1. For the same reason addiction exists- an environment that is not stimulating enough. Commit to the work of creating a world that you enjoy living in. Remember there are other options that you haven't tried yet.
Yeah, people have to learn to let go of the addictive thoughts because they're just an addiction to the addictive thoughts themselves, not to reality. Mathew has a great way of putting things into perspective! 😊
@@Analysis_Paralysis if you don't have a good place to go to, you cannot let go. My point is that place needs to be created, and you're the only one who can do that. With the help of some people of course.
@@Analysis_Paralysis also, addiction is not "just" an addiction, it's a very real and dangerous slope, and people "have to" but they don't- it is that hard. Acknowledging the graveness of this issue is the first step to making an actual change. 😊
@@jenninemorel7693 loneliness, oh yes. Again, surroundings. Boredom is not a thing, I'm talking about meaningful stimulation, not the kind we get from watching TV
It's easier said than done. *LIMMERENCE* is not just about stopping obsessive thoughts over someone. It's rooted in childhood, in trauma from neglected or abusive parents. If you don't heal *childhood wounds* , you will continue to obsess and fantasize.
Exactly, it is obvious what Matt is saying. But the real question is WHY we do it? Why we need to create those fantasies and fool ourselves and recreate same thing over and over again. You got it @coolgirl1309
@@mhaas281I think it may be helpful to see a specialist (like a psychologist), there are many different scenarios, for example it might also be that even though your parents were present physically present emotionally you didn’t feel supported / wanted. Or there may be other factors..!
It seems like Matthew speaks mainly to women. But as a man, I like to watch his videos and they have "helped" me too. We men have the same problems when dating, the same fears and make the same mistakes.
Love this for myself too. It’s just sad that I finally got the courage to sign up for his retreat next year and set up a phone interview, only for the nice interviewer to remind me that this is only for girls. I’m like: why? There’s something so universal about what Matthew says and does why does it have to be limited to women?
@JustThatOneRandomGuy Exactly, I've given the same advice to my son as Matthew would. Women can be just as toxic, ghost, and hardly text. These are the problems my son has had!!
I now realize that my worst mistake is the illusion of what someone can be. I also never want to lose that. I need to be better about communicating expectations and letting their actions show me their place in my life.
The addiction is so real. He is charismatic, always upbeat, movie star looks, PhD research scientist but there are multiple deal beakers too long to list and he has more baggage than an airport. We have broken up, but I'm a still a junkie craving a dopamine hit. Can't get him out of my head.
Mathew Hussey, and his kindness and empathy paired with insight, is the reason I value the opinions of an empathetic "entrepreneur" over the views of a callous "activist" who lacks empathy. Where there's true empathy (instead of callousness and manipulation/calculation), there's wisdom. I used to be one of Mathew Hussey's biggest critics 5+ years ago, but I acknowledge that his advice is humane and kind. He was able to adapt to our changing world and its modern challenges because he understands (and feels) human emotions. And he's decent enough not to exploit them, but to equip others to adequately deal with their own emotions and the emotions of other people to lead a more aware, authentic and kind / self-loving life. That's a huge accomplishment, Mathew!
You’re so good Matthew. Unfortunately no matter how many times I’ve watched your videos, I still have those addictive thoughts about a man who doesn’t want to be with me 😢
Yes, it can be hard. Especially, when they reject us, ghost us, don't give us clear explanation of why they really left. Seem like they aren't being honest about things or who they really are. The cognitive dissonance can really affect us as well. Saying one thing and doing another. They come on strong and say all the right things then, leave or disappear. I try to rmr that even though this particular one is gone, there was a lot going on with him and his life. There are many other available men out there. It's not over. Just have to be patient and leave the wrong ones in the past. There are so many people out there. Someone else will come along. I do understand, the rumination can be annoying and persistent. But, it does fade over time, many months or years. Definitely heal first before trying to find someone else.
But there are a lot of people struggling with trauma bond or unsecured attachment styles. Like intellectually they know the person who ghost them are not good, but emotionally and psychologically they don’t know how to break the trauma bond and that’s why they still ruminate about the wrong person.
Ymmärräkään helvetin näköiset wannabeet hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaat että mua ei vois vähempää kiinnostaa antakaa mulle parempi kuin rauha joka vitun vaihokas ja homot ei mun elämää määrää ja kerro mulle ketä mä saan ottaa ja ketä en. Itse perkel olet vaihokas ja sun huoras ja voi kun teitä puskin vaan yksi feikkiperhe mutta vähintään 7 feikkiperhettä hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaita ja se noita emäsänussittu joka on mun elämän tuhonnut kuolisit emäshuora isäskyrpä, aina nait emääs kun edes ajattelet mua emäsnussu
That’s my situation 😢 I have a trauma bond with him but I need to keep him block this time n push threw the pain 👍 I have to all he gives me is anxiety he’s lovely 1 min Evil the next n he hasn’t committed after 3 years iv waited n waited like an idiot took his abuse n abandonment when I needed him the most 😢I’m done
I needed to hear this. He told me things he did for his manipulative ex just to keep proving to her he loves her, and she never does her part. But he does not fight for the chance to be with me. Now he dated me couple of years after her and I don’t blame him for putting boundaries. He should. But he said “I can’t go all in.” because we are both transitioning in our lives and unsure if we might stay in the same state in the near future. I realized that he was not that into me. Because it he was, he could have communicated that we can try to make it work, or at least invite me to go with him because I was willing to go. I have been obsessively missing him. Because we have good times. But I can’t be with someone who won’t fight for mu love and affection because I know how much value I can add to a relationship. so, again, Thank you for this
Trauma has kept me bonded. Emotions make me feel things that aren't attached to reality. Astrology is unreliable because it's based on obscure ideas and thoughts that don't hold solid evidence and facts. In reality, I realize that I need to remove him from my life full stop. I'm done with the ups and downs of what keeps swirling around in my head. I'm done with being seen as a mutt. I am not his pawn. I don't want his friendship. I don't want his existence in my life at all....
I left my 10yr relationship a year and a half ago. I’ve made some huge improvements but it’s still a struggle. Often times I wonder if I’ll ever be the person I was before I met him. It’s painful.
Truthfully you will never be the same, but that's also beautiful. Talking from a 13 yr marriage breakup I've come a long way and still have room to grow. And the breakup was my wakeup moment.
No, you won’t, but not because of anything being in a relationship with him did to fundamentally change you, but because you wouldn’t be the person now that you were before you met him, because that person would’ve changed immensely as well even if they hadn’t met him. Embrace exactly where and who you are now cuz that in fact is who you are. That’s the reality of the situation, just as Matt is explaining here.
I wish I could tell you how much of a right time this has come to me at. I am saving it and listening to this everyday till I emotionally accept this. ❤
Thank you 🙏 Saving this and will watch it many times so that I never go back to the way I was. I’m still healing and the thoughts are still there. It lasted 3 years and it made me feel anxious and abandoned most of the time 😔 I’ve learned many lessons and you have helped me learn them. Men need to take notes from you ❤
Kiitos, kerrankin jonkun suusta totuus. Mutta te identiteettivarkaat mä haluan omin käsin "käsitellä" niin että ne ei enää koskaan luule että voivat mua huijata ja pitää tyhmänä perkeleen wannabee vaihokkaat murhamarit murhaajat ja vihaajat raiskarit pedofiilit ,patologiset valehtelijat lesbot ja homot, mun elämässä ei oo koskaan ollut rakkautta ja mä tiedän että mä Ansaitsen sen kaiken mitä ikinä haluan ja toivon kaiken kokemani jälkeen mitä olette laittaneet mut käymään läpi saatanan vaihokkaat, mä vannon että maksatte
Yes, same. I found his channel in 2023-current. Practically the best dating advice I have ever found. Very helpful. I can't seem to stop watching the videos! Also reading his new book now, too!
Thank you, Matthew I have addictive thoughts about him during these days but after watching your vd, I'm now realised I shouldnt go back to this situation and I have to be happy by myself.
Awesome talk that summarises how difficult it is to accept what's in front of you, glaring in your eyes that it's not right for you, but you still can't see it 😅
Yesterday I spiraled back into a dark place after finding out my narcissist has already found a replacement. I can’t eat and what I manage to I throw up due to stress and anxiety. I’m so tired
You are not alone, it will get better, day by day..it may seem now that your life isnt great but by next year you will look back and feel how far you have come... i wish u the best
I feel for you. You're not alone. Believe it will be better, although it may seem impossible now. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot to stop focusing on painful thoughts, to return in tune with my body and learn to let go of someone who was very damaging to my mental health. You can do this, slowly the work you do now even in tears and sleepless pain will build a stronger version of you. Feel proud that you are walking away from his games, towards more loving and caring people, and towards loving yourself. Hang in there, lots of love.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m going through the same thing. She told me she couldn’t invest in anyone else right now, then immediately went to her ex fling.
@@dannycolwell8028 I think these people don’t have the guts and emotional capacity to sit down and reflect after a relationship ended, they throw themselves to the next person because they can’t handle their inner turmoils. I pity this grown ass man
Spot on. This happened to me recently with a neighbor. I helped him and we had a fun connection, made future plans as friends only. He probably got overwhelmed by my attention and excitement. He ignored me. After 3 weeks he texts me. Long story, but I literally ruminated ove this person. Funny thing, I don't even want to date now. Lol! Now I am laughing at myself, learning the lesson. Your videos are great.
On point. This presentation is an eye opener. Thanks for demystifying the dating landscape. I have over time learnt a lot from your videos. The analogy of illusion versus reality is exemplary. Well done.
Oomg ..its like he was talking directly to me ..its hard hitting ..but nothing iv not known and been hiding drom telling myself 😢..thenk you needed thst ❤
"I just can´t be all in" is the sign to? Run away, thank you for pointing it out again and again... somehow people have this thing in their (our) mind to think "but maybe the situation can change, his mind can change" ahahah maybe also not
He missing something-the cyclical question of whether the person isn’t meeting my needs because I’m too needy. Maybe if I had done something different he’d treat me differently. It’s not rational but the idea that I know my needs are valid, he doesn’t meet them and I want him anyway isn’t my reality.
Thank you! This video really resonates with me. (I repeated this type of relationship/situationship too many times. I guess I thought I couldn't do better).
I needed to hear this. Thank you! I believe I need to learn my approach because I am naturally friendly. I can truly enjoy my own self in these interactions and sometimes people misunderstand me. I need to tone down what comes naturally to me?
Believe it or not...obsession and compulsion comes from something gone awry in our body chemistry! Specially our genes! Glutathione may be low! I love vimergy!
Well I'm missing someone with whom we shared the same body language. He was into hugging as i am and it is soooo extremely hard to find it these days. I know we didn't share the same values, he wanted to straight go to the bed ect BUT do you know how much touch starved we are? Just because we shared some great kisses, hugs and caresses, i feel devastated after i ended it. Because i never found this level of tenderness. It could be as simple as that.
I feel this right now, the being starved of touched. I was with my partner for 6 years, he ended it at the beginning of December, so just over 2 months ago. He was the man I wholeheartedly believed I’d spend the rest of my days with. But the touch was always missing. I craved to be held, to be kissed deeply and passionately, the type you see in films, but it never happened. Since the break up I’ve been seeing this guy who gives me those things I craved, it feels so amazing, to have that physical connection. In those moments I feel desired. But I know the emotional connection isn’t there, not for him anyway, so realistically I know in my gut it won’t turn out to by my ‘forever’ but I can’t seem to let go, not just yet, I haven’t had my fill of being touched and kissed yet. So I have this internal battle right now between staying in this situation just to enjoy the physical closeness or leave to find my ‘forever person’. I can’t help feeling like I’m not meant to have it all, all at once. Either a physical relationship or an emotional one, but not both. Do both really exits out of the movies?
this spoke to me on so many levels bc the guy i am seeing also has an issue w drugs and having a community of people who use drugs (he brought it up 3mos into dating and i was already attached to him). he said he was gonna stop but now 5 months into dating, we have established exclusivity w no labels i am okay with that but there's a lot of challenges w compatibility in terms of amt of effort to put in and i am realizing he is not my person but it is so hard to step away. i am doing my best and binging Matt's content to snap out of it hehehe😅 i feel like i do know what to do it is just too painful and difficult 😢
I really feel for you. It takes so much strength to get out of something like that. I was seeing a guy for 2 months when I asked him if we were exclusive. He said he wouldn't want to put a label on it, he prefers to just go with the flow. He is not scheduling dates but wouldn't say that he is not messing around with other girls. He said he was seeing someone else in the beginning but he stopped that (how kind!!!). It made me so sad, I told him next day that I can't do this. He couldn't believe it, that I would walk away from something so great and he believes good things worth fighting, asked for another chat, and basically said the same thing, that we are not yet exclusive. It breaks my heart but had to end it. I'm constantly thinking about it, I know I made the right decision, but it's sooo f* hard. Good luck for you. Hope you manage to get out of this. It is a constant torture otherwise.
Mathew has the same stature and confidence and the same way of moving and carrying himself as my brother... When I watch this, I miss my brother! 😊💗 I haven't seen him for months... 😞
Now I'm starting to wonder what isn't a dopamine hit in life that's enjoyable? I guess if it's healthy enough in your life than it doesn't matter, if it comes with great distress in your life and others than it does..
Matt, I really liked your videos so far. But not this one. So how do I stop addictive thoughts? With logic? Sorry, Limerence is going much much deeper. Logic does not help. Or why can a drug addict not just stop? This is way too superficial and unfortunately no help for someone who has limerence.
Could you do a video on women who want a serious relationship with a healthy guy, and know how to attract those; but who are scared to be physically intimate again? For example, women who have had the same man for most part of their life, and then have to show themselves again, quite literally, to someone? I find this part a lot harder than the emotional intimacy. I myself am not afraid, for example, to be emotionally intimate, however I am afraid to be again physically intimate with someone new. This fear has been blocking me a lot every time I'm meeting a nice guy. I often feel great around them, and would love to spend more time with them, but the actual act of kissing for example, has been such a long time ago for me that I feel uncomfortable doing it. Is that weird? How could I fix this?
Exposure. Start slow, hold hands, hug, walk closely.. then a small kiss.. after each exposure really pump yourself up and be proud of yourself, see how well you did, etc. Start slow and just work from there. Don't rush and have boundaries and communicate what you need. The right person will be patient and kind. Small steps! You've got this!
Yes, That is so true and I always do it, run my imagination ahead of time. And later once the blindfold is actually off, I think to myself ok, but what was it that I really saw in this person. Weird but yeah, and I am the one who always gets ghosted or scammed. Was even thinking what the hell is wrong with me, am I attracting these types of guys.
What about the person who act like you want to but in fact he just plays a role trying to create for you a nice love story but behind all of this you can't feel his emotions and your mind says that can't be real. Where is the problem?
What happens when it’s the other way around? A girl that wanted to spend the rest of her life with me decided that although life with me would be better, she felt an emotional connection she never got over in the past was what she wanted… Even though it was toxic and unhealthy. I’m just confused and I wish she could do the work on herself to be more secure with herself and be happy where she was truly valued.
Start journaling all the thoughts you have about this person being completely honest and without judgment and then go back and read what you wrote Do this daily when you start thinking about him and then think about what real day to day life would be like with him in every real situation that comes up. How do you see this working out? If not good, you have your answer. Keep writing until the thoughts subside and keep your actual distance from this person until you get stronger.
@@jenninemorel7693 This suggestion is so intelligent and I started doing it after listening to Jocko Willinks. Thank you for sharing this with the community. It definitely helped me get past the "intrusive thoughts".
Try and limit yourself to thinking about this person for 10 min. Tell yourself you need to do something else or think about something else. Reigniting a passion for a new hobby, watch a movie, read a book, meet a friend for a walk!
1. For the same reason addiction exists- an environment that is not stimulating enough. Commit to the work of creating a world that you enjoy living in. Remember there are other options that you haven't tried yet.
Yeah, people have to learn to let go of the addictive thoughts because they're just an addiction to the addictive thoughts themselves, not to reality. Mathew has a great way of putting things into perspective! 😊
@@Analysis_Paralysis if you don't have a good place to go to, you cannot let go. My point is that place needs to be created, and you're the only one who can do that. With the help of some people of course.
@@Analysis_Paralysis also, addiction is not "just" an addiction, it's a very real and dangerous slope, and people "have to" but they don't- it is that hard. Acknowledging the graveness of this issue is the first step to making an actual change. 😊
Not just boredom or lack of stimulation; loneliness is a huge factor in these situations
@@jenninemorel7693 loneliness, oh yes. Again, surroundings. Boredom is not a thing, I'm talking about meaningful stimulation, not the kind we get from watching TV
Limerence is one of the hardest things to get over because you're effectively breaking up with your imagination🥺❤️
Limerence is so tantalizing destructive. The dopamine highs are so addictive that we become an emaciated Gollum to the breadcrumbs left by our L.O.
I've been going through it for over 2 years since I split with my toxic ex. It's torture that only I can stop but don't seem able to. It's awful
Beautifully said! This may sound funny but Do you write poetry or lyrics?
@@alanidron2133 no but I did an associate degree in creative writing to get into psychology and damn, did I write a good love story🤣
@@cazadoo339 I feel for you🥺❤️
‘See it for what it is, not for what you want it to be’
It's easier said than done. *LIMMERENCE* is not just about stopping obsessive thoughts over someone. It's rooted in childhood, in trauma from neglected or abusive parents. If you don't heal *childhood wounds* , you will continue to obsess and fantasize.
😮 I think this is correct
Exactly, it is obvious what Matt is saying. But the real question is WHY we do it? Why we need to create those fantasies and fool ourselves and recreate same thing over and over again. You got it @coolgirl1309
But how? How to heal those wounds
How do you know if you were neglected or abused? I have no memory of abuse or neglect but fall into the trap of being addicted to someone.
@@mhaas281I think it may be helpful to see a specialist (like a psychologist), there are many different scenarios, for example it might also be that even though your parents were present physically present emotionally you didn’t feel supported / wanted. Or there may be other factors..!
It seems like Matthew speaks mainly to women. But as a man, I like to watch his videos and they have "helped" me too. We men have the same problems when dating, the same fears and make the same mistakes.
I agree, I've told my son to watch him, he's brilliant for men too!!
Wish these coaches would address these matters to everyone, not to men or to women specifically/separately.
I noticed the audience is women. Is that deliberate or is it that women....like me... suffer these issues more ?
Love this for myself too. It’s just sad that I finally got the courage to sign up for his retreat next year and set up a phone interview, only for the nice interviewer to remind me that this is only for girls. I’m like: why? There’s something so universal about what Matthew says and does why does it have to be limited to women?
@JustThatOneRandomGuy Exactly, I've given the same advice to my son as Matthew would. Women can be just as toxic, ghost, and hardly text. These are the problems my son has had!!
It's quite easy to get addicted to a fantasy of another person, and even to the fantasy version of yourself with the fantasy version of them.
I now realize that my worst mistake is the illusion of what someone can be. I also never want to lose that. I need to be better about communicating expectations and letting their actions show me their place in my life.
The addiction is so real. He is charismatic, always upbeat, movie star looks, PhD research scientist but there are multiple deal beakers too long to list and he has more baggage than an airport. We have broken up, but I'm a still a junkie craving a dopamine hit. Can't get him out of my head.
Does he live in Texas? We are dating the same guy. Ha.
Matthew's videos appear at the EXACT time I need them....Thanks Matt....you are truly a God-send to so many people.
I know..I I needed to hear that..
Charm is a skill. It definitely does not show who they are.
Mathew Hussey, and his kindness and empathy paired with insight, is the reason I value the opinions of an empathetic "entrepreneur" over the views of a callous "activist" who lacks empathy.
Where there's true empathy (instead of callousness and manipulation/calculation), there's wisdom. I used to be one of Mathew Hussey's biggest critics 5+ years ago, but I acknowledge that his advice is humane and kind. He was able to adapt to our changing world and its modern challenges because he understands (and feels) human emotions. And he's decent enough not to exploit them, but to equip others to adequately deal with their own emotions and the emotions of other people to lead a more aware, authentic and kind / self-loving life.
That's a huge accomplishment, Mathew!
You’re so good Matthew. Unfortunately no matter how many times I’ve watched your videos, I still have those addictive thoughts about a man who doesn’t want to be with me 😢
Yes, it can be hard. Especially, when they reject us, ghost us, don't give us clear explanation of why they really left. Seem like they aren't being honest about things or who they really are. The cognitive dissonance can really affect us as well. Saying one thing and doing another. They come on strong and say all the right things then, leave or disappear. I try to rmr that even though this particular one is gone, there was a lot going on with him and his life. There are many other available men out there. It's not over. Just have to be patient and leave the wrong ones in the past. There are so many people out there. Someone else will come along. I do understand, the rumination can be annoying and persistent. But, it does fade over time, many months or years. Definitely heal first before trying to find someone else.
But there are a lot of people struggling with trauma bond or unsecured attachment styles. Like intellectually they know the person who ghost them are not good, but emotionally and psychologically they don’t know how to break the trauma bond and that’s why they still ruminate about the wrong person.
Ymmärräkään helvetin näköiset wannabeet hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaat että mua ei vois vähempää kiinnostaa antakaa mulle parempi kuin rauha joka vitun vaihokas ja homot ei mun elämää määrää ja kerro mulle ketä mä saan ottaa ja ketä en. Itse perkel olet vaihokas ja sun huoras ja voi kun teitä puskin vaan yksi feikkiperhe mutta vähintään 7 feikkiperhettä hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaita ja se noita emäsänussittu joka on mun elämän tuhonnut kuolisit emäshuora isäskyrpä, aina nait emääs kun edes ajattelet mua emäsnussu
That’s my situation 😢 I have a trauma bond with him but I need to keep him block this time n push threw the pain 👍 I have to all he gives me is anxiety he’s lovely 1 min Evil the next n he hasn’t committed after 3 years iv waited n waited like an idiot took his abuse n abandonment when I needed him the most 😢I’m done
I needed to hear this. He told me things he did for his manipulative ex just to keep proving to her he loves her, and she never does her part. But he does not fight for the chance to be with me. Now he dated me couple of years after her and I don’t blame him for putting boundaries. He should. But he said “I can’t go all in.” because we are both transitioning in our lives and unsure if we might stay in the same state in the near future. I realized that he was not that into me. Because it he was, he could have communicated that we can try to make it work, or at least invite me to go with him because I was willing to go. I have been obsessively missing him. Because we have good times. But I can’t be with someone who won’t fight for mu love and affection because I know how much value I can add to a relationship. so, again, Thank you for this
@@pizzelle2 *virtual hugs* We do deserve better. Things have been better in my life, now that I've been focused on myself. I hope you are well.
Watching his videos just gives me that reminder to not do the things I know not to do, a good kick on the behind is sometimes needed 😂
Trauma has kept me bonded. Emotions make me feel things that aren't attached to reality. Astrology is unreliable because it's based on obscure ideas and thoughts that don't hold solid evidence and facts. In reality, I realize that I need to remove him from my life full stop. I'm done with the ups and downs of what keeps swirling around in my head. I'm done with being seen as a mutt. I am not his pawn. I don't want his friendship. I don't want his existence in my life at all....
I left my 10yr relationship a year and a half ago. I’ve made some huge improvements but it’s still a struggle. Often times I wonder if I’ll ever be the person I was before I met him. It’s painful.
I wish you all the best, you keep on it, you will be.
Truthfully you will never be the same, but that's also beautiful. Talking from a 13 yr marriage breakup I've come a long way and still have room to grow. And the breakup was my wakeup moment.
No, you won’t, but not because of anything being in a relationship with him did to fundamentally change you, but because you wouldn’t be the person now that you were before you met him, because that person would’ve changed immensely as well even if they hadn’t met him. Embrace exactly where and who you are now cuz that in fact is who you are. That’s the reality of the situation, just as Matt is explaining here.
No…we are all works in progress. You will be a new, wiser and better you! ❤
I wish I could tell you how much of a right time this has come to me at. I am saving it and listening to this everyday till I emotionally accept this. ❤
He is so right; let the relationship prove that.
Thank you 🙏 Saving this and will watch it many times so that I never go back to the way I was. I’m still healing and the thoughts are still there. It lasted 3 years and it made me feel anxious and abandoned most of the time 😔 I’ve learned many lessons and you have helped me learn them. Men need to take notes from you ❤
Kiitos, kerrankin jonkun suusta totuus. Mutta te identiteettivarkaat mä haluan omin käsin "käsitellä" niin että ne ei enää koskaan luule että voivat mua huijata ja pitää tyhmänä perkeleen wannabee vaihokkaat murhamarit murhaajat ja vihaajat raiskarit pedofiilit ,patologiset valehtelijat lesbot ja homot, mun elämässä ei oo koskaan ollut rakkautta ja mä tiedän että mä Ansaitsen sen kaiken mitä ikinä haluan ja toivon kaiken kokemani jälkeen mitä olette laittaneet mut käymään läpi saatanan vaihokkaat, mä vannon että maksatte
“Why do I have to convince you that going back to a drug is bad for you? You know!” Damn he’s right
This video came at the exact time of what I am going through. The high and hangover makes sense. Thank you Matthew for making this make more sense.
This video explains so much. Self love journey has been painful but beautiful. Wishing you all light on your journey.
2023 has been my year of studying Matthew Hussey. And it gets better.
Yes, same. I found his channel in 2023-current. Practically the best dating advice I have ever found. Very helpful. I can't seem to stop watching the videos! Also reading his new book now, too!
To me it's one of the best videos from Matthew - informative, precise, direct and funny at the same time.
Thank you, Matthew
I have addictive thoughts about him during these days but after watching your vd, I'm now realised I shouldnt go back to this situation and I have to be happy by myself.
Power means happiness; power means hard work and sacrifice
This is exactly what I’m going through right now ❤ this video is meant for me to watch
Awesome talk that summarises how difficult it is to accept what's in front of you, glaring in your eyes that it's not right for you, but you still can't see it 😅
thank you! i am healing from a breakup. kinda like a drug, been addicted to the other person a lot. more likely my favorite person at that time.
My fav love channel ❤you are life Matthew and the whole team 🙏👌🏻
Wow, perfect timing on this video for me. Thank you!
Yesterday I spiraled back into a dark place after finding out my narcissist has already found a replacement. I can’t eat and what I manage to I throw up due to stress and anxiety. I’m so tired
You are not alone, it will get better, day by day..it may seem now that your life isnt great but by next year you will look back and feel how far you have come... i wish u the best
I feel for you. You're not alone. Believe it will be better, although it may seem impossible now. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot to stop focusing on painful thoughts, to return in tune with my body and learn to let go of someone who was very damaging to my mental health. You can do this, slowly the work you do now even in tears and sleepless pain will build a stronger version of you. Feel proud that you are walking away from his games, towards more loving and caring people, and towards loving yourself. Hang in there, lots of love.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m going through the same thing. She told me she couldn’t invest in anyone else right now, then immediately went to her ex fling.
@@anjalinair2151 thank you, I can’t wait to see myself in a year. I know I deserve someone who will love me like I do others
@@dannycolwell8028 I think these people don’t have the guts and emotional capacity to sit down and reflect after a relationship ended, they throw themselves to the next person because they can’t handle their inner turmoils. I pity this grown ass man
Your videos literally save me every time, thank you!!
Matthew is too good at this honestly like how does someone so young in one life time know all this
The same way Taylor Swift wanted to write and perform at 12 years old, start the work early and by 30s you're already 20+ years in.
I am really struggling with this right now. Thank you
You're a master. Thank you so much Matthew
Spot on. This happened to me recently with a neighbor. I helped him and we had a fun connection, made future plans as friends only. He probably got overwhelmed by my attention and excitement. He ignored me. After 3 weeks he texts me. Long story, but I literally ruminated ove this person. Funny thing, I don't even want to date now. Lol! Now I am laughing at myself, learning the lesson. Your videos are great.
On point. This presentation is an eye opener. Thanks for demystifying the dating landscape. I have over time learnt a lot from your videos. The analogy of illusion versus reality is exemplary. Well done.
Oomg ..its like he was talking directly to me ..its hard hitting ..but nothing iv not known and been hiding drom telling myself 😢..thenk you needed thst ❤
Thank you…I needed to here this today.
We have these thoughts coz we allow our minds to play tricks and wr dont allow our mind to accept the reality of the situation. Awesome
Left a 9 year relationship with the father of my toddler.was abad relationship but the love is still there
"I just can´t be all in" is the sign to? Run away, thank you for pointing it out again and again... somehow people have this thing in their (our) mind to think "but maybe the situation can change, his mind can change" ahahah maybe also not
Thanks, Matthew! Stay blessed. ❤
He missing something-the cyclical question of whether the person isn’t meeting my needs because I’m too needy. Maybe if I had done something different he’d treat me differently. It’s not rational but the idea that I know my needs are valid, he doesn’t meet them and I want him anyway isn’t my reality.
Brilliant talk, going through this mental challenge now - I see light at the end of the tunnel
Thank you! This video really resonates with me. (I repeated this type of relationship/situationship too many times. I guess I thought I couldn't do better).
What a great speech ! I was exactly at that point when I heard you and "woke up" to reality.
I needed to hear this. Thank you! I believe I need to learn my approach because I am naturally friendly. I can truly enjoy my own self in these interactions and sometimes people misunderstand me. I need to tone down what comes naturally to me?
12:29 this hits Mathew and is reassuring ❤thanj you ❤
Dopamine is stimulated by just thinking about the person you crave
Thank you. You make so much sense, you just provided the metaphorical slap I really needed 👍🏻
Always such great advice!
Needed this. She cheated and I had to end things for my self respect/peace of mind
I am thankful for these videos
Yes yes I totally agree thanks for stepping out
Believe it or not...obsession and compulsion comes from something gone awry in our body chemistry! Specially our genes! Glutathione may be low! I love vimergy!
Well I'm missing someone with whom we shared the same body language. He was into hugging as i am and it is soooo extremely hard to find it these days. I know we didn't share the same values, he wanted to straight go to the bed ect BUT do you know how much touch starved we are? Just because we shared some great kisses, hugs and caresses, i feel devastated after i ended it. Because i never found this level of tenderness. It could be as simple as that.
There is so much more to a satisfying relationship than just the physical side of intimacy. But yes, we are touch starved.
I feel this right now, the being starved of touched. I was with my partner for 6 years, he ended it at the beginning of December, so just over 2 months ago. He was the man I wholeheartedly believed I’d spend the rest of my days with. But the touch was always missing. I craved to be held, to be kissed deeply and passionately, the type you see in films, but it never happened. Since the break up I’ve been seeing this guy who gives me those things I craved, it feels so amazing, to have that physical connection. In those moments I feel desired. But I know the emotional connection isn’t there, not for him anyway, so realistically I know in my gut it won’t turn out to by my ‘forever’ but I can’t seem to let go, not just yet, I haven’t had my fill of being touched and kissed yet. So I have this internal battle right now between staying in this situation just to enjoy the physical closeness or leave to find my ‘forever person’. I can’t help feeling like I’m not meant to have it all, all at once. Either a physical relationship or an emotional one, but not both. Do both really exits out of the movies?
Your "value" is "not go straight to bed"?... I thought values should be like moral values... sleeping habits are not "values" its just "habits"...
I absolutely loved this! I am gonna listen to this various times so it gets rooted in my mind
I needed this today, thanks!
Thank you, I needed that😮
Overthinking destroy our prosperity
O Matthew thank you so much,
I needed this most this time ❤
Yes that’s terrible, woman should get out quickly because he will never change
Incredible time vs. Incredible investment. Profound 👌
this spoke to me on so many levels bc the guy i am seeing also has an issue w drugs and having a community of people who use drugs (he brought it up 3mos into dating and i was already attached to him). he said he was gonna stop but now 5 months into dating, we have established exclusivity w no labels i am okay with that but there's a lot of challenges w compatibility in terms of amt of effort to put in and i am realizing he is not my person but it is so hard to step away. i am doing my best and binging Matt's content to snap out of it hehehe😅 i feel like i do know what to do it is just too painful and difficult 😢
I really feel for you. It takes so much strength to get out of something like that. I was seeing a guy for 2 months when I asked him if we were exclusive. He said he wouldn't want to put a label on it, he prefers to just go with the flow. He is not scheduling dates but wouldn't say that he is not messing around with other girls. He said he was seeing someone else in the beginning but he stopped that (how kind!!!). It made me so sad, I told him next day that I can't do this. He couldn't believe it, that I would walk away from something so great and he believes good things worth fighting, asked for another chat, and basically said the same thing, that we are not yet exclusive. It breaks my heart but had to end it. I'm constantly thinking about it, I know I made the right decision, but it's sooo f* hard. Good luck for you. Hope you manage to get out of this. It is a constant torture otherwise.
Thank you Matthew for this! Another video that helped me in a harsh times that I have lately ❤
Mathew has the same stature and confidence and the same way of moving and carrying himself as my brother... When I watch this, I miss my brother! 😊💗 I haven't seen him for months... 😞
Voi vitun vaihokkaat Jumalan tappajat kuolisitte
It’s a really visual reference. You are so right!
I love it I think this Guy is Genius ❤
Matt speaking FACTS!
SO GOOD. THANK YOU
Thank you.. I needed you hear that.. thank you.. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hi Katie 😊❤️
Damn Matthew you're amazing.
I'm so happy I saw this video today.
Thanks for putting this out.
I cannot accept it. It hurts even though I feel undervalued. We've been seeing each other for 2 months 💔
Thank you Matthew ❤
Awesome......thank you n live you Matthew ❤❤
Thank you 🙏🏻
Brilliant, everything so true
Seriously dope message!!!!!🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌❣️❣️❣️❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼
The timing of this 😂😅 Spot on!
You are amazing 👏👏👏👏
Now I'm starting to wonder what isn't a dopamine hit in life that's enjoyable? I guess if it's healthy enough in your life than it doesn't matter, if it comes with great distress in your life and others than it does..
I completely liked this seminar..I happen to put my money in other things...it's a thousand bucks right?
Matt, I really liked your videos so far. But not this one. So how do I stop addictive thoughts? With logic? Sorry, Limerence is going much much deeper. Logic does not help. Or why can a drug addict not just stop? This is way too superficial and unfortunately no help for someone who has limerence.
Could you do a video on women who want a serious relationship with a healthy guy, and know how to attract those; but who are scared to be physically intimate again? For example, women who have had the same man for most part of their life, and then have to show themselves again, quite literally, to someone? I find this part a lot harder than the emotional intimacy. I myself am not afraid, for example, to be emotionally intimate, however I am afraid to be again physically intimate with someone new. This fear has been blocking me a lot every time I'm meeting a nice guy. I often feel great around them, and would love to spend more time with them, but the actual act of kissing for example, has been such a long time ago for me that I feel uncomfortable doing it. Is that weird? How could I fix this?
Exposure. Start slow, hold hands, hug, walk closely.. then a small kiss.. after each exposure really pump yourself up and be proud of yourself, see how well you did, etc. Start slow and just work from there. Don't rush and have boundaries and communicate what you need. The right person will be patient and kind. Small steps! You've got this!
@@kericampion1153 Thank you so much for your support; that's a very good idea!
Yes, That is so true and I always do it, run my imagination ahead of time. And later once the blindfold is actually off, I think to myself ok, but what was it that I really saw in this person. Weird but yeah, and I am the one who always gets ghosted or scammed. Was even thinking what the hell is wrong with me, am I attracting these types of guys.
A bird can land on our head but we don't have to let it build a nest.
I understand I can be manipulated. 😢😮
Me too. I’m so easily manipulated! Im working on it tho
Thanks❣️
You are right!
What about the person who act like you want to but in fact he just plays a role trying to create for you a nice love story but behind all of this you can't feel his emotions and your mind says that can't be real. Where is the problem?
Thank you 🙏
كلام من ذهب❤
Amazing ❤
What happens when it’s the other way around? A girl that wanted to spend the rest of her life with me decided that although life with me would be better, she felt an emotional connection she never got over in the past was what she wanted… Even though it was toxic and unhealthy. I’m just confused and I wish she could do the work on herself to be more secure with herself and be happy where she was truly valued.
So how to quit and stop thinking this person ? I know he is bad for me and he is the drug but I can’t stop my mind. 😢
Start journaling all the thoughts you have about this person being completely honest and without judgment and then go back and read what you wrote
Do this daily when you start thinking about him and then think about what real day to day life would be like with him in every real situation that comes up.
How do you see this working out? If not good, you have your answer. Keep writing until the thoughts subside and keep your actual distance from this person until you get stronger.
How is this person like your parents / upbringing? Is what you feel about him what you felt in your upbringing?
@@jenninemorel7693 This suggestion is so intelligent and I started doing it after listening to Jocko Willinks. Thank you for sharing this with the community. It definitely helped me get past the "intrusive thoughts".
PS: you can get past this 🙏
Try and limit yourself to thinking about this person for 10 min. Tell yourself you need to do something else or think about something else. Reigniting a passion for a new hobby, watch a movie, read a book, meet a friend for a walk!
You need to come to Montreal