My mom and dad's marriage was falling apart. There was no love and everyone knew it. Mom asked me if I wanted her to stay together or separated. I said I wanted her to remain together with dad. She pulled up her sleeve and went on with the marriage. I'm so thankful for her strength and bravery. The marriage is now much better. There is still no "passionate love". But the friendship remains. No more physical fighting. We now pray together as a family every week. For comparison, we never prayed together as a family on a regular basis before. A lot has happened. But I have to thank the Lord and the intercession of Our Lady for guiding all of us through this journey.
My father abused my mother endlessly. She asked her children (at 4 and 5 years old) if she should stay with him. She did..and she ended up paying for her life with that decision.
As a child of an abusive marriage (and subsequent divorce), I really do appreciate you guys bringing up the extreme cases, and acknowledging that some people are truly asking about it (and not trying to make excuse for all divorce). My mom was being abused in every sense of the word, and I honestly don’t know if she’d be around if they were still married.
Children of divorce learn to make their parents happy, suppress their true feelings and it sets up a dynamic for them to please their parents into adulthood. Meanwhile the parents continue to feel entitled and seems they have a hard time stepping into the shoes of their children. I think part of the problem is not treating marriage like a sacrament. The Church tells priests and religious upfront that it will be tough and that they are partaking in the cross of Christ. Marriage is generally talked about as this is the default of not being a priest or religious. Maybe helping people really understand what the sacrament if marriage is by separating the couples and having the discussion and instruction with each separately in groups of men and women who are preparing to get married. Then have have the rest of the preparation with couples.
I’m sure you hear this all the time, but this video is saving my faith right now. I’m so grateful to Our Lord and Our Lady for their grace in saving my marriage and healing me from a divorced upbringing!
I've noticed that the only adults who are flippant about divorce come from complete families. Everyone I've grown up with from broken homes has a much more conservative view of the damage it does.
This is why we need extended families. Where are the parents of a couple that is struggling through an unhappy marriage? If my daughter were suffering in her marriage I would be doing all I could to help her and her husband to reconcile their differences.
It might be just me……but I hear very few homilies (if none) on the value of the family, the beauty of the family unit, the blessing of (many) children, authority in the home, the adverse effects of contraception (health and spiritually), the family and materialism, godliness in the home, prayer and Church….just name a few……then we wonder why the family is messed up, all the way up to religious vocations.
Great talk. More positive talk on marriage is needed. In my experience its only when it's seen as a covenent and a channel of grace has it the means for the two to thrive. Note : even with that said my wife isn't so keen on me sometimes 😀
Divorce is common in my Protestant and non religious family. Some of the relationships were brutal and had to have police involved. Others just fell apart.
The commonality basically being that the advocates for these things aren't willing to see through difficult situations which they can't possibly get perfectly right. They always want a security to fall back on in fear their "life will be ruined" without one. I'm a casual gamer and I feel personally attacked. For anyone who thinks that's crass, I'm making fun of myself. A lot of American culture is built on wanting security and safe enjoyment, and I'm pointing out it's pretty much the reason American culture looks the way it does. We're all addicted to safety.
We are absolutely addicted to safety. The entire west is being Americanized in that way. It's not an entirely American problem, it's inherent to being western and therefore well-off, but few American attitude that values comfort and pleasure certainly plays a role.
There is a USA study titled “Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages” In the study 86% of unhappy marriages had no violence. So violence is not a common reason for divorce. So the leading cause of most divorces was unhappiness. The study goes on to find that those who did divorce because of unhappiness were no better off 5 years later even if the divorcee had remarried. The primary reason for the unhappiness is the divorcee has not learned to work through relationship issues. So anyone who had remarried still did not know how to work through relationship issues and were no happier because of it. Conversely those couple who had considered divorce but chose to remain together to work out their issues two out of three of them were happily married 5 years later.
You are manipulative. *Violence is NOT the only just grounds for divorce.* Other just grounds include the common male vices like habitual drunkenness, drug abuse, verbal or psychological abuse, excessive gambling, pornography, adultery or criminality.
I'm only 6mins while I write this comment but there's a lot of talk about invalid marriages and whatnot. I assume the criticism is for marriages that are presumed invalid and not known for sure are invalid, right? For example, I know mine is invalid, because my husband is divorced and refusing to get his first marriage annuled. I'm not wrong to consider and go through divorce in this situation, am I?
My ex was a charmer but i knew I was in danger of my life. I am Cathiolic and I took solemn vows, but I think the people discussing it walk in my shoes. Divorce is not just about, it is about money!!! The DV were very. My has now got himself a rich wife. I think the video was shallow.
This may be one of the areas I need to think on. I'm very pro-life, but I have to say... Abuse is not rare. I need to look up the statistics but abuses within marriage is not rare and should not be compared to the rare cases of mothers being in danger. I do realize there is an immoral danger to the souls when covenants are broken, when the sacrament of marriage is broken or being abused.
@@jeremysmith7176 Thanks for pointing that out. You're not forced to remain in a household where you get continually abused. You can separate. Separation is not the same as divorce.
Worldwide remarriage pandemic has been happening from so many decages ago. Remarriage shuts off reconciliation Next subject: Uncanny similarities between porn industry and (rock and roll). Both have many drug overdose deaths and suicides
A murderer that repents, can go to confession and be absolved of his/her murder(s). Then may ascertain a state of grace. A pedo priest is hidden away and moved parish to priest or bishop with or without temporal punishment and confesses their sins and are absolved and ascertain a state of grace. As well as the clergy than hid these terrible affliction. A Rapist does the same and an abortionist/doctor and a mother a father pushing that terrible act and all of the above can be forgiven and enter into a state of grace. A Bishop that falls into heresy and is excommunicated repents and asks the Holy See for forgiveness and is allowed back into the church although it placed others in mortal damnation and some cases thousands of followers. Again. A Clean slate and a state of grace. There is but one exception where one can’t make a mistake, divorce. One is destined for internal fire although they made a mistake in one’s marriage. The ordinary ministers of a marriage are the participants (a man and a woman), yet the church is the church judge of the validity of the marriage and its dissolution of that Union? There is no mercy for one mistake just pure pain and internal fire. You do a great job, and please note that I write this with great respect for your ministry. However, on this one; it’s the low-hanging fruit. Abortion is murder but forgivable. As for marriage, there is permanent pain in hell and total separation from the church. Not all sin kills, marriage does! Pax!
A marriage becoming "difficult" is one thing, but anyone who has their marital partner commit adultery has every right to get an annulment; the marriage vows weren't made with honesty.
The reason the NT doesnt approve of divorce is because they belived the world was coming to an end soon. They also thought even getting married was not even the best thing to do
My mom and dad's marriage was falling apart. There was no love and everyone knew it. Mom asked me if I wanted her to stay together or separated. I said I wanted her to remain together with dad. She pulled up her sleeve and went on with the marriage.
I'm so thankful for her strength and bravery. The marriage is now much better. There is still no "passionate love". But the friendship remains. No more physical fighting. We now pray together as a family every week. For comparison, we never prayed together as a family on a regular basis before.
A lot has happened. But I have to thank the Lord and the intercession of Our Lady for guiding all of us through this journey.
Wonderful testimony. God bless your family.
My father abused my mother endlessly. She asked her children (at 4 and 5 years old) if she should stay with him. She did..and she ended up paying for her life with that decision.
But you're aware that this was your own experience and may not work for everyone else?
Why would an adult ask a child that?
@@eg4848 Because deep down, she had religious guilt and wanted a reason to stay even though she was being beaten.
As a child of an abusive marriage (and subsequent divorce), I really do appreciate you guys bringing up the extreme cases, and acknowledging that some people are truly asking about it (and not trying to make excuse for all divorce). My mom was being abused in every sense of the word, and I honestly don’t know if she’d be around if they were still married.
They can be separated.
Divorce only facilities remarriage.
@@Kitiwake or just marriage if they were never married in the first place 🤷♀️
Leila Miller is such a blessing in my life.
This is an *excellent* take on divorce that I’ve never thought of before.
Children of divorce learn to make their parents happy, suppress their true feelings and it sets up a dynamic for them to please their parents into adulthood. Meanwhile the parents continue to feel entitled and seems they have a hard time stepping into the shoes of their children. I think part of the problem is not treating marriage like a sacrament. The Church tells priests and religious upfront that it will be tough and that they are partaking in the cross of Christ. Marriage is generally talked about as this is the default of not being a priest or religious. Maybe helping people really understand what the sacrament if marriage is by separating the couples and having the discussion and instruction with each separately in groups of men and women who are preparing to get married. Then have have the rest of the preparation with couples.
I’m sure you hear this all the time, but this video is saving my faith right now. I’m so grateful to Our Lord and Our Lady for their grace in saving my marriage and healing me from a divorced upbringing!
I've noticed that the only adults who are flippant about divorce come from complete families. Everyone I've grown up with from broken homes has a much more conservative view of the damage it does.
This is why we need extended families. Where are the parents of a couple that is struggling through an unhappy marriage? If my daughter were suffering in her marriage I would be doing all I could to help her and her husband to reconcile their differences.
It gets even worse when there are multiple layers of divorce. You get close with a step-cousin, then they are no longer your family anymore.
Divorce is now a divisive issue in the Philippines, as most of Congress is in favor of legalizing it
Filipino here too!
It might be just me……but I hear very few homilies (if none) on the value of the family, the beauty of the family unit, the blessing of (many) children, authority in the home, the adverse effects of contraception (health and spiritually), the family and materialism, godliness in the home, prayer and Church….just name a few……then we wonder why the family is messed up, all the way up to religious vocations.
Lots of people making excuses in the comments. You have to be willing to suffer to get to heaven
Great talk. More positive talk on marriage is needed. In my experience its only when it's seen as a covenent and a channel of grace has it the means for the two to thrive. Note : even with that said my wife isn't so keen on me sometimes 😀
Divorce is common in my Protestant and non religious family. Some of the relationships were brutal and had to have police involved. Others just fell apart.
The commonality basically being that the advocates for these things aren't willing to see through difficult situations which they can't possibly get perfectly right. They always want a security to fall back on in fear their "life will be ruined" without one.
I'm a casual gamer and I feel personally attacked.
For anyone who thinks that's crass, I'm making fun of myself. A lot of American culture is built on wanting security and safe enjoyment, and I'm pointing out it's pretty much the reason American culture looks the way it does. We're all addicted to safety.
For me, that’s precisely the issue. I’m addicted to comfort. (Also a gamer, in a sense.)
We are absolutely addicted to safety. The entire west is being Americanized in that way. It's not an entirely American problem, it's inherent to being western and therefore well-off, but few American attitude that values comfort and pleasure certainly plays a role.
There is a USA study titled
“Does Divorce Make People Happy?
Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages”
In the study 86% of unhappy marriages had no violence. So violence is not a common reason for divorce. So the leading cause of most divorces was unhappiness.
The study goes on to find that those who did divorce because of unhappiness were no better off 5 years later even if the divorcee had remarried.
The primary reason for the unhappiness is the divorcee has not learned to work through relationship issues. So anyone who had remarried still did not know how to work through relationship issues and were no happier because of it.
Conversely those couple who had considered divorce but chose to remain together to work out their issues two out of three of them were happily married 5 years later.
You are manipulative. *Violence is NOT the only just grounds for divorce.* Other just grounds include the common male vices like habitual drunkenness, drug abuse, verbal or psychological abuse, excessive gambling, pornography, adultery or criminality.
Trent, can you link the article?
Some don’t bother to get married.
I'm only 6mins while I write this comment but there's a lot of talk about invalid marriages and whatnot. I assume the criticism is for marriages that are presumed invalid and not known for sure are invalid, right? For example, I know mine is invalid, because my husband is divorced and refusing to get his first marriage annuled. I'm not wrong to consider and go through divorce in this situation, am I?
8:50 What do you mean by divorce? Civil divorce?
Great video, though I don't have the same faith in the FDA as you.
16:45
Reminds me of _Brave New World_ .
10:59 and 11:13
11:28 and 11:37
12:39 and 14:24
Mental illness was also an issue with some marriages.
“In sickness and in health” covers mental sickness as well. Medication can do wonders.
My ex was a charmer but i knew I was in danger of my life. I am Cathiolic and I took solemn vows, but I think the people discussing it walk in my shoes. Divorce is not just about, it is about money!!! The DV were very. My has now got himself a rich wife. I think the video was shallow.
This may be one of the areas I need to think on. I'm very pro-life, but I have to say... Abuse is not rare. I need to look up the statistics but abuses within marriage is not rare and should not be compared to the rare cases of mothers being in danger.
I do realize there is an immoral danger to the souls when covenants are broken, when the sacrament of marriage is broken or being abused.
In such cases of abuse the Church recognizes the possibility of physical separation
@@jeremysmith7176
Thanks for pointing that out. You're not forced to remain in a household where you get continually abused. You can separate. Separation is not the same as divorce.
@3:10 "pro-life Catholics?" ain't no other kind.
Worldwide remarriage pandemic has been happening from so many decages ago. Remarriage shuts off reconciliation
Next subject: Uncanny similarities between porn industry and (rock and roll). Both have many drug overdose deaths and suicides
A murderer that repents, can go to confession and be absolved of his/her murder(s). Then may ascertain a state of grace. A pedo priest is hidden away and moved parish to priest or bishop with or without temporal punishment and confesses their sins and are absolved and ascertain a state of grace. As well as the clergy than hid these terrible affliction. A Rapist does the same and an abortionist/doctor and a mother a father pushing that terrible act and all of the above can be forgiven and enter into a state of grace.
A Bishop that falls into heresy and is excommunicated repents and asks the Holy See for forgiveness and is allowed back into the church although it placed others in mortal damnation and some cases thousands of followers. Again. A Clean slate and a state of grace.
There is but one exception where one can’t make a mistake, divorce. One is destined for internal fire although they made a mistake in one’s marriage. The ordinary ministers of a marriage are the participants (a man and a woman), yet the church is the church judge of the validity of the marriage and its dissolution of that Union? There is no mercy for one mistake just pure pain and internal fire.
You do a great job, and please note that I write this with great respect for your ministry. However, on this one; it’s the low-hanging fruit. Abortion is murder but forgivable. As for marriage, there is permanent pain in hell and total separation from the church. Not all sin kills, marriage does! Pax!
A marriage becoming "difficult" is one thing, but anyone who has their marital partner commit adultery has every right to get an annulment; the marriage vows weren't made with honesty.
The reason the NT doesnt approve of divorce is because they belived the world was coming to an end soon. They also thought even getting married was not even the best thing to do
We cannot know this - our only reliable way to go "behind" the NT text is to rely on tradition.
1.51
a martial bond is not a living thing.
I swear to god this is absurd
vay.fyi
lovely
Should gay marriages be divorced 😐
This conversation is divorce in the natural sense of a marriage/matrimony in God’s eyes.