What is Triangulation in Relationships and Why Is It Toxic?
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2022
- Triangulation is a common and sometimes destructive issue in relationships. You see this in families, among friends, and in working relationships. When a conflict arises between two people, one person will go to an uninvolved third-party, looking for comfort, encouragement, validation, or just to ease their pain. We're not talking about a counselor here. This is often a friend who may be compromised, biased, or have an agenda of their own. This can reinforce a problematic dynamic known as the Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer Triangle. So what is it, and how can we avoid it?
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Years ago a Teacher told us that when this happens... "the 3rd party takes up the OFFENSE of the one sharing it". What usually happens is the two ppl who were in conflict resolve their disagreement and the 3rd party is still offended.
"A whisperer separateth chief friends".
The problem is people don't always own up or they change their words. It can get so twisted! Only if all are honest can these things resolve.
Person "B" tore my family of origen apart because all of the "C"s NEVER talked to "A".
Same for me!
@@alicejoseph6304 😕😕💗💗🙏🏼
Me too. It's just what dysfunctional families do.
In a narcissist relationship, you (person A) CAN NOT talk to or resolve problems with a narcissist (person B) in a healthy way. If you try, you are met with anger, deflection and invalidation. Thank God for friends and family members who are able to listen to the same issues from person A about person B over and over. Because... just by person C listening, it helps person A to hear themselves, and helps person A start to see the truth about person B, and helps person A realize how toxic their relationship is with person B.
Silence is a DANGEROUS thing for people in toxic relationships. Talking to someone safe is a step toward coming out of the fog and confusion and finding clarity, and eventually freedom and healing.
Thank you!! My current situation. If it wasn’t for friends at this time it would be very difficult to survive right now.
Thank you for this comment. My ex of 3 months sent me this link. I was silent for 30 years in a horribly abusive marriage. It finally took one phone call to "person c" to break the chain of abuse I was bound in for so long. Friends we've known our whole lives are shocked when now, I finally, finally can speak up. I finally have a voice❤
@Moe You're welcome. I'm so glad you found the courage to tell someone, and I'm so glad you found the courage to leave! God bless you moving forward on your healing journey. I pray you keep your voice, and that you find a good therapist to help you heal from all the trauma. 🫂
@FMT Same here. God bless your friends. And I pray God gives you wisdom and courage for your situation. 🫂
@Benefits.Of.Struggling thanks again! I definitely have gotten glorious help from so many resources now that I have left. I had no idea there was so much help in all aspects. So happy I reached out and can move forward now😁
You are a blessing. Finally, I have the clearest view of what triangulation is.
When it comes to abuse, others need to know about it but no one needs to perpetuate it. One can and should walk away when the pain is too much.
Divide and Conquer
Fantastic information and spot on advice on handling interpersonal conflict!
I'm not sure if someone can guide me through this but my narcissistic grandparents can't handle themselves anymore and all of their children backed off from taking care of them (I don't blame them). I took charge, I'm 30 and they're in their 80s. I was promised a salary but I'm getting nothing and my grandfather continues to abuse my grandmother verbally (she also has a share of the abuse but is not as hurtful because of dementia). I'm trapped here and I see how God sustains me like He sustained Joseph in prison... But I'm alone. I think I just want a sane advice.
I'm in a Very similar situation, I'm around your age and I think these generations are just too self absorbed and feel like victims themselves to realize they are being selfish. Your grandparents didn't teach their children to work together and to realize they are a TEAM. Every family member should be assisting in some way. The saying it takes a village to raise a child should be applied to aging family members. Remember you are Not alone, just like Joseph wasn't alone. Sometimes in life when situations seem unfair they are actually a Blessing in disguise. This will give you an opportunity to CHANGE this generational pattern. Also include good nutrition, organic, no sugar, low carb. Food affects your mood and gut health is connected to brain health. Stay physically active, take walks and stretch. God is Good, he is a just God and he hears your prayers and he sees the good work and loyalty you have to your grandparents. This too shall pass!
@@kt6222 I love you
That honest conversation would be ideal unless you have a mentally ill sibling with borderline pd and their parent makes excuses for them by saying "they can't help it". Nothing ever can be resolved with an adoptive parent who is living in denial of the fact that this disordered mind can never self reflect or be "wrong". I grew up with this sick dynamic unfortunately. In my opinion, the only solution was to not raise such a mentally distorted child with a mentally healthy child. I always feel like everything is my fault and I am a fixer as a result. And I'm an older person. These bad habits were learned in childhood because the adopted parent was not educated about this disturbing disorder and how it does serious damage to another child's mind through manipulative behavior. The proof's in the pudding and I recommend to anyone wanting to adopt a mentally disabled child to take this job seriously. My mother passed away with cancer and serious heart problems due to the internal stress he created. I'll never know why she tolerated this person in her life and neither will I understand how anyone would minimize this behavior. The only thing you can do is leave the environment. Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.
Yes True! I think people are scared to show their vulnerability and fall into fear based thinking. Which is valid at times because family and people can be so Mean. Hurt people, hurt people. But it says to not fear 365 times in the Bible so go to person A and tell them you need some understanding because they hurt you and your not sure why they did that. Honesty is the best policy. No chaos and confusion is allowed just Peace and Unconditional Love
Go ahead and try that with a narcissist.
Amen
Two's company, there's a crowd0
But don't all women do this
Don’t even try to control me, Henry. You lost that battle long ago when you lied about me to manipulate other Christians.
Good Article. People might wonder what is the point of all this preaching why are people always bothering us about the bible and what Jesus said. It is because 100,000s of thousands of people die everyday and most of them are probably not going to Heaven. Jesus said there is a narrow way and FEW people find it. When Jesus spoke to his people he said "little flock" because most people have not really taken the time to explore the bible to see what it takes for Jesus to take us into Heaven when we leave this earth. It is a very sad reality but Jesus is a fierce judge when we actually look at the bible. Like the bible says "Our God is a consuming fire". The bible says for everyone to work out their salvation and spend their time sojourning on earth in fear and trembling. The bible says be afflicted and mourn let you laughing be turned into morning and your joy to heaviness. Those who laugh now will mourn later because we will be humbled in this life or the next. The bible says humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and he will exalt you in due time. Like John Macarthur a great preacher says God gave an impossible message to unremarkable people. It's like Jesus said I have to hate my life, and give up all my desires to follow him or I will be punished for eternity? Thats pretty harsh. But it is because he is such a Holy God and no sin in life will go unpunished he payed for our sin but we have to received the gift of salvation to go to Heaven. How do we get this? That is a very complicated thing but the bible lays it out for us. And we can find the way to Jesus when he seek the truth and let the word cleanse our heart. Which is why Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father but by me. I am the door and if anyone comes in any other way he is a thief and a robber. 0And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. 11And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: 12That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
In this verse the bible is speaking about those who received not the love of the truth. Those who wanted to live their own way. The bible always says the gospel message is foolish to those who are perishing. In the article below it talks about the importance of repentance. We must repent of sin and turn to God. We must repent from taking our own path and turn to God or our direction will not be good. Those who don't know Jesus will go to the same place as the worst of the worst. The father of Satanism on his dead bed was saying before he died what have I done what have I done something is very wrong something is very wrong. John Hagee speaks of visiting someone on his death bed who said preacher PRAY PRAY PRAY I can feel the flames of hell PRAY as he died. This is a very serious thing. The alternative is eternal punishment in the lake of fire. Whaling and knashing of teeth. The Holy Ghost will be our prosecutor and render us guilty as charged. Because the intent of Jesus was for us to live a live in submission to him and his word.
Have you given much thought to your eternal destiny? Have you searched out the bible to really see what it is telling you. Do you give this as much of your attention as other things?
There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answered them, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” This quote is saying no matter who you are unless you repent and turn from your way you will perish
Luke 10:13-15
Woe to you, Chorazin! woe to you, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works done in you had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago, sitting in sackcloth and ashes. But it shall be more tolerable in the judgment for Tyre and Sidon than for you. And you, Capernaum, will you be exalted to heaven? You shall be brought down to Hades.
Luke 11:32
The men of Nineveh will arise at the judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here.
Jonah 3:5, 7-9:
The people of Nineveh believed God; they proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them . . . The king made proclamation .. . "Let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence which is in his hands."
Luke 16:29-31
After his death the unrepentant rich man is in torment. He asks Abraham to send someone to warn his brothers, so they don't perish in this place of torment. But . . .
Abraham said, "They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them." And he said, "No, father Abraham; but if some one goes to them from the dead, they will repent." He said to him, "If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead."
I conclude that repentance involves believing God (Jonah 3:5) rather than the Satan's claim that more joy can be found in sin than in obedience. It is a "being persuaded" about the danger of impenitence (Luke 16:31) and the way of escape through repentance for the forgiveness of sins (Luke 24:47). It involves grief over past sins and present sinful tendencies. This is the significance of the sackcloth and ashes (Luke 10:13; Jonah 3:5). And it involves turning from evil ways (Jonah 3:8).
www.desiringgod.org/messages/unless-you-repent-you-will-all-likewise-perish
chinese whispers
What the hell are you talking about???
Triangulation is when your partner brings in a third party in any capacity, for example.
Comparing you to past lovers
Claiming a 3rd party- family, friend ex-said or thinks about you.
Claiming ex did something you don't
Using apparent convos with other people to bolster their argument about you... Etc
This video is ridiculous waffle. 😂