It is sad that I am blocked for 5 months now. Also it seems that blocking is an indicator of level 6, but I think she did that because she feel guilty about what she did. She left because she thought we are incompatible, there were no betrayal or cheating involved. My situation is really complicated. So I the blocking is not out of hate, but no one knows!
Yes I really feel for you Zack Zack. Of course my concept is just a concept .. a way to try and help people visualise my theories. It's based on the belief that coming back from a blocking is difficult.. but not impossible.
My ex contacted me a week after the breakup. Just to wish me a happiest birthday. Week later I got weak and messaged her. Said that I wasn’t angry with her. And that’s where she said her final goodbye.
Hey, love your podcast and youtube videos and recently subbed! So here is my story: After once walking out on her (dated over 1 year) and saying it was over, she gave me a chance to come back a few days later. Now, about 4 months later we had another fight and I did it again! But this time far worse; I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks. Then I tried to give me one more chance via an apology call to discuss things, and I asked for that one more chance and she tearfully said she just couldn't do it (Yes, I did some attempts to convince them otherwise, then when they told me to take care of myself, I said I wouldn't which was a cryptic sign that I would drink). A week later wrote her a quick email taking responsibility for the mistakes I made and that I am working with a coach to address them, and am mostly now maintaining no contact for the past 2.5 weeks while grieving and left the state for a month to get outta here. But last Friday was my birthday and I got no message from her, and Saturday was the anniversary of a tragedy in her family so I sent flowers to the family (her house) and no response. I did not expect a reply from the flowers but the birthday thing was hard. Feeling pretty lost but am in radio contact (except my own youtube videos), working on myself and the issues that caused the issues. Given your general steps laid out here, do you think my situation aligns?
Hi Erik, thank you for subscribing and for your comment. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. So can I confirm please that you are the dumper? Why did you end the relationship, what was your reasoning to do this?
@@vincentbos disagreements during arguments led to frustrations on my part and so I would walk out. Since I did try to get to give me another chance (3rd chance I guess) and she rejected it I suppose I am more the dumpee.
Thanks for that link, Vincent. I think I am in that state of mind. I have decided I want her back and to work things out (once I am ready with addressing my issues). Since I have sort of made contact twice with no response, do you think I should apply your rule, or since I am sort of the dumper as well, plan to reach out once (if) I am ready to?
Also I have another question abt something that’s rlly effecting me, so I’ve noticed when ever I see a picture of my ex on social media (when someone posts a picture of her for her birthday or something like that) I just get really bad anxiety like yesterday she made an Instagram post and my friends were telling me about it and showed me it and I just got really bad anxiety almost like PTSD or something. Why is this?
Hi Elliot, if you feel that your mental health is suffering, you first need to ask your friends not to pass / share information with you about your ex (as well as not looking for it yourself). If you feel PTSD or depression, then you must contact a local doctor as well.
Hello Vincent, her birthday is tomorrow and I know we already discussed I shouldn’t wish her a happy birthday but I feel like I’m going to be sad or in a bad mood the whole day. How should my mindset be During this or what should I think. I don’t wanna put her in this pedestal anymore.
Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day for you Elliot. So I suggest you treat yourself tomorrow. Contact your friends and family, watch your favourite movie and order your favourite food.
Hi ash, thanks for your comment. Two months might seem like a lifetime, but in regarding NC, it's a very short amount of time. There is no 100% guaranteed way to get your ex back, but I have known it happen years after a breakup.
@@vincentbos I suppose, but that’s also a long time for either of us to move on to someone else. I don’t know dude, just don’t see how the silence on her end will lead to reaching back out to me...
@@AshSchultzArt nothing is guaranteed. Nothing works 100% of the time and nothing fails 100% of the time. What I can say is that scarcity creates value and using my version of the no contact rule will grow intrigue in the mind of an ex.
@@vincentbos I know, but it’s getting tough to imagine it even happening and just thinking about it seems awkward now. I can’t imagine the impression being different on her end
@@AshSchultzArt I think the important thing is to try and focus on your own journey. Not considering whether your ex may contact you or not... but rather plan each day, one at a time in a way that can move you closer to a version 2.0 of yourself.
I am blocked and at level 6!! We wanted to marry but We broke 8 months bank after 8-9 months of relationship with contant arguements about little things. I contacted her on other platforms after 3 months of break up and her birthday 2 months back and she blocked there also… After that since 3 months I have applied no contact !! I know I made mistakes but What should I do now?
Hey Vincent. Just discovered your channel. It’s great. My ex unblocked me within two months of breakup. But I had blocked him back on WhatsApp (u can double block). So he’s still in my blocked list. And he made a private number only for me. To text and see me. He’s already in relationship since second week after our breakup. Still he used some reason to fight with me or just an excuse to talk to me. Should I unblock him?
It's my pleasure Siddhi. If you would like the possibility of getting your ex back one day, then you should consider unblocking him. This is because he will need a way to contact you more easily. However, there is no 100% guaranteed way to get your ex back and you shouldn't 'wait' for him, because he might not contact you.
Vincent Bos alright then. As u say I’ll unblock him. Btw I begged n pleaded during the breakup for a month. Then I went into no contact. During that begging period he promised me to be back in an year. He said I’ll be back what so ever happens. Wait for me. Do u think this is just an excuse an ex gives to the dumpee to feel good and wait? I’m trying not to wait. I feel like I’ve healed and it’s totally alright if he doesn’t come back because I’ve been doing new things in my life. But I would like to have him back
We broke up on 28th nov2019. And I started no contact on jan11th 2020. He reached out many times but just hot n cold behaviour. And he used to make up utter bullshit and meaningless stuffs just to talk to me. And used to check all my WhatsApp stories everyday without fail until I got frustrated and blocked him cuz it was damaging my mental health. I used to post unnecessary stories showing how good my life is just for him to see. And it was taking a toll on my mental health. So I unltimately ended up blocking him from the new number which he bought just for me or to stalk me. I blocked him around April end
I got in a big fight with my wife and we've been going around and around about her son she thought I was going to hit him cuz he's standing up to me he cussed at me I cussed at him and she hit me instead of him basically giving a 14 year old a pass to disrespect me and 300 pounds. I drive truck for a living and prior to this I'm out on the road for a week at a time and never calls me on the road and nor do I call her going back to the no contact was in effect even before this last big fight they've been gone for a week or so with my baby daughter I'm not sure if I want to be back with her or not especially because of her son so my question is do you think she's going to come back if I operate a no contact on her
Hi Chris, thanks for your comment and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly there is no way of knowing for sure if an ex will make contact in the future. This will all depend on how low the level of romantic, emotional attraction has dropped, and how much it needs to grow again. No contact will help it grow, but if it's too low, then this might take a long, long time, or it might never reach that point. If your ex was concerned you were going to hit her son, then this will likely cause her to lose a lot of romantic, emotional attraction. If you and your ex ever do reconnect, then there needs to be communication about this incident and everyone involved needs to have conversation so that things never get to this point again. Violence is never the answer and things can never get this volatile again.
I am amazed by knowledge you provide. All I am confused is my ex is not dating anyone I am in no contact it's been 15 months I am also not dating anyone since a breakup because I am improving knowledge before jumping in to dating game.do you think I have a chance to get a contact from ex?
You are very kind Robb, thank you. The 6 levels of romantic emotional attraction is my way of trying to best explain my theory of feelings. I have known many dumpers contact their ex after more than 18 months, however the chances of hearing from your ex do lessen over time. There is every chance that one random Thursday your ex might contact you.. but nothing can be guaranteed and hence I would like you to live your life and not 'clock watch'.
@@rrrrrrraaaa9 how do you know she is not dating anyone? Mine also promised me. She is not dating anyone... That she wants to be single bla bla.. 1month later shes with someone else.. So
If your ex isn't dating anyone else and doesn't want to contact you, then that would suggest she is feeling indifferent about you. Using NC and improving yourself would give you the best chance of reconnecting, but only if she feels enough interest to make contact.
There is no 100% guaranteed way to get an ex back (no matter what their attachment style). I don't base my theories on the attachment styles because I have known ex's of all styles come back and hence my concept is based on romantic emotional attraction.
Hi PSC, thanks for your question. She is in a new relationship and hence unavailable for more than friendship. If you like her as more than a friend, then yes you are within your rights to ignore the text. Alternatively you could have replied and said "Thanks for your message, I see you as more than a friend and hence don't think we should chat unless you are single".
She split with me twice but been having sex and text each day and get on Great and have a laugh but she says she can’t be in a relationship?? I’m confused
Hi Scott, thanks for your question. There is a possibility this is due to a 'deal breaker life goal' , where your ex doesn't feel that you would connect long-term because of a difference in thought regarding the future.
Thanks for your comment Michael. I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you have gone through. The past is the past. Now it's time to start making positive waves. Each and every day make decisions and take steps towards a happier future.
@@vincentbos I have ine question she left 90% of her things here. Why would she want me get ride of them instead of getting g them? Is she that scared of showing guilt?
@@michaelcolvin8702 that's a great question and sadly one that we don't know the answer of for sure. It generally falls into one of two polar opposite reasons: 1) The dumper felt the breakup was so bad that they would rather lose their things then get back in touch. 2) The dumper wants to 'leave the door open' and have a reason to make contact if they change their mind. My suggestion is to safely but your ex's possessions into boxes and keep them out of view. Don't think about what to do with them until into next year when time has made everything more calm.
@@vincentbos id be here for a week tryna explain. Lol just so messy got but my fella claims i was the one and no1 ever measures up to me when he trys move on yet he can ignore me for weeks and i always end up txtn after 3 weeks or so. He will repy but still has attitude to me. So i dunno anymore. How can someone claim to love you and your the one yet act like you dont exist. He also says he will be happy with someone he doesnt love oneday and be ok. But i always believe if your hearts with someone else you will never move on and find happiness in anyone thats not them. Am i wrong?
Hi Elaine, thanks for your reply and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Breakups are incredibly painful and also very confusing for dumpees. People's feelings fluctuate and if someone loses romantic, emotional attraction they will end a relationship. May I ask a few questions: How old are you and your ex? What country do you live in? What was the reason he gave for the breakup? Thank you
Hi Vincent my ex just contacted me on withhold number from Saturday till yesterday and she unblocked me on social media however she hasn't called me today I'm so confused
Hi Ariyan, Wow this is great news! I'm so happy to hear this. It sounds like your ex contacted you over the weekend but hasn't so far today. This could be for lots of reasons, one of which is that it's Monday and she might be busy. There is also the possibility she is feeling hot and cold on the situation. Whenever your ex contacts you, remember to be happy, carefree and fun. After chatting for a short while (and if it feels right) ask if she would like to meet-up sometime soon.
you're great Vincent. One of the more sincere coaches on youtube.
Thank you kind Sir,
How are you feeling?
She texted to wish me a Happy birthday after 1 month of no contact.
That's great news :)
It is sad that I am blocked for 5 months now. Also it seems that blocking is an indicator of level 6, but I think she did that because she feel guilty about what she did. She left because she thought we are incompatible, there were no betrayal or cheating involved. My situation is really complicated. So I the blocking is not out of hate, but no one knows!
Yes I really feel for you Zack Zack. Of course my concept is just a concept .. a way to try and help people visualise my theories. It's based on the belief that coming back from a blocking is difficult.. but not impossible.
Day 59. Her birthday in 9 days. Figure that will get her. I'm not wishing her a happy birthday.
Stay strong Michael and take one day at a time.
Thanks!
Thank you Doug, how are you feeling today?
@@vincentbos Still trying to grasp reality, but getting there. Thanks.
Thanks Vincent. Great content as always.
Thanks Zack, you are very kind.
My ex contacted me a week after the breakup. Just to wish me a happiest birthday. Week later I got weak and messaged her. Said that I wasn’t angry with her. And that’s where she said her final goodbye.
This makes perfect sense, I’ve not reflected on this before in this way.
Thank you Sophia. I hope my channel provides you with the support you need.
Hey, love your podcast and youtube videos and recently subbed!
So here is my story: After once walking out on her (dated over 1 year) and saying it was over, she gave me a chance to come back a few days later. Now, about 4 months later we had another fight and I did it again! But this time far worse; I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks. Then I tried to give me one more chance via an apology call to discuss things, and I asked for that one more chance and she tearfully said she just couldn't do it (Yes, I did some attempts to convince them otherwise, then when they told me to take care of myself, I said I wouldn't which was a cryptic sign that I would drink). A week later wrote her a quick email taking responsibility for the mistakes I made and that I am working with a coach to address them, and am mostly now maintaining no contact for the past 2.5 weeks while grieving and left the state for a month to get outta here. But last Friday was my birthday and I got no message from her, and Saturday was the anniversary of a tragedy in her family so I sent flowers to the family (her house) and no response. I did not expect a reply from the flowers but the birthday thing was hard. Feeling pretty lost but am in radio contact (except my own youtube videos), working on myself and the issues that caused the issues. Given your general steps laid out here, do you think my situation aligns?
Hi Erik, thank you for subscribing and for your comment. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. So can I confirm please that you are the dumper? Why did you end the relationship, what was your reasoning to do this?
@@vincentbos disagreements during arguments led to frustrations on my part and so I would walk out. Since I did try to get to give me another chance (3rd chance I guess) and she rejected it I suppose I am more the dumpee.
@@SpiderFromMars81 I think this video might help you with your mindset - ruclips.net/video/_ltu6_DPka8/видео.html
@@vincentbos I will check this out thank you
Thanks for that link, Vincent. I think I am in that state of mind. I have decided I want her back and to work things out (once I am ready with addressing my issues). Since I have sort of made contact twice with no response, do you think I should apply your rule, or since I am sort of the dumper as well, plan to reach out once (if) I am ready to?
Also I have another question abt something that’s rlly effecting me, so I’ve noticed when ever I see a picture of my ex on social media (when someone posts a picture of her for her birthday or something like that) I just get really bad anxiety like yesterday she made an Instagram post and my friends were telling me about it and showed me it and I just got really bad anxiety almost like PTSD or something. Why is this?
Hi Elliot, if you feel that your mental health is suffering, you first need to ask your friends not to pass / share information with you about your ex (as well as not looking for it yourself). If you feel PTSD or depression, then you must contact a local doctor as well.
What if she contacts me because she's intrigued but wants to reach level 3 and I want level 1? Should I go back into no contact?
Hi Javier, thanks for your question. Here is a link to a video which explains my thoughts on this - ruclips.net/video/yqhFDP_4308/видео.html
This was interesting. I'm leaving my exes at level 6, most definitely. I have no romantic feelings, whatsoever. 👍
Hello Vincent, her birthday is tomorrow and I know we already discussed I shouldn’t wish her a happy birthday but I feel like I’m going to be sad or in a bad mood the whole day. How should my mindset be During this or what should I think. I don’t wanna put her in this pedestal anymore.
Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day for you Elliot. So I suggest you treat yourself tomorrow. Contact your friends and family, watch your favourite movie and order your favourite food.
I think she’s got fearful avoidant tendencies and I’m not sure she’ll ever reach out. It’s been two months.
Hi ash, thanks for your comment. Two months might seem like a lifetime, but in regarding NC, it's a very short amount of time. There is no 100% guaranteed way to get your ex back, but I have known it happen years after a breakup.
@@vincentbos I suppose, but that’s also a long time for either of us to move on to someone else. I don’t know dude, just don’t see how the silence on her end will lead to reaching back out to me...
@@AshSchultzArt nothing is guaranteed. Nothing works 100% of the time and nothing fails 100% of the time. What I can say is that scarcity creates value and using my version of the no contact rule will grow intrigue in the mind of an ex.
@@vincentbos I know, but it’s getting tough to imagine it even happening and just thinking about it seems awkward now. I can’t imagine the impression being different on her end
@@AshSchultzArt I think the important thing is to try and focus on your own journey. Not considering whether your ex may contact you or not... but rather plan each day, one at a time in a way that can move you closer to a version 2.0 of yourself.
I am blocked and at level 6!! We wanted to marry but We broke 8 months bank after 8-9 months of relationship with contant arguements about little things.
I contacted her on other platforms after 3 months of break up and her birthday 2 months back and she blocked there also…
After that since 3 months I have applied no contact !! I know I made mistakes but
What should I do now?
How are they supposed to progress through the levels and view you differently during no contact?
Hi Elliot, 'No Contact' makes your time, energy and presence scarce. Scarcity creates value and that will help slowly grow intrigue.
Vincent Bos ah I see thank you
Hey Vincent. Just discovered your channel. It’s great. My ex unblocked me within two months of breakup. But I had blocked him back on WhatsApp (u can double block). So he’s still in my blocked list. And he made a private number only for me. To text and see me. He’s already in relationship since second week after our breakup. Still he used some reason to fight with me or just an excuse to talk to me. Should I unblock him?
Thanks Siddhi, thanks for your kind comment and question. May I ask how old you and your ex are? Would you like to get back together?
Vincent Bos omg thanks for replying. I’m 20years old and my ex is 25yrs old. Yes I would like to get back with him.
It's my pleasure Siddhi. If you would like the possibility of getting your ex back one day, then you should consider unblocking him. This is because he will need a way to contact you more easily. However, there is no 100% guaranteed way to get your ex back and you shouldn't 'wait' for him, because he might not contact you.
Vincent Bos alright then. As u say I’ll unblock him. Btw I begged n pleaded during the breakup for a month. Then I went into no contact. During that begging period he promised me to be back in an year. He said I’ll be back what so ever happens. Wait for me. Do u think this is just an excuse an ex gives to the dumpee to feel good and wait? I’m trying not to wait. I feel like I’ve healed and it’s totally alright if he doesn’t come back because I’ve been doing new things in my life. But I would like to have him back
We broke up on 28th nov2019. And I started no contact on jan11th 2020. He reached out many times but just hot n cold behaviour. And he used to make up utter bullshit and meaningless stuffs just to talk to me. And used to check all my WhatsApp stories everyday without fail until I got frustrated and blocked him cuz it was damaging my mental health. I used to post unnecessary stories showing how good my life is just for him to see. And it was taking a toll on my mental health. So I unltimately ended up blocking him from the new number which he bought just for me or to stalk me. I blocked him around April end
I got in a big fight with my wife and we've been going around and around about her son she thought I was going to hit him cuz he's standing up to me he cussed at me I cussed at him and she hit me instead of him basically giving a 14 year old a pass to disrespect me and 300 pounds. I drive truck for a living and prior to this I'm out on the road for a week at a time and never calls me on the road and nor do I call her going back to the no contact was in effect even before this last big fight they've been gone for a week or so with my baby daughter I'm not sure if I want to be back with her or not especially because of her son so my question is do you think she's going to come back if I operate a no contact on her
Hi Chris, thanks for your comment and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly there is no way of knowing for sure if an ex will make contact in the future. This will all depend on how low the level of romantic, emotional attraction has dropped, and how much it needs to grow again. No contact will help it grow, but if it's too low, then this might take a long, long time, or it might never reach that point. If your ex was concerned you were going to hit her son, then this will likely cause her to lose a lot of romantic, emotional attraction.
If you and your ex ever do reconnect, then there needs to be communication about this incident and everyone involved needs to have conversation so that things never get to this point again. Violence is never the answer and things can never get this volatile again.
I am amazed by knowledge you provide. All I am confused is my ex is not dating anyone I am in no contact it's been 15 months I am also not dating anyone since a breakup because I am improving knowledge before jumping in to dating game.do you think I have a chance to get a contact from ex?
You are very kind Robb, thank you. The 6 levels of romantic emotional attraction is my way of trying to best explain my theory of feelings.
I have known many dumpers contact their ex after more than 18 months, however the chances of hearing from your ex do lessen over time. There is every chance that one random Thursday your ex might contact you.. but nothing can be guaranteed and hence I would like you to live your life and not 'clock watch'.
Vincent Bos she is not dating anyone that's what I can say, she is with daddy issues and avoident attachment style kind of girl coach.
@@rrrrrrraaaa9 how do you know she is not dating anyone? Mine also promised me. She is not dating anyone... That she wants to be single bla bla.. 1month later shes with someone else.. So
If your ex isn't dating anyone else and doesn't want to contact you, then that would suggest she is feeling indifferent about you. Using NC and improving yourself would give you the best chance of reconnecting, but only if she feels enough interest to make contact.
@OnFeature you bring up an excellent point.
Sounds like the reason she told me,but is displaying the symtoms of a Dismissive
There is no 100% guaranteed way to get an ex back (no matter what their attachment style). I don't base my theories on the attachment styles because I have known ex's of all styles come back and hence my concept is based on romantic emotional attraction.
She reached out while in a new relationship. I ignored the text. Is that bad?
Hi PSC, thanks for your question. She is in a new relationship and hence unavailable for more than friendship. If you like her as more than a friend, then yes you are within your rights to ignore the text. Alternatively you could have replied and said "Thanks for your message, I see you as more than a friend and hence don't think we should chat unless you are single".
Nope leave her alone
She split with me twice but been having sex and text each day and get on Great and have a laugh but she says she can’t be in a relationship?? I’m confused
Hi Scott, thanks for your question. There is a possibility this is due to a 'deal breaker life goal' , where your ex doesn't feel that you would connect long-term because of a difference in thought regarding the future.
I think mine is lvl 6 because we got into a horrible argument off and on for month with the way she played things out
Thanks for your comment Michael. I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you have gone through. The past is the past. Now it's time to start making positive waves.
Each and every day make decisions and take steps towards a happier future.
@@vincentbos I have ine question she left 90% of her things here. Why would she want me get ride of them instead of getting g them? Is she that scared of showing guilt?
@@michaelcolvin8702 that's a great question and sadly one that we don't know the answer of for sure. It generally falls into one of two polar opposite reasons:
1) The dumper felt the breakup was so bad that they would rather lose their things then get back in touch.
2) The dumper wants to 'leave the door open' and have a reason to make contact if they change their mind.
My suggestion is to safely but your ex's possessions into boxes and keep them out of view. Don't think about what to do with them until into next year when time has made everything more calm.
Level 10 😂😂😂🤷♀️
Hello Elaine. Would you like to tell me your situation? How are you feeling?
@@vincentbos id be here for a week tryna explain. Lol just so messy got but my fella claims i was the one and no1 ever measures up to me when he trys move on yet he can ignore me for weeks and i always end up txtn after 3 weeks or so. He will repy but still has attitude to me. So i dunno anymore. How can someone claim to love you and your the one yet act like you dont exist. He also says he will be happy with someone he doesnt love oneday and be ok. But i always believe if your hearts with someone else you will never move on and find happiness in anyone thats not them. Am i wrong?
Hi Elaine, thanks for your reply and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Breakups are incredibly painful and also very confusing for dumpees. People's feelings fluctuate and if someone loses romantic, emotional attraction they will end a relationship. May I ask a few questions:
How old are you and your ex?
What country do you live in?
What was the reason he gave for the breakup?
Thank you
Hi Vincent my ex just contacted me on withhold number from Saturday till yesterday and she unblocked me on social media however she hasn't called me today I'm so confused
Hi Ariyan, Wow this is great news! I'm so happy to hear this.
It sounds like your ex contacted you over the weekend but hasn't so far today. This could be for lots of reasons, one of which is that it's Monday and she might be busy. There is also the possibility she is feeling hot and cold on the situation. Whenever your ex contacts you, remember to be happy, carefree and fun. After chatting for a short while (and if it feels right) ask if she would like to meet-up sometime soon.
@@vincentbos thanks I won't she'll again she did this to see if she loves me or not
I hope you will feel happiness ASAP.
@@vincentbos could be the case,?
We will never know for sure what your ex is thinking, but the fact she contacted you, suggests she might again in the future.