I think a lot of times people are quick to judge the person with the resentment vs looking at the core of the resentment. There are many reasons for resentments. There is a difference between resentment over an ongoing issue that never really gets resolved and resentment over something they did in the past that hurt you but they don’t do it anymore, and you just hold on to the past hurt. Every case or situation is unique but generally when a resentment is exists, it’s better to look at it as an issue equally to be looked at from both ends. This is not just one person issue they need to work on themselves to fix. It’s a whole organic issue for both people in the relationship to work on and resolve together. Once one thinks it’s the other ones problem to fix and the are doing nothing wrong, it will only make the issue grow bigger and deeper.
Yes I agree.. if the issues you get resentful for are dealt with compassionately & apologetically for instance betrayal etc the injured party may let go of resentful quicker.
Resentment is so damaging to a relationship. My husband has resented me for over 10 years of our marriage. He wanted more sex but I had two little kids, teaching job, and a majority of the household chores. I was exhausted at the end of the day! I just found out his resentment this summer and it has devastated me. I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t believe him when he says he’s forgiven me- he said that over ten years ago and I made changes after our talk way back then to have sex more. I no longer have pride I him and don’t talk about him at work anymore in a glowing way. I don’t talk about him at all. It has taken so much energy out of me. It has broken my self confidence. It has angered me. I feel like he is keeping score on me all the time. It makes the relationship not enjoyable for me. Holding onto resentment has explained to me why my husband no longer touches me non sexually, sexual problems, and decreased communication. I feel like the last ten years of my life have been complete BS.
I’m dealing with this in my marriage and really just feel so lost. I’ve been grieving so badly and have built up walls and resentment towards my husband because I don’t feel supported and don’t feel safe discussing my feelings with him because I feel like he has zero way to connect with me emotionally and minimizes my hurt and feelings. I need more from him emotionally and have verbalized this many times, but he’s just not getting it. I lost my best friend of 15 years who was brutally murdered 6 months ago, and then lost my little brother a month ago in a tragic accident. We’re just so disconnected right now
My question is, if being in control is an illusion what of the partner feeling controlled? Is that as much of an illusion by allowing yourself to feel controlled rather than stepping up to become equal in a partnership
Just because somebody feels controlled doesn't mean that you are. Some people feel controlled by peoples' boundaries. Everyone has to own their decisions, interpretations, feelings and requests.
My husband left me in June after 27 1/2 years of marriage. I’m devastated and heartbroken. No communication. Blocked from everything. I filed for divorce. He’s living with his Gf and 6 kids. We’re empty nesters and we’re looking forward to our dream. He holds a lot of resentment towards me and we’ve had a lot of communication issues. I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD 6 months ago He’s controlling and I’m reactive. I want my marriage to work. We were in therapy for 3 months and it was working with him even said so. He just blew up and has been cruel with his words and actions after he abandoned me. I feel he’s going through midlife crisis he’s 51 I’m 50. Attorney said no communication. No one will talk to him. It’s painful. Help!!
![How to Talk to My Spouse [What Most Couples Forget]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3xTDlhYf4Uk/mqdefault.jpg)
Beautifully displayed ladies and gentlemen thank you for this wonderful video that my brother found and your thorough breakdowns
I think a lot of times people are quick to judge the person with the resentment vs looking at the core of the resentment. There are many reasons for resentments. There is a difference between resentment over an ongoing issue that never really gets resolved and resentment over something they did in the past that hurt you but they don’t do it anymore, and you just hold on to the past hurt. Every case or situation is unique but generally when a resentment is exists, it’s better to look at it as an issue equally to be looked at from both ends. This is not just one person issue they need to work on themselves to fix. It’s a whole organic issue for both people in the relationship to work on and resolve together. Once one thinks it’s the other ones problem to fix and the are doing nothing wrong, it will only make the issue grow bigger and deeper.
Yes I agree.. if the issues you get resentful for are dealt with compassionately & apologetically for instance betrayal etc the injured party may let go of resentful quicker.
This is the biggest issue I'm currently experiencing in my marriage. This gave me such good insight!
Resentment is so damaging to a relationship. My husband has resented me for over 10 years of our marriage. He wanted more sex but I had two little kids, teaching job, and a majority of the household chores. I was exhausted at the end of the day! I just found out his resentment this summer and it has devastated me. I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t believe him when he says he’s forgiven me- he said that over ten years ago and I made changes after our talk way back then to have sex more. I no longer have pride I him and don’t talk about him at work anymore in a glowing way. I don’t talk about him at all. It has taken so much energy out of me. It has broken my self confidence. It has angered me. I feel like he is keeping score on me all the time. It makes the relationship not enjoyable for me. Holding onto resentment has explained to me why my husband no longer touches me non sexually, sexual problems, and decreased communication. I feel like the last ten years of my life have been complete BS.
I’m dealing with this in my marriage and really just feel so lost. I’ve been grieving so badly and have built up walls and resentment towards my husband because I don’t feel supported and don’t feel safe discussing my feelings with him because I feel like he has zero way to connect with me emotionally and minimizes my hurt and feelings. I need more from him emotionally and have verbalized this many times, but he’s just not getting it. I lost my best friend of 15 years who was brutally murdered 6 months ago, and then lost my little brother a month ago in a tragic accident. We’re just so disconnected right now
My situation t👀.. not enough love, compassion & understanding from my partner & that adds to my already sad feelings of loss of my loved ones etc.
I am extremely sorry for your loss Sara and I hope things have become better in your marriage.
My question is, if being in control is an illusion what of the partner feeling controlled? Is that as much of an illusion by allowing yourself to feel controlled rather than stepping up to become equal in a partnership
Just because somebody feels controlled doesn't mean that you are. Some people feel controlled by peoples' boundaries. Everyone has to own their decisions, interpretations, feelings and requests.
This is very helpful. Thank you.
My husband left me in June after 27 1/2 years of marriage. I’m devastated and heartbroken. No communication. Blocked from everything. I filed for divorce. He’s living with his Gf and 6 kids. We’re empty nesters and we’re looking forward to our dream. He holds a lot of resentment towards me and we’ve had a lot of communication issues. I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD 6 months ago He’s controlling and I’m reactive. I want my marriage to work. We were in therapy for 3 months and it was working with him even said so. He just blew up and has been cruel with his words and actions after he abandoned me. I feel he’s going through midlife crisis he’s 51 I’m 50. Attorney said no communication. No one will talk to him. It’s painful.
Help!!
Hope you got the help you needed.
I hope things have somehow become better.
Great video - thanks to you all.