Polyamory vs Monogamy

[@ganonsannoyinglittlebrothe9112]

Monogamous relationships can talk about that jealousy just as much as polyamorous ones too just a heads up . . .

[@elisakrivas]

Yes, they can, but it still ultimately ends in a "stop doing that" situation. You're still going to single out your partner as your one and only and require them to do the same thing.

[@sindelscat9336]

Will the jealousy is going to be less intense, considerong there is so much more trust in your partner, So eventually those jealous feelings subside but in a polyamorous relationships those feelings more often than not, manifest into something worse

[@ahmedosama-ir7qc]

The short videos here are always leaning to one side .. in fact the whole goal of some debates here is making people accept and support a certain idea which they want you to accept .. it's not really innocent and fair debates at all

[@clb8645]

The guy agreed to debate Leanne from Poly Philia, he should have come prepared. Instead of dropping every single malformed criticism of polyamory which have been done to death, he should have played to the strengths of monogamy.

[@elisakrivas]

It's hard to debate a topic that is an orientation.
Example: debating about abortion makes sense because most people agree that we humans have a right to our own bodies and we want the rights to not be forced into being parents. Most people AGREE with that, but the solution is what we don't agree with: one side says it's our body, our choice, while the other says it's not our body, so not our choice. This means we will have different methods for the solution to the issue. That is a debate. It's a debate because the argument isn't about what the problem is, it's about how do we find the solution to the problem.
Orientations are like debating which color is better, blue or red? Neither side will win because the topic is subjective, people are entitled to their opinions, and we all will gear in different directions. There is no problem to solve, you just like or gear a certain way or you don't.
That's the issue here. Debating polyamory vs monogamy is like debating homosexual vs heterosexual. It's unfair to really call these debates.
So why is there a winner when neither side is right or wrong? To answer that, we should get to our history lessons.
Back when being gay or lesbian was considered bad, the reason why was because of the determent from the social norm. It was outside of the comfort zone for heterosexuals. This is a natural human response. People are afraid of what they don't know or understand, as such, we are less likely to accept what we don't know or understand. When we don't like something and don't accept it, we shame it or discourage it. Things like this are what cause racism, sexism, homophobia, and other phobias. Often times this fear comes from a place of, "are these people forcing me to conform to being like them?" When in reality, people are just trying to be their truest self, not enforce themselves on other people, and they want to be themselves without facing discriminations or dire consequences. That's all. So what happens when you put a side of fear to compete against a side of self acceptance? You don't get a debate, you get one side attacking the other. This is what happened between homosexuals and heterosexuals. Now it's just happening between polyamorous and monogamous oriented people. That's why it looks like a "winner," because in the end, people realized that despite our differences, we shouldn't force people to be who or what they are not. It doesn't mean that the polyamorous side "won," it just means that people are realizing that forcing people is not okay.
You're right, this isn't a real debate because there's no problem that needs to be solved other than acceptance, so it can't be debated. It also is pushing an agenda towards acceptance, I agree. But that's not a bad thing. It's going to expand more acceptance and inclusion, not discrimination and segregation.

[@eggyolk9406]

Ignore these types of women

[@TeenHomeZitka]

In other words I cheated on my boyfriend but its not my fault because he was lacking.

[@EquinoxKiwi]

Still a scummy thing to do. You shouldve just talked to him about it ngl.

[@elisakrivas]

It's not cheating if everyone agreed to it

[@ATalesTruth-]

@@elisakrivasand it’s not faithful if everyone is unfaithful

[@michelle7286]

@@elisakrivas it’s just a loophole for chronic cheaters lol

[@elisakrivas]

@@michelle7286 you don't know what cheating is, clearly

[@derekmcguire8794]

You learn your not poly and need to get out of this relationship.

[@elisakrivas]

How do you learn you're not poly? If you weren't sure, why did you do it?

[@popbob4780]

What the woman says doesnt even make sense

[@elisakrivas]

In the context of jealousy, I agree. I think jealousy is a unique emotion to monogamous people and polyamorous people mistake the fear of losing people in their lives for jealousy. I don't think we polyamorous people actually experience it.

[@sedumreflexum5295]

@@elisakrivas that´s an interesting point of view..for me jealousy mostly feels like a fear of losing or missing out on something or someone I deeply cherish..that someone or something might take that away from me (can be a person, time with them, certain privileges or even food lol) and that there won´t be enough left for me...a very vulnerable feeling that (if I can get over my pride or insecurities) I want to share and talk about with my loved ones..I might feel insecure and long for extra reassurance that I can trust them and that I am being loved and cared for and my fear of being cut short or being less important to them does not need to actually be there..how does it feel for you if you would like to define it for yourself? I would love to hear the definitions of poly and mono people soo WHAT DOES JEALOUSY FEEL LIKE TO YOU?

[@elisakrivas]

@@sedumreflexum5295 According to most polyamorous people that I've heard from, jealousy is basically how you described yourself feeling and experiencing jealousy. I agree that, in this sense, everyone who has emotions either does or has the ability to experience jealousy. Most people, if not all, who experience emotions will always have some sort of insecurity about themselves. As polyamorous people describe jealousy, jealousy is the fear of losing someone you love, generally losing them to someone or something else, and thus stems from insecurities. I have a few problems with this mindset.
Firstly, how is fearing the loss of someone a personal insecurity? Sure, if it comes from something illogical, then it COULD be insecurity (ie, you don't want your partner to hang out with their friends so you isolate them because you're scared that they'll leave you for their friendships, just as an example). However, most fear of loss comes from traumatic or, at the very least, unpleasant past experiences of the loss of people. It's learned that there is a possibility of loss. Insecurities, however, are illogical perceptions about one's self. Yeah, they CAN stem from past events, but usually, they are caused by some inward perceptions that you have about yourself, nothing more. For example, I've experienced having loved ones die. So, it's logical that I fear the loss of loved ones through the means of death. But what am I jealous of in the situation of worrying about someone's possible death? Nothing. I'm not insecure about myself by worrying about a person's possible death. It’s not an illogical fear because it happens. I'm not blaming that fear on anyone or anything. But I, naturally, fear losing someone to their death. This would match the definition of how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy, but in that situation, there is quite literally nothing to be jealous of and it's not an insecurity because it's not an illogical fear or perception of myself.
The second major issue I have with how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy is that it neither matches up with the dictionary definition of jealousy nor does the way monoamorous people express how they feel jealousy seem to match what polyamorous people explain of themselves. Everyone seems to agree we all have insecurities and that everyone fears loss, but this description doesn't seem to line up with the monoamorous perception of jealousy.
In my experience of talking with monoamorous people, the way they talk about jealousy is much like how we all describe envy. For examples, "Be mine," "My one and only," "I can't share MY partner," "My soul mate," "They are mine and nobody else's," etc. It really seems like an expression of ownership rather than a genuine fear of loss. This would also explain why monoamorous people guard their jealous emotions so heavily and aren't usually willing to work on them. It also explains why many people in general tend to view jealousy as a negative trait for a person to have because nobody wants to feel owned and controlled. Moreover, monoamorous people use these words interchangeably. The cherry on top? The dictionary definitions agree!
Envy is both "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" and "desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else)." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
While jealousy is "the state of being jealous" and "jealous" is "feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
Interesting, isn't it? Monoamorous people use the words "envy" and "jealousy" interchangeably, consider them the same things, and integrate them into their speech patterns when talking about relationships all while the dictionary supports their views.
As I explained, I can experience envy too, just not for human beings. I'm also polyamorous.
I have a story from my middle school years that expresses just how shocking it is to monoamorous people to hear someone not feel envy over a partner. I didn't know I was polyamorous at the time. I knew I loved differently and had multiple crushes, but because of past bullying, I only told my friends about one of my crushes while nobody knew about the others.
So, it was an outdoor field trip and we were all having lunch. A girl, I'll call her Kay to keep her anonymous, was flirting with a guy we'll call, Jay. Jay was one of my crushes and he was the only one I told my friends about. My friends saw Kay flirting with Jay and told me I had competition. I was confused and hadn't seen the situation yet, so I asked what they meant. They pointed to Kay and I found myself assessing the situation. Poor Jay looked uncomfortable, but he seemed to be handling himself fairly well, so nothing that seemed to need intervention. Kay, on the other hand, was attempting to flirt with him while making occasional glares at me. I was still confused by everything, so I asked my friends, "So?" and they were shocked that I wasn't jealous. I asked what I needed to be jealous about. I explained that, to me, if he liked me, he'd choose me and I'd be happy, but if he didn't like me and he chose her, I'd be sad for myself that he didn't reciprocate, but ultimately it would be his decision, and shouldn't I be happy for him because he'd be happy? To my surprise, my friends called me "very mature" and were staring at me in the type of amazement that one would get if they had just seen an actual alien or unicorn. Needless to say, all this made me extremely confused and wondering why what I said was so abnormal, that it just etched in my mind for years. I didn't realize at the time that what I was describing was compersion and that it's abnormal to not experience jealousy. This memory is what made me believe that I don't experience jealousy. However, the way polyamorous people explain jealousy, means that I WOULD experience jealousy. I DO have insecurities and I DO fear losing people I love, just not to the extent that I would ever want to keep a person to myself.
This could mean that we all experience jealousy but that polyamorous people experience it in lesser amounts than monoamorous people, it could mean that only monoamorous people experience jealousy but polyamorous people think they can relate because they don't understand what true jealousy is, or it could mean that regardless of someone's relationship orientation anyone can experience jealousy but I'm just one of the odd ones who can't.
If everyone experiences jealousy but polyamorous people have less jealousy than monoamorous people, then the way I experience jealousy is how you described yourself experiencing jealousy, and I am able to experience envy for anything except people. I just can't feel envy over a person.
If, however, jealousy and envy truly are the same things as many monoamorous people claim them to be, then I only experience jealousy/envy over objects, events, and situations, but not over people.
If, however, there are actual polyamorous people who experience envy and jealousy in the same way, then I guess I'm just an odd person.
I can't say with a factual guarantee, but I can say that I believe that envy and jealousy are the same things and that compersion for love interests is natural for polyamorous people while jealousy in love interests is natural for monoamorous people.
As such, to keep it short and simple, I usually just say that I don't experience jealousy but since you asked me how I experience it particularly, well then I thought it best to explain how and why I don't actually know how I experience jealousy. How I experience it depends on what jealousy factually is and it doesn't seem like people agree with what jealousy is at all.
I've never feared losing my partners or crushes to someone else. I've never wanted to keep, own, control, or gatekeep my partners or crushes. I've always felt okay with "sharing." I've never felt angry or insecure that I'm not a person's choice or first choice. Heck, in elementary school, I introduced my best friend to someone as my best friend and she uncomfortably corrected me, saying that we were certainly friends, but she wasn't sure we should be called "BEST friends," and my response was literally, "That's okay, we're still friends. You don't have to consider me your best friend, but you're MY best friend." I didn't even hesitate. I didn't take her statement as an insult. She was happy after that, it broke the awkwardness, and we proceeded to chat up a storm with our new (at the time) friend. I've never experienced the negative emotion of whatever negative feeling is supposed to be there in those situations. I know that other people have, though.
However, the death of a loved one, moving away or someone else moving away, betrayal, and trust issues with people possibly leaving my life, yes, that I've experienced. I do fear loss by such things. But it has never caused me to feel negatively towards or about a person's desire to have me as a part of their life. Sadness at loss is normal, but anger, resentment, and envy over it all just don't match my personality.
I hope this helps explain my perspective more. Sorry that it's so long.

[@elisakrivas]

@@sedumreflexum5295 According to most polyamorous people that I've heard from, jealousy is basically how you described yourself feeling and experiencing jealousy. I agree that, in this sense, everyone who has emotions either does or has the ability to experience jealousy. Most people, if not all, who experience emotions will always have some sort of insecurity about themselves. As polyamorous people describe jealousy, jealousy is the fear of losing someone you love, generally losing them to someone or something else, and thus stems from insecurities. I have a few problems with this mindset.
Firstly, how is fearing the loss of someone a personal insecurity? Sure, if it comes from something illogical, then it COULD be insecurity (ie, you don't want your partner to hang out with their friends so you isolate them because you're scared that they'll leave you for their friendships, just as an example). However, most fear of loss comes from traumatic or, at the very least, unpleasant past experiences of the loss of people. It's learned that there is a possibility of loss. Insecurities, however, are illogical perceptions about one's self. Yeah, they CAN stem from past events, but usually, they are caused by some inward perceptions that you have about yourself, nothing more. For example, I've experienced having loved ones die. So, it's logical that I fear the loss of loved ones through the means of death. But what am I jealous of in the situation of worrying about someone's possible death? Nothing. I'm not insecure about myself by worrying about a person's possible death. It’s not an illogical fear because it happens. I'm not blaming that fear on anyone or anything. But I, naturally, fear losing someone to their death. This would match the definition of how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy, but in that situation, there is quite literally nothing to be jealous of and it's not an insecurity because it's not an illogical fear or perception of myself.
The second major issue I have with how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy is that it neither matches up with the dictionary definition of jealousy nor does the way monoamorous people express how they feel jealousy seem to match what polyamorous people explain of themselves. Everyone seems to agree we all have insecurities and that everyone fears loss, but this description doesn't seem to line up with the monoamorous perception of jealousy.
In my experience of talking with monoamorous people, the way they talk about jealousy is much like how we all describe envy. For examples, "Be mine," "My one and only," "I can't share MY partner," "My soul mate," "They are mine and nobody else's," etc. It really seems like an expression of ownership rather than a genuine fear of loss. This would also explain why monoamorous people guard their jealous emotions so heavily and aren't usually willing to work on them. It also explains why many people in general tend to view jealousy as a negative trait for a person to have because nobody wants to feel owned and controlled. Moreover, monoamorous people use these words interchangeably. The cherry on top? The dictionary definitions agree!
Envy is both "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" and "desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else)." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
While jealousy is "the state of being jealous" and "jealous" is "feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
Interesting, isn't it? Monoamorous people use the words "envy" and "jealousy" interchangeably, consider them the same things, and integrate them into their speech patterns when talking about relationships all while the dictionary supports their views.
As I explained, I can experience envy too, just not for human beings. I'm also polyamorous.
I have a story from my middle school years that expresses just how shocking it is to monoamorous people to hear someone not feel envy over a partner. I didn't know I was polyamorous at the time. I knew I loved differently and had multiple crushes, but because of past bullying, I only told my friends about one of my crushes while nobody knew about the others.
So, it was an outdoor field trip and we were all having lunch. A girl, I'll call her Kay to keep her anonymous, was flirting with a guy we'll call, Jay. Jay was one of my crushes and he was the only one I told my friends about. My friends saw Kay flirting with Jay and told me I had competition. I was confused and hadn't seen the situation yet, so I asked what they meant. They pointed to Kay and I found myself assessing the situation. Poor Jay looked uncomfortable, but he seemed to be handling himself fairly well, so nothing that seemed to need intervention. Kay, on the other hand, was attempting to flirt with him while making occasional glares at me. I was still confused by everything, so I asked my friends, "So?" and they were shocked that I wasn't jealous. I asked what I needed to be jealous about. I explained that, to me, if he liked me, he'd choose me and I'd be happy, but if he didn't like me and he chose her, I'd be sad for myself that he didn't reciprocate, but ultimately it would be his decision, and shouldn't I be happy for him because he'd be happy? To my surprise, my friends called me "very mature" and were staring at me in the type of amazement that one would get if they had just seen an actual alien or unicorn. Needless to say, all this made me extremely confused and wondering why what I said was so abnormal, that it just etched in my mind for years. I didn't realize at the time that what I was describing was compersion and that it's abnormal to not experience jealousy. This memory is what made me believe that I don't experience jealousy. However, the way polyamorous people explain jealousy, means that I WOULD experience jealousy. I DO have insecurities and I DO fear losing people I love, just not to the extent that I would ever want to keep a person to myself.
This could mean that we all experience jealousy but that polyamorous people experience it in lesser amounts than monoamorous people, it could mean that only monoamorous people experience jealousy but polyamorous people think they can relate because they don't understand what true jealousy is, or it could mean that regardless of someone's relationship orientation anyone can experience jealousy but I'm just one of the odd ones who can't.
If everyone experiences jealousy but polyamorous people have less jealousy than monoamorous people, then the way I experience jealousy is how you described yourself experiencing jealousy, and I am able to experience envy for anything except people. I just can't feel envy over a person.
If, however, jealousy and envy truly are the same things as many monoamorous people claim them to be, then I only experience jealousy/envy over objects, events, and situations, but not over people.
If, however, there are actual polyamorous people who experience envy and jealousy in the same way, then I guess I'm just an odd person.
I can't say with a factual guarantee, but I can say that I believe that envy and jealousy are the same things and that compersion for love interests is natural for polyamorous people while jealousy in love interests is natural for monoamorous people.
As such, to keep it short and simple, I usually just say that I don't experience jealousy but since you asked me how I experience it particularly, well then I thought it best to explain how and why I don't actually know how I experience jealousy. How I experience it depends on what jealousy factually is and it doesn't seem like people agree with what jealousy is at all.
I've never feared losing my partners or crushes to someone else. I've never wanted to keep, own, control, or gatekeep my partners or crushes. I've always felt okay with "sharing." I've never felt angry or insecure that I'm not a person's choice or first choice. Heck, in elementary school, I introduced my best friend to someone as my best friend and she uncomfortably corrected me, saying that we were certainly friends, but she wasn't sure we should be called "BEST friends," and my response was literally, "That's okay, we're still friends. You don't have to consider me your best friend, but you're MY best friend." I didn't even hesitate. I didn't take her statement as an insult. She was happy after that, it broke the awkwardness, and we proceeded to chat up a storm with our new (at the time) friend. I've never experienced the negative emotion of whatever negative feeling is supposed to be there in those situations. I know that other people have, though.
However, the death of a loved one, moving away or someone else moving away, betrayal, and trust issues with people possibly leaving my life, yes, that I've experienced. I do fear loss by such things. But it has never caused me to feel negatively towards or about a person's desire to have me as a part of their life. Sadness at loss is normal, but anger, resentment, and envy over it all just don't match my personality.
I hope this helps explain my perspective more. Sorry that it's so long.

[@elisakrivas]

@@sedumreflexum5295 According to most polyamorous people that I've heard from, jealousy is basically how you described yourself feeling and experiencing jealousy. I agree that, in this sense, everyone who has emotions either does or has the ability to experience jealousy. Most people, if not all, who experience emotions will always have some sort of insecurity about themselves. As polyamorous people describe jealousy, jealousy is the fear of losing someone you love, generally losing them to someone or something else, and thus stems from insecurities. I have a few problems with this mindset.
Firstly, how is fearing the loss of someone a personal insecurity? Sure, if it comes from something illogical, then it COULD be insecurity (ie, you don't want your partner to hang out with their friends so you isolate them because you're scared that they'll leave you for their friendships, just as an example). However, most fear of loss comes from traumatic or, at the very least, unpleasant past experiences of the loss of people. It's learned that there is a possibility of loss. Insecurities, however, are illogical perceptions about one's self. Yeah, they CAN stem from past events, but usually, they are caused by some inward perceptions that you have about yourself, nothing more. For example, I've experienced having loved ones die. So, it's logical that I fear the loss of loved ones through the means of death. But what am I jealous of in the situation of worrying about someone's possible death? Nothing. I'm not insecure about myself by worrying about a person's possible death. It’s not an illogical fear because it happens. I'm not blaming that fear on anyone or anything. But I, naturally, fear losing someone to their death. This would match the definition of how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy, but in that situation, there is quite literally nothing to be jealous of and it's not an insecurity because it's not an illogical fear or perception of myself.
The second major issue I have with how polyamorous people claim to experience jealousy is that it neither matches up with the dictionary definition of jealousy nor does the way monoamorous people express how they feel jealousy seem to match what polyamorous people explain of themselves. Everyone seems to agree we all have insecurities and that everyone fears loss, but this description doesn't seem to line up with the monoamorous perception of jealousy.
In my experience of talking with monoamorous people, the way they talk about jealousy is much like how we all describe envy. For examples, "Be mine," "My one and only," "I can't share MY partner," "My soul mate," "They are mine and nobody else's," etc. It really seems like an expression of ownership rather than a genuine fear of loss. This would also explain why monoamorous people guard their jealous emotions so heavily and aren't usually willing to work on them. It also explains why many people in general tend to view jealousy as a negative trait for a person to have because nobody wants to feel owned and controlled. Moreover, monoamorous people use these words interchangeably. The cherry on top? The dictionary definitions agree!
Envy is both "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" and "desire to have a quality, possession, or other desirable attribute belonging to (someone else)." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
While jealousy is "the state of being jealous" and "jealous" is "feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages." ---Oxford Languages Dictionary
Interesting, isn't it? Monoamorous people use the words "envy" and "jealousy" interchangeably, consider them the same things, and integrate them into their speech patterns when talking about relationships all while the dictionary supports their views.

[@ahmedosama-ir7qc]

When they are told, “Do not spread corruption in the land,” they reply, “We are only peace-makers!”( 11 )
Indeed, it is they who are the corruptors, but they fail to perceive it ( 12 )
And when they are told, “Believe as others believe,” they reply, “Will we believe as the fools believe?” Indeed, it is they who are fools, but they do not know ( 13 )
" Quraan "
" Al_baqara "

[@rickofpolynesia8070]

That is a perfect example brother 👍
Thank you very much

[@audunique6905]

She’s like a landing strip 😂 accepting all incoming flights.

[@roblink4781]

Some of us call it polygamy

[@clb8645]

You call something by a name of something completely different?

[@elisakrivas]

Poly=many
Gamy=marriage
Amory=love
Nobody calls polyamory "polygamy" if they know the difference 🙄 Polygamy is illegal still. Polyamorous relationships are not illegal. Due to legalities, the difference is needed to be noted.

[@ahmedosama-ir7qc]

This channel is just keep sharing animalism and anti religious ideologies

[@popbob4780]

Its spreading DEBATES about these topics

[@elisakrivas]

@@popbob4780 "debates"

[@elisakrivas]

Not animalism in the sense that you're thinking (we are animals, you know), but otherwise, I agree. However, I don't think most people care. I certainly don't care