Dr. Honda wouldn't have control of the questions he asked. The hosts are instructed by the producer as to what they can ask and have very little control of the reunion.
Every time I've ever met someone who says they're "just blunt" or they "just tell the truth", they were just using it as an excuse to be mean to people. Hannah needs to realize that her opinions are not fact, and her believing them doesnt mean they're true or helpful.
Every. Single. Time! Yes! I fancy myself a quite direct and honest communicator. But I * do not * believe in "tough love". Kindness needs to come first every time. Your purpose for the honesty needs to be kind, helpful, or welcomed! I really resent people who just share their nasty unwarranted opinions and call themselves "honest". No wtf--your opinion was not a "true" or necessary statement whatsoever. The * truth * is that's unkind! Oof! 😤😮💨
Hannah did an interview recently and said that her parents were loving and they are close. She clarified that when she said “cut off” throughout the show, she meant financially cut off. When she went to college, her parents stopped paying for things for her. But she clarified as well that if she was ever in a tough spot and needed money, her parents would have helped her. Honestly it makes her attitude seem even worse
I would also say my parents are loving and we are close, but my childhood was a MESS because of how they behaved for each other. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was a similar situation for her and she’s unwilling to talk negatively about her parents publicly.
Her parents seem very young so I wonder if they had her as teens and she was quite spoiled. So then when they cut her off to teach her independence it was a huge shock to her system. From what I've learned, narcissists are created with neglect and abuse but also through overindulging and not teaching responsibility.
She could also be putting out a narrative that maintains the relationship with her parents. If she actually interrogates what her childhood/young adulthood experience was like she might recognize instances that were harmful.
I definitely think her parents messed up badly, but she either doesn't want to talk badly about them publicly oder she doesn't want to face the reality that her parents were neglectful or abusive. It took me years in therapy and big traumas that shook my world, to realize my parents weren't good ones. It's very hard to face that reality.
@joanna0988 Right! And one doesn't necessarily cancel out the other. I have a goal for number of books to read every year, and I always reach it, but danged if I'm not going to watch every single Orioles game too. People are large, Hannah. They contain multitudes.
@@alixorlando5626 Exactly. Also some people can't focus enough to read books but they take in information really well in other ways and that's just as valid to me.
Hannah went on an interview and essentially said that she treated Nick badly because he let her 😖 "I abused you, but YOU LET ME abuse you, so it's really your fault" is pretty much what shes still saying about her behavior
@@taechicyes I strongly believe this too… she wanted him to act out so she’ll lean into the victim to role but Nick wasn’t falling for the trap and I felt that infuriated her more
Thank you for highlighting the cycle of abuse, the use of “respect” to mean control, gaslighting, and the isolation of emotionally abusive intimate relationships.
There appears to be a correlation between frequent requests for “respect” and abusive behaviour. Curious whether any research supports this, sensing this would be an underfunded area of research…
They need to replace the hosts. Really unbelievable how they never ask even the basics. How do you not ask Tyler "What was the status of you and your kids before going on the show"
There’s no way, just no way that any producer is deciding to set those two loose on stage with no direction or rules. They absolutely come with questions they’re allowed to ask and executive producers want to make sure that present and future cast members don’t have a reason to not come to the reunion. I think people are too hard on Vanessa and Nick. They’re not the sharpest knives in the drawer, but that’s the same reason I don’t think there’s anyway they’ve been tasked with setting the agenda. I’m pretty sure that thing Nick said to Monica was totally off script and one of the few things he made up on his own-it was obviously so awkward and honestly so sweet that he was trying to help. It’s not them. It’s the culture of the show around them.
I've heard from past cast members on their podcasts that these two have ear pieces at the reunion and producers are feeding them questions and tell them when to move on etc. They are just the faces for producers and don't have any say 🤷
It was genuinely upsetting to see Nick abused like this and I was stunned when others took Hannah’s side at the reunion. Marisa was the biggest shock to me because I had previously thought she was a nice and balanced person. Ramses and Stephen - two less than perfect individuals - seemed to join in to deflect from their own behaviour. I respected the disgusted looks on Taylor’s and Garrett’s faces, you could tell they thought it was wrong.
Apparently they are no longer friends or are following eachother or something - can’t remember where I saw that so I don’t know for sure but makes some sense
Were they taking Hannah's side ? To me, it looked like they were holding him accountable for lying and pretending he didn't. He did lie, and it wasn't until everyone else said they heard him say it, that he would admit it. It's not black and white, and it does not take from Hannah's cruelty.
@@betternews3835 I completely agree. If you think about it, the girls were basically calling him out the whole show. Every female was basically calling him a fake. He wanted Hannah to act like he was this amazing guy, but she was confused by the act vs. reality. People keep pointing out her immature behavior, but not many people point out how she said he was completely different when the cameras weren't rolling. Nick was a fake the whole time. He was using Hannah and looking for fame as the nice guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he was playing dumb as well. He's had a sporting career, he's a realtor, and his parents obviously have money. Does anyone really think he doesn't know what stocks are? Hannah is a mess, and she was the easiest mark.
@@nikkomikkoabuse isn’t “immature”, and to minimize abuse by giving her behavior a free pass and a gloss over by calling it “immature” is SO dangerous.
I think that could have happened if she didn't lose weight and start her influencer career. All of the hate comments and views on her Tik Tok are just helping her get exposure.
The fact that Marissa defended her, Katie defending her, Alex defending her... but they all said that Hannah is NOT a good friend, shows that Hannah has this "intimidating aura" 😳 that Regina George presence of "I want her to like me, because she could destroy me" thinking. It's pretty scary tbh. And idk how a woman like Hannah can be saved from herself. Victims create victims Survivors create survivors
She probably has nice qualities too so it's confusing. My sister in law is a bully, she was extremely critical and nasty to me but she also paid me the most compliments and always offered her help so I dismissed the mean stuff for a long time. What I didn't realize is that she complimented me to gain my trust and offered help to be able to tell other people that I'm incompetent and she needs to teach me everything 😂 5 years with limited contact and my life is much more peaceful 🙌🏻
@@joanna0988Woah! That's the abuse cycle Dr. Honda just described! Bless you, I can tell you're telling the truth straight up! Glad she has limited access to you now 🫶🏽 we don't owe anyone that except if we have children!
I don't necessarily see them all as defending Hannah, I see it more as they were just getting frustrated with Nick for lying. Because you see that they're reserved at first not wanting to get involved (except Marissa) and only after minutes of Nick trying to deny, Stephen, Monica and Alex started to call him out.
This is where the idea of “flying monkeys” comes in. Having others do their bidding. Because Hannah has been in their ear telling her distorted stories for a year.
I really appreciate this episode to recap the abuse Hannah perpetuated towards Nick. By the time I had watched the reunion, the specifics and spine-chilling tone/statements she exhibited had become foggy in my mind. This refresh really reopened my eyes with the back to back scenarios. The way she speaks to him is like she doesn’t even like him, let alone love him. It feels like resentment and just plain mean/hurtful.
I’m sure Nick was slightly irritating and is the kind of guy who always forget to take out the trash-but that’s a reason to break up, not to try to break someone’s spirit. She took a guy that maybe you could justify poking fun at and throwing to the curb quickly and made him a hero. I can’t believe how calm he stays. Dude deserves to be forgiven for every single chore he forgot to do and every Rico Suave comment. He’s clearly capable of being a great friend even if he’s annoying to live with. Poor guy.
Exactly, and I can get not wanting to live with him, BUT the number of people (especially women) not only bashing him as a person but also then bashing women who are supportive of Nick and critical of Hannah bugs me so much, as if they're objectively right and superior for valuing logistical tasks that can be outsourced with enough money over fundamental character aspects that make a person fundamentally good / soothing / safe / secure / enjoyable to be around. The latter cannot be bought (nearly as easily)🙄
I dont even believe that he was ever SUAVE to begin with bcs all the girls have proven to be unhinged and cringeworthy, including Taylor and Marissa, and I saw that the first time I see them out of pods together. I've never been so grossed out by group of girls shouting and pressing each other to talk about sex ew
@@shabrinaz9877 Eh, Hannah was abusive and I think that needs to be called out. I don’t have any desire to judge people for having different lifestyle preferences and mannerisms in a general kind of way.
It’s crazy and unfair for her to have nitpicked him for chores that he “forgot to do” when he was working most of the day and she was just staying home. The trash she complained about wasn’t even full! It seemed like she just looked for reasons to justify how she was treating him.
@TheBeautybyIsabel And when hannah asked him to take out the trash, he literally just got home, then she later complained that she had to remind him to take the trash out. That was very unfair of her to do imo
I love how justified I feel watching your reaction videos. While watching the season Hannah really triggered me and made me feel this pit in my stomach that I now realize is unresolved trauma from this kind of relationship.
A lot of Hannah's saying like, "You get treated like an equal when you contribute like an equal," or, "It's about respect," are VERY common in southern parenting. I have heard these kinds of statements from parents and teachers there. It's a particular regional flavor of abuse that emphasizes a very authoritarian version of respect.
Dr Honda may get some flack for his take on Hannah’s background but this eps is why I listen and it’s sooooo helpful to learn how these behaviors stem from parenting. This is why I subscribed from the beginning! Dr H at his best!
@@ahmorganare we sure she watched it? Many participants don’t watch it, but I could also picture her watching it and cheering herself on as she verbally abuses Nick. I might have missed the part where she addresses watching it back
Love is blind decided that Nick's writing of a note that he might be famous, overrules all of Hannah's horrible behavior. Taglines over ethics. Horrible person, who cares. Might "not be there for the right reasons", unforgivable. The reunions are the worst.
also. it’s one sentence in a diary of sorts. absolutely not meant to be dissected by the world. isn’t a person allowed to have inner thoughts that belong to themselves?
people have brought it up on other hannah videos but i think it’s worth bringing up each time. she said her mother LOCKED food cabinets to prevent her from eating cause she wanted hannah to watch her weight. i can (not a typo i actually can as someone who has been overweight most of my life) imagine how damaging that must’ve been. really frames her whole “respect” seems to equal “making sure i look good” thing she has going on.
Hannah lies and embellishes stories to fit her narrative. How are we sure she didn't lie about that detail? She is now saying her parents are loving, and they are close.
@@oyiegeronimoshe has been shown to exaggerate but her stories don’t deviate from the core truth. even if it’s an exaggeration controlling a child’s food solely because you don’t want them to be fat (and she clearly has a lot of insecurities from her weight - they didn’t come from nowhere!!) is unhealthy at best and abusive at worst. i know many friends who had their moms do similar, it’s not completely out of the norm for a mom to do (unfortunately).
Or maybe her mom locked the cabinets because she was concerned about her daughter's health and Hannah could not control her impulses around overeating. She didn't say her mom was withholding food from her because she wanted her to be skinny but that seems to be how you're hearing it.
the scene where she says "i taught you everything you know, turned you from a boy into a man", she was definitely triggered already but I'd argue his use of "aren't we MATURE enough" is what really sent her into that deeper state of rage. she sees herself as better than him because shes so much more "mature" than him, and when he called into question her maturity about handling this situation, she couldn't take it, she needed to reassert her superiority by taking it up a bunch of notches. like how you could question my maturity/my authority when I taught you everything you know. she doesn't seem to have any love for this dude
It's extremely eye-opening and sad to see everyones reaction to Hannah's behavior. She reminds me 90% of my spouse, and i feel like Nick... its definitely time to listen to myself instead of justifying this kinda behavior
for me personally being very similar to hannah in the past and having very similar upbringing to what you're describing I am 100% convinced her parents aren't how they showed they are. and my parents would also present the same. understanding and chill and laid back but not overly involved or interested. i know we dont have proper evidence of anything happening but im personally convinced
Idk.. but her parents catched Hannah saying rude things plenty of times.. pausing with "Excuse me..?" meaning they listened... Either it was not something They expected Her to say or something totally unfamiliar ANY of her family would say.
People talk about parenting a lot when it comes to behaviors and while it can be a factor, Hannah is young enough to have been raised or influenced by other means, the internet, school, etc. so it’s unfair to pin everything on the parents without more context.
I actually was wondering about this too, someone said online that the reason was so he can watch their dog when they went but I don't believe that @emilyz3932
I think people often mix up truth and honesty. They think they speak the truth when really they're just providing an honest statement about their personal perspective. The trouble with Hannah though is that her perception is very skewed and so even though she's being honest, her perception is not factually accurate. She deceives herself and thus tells lies without even knowing it.
I think she means obedience. Not respect. Also, when you say you’re aware of something and you “know” that you need to change it, you CHANGE it. Or at least attempt to. You don’t keep doing it, and keep saying oh I know, but…. You say I’m sorry I did that to you… I will do better…. And then you do better!!!
This makes me sad to know that people can see abusive behavior happening and close friends and family will not even register it as abusive. I appreciate your videos to highlight these patterns to become aware of them.
"you get treated like an equal, when you start contributing like an equal." The signs of parentification here are strong. She likely heard that from a parent before. Also, can you imagine how everyone would respond if a man said that to his partner on this show??👀
Nick has had lots of opportunities to bash Hannah, including a podcast show, and has chosen not to. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. Hannah just seems so insecure. When you know you are being rude then its no longer you just being blunt. You are just choosing to be a jerk face!
@ndumi-light i don't think there's anything wrong with a person not blasting another person publicly. We have no idea how he expresses his true feelings behind closed doors. Choosing to not speak about his feelings doesn't mean he's not authentic. It just means he's guarded or a private person. If he lied about his feelings, that would not be authentic.
@@mizcat106 Was talking about him in general not specifically to not blasting her on podcasts....was referring to during the show. There were many time where he held back and didn't call Hannah out when he should have.
If it's coming from Hannah's perspective, it's likely a distortion. she saying her parents cut her off at 18 is probably blown out of proportion...if she was as mature and independent and she says she would have NEVER quit a job she loves for a show...without a parental parachute. I doubt she has an emergency fund and it shouldn't be used for LIB anyway
I agree and I also think she might have felt safe enough to quit her job because she was planning on being an influencer. I wouldn't even care if that was the case but with the way she disparaged Nick for supposedly wanting fame, I think that would be so hypocritical of her if I'm right.
I appreciate you calling this behavior what it is. I realize over the years of following you how responsible you are with giving people the benefit of the doubt in these situations, but even though this season was arguably the least entertaining I watched a lot of it thinking “oh boy, I can’t wait to hear what Dr. Kirk has to say about this!”.
She was like a different person around his parents and really tried to win them over. Which is odd considering all of her doubts. But I could see why someone with a certain upbringing would crave approval from warm parents, for sure. I’m not mean, but I’m a people pleaser and have noticed a somewhat similar feeling in the past
The hosts seem to always go much easier on the women than on the men. Like you said Honda, if the genders were reversed with Hannah and Nick, just think of how different the response would be. I doubt the hosts would tip toe around and use words like "direct" instead of abuse
@@joanna0988That wouldn't make sense, since many (most?) women have some internalized mis0gyny. I mean, we grew all up in patriarchy, not only the men. No, I *don't* like Hannah at all; but historically women were always judged harder than men (by men *and* other women), and that certainly doesn't change completely over a few generations.
@@dahliaherrod4301 Several different theories in this very comment section. If it's important to you, than scroll through them. I don't wanna steel other peoples thoughts. PS: They were *very* hard on Irina back then (not that she didn't deserve it, but yeah...)
It's performative. They choose to be hard on contestants depending on what's perceived as "popularly" unacceptable and fits a particular acceptable negative stereotype; Irina for example, she was a classic mean girl. Sara-Ann went for another woman's fiance, Marshall was blasted for calling Jackie a prj, then Jackie didn't even show up to the reunion for "fear" of an exchange. Everyone was pissed about Stephen, Trevor & Jeremy for being cheaters. Ramses is hated for being a selfish heartbreaker. The list goes on. Villainous behavior that's easy and clear to dislike is what they're brave enough to go for. They also don't go after the cast who will show up on Perfect Match, e.g. Jessica, Izzy, and if rumors are true, Hannah.
I really hope no one mistakes this for me excusing Hannah’s behavior, but if her mom really did lock the pantry when she was younger because of concerns over Hannah’s weight, I can imagine that’s only the tip of the iceberg…and that’s pretty bad in itself. Her mom seemed nice enough, but I really haven’t seen that information being talked about enough. It doesn’t give her the right to belittle everyone around her, but it could definitely explain a lot. Negative body image is too common in young people, but if your parents are doing things like withholding food…I can’t imagine how awful that would have made me feel as a child. It’s still incredibly frustrating that Hannah couldn’t even PRETEND to be regretful about the way she talked to Nick.
Yikes, I don’t watch LIB, I have only recently been watching Dr. H’s reactions, so I missed that information about the mom locking the pantry. I read Hannah got liposuction on her body and neck, (under her chin), before the reunion. I wondered if she was made to feel bad about going onto national television at a weight her mom didn’t find “healthy” and she was encouraged to get work done for the reunion.
Just to add a different perspective to this. Some kids who have ADHD or other disorders can overeat/binge to an unhealthy degree. My son has autism and he doesn't have this problem but I've met other kids who will just eat and eat to fill a sensory need. They make themselves sick because they can't feel their tummy being full. Anyways without more context I wouldn't say her mom is abusive or cruel for locking up cupboards.
@@joanna0988 I understand where you’re coming from and do agree that there could be situations where a parent or caregiver is locking up food due to a safety concern, but Hannah presented it as her mom was doing it because she was concerned that Hannah was overweight. Still, her mother might not be an abusive monster and maybe even looks back on that and regrets handling it that way. But I would imagine that could have had a big impact on Hannah’s insecurities. A lot of people that feel badly about themselves take it out on others in similar ways. In my personal experience, I see it with men more than with women. I do get upset thinking about how many comments I’ve seen in Reddit and on Facebook and other RUclips channels shaming Hannah for her looks and weight pre reunion, though. There’s so much about her actions that they could criticize, but of course because she isn’t built like most of the contestants Netflix follows, it’s going to be what a lot choose to focus on. Low hanging fruit I guess.
I suspected a lot of toxicity from Hannah’s upbringing when she stated her mom would lock food away. But it does NOT give her an excuse for being degrading towards Nick
A minute ago?!?! Wow never been this early 😭 Edit to add: Hannah’s behavior was soooo gross and just such a great display on how abusers can always twist things around so much that the abused will think everything is their fault. Gives me the ick.
In before the apologists. Too many people don't recognise emotional abuse and it needs to change. We need a serious public awareness campaign. Emotional abuse doesn't need you to be verbally abusive to count. And something I found really bad about the reunion was the attempt to both-sides the issue using ONE nasty comment he made about her to one of the guys. This was used as evidence that what Hannah said about him being different off camera was true. It's a possibility, but strikes me as extremely unlikely. We have well documented evidence of how she acts towards him. Dozens and dozens of examples. And not the type of stuff you can manufacture with an edit. Not without being called out for it which she basically didn't do. She has acknowledged multiple times that she's too rude to people. Melissa sat right next to her and admitted Hannah has been rude to her. This is a common tactic of nasty people. It's called lampshading. By acknowledging their poor behaviour up front they create the implict (if false) idea that by interacting with them you are either complicit or even consenting to such treatment. The underlying logic is "I told you I'm rude, if you're upset then that's on you." Every nasty person I have ever known has given the game away in some form before they act out. Hannah has done the same thing. It almost has nothing to do with Nick in many ways because even if he has issues, Hannah's behaviour was simply not okay. It's actually very sad that Melissa and others took her side because she doesn't deserve to be defended just because she's "honest." That's not how accountability works.
If you listen to all the things and imagine a man saying them, suddenly it becomes SO clear how abusive and scary it is. Imagine a man lecturing his fiance after a party about "respect" and being mad that his friend thought she was hot? I knew when I first watched it that it was disturbing, and then I watched the reunion and actually was like, "Wait? Did I imagine Hannah being awful? Maybe it wasn't that bad?" I'm so glad for these reactions. I hope Nick sees them.
I'm noticing that I feel a lot of relief hearing you revisit these scenes after seeing the rest of their relationship play out. Everything you said in the original commentary was fair and true, but watching them while knowing how harsh she ends up being with him did give me a sort of sinking feeling
Ok I’m glad I’m not the only one who is still repulsed by Hannah’s behavior and lack of apology. The “all I said was true” stopped me in my tracks when I watched it first.
Hannah was recently on Not Skinny Not Fat and provided some clarifying context. Her mother’s first husband/ Hannah’s birth father was an addict. Her parents split up when she was pretty young and her mother remarried (the guy we saw) and they then had Hannah’s two younger brothers. She doesn’t have any contact with birth father and has always considered her mom’s second husband her father.
I think they want people to come to the reunion, so they avoid things that might make them walk offstage, or signaling to future cast members that they will be thrown under the bus.
BTW… something I learned in High School: When someone is trying to offer an apology in anyway that includes the word “but”, everything said before the “but” is just pandering, and everything said after the “but” is what they really feel. So I can take from this that she does not feel bad for making Nick feel inferior, in reality she actually feels frustrated that Nick acts in a certain way, and because of that “frustration”she feels validated to treat him the way she does because in her eyes “he deserves it” for frustrating her. Okay, that last sentence was really long. Sorry. 😂
I still can’t believe someone whom it would be SO EASY to scar for life with just a couple of well-chosen words would carry on like this. She’s literally listed all her biggest insecurities to him, yet verbally abuses him every chance she gets? He’s better than me
I can't help but think that the "I turned you from a boy to a man" is her way of saying she took his virginity. He doesn't want her talking about sex on camera at first, the conversation about going down on her. It feels like she infantilizes him about sex and it's like a control thing. I had an abusive ex who basically said I was less mature than him because I didn't want to have sex with him. It just feels like another power trip with Hannah. As Kirk always says, imagine if the genders were swapped...
Oh wow...that makes sense. He said in an interview that he's only had one relationship before and that was in high school, so you might be into something.
The hosts after 7 seasons still don’t know how to hold contestants accountable. They gloss over a lot of issues and hardly ever do follow up questions, especially at the reunions. Hopefully Netflix will make some changes but it’s already confirmed they’re coming back for season 8.
Thank you for so many parts of this reaction. Firstly, you recognizing that the parents could be completely different at home than on camera. My parents would come off great and kind and warm, and growing up they did have good intentions in the way they raised me, however I’m still left with a lot of trauma from the way I was raised. It’s nice to see that addressed here, people have been saying her parents seem like great people but it’s such a small example, and however they raised her has certainly contributed to the way she acts now. Second, the “how much change can you expect” line was everything! It has only been a year, and even if she was in therapy that whole entire time, that is still a LOT of trauma and behavioral issues to address. It makes me so sad when I hear people saying she hasn’t changed at all or won’t change. Therapy is HARD work and it would be so discouraging to hear people saying that all of your hard work (assuming she is doing the work in therapy) hasn’t worked at all. I’ve felt many times in therapy like the amount of work I have to do is endless and that I want to give up because there was just more and more to address. It takes time to have drastic changes in a persons behavior, and a year is not as much time as people think. Anyways thanks Dr. H for your reactions!
Hannah's mom seemed cold and emotionally distant. She even joked that her husband eats his meal in a closet or something like that. She tried to talk to her but without actually connecting emotionally. During a meal with Nick she seemed embarrassed of Hannah and aloof. I did not see any emotional connection between the two, not even when she was gyving Hannah advice about love (which was a cliche, a Disney-like advice). It is easy to imagine that there were stuff going on at home. . .
Yeah that maturity comment was a real freaking button for her. It triggered her and caused her to metaphorically show her ass with that “boy to a man” comment. It’s not remotely his fault for bringing up a valid point about her behaving immaturely. It’s hers for converting her trigger into abuse.
Hannah needs to be on top and needs to be in control and better yhan you. Her comments are meant to make you small amd feel small so she is better in comparison. If nick said these things to hannah everybody would scream bloody murder and abuse.
i see hannah cause i am also very blunt and direct but also i went to therapy so i know where it comes from: a controlling and hypercritical parent that strived for perfection. though she didnt do it to me, my mom even put chains on the cabinets and refrigerator to control my brother's over eating. what you are seeing of hannah in the show is what i give if i feel disrespected or am angry. she was just doing it all the time it seems just because she can and that part i dont understand.
I feel like Hannah is so deeply unlikeable (deservedly so) that it has totally let the men off the hook this season despite them being some of the worst we’ve seen - cheating, anger/control issues, abandoning secret children. This whole season (minus maybe Garret and Taylor): 🗑️
I think Netflix is extremely cautious about avoiding lawsuits, which is why the hosts avoid asking critical questions to the cast. If a cast member were to engage in self-harm, Netflix could come under investigation for potentially triggering it.
I hope Nick sees there are other reaction channels from other family /psychologist about this woman’s harm to him that it’s not ok. And I hope he gets a chance to get help to recognize this. That it’s ok to be him and I hope he finds someone who will love his quickness. Hannah oh girl I’m trying to like you, if your friends are like youm god help their partners
I’m so glad you point out that in these reunions they gloss over so much. It’s such an unfulfilling experience watching these dumb reunions. I think Nick and Vanessa are very weak hosts and they seem to never get deep at all with things that are just wrong or abusive and they allow things to get so off track. Abusers on that shows never ever get held accountable.
To me it looked like her family and her didn’t have a good relationship at all. I noticed when her mom told her she loved her, Hannah just said something like “mmhm” or “yeah”, and didn’t say the same back.
The Hannah situation makes me wonder how Dr Honda handles only hearing one side of a story with his patients. For example, if Hannah were his patient. We saw what happened with the duck story.
I don’t think a therapist always needs to know the entire truth to be able to treat someone. Just from the stories she would tell, he would probably be able to pick up on some grandiosity. But another important part of therapy is gaining trust through sympathy and empathy. If you attack someone, or if they perceive they’re being attacked, they shut down and it becomes much harder or impossible to help them. Dr. Honda is an extremely empathetic person and he has shown that time and time again.
This really puts into perspective that scene where Hannah's mom is talking to her before they are supposed to try on dresses. There was such a disconnect between Hannah and her mom there. Her mom seemed overly happy even though Hannah was clearly not excited at all to go through with the dress activity. And Hannah didn't say "I love you" back to her mom. It just seems to hint at some of the disjointedness of their dynamic
It irritates the hell out of me that Hannah co-opts “ick” in this way. “Getting the ick” came from younger Xennials and Millennials to express the deep down gut feeling of being around a person that you NEED to actually, physically get away from because your entire being is unsettled and you feel unsafe. She’s using this word as an excuse to dislike, berate, and demean Nick for Hannah having a stick up her butt. She doesn’t have the “ick”. She doesn’t fucking like him. It is OKAY to not like the same things. It’s NOT okay to co-opt a term created by women, for women to encourage trusting your gut, and using it as a reason to be abusive to a partner. The internet is OVER the trope that only men can be abusive. We are in our “call all humans on that abusive bullshit” Era.
100% the host was setting Hannah up with "direct". Hannah repeated it like she was coached. Without a doubt production was protecting her for a show in the future.
disappointing that so much of the reunion seems to be determined by the cast members wanting to come back and be seen as the sane normal one who was right the whole time and they have a preprepared narrative on why thats the case. especially with hannah
1. The idea that people are only worthy if they bring something to the table more than themselves is so harmful. It’s one of the reasons why people have external locusts of self-worth and it is so easy to loose sight of who you are if you cannot produce enough to demand equality and respect. 2. The use of the term “respect” in Hannah’s rhetoric sounds like complete awareness and consideration of her insecure feelings: talking to girls feels and not bending to her will seem like the quickest ways for her to call him disrespectful. 3. I wonder if this sentence of “you get treated like an equal when you contribute equally” would be a way of also muting children. I know that some parents use this narrative of “my house, I decide” for sometimes benign things like music choice for supper. Maybe with Hanna, she had a similar experience so she learned that if she does more and is in control, than she gets to decide things and relinquishing control is not an option for her so she never treats people as an equal. Just a thought and definitely a HUGE leap.
I was also surprised by Hannah’s parents’ presentation as they seemed so calm and nice. But I was still suspicious as there were some comments that didn’t sit well with me. For example her dad said something along the lines of (when referring to Hannah being critical of Nick) you have issues too and if we weren’t as accepting we would have thrown you away a long time ago. I know that’s not what he said but it was something like that. I got the sense they all had a narrative that Hannah is not a nice person and they’re all putting up with it. But did that narrative start really young when she was defending against abuse? Or was she super spoiled and taught to be superior and arrogant?
Dr Honda, we do have evidence of toxicity in Hannah's childhood. You never mention the scene where she is talking about her weight issues with Leo, and she tells him her mom/parents LOCKED up the food when she was a teenager because she was in "a chubby stage"
To be fair, while it has been a year since this show was filmed, they all watched themselves on the same timeline as we did. Hopefully with more time (and the video evidence) she will be more reflective and understand the ways in which she was abusive
Nick: Are you mature enough to at this age...? Hannah cuts him off: Are you mature enough Nick? The fact that he was calling her immature before she started abusing him. She must really have a trigger around that and being told she's not mature. Is Anyone else really interested in what he would've said had he finished the sentence? I suspect he was going to call her "grilling" him immature and her general attitude and approach to this conversation. And to add to Dr. Honda's point, I broke up with my ex after he told me I was disrespecting him for the clothes I was wearing (I was genuinely flabbergasted).
23:37 I was shocked when she said this. Can you imagine if a man on this show said that? The woman said, “I want you to treat me like an equal.” And he replied, “I’ll treat you like an equal when I think you deserve to be treated like an equal.” We would FLIP OUT. Hannah was not “direct,” she was abusive. Telling people that you are mistreating them because they deserve to be mistreated because there is something wrong with them is abusive. Yikes.
people expect hannah to be more self aware than she has ever demonstrated to be and i so dont get it lol. "when someone shows you who they are, believe them".
I found it hilarious that in the reunion she was saying how she was worried her height would emasculate him but in reality it was her personality that would do it
Genuine question: I've been hypothesizing that the hosts/production team feel more comfortable "going after" the men on the show than the women. I feel like I hardly ever (if never) see them hold a woman's feet to the fire UNLESS there is a homewrecker narrative involved like with Sarah-Ann from last season, even if their behaviours and actions could be quite harmful (Chelsea, Hannah, Micah, etc.). However, men who have done a lot less harm are held to task much more. Thoughts? I would be really interesting in hearing people's opinions! Have I missed something, would you agree/disagree, do you think it could be because of internalized sexism?
Petition for dr. Honda to host the next reunion. Seriously.
Dr. Honda wouldn't have control of the questions he asked. The hosts are instructed by the producer as to what they can ask and have very little control of the reunion.
At least as a guest.
I don’t think he would do that because it would affect a therapist’s reputation to be on reality tv. He’d ask some great questions though
Yesssss, I've never disliked the hosts, but they let the bullies take over on this show. That was awful awful awful to watch.
Yessss!
People who are “brutally honest” are more interested in brutality than honesty
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
Every time I've ever met someone who says they're "just blunt" or they "just tell the truth", they were just using it as an excuse to be mean to people. Hannah needs to realize that her opinions are not fact, and her believing them doesnt mean they're true or helpful.
Every. Single. Time! Yes!
I fancy myself a quite direct and honest communicator. But I * do not * believe in "tough love". Kindness needs to come first every time. Your purpose for the honesty needs to be kind, helpful, or welcomed! I really resent people who just share their nasty unwarranted opinions and call themselves "honest". No wtf--your opinion was not a "true" or necessary statement whatsoever. The * truth * is that's unkind! Oof! 😤😮💨
Marissa’s mom is “just honest”. This is something else.
my foster mom loved saying "truth hurts!" after saying mean things she knew i was insecure about
She's just plain mean
This is sadly true.
Hannah did an interview recently and said that her parents were loving and they are close. She clarified that when she said “cut off” throughout the show, she meant financially cut off. When she went to college, her parents stopped paying for things for her. But she clarified as well that if she was ever in a tough spot and needed money, her parents would have helped her. Honestly it makes her attitude seem even worse
Oh I forgot to say, her dad is not her bio dad. Definitely would be some trauma there
I would also say my parents are loving and we are close, but my childhood was a MESS because of how they behaved for each other. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was a similar situation for her and she’s unwilling to talk negatively about her parents publicly.
Her parents seem very young so I wonder if they had her as teens and she was quite spoiled. So then when they cut her off to teach her independence it was a huge shock to her system. From what I've learned, narcissists are created with neglect and abuse but also through overindulging and not teaching responsibility.
She could also be putting out a narrative that maintains the relationship with her parents. If she actually interrogates what her childhood/young adulthood experience was like she might recognize instances that were harmful.
I definitely think her parents messed up badly, but she either doesn't want to talk badly about them publicly oder she doesn't want to face the reality that her parents were neglectful or abusive.
It took me years in therapy and big traumas that shook my world, to realize my parents weren't good ones.
It's very hard to face that reality.
She really had him apologizing for not reading a book 😭 that whole scene was so sad
Right. She got engaged to a jock and wants him to read books instead of watch sports. But…but…but she isn’t trying to change him.
@@patroy2691 To be fair, many jocks are book smart too because they have to keep their grades up in order to qualify for certain schools.
@joanna0988 Right! And one doesn't necessarily cancel out the other. I have a goal for number of books to read every year, and I always reach it, but danged if I'm not going to watch every single Orioles game too. People are large, Hannah. They contain multitudes.
@@alixorlando5626 Exactly. Also some people can't focus enough to read books but they take in information really well in other ways and that's just as valid to me.
Let the man watch a game for goodness sake 😭
Finally Dr. Honda saying the things about Hannah I have been waiting to hear all along! Such a relief! 🙌🏽🎉
Hannah went on an interview and essentially said that she treated Nick badly because he let her 😖 "I abused you, but YOU LET ME abuse you, so it's really your fault" is pretty much what shes still saying about her behavior
supporting my theory that she might also been trying to provoke him into reacting and abusing her
Yikes
YIKES!!!
Sounds just like an abuser
@@taechicyes I strongly believe this too… she wanted him to act out so she’ll lean into the victim to role but Nick wasn’t falling for the trap and I felt that infuriated her more
Hannah needs a reality check. Her behavior around Nick was unacceptable.
Thank you for highlighting the cycle of abuse, the use of “respect” to mean control, gaslighting, and the isolation of emotionally abusive intimate relationships.
There appears to be a correlation between frequent requests for “respect” and abusive behaviour. Curious whether any research supports this, sensing this would be an underfunded area of research…
They need to replace the hosts. Really unbelievable how they never ask even the basics. How do you not ask Tyler "What was the status of you and your kids before going on the show"
There’s no way, just no way that any producer is deciding to set those two loose on stage with no direction or rules. They absolutely come with questions they’re allowed to ask and executive producers want to make sure that present and future cast members don’t have a reason to not come to the reunion. I think people are too hard on Vanessa and Nick. They’re not the sharpest knives in the drawer, but that’s the same reason I don’t think there’s anyway they’ve been tasked with setting the agenda. I’m pretty sure that thing Nick said to Monica was totally off script and one of the few things he made up on his own-it was obviously so awkward and honestly so sweet that he was trying to help. It’s not them. It’s the culture of the show around them.
I've heard from past cast members on their podcasts that these two have ear pieces at the reunion and producers are feeding them questions and tell them when to move on etc. They are just the faces for producers and don't have any say 🤷
They film for 7 hours apparently
It was genuinely upsetting to see Nick abused like this and I was stunned when others took Hannah’s side at the reunion. Marisa was the biggest shock to me because I had previously thought she was a nice and balanced person. Ramses and Stephen - two less than perfect individuals - seemed to join in to deflect from their own behaviour. I respected the disgusted looks on Taylor’s and Garrett’s faces, you could tell they thought it was wrong.
Apparently they are no longer friends or are following eachother or something - can’t remember where I saw that so I don’t know for sure but makes some sense
Were they taking Hannah's side ? To me, it looked like they were holding him accountable for lying and pretending he didn't. He did lie, and it wasn't until everyone else said they heard him say it, that he would admit it. It's not black and white, and it does not take from Hannah's cruelty.
Yeah, as an exmormon, I can tell you, that nice is as real as the book of mormon. It's an act
@@betternews3835 I completely agree. If you think about it, the girls were basically calling him out the whole show. Every female was basically calling him a fake. He wanted Hannah to act like he was this amazing guy, but she was confused by the act vs. reality. People keep pointing out her immature behavior, but not many people point out how she said he was completely different when the cameras weren't rolling.
Nick was a fake the whole time. He was using Hannah and looking for fame as the nice guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he was playing dumb as well. He's had a sporting career, he's a realtor, and his parents obviously have money. Does anyone really think he doesn't know what stocks are? Hannah is a mess, and she was the easiest mark.
@@nikkomikkoabuse isn’t “immature”, and to minimize abuse by giving her behavior a free pass and a gloss over by calling it “immature” is SO dangerous.
I defo wanted Hannah to see herself played back and think "oh wow" and make changes. Hope dashed.
I think that could have happened if she didn't lose weight and start her influencer career. All of the hate comments and views on her Tik Tok are just helping her get exposure.
well the only things she felt the need to change are her weight and botox in her face.
Against the rocks
I really hope someone gets Nick to watch this. And Dr. H ‘s other reactions to their scenes. I felt sooo bad for him the whole time 😢
The fact that Marissa defended her, Katie defending her, Alex defending her... but they all said that Hannah is NOT a good friend, shows that Hannah has this "intimidating aura" 😳 that Regina George presence of "I want her to like me, because she could destroy me" thinking.
It's pretty scary tbh. And idk how a woman like Hannah can be saved from herself.
Victims create victims
Survivors create survivors
She probably has nice qualities too so it's confusing. My sister in law is a bully, she was extremely critical and nasty to me but she also paid me the most compliments and always offered her help so I dismissed the mean stuff for a long time. What I didn't realize is that she complimented me to gain my trust and offered help to be able to tell other people that I'm incompetent and she needs to teach me everything 😂 5 years with limited contact and my life is much more peaceful 🙌🏻
This is such a good take on this! I hadn’t even thought of it in this way before
@@joanna0988Woah! That's the abuse cycle Dr. Honda just described! Bless you, I can tell you're telling the truth straight up! Glad she has limited access to you now 🫶🏽 we don't owe anyone that except if we have children!
I don't necessarily see them all as defending Hannah, I see it more as they were just getting frustrated with Nick for lying. Because you see that they're reserved at first not wanting to get involved (except Marissa) and only after minutes of Nick trying to deny, Stephen, Monica and Alex started to call him out.
This is where the idea of “flying monkeys” comes in. Having others do their bidding. Because Hannah has been in their ear telling her distorted stories for a year.
I really appreciate this episode to recap the abuse Hannah perpetuated towards Nick. By the time I had watched the reunion, the specifics and spine-chilling tone/statements she exhibited had become foggy in my mind. This refresh really reopened my eyes with the back to back scenarios. The way she speaks to him is like she doesn’t even like him, let alone love him. It feels like resentment and just plain mean/hurtful.
I’ve never clicked on a video so fast
Same 🤣
Ran to the comments 😂
It's the one I was waiting for
same xdd
😂 same!
I’m sure Nick was slightly irritating and is the kind of guy who always forget to take out the trash-but that’s a reason to break up, not to try to break someone’s spirit. She took a guy that maybe you could justify poking fun at and throwing to the curb quickly and made him a hero. I can’t believe how calm he stays. Dude deserves to be forgiven for every single chore he forgot to do and every Rico Suave comment. He’s clearly capable of being a great friend even if he’s annoying to live with. Poor guy.
Exactly, and I can get not wanting to live with him, BUT the number of people (especially women) not only bashing him as a person but also then bashing women who are supportive of Nick and critical of Hannah bugs me so much, as if they're objectively right and superior for valuing logistical tasks that can be outsourced with enough money over fundamental character aspects that make a person fundamentally good / soothing / safe / secure / enjoyable to be around. The latter cannot be bought (nearly as easily)🙄
I dont even believe that he was ever SUAVE to begin with bcs all the girls have proven to be unhinged and cringeworthy, including Taylor and Marissa, and I saw that the first time I see them out of pods together.
I've never been so grossed out by group of girls shouting and pressing each other to talk about sex ew
@@shabrinaz9877 Eh, Hannah was abusive and I think that needs to be called out. I don’t have any desire to judge people for having different lifestyle preferences and mannerisms in a general kind of way.
It’s crazy and unfair for her to have nitpicked him for chores that he “forgot to do” when he was working most of the day and she was just staying home. The trash she complained about wasn’t even full! It seemed like she just looked for reasons to justify how she was treating him.
@TheBeautybyIsabel And when hannah asked him to take out the trash, he literally just got home, then she later complained that she had to remind him to take the trash out. That was very unfair of her to do imo
How dare youtube hide this from me for 20 minutes
I love how justified I feel watching your reaction videos. While watching the season Hannah really triggered me and made me feel this pit in my stomach that I now realize is unresolved trauma from this kind of relationship.
A lot of Hannah's saying like, "You get treated like an equal when you contribute like an equal," or, "It's about respect," are VERY common in southern parenting. I have heard these kinds of statements from parents and teachers there. It's a particular regional flavor of abuse that emphasizes a very authoritarian version of respect.
Dr Honda may get some flack for his take on Hannah’s background but this eps is why I listen and it’s sooooo helpful to learn how these behaviors stem from parenting. This is why I subscribed from the beginning! Dr H at his best!
Definitely some sexism at play here with how they let Hannah off the hook. If the roles were reversed I don't think they'd call it "direct."
It happened with Chelsea last time, and now it's happening again with Hannah. It's sad to see.
The most ridiculous part of the reunion. Hannah makes my blood boil!
It’s hard to believe she could watch that and still not have learned anything
@@ahmorganare we sure she watched it? Many participants don’t watch it, but I could also picture her watching it and cheering herself on as she verbally abuses Nick. I might have missed the part where she addresses watching it back
Her tiktoks recently too...no one on reality tv has ever made me feel this crazy!!!!
Love is blind decided that Nick's writing of a note that he might be famous, overrules all of Hannah's horrible behavior. Taglines over ethics. Horrible person, who cares. Might "not be there for the right reasons", unforgivable. The reunions are the worst.
also. it’s one sentence in a diary of sorts. absolutely not meant to be dissected by the world. isn’t a person allowed to have inner thoughts that belong to themselves?
Dr. Honda giving the ppl what they want!!
The people are FED!
people have brought it up on other hannah videos but i think it’s worth bringing up each time. she said her mother LOCKED food cabinets to prevent her from eating cause she wanted hannah to watch her weight. i can (not a typo i actually can as someone who has been overweight most of my life) imagine how damaging that must’ve been. really frames her whole “respect” seems to equal “making sure i look good” thing she has going on.
Yes!
Hannah lies and embellishes stories to fit her narrative. How are we sure she didn't lie about that detail? She is now saying her parents are loving, and they are close.
Hmm she has an interesting way of recalling and retelling events. I will always wonder how it all happened.
@@oyiegeronimoshe has been shown to exaggerate but her stories don’t deviate from the core truth. even if it’s an exaggeration controlling a child’s food solely because you don’t want them to be fat (and she clearly has a lot of insecurities from her weight - they didn’t come from nowhere!!) is unhealthy at best and abusive at worst. i know many friends who had their moms do similar, it’s not completely out of the norm for a mom to do (unfortunately).
Or maybe her mom locked the cabinets because she was concerned about her daughter's health and Hannah could not control her impulses around overeating. She didn't say her mom was withholding food from her because she wanted her to be skinny but that seems to be how you're hearing it.
the scene where she says "i taught you everything you know, turned you from a boy into a man", she was definitely triggered already but I'd argue his use of "aren't we MATURE enough" is what really sent her into that deeper state of rage. she sees herself as better than him because shes so much more "mature" than him, and when he called into question her maturity about handling this situation, she couldn't take it, she needed to reassert her superiority by taking it up a bunch of notches. like how you could question my maturity/my authority when I taught you everything you know. she doesn't seem to have any love for this dude
It's extremely eye-opening and sad to see everyones reaction to Hannah's behavior.
She reminds me 90% of my spouse, and i feel like Nick... its definitely time to listen to myself instead of justifying this kinda behavior
I send you a hug
I don’t know you, but I know that no one deserves that. You don’t deserve that ❤
Sad to hear that. Wishing you courage to honor yourself and your personal truth ✨️
for me personally being very similar to hannah in the past and having very similar upbringing to what you're describing I am 100% convinced her parents aren't how they showed they are. and my parents would also present the same. understanding and chill and laid back but not overly involved or interested. i know we dont have proper evidence of anything happening but im personally convinced
My sister is like this too and I totally agree :') sending you a supportive hug for having shitty parents
yup and i thought it was noteworthy that the brother met nick separately from the parents
Idk.. but her parents catched Hannah saying rude things plenty of times.. pausing with "Excuse me..?"
meaning they listened...
Either it was not something They expected Her to say or something totally unfamiliar ANY of her family would say.
People talk about parenting a lot when it comes to behaviors and while it can be a factor, Hannah is young enough to have been raised or influenced by other means, the internet, school, etc. so it’s unfair to pin everything on the parents without more context.
I actually was wondering about this too, someone said online that the reason was so he can watch their dog when they went but I don't believe that @emilyz3932
6:23 They definitely didn’t blast Micah because she was going to be on Perfect Match. That’s my guess.
I watched perfect match first and felt for Micah until I watched her season. She is a mean girl
I do remember Micah actually addressing it though and apologizing sincerely. She took accountability unlike Hannah.
@suras8984 she did, and I'm proud of her for owning that
I think people often mix up truth and honesty. They think they speak the truth when really they're just providing an honest statement about their personal perspective.
The trouble with Hannah though is that her perception is very skewed and so even though she's being honest, her perception is not factually accurate. She deceives herself and thus tells lies without even knowing it.
Wow interesting insight!
I think she means obedience. Not respect. Also, when you say you’re aware of something and you “know” that you need to change it, you CHANGE it. Or at least attempt to. You don’t keep doing it, and keep saying oh I know, but…. You say I’m sorry I did that to you… I will do better…. And then you do better!!!
This makes me sad to know that people can see abusive behavior happening and close friends and family will not even register it as abusive. I appreciate your videos to highlight these patterns to become aware of them.
"you get treated like an equal, when you start contributing like an equal." The signs of parentification here are strong. She likely heard that from a parent before. Also, can you imagine how everyone would respond if a man said that to his partner on this show??👀
Nick has had lots of opportunities to bash Hannah, including a podcast show, and has chosen not to. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. Hannah just seems so insecure. When you know you are being rude then its no longer you just being blunt. You are just choosing to be a jerk face!
The issue with Nick is that he is a NICE guy...and is NOT AUTHENTIC ABOUT HOW HE TRULY FEELS ABOUT SITUATIONS.
@ndumi-light i don't think there's anything wrong with a person not blasting another person publicly. We have no idea how he expresses his true feelings behind closed doors. Choosing to not speak about his feelings doesn't mean he's not authentic. It just means he's guarded or a private person. If he lied about his feelings, that would not be authentic.
@@mizcat106 Was talking about him in general not specifically to not blasting her on podcasts....was referring to during the show. There were many time where he held back and didn't call Hannah out when he should have.
If it's coming from Hannah's perspective, it's likely a distortion. she saying her parents cut her off at 18 is probably blown out of proportion...if she was as mature and independent and she says she would have NEVER quit a job she loves for a show...without a parental parachute. I doubt she has an emergency fund and it shouldn't be used for LIB anyway
I agree and I also think she might have felt safe enough to quit her job because she was planning on being an influencer. I wouldn't even care if that was the case but with the way she disparaged Nick for supposedly wanting fame, I think that would be so hypocritical of her if I'm right.
I appreciate you calling this behavior what it is. I realize over the years of following you how responsible you are with giving people the benefit of the doubt in these situations, but even though this season was arguably the least entertaining I watched a lot of it thinking “oh boy, I can’t wait to hear what Dr. Kirk has to say about this!”.
i noticed that hannah seemed extremely anxious around her parents vs with nicks parents she was very relaxed
She was like a different person around his parents and really tried to win them over. Which is odd considering all of her doubts. But I could see why someone with a certain upbringing would crave approval from warm parents, for sure. I’m not mean, but I’m a people pleaser and have noticed a somewhat similar feeling in the past
The hosts seem to always go much easier on the women than on the men. Like you said Honda, if the genders were reversed with Hannah and Nick, just think of how different the response would be. I doubt the hosts would tip toe around and use words like "direct" instead of abuse
That's probably because the viewing audience is mostly women so it's just pandering.
@@joanna0988That wouldn't make sense, since many (most?) women have some internalized mis0gyny.
I mean, we grew all up in patriarchy, not only the men.
No, I *don't* like Hannah at all; but historically women were always judged harder than men (by men *and* other women), and that certainly doesn't change completely over a few generations.
@@ToniPustThen what do you think is the reason because they were pretty light on Alex too. They even let the whole cast gang up on Nick
@@dahliaherrod4301 Several different theories in this very comment section. If it's important to you, than scroll through them.
I don't wanna steel other peoples thoughts.
PS: They were *very* hard on Irina back then (not that she didn't deserve it, but yeah...)
It's performative. They choose to be hard on contestants depending on what's perceived as "popularly" unacceptable and fits a particular acceptable negative stereotype; Irina for example, she was a classic mean girl. Sara-Ann went for another woman's fiance, Marshall was blasted for calling Jackie a prj, then Jackie didn't even show up to the reunion for "fear" of an exchange. Everyone was pissed about Stephen, Trevor & Jeremy for being cheaters. Ramses is hated for being a selfish heartbreaker. The list goes on.
Villainous behavior that's easy and clear to dislike is what they're brave enough to go for. They also don't go after the cast who will show up on Perfect Match, e.g. Jessica, Izzy, and if rumors are true, Hannah.
I really hope no one mistakes this for me excusing Hannah’s behavior, but if her mom really did lock the pantry when she was younger because of concerns over Hannah’s weight, I can imagine that’s only the tip of the iceberg…and that’s pretty bad in itself. Her mom seemed nice enough, but I really haven’t seen that information being talked about enough. It doesn’t give her the right to belittle everyone around her, but it could definitely explain a lot. Negative body image is too common in young people, but if your parents are doing things like withholding food…I can’t imagine how awful that would have made me feel as a child.
It’s still incredibly frustrating that Hannah couldn’t even PRETEND to be regretful about the way she talked to Nick.
Yikes, I don’t watch LIB, I have only recently been watching Dr. H’s reactions, so I missed that information about the mom locking the pantry. I read Hannah got liposuction on her body and neck, (under her chin), before the reunion. I wondered if she was made to feel bad about going onto national television at a weight her mom didn’t find “healthy” and she was encouraged to get work done for the reunion.
Just to add a different perspective to this. Some kids who have ADHD or other disorders can overeat/binge to an unhealthy degree. My son has autism and he doesn't have this problem but I've met other kids who will just eat and eat to fill a sensory need. They make themselves sick because they can't feel their tummy being full. Anyways without more context I wouldn't say her mom is abusive or cruel for locking up cupboards.
@@joanna0988 I understand where you’re coming from and do agree that there could be situations where a parent or caregiver is locking up food due to a safety concern, but Hannah presented it as her mom was doing it because she was concerned that Hannah was overweight. Still, her mother might not be an abusive monster and maybe even looks back on that and regrets handling it that way. But I would imagine that could have had a big impact on Hannah’s insecurities. A lot of people that feel badly about themselves take it out on others in similar ways. In my personal experience, I see it with men more than with women. I do get upset thinking about how many comments I’ve seen in Reddit and on Facebook and other RUclips channels shaming Hannah for her looks and weight pre reunion, though. There’s so much about her actions that they could criticize, but of course because she isn’t built like most of the contestants Netflix follows, it’s going to be what a lot choose to focus on. Low hanging fruit I guess.
@@LaurenAkers93 Yes I agree with you. Didn't Dr Honda say that most people are projecting when they do that online anyways?
I just started watching your videos today. I thought "what does he think about Hannah at the reunion?"
And boom!
Here it is!
Serendipity is real!
I suspected a lot of toxicity from Hannah’s upbringing when she stated her mom would lock food away. But it does NOT give her an excuse for being degrading towards Nick
Hannah changed her appearance but it was her spirit that needed a serious makeover 🫠
I’m voting for dr. Honda to replace the hosts of this show 😤
A minute ago?!?! Wow never been this early 😭
Edit to add: Hannah’s behavior was soooo gross and just such a great display on how abusers can always twist things around so much that the abused will think everything is their fault. Gives me the ick.
In before the apologists. Too many people don't recognise emotional abuse and it needs to change. We need a serious public awareness campaign. Emotional abuse doesn't need you to be verbally abusive to count. And something I found really bad about the reunion was the attempt to both-sides the issue using ONE nasty comment he made about her to one of the guys. This was used as evidence that what Hannah said about him being different off camera was true. It's a possibility, but strikes me as extremely unlikely. We have well documented evidence of how she acts towards him. Dozens and dozens of examples. And not the type of stuff you can manufacture with an edit. Not without being called out for it which she basically didn't do.
She has acknowledged multiple times that she's too rude to people. Melissa sat right next to her and admitted Hannah has been rude to her. This is a common tactic of nasty people. It's called lampshading. By acknowledging their poor behaviour up front they create the implict (if false) idea that by interacting with them you are either complicit or even consenting to such treatment. The underlying logic is "I told you I'm rude, if you're upset then that's on you."
Every nasty person I have ever known has given the game away in some form before they act out. Hannah has done the same thing. It almost has nothing to do with Nick in many ways because even if he has issues, Hannah's behaviour was simply not okay. It's actually very sad that Melissa and others took her side because she doesn't deserve to be defended just because she's "honest." That's not how accountability works.
If you listen to all the things and imagine a man saying them, suddenly it becomes SO clear how abusive and scary it is. Imagine a man lecturing his fiance after a party about "respect" and being mad that his friend thought she was hot? I knew when I first watched it that it was disturbing, and then I watched the reunion and actually was like, "Wait? Did I imagine Hannah being awful? Maybe it wasn't that bad?" I'm so glad for these reactions. I hope Nick sees them.
I'm noticing that I feel a lot of relief hearing you revisit these scenes after seeing the rest of their relationship play out. Everything you said in the original commentary was fair and true, but watching them while knowing how harsh she ends up being with him did give me a sort of sinking feeling
Ok I’m glad I’m not the only one who is still repulsed by Hannah’s behavior and lack of apology. The “all I said was true” stopped me in my tracks when I watched it first.
telling my kids this is the superbowl
Hannah was recently on Not Skinny Not Fat and provided some clarifying context. Her mother’s first husband/ Hannah’s birth father was an addict. Her parents split up when she was pretty young and her mother remarried (the guy we saw) and they then had Hannah’s two younger brothers. She doesn’t have any contact with birth father and has always considered her mom’s second husband her father.
Plenty of people had rough childhoods, but don't act like Hannah.
Oh interesting! I thought her and her brother looked very different 😅
I think they want people to come to the reunion, so they avoid things that might make them walk offstage, or signaling to future cast members that they will be thrown under the bus.
Sometimes they do confront people though. Off the top of my head: Trevor and Marshall.
I wish they'd be impartial and treat everyone the same
@@ymaculateadhiambo5136 I mean it’s a bit about the audience too. It’s more female. We can only guess, but it definitely has ulterior motivations.
BTW… something I learned in High School: When someone is trying to offer an apology in anyway that includes the word “but”, everything said before the “but” is just pandering, and everything said after the “but” is what they really feel. So I can take from this that she does not feel bad for making Nick feel inferior, in reality she actually feels frustrated that Nick acts in a certain way, and because of that “frustration”she feels validated to treat him the way she does because in her eyes “he deserves it” for frustrating her. Okay, that last sentence was really long. Sorry. 😂
Glad you’re circling back to this - I knew deep down you would spell it out and was just waiting !
I still can’t believe someone whom it would be SO EASY to scar for life with just a couple of well-chosen words would carry on like this. She’s literally listed all her biggest insecurities to him, yet verbally abuses him every chance she gets? He’s better than me
thank you for making these videos about recognizing abuse
It's truly crazy to me that no one sees her as abusive.
I can't help but think that the "I turned you from a boy to a man" is her way of saying she took his virginity. He doesn't want her talking about sex on camera at first, the conversation about going down on her. It feels like she infantilizes him about sex and it's like a control thing. I had an abusive ex who basically said I was less mature than him because I didn't want to have sex with him. It just feels like another power trip with Hannah. As Kirk always says, imagine if the genders were swapped...
Oh wow...that makes sense. He said in an interview that he's only had one relationship before and that was in high school, so you might be into something.
The hosts after 7 seasons still don’t know how to hold contestants accountable. They gloss over a lot of issues and hardly ever do follow up questions, especially at the reunions. Hopefully Netflix will make some changes but it’s already confirmed they’re coming back for season 8.
Thank you for so many parts of this reaction.
Firstly, you recognizing that the parents could be completely different at home than on camera. My parents would come off great and kind and warm, and growing up they did have good intentions in the way they raised me, however I’m still left with a lot of trauma from the way I was raised. It’s nice to see that addressed here, people have been saying her parents seem like great people but it’s such a small example, and however they raised her has certainly contributed to the way she acts now.
Second, the “how much change can you expect” line was everything! It has only been a year, and even if she was in therapy that whole entire time, that is still a LOT of trauma and behavioral issues to address. It makes me so sad when I hear people saying she hasn’t changed at all or won’t change. Therapy is HARD work and it would be so discouraging to hear people saying that all of your hard work (assuming she is doing the work in therapy) hasn’t worked at all. I’ve felt many times in therapy like the amount of work I have to do is endless and that I want to give up because there was just more and more to address. It takes time to have drastic changes in a persons behavior, and a year is not as much time as people think.
Anyways thanks Dr. H for your reactions!
Hannah's mom seemed cold and emotionally distant. She even joked that her husband eats his meal in a closet or something like that. She tried to talk to her but without actually connecting emotionally. During a meal with Nick she seemed embarrassed of Hannah and aloof. I did not see any emotional connection between the two, not even when she was gyving Hannah advice about love (which was a cliche, a Disney-like advice). It is easy to imagine that there were stuff going on at home. . .
Yeah that maturity comment was a real freaking button for her. It triggered her and caused her to metaphorically show her ass with that “boy to a man” comment.
It’s not remotely his fault for bringing up a valid point about her behaving immaturely. It’s hers for converting her trigger into abuse.
Hannah needs to be on top and needs to be in control and better yhan you. Her comments are meant to make you small amd feel small so she is better in comparison.
If nick said these things to hannah everybody would scream bloody murder and abuse.
Feeling nervous about these daily LIB video reactions ending soon! What’s next Dr. Honda? 😂❤
Nick is not perfect, but for crying out loud, there's no reason to constantly talk down to someone like Hannah does with him.
i see hannah cause i am also very blunt and direct but also i went to therapy so i know where it comes from: a controlling and hypercritical parent that strived for perfection. though she didnt do it to me, my mom even put chains on the cabinets and refrigerator to control my brother's over eating. what you are seeing of hannah in the show is what i give if i feel disrespected or am angry. she was just doing it all the time it seems just because she can and that part i dont understand.
I feel like Hannah is so deeply unlikeable (deservedly so) that it has totally let the men off the hook this season despite them being some of the worst we’ve seen - cheating, anger/control issues, abandoning secret children.
This whole season (minus maybe Garret and Taylor): 🗑️
Dr. Honda, maybe you can be a special guest on the next reunion show and ask those questions in a more helpful way!
"Were you guys talking about how fabulous I am or...?"
Her level of grandiosity is on a different level.
I think Netflix is extremely cautious about avoiding lawsuits, which is why the hosts avoid asking critical questions to the cast. If a cast member were to engage in self-harm, Netflix could come under investigation for potentially triggering it.
Waited so long for this episode ❤
I hope Nick sees there are other reaction channels from other family /psychologist about this woman’s harm to him that it’s not ok. And I hope he gets a chance to get help to recognize this. That it’s ok to be him and I hope he finds someone who will love his quickness. Hannah oh girl I’m trying to like you, if your friends are like youm god help their partners
You can be direct or blunt without being a beeyatch! She was the latter.
I’m so glad you point out that in these reunions they gloss over so much. It’s such an unfulfilling experience watching these dumb reunions. I think Nick and Vanessa are very weak hosts and they seem to never get deep at all with things that are just wrong or abusive and they allow things to get so off track. Abusers on that shows never ever get held accountable.
To me it looked like her family and her didn’t have a good relationship at all. I noticed when her mom told her she loved her, Hannah just said something like “mmhm” or “yeah”, and didn’t say the same back.
The Hannah situation makes me wonder how Dr Honda handles only hearing one side of a story with his patients. For example, if Hannah were his patient. We saw what happened with the duck story.
I don’t think a therapist always needs to know the entire truth to be able to treat someone. Just from the stories she would tell, he would probably be able to pick up on some grandiosity. But another important part of therapy is gaining trust through sympathy and empathy. If you attack someone, or if they perceive they’re being attacked, they shut down and it becomes much harder or impossible to help them. Dr. Honda is an extremely empathetic person and he has shown that time and time again.
What you said about how Hannah might have developed her behavior was very helpful.
This really puts into perspective that scene where Hannah's mom is talking to her before they are supposed to try on dresses. There was such a disconnect between Hannah and her mom there. Her mom seemed overly happy even though Hannah was clearly not excited at all to go through with the dress activity. And Hannah didn't say "I love you" back to her mom. It just seems to hint at some of the disjointedness of their dynamic
It irritates the hell out of me that Hannah co-opts “ick” in this way. “Getting the ick” came from younger Xennials and Millennials to express the deep down gut feeling of being around a person that you NEED to actually, physically get away from because your entire being is unsettled and you feel unsafe. She’s using this word as an excuse to dislike, berate, and demean Nick for Hannah having a stick up her butt. She doesn’t have the “ick”. She doesn’t fucking like him. It is OKAY to not like the same things. It’s NOT okay to co-opt a term created by women, for women to encourage trusting your gut, and using it as a reason to be abusive to a partner. The internet is OVER the trope that only men can be abusive. We are in our “call all humans on that abusive bullshit” Era.
Hannah SAID that her mom would lock the snacks away from her because of her weight so I definitely think there’s a lot of toxicity in her childhood
100% the host was setting Hannah up with "direct". Hannah repeated it like she was coached. Without a doubt production was protecting her for a show in the future.
What an eye opener, thank you for analizing how abusive people acts, now I can be more careful in my relantionships.
disappointing that so much of the reunion seems to be determined by the cast members wanting to come back and be seen as the sane normal one who was right the whole time and they have a preprepared narrative on why thats the case. especially with hannah
Been waiting for this one
1. The idea that people are only worthy if they bring something to the table more than themselves is so harmful. It’s one of the reasons why people have external locusts of self-worth and it is so easy to loose sight of who you are if you cannot produce enough to demand equality and respect.
2. The use of the term “respect” in Hannah’s rhetoric sounds like complete awareness and consideration of her insecure feelings: talking to girls feels and not bending to her will seem like the quickest ways for her to call him disrespectful.
3. I wonder if this sentence of “you get treated like an equal when you contribute equally” would be a way of also muting children. I know that some parents use this narrative of “my house, I decide” for sometimes benign things like music choice for supper. Maybe with Hanna, she had a similar experience so she learned that if she does more and is in control, than she gets to decide things and relinquishing control is not an option for her so she never treats people as an equal. Just a thought and definitely a HUGE leap.
I was also surprised by Hannah’s parents’ presentation as they seemed so calm and nice. But I was still suspicious as there were some comments that didn’t sit well with me.
For example her dad said something along the lines of (when referring to Hannah being critical of Nick) you have issues too and if we weren’t as accepting we would have thrown you away a long time ago. I know that’s not what he said but it was something like that.
I got the sense they all had a narrative that Hannah is not a nice person and they’re all putting up with it. But did that narrative start really young when she was defending against abuse? Or was she super spoiled and taught to be superior and arrogant?
Dr Honda, we do have evidence of toxicity in Hannah's childhood. You never mention the scene where she is talking about her weight issues with Leo, and she tells him her mom/parents LOCKED up the food when she was a teenager because she was in "a chubby stage"
Hi hope Nick sees all your analysis... it was spot on!
I would love a chart of the total participants vs the ones that watched themselves being talked about by dr. Honda!
Been WAITING for this gem of a video
I hope Hannah sees all your videos, she needs to!
To be fair, while it has been a year since this show was filmed, they all watched themselves on the same timeline as we did. Hopefully with more time (and the video evidence) she will be more reflective and understand the ways in which she was abusive
Nick: Are you mature enough to at this age...?
Hannah cuts him off: Are you mature enough Nick?
The fact that he was calling her immature before she started abusing him. She must really have a trigger around that and being told she's not mature.
Is Anyone else really interested in what he would've said had he finished the sentence? I suspect he was going to call her "grilling" him immature and her general attitude and approach to this conversation.
And to add to Dr. Honda's point, I broke up with my ex after he told me I was disrespecting him for the clothes I was wearing (I was genuinely flabbergasted).
23:37 I was shocked when she said this. Can you imagine if a man on this show said that? The woman said, “I want you to treat me like an equal.” And he replied, “I’ll treat you like an equal when I think you deserve to be treated like an equal.” We would FLIP OUT. Hannah was not “direct,” she was abusive. Telling people that you are mistreating them because they deserve to be mistreated because there is something wrong with them is abusive. Yikes.
The fact that her brother didn’t film with her parents could also be insight into their family dynamic.
people expect hannah to be more self aware than she has ever demonstrated to be and i so dont get it lol. "when someone shows you who they are, believe them".
absolutely! That was me before therapy...thank you for explaining it.
I found it hilarious that in the reunion she was saying how she was worried her height would emasculate him but in reality it was her personality that would do it
Genuine question: I've been hypothesizing that the hosts/production team feel more comfortable "going after" the men on the show than the women. I feel like I hardly ever (if never) see them hold a woman's feet to the fire UNLESS there is a homewrecker narrative involved like with Sarah-Ann from last season, even if their behaviours and actions could be quite harmful (Chelsea, Hannah, Micah, etc.). However, men who have done a lot less harm are held to task much more. Thoughts? I would be really interesting in hearing people's opinions! Have I missed something, would you agree/disagree, do you think it could be because of internalized sexism?
08:27 she said during the show that her mother used to put a lock on drawers to prevent her to eat
I clicked on this video so fast. I couldn’t bear watching this show the way that Hannah and Marissa bullied Nick. I wanted to cry. 😢