A very good coach said “the pain you feel at the end of a relationship is directly proportional to how much you compromised yourself, your goals, your mission.”
I've watched this video 20 to 30 times. It really helps me at night, this is usually when I have the worst thoughts going through my head. I hate the who could she be screwing now thoughts. They are the worst , worse than diarrhea :(
Let's face it,80 percent of the pain co.es from reminiscing over the sex and imagining that what you used to do together is now being done with someone else. Crushes you
Sarah Somebody hi I’m writing this two years later from when you posted but I totally agree with what you said, did it ever for you and did you ever get back with your ex or found a more fulfilling relationship?
S H thanks for your reply. I’ve remained single and am working on loving myself. My ex lives opposite and will not speak to me so that’s difficult but I’m dealing with it. I now know that I don’t need a man to complete me and I accept things as they are. If I’m meant to fall in love again it will happen if not I’m happy and content with my life sorry for late reply
Yes. I would still be just as traumatized about my ex if I met somebody funnier, kinder, or more beautiful. We spent 5 years together. We traveled, we cared for each other when we were sick, we were there for each other when our pets died, we were there for each other making the transitioning between college in the real world. Our favorite songs, our sing alongs, our shared interests. All gone. That bond is worth more to me then her characteristics.
@@ngalahansel6066 Well, I would lie to myself if I'd say I have no more feelings for him but I realized I need to move on because it was just too much pain and there were too many problems originating in my non-fulfilled feelings for him, so I decided that I have to put the friendship on hold for a longer period of time, to heal and be a better friend to him at some point, if I can manage to do that in the future, because he's such a wonderful man and he deserves it. He hurt me a few times without wanting to, but he is still one of my favorite humans and a better friend than most other people will ever be, in my oponion. But us being a couple is maybe not meant to be. Fortunately, I can distract myself with a lot of other things at the moment. Building a career, building other quality relationships, interests, and so on. I think I will be ok. What about you?
me neither. My anxious attachment would have me already thinking about when they/new partner would leave! everyone betrays me and leaves for another! why would this seemingly great new partner stay when there have already been others just as great?
You, sir, are a genius. You hit the nail on the head. It still hurts like hell, but you cleaned my clock. Everything ... nailed it. It's like you were reading my mind. I wish there was a pill to take get take away the pain though.
my friends probably think i'm fine with the break up as i put on a brave face, seem happy round them and don't talk about it. little do they know deep down its killing me and when i'm alone my minds constantly going over what i done wrong, what i could have done better and if I've lost her forever. if i met the girl of my dreams tomorrow yeah id be over the moon but there's no way i still wouldn't be sad about losing my ex and still think about her all the time.
its never easy bro but we can't bet our important time of life in the dreams which went wrong or did not come true. You guys broke up it is the reality now and deep down u know it too that even if u get her back there's not gonna be the same spark in the relation as it used to. and whtever u did wrong you gotta embrace that it was you who did it and made the choice and if you regret that choice of what you did then you should learn from that mistake and be a better person to build a better relation with a better partner.
Hey guys!! Is there room for one more broken heart? Well thats how i feel about my situation right now.i was married fir twenty two years i have a daughter she is twenty years old Ever since my wife divorced me about a year ago, i feel if my world is coming to an end I feel exactly the same way you guys describe your selfs. I thank Craig for making this video it is amazing. I would appreciate any comments on what’s working for you guys...thanks God bless.
All true here. My fiancé of two years left. I was the avoidant in a smothering relationship, and now I’m the one suffering. Little sleep. Can’t eat. Lost 14 lbs in 8 weeks. Can’t focus on work. Can’t go out on new dates and enjoy them. Therapy is no help. Talking to friends has served little purpose. It’s hell. I can’t make any of this stop. I’m not even sure what to do anymore.
@@ngalahansel6066 That was almost two years ago now. I started on Prozac a little over a year ago and that helped me tremendously. It changed my life. My ex comes to mind every now and again, but it doesn’t affect me one way or the other. I feel free.
@@socalguy97 Awesome! I hope in a year from now I'll also feel free and not have this pang of pain rush through my heart when I picture her with him again
I grew up in a stable upper middle-class home with 2 parents that loved me and gave me almost everything I wanted. I was never neglected or abused. I don't have a lot of unmet needs. And he was a complete asshole. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him...
Not same here, but this is the first time in my life I've obsessed over someone!he ain't even special, but he was the most I've ever felt loved by someone not in my family. And it's been 3 years and I still miss him badly.
@@wanderertatiana2498 I know it may sound crazy, but try this. Can't explain it but this helped me so much. I barely think about him anymore ruclips.net/video/RG6xPO06UtM/видео.html
Thank you so much. This was very helpful and i'm beginning ti understand what my obsessing is all about. My ex left after 30 years and is in a new relationship and I just feel overlooked, forgotten and disrespected.
Maybe. But you are forever part of her life history. That cant be erased. When the chips are down in a relationship, her mind will drift back to you. You may probably never know about. BUT if you go on to find new love, or if you live an exciting passionate life with or without someone, thats gonna sting a bit for her. Plus she carries the burden of knowing she ended it, you didnt. March on, find your best life. Best wishes.
I know right. It might be an evil way of seeing it but... I hope she hates the "new guy" and regrets breaking up with me, but i doubt that will ever happen
@@SpicySoulX it will , human nature craves for new exicements, new life changes , " wanted to be free" but when you get it all in once you feel like you are lost you don't belong here and immedality want to go back , but when you get slowly naturally you fell in love and make bond together like all long term relationships then people got too close they know everyting it becomes "routin" so they sabotage things then cycle returns to new exicements and so on so on, there is 2 choice , one is you will become to master manipulator and learn when to pull back , give attention, dissaper ,and love and hurt at the same time to shake things around and keep them emotional so they don't get bored when you think if i only love her truly she will be "happy" , and second is you will deattach from another human being so you will not be hurt when it is over , but at the end women does not need love , it is just on movies , they need chaos drama attention , they are slaves of their emotions , if you keep them in one emotion they will try to find "new exicetement" , you gonna stir up the waters to keep them interested or you will get abandoned
@@HerbalistGG This is actually not a million miles off the mark. Creating new emotional waves is part of it, basically wanting to say "I am looking for attention"...
@@HerbalistGG yeah, i was the new guy and i didn't know it at the tlme. she was with her bf for two years, dumped him for me then dumped me for him. shit's crazy.
I lost my mother at a young age and he made me feel safe like id never have felt before, it may of been a false sense of security but this all makes sense and i already feel better!
A person can grow up with love and security and still feel like they want to just die after a love break up. The solution for me is that I developed a passion for art and painting during my entire life. I can fall back on that when I get hurt so badly. I neglected my art and my own life needs during my love for another person. I couldn't breathe when she left me. During the affair I watched my phone like a crazy person. I lived to see her face pop up with a message or phone call. I am so glad to be over that. I still hurt but it is getting better. You guys can get better too. Just get into yourself and things you love to do that have nothing to do with another person.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS BUT KNOW MORE NOW THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU ARE GREAT OF WHAT YOU DO11111111
I grew up in a big, loving family. I never felt unloved, or ignored. my mom, my dad and both their families were always around me. Still, breakups leave me devastated, i feel miserable, cry for days, lose apetite, etc.
So great Craig, thank you. I do feel better after watching your videos.Very therapeutic. Takes the edge off my pain while distracting me and educating me at the same time. Made me realize that I was missing the attention I needed when I was a child and this is why I am so deeply affected although is not easily replaceable. I've never felt this strongly about anyone before. She is very unique and special.
"if tomorrow you would meet a hotter, sweeter, funnier, richer, more educated partner. Someone more pleasant to be around, more engaging.. would you be as traumatized?" This hit me! Thanks a lot Coach Craig, you always give enlightenment for someone going through the break up. Still not finish with the workbook, hope I can save enough to get coaching with you soon!
I’m imagining that’s who my ex girlfriend thinks she has met ..she ditched me by text after 4 years - without any sign of an issue.. I loved her so much
@@bch5758 we deserve someone who deserves us, and that’s hard for me to say based on the fact that I’m working myself day and night to not think about a girl I thought was the one. I keep trying to remind myself that we deserve to be appreciated, and we truly do.
"I wonder how your feelings about the break up would change if I told you tomorrow you would meet a hotter, sweeter, funnier, richer girl[...]" However that's the thing. I fell out with my ex over a year ago. I've met someone better for me. But it hasn't changed anything. I still obsess over my ex. Alternative scenarios play out in my head constantly. I shouldn't still be crying about it today, a year later, in the company of my new partner.
0x007fff - No, you shouldn't. Be grateful you have someone at all. Still an empty bed over here 😕 But it says to me that you didn't grieve that last loss properly. And I hate to say it but the only way to do it is to revisit it...in your mind that is. I wish you luck. ¥
I broke up with him because he never valued me and disrespected me and my daughter . Never felt important and communication wasn’t happening or if it was he was too scared to become vulnerable and share his feelings. So I in turn filled in the blanks and couldn’t deal with it . I loved him and still do 🙁 but I felt like a broken record and there was no compromise or wanting to grow and be a team . I feel like 💩 panicked because I have an anxious attachment style . I really needed to hear this today . Thank you … I knew there was a reason why I kept leaving though I usually panicked once day 6 or 7 came along .
It's been 1.5 months since she dumped for another guy. Last week we went out on a date, which led to her been pissed off because I didn't drive her home (she fucked a guy 4 days after we broke up). After talking with her I realized that she is a sad person that has problems with her life she started smoking and drinking after our break up. I came to the realization that night that I don't miss "her" as a person but the idea of having a shoulder to lean on in life which I didn't as I was growing up.
Holy cow!!! So well done... even the pause and you looking at us in the camera and the eyes and smile after the long pause all that silence your face was saying a million things really intense message my friend you scored 100 on that one..thank you
It's exactly what happened to me.My ex dumped me out of the blue.He says our personalities didn't match (Whatever,that means)I'm sure he'd been plotting it for a while.He said we should remain friends....As if.... Thanks Craig for the advice
This video is really helpful thank you, brilliant!! My partner did just this 2 months ago and I felt exactly like that - worse he was with a young pretty girl weeks after x
Thank you for doing this video. I'm going through a separation from my husband of 13 1/2 years. He's with his new girlfriend that he was cheating with during our last two months of marriage. My heart is broken and can't believe he did this.
Just watched this video doing the programme at 3.30am cause I can't sleep and bookmarked it as my number 1 video going forward. Craig this is not only insightful it is literally helped me to get perspective. This is a lifesaver in no uncertain ways. Thank you.
I LOL'd when you said "I think this girl is absolutely clueless when it comes to consciousness & awareness." That was my ex also. Asleep-at-the-wheel. No concept of what they're doing or why they're doing it. She triangulated as well. There was always some clueless dingbat ex in orbit. I'm onto her game now...though it's too late with her, as the devalue has already initiated. ZERO ability to communicate...just avoid, avoid, avoid. All of this knowledge has armed me with a new awareness though - both about myself and working on my issues, and what to look for in a future partner. Thanks Craig & Margaret :)
all you can do to that is, just accept the fact that you and the person you love is over, and little by little you will move on. someday you will find your happiness.
LoveMe,com How are doing? Have you and your ex reconciled or have you moved on? I’m 2 months post break up and decided to go no contact this week. I was previously reaching out to him on a limited basis, a couple times a week, and he responded, but never initiated. I’ve been focusing on me and improving myself, but I miss him.
Best video yet. Really opened my eyes to what i'm dealing with. especially at the end when you talk about the girlfriend keeping the toxic ex in the background to keep from getting to close. This is exactly what i am dealing with in my current break up. Hope to have $$ soon to do a skype with you.. working on the workbooks as we speak. Continue the good work it really helps.
Not that it's any easier but reading the comments let's me know I'm not alone in these raw toxic feelings and emotions. I don't think my x even thinks of me, I have no clue how she could be so heartless, it's beyond my comprehension
One of the best videos, of yours, that I have watched so far. Although I do not disagree with the unmet needs from your caregivers I think that it can also come from a past long term relationship. I wish I could afford coaching sessions with you, you would have a field day lol. Keep up the great work I think you are one of the best, most "real" coaches that can be found on RUclips. THANK YOU!
You are so right. I grew up in a wonderful home but neither of my parents ever said I love you. Not to each other or any of their kids. The words were just never spoken. I married the first man who said it to me. It was an enormous mistake and ended in divorce. My recent boyfriend was the most loving, affectionate person I’ve ever been with. He constantly expressed his love by saying it, writing me poetry, physically, etc. So the breakup was a nightmare. And I’ve been obsessed since. He had met someone else. Someone entirely, 100% opposite me and totally wrong for him (I’m not the only person who thinks this). Holding out hope that he gets bored and tired of this toy soon. He brought her to a mutual event we were at this week. He didn’t introduce her to anyone. She sat in her chair most of the night and didn’t speak to anyone because she’s so shy and introverted. He kept leaving her there to go socialize. I was a social butterfly and at least tried to make it appear that I was having a fabulous time all night. I hope I did the right thing.
Ya Craig I really cannot express the relief I actually finely feel After you explained the hotter, funnier, smarter woman theory. I guess I really am just projecting all my sadness and loneliness on my Ex. Heck when I was with her we were pretty unhappy the last year of our relationship anyway. If only I could get rid of these dam anxiety attacks that debilitate me about ten times a day and think clearly again
I agree with everything u said except I had none of those issues in my childhood but yet this is the first time I cannot get over an ex. In the past I was able to get over everyone in less than two months. Even the father of my son.
Great Video! This taught me a few things. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with my ex boyfriend. Now he's been married to a Philippine girl for 4 years. If he gets divorced I Pray he will give me another chance!! 💔
I wish I had more eloquent words to express how much your videos are effecting my life. You are way better than love advice tv. I wish I could meet you in person one day to shake your Damn hand lol. Thanks man for doing this.
This is so hard for me, I have an anxious and avoidant style. I thought I was getting better but now it’s like a rush of thoughts of my ex and I can’t stop the thoughts
Same. I do all of the be things: meditate, self soothe, work out, go on new dates, switched careers, picked up old childhood hobbies, made new friends, and I still wake up everyday recently and think about my ex. I go on dates and feel nothing. Ugh. Right now I'm debating moving far away, but I know that wherever you go, there you are. My ❤️ goes out to you.
Brianna Foss almost 3 months and still thinking about my ex... i unfollowed her everywhere and she still watches my instagram.. I know she has a new bf 3 weeks after the breakup
@@lenscapewithbry know what sucks for me? The person I fell for has a public presence. I can't just block a Facebook page. If ever my mind gets curious all I would have to do is Google to see a photo or an update of this person's life, perhaps an interview they just did. And it's been so hard fighting to not do so. Ugh.
this video really helped me in fact all the videos help so much my ex finally reached out by phone after i started watching the video and we talked for five to ten minutes why she was waiting to pick up her kids or so she said i asked her out for dinner she said i can't this week busy hours its not a no so im hoping to get another call thank you for the confidence
The more I watch this video the clearer things are for me .I want my ex back to ease the bottomless pain in my soul to do with a troubled childhood ❤💔💔
@@GMH9765 I can so relate to you.i read on something you dont water a dead flower .The more we dwell on it the harder it is to accept.ive been going to the gym it helps ❤❤
My symptoms - not very hungry - silver lining - lost 4 kg in 1,5 months. My sleep is not particularly good as she is on my mind when I should go into bed. Also I rarely feel totally relaxed it is like I am constantly under a stress so I have this anxious feeling the whole day.
Great video! I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I loved so much. He was an active alcoholic and lied and at the least sent sexual text messages to other guys. I could not be with him bc I didn’t like who I became the long I was with him and the more his drinking escalated...I struggle with regret, a fear of being alone, and anger. I’m going to a 12 step group for people to love addicts and it is helping. I still think of him but it’s getting better. However this is great bc I note know why I seem to attract emotionally unavailable people.
Wouldn't think this would help...I'm on sleeping tablets...anxiety tablets...I've lost 13kg in 3 weeks...I've been visiting her after 6 days nc...doing the same things as we were together...holding hands..kissing...cuddles....sex....when I get home...nothing...this video really helped
I get uncontrollable tears at night since my break-up with my gf 2 months ago,however she is dating someone new and here I am shedding tears,wasting my time checking her and her partner’s profile,lost 3 kgs of body mass,can’t sleep or eat ,also hampering my studies to a huge extent since exams are approaching .How to ease my pain.?
Watching this video I didn't even realize people had secure attachment styles. Anyway, I have an anxious attachment style and I have been struggling with getting over things and not being obsessive about if my ex is getting with other people.
Does “no contact” also works for an ex with secure attachment style? They have an easy time to form connection so it could be difficult to get them back?
I hate how attached I became. We were together for 5 years. We broke up 6 months ago. We stayed friends until month 5 and she let me know she was in a relationship and is happy and that I should move on.. imagine meeting your dream girl and just destroying her and the relationship while she stayed over and over again because she knew how much I loved her.. I’m not even upset about the breakup because I deserved to loose her.. I just miss her.. we were best friends.. her birthday was June 14th, I tried so hard not to message her because I was on a month of no contact. The next morning our 2 year old pup died.. I felt like I did the right thing and emailed her that our baby passed away.. it’s been a few days and she still hasn’t said anything.. I get she has a new relationship but that dog loved her.. she really broke me heart twice this year..
Excellent analogy I can see so clearly now. Everything you said is so the man I was seeing and he keeps coming back. Now just to learn how to say NO ty
did I hear this wrong the letter said he broke up with his ex? Now he cannot stop thinking about her? This is something I do not understand why break up if you did not want to why not communicate with the person and make changes to both in the relationship so neither person will go through the pain of a breakup?
What your ex did is the same thing that my guy best friend did ( he is dismissive avoidant attachment style) may i asked Sir kenneth what is the best solution for this commitment phobic guy and also before he keeps on wanting his ex and he only stopped because his ex said I'm sorry i don't want to get hurt anymore..we are best friends like 3 years and i keep on watching about attachment style...but it's kinda hard for me i already been honest with him that i have feelings and i want a committed relationship but he always tells me we can't coz my family won't allow us...i kept on thinking what i should do just accept being friends or leave him alone ahehe he made me crazy i haven't experienced someone like him before 🤷🤦
This sounds exactly like me. I broke up with a girl in August 2019 after 8 months. I'm understanding now that she has an avoidant style personality. I'm really having a hard time coming to grips with this. I knew there was somthing wrong. I just didn't know how to deal with.
Yes, my partner also turned out to be avoidant, only it did not get clear until after 4 years. Now the break up is a month ago and I am in SO much pain! We still held out till 4,5 years.
@@GMH9765 Same here! I was together 4,5 years with my ex avoidant! Although, this is the second break up because I wasn't ready when he came back to me last time. Do the work and don't stop when they come back!!!! I had just started to work on myself and he appeared crying from nowhere and wanted me back. Now, we're in the exact same situation again. He cried like a kid that had dropped his ice cream when he came for his stuff 3 weeks ago. He was the one who broke up. Since then no contact, he promised to contact me to pick the rest of his things but haven't done it yet. And I'm left here confused, lonely, tired and angry. And I still miss him so much. On top of all this, Corona is taking over the world and I can't even go out to take a glass of wine to relax. What a great time to have a breakup! Haha! Keep on fighting you guys and stay safe! Whether or not these people come back to us, we'll survive and become stronger :)
This is a great video. So informative and is exactly what I'm going through. I was in an affair for over a year. She broke up with me and here I am begging her back and acting obsessive. Meanwhile shes not shedding tears cause she has someone and is getting her needs met. This video hit all the points and so accurate. Is there a video on how to overcome this feeling.
But if you're saying this is more about childhood needs and not about the specific person we're obsessing over, then why is it that the past relationships I broke up with I was never this obsessed, like not even close? This previous SO feels like I'm in habitual morning and it's been 3 1/2 years! :( The feelings are of constant regret, loss, envy, etc. This is absolutely nuts. I can't believe I'm here.
Coach, this is one of your best and I want to say thank you for providing this for us. My question is how do you stop obsessing. I understand it comes from childhood but it's been 3 years and I still obsess
but what if i had to break up with her... i tried to hook her up with one of my friends lol cause i thought she would be a little happier it would be eaiser for her but she tried to she told him it just wasnt the same then i hooked her up with a guy in her class and they seemed to have hit it off and i got to see her being happy again. and that alone made me feel better about it.
Your rite, she loved me and now she’s gone and I dnt have love and my heart is ready to love someone anyone so it makes sense I want to love someone and be loved by someone. I want a loving relationship. I want another woman with soft sweet love.
yeah, i was treated badly when i was a kid. so, me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and still...i go over her page and spy on whom she talks to. i'm so fucking obsessive. i hate that. i just can't stop it. she tells me to fuck off. even told me she wants me dead because i'm a creep to her. i can't do anything. i just want her. we've been together for 2 years...idk what to do. i'm always depressed. i see no other path
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
A very good coach said “the pain you feel at the end of a relationship is directly proportional to how much you compromised yourself, your goals, your mission.”
This hit hard
Damn..
Godam
Brilliant, wow
This is gold.
I've watched this video 20 to 30 times. It really helps me at night, this is usually when I have the worst thoughts going through my head. I hate the who could she be screwing now thoughts. They are the worst , worse than diarrhea :(
Kk V I can totally relate. How are things now?
Add me let's be friends
ravi bhartia
How do you become friends on here ?
You are funny
Lol
Let's face it,80 percent of the pain co.es from reminiscing over the sex and imagining that what you used to do together is now being done with someone else. Crushes you
Ha this is very true
Wow
True
That was absolutely brilliant, it made me realise that it’s not my ex I’m missing but the attatchment, now I just need to work on letting go,
Sarah Somebody hi I’m writing this two years later from when you posted but I totally agree with what you said, did it ever for you and did you ever get back with your ex or found a more fulfilling relationship?
Good question
S H thanks for your reply. I’ve remained single and am working on loving myself. My ex lives opposite and will not speak to me so that’s difficult but I’m dealing with it. I now know that I don’t need a man to complete me and I accept things as they are. If I’m meant to fall in love again it will happen if not I’m happy and content with my life sorry for late reply
Yes. I would still be just as traumatized about my ex if I met somebody funnier, kinder, or more beautiful. We spent 5 years together. We traveled, we cared for each other when we were sick, we were there for each other when our pets died, we were there for each other making the transitioning between college in the real world. Our favorite songs, our sing alongs, our shared interests. All gone.
That bond is worth more to me then her characteristics.
Nathan Norton How are you doing now? I am now only 1 month in and need HOPE that it gets better!!!
Same here
@@Franzifii how.are.you doing now
@@GMH9765 you doing well now?
@@ngalahansel6066 Well, I would lie to myself if I'd say I have no more feelings for him but I realized I need to move on because it was just too much pain and there were too many problems originating in my non-fulfilled feelings for him, so I decided that I have to put the friendship on hold for a longer period of time, to heal and be a better friend to him at some point, if I can manage to do that in the future, because he's such a wonderful man and he deserves it. He hurt me a few times without wanting to, but he is still one of my favorite humans and a better friend than most other people will ever be, in my oponion. But us being a couple is maybe not meant to be. Fortunately, I can distract myself with a lot of other things at the moment. Building a career, building other quality relationships, interests, and so on. I think I will be ok. What about you?
I feel like im dieing. Im too depressed to even function normally. I just want this to stop
I feel the same way. I just want it stop I don’t want to feel sad anymore.
Same
Same
Same💔
+1
"A man never throws away his only pair of shoes." Good to remember not to take anything personally.
FC l
Hmm😎
Lol 😝
the answer for me is no - meeting someone better won't make me happy or change my outlook.
me neither. My anxious attachment would have me already thinking about when they/new partner would leave! everyone betrays me and leaves for another! why would this seemingly great new partner stay when there have already been others just as great?
You, sir, are a genius. You hit the nail on the head. It still hurts like hell, but you cleaned my clock. Everything ... nailed it. It's like you were reading my mind. I wish there was a pill to take get take away the pain though.
#Truth
Wish there was a pil to wipe my memories clean
Follow up - how are things going for you today?
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind . Only if !
my friends probably think i'm fine with the break up as i put on a brave face, seem happy round them and don't talk about it. little do they know deep down its killing me and when i'm alone my minds constantly going over what i done wrong, what i could have done better and if I've lost her forever. if i met the girl of my dreams tomorrow yeah id be over the moon but there's no way i still wouldn't be sad about losing my ex and still think about her all the time.
its never easy bro but we can't bet our important time of life in the dreams which went wrong or did not come true. You guys broke up it is the reality now and deep down u know it too that even if u get her back there's not gonna be the same spark in the relation as it used to. and whtever u did wrong you gotta embrace that it was you who did it and made the choice and if you regret that choice of what you did then you should learn from that mistake and be a better person to build a better relation with a better partner.
Hey guys!!
Is there room for one more broken heart? Well thats how i feel about my situation right now.i was married fir twenty two years i have a daughter she is twenty years old
Ever since my wife divorced me about a year ago, i feel if my world is coming to an end
I feel exactly the same way you guys describe your selfs.
I thank Craig for making this video it is amazing.
I would appreciate any comments on what’s working for you guys...thanks God bless.
Hi I’m Mathew
It would be great too
Make some friends 👍🏻
How are things now man?
Same
this is the best relationship coach and break up expert.... by miles
All true here. My fiancé of two years left. I was the avoidant in a smothering relationship, and now I’m the one suffering. Little sleep. Can’t eat. Lost 14 lbs in 8 weeks. Can’t focus on work. Can’t go out on new dates and enjoy them. Therapy is no help. Talking to friends has served little purpose. It’s hell. I can’t make any of this stop. I’m not even sure what to do anymore.
How are you now
How are you doing now.one year later?
@@ngalahansel6066 That was almost two years ago now. I started on Prozac a little over a year ago and that helped me tremendously. It changed my life. My ex comes to mind every now and again, but it doesn’t affect me one way or the other. I feel free.
@@socalguy97 Awesome! I hope in a year from now I'll also feel free and not have this pang of pain rush through my heart when I picture her with him again
I'm going on 3 1/2 years and I'm still pathetically addicted to my ex. Dude, this is a nightmare and it's not even funny anymore:(
It sucks...
I relate, man. We gotta build our own good life.
me too 💔
It's been since 2013 & I still feel guilt & remorse
I can totally relate to that! 3yrs 8mo
I grew up in a stable upper middle-class home with 2 parents that loved me and gave me almost everything I wanted. I was never neglected or abused. I don't have a lot of unmet needs. And he was a complete asshole. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him...
Toni Smith same!
Not same here, but this is the first time in my life I've obsessed over someone!he ain't even special, but he was the most I've ever felt loved by someone not in my family. And it's been 3 years and I still miss him badly.
@@wanderertatiana2498 I know it may sound crazy, but try this. Can't explain it but this helped me so much. I barely think about him anymore
ruclips.net/video/RG6xPO06UtM/видео.html
Look up intermittent reinforcement
@@wanderertatiana2498 how are you now
Thank you so much. This was very helpful and i'm beginning ti understand what my obsessing is all about. My ex left after 30 years and is in a new relationship and I just feel overlooked, forgotten and disrespected.
How are you now
If she's with someone else (and if she's happy) how can she think about me? Let'S face the truth, she doesn't
Maybe. But you are forever part of her life history. That cant be erased. When the chips are down in a relationship, her mind will drift back to you. You may probably never know about. BUT if you go on to find new love, or if you live an exciting passionate life with or without someone, thats gonna sting a bit for her. Plus she carries the burden of knowing she ended it, you didnt. March on, find your best life. Best wishes.
I know right. It might be an evil way of seeing it but... I hope she hates the "new guy" and regrets breaking up with me, but i doubt that will ever happen
@@SpicySoulX it will , human nature craves for new exicements, new life changes , " wanted to be free" but when you get it all in once you feel like you are lost you don't belong here and immedality want to go back , but when you get slowly naturally you fell in love and make bond together like all long term relationships then people got too close they know everyting it becomes "routin" so they sabotage things then cycle returns to new exicements and so on so on, there is 2 choice , one is you will become to master manipulator and learn when to pull back , give attention, dissaper ,and love and hurt at the same time to shake things around and keep them emotional so they don't get bored when you think if i only love her truly she will be "happy" , and second is you will deattach from another human being so you will not be hurt when it is over , but at the end women does not need love , it is just on movies , they need chaos drama attention , they are slaves of their emotions , if you keep them in one emotion they will try to find "new exicetement" , you gonna stir up the waters to keep them interested or you will get abandoned
@@HerbalistGG This is actually not a million miles off the mark. Creating new emotional waves is part of it, basically wanting to say "I am looking for attention"...
@@HerbalistGG yeah, i was the new guy and i didn't know it at the tlme. she was with her bf for two years, dumped him for me then dumped me for him. shit's crazy.
Rock bottom. It’s a great foundation. Hang on, everyone!!
THAT is great, Stacey! Needed that today, thank you. :)
You are so beautiful! Don't worry. Some hot guy will sweep you off your feet before long. You'll be ok ☺
LOL nice
When you said it’s like they turned off the Faucet they loved you then they didn’t anymore ☹️! It just shut off.
I lost my mother at a young age and he made me feel safe like id never have felt before, it may of been a false sense of security but this all makes sense and i already feel better!
A person can grow up with love and security and still feel like they want to just die after a love break up. The solution for me is that I developed a passion for art and painting during my entire life. I can fall back on that when I get hurt so badly. I neglected my art and my own life needs during my love for another person. I couldn't breathe when she left me. During the affair I watched my phone like a crazy person. I lived to see her face pop up with a message or phone call. I am so glad to be over that. I still hurt but it is getting better. You guys can get better too. Just get into yourself and things you love to do that have nothing to do with another person.
were all screwed.
Yeah
Absolutely.
😫😫😫
@@kellegeez I felt that...😔😔😔🌙
Lol
Great video! I just want to forget about her and move on to someone else better .
YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS BUT KNOW MORE NOW THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU ARE GREAT OF WHAT YOU DO11111111
I grew up in a big, loving family. I never felt unloved, or ignored. my mom, my dad and both their families were always around me. Still, breakups leave me devastated, i feel miserable, cry for days, lose apetite, etc.
So great Craig, thank you. I do feel better after watching your videos.Very therapeutic. Takes the edge off my pain while distracting me and educating me at the same time. Made me realize that I was missing the attention I needed when I was a child and this is why I am so deeply affected although is not easily replaceable. I've never felt this strongly about anyone before. She is very unique and special.
"if tomorrow you would meet a hotter, sweeter, funnier, richer, more educated partner. Someone more pleasant to be around, more engaging.. would you be as traumatized?" This hit me! Thanks a lot Coach Craig, you always give enlightenment for someone going through the break up. Still not finish with the workbook, hope I can save enough to get coaching with you soon!
I’m imagining that’s who my ex girlfriend thinks she has met ..she ditched me by text after 4 years - without any sign of an issue.. I loved her so much
@@bch5758 we deserve someone who deserves us, and that’s hard for me to say based on the fact that I’m working myself day and night to not think about a girl I thought was the one. I keep trying to remind myself that we deserve to be appreciated, and we truly do.
"I wonder how your feelings about the break up would change if I told you tomorrow you would meet a hotter, sweeter, funnier, richer girl[...]"
However that's the thing. I fell out with my ex over a year ago. I've met someone better for me. But it hasn't changed anything. I still obsess over my ex. Alternative scenarios play out in my head constantly. I shouldn't still be crying about it today, a year later, in the company of my new partner.
0x007fff - No, you shouldn't. Be grateful you have someone at all. Still an empty bed over here 😕
But it says to me that you didn't grieve that last loss properly. And I hate to say it but the only way to do it is to revisit it...in your mind that is.
I wish you luck. ¥
could it just be your guilt? did you cheat on the ex with the new partner?
coach Craig all i want to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING US TO GET HEALED , your explination is wonderful.
I broke up with him because he never valued me and disrespected me and my daughter . Never felt important and communication wasn’t happening or if it was he was too scared to become vulnerable and share his feelings. So I in turn filled in the blanks and couldn’t deal with it . I loved him and still do 🙁 but I felt like a broken record and there was no compromise or wanting to grow and be a team . I feel like 💩 panicked because I have an anxious attachment style . I really needed to hear this today . Thank you … I knew there was a reason why I kept leaving though I usually panicked once day 6 or 7 came along .
You helped me a lot, most importantly I understand more about people.
It's been 1.5 months since she dumped for another guy. Last week we went out on a date, which led to her been pissed off because I didn't drive her home (she fucked a guy 4 days after we broke up). After talking with her I realized that she is a sad person that has problems with her life she started smoking and drinking after our break up. I came to the realization that night that I don't miss "her" as a person but the idea of having a shoulder to lean on in life which I didn't as I was growing up.
You’re the best. I love how incorporate psychology into it and explain it so well.
Holy cow!!! So well done... even the pause and you looking at us in the camera and the eyes and smile after the long pause all that silence your face was saying a million things really intense message my friend you scored 100 on that one..thank you
It's exactly what happened to me.My ex dumped me out of the blue.He says our personalities didn't match (Whatever,that means)I'm sure he'd been plotting it for a while.He said we should remain friends....As if....
Thanks Craig for the advice
This video is really helpful thank you, brilliant!! My partner did just this 2 months ago and I felt exactly like that - worse he was with a young pretty girl weeks after x
Thank you for doing this video. I'm going through a separation from my husband of 13 1/2 years. He's with his new girlfriend that he was cheating with during our last two months of marriage. My heart is broken and can't believe he did this.
This makes so much sense and makes me feel so much better. Even though she was an amazing and unique woman that will be very hard to replace.
I feel relieved now. I wish I can remember this video so that I don't have to go through pain again. A cheater ex does not deserve any sympathy.
WOW, another five star video. Hit the nail right on the head for me! Long Live Coach Craig. God Bless you!
Just watched this video doing the programme at 3.30am cause I can't sleep and bookmarked it as my number 1 video going forward. Craig this is not only insightful it is literally helped me to get perspective. This is a lifesaver in no uncertain ways. Thank you.
I’m here at 3:43 am lol
I LOL'd when you said "I think this girl is absolutely clueless when it comes to consciousness & awareness." That was my ex also. Asleep-at-the-wheel. No concept of what they're doing or why they're doing it. She triangulated as well. There was always some clueless dingbat ex in orbit. I'm onto her game now...though it's too late with her, as the devalue has already initiated. ZERO ability to communicate...just avoid, avoid, avoid.
All of this knowledge has armed me with a new awareness though - both about myself and working on my issues, and what to look for in a future partner.
Thanks Craig & Margaret :)
One of the best videos on this channel
all you can do to that is, just accept the fact that you and the person you love is over, and little by little you will move on. someday you will find your happiness.
LoveMe,com How are doing? Have you and your ex reconciled or have you moved on? I’m 2 months post break up and decided to go no contact this week. I was previously reaching out to him on a limited basis, a couple times a week, and he responded, but never initiated. I’ve been focusing on me and improving myself, but I miss him.
@@staceyswope3438 What happened then stacey?
Best video yet. Really opened my eyes to what i'm dealing with. especially at the end when you talk about the girlfriend keeping the toxic ex in the background to keep from getting to close. This is exactly what i am dealing with in my current break up. Hope to have $$ soon to do a skype with you.. working on the workbooks as we speak. Continue the good work it really helps.
Not that it's any easier but reading the comments let's me know I'm not alone in these raw toxic feelings and emotions. I don't think my x even thinks of me, I have no clue how she could be so heartless, it's beyond my comprehension
I'm on video 10 out of 82, and I've already learned sooooo much
My ex relapsed on meth and left out of the blue so my situation is really different and sucky. But your videos have helped so much, thank you.
One of the best videos, of yours, that I have watched so far. Although I do not disagree with the unmet needs from your caregivers I think that it can also come from a past long term relationship. I wish I could afford coaching sessions with you, you would have a field day lol. Keep up the great work I think you are one of the best, most "real" coaches that can be found on RUclips. THANK YOU!
You are so right. I grew up in a wonderful home but neither of my parents ever said I love you. Not to each other or any of their kids. The words were just never spoken. I married the first man who said it to me. It was an enormous mistake and ended in divorce. My recent boyfriend was the most loving, affectionate person I’ve ever been with. He constantly expressed his love by saying it, writing me poetry, physically, etc. So the breakup was a nightmare. And I’ve been obsessed since. He had met someone else. Someone entirely, 100% opposite me and totally wrong for him (I’m not the only person who thinks this). Holding out hope that he gets bored and tired of this toy soon. He brought her to a mutual event we were at this week. He didn’t introduce her to anyone. She sat in her chair most of the night and didn’t speak to anyone because she’s so shy and introverted. He kept leaving her there to go socialize. I was a social butterfly and at least tried to make it appear that I was having a fabulous time all night. I hope I did the right thing.
Ya Craig I really cannot express the relief I actually finely feel After you explained the hotter, funnier, smarter woman theory. I guess I really am just projecting all my sadness and loneliness on my Ex. Heck when I was with her we were pretty unhappy the last year of our relationship anyway. If only I could get rid of these dam anxiety attacks that debilitate me about ten times a day and think clearly again
I thought I had it bad but after listening to these poor guys... man.
Karma is going to give him all the pain he gave me 10 times!
I believe in Karma! I hope the Same for my ex!!!
me too. Hope he gets it back. He broke my heart big time
I believe in karma as well. She'll pay for what she made me go through.
Your insight is genuinely truthful! Thank you kind sir!
My exes need to watch some of these videos 😂 I’m watching them to understand what’s wrong with them..
I agree with everything u said except I had none of those issues in my childhood but yet this is the first time I cannot get over an ex. In the past I was able to get over everyone in less than two months. Even the father of my son.
Great Video! This taught me a few things. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with my ex boyfriend. Now he's been married to a Philippine girl for 4 years. If he gets divorced I Pray he will give me another chance!! 💔
You are the best! Thanks for posting these videos!
One of my favorite videos of Craig's so far.
I wish I had more eloquent words to express how much your videos are effecting my life. You are way better than love advice tv. I wish I could meet you in person one day to shake your Damn hand lol. Thanks man for doing this.
Thanks Chris! I wasn’t aware we had competition 😉
Damn.. great channel. So much better than some with views in the 100,000k range
This is so hard for me, I have an anxious and avoidant style. I thought I was getting better but now it’s like a rush of thoughts of my ex and I can’t stop the thoughts
Same. I do all of the be things: meditate, self soothe, work out, go on new dates, switched careers, picked up old childhood hobbies, made new friends, and I still wake up everyday recently and think about my ex. I go on dates and feel nothing. Ugh. Right now I'm debating moving far away, but I know that wherever you go, there you are. My ❤️ goes out to you.
Brianna Foss almost 3 months and still thinking about my ex... i unfollowed her everywhere and she still watches my instagram.. I know she has a new bf 3 weeks after the breakup
@@lenscapewithbry know what sucks for me? The person I fell for has a public presence. I can't just block a Facebook page. If ever my mind gets curious all I would have to do is Google to see a photo or an update of this person's life, perhaps an interview they just did. And it's been so hard fighting to not do so. Ugh.
this video really helped me in fact all the videos help so much my ex finally reached out by phone after i started watching the video and we talked for five to ten minutes why she was waiting to pick up her kids or so she said i asked her out for dinner she said i can't this week busy hours its not a no so im hoping to get another call thank you for the confidence
The more I watch this video the clearer things are for me .I want my ex back to ease the bottomless pain in my soul to do with a troubled childhood ❤💔💔
norma norma Yes, me too. How long is it over for you? I am a month in and still crying ALL the time!
@@GMH9765 4 weeks now yesterday was a tough day .TODAY was much better ❤❤
@@normanorma8505 i'm exactly a month in, but still cannot believe this is real. So sudden and unexpected. And I trusted him 1000 percent
@@GMH9765 I can so relate to you.i read on something you dont water a dead flower .The more we dwell on it the harder it is to accept.ive been going to the gym it helps ❤❤
@@normanorma8505 Thanks!!
My symptoms - not very hungry - silver lining - lost 4 kg in 1,5 months. My sleep is not particularly good as she is on my mind when I should go into bed. Also I rarely feel totally relaxed it is like I am constantly under a stress so I have this anxious feeling the whole day.
Go get yourself some ANXIETY MED AND THERAPY. IT WORKING FOR ME.
How are u now
WOW! what insight... you are one smart dude. And i adore Margaret too. Thank you for all the important information.
Great video! I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I loved so much. He was an active alcoholic and lied and at the least sent sexual text messages to other guys. I could not be with him bc I didn’t like who I became the long I was with him and the more his drinking escalated...I struggle with regret, a fear of being alone, and anger. I’m going to a 12 step group for people to love addicts and it is helping. I still think of him but it’s getting better. However this is great bc I note know why I seem to attract emotionally unavailable people.
Wouldn't think this would help...I'm on sleeping tablets...anxiety tablets...I've lost 13kg in 3 weeks...I've been visiting her after 6 days nc...doing the same things as we were together...holding hands..kissing...cuddles....sex....when I get home...nothing...this video really helped
I get uncontrollable tears at night since my break-up with my gf 2 months ago,however she is dating someone new and here I am shedding tears,wasting my time checking her and her partner’s profile,lost 3 kgs of body mass,can’t sleep or eat ,also hampering my studies to a huge extent since exams are approaching .How to ease my pain.?
p CHOUDHURY Feel exactly the same. Am a month in now. Are you doing any better? I need HOPE!
GM H The pain will ease as time goes by , yes you will feel very sad sometimes but try to keep yourself busy with friends and family.
Bro it has been 8 months... How are you ???
MD AqueeL_432 Time has healed the wound to a certain extent ,but the scars will be there life long brother😔
Watching this video I didn't even realize people had secure attachment styles. Anyway, I have an anxious attachment style and I have been struggling with getting over things and not being obsessive about if my ex is getting with other people.
This is the best explanation I have ever heard. Thank you
Does “no contact” also works for an ex with secure attachment style? They have an easy time to form connection so it could be difficult to get them back?
13:20 damn, he unleashed the biggest truth bomb I needed to hear. Thank you for that, wow.
I hate how attached I became. We were together for 5 years. We broke up 6 months ago. We stayed friends until month 5 and she let me know she was in a relationship and is happy and that I should move on.. imagine meeting your dream girl and just destroying her and the relationship while she stayed over and over again because she knew how much I loved her.. I’m not even upset about the breakup because I deserved to loose her.. I just miss her.. we were best friends.. her birthday was June 14th, I tried so hard not to message her because I was on a month of no contact. The next morning our 2 year old pup died.. I felt like I did the right thing and emailed her that our baby passed away.. it’s been a few days and she still hasn’t said anything.. I get she has a new relationship but that dog loved her.. she really broke me heart twice this year..
Excellent analogy I can see so clearly now. Everything you said is so the man I was seeing and he keeps coming back. Now just to learn how to say NO ty
It's the same if a good friend breaks up with you. So many people are mean out of jealousy or fear or insecurity.
did I hear this wrong the letter said he broke up with his ex? Now he cannot stop thinking about her? This is something I do not understand why break up if you did not want to why not communicate with the person and make changes to both in the relationship so neither person will go through the pain of a breakup?
I wanna say I definitely have some attachment trauma.😀. I cried so hard when I had to think about the unmet needs that were met by him
No wonder im so attached.. my father died and I was really sad, then losing my gf just hurt more because i didnt want to lose her.
Yeah, its really hard to lose somene you really cared.. 2 days no sleep by the way im drain
What your ex did is the same thing that my guy best friend did ( he is dismissive avoidant attachment style) may i asked Sir kenneth what is the best solution for this commitment phobic guy and also before he keeps on wanting his ex and he only stopped because his ex said I'm sorry i don't want to get hurt anymore..we are best friends like 3 years and i keep on watching about attachment style...but it's kinda hard for me i already been honest with him that i have feelings and i want a committed relationship but he always tells me we can't coz my family won't allow us...i kept on thinking what i should do just accept being friends or leave him alone ahehe he made me crazy i haven't experienced someone like him before 🤷🤦
It will not change unless he wants to make the change. It is not personal. He is telling you no; safe yourself and listen to him.
So how do we get past the obsession? If it’s rooted in childhood trauma, idk the fix?
I know right
Felt like u were reading a script, but I still Feel like u made some really good points from a logical perspective. Definitely made me think 💭 thx
I am anxious. He was avoidant.
Great video
This sounds exactly like me. I broke up with a girl in August 2019 after 8 months. I'm understanding now that she has an avoidant style personality. I'm really having a hard time coming to grips with this. I knew there was somthing wrong. I just didn't know how to deal with.
Yes, my partner also turned out to be avoidant, only it did not get clear until after 4 years. Now the break up is a month ago and I am in SO much pain! We still held out till 4,5 years.
@@GMH9765 Same here! I was together 4,5 years with my ex avoidant! Although, this is the second break up because I wasn't ready when he came back to me last time. Do the work and don't stop when they come back!!!! I had just started to work on myself and he appeared crying from nowhere and wanted me back. Now, we're in the exact same situation again. He cried like a kid that had dropped his ice cream when he came for his stuff 3 weeks ago. He was the one who broke up. Since then no contact, he promised to contact me to pick the rest of his things but haven't done it yet. And I'm left here confused, lonely, tired and angry. And I still miss him so much. On top of all this, Corona is taking over the world and I can't even go out to take a glass of wine to relax. What a great time to have a breakup! Haha!
Keep on fighting you guys and stay safe! Whether or not these people come back to us, we'll survive and become stronger :)
You are so spot on. Thank you for your videos!
Your a good man Craig...
Thank You for helping us...
This is a great video. So informative and is exactly what I'm going through. I was in an affair for over a year. She broke up with me and here I am begging her back and acting obsessive. Meanwhile shes not shedding tears cause she has someone and is getting her needs met. This video hit all the points and so accurate. Is there a video on how to overcome this feeling.
But if you're saying this is more about childhood needs and not about the specific person we're obsessing over, then why is it that the past relationships I broke up with I was never this obsessed, like not even close? This previous SO feels like I'm in habitual morning and it's been 3 1/2 years! :( The feelings are of constant regret, loss, envy, etc. This is absolutely nuts. I can't believe I'm here.
Steve Kimble S. Have you gotten therapy for this ?
Terrific advice coach thanks
But I did throw away my only pair of shoes. :-(
me too
Would be nice to here What to do about it, How do you heal the trauma?
Coach, this is one of your best and I want to say thank you for providing this for us. My question is how do you stop obsessing. I understand it comes from childhood but it's been 3 years and I still obsess
I’ll be watching this video again many times!
but what if i had to break up with her... i tried to hook her up with one of my friends lol cause i thought she would be a little happier it would be eaiser for her but she tried to she told him it just wasnt the same then i hooked her up with a guy in her class and they seemed to have hit it off and i got to see her being happy again. and that alone made me feel better about it.
Hi Craig, can you do a video on how MBTI personality types can effect attachment styles?
Your rite, she loved me and now she’s gone and I dnt have love and my heart is ready to love someone anyone so it makes sense I want to love someone and be loved by someone. I want a loving relationship. I want another woman with soft sweet love.
Nope. Can't imagine anyone else
What a great video Craig ur brilliant thank you so much for all u do for us.
yeah, i was treated badly when i was a kid. so, me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and still...i go over her page and spy on whom she talks to. i'm so fucking obsessive. i hate that. i just can't stop it. she tells me to fuck off. even told me she wants me dead because i'm a creep to her. i can't do anything. i just want her. we've been together for 2 years...idk what to do. i'm always depressed. i see no other path
One of your most insightful videos...and you have many...
This is going to help so much. Thank you