Most dutch boys aren't romantic. I love my boyfriend very much but the concept of romance is unknown to him. When I told him all I wanted for valentines day were some flowers he put them in a big black bucket, set them on top of the kitchen counter and when I came over he said: 'ow your flowers are in the kitchen'. That the gesture of him opening the door with the flowers in his hand, handing them to me and wishing me a happy valentines day would have made it a lot more special for me was a mindblowing concept. Because the end result was the same right? I got my flowers, so what difference would it have made? And it's not like he just didn't care. He actually got really nice flowers from an expensive florist, but romance just seems pointless. Dutch guys are also very practical. You can't reach something from the top shelf? Ofcourse they'll help you. That makes sense, they can reach it and you can't. Are you waiting for a guy to open your door? You can wait for a long time because they won't. You are closer to the door than he is, if he wasn't there you would be able to open it yourself, so that means you can open it right now. They aren't rude they are just very practical thinkers. Ofcourse I miss a bit of romance sometimes, but I love that Dutch guys see you as a strong and independent person and don't treat you like you are incapable of taking care of yourself. EDIT because I still get replies on this post: my ex was a cheating bastard who never actually cared much for me. I'm happy to inform you I'm in a way happier and healthier relationship at the moment.
I consider myself lucky if I date a Dutch guy who doesn't accidentally slam a door in my face. But I live in a rural community with a lot of farm folk. They don't bring flowers either… 🥺🥀
@Stefan Dingenouts Yes ofcourse, this incident is very specific for my relationship. I'm sure there are romantic guys in the Netherlands, but learning from previous relationship and hearing about my friends relationships, sponaneous romantic gestures aren't very common. They generally seem to be focused on the intention of a gift or message and not the way of delivering that gift or message. Sorry if I sounded like I was saying all Dutch guys are unromantic. I'm not a guy and I obviously don't know every guy in the Netherlands. I was just basing my opinion on my experience with the guys I do know. I also hope I didn't sound like I don't like Dutch guys because that's completely untrue. Dutch guys are incredibly trustworthy, honest and loving, I would never exchange that for some extra romance.
Wow, really? Maybe you choosed the wrong guy because my guy is not like that at all! My man brings me flowers( allthough NEVER on valentines day 'cos he feels it is too forced. He likes to surprise me throughout the year) and he does keep the door open for me when entering or leaving a public place. Even helps me in my coat. And I do not take this for granted allthough it is pretty normal to me because my dad ( and his) do this for their wifes as well. So do all his male Friends!! I guess it has to do with the way they were raised as boys that make them galant men. My sons see this happening and consider this to be normal, respectfull behavior towards girls/women....
I don't think we split the bill (just) because we are cheap, we also feel the responsibility to pay for ourselves. As a woman I would never expect to not have to pay for something. It's not just dating either, it's really uncommon for one person to pay for dinner or something for a whole group in general (unless it's a parent or something).
I get how he gets here : In the US it's ways more common to go out for dinner. So if you and your friends go out for dinner every two weeks : Yes, I know that the "favour" would be returned. However, this is not the case in NL. Maybe a group of friends would go out for dinner.. twice a year, maybe. Then it would take a long time before all "favours" would be returned.
@@ConsciousEntrepeneur this is true in Arab they will fight because everyone wants to pay the bills🤣🤣😂 its just so funny to see them . They dont split there , it's always return a favor ofcourse
For me splitting the bill just makes sure the guy doesnt have any expectations for a next date or something else. If I dont split the bill I feel like I owe him something. If I am dating for a longer time we tend to pay in turns.
I'm Dutch and the idea of getting married before you've moved in together is totally crazy to me. What if you move in and you find out you just don't work living together? I'm so glad my SO and I are already living together because I know that when/if we get married it will just be more of this and what we have now is great. Getting married first seems like such an irresponsible risk in comparison.
I wonder if most of you have everlasting marriages. From what I see the rate of divorce is same as other european countries so what is it that you are still testing ?
A good way of viewing the saving culture in the Netherlands is: you have a guy who is focussed on the future. More importantly he's probably preparing for a future WITH YOU. So you know he's serious about your relationship. It's a form of reliability.
Exactly. They may not be the most romantic but they are reliable. They are the kind of guys that got your back if need be. They are not just fine with you being a strong and independent woman...hell thats what they are used to dealing with from dutch women. They won't treat you like a child but if you fall they will catch you. They are there if you need them. Personally I love guys on their daddy-day taking care of the kids and doing groceries. To see a man so comfortable doing traditionally female gender roles....its the cutest thing.
I feel like splitting the bill isn't even considered as feminism because it's so normal. At least I've never thought of it that way 😂 It just seems fair. *SPAARRRR REKENING* yass
I dated a (dutch) guy ones who paid everything for me. I never asked for it and honestly hated it. Not only because I could pay my part, but he also used to hold it over my head. Like "I bought this for you, what are you going to do for me?" This even ended up in him wanting sexual favors in return. Needless to say, that relationship ended horribly. I'm now in a long term relationship with someone who is just equal to myself. He'll sometimes pay for me, I sometimes pay for him. We live together and are indeed unmarried with two happy little children :P
That is the reason we pay at least some of the date. Like he pays for movie tickets and the woman pays for popcorn. So that the guy cannot guilt trip you into sex
Mannn im from Serbia and my boyfriend is Dutch, and guess what? We like each other we moved in together and im 25 weeks pregnant hahaahha lol we were laughing so hard when you started talking about babys and ring 💍😂
Just came back from the netherlands...dated dutch men before. Its true...honesty is key. Not always something you want to hear, but transparency is appreciated
Splitting the bill, or paying for your own meal, also means there is no expectation or pressure to 'pay the guy back' by intimacies you don't really want. It's about equality and independence, but also helps to allow both to draw their relationship lines where they want to on an equal footing. Once the relationship is progressing well, if one of the couple earns a lot more than the other, you can discuss if you feel happy for the richer one to treat the other to something extra special and costly. This also means that if the couple are on an unequal financial footing, it's important to start out on less costly dinners, so the less rich person does not feel unduly pressured (either to pay more than they can afford, or to give out compensation in other ways).
There is something about the empowered Dutch culture that I like (I am Dutch) but Dutch guys also, generally, have no idea how to be a gentleman and I think that is why I gravitate towards foreign men. Finnish first and now American, in these cultures men are more celebrated for being men and women for being women. I can pay for myself and do so but I love feeling like ''his girl'' and taken care off and it makes me feel that way when a men takes charge. The ''I can do it myself'' attitude of Dutch women has certainly a backlash
"The ''I can do it myself'' attitude of Dutch women has certainly a backlash." No that is making up a whole scenario more resembling the men/women nonsense situation in Anglo speaking countries. The paying your own share comes from not wanting to be a burden on others their wallet and or not wanting to ow them anything. There also never was a culture of sophisticated gallantry that got "ruined by feminism story", it just was never there, to begin with.
Been married for over 15 years. Everything you say is true. About paying for a woman... it used to be accepted that being treated was a clear sign of expectations for the future. (I'm trying to stay polite.) Modern women - and men, for that matter - tend to not want to send that kind of messages. Dutch men know this.
Haha I don't feel like not marrying before kids is something that people purposely want here. But I do feel that there is no social pressure to do so anymore (except for within the more strict religious communities in the NL). In my experience some people don't really see marriage as something that adds to their relationship. Or, they don't get married (earlier in their relationship) because of the matter of money: they rather spend their money on a house, travelling or a baby and maybe do it later on when they saved up again (or earn more money as they're older) With the going Dutch in my opinion it depends in the dating fase: some guys like to pay, some are fine with splitting. When they become a couple, they usually are equally contributing financially. A lot of couples here in the NL have both joined and separate bank accounts. I think in general splitting bills is something we do over here also with friends and family, for example over dinner: hence the app "Tikkie" 😉
I would say that most people I know of move in together first, then they get married (or register a partnership, this is getting increasingly popular as well) and children usually come last. However, as someone in my mid 20s, I do notice a lotttt of couples my age don't want to get married at all (ever) and when they do, most women don't fully take their partners name anymore, they either add it to their own or just simply keep their own name.
Im sticking with my Dutchie also... daarom im learning his mogelijk taal 😁 He earns more than I do, so he understands that our splitting of bills are not always equal and he knows that I’m still building up my savings. And he appreciates that. Im a casual type of gal but i did ask for a flower on my birthday ( being straight forward 😆) In the Philippines marriage is a must and comes first, so we had the Talk about it . He knows it’s important to me and he is willing to grant? ( grant me marriage? Hahahah ) But I now understand that it is better that we live together first so we can adjust, especially me to his Country. Anyways I’ll be away from all the society’s pressure of settling down since I’ll be living in Holland. That’s more like it 😁
So far of being 3 years together, almost a year here in NL, I didn’t realise that he is different because he is Dutch. We are more a like especially with humor. Culture only came in when I get to deal their tradition, food and language 😂. But as long as you understand each other, it’s no problem. Not sure if my answer helps 😆✌️
The splitting the bill thing was in my time ( i am 53) something out feminist moms taught us. If you pay yourself the guy wont expect any (sexual) favours. So the relationship starts at an equal basis. Now of is just normal.
I am 52,and i have to say i did feel a bit guilty in my younger days when the guy paid and i knew i didnt want to go any further with him,i wanted to pay my own share,but hey,if he insists....
Why would someone even want to marry someone they have never lived with? You don't know yet how your dynamic would be when you run into each other all day...
My Dutch boyfriend pays for my meals and I asked to pay for myself but he said no he wants to. I really like it he's romantic! He does have a big thing for saving up but I never felt like he's not sweet. He always is considerate and listens to me.I did specify to him that I want marridge before kids and he agreed! So maybe it's not about all Dutch guys.
You're so lucky then. Mine never got me anything on my birthday. And never invited me to a restaurant or offered to pay for me anything eventho he had a really good salary in a time I was just a student. He was a fucking cheapskate and that's why we broke up.
When me and my boyfriend started dating, the person who had more money was the one paying, and the next time the other person would pay. We did split the bill a lot too, but sometimes it also was a thing of who can afford it the most. If it's equally distributed over multiple dates, its pretty fair too.
Marriage last is not something I recognise, really. It is true that people live together first over here. But then marry and then getting children (very late).
A lot of people tend to move away from marriage these days, or it's not as big as it used to be. So after moving in together they can talk about having children before even talking avout marriage
I'm a traditional Dutch guy. If I take my wife to dinner than I'll pay. We do not have children and we are married. We have nothing with jesus. She works full time as a kook. She pays for groceries and clothing...
Fun fact: My whole family is dutch, my parents moved in together after about a year of dating and had me 6 years later. They never married before they got me, and 15 years later, they're still not married
The best part is, I would never date a Dutch guy. Not because I’m racist or anything, I am just a simpel lesbian. But I do like your video’s tho, they’re awesome!
We Dutchmen are taught from a young age by both our parents, family, surroundings, educators/schools and Dutch society in general that girls/women⬅including trans women (yeah, we really aren't interested in your thoughts on that btw) are equal to us and should be treated as such. Opening a door for someone if he/she/they has their hand full sure,...if the person is less mobile or elderly, definitely, if it's a sudden rain storm of course, if that person just enters right after you duh normal behaviour, but not just because she's a woman, she's got perfectly fine working hands and arms herself right. We Dutchmen don't like women that hold on to antiquated "values and ideas" on how men should act around them, definitely not if they want to be seen as modern and equal at the same time,...that is not how Dutchwomen are brought up and we expect that from foreign women aswell. And this behaviour and set of thoughts go's trough the Dutch culture like a red line in a story. Ethnicity isn't a thing either here regarding relationships,....nobody looks twice if an interethnic couple is out and about living their lives in the Netherlands. It might be huge in the country of your origin,...it might have all kinds of historical negative connotations,...not here in the Netherlands and we appreciate it if you keep it to yourself.⬅when in Rome. Religion is seen here as a privat matter,...so don't preach and we won't ask either. Never talk about money,...it's a huge faux pas in the Netherlands,...don't be flashy either, we absolutely hate that and won't be impressed, quite the opposite actually. Splitting the bill is a sign that we see you as equal, not some delicate little flower that needs us men to hold your hand and provide for you. Women that are into that stuff shouldn't date a Dutchman and check their priorities irl too btw xD.⬅can't have it both ways, yes Dutch directness. 👍-up on the video Joey.
Wow, for once in my life I actually appreciated the full-on Dutch directness. I think you explained pretty much the Dutch perspective very well for every buitenlander and I wish men all over the world treated women like all Dutch men. Kudos for that and thanks for the explanation van jouw perspectief!
ThatDutchguy My dutch man opens my, pays for my food and he is very romantic . I am abit traditional having lived in Africa all my life, and he understands that. Maybe he is abit different because he moved out of Europe. I sincerely feel from some comments here that a lot of Dutch men are just feminine and are taught that from a young age, they don’t know how to be men, the idea of romancing a lady is completely out of your vocabulary and it’s unconsciously deep in your brains, but I respect your stands
Directness is refreshing, especially for those of us who have a low tolerance for B.S. I also happen to agree that you "can't have it both ways" (thanks, 3rd wave feminism, you've totally killed chivalry and romance!) but I wonder how a Dutch guy would react if he was dating a woman who is direct about her wants and needs, i.e. appreciating it when a guy is courteous enough to hold the door open for her. Gender equality serves a purpose, but only to a point. Yeah, we're all human beings and should have the same right to autonomy, but traditional gender roles have value as well, because guess what: men and women aren't the same, nor should we aspire to be! To think otherwise would indicate that the only thing that makes us different is our anatomy, in which case we have no need for each other, unless it's for the purpose of breeding. I hope the Dutch aren't that cold and unromantic :(
I have never split the bill on a date, never would except the proposal to do so (not that any woman would and mean it...). I've never heard any of my mates or colleagues did split the bill(and got away with it). And my old folks would slap the shit out of me if they'd found out I let a woman pay for her dinner. How the F did 'splitting the bill' became known to be a typical Dutch thing then??
I think it makes sense to wait to get married before you even lived with your partner, because that's when you get to know each other best. Love your video's btw 😁
splitting the bill has one purpose only , the women does not want to be in debt with the guy . lets say you are on a date . and the guy has to pay all of it. and there is no next date. that would be nasty for the guy, and the women might feel guilty. and still goes on a date with him because she would feel guilty again. by paying both half of it. even if the date doesn't turn out great, nobody has to feel guilty. atleast this is my way of thinking.
My Dutch guy wanted to get married soooo soon. We had only been living together for five years and didn't even have kids yet!!?! Seriously though, we got married after 7 years together and people thought it was a bit soon
@@LanavanLeeuwen By whom? I got married at 22 after 2.5 years of living with my now husband. People were asking me if I was pregnant or if he was rich, haha. We wanted to marry before we would think about any children.
Honestly I'd say marriage before baby but they're probably about the same. And definitely move in with each-other before marriage, just seems super obvious.
Being Dutch is about equality, guys are not better than girls, girls are not better than guys, we're equal. Women work here, not because they have to, but because they want to and because they can, they are their own free individuals, as it should be. (should be a global thing.. should, sadly isnt) Another thing to consider about the Dutch is that we are pragmatic people, and we know all too well that expensive, doesnt equal quality, it can, sure, but more often, these things have nothing to do with eachother. (Gucci handbag isnt of better quality, or holds more content, compared to a lesser brand, as an example, the nicer stichwork is NOT enough reason to pay 100 times the price) That pragmatism also comes in play in saving money, we know what we want, and some of it isnt cheap, so we make sure we got the money by... saving up, we dont like debts. We like nice things just like any other, but we also like to OWN it, so it doesnt belong to the bank. So in short, Dutch people, male or female, are usually pragmatic, honest, open and pro-equality, and usually.. well-informed too. So if that sounds appealing, go Dutch :P
I am really traditional i will always pay for a women out of courtesy but will never force it on her.. I want to give my lovely wife everything but she is real dutch and says doe normaal .... So i need to really buy things for her...
I'm dutch and this is how it went for us. We dated (long distance) and after we knew we really liked each other and sort of knew we wanted to be together for a long time (till death do us part) he moved in with me in my rental apartment. for us that is just also a test drive of the relationship where you find out about your ability to be able to live together and still love each other and how you communicate with each other on a daily basis. and after we thought everything was going well and we didn't want to murder each other we decided to go buy a house together. And for that we got a partnership because it just makes things easier to deal with and we would be eligible for a higher mortgage (not having to explain our relationship or have to defend it to be able to get a mortgage). We know we love each other but and maby one day we will get married because we also want to celebrate our union in a non practical way. But before that I expect a well thought of proposal that is romantic. Cause I also want to be wooed every once in a while ^^ Generally people do get married either because they want to and think that is something special or when they have kids because it takes care of all the legal stuff as well. ofc people generally do it because they love each other as well :)
hey! i'm from Texas and like yeah theres some small country hick towns that are still like "yeah get married before moving in blah blah blah" but I live in Houston, one of the biggest cities in Texas and it's very much like any other urban city and majority of people live together before marriage. Honestly it's becoming less common to even get married at all or very much in the later 20's or mid 30's is more of what I'm seeing now. Anyways, like the vid! love your energy!
I'm not sure about the last one, no one is going to tell you when to get married, that is very true. But a lot of people do think getting married is the pinnacle of the relationship and beneficial before you start that other lifelong commitment of having children together. But I think it may also depends on the area you live in. Living together is really normal though and does not automatically lead to marriage, I think we like to know eachother very well before we think about that and we also start having babies the latest out of all countries.
I'm from a orthodoxe Christian family and culture her in the Netherlands so we are also not used to just go and live together. But I indeed see it happen a lot if I look outside my culture
This is all true. Been living with my dutch guy for 3 years now. I'm from the southernmost part of Europe. Can't begin to tell you that culturally speaking, we are on either side of the spectrum. But he is trying to be the gallant type (as we're used to) e.g. opening the door for me, taking me out to dinner etc. He understands that I'm not feminist at all and accepts it. That's also the beauty of the Dutch. They have a degree of intercultural sensitivity but if you're living here, they expect you to follow their traditions and to speak their language. I love how you talk especially when mixing Dutch with English, and also your mannerisms. Gorgeous.
"Because you'll have your grandma at the door and all of your uncles and aunts knock your door and saying: You are sinning!" :))) Joey, you cracked me up! :)
Moving in together is normal here. My parents had no problems at al with that 35 years ago. We married on the same day we met. Ten years later. I now have a granddaughter but no married children. All fine. :)
Actually I think this isn't just dutch guys, it's girls too. And I think the whole splitting the bill yhing is motly a way to say I respect you. We work for our own money and don't need to be taken care for, we dutch women are very proud of that.
Honesty is everything but there's a thin line between being honest and crushing someone to pieces. Dutch will say something that they think is the truth but it can be very hurtful for the other person. Compassion is not a concept for them.
LazioJohnny 79 That’s nice actually. I’ve had guy’s who sneakily pay when I go to the bathroom. Dating culture is kind of confusing for Dutch men as well I think, because we get so much American TV.
@@laziojohnny79 Hi, there is some misunderstanding: Paul doesn't ask the girl to pay the bill, he asks if the girl agrees that he pays the bill. In this way, he makes sure that he doesn't insult the girl of makes her feel uneasy.
@@vsijben Ait, but being offended or insulted because your date pays for the dinner without asking for 'permission' is quite mental imo, be it men or woman.
On the first date my now husband paid the bill when I went to the toilet. So we never really discussed who paid what. And when we were together at firat he paid more than me, because he already worked full time and I was a student. And now we are married, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I do not recognize the wanting babies before marriage. I think the option for it is there. But there are also just people we do not want to get married. And most people in my area seem to prefer to get married before buying a house and/or wanting babies. I think it depends per couple off course. I definitely wanted to be married before children and my husband just had not really thought about it. He lives by the day.
1: Honesty? Definately! And not just with dating, but with everything that is not considered a joke. You manager at work also expects you to be honest and direct. 2: Splitting the bill is more of a mutual respect thing than being cheap. I have heard women say they feel uncomfortable if a man pays becausse they feel they would have to give something in return. And faking something is not something Dutch people like to do. As mentioned in 1. But if the date went really well and there is little doubt that there will be more to come. Then it is not uncommon for a man (or even the woman) to step up and offer to pay the bill for both. On a note: If a man showers his girlfriend with lots of gifts, it will be considered a red flag. Especially if it is with young women or even teen girls. Stories go that he will fake a 'being broke and owing money' story, and gaslight her into this being her fault and force her into prostitution to make up for it. And at that time she is already very dependent on him so it is hard to say no. Men like this are called 'loverboys'. 3: Being casual? Okay, guilty..... We like being simple and casual. There is no need to be over the top. 4: I think this has more to do with living a casual 'Spartan' lifestyle than with savings. But if there is a purpose, like in your case. Then definately! 5: Yep, it is reversed here. Marriage comes last.
It's simple about going Dutch, there are no expectations beforehand and if all goes well Dutch can and will go all the way. There's no pressure because he or she paid for everything. And standing outside a club in NY to get in and never getting in because some minor detail, gets real old real fast. That's the reason for not getting real fancy, having to dress up and all. And it stays special that way. Marriage causes most people to let themself go, and it's more important to want to be with each other out of free will and not because some paper says you should. And if you have children you are responsible for the children until they're 18. So it's a big step. But you forgot a way to know that you're dating a Dutch guy, getting drunk way way way before the Dutch guy gets drunk. I've seen it happen in person.
Dutch culture is kind of mercantile and very focussed on fairness. You might have heard the expression; Voor wat hoort wat, which basically means you don’t get anything for free. If a date splurged a lot of money on me I’d feel pressured to be grateful or like I owed them something. When I’m first going out with someone I want to feel free to decide how I feel about them. By splitting the bill you’re meeting each other as equals.
I think honesty goes kind of hand in hand with the directness of Dutch people. I'm Dutch but have been living in Australia for the last 4 years. If I'm being direct with someone, I'm very conscious not to do it in a rude way, but even if I tell a guy I don't like something, don't want to do something, or give my opinion in the nicest way possible, they usually don't take it well haha. I used to feel really weird about guys paying the bills, but now if I go on a first date I let them pay 90% of the time. I offer to pay half, but usually, they insist, and I don't want to make it awkward by starting an argument about it, and I do appreciate the gesture. Personally, I don't necessarily feel the need to get married, but I do want kids, so I would see myself having kids before getting married. I don't think it's necessarily the norm in the Netherlands though. I never actually dated a Dutch guy, eventough I'm Dutch, so I can't really compare my experiences to that haha
It's living together and then either marriage and maybe kids or kids and maybe marriage. Or just stick with living together without kids and marriage. But the "samenwonen" is the most important step.
My man will pay for every date we’ll go on! If I want a Michael Kors bag or something like that I’ll pay it myself but he covers all the dates (for 9,5 years now) 🥰
northern_lights he wants to do that.. and I don’t want to fight him about it. He really enjoys it. And he says it will make him feel manly even if he pays it from our joined account. And I spoil him enough with other things 😊
id say everyone splits the bill just bc its considered normal and its what everyone does, when ur a teenager n u go out to eat with a group you probably don’t have enough money to pay for everyone so you just pay your part of the groups meal? if that makes sense, like it’s just something we’ve always done
I payed for myself on my “first date” (let’s be real, he moved on real quick) with a guy who was confused that I payed for myself. Has nothing to do with feminism, I don’t get why a guy would pay for me completely on the first date? When we’re married I can understand dropping that fact a whole lot more but not while dating.
I think whoever invites the other person should pay since they are asking you to go out your way to spend time with them. It’s rude if they expect you (the guest) to pay for the date.
yep.. we only got married when i was pregnant , because that was the handy way to go for the children to have the same last name as the dad . and automatically makes him the dad. Not so if you're not married
There are also a lot of dutch people who decide to not get married at all. It is still a striking difference for me to compare america , Kentucky and the south mostly cause i lived in Kentucky and my boyfriend is from the south, and the Netherlands in age they get married. It still baffle me that people marry each other while still in college only knowing each other for like 2 years. Here we have a way of” if you are meant to be together why on earth rush into an marriage. That is also why we move in together first, cause do you really know a person before you move in together. All the young people i know who are either engaged or married are all Americans, not a single dutch one.
I see it as life is short to waste our years if we aren’t getting married. What’s the point of even talking to each other? And kids before marriage is seen as better since if your the baby father leaves you a single mom it’s harder to financially take care of it than two incomes.
@@ayaebony8314 But why is a relationship worhtless if you don't get married. My parents are not married and have been together for 30 years. So the point of talking to each other and having a relationship is to have a good time together and love each other. I just don't see marriage as a necessary step in a relationship to begin with.
Hi Joey, hope all is well with u. I really like watching ur videos haven’t u realized that u should rather be a celebrity than a vlogger.😊 Watching here from UAE but I’m moving to the netherlands soon.
Toen ik opgroeide, was er een reclame op de TV van Sire. Een slimme meid is op haar toekomst voorbereid. Die kan je ook terug vinden op You Tube. En over SPAREN, ik werk al vanaf mijn 11e jaar na school. In de vis (haring en uien) en ik moest van mijn ouders altijd 25% SPAREN van wat ik had verdiend. En dat doe ik nu nog. Ik was 22 jaar toen ik mijn eerste huis kocht, en 23 jaar toen ik trouwde, dat is nu 20 jaar geleden.
"But I doubt they will your hand with rings, fill your face with plastic, and fill your closet with all the clothes in the world" 😂 So funny! Very true for the most part as I am an American dating a Dutch guy. The only thing I've noticed is that since my boyfriend lives in San Francisco with me, he has picked up some of the American values such as enjoying fine dining and he doesn't mind paying for that occasionally because he makes more money than I do and he enjoys that we share the experience together. That being said, he doesn't buy anything for himself and I haven't seen him buy any new clothes in years that I haven't picked out for him. 🤣
I think Belgium men are very much this way to this and at first I was so confused because he was so reserved but wanted to talk every day small talk I’m talking the weather and how was work. Lol apparently they love talking about the weather out there it’s a really hot topic. When I went to Amsterdam it rained every single day. I’m very much a feminist and don’t mind a man who is good at saving money because I can be a bit frugal as well. Our third time speaking on the phone he told me he thinks I’m wife material and asked me if I wanted him to give me a baby. He was a little drunk I think coming back from a wedding. I’m being patient because I think he’s terrified of opening up to me.
As a Dutchie that last one is so mind blowing to me! Wow, Americans really are very into their Hollywood narrative, it seems. Thank you for sharing Joey, keep 'em coming!
& on the splitting the bill thing, I think it's partly because as women we want to assert our equality to men, and personally I simply just like to keep my independence and not have that subconscious pressure of having to pay them back in any other way. When I am absolutely sure they want to pay my part of the bill without any strings attached/ unconditionally I'd feel comfortable to let them. That's a sign of trust and love, both things which need time to grow
Thank you so much for the tips and comparison because I am chatting online with a dutch, yes I seen everything you said but did not see him in person. Yes all differences i' their culture make sense. You are right! I liked all your vlog thanks and share more for a filipina like me who agreed to meet him there by getting a work. Yes a saver means they set a plan for it? Good job it's fun listening to you!
Never split the bill dating with Dutch guys, and also the best restaurants are more usual for me 😄 if they are so as you describe then it’s very simple: they don’t have enough money 😄 about marriage - yes, unfortunately you’re 100% right
But remember guys to take it all with a grain of salt, my Dutch guy is the complete opposite of almost everything said :) Dutch people are wonderful and diverse but I agree that this is definitely a stereotypical Dutch man, great video!
Have to disagree on the pay for my self routine. Maybe cause I am not 20 anymore but if a man takes me out on a dinner he has to pay. Call me oldfashion. And most women/girls I know think the same. I think you are meeting up with the wrong people😂😂. I will make sure I can pay the bill in case of something but that will be the last they see of me😜. Nothing but ❤️ for you
Well in his case it is difficult. Man has to pay for the date..They are both men...And i disagree with you that a man HAS to pay for a date..They do not have to..If they want to and you agree that is fine but i think in this time in age you can pay for your own meal...Niets moet en alles mag. You say call me old fashion..alright , yes it is old fashion...Very...
I think this is al so true! Als a dutch woman I totally agree and think these things largely apply to dating a dutch woman as well. Though getting married has become a bit more fashionable lately.
Annabel Glas yeah I think it’s having it’s moment again. I do have some friends who just went through the legal formalities, because they were expecting a kid. Just a trip to city hall to get all the legalities sorted and maybe a tiny party.
Korilian O yeah I would do that two, but my partner said that iff we get married we should do it right. So it won’t happen for a wile, coz we simply can’t afford it.
De rekening delen geeft ook een bepaalde 'onbetaalde' rekening die mogelijk verwachtingen of een soort schuldgevoel creëert waar je (nog) niet op zit te wachten. Zeker bij een eerste date...
I think a guy should at least offer to pay the bill, and then I’ll say we’ll split it anyway :D (at least if the date is nice) And to add...Dutch guys are very honest and direct, sometimes they could be a bit more romantic. But they can be romantic in their own honest ways, which is cute.
This is an amazing video and it’s so true! We split the bill because we feel like we have to take care of ourselves in like everything. I’m a girl and I always expect I have to pay for myself, that’s just how I learned it. (And sorry if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes😅I’m not that good in English)
What is it with Dutch people in the comments not recognizing children before marriage as a thing? In the last 5 years in my social circle, 3 couples got children before considering registering/marrying, and 2 couples registered/married without children, but only for inheritance reasons! If you don't need to worry about children or an inheritance, why marry (or register for civil partnership)?
I like dating Dutch guys, but then, I'm Dutch :). As for fancy restaurants, I'd be surprised if there is one in the whole country where you'd be looked at weird for wearing jeans with your nice shirt! And as for the marriage last thing, at least we have the proper committed relationship in between casual dating and marriage!
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Most dutch boys aren't romantic. I love my boyfriend very much but the concept of romance is unknown to him. When I told him all I wanted for valentines day were some flowers he put them in a big black bucket, set them on top of the kitchen counter and when I came over he said: 'ow your flowers are in the kitchen'. That the gesture of him opening the door with the flowers in his hand, handing them to me and wishing me a happy valentines day would have made it a lot more special for me was a mindblowing concept. Because the end result was the same right? I got my flowers, so what difference would it have made? And it's not like he just didn't care. He actually got really nice flowers from an expensive florist, but romance just seems pointless. Dutch guys are also very practical. You can't reach something from the top shelf? Ofcourse they'll help you. That makes sense, they can reach it and you can't. Are you waiting for a guy to open your door? You can wait for a long time because they won't. You are closer to the door than he is, if he wasn't there you would be able to open it yourself, so that means you can open it right now. They aren't rude they are just very practical thinkers. Ofcourse I miss a bit of romance sometimes, but I love that Dutch guys see you as a strong and independent person and don't treat you like you are incapable of taking care of yourself.
EDIT because I still get replies on this post: my ex was a cheating bastard who never actually cared much for me. I'm happy to inform you I'm in a way happier and healthier relationship at the moment.
I consider myself lucky if I date a Dutch guy who doesn't accidentally slam a door in my face. But I live in a rural community with a lot of farm folk. They don't bring flowers either… 🥺🥀
@Stefan Dingenouts Yes ofcourse, this incident is very specific for my relationship. I'm sure there are romantic guys in the Netherlands, but learning from previous relationship and hearing about my friends relationships, sponaneous romantic gestures aren't very common. They generally seem to be focused on the intention of a gift or message and not the way of delivering that gift or message. Sorry if I sounded like I was saying all Dutch guys are unromantic. I'm not a guy and I obviously don't know every guy in the Netherlands. I was just basing my opinion on my experience with the guys I do know. I also hope I didn't sound like I don't like Dutch guys because that's completely untrue. Dutch guys are incredibly trustworthy, honest and loving, I would never exchange that for some extra romance.
Dat heet niet 'geen gevoel voor romantiek hebben', maar 'een enorme lompe paardenlul zijn'.
Wow, really? Maybe you choosed the wrong guy because my guy is not like that at all! My man brings me flowers( allthough NEVER on valentines day 'cos he feels it is too forced. He likes to surprise me throughout the year) and he does keep the door open for me when entering or leaving a public place. Even helps me in my coat. And I do not take this for granted allthough it is pretty normal to me because my dad ( and his) do this for their wifes as well. So do all his male Friends!! I guess it has to do with the way they were raised as boys that make them galant men. My sons see this happening and consider this to be normal, respectfull behavior towards girls/women....
@@snoko2 lmao my bf is exactly the same
I don't think we split the bill (just) because we are cheap, we also feel the responsibility to pay for ourselves. As a woman I would never expect to not have to pay for something. It's not just dating either, it's really uncommon for one person to pay for dinner or something for a whole group in general (unless it's a parent or something).
I get how he gets here : In the US it's ways more common to go out for dinner. So if you and your friends go out for dinner every two weeks : Yes, I know that the "favour" would be returned. However, this is not the case in NL. Maybe a group of friends would go out for dinner.. twice a year, maybe. Then it would take a long time before all "favours" would be returned.
precies dit
It’s cultural, in a group at a restaurant, middle eastern will pick the tab and if there’s two, they will fight who’s taking the bill.
@@ConsciousEntrepeneur this is true in Arab they will fight because everyone wants to pay the bills🤣🤣😂 its just so funny to see them . They dont split there , it's always return a favor ofcourse
It’s funny how honesty is a culture instead of just a way of life 😉
For me splitting the bill just makes sure the guy doesnt have any expectations for a next date or something else. If I dont split the bill I feel like I owe him something. If I am dating for a longer time we tend to pay in turns.
Yes! Agree to that totally👍.
I'm Dutch and the idea of getting married before you've moved in together is totally crazy to me. What if you move in and you find out you just don't work living together? I'm so glad my SO and I are already living together because I know that when/if we get married it will just be more of this and what we have now is great. Getting married first seems like such an irresponsible risk in comparison.
Iti s exactly as Joey said. In the NL we first live together, then get kids (or at least talk about it) and then marry.
I.m dutch
Or... don’t get married at all..
I wonder if most of you have everlasting marriages. From what I see the rate of divorce is same as other european countries so what is it that you are still testing ?
@@hunk1967 ...In very Catholic religion you do not have children and get married couple years after or don't at all.
A good way of viewing the saving culture in the Netherlands is: you have a guy who is focussed on the future. More importantly he's probably preparing for a future WITH YOU. So you know he's serious about your relationship. It's a form of reliability.
Exactly. They may not be the most romantic but they are reliable. They are the kind of guys that got your back if need be. They are not just fine with you being a strong and independent woman...hell thats what they are used to dealing with from dutch women. They won't treat you like a child but if you fall they will catch you. They are there if you need them. Personally I love guys on their daddy-day taking care of the kids and doing groceries. To see a man so comfortable doing traditionally female gender roles....its the cutest thing.
I feel like splitting the bill isn't even considered as feminism because it's so normal. At least I've never thought of it that way 😂 It just seems fair.
*SPAARRRR REKENING* yass
I dated a (dutch) guy ones who paid everything for me. I never asked for it and honestly hated it. Not only because I could pay my part, but he also used to hold it over my head. Like "I bought this for you, what are you going to do for me?" This even ended up in him wanting sexual favors in return. Needless to say, that relationship ended horribly. I'm now in a long term relationship with someone who is just equal to myself. He'll sometimes pay for me, I sometimes pay for him. We live together and are indeed unmarried with two happy little children :P
Well that guy was just crazy then 😂
IT sound like a loverboy.
That is the reason we pay at least some of the date. Like he pays for movie tickets and the woman pays for popcorn. So that the guy cannot guilt trip you into sex
Mannn im from Serbia and my boyfriend is Dutch, and guess what? We like each other we moved in together and im 25 weeks pregnant hahaahha lol we were laughing so hard when you started talking about babys and ring 💍😂
Just came back from the netherlands...dated dutch men before. Its true...honesty is key. Not always something you want to hear, but transparency is appreciated
Splitting the bill, or paying for your own meal, also means there is no expectation or pressure to 'pay the guy back' by intimacies you don't really want.
It's about equality and independence, but also helps to allow both to draw their relationship lines where they want to on an equal footing.
Once the relationship is progressing well, if one of the couple earns a lot more than the other, you can discuss if you feel happy for the richer one to treat the other to something extra special and costly.
This also means that if the couple are on an unequal financial footing, it's important to start out on less costly dinners, so the less rich person does not feel unduly pressured (either to pay more than they can afford, or to give out compensation in other ways).
There is something about the empowered Dutch culture that I like (I am Dutch) but Dutch guys also, generally, have no idea how to be a gentleman and I think that is why I gravitate towards foreign men. Finnish first and now American, in these cultures men are more celebrated for being men and women for being women. I can pay for myself and do so but I love feeling like ''his girl'' and taken care off and it makes me feel that way when a men takes charge. The ''I can do it myself'' attitude of Dutch women has certainly a backlash
Tu eres loco
"The ''I can do it myself'' attitude of Dutch women has certainly a backlash." No that is making up a whole scenario more resembling the men/women nonsense situation in Anglo speaking countries. The paying your own share comes from not wanting to be a burden on others their wallet and or not wanting to ow them anything.
There also never was a culture of sophisticated gallantry that got "ruined by feminism story", it just was never there, to begin with.
My boyfriend is a Dutch man and he never lets me pay
Nice😂💋
Been married for over 15 years. Everything you say is true. About paying for a woman... it used to be accepted that being treated was a clear sign of expectations for the future. (I'm trying to stay polite.) Modern women - and men, for that matter - tend to not want to send that kind of messages. Dutch men know this.
Haha I don't feel like not marrying before kids is something that people purposely want here. But I do feel that there is no social pressure to do so anymore (except for within the more strict religious communities in the NL). In my experience some people don't really see marriage as something that adds to their relationship. Or, they don't get married (earlier in their relationship) because of the matter of money: they rather spend their money on a house, travelling or a baby and maybe do it later on when they saved up again (or earn more money as they're older)
With the going Dutch in my opinion it depends in the dating fase: some guys like to pay, some are fine with splitting. When they become a couple, they usually are equally contributing financially. A lot of couples here in the NL have both joined and separate bank accounts. I think in general splitting bills is something we do over here also with friends and family, for example over dinner: hence the app "Tikkie" 😉
I would say that most people I know of move in together first, then they get married (or register a partnership, this is getting increasingly popular as well) and children usually come last. However, as someone in my mid 20s, I do notice a lotttt of couples my age don't want to get married at all (ever) and when they do, most women don't fully take their partners name anymore, they either add it to their own or just simply keep their own name.
I am Dutch but I never dated a guy who wants to have children before getting married. I never knew that its a Dutch thing🤔🤣🙈😘
Im sticking with my Dutchie also... daarom im learning his mogelijk taal 😁
He earns more than I do, so he understands that our splitting of bills are not always equal and he knows that I’m still building up my savings. And he appreciates that.
Im a casual type of gal but i did ask for a flower on my birthday ( being straight forward 😆)
In the Philippines marriage is a must and comes first, so we had the Talk about it . He knows it’s important to me and he is willing to grant? ( grant me marriage? Hahahah ) But I now understand that it is better that we live together first so we can adjust, especially me to his Country. Anyways I’ll be away from all the society’s pressure of settling down since I’ll be living in Holland.
That’s more like it 😁
How is he as a partner??? Is it so different dating with a pinoy??
So far of being 3 years together, almost a year here in NL, I didn’t realise that he is different because he is Dutch. We are more a like especially with humor. Culture only came in when I get to deal their tradition, food and language 😂. But as long as you understand each other, it’s no problem. Not sure if my answer helps 😆✌️
@@haneyulanulan9896 how's it going?
The splitting the bill thing was in my time ( i am 53) something out feminist moms taught us. If you pay yourself the guy wont expect any (sexual) favours. So the relationship starts at an equal basis. Now of is just normal.
I am 52,and i have to say i did feel a bit guilty in my younger days when the guy paid and i knew i didnt want to go any further with him,i wanted to pay my own share,but hey,if he insists....
Why would someone even want to marry someone they have never lived with? You don't know yet how your dynamic would be when you run into each other all day...
My Dutch boyfriend pays for my meals and I asked to pay for myself but he said no he wants to. I really like it he's romantic! He does have a big thing for saving up but I never felt like he's not sweet. He always is considerate and listens to me.I did specify to him that I want marridge before kids and he agreed! So maybe it's not about all Dutch guys.
You're so lucky then. Mine never got me anything on my birthday. And never invited me to a restaurant or offered to pay for me anything eventho he had a really good salary in a time I was just a student. He was a fucking cheapskate and that's why we broke up.
Ik ben elke keer zo blij als ik zie dat jij weer een video hebt geüpload!💕❤
When me and my boyfriend started dating, the person who had more money was the one paying, and the next time the other person would pay. We did split the bill a lot too, but sometimes it also was a thing of who can afford it the most. If it's equally distributed over multiple dates, its pretty fair too.
Marriage last is not something I recognise, really. It is true that people live together first over here. But then marry and then getting children (very late).
A lot of people tend to move away from marriage these days, or it's not as big as it used to be. So after moving in together they can talk about having children before even talking avout marriage
Very late is what? 40s?
I'm a traditional Dutch guy. If I take my wife to dinner than I'll pay. We do not have children and we are married. We have nothing with jesus. She works full time as a kook. She pays for groceries and clothing...
Fun fact: My whole family is dutch, my parents moved in together after about a year of dating and had me 6 years later. They never married before they got me, and 15 years later, they're still not married
The best part is, I would never date a Dutch guy. Not because I’m racist or anything, I am just a simpel lesbian. But I do like your video’s tho, they’re awesome!
Dutch women have the same characteristics as well. You can apply them to Dutch women too. 😉
We Dutchmen are taught from a young age by both our parents, family, surroundings, educators/schools and Dutch society in general that girls/women⬅including trans women (yeah, we really aren't interested in your thoughts on that btw) are equal to us and should be treated as such.
Opening a door for someone if he/she/they has their hand full sure,...if the person is less mobile or elderly, definitely, if it's a sudden rain storm of course, if that person just enters right after you duh normal behaviour, but not just because she's a woman, she's got perfectly fine working hands and arms herself right.
We Dutchmen don't like women that hold on to antiquated "values and ideas" on how men should act around them, definitely not if they want to be seen as modern and equal at the same time,...that is not how Dutchwomen are brought up and we expect that from foreign women aswell.
And this behaviour and set of thoughts go's trough the Dutch culture like a red line in a story.
Ethnicity isn't a thing either here regarding relationships,....nobody looks twice if an interethnic couple is out and about living their lives in the Netherlands.
It might be huge in the country of your origin,...it might have all kinds of historical negative connotations,...not here in the Netherlands and we appreciate it if you keep it to yourself.⬅when in Rome.
Religion is seen here as a privat matter,...so don't preach and we won't ask either.
Never talk about money,...it's a huge faux pas in the Netherlands,...don't be flashy either, we absolutely hate that and won't be impressed, quite the opposite actually.
Splitting the bill is a sign that we see you as equal, not some delicate little flower that needs us men to hold your hand and provide for you.
Women that are into that stuff shouldn't date a Dutchman and check their priorities irl too btw xD.⬅can't have it both ways, yes Dutch directness.
👍-up on the video Joey.
Wow, for once in my life I actually appreciated the full-on Dutch directness. I think you explained pretty much the Dutch perspective very well for every buitenlander and I wish men all over the world treated women like all Dutch men. Kudos for that and thanks for the explanation van jouw perspectief!
ThatDutchguy My dutch man opens my, pays for my food and he is very romantic . I am abit traditional having lived in Africa all my life, and he understands that. Maybe he is abit different because he moved out of Europe. I sincerely feel from some comments here that a lot of Dutch men are just feminine and are taught that from a young age, they don’t know how to be men, the idea of romancing a lady is completely out of your vocabulary and it’s unconsciously deep in your brains, but I respect your stands
Directness is refreshing, especially for those of us who have a low tolerance for B.S. I also happen to agree that you "can't have it both ways" (thanks, 3rd wave feminism, you've totally killed chivalry and romance!) but I wonder how a Dutch guy would react if he was dating a woman who is direct about her wants and needs, i.e. appreciating it when a guy is courteous enough to hold the door open for her.
Gender equality serves a purpose, but only to a point. Yeah, we're all human beings and should have the same right to autonomy, but traditional gender roles have value as well, because guess what: men and women aren't the same, nor should we aspire to be! To think otherwise would indicate that the only thing that makes us different is our anatomy, in which case we have no need for each other, unless it's for the purpose of breeding. I hope the Dutch aren't that cold and unromantic :(
my dutch ex was not honest at all... he was telling girls that he was single for a year while we had 3 years living together
Fill your face with plastic LMAOOOOO
I have never split the bill on a date, never would except the proposal to do so (not that any woman would and mean it...).
I've never heard any of my mates or colleagues did split the bill(and got away with it).
And my old folks would slap the shit out of me if they'd found out I let a woman pay for her dinner.
How the F did 'splitting the bill' became known to be a typical Dutch thing then??
I think it makes sense to wait to get married before you even lived with your partner, because that's when you get to know each other best. Love your video's btw 😁
splitting the bill has one purpose only , the women does not want to be in debt with the guy . lets say you are on a date . and the guy has to pay all of it. and there is no next date. that would be nasty for the guy, and the women might feel guilty. and still goes on a date with him because she would feel guilty again. by paying both half of it. even if the date doesn't turn out great, nobody has to feel guilty. atleast this is my way of thinking.
My Dutch guy wanted to get married soooo soon. We had only been living together for five years and didn't even have kids yet!!?!
Seriously though, we got married after 7 years together and people thought it was a bit soon
7 years is soon? Holy heck
@@chocoboasylum yeah because we were young. I got married at 26, getting married before you're 30 is concidered weird
@@LanavanLeeuwen By whom? I got married at 22 after 2.5 years of living with my now husband. People were asking me if I was pregnant or if he was rich, haha. We wanted to marry before we would think about any children.
What'?? (I am latina) jajaja how funny, here if You go live with the guy,he night not want to get married ever!! So seven years, crazy!
I can't even date a guy for 1 year with him proposing 😔! You say 7 years soon? 😮.
I think splitting the bill has to do with equality
Honestly I'd say marriage before baby but they're probably about the same. And definitely move in with each-other before marriage, just seems super obvious.
Being Dutch is about equality, guys are not better than girls, girls are not better than guys, we're equal.
Women work here, not because they have to, but because they want to and because they can, they are their own free individuals, as it should be. (should be a global thing.. should, sadly isnt)
Another thing to consider about the Dutch is that we are pragmatic people, and we know all too well that expensive, doesnt equal quality, it can, sure, but more often, these things have nothing to do with eachother. (Gucci handbag isnt of better quality, or holds more content, compared to a lesser brand, as an example, the nicer stichwork is NOT enough reason to pay 100 times the price)
That pragmatism also comes in play in saving money, we know what we want, and some of it isnt cheap, so we make sure we got the money by... saving up, we dont like debts.
We like nice things just like any other, but we also like to OWN it, so it doesnt belong to the bank.
So in short, Dutch people, male or female, are usually pragmatic, honest, open and pro-equality, and usually.. well-informed too.
So if that sounds appealing, go Dutch :P
We don’t always have babies before we get married. That depends on the person. It is however true first we move in together, then we get married
I am really traditional i will always pay for a women out of courtesy but will never force it on her.. I want to give my lovely wife everything but she is real dutch and says doe normaal .... So i need to really buy things for her...
Jeroen Kosterman you are the best 😉 that’s a real man
My fiance does pay for everything cos I still don't have work at all but sometimes when I offer to pay for groceries he won't allow me 💛
Honesty in Dutch is similar to Middle Eastern culture. So, I can relate since I'm Jordanian.
I'm dutch and this is how it went for us. We dated (long distance) and after we knew we really liked each other and sort of knew we wanted to be together for a long time (till death do us part) he moved in with me in my rental apartment. for us that is just also a test drive of the relationship where you find out about your ability to be able to live together and still love each other and how you communicate with each other on a daily basis. and after we thought everything was going well and we didn't want to murder each other we decided to go buy a house together. And for that we got a partnership because it just makes things easier to deal with and we would be eligible for a higher mortgage (not having to explain our relationship or have to defend it to be able to get a mortgage). We know we love each other but and maby one day we will get married because we also want to celebrate our union in a non practical way. But before that I expect a well thought of proposal that is romantic. Cause I also want to be wooed every once in a while ^^
Generally people do get married either because they want to and think that is something special or when they have kids because it takes care of all the legal stuff as well. ofc people generally do it because they love each other as well :)
hey! i'm from Texas and like yeah theres some small country hick towns that are still like "yeah get married before moving in blah blah blah" but I live in Houston, one of the biggest cities in Texas and it's very much like any other urban city and majority of people live together before marriage. Honestly it's becoming less common to even get married at all or very much in the later 20's or mid 30's is more of what I'm seeing now. Anyways, like the vid! love your energy!
I'm not sure about the last one, no one is going to tell you when to get married, that is very true. But a lot of people do think getting married is the pinnacle of the relationship and beneficial before you start that other lifelong commitment of having children together. But I think it may also depends on the area you live in. Living together is really normal though and does not automatically lead to marriage, I think we like to know eachother very well before we think about that and we also start having babies the latest out of all countries.
I'm from a orthodoxe Christian family and culture her in the Netherlands so we are also not used to just go and live together. But I indeed see it happen a lot if I look outside my culture
This is all true. Been living with my dutch guy for 3 years now. I'm from the southernmost part of Europe. Can't begin to tell you that culturally speaking, we are on either side of the spectrum. But he is trying to be the gallant type (as we're used to) e.g. opening the door for me, taking me out to dinner etc. He understands that I'm not feminist at all and accepts it. That's also the beauty of the Dutch. They have a degree of intercultural sensitivity but if you're living here, they expect you to follow their traditions and to speak their language. I love how you talk especially when mixing Dutch with English, and also your mannerisms. Gorgeous.
"Because you'll have your grandma at the door and all of your uncles and aunts knock your door and saying: You are sinning!" :))) Joey, you cracked me up! :)
Moving in together is normal here. My parents had no problems at al with that 35 years ago. We married on the same day we met. Ten years later. I now have a granddaughter but no married children. All fine. :)
First time watching you & I loved your personality ! 😍
Actually I think this isn't just dutch guys, it's girls too. And I think the whole splitting the bill yhing is motly a way to say I respect you. We work for our own money and don't need to be taken care for, we dutch women are very proud of that.
Maybe it's old fashioned, but I think it's normal that the person initiating the date pays the bill.
I’ve been in Amsterdam for a few weeks and Spaghetteria is one of my favorite places to go!
Honesty is everything but there's a thin line between being honest and crushing someone to pieces. Dutch will say something that they think is the truth but it can be very hurtful for the other person. Compassion is not a concept for them.
Joey, as an old guy, I normally ask her if it's ok to pay.
You ask your dates to pay?
LazioJohnny 79 That’s nice actually. I’ve had guy’s who sneakily pay when I go to the bathroom. Dating culture is kind of confusing for Dutch men as well I think, because we get so much American TV.
@@laziojohnny79 Hi, there is some misunderstanding: Paul doesn't ask the girl to pay the bill, he asks if the girl agrees that he pays the bill. In this way, he makes sure that he doesn't insult the girl of makes her feel uneasy.
@@vsijben Ait, but being offended or insulted because your date pays for the dinner without asking for 'permission' is quite mental imo, be it men or woman.
On the first date my now husband paid the bill when I went to the toilet. So we never really discussed who paid what. And when we were together at firat he paid more than me, because he already worked full time and I was a student. And now we are married, so it doesn't really matter anymore.
I do not recognize the wanting babies before marriage. I think the option for it is there. But there are also just people we do not want to get married. And most people in my area seem to prefer to get married before buying a house and/or wanting babies. I think it depends per couple off course. I definitely wanted to be married before children and my husband just had not really thought about it. He lives by the day.
1: Honesty? Definately! And not just with dating, but with everything that is not considered a joke. You manager at work also expects you to be honest and direct.
2: Splitting the bill is more of a mutual respect thing than being cheap. I have heard women say they feel uncomfortable if a man pays becausse they feel they would have to give something in return. And faking something is not something Dutch people like to do. As mentioned in 1. But if the date went really well and there is little doubt that there will be more to come. Then it is not uncommon for a man (or even the woman) to step up and offer to pay the bill for both.
On a note: If a man showers his girlfriend with lots of gifts, it will be considered a red flag. Especially if it is with young women or even teen girls. Stories go that he will fake a 'being broke and owing money' story, and gaslight her into this being her fault and force her into prostitution to make up for it. And at that time she is already very dependent on him so it is hard to say no. Men like this are called 'loverboys'.
3: Being casual? Okay, guilty..... We like being simple and casual. There is no need to be over the top.
4: I think this has more to do with living a casual 'Spartan' lifestyle than with savings. But if there is a purpose, like in your case. Then definately!
5: Yep, it is reversed here. Marriage comes last.
How can you not love your savings account.
onedirectionwriter totally agree. I sometimes just open my bank app just to feel good about my savings 😂
These are so freaking true my ex is Dutch man and these are what I exactly felt
It's simple about going Dutch, there are no expectations beforehand and if all goes well Dutch can and will go all the way. There's no pressure because he or she paid for everything. And standing outside a club in NY to get in and never getting in because some minor detail, gets real old real fast. That's the reason for not getting real fancy, having to dress up and all.
And it stays special that way. Marriage causes most people to let themself go, and it's more important to want to be with each other out of free will and not because some paper says you should. And if you have children you are responsible for the children until they're 18. So it's a big step.
But you forgot a way to know that you're dating a Dutch guy, getting drunk way way way before the Dutch guy gets drunk. I've seen it happen in person.
I like if a girl wants to split the bill, that makes me go to the bar/toilet and paying the bill completely.
Dutch culture is kind of mercantile and very focussed on fairness. You might have heard the expression; Voor wat hoort wat, which basically means you don’t get anything for free.
If a date splurged a lot of money on me I’d feel pressured to be grateful or like I owed them something. When I’m first going out with someone I want to feel free to decide how I feel about them. By splitting the bill you’re meeting each other as equals.
I think honesty goes kind of hand in hand with the directness of Dutch people. I'm Dutch but have been living in Australia for the last 4 years. If I'm being direct with someone, I'm very conscious not to do it in a rude way, but even if I tell a guy I don't like something, don't want to do something, or give my opinion in the nicest way possible, they usually don't take it well haha. I used to feel really weird about guys paying the bills, but now if I go on a first date I let them pay 90% of the time. I offer to pay half, but usually, they insist, and I don't want to make it awkward by starting an argument about it, and I do appreciate the gesture. Personally, I don't necessarily feel the need to get married, but I do want kids, so I would see myself having kids before getting married. I don't think it's necessarily the norm in the Netherlands though. I never actually dated a Dutch guy, eventough I'm Dutch, so I can't really compare my experiences to that haha
I love casual restaurants and paying for myself 😂
I do recognize myself ( female) in all five of your points. So true.
It's living together and then either marriage and maybe kids or kids and maybe marriage. Or just stick with living together without kids and marriage. But the "samenwonen" is the most important step.
My man will pay for every date we’ll go on! If I want a Michael Kors bag or something like that I’ll pay it myself but he covers all the dates (for 9,5 years now) 🥰
northern_lights he wants to do that.. and I don’t want to fight him about it. He really enjoys it. And he says it will make him feel manly even if he pays it from our joined account. And I spoil him enough with other things 😊
id say everyone splits the bill just bc its considered normal and its what everyone does, when ur a teenager n u go out to eat with a group you probably don’t have enough money to pay for everyone so you just pay your part of the groups meal? if that makes sense, like it’s just something we’ve always done
I payed for myself on my “first date” (let’s be real, he moved on real quick) with a guy who was confused that I payed for myself. Has nothing to do with feminism, I don’t get why a guy would pay for me completely on the first date?
When we’re married I can understand dropping that fact a whole lot more but not while dating.
I think whoever invites the other person should pay since they are asking you to go out your way to spend time with them. It’s rude if they expect you (the guest) to pay for the date.
So true this Dutch guy payed a $200 bill for me and got mad the next day
yep.. we only got married when i was pregnant , because that was the handy way to go for the children to have the same last name as the dad . and automatically makes him the dad. Not so if you're not married
Most people do get married before they have children. But no one sees a problem if it happens the other way around. (Or just don't marry)
There are also a lot of dutch people who decide to not get married at all. It is still a striking difference for me to compare america , Kentucky and the south mostly cause i lived in Kentucky and my boyfriend is from the south, and the Netherlands in age they get married. It still baffle me that people marry each other while still in college only knowing each other for like 2 years. Here we have a way of” if you are meant to be together why on earth rush into an marriage. That is also why we move in together first, cause do you really know a person before you move in together. All the young people i know who are either engaged or married are all Americans, not a single dutch one.
I see it as life is short to waste our years if we aren’t getting married. What’s the point of even talking to each other? And kids before marriage is seen as better since if your the baby father leaves you a single mom it’s harder to financially take care of it than two incomes.
@@ayaebony8314 But why is a relationship worhtless if you don't get married. My parents are not married and have been together for 30 years. So the point of talking to each other and having a relationship is to have a good time together and love each other. I just don't see marriage as a necessary step in a relationship to begin with.
Hi Joey, hope all is well with u.
I really like watching ur videos haven’t u realized that u should rather be a celebrity than a vlogger.😊
Watching here from UAE but I’m moving to the netherlands soon.
Toen ik opgroeide, was er een reclame op de TV van Sire. Een slimme meid is op haar toekomst voorbereid.
Die kan je ook terug vinden op You Tube.
En over SPAREN, ik werk al vanaf mijn 11e jaar na school. In de vis (haring en uien) en ik moest van mijn ouders altijd 25% SPAREN van wat ik had verdiend. En dat doe ik nu nog. Ik was 22 jaar toen ik mijn eerste huis kocht, en 23 jaar toen ik trouwde, dat is nu 20 jaar geleden.
I just found your channel. I'm two mins in and I adore you.
I never pay bills throughout dating.
Joey's Matchmaking Services!©️
"But I doubt they will your hand with rings, fill your face with plastic, and fill your closet with all the clothes in the world" 😂 So funny!
Very true for the most part as I am an American dating a Dutch guy. The only thing I've noticed is that since my boyfriend lives in San Francisco with me, he has picked up some of the American values such as enjoying fine dining and he doesn't mind paying for that occasionally because he makes more money than I do and he enjoys that we share the experience together. That being said, he doesn't buy anything for himself and I haven't seen him buy any new clothes in years that I haven't picked out for him. 🤣
The thumbnail said "SASS" and I hot it💛 love your video 😚
I have my Dutch man who spoils me. We are working on moving me and my son's to The Netherlands. 😁😁
I think Belgium men are very much this way to this and at first I was so confused because he was so reserved but wanted to talk every day small talk I’m talking the weather and how was work. Lol apparently they love talking about the weather out there it’s a really hot topic. When I went to Amsterdam it rained every single day. I’m very much a feminist and don’t mind a man who is good at saving money because I can be a bit frugal as well. Our third time speaking on the phone he told me he thinks I’m wife material and asked me if I wanted him to give me a baby. He was a little drunk I think coming back from a wedding. I’m being patient because I think he’s terrified of opening up to me.
First date with a girl I'll pay. After that go dutch.
As a Dutchie that last one is so mind blowing to me! Wow, Americans really are very into their Hollywood narrative, it seems. Thank you for sharing Joey, keep 'em coming!
& on the splitting the bill thing, I think it's partly because as women we want to assert our equality to men, and personally I simply just like to keep my independence and not have that subconscious pressure of having to pay them back in any other way. When I am absolutely sure they want to pay my part of the bill without any strings attached/ unconditionally I'd feel comfortable to let them. That's a sign of trust and love, both things which need time to grow
Thank you so much for the tips and comparison because I am chatting online with a dutch, yes I seen everything you said but did not see him in person. Yes all differences i' their culture make sense. You are right! I liked all your vlog thanks and share more for a filipina like me who agreed to meet him there by getting a work. Yes a saver means they set a plan for it? Good job it's fun listening to you!
Hi how are you po I'm pilipina with talking a dutch guy
Never split the bill dating with Dutch guys, and also the best restaurants are more usual for me 😄 if they are so as you describe then it’s very simple: they don’t have enough money 😄 about marriage - yes, unfortunately you’re 100% right
But remember guys to take it all with a grain of salt, my Dutch guy is the complete opposite of almost everything said :) Dutch people are wonderful and diverse but I agree that this is definitely a stereotypical Dutch man, great video!
Have to disagree on the pay for my self routine. Maybe cause I am not 20 anymore but if a man takes me out on a dinner he has to pay. Call me oldfashion. And most women/girls I know think the same. I think you are meeting up with the wrong people😂😂. I will make sure I can pay the bill in case of something but that will be the last they see of me😜. Nothing but ❤️ for you
I have to disagree. I'm a Dutch woman myself, but I don't think the guy has to pay. I always suggest splitting the bill.
Well in his case it is difficult. Man has to pay for the date..They are both men...And i disagree with you that a man HAS to pay for a date..They do not have to..If they want to and you agree that is fine but i think in this time in age you can pay for your own meal...Niets moet en alles mag.
You say call me old fashion..alright , yes it is old fashion...Very...
But if someone ask you spend time with them it would be respectful they compensate your time by paying for your time…
If a man INVITES you he should pay for outta respect for your time.
I think this is al so true! Als a dutch woman I totally agree and think these things largely apply to dating a dutch woman as well. Though getting married has become a bit more fashionable lately.
Annabel Glas yeah I think it’s having it’s moment again. I do have some friends who just went through the legal formalities, because they were expecting a kid. Just a trip to city hall to get all the legalities sorted and maybe a tiny party.
Korilian O yeah I would do that two, but my partner said that iff we get married we should do it right. So it won’t happen for a wile, coz we simply can’t afford it.
When I clicked this vid I was thinkin this was just gonna be very stereo typical but ye, this is just true lol
De rekening delen geeft ook een bepaalde 'onbetaalde' rekening die mogelijk verwachtingen of een soort schuldgevoel creëert waar je (nog) niet op zit te wachten. Zeker bij een eerste date...
I think a guy should at least offer to pay the bill, and then I’ll say we’ll split it anyway :D (at least if the date is nice)
And to add...Dutch guys are very honest and direct, sometimes they could be a bit more romantic. But they can be romantic in their own honest ways, which is cute.
This is an amazing video and it’s so true! We split the bill because we feel like we have to take care of ourselves in like everything. I’m a girl and I always expect I have to pay for myself, that’s just how I learned it. (And sorry if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes😅I’m not that good in English)
Laughing so hard at this video! Absolutely love your channel x
Thank you so much!!
What is it with Dutch people in the comments not recognizing children before marriage as a thing? In the last 5 years in my social circle, 3 couples got children before considering registering/marrying, and 2 couples registered/married without children, but only for inheritance reasons! If you don't need to worry about children or an inheritance, why marry (or register for civil partnership)?
Why do you care 😅
Oh My Gosh! They don't get married?
What's your best saving tip? Love your videos ❤
I like dating Dutch guys, but then, I'm Dutch :). As for fancy restaurants, I'd be surprised if there is one in the whole country where you'd be looked at weird for wearing jeans with your nice shirt! And as for the marriage last thing, at least we have the proper committed relationship in between casual dating and marriage!
Best way to know if you're dating a Dutch guy is to ask them if they're Dutch. Boom.
Very well done... Unfortunately I found the one Dutch guy who isn't a saver... It's the biggest battle
Hahaha my mom did too
We will meet first dating with my dutch boyfriend. Thanks for all advices🥰💚💚