My ex boyfriend said that to me. And yes that makes sense that he didn’t want to take care of me because I felt that he didn’t. Which is why I broke up with him. I have now found an emotionally mature man that wants to marry me and take care of me. They are out there, you can’t fall for just the attraction and desire you have, it leads you down the wrong road of disappointment and heartbreak.
Yes YES 🙌🏽 we had the relationship talk 3x over the 16 month period we dated and his answers were first he would say, I can possibly see us marrying to I’m trying to envision us as a married couple and what that looks like. To this last talk he tells me “I can’t there is something inside of me that isn’t allowing me to be IN LOVE WITH YOU although I think you are amazing and caring and giving and I do Love You” WTH 🤦♀️ So I said to him, well I choose MYSELF over “US” and it’s time I break up with you! You cannot have my attention, time, energy, affection etc… and yet not have any intention of our relationship growing & nurturing into a partnership and eventually marriage!! - That is so Selfish of You! and it stops today!” BAM 💥 💥 💥 I Love Me More than that BS dating crap!! btw he never broached this subject it was me asking to talk about where we were at and where we are heading.
Perfect. I am in this situation exactly. He is very 'into' me sexually, but has no intention of caring for me.!I shall get the Gladwell book. You give brilliant advice. Thank you. He 'loves' me for what he can get only. Emotionally immature!
The one I hear all the time when something comes up that causes tension or conflict "I just want to have a good time" "I'm just here to have a good time"
My ex kept saying that he loved me, that he wanted me in his life and blabla and one day he said "I love you, yes, but I am not in love with you", I remember feeling my heart dropping and closing totally. From that day, no more opening to him. After that, he played and tried everything to play me. I blocked him. 4 years later, he managed to find a way to contact me and said "I have changed, I am a different person blablabla and I want to be back together for a serious relationship". I heard it but the thing is that 4 years later I have changed too massively and no, no man will ever play me again the way he did. He broke my heart but taught me a great lesson. Now, he wants something serious. But now, I don't want him anymore. Bottom line: I love you but I am not in love with you is a pure lie and a way to make you fall for him and open your heart because he knows that you're a genuine person. Once he got that he deceives you.
I do agree with your perspective, Jonathon. But I think it's easy, as Ester Perel said, to tell someone, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" without doing the work to make the relationship flourish. I one hundred percent agree with the vetting process in dating. But I would also add the influence/interference of external agents such as family members or friends, limerence addiction, and attachment problems to this outcome (I love you, but I'm not in love with you). I heard this. It is a painful thing to hear. But we have to receive it and move on without looking back. I suggest the book I love you, but I'm not in love with you: Seven steps to saving your relationship by Andrew G. Marshall.
I agree but someone who goes to friends family for opinions..and can't work between themselves ..and you.the relationship is between two people..if they rely others its from a weak level. Those others are not in the relationship..it will be a troubled one with the part they play..it should you and me against the world..very sad
Amen! Ladies don't give into the intimacy part with a man if you haven't ask the questions of were you and him stand with the relationship and were you both what to go with it! Know this guy over year, and 4 months still I won't go there and yes it has come close a few times, but I back off as quickly as it starts! A friend he wants and I will be friends but not a friend with benefits!
I'm like this sometimes. It takes time to fall in love. Being in love is a chemistry thing, aside from vetting for values and such. First comes the "I care for you," then "I really like you, and care for you," but it takes me a while to get to the "I'm sure I'm in love with you." It's not something you can vet for, I think. Saying you're in love w/someone is a serious thing. Before I'm sure of it, there is some time that I think "I think I love him." But I don't tell him because I'm not sure. The feelings may come and go, too. Until, finally, I realize that I do love him. It takes me longer than six months, for sure. If someone is in a hurry and wants the person to say that in a couple of months, he or she might get the words, but maybe not the person for the long haul. They'll be back on dating apps in a few years, after the breakup.
Love these question answering videos, it's like finding a "FAQ" page with direct answers to my questions haha 😂🙏 Great answers and encouraging vibe, keep it up!
The honeymoon stage is just the wool over your eyes. When you are with someone that you love you don't say I'm in love with you when you tell them goodbye or see you later or even good morning. You day I love you or love you. Loving someone also because a choice because you choose after the honeymoon stage to still want things to work and love the person or you choose that it's not worth working on it and walking away which seems to be what happens more often then the other. I had a guy if that is what you want to call him that wanted me around and when I asked one day if he loved me he had to turn his back towards me and then he said no I'm not in love with you. I don't understand why he couldn't just be a man and say it to my face. But after he said it he turned back around and I said OK and acted as if what he did and said didn't bother me. I just don't understand why he couldn't look at me and say it. What is the big deal? But I kept seeing him then I got to the point that I told him I felt like a dirty secret and I was done. The next morning he called me. I shouldn't have answered but I did. He told me to get ready because he had talked to his mom and that he was wanting me to his parent's house and have Sunday dinner. I politely said no but he wouldn't take no for an answer and said if he had to he would come and pick me up and make me go. So I went ahead and got ready and met him at his parents place but I don't know how he introduced me to his parents but when his mom talked to me I just said we were friends. But she told me that I was the only woman that he had brought to meet them since his divorce. So I truly don't know the purpose behind me meeting his parent's because things didn't last much longer after that. But he kept coming back but that is my fault also because I let him come back but that is because I truly loved him or it could have been love bombing. He would talk to me for hours on the phone, I would stay at his place every weekend because it was easier for him because he worked. Then one night he said he lived me right before he kissed me and I said in love and he said love so I didn't say it back. I just dont know why men don't say what they truly want. They need to quit messing with women's minds because it can really mess someone up. I still love him but not like I use to. I don't think I could ever be with him again sexually even though we could go for hours and hours. I want someone who is going to love me for me. Not what I can give them or be at there beck and call. I want to be married especially at my age, not getting any younger. But ever since he has been in my life it has been hard to get back out there and try to find that special someone because the man that had that special place in my heart has now turned black and has made it hard for me to trust. But I'm working on that and I pray to God that one day God will send that special man in my life that loves me for me, my goofyness, my loving nature, but not to be at his beck and call. God bless 🙏💞🙏
Question: I'm verbal and demonstrative with my feelings...she isn't. We have great sex but... I believe in radical honesty. How do I start the conversation without getting her defensive?
Introduce the 8 Dates book! It has helped my bf and I have very deep conversations about the most important things. But since it’s the book bringing up the topics and even giving guidance on how to talk about it with insightful questions it feels non-threatening. Good luck :)!
Okay Jonathan.... I just had a bf tell me, "I'm not in love with you, but I love you"?? He's admitted he's afraid of commitment, not that I've asked for it... It's been online, talking and sharing (no sex). So, he's friend zoning me, right? Like I'm there emotionally for him when it suits him, but he doesn't see or share my feelings.
I NEED A CALL!! IM 45 AND I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE IN MY 50'S.... PLEASE MSG ME IDK IF I SHOULD STICK IT OUT WITH MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP ALMOST 2 YEARS OR CUT MY LOSES AND MOVE TF ON....
Shhh, hiding out in here from a lunch meeting. Upset stomach sound good? How do I say that don't have the energy to waste on an old man who sounds cranky already? Love PJ days!
Tell him or he tells me that he loves me and that at some point we're gonna get married. And I tell him that I am all in and he doesn't say anything in response to it at all what does that mean
@@jeanniecrofts593 he didn't say anything when you told him you were all in? Maybe he didn't understand or can't believe it. Give him a chance to let it sink in or explain what all in means to you. I hope he picks you up and swings you around! If he stays quiet, might be you two are on different pages now.
Well if he told you y’all were gonna get married start getting ready, don’t doubt you’re man, he ain’t tryna lie to you, stay positive and loving about it, and don’t forget to have fun with it! Stay in that glow. Xoxo
I've been talking to a mature man we haven't met yet. We started to set up a date and in the middle of doing that he stopped. He says he loves me. Why would he do that and when he says he loves me does he
5:18 - The people who say that you're full of 💩 are saying this because you're giving advice that goes against the normal (backwards) way that the majority of people are dating today so it angers most. Pay them no mind. I told you before most people need to hear the cold hard truth whether they like it or not from your advice in your videos on vetting properly people before ever getting involved with others. Keep on stirring the pot with going off on a tangent , this is what's needed radically and not telling people what they want to hear but what they need to hear. 5:46 - "How's your day going," " Are you having a good day," " I hope you have a good day." LOL !!! This is what most of humanities weak, pitiful and mind numbing relationship communication has been pathetically reduced to now, surface level tippy toe stepping vapid non-sense which doesn't get you any where in knowing better and deeper the person your with or dating. Good video.
FREE Discovery Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching
My ex boyfriend said that to me. And yes that makes sense that he didn’t want to take care of me because I felt that he didn’t. Which is why I broke up with him. I have now found an emotionally mature man that wants to marry me and take care of me. They are out there, you can’t fall for just the attraction and desire you have, it leads you down the wrong road of disappointment and heartbreak.
Yes YES 🙌🏽 we had the relationship talk 3x over the 16 month period we dated and his answers were first he would say, I can possibly see us marrying to I’m trying to envision us as a married couple and what that looks like. To this last talk he tells me “I can’t there is something inside of me that isn’t allowing me to be IN LOVE WITH YOU although I think you are amazing and caring and giving and I do Love You” WTH 🤦♀️ So I said to him, well I choose MYSELF over “US” and it’s time I break up with you! You cannot have my attention, time, energy, affection etc… and yet not have any intention of our relationship growing & nurturing into a partnership and eventually marriage!! - That is so Selfish of You! and it stops today!” BAM 💥 💥 💥 I Love Me More than that BS dating crap!! btw he never broached this subject it was me asking to talk about where we were at and where we are heading.
Perfect. I am in this situation exactly. He is very 'into' me sexually, but has no intention of caring for me.!I shall get the Gladwell book. You give brilliant advice. Thank you. He 'loves' me for what he can get only. Emotionally immature!
The one I hear all the time when something comes up that causes tension or conflict "I just want to have a good time" "I'm just here to have a good time"
My ex kept saying that he loved me, that he wanted me in his life and blabla and one day he said "I love you, yes, but I am not in love with you", I remember feeling my heart dropping and closing totally. From that day, no more opening to him. After that, he played and tried everything to play me. I blocked him. 4 years later, he managed to find a way to contact me and said "I have changed, I am a different person blablabla and I want to be back together for a serious relationship". I heard it but the thing is that 4 years later I have changed too massively and no, no man will ever play me again the way he did. He broke my heart but taught me a great lesson. Now, he wants something serious. But now, I don't want him anymore. Bottom line: I love you but I am not in love with you is a pure lie and a way to make you fall for him and open your heart because he knows that you're a genuine person. Once he got that he deceives you.
I agree Jonathon that a man or woman must be willing to take care of their partner before they can truly be "in love." Another great video! ❤
I do agree with your perspective, Jonathon. But I think it's easy, as Ester Perel said, to tell someone, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" without doing the work to make the relationship flourish. I one hundred percent agree with the vetting process in dating. But I would also add the influence/interference of external agents such as family members or friends, limerence addiction, and attachment problems to this outcome (I love you, but I'm not in love with you).
I heard this. It is a painful thing to hear. But we have to receive it and move on without looking back.
I suggest the book I love you, but I'm not in love with you: Seven steps to saving your relationship by Andrew G. Marshall.
I agree but someone who goes to friends family for opinions..and can't work between themselves ..and you.the relationship is between two people..if they rely others its from a weak level. Those others are not in the relationship..it will be a troubled one with the part they play..it should you and me against the world..very sad
Amen! Ladies don't give into the intimacy part with a man if you haven't ask the questions of were you and him stand with the relationship and were you both what to go with it! Know this guy over year, and 4 months still I won't go there and yes it has come close a few times, but I back off as quickly as it starts! A friend he wants and I will be friends but not a friend with benefits!
I'm like this sometimes. It takes time to fall in love. Being in love is a chemistry thing, aside from vetting for values and such. First comes the "I care for you," then "I really like you, and care for you," but it takes me a while to get to the "I'm sure I'm in love with you." It's not something you can vet for, I think. Saying you're in love w/someone is a serious thing. Before I'm sure of it, there is some time that I think "I think I love him." But I don't tell him because I'm not sure. The feelings may come and go, too. Until, finally, I realize that I do love him. It takes me longer than six months, for sure. If someone is in a hurry and wants the person to say that in a couple of months, he or she might get the words, but maybe not the person for the long haul. They'll be back on dating apps in a few years, after the breakup.
Jonny! Keep Talking!!! Keep preaching. No u did not go off. Love how Raw u talk! U are so right!
Love these question answering videos, it's like finding a "FAQ" page with direct answers to my questions haha 😂🙏 Great answers and encouraging vibe, keep it up!
😂😂😂🙃😁well said made me giggle about "vagina". So true. This is why I've been saving myself for marriage almost 4 years.
The 'below the iceberg' list is wonderful. I'll be interviewing myself tonight 😃
If that's the case, I wouldn't waste my time.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today!
Listening to Jonathon keeps me sane in this insane time of dating-lol
I think once the novelty wears off in a relationship, you enter in the "Love you stage" vs. the "In Love stage"
So basically, it’s not a bad thing? Just a natural progression of relationships?
@@klickingkayasmr7585 I honestly believe that. But thats my opinion.
The honeymoon stage is just the wool over your eyes. When you are with someone that you love you don't say I'm in love with you when you tell them goodbye or see you later or even good morning.
You day I love you or love you. Loving someone also because a choice because you choose after the honeymoon stage to still want things to work and love the person or you choose that it's not worth working on it and walking away which seems to be what happens more often then the other.
I had a guy if that is what you want to call him that wanted me around and when I asked one day if he loved me he had to turn his back towards me and then he said no I'm not in love with you. I don't understand why he couldn't just be a man and say it to my face.
But after he said it he turned back around and I said OK and acted as if what he did and said didn't bother me.
I just don't understand why he couldn't look at me and say it. What is the big deal?
But I kept seeing him then I got to the point that I told him I felt like a dirty secret and I was done.
The next morning he called me. I shouldn't have answered but I did. He told me to get ready because he had talked to his mom and that he was wanting me to his parent's house and have Sunday dinner. I politely said no but he wouldn't take no for an answer and said if he had to he would come and pick me up and make me go.
So I went ahead and got ready and met him at his parents place but I don't know how he introduced me to his parents but when his mom talked to me I just said we were friends.
But she told me that I was the only woman that he had brought to meet them since his divorce. So I truly don't know the purpose behind me meeting his parent's because things didn't last much longer after that.
But he kept coming back but that is my fault also because I let him come back but that is because I truly loved him or it could have been love bombing.
He would talk to me for hours on the phone, I would stay at his place every weekend because it was easier for him because he worked. Then one night he said he lived me right before he kissed me and I said in love and he said love so I didn't say it back.
I just dont know why men don't say what they truly want. They need to quit messing with women's minds because it can really mess someone up.
I still love him but not like I use to. I don't think I could ever be with him again sexually even though we could go for hours and hours. I want someone who is going to love me for me.
Not what I can give them or be at there beck and call.
I want to be married especially at my age, not getting any younger.
But ever since he has been in my life it has been hard to get back out there and try to find that special someone because the man that had that special place in my heart has now turned black and has made it hard for me to trust.
But I'm working on that and I pray to God that one day God will send that special man in my life that loves me for me, my goofyness, my loving nature, but not to be at his beck and call.
God bless 🙏💞🙏
Jonathon... this advice should be tattooed in women's psyche.... so so true. I'm taking this advice and living by it.
I needed to hear this...
I love and appreciate your radical honesty!
you and agnes vivarelli (talks also about self love on her channel) would be such a great match 💃🏻
Excellent video especially when you're 40 and over
Wow, thank you!
Question: I'm verbal and demonstrative with my feelings...she isn't. We have great sex but... I believe in radical honesty. How do I start the conversation without getting her defensive?
Introduce the 8 Dates book! It has helped my bf and I have very deep conversations about the most important things. But since it’s the book bringing up the topics and even giving guidance on how to talk about it with insightful questions it feels non-threatening. Good luck :)!
Speak from your heart, if she gets defensive... she might want to consider couples therapy to help communicate her feelings. 🙏
Don’t forget the flowers! Hand picked even!
@@stormiehaworth I learned that long ago! 😎
@@Michael-nr8ur ASK him in live on chat
Okay Jonathan.... I just had a bf tell me, "I'm not in love with you, but I love you"??
He's admitted he's afraid of commitment, not that I've asked for it... It's been online, talking and sharing (no sex).
So, he's friend zoning me, right? Like I'm there emotionally for him when it suits him, but he doesn't see or share my feelings.
Oh great...a highlighted comment 🙄🥴😂 I've been played once again by a guy, go figure.(not you Jonathan, but the current one)
You are the best Jonathan.
I NEED A CALL!! IM 45 AND I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE IN MY 50'S.... PLEASE MSG ME IDK IF I SHOULD STICK IT OUT WITH MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP ALMOST 2 YEARS OR CUT MY LOSES AND MOVE TF ON....
Sounds like he's not the right guy. He needs to do inner work and intense interviewing would better serve to see who matches your values.
Shhh, hiding out in here from a lunch meeting. Upset stomach sound good? How do I say that don't have the energy to waste on an old man who sounds cranky already? Love PJ days!
Tell him or he tells me that he loves me and that at some point we're gonna get married. And I tell him that I am all in and he doesn't say anything in response to it at all what does that mean
@@jeanniecrofts593 he didn't say anything when you told him you were all in? Maybe he didn't understand or can't believe it. Give him a chance to let it sink in or explain what all in means to you. I hope he picks you up and swings you around! If he stays quiet, might be you two are on different pages now.
Well if he told you y’all were gonna get married start getting ready, don’t doubt you’re man, he ain’t tryna lie to you, stay positive and loving about it, and don’t forget to have fun with it! Stay in that glow. Xoxo
You look great in a turtleneck!
Hi. I read Dale Carnegie book back in 70s.
How do i order your books?
www.selflovethebook.com
Because he with another woman
I've been talking to a mature man we haven't met yet. We started to set up a date and in the middle of doing that he stopped. He says he loves me. Why would he do that and when he says he loves me does he
Some
people just have to stop and say I love you sometimes, at least it’s not an insult, or verbal abuse. Goodluck xoxo
How can he love someone he hasn’t met? I’d ask for his definition of love
He doesn't love you if you've never met. He may love the idea of you, but he doesn't love you. If he quit responding you need to move on.
5:18 - The people who say that you're full of 💩 are saying this because you're giving advice that goes against the normal (backwards) way that the majority of people are dating today so it angers most. Pay them no mind. I told you before most people need to hear the cold hard truth whether they like it or not from your advice in your videos on vetting properly people before ever getting involved with others. Keep on stirring the pot with going off on a tangent , this is what's needed radically and not telling people what they want to hear but what they need to hear. 5:46 - "How's your day going," " Are you having a good day," " I hope you have a good day." LOL !!! This is what most of humanities weak, pitiful and mind numbing relationship communication has been pathetically reduced to now, surface level tippy toe stepping vapid non-sense which doesn't get you any where in knowing better and deeper the person your with or dating. Good video.
Horrible language that is not needed to get your point across.
😂😂😂
I honestly agree.
God bless 🙏💞🙏