Standard Carrier here. In my early career, I took on more than I could handle. People are very quick to place responsibility on the shoulders of the capable and willing. However, there is a breaking point and I got there. Wisdom and experience have taught me to say no with grace and preserve my own mental health. I’m glad HG mentioned Carriers not showing a lot of emotion. I don’t and have often wondered why that is. It seems counterintuitive for an empath!
I was always under the erroneous perception that ALL empaths feel the pain of other living beings (& animals) as I do. Now I know like narcissists, there are variants. I gad to learn how not to do it consciously, because I naturally do take it on. I still do it, but I save my energy for stray cats and the ever increasing number of homeless people around me. They get my compassion. No longer do I just absorb everybody's shit. Most people I neet, know orvam even related to are all narcs - so I dont give them an inch. I think what has helped is, as an empathic Soul, I also have a gift of discernment and can hear, almost smell, a liar and hear the incongruencies, which is how narcs get inside to suck your energy out. I also watch HG all the time & getting to know myself as well as narcs, is priceless. If I let them hoover me, its MY fault now.
That just explained so much... 🤔 Definitely will listen to this again. My son's father once said that "People don't kick your mom in the face.. she runs her face into their foot." It almost kinda makes sense how he saw it 🤔 Looking back, I always saw it as people jumping on my back, freeloaders, but now I see that I ALLOWED IT. As a child, I did all the housework, animal care, baking and cared for siblings. Perfectly groomed by the "poor victim" matrinarc to be her slave/handmaiden. I brushed her hair, rubbed her feet, scratched her back and listened to her tell me the same thing she sat and told anyone she could get to listen how my father never touched her, poor her, how she does everything for everyone and nobody cares about her. It just kinda sucks hearing this at 64 1/2 years old and realizing what a fool/joke I was for allowing so many people (and corporations I've worked for, btw) to use/abuse me and literally have nothing now. With all that said, I still consider myself a success because I don't drink, I quit smoking 21 years ago, I no longer bite my fingernails, (which is self mutilation btw) and I THINK LOGICALLY THANKS TO H.G. Regret is pointless and I laugh and smile when I call it WISDOM BORN OF PAIN 🤣🤣🤣 C'EST LA VIE 😊
You are not alone in this . Some never learn , unfortunately . Now , for myself and any who care to walk with me , they find that pets , farm animals , and other wild life are freindly , whereas if they trot to the beach , on their own , everything vanishes , farm animals take no notice of them on their own and cannot understand why . It's suggested they work upon themselves , and at least like themselves , but preferably love themselves - the rewards are more rewarding . 👍🤔🤔🙂🙏💐💐
I’m a carrier and had a victim narc mother too, I bite my nails and have trichotillomania, I also have self-stimulatory behaviors, which include pacing and talking to myself/maladaptive daydreaming at the same time, rocking side to side, wiggling repeatedly in bed, repeatedly sniffing a smell I like and repeatedly saying certain words and phrases aloud. I’m not sure if I’m on the autistic spectrum or if I developed these behaviours purely as a coping mechanism in response to my experiences with narcissists
@dishonest-corset4942 Hmmm. Never thought about it from that perspective. I hum without realizing and otherwise hum to myself almost all the time. Once, when my son was talking about something negative, he shouted, "Are you really gonna hum while I'm talking?" I didn't realize until he called me out on it. Definitely something else to ponder 🤔
@@pattyflanders8021 That could just be normal…everyone stims but it could be a sign of something else depending on the frequency, how it impacts your life and the social acceptability of the stimming behaviour (for example a lot of my stims are not socially acceptable especially for an adult of my age, it would be viewed as weird, childlike, regressive and something I could not do in public or even around people i know)
This has been very enlightening. I soldiered on into my seventies until I could no longer cope with my mid range narcissist mother. I was the scapegoated child. How I wish that my generation had known more about narcissism. She was known as being ‘difficult’ and, as an only child, it was my duty to look after her. My health suffered and, on doctor’s advice, I finally went no contact. It saved my life. I recognise that I have some carrier traits as I’m usually the one to help out when people need it. Must now go and check on what HG has to say about the Saviour Empath! Thank you, HG, for giving me an understanding of narcissism. Understanding is part of the recovery process.
Do it... Take the empath detector. It's amazing how spot on HG is in determining what makes you tick. The more you know about yourself the better you can defend against what comes at you. Being a weaponized empath is to know yourself. To know yourself is not to be a victim.. it's like being given the keys to the secrets of interpersonal relationships designed according to your personality traits. It's so much fun to be (secretly) smarter and wiser than most people around you.
I've not taken it yet. I need to do it. I've always known I'm an Empath. My daughters are Empaths, my granddaughters are Empaths... I suppose I should get them to take it as well.
Genuine question. How is the empath detector different from the way that horoscopes work? How would you know? Is it possible that it's simply a con? @HG Tudor, I know that you will not take any offense to me asking this question. I am curious to understand, primarily as a means of protecting myself.
@@selenacaemawr I was thinking the same thing. I mean take a narcissist who thinks they are compassionate they will be ticking all the compassionate boxes. But not just a narcissist, people in general sometimes see themselves much differently than others do so it is not just a con artist but people genuinely thinking they are one way but others are thinking they are something completely different.
My ex used to say "I just cant break you!" Lol. Carrier, contagion, savior, codependent and a little super and geyser sprinkled in for fun. Im a buffet and im so glad i did the empath detector to know and understand the complexity of my empathy. Thanks HG!!!!
With my super (not majority) I will eventually throw down from all the abuse but all the other traits cause me to endure massive amounts of narc abuse before that happens. That's what im seeing looking back. I wonder if I can strengthen my super more to throw down sooner than later altho I stay away from men now. I dont trust myself and my own judgment.
Listening to myself unfold, empowering, having observed smoking mirrors clearimg throughout my life, this explains my childhood family dynamic, ....then how I endured a 14 year marriage to a psychopathic narcissist.
"The worse the narcissist behaves during devaluation, rhe more those with rhe carrier tendancy will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out, and usually identify (wrongly) an external source as the source of the problem, and then find themselves sent (ultimately) on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source, while the problems continue unabated." Thanks for these nuggets HG!
I really don’t know how to thank you enough HG. Your work has helped me find clarity and understanding of all narcs in my life, especially my father. But more importantly, your Empath Detector has given me insight into myself. My school is Standard Empath with significant Carrier and strong Savior. All of this completely resonates with me. Armed with this self knowledge I am more confident and have a much stronger sense of self. I am more careful in my dealings with others, I listen more, I observe more and I am much more careful with my empathy. Your work has helped me more than any of the therapists and counselors I have seen through the years. I know who I am and I’m comfortable in my own skin. Thank you HG.
Magnet carrier here.. HG is describing me to a T. Also slightly co-dependant bcz of abandoment issues from an early.death of my father before the age of 1 year old.
You sent me my empath results back in like 1 day! Wow. I'm a standard carrier. I think when I was younger I would have scored higher than 17% for magnet. But 10 very difficult yrs of survival mode REALLY hardened me. I'm so much more apathetic now. And before the Prozac, I was in a vvveeerrrryyy very dark place. I was honestly HATING anyone I saw that was happy.
I did your empath detector and Narc detector a few years ago, i ended up being a majority codependant with equally minority contagion and Super then a hybrid with quite even of Heyser Saviourvand Carrier traits. Mada lot of sense, Ive stayed out of relationships for 5 years now. However, I was married to a either a Lower Midranger or Upper Lesser, he asserts control now by just completely ignoring anything even anything to do with the kids care his favourate control tactics and silent treatments, gaslighting and aggression. He is just so frustrating to deal with. I gave up on finding a healthy relationship after the last b/f was unmasked as a Lesser Narcissitic psychopath, I was lucky to escape that one alive he stalked for 3 months. I have tried dating normals and empaths but it doesnt seem to go anywhere so I stay single and have focused on educating myself as an RN 😂 which I just realised it utilising my carrier and saviour traits 😂.
Ugh I believe I’m an empath. BUT I also know when someone else isn’t helping themselves and I can ghost them. Just ghosted a hoarder covert narcissist. I must say I did bc of HG Tudor. So ty honey! 🎉
As a majority Super carrier/magnet, I'm that person that strangers approach on the street to spin their tale of woe. I don't encourage it but it just happens. Also, my empath designation allows me to reduce empathy easier than other types. I.just.don't.give.a.damn.
@hgtudor-theultra It's important to me to understand both sides of the dynamic, you can't have one without the other, at least you can't completely cut them out of one's life, the world is vast and its not possible to live without somewhere in my life. I can't quit my job, to avoid narcs, that would be illogical to do so. I need to work, to thrive. What I can do is control who I deal with in my personal life, outside of work as much as possible. You're very welcome and again, a deep thanks for sharing your wisdom and unique insight. Xx
I certainly recognize myself in this description. It wasn't until I started not taking on all of my ex's woes that he wanted a divorce. I, of course, had stayed with him as a duty to my children and a sense of loyalty. For better or for worse, blah blah blah
An excellent addition to your opus. I haven't listened to the original in awhile, but I feel this is elaborares on the key points to your broader audience.
Interesting! I've always considered myself to be NOT empathetic whatsoever, but know that when I find someone being badly treated I internalise what is happening to them and stew over it in my head, trying to work out how to help or what to say or how terrible it is that they are being treated that way, while they just carry on putting up with it. Eventually, once I realise that they aren't doing anything to help themselves, and it can take days, weeks or even months, I cast it aside and move to the next situation. I annoy myself no end because it becomes an internal obsession!
Thank you HG, it was very interesting indeed, I have strong carrier cadre from my empath detector and when I had consultation with you HG I asked you why I attract older men all my life? I think this is the answer- they sniff me as them wanting the residual benefits as me to care for them as they getting old.
HG, I'd love to listen to a video in which you explain how people use your education to change how we react to some of these situations you describe as opposed to the empath's knee jerk reactions to a narcissist - the ones we had before learning from you. I know mine have vastly changed as a result of your teachings. Examples would be great - I love the series you began with the case studies, but this goes even further into how you've trained us to respond according to your instructions.
Wow this is so informative! Not only is it a nice break from narcissists but i believe I'm a empath along with my mother and sister. Because of you I've learned my maternal grandmother is a narcissist and the information you've provided has been invaluable. Thank you for the work that you do HG
My husband's family used to dump their woes on me and leave me to solve their issues. I dont do that for them now, theyre toxic and i keep my distance and avoid them as much as possible.
Guess this fits me more than the other classes. Definitely a more aggressive type. As I listen to super Narcs they feel like brothers and easy to relate to but competition that isn't strong enough to win on their own and cheats. The weakness of lessers is pathetic.
Fuel is not necessary true. Especially with a narcissist, we like to think our hard work is appreciated. My MatriNarc, a leeser midranger victim, akways had a problem to solved. It took many years to break the cycle once the passive- aggression bkamed far too many people for failure - after many interventions. You can only be sent on so many wild goose chases before you start asking questions and logic idenifies I was a fool's errand ...
This expalns my mother gripping me so tightly, her being a LMRVICTIM narcissist, she liked my Carrier and my husband, being a MLSOMATIC, likes my Carrier too.
I'm finally getting round to listening to these empath videos, starting with this one. Without breaking your confidentiality requirements, HG, I can't say what my ED results were, but Carrier was certainly part of them. A lot of what you described is definitely applicable to me. I'm well aware that I have stayed in situations, for example, jobs, much longer than most people would have done. I was aware of doing this at the time, and recall thinking that if I just stayed with it for a bit longer, it will work out; and that it would be such a pity if I were to leave now and then the issue immediately resolved itself. There's perhaps a bit of bloody-mindedness in there, too - of not wanting to give up (I recall one evening that involved a rather prolonged game of Red Dog Montana that epitomised the not giving in aspect!).
I may fit these Carrier Empath traits. But I always wonder, I seem to surround myself with Narcissistic people. I know about the fuel but never say anything about it. All the while I always seem to ration each narcissist with varying amounts of fuel. That in itself seems like a narcissistic thing to do.
The band "The Twinkle Brothers" made a record called "Burden Bearer" qhich has a picture of the singer Norman Grant carrying the world on his shoulder.
Think you just hit on who I am (and yes, scapegoat of malignant narcissist mother) after 64 years of non-stop work for any and everyone and I wonder why I have no interests, hobbies, etc. There simply has never been time to even think of what I would want. And I still am while also trying to navigate around the catastrophes brought on by the bad decisions made by the raging authoritative narcissists. Weary, but soldiering on. Basil Fawlty: "Can I have a do over? No, that's your life, mate."
I am not a carrier but I realize now that my mum and grandma (both being victim narcs) tried to groom me into one. I was always supposed to wait on them and tend them. Sadly it would have been their job looking after me.
Thank you for this video! I'm not happy with my Strong Carrier cadre, for a while I thought it was the main culprit for me ending up a doormat, but this video clarified it isn't necessarily so. The link to the Contagion interests me the most. Is it unavoidable for Strong+ Carrier in combination with the Significant+ Contagions to have this amplified capacity of absorbing the emotion of the other individual & shouldering the problems? I isolate because of it. Literally don't look at people. There is the capacity to absorb the anger, the hurt, the upset. The only respite is to lower, voluntarily, my emotional empathy altogether (in a borderline way). "They absorb, both the emotion and the problem, in order to alleviate the burden on the other person." 😮 And where does it go...?
Yes, they are enablers that were created by immature parents, receiving attention and praise for actually parenting their caregivers and siblings, relying on transactional love as the real thing.
HG, This must be what strangers see in me, when they tell me their life story and issues. I know i make plans for gatherings, dr appts etc and arrange for child activities.
I think this is me, primarily speaking. Altho tbh.... lol. I just don't know. All I know is what I'm NOT. I'm not a codependent. I'm not a geyser. I'm not a contagion. I'm probably not a magnet.
Hi HG, thank you for providing this! Please consider talking about Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers' Neighborhood), famed for his deep understanding of children, which he brought to his program. (Most people think it was simply a natural gift, but in fact he did several years of graduate study in early childhood development at the U of Pittsburgh and worked out his content with his mentor there for every episode for years.) When he would go anywhere, like TV interviews or live events, his staff had a hard time getting him to his destination, because he could not resist talking to every passerby who approached him to tell him how much they loved him and his program. He would give them all his focus and seemingly be feeling deeply with them, and immediately they would be telling him their life story and all their struggles. This was very exhausting for him, emotionally. The staff had to be vigilant and whisk him through, but ultimately he was the boss and there was nothing they could do once he got into one of these conversations. It was difficult for him to be in crowds, because he felt connected to every single person and it was painful to not have a sincere, personal, conversation with every single one, which is, of course, impossible. You can see some of this in this famous article that the recent Tom Hanks movie was based on: archive.li/5Eheh
2:04 "The carrier empath rarely talk about themselves, although there is much that they could talk about." Many journalists said that the hardest thing about interviewing Fred Rogers was that he wanted to know all about them -- their life, their career, their family, how they were doing. And he really seemed to understand and care. He wouldn't forgot later, either -- the bonds he formed in these interviews lasted years, sometimes decades. The challenge for the interviewer was to make the time to actually do the interview, and leave off this deep, meaningful, intensely personal conversation all about the interviewer. In Tom Junod's award-winning article, he handles this phenomenon by writing it into the story. In "Can You Say ... Hero?" Junod writes plenty about Fred Rogers, but in parallel, he weaves in his own journey of self-discovery and transformation, breaking through issues he's dealt with since childhood, which he undergoes as part of the process of writing the article over the course of some months (maybe just weeks, I forget). It's a powerful piece. It just struck me that J. R. Moehringer attempted something similar in his New Yorker article. But instead of a moving, revealing, vulnerable personal essay told through the lens of the experience of ghost writing for Prince Harry, J. R. Moehringer revealed his own grandiosity, victim nature, and other narcissistic traits.
You cannot change schools, that formed a long time ago. I’m not sure about the cadre though. It probably will remain but you may gain traits of other cadres if you are self aware and value the traits of those cadres.
Carrier empaths "do not shine and glow in the same way as other empathic individuals"--a diplomatic nod, in my view, to the fact that they are almost always unattractive people who seek the approval and attention of those more charismatic than themselves to cobble some sense of self-worth. Enter the narcissist, who is uncanny in their ability to sniff these marks out.
Amazing, how some interject their bias and simple intellect (black & white thinking) into a complex topic. "Carriers are almost always unattractive people"?! So ridiculous! @nikhtose Leave HG's analysis alone and go read Cinderella instead. Maybe you'll find greater understanding there.
Carrier empaths do not seek the approval or attention of others. Their priority is getting the job done in the most practical and efficient way possible. If there is no job, they take the work from somebody else and do it themselves. They do it because that is how they gain satisfaction. A work well done. Not for attention or pleasing others.
@@Tpoleful They do not seek others' attention = they are physically unattractive?! Oh my! Some people do not get validation from their reflection in the mirror -- shocking!!! 😮 That thinking is so small. Sad, really. Glad I'm not the only one to challenge it!
No, they don’t shine and glow in the same way as other empathic individuals because their focus is getting the job done rather than socialising/networking, hosting people… which is not really our thing. I mostly keep myself to myself, but because of my magnet qualities people are attracted to me and want to be around me.. which I appreciate because without my magnet qualities I wouldn’t have friends
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Standard Carrier here. In my early career, I took on more than I could handle. People are very quick to place responsibility on the shoulders of the capable and willing. However, there is a breaking point and I got there. Wisdom and experience have taught me to say no with grace and preserve my own mental health. I’m glad HG mentioned Carriers not showing a lot of emotion. I don’t and have often wondered why that is. It seems counterintuitive for an empath!
I was always under the erroneous perception that ALL empaths feel the pain of other living beings (& animals) as I do. Now I know like narcissists, there are variants. I gad to learn how not to do it consciously, because I naturally do take it on. I still do it, but I save my energy for stray cats and the ever increasing number of homeless people around me. They get my compassion. No longer do I just absorb everybody's shit. Most people I neet, know orvam even related to are all narcs - so I dont give them an inch. I think what has helped is, as an empathic Soul, I also have a gift of discernment and can hear, almost smell, a liar and hear the incongruencies, which is how narcs get inside to suck your energy out. I also watch HG all the time & getting to know myself as well as narcs, is priceless. If I let them hoover me, its MY fault now.
That just explained so much... 🤔
Definitely will listen to this again.
My son's father once said that
"People don't kick your mom in the face.. she runs her face into their foot."
It almost kinda makes sense how he saw it 🤔
Looking back, I always saw it as people jumping on my back, freeloaders, but now I see that
I ALLOWED IT.
As a child, I did all the housework, animal care, baking and cared for siblings. Perfectly groomed by the "poor victim" matrinarc to be her slave/handmaiden. I brushed her hair, rubbed her feet, scratched her back and listened to her tell me the same thing she sat and told anyone she could get to listen how my father never touched her, poor her, how she does everything for everyone and nobody cares about her.
It just kinda sucks hearing this at 64 1/2 years old and realizing what a fool/joke I was for allowing so many people (and corporations I've worked for, btw) to use/abuse me and literally have nothing now.
With all that said, I still consider myself a success because I don't drink, I quit smoking 21 years ago, I no longer bite my fingernails, (which is self mutilation btw) and
I THINK LOGICALLY THANKS TO H.G.
Regret is pointless and I laugh and smile when I call it
WISDOM BORN OF PAIN 🤣🤣🤣
C'EST LA VIE 😊
Glad it gave you insight.
You are not alone in this .
Some never learn , unfortunately .
Now , for myself and any who care to walk with me , they find that pets , farm animals , and other wild life are freindly , whereas if they trot to the beach , on their own , everything vanishes , farm animals take no notice of them on their own and cannot understand why .
It's suggested they work upon themselves , and at least like themselves , but preferably love themselves - the rewards are more rewarding . 👍🤔🤔🙂🙏💐💐
I’m a carrier and had a victim narc mother too, I bite my nails and have trichotillomania, I also have self-stimulatory behaviors, which include pacing and talking to myself/maladaptive daydreaming at the same time, rocking side to side, wiggling repeatedly in bed, repeatedly sniffing a smell I like and repeatedly saying certain words and phrases aloud. I’m not sure if I’m on the autistic spectrum or if I developed these behaviours purely as a coping mechanism in response to my experiences with narcissists
@dishonest-corset4942 Hmmm. Never thought about it from that perspective.
I hum without realizing and otherwise hum to myself almost all the time.
Once, when my son was talking about something negative, he shouted,
"Are you really gonna hum while I'm talking?" I didn't realize until he called me out on it.
Definitely something else to ponder 🤔
@@pattyflanders8021
That could just be normal…everyone stims but it could be a sign of something else depending on the frequency, how it impacts your life and the social acceptability of the stimming behaviour (for example a lot of my stims are not socially acceptable especially for an adult of my age, it would be viewed as weird, childlike, regressive and something I could not do in public or even around people i know)
50% Carrier
30% Saviour
20% Magnet
70% Contagion
20% Super
10% Codependent
Thank you, HG.
That contagion majority must be very intense. Best wishes to you 😊. I only have 25% myself, more than enough for me.
This has been very enlightening. I soldiered on into my seventies until I could no longer cope with my mid range narcissist mother. I was the scapegoated child. How I wish that my generation had known more about narcissism. She was known as being ‘difficult’ and, as an only child, it was my duty to look after her. My health suffered and, on doctor’s advice, I finally went no contact. It saved my life. I recognise that I have some carrier traits as I’m usually the one to help out when people need it. Must now go and check on what HG has to say about the Saviour Empath! Thank you, HG, for giving me an understanding of narcissism. Understanding is part of the recovery process.
Do it... Take the empath detector. It's amazing how spot on HG is in determining what makes you tick. The more you know about yourself the better you can defend against what comes at you. Being a weaponized empath is to know yourself. To know yourself is not to be a victim.. it's like being given the keys to the secrets of interpersonal relationships designed according to your personality traits. It's so much fun to be (secretly) smarter and wiser than most people around you.
I concur @francine6485.
I've not taken it yet. I need to do it. I've always known I'm an Empath. My daughters are Empaths, my granddaughters are Empaths... I suppose I should get them to take it as well.
Yep, it‘s really worth your while to do it. Great insight.
Genuine question. How is the empath detector different from the way that horoscopes work? How would you know? Is it possible that it's simply a con? @HG Tudor, I know that you will not take any offense to me asking this question. I am curious to understand, primarily as a means of protecting myself.
@@selenacaemawr I was thinking the same thing. I mean take a narcissist who thinks they are compassionate they will be ticking all the compassionate boxes.
But not just a narcissist, people in general sometimes see themselves much differently than others do so it is not just a con artist but people genuinely thinking they are one way but others are thinking they are something completely different.
Carrier: The Workhorse
My ex used to say "I just cant break you!" Lol. Carrier, contagion, savior, codependent and a little super and geyser sprinkled in for fun. Im a buffet and im so glad i did the empath detector to know and understand the complexity of my empathy. Thanks HG!!!!
With my super (not majority) I will eventually throw down from all the abuse but all the other traits cause me to endure massive amounts of narc abuse before that happens. That's what im seeing looking back. I wonder if I can strengthen my super more to throw down sooner than later altho I stay away from men now. I dont trust myself and my own judgment.
Listening to myself unfold, empowering, having observed smoking mirrors clearimg throughout my life, this explains my childhood family dynamic, ....then how I endured a 14 year marriage to a psychopathic narcissist.
Thank-you for this expanded explanation of the Carrier empath. I see myself so clearly in many of your descriptions.
You are welcome, WC.
"The worse the narcissist behaves during devaluation, rhe more those with rhe carrier tendancy will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out, and usually identify (wrongly) an external source as the source of the problem, and then find themselves sent (ultimately) on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source, while the problems continue unabated."
Thanks for these nuggets HG!
Thanks!
Resilience - yep, we‘ve got that in leaps and bounds.
If all the work gets piled onto one person, then if anything goes wrong it can only be their fault
I really don’t know how to thank you enough HG. Your work has helped me find clarity and understanding of all narcs in my life, especially my father. But more importantly, your Empath Detector has given me insight into myself. My school is Standard Empath with significant Carrier and strong Savior. All of this completely resonates with me. Armed with this self knowledge I am more confident and have a much stronger sense of self. I am more careful in my dealings with others, I listen more, I observe more and I am much more careful with my empathy. Your work has helped me more than any of the therapists and counselors I have seen through the years. I know who I am and I’m comfortable in my own skin. Thank you HG.
Magnet carrier here.. HG is describing me to a T. Also slightly co-dependant bcz of abandoment issues from an early.death of my father before the age of 1 year old.
You sent me my empath results back in like 1 day! Wow. I'm a standard carrier.
I think when I was younger I would have scored higher than 17% for magnet. But 10 very difficult yrs of survival mode REALLY hardened me. I'm so much more apathetic now. And before the Prozac, I was in a vvveeerrrryyy very dark place. I was honestly HATING anyone I saw that was happy.
Thank you, HG 💟
I did your empath detector and Narc detector a few years ago, i ended up being a majority codependant with equally minority contagion and Super then a hybrid with quite even of Heyser Saviourvand Carrier traits. Mada lot of sense, Ive stayed out of relationships for 5 years now. However, I was married to a either a Lower Midranger or Upper Lesser, he asserts control now by just completely ignoring anything even anything to do with the kids care his favourate control tactics and silent treatments, gaslighting and aggression. He is just so frustrating to deal with. I gave up on finding a healthy relationship after the last b/f was unmasked as a Lesser Narcissitic psychopath, I was lucky to escape that one alive he stalked for 3 months.
I have tried dating normals and empaths but it doesnt seem to go anywhere so I stay single and have focused on educating myself as an RN 😂 which I just realised it utilising my carrier and saviour traits 😂.
Good morning HG Tudor!
Ugh I believe I’m an empath. BUT I also know when someone else isn’t helping themselves and I can ghost them. Just ghosted a hoarder covert narcissist. I must say I did bc of HG Tudor. So ty honey! 🎉
Oh dear, my small percentage of Carrier is showing...you especially nailed it with 'their own brand of fuel' received from helping others.
Husband is a recovering alcoholic and narcissist, yeah this is part of me. HG, youre seriously so great at this! Xx
As a majority Super carrier/magnet, I'm that person that strangers approach on the street to spin their tale of woe. I don't encourage it but it just happens. Also, my empath designation allows me to reduce empathy easier than other types. I.just.don't.give.a.damn.
Thank you HG for sharing this ❤️ ❤xx
You are welcome
@hgtudor-theultra It's important to me to understand both sides of the dynamic, you can't have one without the other, at least you can't completely cut them out of one's life, the world is vast and its not possible to live without somewhere in my life. I can't quit my job, to avoid narcs, that would be illogical to do so. I need to work, to thrive. What I can do is control who I deal with in my personal life, outside of work as much as possible. You're very welcome and again, a deep thanks for sharing your wisdom and unique insight. Xx
I certainly recognize myself in this description. It wasn't until I started not taking on all of my ex's woes that he wanted a divorce. I, of course, had stayed with him as a duty to my children and a sense of loyalty. For better or for worse, blah blah blah
I did the empath detector and I‘m 1/3 carrier empath. I feel really understood.
I‘ve learned to have better boundaries though 😁🍹
Thank you TUDOR for that brain oxitocine
Do you mean serotonin? 🤨I’m a little confused
@@chezzie9646 that too😂😂🧠
@@chezzie9646 brain. Substances for the happiness
@@ISABEL-HM my mistake …I thought oxitocin was primarily concerned with sexual desires.
@@chezzie9646 noooo😂😂😂😂
These fellow empaths have been my closest friends, they GET IT. Bless them. 🙏🕊️
Thank you HG! I always enjoy hearing about empaths!
Thanks HG!
Thank you so much HG! Xx❤❤
An excellent addition to your opus. I haven't listened to the original in awhile, but I feel this is elaborares on the key points to your broader audience.
Interesting! I've always considered myself to be NOT empathetic whatsoever, but know that when I find someone being badly treated I internalise what is happening to them and stew over it in my head, trying to work out how to help or what to say or how terrible it is that they are being treated that way, while they just carry on putting up with it.
Eventually, once I realise that they aren't doing anything to help themselves, and it can take days, weeks or even months, I cast it aside and move to the next situation. I annoy myself no end because it becomes an internal obsession!
Thank you HG, it was very interesting indeed, I have strong carrier cadre from my empath detector and when I had consultation with you HG I asked you why I attract older men all my life? I think this is the answer- they sniff me as them wanting the residual benefits as me to care for them as they getting old.
HG, I'd love to listen to a video in which you explain how people use your education to change how we react to some of these situations you describe as opposed to the empath's knee jerk reactions to a narcissist - the ones we had before learning from you. I know mine have vastly changed as a result of your teachings. Examples would be great - I love the series you began with the case studies, but this goes even further into how you've trained us to respond according to your instructions.
This video was enlightening. Thanks HG.
Glad it was helpful
That is me ..for the first time in 71 years of my life I have found out why I am the way I am. Thank you for your consideration.
Wow this is so informative! Not only is it a nice break from narcissists but i believe I'm a empath along with my mother and sister. Because of you I've learned my maternal grandmother is a narcissist and the information you've provided has been invaluable. Thank you for the work that you do HG
Illuminating content HG 👏
Fascinating... Sounds like me...
Excellent Hg.
My husband's family used to dump their woes on me and leave me to solve their issues. I dont do that for them now, theyre toxic and i keep my distance and avoid them as much as possible.
Yes my mum is a victim narc so of course she made me.. the carrier as the second eldest
Thank you Tudor!
Thank you, again, for this! I am a Carrier Empath for sure. It's so difficult to detach from people because of it! 💯
Guess this fits me more than the other classes. Definitely a more aggressive type.
As I listen to super Narcs they feel like brothers and easy to relate to but competition that isn't strong enough to win on their own and cheats. The weakness of lessers is pathetic.
Fuel is not necessary true. Especially with a narcissist, we like to think our hard work is appreciated. My MatriNarc, a leeser midranger victim, akways had a problem to solved. It took many years to break the cycle once the passive- aggression bkamed far too many people for failure - after many interventions. You can only be sent on so many wild goose chases before you start asking questions and logic idenifies I was a fool's errand ...
This expalns my mother gripping me so tightly, her being a LMRVICTIM narcissist, she liked my Carrier and my husband, being a MLSOMATIC, likes my Carrier too.
Very interesting and enlightening video HG. ☆
♡ ☆ 🤍 ☆ 🖤 ☆ 🌹 ☆ ♡
Wow, this does describe me. Thanks, HG! I feel "seen" 😉
very interesting--thanks, H.G.
I'm finally getting round to listening to these empath videos, starting with this one. Without breaking your confidentiality requirements, HG, I can't say what my ED results were, but Carrier was certainly part of them.
A lot of what you described is definitely applicable to me. I'm well aware that I have stayed in situations, for example, jobs, much longer than most people would have done. I was aware of doing this at the time, and recall thinking that if I just stayed with it for a bit longer, it will work out; and that it would be such a pity if I were to leave now and then the issue immediately resolved itself. There's perhaps a bit of bloody-mindedness in there, too - of not wanting to give up (I recall one evening that involved a rather prolonged game of Red Dog Montana that epitomised the not giving in aspect!).
We are so amazing 🤩 the most hard working. I need to get the empath detector for my wife so I can understand her more
I am definitely a carrier.
Because of my super carrier/savior traits, I go to war for others. And ask for no reward other than the thrill of the battle.
Thank you HG for this incredibly enlightening series
Thank you, HG. This one was especially interesting.
Very interesting ❤
I may fit these Carrier Empath traits. But I always wonder, I seem to surround myself with Narcissistic people. I know about the fuel but never say anything about it. All the while I always seem to ration each narcissist with varying amounts of fuel. That in itself seems like a narcissistic thing to do.
The band "The Twinkle Brothers" made a record called "Burden Bearer" qhich has a picture of the singer Norman Grant carrying the world on his shoulder.
Think you just hit on who I am (and yes, scapegoat of malignant narcissist mother) after 64 years of non-stop work for any and everyone and I wonder why I have no interests, hobbies, etc. There simply has never been time to even think of what I would want. And I still am while also trying to navigate around the catastrophes brought on by the bad decisions made by the raging authoritative narcissists. Weary, but soldiering on. Basil Fawlty: "Can I have a do over? No, that's your life, mate."
When the bullets are emitted from high capacity environmental machinery the challenge is exponentially more difficult. Wondering.
HI H.G ❤️🇨🇦
Seems as I might be a carrier 🤩
I am not a carrier but I realize now that my mum and grandma (both being victim narcs) tried to groom me into one. I was always supposed to wait on them and tend them. Sadly it would have been their job looking after me.
Thank you for this video! I'm not happy with my Strong Carrier cadre, for a while I thought it was the main culprit for me ending up a doormat, but this video clarified it isn't necessarily so. The link to the Contagion interests me the most. Is it unavoidable for Strong+ Carrier in combination with the Significant+ Contagions to have this amplified capacity of absorbing the emotion of the other individual & shouldering the problems? I isolate because of it. Literally don't look at people. There is the capacity to absorb the anger, the hurt, the upset. The only respite is to lower, voluntarily, my emotional empathy altogether (in a borderline way). "They absorb, both the emotion and the problem, in order to alleviate the burden on the other person." 😮 And where does it go...?
Yikes! I'm not bulletproof.
Sorry, i keep hearing more eureka moments, this is me at work too😂
Yes, they are enablers that were created by immature parents, receiving attention and praise for actually parenting their caregivers and siblings, relying on transactional love as the real thing.
Is this why my neck, shoulders and back ache all the time? I think so.
No - it's because you are not doing yoga or tai chi 😇
@@mrsmallpinky9041 very true! 😉
HG,
This must be what strangers see in me, when they tell me their life story and issues. I know i make plans for gatherings, dr appts etc and arrange for child activities.
I think this is me, primarily speaking. Altho tbh.... lol. I just don't know.
All I know is what I'm NOT. I'm not a codependent. I'm not a geyser. I'm not a contagion. I'm probably not a magnet.
This is why LMRSOMATIC gave me his story of his wife hitting him.
Hi HG, thank you for providing this! Please consider talking about Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers' Neighborhood), famed for his deep understanding of children, which he brought to his program. (Most people think it was simply a natural gift, but in fact he did several years of graduate study in early childhood development at the U of Pittsburgh and worked out his content with his mentor there for every episode for years.) When he would go anywhere, like TV interviews or live events, his staff had a hard time getting him to his destination, because he could not resist talking to every passerby who approached him to tell him how much they loved him and his program. He would give them all his focus and seemingly be feeling deeply with them, and immediately they would be telling him their life story and all their struggles. This was very exhausting for him, emotionally. The staff had to be vigilant and whisk him through, but ultimately he was the boss and there was nothing they could do once he got into one of these conversations. It was difficult for him to be in crowds, because he felt connected to every single person and it was painful to not have a sincere, personal, conversation with every single one, which is, of course, impossible. You can see some of this in this famous article that the recent Tom Hanks movie was based on: archive.li/5Eheh
2:04 "The carrier empath rarely talk about themselves, although there is much that they could talk about." Many journalists said that the hardest thing about interviewing Fred Rogers was that he wanted to know all about them -- their life, their career, their family, how they were doing. And he really seemed to understand and care. He wouldn't forgot later, either -- the bonds he formed in these interviews lasted years, sometimes decades. The challenge for the interviewer was to make the time to actually do the interview, and leave off this deep, meaningful, intensely personal conversation all about the interviewer.
In Tom Junod's award-winning article, he handles this phenomenon by writing it into the story. In "Can You Say ... Hero?" Junod writes plenty about Fred Rogers, but in parallel, he weaves in his own journey of self-discovery and transformation, breaking through issues he's dealt with since childhood, which he undergoes as part of the process of writing the article over the course of some months (maybe just weeks, I forget). It's a powerful piece.
It just struck me that J. R. Moehringer attempted something similar in his New Yorker article. But instead of a moving, revealing, vulnerable personal essay told through the lens of the experience of ghost writing for Prince Harry, J. R. Moehringer revealed his own grandiosity, victim nature, and other narcissistic traits.
Mind opening, HG ... within a family of consciencious workers, are we likely to be carrier empaths or is there another explanation?
❤
Me!! Go us!!
Chumps! 😂
jk, this sounds like me.
HG, can an empath's traits, school, and carde change after bring a long-term relationship with a narcissist?
You cannot change schools, that formed a long time ago. I’m not sure about the cadre though. It probably will remain but you may gain traits of other cadres if you are self aware and value the traits of those cadres.
Dear HG, being a carrier empath and an INFJ, how are these two compatible? There are many times I have to withdraw and recharge my batteries.
Cambridge Analytica? Tavistock? ???
I see
Yikes hello
HG, I don't know if you're aware, but there is a slight buzzing sound in all your videos. It's not very strong - yet still a little distracting...
Carrier empaths "do not shine and glow in the same way as other empathic individuals"--a diplomatic nod, in my view, to the fact that they are almost always unattractive people who seek the approval and attention of those more charismatic than themselves to cobble some sense of self-worth. Enter the narcissist, who is uncanny in their ability to sniff these marks out.
Amazing, how some interject their bias and simple intellect (black & white thinking) into a complex topic. "Carriers are almost always unattractive people"?! So ridiculous! @nikhtose
Leave HG's analysis alone and go read Cinderella instead. Maybe you'll find greater understanding there.
@@VamanosLetsgo Sentimentalism is not a virtue.
Carrier empaths do not seek the approval or attention of others. Their priority is getting the job done in the most practical and efficient way possible. If there is no job, they take the work from somebody else and do it themselves. They do it because that is how they gain satisfaction. A work well done. Not for attention or pleasing others.
@@Tpoleful They do not seek others' attention = they are physically unattractive?! Oh my! Some people do not get validation from their reflection in the mirror -- shocking!!! 😮 That thinking is so small. Sad, really. Glad I'm not the only one to challenge it!
No, they don’t shine and glow in the same way as other empathic individuals because their focus is getting the job done rather than socialising/networking, hosting people… which is not really our thing. I mostly keep myself to myself, but because of my magnet qualities people are attracted to me and want to be around me.. which I appreciate because without my magnet qualities I wouldn’t have friends