Vexivero Absolutely not true. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. If we take a breath every 3 seconds, that would be (86,400 / 3) x 0.057 = 1,642 calories. That's over 3/4 of the recommended 2,000 calorie daily intake. So we should only be eating
I'm too fat to look it up, but if air did in fact have calories, it would be considered a constant or stable variable,. This means that since we are all breathing (as we are living) any calculations of necessary daily caloric intake would be independent of this. I found vexivero's comment to be hilarious, then i found yours and thought it was intelligent, but logically inconsistent. I may or may not be onioning you right now... But it sounded damn good.
Think about the fact that they actually had to find a woman who was that thin who was willing to make a parody of herself. I mean, she is a real human actor after all. Where do they find these people!?
I wonder that all the time, especially when they hire people to play the part of really fat/ugly/whatever unsatisfying role the actor is playing so the audience has something to laugh at; I still enjoy this kind of "offend everyone humor", although only if its intended to entertain and not solely mock an individual, but anyways I dont know how some actors put themselves through it.
Of course, it isn't real (the show and her character), but her body is quite real. Actors do do weird things for their roles: Christian Bale lost 60 lbs for his role in The Machinist. But that was for a FILM and it took him several months. And still, he didn't look as malnourished as this actress. So, the concern for her health is reasonable. I don't know how long it took her to prepare for the role, I just hope she isn't this skinny due to an illness.
Unfortunately, it's more than likely that she has a genetic disorder which doesn't allow her body to store fat or produce some key metabolic enzyme. I doubt she forced herself into that condition. The ethics of it breaches even what the onion is willing to do. All things considered, if she made it to that age she probably has access to appropriate enough treatment that she should have a relatively normal lifespan, and its probably better than the opposite.
The onion and its teaser headlines! My baby is only 6 weeks old, but has got mistaken for 8 weeks old. I want to know how to make her look a beautiful 3 weeks old again!
I'm mostly recovered from my eating disorder, but there was a point where I was genuinely googling how many calories you could gain from chewing at your own mouth.
@@TheTitanJesus Brocade is highly-decorated shuttle-woven fabric, often in silk and sometimes with gold or silver thread. Basically, she ate a _really_ fancy-looking pillow. Wikipedia is your friend.
@@Anastas1786 It can be a lying friend, though. I know because I used to edit Wikipedia. It's easy to post disinformation there that has staying power. Just make something up, post it, and add a really lengthy source that takes a long time to double-check. When someone finally removes the disinformation, quickly put it back with a different source. For definitions, I just do a search like "brocade merriam" to find the Merriam-Webster entry. It's a little shorter than Wikipedia, but I know it isn't just made up.
No one is ‘just that skinny’ on accident. She either has an eating disorder or some sort of physical disorder. This does not ‘just happen’ in America. Something is wrong.
@@alyssapc2524 I have an internet connection, which entitles me to make profound statements about someone's health with little to no qualification, and completely ignore the poor people in America who can't eat enough, just based on how someone looks!
It’s been 12 years and I haven’t seen a comment acknowledging the beginning? Chinese acrobats who make you forget the horrors of their government was probably one of the funniest parts of this clip
So true, essentially that's what their version of diplomacy does. No problems in Hong Kong here, or Wuhan, those muslims volunteered to be educated by the state. Everybody just turns their heads
As an anorexic woman who is still suffering from this disease I believe my ticket to hell has been upgraded from coach to first class after laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe to this video.
Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa are the two eating disorders that people usually know. Nobody really talks about the other eating disorders or any of the subtypes.
And no one talking about untreated pancreatic disease that can cause this. Uncontrollable diarrhea ain't fun, inability to digest fat ain't fun. Maybe this society should have any puboic restrooms at all
The joke is structurally good, granted, but I’m actually glad that so many in the comments section are human enough to be more concerned about this ill actor than the satire itself
Big Boned Albert, sympathy or not (which is distinct from pity by the way), it’s not necessarily only about her. It’s about whether we laugh at people who are genuinely suffering.
"ill actor". I have decided that she is ill, i must point it out and feel happy that I tell myself and everyone else - I accept her! All that I can talk about is her because she is the only thing about this video that is outstanding! Our coulture can only accept people by separating them from "normal" individuals!
It looks like it’s Marfan syndrome, a disorder of the connective tissues that causes extreme thinness. With appropriate treatment the syndrome can be managed luckily :)
Ryan Lynch Yes we know but she still has a good sense of humor about her situation because she's on The Onion. Y'all are so excited to jump on anyone that falls for the satire you're making yourselves look like idiots.
I know the onion is satire but I hope the “author” lady is ok. I hope shes like recovering from an eating disorder or a genetic disease and was willing to joke about herself
It looks like it’s Marfan syndrome, a disorder of the connective tissues that causes extreme thinness. With appropriate treatment the syndrome can be managed luckily :)
@@Punkini I couldn’t place the disorder at first, but once you mentioned it, I rewatched and noticed her long hands and fingers, particularly her thumbs, and I think you’re exactly right.
Always wonder where the onion found all these highly professional and dedicated actors/actresses. Even stranger, none of them are familiar faces from any other programs, which makes their fake news/talk shows appear even more authentic.
I love how all the guests on this show, even though they're actors, look very genuine. Their acting is so real sometimes I forget I'm watching something that's fake.
I am in tears. "I looked at a pillow and I had to have it." A tennis ball is filled with air. I have been reading the Onion since it's inception and it is still funny.
I feel that people just need to love the skin they're in. Once I became happy with my body, I was able to stop worrying about the calories in the piece of floss I was using or the fingernail I had been chewing on all day and just eat them. Sure, I notice people staring at me and saying things like "He must weigh 120 pounds," but if that's the price of happiness then I'm willing to pay it.
This is bad advice, though. There's no calories in either of those examples. Rather than being content with being a fat pig/brittle skeleton, educate yourself. Be healthy, happy, and educated instead of "happy" and unhealthy.
as someone with an eating disorder, this video make me laugh my skinny ass off. all the comments saying “i hope she’s ok.” don’t worry about it, she’s obviously able to make jokes about whatever condition she has, she is an amazing strength. one of my fav videos when i’m down, so funny.
Not everyone who sees a very skinny person talking about losing weight thinks it’s funny. They might think it’s disturbing. You can get the joke and still not like what’s happening. She’s literally dying. People have compassion.
@@nonyab5640 just because we are able to laugh with someone about a situation doesn't mean we're not compassionate. I think you're mistaking the laughing at this video with laughing at her, rather than with her. If you don't like the joke thats okay, no one is forcing you to watch this video.
@@bohemianfarmlady4619 Boy do you like to tell people what to do! Don’t ask if she’s ok, don’t worry about her, don’t watch the video. You assume a lot too. People don’t get the joke, people don’t understand you can be both humorous and compassionate... I took issue with you telling people not to worry if she’s ok. That’s it. How about, people are allowed to worry and it’s fine and normal to worry. You don’t get to tell them there’s something wrong with that. They are also able to get humor at the same time.
@@nonyab5640 that’s literally what i’m saying as well. when it comes to not to worry, it’s in reference to the rude comments on her weight that people often think is “supportive”. she participated in a comedy skit and reading comments shaming her body as a way to “ worry”or be “concerned” probably isn’t fun lmfao. everyones aloud their opinions but if it’s rude to a persons appearance or is super unnecessary, then it’s probably best to keep it to yourself.
These two onion cohosts are fantastic. The female, “Tracey Gill” is just wonderful. Her facial expressions when her male partner is talking are priceless.
Wow, I can't believe that amazing info. about eating the phone! I've been eating the whole blessed thing, buttons and all. No wonder my thighs rub together.
Wow her acting is eerily good. She's able to convey this mental and physical instability with her look, her shaky voice. So much so people are actually worried about her in the comments. Her delivery is very deadpan and she established a complete character with so few lines.
Terrible amounts of fat. I have no idea where this "they are superfood ideal for growing adolescents" thing came from. Stick with proven methods such as breaking off tree bark with your bare hands.
I usually don't let any of these bother me haha. But i'll admit my jaw dropped when i saw the author. I mean in all seriousness i hope thats either edited or she is getting the help she needs. That aside once she started talking i couldn't stop laughing. And the "did you know?" facts are absolutely hilarious....
@@dustingleason5925 Breatherians _claim_ they eat nothing, but if someone monitors them to make sure they're not lying, they _mysteriously_ begin starving to death. Also, that's not the joke here at all. I do not understand how you could possibly misunderstand such an obvious joke this badly. Besides, it's not the same thing. Breatharianism is about being enlightened and subsisting off the magical "prana" in the air and not _needing_ food, whereas in video they want to eat as little as possible in order to lose weight. Eating non-food is just a way to shut up the screaming hunger pains in your stomach.
loool jim is so good the way he said “what do you do when you hit that moment of weakness” hahaha add tracys classic morning show agreement/empathy nod im ded 😂😂
So true, so true. I too love chewing on the conference table at work. And Post-It-Notes! What a treat! What you don't realize is that even though your taking in those extra calories, you are getting valuable roughage! The fiber content of plywood is stunning! And paper...well, it's off the charts. So don't feel too bad. Your intestines will love you!
"How to make your baby look younger" sure was comic relief. The video reminded me of a book I read about Shostakovich that focused partly on the Siege of Leningrad. Their food was bombed and while some people hoarded butter and chocolate and ate well, others were eating the glue from book bindings, which were derived from animal parts. Or worse things.
Didn't think I'd come across a comment about the 7th symphony and the siege of Leningrad, but you're so right about the horrors of the ordeal. There are also numerous reports of cannibalism during the siege. I feel for the victims who are now forgotten because no one talks about it.
It's not even satire. There actually are people who have damaged their bodies because they thought that they could survive on minimal food, fresh air and sunlight (Breatharians - seriously!) A guy in Russia recently went to jail for murder because he convinced his girlfriend that their child could survive on no food. Sadly the child died.
This lady is able to laugh about her own condition. She’s accepted it and knows what’s wrong and that’s the biggest part of recovering. I hope she’s great!
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Air has about .057 calories per breath. Reducing your air intake will significantly help in losing weight.
+Vexivero VXVO Especially once you get to the decomposition phase of your diet. THE FAT JUST MELTS AWAY!
Tregeta
Doctor who!!!
Vexivero Absolutely not true. There are 86,400 seconds in a day. If we take a breath every 3 seconds, that would be (86,400 / 3) x 0.057 = 1,642 calories. That's over 3/4 of the recommended 2,000 calorie daily intake. So we should only be eating
that's those hidden calories she was talking about in the video
I'm too fat to look it up, but if air did in fact have calories, it would be considered a constant or stable variable,. This means that since we are all breathing (as we are living) any calculations of necessary daily caloric intake would be independent of this. I found vexivero's comment to be hilarious, then i found yours and thought it was intelligent, but logically inconsistent. I may or may not be onioning you right now... But it sounded damn good.
Think about the fact that they actually had to find a woman who was that thin who was willing to make a parody of herself. I mean, she is a real human actor after all. Where do they find these people!?
They didnt. They made her.
Reico Dov they locked her up until she looked like that
This is the only thing I can think of as I watch this
I wonder that all the time, especially when they hire people to play the part of really fat/ugly/whatever unsatisfying role the actor is playing so the audience has something to laugh at; I still enjoy this kind of "offend everyone humor", although only if its intended to entertain and not solely mock an individual, but anyways I dont know how some actors put themselves through it.
@May Robinson I think you are right. She might have Marfan Syndrome or something..
This is one of the darkest things they ever did holy shit lmao.
Have you seen porking across america? That one is dark.
have you seen the “death penalty” skit? that one is dark
@@magnuspeacock5857 Because of this comment I watched it and now I'm completely scarred for life. Thank u.
@@fbk2766 sorry
@@magnuspeacock5857 lmfaooo I'm so glad I came across your comment. It's a masterpiece in disguise.
Wherever this woman is, I hope she is OK.
She exclusively eats inanimate objects. She's not OK.
...............but this isn't real?
Of course, it isn't real (the show and her character), but her body is quite real. Actors do do weird things for their roles: Christian Bale lost 60 lbs for his role in The Machinist. But that was for a FILM and it took him several months. And still, he didn't look as malnourished as this actress. So, the concern for her health is reasonable. I don't know how long it took her to prepare for the role, I just hope she isn't this skinny due to an illness.
Unfortunately, it's more than likely that she has a genetic disorder which doesn't allow her body to store fat or produce some key metabolic enzyme. I doubt she forced herself into that condition. The ethics of it breaches even what the onion is willing to do. All things considered, if she made it to that age she probably has access to appropriate enough treatment that she should have a relatively normal lifespan, and its probably better than the opposite.
Yeah if she loses some weight she'll be fine
The onion and its teaser headlines! My baby is only 6 weeks old, but has got mistaken for 8 weeks old.
I want to know how to make her look a beautiful 3 weeks old again!
why do I feel like this is a math problem?
***** please tell me you are just playing along. If you are actually taking my comment seriously....yikes.
gardenofroses197 lol it reads like it is
Stop feeding your baby razors. Razors contain a shocking 70 calories.
I put my baby in a pressure cooker. 10lbs less, and four inches shorter, which is the key. I've had a few people ask me "when are you expecting?"
She truly seems happy, her saying it over and over again at the end really convinced me
As someone who struggled with anorexia, I can attest that these are the crazy leaps your brain starts to make after a while
I hope your struggle becomes less hard
problem with malnutrition is it makes it hard to think clearly unfortunately
I'm mostly recovered from my eating disorder, but there was a point where I was genuinely googling how many calories you could gain from chewing at your own mouth.
You should try the eat some food diet, It has always worked for me.
Anorexic people only eat their two fingers for a meal right?
"I saw the brocade. It had to be inside me."
I can't stop laughing at this.
What's brocade?
Alexander Schoen idk. What is it
A-Innovations ya same
@@TheTitanJesus Brocade is highly-decorated shuttle-woven fabric, often in silk and sometimes with gold or silver thread. Basically, she ate a _really_ fancy-looking pillow. Wikipedia is your friend.
@@Anastas1786 It can be a lying friend, though. I know because I used to edit Wikipedia. It's easy to post disinformation there that has staying power. Just make something up, post it, and add a really lengthy source that takes a long time to double-check. When someone finally removes the disinformation, quickly put it back with a different source.
For definitions, I just do a search like "brocade merriam" to find the Merriam-Webster entry. It's a little shorter than Wikipedia, but I know it isn't just made up.
I wonder who the actress is, and what her condition is. At least she's able to make fun of situation by being on the Onion...
She doesn't have to have a condition. Some people are just that skinny.
No one is ‘just that skinny’ on accident. She either has an eating disorder or some sort of physical disorder. This does not ‘just happen’ in America. Something is wrong.
@@alyssapc2524 I have an internet connection, which entitles me to make profound statements about someone's health with little to no qualification, and completely ignore the poor people in America who can't eat enough, just based on how someone looks!
@@staalman1226 I think that was sarcasm.
@@reanetsemoleleki8219 Alyssa PC definitely wasn't, I might've been . . .
This is the most uncomfortable I've ever been watching the Onion
Why?
Yeah, throughout this entire video I was so tense just waiting for her to keel over.
Try Porkin Across America. Yikes.
That was pretty lame comment
you wanted to eat her didn't you?
aw don't worry about it, we've all been there.
This episode and the one where the cancer patient dies live were the two most risque of all time. They went there.
prophetofdoom where can i find the other one?
+hampannswede
Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
prophetofdoom risque, I thought that was a joke word :0
as long as you're willing to double-click words, English never stops
Risqué means sexual? No?
It’s been 12 years and I haven’t seen a comment acknowledging the beginning? Chinese acrobats who make you forget the horrors of their government was probably one of the funniest parts of this clip
So true, essentially that's what their version of diplomacy does. No problems in Hong Kong here, or Wuhan, those muslims volunteered to be educated by the state. Everybody just turns their heads
All the comments you're looking for were censored and the Chinese government dragged off the people who said them
New ones coming up with India and Taiwan
Hollywood makes you forget the horrors of their government - same thing
@@Emile.gorgonZola Thank you.
How to make your baby look younger........ I'm speechless.
How many calories from laughing at this video?
hhds113According to Vexivero VXVO, you're on your way to significant weight loss.
jackthayer
Hay I'm not fat
267 its all in the book
Enough to eat 3.5 standard pink erasers or 16 paper clips!
Not enough
As an anorexic woman who is still suffering from this disease I believe my ticket to hell has been upgraded from coach to first class after laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe to
this video.
you're not alone
@@poiewhfopiewhfhi diagonal me
Wishing you well in the future, you deserve help. I really hope its gets better for you
❤
hopefully you didn't stop breathing after reading the comments about calories in air. ;)
And I hope you are/get as well as possible. ❤
“I’m happy with myself. I’m happy with my body image. I’m just a happy happy person. Oh I’m just so happy. Oh boy Am I so happy!” Cracks me up
Everyone talking about the anorexia, nobody talking about the pica
Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa are the two eating disorders that people usually know. Nobody really talks about the other eating disorders or any of the subtypes.
Exactly what I was thinking, but i guess people don't always know what that is.
And no one talking about untreated pancreatic disease that can cause this. Uncontrollable diarrhea ain't fun, inability to digest fat ain't fun. Maybe this society should have any puboic restrooms at all
I know, I have pica and eat Kleenex and toilet paper... I'm like, what's the joke?
@@Apricus1 you're completely right, how did I miss that?
Nobody I know of who started the no food diet has complained about it after the first month or so.
That sounds like a good sign if you ask me
It’s the quitters who complain 🙄
The joke is structurally good, granted, but I’m actually glad that so many in the comments section are human enough to be more concerned about this ill actor than the satire itself
If she wanted pity, she would have been on a real morning show. Just have a laugh like she intended
Big Boned Albert, sympathy or not (which is distinct from pity by the way), it’s not necessarily only about her. It’s about whether we laugh at people who are genuinely suffering.
"ill actor". I have decided that she is ill, i must point it out and feel happy that I tell myself and everyone else - I accept her! All that I can talk about is her because she is the only thing about this video that is outstanding! Our coulture can only accept people by separating them from "normal" individuals!
She an ACTRESS they probably put her in make up to make her look worse in real life she’s probably just naturally thin
It looks like it’s Marfan syndrome, a disorder of the connective tissues that causes extreme thinness. With appropriate treatment the syndrome can be managed luckily :)
That's great that she's willing to make light of her situation. Kinda like Michael J Fox in his Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.
joeskis it's a satirical show
Ryan Lynch Yes we know but she still has a good sense of humor about her situation because she's on The Onion. Y'all are so excited to jump on anyone that falls for the satire you're making yourselves look like idiots.
joeskis what is her situation? Does anyone know?
TCt83067695 anorexia obviously
Max Jacobs it might be something else not so ostensible
Did you know?
"eating a box of thumbtacks will keep you feeling full all the way to the hospital"
that was win
Alana looks amazing and so healthy!! She's so inspiring
And so happy, isn't she? 🙂
so happy happy
She's an inspiration
@Leandro Aude Bet she's been eating too many phone cords
Not only do these guys do great comedy, they have balls of absolute steel. Can you imagine pitching this sketch to a network?
crazy is that the onion did air on a network for a short time in 2011
Yes, because this actually aired on TV
@@leminjapan I wrote this comment years before the Onion show aired. Onion news network debuted 12 years ago, this comment is 14-years-old.
@@EGarrett01 holy shit i've never seen a youtube comment thread span over a decade
@@joshhauskins8939 E Garrett had to come back and defend his honor
I know the onion is satire but I hope the “author” lady is ok. I hope shes like recovering from an eating disorder or a genetic disease and was willing to joke about herself
Same
It looks like it’s Marfan syndrome, a disorder of the connective tissues that causes extreme thinness. With appropriate treatment the syndrome can be managed luckily :)
Yeah, because actors don't exist.
She's just a skinny old lady.
@@Punkini I couldn’t place the disorder at first, but once you mentioned it, I rewatched and noticed her long hands and fingers, particularly her thumbs, and I think you’re exactly right.
"so practical!" lmao I love how these 2 always react so professional and impressed no matter how crazy the script is
"That telephone you've been craving, go ahead you can eat it Just don't eat the cords and the buttons."
"Oh, why not?"
lol
When she said she's still fat I just died laughing. I love how these guys go on about this stuff so very seriously.
It made me sad and uncomfortable
@@MelB868 well stop being a bitch then
common way anorexic people perceive themselves, so unfortunately this is not far from reality
@@MelB868i normally dont say this. But...
Nobody asked.
@@superhond1733 You should say it even less often.
Always wonder where the onion found all these highly professional and dedicated actors/actresses. Even stranger, none of them are familiar faces from any other programs, which makes their fake news/talk shows appear even more authentic.
That poor actress. Hope she’s alright.
She wasnt even that anorexic
0:10 AAAAA, Onion has absolutely 0 filters in their writing LMAO
I love how all the guests on this show, even though they're actors, look very genuine. Their acting is so real sometimes I forget I'm watching something that's fake.
I am in tears. "I looked at a pillow and I had to have it." A tennis ball is filled with air. I have been reading the Onion since it's inception and it is still funny.
still funny 14 years later
I'm a big fan of her, i ate all her books.
pppppphphphhphhhhp
I hope she's okay. She delivered an amazing performance.
I feel that people just need to love the skin they're in. Once I became happy with my body, I was able to stop worrying about the calories in the piece of floss I was using or the fingernail I had been chewing on all day and just eat them. Sure, I notice people staring at me and saying things like "He must weigh 120 pounds," but if that's the price of happiness then I'm willing to pay it.
😅😅😅😅💜
Why of all places do you choose this video to say this?
This is bad advice, though. There's no calories in either of those examples. Rather than being content with being a fat pig/brittle skeleton, educate yourself. Be healthy, happy, and educated instead of "happy" and unhealthy.
what exactly, calories are actually just a hoax designed by the US government to keep the public distracted from real problems. WAKE UP
Please be joking. I legitimately can't tell.
as someone with an eating disorder, this video make me laugh my skinny ass off. all the comments saying “i hope she’s ok.” don’t worry about it, she’s obviously able to make jokes about whatever condition she has, she is an amazing strength. one of my fav videos when i’m down, so funny.
Hope you are getting help for your eating disorder. Also, yea, she didn't do this for pity, she did it because she understands comedy
Not everyone who sees a very skinny person talking about losing weight thinks it’s funny. They might think it’s disturbing. You can get the joke and still not like what’s happening. She’s literally dying. People have compassion.
@@nonyab5640 just because we are able to laugh with someone about a situation doesn't mean we're not compassionate. I think you're mistaking the laughing at this video with laughing at her, rather than with her. If you don't like the joke thats okay, no one is forcing you to watch this video.
@@bohemianfarmlady4619 Boy do you like to tell people what to do! Don’t ask if she’s ok, don’t worry about her, don’t watch the video. You assume a lot too. People don’t get the joke, people don’t understand you can be both humorous and compassionate... I took issue with you telling people not to worry if she’s ok. That’s it. How about, people are allowed to worry and it’s fine and normal to worry. You don’t get to tell them there’s something wrong with that. They are also able to get humor at the same time.
@@nonyab5640 that’s literally what i’m saying as well. when it comes to not to worry, it’s in reference to the rude comments on her weight that people often think is “supportive”. she participated in a comedy skit and reading comments shaming her body as a way to “ worry”or be “concerned” probably isn’t fun lmfao. everyones aloud their opinions but if it’s rude to a persons appearance or is super unnecessary, then it’s probably best to keep it to yourself.
"I saw the brocade, it had to be inside me.."
“I’m still fat” sent me 😂
Those news anchors are two of the greatest "straight men" of all time.
I suddenly feel very very very obese.
These two onion cohosts are fantastic. The female, “Tracey Gill” is just wonderful. Her facial expressions when her male partner is talking are priceless.
Wow, I can't believe that amazing info. about eating the phone! I've been eating the whole blessed thing, buttons and all. No wonder my thighs rub together.
Wow her acting is eerily good. She's able to convey this mental and physical instability with her look, her shaky voice. So much so people are actually worried about her in the comments. Her delivery is very deadpan and she established a complete character with so few lines.
She was so great. Fit the part and a damn good actress. In fact, the acting in ALL of these skits are top notch. Why can't the Onion bring these back?
I would honestly hope this woman went on this show because she was recovering and thought joking about it would help on her journey.
"Just don't eat the cord and the buttons."
"Oh why not?" 😂
What about Tide pods ?
Underrated
Terrible amounts of fat. I have no idea where this "they are superfood ideal for growing adolescents" thing came from. Stick with proven methods such as breaking off tree bark with your bare hands.
Stfu
Tide Pods are certified kosher.
Absolutely unacceptable those are way to fatning
"A bowl of thumbtacks will keep you feeling full all the way to the hospital" made me laugh out loud
"Did You Know?
A bowl of thumbtacks will keep you full all the way to the hospital!"
😂😂😂
“I saw the brocade and it had to be inside of me.” One of the best lines I have ever heard.
The Onion yet again knifes their audience and bleeds them out quietly in an alley.
This is dark!
I would recommend this diet to anyone. I lost 291lbs in just a couple of months and I'm telling all my friends about it! This truly is a miracle diet!
Funny to look back at the hilarious and creative unhinged content RUclips used to foster, this was absolutely hilarious.
This is beyond satire...
Grow some balls
+John Doe No shit.
careful , even balls have calories.
❄️ alert
I usually don't let any of these bother me haha. But i'll admit my jaw dropped when i saw the author. I mean in all seriousness i hope thats either edited or she is getting the help she needs.
That aside once she started talking i couldn't stop laughing. And the "did you know?" facts are absolutely hilarious....
The Onion is awesome! I love how all the guests on this show are so believable! They're all such great actors :)
"How to make your baby look younger."
LOL
After watching Porkin’ Across America I really needed to come back to these to remember when Jim was happy
What That Vegan Teacher will do when she realizes plants are alive too:
Excellent acting - all three; great writing; slick presentation; these skits deserve more views really.
It totally is, but I have to ask is this account still active?
@@kieranbrady1240 Why do you have to ask? You can check out the activity of this account yourself. Anyway, the answer is no.
@@jfuite so I even get a reply 14 years later? Fascinating
@@kieranbrady1240 No, I answered after about three hours later.
@@jfuite no I mean the original comment I was replying to was 14 years old, this account must be ancient
She became serious while saying she is happy with herself and her body... Moved me....
Please help me..... I'm dying of laughter 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh the ending is just too good
+Bri I like her honesty towards the end of the clip where she admits to still being a big fat porker.
"The telephone you have been craving, you can eat it." LOL You can also add a side of fresh ear bud spaghetti and ping pong balls. XD
its called a breatharian not kidding look it up
Fettuccine Wrap you didn’t watch the video
Dustin Gleason he did but it is a real thing
Kenyon papen i know but they eat nothing. The joke here is that he eats everything other than actual food.
@@dustingleason5925
Breatherians _claim_ they eat nothing, but if someone monitors them to make sure they're not lying, they _mysteriously_ begin starving to death.
Also, that's not the joke here at all. I do not understand how you could possibly misunderstand such an obvious joke this badly.
Besides, it's not the same thing. Breatharianism is about being enlightened and subsisting off the magical "prana" in the air and not _needing_ food, whereas in video they want to eat as little as possible in order to lose weight. Eating non-food is just a way to shut up the screaming hunger pains in your stomach.
Kids be like "look it up" to things most people have known for decades.
She freaking ate this role up 👏
"It's a journey." .......I'm sorry, but I just had to laugh out loud! This is such dark humor! OMG!
loool jim is so good the way he said “what do you do when you hit that moment of weakness” hahaha add tracys classic morning show agreement/empathy nod im ded 😂😂
2:21
"Chewing On Rocks Just Three Hours A Day Burns As Many Calories As Doing Twenty Sit-Ups"
LOL!
How did they find a woman willing to do this
THIS is the Onin that will make them viral again!!!
this video is from 2008............
So true, so true. I too love chewing on the conference table at work. And Post-It-Notes! What a treat! What you don't realize is that even though your taking in those extra calories, you are getting valuable roughage! The fiber content of plywood is stunning! And paper...well, it's off the charts. So don't feel too bad. Your intestines will love you!
Used to go to school with a girl who had this condition. Her sister had it and it was when I saw their father that I understood it's genetics.
"Ive Gone home and looked at a pillow and had to have it" ahhahahah
How do you think the casting for this went?
Probably better than it would go today.
"How to make your baby look younger" sure was comic relief. The video reminded me of a book I read about Shostakovich that focused partly on the Siege of Leningrad. Their food was bombed and while some people hoarded butter and chocolate and ate well, others were eating the glue from book bindings, which were derived from animal parts. Or worse things.
Didn't think I'd come across a comment about the 7th symphony and the siege of Leningrad, but you're so right about the horrors of the ordeal. There are also numerous reports of cannibalism during the siege. I feel for the victims who are now forgotten because no one talks about it.
wait, Shostakovich survived the Leningrad Siege? omg..
@@GC-fj4lc its understandable that prople dont talk about it. Not everything needs to be talked about
Tissues: Not just for breakfast, anymore. (?!)
When she said “you can’t help but to snack like that” I PISS!!!!😹😹😹
Anyone who is able to consume an entire bowling ball deserves those 2,300 calories
I wonder how many calories I intake my licking my mouse?
*deep russian voice* one million calories
No, that's the number of bacteria per square inch.
I serve myself 1 Tablespoon of my own semen. It's an addiction really.
OrganicChemistry2 lots of protein.
Computer or rodent?
It's not even satire.
There actually are people who have damaged their bodies because they thought that they could survive on minimal food, fresh air and sunlight (Breatharians - seriously!)
A guy in Russia recently went to jail for murder because he convinced his girlfriend that their child could survive on no food. Sadly the child died.
You could tell she's actually happy.
It's awesome that she has such a great sense of humor about it.
How to Pica and still count your calories!
You can eat your pillow stuffing in moderation! Just keep a schedule and face facts!
Kind of sad that the chinese acrobats bit at the start is still relevant
What about strings from my blanket? How much are those?
2024 onion could never live up to this kind of production value 😂
This lady is able to laugh about her own condition. She’s accepted it and knows what’s wrong and that’s the biggest part of recovering. I hope she’s great!
This is the strongest Adult-Swim-uncomfortable vibe I've gotten from an ONN video.
"Oh boy I am so happy" I was kinda expecting her to just threaten to kill herself on live television after that
Really I NEED that advice! My 12 month daughter looks like 17 month and I just want my cute little baby back, not that older getting freak.
“I know I’m still fat but I’m getting there”
Her diet works wonders! I used to weigh 120lbs, now I weigh 30lbs. Hoping to hit 20lbs soon!
She was featured on Dr Oz.
Todd Boden what's her name??
Really dark, really well done.
Seeing that woman shocked me to my core... I've seen video of concentration camp survivors with more meat on their bones.
That camera added 10 lbs.
How does the Onion come up with this satire? Love it!
The onion is literally so creative
This is one of the few onion episodes hard to watch. I hope this lady is doing alright.