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with time, I slowly healed and nobody helped me. I didnt even have friends or family who understood me. There was only me and the internet. I have gone through really hard times. I have thought about suicide infinite times. but here I am, after 2.5 years, I think I am better.
@@GrandmasterDinnerRoll Yeah I think it's a reasonable reason, I asked that question rhetorically. I don't know what goes on in the minds of those who have children.
Does it suck? Everyone, traumatized or not, has their child self inside them. The child can be a source of fun and play as an adult. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. The adult in you can sooth and comfort the child when it is scared or having a tantrum.
@Goldie O EMDR is probably a better option for someone who has been traumatized as an adult. That and regular yoga (which helps the brain come out of PTSD). There are other options like the Stellate Ganglion Block, which is a one time injection into the vagus nerve. Then there is LENS neurofeedback, which is supposed to help, as well. None of those require talk therapy. Early childhood trauma is more likely to need DBT and maybe even more than once if they don't seek treatment until adulthood. You're right, they really don't know what they are doing, and they're mostly fixed on the idea that they do, and that they're helping when most are not (at least when it comes to trauma). It's no wonder more of them aren't sued for malpractice.
Nothing personal, Life Progress, but I much prefer TSOL ethos to yours. The video explains that some feelings we have now, as adults, are because of some sort of childhood neglect that we cannot remember, and not that they are unspeakable. Therefore, as you will no doubt agree, it is impossible to express feelings if we cannot remember their source. Hope this helps.
@@Julesyoutoo I know nothing about TSOL, but what you stated about not knowing the source is very true. The only things we can remember are the feelings. Maybe not day you day pain, but sadness episodes from childhood. I often cried myself to sleep at night...I cannot remember the incidents, but I remember the sadness. Memories are compacted layers and layers deep. It's next to impossible to separate the layers of memories. Do you know what a lucid dream is? If not. Google lucid dreams. I had a lucid dream of an open wound. The very next day I cut my thumb, chopping vegetables. The skin split, showing the same image I had in the lucid dream. I had been wondering about my inability to connect with the pain and sadness I experienced in childhood. Therefore, feeling intense pain after cutting myself (accidentally) I concluded that I must have felt similarly in childhood. A Stretch of imagination? Maybe...but maybe not. We must be creative and take what we can get in our process of connecting the dots towards healing ourselves. I know from experience that sleep dreams are important. Deciphering dreams is the challenge. Dreams are all about FEELINGS. Associate the feelings with the symbolism in the dream. Lost in a desert with your car going over a cliff? You are in no man's land in big trouble...symbolically describing your emotional life! Unraveling our past pain is literally a life long process. This is the reason most give up. One truly needs to be driven to know the truth. Wellness IS possible. To be honest, I cannot communicate how difficult it was. It has taken me far and wide. I am, however, happy to be alive and deeply satisfied with the woman I finally discovered myself to be...after ALL these years of emotional work.
I was publicly shamed by a friend in a very nasty manner when I was young. I've had so much trouble making friends since then. I find rejection really terrifying, which makes me withdrawn and odd to others.
@Goldie O & Diego Gutierrez - Thank you for the kind comments. My interpersonal struggles make it hard but I do try hard in many aspects of my life and am working towards having a good career for myself. I hope anyone else who's gone through a similar thing as I did can get some encouragement and hang in there.
I feel you. I was once bullied by a childhood friend in front of the entire school...since then im not the same person nor could i find friends that wouldnt leave me..
I used to say that, in some great but scary cosmic irony, the things we fear the most always seem to manifest in some way or another. Yet this quote sort of turns that idea on it's head.
@@misbah4563 basically whatever trauma you have experienced, has already happened, and whilst the past cannot be changed, you can look to the future and see that what you have been through doesn't mean it will happen again. Trauma essentially rattles you, with your mind thinking that another traumatic event is inevitable and that you need to be prepared, hence being easily startled and constantly edgy. This quote conveys that you dont need to prepare for another traumatic event just because you've already through one. Look to the future, because you will heal and you will get better. Just dont give up hope and most importantly dont beat yourself down.
I am one of those persons that fear to be seen, because as a child when I was seen, I was hurt. This video talks about how traumatized people tend to think that others are likely to mock them, and I really felt that.
I was constantly mocked because I was quiet and shy and my environment were not supportive of my personality so it led to impatience and passive aggressive behavior
"In order to find the gist of what might have occurred to us long ago, we should ask ourselves not so much about the past (we wouldn't directly be able to remember it anyway), but about what we're afraid will happen to us going forward. Our apprehension holds the best clues as to our history." This is one of the wisest, clearest and truest things I've ever heard in my life. This channel is a blessing. Thank you.
The part about not remembering your trauma years later really hit me! I tried to talk to my therapist about the root of my trauma by giving specific examples but I could barely remember any because I’ve been trying to forget that part of my life for years. It’s like you remember the general sadness during that time but you don’t remember specific events, so weird.
Chief Blacksheep same here. but hopefully we'll find someone that understand us. plus its good that i noticed i was with the wrong ppl. also self compassion helps too. we hav to be friends with ourselves before finding good friends.
My breakdown did not. It was a severe and nuclear breakdown seemingly out of nowhere. It was not caused by just one thing. It was a landslide mess of multiple issues and traumas piling up. I am still trying to process it so i can move on. I lost my job. Felt a lot of shame because it was an extremely severe breakdown. Everyone around me just thinks it was something i should instantly be able to get over. I went from being a battle wounded and scarred but strong somewhat normal and intelligent person with a lot of coping skills and a rock for a lot of people, to being a weak, terrified, anxious puddle of worthlessness. I ended up in a total crappy mental hospital for 11 days 7 years ago. They did absolutely nothing to help me with anything and actually made things way worse. The only way i got out of there was to ignore their crap and baiting and act as normal as possible. I was never diagnosed with anything and they kept me there and drugged up till my insurance wouldn't pay anymore. They would drug me up on a high dose of meds an hr prior to a big meeting with head Dr. I had no aftercare at all. I had 3 meetings once a month with someone that did nothing and i was also dropped because that guy transferred somewhere else and no one referred me to anywhere. I am coming back slowly, but definitely not the same nice person with a lot of patience. More of a fire breathing dragon with no tolerance.
*Trauma takes time to heal* and the best thing we can do is to be present with our emotions. Take the time to feel, be present and grow from the experience.
I don't think that's right. Some people just learn how to live through life with their trauma to the point where they feel their trauma is "normal". It becomes their comfort zone. This normalized feeling may be mistaken for "healed".
Batool Bazzi that is also true. The question is, will that person be happy? If yes then it’s ok. But in most cases, it’s not the case or else it would be called “traumatized”, right? If THEY don’t know it or not aware of the fact that what they think is normal isn’t normal, it’s YOUR job then to wake them up and interrupt the pattern 😊
With all do respect that seems to be over simplifying it. Time passes anyways but the trauma is constantly relived and the influence of the trauma is made worse and worse.
Having worked on my Neglect and trauma from my own childhood, I am now able to be the very best version of myself as a parent to my own child. However, I am constantly checking my own neuroses and remaining trauma so not to influence my child in a negative way. Thank you so very much for these videos. You have helped me a LOT! Respect and gratitude from an Aussie RUclipsr 🌹🌹
No offence, and tbh I don't know if this is true or not but don't you think you recording your baby and posting it on youtube for anyone to see might impact him/her when they grow up?
The Body Keeps The Score is another good book choice. Traumahealed is a good self help website also. The Mental Health forum is also a good forum to join for these types of things.
For me the worst part about my trauma is not only the anxiety, it's more this indescribable loneliness that I feel and also the dissociation from the world and myself which creates this feeling of isolation. I feel like a prisoner in my own body and mind
It's easy to sink into sadness when you realize all the ways in which trauma prevents you from enjoying life. It feels almost like a little curse that will always follow you. On bad days this thought really cuts off my appetite for life. However, it's important to see it from a neutral perspective. It's not a handicap. It's more like a feature, like a birthsign. It's a part of us that manifests in a myriad of ways that make up who we are. For example, I recently realized my entire life has been unconsciously governed by my fear of ending up dependent on my parents ever again. This fear is preventing me from reaching the kind of deep connection that occurs when you entrust people with vital parts of your life. That is particularly sad because I do strive for that deeper connection and I feel a terrible inner conflict every time. But this fear also helped me become a strong and independent person. It made me more driven in my professional life, it made me able to question authority and be a better activist. It made me a more reliable person because I don't want to cause people that kind of insecurity. I've come to accept that I will have to live with these trust issues for the rest of my life. With things like this it's more a question of coping than overcoming completely I think. But even so, there are people who can empathize with my trust issues which creates a different but still deep connection. There are people willing to put up with them, people who find them fascinating. It doesn't have to be a curse.
It's sad to hear that you're going through this but at the same time it resonates with me so much and it feels good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. x
My very first 'crush', one that I liked very much indeed from elementary/primary/grade school died unexpectedly. They simply dropped dead in their home. It was my first encounter with death, let alone my first encounter with losing a loved one. I dont think about it often but when I do, I can notice suppressed feelings that have followed me all this time. I'd always been a "quiet" albeit curious kid, but that incident definitely changed me in ways I have yet to fully appreciate. You have not been forgotten, Isabella.
I was a special-needs kid, and dealt with a number of teachers that bullied me throughout my childhood and teen years. Replace “how we view the world” with “how we view ourselves,” and this video fits to a tee!
I wish I could hug and give love to child/teenage me. I invest that energy in my nephews and friends at the moment, not the best coping strategy but better than my previous ones :)
I have thought of it because it is in my pile of books. I just moved it to the top. It seems like yoga helps unlock trauma from the body for me. I am not sure how it works. We hold emotion in our hips? Somehow it does.
@@coreycox2345 I think each person holds it in a different way. But the hips certainly represent a very deep aspect of ourselves, our foundation and our core. I myself have experienced it and some people I know, too.
@@coreycox2345 His writing style is immensely empathetic but the subject matter is not an easy read at times. It's taken me over three years to get through the book and I'm still not done, I have to take breaks. Yoga has a mix of gentle exertion that reconnects the mind and body together in a relaxing way.
Why would you never understand it? It’s in the dna. Do research about your familys history, it usually uncovers a lot of things that explain the present
@@Ritaaw1 Genes aren't everything. They can determine certain biases towards a particular illness, perhaps slight emotional attributes, but the environment is largely what shapes us. We develop most of our behaviors from observing and mimicking our parents, then later from people around us.
@@Senzorei yes. Some mental illnesses are geritable but they need a real life trigger. Some people have bipolar in their family, some have ptsd, some alcoholism
Psychotherapy has been very helpful for me. I don’t remember most of my childhood, and I’m glad I have a responsible therapist who doesn’t try to force my memory, but who helps me identify the effects of trauma and combat what you so aptly identified as dread. Thank you. I loved this one
Everyone please take care of yourself, it hurts to see people live in absolute misery and then try to act how everything's fine, I genuinely hope you guys fight through, and please don't give a care about other, just stay healthy and don't hide so much emotions, please PLEASE find a way to get it all out!!
One of the bibles about traumas is the book "The body keeps the score". Highly recommended to anyone who has interest in the subject, specially victims of traumatic events. Depending on the trauma, specially childhood related ones, they never really get overcome, people just learn how to cope better with them by understanding that the "symptoms" are not so unique to themselves, but to most of people who went through something similar. That might help dealing with self blaming, shame, anger and other harsh common feelings one experiences when trying live a normal life while dealing with frequently abnormal reactions triggered due to past traumatic memories.
If you suffer from trauma, neglect, abuse, I highly recommend the book "the tao of fully feeling" by Pete Walker. The cover and the name might come off as cheesy but it describes things in such a clear and crisp way, has short sections so you can read at your own pace, and has just been extremely valuable to me in recovering. All the best!
2017 was when I revisited my childhood trauma, later on, I got diagnosed with Chronic PTSD. These past three years I have put so much work into my healing and I can now confidently say that you have the ability to heal and integrate your traumas! All this “take these meds” and “learn to live with this” is pure nonsense! Mental illness does not have to be permanent if you commit to facing your traumas with an open heart and mind. Purge out all of those bottled up emotions first so processing isn’t so overwhelming! Soon you’ll see that the more you allow yourself to FEEL with no judgment but with awareness, the more you’ll see that you just had to purge out all of these sad emotions to feel good emotions again. Takes time but then you’ll soon be crying tears of joy as I have been all of 2020✨🙌🏽
My trauma was witnessing my sister being violated for years and being powerless to stop these attacks. While I felt that the physical beatings I received pales in comparison to what my sister received, it took three decades for the family to hear my story. The only poor advice that I have to offer with overcoming trauma is to advocate for yourself, and disassociate your memories to keep from living in the past. I feel that if you can find it within yourself that you are worth a shit, that despite even your own beliefs that you deserve a better life, and the realization that your history isn’t what defines you, then perhaps you’ll gain some insight on the vices and triggers that intentionally confines you in that traumatic state. Give yourself patience, time, and most of all, be that person you needed when you were younger. Not sure if this advice will help anybody, but regardless if it does or not... I’m rooting for you.
after what happened, i’ve felt so confused. stuck. alone. weak. always looking for a distraction, unmotivated for anything else. i’m still very much at the beginning of whatever this is, still stuck in fear. i wish it weren’t this way. just wish i weren’t in my shoes right now. idk. things will get better with time, i hope.
You can't overcome trauma that doesn't end because people won't stop creating it for you. It's just healing a wound that is to be perpetually reopened.
Helena Monique Clarke oh honey. There is a fundamental err in your wording- other people do not create it for you- you are unconsciously recreating it for yourself... you must take responsibility for your life.
@@grittygoddess No it's not ridiculous at all. Yes, victims of abuse in their childhood tend to find themselves with people that are more prone to hurt them. 1. It's not their fault. It's a SICKNESS. Would you tell someone that had cancer once that they need to "put their lifes together" if they happen to become ill again ? 2. That never, never excuse what other people could do to them. They are fragile, easily manipulable, and some kind of people use that. So, yes. In a way, you're basically saying "you had a trauma early in your life and now you just had an other one ? Well to bad, it's your fault for not putting yourself together." You are LITTERALLY blaming the victim for not being strong enough. So, excuse me, but wtf is wrong with you.
I'm currently dealing with leaving an abusive and toxic relationship. I completely agree with this video. I have a hard time telling people how he made my life hell but have a hard time recalling exactly what those things are. My brain has hurt so much that forgetting makes it easier to cope or excuse. It's hard to move on because I still feel like I love him but know on every level it is detrimental to my well-being. I can see how easy it could be to fall into an even worse situation. The manipulation, even if not physical, really puts your brain in a state of survival out of fear. I'm hopeful there can be a happy ending and I know logically this is so, but it does not seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. Just thought someone out there might benefit from my situation. You will have friends again and you can be happy again whether alone or with someone.
You will not believe it , but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will simply have to bite through it and crawl there. Read, read, read about abuse and trauma and talk to other people , you will massively boost the speed of healing.
Wow...you literally described me. I have been having such a hard time deciphering how to put the words together to describe me and my situation and you said it for me. " I have a hard time telling people how he made my life hell but have a hard time recalling exactly what those things are. My brain has hurt so much that forgetting makes it easier to cope or excuse. It's hard to move on because I still feel like I love him but know on every level it is detrimental to my well-being." This is exactly me. Thank you so much for putting the words together for me when I couldn't!
I am beating trauma by being the parent I needed when I was younger. I make sure to always show up for myself, I give myself the attention I need, I tell myself that I am love and worthy of it, and I’m seeing major improvements in my confidence and self esteem.😊
above all, thank you so much for addressing the “memory” aspect of trauma. it took me longer than it should have to accept my own experiences because i couldnt remember much of them, and therefore kept being dismissed and even dismissing myself. memories surrounding trauma are so complex and not enough people talk about that.
@@jakenguyen2584 Not everyone was tramatized. I went back and watched 3:00. Some people are blessed to have compassionate parents who dont have trama theirselves.
@@caelyn2873 traumas don't only come from bad parenting but they also come from your own experiences with others around you. There are 2 types of people: those who are aware of their traumas and those who are not. No one, I repeat, NO ONE is trauma-free and it's rather unfortunate. I'm not trying to offend you or anyone. I just think that it is more healthy and productive to be aware of our own traumas so that we can continuously improve ourselves instead of thinking there's nothing wrong with ourselves.
I have to say this is very true and thank you for this video. The biggest problem haunted me years is that I didn't realize I was traumatized until a friend pointed it out to me what happened long ago had great impacts. It covers almost all of my adult life and I always had issues with commitment and relationships.
As a child victim of years upon years of trauma resulting in CPTSD, now aged 62 I realize that you can't change or heal it. All you can do is learn to live with it and work round it once you understand it's effects. In effect one remains a victim of the effects
@Jd Ck I'm only 20 in the same shoes as you and I suspected that trauma can't be healed so yeah. I think you're totally right. I'm currently learning how to do everything I want to even while having trauma. I feel like I'm getting stronger and stronger each day 🥰
@Mastnaer Ceef 🥺no please don't say that💕I'm sure you have a beautiful soul so please be kind to yourself too🥺💕I'm having trauma too and I'm learning how to fight it and become stronger than trauma itself. We can make it together🥺💖
@@Moesie True and some days u cant take it anymore it gets hard painful and lonely. time won't help l feel like the only way l'm going to be free is by suicide. end it all.
@@IbarraAlejandro your mind is playing tricks with u. Try some hz frequency music 432 or 528 hz. Listen to binaraul beats or affirmation Eat healthy watch old nickelodeon shows. Awaken ur inner childhood. U dont want to end ur life u only want to end ur suffering .
As always, you do invaluable work. This channel will in years from now be seen as the main philosophical tool of the internet era. I am so thankful I came across you and your books 2-3 years ago.
I always think this, School of Life will go down in history for single handedly tackling the mental health problems of out times like no-one else could. And literally saving lives
This is a very important video with a paramount message. Not everyone's childhood is smooth and positive. I was once treating a doctor and together through a certain method unearthed a long forgotten trauma which had happened in her childhood when she was 4 years old. Once that was resolved her improvement was almost instantaneous and her condition remarkably improved. For those who are struggling with some of the stuff mentioned in this video, my suggestion is to seek help. Do not tackle it alone.
I cannot express how thankful I am for your clear explanation of such complicated aspects of ourselves. Taking deep breaths now and starting my own healing journey ✨❤️✨
Slowly coming out of decades of trauma in my 40s. Tiny first steps, but it's so liberating and already my mental health has improved dramatically. All this in the midst of a global pandemic too!
My father was abusive. And by abusive i mean he used to beat me and my brothers. Terrible beatings, used to bash my head against conrete wall, choke me untill i lost consciousness and many more. And my parents got divorced when i was 11 and since then i was terrified when someone knocked the door i would dread. But now i have my own kids and even if i try to love them as much as i wanted to i just dont know how to do it. And sometimes i find myself shouting. Terrible thing. I dont even know how i ended up there. I alwasy ran away from it but now i am. Fuuck.
Hello there. I am very sorry to hear that. My mother was very violent, so I know how that feels. I think it is a very good sign that you reflect on your behaviour with your kids. If you were similar to your father, you never would. So you shouldn't worry about ending up like him. I wanted to recommend you the work of a wonderful clinical psychologist and writer, Tara Brach. Her books are called " Radical Acceptance " and "True Refuge" and both of them are wonderful. I discovered her thanks to the website Brain Pickings ( A brilliant website, included in the archive of "The Library of Congress" as cultural patrimony.) If you wish to know her a bit, you can listen to her podcast too. Try the episodes: " Beyond the controlling self 1 and 2". That woman 's wisdom is very inspiring and her insights are life changing. She has a great sense of humour too. Best wishes :- )
Nice vid lol. Useful af. My childhood was fucked over and left to rot by people that were very very close to me and i'm haunted. These type vids and teachings help.
There should be some kind of licensing procedure you'd have to go through before becoming a parent. Just about every other activity in life, like driving a car, or becoming a hair cutter, requires some basic demonstrated proficiency
The best is to keeping away from the people who have traumatized you. My parents have abused me verybally AND physically AND psychologically. I did the only right thing and moved away from them as soon as I turned 18 in 2011. I even went abroad for a year in 2016, but when I returned in 2017, I propoably made the biggest (and yes, I mean THE biggest genuinely) mistake of my life. I moved back in wth my parents. When I moved back in, there was nothing but fighting, and they essentally continued their abusive behaviour. That, dear friends, has essentially created new wounds and re-opened many old ones. I live by myself since early 2019 again, but those past two years where I had been living with my parents is still haunting me.
*It takes TIME* It’s not as easy as it sounds, but with anything, if you are willing to change it and make the best out of it then you will find every way to make yourself feel better again and be PATIENT. 🙏
4 года назад+1
This was posted the very week i felt my life fall apart and my breakdown in full swing. I found a breakthrough in my breakdown and this video perfectly captured my experience of decades in trauma and realizing it now at 35.
One of the few reasons I have understood that I've been tramatized as a child (and after childhood too) is beacuse my fear of the future has always been that it doesn't excist. It doesn't feel dark or terrible och anything like that - it just doesn't excist. Everything was ending all the time, always, and my greatest fear was that all human beings would dissapear. My greatest fear was living my whole life without talking to anyone or having any kind of interaction with a human being again. And it didn't just feel likely to happened in the future. It was the only thing that could happen , if not the other thing that is ever worse would happened - the world would dissapear too. It's only the last 3-4 years (I'm 26 soon) that I've come to believe myself to have any kind of future at all. I went to school almost by conincidence, needed to fix my high school grades (but truly I just wanted a break from my job) and all out of a sudden I'm good in school. I don't know yet but I know my grade will be at least fairly good, maybe even very good. I'm so confused and depressed. A teacher that everyone likes and admires (who's also a university teacher) told me that she is certain I would do very good at university and almost tried to convince me I should study something more academic than what I thought was possible for me. I just can't understand it. I feel extremely boastful but I got the resultat back at a national university test we have here (in sweden, called högskoleprovet) and it was good. Not extremely good or anything but without doubt, it can give me a good future. Like very good. I failed in school before beacuse I knew life was over in every second of every minute. It was over. I always knew that, so I was extremely uninterested in everything. My last graduation (with failed grades) was one of the most depressing days in my life. I love this video beacuse it describes very important and forgotten aspects of trauma. It's not only about flashbacks all the time, it's also about completely losing the faith in the very existence of life. Why should I believe in a future when I didn't really had a now - or a past?
Few tips from my side as I have undergone bad depression and emotional trauma 1. Used google notes at night and have written whatever thoughts emotions come to my mind : but remember to have a title for every thought , like hurting thoughts , damaging past , people I hate etc and write under them and finally archive it . Slowly your mind will easily identify the thoughts and it knows which section they belong to and also you will get capacity to archive it within your head. Train your brain to do this way! 2. Speak speak speak , biggest problem with trauma is not being understood. If you get one person who identifies what you are going through and talk in those lines there are good chances you will get out of it quickly , so instead of being silent and waiting for right person just talk with everyone and express your feelings , I am sure one or the other will say what you are going through and that gives a good relief and you can be out of that immediately as soon as you identify that. 3. Meditate - this helps great but difficult to do when in trauma , try to the extent possible this has its impact . Focus to identify that behaviour of yours or nature of yours which is hurt and causing this emotion or pain and try to give up that nature , this is good to make you much stronger mentally.
This is so on point it's scary. I've been medicated for nearly 20 years and my psychiatrist never brought up trauma as the underlying cause of my fears, anxieties, depression, and other dysfunctions.
I watched my parents fighting with each other over the silliest little things since I was a child, even until they have a grandchild they're still in disagreement. I'm scared of commitment thanks to them
i went on for 16 years with trauma caused by one who were very near to me and i have been decaying all these years i never conected the dots to this person i even tryed to fix everything even tho that person almost killed me its scary to think that i couldnt fully remember it even back then. every day is a struggle. but getting more and more help with dealing with it now. i just had to tell my parents about it and i wish i did 16 or so years ago. got a son now and i will not let this drag me down any more or have the chance of leaving my son getting traumatized by my actions or my mood. thank you for your video.
Yes, I agree. I overcame the after tides of a physical trauma I had due to an accident. But after 10 years I have not been able to overcome the shock of seeing a loved one waste away because of a fatal disease. The PTSD is back now that I am in difficult circumstances . The current stress is reactivating the past trauma.
If that’s the case I should just kill myself. Honestly, I don’t want to live if I’m going to feel like this. I thought I healed, but I did not. I’m only living for my mother she is amazing and sacrificed so much for me, but living is extremely hard.
@@wl415 please dont- you can heal. Things will get better. I promise. I hope you are doing better from when you left this comment, please know you are loved
When I was a kid(2 years),I used to be really sick but my mom and dad left me alone at home for jobs. When I grew up I felt like don't deserve love and I couldn't make friend because I felt like I didn't deserve them and I didn't matter at all. I don't deserve anything,I am worthless,for the past two years I went on being tortured by my own mind! It wasn't easy. I felt like shit. For the most part I tried to put a happy facade but pretending to be happy won't make you happier. But slowly I have come to untangle stuff and I'm learning to see the problem as the problem and not attach my whole past with it
One important and often forgotten aspect of trauma, especially this specific kind, is not that we are just afraid of rejection and criticism, but afraid of our own anger/rage, afraid of our capacity to be aggressive and harm (note: capacity != doing). We need those aggressive energies to be assertive and protect ourselves, and it's very important that we can feel them instead of fear them. If we can do that, suddenly unpleasant situations become quite a bit less unpleasant.
I remember my childhood where I was hit for being notorious and messy. And if I cry they'll say cry without a sound. So Ill go under my blanket and cry without a sound with lumps forming in my throat and cry myself to sleep. They never trust me in anything even now. If I spoke my mind still they blame me for being irresponsible disrepecting them. The trauma is worse than I thought. I thought i was exaggerating but as days pass on Im started to fear whether ill be the same person as my parents to my partner and kids. My partner tries to bring me out of this and sometimes I hurt him too. Its really hard.. 😭😭
Reaching out for help from trauma is so tough. Finding people who are able to help and also finding the strength and courage to work through it. It's like these things need to happen at the same time, the right help at the same time as being ready for help.
My house almost burned out yesterday and now im at my auntie's with mom, mom went to our house with my grandparents to check out everything.. last night i couldn't sleep at all and when the thought of my house getting all burned out came in my mind, i always pray to God...My dad is in Germany to work and im here in Romania with my mom
SOME trauma is cured by positive experiences. Recovering from a one off adult event like a car accident is very different from recovering from years of childhood abuse or neglect.
Ella Jane456 same. It’s about disconnecting negative emotions to that experience. I was neglected by my parents, addicts and mentally ill. cured it by reconnecting and forgiving.
Great video. I think the biggest trauma for me was when I was 9 years old and my father betrayed my mother and I by falling in love with my mother's sister and gave more love to my cousins than to me. This situation latested for 20 years. Because my father preferred my cousins than me I became very unsecured and I don't trust people. The best way for me to deal with this is with my psychotherapist
Sometimes you are an adult who keeps getting hurt and neglected not from parents, but everyone around you. Even church members, authorities, people that said were friends and so on... that's when this video doesn't work. But thank you.
I agree with you and have felt that way for years, now not as much gratefully alhamdulilah, because now I find my peace in god/allah because when I called out to him for help my help wasn’t ignored and I know he is the ever seeing and ever being who sees and knows all, the creator of everything within the heavens and the earth, and relying on him is the best blessing I have been given, I hope you find some relief and peace in life, I can assure you you can find it in faith god, wether Muslim Jew or Christian (I’m Muslim and I believe there is one god worthy to worship and that’s Allah the creator of everything and the most powerful and most merciful, but there is no force in belief so it’s all up to you to accept research learn etc ofc
I faced some hard things in this past month of May. I've gotten better, but I'm still processing things. Good luck to all you with coping with your experiences. If I've learned anything these past two months it's that mental health is so important and shouldn't be neglected. Neglecting your feelings, or bottling things up will ALWAYS bite you in the ass eventually. Please talk to someone and if you need to... CRY. Crying is good to deal with your emotions, so put that tough guy shit in the trash. Good luck everyone, I hope you all do well ❤️
At 30 yrs. of age, I was a happy, athletic mother of 2 little girls. I got very sick and had to be hospitalized with Viral Encephalitis. soon, when my daughters visited me in the hospital, I had no idea who they were. Or who I was, for that matter. I forgot everything as soon as it happened, and all balance was gone. I couldn't walk, couldn't hear, wore a diaper, and couldn't even figure out how to tie my shoes. I was very angry, I was very volatile, and I did things that horrify me today. it's been 28 yrs. and I can't forget. I can't move past it. Still no balance, and I fall, I can hear well enough, I suppose, but there is a background noise that hasn't let up, and probably won't. my girls are grown up, but they hold resentment for things I did, and I can't blame them. I can't change any of it, and I don't know what to do. I am unable to even support myself. Social Security has turned me down for disability times.
I pray for all those who have faced trauma in their lives, either at the hands of people you thought would make the world beautiful for you; your ealy caretakers or loved ones. May God heal us of what we couldn't control. We are not bad people. We are not defected. We are not at fault for our past. We are simply those who've fallen to unfair circumstances and we will grow out of it. God sees, and hears. He understands why we fear and what our past was and present is and future will be. May his hands guide you through the right path.
I've been traumatized by the end of a 6 years relationship. I always took it for granted, but when we moved countries my ex changed her behaviour completely. She showed no interest in me at all and in three months we got divorced. I could see she was feeling so good being on her own and I had one of the hardest moments of my life. I did seek for help, talked to psychologists, went to the gym, went out with friends, did meditation, cold showers, nofap.... I couldn't live in the same town that she did, so I moved. I am in the beginning of a new relationship now, but still can't stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking about her. I know when we say trauma, we are talking about people who undergone way more serious situations than mine, like violence, abuse, war etc. Still, I feel pretty miserable and it's about to be one year since it all started. I still talk to my psychologist, twice a week lately. I know it depends a lot from person to person, on one's capacity of resilience. For me, it has been very difficult.
I understand. My wife, who was the one and only relationship in my life, for 12 years, since I was 22, left me abruptly a few months ago. I cannot begin to describe how all-encompassing our relationship was to my adult life, and all aspects of it. I lost everything along with it and I'm absolutely destroyed mentally and with no closure. I lost the entire life I wanted with it, and haven't even got any idea what to do next. Its horrible. Spent my entire adulthood building our life, finding my place in the world, with who I thought was my soulmate. It's all destroyed and I am aimless and lost. It's no small thing, man. I never understood how horrible such a thing could until it happened. My past feels pointless, my present is unbearable, and I can't even imagine a future to truly look forward to. Devastating.
Cbt has helped me so much. It's a safe place to have epiphanies with someone that isn't judging you and they welcome your insights as well as your own.
@Domerciful I have been exploring philosophies like Buddhism for a while now. They certainly do help, but there are just things about life that I can't cope with as of yet. I'm in therapy but that is a long road. My life is actually pretty good in most practical senses right now except that I have zero social life because of my inability to feel connections to people I guess. I have a really hard time liking people and feeling liked. And I can't make a living for myself because I simply cannot stand the work-a-day life. I worked almost constantly since I was a kid up until about 10 years ago when my life took a drastic turn (long story) and ever since then I've been unable to stomach the idea of going to a job every day. Luckily I'm currently financially safe because of my wonderful husband but if I ever had to float on my own I simply couldn't. That would be time to commit suicide. And yes I am working on this suicidal tendency in therapy.
@pink flame That is the goal. The problem is I am in such a habit of self isolation I don't really know how to meet people. And I do have avoidant tendencies so I am constantly pushing out the few people i do have in my life. Because I see them as toxic. But I dont know if it really is them, or just me and my skewed view of how people should be. I find most people shallow, overly self centred, annoying, and just frustrating to deal with. I WANT to like people very badly. i am constantly disappointed in myself for not being able to look past what I perceive as people's flaws. I can't keep casting people aside if I ever want to have a sense of belonging. But if almost everyone around me feels toxic to be around, then is that an improvement from isolation? I dont want to judge people. I dont want to spread negativity into the world. I want love and community and to be surrounded by people who want to learn and grow and we can help each other get the most out of our existence. But people just want to fawn over celebrities and talk about fashion and pick petty arguments and talk non stop about themselves for hours on end never letting me get a word in edgewise, and they become argumentative when I just want to discuss ideas. Like it is ok to disagree, you know! Maybe we can each explore how we get to our thoughts and find a thread of truth we can both agree on, instead of getting all flustered and pissed off the second there is a disagreement! Ok ranting now. lol. Peace and love to all of you out there who are capable of them.
@Domerciful I agree with you completely. I am working on all that. I have actually recently taken the ENORMOUS step (for me) and started going out to meetups. Still havent found anyone I connect with, but I sure am trying.
@@NA-vt6mz No pets but I o have a young son. Travel induces anxiety for me, especially to other countries besides Canada and USA. I can do it with support but I dont think on my own.
This is one of the most well-put films on trauma. As a childhood trauma survivor myself, I could relate to most almost all of the information shared. I am also living proof that it is possible to live a life on our terms and progressively (read: slowly) reverse the limiting beliefs. Overcoming trauma is indeed work which takes years. Moreover, despite most of the work is internal, it all indeed starts with very small steps. My mission in life, through my platform, is to ensure no one is going to be left out on their own ever again.
I go back to past events in my life when someone did something wrong to me and talk to myself about that situation and how that person has no power over me or my mind and that I am better and stronger now since i survived that situation and then i visualize removing that individual from my mind by sending their negative essence into the sun as a black ball of energy.
Please spread the technique of EMDR. After years of curving around my trauma with known therapies, this was the breakthrough. EMDR + Yoga (body work, process stuck feelings) + meditation (calm down triggers through soothing amygdala and findin a more conscious space to deal with feelings and thoughts). all the best to you.
It feels like being constant broken and isolating yourself from others to sort yourself out until you shake the trauma off temporarily then put a mask on.
How to overcome trauma? Good question. I have a better one: How to PREVENT trauma? Most childhood trauma was totally preventable by proper knowledge and skills about parenting. But strangely not any diploma is needed for parenting, no education, no school, nothing.... So trauma is passed on from generation to generation.... Also I think people with psychopath-genes in their dna should NEVER have children at all. Also narcissistic and sociopathic personality types should be discussed for having children at all. We are over populated; it's not like we're an endangered species: we don't need their dna in the gene pool. There's enough knowledge and science-proof about the life-long effects of failing parenting skills. And no (mentally) healthy parents would like to ruin the life of their own child. If they had known better, they would have done better. (Except if they are psychopaths, sociopaths or narcissists: they don't care... only about themselves they care)
Whoa there, that's essentially eugenics. DNA is not itself a good indicator of behaviour, it just shapes part of a person's possibility space. I understand the intense desire to prevent propagation of trauma, believe you me. Education, teaching compassion and understanding, creating community, that's the way. Eradicating entire genetic traits is not. Consider that no one gene is responsible for one thing. They are a constellation, a nebula. There is no such thing as the psychopathic gene, there is no one bit you can flip to magically cure the world.
@@MarZandvliet psychopathy is a genetic trait. They are born that way. In their early years they enjoy torturing and cruelty to animals for example. Can you imagine what an adult psychopath will do to a child?! If it's genetic we should be able to trace the responsible dna.
@@natasjateerling3622 You're effectively telling me that as a person who is just waking up from 32 years of heavy narcissistic abuse that his mother should have been aborted and he himself shouldn't have been born. Thanks, I guess. It's interesting to know my humanity is automatically invalidated by genetic association, without so much as a glance at my person. You know, all my life I've been thinking I've been an undeserving piece of human trash, that I did not deserve anything, perhaps not even life. Not because I feel too little, mind you, but because I feel too damn much, all the time. I was born something of a highly sensitive person, have been a prime target for all sorts of abuse. I finally find the keys to cure my own denial of self, and you seem to want to take my freedom away from me again. For what? Please consider that while you might have caught on to a useful and important pattern that's worth paying attention to, you have not identified a 100% certified devil gene. Cause I gotta tell you, that shit really hurts right now.
"...and so that the world may not be the dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place that we've come to assume it must be." It's always nice to wrap up such videos on a positive note. But do you really feel that the world is actually not a dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place? I find that the longer I've lived, the harder it is for me to convince myself that it isn't.
It's amazing that mother nature left such a flaw in the human condition that a child can be traumatized for life in its first few months of life. Thanks Mum,😕
I was sexually abused by three of my class mates when I was eight, one of them was my best friend. Three or four years it happened again with my neighbour and his friends on his birthday- I was the only girl. I never thought this had affected me. Ten minutes after it happened, I already wasn't thinking about it anymore. Only now as an adult I have realized that my brain just blocked the experience out. Suddenly my addiction to my computer and my anger issues make so much sense to me.
So every time it comes up that a lack of love is a major cause. And love is needed to cure it. But how do you find love? How do you get love? How do you build love around you? Nobody helps with that. And not just the theory but also the practical. I’m heavily traumatised, and the one thing i need most, will have the most positive effect on me, help me the most to overcome trauma, is love. But how, where, who? Nobody helps you with that. Perhaps because nobody knows what they’re doing.
@@WisdomSeller its hokey, but this is true. you have to reparent yourself and find out the kind of love you need. build your own foundation because otherwise people can take advantage of you and give you fake love. you have to know what comfortable love feels like by yourself, setting up your own boundaries, and using that as your guide to scout out and match up love from other people
Sometimes I treat myself like a separate person, a friend who is a true friend in need. I treat her with new clothes or some thrift shopping from time to time. I thank her to have stayed with me through thick and thin. I ask for her best advice when I'm stuck in a difficult situation (which I usually am !! ). She's been my best and most loyal friend and companions since the others turned out to be cheats and betrays.
School of life reading my mind again 🤔 spend all day yesterday trying to figure out the answer to this & you just posted a video on it. Uncanny timing.
i just recently found out what a seizure looks like. my baby sister had one. and the look and her face. the way she tried to scream for help. how her face went blue, and how her body turned grey. she almost didn’t wake up. the doctors said if my mom didn’t do CPR... she wouldn’t be here. my mom saved my baby sisters life. this was a couple days ago. i can’t stop replaying it in my mind. it won’t go away. i’m always so scared. i’m never able to rest. i see it in my dreams. i can never stop thinking about it. i’m distancing myself. i need help. i need something.
How do you help overcome past trauma? Let us know in the comments below and to join your fellow School of Life audience members, be sure to download our new free app: bit.ly/2wqDzL7
@@Exlaty exactly
Yeha
Yeah that's so true, its a meme and the channel is music industry and RUclips Music has way more subscribers
@@Exlaty hi sister
with time, I slowly healed and nobody helped me. I didnt even have friends or family who understood me. There was only me and the internet. I have gone through really hard times. I have thought about suicide infinite times. but here I am, after 2.5 years, I think I am better.
I hope everyone here is ok. Look after yourselves, and your kids.
Does having a child help someone who is traumatised or does it just pass the misfortune onto the child?
Josh the latter is why i fear having any children myself
@@GrandmasterDinnerRoll Yeah I think it's a reasonable reason, I asked that question rhetorically. I don't know what goes on in the minds of those who have children.
I’m never ok
Well i just saw sombody blow there brains out with a shotgun so
"You're now an adult". Kinda. A part of the conscious mind is stuck as a child still. And that sucks.
Helgali sad truth.
True :(
Your always the child .just with a bigger older body.
100% agree
Does it suck? Everyone, traumatized or not, has their child self inside them. The child can be a source of fun and play as an adult. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. The adult in you can sooth and comfort the child when it is scared or having a tantrum.
*_Unspeakable feelings need to be expressed. However verbalization of very intense feelings may be a too difficult at times_*
No to mention the fact that they say that talking about trauma only retraumatizes the person by reactivating the brain to the trauma.
@Goldie O EMDR is probably a better option for someone who has been traumatized as an adult. That and regular yoga (which helps the brain come out of PTSD). There are other options like the Stellate Ganglion Block, which is a one time injection into the vagus nerve. Then there is LENS neurofeedback, which is supposed to help, as well. None of those require talk therapy.
Early childhood trauma is more likely to need DBT and maybe even more than once if they don't seek treatment until adulthood.
You're right, they really don't know what they are doing, and they're mostly fixed on the idea that they do, and that they're helping when most are not (at least when it comes to trauma). It's no wonder more of them aren't sued for malpractice.
Thanks for saying this , I am learning how to do it around safe ppl
Nothing personal, Life Progress, but I much prefer TSOL ethos to yours. The video explains that some feelings we have now, as adults, are because of some sort of childhood neglect that we cannot remember, and not that they are unspeakable.
Therefore, as you will no doubt agree, it is impossible to express feelings if we cannot remember their source. Hope this helps.
@@Julesyoutoo I know nothing about TSOL, but what you stated about not knowing the source is very true. The only things we can remember are the feelings. Maybe not day you day pain, but sadness episodes from childhood. I often cried myself to sleep at night...I cannot remember the incidents, but I remember the sadness. Memories are compacted layers and layers deep. It's next to impossible to separate the layers of memories. Do you know what a lucid dream is? If not. Google lucid dreams. I had a lucid dream of an open wound. The very next day I cut my thumb, chopping vegetables. The skin split, showing the same image I had in the lucid dream. I had been wondering about my inability to connect with the pain and sadness I experienced in childhood. Therefore, feeling intense pain after cutting myself (accidentally) I concluded that I must have felt similarly in childhood. A Stretch of imagination? Maybe...but maybe not. We must be creative and take what we can get in our process of connecting the dots towards healing ourselves. I know from experience that sleep dreams are important. Deciphering dreams is the challenge. Dreams are all about FEELINGS. Associate the feelings with the symbolism in the dream. Lost in a desert with your car going over a cliff? You are in no man's land in big trouble...symbolically describing your emotional life! Unraveling our past pain is literally a life long process. This is the reason most give up. One truly needs to be driven to know the truth. Wellness IS possible. To be honest, I cannot communicate how difficult it was. It has taken me far and wide. I am, however, happy to be alive and deeply satisfied with the woman I finally discovered myself to be...after ALL these years of emotional work.
The moment when you realize you have a problem is very important, then your constant "what is WRONG with me?! turns into "how do I fix this?"
Aneta Mladenovska true. I’m going through that right now.
This literally just happened to me gradually in recent months.
I am at that stage...
Thank you
Yes
I was publicly shamed by a friend in a very nasty manner when I was young. I've had so much trouble making friends since then. I find rejection really terrifying, which makes me withdrawn and odd to others.
I know how that can be, good luck and remember always first Who you are, and what you want for you
@Goldie O & Diego Gutierrez - Thank you for the kind comments. My interpersonal struggles make it hard but I do try hard in many aspects of my life and am working towards having a good career for myself. I hope anyone else who's gone through a similar thing as I did can get some encouragement and hang in there.
So sorry. Everything is an experience. Take your power back & don't let that person take your power from you anymore ❤️. Human love
There’s a special place in hell for friends like these.
I feel you. I was once bullied by a childhood friend in front of the entire school...since then im not the same person nor could i find friends that wouldnt leave me..
_'The catastrophe that the traumatised fear will happen has already happened.'_
~ Donald Winnicott
This was a profound and dare I say paradigm-shifting sentence for me in this video
I used to say that, in some great but scary cosmic irony, the things we fear the most always seem to manifest in some way or another. Yet this quote sort of turns that idea on it's head.
Someone pls explain that quote.....
@@misbah4563 basically whatever trauma you have experienced, has already happened, and whilst the past cannot be changed, you can look to the future and see that what you have been through doesn't mean it will happen again. Trauma essentially rattles you, with your mind thinking that another traumatic event is inevitable and that you need to be prepared, hence being easily startled and constantly edgy. This quote conveys that you dont need to prepare for another traumatic event just because you've already through one. Look to the future, because you will heal and you will get better. Just dont give up hope and most importantly dont beat yourself down.
😏
I am one of those persons that fear to be seen, because as a child when I was seen, I was hurt. This video talks about how traumatized people tend to think that others are likely to mock them, and I really felt that.
I was constantly mocked because I was quiet and shy and my environment were not supportive of my personality so it led to impatience and passive aggressive behavior
Omg yess
"In order to find the gist of what might have occurred to us long ago, we should ask ourselves not so much about the past (we wouldn't directly be able to remember it anyway), but about what we're afraid will happen to us going forward. Our apprehension holds the best clues as to our history."
This is one of the wisest, clearest and truest things I've ever heard in my life. This channel is a blessing. Thank you.
I keep playing that line
Fun coincidence but i reached this comment at the EXACT time this part started playing in the video.
Also I found it amazing too.
İt did indeed reek of wisdom.
It made me feel like there's hope
The part about not remembering your trauma years later really hit me! I tried to talk to my therapist about the root of my trauma by giving specific examples but I could barely remember any because I’ve been trying to forget that part of my life for years. It’s like you remember the general sadness during that time but you don’t remember specific events, so weird.
Having a breakdown in 2017 was the best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace it my friends.
hell yes!!!!!!!!!!!
Chief Blacksheep same here. but hopefully we'll find someone that understand us. plus its good that i noticed i was with the wrong ppl. also self compassion helps too. we hav to be friends with ourselves before finding good friends.
absolutely.
My breakdown did not. It was a severe and nuclear breakdown seemingly out of nowhere. It was not caused by just one thing. It was a landslide mess of multiple issues and traumas piling up. I am still trying to process it so i can move on. I lost my job. Felt a lot of shame because it was an extremely severe breakdown. Everyone around me just thinks it was something i should instantly be able to get over. I went from being a battle wounded and scarred but strong somewhat normal and intelligent person with a lot of coping skills and a rock for a lot of people, to being a weak, terrified, anxious puddle of worthlessness. I ended up in a total crappy mental hospital for 11 days 7 years ago. They did absolutely nothing to help me with anything and actually made things way worse. The only way i got out of there was to ignore their crap and baiting and act as normal as possible. I was never diagnosed with anything and they kept me there and drugged up till my insurance wouldn't pay anymore. They would drug me up on a high dose of meds an hr prior to a big meeting with head Dr. I had no aftercare at all. I had 3 meetings once a month with someone that did nothing and i was also dropped because that guy transferred somewhere else and no one referred me to anywhere. I am coming back slowly, but definitely not the same nice person with a lot of patience. More of a fire breathing dragon with no tolerance.
uhm no..
*Trauma takes time to heal* and the best thing we can do is to be present with our emotions.
Take the time to feel, be present and grow from the experience.
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me exactly brother. Whatever you do, it always takes time
I don't think that's right. Some people just learn how to live through life with their trauma to the point where they feel their trauma is "normal". It becomes their comfort zone. This normalized feeling may be mistaken for "healed".
Batool Bazzi that is also true. The question is, will that person be happy? If yes then it’s ok. But in most cases, it’s not the case or else it would be called “traumatized”, right? If THEY don’t know it or not aware of the fact that what they think is normal isn’t normal, it’s YOUR job then to wake them up and interrupt the pattern 😊
With all do respect that seems to be over simplifying it. Time passes anyways but the trauma is constantly relived and the influence of the trauma is made worse and worse.
Goldie O i like your profile page 😂 it was such a great show 😭
THIS. Is. The topic that I've been wanting the school of life to cover for years. This hit me so hard, thank you.
strawberry 🦋🦋🦋
It’s profound, I agree with you.
strawberry i love strawberries
Yea, the whole video described me to a t.
Having worked on my Neglect and trauma from my own childhood, I am now able to be the very best version of myself as a parent to my own child. However, I am constantly checking my own neuroses and remaining trauma so not to influence my child in a negative way. Thank you so very much for these videos. You have helped me a LOT! Respect and gratitude from an Aussie RUclipsr 🌹🌹
I hope I can heal just like you, I feel that it will take more years tho.
Bless you and your family 💖
Hello, how did you recover from your trauma? The truth hurts and I don’t know where to go from here.
No offence, and tbh I don't know if this is true or not but don't you think you recording your baby and posting it on youtube for anyone to see might impact him/her when they grow up?
@@anndguevarra it takes time and a lot of hard work. Keep at it xx
@@angies.3549 it hurts and sometimes it still hurts but less.... a lot of therapy and supportive friends help
Complex PTSD, from surviving to thriving. Polyvagal theory. The best I have read of plenty.
I literally just ordered a book on this yesterday! I hope it helps 🙈
The Body Keeps The Score is another good book choice. Traumahealed is a good self help website also. The Mental Health forum is also a good forum to join for these types of things.
Is it good
For me the worst part about my trauma is not only the anxiety, it's more this indescribable loneliness that I feel and also the dissociation from the world and myself which creates this feeling of isolation. I feel like a prisoner in my own body and mind
It's easy to sink into sadness when you realize all the ways in which trauma prevents you from enjoying life. It feels almost like a little curse that will always follow you. On bad days this thought really cuts off my appetite for life.
However, it's important to see it from a neutral perspective. It's not a handicap. It's more like a feature, like a birthsign. It's a part of us that manifests in a myriad of ways that make up who we are.
For example, I recently realized my entire life has been unconsciously governed by my fear of ending up dependent on my parents ever again. This fear is preventing me from reaching the kind of deep connection that occurs when you entrust people with vital parts of your life. That is particularly sad because I do strive for that deeper connection and I feel a terrible inner conflict every time.
But this fear also helped me become a strong and independent person. It made me more driven in my professional life, it made me able to question authority and be a better activist. It made me a more reliable person because I don't want to cause people that kind of insecurity.
I've come to accept that I will have to live with these trust issues for the rest of my life. With things like this it's more a question of coping than overcoming completely I think. But even so, there are people who can empathize with my trust issues which creates a different but still deep connection. There are people willing to put up with them, people who find them fascinating. It doesn't have to be a curse.
YES LOVE THE GROWTH!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Good luck on your journey.
It's sad to hear that you're going through this but at the same time it resonates with me so much and it feels good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. x
@@FolkJazzChannel happy to hear you find some comfort in this. It's easier to make peace with these things when you know you're not alone.
Someone who really can relate with my pain. 😄
Yet again, *the most underrated channel on RUclips*
My very first 'crush', one that I liked very much indeed from elementary/primary/grade school died unexpectedly. They simply dropped dead in their home. It was my first encounter with death, let alone my first encounter with losing a loved one. I dont think about it often but when I do, I can notice suppressed feelings that have followed me all this time. I'd always been a "quiet" albeit curious kid, but that incident definitely changed me in ways I have yet to fully appreciate.
You have not been forgotten, Isabella.
I was a special-needs kid, and dealt with a number of teachers that bullied me throughout my childhood and teen years. Replace “how we view the world” with “how we view ourselves,” and this video fits to a tee!
Emotional neglect from 0-18 years left me fearless because i had nothing to loose. No emotions to identify with. Emotions weren't allowed.
My hugs darling
I avoided my feelings for years but it bites you in the butt my friend. X
@@misshearttree i totally agree same thing happen to me!!
I often feel sorry for my baby me :(
Don't do that. Embrace your older self, but don't feel sorry. Do better than it, feel hopeful for what's about to come for her.
I wish I could hug and give love to child/teenage me. I invest that energy in my nephews and friends at the moment, not the best coping strategy but better than my previous ones :)
@@littlefuckingPanda you’re great. I love you 💗
Yep, me, too.
@@kathykaura7219 just look at how great you are today! focus on urself and try to become the best version of urself! much love
I recommend, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Dr. Vanderkolk to anyone that is or knows a survivor.
I have thought of it because it is in my pile of books. I just moved it to the top. It seems like yoga helps unlock trauma from the body for me. I am not sure how it works. We hold emotion in our hips? Somehow it does.
@@coreycox2345 I think each person holds it in a different way. But the hips certainly represent a very deep aspect of ourselves, our foundation and our core. I myself have experienced it and some people I know, too.
@@coreycox2345 His writing style is immensely empathetic but the subject matter is not an easy read at times. It's taken me over three years to get through the book and I'm still not done, I have to take breaks.
Yoga has a mix of gentle exertion that reconnects the mind and body together in a relaxing way.
@@Turtleproof It isn't always gentle. I have cried for reasons I couldn't fathom in an extended pigeon pose.
coreycox2345 Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine is another good one
Like that Bojack meme goes, we inherit our parents' trauma but never fully understand it.
Why would you never understand it? It’s in the dna. Do research about your familys history, it usually uncovers a lot of things that explain the present
@@Ritaaw1 what if you're adopted?
@@TheLillybean12 it’s going to be tougher then. There is dna tests though but it’s not certain to find your family even there.
@@Ritaaw1 Genes aren't everything. They can determine certain biases towards a particular illness, perhaps slight emotional attributes, but the environment is largely what shapes us. We develop most of our behaviors from observing and mimicking our parents, then later from people around us.
@@Senzorei yes. Some mental illnesses are geritable but they need a real life trigger. Some people have bipolar in their family, some have ptsd, some alcoholism
Psychotherapy has been very helpful for me. I don’t remember most of my childhood, and I’m glad I have a responsible therapist who doesn’t try to force my memory, but who helps me identify the effects of trauma and combat what you so aptly identified as dread. Thank you. I loved this one
Everyone please take care of yourself, it hurts to see people live in absolute misery and then try to act how everything's fine, I genuinely hope you guys fight through, and please don't give a care about other, just stay healthy and don't hide so much emotions, please PLEASE find a way to get it all out!!
One of the bibles about traumas is the book "The body keeps the score". Highly recommended to anyone who has interest in the subject, specially victims of traumatic events. Depending on the trauma, specially childhood related ones, they never really get overcome, people just learn how to cope better with them by understanding that the "symptoms" are not so unique to themselves, but to most of people who went through something similar. That might help dealing with self blaming, shame, anger and other harsh common feelings one experiences when trying live a normal life while dealing with frequently abnormal reactions triggered due to past traumatic memories.
Therapies like EMDR and EFT are good for releasing trauma. Peter Levine has written some books on how trauma is held within the body.
If you suffer from trauma, neglect, abuse, I highly recommend the book "the tao of fully feeling" by Pete Walker. The cover and the name might come off as cheesy but it describes things in such a clear and crisp way, has short sections so you can read at your own pace, and has just been extremely valuable to me in recovering. All the best!
2017 was when I revisited my childhood trauma, later on, I got diagnosed with Chronic PTSD. These past three years I have put so much work into my healing and I can now confidently say that you have the ability to heal and integrate your traumas! All this “take these meds” and “learn to live with this” is pure nonsense! Mental illness does not have to be permanent if you commit to facing your traumas with an open heart and mind. Purge out all of those bottled up emotions first so processing isn’t so overwhelming! Soon you’ll see that the more you allow yourself to FEEL with no judgment but with awareness, the more you’ll see that you just had to purge out all of these sad emotions to feel good emotions again. Takes time but then you’ll soon be crying tears of joy as I have been all of 2020✨🙌🏽
This rings so true, that it's painful just to hear.
My trauma was witnessing my sister being violated for years and being powerless to stop these attacks. While I felt that the physical beatings I received pales in comparison to what my sister received, it took three decades for the family to hear my story. The only poor advice that I have to offer with overcoming trauma is to advocate for yourself, and disassociate your memories to keep from living in the past. I feel that if you can find it within yourself that you are worth a shit, that despite even your own beliefs that you deserve a better life, and the realization that your history isn’t what defines you, then perhaps you’ll gain some insight on the vices and triggers that intentionally confines you in that traumatic state. Give yourself patience, time, and most of all, be that person you needed when you were younger. Not sure if this advice will help anybody, but regardless if it does or not... I’m rooting for you.
Dudeee… wtf I bust a tear😢
after what happened, i’ve felt so confused. stuck. alone. weak. always looking for a distraction, unmotivated for anything else. i’m still very much at the beginning of whatever this is, still stuck in fear. i wish it weren’t this way. just wish i weren’t in my shoes right now. idk. things will get better with time, i hope.
I can help you say you Erika join the WhatsApp group
chat.whatsapp.com/KQgQwSIvSEHDT05oR6T1w7 , it's your lucky day
I hope your situation has improved.
You can't overcome trauma that doesn't end because people won't stop creating it for you. It's just healing a wound that is to be perpetually reopened.
Helena Monique Clarke oh honey. There is a fundamental err in your wording- other people do not create it for you- you are unconsciously recreating it for yourself...
you must take responsibility for your life.
@@grittygoddess is this what you say to victim of abuse, rape, grooming and so on? What a horrible thing to say.
Alejandra Elizondo did they say they were raped 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Alejandra Elizondo 🤣 absolutely ridiculous 🙄
@@grittygoddess No it's not ridiculous at all. Yes, victims of abuse in their childhood tend to find themselves with people that are more prone to hurt them.
1. It's not their fault. It's a SICKNESS. Would you tell someone that had cancer once that they need to "put their lifes together" if they happen to become ill again ?
2. That never, never excuse what other people could do to them. They are fragile, easily manipulable, and some kind of people use that. So, yes. In a way, you're basically saying "you had a trauma early in your life and now you just had an other one ? Well to bad, it's your fault for not putting yourself together." You are LITTERALLY blaming the victim for not being strong enough.
So, excuse me, but wtf is wrong with you.
I'm currently dealing with leaving an abusive and toxic relationship. I completely agree with this video. I have a hard time telling people how he made my life hell but have a hard time recalling exactly what those things are. My brain has hurt so much that forgetting makes it easier to cope or excuse. It's hard to move on because I still feel like I love him but know on every level it is detrimental to my well-being. I can see how easy it could be to fall into an even worse situation. The manipulation, even if not physical, really puts your brain in a state of survival out of fear. I'm hopeful there can be a happy ending and I know logically this is so, but it does not seem like there is a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. Just thought someone out there might benefit from my situation. You will have friends again and you can be happy again whether alone or with someone.
You will not believe it , but there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will simply have to bite through it and crawl there. Read, read, read about abuse and trauma and talk to other people , you will massively boost the speed of healing.
Wow...you literally described me. I have been having such a hard time deciphering how to put the words together to describe me and my situation and you said it for me. " I have a hard time telling people how he made my life hell but have a hard time recalling exactly what those things are. My brain has hurt so much that forgetting makes it easier to cope or excuse. It's hard to move on because I still feel like I love him but know on every level it is detrimental to my well-being." This is exactly me. Thank you so much for putting the words together for me when I couldn't!
I am beating trauma by being the parent I needed when I was younger. I make sure to always show up for myself, I give myself the attention I need, I tell myself that I am love and worthy of it, and I’m seeing major improvements in my confidence and self esteem.😊
above all, thank you so much for addressing the “memory” aspect of trauma. it took me longer than it should have to accept my own experiences because i couldnt remember much of them, and therefore kept being dismissed and even dismissing myself. memories surrounding trauma are so complex and not enough people talk about that.
Thank you for the somewhat cathartic words and visuals.These videos are helping me heal from a breakdown and helping me look more closely at myself.
I dont have any trauma thankfully but my condolences to those who have it
RiꜱᴇnHᴇᴇd we are all traumatized one way or another. You should watch 3:00 in case you missed it
@@jakenguyen2584 Not everyone was tramatized. I went back and watched 3:00. Some people are blessed to have compassionate parents who dont have trama theirselves.
@@caelyn2873 traumas don't only come from bad parenting but they also come from your own experiences with others around you. There are 2 types of people: those who are aware of their traumas and those who are not. No one, I repeat, NO ONE is trauma-free and it's rather unfortunate. I'm not trying to offend you or anyone. I just think that it is more healthy and productive to be aware of our own traumas so that we can continuously improve ourselves instead of thinking there's nothing wrong with ourselves.
This comment is so sweet
@@hahahahaBHFSD7 you are sweet
I have to say this is very true and thank you for this video. The biggest problem haunted me years is that I didn't realize I was traumatized until a friend pointed it out to me what happened long ago had great impacts. It covers almost all of my adult life and I always had issues with commitment and relationships.
As a child victim of years upon years of trauma resulting in CPTSD, now aged 62 I realize that you can't change or heal it. All you can do is learn to live with it and work round it once you understand it's effects. In effect one remains a victim of the effects
Trauma is like grief, grief is when a beloved one died is gone missing.
You'll never able to remove grief in your heary but learn how to deal with it
@Jd Ck I'm only 20 in the same shoes as you and I suspected that trauma can't be healed so yeah. I think you're totally right. I'm currently learning how to do everything I want to even while having trauma. I feel like I'm getting stronger and stronger each day 🥰
@Mastnaer Ceef 🥺no please don't say that💕I'm sure you have a beautiful soul so please be kind to yourself too🥺💕I'm having trauma too and I'm learning how to fight it and become stronger than trauma itself. We can make it together🥺💖
@@Moesie True and some days u cant take it anymore it gets hard painful and lonely. time won't help l feel like the only way l'm going to be free is by suicide. end it all.
@@IbarraAlejandro your mind is playing tricks with u.
Try some hz frequency music 432 or 528 hz.
Listen to binaraul beats or affirmation
Eat healthy watch old nickelodeon shows. Awaken ur inner childhood.
U dont want to end ur life u only want to end ur suffering .
As always, you do invaluable work. This channel will in years from now be seen as the main philosophical tool of the internet era. I am so thankful I came across you and your books 2-3 years ago.
I always think this, School of Life will go down in history for single handedly tackling the mental health problems of out times like no-one else could. And literally saving lives
This is a very important video with a paramount message. Not everyone's childhood is smooth and positive. I was once treating a doctor and together through a certain method unearthed a long forgotten trauma which had happened in her childhood when she was 4 years old. Once that was resolved her improvement was almost instantaneous and her condition remarkably improved. For those who are struggling with some of the stuff mentioned in this video, my suggestion is to seek help. Do not tackle it alone.
I cannot express how thankful I am for your clear explanation of such complicated aspects of ourselves. Taking deep breaths now and starting my own healing journey ✨❤️✨
Júlio Barboza Chiquetto that’s wonderful! 🦋
@@NenaLavonne thanks! It's not easy but we know we will eventually get there ✌🏽✨❤️
So relevant to me right now
Thank you
April M 🦋
I needed this today, thank you for all the work you do
Slowly coming out of decades of trauma in my 40s. Tiny first steps, but it's so liberating and already my mental health has improved dramatically. All this in the midst of a global pandemic too!
My father was abusive. And by abusive i mean he used to beat me and my brothers. Terrible beatings, used to bash my head against conrete wall, choke me untill i lost consciousness and many more. And my parents got divorced when i was 11 and since then i was terrified when someone knocked the door i would dread. But now i have my own kids and even if i try to love them as much as i wanted to i just dont know how to do it. And sometimes i find myself shouting. Terrible thing. I dont even know how i ended up there. I alwasy ran away from it but now i am. Fuuck.
Hello there. I am very sorry to hear that. My mother was very violent, so I know how that feels. I think it is a very good sign that you reflect on your behaviour with your kids. If you were similar to your father, you never would. So you shouldn't worry about ending up like him. I wanted to recommend you the work of a wonderful clinical psychologist and writer, Tara Brach. Her books are called " Radical Acceptance " and "True Refuge" and both of them are wonderful. I discovered her thanks to the website Brain Pickings ( A brilliant website, included in the archive of "The Library of Congress" as cultural patrimony.) If you wish to know her a bit, you can listen to her podcast too. Try the episodes: " Beyond the controlling self 1 and 2". That woman 's wisdom is very inspiring and her insights are life changing. She has a great sense of humour too. Best wishes :- )
:(
HEY atleast you acknowledge it, some parents think shouting at their kid is a good thing
But noooo, it makes their kid anxious :(
Nice vid lol. Useful af. My childhood was fucked over and left to rot by people that were very very close to me and i'm haunted. These type vids and teachings help.
The most effective way of reducing trauma in all of humanity is for parents to stop being immoral trash towards their own children.
Unslaved _ Or simply stop reproducing.
There should be some kind of licensing procedure you'd have to go through before becoming a parent. Just about every other activity in life, like driving a car, or becoming a hair cutter, requires some basic demonstrated proficiency
Exactly
Bravo.
hoping that other parents would also watch this video...
The best is to keeping away from the people who have traumatized you.
My parents have abused me verybally AND physically AND psychologically. I did the only right thing and moved away from them as soon as I turned 18 in 2011. I even went abroad for a year in 2016, but when I returned in 2017, I propoably made the biggest (and yes, I mean THE biggest genuinely) mistake of my life. I moved back in wth my parents. When I moved back in, there was nothing but fighting, and they essentally continued their abusive behaviour. That, dear friends, has essentially created new wounds and re-opened many old ones.
I live by myself since early 2019 again, but those past two years where I had been living with my parents is still haunting me.
*It takes TIME*
It’s not as easy as it sounds, but with anything, if you are willing to change it and make the best out of it then you will find every way to make yourself feel better again and be PATIENT. 🙏
This was posted the very week i felt my life fall apart and my breakdown in full swing. I found a breakthrough in my breakdown and this video perfectly captured my experience of decades in trauma and realizing it now at 35.
One of the few reasons I have understood that I've been tramatized as a child (and after childhood too) is beacuse my fear of the future has always been that it doesn't excist. It doesn't feel dark or terrible och anything like that - it just doesn't excist. Everything was ending all the time, always, and my greatest fear was that all human beings would dissapear. My greatest fear was living my whole life without talking to anyone or having any kind of interaction with a human being again. And it didn't just feel likely to happened in the future. It was the only thing that could happen , if not the other thing that is ever worse would happened - the world would dissapear too. It's only the last 3-4 years (I'm 26 soon) that I've come to believe myself to have any kind of future at all. I went to school almost by conincidence, needed to fix my high school grades (but truly I just wanted a break from my job) and all out of a sudden I'm good in school. I don't know yet but I know my grade will be at least fairly good, maybe even very good. I'm so confused and depressed. A teacher that everyone likes and admires (who's also a university teacher) told me that she is certain I would do very good at university and almost tried to convince me I should study something more academic than what I thought was possible for me. I just can't understand it. I feel extremely boastful but I got the resultat back at a national university test we have here (in sweden, called högskoleprovet) and it was good. Not extremely good or anything but without doubt, it can give me a good future. Like very good. I failed in school before beacuse I knew life was over in every second of every minute. It was over. I always knew that, so I was extremely uninterested in everything. My last graduation (with failed grades) was one of the most depressing days in my life.
I love this video beacuse it describes very important and forgotten aspects of trauma. It's not only about flashbacks all the time, it's also about completely losing the faith in the very existence of life. Why should I believe in a future when I didn't really had a now - or a past?
EMDR has helped me enormously with this.
Few tips from my side as I have undergone bad depression and emotional trauma
1. Used google notes at night and have written whatever thoughts emotions come to my mind : but remember to have a title for every thought , like hurting thoughts , damaging past , people I hate etc and write under them and finally archive it . Slowly your mind will easily identify the thoughts and it knows which section they belong to and also you will get capacity to archive it within your head. Train your brain to do this way!
2. Speak speak speak , biggest problem with trauma is not being understood. If you get one person who identifies what you are going through and talk in those lines there are good chances you will get out of it quickly , so instead of being silent and waiting for right person just talk with everyone and express your feelings , I am sure one or the other will say what you are going through and that gives a good relief and you can be out of that immediately as soon as you identify that.
3. Meditate - this helps great but difficult to do when in trauma , try to the extent possible this has its impact . Focus to identify that behaviour of yours or nature of yours which is hurt and causing this emotion or pain and try to give up that nature , this is good to make you much stronger mentally.
This is so on point it's scary. I've been medicated for nearly 20 years and my psychiatrist never brought up trauma as the underlying cause of my fears, anxieties, depression, and other dysfunctions.
Best thing I did was stop taking drugs to feel better I know it may sound hard but you can do it 💪🏽
I watched my parents fighting with each other over the silliest little things since I was a child, even until they have a grandchild they're still in disagreement. I'm scared of commitment thanks to them
This is exactly what I went through and I have never been on a date or in a relationship
i went on for 16 years with trauma caused by one who were very near to me and i have been decaying all these years i never conected the dots to this person i even tryed to fix everything even tho that person almost killed me its scary to think that i couldnt fully remember it even back then. every day is a struggle. but getting more and more help with dealing with it now. i just had to tell my parents about it and i wish i did 16 or so years ago. got a son now and i will not let this drag me down any more or have the chance of leaving my son getting traumatized by my actions or my mood. thank you for your video.
There are certain traumas you can never recover from. It can be managed
Yes, I agree. I overcame the after tides of a physical trauma I had due to an accident. But after 10 years I have not been able to overcome the shock of seeing a loved one waste away because of a fatal disease. The PTSD is back now that I am in difficult circumstances . The current stress is reactivating the past trauma.
If that’s the case I should just kill myself. Honestly, I don’t want to live if I’m going to feel like this. I thought I healed, but I did not. I’m only living for my mother she is amazing and sacrificed so much for me, but living is extremely hard.
@@wl415 please dont- you can heal. Things will get better. I promise. I hope you are doing better from when you left this comment, please know you are loved
@@wl415 what is your major problem though? Is it physical, mental or emotional trauma?
I just experienced something at work that shook me to my core. I’m putting in my two weeks notice… it’s just too much…
When I was a kid(2 years),I used to be really sick but my mom and dad left me alone at home for jobs. When I grew up I felt like don't deserve love and I couldn't make friend because I felt like I didn't deserve them and I didn't matter at all. I don't deserve anything,I am worthless,for the past two years I went on being tortured by my own mind! It wasn't easy. I felt like shit. For the most part I tried to put a happy facade but pretending to be happy won't make you happier. But slowly I have come to untangle stuff and I'm learning to see the problem as the problem and not attach my whole past with it
One important and often forgotten aspect of trauma, especially this specific kind, is not that we are just afraid of rejection and criticism, but afraid of our own anger/rage, afraid of our capacity to be aggressive and harm (note: capacity != doing). We need those aggressive energies to be assertive and protect ourselves, and it's very important that we can feel them instead of fear them. If we can do that, suddenly unpleasant situations become quite a bit less unpleasant.
2nd of September 2008, 14:30. Admitting that my lens might be distorted. Zero hour. I've come a long way
Love how this channel makes it more and more evident to me that I am the problem, on a daily basis. Nice.
I remember my childhood where I was hit for being notorious and messy. And if I cry they'll say cry without a sound. So Ill go under my blanket and cry without a sound with lumps forming in my throat and cry myself to sleep. They never trust me in anything even now. If I spoke my mind still they blame me for being irresponsible disrepecting them. The trauma is worse than I thought. I thought i was exaggerating but as days pass on Im started to fear whether ill be the same person as my parents to my partner and kids. My partner tries to bring me out of this and sometimes I hurt him too. Its really hard.. 😭😭
I understand what you mean and I hope you'll be extra kind to yourself today because you sure as well deserve it♥ sending u all my love
Reaching out for help from trauma is so tough. Finding people who are able to help and also finding the strength and courage to work through it. It's like these things need to happen at the same time, the right help at the same time as being ready for help.
honestly trauma is such a stupid thing "congratulations, you suffered, now suffer some more"
Such a sick pathetic comment... Shows how trauma can cause one to become Sadistic & Narcissistic
Being born and having to live is trauma.
@rabinraj15 How is that sick you are sick for saying that
@@allgamer3679 Interesting... 🤔
You too buddy!
My house almost burned out yesterday and now im at my auntie's with mom, mom went to our house with my grandparents to check out everything.. last night i couldn't sleep at all and when the thought of my house getting all burned out came in my mind, i always pray to God...My dad is in Germany to work and im here in Romania with my mom
I just took so many notes from this video and even came to some of my own revelations about my traumas. Thank you
I had a car accident last month.. today I started driving again.
Trauma is cured by positive experiences... go out and EXPERIENCE.
Your Favorite Lifecoach good luck on your progression back...
SOME trauma is cured by positive experiences. Recovering from a one off adult event like a car accident is very different from recovering from years of childhood abuse or neglect.
Ella Jane456 same. It’s about disconnecting negative emotions to that experience. I was neglected by my parents, addicts and mentally ill. cured it by reconnecting and forgiving.
I agree!’
@@coachbahman
Plz.tell us more like it's not that easy come on
Great video. I think the biggest trauma for me was when I was 9 years old and my father betrayed my mother and I by falling in love with my mother's sister and gave more love to my cousins than to me. This situation latested for 20 years. Because my father preferred my cousins than me I became very unsecured and I don't trust people. The best way for me to deal with this is with my psychotherapist
My dad hit a deer and i saw how the poor thing flew 😭😭😭 if not this video, i would not have thought of shutting my brain off, so thank you a lot.
Sometimes you are an adult who keeps getting hurt and neglected not from parents, but everyone around you. Even church members, authorities, people that said were friends and so on... that's when this video doesn't work. But thank you.
I agree with you and have felt that way for years, now not as much gratefully alhamdulilah, because now I find my peace in god/allah because when I called out to him for help my help wasn’t ignored and I know he is the ever seeing and ever being who sees and knows all, the creator of everything within the heavens and the earth, and relying on him is the best blessing I have been given,
I hope you find some relief and peace in life, I can assure you you can find it in faith god, wether Muslim Jew or Christian
(I’m Muslim and I believe there is one god worthy to worship and that’s Allah the creator of everything and the most powerful and most merciful, but there is no force in belief so it’s all up to you to accept research learn etc ofc
@@unknownoblivion2417 thank you!! Amen.
I faced some hard things in this past month of May. I've gotten better, but I'm still processing things. Good luck to all you with coping with your experiences. If I've learned anything these past two months it's that mental health is so important and shouldn't be neglected. Neglecting your feelings, or bottling things up will ALWAYS bite you in the ass eventually. Please talk to someone and if you need to... CRY. Crying is good to deal with your emotions, so put that tough guy shit in the trash. Good luck everyone, I hope you all do well ❤️
At 30 yrs. of age, I was a happy, athletic mother of 2 little girls. I got very sick and had to be hospitalized with Viral Encephalitis. soon, when my daughters visited me in the hospital, I had no idea who they were. Or who I was, for that matter. I forgot everything as soon as it happened, and all balance was gone. I couldn't walk, couldn't hear, wore a diaper, and couldn't even figure out how to tie my shoes. I was very angry, I was very volatile, and I did things that horrify me today. it's been 28 yrs. and I can't forget. I can't move past it. Still no balance, and I fall, I can hear well enough, I suppose, but there is a background noise that hasn't let up, and probably won't. my girls are grown up, but they hold resentment for things I did, and I can't blame them. I can't change any of it, and I don't know what to do. I am unable to even support myself. Social Security has turned me down for disability times.
I'm so sorry, I hope you have a successful application for help soon, sending spoons and solidarity 🥄💜
I pray for all those who have faced trauma in their lives, either at the hands of people you thought would make the world beautiful for you; your ealy caretakers or loved ones. May God heal us of what we couldn't control. We are not bad people. We are not defected. We are not at fault for our past. We are simply those who've fallen to unfair circumstances and we will grow out of it. God sees, and hears. He understands why we fear and what our past was and present is and future will be. May his hands guide you through the right path.
I've been traumatized by the end of a 6 years relationship. I always took it for granted, but when we moved countries my ex changed her behaviour completely. She showed no interest in me at all and in three months we got divorced. I could see she was feeling so good being on her own and I had one of the hardest moments of my life. I did seek for help, talked to psychologists, went to the gym, went out with friends, did meditation, cold showers, nofap.... I couldn't live in the same town that she did, so I moved. I am in the beginning of a new relationship now, but still can't stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking about her. I know when we say trauma, we are talking about people who undergone way more serious situations than mine, like violence, abuse, war etc. Still, I feel pretty miserable and it's about to be one year since it all started. I still talk to my psychologist, twice a week lately. I know it depends a lot from person to person, on one's capacity of resilience. For me, it has been very difficult.
I understand. My wife, who was the one and only relationship in my life, for 12 years, since I was 22, left me abruptly a few months ago. I cannot begin to describe how all-encompassing our relationship was to my adult life, and all aspects of it. I lost everything along with it and I'm absolutely destroyed mentally and with no closure. I lost the entire life I wanted with it, and haven't even got any idea what to do next. Its horrible. Spent my entire adulthood building our life, finding my place in the world, with who I thought was my soulmate. It's all destroyed and I am aimless and lost. It's no small thing, man. I never understood how horrible such a thing could until it happened. My past feels pointless, my present is unbearable, and I can't even imagine a future to truly look forward to. Devastating.
wow u guys feel better now ?
Relationships & breakups can very much be traumatic! You were traumatized. No comparison.
Cbt has helped me so much. It's a safe place to have epiphanies with someone that isn't judging you and they welcome your insights as well as your own.
I would love to know how to see the world as not a terrifying place..
@Domerciful I have been exploring philosophies like Buddhism for a while now. They certainly do help, but there are just things about life that I can't cope with as of yet. I'm in therapy but that is a long road. My life is actually pretty good in most practical senses right now except that I have zero social life because of my inability to feel connections to people I guess. I have a really hard time liking people and feeling liked. And I can't make a living for myself because I simply cannot stand the work-a-day life. I worked almost constantly since I was a kid up until about 10 years ago when my life took a drastic turn (long story) and ever since then I've been unable to stomach the idea of going to a job every day. Luckily I'm currently financially safe because of my wonderful husband but if I ever had to float on my own I simply couldn't. That would be time to commit suicide. And yes I am working on this suicidal tendency in therapy.
@pink flame That is the goal. The problem is I am in such a habit of self isolation I don't really know how to meet people. And I do have avoidant tendencies so I am constantly pushing out the few people i do have in my life. Because I see them as toxic. But I dont know if it really is them, or just me and my skewed view of how people should be. I find most people shallow, overly self centred, annoying, and just frustrating to deal with. I WANT to like people very badly. i am constantly disappointed in myself for not being able to look past what I perceive as people's flaws. I can't keep casting people aside if I ever want to have a sense of belonging. But if almost everyone around me feels toxic to be around, then is that an improvement from isolation?
I dont want to judge people. I dont want to spread negativity into the world. I want love and community and to be surrounded by people who want to learn and grow and we can help each other get the most out of our existence. But people just want to fawn over celebrities and talk about fashion and pick petty arguments and talk non stop about themselves for hours on end never letting me get a word in edgewise, and they become argumentative when I just want to discuss ideas. Like it is ok to disagree, you know! Maybe we can each explore how we get to our thoughts and find a thread of truth we can both agree on, instead of getting all flustered and pissed off the second there is a disagreement!
Ok ranting now. lol. Peace and love to all of you out there who are capable of them.
@Domerciful I agree with you completely. I am working on all that. I have actually recently taken the ENORMOUS step (for me) and started going out to meetups. Still havent found anyone I connect with, but I sure am trying.
April Thomas I feel the same way . Do u have pets or animal causes u can support in free time . Would u travel to a new country alone
@@NA-vt6mz No pets but I o have a young son. Travel induces anxiety for me, especially to other countries besides Canada and USA. I can do it with support but I dont think on my own.
This is one of the most well-put films on trauma. As a childhood trauma survivor myself, I could relate to most almost all of the information shared. I am also living proof that it is possible to live a life on our terms and progressively (read: slowly) reverse the limiting beliefs. Overcoming trauma is indeed work which takes years. Moreover, despite most of the work is internal, it all indeed starts with very small steps. My mission in life, through my platform, is to ensure no one is going to be left out on their own ever again.
This Is A Video To Get Someone Off The Ledge. Thank You.
Son of Plato 🦋
I go back to past events in my life when someone did something wrong to me and talk to myself about that situation and how that person has no power over me or my mind and that I am better and stronger now since i survived that situation and then i visualize removing that individual from my mind by sending their negative essence into the sun as a black ball of energy.
Holy shit I didn't even know how much I needed this
Please spread the technique of EMDR. After years of curving around my trauma with known therapies, this was the breakthrough. EMDR + Yoga (body work, process stuck feelings) + meditation (calm down triggers through soothing amygdala and findin a more conscious space to deal with feelings and thoughts). all the best to you.
It feels like being constant broken and isolating yourself from others to sort yourself out until you shake the trauma off temporarily then put a mask on.
This is spot on.
Thank you thank you thank you for helping my mental health. Thank you for caring thank you for giving mental health it’s worth.
Wanderlust yes! 🦋
How to overcome trauma?
Good question. I have a better one:
How to PREVENT trauma?
Most childhood trauma was totally preventable by proper knowledge and skills about parenting.
But strangely not any diploma is needed for parenting, no education, no school, nothing....
So trauma is passed on from generation to generation....
Also I think people with psychopath-genes in their dna should NEVER have children at all.
Also narcissistic and sociopathic personality types should be discussed for having children at all.
We are over populated; it's not like we're an endangered species: we don't need their dna in the gene pool.
There's enough knowledge and science-proof about the life-long effects of failing parenting skills.
And no (mentally) healthy parents would like to ruin the life of their own child.
If they had known better, they would have done better.
(Except if they are psychopaths, sociopaths or narcissists: they don't care... only about themselves they care)
@Exhilirous it's the reverse. Dreams represent deep seated trauma.
We're all doing the best we know how.
Whoa there, that's essentially eugenics. DNA is not itself a good indicator of behaviour, it just shapes part of a person's possibility space. I understand the intense desire to prevent propagation of trauma, believe you me. Education, teaching compassion and understanding, creating community, that's the way. Eradicating entire genetic traits is not.
Consider that no one gene is responsible for one thing. They are a constellation, a nebula. There is no such thing as the psychopathic gene, there is no one bit you can flip to magically cure the world.
@@MarZandvliet psychopathy is a genetic trait. They are born that way.
In their early years they enjoy torturing and cruelty to animals for example. Can you imagine what an adult psychopath will do to a child?!
If it's genetic we should be able to trace the responsible dna.
@@natasjateerling3622 You're effectively telling me that as a person who is just waking up from 32 years of heavy narcissistic abuse that his mother should have been aborted and he himself shouldn't have been born.
Thanks, I guess. It's interesting to know my humanity is automatically invalidated by genetic association, without so much as a glance at my person.
You know, all my life I've been thinking I've been an undeserving piece of human trash, that I did not deserve anything, perhaps not even life.
Not because I feel too little, mind you, but because I feel too damn much, all the time. I was born something of a highly sensitive person, have been a prime target for all sorts of abuse. I finally find the keys to cure my own denial of self, and you seem to want to take my freedom away from me again. For what?
Please consider that while you might have caught on to a useful and important pattern that's worth paying attention to, you have not identified a 100% certified devil gene. Cause I gotta tell you, that shit really hurts right now.
The colour palette for the animation is so calming I love it
"...and so that the world may not be the dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place that we've come to assume it must be."
It's always nice to wrap up such videos on a positive note. But do you really feel that the world is actually not a dark, fearful, overwhelming and dread-filled place? I find that the longer I've lived, the harder it is for me to convince myself that it isn't.
H Teo, I hear that! I think I’ve been here too long already.
@@natureasintended - Ummmm No. No thank you.
This is one of the best videos created by the school of life
It's amazing that mother nature left such a flaw in the human condition that a child can be traumatized for life in its first few months of life.
Thanks Mum,😕
I was sexually abused by three of my class mates when I was eight, one of them was my best friend.
Three or four years it happened again with my neighbour and his friends on his birthday- I was the only girl.
I never thought this had affected me. Ten minutes after it happened, I already wasn't thinking about it anymore. Only now as an adult I have realized that my brain just blocked the experience out. Suddenly my addiction to my computer and my anger issues make so much sense to me.
So every time it comes up that a lack of love is a major cause. And love is needed to cure it. But how do you find love? How do you get love? How do you build love around you? Nobody helps with that. And not just the theory but also the practical.
I’m heavily traumatised, and the one thing i need most, will have the most positive effect on me, help me the most to overcome trauma, is love. But how, where, who? Nobody helps you with that.
Perhaps because nobody knows what they’re doing.
You have to love yourself first
@@WisdomSeller its hokey, but this is true. you have to reparent yourself and find out the kind of love you need. build your own foundation because otherwise people can take advantage of you and give you fake love. you have to know what comfortable love feels like by yourself, setting up your own boundaries, and using that as your guide to scout out and match up love from other people
Sometimes I treat myself like a separate person, a friend who is a true friend in need. I treat her with new clothes or some thrift shopping from time to time. I thank her to have stayed with me through thick and thin. I ask for her best advice when I'm stuck in a difficult situation (which I usually am !! ). She's been my best and most loyal friend and companions since the others turned out to be cheats and betrays.
The Internet spreads Lust more so than love clearly major problem also birth is cruel it seems life & death want to be even more so
videos like this never fail to make me cry
I just want to tell everybody please please listen to your children, please believe them, please don't make them feel it was their fault!
"don`t reject pain, rejoice in it!" - romanian proverb
School of life reading my mind again 🤔 spend all day yesterday trying to figure out the answer to this & you just posted a video on it. Uncanny timing.
i just recently found out what a seizure looks like. my baby sister had one. and the look and her face. the way she tried to scream for help. how her face went blue, and how her body turned grey. she almost didn’t wake up. the doctors said if my mom didn’t do CPR... she wouldn’t be here. my mom saved my baby sisters life. this was a couple days ago. i can’t stop replaying it in my mind. it won’t go away. i’m always so scared. i’m never able to rest. i see it in my dreams. i can never stop thinking about it. i’m distancing myself. i need help. i need something.
I'm still looking for a RUclips channel as educating as the school of life.
❤️
'Scishow psych' and 'academy of ideas' are good too
Why look for another one when it's already here, muhseen? This is it!
Try VITAL MIND PSYCHOLOGY he is in Australia.
Nerdwriter1 is definitely equal