I WON'T name my baby after you! r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 13 окт 2024
- 1 800 Drama Episode 20 is live! In this week's r/AITA deep dive, we discuss biological vs adoptive paernts, spoilt children and bad birthdays, and if stepdad or new dad is the problem ... Grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing 🎣🍑✨
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Be kind and have a great day (:
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She's so upset at her daughter being 'entitled' yet she's raising her son to be an entitled brat.
literally this. She's grown and she's entitled! But he's just a wee smol bean! -_-
Boy mum, seen in the wild....
It’s giving Boy Mom behavior
"I can't explain to him how he can't do that"
Uh. Yes, you can in fact explain that. XD Like fr what
boy mom alert!!!!!!!!!! rosalie, i'm so sorry
edit: thinking back on it now, i wonder if the chocolate cake was actually what the son wanted
I do want to bring up the point that liking a name is not the same as not disliking a name. They should find a name that they actively like rather than being neutral to.
Completely agree. If one is naming someone, I think not disliking the name is not enough. Naming is an important and big thing. Sure the person can change their name later, but often they do not and even then, it will be their name for a while before any change.
Yes 👍🏻 and there are SO many other names. Like, surely you should be able to agree on something else. However even though I don't plan on having kids myself I still think about what kind of names I like on kids, and girls names are easy, I like SO many girl names. But I struggle to find boys names that I'm like "yeah I could name my potential kid that" but I know if I look hard enough I'm sure me and a potential future partner could agree on SOMETHING for this very hypothetical kid 😂
I smell internalized misogyny in the way Rosalie's mom handled this whole birthday thing. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but it seems shitty to make the oldest daughter make sacrifices on her own birthday just so other people aren't inconvenienced. The age gap between me and my brother is about the same, and he didn't get to blow out my birthday candles.
Me too, she's spoiling him for one reason or another. If it's because he's a boy or the youngest, who knows.
I'm the youngest of six, I began getting taught to share before I learnt to walk. Literally, my first lecture was when I didn't want to share my pram with my sister, so I bit her when she tried to come sit next to me. She ran to mum, telling her "the baby is hungry!" ❤️
I've heard that story many times, obviously don't remember it. But I know my mum, she did talk to me about sharing and letting my sister sit in the pram with me.
By the age of five, that's not something that should be news to a kid. The parents should have taught him plenty of those lessons by the age of five.
Yeah it’s definitely boy mom vibes
I didn't necessarily think "misogyny", but I definitely think she favors the 5-year-old and doesn't like Rosalie based on the tone of the post.
It's leaning into parentification
It *could* be, yes, but it could also be bad old fashioned favouritism of the younger child where leniency of rules set on the older child are not being set on the younger one. (Like my mom says her little sister- my aunt-didn’t have as strict a bedtime and my grandma brought McDonald’s to school for my aunt’s lunch on a number of occasions when no such special treats were offered when my mom was that age. (My mom of course got over this long ago and gets on well with my aunt but I imagine at the time when they were kids, it stung a bit.)
Katie really should have Connor's back here, even if it makes no sense to her. Connor doesn't have to justify his distaste to Katie. "I dislike it because of step-dad" is just as valid as "my 6th grade bully was named George" or any other reason. Who else carries that name is a BIG factor in selecting a name.
I wouldn't consider Adolf or Atilla or Vlad & saying "If that person didn't exist, would you use the name?" is a pointless question. George DOES exist.
There are so many names - maybe Connor has an ex with a lovely name - would Katie be the drama for saying "No!"? Katie & Connor have to be in agreement.
Oh - And adding a feminine suffix is exactly how you honor a George if the baby is a girl. That's why names like Georgia & Georgina & Georgette exist.
I also wonder if katie would've even thought about the name georgia independently if it hadn't been for this situation where the george variants were so in the forefront. But yes, i agree, if you dislike the name bc of something in your life, it shouldn't be used, both parents need to be happy. It will likely have an impact on these relationships going forward also.
Exactly, it's silly to do that exercise of making it objective because it is ignoring reality. I don't like a diminutive of my name because of someone I knew with it as their name was awful. I liked it otherwise, but would never use it because of those connections.
Also, George already claims that Connor has his surname in defiance of the truth, because he wants to be considered Connor's dad. There is a good chance that he could go around telling people that "Georgia" was named after him to push the same narrative.
Hello, Shaaba and Jamie, Idk if you'll see this but I'm the Connor who submitted the last post. Thanks for featuring my post in your video, my gf and I had a great time listening :) (we always do)
To answer some questions;
1.) There are three fathers involved in my family, my older siblings' father, my father, and 'George' who is my younger brothers' father.
2.) 'George' is absolutely telling people to address me using his surname, this has been a 'debate' for about 10yrs now. He does not like it when people use my father's surname as he considers himself my father.
3.) Yes, my brothers are 'George's' only kids, so he was a first time dad when they were born. George's mindset may be coming from that, I hadn't thought about it before, but I do think that by the time I was 15/16 treating me like a 5/6 yr old was obviously unfair. There are other reasons why I have never felt respected by him, but I used that as an example as I thought it was one that was clearly not accidental and I didn't want to waste too much time/space talking about it tbh. For example, he has a habit of ignoring/walking over boundaries - knocking before entering bedrooms, using people's phones without asking, asking personal questions about my siblings and I's relationships - and acting as if his opinion matters more than ours (my siblings, mother and I's). Yes, being treated like I'm 11 whenever I visit home while I'm moving out and preparing for fatherhood is pretty annoying.
4.) No, one of my brothers is not called George, one of George's nephews was born first so he has the traditional name. Yes, I am the first of my generation to have a baby, which is why I am being expected to follow tradition.
5.) Yes, my older sister's father is very present in her life, which is why George never expected to take on the 'fatherly' role in her life. Maybe I should've put that in the post.
6.) I'm not really sure how to answer that question. I suppose if George wasn't around and my gf pulled Georgia out of the blue then I probably would agree to it, but because we only discussed it after it was on his suggestions for us, I don't think I'm able to let go of that connection to him. The name itself is fine, but the connection to George taints it in some way I guess. I think Shaaba is right in saying I cannot like Georgia because of George. And I agree with Jamie's point, if I didn't know George I'd probably be fine with Georgia, but since I do it changes my willingness to consider it.
7.) It's not just an ego thing. I don't like the name as an option for my potential child, but that is because of the association with George. Like, I wouldn't name a daughter the feminine version of my bio father's name either because to me that association would always be there, even if the name is quite pretty.
8.) Yes, there are other 'Georgia's' in the family because of this tradition.
Thank you for the advice Shaaba! I honestly hadn't thought of that yet, but I do agree that the principle here is important, and that George is not likely to let this be the only issue he tries to overrule us on. While to some extent I can appreciate that he considers my child part of his family when my bio father would not, that is still a frustrating position to be in. Already as young parents-to-be we have experienced people assuming our inexperience mean we don't know what we're doing and can't be trusted to make decisions for ourselves, although we are doing the best we can to prepare for the baby.
And that you Jamie for what you said about us deserving to choose the name on our own. When we first chose the boy's name, we planned to take your advice from the other ep and not tell everyone until the baby was already here to avoid such drama, but then George brought up this tradition and such plans went out the window. I had known of the tradition before, but I had always thought that would be an issue for his children/nieces and nephews, not me.
Thank you again for your views. My gf and I are still discussing girl's names, we have one we like (not Georgia, from her family) but we're still discussing whether it should be a first name or a middle name. To my gf, Georgia is still in the running, but after listening to this podcast we are going to discuss how that may effect our relationship - or the baby's relationship - with George going forward and what would be best for us overall. Have a great day!
I hope you and your girlfriend can find a name you both love. People will always try to put their two cents in concerning your parenting, no matter your ages, learn to let most of it go in one ear and out the other and to trust your instincts. Congratulations and I hope things go smoothly.
@@Just_Reading_Comments Thank you sm!
Good luck with the baby and I’m
Sure you guys will pick the best name possible - the main thing is that you two choose a name that fits both of you - don’t let the rest of the family pressure you into something your not comfortable with
I appreciate hearing your response to this! I really think its so fair for you to not want the name Georgia and Shaaba is so right about this only being the beginning of grandparents overstepping boundaries. I have parents who constantly manipulate and overstep (much like you've described George doing in this comment) and the feeling of them thinking they are right/won the match ISN'T just ego talking. It's about holding firm boundaries. If you say no to a name and they keep asking and you give in they think they can push on other topics as well. Some people are willing to let that happen and others (like me) are not. Both choices are valid but its important to be aware of that context. Best of luck to you as your family grows. I know you'll learn routines and boundaries and family cultures that work best for you.
There is no earthly way I would _ever_ name a child, a pet, or even a plant after my ex-stepfather. Anything even tangentially related to his name would be off limits, too.
While I love my current stepfather (my mom married him after I was already an adult and married, myself, so it feels a little weird to call him my stepfather), I wouldn't use his name, either.
There are some names that are off limits for hubs and for me. Names are only given on a "two yesses or one no" scheme. I.e., we both have to agree, and we both have unlimited vetoes. It doesn't matter what the reason is for the veto. One person saying, "no," takes the name off the table.
Sorry, fellow Katie. I think you should get to veto names based on your associations with names, too. 💙 But, if you pressure Connor to name your child something with a bad association, that brings in baggage that your baby doesn't deserve. Sending love your way, name-mate!
For the birthday story, Rosalie is totally within her rights to feel a little disappointed that her original wishes for her birthday had to be changed. It sounds like she tried to be a good sport and probably would have been if it hadn’t been for everything else. Also, the birthday person totally gets to pick the dessert!
Tbh I get it if no one else eats the cake. A whole cake would end up going bad (especially a cheesecake, they go bad even faster!) but at least buy her a piece for herself!! Tbh, with the insert of the 5 year-old blowing the candles I wouldn't be surprised if it's just him who doesn't like cheesecake and chocolate is his fav cake. That felt a little biased, he can learn to know better.
I'm also going to add that from about the age of 10, I have always been inclined to find any available excuse not to eat any cake that a 5-year old blew out candles on, as even if I did want to eat it to begin with, my appetite for any cake is gone once it is liberally splattered with spit.
As a kid who was pushed aside and had my birthday ignored the child will remember this. All the parents have done is breed resentment towards her mother and brother.
@@carriecassedy2384 Hope you found people that cherish you and help you celebrate your special day. If not, make sure to spoil yourself! You deserve it!
Yeah, it's 6 disappointments in a row- cake gets changed, she's forced to pick a cake for other people to enjoy, brother gets to blow out her candle, the replacement candle doesn't work, no presants without any warning from parents and the only presant she gets from a relative isn't even for her. And then when she expresses her disappointment in what is a pretty reasonable way for a just into her teens kid, she gets told off and grounded. And on top of it, this is a literal milestone birthday for a kid because she's just becoming a teenager, which will never happen again. Of course she had an emotional meltdown, any teenager would.
Justice for Rosalie
I don't think it matters whether or not Connor likes the name Georgie or not, if George is taken out of the picture. If the prettiest name in the world had a very negative connotation, it isn't a very good name to choose for your child. Some names just have bad vibes, because of other people and there's a lot of names without that package, so it's probably easier to come up with some other name.
Agreed.
This! If both parents aren’t 100% sold then move on to one of millions of other options existing in the world.
Personally, my petty a$$ would pick every city name in the state of Georgia LOL
Atlanta, Decatur, Savannah, Augusta, Bremen, Carrollton, Alma, Dalton 😂💀💀
Savannah is such a gorgeous name 😍
100%. Ultimately, the reason for not liking the name is completely irrelevant. Choosing a name for your child is a two yes and one no scenario. If Connor says no, the answer is no. They both have to agree.
@@Taewillssome of these are commonly used names though
The mum in Story 2 is absolutely the drama, imagine calling your own child entitled for being rightfully upset that you FORGOT TO GIVE HER BIRTHDAY PRESENTS. Not only is that ridiculous but something tells me that this isn't the first time that she has treated her daughter like an afterthought and refused to take accountability for it.
Hmm I actually disagree with your take on the "George" story. I believe a parent should be able to not like a name for any reason. OP may very well like the name outside of the context of their parents trying to influence the decision but unfortunately that is the context and it is a valid reason not to want to use the name.
I appreciate Shaaba saying at the end that OP needs to do what's right for their family and I think that letting George think he "won" would also be letting him think he can get his way in the future. I vote NTA.
I agree with you here, it's clear stepfather has never respected OP's choices with his own name so I can't imagine it would feel good to have your first child's name connected to this person, especially with that context and knowing that it would further, in stepfather's eyes, cement OP as part of his family in this way when OP does not feel that way. Also I can see even just with that as the base why you wouldn't even want to call a child that as it would remind you of this situation all the time. I understand why the rest of the family would see it as a bad move on OP's part, like rejecting his stepfather or whatever, but OP does need to put his foot down in how he's treated by stepfather and this could be a good step in that direction.
Agreed. You cant remove the history from the person. Connor isnt suddenly have amnesia forgetting all the years of george ignoring what they want.
God, I feel so awful for Rosalie. I can definitely sympathize with being painted as an entitled brat for expressing negative emotions, and that’s the exact vibe I’m getting. She’s 100% justified in being upset, and not for any whiny materialistic reasons; in making all these choices, Rosalie’s mother essentially just proved that she doesn’t care about her daughter at all. People usually don’t just blow up like that for no reason; either it was a culmination of the mom’s negligence on her birthday, or this behavior has been modeled in other instances.
And her outburst was completely justified imo. No, the shopping spree and movie *wasn't* enough. It would've been if 1) they explained that the shopping was the gift, which would be fine since they were having money troubles, and 2) you weren't being so awful on your tween child's birthday!
I think the mum really needs to see this from Rosalie's side, and maybe do a redo when they have time? Let her blow out a fun music candle on her cheesecake, get some wrapped gifts, and BE A MOTHER!!! Quality time _will_ mean a lot, even to 13 year olds 🤦
Your birthday as a kid is like the one day you get to have a cake you actually want. My sister wanted a carrot cake or cheesecake pretty often and I couldn't eat those so I would just eat the dinner we had and maybe some ice cream you know??? What a wild thing to do to your child. I grew up on the poorer side of the economical spectrum as well and even then my parents found ways to make a gift happen somehow - maybe it was a trip to a local vacation-y type spot or going shopping at the thrift store or something but they always let us know ahead of time if they couldn't afford gifts etc. This mother is being cruel to her daughter and expecting her daughter, A 13 YEAR OLD, to deal with it with aplomb and then grounding her when she didn't. Just terrible parenting all around
Agree! My cakes were usually made versus bought, but the deal was if it was bought, my family also got a vote. It taught me compromise.
Agreed. I understand compromises are sometimes necessary even for birthdays. There's financial reasons (but instead of getting an expensive cake from a bakery, you can make a less expensive version at home and let the birthday kid choose the flavour of that) or severe allergies a person in the house or a guest can't be in the same room with certain foods or if it's about dinner and you need to feed everyone and one person is a really picky eater. But you can still work with what you have to make the birthday kid feel special! Involving them in the process goes a long way and explaining to the other children that everyone has one special day a year and they get theirs too isn't a hard concept to grasp even for very young children.
I remember one of my teenage birthdays when money was short. I think my younger Brother and I were both starting a new school, and my birthday is slapped in the middle of September, so after the books and other supplies my parents couldn't spend a lot. But I still got a cute mug, flowers and some sweets, and my mom baked a cake I like, my gift was wrapped and adorned with a ribbon, and we all sat down for cake and coffee. I was old enough to understand the situation, and it truly felt special, because they made an effort. I'm 39 now, and even though we're not big on gifts my dad gave the chocolates I like (he remebered), mom added home made cake and some fancy coffee, and it was lovely.
Exactly. My favourite birthday was when my mom took 3 friends and me to see hot hair balloons, we ran around outside (the hot air balloons were on a big field) and then had treats. I don’t even remember why it was a last minute birthday celebration and I don’t think it was expensive as we basically went by car and it was a free hot air balloon event, but it was special to us as little kids and we got to eat cake.
It’s not about how much money one spends but it’s the effort and attention put in.
My partner and I have been discussing baby names for a couple years, and I think if you don't like a name, for any reason no matter how small, that's enough. You're going to be living with that name daily for at least 18 years, you gotta like it. My partner only liked one of the baby names I picked, and I never pushed even if I loved a name, bevause I want him to love it too.
We've decided to go the traditional Chinese route for naming which does make things easier. Not available to everyone though lol
Could you please explain what the traditional Chinese route to naming is and how it is easier? I'm French and people have one to four "first names" here, which made it really hard for me to understand the concept of middle names in Anglo Saxon culture when I first came across it (was whole heartedly convinced that Harry had named his kid "Albus-Severus" as a first name and couldn't figure out why he'd do that to anyone)
I agree. Naming a child is a big deal and both parents should feel happy and excited about it. Sometimes it can be hard to find a name both parents like, or different languages or cultures can make it more complex, but that’s why baby name books and websites have been created in order to give a lot of suggestions. Surely there is a name both parents enjoy for their child.
The blowing out other kids' birthday candles always makes me cringe so hard. I'm autistic and when I was 5 at a classmate's birthday party, his mom said something along the lines of "ok, let's blow out the candles now" and I interpreted it as "oh at this birthday party they're doing a thing where everyone helps blow out the candles" and the mom had to hold me back and scold me when i tried to help blow them out. It haunts me to this day
That is a valid interpretation of that statement. I'm sorry the memory haunts you and that you were scolded for a legitimate interpretation. You obviously knew, though, that the standard rule is not to blow out the candles at another person's party.
Oof, I'm so sorry for your poor 5-year-old self. It was that mother's fault for phrasing it so strangely. I hope she didn't scold you too much and that your friend either didn't notice or just laughed about it.
20:19 Jamie's 10th birthday is what people SHOULD mean when they say "let boys be boys" 😂
The friends were more than likely girls since Jamie was still presenting as a girl at that age
The baby naming thing... I'm leaning toward OP's side here. I understand your point about not wanting to cheat oneself out of a name they actually like because of the stepfather. However, I think giving the baby a name with these conventions is going to be something that will constantly make OP think of this frustration, rather than just being happy about his new baby. I would hate to have to think of a hurtful situation every time I speak or hear the name of my child. Ultimately it's complicated and sounds like something OP and his partner need to determine amongst themselves. Those are just my concerns regarding the dilemma.
That birthday story was crazy! it reminds me of a year that my entire immediate family forgot my birthday, everyone was arguing and mean the whole day and I was getting blamed for my younger siblings' behavior. I thought maybe it was all a big (terrible) joke that they'd reveal at the end of the day they hadn't forgotten and it would be a great birthday, (this may have even been my 13th birthday) but no, it wasn't, they truly had forgotten. Enough time goes on in the evening that I think this
joke" surely would have ended and I burst into tears and when asked why I say something along the lines of "everyone has been so mean and you forgot it's my birthday!" and they were like "no it isn't" before realizing that it was, indeed, my birthday. I have no recollection of however they "made it up to me" and just the forgotten birthday is still in my head, still causing me fear that it will happen again. :(
oh! It must have been my 12th, because I just remembered what happened on my actual 13th birthday. My parents told all my friends who had been invited
s parents not to bring a gift but instead the money (checks? I forget) they would have spent on a gift and I "got to" choose what charity I wanted to donate the money to. This would have been one thing if it had been something they'd discussed with me and I could have chosen to go with it or not, but it wasn't. The next birthday that year was my brother's, he's the youngest, so I said, "so now he doesn't get presents this year, right?" and they said no, I got presents at his age, so should he. So I bided my time and when my sister (middle child) was turning 13 I was like "so she has to donate the money that would have bought her presents this year, right?" and they said "no, we tested that on you and it didn't work"... I was like are you kidding me? So for middle and younger siblings who think it's the best being the oldest, which it rarely is, it really doesn't work out in our favor when our parents use us as the guinea pigs...
I think it's super valid for the stepdad to have "ruined" the name Georgia, even if Connor would have liked it otherwise. Like Jamie said, otherwise fine names can have different contexts based on who the parents know
On the "call them one thing then call them by their middle name front" I go by a shortened version of my legal name, and have my whole life and that was an absolute nightmare in primary school, every time the register was taken, I had to correct them. Every time I had an appointment, I had to tell whoever it was that "it's not Abigail it's Abi". I can't imagine how much more annoying that must be if it's not even a shortened version but an entirely different name entirely
When I registered my kids for school there was a section for their “nickname/commonly used name”. My youngest kid had no issues
I have a long name with two shortened variations. For most of my childhood, I went by one short version. When I started being old enough to fill out paper work, it got muddy because I was supposed to put my whole, legal name on things, and I wanted my signature to match what I was printing. Then I didn't want to change my signature.
In college, I stopped bothering to correct what professors called me, because classes were only a few months long and I didn't think it was worth the effort as long as I knew they were talking to me. By the time I left college, I was so used to going by the long version of my name that I just kept doing it.
This led to people using the other short version of my name sometimes, because it's more intuitive than the short version I used to use. Which I'm fine with, because I ran out of the energy to care years ago...
Names are complicated enough without throwing in going by middle names and all that.
I actually have a friend who goes by his middle name. I used to work with him. You can imagine my infinite confusion when I looked at the schedule and saw a "Stephen" scheduled to work with me when we didn't have a single Stephen in the entire store. Took me longer than it really should've to put two and two together lol. But ultimately, the nickname your kid uses will be determined by said kid. I've met plenty of people who don't like the nicknames their parents use (i.e. Nickky for a Nicholas who prefers his full name or just Nick). The "call them by their middle name" thing really isn't a good solution.
I remember in 5th grade my teacher staring at one of the boys in my class in utter confusion: "How do you get 'Robbie' out of John?" Robbie had to explain that his middle name was Robert, and he went by the short form of that!
By high school, I was done correcting my teachers on shortening Kristin to Kristy. I didn't hate my name like I had when I was younger, and between starting high school and being in a completely different state, it seemed like as good a time as any.
Honestly I don't think there is an age where kids don't understand it's not their birthday. Parents who let their kid blow out the candle, or help open presents, ect just don't want to parent. Drives me nuts.
I would add an exception for certain kinds of mental illness. My eldest sister gets excited for birthdays of anyone in the household months beforehand. This results frequently in overlapping time periods. She usually forgets just whose birthday it is, too, and sometimes mixes birthdays up with holidays like Christmas and Easter. That said, I don't think she's ever tried to blow out someone else's candles. Pretty sure if she did, there would be hell to pay from both parents. So, still not a good excuse.
I am absolutely getting the feeling that that 5 year old is the favorite child...
Here in the US, it is generally pronounced as Rose a lee. So Jamie is correct on our side of the pond.
It's pronounced Rose a lee everywhere! 😅 never heard anyone say Roz uh lee.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 I didn't want to make assumptions for other countries.
It's that in Australia too
Also its pronounced that way in The Twilight Saga so it must be right
I agree that there's more context needed for the red flag, green flag 😂 because we've heard stories where people will order something much more expensive and then want you to split the cost with them which, unless this was previously agreed upon, is not ok imo
Yeah, but it's still splitting the bill, if you pay only for whatever you ate.
@@EleanorfromNeverlandsome people split the bill mathematically from the total, which is what I assume Bunji_beans original comment was intended.
As an example, I order the 30 bucks steak and you order a 13 bucks salad, and we split 50/50. Making you spend more on your salad so that I spend less on my steak, I imagine, you wouldn't be very happy with me.
@@jeddybear5909yeah, I've only ever heard of people using the phrasing splitting the bill to mean split it 50/50
@@Whirlbeeabsolutely! This. Separate bills means I pay for mine and you pay for yours. Splitting the bill means we split it evenly which always results in someone getting screwed.
That's why "separate" bills are superior. No guilt for getting whatever you want and others paying the price.
Just wanted to point out that in the Rosalie story both parents are being a bit shit. Both forgot the presents and both are on the same side regarding this situation. I noticed while listening how I tensed up as dad also forgetting wasn’t mentioned. Yes mom was being shitty AND there exists the general expectation on mothers to be responsible for organizing etc.
Love the pod and your varied perspectives, which is why I wanted to throw this into the mix 😊
Yes! I thought the same thing! Both parents are equally responsible for this child upbringing and happiness. Both forgot her birthday. She required attention, not a great monetary investment. Just one day in which she was shown she they were happy she was alive.
@@xtrff2024 The dad forgetting the gifts, totally. The cake part is mostly on the mom though, as she's the one who forced her daughter to pick something else.
yes absolutely! I think the thing to remember is OP was mom asking if she specifically was the drama and so the answers were pointed at her. But you are so right, both parents have equal responsibility in this
I think early teens are so hard, especially with a much younger child in the house, because it can be easy for the parent to ask the older child to be understanding of the younger child, but the older child is still a child and that understanding can build up and feel like the parents care about the younger child more.
Also at 13 I could see myself overreacting or acting entitled and couldn't make myself stop.
My mom let ALL the children blow out the candles on every birthday but the birthday kid got to go first.
I was at a child’s party recently and the child (8) insisted on cutting the cake first and then blowing out the candle on her own slice which honestly seems a lot more sanitary and everyone who wants one could have a candle on their own slice, so thats an option.
That's actually a really smart idea, especially with the whole virus thing still around. Kudos to that kid!
13:36 I get this commenters point and I would also like to add from an "abandoned child" standpoint, it also depends on how he grew up. Bio mom says the mom sounds really supportive but she can't possibly know the whole dynamic. Maybe he's not close with her and felt closer to bio mom and that felt like a rejection. I have a very definite anxious attachment style and a fear of rejection and abandonment that started with bio mom leaving us as infants and was aggravated by a) a single dad of twins with anger issues who relied on the cry it out method b) a step mom who made us the centre of her world and then had a child who was biologically hers and he became the centre of her world c) "best friends" who have ghosted or cut contact like I didn't matter. Sorry, not trying to make this a therapy session, just trying to give perspective. He could have grown up in a "loving home", as I did, and still have relational trauma. All that being said, I still think you gave the right badge. She had every right to set that boundary, he is perfectly justified in feeling some kinda way about it. I know, at his age, before I accepted my birth mom was never going to be the mom I needed, wanted, or deserved, her telling me that she didn't want me calling her Mum-Mum would have devastated me. Even now, my coworker and friend of 5 years who I'm closer to than any of my parents, if she told me she was uncomfortable with me referring to her as my "work-mom" that would still feel like a rejection AND that would still be my problem, not hers. The kid needs therapy. We all do. Neither of them are assholes.
7:04 I literally called my bio mom "mum mum"... Different situation because she just left us with our dad, she didn't put us up for adoption. Called her mum mum until the rejection and abandonment became too much and I started just referring to her by her first name
12:23 and "put the work in" is exactly the reason I don't refer to her with any maternal term
Completely fair
11:25 I say "mom" for adoptive mom and "mother" for bio mom. But I wasn't adopted until I was 10
Yes. Three of my siblings were adopted at various ages. There is (likely) no reason the young man in story #1 can't call Mom Mom and bio Mom a different term of endearment (Mama, Mimi, Auntie, or even have a pet name version of their name). The discussion is important. Bio Mom isn't a stranger, but she isn't Mom.
One Christmas, I ordered presents for all my immediate family (2 adults, 3 other teens) from a shady mail-order company. I didn't twig they weren't going to arrive on time until about the 22nd (they arrived in, like, April), but I was working retail.
So on the 23rd, in my lunch hour, I stormed out and panic-bought nice-looking notebooks, maybe puzzle books or novels, something like that, and I don't even remember what else. Because there's no way in hell I'm going in to a gift-giving day without poorly-wrapped objects that I think will give that person joy.
When, months later, their gifts arrived and I disseminated them, they'd totally forgotten that those Xmas items were replacements/tokens and were all, "bonus!"
And that was under an hour, one shop (WH Smiths), 5 people - all feeling like I chose *for them* (which I did, just in a blind panic).
If you love someone, like them, have an interest in who they are, it's so entirely not difficult to find something in no time at all that would put a smile on their face.
I agree that Rosalie would definitely be upset by everything that happened on her birthday. If they wanted the shopping trip to be for her birthday, try putting money in a card for her! And fyi Jamie is right, it's Rose ah lee xx
Even in the adoption community, everyone has different feelings around their biological parents, terms, etc. It is really up to the people involved. That means everyone has a say in what they are comfortable with.
As someone who was adopted before birth and has never met my biological parents, I would not be comfortable calling someone who wasn’t the mom who raised me “mom.” My parents are my parents. I am grateful to the person who gave birth to me, but I don’t feel anything stronger than that nor do I feel any need to find them and meet them.
But, it is very dependent on the individuals and every adopted person has a different experience. And it is usually very different to the happy fairytale stories that the media shows.
In the end, what matters is the boundaries and comfort of all involved.
Babyname drama: OP doesn't like the name. The reason is irrelevant to me. Say they would name the girl Georgia and every time he calls her he feels resentment and gets reminded of the pressure he was put under. I'm sorry but this name will never work for OP, so don't do it. There are plenty of good names out there. Don't pick one that feels wrong to you for WHATEVER reason. He is NOT the drama here and his partner should stop putting more pressure on him.
As far as cakes, my request for years was ice cream cake and I got it, despite the fact that my parents weren't fond of it
I remember my 13th birthday party! I had a sleepover with five friends and we spent the WHOLE TIME using my family’s video camera to record a Jerry Springer-style talk show spoof. It was ridiculous and hilarious. I still have the video, although no VCR on which to play it. 😂
In my family, “mom” and “dad” are used very freely. My parents even call their in laws mom and dad 😊
Same with grandparents. I call my husbands grandparents grandma and grandpa just like I would my own
In my family it is the same, but usually when talking to kids. Like "we are going to grandma Kersin and grandpa Ola this weekend", amd my mom would say that even if it was my dad's parents. Altough, in my language we say "dadmom" and "mommom" and "daddad"/"momdad" for grandparents, so a little less confusing.
If someone expressed that they felt uncomfortable with what they are being called, would you stop calling them that though?
I don’t think there is anything wrong with any name as long as nobody feels uncomfortable about it. The son is not in the wrong for calling OP mom and OP is not in the wrong for being uncomfortable with it. It’s also possible that either or both of them have a change of feelings in the future. Or that OP would feel differently about another name for a mother, which isn’t “mom”.
As an orphaned/kinship foster kid I strongly disagree with Jamie on saying he understands the sons feelings based on one adopted persons experience of being adopted. Not every adopted child has this clear idea of x is mom and only mom and y is just biologic. I refer to my biological as my father and the man that love and cared for me as dad. But I,personally, do NOT have a straightforward mental/emotional separation between types of parents.....
I feel like I'm emotional and not explaining well. Maybe I'll try later.
But maybe be more careful about saying you understand a life experience you haven't had based on knowing one person who has explained their experience to you. I love you guys and hear where you're coming from but that bit ruffled me.
I think you explained it well enough and I agree with you. I'm not adopted nor do I know anyone who is and it still annoyed me too.
Life is never that simple that people with one thing in common are automatically going to have same view on that thing. Even the one Reddit comment that said their bio mum immediately wanted them to call her mum even though they don't see her as such and that's why OP isn't the AH, clearly has a very different experience than the OP's son.
Also, I don't think anyone else but the child can decide who they want to call mum and dad. We're not berating the last OP for not thinking George as his dad, so why should we have a say who the first OP's son gets to think as mom.
Yeah I only know 2 sets of adopted children and that’s enough to know each adoptive situation is very complicated and the personal dynamics will be specific to them.
With one of the sets of adoptive children I know, both siblings literally view their parents / biological parents differently between them. This is fine ofc but it highlights that these dynamics are very subjective and really aren’t necessarily straightforward at all.
Agree with this as an adoptee- the feeling I got was the same I get from many discussions of adoption - namely focus is always on biological and adoptive parents and not a lot if anything goes into the thinking about the adopted person.
Not that I necessarily think OP was TA at all, just the discussion of it did seem one-sided.
@@soundlessbee Disagree hard on that last point---saying you don't want a type of relationship with someone is setting a boundary, which nobody can take away from you. Saying you do want a type of relationship with somebody is a request or an offer which can be accepted and fostered or not. OP doesn't want to be a mother to this child---he's allowed to be really hurt about that, and take the time he needs to figure out how he feels, but it isn't on the OP to force herself to engage in that relationship.
That said, super agree on everything else---Jamie was very keen on setting Rules for who is and isn't the parent in a way that you just kinda can't do in this situation. Family is always gonna be more complicated than that, and it rubbed me the wrong way too.
Baby names are a 2 yes, 1 no thing, no matter the reason for the no.
The birthday story reminds me so much of the dynamic one of my neighbour's family had when I was growing up. The kids were a younger brother and an older sister. He was 8 and she was 10, and I was in the middle, at age 9. Every time I went over to play, something similar to this story would happen, where the parents would prioritize their son and left their daughter crying alone in her room. I remember once he took a marker and ruined her pokemon cards, and her parents told her "he's too young, he doesn't know better." I heard those words so many times. And if she ever tried something even remotely similar to his behaviour, they would yell at her and ground her. I remember once he took her toys and threw them in the garbage, and when she tried doing the same thing back (in retrospect probably to see how her parents would react by comparison) they yelled at her and ignored the fact that the brother the same thing. I remember coming over and how we always had to do what the brother wanted to do. We had to watch the movies he wanted to watch. There was never any compromise. I still think about them sometimes because even at age 9, I could see how they prioritized their son, and picked up on the parents misogyny towards their daughter. It sucks. Anyway, that mom is absolutely the drama.
My parents had a rule about birthdays that we always stuck to: birthday kid picks what's for dinner. Cake had to be reasonable (no wild tiered avant-garde flavors), and if it was chocolate, they got some vanilla cupcakes for my dad, who dislikes chocolate. My sibs hated my birthday when they were little, because I always picked homemade spinach lasagna for my birthday dinner instead of ordering pizza or whatever else. But it was - and still is - my favorite meal my mom makes. I could eat it forever and be happy. Mom still makes me spinach lasagna on occasion, and I'm in my 40s - she'll bake it up and give it to me to take home when I go visit sometimes. The fact that the girl in the second story had literally NOTHING she wanted for her birthday, nothing of her own, and then was made to feel awful about it is ridiculous.
Re: baby names - both parents should be all-in on the name for the baby. My sister had some names she adored, but didn't end up using because her husband wasn't a fan of them. No reason needed - he said he didn't like it, so she didn't insist. Same with my brother and his girlfriend. They actually had a girls' name they really liked, but then found out the little girl down the street had the same name, and so decided to drop it from their list of contenders. They also decided that whatever sex the baby was given at birth would determine whose last name the baby got - so my nephew has my brother's last name, and my niece has his girlfriend's. They aren't planning on changing names when they get married, and figured this was the most fair way to handle things.
Somehow I missed that Rosalie was the daughter, not a family friend. When I heard that near the end of the story, my jaw dropped! It's bad enough to treat a friend this badly on her bday, but your DAUGHTER?! Yeah, YTA, so much!
People don’t only choose names because they like or don’t like them. There are social reasons that certain names aren’t chosen. For instance, you wouldn’t name you and your partner’s kid after your ex even if you really liked that name. Both parents should be in agreement and every parent has a right to say no to a name. It shouldn’t matter what that reason is. I can like names, but still feel like it wouldn’t be appropriate to call my baby that, because it has some negative emotional connotation or attachment to it. And that’s okay. My two cents!
The birthday one intrigued me because there is the same age gap between me and my brother, only I’m the younger one. I’ll have to ask my mum if this was a thing.
That said, five is old enough to understand. My nephew is 2.5 and he understands this, he might not like it but he understands
Birthday story: boy mom spotted!
Omg it was my birthday yesterday and my mum literally got me the cake from m&s Jamie is talking about at 31:49 🤣 which was such a surprise because I moved to a country where there is no m&s. She carried it on her hand luggage and it survived the flight 🤣
Now THAT'S a nice mom
Happy Birthday!
When my kids (2.5 years apart) were little we were really broke but when they had birthdays we would give the non birthday kid a very little present - but we never let them blow out the candles.
my mom's name is Rosalie, pronounced: Rose-uh-lee
so as an adopted child i can understand the discomfort of the first one. I actually had a sit down with both my mums and got their feed back. For me saying mom is just a base way for me to look at them. But i did confirm with both that even though i say the same word there is a difference in my mind. Adopted mom will always be my mother, the woman who raised me. Bio mom is seen as the woman who gave birth to me and made the choice for me to be adopted so that i could have the best life possible. When I talk about the other with one i do always identify them as adopted mom or birth mom. Simply put, a conversation needs to happen. As in my adopted brother's case he only refers to our mom as "mom" simply bc he hasnt created a good relationship with his birth mom. Everyone can use different terms bc it is just the general language they use but when wanting to overlap in some way there should be a conversation so neither feels less than the other and both can agree that they are okay with using the terms.
I often will offer to pay for a friend's meal, but its basically a family thing. Everyone in my family shows our love and appreciation for them through treating them to something. Especially when I'm eating with a friend that makes less than me.
The birthday one is giving me flashbacks wow. When I turned 16 or 17 my mom said she wanted to do a big BBQ for my birthday. Instead of inviting my friends, mom invited all of her and her boyfriend’s friends, they all got fall down drunk, the food was burnt and my mom forgot to make my cake so she asked me to do it, so I made my own birthday cake. I spent the entire night playing Guitar Hero in my bedroom with my auntie and nobody even noticed. When I did come out I got offered alcohol by a 30-something friend of my mom’s bf and then he “jokingly” offered to “pop my cherry” for my birthday. I punched him in the crotch.
I don’t really celebrate my birthday anymore unless it’s me doing something for myself.
❤
As someone who's adopted... I've known my bio mom all my life. I call her momma. I call my adoptive mom, mom.
However, I have not had a connection or known my bio dad my whole life. I do not call him dad.
I think I value the connection to that person. Same way I call family friends, uncle and aunt. Family terms to me are more of a connection indicator for me
Oh my God. Poor Rosalie sounds like she was being such a trooper! Mum was treating her like a child while expecting her to think, act, and emote like an adult. It absolutely sounds like unsaid expectations, broken promises (purposefully or not), accidental disappointments and outright dismissal of her feelings all around. Mum is absolutely the A-hole. She needs to realize that it isn't about her or the little brother or the gifts at all. It's about caring enough for the kid to communicate with them BEFOREHAND about that might not work out and absolutely not invalidating her feelings regardless of whether Mum thinks they're warranted. No wonder Rosalie finally cracked.
yuck. poor Rosalie. i'd go out of my way to learn how to make cheesecake just for her, and i'm the damndest pickiest person i've ever known! and so what if you need to have two separate desserts because of differences in taste? that just means more dessert and more options!!
Kind of relate to siblings all being treated as the same age - I only have one sibling, two years older, but it was still jarring to realise that as soon as she reached an age where a particular chore (or punishment) was considered appropriate, I was assumed to be old enough, too (feeding the tortoises was probably the most amusing, in retrospect, because they were kept in a dried out reservoir that she was _just_ (at 7) tall enough to climb out of, and I (at 5) was too short to get out, so every time it was my turn to feed them, I would jump in, put their food down, and then spend a while shouting for help until someone came to rescue me. There was also a certain amount of complexity in reaching the sink for washing up, which did lead to a lot of broken glasses on 'my' nights.
That's interesting. As an older child, I feel like in my family it was only the privileges that I had to fight for, but my sister got to enjoy at younger age without even asking. Perhaps that depends on the family dynamics or the point of view.
All I can say for story 1 is that it reminds me of how I met your mother and Barney with wanting to meet his biological family. High emotions and high expectations.
I imagine to this bio son, being told this might be like her saying “I hate you”. Or he’s picturing something he’s had in his head his entire life. He’s still very young.
I’m imagining like the emotions after a break up- where something small can set someone off sooo much (“but SHE used to like the color yellow! Waaaah!!!”).
I think it’ll take therapy for them to have a stable connection, to no one’s fault either. Just really the expectation that the bio son had in his ahead tbh.
I cannot understand how the mother in the second story is that dense. This 13yo’s birthday has been one disappointment after another, of course she’s upset. Isn’t allowed to get a cake she enjoys/forced to get a cake to satisfy others; her brother is blowing out her candles (even though 5yo is quite old enough to understand these aren’t for him); the special candle didn’t work; she wasn’t told that her actual present was the shopping trip, so she gets to discover that she won’t have any gifts to open; and the gift that she was given by someone else isn’t for her. Some of these issues were accidents, sure, but the lack of empathy from the parent is awful.
yeah, for my childhood, these activities would have been nice, but even so this story feels just so unfair to the daughter. Maybe she isn't old enough to articulate that she feels unloved, but that surely is the reason she's so upset.
My 13th was like a week after my parents moved house, so we had an empty conservatory we had a sleepover and watched both grease films on vhs on a little combi tv
6:30 Her telling him not to call her mom probably felt like her rejecting him all over again.
19:56 I know EXACTLY what I did for my 13th birthday. My mom took me and my cousin (who was also my BFF) to stay at the beach, and my 21 year old brother invited himself at the last minute (he was originally invited, but didn't want to go), brought his cousin BFF (the brother of my cousin BFF) and highjacked the whole trip by bitching and complaining. Me and my BFF had to sit in the far back of the Sation Wagon with all the luggage, and when we asked if we could put one backpack in the backseat, my brother shouted at us that there wasn't enough room (there was nothing but room). The best part, however, was when my mom was like, "Okay, well, the room we got doesn't have enough beds, so you guys will have to sleep on cots" (to my brother and his BFF). She then gave them the option of having their own motel room, but my brother flipped out because the room would be at a motel a block away. His bff was so pissed. He was like, "dude, we had the option of having a private room in a totally different motel without parents." So, instead, they slept on cots in our room.
13 is a milestone birthday, becoming a teen. Also, so many hormonal, social and emotional things are going on at that age, everything is a big deal to a 13 year old. I would have been disappointed too! Also, I have a 4 year old nephew and he has never been allowed to blow out his older brother’s birthday candle. He “helped” one year but only because my older nephew didn’t mind.
I think the only time splitting the bill can potentially be a red flag is if it’s a situation where that person ordered something ridiculously expensive and expect the cost to be split down the middle rather than a split between who got what items.
Thankfully I think that’s fairly less common nowadays - usually if I’m splitting the bill with someone we just ask them to split it on the tab so that each of us gets their own things.
Rosalie's mum seems like a bit of a "boy mum" from just what it says here
I know a family who have 3 daughters. 1 Xmas they totally forgot to buy *any presents at all* for their middle child! Not 1 little gift whatsoever!
Obviously, young middle child was very upset but didn't throw a tantrum or anything.
That child was later told off due to her getting visibly upset in front of her other siblings and family who were visiting - which she got upset for very good reason - and was sent away.
They didn't even try to find something, anything, to give her or say her gifts were "on the way and there was a delay due to such and such and they're so, so very sorry, etc."
They didn't even give a good excuse to their child.
How utterly awful.
We still speak about it to this day, as it was my mums best friend who has since passed away.
The middle child who received absolutely squat, has absolutely been scarred and traumatised from that event. As they were a kid at the time. Not like they were 17 yo or not that it matters.
But, how would you feel if your parents got your younger and older siblings all these gifts (they're quite lavish from their culture being Eastern European) and you were totally forgotten about?!
I wish I could explain how excited I get when I see you guys have released another AITA 😭
I struggle with doing dishes and making it fun so I've started playing these podcasts so I'm able to do kitchen cleaning and dishes now and even look forward to it
Rosalie is my mum’s name and Jamie is right. Sorry Shaaba 😂 xx
It might just be my unresolved childhood trauma but the mum and the birthday thing is absolutely what my mum would do and she would've yelled at me for 'inconveniencing' her for my birthday, at this point, my birthdays are one of the worst days because of how unloved and neglected I feel, just like how you pointed out how cold the mum sounds, I agree a hundred percent on how emotionally neglectful she seems throughout the whole ordeal, and comparing, my mum is a bit more but just like that, I felt for Rosalie and cant express at how pissed I am at the mother
the birthday story just screams older sister syndrome 😭
the view of your older so you can handle this upset to save the tantrems from the little ones, never seems to come with the understanding that theyre a kid aswell and deserve attention. ESPECIALLY on a BIRTHDAY??? thats just insane to me
Story 2: YtA
Completely agree with Jamie and Shaaba.
At my kids 1st bday, they didn’t know what to do with the candles, their friends (twins 2y3m at that time) asked if they could do it to show my kids (also twins) what to do. They knew they couldn’t just do because it wasn’t their cake. They were 2!!!
That birthday story just pissed me off so much... My best friend is basically treated like that child all the time, her happiness is put to the side for her siblings instead. I once let my niece and nephew blow out my candles for my 26th birthday because my brother's family wanted to celebrate a birthday with me and I thought it'd be cute to have my niece and nephew help me blow out the candles, but I chose that, I was the one who suggested it, I wasn't coerced into it. They loved it. But again, it was MY choice. If I didn't want them to, I wouldn't have even mentioned it and NO ONE would have forced me to share that moment. That's the difference...
I’ve always thought shaaba is so beautiful
Right
Hard agree.
She really is
12:30 I think that is exactly the point : it can be easy for people to have a child, because being born doesn't carry responsability, being a parent it is a title you earn. She had a child, but she didn't parent him, so she's not his mom. I think it's great that she's aware of this distinction and she respects her role and the true relationship that they could have, accepting their story as it is
If adoption mom doesn't talk to the kid and clarify, then she'd be the drama
Even if somebody bought me a ton of stuff I’d still feel bad to find out the reason for it was that they initially forgot to get me a gift. It’s not about how much someone bought you it’s about feeling like you were forgotten or not prioritized, especially when it seems like an ongoing pattern.
Nu-uh, I'm nearing 30 and I'd still insist that the cake on my birthday should be the one I'd actually like! Everyone else in the family can get their own cake on their own birthdays, I'm not going to complain, hell I usually make them. The mom seems to be avoiding compromises at the expense of her daughter, and that's very sad
For the first story, I really like the term some blended families use: bonus parent. Bio mom could be called "bonus mom" and use "mom" for short.
However, I think there needs to be am open conversation between bio mom, mom, and kid. Maybe the only one who has an issue with the name is bio mom.
Thanks Jamie for the chocolate cookie story ❤ it really helped to mentally refresh for the next deep story. I really enjoy listening/watching the two of you. Loads of love
I'm wondering if the Rosalie birthday story is AI-generated because a real human couldn't possibly be that dense. 😂 The mom's post was basically "Here is a list of reasons why her birthday sucked (most of which I caused) and she got mad at me. Idk sounds entitled to me." Like HELLO?!?
Sounds like unresolved childhood trauma from OP. She might feel that she had it worse than Rosalie and is upset that her daughter isn't grateful for having it better.
The birthday one is absolutely outrageous to me. WOW that is a bad parent. Yikes.
My mother's side has a generational tradition of using the family name of Lee as a middle name. It comes from a branch of the family on the women's branch of the tree. There are no hard fast rules but most of the cousins (all the way out to 3rd cousins) name at least one child with this middle name. One of my own carries this middle name. My mother didn't know my dad's mother's first name before I was born because she was so formal/cold with my mom. She accidentally chose a derivative of her name and Grandmother was so pleased that she never told her it was an accident.
Shaaba “badass” means someone who is really cool, does an excellent job, & is doing all around a standout job. @ least here in the States.
11:37 I have 3 straight moms who are all in my life. My grandmother, who raised me, is Mom. My bio mom is mom-(her name), and my step mom who I call by her name. I'm always grateful for all the bonus adults I had in my life
I've never been very big on cake either. My mom always baked me a pie for my birthday, usually strawberry rhubarb. Her pies are still my favorite dessert.
At 5 years old, you can understand that its your sisters cake bot yours.
You either do the candle thing like Jammy said, or you can re-light the candles and let him blow them oit after.
And yes, you absolutely tell her about the gifts. Either tell her her present is the shopping trip, or buy something at the mall while she's busy.
Also it was super common growing up for me to get 3 or 4 presents from the dollar store for my birthday. So even with Dollar Tree being Dollar.25 tree now, thats still only $5.00.
The nice thing about a whipped cream frosting, if you make it yourself, you don't have to make it very sweet at all. You can also make "stabilized" whipped cream by adding a little bit of gelatin, and it can be very light a good balance with chocolate or fruit.
I agree that buttercream can be overly sweet. What I've found helpful is to add a pinch of salt. It just adds so much to it, IMO. Most recipes don't call for it, but I highly recommend just a small amount.
It's the store bought buttercream that I can't stand. Sickeningly sweet. I just scrape that stuff off the cake and leave it on the side of the plate.
I feel like I also have a mom like Rosalie. Every year my mom used to make me pick a restaurant that everyone would like and she would usually bring home a cake that she thought I would like but forgot I didn’t. She’d pick something that she liked. Sometimes it’s just clear when you are not really the star of the show even when it’s your day. It hurts but you hopefully end up finding people that make your moments special. My partner listens to me and knows how big of a deal birthdays are to me and how perpetual disappointment has lead me to only want to stay home, get take out and eat cake with my partner and our daughter. I just want the people that want me to feel special on my day with me. I really do feel for her, this mom is a mega asshole / the most selfish bitchy drama and to me it seems like she prefers her son.
One time my mom said she’d take me and my friend to tj maxx (tk max in the us) to do some shopping and pick out some stuff, she ended up making my best friend look for bedding with her for her bedroom and I went outside and cried. We then went to a restaurant that I did not like but my parents did. This is why I don’t like to make plans for my birthday. At least my mom usually seemed to have good intentions, she just gets distracted by making it something for “everyone” when I didn’t seem to be included in the everyone.
Rosalie is going to need therapy and potentially a chosen family. I’d wanna live with grandma.
18:19 hearing Shaaba say my name was really trippy. I wasn't fully paying attention and my head snapped up lol. And on your point, nobody's ever said my name like that and it does kinda sound funny, but I spell mine with a Z, so it makes it obvious how it's supposed to be pronounced
I'm not used to seeing Jamie heated like this and it feels so freaking cathartic. That poor kiddo deserved a way better birthday. Period.
Any reason is a good enough reason to not want to name your child something. There are thousands of names out there that are beautiful and meaningful, if OP doesn't want one of those, the girlfriend should not question it. You need to find a name you both love! And honestly, it's so weird she's hanging onto it. What reason does she want?! "I think it's an ugly name" or what?!
I remember being 13 and thinking that that would be my last birthday party ever because I was "a big kid now" imagine if Rosalie also thought that this would be her last birthday.... And it's shitty.
Also my partner and i were talking about baby names and we both agree to never name our children any variation of ash. Because his traumatizing ex was named that and it triggers him. Thats a valid reason.
I love the microphone! Idk how long it's been there but it gives me such warm fuzzies 💖
For the first one, I'm not adopted but didn't meet my bio dad until I was 17. For context, I had someone I believed was my dad for my early childhood (2-7) at which point he then left and saw me and my younger sisters (biologically his) maybe once or twice a year after that. When I was 11 I found out he wasn't my bio dad but wanted to keep everything the same as how it's always been.
Fast forward to now, I've known my bio dad for around 12 years (no longer have any contact with the guy I had believed was my dad when I was little -his choice) I will write to Dad in cards and refer to him as my dad to friends but I still can't call out "dad" when I need something / want to ask a question like I so easily can do the equivalent for my mum. I see him as my dad now but there still seems to be some kind of mental barrier when it comes to saying "dad" to him in person.
All this to say, it's complicated, things still sound very early in OP's story and people move at different paces and find different things more easy or difficult. If I was in the son's position, I would be hurt and my brain would be telling me all sorts of things about how OP feels about me. So my advice for OP is to speak to son ASAP and compassionately explain how they feel to son. It is very likely how OP actually feels is far better than the story son's brain is telling him.
My son is four, and I have serious concerns about him growing up to be a dictator, and even HE has never blown out someone else's birthday candles
The general rule on names is 2 yes 1 no - if one parent, for ANY reason, doesn't like a name, it gets off the list. It's certainly, from an outside perspective, rather ridiculous of me to say that I would never consider naming my child Tiffany because my cousin's 3rd wife was called Tiffany and she was a horrible woman who turned my cousin from a reasonable dude into a Maga Moron (among other things). I've known several other Tiffanies who are wonderful people and the name itself isn't bad, but with that association, I just CAN'T. I can see it being the same for Conner with Georgia reminding him too much of this person he doesn't even like all that much who is pressuring him to use the name.
I'm also curious if Mom and/or George have decided to go around Conner and talk directly to Katie, and that's why SHE'S so insistent that it's "unfair" of him to say "no, I don't want to use it because of my stepfather." Seems like a weird hill for her to spend so much energy on. It doesn't sound like this is some name she picked out for a future daughter in middle school or has a special meaning to her, so unless it's the ONLY name they've agreed on other than this one issue and she doesn't see why it's such a big deal to him, I don't get why she can't just let it go.
I haven't watched the video, yet, I just wanted to pop in and say how much I'm LOVING the thumbnail picture! Shaaba, you look amazing! And Jamie, you look so dapper! 👏 🙌♥️ OK now I'll watch the video when I get home from work ♥
Ok but why did I imagine Jamie and a bunch of other little boys doing the chocolate cookie thing? It seriously took me like a full minute to remember!
My family has a tradition like that - the eldest son of every generation has to be named Jean. It only works from Jean to Jean, though. Meaning, since my dad was not the first son in his family, he wasn't named Jean and didn't have to name his son Jean. His eldest brother is indeed named Jean and did name his first son, who is my age, Jean. Jean.
I pose you a hypotetical about baby names:
My partner never met my father, knows nothing about him not even his name. I do not talk to my fatehr at all. If we were to have a child and my partner suggested naming the baby the same name as my father, or a variation of it, not knowing the name's connection and I said no, I don't want to name the baby after my father. If he then went on to say that's not fair cause it's clearly not after him since he didn't know, would he be in the right? I would never want any name relating to him, there's obviously a reason we're no contact. By the sounds of it OP and George have much more than just the name as a disagreement. This man has been trying to force himself into that man's life as a father for years.
Monday just got better 🎉
11:18 it really would depend on the relationship between child and birthparent. My sister who has distanced herself from our parents call our mom "spawn point"
These videos are the highlight of my week you are my inspiration x