Dr K: "There Is A Crisis Going On With Men!", “We’ve Produced Millions Of Lonely, Addicted Males!”
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- Опубликовано: 16 май 2024
- Dr Alok Kanojia (HealthyGamerGG) is a psychiatrist and co-founder of the mental health coaching company 'Healthy Gamer', which aims to help with modern stressors, such as social media, video games, and online dating.
00:00 Intro
02:43 Achieve Whatever You Want
03:16 External Success Won't Fix You Inside
04:49 This Won't Lead To Happiness
07:25 I Had A Gaming Addiction
09:20 How To Identify Real Needs From Desires?
12:45 What Sort Of People Have You Worked With?
13:25 What Does It Mean To Be A Man?
21:04 What Is The Remedy For Men’s Mental Health & Suicide Issues?
24:57 Men Get Upset Based On Their Insecurities
27:22 Men Need Self-Expression
28:20 What Are Your Thoughts On Andrew Tate?
32:08 How To Stop People From Following Toxic Masculinity?
36:01 Do Men Need More Positive Role Models?
38:59 Why Are Women's Suicide Rates Increasing?
41:11 The Role Of Social Media In Our Mental Health
47:53 Should Yoga Be Taught At School?
51:44 What Is Meditation And The Biggest Misunderstanding?
54:53 The Important Impact Of Meditation On Our Lives?
56:06 What Stops People From Meditating?
01:01:06 How Does Meditation Help With Addiction?
01:04:00 Our Biggest Addiction Is Success
01:07:09 Dissatisfaction Leads To Watching Pornography
01:07:41 How To Help People With Addiction?
01:08:43 Does Addiction Create Shame?
01:10:20 Case Study: How Any Transformation Is Possible?
01:11:09 Having The First Conversation With An Addict
01:12:41 Do We Need To Hit Rock Bottom To Realise How Bad It Is?
01:13:42 Don't Protect People; Let Them Accept Their Responsibilities.
01:17:43 Motivational Interviewing
01:18:37 The 25% Rule To Achieve Your Goals
01:22:57 Last Guest Question
You can pre-order Dr Alok’s book, ‘How to Raise a Healthy Gamer’, here: bit.ly/4c0Wmz9
Follow Dr Alok:
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Instagram - bit.ly/49GFrQN
RUclips - / @healthygamergg
Confidential helplines and sources of support:
Samaritans
116 123
samaritans.org
Papyrus
Prevention of Young Suicide
0800 068 41 41
www.papyrus-uk.org
Maytree
A sanctuary for the suicidal
02072637070
www.maytree.org.uk
Calm
Campaign Against Living Miserably
0800 58 58 58
www.thecalmzone.net
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This episode of The Diary Of A CEO was filmed at Gold Tree Studios, located in the heart of the Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, California
If you like this episode please can you do me a little favour and hit the like button on the video! I really appreciate your kindness x ❤👊🏾
Keep up the great work
Exceptional content consistently 👍🏾
Steven you guys continue to get the best guests consistently of any podcast. Home run after home run. Keep up the great work mate.
Done, I think that labeling Masculinity as Toxic is just everyone's social acceptance of how to talk about people like Andrew Tate.
If he was toxic and bad, people wouldn't gravitate to him, he's just a big head who talks alot, apart from that, he could be any of our brothers, fathers or sons.
Understand that the people who labale it toxic are the same people telling men they have no problems.
Kids are trolls and they used Andrew Tate to troll people, that's all, it could of been Kevin and Perry or anything else, we just trolled people based on what was relevant to the time.
I used to use Forrest Gump to pick on dumb people, Kathryn Tate to troll chavy people with AM I bothered.
Imagine how many teachers was abused with "AM I bothered though" "Face, Bothered", it's just that.
Andrew didn't manipulate our children with mysognistic views any more THAN Eminem turned men into girlfriend abusers or serial killers.
Understand how psychology works with all this and you will see Andrew is simply a target for mass manipulation of the population. Everything you know of Andrew that's negative was cleverly placed into your head and placed there in such a way that it triggers a negative angry response. We're basically just like Pinocchio before he had his strings attached 😢
Explain "Toxic Masculinity" first.
If u literally want me to choose between degeneracy in today's day and age, specially online or being Andrew Tate and labeld as "toxic" what in the hell let's anyone think for a second i'd rather wanna be some dude who has 0 responsibilities in his life, doesn't work out, feeling sorry for being angry and telling everyone i'm bad because i am a white male? Are u kiddding??
How can Dr. K be so open and wise in general but when it comes to being a men became so off topic? I don't get it.
And i understand Dr. K talked about the emotion anger for example and doesn't agree with what society does with it but doesn't provide any solution to it?
I also listen to what he talked about being accepted with his needs as a men but at the same time he doesn't understand what the solution is?
I literally don't see any difference to the woke cultures and Dr. K talking about "toxic masculinity" besides the fact he accepts anger as an emotion who specially men have..
Anger isn't a negative emotion. It matters how u work with it in a positive way.
I get pissed off about my body but instead of quitting working out or eating healthy i just work out harder and optimize my eating as good as i can.
I feel like shit because i don't have any responsiblity in life so i look for them and start taking care of them.
I'm pissed about my financial situation so i'm gonna change it instead of whining about it 24/7.
It's like talking about man's health without understand what most men need. Don't talk about it if u don't have solutions for it.
"Do Men Need More Positive Role Models"? - JUST BE ONE
I don't wanna have 10 women at the same time, drive a buggati, wear expensive stuff and live in a mansion.
I'm healthy, wealthy, i work out, i'm having responsibilitys in my life and i live in a nice apartment. That's literally what all those "toxic masculine men" are pushing for me.
And what has the left to offer for me?
Oh it's okay if u don't work out, do what ever u wanna do depending on your feelings and this would be literally never have responsibilitys, eat trash all day long, don't work out and play video games all the time.
Don't be delusional what "toxic masculinity" looks like. It's literally what helps men to become better and u don't have to copy somebody else to do so but everything the woke culture does is holding yourself back and making u weak as a human being. But hey atleast ur feeling good about doing nothing and don't even accept yourself.@@tenthlegacy1707
There's an African proverb about this: The youth who do not feel the love of the village will burn it to feel it's warmth. You can take it literally or figuratively but the message is quite clear
Very apt.
Wow, this is so wise, Thank you. Explains everything going on in society today
This is actually not allocated to any specific country, this proverb was made up in Hollywood.
@@jadengrant and how do you know dat? 😂
@@juniperstardust5549 Actually Capitalism does, but WHITE men ain't gonna talk about that. EASIER to blame women, minorities, and immigrants
If you live for the validation of others, you'll die by their rejection.
That is a good sentence my friend.
This is what the world needs to hear
Living for the validation of yourself is the struggle. That's actually what everyone wants, but it's a path requiring you to constantly seek challenge and growth. Sometimes knowing the truth that you aren't enough, is the pain that people want to avoid.
Humans need humans it’s a fact it’s the way we were designed. Loneliness is a horrible affliction. The enemy wants us to be in discord and they want this it’s their design world domination starts with the destroying of society. Divide and conquer
Live for it? maybe not, but whoever claims that validation is not important is either a sociopath or just lies to himself. humans are social animals, we're physiologically hardwired to react to how the tribe views us.
“As a general rule, I don’t comment on people that I don’t speak to.” How would the world be if more of us lived by that rule?
💯
I loved that quote, people LOVE to judge people based off of one side they can see on a cube without trying to see the other 5 sides.
spread of information would come to an immediate halt. nobody would know ANYTHING goin on in the world because they wouldn't be able to speak about anyone other than immediate family and friends.
@@Sarkhan69 he was talking about imprinting a "bad" or good" label on someone, you can still transfer infromation without doing it
???
Listened to Dr K for years. He’s one of the most articulate men I’ve ever heard
not only is he articulate but very engaging too. i dont mind listening to him for hours, a real shrink normally pisses me off within the first 20 minutes
Me too! I'm really glad he gets the recognition that he truly deserves. What a collision of two of my "online words" - Dr K. & Steven.
Dr. K's method combines Eastern and Western perspectives. Depending on the issue, he can look at a problem from a monk, neuroscience or psychology points of view. That sets him apart.
Gives us an example of a lie that he told during this podcast@@hailuong9295
he hasnt charged me fuck all to watch his youtube@@hailuong9295
The feels got me at the end 😅
Thanks for an awesome convo!
You are a Top G for sure, man.
thank you so much for your contribution to society, and I've learned a lot of new things and perspectives from you in this video!
Your existence and content has saved and touched so many lives Dr.K, thank you
We love you Dr.K! You've helped millions and continue to bring positive change! And yes, I also wish they taught yoga and meditation in school, had to pick it up in my late 20s XD
Goat
"I don't talk about people that I don't know" he gained my respect.
His RUclips channel is real as they come
@@maxpainmediahis live stuff is so good
One of the best ways I’ve heard someone dodge a messy topic, baller 🧊
28:22
He said he doesn't talk about people he's not talking to. ❤
Career failure, debt, having no friends, not being attractive, and almost 50 years of age, the thoughts of wanting to kick the bucket and simply end it have occurred all too frequently, yet I do not want to let failure define who I am or who I would be known as. What is keeping me alive is my will to overcome my failure and not let it define me.
Think of it as an opportunity. Lots of time on your hands to work on yourself and become a beast! Hang in there my friend, kicking the bucket is never the answer!
@@jadedpaladin6685 The biggest hurdle is overcoming this not having job experience to get a job. Having worked these minimum wage customer service jobs have taken a toll on my mental health. Dealing with rude customers has only made my mental health much worse.
I believe in you bro, u can over come it and achieve whatever you set out to do don't let the failure define you and keep pushing 💯
@donnelly5757 I understand. I would work a minimum job temporarily whilst getting some training/schooling on the side, to work towards something better. If customer service has become too difficult, find something lone working with minimal customer interaction (Delivery driving, night watchman etc etc) just as a temporary fix until you find something better. Something you enjoy.
If not, depending on what country you are based in, there are always well paid, professional jobs that offer paid training to get your foot in the door.
As for attractiveness. This is subjective. You'd be shocked to see the state of some people who have no problem attracting a mate.
Regardless, attractiveness is probably only around 50% genetic. The other 50% can be worked on. Hitting the gym, cleaning up, barbers, stylish wardrobe, carrying yourself with confidence etc can easily take a 4 up to a 6 or 7, a 2 to a 5, a 7 to a 9 etc.
Take all this into account and you'll be fine, you'll see.
@@jadedpaladin6685 I’m meeting with my vocational rehabilitation counselor next week to see if we can come up with a plan.
As a therapist who treats suicidal persons and who works with men, and as a fan of Dr. K, THANK YOU for this interview and dialog. Let's help men.
How do you feel about Jordan Peterson’s work? He is legit the only person who has ever helped me. I see a lot of mimicry in Dr. k. I hope he’s sincere, but after the reeducation episode with Pakman, I suspect not.
Unfortunately, men cannot be helped in places such as the United States, because the society itself is what is harming men and rendering them useless. To save men, modern advanced society must be destroyed, so that men can regain an important place again. Men have no worth in settings where women have most of the advantages, and that is in advanced societies. Women always have worth, just by existing, and in any society. Men only have worth in primitive conditions.
Jordan Peterson. The great Canadian hope
Jordan Peterson. The great Canadian hope
Jordan Peterson. The great Canadian hope
WOW this guy is tremendous! Zero arrogance, no typical doctor vocabulary which can lead others to feel stupid, he’s kind, wants to meet others where they are at and is truly excellent! I was absolutely impressed. He spoke of his own struggles which makes him human. (I was bullied too as a kid). This guy is the definition of true success. His spirituality without the harsh rules of religion, his modern and down to earth lingo, the passion to really want to understand and help people versus hanging around on some golf course…. Seriously kudos to this guy! I’m a psychiatric nurse. I’ve met many doctors who are horrible people, Not this one.
Thank you for this comment and your work ❤️🔥
He's a great guy. Extremely kind and focused on helping others.
And many of his videos about how the mind works and addiction and behavior are worth watching just because they're tremendously interesting.
What is wrong with using the '' typical doctor voxabulary'' ?
In a way, it can actually improve your knowledge of medicine. Perhaps these doctors want to encourage other people to learn some concepts of medicine, which is not arrogant.
@@mathias5578 because it sounds too clinical and not connected enough to a patient. When doctors say things like: diagnosis is, medications are, etc it feels impersonal and the patient can feel like a subject matter and uncared for.
@@JuliesWorldXo Interesting, I guess it is a subjective preference, after all.
I can completely relate to this. My oldest son committed suicide a day before my birthday in 2020. He was 22 years old. His external factors were solid in that we've traveled all around the world, he was raised with lots of love, he was close to his family, and had good family support. However, his internal factors were that of great sadness. Sadness that no one could connect with. He felt like a failure, and no matter how much we all tried to get him to see the greatness with in, he didn't see it. Your experience sounds exactly like his! He was a beautiful soul and intelligent young man. I will forever have a void... I miss his presence.
Thank you for this very informative interview.
Sorry for your loss, wishing you peace of mind and soul.
I am so sorry for your loss.
sometimes the people who appear on the outside to be the happiest person you've ever known or seen are the ones fighting the hardest battle with themselves, an they try to rationalize a way out of their struggle knowing that the solution they seek is not the one they should take rather they should see the errors and the mistakes, the failures as a strength as experience to help them deal with this struggle an grow as an individual.
what we need to teach those we love is that its ok to fail, its ok to not be perfect, to be wrong, to be hurt, to not know what to do, and more importantly that its ok to inconvenience others if you need to ask for help.
i am so very sorry for your loss OP and i will pray that your son finds peace an the light guides him forward, similarly i hope someday you also find the peace and comfort that you need an that you deserve.
@@DeusGamez this is very true. I thank you
Condolences
I couldn’t stop crying. I loved Dr. K before, I love him now even more.
I’m a father of 3, and I also chose to be attached to my little ones. I never had a functional family. My parents broke up when I was 2.
I’m not a perfect father, but I promised myself that my life’s mission would be to give my daughters what I never had.
Despite being 40, and being on Elvanse, I do have addiction problems (gaming).
Meditation might be the key to solve my hurdles.
there are many kinds, so feel free to explore the options
I understand what you say but why? Why give them what you never had? It's a very oddly specific task.
My parents have been like this and i truely respect them for what they did for me but over the years i realized that they were doing this for them, not for me. They never spoke to me about what i truely wanted which usually was the things that money doesn't buy like the simple fact of listening to me, to my problems or my fears, getting to know me simply.
You are doing what you need to do to provide for them but you are also living through them as well in a sense. What about what you want? What about what they want?
Now i'm saying this solely based on your comment so i don't know anything about you so take it as you see fit. Peace to you 👍
@@joebenzz I get where you are coming from and while the possibility of living vicariously through them is a POSSIBILITY it's more likely that he's talking about family structure and it doesn't deny the fact that he's not open to their opinions, heck he might even be more open. In your situation it sounds more like a lack of communication and what he is talking about is just giving them a more kind environmment, he never suggested anything about it being a more controlling one.
@@Neroevelocity I don't doubt that it was about them having a better life overall. But in the offchance it was something like what happened to me, better to say it out loud to prevent this as this specific aspect is never talked about anywhere especially as it is a relatively common problem in families.
But i am an alarmist in nature so i'm fairly sure that i'm looking at this a bit too much.
u got it big man take care of them kiddos
I've dismissed Dr. K for so long because of his online name - Healthy Gamer GG, it didn't seem like something i'd be interested too much in, and recently i've come across a clip of his somewhere talking about rather interesting things, and ever since then i have been binging his stuf because the man is a MOOOUNTAIN of knowlege and wisdom. It's absolutely insane how well he articulates and talks some stuff that i've felt but didn't exactly know how to put into words.
I'm a 61-year-old woman and I grew up in that "you're not allowed to complain" household. I'm still sorting myself out, and the past decade has been very healing for me thanks to online access to works from people like Dr. Kanojia. Both my parents drank themselves to death which means that they were also suffering but were "not allowed" to feel. It's definitely not a new thing, and it is generational trauma. I'm glad that it's finally being brought to light.
I hate those not allowed households. The whole idea is just messed up.
Even people born in 2000 grow up in that household. We all need to relax and be more vulnerable about the toxic ways our caregivers "raised us".
Its the plastic people family syndrome
At 36 I have everything else going well for me but dating. Had plenty of girlfriends in highschool and college…just things are different today. Every woman I meet is on psych meds, in debt, and generally doesn’t want to have kids or a family. Not much out there for us to fight for. I think this is stopping a Huge number of men from caring about society. Like how much “better” can I make myself before I just say F it.
The very fact we have Joe Biden. And Donald Trump as a President nominations,
My Parents never drink alcohol, But they learned their behaviors from there.Alcoholic parenthat doesn't mathere if you're drinking alcohol or not, It's about their behavior, I think that my mother and father were deand probably would have been much cooler.They actually did drink a beer.Or they actually did smoke some ganja, They were way too update. And it's they never know how do relax. I am living with someone right now. That does not drink alcohol but can be very violent and act like a drunk peryou know you need some spirituality, Ali some way too. Get out your anger and Express it and sadness. Except for if you cannot communicate then it's just as bad as being an alcoholic and they call them ACC. Or adult children of alcoholics.
I have been practicing radical honesty Along with boundaries with my mother and No.
Okay, with her hang up, hurry ups her litteral phone hang up On the phone everyday, but at least I do not get angry Anymore, It's better that she can take a time out,
If you’re lonely, volunteering somewhere can help that. Doing something to make others’ lives better has an astounding effect on the value of time/self.
as long as it doesn't become another ego identity and 'dopamine fix'. Because I've done volunteer before for the first time because the place was near and I have nothing to do, and boy the ego is just oozing strong in the people there
What measures could one take to give themselves the best chance to avoid said pitfall/problem.
Totally agree.
💯💯💯💯
I have pulled myself out of depression multiple times by doing this. Volunteering with others for others is as necessary for me as moving my body and eating vegetables.
Yesterday I had a money argument with my wife, and I just collapsed in tears because I was called Egocentric for not haveing enough money when all I´ve got goes to her benefit, to buy her food, to help her with her therapy, to buy our child his needs... She said I was being manipulative and I just wanted to make her feel guilty. I know this is not the space, but this video is helping me going thru today, I just realized I cannot relay on anyone close because they want me to be strong or paired with their opinions, I just lost my voice as a man, and I feel so guilty for letting me down that way.
The future is bright for you brother, stay the course! I’m sending you my love across space and time 👊🏾
She’s egocentric. You should leave her straight up
Dr. K is such an impossibly passionate and brilliant mind of our time. This interview is honestly the best interview I have ever seen. You gave Dr. K so much space and freedom to communicate what he needed to. I have endless appreciation for you both.
He is not a thinker, he is an excellent communicator instead.
Accross videos he says anything and everything depending on trends.
He is an excellent speaker though.
When he said "some people have work on one screen, porn on the other" is so accurate to my circumstance that it makes me want to cry. I have watched porn daily for almost 15 years, and this year for Lent I've decided to give it up.
On DR.K's video "What makes porn addiction so dangerous" I left a comment going into detail about how much the first few days giving up porn sucked. I'm on day 23, I feel great, and I will get through this. I will not allow my addiction to control me any longer.
Edit:
Day 40
Early February I told myself “There is nothing wrong with my porn habit because I’m hurting no one.” 5-6 weeks later and I feel confident that I will not allow porn to trap me anymore. I have found a new appreciation for my existence, and a new appreciation for life. Road rage has ended. I’m not lying to myself or to others every opportunity I get. This mindset of, “Fuck the world and fuck everyone in it” is finally coming to an end. Anxiety and stress is still there, but nowhere near as bad as it was the weeks before. Lent isn't over yet, there is still a few days left; but I believe these 6 weeks of being porn-free has made an amazing change in my life.
To anyone who has ever asked themself, "Am I addicted to porn?" May this comment be one of your first steps into you wanting to make a change.
Congratulations!! You’re great and awesome 🎉
You’ve got this. This streamer believes in you. Be a beacon of hope for others!
Definitely give it up. You don’t want to view something that could be illegal & end up getting a search warrant. Happened to my ex
Praying for you to completely heal from this!
I pray you continue in your healing❤ as a mom whose son has suffered since very young due to our abuse and trauma from his father, I see his struggles and I am empathetic with anyone who suffers.
As a man in my late 30’s, I will say that I have no feelings to harm myself, but I do understand the feeling of having no one to connect to. I have my wife, but she is not the one I lay my burdens on. Men need friends, other men, to connect with as well, but most men have no one.
This, It is REALLY hard to find friends as an adult, everyone is busy at work, or with their family duties that finding somene who shares similar interests as you AND has the time to share with you is like winning the lottery. Honestly at this point of my life I just try to have a decent time with the ones I have close, but having expectations about friend relationships is not in my list anymore, I've found really nice people at work but again, life happens, they quit, I quit, or things just change and all you can do is accept and move on.
Big lie
It gets lonely sometimes even when they are there. I know because Im 50 this year! thats a bar!😂😂😂
I have the same feelings at 24, I have tremendous personal success, but have experienced much pain in loneliness. I would never take my own life, but I've experienced that pain and learned from it. The best thing to hear is that I'm not as alone as I often feel I am.
Try Boardgames and Geek people who aren't addicted to cpu games too much :)
He's articulated so many things I was thinking but was unable to identify by myself. While addressing so many things that most people miss. This put a lot of things into perspective for me. Awesome guest!
Check out his channel his lectures are awesome :)
Him talking about his college experience was so similar to my experience in college. Shutting off the alarm because of fear of failing while actually guaranteeing failure called me tf out. 😮💨
Back in 2020 I subscribed to Healthy Gamer GG because I originally thought he was a gaming content creator that made mental health breakdowns on the side. As I began to watch more of his content I realized just how toxic I treated myself and body. Now thanks to this random Dr. on RUclips my headspace is 100x better than 2020! ❤
Yaaayyy!!!🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
I only found him some years ago, hence i was already 40+ yo and had to find those things out all on my own. He would have been a huge help back in those days. Hence i'm happy he's here for current boys and men going through these issues.
Same
wait till realizing how vapid and conflated most of whats said is of course sleep is a state of consciousness when we sleep we are not unconscious but privy to the whole 8 hours just like this 90 minute manure of cluelessness calling the mind an organ or acknowledgement of problems as something bad
@@starc. yeah but sometimes we need to hear it from others for it to make sense
The longest study on happiness was done for around 80 years, and, surprise, surprise (not really), meaningful connections, love from friends, family and/or partners are the most deciding factors when it comes to happiness. Seeing how difficult it is for many people to establish connection due to a plethora of issues as well as addiction to technology, no wonder their mental health deteriorates plus the predispositions for mental health illnesses.
Yeah and people there try to advocate for just living without other people and not caring about others for whole life. Hahaha! Likely they just entered their twenties and think that just because they were fed up with people during school years they won't neet other people forever.
That's true, but knowing this is one thing and living your life accordingly are two different shoes. It's very easy to lose track of that.
Well yeah, but one very important factor is lots of people literally being hostile to men and literally discriminating against men, and it not being socially acceptable for men to say that they have it tough.
How can you know? Are you all knowing? @@AhaOk2398
Only true paranoids understand the truth.
OMG this is brilliant.
I have been a real wreck of a person, and a lot of the things talked about here fits perfectly with the things I had to figure out to start healing.
They always say "talk about your mental health" until you do. Then your job is in jeopardy since now they have to worry about you, your wife sees you as weak and can't count on you, and even doctors and councillors don't care, and you're treated like an afterthought that pays you $200/hour to pretend to care. ...
And by "you," I fully mean ME.
It's great to talk about it until you actually talk about it
Hi I’m a woman .. I’ve experienced everything you said about isolation, no prior history of mental illness and the feeling of no way out. Grew up in foster care… no where to turn to.. no since of belonging… it’s a real thing.. stay strong everyone.
Yes. This is an affliction for people. Not one gender.
Relatable, ig, all over the world..
I've heard volunteering is an excellent way to calm fears, anxieties, etc., at least while you're working. You could try soup kitchens or animal shelters or thrift stores, etc. Exercise is also helpful for releasing tensions and restoring some balance and calm. Time in nature (jog or walk outside if possible.) Finally, meditation and the spiritual to understand self, life, existence can help you find your sense of belonging in who you are, what everything is, at the core of being.
If none of that works, try to find a club or group or class that does something you're interested in. Maybe it's art, dance, music, sewing, cooking, dog walking, playing cards. I myself don't have any friends and this is something I'm always telling myself to do. Problem for me is I sleep all day and stay up all night so I don't have many social options.
@@brushstroke3733 Volunteering has always lifted me into a higher space of gratitude and peace
@@brushstroke3733 Wouldn’t it be cool to create a club that is a nighttime club; a bunch of people that dress up weird and meet to play board/card games and only meet at night. The Insomniacs club.
I'm a 74 y/o man, between the ages of 23 to 29 I struggled to ""find myself". Introspection saved me. At 35 I got a divorce and "found myself". For the last 40 years I have known peace and great mental health. This man brings up questions that I had to answer during that 6 year quest.
Do not rely on others for self fulfillment, you set yourself up to be harmed. Explore what interests you, set goals, and community. Don't focus on the material as long as you have a roof and food, don't buy things to connect to others, save your money and build your stability. Community is huge, volunteer. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose while connecting you with people that have other interests besides themselves. I am 40, I was never more lonley when I thought the other half will complete me. You don't need anyone but yourself. Don't seek approval from anyone but yourself.
@@eduardoguzman-mu3wh My journey started with a wife wanting more money, a bigger house and more material things to make her happy. I divorced the unhappiness in my life and my perspective righted itself. I needed that experience, however, to give me direction to what made me happy. I was a simple man who complicated his life by looking for companionship.
If you haven’t by now, and you’re comfortable doing so should seriously consider sharing it someway somehow. Even if it’s the recipe that will work for ONE other man, it can change everything for him. I’ve known many a man that needed just ANY walkthrough. And certain things only help certain people. So in my opinion, the more out there, the better.
There’s a podcast called other people’s lives. Just an example. Idk their criteria, meaning idk if they want current events in a persons life or if past events leading to now will qualify. But they just have people willing to share send emails and they get on calls and let the people speak. There’s bound to be many many others that are looking for stories just like yours to help other men reach true introspection and progression and peace etc.
Thank you for sharing even this summary here for us to find. It does give me hope for the men I love.
@@bobeeman9730being of service is sooo unbelievably profound. Like really truly so unbelievably powerful.
When you divorced did you have to pay alimony ? Because that's the most dis-gusting law around the world
One of the things (quote) that really hit me at some point (after I had my lowest I have had so far in life):
"When we hit our lowest point we are open to the greatest change"
~ Avatar Aang from "Avatar: the Legend of Korra".
Depending on the actions you take after you hit your lowest, it is possible to bounce back incredibly strong. I can testify to that
One of the most incredible, impactful and meaning podcast I believe I have ever watched, I'm grateful to have found this, I needed it. Thank you to both of you
So true
❤❤
When I look at what young folks have to deal with these days, it's no wonder a lot of them feel lonely. It really does seem like the world has grown a lot colder and callous, and why they're desperate to somehow escape the cycle.
- A lack of a communal belonging (Church, extended family, associations, unions or the neighbourhood)
- A lack of an easily accessible third place (Some kind of bar, pub, club or hangout)
- An overwhelmingly negative media cycle, regardless of what end of the political spectrum you're on it seems certain doom looms around every corner.
- A dating scene has been usurped by apps on which posturing is the norm. The hookup culture stemming from these and the subsequent commodification of sex probably isn't helping either.
- Social media is a giant polarising feedback loop that inevitably leads to simple disagreements turning into irreconcilable schisms.
- A wide "cancel culture" attitude in which everyone's reduced to a set of opinions which range from "good" to "bad".
You hit the nail on the head. It's sad that our friends have devolved to numbers on social media.
100% Spot on. I thank god I grew up in the 80s and 90s before social media took over.
As someone who grew up and is still growing up in this generation… you’re exactly right with all of those. I feel there’s this massive “us vs them” mentality that makes it hard for people to discuss their differences
bunch of excuses. Churches, bars still exist. People still meet their partners through friendships.
You just have to put your phone down and go out in the real world.
Just want to mention things like dating apps (which you mentioned) are only hard for men.
thank you Steven for changing up the types of people you have on. THESE is the conversation we need to start having.
Yeah I love Steven too, my favourite charming good-looking good-natured and intelligent host ❣️
@@tamagotchi22 I mean, I didn’t say I love him. Don’t know the guy. Just impressed there is a different and v important convo going on that isn’t about bio hacking or diet.
@@ne5464 yeah agreed 💯 and I meant love in a generic way like I love stracciatella ice-cream.. yes he's a very current open-minded and perspective host!!
I also hope he does an interview that covers the topic of the dark side of deep fakes, voice change and generative A.I. tools soon.. where do we draw the line between what's ethical when everything is permissible?
It's all cool to have the conversation, but the truth is that nobody cares about it. Otherwise we would be trying to fix it.
Yeah true... thanks for that Steve
I want to say that this video changed my life.
But I think action speaks louder than words. So, I'll say that after I actually put to action all the advice.
Thank you so much for this video. The questions were perfect.
Wow as a person who is also a woman, a wife and a mom of two teenage boys I learned so much and got aware of another perspective to see them, to comprehend what's going on on their side. Thanks a lot Dr Kanojia and thanks a lot Steven!
Dr K's channel is such a good resource! Send it to your kids!
There were some good books written on similar topics 20-30 years ago that got quite a lot of attention at the time, pertaining to boys and their mental health. I don't know what's happened since, but clearly, we still have work to do. 😢
❤
@@etta5487 👍🏼 That’s a good idea:)
@@cc1k435 do you by any chance remember the names of these books?
I've been following Dr K for a few years now and his work has been a huge part of the transformation of my life from addicted to on the path to self fulfillment. His talks on awareness, addiction, ADHD, and how interconnected they all are have quite literally changed a portion of my life. I remember it stuck when he said the following: "it's not about willpower, it's about awareness." That quote on the Ice Coffee Hour bound together everything I'd been learning to that point and started me on a now 3-months long journey of self-reflection, meditation, and self-improvement. Thanks Dr. K!
Yeah, he's grand. I still haven't quite kicked my nicotine and alcohol addiction. But at least I'm not smoking any more, and what's the harm in having a couple of beers to take the edge off at the end of the day?
@@thossi09 Quitting smoking is awesome! Great work! The only thing that got me to keep off alcohol without mostly ever thinking about it, was meditation. I no longer (and I mean this completely honestly and also thought this was bullshit when other people said it) that I don't at all feel the need to take the edge off with alcohol. Meditation and journaling has been the only thing that worked for me. I go out all the time w/o alcohol now and don't feel any desire or weirdness about drinking. But that's me. If there's anything I've learned from Dr K, it's that you gotta do you bro.
Where did you learn to meditate? I'm trying to kick a couple addictions right now, but I'm not sure where to start with meditation@@ryanchattertonYT
Wow that's wonderful
Incredible conversation and sums up the plight of men whilst connecting with the suffering of woman, and the path to fixing the issue by introspection. Love it
please bring Dr K back to talk more about past lives, it's so interesting to see such an accredited doctor talk about these kinds of stuff that I've always thought of to be too spiritual and out of touch
Just another story to share - I'm a mid 30's man without meaning or strong consistent connection to others in my life, I've alway felt welcome to participate in social gatherings, but mostly felt unable to join in as I am, I alway have to be the person I'm expected to be, which is exhausting. I have a good, important job, I finallly manage my own finances well and am trying to build a life for my self but am still unsure wtf I'm supposed to be doing, or how to fix the feeling of emptyness. I've been watcing Dr K vids for about a year and he has helped me to put words to my feelings, in a way no other healthcare proffessional has ever done. He's incredible, thank you Steven for having him on and helping to spread the message of self reflection and societal responsibility for our holistic wellbeing as a species. I love this guy, thanks again for having him on
Try semen retention.
I am not sure this is different from your grandfather or previous generations. Things get settled and 40's are nicer.
I don't know where I'd be without a relationship with Jesus Christ. I don't' know if you'e read the Bible but I recommend it - not just reading it alone but in a Christian community.
You touched my heart ❤ Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼
@alexdingle7877 you wrote nearly exactly what I was thinking. Read some classic Christian works. The scripture of Jesus Christ.
Psychiatry has become an awful lot of pill pushing, and not enough of actually listening to what is going on in patient's lives. Medications do not solve the root problem, they merely inhibit the symptoms while leaving the real issues unsolved.
I think it is absurd that you can have someone you love die, and within two weeks if you are not over it you can actually be diagnosed with major depression and be given medication indefinitely. There is a massive overmedicalization of normal human emotions, and a lack of understanding on how to deal with these emotions in a useful manner that results in one's problems being solved in the long-term.
FYI Johan Hari, who you are directly quoting without credit, has been widely criticised by the medical community for his false representation of anti-depressants
I am 40 and my brother recently died. I had several people suggesting that I go on a vacation or go do something fun. What kinda suggestion is that. I’m sad over the loss of my brother going on a vacation or doing something “fun.” Vacations are only going to make what I’m feeling worse. I can not believe the thoughtless suggestions I have received. I don’t want to be surrounded by happy people. People thought I would bounce back in a day or two.
@@FortunateSon-re9bh societies current solution is to push pills into you never helping you grapple with that loss in a healthy way. It sucks to lose someone so close and unexpectedly not many have the perspective to effectively empathize with it which is why you get the just 'go have fun' as a solution cause it sounds harmless enough. When really you need someone to sit down with you and make you remember the good things about the person you lost so you can be happy about the life they lived with you rather then anything negative about the person.
I'm not a therapist or psychiatrist but I think its important to come to terms with issues rather then slap a band aid like pills on your mental issues stunting your growth as a person because a pill is basically masking your mental anguish by pumping some happy chemicals and suppressing bad ones.
@@FortunateSon-re9bh There is always going for friends with group hugs
@@frarfarf PSSD
Every once in a while, a lecture video hits the nail on the head. This Dr. hits with a sledge hammer. I’d love to do therapy with him. Peace Brothers
Thank you for having Dr. K on board! He is awesome 🤩
I held space and listened to someone with alcohol, cigarette and porn addiction without judgement and with compassion.This person was on SSRI, unable to regulate their own emotions, had impulse control issues with a baseline emotion of anger and had "a constant stream of negative emotions" like Dr. Alok described. I tried to change/rescue/help this person by giving advice including showing the benefits of daily meditation and yoga nidra from my own experience. Eventually, I learned to radically accept that you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. The desire to change has to come from within.
Same from experience. Don’t force anyone for change even if it can be for their good. It’s their journey and choice. If they choose the Abyss or peace, their call.
Well said.. I had a similar experience too..
You did what you were called to do😊
Stephen Stephen Stephen,please don’t say ‘toxic men online’ they don’t exist!
I think this needs to be said more. AA brings it up a lot, but it reminds people that they don't need to wait for some outside to start helping themselves. They can start immediately to try and change things for the better.
Self determination !
Steven you’re getting so good. You’re listening, attentive, interjecting with the right questions at the right time. Grown right into this. Well done friend.
He is quite skilled and also chooses great guests to learn from
#SaveSoil
Agreed, he has become a skilled listener and thoughtful in how he engages. All around a pleasure to listen to especially when the Speaker is knowledgeable and has much to share with the world.
Great topic! Thank you and your guest for the knowledge. Keep up the awesome work.
Dr K has been the single most helpful source for my growth in learning about and improving my ADHD. Great chat guys, super helpful, thank you!
“Psychiatry is the one medical field where we’re losing the war”. Oof. That is so true. But it’s a product of our society being so polarized, lacking meaning and community/connection. People think it’s okay to hate others.
I’m not saying we all need to go back to church but having a spiritual practice with others to focus on things like charity, love, forgiveness and grace has a lot of good in it.
I'm an atheist but even I agree that the loss of church and religion has had a tremendously negative affect on western society and the sense of community. We're no less tribal no in that sense, all we've done is changed out religious affiliation for political or other labels gamer/nerd/feminist/etc.
It’s cosmopolitanism
you said it perfectly@@Snake369
It's *valid* to hate others. Whether it's okay or not is opinion.
@@Snake369 that's some strong character in you to say this. I am not a religious person, not atheist either. I believe there is a God . But I despise the commercialization of churches. Years ago (1999) when I was trying to change my ways, ie get sober and quit drugs, I sought out a church. Went to 4 different ones in 4 weeks and gave up. Every Single One wanted money for "3rd worlders" and it truly pissed me off . Even then you could see where our Country and communities were heading and these people wanted something like 7% of your income every month to live large and bring foreigners here.
I do agree, the more they remove God the further our Country and communities turn to crap in every way. Looking back , it was and is intentional.
I went through literal hell all from the age of 10 to 32 years old. At times I was so depressed I thought I would never make it out and constantly thought about suicide, but I think I'm finally crawling out the other side, and I'm surprised I even made it out alive, although it does suck to realize all the time that had been lost in that period of my life.
Well done! ❤ Keep going! You've been 100% successful at survival so far... just keep focused on being whole and going forward.
@@Venusbabe66 So true although I have to give credit to everyone who stuck by me during these times. If it weren't for them I'd probably be dead. Not that that would matter much on the grand scheme of things.
If it's not too personal, what helped you get over those issues?
@@user-lk3gn4dn9o Well at first I was so down that time was the only thing that could heal me. Had to just tough it out for awhile, and then once I felt capable, I started understanding how other people operate/ think etc. which also helped me learn how to be a better person, but also how to forgive certain people. Putting time into improving my own life financially, socially, and physically. Figuring out how to make meaningful connections with others. It's a very complex issue and I went to therapy for all my problems every day for 1 year and I can't say any of that ever helped. I basically gave myself self therapy lol. Realistically I would say time is the best healer. If you're feeling like you want to give up you just have to remember that there will be better days ahead. This doesn't mean you shouldn't take action to improve your life in some way in that recovery time, as that can be equally detrimental to your mental health. If I were to go back to my 18 year old me, I would have forced myself into the world to experience as much as possible instead of sitting around.
One thing I should note, is that the reason I say the self reflection helped a lot, is because it's possible I picked up some narcissistic traits along the way after I was sexually abused, so once I saw that maybe I was part of the problem that allowed me to work on myself which, in turn, let me heal myself from all the trauma essentially, which is basically like breaking out of that little world I was once stuck in. I can now actually see reality for what it really is instead of the delusional mindset I used to have.
loved this interview. one of the best. Dr. K is an amazing guest. hopefully i can get my hands on his book. well done Steven
God bless you Dr. K!!! a human being talking through doctor perspective without filters, my respect and admiration
Excellent speaker! I love his "no filter" approach to just saying things as they are! Let's all live our "authentically, unapologetically, truest selves"!
He's gotta be, he could get cancelled😮😮
I unapologetically Potterselytize the magical new religion of Tadaism with no filter, but the non-magic world is mostly not ready to receive the magic truth form Good Wizard (G-d or short) that Harry Potter is the true magcial savior and all believers in his victory over Voldemort can go to Hogwarts on fullride scholarships. G-d still believes in all of us and the Bill of Rights.
I think he’s very filtered actually. No one just manifests fully complete and correct thoughts. We have a reactionary thought to many things and we have to learn how to filter them and refine them. Filters are great and necessary, you just have to make sure you install the right kind.
What an unexpected collab! I'm not a man but i love doctor K so much he's doing a LOT for the gaming community
He's doing it for everyone❣️
im not a gamer but im a fan of his channel too. i first watched his interview he did with a murderer and found it very impactful.
I'm 46 yo woman, never a gamer, and this doctor explained me dopamine issues like no one ever!!! (I highly recommend to check out his 30 min. podcast about dopamine - it's just great & easy.)
You're welcome here.
@@Zmiana_Pogodycool I will check it out, thanks! From a 47 yo woman , perimenopause struggle is real!!
My man, Dr K, is speaking straight to my heart. My soul seeks purpose and community - identity and security - in a world that demonizes the fact I was born male. And, my man, Steven Bartlett, is a treasure of humanity bringing wisdom, understanding, and empowerment into the world for us. My brothers, we are growing and learning, and we will change the world having been cultivated by the lips of wisdom upon ears who burn to be good stewards and shepherds. I'm at a loss for words by the power and potential of us brothers.
Imagine living a life where everybody you have come into contact with has never heard a single thing you have ever said. That's been society for about about 50 years now.
Dr. K is a living legend. You won't find interviews this real and genuine without some effort. Thanks for bringing him on and introducing him to a wider audience. This is what we need.
I will adopt that tendency for sure
Just because he has a degree doesnt mean everything he says is 100% factual. Its much more sinister than this.
@@grapenut6094did he claim that he was 100% factual?
When you were talking about meditiation techniques for people with ADHD, I actually got cold shivers and yelled out loud, it made so much sense to me what you said.
It made me realize that this technique you explained I have already been applying often to help me fall asleep, or to refocus my mind when I am having bad thoughts.
To hear you explain so precisely what it is that I had already been doing felt eye opening.
I never really believed much in meditation before, and in a few sentences you not only opened that door for me but made me realize I was already walking through it.
when he was talking about it, I was reminded of when I used to attend yoga class. At the end of it, we always had a few minutes of quiet time to subside into ourselves, kinda meditative I guess. My yoga instructor would instruct us not to think of nothing, but to let the mind contain every thought that runs through it, but don't pick up the thread of the thought. I guess you could call it floating in a sea of thoughts. It became this moment where I could have any number of thoughts running through my head, but my mind was almost completely divorced from those thoughts. These days, I still practice that to go to sleep even though I don't do much yoga anymore
YEAH THAT WAS EPIC
my question to him would be how does one apply this in the real world. i live in a town with 18000 people. i have a very hyper active mind. there is nowhere i can go where my brain would ever get overwhelmed or tired out like he explained. it did sound like a good idea though.
I noticed very similiar powerful emotional reaction to his adhd videos as well... its amazing how well he explains and connects topics to his audience
@@jjg1501 have you tried it yet, though?
BRILLIANT TALK! Great words from DR K. I 100% approve his assessments and commentary.
This the best conversation have heard Doctor you are spittin facts. this will apply to me while here in my country Kenya . AWESOME
Dr. K!!!! Never pressed on a video so fast 😅
This man has helped me tremendously!
Wonderful human with a very good understanding of the human mind.
Same!
yesss!! he is epic
what has he done for you so far?
@@sebastianmuller4298 helped me understand my depression triggers and how to not fall into the depressive mindset again
If you suffer from clinical depression and listen to him you'll understand how he helps. If you don't, then you're lucky you don't have to fight your brain every day of your life
"I am just gonna do the best that I can and I will never succeed... and that's OK" - resonating strongly with me!
@@Joel-uc5lo It is acceptance. The 1% of men that make millions is the 1% for a reason. It is fine to aim high but at the same time, it is not for everyone and you got to accept life is like that. Living fairy tale dreams is worse in my opinion.
You are a happy sort!
@@Joel-uc5lo Happiness is an elusive fish.......................
@@iLAGnDC Why not act like a child and pout? It works! Look at Trump!
@@martinkent333 You make it sound like men never throw tantrums... ever...
That last insight you had Steven about the epigenetics being the source of "past life memories" was sò profound! Thank you for sharing that.
Dr. K's videos have been very helpful to me, I feel like I have never had so much good advice and someone who understood me and also understood why things happen that way and how to improve certain things that we are never taught or educated to deal with. . with. . Despite not understanding much English because I am Colombian, I have gone through depression, anxiety, trauma, hatred, and suicidal tendencies. and I never understood why, now I understand why and that there is a crisis all over the world, because I am a man they never listen to me at least in my social circles, but now I know that it is not just me, I am glad to know that I am not the only. thanks for everything dr k.
28:22 .. perfect, impressive, answer… „..I don’t comment on people, that I don’t speak to !“ and then asking for „specifics“. PERIOD !!!.
His body language didn't match his words though :-/
I have loved this channel and been subscribed for a long time but you bringing Dr. K on just made me a member. Absolute top tier guest and episode!
So good! Thank you so much for your support!!
🙏🏻👍🙏🏻👍
@@TheDiaryOfACEO what is the name of the person that’s doing the interviewing 5:29
As a 37 year old man in a rough place, this Dr has helped me in this podcast so thanks to both of you for opening podcast, invite to the Dr, and the genuinely personal experience of docs experiences
omg dr. K is here! the collab I never thought would happen :O
Frankly, he's awesome
...the one I could have done without...
@@PlanetJeroen another 'dr.' from 'Harvard'. that's a red flag for me.
right, and this was one of the best, i wish it was longer
@@PlanetJeroenreally? i found it perfect he nailed it man. the only part that was hard for me was the idea of humans evolving to give up on the things we used to care about to pave the way for technology and stuff, but i think hes more just pointing that out that its inevitable.
Out of all the dr.k interviews ive seen on other channels, this is the best one i've seen. Stephen is a phenomenal interviewer and really knows how to make his guest shine here
Agree that Stephen is skilled at interviewing... an art that has been ruined by interviewers who want to be the star (as I have perceived them).
He is a marketeer and you are being duped
@@insidiousmaximusMaybe I was a bit over the top in my praise, but I don't agree
Please keep doing more with Dr. K. I love watching him on other peoples podcasts and you asked him different questions which was enjoyable.
Very glad this popped up on my feed. Never met or listened to someone I felt truly walked in my shoes and understood. I really can't put it in words.
Dr K is a fabulous asset to the youtube community.
His channel has helped me with my moderate ADHD so much.
he's just another narcy scam artist
I feel like he's just flowing with the tide, following trends. I stopped following his channel years ago when he made a video about men basically telling us that we're living life on easy mode and we need to suck it up because women are the ones that have it hard. Now he's here with a totally flipped script, just feels disingenuous.
@@sticks7857 Link to video? That does sound like something he would say.. but as some kind of example or get people to take their own responsibility. There are victims who aren't victims but say there are, those exist.
However, when you said " Now he's here with a totally flipped script, just feels disingenuous. " To me, that just sounds like you have a hard time believing people could change. Anyone who is actively learning, will eventually always have a "totally flipped script".
@@anonymousunknown8938 "addressing misogyny"
@@lukebruce5234
Ahahhh, how is he "just another narcy scam artist"?
and who are you to be so pious? what credits do you have to talk about it?
When Dr K said that we need to stop relying on the government and society to fix the problems because its not working. We need individual responsibility, " you need another individual to hug you, you cant hug yourself". The way the tears fell down my face. This conversation as a whole was meditation and therapeutic. Dr K is the man!! And this channel is only going to get bigger and better. Who wants to join me on the taking social responsibility train?? We have to start somewhere.
I don't agree at all! Its actually the helicopter parents who teach no responsibility ...nothing to do with government.
@pie0ful who are you not agreeing with? Dr K?. His words not mine.
@@Courteny283 I don’t agree with his notion that we rely on government … I don’t think we rely on government at all .. we have the most individualistic society in the free world and THAT is not working. We have very little help from the government for health care / mental health / education .. and the countries that do like Finland are doing FAR better than us by every metric!!
@pie0ful ok, well contact Dr K and let him know how you feel. 🤷🏾♀️
@@pie0ful The government can fund mental health services via public healthcare like in the civilized world (aka Europe), but even here, the problem isn't about that. We as individuals need to care about other individuals in our friend/family circle.
Thanks for the interview. Always a privilege to listen to Dr. K
This was a life-altering interview. Thank you. New subscriber.
We live in a sick society.
We need to live again with values : respect, empathy, solidarity, responsability, protection.....
We do not need wars everywhere around the World.
Thank the governments
We never lived by those values….
We need to live again in a Christian society.
I hope you don't kill and eat animals then
The West need wars to keep the living standards that they didnt earn
I LOVE the conversation about anger. Anger can be such a cathardic emotion when it’s pure. Women typically have the opposite problem where they dont allow themselves to feel anger and internalize those feelings. Emotions deserve to be felt and explored and i stand by that 100%.
Edit: hello I am women, growing up I was expected to be docile and subservient. If I was angry about being told who I should be or how i should act I was in the wrong. Instead of being angry at people who confined me to that role, I was taught to be ashamed at wanting to be something else. Hope this helps to clear some things.
Women aren't equipped to deal with anger. Not anger as men experience it. They don't have the neurology for it.
do you know any woman? do you actually know them, or you do but your stuck in a bubble in that regard?
@@xBINARYGODx mate what 💀
What do you mean by "when it is pure"? I am genuinely curious because I struggle with anger. Both mine and others. The example in the conversation about the woman crying and man yelling unlocked questions in me because I am unable to accept anger and its manifestations such as yelling. Although I know it is just like any other emotion, if a person shows anger(Commonly, people around me yell and it's always the men who yell), it induces fear in me and I immediately detach from them. It affects my relationships too. Is yelling when angry the equivalent to crying when sad? How do I understand anger without being so afraid of it?
@@jiminsbabo2614you can be sad without crying and be mad without yelling but man it feels good when you do 👍🏾 to me it sounds you have some trauma from when you were little and now cant stand when someone yells so you detach yourself from them
thank u for having dr.k on. he’s truly a force of nature on this topic. grateful he’s out here.
I agree best podcast I've ever seen
Hello! Thank you for this podcast because I have been doing research for my college class all about the extent to which masculinity impacts the lives of young men in today's society and this really helps my research!
Woman here benefitting from hearing this…
I’m addicted to podcasts, RUclips videos, true crime etc. and always have something going in my ear. The part where he says if we’ve always got something going on the outside we can’t hear our internal cues and therefore can’t figure out who we are or what we really want- very much resonated w me.
I’m 10 weeks preg and one of the things I’m experiencing in addition to debilitating morning sickness is a loss of interest and even disgust in always having something in my ear. I just like quiet right now.
I notice this sometimes too. I have adhd so I’m constantly seeking stimulation but sometimes I get overstimulated without realizing, and I continue to seek out media distractions to escape the overstimulation… when really I just need quiet.
I feel the exact same!
@@recklessmermaidsame but I be too scared of the quiet too 😭
Your going to have a beautiful Zen baby 😊
@@Linda-fr4dj I hope so, thank you 🤍
HealthyGamerGG is probably my most watched channel this year and it’s really helped with perspective that I otherwise wouldn’t have received. Seriously out here saving lives.
69yr old woman again- I am massively impressed w your whole talk. My mom SLAPPED ME ACROSS THE FACE so much in grade school when Jr high rolled around I learned to STEEL myself into an emotional nothingness- I felt the impact, would hear the slap and FEEL NOTHING but NOTHINGNESS.
So I feel for these men- deeply
@@angelicaromero2488 No I didn't. But she had multiple mental ill
I am so sorry that happened to you. I know the same feeling unfortunately. How a parent could ever think treating their child like that was effective or helpful to them is beyond me. I know the feeling of stepping outside of my mind and going numb until it was safe to return again. Awful.
I remember those slaps as a child. Mom was the same way. The last time she slapped me I had a newborn in my arms. She slapped me over a disagreement after recovering from child birth. Was visiting family after the birth of my daughter. I put my baby down slowly in her car seat. I sat on the side of my sisters bed crying silently. My face burning and red with welps. Left the room quietly & walked towards my mom. She stood there with my aunts and friends. I slapped her back so hard she fell to the ground. My sister runs in from outside and shields me. While screaming at my Mom. I called the police and went home. It's been 8 years and I never want to see that cow again. She can literally go to hell
I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. It speaks well of you that instead of becoming embittered you found became more empathetic.
As a man who struggles to keep my attention affixed I must admit that Dr. K kept me focused and brought me a few breakthroughs. Thanks Doc!
Stephen, you’re the best interviewer. You help your guests shine, ask such good questions and have a real conversation. This is such a great interview
Thank you for the ideas on how to talk to my sons. I am a mother of three grown sons in their 20’s and one is 30. One thing I really encouraged my oldest son to do was have a social network. I really emphasized the benefits and importance of it for everyone. He developed a group of guy friends and besides playing video games together they rock climb, go out to eat, hike, run obstacle courses etc… when one of their mom’s died they went out to eat together to support him. When one of them needs to move they all pitch in to help. He will say sometimes that he would rather stay home but the importance of maintaining his social network is more important. In college he connected with a couple of guys, in his engineering program, who had gone to school together for 1st thru 12th grade and he got to know them and some others did as well so now a decent size group of men. None are married and only one has a girlfriend. Interestingly enough they represent a broad range of society in a number of different aspects. I don’t know how I had the presence of mind to suggest it to him but I am so glad I did.
great work!
Its cause ur a good mother that actually cares about the well being of her children. Such things are rare today and I appluaded you for that. With a mother like you your children will go far in life.
"a decent size group" of men in their 30's & only 1 has a girlfriend? I get the not married thing but whhhhaaaatttt? R they just perpetually dating? I guess they can continually date a few women @ a time w/out calling any of them their girlfriendnd. if it IS only 1 girl, then y not call her his girlfriend? I can't imagine that many men just having continual 1 nite stands??
@@juliebraden There is a thing in modern western society called "hypergamy" - look it up!
@@juliebradenno, no one night stands, no perpetual dating, no one’s interested. There’s 1000s of great guys that r swept under the rug.
Something really stood out to me this weekend. I'm a woman on a volunteer fire department, and I made a comment about really liking my new boots because my old ones used to chafe my feet until they were irritated. Another guy said he'd been asking for boots for years and never got them. I encouraged him to really go for it, because it inhibits our ability to help others, but he didn't want to be "that guy" and complain too much. It makes me really sad for him and others, and the people who we need to help.
I have a similar problem I'm not a volunteer but the boots. I taped them to stop it and wore thicker socks sometimes twice but somehow it fixed itself it was painful for a few months though, way after I got them
Also a woman. While this is sad and all, he hasn’t tried and this is a common problem with men today. They’ll complain and complain but they won’t do anything about it. And this is odd because my grandad and dad’s generation would literally be demanding the boots or walking. Guys have become very timid and almost fragile. And that soon turns into resentment that you got the boots and you’re a woman and then he’s following Andrew Tate at which point he’s undateable. When in reality you likely got them because your need was greater or you asked better. It’s all rather ridiculous.
At my current work, i discovered after first month that they dont pay us extra for weekends (50% saturday,100% Sunday) whic is extremely fucking illegal, but nobody wanted to be "that" person, so I went to my boss and told him he needs to pay me weekends its in the law, so he started, but only me, now everyone resents me because I get payed more. Seriously, some people are just docile kids.
@@jaybee4288 Oh look. Men have problems and somehow its their own fault. Yeh not getting tired of this sentiment at all. I suppose you think men should just "man up", but then "toxic masculinity" is also the problem. Gtfo. Don't comment on mens issues unless you're willing to help. F off.
@@jaybee4288 Okay... But do you have to go on a schizo-rant about how every male nowadays is weak and follows Andrew Tate? Because that is far from the truth. And why does it even matter if he's dateable? Nobody has brought this up. This has nothing to do with this conversation. Also she wrote that he'd been asking for boots for YEARS. Which makes your statement completely wrong. You completely disregarded the original comment and inserted your own experiences and resentment for men instead of writing something constructive and helpful... Also you don't know that guy and wouldn't know if he would turn to resentment over such a minute situation. Only if you were to assume that all men are the same. But I guess most men are just timid, fragile and misogynistic in your eyes. You know we would be able to achieve so much more if women and men would just work together instead of bashing each other at every opportunity. But that's apparently very hard for some people.
Thank you so much for your interviews. Amazing work! Dr K is amazing and I really appreciate his insight.
Wow quite true. All I get is people demonizing me for various reasons and I have definitely become very strong bc of it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This is a great video.
Dr K talking about success as an addiction. It's about how success is thought of. To many it's a better house, more money, more power,better job, better body. Always improving something all the time or increasing materials and possessions and superficial things to a ridiculous extent. Peoples definition of success needs to change. Being content,happy having mental health more stable, relationships doing well, feeling fulfilled in your own unique way whatever that is is a better path to me these things represent success more than the latter.
"Success" these days are weaponized to trick younger people into thinking that grind through their programs, their rich lifestyle, their expensive cars will lead to escaping your miserable life, except its not how it always works, for most people, Its all a scam to make money off of these people.
we all feel success in our own ways their not real definition between success its just as long as you truly feel like you achieved your opinion is like droplet in the ocean
There's a word you used in there which hit the nail on the head for being TRULY happy... and that's "content". Being content is to be truly happy.
The game of life is individual, so the question becomes personal. How should my definition of success change, in order for me to get the most out of life? Most of us keep fumbling in the dark without ever changing our definitions. And even if we do, we never reach the point of our success anyway. Probably because we don't know how, even if we are convinced we do. But depending on our definition it can all depend on other people, at the end of the day we can't control everything. But sure, if we assume that everybody means material wealth when they say success, then yes, that is a poor definition.
I've followed Dr. K for a couple of years, and I love his advice. He's very thoughtful, caring, passionate about helping others, and often asks for "time to think" to gather his thoughts when interviewing clients on his YT lives. All the while not sugarcoating his message. His YT videos and the people he interviews give me hope for the upcoming generation, no matter how small the glimpse of hope. TY for having him on your channel; this interview is long overdue. Great job!
subscribed after watching the whole podcast uninterrupted. Thanks so much!
Holy crap, this whole time watching this and learning about meditation, I've been thinking about many of the things my father taught or tried to teach me. His answer to the question left to him by the last guest, and especially his description of the last paragraph to his kids had got me tearing up and desperately missing engaging with my father now that he's gone.
WOW LOVE this guy. Pragmatic, addressing root causes, holistically. This is what true intelligence and care sounds like. This man is on a mission for truth and healing, not false idols and bandaid solutions. Awesome interview - thank you.
If he actually knew what to do, he wouldn’t be who he is.
You listem to strong people on how to be strong, not weak.
And who are you, oh mighty part-time RUclips commenter, that I should listen to you? It would be rude for a teacher to not introduce themselves to the class first, no?
@@tomevers6670 He WAS weak. Look at him now: insanely successful, rich as fuck, has a wife and a couple children... Where weakness?
@@tomevers6670 if you suck at smth, best way to learn how to get good at it is listening to people who were bad at it at one point and managed to get good despite it. Not people who were born with a god given natural talent for it. Youll see how true that it is if you go try it yourself, ask around in your life. Thats why dr k is good at his field, and able to so effectively communicate these insights. Bc hes had to go thru the process of learning them.
1:14:45 "Anything [an addict] could do for themselves, you should not do for them."
I totally agree with that - as an alcoholic and cannabis addict who got clean and sober a few decades ago. Fixing problems any addict is causing for themselves will only delay the moment until they want to change enough to do whatever is needed to let go of their addiction.
Hurts because it's true. I see friends and people around me go through that all the time.
Oh yeah huh
Yeah, as a recovering addict, I definitely agree with that. That’s not to be confused with I definitely agree with that saying I didn’t need help- I did! But I needed to seek the help out myself and not have it forced on me. from what I seen an addict has much better success for recovery if they are not forced into it
@@ericgraham8150 Hi Eric. Out of curiosity, is there anything you think those close to you could have done differently? Something which might have actually helped prior to you becoming ready to stop.
I recall one doctor telling me that any more than four drinks per day (for a male) would cause long-term damage to my health. That's true, but for me, having to stop after four drinks is the worst form of mental torture that could be inflicted upon me.
Perhaps I could have stopped sooner if that doctor went on to say, "... but if you can't do that you're probably one of those people for whom complete abstinence is much easier than sticking to any sort of limit."
I know that when you decided that you didn’t want to live that life and you decided to change, it was your personal choice; but people make choices based on experiences and a certain environment. What were the external things that pushed you to look inside and make that choice?
I’m asking to know if there is some indirect way of helping a person who is in that situation, a way to help them without pushing them or making choices for them
I've watched several of your casts and liked them all but this is the one that made me click "subscribe". I don't know why but it really cuts deep. Thank you for introducing me to Dr K. I look forward to looking up more of his stuff, and look forward to you introducing me to more great folks like him. Keep producing good stuff.
I have seen videos of The Healthy Gamer and this interview is pure gold. Thank you so much for this insight, even for myself as a woman. My man is struggling for a long time and he also has new insight in reality. Thank you both for being here and sharing ❤
Dr. K is a gift to humanity 💚 I started watching his videos to help my son who's a former gifted kid with ADHD now struggling as a young adult. I ended up getting so much help for myself. Thanks so much for the work you are doing.
I'm a woman, living in a town of 35,000 people. The number of men who have committed suicide in the last 10 years is absolutely horrific. I knew two of them personally, both lovely, intelligent men in their 70s. Older men are at risk too. A friend's son, who was sectioned after a failed attempt to kill himself aged 21, is doing so much better now. He's the same age as one of my daughters, who despite having suffered a very serious illness, and like him, getting caught at University in the middle of the Covid crisis, was so much more resilient, even though she felt depressed too. Women are likely to have more resources, certainly more supportive social circles. I have warned my husband and his ex about my 24-year old stepson, who I am very worried about, because he seems so lost and low, and nobody's been able to help him so far. It's a real crisis, as a society we are failing our young men, in particular, but older men too.
Parents need to do better at raising men to be respectful and relaxed at whatever they choose to do. American culture of Wall Street neurotic bad values is not conducive of a good life, and should not be admired but this is the most important decision l of horrible values we have today and it needs to change. .
The crisis with males is that instead of taking accountability for anything and growing, they're looking for someone to blame AND doing nothing about it but increasing the femicide rate and starting sexist podcasts instead of going to therapy.
Women, decenter males. Focus on you.
18 year old boys need adventure. Have to have adventure!
Snap. I see it in the British town I live in. Brits need to stop this polite nonsense of "how are you" "fine" and start opening up!
squeaky wheel gets the oil, when there's a need there'll be a market. women now have so many resources and so many people willing to help us because 1 we are naturally more inclined to look for help than men and 2 we've been shouting for help for a long time. I think now as we're more aware and outspoken of men's crisis and men are more inclined to look for help than before, there'll be more resources growing for them.
People can be cruel, men & women. People can be amazing, men & women. Both sides need the second one to thrive and the first one gone. We don't thrive by stepping on and condemning each other.
Love his stuff, but you actually got a more truthful conversation then his regular channels. Thanks.
HealthyGamerGG and TheDiaryOfACEO are my 2 favorite channels on RUclips. I’m so happy to see you 2 collab. Your channels are the most helpful channels I’ve discovered. I’m truly grateful for your work Steven and Dr. K🙏🏾
Preach!! 🙏🏼🙌🏼
Same! ^-^
Agree wholeheartedly!
Probably the best guest ever🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 As a Psych Mental health nurse practitioner I really appreciate Dr. K's insights. Bravo.
I truly found the greatest forward momentum when I stopped trying to have 10yr plans and started trying to have tomorrow and next week plans. I got through graduate school and landed my dream job in 5yr when I stopped trying to plan for it to happen and just lived and made it happen on small bite at a time. The flippant "I don't have goals anymore" was said slightly in jest, but it's true. I stopped making big goals. I just go with the flow and do what I feel like doing, outside of those things that need doing, of course. It's been a really fun ride since then.
Oh, and talking the truth and important issues is somehow therapeutic in itself. This conversation made me feel optimistic and thus better.