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The EMOTIONAL GYM: how this reframe saved my life
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
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Developing an emotional virtue (patience, compassion, forgiveness) is not much different from strengthening a physical muscle. You have to put in the reps with some degree of intentionality. The main difference between the two practices is -- while you go to the physical gym -- the emotional gym comes to you. You do not get to decide when you're in the emotional gym. You only get to choose whether to exercise while you're there. Through this lens, the frustrations, disappointments, and betrayals in your life become the weights you lift to build emotional strength and resilience.
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Developing an emotional virtue (patience, compassion, forgiveness) is not much different from strengthening a physical muscle. You have to put in the reps with some degree of intentionality. The main difference between the two practices is -- while you go to the physical gym -- the emotional gym comes to you. You do not get to decide when you're in the emotional gym. You only get to choose whether to exercise while you're there. Through this lens, the frustrations, disappointments, and betrayals in your life become the weights you lift to build emotional strength and resilience.
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Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
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Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
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#growth #psychology #redpill
I really like this channel. The new mic is good; however, I think it needs a pop filter.
You will be at 100k subscribers by May. Content has quality, you have a style/brand, and you keep pushing out content. Great job!
As a man with high agreeableness; my emotional gym lessons are almost exclusively in reverse. I have to learn to be okay with causing others pain by defending my own boundaries better. Patience, sacrifice, tolerance and long-suffering were too easy for me, and I falsely believed that just setting a good example would have payoffs.
I have the same challenge. I am currently wrestling with balancing being assertive/formidable/scary with being angry or just plain rude. My tendancy is to back down, and need to learn to keep standing my ground. I am going to make mistakes, but I need to learn from them and keep moving forward without retreat.
I have realised it that i am way to agreeable with people and i don’t know to stand on my own ground so it is a long process to work on
I liked how you processed, learned, and applied what you got from him. That shows a great amount of maturity and courage. Kudos to you!
@@jameydunne3920 thanks. I don't find good argument and good research scary. What I look for are the outliers, and I am often an outlier
I would recommend a book called No More Mr Nice Guy
Perhaps the heaviest things that we lift are not our weights, but our feels.
And also maybe personal regrets.
Thank you. I really needed that laugh.
Woah. This gave me heavy feels.
the heaviest thing you can carry is your own cross
Hell yeah brother
"The world is the great gymnasium where we come to make ourselves strong."
What the hell. That actually makes a lot of sense. I never thought abiut it that way.
to me personally, this is peak youtube.. one of the best videos one can watch, repeatedly, over years.
Amazing parallels drawn between physical strength and emotional strength.
Good stuff
Peace and Hope
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because WE KNOW THAT SUFFERING PRODUCES PERSEVERANCE; PERSEVERANCE, CHARACTER; AND CHARACTER, HOPE. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5 (New International Version)
I wish you and all other viewers all the STRENGH to PERSEVERE, to GROW CHARACTER, and to HOPE.
The obstacle is the way.
Man this channel is something else the sheer practicality and overwhelming level of insight
So many years whenever I searched for answers people would just give me "feel good" abstract answers
Example: being indiscipline or failing in class..
Their answer : just be disciplined and stop failing.. get your life together...
SMH what do you do with that I guess it's enough for others but it wasn't for me
Be an active participant! Too many, myself included, need this advice. Too many never actively participate in strengthening their own mental health and virtues. I hope those seeing this video flip the switch when the gym arrives and get to work. The positive effects on society will be enormous.
This man does god's work. Props to you doctor. You are saving lives here.
Great angle and fresh perspective on the common notion of 'Every situation is an opportunity for growth'. This gym analogy makes sense.
"You decide when you go to physical gym, but it is emotional gym that decides when it comes to you". (Rephrazed)
Thank you for that!
Good stuff. "The emotional gym has come to you - so you might as well get some reps in while you're there." Love it!
I have been in an emotional gym for many years, struggling to lead, rather than being led by them. Getting stuck in black and white thinking/emotion when the world is a complex grey place. I have used stoicism to focus on the things that are in my control, and used a letting go technique (Hawkins) to reduce the effects of emotion on things outside of my control. I do pray to God and as a friend said, when I am doing all I can - God's got it. It is hard work and much more taxing than going to the gym. It is like reigning in a wild horse of emotions that upsets calm rational thinking and decision making. So I need to be compassionate with myself, despite the failures along the way, I am sure I am making incremental steps in the right direction. Most of it stems from a dysfunctional childhood with poor role models.
hey man, being in a gym for 30 mins a day is good, being there 20 hours a day will only ruin your body. You gotta rest and give yourself good mental coping strategies the same you gotta sleep and take proper nutritional care of your body. I hope you can find the best care for both your mind and your body.
This video brings an additional sense of hope, because everytime I feel emotional turmoil, I now remember that it's gym time - and this flips the situation into a positive and strengthening activity.
When I was 14 I witnessed part of the beating my father gave my mom which killed her. Before leaving for prison my father came to say goodbye to us kids. I was the oldest of 6. I stood in my uncle's kitchen filled with so much hate fo my father I was shaking. Then I felt someone touch my head and heard in my mind "do not judge him, God will do that, he is the only parent you have left and you love him". In seconds I felt all the hate flow down and out of my body . I went to my dad and hugged him. I said "I love him, I forgive him and hurry back to us kids". I know this was divine help. My dad was releas3d from prison and came and got us 14 months later. Forgiveness is for self.
WOW. God provided you peace that surpasses all understanding in that moment.
Your dad only got 14 months for killing your mom?! ☹️
Tried something like this a few weeks ago - except intentionally. Every time an emotion or it’s reaction surfaced, I would consciously feel, accept and explore its range throughout the body for minutes. I wouldn’t dwell on the thought that caused it but only the feeling it made inside the body, until it eased or vanished, which could take up to a minute or so.
It was an amateur attempt to get the body to “process” the shitty emotions of a breakdown so my mind would be able to stop uselessly recycling them. A little dangerous as it turned out because it tripped me into a flat depression for a week where there was no joy in anything.
However, after that week I went ‘fuck this’ and got busy. Spent two weeks painting and fixing the house and ploughed through a two page list of things that needed doing and bloody well done ‘em. Depression lifted by the end of day one and continues to improve. Even found the strength to to ask the questions I needed answered to move on and be satisfied enough to not bring them up again (which solution was in a previous PsycHack video so I thank you for suggestion… it is proving most beneficial)
You've got great results from that amateur attempts, it looks like! So, you wanted to get your body to "process" shitty emotions. If you don't mind me asking what were these shitty emotions?
Yuh
I work customer service in a tech support call center so I am presented with many emotional gym opportunities that I didn't even know existed. Thank you!
Deadlifts for you mind!
i could feel this in the past few months with my efforts to attend to my 94 year old father, through his health and home challenges. My fears, my stress, my intensity. Day after day. And through it I could feel myself grow.
That video was so on point. I'm naturally introverted and sometimes struggle with social anxiety, not so long ago I've decided to dedicate a full week every months to working on my social skills, meaning going out a lot, initiating conversations with people etc. However, a lot of the opportunities to practice keeps happening at random occurrences. I kept making interesting encounters outside of the time frame I decided, at these moments I allowed my introverted self to win thinking this is not "the week". But then when the week comes, I don't make the same type of encounters, the weather is horrible when the previous week it was all sunny and everyone was out or I simply fall sick. I was just starting to realize that I can't always control when there's gonna be an opportunity to work on my personality.
As a fellow introvert, I can relate. Do you think the past few years it has been made worse? I noticed ever since the coofid "lockdowns and restrictions" of 2020 my social life and just sociality in general has taken a bit hit and it seems like something has been lost and will never return.
@@the_eerie_faerie_tales The same actually happened to extrovert people. Social skills are like a muscle, the more you use them, the better and more comfortable you become. However, you loose these skills if you don't practice and it takes time to regain them. It's like lifting up a heavy weight after not been to the gym for a year, at first you might not be able to pick up the same weight as you did before but after a few more sessions, you'll get it back.
@@hikari9433 it's because of where I live... in the middle of nowhere lol. should be changing soon though and may be better but I will always need ample alone time.
@@the_eerie_faerie_tales I'm an introvert, and have been my entire life. There is nothing wrong with being introverted. Social anxiety is a problem, though. I had anxiety when I was young, but over time it has disappeared to a degree that it is almost nonexistent. This is how I did it: First, take as much pressure off yourself as you can manage. After all, social
awkwardness never killed anybody. It won't kill you. Second, you will make mistakes. Don't sweat it. Let it be water off a duck's back. You have a plan. I wanted to learn to play tennis and guitar. These are activities that bring you into contact
with other people and give you something to talk about that's nontrivial. Mostly, I did these activities with guys, but they had girlfriends and wives, which helps you branch out. Of course I met people on jobs, but my hobbies were the main
source of my socializing. Some of my tennis playing buddies were very extroverted, and I could observe how they handled things, which was helpful. In time, introversion became a non-issue except for one thing: I really don't have a
great need to spend a lot of time with other people. I spend a great deal of my time just doing things I like to do.
Introversion does have its benefits. You could fix your introversion problem, if you used an approach similar to the
one I used. In conclusion, don't set aside time to "fix your problem. Instead, build an interesting life and just live it,
all the while developing your social skills as you go along.
@@guitarista666 I'm not shy.. I'm introverted meaning being around people (and noise) is draining. I still went out some but only handful of times over past few years because of where I live.. isolated.. but moving soon. Still, the whole c19 "emergency" ruined social things.
"The emotional gym comes to you..." Good point.
What a lovely way to improve emotional strength ! I am gonna get my emotional six pack soon 🔥🔥🔥
I love how you took the analogy further! Emotional six pack haha I definitely need to work on that.
🔴If I'm choosing one Self-improvement video to keep watching forever..
That gonna be 'The One' !
Every challenge is an opportunity to practice it's complimentary solution.
Well put. I'm sticking that on my wall.
This is great. In the past year and a half I've undertaken the goal to become my best self. I've pushed myself emotionally compared to other times where I took the easy road. But it has been HARD. Many tears, much frustration and a lot of self reflection.
Without knowing I started going to the emotional gym.
Example:
I was with a girl I am very attracted to. Things got hot and heavy, I made a move and she stopped me. She said she was on her period. Past me would have gotten offended or taken it personally. How dare she lead me on knowing she can't give me what I want?
I noticed I remained calm and accepted that I was not entitled to it, so I was totally fine with her response. And that was that.
It might not be a big deal, but to me it was.
I guess you could say that was a sign that the emotional gym is paying off.
Thanks so much for making me understand this!
Wow! This resonates so much of what I have started believing: Life is hard only because we are in a constant state of growth!
I love this. I'm a faithful practicing Catholic and I see going to the gym as body mortification, I am putting my flesh to the test by then also working on the virtue of self control, discipline and patience. In turn, this will trickle down in other areas of my life too
What's really insightful here is your suggestion to identify and build up the virtue in every trying situation. That's a great way of reframing any negative event or experience that usually ends up with us blaming ourselves or someone else or just being overcome with anger, guilt or anxiety.
Many of your videos have become my emotional gym. It's unbelievable how much I have gotten from your content. It's like mental/emotional/existential platinum. Thank you!
I was at the gym. Standing off to the side waiting for a machine. These 2 girls walked in. I noticed them. If they are interested they will make themselves available for me to approach. That happened. I once again didn’t act, but as soon as the piece of equipment became free I was on it. I have passed up these moments my whole life and it’s no wonder I’m still so weak in this area. I have been skipping game day 🤦
You have to be ok screwing the next 10-15 up as one can have abit of anxiety come up, but fuck up enough and it’s gone. You might benefit from learning more tactics at different points, but yeah, you get 5 seconds to approach, past that you failed! Self accountability def needed with intention so feel it and get it at the level of actually being that intent and go at it
They would’ve clowned you had you approached, and laughed about it on Instagram. Approaching women (at the gym no less) is a terrible idea.
@@michaelrobertson1736 i agree.they record it and spread it to all there friends. I have been there haha. No matter how much of an alpha beta sigma bs you are. YOU WILL BE TROLLED AT LEAST... WORST IS TOU KNOW WHAT....
You absolutely did good by listening to youe gut.
I have done Pastoral Counseling for a while, which is a sort of spiritual form of talk therapy, based in scripture, and I often tell people: "The Lord doesn't just send you traits and abilities that are alien to you, that would subvert your own free will. You made choices to be the way you are. When you ask for a kind of strength, he sends you the struggle that will build that strength in you. When you get it, it's because it's become _intrinsic_ to you, it's the product of _your_ experience, it's the outcome of your decision-making and your effort. It's like the paycheck you earn vs the gift you receive. Only one has improved you as a person.
This is talking my language as a Catholic trying to grow in virtues. Great analogy and I am incorporating this concept to the best of my abilities until I forget tomorrow and remind myself all over again in a week or two. Thank you for this helpful tool. ❤️
Ditto. The last 2-3 years have kicked me around quite a bit. Between a couple of moves, becoming mostly a caretaker form my wife, job hunting with a new degree, and that thing called COVID, it has left me with a bruised and bitter psyche and a sour heart.
I am in a better place in all accounts of my life compared to before, but I'm having a hard time "letting go and letting God" like the good Catholic I know I can be. I wonder how one can better recognize the weights placed in front of him or her and then know how to best use them. I just know that under the sour, angry, and bitter there is a steady amount of joy and gratitude I could be sharing instead.
Thanks for saying this. I’ve been tempted so many times to point out all the Catholic virtues he teaches. Because they have been part of Catholic teaching for over over two thousand years we have come to see them almost as too obvious. But clearly they are not.
Correct.
But they won't acknowledge that.
I like this point view.. turning emotional pain as an opportunity for growth.
This was ridiculously on point, thanks doc.
Helpful, genuine and concise. One thing I would say is that you can also intentionally put yourself in situations that can flex your "emotional muscles".
God Bless you brother.
You are being and immeasurable blessing to people.
You have opened my eyes in so many ways
This approach is really interesting. I didn't really have a name for it but I used to practice that and perceived that whatever struggles we face are basically tests for us and that is necessary for us to perceive consciously either the progress or the need for even more knowledge to be applied/practiced.
Whoa-life changer along with mind altering, this makes total sense! Oh thank you 🙏
Really appreciate all of your videos! I have definitely been applying this concept of the emotional gym in my life the past couple years and have been very pleased to see how my emotional strength is improving! 🙏🏻
Doc you are a life saver. You really got me with "We have to be active participants in our own salvation". That was really a wake up call. Never would I have thought of the emotional gym. Once you explain it, I had my aha moment. Thank you and I appreciate all you do. Peace.
What an incredible idea, thank you very much ❤
100% - thank God as I was looking for something like this and it popped up on my feed 🙏.
These days I find so much on RUclips is rubbish, however when I see a video from you, I know it's going to be worth watching. Thanks for sharing your experiences and expertise. 😀
This is one of the best videos so far from this channel.
Raising six children to adulthood. What a growth experience!
That didnt come to you, instead you've put yourself in that position..
Man I love this channel and expressing my emotions has always been difficult for me to relegate. I tend to bottle up and explode. Going to try to be more conscious of these moments and not let them pass!
Thanks. Wise words taken to heart.
Your stuff just keeps getting better. Thanks for sharing!
Brilliant. Superb. powerful. relevant. One of the best advice ever. Stresses are opportunities to build up my mental capacity
Great way to put it. Never seen like that. Very effective way to build emotional strength.
This is a fantastic topic Dr. Taraban! As I age my life experiences have shift my thinking, basically we live in an Emotional Gym. Daily we all will face things that will challenge us. Thank you for all the great content you make and share in this wonderful channel Dr. Taraban!
This is wonderful. Thank you.
Thank you! One of Your best videos!
this is something I really needed to hear
Thank you Orion for all the thought-provoking videos I've watched of yours in the last year or so. I very much appreciate your perspective and wisdom
Thanks for the support, Steve. Much appreciated.
Thank you,I needed this.
Thank you so much from Germany for this outstanding channel! Your examples are great. Best wishes, Franziska 🙋🏼♀️
I must say, this is one of the actually more helpful videos I've got my hands on so far. Applying gym lingo and metaphors to emotional maturity seemed to click with me getting myself in check against stimuli for good and ultimately more peace of mind.
Light weight babyyyy!
Wow thank for your knowledge never thought of it like this
The best video so far. Interesting note, all of the philosophers who taught how do be better people (and not all of them did) taught the importance of controlling emotions.
Insightful and profound. Thank You.
this is really intense stuff. thank you
Love this, such a valuable video and one which can be put into practice with all life's challenges.
Such good content! I'm glad people are tuning into this, making the world a better place dr!
Wow awesome insights. Thanks doc.
I appreciate your work and knowledge sharing!
Thanks for the support, Shanti!
Surely the most useful video I have seen in ages. Now lets put it to practice and see what happens.
Thank you for this.
Thanks! Very welll put ! Please continue the good content
that is great, never thought of this way
i really like this analogy and explanation -- it helps me a lot thank you
what a concept! brilliant!
This was indeed useful, thank you.
Thanks bro, life changing stuff
Realy thanks !
I find that the physical gym..is quite therapeutic.. in relation to the struggles, from the emotional gym..
💪😎👍
Brilliant video, I will be bringing this way of thinking into all aspects of my life where emotional control qnd patience is needed as I am an active participant not a victim of circumstances ❤💪
Very original! Thanks ! I will practise
Very very good.
Thank you for this
Yep, you got it!
I failed to do what I knew in theory but not in practice. I understood the concept but not its expression. I missed the mark but even in failure I gained strength; for my intention is to return and make good of that opportunity again.
An interesting thing happened with this video. Before I knew what you wanted us to hear, I began looking you in the eyes as you were speaking. This is one of my exercises. I was taught by my father that looking him in the eye was a challenge and so I learned to never look anyone in the eye. I wish to change that. Interesting that it was this video that I began to exercise that effort. I may practice with a few more of your videos but after that will need to be with people in person. Thank you, Doctor.
I think this is my favorite idea on this channel by far.
I think the system is sound, but I'd rather apply it to working on my personality (and indeed have developed similar exercise-like systems for it). As for emotions, then at least as far as men are concerned, I think that emotional discipline, that is having control over own emotions, is a simpler and more universal method that offers similar results.
What I get from this... life is the gym n all the crap we go through is the weights in life making us emotionally stronger
Awesome episode brother! You got me laughing and emotional here as in having an apiphany moment. Yeah, we ask, we receive, we just dont realize it. I am someone very temperamental, always have been, but I always asked God, "Oh God, please make me more patient, kind, tolerant" and as I watch your video, everything became clear to me. Thanks for saying outloud what we cant hear quietly.
In my opinion, you nailed it.
Thank you !
It's not about pain.. it's about effort.. volume, and challenges.. if you use pain as a proxy for growth your just going to become a sadist.. It's about blissfully achieving, challenge volume and learning..
Been watching a lot of your videos lately Doc. This one got me to hit the subscribe button. Thanks for this. I'm in the emotional gym now, I'm working on the forgiveness muscle. The gym came to me. I'm in a ton of pain, but I'm going to work through it one way or the other.
I have a question. Why do you think you need to forgive? Has someone asked for forgiveness? If not, there is another option.
You can just let it all go by. This may be easier emotionally for you. You don't have to forgive everybody who has harmed
you. You can just let it pass instead and move on.
I really like this one!!
Words of wisdom.
Interesting take. I appreciate this so much.
Such an awesome concept.
Superb video, sir. Thank you 🙏
Take external circumstances as opportunities to train the mind. Thanks!!!
Thanks. Very great video 🎉
Great perspective!
I'm reframing my mind to work this way. I like the gym analogy 💪. Currently doing mental and physical fitness.
I have good regulation, and patience for most of the time. I'm pretty unforgiving though, and I expect high standards from people, lower than mine. That causes problems, as does my general disdain for people. I've had a problem with my conceit for decades, and it sometimes comes out as me being pretty nasty. Yes, I know I should be more forgiving, but...
I see most people as a threat, not just to me but to wider society, in terms of their shallow, emotional reasoning that's based on fulfilling their hedonism above all else, and their communal narcissism. This is a major reason why I don't socialise, though when I'm around people for a short length of time, I find I can charm them quite easily and build a good rapport. But doing this with a large group gets tiring and I prefer to be around only a few and for a short period.