1. For the same reason addiction exists- an environment that is not stimulating enough. Commit to the work of creating a world that you enjoy living in. Remember there are other options that you haven't tried yet.
Yeah, people have to learn to let go of the addictive thoughts because they're just an addiction to the addictive thoughts themselves, not to reality. Mathew has a great way of putting things into perspective! 😊
@@Analysis_Paralysis if you don't have a good place to go to, you cannot let go. My point is that place needs to be created, and you're the only one who can do that. With the help of some people of course.
@@Analysis_Paralysis also, addiction is not "just" an addiction, it's a very real and dangerous slope, and people "have to" but they don't- it is that hard. Acknowledging the graveness of this issue is the first step to making an actual change. 😊
@@jenninemorel7693 loneliness, oh yes. Again, surroundings. Boredom is not a thing, I'm talking about meaningful stimulation, not the kind we get from watching TV
It's easier said than done. *LIMMERENCE* is not just about stopping obsessive thoughts over someone. It's rooted in childhood, in trauma from neglected or abusive parents. If you don't heal *childhood wounds* , you will continue to obsess and fantasize.
Exactly, it is obvious what Matt is saying. But the real question is WHY we do it? Why we need to create those fantasies and fool ourselves and recreate same thing over and over again. You got it @coolgirl1309
@@mhaas281I think it may be helpful to see a specialist (like a psychologist), there are many different scenarios, for example it might also be that even though your parents were present physically present emotionally you didn’t feel supported / wanted. Or there may be other factors..!
The addiction is so real. He is charismatic, always upbeat, movie star looks, PhD research scientist but there are multiple deal beakers too long to list and he has more baggage than an airport. We have broken up, but I'm a still a junkie craving a dopamine hit. Can't get him out of my head.
It seems like Matthew speaks mainly to women. But as a man, I like to watch his videos and they have "helped" me too. We men have the same problems when dating, the same fears and make the same mistakes.
Love this for myself too. It’s just sad that I finally got the courage to sign up for his retreat next year and set up a phone interview, only for the nice interviewer to remind me that this is only for girls. I’m like: why? There’s something so universal about what Matthew says and does why does it have to be limited to women?
@JustThatOneRandomGuy Exactly, I've given the same advice to my son as Matthew would. Women can be just as toxic, ghost, and hardly text. These are the problems my son has had!!
I now realize that my worst mistake is the illusion of what someone can be. I also never want to lose that. I need to be better about communicating expectations and letting their actions show me their place in my life.
But there are a lot of people struggling with trauma bond or unsecured attachment styles. Like intellectually they know the person who ghost them are not good, but emotionally and psychologically they don’t know how to break the trauma bond and that’s why they still ruminate about the wrong person.
Ymmärräkään helvetin näköiset wannabeet hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaat että mua ei vois vähempää kiinnostaa antakaa mulle parempi kuin rauha joka vitun vaihokas ja homot ei mun elämää määrää ja kerro mulle ketä mä saan ottaa ja ketä en. Itse perkel olet vaihokas ja sun huoras ja voi kun teitä puskin vaan yksi feikkiperhe mutta vähintään 7 feikkiperhettä hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaita ja se noita emäsänussittu joka on mun elämän tuhonnut kuolisit emäshuora isäskyrpä, aina nait emääs kun edes ajattelet mua emäsnussu
That’s my situation 😢 I have a trauma bond with him but I need to keep him block this time n push threw the pain 👍 I have to all he gives me is anxiety he’s lovely 1 min Evil the next n he hasn’t committed after 3 years iv waited n waited like an idiot took his abuse n abandonment when I needed him the most 😢I’m done
You’re so good Matthew. Unfortunately no matter how many times I’ve watched your videos, I still have those addictive thoughts about a man who doesn’t want to be with me 😢
Yes, it can be hard. Especially, when they reject us, ghost us, don't give us clear explanation of why they really left. Seem like they aren't being honest about things or who they really are. The cognitive dissonance can really affect us as well. Saying one thing and doing another. They come on strong and say all the right things then, leave or disappear. I try to rmr that even though this particular one is gone, there was a lot going on with him and his life. There are many other available men out there. It's not over. Just have to be patient and leave the wrong ones in the past. There are so many people out there. Someone else will come along. I do understand, the rumination can be annoying and persistent. But, it does fade over time, many months or years. Definitely heal first before trying to find someone else.
Mathew Hussey, and his kindness and empathy paired with insight, is the reason I value the opinions of an empathetic "entrepreneur" over the views of a callous "activist" who lacks empathy. Where there's true empathy (instead of callousness and manipulation/calculation), there's wisdom. I used to be one of Mathew Hussey's biggest critics 5+ years ago, but I acknowledge that his advice is humane and kind. He was able to adapt to our changing world and its modern challenges because he understands (and feels) human emotions. And he's decent enough not to exploit them, but to equip others to adequately deal with their own emotions and the emotions of other people to lead a more aware, authentic and kind / self-loving life. That's a huge accomplishment, Mathew!
Trauma has kept me bonded. Emotions make me feel things that aren't attached to reality. Astrology is unreliable because it's based on obscure ideas and thoughts that don't hold solid evidence and facts. In reality, I realize that I need to remove him from my life full stop. I'm done with the ups and downs of what keeps swirling around in my head. I'm done with being seen as a mutt. I am not his pawn. I don't want his friendship. I don't want his existence in my life at all....
Yesterday I spiraled back into a dark place after finding out my narcissist has already found a replacement. I can’t eat and what I manage to I throw up due to stress and anxiety. I’m so tired
You are not alone, it will get better, day by day..it may seem now that your life isnt great but by next year you will look back and feel how far you have come... i wish u the best
I feel for you. You're not alone. Believe it will be better, although it may seem impossible now. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot to stop focusing on painful thoughts, to return in tune with my body and learn to let go of someone who was very damaging to my mental health. You can do this, slowly the work you do now even in tears and sleepless pain will build a stronger version of you. Feel proud that you are walking away from his games, towards more loving and caring people, and towards loving yourself. Hang in there, lots of love.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m going through the same thing. She told me she couldn’t invest in anyone else right now, then immediately went to her ex fling.
@@dannycolwell8028 I think these people don’t have the guts and emotional capacity to sit down and reflect after a relationship ended, they throw themselves to the next person because they can’t handle their inner turmoils. I pity this grown ass man
I needed to hear this. He told me things he did for his manipulative ex just to keep proving to her he loves her, and she never does her part. But he does not fight for the chance to be with me. Now he dated me couple of years after her and I don’t blame him for putting boundaries. He should. But he said “I can’t go all in.” because we are both transitioning in our lives and unsure if we might stay in the same state in the near future. I realized that he was not that into me. Because it he was, he could have communicated that we can try to make it work, or at least invite me to go with him because I was willing to go. I have been obsessively missing him. Because we have good times. But I can’t be with someone who won’t fight for mu love and affection because I know how much value I can add to a relationship. so, again, Thank you for this
I left my 10yr relationship a year and a half ago. I’ve made some huge improvements but it’s still a struggle. Often times I wonder if I’ll ever be the person I was before I met him. It’s painful.
Truthfully you will never be the same, but that's also beautiful. Talking from a 13 yr marriage breakup I've come a long way and still have room to grow. And the breakup was my wakeup moment.
No, you won’t, but not because of anything being in a relationship with him did to fundamentally change you, but because you wouldn’t be the person now that you were before you met him, because that person would’ve changed immensely as well even if they hadn’t met him. Embrace exactly where and who you are now cuz that in fact is who you are. That’s the reality of the situation, just as Matt is explaining here.
Yes, same. I found his channel in 2023-current. Practically the best dating advice I have ever found. Very helpful. I can't seem to stop watching the videos! Also reading his new book now, too!
He missing something-the cyclical question of whether the person isn’t meeting my needs because I’m too needy. Maybe if I had done something different he’d treat me differently. It’s not rational but the idea that I know my needs are valid, he doesn’t meet them and I want him anyway isn’t my reality.
Awesome talk that summarises how difficult it is to accept what's in front of you, glaring in your eyes that it's not right for you, but you still can't see it 😅
"I just can´t be all in" is the sign to? Run away, thank you for pointing it out again and again... somehow people have this thing in their (our) mind to think "but maybe the situation can change, his mind can change" ahahah maybe also not
Oomg ..its like he was talking directly to me ..its hard hitting ..but nothing iv not known and been hiding drom telling myself 😢..thenk you needed thst ❤
Believe it or not...obsession and compulsion comes from something gone awry in our body chemistry! Specially our genes! Glutathione may be low! I love vimergy!
Well I'm missing someone with whom we shared the same body language. He was into hugging as i am and it is soooo extremely hard to find it these days. I know we didn't share the same values, he wanted to straight go to the bed ect BUT do you know how much touch starved we are? Just because we shared some great kisses, hugs and caresses, i feel devastated after i ended it. Because i never found this level of tenderness. It could be as simple as that.
I feel this right now, the being starved of touched. I was with my partner for 6 years, he ended it at the beginning of December, so just over 2 months ago. He was the man I wholeheartedly believed I’d spend the rest of my days with. But the touch was always missing. I craved to be held, to be kissed deeply and passionately, the type you see in films, but it never happened. Since the break up I’ve been seeing this guy who gives me those things I craved, it feels so amazing, to have that physical connection. In those moments I feel desired. But I know the emotional connection isn’t there, not for him anyway, so realistically I know in my gut it won’t turn out to by my ‘forever’ but I can’t seem to let go, not just yet, I haven’t had my fill of being touched and kissed yet. So I have this internal battle right now between staying in this situation just to enjoy the physical closeness or leave to find my ‘forever person’. I can’t help feeling like I’m not meant to have it all, all at once. Either a physical relationship or an emotional one, but not both. Do both really exits out of the movies?
Spot on. This happened to me recently with a neighbor. I helped him and we had a fun connection, made future plans as friends only. He probably got overwhelmed by my attention and excitement. He ignored me. After 3 weeks he texts me. Long story, but I literally ruminated ove this person. Funny thing, I don't even want to date now. Lol! Now I am laughing at myself, learning the lesson. Your videos are great.
On point. This presentation is an eye opener. Thanks for demystifying the dating landscape. I have over time learnt a lot from your videos. The analogy of illusion versus reality is exemplary. Well done.
Mathew has the same stature and confidence and the same way of moving and carrying himself as my brother... When I watch this, I miss my brother! 😊💗 I haven't seen him for months... 😞
Matt, I really liked your videos so far. But not this one. So how do I stop addictive thoughts? With logic? Sorry, Limerence is going much much deeper. Logic does not help. Or why can a drug addict not just stop? This is way too superficial and unfortunately no help for someone who has limerence.
Now I'm starting to wonder what isn't a dopamine hit in life that's enjoyable? I guess if it's healthy enough in your life than it doesn't matter, if it comes with great distress in your life and others than it does..
Thank you! This video really resonates with me. (I repeated this type of relationship/situationship too many times. I guess I thought I couldn't do better).
I needed to hear this. Thank you! I believe I need to learn my approach because I am naturally friendly. I can truly enjoy my own self in these interactions and sometimes people misunderstand me. I need to tone down what comes naturally to me?
What about the person who act like you want to but in fact he just plays a role trying to create for you a nice love story but behind all of this you can't feel his emotions and your mind says that can't be real. Where is the problem?
Could you do a video on women who want a serious relationship with a healthy guy, and know how to attract those; but who are scared to be physically intimate again? For example, women who have had the same man for most part of their life, and then have to show themselves again, quite literally, to someone? I find this part a lot harder than the emotional intimacy. I myself am not afraid, for example, to be emotionally intimate, however I am afraid to be again physically intimate with someone new. This fear has been blocking me a lot every time I'm meeting a nice guy. I often feel great around them, and would love to spend more time with them, but the actual act of kissing for example, has been such a long time ago for me that I feel uncomfortable doing it. Is that weird? How could I fix this?
Exposure. Start slow, hold hands, hug, walk closely.. then a small kiss.. after each exposure really pump yourself up and be proud of yourself, see how well you did, etc. Start slow and just work from there. Don't rush and have boundaries and communicate what you need. The right person will be patient and kind. Small steps! You've got this!
What happens when it’s the other way around? A girl that wanted to spend the rest of her life with me decided that although life with me would be better, she felt an emotional connection she never got over in the past was what she wanted… Even though it was toxic and unhealthy. I’m just confused and I wish she could do the work on herself to be more secure with herself and be happy where she was truly valued.
Yes, That is so true and I always do it, run my imagination ahead of time. And later once the blindfold is actually off, I think to myself ok, but what was it that I really saw in this person. Weird but yeah, and I am the one who always gets ghosted or scammed. Was even thinking what the hell is wrong with me, am I attracting these types of guys.
the problem is not whether or not he is the best person. he is obviously the worst person but letting go means i will be wasting alll MYYY EFFORTS. MY OWN EFFORTS FOR 5 YEARS. I would loose. I would have nothing to live for
Realise the goals of your genetics (that trigger arousal) and the goals of the organism (the girl) are not the same. Realise the only reason why you exist is because of an unbroken chain of successful replication. Your genetics just want to replicate. Your genetics just want to replicate Your genetics just want to replicate. But as an organism you probably want to live a content life. But the behaviours that lead to a content life, are not necessarily the same that lead to reproduction. That why people do stupid stuff, and pursue sex with the wrong people , that can ruin their lives. Its a war of attrition between your arousal emotions (triggered by your genetics) and your logical awareness of behaviour/consequences. In such a war, emotions will ALWAYS win, so to protect yourself in your moments of clarity from your emotions, you have avoid avoid avoid temptation.
1. For the same reason addiction exists- an environment that is not stimulating enough. Commit to the work of creating a world that you enjoy living in. Remember there are other options that you haven't tried yet.
Yeah, people have to learn to let go of the addictive thoughts because they're just an addiction to the addictive thoughts themselves, not to reality. Mathew has a great way of putting things into perspective! 😊
@@Analysis_Paralysis if you don't have a good place to go to, you cannot let go. My point is that place needs to be created, and you're the only one who can do that. With the help of some people of course.
@@Analysis_Paralysis also, addiction is not "just" an addiction, it's a very real and dangerous slope, and people "have to" but they don't- it is that hard. Acknowledging the graveness of this issue is the first step to making an actual change. 😊
Not just boredom or lack of stimulation; loneliness is a huge factor in these situations
@@jenninemorel7693 loneliness, oh yes. Again, surroundings. Boredom is not a thing, I'm talking about meaningful stimulation, not the kind we get from watching TV
‘See it for what it is, not for what you want it to be’
It's easier said than done. *LIMMERENCE* is not just about stopping obsessive thoughts over someone. It's rooted in childhood, in trauma from neglected or abusive parents. If you don't heal *childhood wounds* , you will continue to obsess and fantasize.
😮 I think this is correct
Exactly, it is obvious what Matt is saying. But the real question is WHY we do it? Why we need to create those fantasies and fool ourselves and recreate same thing over and over again. You got it @coolgirl1309
But how? How to heal those wounds
How do you know if you were neglected or abused? I have no memory of abuse or neglect but fall into the trap of being addicted to someone.
@@mhaas281I think it may be helpful to see a specialist (like a psychologist), there are many different scenarios, for example it might also be that even though your parents were present physically present emotionally you didn’t feel supported / wanted. Or there may be other factors..!
The addiction is so real. He is charismatic, always upbeat, movie star looks, PhD research scientist but there are multiple deal beakers too long to list and he has more baggage than an airport. We have broken up, but I'm a still a junkie craving a dopamine hit. Can't get him out of my head.
Does he live in Texas? We are dating the same guy. Ha.
It seems like Matthew speaks mainly to women. But as a man, I like to watch his videos and they have "helped" me too. We men have the same problems when dating, the same fears and make the same mistakes.
I agree, I've told my son to watch him, he's brilliant for men too!!
Wish these coaches would address these matters to everyone, not to men or to women specifically/separately.
I noticed the audience is women. Is that deliberate or is it that women....like me... suffer these issues more ?
Love this for myself too. It’s just sad that I finally got the courage to sign up for his retreat next year and set up a phone interview, only for the nice interviewer to remind me that this is only for girls. I’m like: why? There’s something so universal about what Matthew says and does why does it have to be limited to women?
@JustThatOneRandomGuy Exactly, I've given the same advice to my son as Matthew would. Women can be just as toxic, ghost, and hardly text. These are the problems my son has had!!
I now realize that my worst mistake is the illusion of what someone can be. I also never want to lose that. I need to be better about communicating expectations and letting their actions show me their place in my life.
Charm is a skill. It definitely does not show who they are.
Matthew's videos appear at the EXACT time I need them....Thanks Matt....you are truly a God-send to so many people.
I know..I I needed to hear that..
But there are a lot of people struggling with trauma bond or unsecured attachment styles. Like intellectually they know the person who ghost them are not good, but emotionally and psychologically they don’t know how to break the trauma bond and that’s why they still ruminate about the wrong person.
Ymmärräkään helvetin näköiset wannabeet hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaat että mua ei vois vähempää kiinnostaa antakaa mulle parempi kuin rauha joka vitun vaihokas ja homot ei mun elämää määrää ja kerro mulle ketä mä saan ottaa ja ketä en. Itse perkel olet vaihokas ja sun huoras ja voi kun teitä puskin vaan yksi feikkiperhe mutta vähintään 7 feikkiperhettä hyväksikäyttäjä vaihokkaita ja se noita emäsänussittu joka on mun elämän tuhonnut kuolisit emäshuora isäskyrpä, aina nait emääs kun edes ajattelet mua emäsnussu
That’s my situation 😢 I have a trauma bond with him but I need to keep him block this time n push threw the pain 👍 I have to all he gives me is anxiety he’s lovely 1 min Evil the next n he hasn’t committed after 3 years iv waited n waited like an idiot took his abuse n abandonment when I needed him the most 😢I’m done
Limerence is one of the hardest things to get over because you're effectively breaking up with your imagination🥺❤️
Limerence is so tantalizing destructive. The dopamine highs are so addictive that we become an emaciated Gollum to the breadcrumbs left by our L.O.
I've been going through it for over 2 years since I split with my toxic ex. It's torture that only I can stop but don't seem able to. It's awful
Beautifully said! This may sound funny but Do you write poetry or lyrics?
@@alanidron2133 no but I did an associate degree in creative writing to get into psychology and damn, did I write a good love story🤣
@@cazadoo339 I feel for you🥺❤️
“Why do I have to convince you that going back to a drug is bad for you? You know!” Damn he’s right
You’re so good Matthew. Unfortunately no matter how many times I’ve watched your videos, I still have those addictive thoughts about a man who doesn’t want to be with me 😢
Yes, it can be hard. Especially, when they reject us, ghost us, don't give us clear explanation of why they really left. Seem like they aren't being honest about things or who they really are. The cognitive dissonance can really affect us as well. Saying one thing and doing another. They come on strong and say all the right things then, leave or disappear. I try to rmr that even though this particular one is gone, there was a lot going on with him and his life. There are many other available men out there. It's not over. Just have to be patient and leave the wrong ones in the past. There are so many people out there. Someone else will come along. I do understand, the rumination can be annoying and persistent. But, it does fade over time, many months or years. Definitely heal first before trying to find someone else.
Mathew Hussey, and his kindness and empathy paired with insight, is the reason I value the opinions of an empathetic "entrepreneur" over the views of a callous "activist" who lacks empathy.
Where there's true empathy (instead of callousness and manipulation/calculation), there's wisdom. I used to be one of Mathew Hussey's biggest critics 5+ years ago, but I acknowledge that his advice is humane and kind. He was able to adapt to our changing world and its modern challenges because he understands (and feels) human emotions. And he's decent enough not to exploit them, but to equip others to adequately deal with their own emotions and the emotions of other people to lead a more aware, authentic and kind / self-loving life.
That's a huge accomplishment, Mathew!
Trauma has kept me bonded. Emotions make me feel things that aren't attached to reality. Astrology is unreliable because it's based on obscure ideas and thoughts that don't hold solid evidence and facts. In reality, I realize that I need to remove him from my life full stop. I'm done with the ups and downs of what keeps swirling around in my head. I'm done with being seen as a mutt. I am not his pawn. I don't want his friendship. I don't want his existence in my life at all....
Yesterday I spiraled back into a dark place after finding out my narcissist has already found a replacement. I can’t eat and what I manage to I throw up due to stress and anxiety. I’m so tired
You are not alone, it will get better, day by day..it may seem now that your life isnt great but by next year you will look back and feel how far you have come... i wish u the best
I feel for you. You're not alone. Believe it will be better, although it may seem impossible now. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot to stop focusing on painful thoughts, to return in tune with my body and learn to let go of someone who was very damaging to my mental health. You can do this, slowly the work you do now even in tears and sleepless pain will build a stronger version of you. Feel proud that you are walking away from his games, towards more loving and caring people, and towards loving yourself. Hang in there, lots of love.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m going through the same thing. She told me she couldn’t invest in anyone else right now, then immediately went to her ex fling.
@@anjalinair2151 thank you, I can’t wait to see myself in a year. I know I deserve someone who will love me like I do others
@@dannycolwell8028 I think these people don’t have the guts and emotional capacity to sit down and reflect after a relationship ended, they throw themselves to the next person because they can’t handle their inner turmoils. I pity this grown ass man
I needed to hear this. He told me things he did for his manipulative ex just to keep proving to her he loves her, and she never does her part. But he does not fight for the chance to be with me. Now he dated me couple of years after her and I don’t blame him for putting boundaries. He should. But he said “I can’t go all in.” because we are both transitioning in our lives and unsure if we might stay in the same state in the near future. I realized that he was not that into me. Because it he was, he could have communicated that we can try to make it work, or at least invite me to go with him because I was willing to go. I have been obsessively missing him. Because we have good times. But I can’t be with someone who won’t fight for mu love and affection because I know how much value I can add to a relationship. so, again, Thank you for this
@@pizzelle2 *virtual hugs* We do deserve better. Things have been better in my life, now that I've been focused on myself. I hope you are well.
I left my 10yr relationship a year and a half ago. I’ve made some huge improvements but it’s still a struggle. Often times I wonder if I’ll ever be the person I was before I met him. It’s painful.
I wish you all the best, you keep on it, you will be.
Truthfully you will never be the same, but that's also beautiful. Talking from a 13 yr marriage breakup I've come a long way and still have room to grow. And the breakup was my wakeup moment.
No, you won’t, but not because of anything being in a relationship with him did to fundamentally change you, but because you wouldn’t be the person now that you were before you met him, because that person would’ve changed immensely as well even if they hadn’t met him. Embrace exactly where and who you are now cuz that in fact is who you are. That’s the reality of the situation, just as Matt is explaining here.
No…we are all works in progress. You will be a new, wiser and better you! ❤
Watching his videos just gives me that reminder to not do the things I know not to do, a good kick on the behind is sometimes needed 😂
2023 has been my year of studying Matthew Hussey. And it gets better.
Yes, same. I found his channel in 2023-current. Practically the best dating advice I have ever found. Very helpful. I can't seem to stop watching the videos! Also reading his new book now, too!
Dopamine is stimulated by just thinking about the person you crave
Power means happiness; power means hard work and sacrifice
My fav love channel ❤you are life Matthew and the whole team 🙏👌🏻
He missing something-the cyclical question of whether the person isn’t meeting my needs because I’m too needy. Maybe if I had done something different he’d treat me differently. It’s not rational but the idea that I know my needs are valid, he doesn’t meet them and I want him anyway isn’t my reality.
Awesome talk that summarises how difficult it is to accept what's in front of you, glaring in your eyes that it's not right for you, but you still can't see it 😅
To me it's one of the best videos from Matthew - informative, precise, direct and funny at the same time.
Matthew is too good at this honestly like how does someone so young in one life time know all this
The same way Taylor Swift wanted to write and perform at 12 years old, start the work early and by 30s you're already 20+ years in.
This is exactly what I’m going through right now ❤ this video is meant for me to watch
He is so right; let the relationship prove that.
Left a 9 year relationship with the father of my toddler.was abad relationship but the love is still there
This video came at the exact time of what I am going through. The high and hangover makes sense. Thank you Matthew for making this make more sense.
"I just can´t be all in" is the sign to? Run away, thank you for pointing it out again and again... somehow people have this thing in their (our) mind to think "but maybe the situation can change, his mind can change" ahahah maybe also not
This video explains so much. Self love journey has been painful but beautiful. Wishing you all light on your journey.
Needed this. She cheated and I had to end things for my self respect/peace of mind
Oomg ..its like he was talking directly to me ..its hard hitting ..but nothing iv not known and been hiding drom telling myself 😢..thenk you needed thst ❤
Wow, perfect timing on this video for me. Thank you!
Believe it or not...obsession and compulsion comes from something gone awry in our body chemistry! Specially our genes! Glutathione may be low! I love vimergy!
You're a master. Thank you so much Matthew
I am really struggling with this right now. Thank you
Thank you…I needed to here this today.
Well I'm missing someone with whom we shared the same body language. He was into hugging as i am and it is soooo extremely hard to find it these days. I know we didn't share the same values, he wanted to straight go to the bed ect BUT do you know how much touch starved we are? Just because we shared some great kisses, hugs and caresses, i feel devastated after i ended it. Because i never found this level of tenderness. It could be as simple as that.
There is so much more to a satisfying relationship than just the physical side of intimacy. But yes, we are touch starved.
I feel this right now, the being starved of touched. I was with my partner for 6 years, he ended it at the beginning of December, so just over 2 months ago. He was the man I wholeheartedly believed I’d spend the rest of my days with. But the touch was always missing. I craved to be held, to be kissed deeply and passionately, the type you see in films, but it never happened. Since the break up I’ve been seeing this guy who gives me those things I craved, it feels so amazing, to have that physical connection. In those moments I feel desired. But I know the emotional connection isn’t there, not for him anyway, so realistically I know in my gut it won’t turn out to by my ‘forever’ but I can’t seem to let go, not just yet, I haven’t had my fill of being touched and kissed yet. So I have this internal battle right now between staying in this situation just to enjoy the physical closeness or leave to find my ‘forever person’. I can’t help feeling like I’m not meant to have it all, all at once. Either a physical relationship or an emotional one, but not both. Do both really exits out of the movies?
Your "value" is "not go straight to bed"?... I thought values should be like moral values... sleeping habits are not "values" its just "habits"...
What a great speech ! I was exactly at that point when I heard you and "woke up" to reality.
Spot on. This happened to me recently with a neighbor. I helped him and we had a fun connection, made future plans as friends only. He probably got overwhelmed by my attention and excitement. He ignored me. After 3 weeks he texts me. Long story, but I literally ruminated ove this person. Funny thing, I don't even want to date now. Lol! Now I am laughing at myself, learning the lesson. Your videos are great.
On point. This presentation is an eye opener. Thanks for demystifying the dating landscape. I have over time learnt a lot from your videos. The analogy of illusion versus reality is exemplary. Well done.
I cannot accept it. It hurts even though I feel undervalued. We've been seeing each other for 2 months 💔
Overthinking destroy our prosperity
Mathew has the same stature and confidence and the same way of moving and carrying himself as my brother... When I watch this, I miss my brother! 😊💗 I haven't seen him for months... 😞
Voi vitun vaihokkaat Jumalan tappajat kuolisitte
Matt, I really liked your videos so far. But not this one. So how do I stop addictive thoughts? With logic? Sorry, Limerence is going much much deeper. Logic does not help. Or why can a drug addict not just stop? This is way too superficial and unfortunately no help for someone who has limerence.
Now I'm starting to wonder what isn't a dopamine hit in life that's enjoyable? I guess if it's healthy enough in your life than it doesn't matter, if it comes with great distress in your life and others than it does..
12:29 this hits Mathew and is reassuring ❤thanj you ❤
Thank you. You make so much sense, you just provided the metaphorical slap I really needed 👍🏻
Thank you! This video really resonates with me. (I repeated this type of relationship/situationship too many times. I guess I thought I couldn't do better).
Brilliant talk, going through this mental challenge now - I see light at the end of the tunnel
I absolutely loved this! I am gonna listen to this various times so it gets rooted in my mind
I needed to hear this. Thank you! I believe I need to learn my approach because I am naturally friendly. I can truly enjoy my own self in these interactions and sometimes people misunderstand me. I need to tone down what comes naturally to me?
Hi Katie 😊❤️
I am thankful for these videos
Incredible time vs. Incredible investment. Profound 👌
What about the person who act like you want to but in fact he just plays a role trying to create for you a nice love story but behind all of this you can't feel his emotions and your mind says that can't be real. Where is the problem?
A bird can land on our head but we don't have to let it build a nest.
Always such great advice!
I understand I can be manipulated. 😢😮
Me too. I’m so easily manipulated! Im working on it tho
Yes yes I totally agree thanks for stepping out
Matt speaking FACTS!
Thank you, I needed that😮
Could you do a video on women who want a serious relationship with a healthy guy, and know how to attract those; but who are scared to be physically intimate again? For example, women who have had the same man for most part of their life, and then have to show themselves again, quite literally, to someone? I find this part a lot harder than the emotional intimacy. I myself am not afraid, for example, to be emotionally intimate, however I am afraid to be again physically intimate with someone new. This fear has been blocking me a lot every time I'm meeting a nice guy. I often feel great around them, and would love to spend more time with them, but the actual act of kissing for example, has been such a long time ago for me that I feel uncomfortable doing it. Is that weird? How could I fix this?
Exposure. Start slow, hold hands, hug, walk closely.. then a small kiss.. after each exposure really pump yourself up and be proud of yourself, see how well you did, etc. Start slow and just work from there. Don't rush and have boundaries and communicate what you need. The right person will be patient and kind. Small steps! You've got this!
@@kericampion1153 Thank you so much for your support; that's a very good idea!
I love it I think this Guy is Genius ❤
O Matthew thank you so much,
I needed this most this time ❤
Thanks, Matthew! Stay blessed. ❤
It’s a really visual reference. You are so right!
Do not trade your opportunity for real love ...for just imagining love, all alone.
What are the consequences of continuing this behavior?
Thank you Matthew for this! Another video that helped me in a harsh times that I have lately ❤
What happens when it’s the other way around? A girl that wanted to spend the rest of her life with me decided that although life with me would be better, she felt an emotional connection she never got over in the past was what she wanted… Even though it was toxic and unhealthy. I’m just confused and I wish she could do the work on herself to be more secure with herself and be happy where she was truly valued.
كلام من ذهب❤
Yes, That is so true and I always do it, run my imagination ahead of time. And later once the blindfold is actually off, I think to myself ok, but what was it that I really saw in this person. Weird but yeah, and I am the one who always gets ghosted or scammed. Was even thinking what the hell is wrong with me, am I attracting these types of guys.
Thank you ❤
the problem is not whether or not he is the best person. he is obviously the worst person but letting go means i will be wasting alll MYYY EFFORTS. MY OWN EFFORTS FOR 5 YEARS. I would loose. I would have nothing to live for
Ur wasting even more by holding on
Thank you 🙏🏻
I needed this today, thanks!
Damn Matthew you're amazing.
I'm so happy I saw this video today.
Thanks for putting this out.
The timing of this 😂😅 Spot on!
Thank you.. I needed you hear that.. thank you.. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Awesome......thank you n live you Matthew ❤❤
Attraction happens all the time, doesn't mean anything if the other part won't play along.
Brilliant, everything so true
SO GOOD. THANK YOU
You don’t seem underwhelming at all.
Thank you Matthew ❤
Seriously dope message!!!!!🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌❣️❣️❣️❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼
You are right!
Matthew Hussey roasting me for 15 minutes 😅
You are amazing 👏👏👏👏
Thanks❣️
Amazing ❤
You need to come to Montreal
So true
Realise the goals of your genetics (that trigger arousal) and the goals of the organism (the girl) are not the same.
Realise the only reason why you exist is because of an unbroken chain of successful replication. Your genetics just want to replicate.
Your genetics just want to replicate
Your genetics just want to replicate.
But as an organism you probably want to live a content life. But the behaviours that lead to a content life, are not necessarily the same that lead to reproduction.
That why people do stupid stuff, and pursue sex with the wrong people , that can ruin their lives.
Its a war of attrition between your arousal emotions (triggered by your genetics) and your logical awareness of behaviour/consequences. In such a war, emotions will ALWAYS win, so to protect yourself in your moments of clarity from your emotions, you have avoid avoid avoid temptation.
I want this man to marry me. It feels like his the only man that would understand me. Matthew you’re a blessing to THE WORLD🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
Needed to hear this! Thank you!
As a single guy, it looks like going to one of Matthew’s presentations would be like shooting fish in a barrel!
Only joking, great work Matthew 😊
Ok, what to do when the one who is there wiling to build a future with, is not the one I like??…😮😩
Don’t build a future with him. You’ll be miserable if you do (I did that before and wasted too many years)