What is "future faking"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 июл 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
When the devil can't reach you, he sends a narcissist.
This is right on, may I please use this as a quote?💛✌🇱🇷😇🙏
@@AxllsFly thank you💛✌🇱🇷😇🙏
Did you come up with that? I love it!
Absolutely brilliant wording and so true.
😭😭😭😭
In short: THEY ABUSE YOUR PATIENCE.
TRUST is like a crystal glass that once it's broken its hard put the pieces back together and when you try to fix them, you might get puncture and get hurt. The crystal glass would never be the same no matter what, that is why it's important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners and i believe smartness is essential in any relationship. I got help from (Cybertech-tracker) as he helped cloned my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone Text messages, Imessages, Facebook, Instagram, Whats-app, Skype, Kik, Twitter, Snap-chat, Email and social media chats without touching his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist but I'm glad to uncover his deceits, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share his phone number with (cybertech-tracker) and i was able to read his recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on his phone and he has no idea his phone has been cloned. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in the UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned . He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this great hacker via Gmail (cybertechtracker) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and Whats-app : +1 (202) 697-7171. Thank me, later...
Just one of the many pathetic grabs for power by the narcissist. It will never end, it will never be okay. The longer you're in...the longer it will take you to heal once you get out. They need someone to hate, and trust me, they hate you.
Thierry Nawar and waste an exorbitant amount of your time !
They also “Down-manage expectations”. Another manipulation tactic.
They use you and screw you over.
The worst part is the sense of mourning you're left with when you finally leave the relationship...all the hopes and dreams you have to let go of cause they're never gonna happen.
You'll build your own dreams, real ones based on hope, not lies and manipulation.
I am experiencing this now.
I am slowly coming to terms with this.☹
I feel this right now...😞
It is horrific. I'm still recovering from it.
The worst part about future faking is that when the time comes, they gaslight the hell out of you by claiming they never said that
Or create a drastic lie. I was told his ex was pregnant with his child because he wanted to cancel our holiday and few days ago he said she is not pregnant
Omg true!!! Flip it onto u every time!!! Great pt
So true! This is what we suffered from our manipulative mothet that twisted our minds and even created conflicts within us siblings
Or, they act like you weren't "patient enough" when giving them a more-than-ridiculously-generous timeline for them to complete a simple agreement. At this point, they may even follow through with it since now they have the incentive of "proving you wrong" by doing so and saying, "See? I was going to do it all along. You should feel bad for being so untrusting and impatient."
Or they drop you at the last minute of moving in together because they run out of excuses .
Honestly the biggest benefit of having a narcissistic ex is that you learn the lesson and you can spot any narcissistic like him/her and then run!
True. I can smell the Bs even couple of miles from me hahahah
So freaking true!
I’m mad at myself because I spotted it and eventually still let my guard down after enough love bombing :/
@@mikepierce2824 me to
True! I am so devastated by my recent break up. Then I started to talk to a therapist and found that my ex is a narcissist. Bumping into this video and reading your comment help me to get my sense back and see things clearly!
Dr. Ramani is saving my life. I thought I was going to become depressed again until I watched this video.
She saved mine too. Literally. Thanks to stumbling upon her videos, I realized that I was being manipulated by an abusive narcissist and left. Looking back I may not have survived had I not left when I did.
Get PROFESSIONAL HELP DEPRESSION CAN LEAD TO SUICIDE
@@djdebusajustice3287 that was five months. everything is fine now. thank you for the advice.
Yes, I recommend her videos to others
@@LBeeeeeee agreed, her videos are helping to keep me on track and stay focused as I try to dig out of my situation. So I don’t fall back into my hopelessness. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙂
“Am I leaving before they serve the cake?” YES, literally describes how I felt 😫 I can’t BELIEVE I fell for this
Its okay, try not to judge yourself for falling for the future faking. Remember they are the ones lying and creating illusions.. you simply didn’t know how how malicious they can be and led with trust and its nothing to be ashamed of❤️
@@gremlin4606 Thank you 🥺❤️
I left at the third attempt. Don’t be too hard on yourself (I tell myself this too). What’s more important is that you finally realized about it, and you won’t go back to that person. I’m proud of you; some people really spend their entire lives with someone so wrong for them and never get that epiphany.
@@gisellenakandakari5943 i have tried 6 times so far. and every time i find the courage to confront him or simply yell "that's it i'm done" he literally tells me, all menacingly, with a sheepish smile on his face: "lol you tried to break up with me 6 times, you don't have it in you, i dare you to break up with me. even if you do you'll come running back"
@@sibelka1994 Well, that’s a sign he’s taking you for granted, and that he’ll never change. Prove him wrong, and this time don’t expect an answer from him. You don’t need to hear his retaliating words or what he thinks about it. Here’s a big trick that worked for me: Whenever you feel the urge to go back to him, ask yourself “Am I willing to spend THE REST OF MY LIFE with someone who treats me badly, who takes me for granted, who doesn’t love me?” (Put a huge emphasis on the “rest of my life” part). You only have one life, don’t waste it on someone who you know is not going to make your life better, who’s not contributing to your growth and gives you more trouble than happiness. Break-ups are hard (I broke up with mu ex last year), but if you don’t get rid of the bad people in your life, you’ll never make space for the people who truly deserve you. Sending you love and courage, you’re not alone.
“The small fakes always lead to larger ones”. When someone shows you their true colors: believe them.
I feel like other than gaslighting, is one of the most exploitative and mentally abusive behaviours, that the Narcissist uses. If it wastes your Time, it’s wastes your Life...
I learned this the very hard way after wasting 8 years of my life on a lying cheating man and losing my chance to have kids.
Yes. I lost 4 years of my 20s and it's still unbearable pain, can't imagine what it's like to spend even more time with future faking and gaslighting
I wasted 10 years with a narcissistic psychopath. That was the word they used in the court psychological assessment: psychopath. I had been reading about so many different mental illnesses trying to work out what was wrong. As soon as I came across narcissistic personality disorder, it was like s light went on. I realized that this person not only would never change but that they actually thrived on making me utterly miserable. Freedom feels amazing. You do absolutely get over it, but not until that person is firmly out of the picture can the healing start.
@@miriammoriarty8588 same ✌️🙏
@@miriammoriarty8588 Same here. 😐
Future Faking plays on our versions of a “happily ever after,” which never happens with a narcissist. This is so cruel, to use people’s hopes, and dreams against them! It’s evil.
Let's also admit that part of this equation is Disney (and the like). Capitalism is a vicious cycle but it does give us choice. Too bad earlier on in life, the choices are our parents'. Get yo kids off Disney+ people!
Marriage, children, a home and community = once I revealed these hopes and dreams, the future fakes were centered around this in the first 2 months of dating and I hated it. I kept telling him "Please don't. It's too soon. Please don't tease me like that." because that's what it felt like - teasing. Like he was dangling my deepest desires in front of me without consideration of how important they were. He spoke of it too soon and easily. They meant nothing to him. Absolutely crushing.
Yep future fakes ... Like the ones the politicians use 🤔🤔🥺
@@YuckFou502 I have an adult male friend who enjoyed watching Disney productions into their 30's. They admitted to me once "I can manipulate anyone into anything" (not true, but shows how they think :|), that stuck with me. It took me years to realize they were a cancerous fake friend which needed to be removed and discarded for my own sanity.
Don't put up with shitty evil fake friends. The longer you take to dispose, the harder the job will be.
@@mtgoxwall for sure! The new mantra is "no excuse for abuse" but that's all our kids watch. Then we wonder why so many adults are abusive (physically or emotionally) and manipulative. I think the bigger issue is the parents who allow the tv to raise their children. They'll sell us whatever we buy
Thank you Mom for teaching me to: 1) Work hard and to rely on myself not others. 2) Never lend money even if family or friend. 3) Never go into business with family or friends.
Great ADVICE!!!
A spouse is a partner - not a prince charming!
Hey Kathy
100% my guy!!! 👏👏👏👏👍👍👍🏆🎖
"One of the main things that can keep ppl stuck in narcissistic relationships, is financial dependency."
Which is why we need affordable housing and affordable child care, etc!
Yep
Who's going to pay for it?
@@propheteyebert7063 The rich who avoid taxes and the politicians who skim their share off the top. We could use taxes the way they were actually intended.
@@KelsoFox That won't bring in enough to meet demand. It will be necessary to increase tax on those who work hard. Soon no one would be motivated to work hard.
Also, more women would be incentivized to make reckless mate selections, knowing that others will bail them out.
@@propheteyebert7063 I've already paid for it through my taxes and my lower hourly rate that is not keeping up with inflation. You're new to this shill game, aren't you?
For me, the scary part of this was realising that my childhood literally set me up for this. Adults used to promise me things but not fulfil what they said they would. I got used to being let down and not taking people at their word, the inconsistencies and mixed messages. So as an adult this behaviour is familiar to me. I'm still learning what consistency looks and feels like... pray for me, y'all!
Girl you got this, you are not alone. I too am dealing with my childhood traumas and moving past them and rewriting my future I felt obligated to create a page to help us come together and heal together watch and share your feedback sending you positive vibes and prayers ruclips.net/video/RkzMLJsrPqE/видео.html
Yes and if you even mention this to the narc abuser, they say ‘oh SEE. YOU are the one with trust issues because of your past. It’s not that I’m inconsistent....’ dangerous information to arm them with.
You better go girl!
Same my mom was like this and dad sometimes and it really set me up for future faking i fall for it everytime its sad embarrassing and depressing
And I have adopted some of it as well. :( My Mom did it for years. I began to think it was normal rather than simply flaky.
Don't expect anything from them and you won't be disappointed
Exactly
…This!
I'm learning
Now you tell me! lol
Lower your expectations if you want to pretend to be happy. Married mine and she had a master's degree in education, she wouldn't take a job when she relocated because they didn't pay enough. She went back to college classes and had completed an additional masters and a PhD degree. She waited a whole year and a month to go back to find a job, she is making $17 and hour and 20 hours a week on her busy week. Guess the song and dance she gave me about earning a six figure income after graduating with a PhD was future faking at it's finest.
“Hopes deferred makes the heart sick”
My life verse.
How sad that the one who gives us hope, is the same who gaslights us as they take it away.
Why didn't you let me go when I said I was done ?
You did make good on every promise , you fulfilled the hope and enjoyed an active sex life.
-------with someone else.⁷
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
A narcissist can control someone with the use of fear even if it's just nonverbally communicated. When a person feels fear it shuts down the prefrontal cortex unable to think rationally.
Yes. My ex did not communicate with me much and stayed quiet. But took control of our lives.
Very true
What I have learnt is to be careful what you share with people too soon.. when we first met narcissists, we tell them our dreams, goals, aspirations and they mirror us and pretend they want them same things as we do and we fall for it.
Narcs will always try to get any personal information about you so they can be able to manipulate you well. Its the reason they hire flying monkeys. They look out for people that really know you so well. Try not to say anything to them. Even when they go ahead and ask the FMs they'll get false info. Hugs
They cause us to fear our basic need, conversations!
I trust No one who tries to get too close too fast, and no one who pays me too many compliments. It CREEPS ME OUT. They think its cause I'm a bitch from new jersey. Don't care what they think.
Amen! Lesson learned!!!!!
@@ladykdog1756 Lol @ bitch from New Jersey
💛
Oh, they are good at it. Lies and false promises. Then when it all starts to fall apart they gaslight you by saying it was all your idea and they were just going along with it.
Exactly!!!!! I Will pay you back when I get a job!!! Nope never happened.
Exactly! Lies, lies in every aspect of your ife!
So accurate 😢
Wow! You described it so well!
Umm. There are female narcissists too that practice this. I’m living proof of it. You can’t just place this disorder on one gender.
Narc: "I'll call you back tomorrow"
Me: "I wish you wouldn't"
😀
“Put yourself in charge of your own dreams.”
I learned much too late - after a 21 year marriage. I now know to listen and watch their actions not their words. Whomever said “actions speak louder than words” must have been dealing with a Narcissist.
Me too, after 23 years.
Me too 21 years. It was all I could take!! God bless u sis.
38yrs here. Glad u got out when u did
And yes! He used to do that to our kids too, when they were little. A lot of places promised that we never took them to.
24 years for me. When I jumped back into the dating pool, I had done so much research into NPD~I knew to flee @ the first sign of any red flag.
Translation: ‘it’s never gonna be YOUR turn’.
Right
So well put!
Omg I've said that so many times. " when does it get to be my turn?' To talk , to cry and to just show my emotions! Omg
So true. 😔
Exactly
He promised I was his priority at the beginning of the relationship, now I'm acused of complaining, nagging, I've even been insulted of being desperate at one time just by telling him my feelings and thoughts 🙄
Same
Ditto
I could have written this paragraph 😔
Right. Anytime I try to communicate an emotion I’m “hassling , starting shit, or drama” then mean talking to me for daring to express how I felt about something.
Definitely been there 😒 We asked for the bare minimum and they won't even give us that. I still remember when I was coming out of that relationship, a golden quote really helped me, which was something along the lines of "You're not asking for too much. You're asking the wrong person." I'm nearly 2 years into my 'new' relationship and it couldn't be more true! If your partner truly cares for you they will listen!
"We just can't afford kids *right now*" kept me strung along for two decades.
Yup, it's one thing if both partners are uncertain or on the fence or agree on that after a real budget talk. But that by itself when one partner wants kids? Nah.
Yep... strung along on that one too, even though we already had a ton of savings. It turned into "I don't think I actually want to have kids ever."
A lot of manipulative bosses use this tactic
Lola - DAMN RIGHT!
yes! It is sad!
👀👀👀
Lola
I’ve heard many bosses hire narcissistic people as supervisors and managers
DjPaco ELfuerte It’s deliberate? That is awful. I don’t under why would anyone want a narcissist reporting to them if hire one to manage others?
I've been "future faked." We call it, "frontin'."
I call it the same thing
🎶 "Ain't no future in your frontin' "
Straight frontin' fo sho!
Selling dreams..
chasing a cloud..
selling wolf cookies.. 😆
Yes no future in your fronting
No we call it “Capping” now
My mind is blown. This explains so much. I had no idea future faking was even a part of this cycle. Just wow.
Wow this is crazy.. can’t believe I really feel for all this stuff. Crazy you don’t even know the person you were with.
We invest our energy, time, attention, commitments, resources, decisions, money, plans, our life .. we make all these life decisions that we otherwise would not have made .. and they move the goal posts and yank that rug from under our feet, and it is massively destructive
this is my sister if only you would do this we could have a great relationship! Then later well if you did that and this things could be great! It goes on and on...
Yup- and "move the goal posts"!!
I’ve lost decades.
Sure, where's the incentive to try after that... Don't the pipe, no wonder the waters are so polluted! ⏩💸🚻🚽🚮🚱🌊😅
Future brain fraking.,..
Exactly,first sign is inconsistency.
Yas grl!!
@@jcat5100 ☺
When he upset, the plans change 😅🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@jcat5100 girl don't waste your energy, you balance☺
@@andreamagyar7776 thanks Andrea. I already broke up with him about 3 months ago. Felt relieved I'm out but gotta be honest moving on isn't that easy. He tried to contact me thru a friend 2 days ago. So i didn't reach out to him. He's already been blocked on my socials
“You better get one last deep dish pizza cause you’re never coming home” 😂☠️ Dr. Ramani kills me.
OMG! You just described my whole 5 year relationship! He asked me to marry him and I accepted. This was after a year together. He wanted a child, etc.. long story short, after 5 years he NEVER WANTED to plan the wedding, never wanted to go HOUSE HUNTING, HE JUST KEPT SAYING, "OH, DON'T WORRY, WE WILL." It never happened. I finally left him. I was USED and never knew it .My friends did warn me...Geeez.. YOU ARE GREAT! ❤
A psychological Ponzi scheme-great analogy!
They lie to themselves too. My psych professor says narcissists can be in danger of committing suicide later in life because as they get older it becomes harder and harder for them to keep deluding themselves about the grandiose future they'll have "someday".
My daughter's narc says "Someday soon...." and then conveniently forgets what he said. I'd throw a party if this monster took himself out before he does any more damage to her. I'm certain he's using hypnosis on her because she is only mirroring his desires at this point. Like Svengali's maiden, she no longer seems to have a will of her own.
Covert mom better at killing us slowly/and not so softly than herself, that last drink of hers sure taken its time!
@@quasimobius don't hold your breath, covert mom married a manic, would say "He can't last much longer", they ended up getting divorced, her in her 60's, him his 70's, together 23 yrs, she ended up being the demonic one. I never bothered meeting her 3rd husband.
Let's all hope......
Or they would indulge themselves in Alcohol.... leading to become a full blown alcoholic
This is the most evil and devastating aspect of narcissism. Of all the ways a narcissist manipulates, to prey on a person’s hopes and dreams is unconscionable.
“If you do X for me, I’ll be your sister!”
I desperately wanted a sisterly relationship with my sister. I grieved and buried that dream decades ago.
I wish there were more videos on dealing with having a sister for a narcissist.
Same.
Sister: you've always been jealous of me.
Me: 🤔 huh?
Sister: you've always wanted everything I have and that rightfully belongs to me.
Me: 🤔 huh?
This was taking place while we were "trying" to discuss dividing my parents belongings after their deaths. Me being the empath and wanting to keep the peace... I basically let her get away with being unfair. She has dangled my parents jewelry in front of my face for nearly 10 years. Although, she didn't mention it... she knew, that I knew.
Thanksgiving of 2019 at her house was the icing on the cake for me. She was so horrible toward my son and I. Which, by the way, she is jealous of my son.. her nephew 🤔 . It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I decided to go NO CONTACT from her. I gaslight myself, sometimes, thinking, "oh, She's not that bad." But, YES, SHE IS!!! The cruelty she and her family shows toward my son and I is heart breaking, sickening and downright a brain drain! No, more!
I'm grateful to be seeing this. I grew up with this type of treatment from my mother and my sister. My dad was a narc enabler. I figure it was easier to punish me instead of dealing with the 2 narcs. Who knows? I'm just glad my eyes are open now.
Thanks for these videos! ❤
As hard as it is to do, you have to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served.
Preach!!!
Love that analogy.
Sometimes I wish I could give Doctor Ramani a hug for how well she reflects back what I am experiencing
you just described what i feel when i watch her videos, i just didn't know it.
Oh me too. She makes sense of me and what I've been through, to me. It's so comforting and life-changing, she helps me heal and I wish I could repay her somehow.
Absolutely agree. She's a life saver
Me too!
Meeeeeee TOOOOOOOOO!
Thank you dr Ramani, I was in an LDR with a narcissist. My ex used this technique so often to keep me in the relationship, I was so miserable towards the end of my relationship. My narcissistic ex literally created a vacuum in my life in the present, while constantly future faking about the things I wanted in my life. So glad it’s over
Same 🤲🏻
This. All of this. I’m so glad you’re out of it, too.
Me too I was mentally exhausted from having to follow up on all the promises he made.
I was also in an LDR and he got me because of future faking. Turns out he’s very opposite from it. Scary when i think about it.
Same. He kept saying he will come to see me and before we ended it had already been 3 years since we met and then I realised he had been cheating on me since 2½ years
It's helpful to know this has a name. I called it the 'I'm gonnas'. My rule of thumb was: if ANYTHING started with "I'm gonna..." it was probably not going to happen. So happy to be free!!!!
'We will definitely .... ' is when I know it isnt going to happen !
Narc high up construction boss husband always promised to fix 150 yr old home, “I’ll fix it or I know/will hire a guy or (constr. Co.) to fix…” never fixed home in 23+ years! He let home fall apart! But always bragged about his job!
‘Am I leaving before they serve the cake’ - thats exactly it 😅
And there isn’t even a cake. Even there cake is fake!!
Cake : ruclips.net/video/f9rCUQjmkxU/видео.html
The Cake Is A Lie! ruclips.net/video/qdrs3gr_GAs/видео.html
Well, the cake never comes so tehcnically you're always leaving before cake.
If there will be one cake - don't eat it - it will be poisened - 🥶🥶🥶
Been there! I really thought he wanted to get married. He sold promises so well and even told everyone else about it. His actions told a different story. Narcissists are truly something else. They future fake, and then play the victim.
Domonique Brown that victim flip though, breakneck blindside
So SELFISH and messed up 😡
Metoo girl, he still tells everyone he wanted to marry smh...if you are still
healing check this out and give me feedback ruclips.net/video/RkzMLJsrPqE/видео.html
ohh man
Worst is when all your friends believe he’s the kindest person on earth. When i asked our friend if its normal for a bf to joke about strangling me, he said its not but for him my bf is still the kindest ever 😢
Watched this about a year ago. Nothing promised has materialised. I'm glad I made the necessary changes and continued following my dreams 🙏
A Narc's grandiosity isn't just in their high opinion of himself. It's also in his promises to you.
Facts
True!
THIS is what keeps narcissistic relationships going. Just THIS.
Absolutely
This was my ex to a T. I moved to another country to start a life with him. Total 90 day fiance stuff. I sold my apartment, car, and furniture. The contents left of my life fit into three suitcases. Within 6 months he had burned through my savings. He was manipulative, controlling and abusive. In the end I lost EVERYTHING. He gained money and possessions from our marriage while I lost everything I had (including my dignity). Don't ever let go of your independence people. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself.
Mine was going to move to be here with me. So I paid off his debts and now I’m £20k down and he’s over there happy. I can’t believe I was so stupid.
Me too.
Thank you for sharing. Love and light to you.
That sounds horrible I'm so sorry you were put through that.
@@therealbe I have to say I'm very wary of men after a horror decade of long term relationships, including 8 years with a lying, cheating suspected narcissist. Think I'll be single for a while!
This happened to me. I lost my job, and was pursuing my own business, he promised to pay for everything, and he did. But I dealt with so much disrespect from him and emotional abuse.
Mine wanted me to stay home with the kids, but was controlling and abusive in every way because Im lazy and he’s a meal ticket. I never thought that, i thought I had a partner. I was exhausted with three children in 3 years, he wanted more…so I got a job….he hated that I wasn’t home…so he embarrassed me daily at work. They asked me to leave because they knew he couldn’t be asked to be respectful.
The future faking is exactly why I stayed so long. I had so much hope for family and marriage and success..
Savannah Hudgens,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈 cause you are beautiful 🌹🌺🌺
You will always be the one to compromise.
Then when the moment arrives and its time for the narcissist to "pay up" on there promise, they will turn it on you as if "your being selfish", "They don't remember", "They didn't mean it like that," ect. So you feel like crap and eventually compromise ONCE AGAIN!
So absolutely true. Or they will minimise the compromise you made and make it trivial so they don't have to worry about keeping their side.
I was always selfish in his eyes because I expected what he promised.
you will NEVER get anything. its always TAKING!
yesss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Exactly! Thank you for pointing that out!
I think this concept is, in some ways, the other side of the "love bombing" coin. They heap gestures/deeds/etc upon you that you dont want and DEFINITELY didn't ask for, and by virtue of this, not only box you in with obligation but are now also immune from FUTURE scrutiny because they have "already demonstrated their intrinsic goodness." That puts it back on you, that YOU are a selfish, unforgiving person for not looking beyond their " spontaneous human flaws" when in reality, it is ALL a web that you're stuck in...
👏🏼👏🏼 Absolutely
You Explained this to the letter...llusion magicians! Will make your head spin, chest explode, stuck in devastation. Must avoid at all costs.
Pete Salvano yes absolutely!
This is exactly how it is for me! Thank you for the words I couldn't find
I just love how you talk. Your voice, how personable you are.
One time my husband and I were in the car and he pulled in to the parking lot of the hotel that we stayed at for our honeymoon. I was so surprised and couldn’t believe that he had done that. He then said to me, “one day I’m going to pull in to this parking lot and surprise you with a weekend getaway, just us” He then proceeded to drive away back to our home. That was almost 7 years ago.
Just one of the many, many examples of future faking that has occurred in our relationship.
This is horrible... I would have ended up on TruTV
That’s unnecessarily disrespectful! And for what? What a ridiculous mentality just to watch someone’s hopes get shot down.
@@grendelsmama2302 it was horrible. And after many year of abuse, I filed for divorce last week. I can’t believe it! I never thought I could. I’m scared but also very hopeful for the future.
@@KO-D00M yes, it’s a sick game. But after 13 years of abuse I filed for divorce last week. These videos have been helping me more than I can describe. I always felt like things would eventually get better. They have only gotten worse. Way worse.
@@sunnyskyacres omg!!! The world just opened up for you! Enjoy every moment of your new found freedom and honor yourself in the most extravagant ways. Your time is now ❤️
On my 2nd round of watching this video, I realized something I didn't before. The future they're faking is based on a promise that binds you to the narcissist. So the thing in the future keeps you around as possible supply.
Shit this scares me its true. He said we are for forever but the first one to flake when we have misunderstandings. He wont say anything he’ll just leave for 2-5 days then come back as if nothing happened
I went from a full time working person to being home full time making all his meals and taking care of his life. I thought it was him taking care of ME. OMG. When I left he immediately went after some low hanging fruit and now SHE takes care of him and does all his cooking and caregiving. She thinks she's a princess! I'm not sure he told her he's actually at bankruptcy.
It is an excellent tactic. False hope is very powerful.
@@memeboisvert7907 - They are ALWAYS watching the low hanging fruit and they are ALWAYS at the edge of a financial cliff. It isn't at all uncommon for them to not tumble over the cliff because of the strength of the bleeding fingers of their victims clawing the ground trying to support them. But dang if they don't look good from a distance, right? Appearance is everything. Substance is nothing.
On the plus side... The low hanging fruit doesn't usually claw the ground to support them. And the low hanging fruit will usually eat them when they fall. 😊
@@memeboisvert7907 Did he tell you to stay home and take care of him, and did he take care of you financially?
This is SCARY accurate, they make their promises, and never follow through while expecting you to drop everything to attend to them “NOW”. Little do we know how common these behaviors are with most narcissists, until realizing their games are usually the same across the board. 🙄
Thanks again Dr. Ramani, always ringing true!
Heather Lomax Music I felt that “NOW” on a personal level. It really is accurate. I dropped so many things and became an assistant to a friend somehow.
When my narc was sick, I took days off work to take care of him. At the end of it his response was...instead of thank you..."don't you have anything to do with yourself?"
Yup!!!! You MUST put them first in everything!
Wow ! You NAILED it in this video. This is exactly why after the discard the feeling is not like any other breakup. They literally take pleasure in watching someone else's dreams go down the toilet. In a normal relationship your dreams and future goals do not go away with the person. This is exactly why its devastating. Excellent video. Best advise too NEVER attach your dreams solely to another person!
I remember with my ex after our first fight, he told me all he wanted was to give me a house one day and be the one to buy my first car, and support me.
A year later my life started crumbling where I lost my dad, owed my school thousands and couldn’t take classes until I paid them, and no food in my fridge.
I got into an argument with him after when I told him I felt like he wasn’t emotionally there for me. He accused me of being ungrateful (even tho he would never ask me how I was doing or how he could be there for me). I brought up the fact that he once promised me a fulfilled future, in which he responded “oh you just want material stuff”.
Needless to say, we broke up, I bought my first car, and am back in school after paying my classes on my own. I didn’t need a man financially, but don’t promise me the world to try to make me happy and then give me nothing, even emotionally.
Would like to know what to do with a future faking narcisisst?
He told me he would take me to Thailand in summer (which was my dream) and he draw something magic.. the summer came, and of course he did not take me..
So I went alone and told him only a few days before flight 😉
He was extremely angry 😂
And no, I would never behave like this to a kind or normal man.
Short after my return we were no longer a couple, which was GOOD.
Pamela S. I love that story
Bravo !
You GOT him good. Bravo 🌷
😆😆😆
Fabulous. Well done for sniffing out this Narcissist loser.
Married to 1 28 years !! Then dated one briefly- 2 weeks in “quit your job & move in with me” - “ just work for me “ “I’ll buy you this , take you on trips wherever you want to go” -- RED FLAGS 🚩
I mean definitely broken promises over and over : ill take you to an island. We can go to a cabin. We can get married. We can have everything we ever wanted. Crock of bullshit.
Always keep your hopes, dreams and intentions close to your heart, no matter who you are talking with. Whether it’s a friend, family member, ‘friendly’ neighbour, or that stranger chatting to you at the bus stop. If you’re in doubt about the intentions of whoever, drop a ‘red herring’ into your conversation; you’ll find out soon enough who you can trust!
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
I always remember these words from a poem, and now I wonder why. Could be to do with having narcissistic family members.
Truly. I think the idea behind the evil eye charms makes sense. Even seemingly nice people may not want to see you succeed or heal, or they'll covet what you're building for yourself. That or they'll just talk shit and wait for your downfall.
this is one of the most validating & reassuring videos ive ever seen
“I’m married to you in my heart,” she said. After dragging out our “engagement” for years. Of course, it never happened. That’s why she’s my ex.
I'm so sorry.💝
Oh my gosh my ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geez. I’m sorry to you went through that
Scott Lopez, So glad you figured her out before it was too late.
Wow, those words are like a blast to my soul - "I'm married to you in my heart," I've hear variations on that day after day, "in my mind i've forgiven him," "in my mind I interact with others," "it isn't my intention to hurt your feelings," (after saying she will do something for me time and time again and never delivering). I am responsible though because I keep going back. I feel like an addict, I behave like one. Anyway thank you for sharing Scott!
Oh my. Sorry Scott.
My ex narc did buy a home for 'US' yet excuse after excuse after excuse to delay the wedding date. We had 38 more days to go before the ceremony date....yet I had not been able to make a single solitary arrangement because he 'was not ready' yet. No 'fun' as a fiance as planning phase was stifled.
I should have learned after the first round fake out. He was back and forth earlier this year trying to follow through w/ buying an updated home, and deciding if he was ready to get married. We had known each other for three years.
Narcissists truly NEVER CHANGE.
Not easy to leave- but no contact is the way to go. Married life would have been miserable .
Deception, hugely. It ought to be a crime .. because its the worst type of scamming
they have criminal pathology! if you push them far enough they will even kill - sick and disgusting
Yup - exactly what it is - a scam
They get our love and it's the very last thing they're worthy of!
💯💯💯
@serendipidus1 better for people to stand against it, speak up, than to allow for any law or government involvement to be the solution.
I listen to your videos everyday at lunch whilst I’m walking my dog to the beach!! They have helped me more than therapy!! Your so good at explaining how narcissists are!!
Skip ahead a few years, in December 2018 this guy came into my life again. Telling me that he misses me and that he fucked up. That he’s not longer a hoe and asking for a second chance. He went on and on apologizing for his past behavior and that he can see a true future with me. At this point it was one in the morning, and I was still heart broken and vulnerable from when we ended things in the past, so I said yes. (This is also the first time he has ever apologized to me, so I got to thinking “he’s changing.)” Well, within a month of dating he started to just distance again. I asked him what’s up and all he said was that he’ll just never be the man I want him to be. And that was that. I allowed him back into my life for him just for him to leave within a month.
Thanks for sharing Em. It was about 6 months for me in reconnecting with my ex- narc. More love bombing, fake future crap... Today is a week since I left him...no contact FOREVER! So glad the future wedding 'idea' WAS FAKE! ..
Don't ever let him back in your life. Even with a healthy relationship, you break up for a reason, and if you get back together, the same problems are often still there.
Please tell me you live in Fla?? Same exact story here.
Sounds like he at least wants the right things. Heart is willing but flesh is weak. This time I give him props for at least admitting it’s him and not you. I hope you both find happiness
At least he's gone now!
"Put yourself in charge of your own dreams." 🙏🏼❤
I've been financially dependent on narcissist most of my life. Went from parents to narcissist boyfriend's. I need financial independence.
My heart aches after I watched this video. I'm not scared of death, I'm not scared of the worst natural disasters; I'm scared of those narcissists behind the angelic facade and how have they integrated everything worst based in fear and vengefulness into this world. God bless us all.
My ex boyfriend, who cheated on me multiple times after 1 year of relationship (with one of his ex girlfriends, some random girls, and even his best friend's girlfriend ewww), put an alarm on May 2019 to ask me to marry him one year later.
Thanks god he cheated on me in the past months. All those girls did me a HUGE favour.
I was in a long-term (six year) relationship with a narcissistic. When I was fed up with the toying around with loving me and wanting to be together or not I asked if he even wanted to live together anymore and did he see this even going anywhere. I was tired of feeling like I was on a seesaw. At the time, I wanted him to fight for me to remain in his life. He didn’t, and I made my plans and moved out and into my own apartment. Just about a week after moving and being alone, feeling rejected and unworthy of anyone’s care at that point, he started to reach out to me again. I was so happy that he seemed to come around and was finally treating me the way I had always hoped. This is when the “love bombing” began all over again like it had in the first three months of our relationship. The “future faking” was heavily thrown around as he recalled my desire to get married and have children someday. He’d realized he was losing grip on me and was trying to reel me back in. Oh, how he did! I was having a difficult time believing how he had changed so much over a few short weeks but he just kept say the right things and earning my trust again. I was thinking, “wow, the heart really does grow fonder”. Just a few short months later, he popped the question with a ridiculously expensive and big engagement ring, that he later told me that it was bought with his credit card, he made sure I knew the retail value and so on, only to throw in my face later on when we went through some financial hardships. To set the record straight, I had never wanted an expensive ring but I was never consulted so that’s on him anyways. Oh silly me, getting sucked right back into the traps that I would later realize and have since left for good. I hope anyone reading this who was or is currently in a narcissistic relationship can take these words to heart; please listen to your gut instincts, if it doesn’t sound right, seem right or feel right, step back and re-evaluate. Make a plan for your escape and move forward living well and happier once more 💕
oh my god thank you for this. i used to feel so insane whenever my ex would promise to see me all week and then back out that day, and id be a sobbing mess over it. it was just this thing i got so used to.
I feel you 🥲 he does this to me all the time, he would cancel at the last minute always. MINUTE i aint kidding. Sometimes 5mins before the plan. Its so rude and dehumanizing and disrespecting. Then when i cry and ask why and get mad and confused he’d tell me im over dramatic
I want to add based on my experiences:
Narcissists not only can make you financially dependent on them, but they also can become financially dependent on you, to where you feel obligated to take care of them and don't want to screw them over.
Also, along with the false promises- when the things i want to happen actually happen, it's because
-I had to be the one to make it happen (ex: paying for vacations)
-or if HE decided it was important enough for him to follow through with
AND if the things actually happen that I want to happen, it's never as great as I wanted it to be built up in my head.
There was such a disconnect, where I felt like I should be happy, but why do I feel like this still?
I was wondering where these narcissists were who spent money on someone else. Resources usually flow toward them.
OMG You just described my entire marriage!!! 17 years of broken promises to myself and my children. Thank you for teaching how to avoid these bastards.
Kathy Brown,I admire your lovely smile
Same
With all due respect. As men we want to keep our partners happy. I have lost relationships because I do not future fake at all. I always say I will only promise something if I am 100% guaranteed that I can deliver it. Thousands of people make commitments on a daily basis and never reach them.
This almost forces men over time who have learnt that they should create these auras around them with possible dreams because their female more emotional partners crave that.
I will continue to refuse future faking to enhance a relationship. The ones who can't trust my integrity can leave. It seems like all my exes who went for their "dream" future faking partners after me have much shittier lives now then I would have ever offered them.
Funny how the world rewards you in the long run
@@lioydwilliams1850 wow. just wow.
I stayed 6 years in a relationship just because I loved him and I wanted to have a family with him. He knew how to manipulate me for so long
I am sorry that you went through this does it get any better? Do they ever just stop trying to destroy you
You're videos are spot on! I have a narcissistic mom, and she would always lie about plans. She hated me for having my own thoughts and questioned her crap. I would look her dead in the eye at 14 or so years old and tell her she was such a liar.
The amazing part is that my discovery of what "Narcissism" is has confirmed a lot of things that I had already red- flagged and termed but couldn't understand why they were happening. Even unknowingly used psychological jargon to explain his behaviour during arguments. Our First arguments were around the lack of following through with promises, and not being sorry for letting me down on failed plans. He couldn't understand why I was so disappointed, almost like I should have known it was just all talk. He then started a new trend, not promising anything to prevent me from following-up on anything, holding him accountable.
Oh! Accountability… if I even asked for this I was a horrible stupid person!
Funny how they're capable of change, but only the change that serves them
I realized that trying to talk to them is a waste of time
I tried with logic, I tried with emotions, but nothing
I ended up ordering him "I want us to call now" but I only received the same answers: "when I'm free", "I'll see when i have time", "next week"
I felt like I was running and running to catch him... It was so frustrating
CandyDFighter When you dont want to talk to a narcissist just ask them for money and they'll disappear :P
The same thing happened to me. Always says "not now Let's talk later " "
When I think " .... in the important things in our lives that make me feel so exhausted running to him all the time
Mine calls me when he "has to pee" so any conversation where I'm trying to convey needed info. Its riddled with, ok gotta pee, really gotta pee, I ask him to pee before call, but oh gee he would get distracted and forget to call if he did that. Its ridiculous. U don't wanna talk , don't call.
@@joywebster2678 If they have to go into the bathroom to speak with you, you have much more serious issues. That wasn't a joke. Think about it.
@@jloren4647 he isnt calling from in the bathroom read my comment......he is at his condo, or in his car. His excuse for not conversing is he has to go pee. He is likely lying or maybe does have to go but calls me before to have excuse to shut call down fast. Nothing I said indicated he was in Any bathroom
This video rings so true. If they can't follow through on current promises, what makes you think they'll deliver the future ones? The road to happiness isn't paved with chaos, thats for sure!
Jac K,you look stunning 🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
“Don’t get married in college or we won’t pay for your tuition.” Guess who still has student loans after being an obedient daughter? Never again.
"I'll call you tomorrow" and never will call is the narcissist's basic skill! Run for your life from such a person, a friend, a relative etc .. it's a promise that will become a lie.
This is a bit much, a lot of people like myself are on the spectrum or a typical, your narrow view of this trait is not founded in anything other than your own annoyance and hurt that someone did it to you. Your pet peeves isn't a greater truth. Some people are overwhelmed by the constant contact that cellphones force upon on us in this lifetime.
My other son, ends every single call with, " I will call you tomorrow " then months or years pass. Never knew this horrible habit had a name: future faking!
@@paddycraig Our annoyances, our feelings, our preferences, are all valid and real. The lies and manipulations of the narc are also real.
@@michiganmymichigan what isnt real is a one size fit all diagnosis over something so minor as not calling when you say you are once or twice
When I knew 💯 the relationship was over, he was promising a family, marriage, and a honeymoon in Hawaii 🤦🏽♀️ This hurt the most knowing it was just grasping at anything he could get.
They'll do anything & saying anything to hoover you back in, especially once they know you've finally found inner strength/power to move on from there BS, they HATE it when person goes NO contact lol.
Women i was in long distance relationship with , she used/got her teen son recently to contact me on xbox because ive blocked her on everything 3+weeks ago to say shes got stage 4 Cervix Cancer😱(complete BS btw as she's had zero treatment since & perfectly fine).
They'll try find way to tug at your heart strings to draw,suck you back in as they know normal people have emapthy, emotion etc unlike them😒
Yes. Married 36 years. Was promised a honeymoon ALL THESE YEARS. Hasn't materialized yet.🤨 Dont expect it to. He's lied about vacations and trips all these years.....never gonna happen. I'm just going to start going places by myself!
@@phoenixmode6909 36 years😰😰😰omg Nooooo that's so long.
It still makes me so sad every time i read post like yours & coming to bitter realisation just how many people out there who've been bamboozled, tricked,duped into the long haul having kids , marriage with a Narcissist.😐
Month's after finding this channel am so glad more than ever i didn't immigrate to my ex's country & get engaged/married/get her pregnant etc & ruin my life potentially.
Please get out of the marriage if you can , there's nothing more soul detroying being in a loveless, passionless & unappreciative, inattentive marriage/relationship.😪
....’buying a house’, ‘getting married’, etc...
Lol I got this. House, holidays, blah. Now he's giving it to next woman. Don't even care. I'm just glad I'm out
You legit save me from texting my narcissist
"Am I leaving before they serve the cake?" Perfect analogy. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for these insightful videos
I'm so sad my daughter is 25 and now married this person. I am heartbroken and I see her time and years being wasted by this man..😲 So insightful Dr Ramani and every time I listen I see the signs...I pray to God my daughter is rescued from this terrible situation and life situation.🙏
I so understand. My son married a narc. In the end she left him dying on the floor for most of a day. It was all about the trust fund we had set up for him. We had set it up to go to his brother if anything happened. She sued us for the trust after he was gone. She did not get the trust but she did get the house we had bought for him. She is pure evil.
Ann-marie Quigley, Sorry to hear that,I think she deserves better 🙏🙏🙏
@@christianpulisic7784 she does and thank you.🙏
@@lillydragon2525 We are scared of this kind of thing too. And getting a will done to prevent any monies going to my daughters partner. Fir us this is a heartbreaking situation.🙏
@@ann-mariequigley2944 You are welcome dearest 🌹 🌷🌹🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?
"If you would just stop pressuring me into a relationship I am not ready for, then I could discover who I really am and what I want. I just need your support and if you loved me you would do that. Then I will be free to love you and give you the attention you deserve because you have my heart!" ANYONE?
Oh god. Yes, she told me I still had her heart after she broke up with me. But what she really wanted, was to go after her new 'friend' that I didn't need to worry about.
Yes or how about them saying let's not label anything because I take things really slow...(mind you a whole year of dangling the prize in front of my face only to repeatedly snatch it away). I was hoovered several times because I had hope. He would say things to me like we should take a vacation or I was going to invite you on my family vacation but you blocked me...yeah right....all future faking bs. Ugh....what a waste of my time.
Yep....I was strung along for 3 years until I finally went complete no contact.
@@quietvalerie1 that couldn't have been easy! Dam girl 3 years.
@@hauntedgreeneyes5961 thanks for seeing me! It was a huge learning curve for sure. That's the positive I took from it as it pushed me to address my own issues and become a stronger wiser person myself. I've embraced therapy, singlehood, and self exploration since then. 😊❤
“I fell asleep” was used so many times I could not even tell you. With that usually meant was he was up to no good with other people/women 😂
Same 😂 it was always “I forgot” or “I fell asleep”
OMG IM TRIGGERED!!!!
Golden edges93 it’s very triggering... also “‘my phone died” 😒🤦🏽♀️
What?! My ex wasn't the only one who did this?? I figured it out when I found a letter from a mistress saying.... and I know you say you "fell asleep" but we know you just couldn't talk to me.
Sheila Flores damn 😳 it’s like that huh? I can’t stand narcs! They’re the most disgusting vulture predators who have no care in the world for anyone
I just realized how horribly I have future faked my kids for years. And I'm the empath married to the narcissist! It happened because I thought I knew what the finances and schedule would look like, only to have that sabotaged over and over. Because of his imposed discussions (that always lasted at least an hour and left me emotionally and psychologically drained) or purchases that he had promised but didn't deliver (yikes! I rescued him all the time), I wasn't able to deliver on promises I had made to my kids.
Now that I am more educated about narcissistic abuse I can see the patterns for what they are and change things around immediately. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Gina Johnson, You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Within the first 2 minutes, I gasped at how relatable this is
After 8 months of no contact, I accepted an invite on her pretense of visiting our 3 year old daughter. Within moments of entering her house, she says-"You're the one I'm going to marry. I say that to everyone I know". I knew when we were together that even a shared living space would be a disaster, let alone a marriage with her. I left that relationship 9 months ago when I caught her communicating with her ex. They immediately got back together. The invite was her attempt to draw me back in and triangulate. This momentary relapse of deviating from no contact really set me back. I guess I needed another lesson. Ever vigilant.
Reinier Nosson This breaks my heart. My narc said to me the first day we met “when I saw you I said ‘That’s my wife’”.
I had just come out of a long term relationship with someone who could never get to the alter with me so you can imagine how that worked like a charm- and still hurts to this day.
Later I’d find out that he had marriage and baby fantasies with every woman he got involved with... even going to far as to say “his name will be ___” and then referring to the future child by name. He did this with others too.
Hurts my heart still just thinking about it.
FreeThinker I'm so sorry for that. On some level, normal people will project their unmet needs onto potential partners. In this case and in other narcissist examples, it's literally a projection of a projection. A mirroring. A manipulative tactic. In my case, she'd remembered in the very beginning of our relationship, I had wanted marriage. But hadn't realized that desire was completely gone as I became aware of who she was.
I don't completely regret the break from no contact, and as Dr. Ramani said-there's no experience wasted if you can learn from it.
Hey Pal. Don't you worry about the relapse. That can happen to anyone. Sometimes it's that urge if wanting to know the real truth that can take you back. Thinking that may be now this person's become a little sensible and can let us have an honest conversation on what may have gone wrong.What's crucial from your comment I could really tell that you are well grounded on having nothing to do with her at all. It could also have been your urge to want to watch how a fool she would make of herself. They have no shame and can never change. Don't feel bad, you will overcome. This wave shall too come to pass. Hugs to you all Thrivers.
Thanks so much for your generosity of time and insight. And you're right- I'm getting closer to the end of this process which had been so much more difficult than a breakup with a normal person. I think we all spend such an enormous amount of time trying to figure out why. Why? The more I learn, the more I understand-It wasn't me. It was her. Out of my control. What's in my control is my ability to avoid her completely.
I can do that.
You have a daughter with her, that must be especially hard, I can't even imagine. Your growth in this process will be so valuable in your relationship with your daughter, especially in the long run. Stay strong!
Him: 'I'll call you this week"
Me: I called him out for not calling...
Him: "my bad, you should have reminded me"
Me: I didn't think I needed to remind someone to want to talked to me
Him: "I had a really stressful week, I wasn't focused on that"
All he had to do was apologize and say I'm really sorry, I'll call you soon...They NEVER apologize
They always have excuses, don't they... But only for themselves.
Oh god. My heart broke reading this. This kind of unkindness gets so so deep and buried in doubt and self blame.
Glad you’re free 🙏🏻
😂 I know someone who does this to everyone they know. Yet somehow everyone keeps talking to them.
OR they apologize and then act like you are unreasonable
Mine apologized only when he felt he did wrong. So I didn't think I was with a narcissist. I think he only said sorry because it's something I wanted to hear.
So grateful to Dr R she made me realise that I wasn’t going mad. God bless you for uploading these videos I’m sure they’re saving lives. Thank you. Mx
Out of all the videos...this one has hurt the most. Especially since I'm sure in a few hours I'm going to get the "I'm sorry I can't hang out today, but I need you to...."
Yes. She told me that her three little boys (from her previous marriage) will some day call me dad. That hooked me deep. The relationship is over and whatever her personality disorder, the little boys were authentic and their love was real. My heart will ache for them forever.
I went through the same thing. The sickest thing is that narcassist use their poor children as weapons and tools...and get especially angry when the kids genuinely love you and you have a real relationship with the kids (jealous of their own kids---who are nothing but property to a narcassist) and the narcassist cares very little if their behavior hurts the poor kids
@Andre Noble this is not helpful
When you call them out on future faking they turn it on you. They tell me I’m selfish or that I impatient. Or how can I say that with all the unknown things that have gone wrong that they have no control over.
Liz Alaska Ohhhhh yeah. Most times I called my ex on his BS of breaking his word, he’d put the blame on me by saying “Oh, I was JUST about to do that, and now that you mentioned it the moment is ruined. You never give me a chance to prove myself.” 🙄 Some of these things were supposed to be done in a short amount of time and it would be nearly a week or two of him “thinking about doing it”.
Kyaspi oh FFS
Gaslighting...after getting called out on the future faking.
My gaslighting sounds like, 'all you know is how to tear me down. How dare you. Try building me up'. Me back to her, I just ask you to be a person of your word.
Reminder: it’s never ‘your turn’. One will never having sharing, compromise or ‘a future’ with a Narcissist.
I feel like my life is saved and my eyes are being opened. Thank you Dr Ramani
The one-two punch is the future fake-gaslight combo. “Sure I promised you so and so, but you fell for it because you were USING me to get what you wanted!” 🙄
“... you may stay in whatever kind of a relationship with them not because it feels good, not because it is healthy, but because they offered the dream..our dreams are almost used against us...” so true!!!!
The narcissist knew how much spending time together meant to me so he would make a lot of false promises that he would take me to different places and at first I would get my hopes up only to have them dashed away. After a while I stopped expecting anything and started to be okay with just settling for having him in my life which didn't last because I woke up and realized I deserved much more
Amen to that sis!
I was a caregiver to an elderly narcissist for the last 10 years. She did this from the start, made all these grandiose promises and when I was unable to come running when she called, she would take one promise away every time! She even would say things like “I think I’m just going to give that to Jane instead of you!” I never believed her promises anyway but I had to recently walk away! It was just way too much! Your videos were a great help in making my decision! Thank you so much! It’s so nice to have my life back! ❤️❤️❤️
Every single word this woman speaks is so very true. Thank Dr Ramini
The actual plan of action is always missing because well, that's work. If there's no real plan and just talk, run.