Why did I end up here? Questions about Narcissistic Relationships (Part 1)
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
- Many who have been in toxic, difficult, unhealthy relationships with narcissistic people end up asking questions like, 'Why didn't I see the red flags?' and, 'Why did I stay as long as I did?'' when they think over the red flags, the lies and realise they were manipulated. In the first part of this series Darren Magee talks about one of the reasons people find themselves in relationships where they are treated badly, and why they can sometimes feel trapped and find it difficult to leave.
How did I end up here? 2 • How did I end up here?...
Why did you stay? 3 • Why Do Some People Sta...
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My wife has every trait you talk about on your channel but puts it in overdrive.
She falsely accuses me of all kinds of stuff only for an excuse to be manipulative and angry. She seems to be addicted to getting angry for no reason. She loves to bring up the past all the time. She has cheated on me 4 times and now I think she's talking to someone now.
This is why it’s so important to be able to put yourself in a position to leave a relationship and you never have to stay there see you have your own finances to be able to leave your own mental health and everything else and that’s why it’s so important to only get in relationships when you’re healthy
I can't remember when my wife started her evil behavior towards me , from so slow and subtle to blatant , nonstop , evil offenses aimed to destroy the one person who was fighting for her. This long time relationship left me feeling like Satan played a life long practical joke on me, what a waste of everything.
There now
You deserve more, I wish you happiness and love
It wasn't a waste..just a bad experience. To learn from . the narcissist just never became attached.. They don't value love beauty family and or friendship... They were wearing a mask...its all they know..
I am so very sorry, I hope you've found support for your grief and narcissistic abuse. Dr. Romani here on youtube is a good support community.🦋
Yep.
One of the less channels addressing narcissistic abuse without demonizing narcissist/ narcissistic behavior and on the same time acknowledging the victims suffering.
Wow! Thank you Darren, for describing narcissistic abuse and how it gradually takes over the victim's life. I stayed for so long because I didn't know that npd existed. I put his behaviour down to being grumpy, disagreeable, domineering. My dad is the same (npd) so it seemed 'normal' but at the same time awful. It was only after the discard that I stumbled across a description of npd and experienced an epiphany. My whole life has been one of abuse at the hands of a father and husband. Free now but a long road to get here. Narcissists enjoy watching you suffer so they try to prolong the pain. Just wish I'd known about the red flags when I was young. If they told us about this in school we would be able to see the warning signs and make informed decisions.
I agree with you JS.
I could have written this, it exactly parallels my experience. The only difference is my mum is also a covert narcissist who has gotten much worse with the years. But you are right, this needs to be taught in school. Actually, I'm a retired teacher who did teach this in my last year. A young girl showed up in my room at the end of the day, and started to sob. She told me she'd seen her dad punch her mum, her mother literally was a punching bag, and she'd never heard an adult say the things I had said and she thought they were beautiful. Really, all I said was you owed no one your happiness and no matter what the story, or circumstance, you had a right to be fully seen, respected and loved. And I was the first adult who had taken the time to explain this, instead of a class of French grammar that day. I still run into her from time to time and I get the biggest hugs. I just hope she can hold on to this when the oxytocin kicks in.
This is the question I’m asking myself everyday, why I didn’t leave when he broke up with me at the first time. Why I didn’t listen to my friends' advice. Why I kept seeing good in him and wished he can change.
The reason you tolerate it is when it’s your child and you hope this is a rougher road to maturity than most others. You never want to give up on your child. It’s a shame, the tormented life you picture for their future.
I have learned to make sure peoples actions match their word.
Great video ty. Can you please do more on trauma bonding, and how manipulators with narsistic traits and verbaly abusive can destroy families and lives, and how they can have no remorse in making thier ex sell their home, that he says he manipulated me into buying with him in the first place.... soul destroying. His verbal and emotional abuse and his name calling was unbelievable. But to everyone outside he is Mr. Wonderful, but to me he was frightening.
Thank you very much, Darren, this will surely help a lot free themselves from those narcissistic people! They deserve better! 💙
being raised by a toxic mother...I didn't know that something terrible was wrong with her and her behavior...physical abuse/emotional abuse was "normal"...you don't know what you don't know.
true. As children, we come to believe it's in our power to make them angry and if we could only find the magic button we could also make them happy. It's why we sometimes view Hope as an eternal cage.
I think that we believe the narcissist will change. After 8 years my wife has not changed a bit.
Consider getting out. It’s SO much more peaceful 👍
Exactly, my hope was she'd go back to how she was at the start..never gonna happen
I tried for 40 years to please my wife ..but alas no . But I have walked away …. And have never been happier.. leave if it’s bad ..
@@heyoldman2003 👏👏👏 thats a hell of an effort. I hope your days are now about you!!
Disagree
Wow. That's spookily accurate.
This was a brilliant video 👍 You are excellent at explaining this....Thank you!
Awesomely explained! Loving your eye opening videos. Thank you Darren ✅
Thank you.
For me it was love. A better life, a family, and a husband. All of those promises turned out to be him telling me what I wanted to hear. That future faking was how I ended up isolated in another country with just the narcissist and I. His family are racist enablers (I’m mixed race 1/2 Puerto Rican 1/2 Irish American). They made it clear from the moment they met me that I wasn’t even worth a proper greeting. Not only did he allow his family to be disrespectful to me but he encouraged them by purposefully humiliating me. This was shortly after my mom passed away. I’m finally getting therapy and currently on antidepressants after 4 years of constant isolation and abuse.
Its difficult, when your only parent was one.
You are up there with the best Darren. Keep doing the great work that you do.
I’ve been there, thank you Darren. 😊
Can you do a video on alcoholism and narcissism? Do alcoholics/addicts have narcissistic traits?
It's been said that you can't tell the difference until the addict is clean and sober.
Only once they are clean can you know if they are a narcissist or not.
I was almost driven to alcoholism by a cheating Narcissist. I had no closure, no explanation, worse we were in the same house for months. Trying to understand the behaviour and rectify the situation is crazy making because their values are not normal. Once you walk away and understand what you were up against, an unwinnable battle, you can work on yourself.
@@Adam-xs3ng I was just reading a blog called " the adventures of Dan and Tina" recovering from narcissistic abuse. It's about Dan's journey into, thru and out of, Tina's crazy narc life. You might check it out. ❤
As a recovering addict in 12 step, the self centered nature of our dilemma lends itself to many narcissistic traits. We try to reduce these by writing the steps under the guidance of a sponsor who is ahead of us in the process of relaxing the ego. Being “ right sized” in humility is our aspiration.
@@tigress725 great informaron. Thank you!
Thankyou for this video,it was very helpful, my husband used me for all the things you've said.at least I know I'm not crazy,I just don't know how to get out of this marriage
Just do it ..
Could you do a video on how to get over the anger at being taken in by multiple narcissists please?
Thank you for your suggestion I’m currently working on a series about recovery I’ll add that to the list
Sure would be helpful, the anger I emit to these ppl everytime they do me wrong is draining me it's worse as I back tract my memory of my past it makes things worse & that's when I'm labeled crazy, a liar, jealous, selfish, stubborn & evil.
This video is absolutely great! We must stay independent. Thank you.
This is epic! So good!! Thank you!
My ex finished with me constantly over 13 years. Must have been every month at least, never felt any security, always on edge. Couldn't just have a disagreement, we'd always have to finish..strangely, like a child would behave. Chaos
Thank you so much for this video.
Insightful...thank you!!
Thanks great video again, Please could you advise the name of the film you mentioned I’d like to watch it
It was called Signs and Wonders
Haha... your title is exactly what I've asked myself
Oh so spot on.. U failed to mention sex..the temptation of just good sex that blew your mind but could never blow it up to pieces.. I knew that something was wrong when I wanted them gone the minute afterwards to somehow avoid the drama that was to come. Reaching for there phone or raging for one reason or another spoiling the moment... I wasn't so naive to equate good sex for being love especially walking on eggshells and fearing breaking one as I would do..yet through it. All I never gave up the truth of who I was to appease the narcissist.. I finally had enough of the stepping on my boundaries realizing to keep the peace I had to give up the illusion.. The narcissist has nothing to lose with provoking me.. But I on the other. Hand did.. They call it. Self love.. The narc is very in tuned with doing that and want to mold as many as possible into an extension of who they R in there misery
Omg you’re brilliant , how can I connect with you ? I had a breakthrough .
Good one! Hahahahaha😂
that does make sense ( must remember!)
I've been on both ends. But I'm wondering why when someone is romantically attracted to a person they seem even more determined when the person aggressively rejects them. When I was young and a cutiepie, I learned the hard way that being aggressive with men who are persistent had the opposite affect many times. Some people seem attracted to being belittled.
That's ridiculous
Why do we stay in a nutshell intermittent reinforcement
Mine decided 3.5 years ago (2.5 months into our marriage) after a difference of opinion, that he was never going to listen to me EVER AGAIN. He starts a fight EVERY single time I want to express my feelings about his behavior towards me. My daughter, not his, died recently and 2 DAYS after…he told me that it was my fault. 2 weeks after I buried her he said it again. More recently, after I decided I was DONE. I packed his things and locked him out. He responded by killing both of our dogs. I’m pregnant with twins in a foreign country and have finished my lease on my apartment in America. I like where I am. His Visa interview just got approved now he expects that we will go to America together. I don’t want him to come back with Me, and I myself don’t desire to return 😢. I have no one here but I desire to stay, not sure what to do? He does not financially provide for us. I know it sounds like the decision is easy but I’m not sure how to proceed.
Is there anyone out there suggesting that therapeutic treatment for narcissistic abuse and for leaving cults should overlap? Can you direct me to resources if this is a thing?
What about if you have a spouse that does that to her husband. 🤔
Dobar kanal...
Answer:
Read the book ET 101
What happened to the woman in the car in America? 🤗
I wanted to know the name of the movie!
Hugs Lets Stop Teaching Our Youth that @buse is Love ♡ (Including to ourselves) or that it is a "Logical" Strategy!!
You'll be So Darn Surprised at How Quickly You can Recover Financial Resources when you Can Stop the Fruitless Depletion of All other Mental, Physical, and Emotional Resources.
"BE YOUR OWN SOURCE OF LOVE SECURITY AND VALIDATION" Melanie Tonia Evans
*Holding Much More Authentic Hope as we are Able to Pay it Forward ♡♡
*Much Respect
Imam i dijagnozu šizofrenije, ali ne vjerujem doktoru
A i niko se sa mnom ne druži.
Again and again...
Why did I end up here?
My parents had sex & I was born.