appropriate; and that to kotow to their emotional need for something else was something they would have to reconcile within themselves. It was not my job to fix it for them. (And sometimes this was hard. But still...)
These days, that drive for solitude has almost completely flipped. I do still need and enjoy solitude on a regular basis, but in much, much smaller doses. And most of the time, if I'm not sharing, reaching out, engaging the world and people in it... in some form or another... I am clearly "off-track."
My journey is not necessarily a model for anyone else. We, all of us, will and must travel paths completely unique to each other! This is one of the reasons I have been loathe to talk much about my own journey at all, for years. I'd rather people "do their own work" than get caught up in mine. Take the journey they must take. Yet... I also have come to concede that we all do go together. Yes, your journey will necessarily be different, and unique. Yet it is still possible to support each other, to point the way down pathways that are already familiar, even though you must still take your own steps. And sometimes, telling stories is just a helpful inspiration to others. So I'll try to do those things. 😊🙏 Jonathan
J - Thank you so much for writing this, even if it was long ago and maybe not even relevant to your experience at this time. From where I am standing I appreciate having as many models of experience I can. Lots of models.
There are lots of parallels for me. I did a lot of solo travel until I became a teacher at age 29. Then that became such an ignited passion that I couldn’t learn fast enough. So I hunkered down and made a heartfelt commitment to serve my community. I returned to college, still using summers to travel (and teach).
But over time my nervous system was craving a great deal of grounding in pursuit of something called “home” - a safe place to be myself - an unanswered yearning since childhood. In fact, that tension between my need to cultivate rootedness and belonging was just as demanding as my need for the freedom to disappear (often) from my community and culture, travel, and just put down the heavy load of being “seen” in ways that were often limiting.
Then I had a special needs baby at age 43. While working 60 hours a week. And writing a dissertation. No maternity leave. Alone.
What has followed in the 15 years since has been, well, hard. My body went through a sort of slow-motion “crash and burn” and said, “No more.” Not a chosen Awakening, but one nonetheless. And one noticed by family, friends, community - which is especially unwanted.
Darn. I just ran out of energy. I will hopefully finish this thought another time. Again, as always, I appreciate your courage to put yourself out there, Jonathan. Just great teaching. And artistry! You seem to really be enjoying it. Yay for me and for all of us who can hear you. 🤜🏽🤛🏼
„Keep walking. You‘re almost home“ 😢❤❤❤☺️
Hola m'dear TCRibbon... Here's a big hug for you, and do feel free to keep in touch. :-) Jonathan
Beautiful message. I am on the path and I hope to meet you on a zoom call sometime. I would say peace be with you but I know it already is, as it is with me
Cherie! The Zoom meeting link is fixed, so I hope to meet you as well! 😊🙏- Jonathan
This resonates so deeply. Thank you for this content.
Hello Meghan! I'm so glad it does. Peace be with you! 😊🙏 - Jonathan
I can really relate to this, had a 5meo ceremony a few weeks ago that threw me into the deep end again with dreams of who am I, what am I doing, what is anything and the self realisation that I’m truely alone on this journey deep down. It feels like I’m literally coming apart at the seams at times and gives me a great respect for those dealing with schizophrenia… It also showed me how I cling to my comfort zone and identity and the habits I seek out to hide or numb from the world. Feels like being trapped in a web sometimes.
Dear electricsnut, it sounds like you really are in the thick of things... but also know enough to recognize there is only one direction that really makes sense: to keep going through it to find what is ultimately "on the other side." And here is a simple prayer of support for you to keep going! Keep going my friend! You're on the right track... keep going. Peace! - Jonathan 😊🙏
@@jonathanvanvalin4518 Many thanks Jonathan for the reply and your videos, they really help 😃
Its so....
I just found your interview about your new. My question is are you a believer in Christ?❤
NDE
Hello Marilynn, if by "believer in Christ" you mean the typical framework of our organized religions and many of the core beliefs of dogmatic Christian faith, then... no. However, having read the bible and studied the work of Jesus among other works, and having gone through the experiences and transformations I've (mostly unexpectedly) gone through..., I have come to believe that the core of his understanding - not that of Christianity as a religion; formed in the centuries after his death - is an understanding I would resonate with very deeply. I consider him a brother and shining light and embodiment of pure spirit. But I wouldn't fit very well into most churches. The funny thing, is that when I go to church - usually when a family member is taking me, which is pretty rare - I love going. I feel a connection to the Jesus that lived and worked before all the religiosity took over, and that connection feels exquisite. So though I am literally not "on board" with much of the dogma being espoused, I am frequently delighted to be there.
- Jonathan 😊🙏