That’s true as a MIL she have to be fair to all her children! Favoritism divides siblings and nyabs forever. If you don’t have enough to give to all then don’t give at all!
My niam pog is the same thing. She loves one nyab and doesn't love one. I feel you. Niam pog needs to love all nyab equally and helps all nyab equally. If not, don't be mad if no nyab wants you at the end.
This nyab feeling is valid because the in laws are unfair. She paid for the younger siblings wedding and got nothing. Whereas the other sons and their nyabs got the in laws $$$. And now they want this nyab to contribute to the funeral expenses. This is what happen when you pay favoritism
Me, as a nyab I don't expect anything from my mother in law. But if you're a mother inlaw, you don't love your nyab thiab tub fairly, don't expect them to love you too. You're nothing, but just gossip to your daughters and other ppl behind your nyabs back, but still expect your nyab to do this and that, then it's a no no..
💯 agree with this lady. It’s not jealousy or greed. She not stupid enough to be brainwashed by the Hmong Culture. There are boundaries as a daughter-n-law and she know how to set her boundaries. 👏 Been waiting for someone brave to stand up against the Hmong Culture.
Good for you standing up for yourself, sister. Don't be a rug to a mil who gave all her assets to her favorites. Tell the two younger bils who owe her money to bury her. Expect nothing from in-laws and it's ok to get nothing if you're not the favorite, but this means you don't have to bury in-laws either other than your 1 cow. In-laws do favor and this causes rift in the family. It causes resentment and disillusionment. Parents who are fair bring peace and harmony to surviving siblings.
People need to understand the old saying, "9 pluag sib luag, 8 pluag sib ntev." Being unfair and playing favoritism will ruin your family. However, people also have to understand that sometimes things aren't always fair and have the wisdom to know the difference.
It is not your responsibility as daughter n law to tsa yim for the younger siblings unless the parents are no longer alive. You can help but you do not have to take full responsibility, especially financially.
Yeej yog kawg! But some parents is dead beat broke as hell. All they're looking up to is their kids that will help each other out not them. Sad but true in certain hmong families. Been there done that. You just have to be the bigger person and still think that no matter what it's your husband mom. Live this life for the karma that we all carry from last past life, that's what I believed 🙏
@@maivue8228 yes it’s true, but in this case the mom had money but she just didn’t want to take the responsibilities for it so she blame it on the nyab that it’s Her’s because the mom already paid for her.
@@V.I.P2418 I was going to say the same. Seem like money was not an issue especially when the parents had over 100k to give to some kids and not others. I would've been the b*tch Nyab and the hell with it when it comes to paying for the younger siblings marriage. You know that investment will never come back to you. This story was the perfect example. Just contribute what you can without asking for anything in return but the bottom line the siblings are the in-laws responsibility.
I agree. Older siblings are not obligated to do anything for the younger ones. Can’t afford to get marry, then wait and save up first. If you can’t afford to get married, then you ain’t ready. Hmong people need to stop getting married at such a young age when they are still dependent on mommy and daddy.
A lot of people said the mil can give her money to whoever she wants cause it's her money. Well, fine. But the nyab can choose how to spend her money too then. She doesn't want to pay for her mil funeral then it's her money and she doesn't have to pay. The nyab should not expect anything in return?? Well, then the mil should not expect the nyab to do anything too?? They both are human being. Stop with the toxic thinking that nyab have to take all the loss all the time. The end.
My children are still young, but one day when I become a MIL I do not think I’ll get along well with my children and their spouses… js. I like my peace. I’d very much prefer to be living alone or at the nursing home. Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me? Lol
Agreed. Its not that i wont get along with them, its more that i dont wanna put the burden of taking care of my old ass on them. Hmong ogs have kids so they can take care of them when theyre old but i dont think like that. Our kids did not choose to be born. We chose to have them. We dont need to burden them with guilt to take care of us when were old.
Sister, you'll be blessed for All the Good deeds that you've done for your husband's family. Paying for all brother-in-laws weddings, that's A lot! I agree with you...if your MIL's love is bias, I'd be the same too!
For those that said this nyab is greedy and selfish, i guess y'all shouldn't expect a bonus also when your coworker gets one and you put in the same amount of work as your coworker or even more. Hope that greed and selfishness dont come out. Js.
You are spot on about being fair. People will see the one bad thing you did or say, but will never acknowledge the 10,000 things you did good. If I were in your shoes, I’d be very upset & hurt too.
Tus niam pog tsis nyiam ho yog tus ua nws thiaj nrog nyob tau thiab yog tus ua kam yuav nws. Yog vim li cas. Good story line. Kuv tab tom nyob koj qhov chaw, ntshe Kuv yuav tau ua li koj thiaj.
Just me personally and a lot of people will disagree with me. As a Nyab you should not expect anything from anybody. They don’t want to help you or give you money or gifts? That’s okay. Keep living your life with no hand outs. It’s your life, don’t depend on anyone. If you have the mindset of expecting something from your in-laws and in return if they don’t you will not help bury them, that’s such a selfish mindset. We need to let go of that jealousy that hmong people carry. Do good and receive good. Let go of hate and jealousy, that will make your life miserable. You will hate your life, fight with your husband and be upset all your life trying to live up to their expectations. Keep living your life and be the mother in law to your nyabs you never had. Show them a good example. Don’t hold a grudge. Remember that the older generation is very small minded and has a lot to learn. Don’t get on their level.
Ua ca zoo li twb tuaj rau lub teb chaw muaj2 noj muaj hau nyia muaj nyia hauj Lwm twb khwv koob tu kheej lawm es zoo li cov me nyuam no ho yuav ntshaw tej lau cov Ua luaj thiab tsua hai ghov sib khib Xwb ghov khwv Tsi Nce te vim twb Tsi txawj hlub thiab ghov Ncauj heev ta npaum no es yuav Ua ca haum twg2 naw lawv aw cov Nyab aw yom
It's funny how you say that being a nyab, you shouldn't expect anything. Why does this only apply to the nyab only? You're missing the whole picture of this story. I don't think she was expecting free handouts. She is married to the family and wanted to be loved and treated with respect. Personal values were given to other members of the family and she was literally pushed to the side by constant excuses from her MIL. Why should she be obligated to take care of her and treat her well? Being a mother, you can't pick and choose who to love. That's how you will end up in a nursing home.
I live by the mindset that you give what you can and if others want more, well, there’s nothing they can do about it. Don’t try to always show up and do better, just do what you can do your expectations can also be reciprocated and when it can’t, you won’t risk too much of your good will for those who don’t care about you. People who care about you deeply, will never have second thoughts about helping you back, especially if you’ve helped them so much already.
I feel like it's your in-law side that has influenced many of your spouse decisions. However, I believe the main cause can be within your marriage; you wanted to go West, but he went East. Having a manipulative in-law is hard, but having a spouse that wants to go in the opposite direction is harder.
Very true but the $$$$ is in her bank account. She doesn't need to be paying for someone else responsibilities. Too often, I see being the perfect nyab backfires and it's all hell break lose. See the in-laws money were in their account, they decides who they give to and who they don't. That $100,000 that the in-laws had, that should've went to pay for their own children marriage and dowries.
Why don’t grown men pay for their own wives? We live in the US now and everyone should work and save for their own lives. If you can’t fork up $10K for a wife you’re not ready.
Younger folks expect their parents to pay for their spouse, just like old folks expect their sons to bury them. Until young folks pay for their own spouse, parents can pay for their own burial, Hmong people will never break this cycle. We live in 2023, people need to save for their own spouse and funeral! That way you owe no one nothing and can’t expect nothing.
I say the same thing. I don't need to pay for my son and daughter inlaw wedding. 1. Because I don't want them to feel they owe me my burial. 2. I don't know how long their marriage will last. I love them but I don't know if they love me back. 3. I want to save my money to take care myself and my burial.
I guess it depends on perspective because other race help pay for their kids weddings too or cover a certain portion, but don't expect the kids to front the cost of their funerals. Hmong people can help their kids with wedding costs but shouldn't hold it over their tub and nyabs heads for the rest of their life so their tub nyab will be more sympathetic towards them when the time comes.
I agree in a way. That’s why me and my husband) just married at 25), paid for our American wedding and for the Hmong wedding. All our money. But Hmong people need to have life insurance. Hmong funerals are ridiculous. Weddings half the cost of a funeral.
I agree with you. Same shoe. But at the end of the day, I gave in and did my part as a Nyab because I was raised better and didn’t want to stoop to her level.
You were raised better to give in??? Sis, that’s not better 😅 that’s being raised submissive. It’s good when times call for it, this time it is not fair. You will only be enabling the MIL’s behavior.
I’m not the best or favorite nyab but I live for my husband & my kids only. It’s best to just be the bigger & better person. What was never your’s will never be your’s.
Tus sister in this sister just do what you can. I bought a house for my inlaws and they gifted their other children their gold and silver, I didn't get anything. But now mil is widowed like me too and I don't really care for her anymore not as much as before. I stayed away and learned to love myself, I don't need her
Sheesh people, stop letting others gaslight you. You got yourself into this type of situation because you married a boy, not a man! A man would back up his wife if his parents are being unfair to them. If this nyab is telling the truth, then the mil got what she deserved (nursing home instead of living with the eldest nyab & son). Whether a person agrees with the nyab's complaints (of not getting money or things) or not, the mil is definitely in the wrong for putting all the responsibility of paying for the bride prices & wedding costs of her husband's younger brothers on her & her husband. The mil is also in the wrong for playing favoritism amongst her sons & their wives. At the end of the day, if you want to be treated well, you have to also treat others well.
Koj ua tau yog kawg lawm yog hais tias tej teeb meem koj hais no muaj tseeb la2m yeej tsis muaj kev khaum rau koj li os, cov niag niam pog phem li no nyuam qhuav ntxim xwb los mas, hlub tej nyab tsis sib npaug tsis yuav nws los yeej tsis khaum li os.
Ib cov niam pog yeej phem phem li. Yog koj tsis tau rau sab khau koj tsis paub txog kev nyuaj siab ua neeg rau ib tus niam pog phem li. It's easy for some to say this nyab is just selfish, but as a human being, we can only take so much especially when they treat you like poop and when no one else want her, everyone expect you to take her in. Love is a two way straight. Learn to love, respect and accept your nyab so she will learn to love, respect and take care of you too.
Me too. My MIL let everything to my sister in law who lives with a French man : all her money and her jewelry and her gold. Today she always live with my husband and I and she does'nt want to help us. She always makes excuses and she does like she can't hear anything. Although this situation my husband and I always feed her and take car of her in addition to ours kids. I'm just waiting for the D day... So disappointing
@@magnoliashine9330 I don’t want anything from my mil I couldn’t careless if she didn’t want to give me anything. I give I buy her kids whatever she wanted me and my husband to helped her with..all I wanted was for her to loved my kids.. ~her grandkids~ for which she didn’t.. everything I’ve ever done for my in-laws .. so now I’m à retired Nyab zoo.. I don’t cared anymore.. the way you treat me is how I’ll treat you back..let’s learned from in law’s like yours and my and we don’t do it to our future Nyabs and grandkids.what goes around on day it’ll come back to you.
Koj hais yog kawg lawm mas, in your shoes leej twg los yeej khib yeej chim tab sis yuav tau zam txim es hlub tej laus os mog. Kev zam txim kev hlub ces leej twg ua leej twg yeej yuav tau xwb mas mog.
Shame on the MIL and all her younger kids and the BILs wives. "Borrowed" their money without paying a dime along with not wanting to take care of her, too. The fault shoukd go to them and not you. I'm glad you held your ground. Your husband needs some balls to speak up to the younger siblings, too. If I was in your shoes, heck, I'd most likely do the same.
Tsi hais maum los kwv tig li nawb yog hlub leejtwg tshaj ces tus ntawm hlub nawb tsi hlub los npam cov ntawm xwb os.peb twb zoo li nej thb os .mob hlwb thb dhuav kawg li nb sister
Xav yuam kev lawm kv tus kheej lawv yuav kv tsav kv yim xwb kv g tau ntshaw txog ib yam dab g los ntawm leej twg kv twb muaj tes muaj tw kv mam khwv thiaj yog kv li
The nyab should not have to pay for the younger bro’s weddings. If the sons can’t afford their own wedding and the parents don’t want to help them don’t get marry! It is only fair to love all the kids evenly but not everyone has this mindset. Therefore, whatever the in law do to their money and belongings is no one’s business. The in law has the right to give their properties to anyone they want. As for the funeral, all the kids need to contribute.
Muaj ntau tus tub ntau tus nya. Ces ua ua teeb meem ua ua yeeb ncuab li os hmoob tsis txhob yug me nyuam coob coob tug thiaj li tsis ua ua yeeb ncuab os hmoob vim cov tub cov nyab vov muam tdis sib hlub lwm
Every sons should pay for their own wedding. No one should have to be force to pay another people's wedding!!! If you want get marry then better save up for your wedding. Your mil is wrong to do that to you and your husband.
Kuv lub neej zoo nkaus li koj thiab os tab sis thaum niam Pog tuag kuv yog Tus nyab hlob ces kuv muab nyiaj Los ua kuv niam Pog lub ntees tag Los tsis tu siab tab sis thaum cov kwv tij Los Hais txog yuav hu kuv cov neej tsa tuaj ua cuas nyab rau ces kuv tu siab kuv quaj2 heev kuv tsis Kam vim ib txwm niam Pog tsis hlub kuv tsis Kam pab kuv tsis nrog kuv nyob tej kwv tij ho Hais Tias yuav hu kuv cov vim kuv yog Tus nyab hlob
Cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab cov nus tim nej niam tsis zoo rau tus nyab niam pog tsis nyiam es cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab vim cov muam lo twb yog nyab thiab ua neeg nyob tsis txhob mus ua ua kom cov nus cov nya. Tu siab ho tus niam pog no siab phem kawg li ces cia mus nyob tse. Laus zoo dua
I would never have paid for their weddings. The in-laws can go borrow money and the son will repay. I can't believe you agreed to pay. The wife ain't for you, they can pay for their own or don't get married, PERIOD!
Ntuj aw hmoob aw luag yug tau tej tug tub los puag yus sov tshaj es pub tsev luag nyob xwb twb g kam lam hos sib kib luag tej qub txeeg qub teg os tag nej niam ces nej 6leej tub koj yuav kaub huam lawm nawb mog
Me koj hais yog lawm yuav tau sib zam txim xwb vim tus laus yug tau sawv daws coob2 es yeej hlub ib yam tiamsis tus nws nrog nyob ces yeej tau ntau zog thaum muaj ib yam tseem ceeb ces tus tub hlob yeej yuav tau ua tus ntau thawj xwb
How about just stop borrowing money, stop expecting people to do stuff for you, worry about how much money someone have and what they decide to do with THEIR money. You’re literally asking for a “gift”. For parents: If you want an expensive funeral, save for it while you’re alive, that’s not anyone else’s job but your own, not your children!
Cov muam lo twb txawj ua nyab thiab tsis txjob mus mus loob kua mus ua ua niam rau niam yug os vov muam lo tsis coj zoo cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab ua nej niam tsis nyiam cov muam no twb yog nyab thiab
Tsis yog niam pog Tsis txawj ua niam yog tiam tub nyab ntshaw nyiaj xav siv tej laus nyiaj ntshaw luag tuag xwb lwm hnub nej cov yuav ua rau nej xwb mas nej tsis tha niam lwm nub nej cov yuav tsis tha nej ib yam nej tsis txawj mus khwb los cas nej ho ntshaw2 nyiaj na thaum nej yuav tawm hauv nej niam lub nceb los cas nej niam twb tsis mus ua plaub rau qhov twg sav.
Tus sister ko tu siab li kuv thiab kuv tus txiv wb sib yuav es kuv niam Pog txiv yawg pab $100 puas li pab tus qhua xwb thiab tab sis cov yau ces kom kuv pab thiab yog tsis tau nqa nyiaj xwb twb tso xov tuaj lawm ho nws tej nyiaj nws tsa cov yau cuab yig rag xwb ho yus ces pab li tus qhua xwb
Cov muam niam siab loj loj cas ho tsis tuaj hlo es pheej cem koj xwb mas. Txhob khes yeej tsis npam vim yus twb tsis tau ua cas rau nws tsuas yog nws ua rau nws xwb!
Es tus niam pog no tias tus nyab no tshuav nws nqi yuav tsum pam nws no ne. Thiab tus niam pog no tseem khoo tus nyab no los tsa nws cov tub yim tagnrho.
My in laws hated me so much for the last 2 decades, they did not pay the dowry for me, hubby’s uncles whom he never met paid for me but I don’t feel this need for getting anything from them. What I have learned from people like this is to not lower my standards to treat them the same way they treat me cause that would definitely mean I am just like them. I am not like them and Yes it hurts but my hubby loves me, defended me and protected me all these decades from their insults and that is enough. I don’t need to entertain my mom in law about anything. I still continue to help her out when I can and these several years, I have seen transformation in both my in laws and I can see they are embarrassed to ask much from me since they treated me so bad for 2 decades. When we do the right thing, it’s not for the other person but rather it’s for ourselves, our conscience and it represents our character. Don’t allow anyone to change you into a bitter person due to their lack of integrity or love for you..
Just let it go. Yog koj twb paub tias nws tsis hlub koj ces txhob hlub heev thiaj tsis khib koj siab ma. Koj pheej ntshaw2 es pab heev2 kom koj tau ib qhov nyiaj es thaum tsis tau koj thiaj khib2 ne.
Mothers and fathers are special, even animals know how to live their parents regardless. We as humans with intelligent minds should know how to love or parents and especially in laws. Turn the other cheek and love them because they have both and raised your spouse.
I understand that she did paid for all the younger brother’s weddings but for her to be jealous about not getting anything is too much. It would make more sense if she said she paid for their wedding and the mil gave all her money away then she better have them cough up the money and put more into their funerals because it’s about the loan now more than her paying for the wedding.
Hell no! I will not pay for her son's wedding! It's your MIL responsibility. If she was dead, then its a different story, but if she is still living n breathing, no way!!
Tus me viv ncaus awd leej twg tsis rau koj nkawm khau ces tsis paub os. Kuv lub neej zoo ib yam li koj thiab ntshaw tus niam pog txiv yawg txoj kev hlub tabsis luag tsis nyiam yus ces yus ua zoo npaum cas los yeej tsis zoo os. Kuv hais rau koj nawb tus viv ncaus lawv tsis hlub yus ces yus tsis tshuav lawv nqi tsis hais tiam no los yog lwm tiam nawb. Lub ntuj thiab daim av yuav ua koj tus Pov thawj os.
This lady is so annoying. Your MIL doesn’t owe you anything . You need to stop being jealous. Yes it sucks that your in laws favorite other sons & nyabs but you shouldn’t live your life around that and hold a grudge. I know from first hand how it is being the least favorite nyab. It sad but it is what it is. But I don’t go around crying about it. You just gotta be the bigger and better person. Live your life and focus on yourself and your own family.
But when they gang and rumor lies about you and the whole inlaws talk shit in your face what do you do? when they move on to attack your kids what do you do? please stop with the bull
But did you paid for 5 of your bro in law's wife? Lol. She have the right to be jealous. She and her husband paid for all her husband's brothers' wife when supposedly it's not her responsibility. And at the end the mother in law gave all her money away to the other sister in laws and brother in laws, that's some kind of bullshit right there. So yes, the MIL does owe her.
That’s true as a MIL she have to be fair to all her children! Favoritism divides siblings and nyabs forever. If you don’t have enough to give to all then don’t give at all!
My niam pog is the same thing. She loves one nyab and doesn't love one. I feel you. Niam pog needs to love all nyab equally and helps all nyab equally. If not, don't be mad if no nyab wants you at the end.
This nyab feeling is valid because the in laws are unfair. She paid for the younger siblings wedding and got nothing. Whereas the other sons and their nyabs got the in laws $$$. And now they want this nyab to contribute to the funeral expenses. This is what happen when you pay favoritism
Me, as a nyab I don't expect anything from my mother in law. But if you're a mother inlaw, you don't love your nyab thiab tub fairly, don't expect them to love you too. You're nothing, but just gossip to your daughters and other ppl behind your nyabs back, but still expect your nyab to do this and that, then it's a no no..
Agreed!
Agreed
Agree! Don’t talk about someone badly and treat them poorly, but still expect them to place you on a pedestal. That’s pretty delusional.
100% agree
Agreed 👍.
💯 agree with this lady. It’s not jealousy or greed. She not stupid enough to be brainwashed by the Hmong Culture. There are boundaries as a daughter-n-law and she know how to set her boundaries. 👏 Been waiting for someone brave to stand up against the Hmong Culture.
I agree. She is right.
Kv yg tus nyab hlob hauv peb tsev neeg thiab cas hais rau zoo li kv lub neej thiab os tu siab heev
Good for you standing up for yourself, sister. Don't be a rug to a mil who gave all her assets to her favorites. Tell the two younger bils who owe her money to bury her. Expect nothing from in-laws and it's ok to get nothing if you're not the favorite, but this means you don't have to bury in-laws either other than your 1 cow. In-laws do favor and this causes rift in the family. It causes resentment and disillusionment. Parents who are fair bring peace and harmony to surviving siblings.
Agreed don’t give me a dime or anything. Otherwise I feel I owe u something especially coming from a rude mil
People need to understand the old saying, "9 pluag sib luag, 8 pluag sib ntev." Being unfair and playing favoritism will ruin your family. However, people also have to understand that sometimes things aren't always fair and have the wisdom to know the difference.
It is not your responsibility as daughter n law to tsa yim for the younger siblings unless the parents are no longer alive. You can help but you do not have to take full responsibility, especially financially.
Exactly!
Yeej yog kawg! But some parents is dead beat broke as hell. All they're looking up to is their kids that will help each other out not them. Sad but true in certain hmong families. Been there done that. You just have to be the bigger person and still think that no matter what it's your husband mom. Live this life for the karma that we all carry from last past life, that's what I believed 🙏
@@maivue8228 yes it’s true, but in this case the mom had money but she just didn’t want to take the responsibilities for it so she blame it on the nyab that it’s Her’s because the mom already paid for her.
@@V.I.P2418 I was going to say the same. Seem like money was not an issue especially when the parents had over 100k to give to some kids and not others. I would've been the b*tch Nyab and the hell with it when it comes to paying for the younger siblings marriage. You know that investment will never come back to you. This story was the perfect example. Just contribute what you can without asking for anything in return but the bottom line the siblings are the in-laws responsibility.
I agree. Older siblings are not obligated to do anything for the younger ones. Can’t afford to get marry, then wait and save up first. If you can’t afford to get married, then you ain’t ready. Hmong people need to stop getting married at such a young age when they are still dependent on mommy and daddy.
A lot of people said the mil can give her money to whoever she wants cause it's her money. Well, fine. But the nyab can choose how to spend her money too then. She doesn't want to pay for her mil funeral then it's her money and she doesn't have to pay. The nyab should not expect anything in return?? Well, then the mil should not expect the nyab to do anything too?? They both are human being. Stop with the toxic thinking that nyab have to take all the loss all the time. The end.
Ua neej nyob koj hlub leej twg ces tus ntawv muaj nab thib hlub koj rov qab. Tus koj tsis hlub ces tus ntawd yeej tsis tshuav koj txiaj ntsim yuav pauj.
My children are still young, but one day when I become a MIL I do not think I’ll get along well with my children and their spouses… js. I like my peace. I’d very much prefer to be living alone or at the nursing home. Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me? Lol
Same here. I like to be the queen of my own house and have my peace, wake up when I want so I can never live with my children and their spouses.
Agreed. Its not that i wont get along with them, its more that i dont wanna put the burden of taking care of my old ass on them. Hmong ogs have kids so they can take care of them when theyre old but i dont think like that. Our kids did not choose to be born. We chose to have them. We dont need to burden them with guilt to take care of us when were old.
@@aivmoua exactly. My old ass don’t want to be babysitting. Lol
Hopefully my mother in law listens to this story 🙏🏼
....Mine too...😔😔😔🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
For real!!
Sister, you'll be blessed for All the Good deeds that you've done for your husband's family. Paying for all brother-in-laws weddings, that's A lot! I agree with you...if your MIL's love is bias, I'd be the same too!
For those that said this nyab is greedy and selfish, i guess y'all shouldn't expect a bonus also when your coworker gets one and you put in the same amount of work as your coworker or even more. Hope that greed and selfishness dont come out. Js.
Wow it's call monster -in-law your in law.
You are spot on about being fair. People will see the one bad thing you did or say, but will never acknowledge the 10,000 things you did good. If I were in your shoes, I’d be very upset & hurt too.
Tus niam pog tsis nyiam ho yog tus ua nws thiaj nrog nyob tau thiab yog tus ua kam yuav nws. Yog vim li cas. Good story line. Kuv tab tom nyob koj qhov chaw, ntshe Kuv yuav tau ua li koj thiaj.
Just me personally and a lot of people will disagree with me. As a Nyab you should not expect anything from anybody. They don’t want to help you or give you money or gifts? That’s okay. Keep living your life with no hand outs. It’s your life, don’t depend on anyone. If you have the mindset of expecting something from your in-laws and in return if they don’t you will not help bury them, that’s such a selfish mindset. We need to let go of that jealousy that hmong people carry. Do good and receive good. Let go of hate and jealousy, that will make your life miserable. You will hate your life, fight with your husband and be upset all your life trying to live up to their expectations. Keep living your life and be the mother in law to your nyabs you never had. Show them a good example. Don’t hold a grudge. Remember that the older generation is very small minded and has a lot to learn. Don’t get on their level.
100% correct! Be kind to others is like being kind to ourselves.
A agree
Ua ca zoo li twb tuaj rau lub teb chaw muaj2 noj muaj hau nyia muaj nyia hauj Lwm twb khwv koob tu kheej lawm es zoo li cov me nyuam no ho yuav ntshaw tej lau cov Ua luaj thiab tsua hai ghov sib khib Xwb ghov khwv Tsi Nce te vim twb Tsi txawj hlub thiab ghov Ncauj heev ta npaum no es yuav Ua ca haum twg2 naw lawv aw cov Nyab aw yom
It's funny how you say that being a nyab, you shouldn't expect anything. Why does this only apply to the nyab only?
You're missing the whole picture of this story. I don't think she was expecting free handouts. She is married to the family and wanted to be loved and treated with respect. Personal values were given to other members of the family and she was literally pushed to the side by constant excuses from her MIL. Why should she be obligated to take care of her and treat her well? Being a mother, you can't pick and choose who to love. That's how you will end up in a nursing home.
I agree with you. But she did help all her brother in laws with their marriages. It’s not fair to her. That’s all she’s saying.
I live by the mindset that you give what you can and if others want more, well, there’s nothing they can do about it. Don’t try to always show up and do better, just do what you can do your expectations can also be reciprocated and when it can’t, you won’t risk too much of your good will for those who don’t care about you. People who care about you deeply, will never have second thoughts about helping you back, especially if you’ve helped them so much already.
Yeah, you’re no better than your mil. You two deserve one another.
I feel like it's your in-law side that has influenced many of your spouse decisions. However, I believe the main cause can be within your marriage; you wanted to go West, but he went East. Having a manipulative in-law is hard, but having a spouse that wants to go in the opposite direction is harder.
Very true but the $$$$ is in her bank account. She doesn't need to be paying for someone else responsibilities. Too often, I see being the perfect nyab backfires and it's all hell break lose. See the in-laws money were in their account, they decides who they give to and who they don't. That $100,000 that the in-laws had, that should've went to pay for their own children marriage and dowries.
Niam laus awd cas koj lub neej zoo li kuv lub thiab os sim neej no tu siab tshaj li os 😭😭😭😭😭
Why don’t grown men pay for their own wives? We live in the US now and everyone should work and save for their own lives. If you can’t fork up $10K for a wife you’re not ready.
Agreed!
That’s true but parents should save up for their funerals as well.
@@geyang83 Yes, I agree! People need to be responsible for themselves and stop depending on others.
Niam laus aw cas thooj li kv thiab os tu siab heev li os 😥😥😥
Younger folks expect their parents to pay for their spouse, just like old folks expect their sons to bury them. Until young folks pay for their own spouse, parents can pay for their own burial, Hmong people will never break this cycle. We live in 2023, people need to save for their own spouse and funeral! That way you owe no one nothing and can’t expect nothing.
I say the same thing. I don't need to pay for my son and daughter inlaw wedding. 1. Because I don't want them to feel they owe me my burial. 2. I don't know how long their marriage will last. I love them but I don't know if they love me back. 3. I want to save my money to take care myself and my burial.
I guess it depends on perspective because other race help pay for their kids weddings too or cover a certain portion, but don't expect the kids to front the cost of their funerals. Hmong people can help their kids with wedding costs but shouldn't hold it over their tub and nyabs heads for the rest of their life so their tub nyab will be more sympathetic towards them when the time comes.
I agree in a way. That’s why me and my husband) just married at 25), paid for our American wedding and for the Hmong wedding. All our money.
But Hmong people need to have life insurance. Hmong funerals are ridiculous. Weddings half the cost of a funeral.
I am so agree with the sister.
I agree with you. Same shoe. But at the end of the day, I gave in and did my part as a Nyab because I was raised better and didn’t want to stoop to her level.
I will only do it if it's fair, if it's not, then it's all fair game. Like this story, she was the perfect nyab but all of that backfired on her.
You were raised better to give in??? Sis, that’s not better 😅 that’s being raised submissive. It’s good when times call for it, this time it is not fair. You will only be enabling the MIL’s behavior.
Sister, I stand by your side %100
I’m not the best or favorite nyab but I live for my husband & my kids only. It’s best to just be the bigger & better person. What was never your’s will never be your’s.
Tus siab kawg lub neej yuav tau tub hlob cuag yu raug txim
Tus sister in this sister just do what you can. I bought a house for my inlaws and they gifted their other children their gold and silver, I didn't get anything. But now mil is widowed like me too and I don't really care for her anymore not as much as before. I stayed away and learned to love myself, I don't need her
A good lesson learn…you reap what you sow…love your children equally…😩👍🤠!!!
Cov niam pog coj tsis zoo hlub tsis sib luag txawm foom lo tsis npam os..ho yog yeej hlub sib npaug mas foom yus thiaj npam txhob ntshai kiag os
Sheesh people, stop letting others gaslight you. You got yourself into this type of situation because you married a boy, not a man! A man would back up his wife if his parents are being unfair to them. If this nyab is telling the truth, then the mil got what she deserved (nursing home instead of living with the eldest nyab & son). Whether a person agrees with the nyab's complaints (of not getting money or things) or not, the mil is definitely in the wrong for putting all the responsibility of paying for the bride prices & wedding costs of her husband's younger brothers on her & her husband. The mil is also in the wrong for playing favoritism amongst her sons & their wives. At the end of the day, if you want to be treated well, you have to also treat others well.
Very true but she should've kept all of her $$$$ from paying the siblings marriages.
Amen! We all need to go back to the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. 👏
Koj ua tau yog kawg lawm yog hais tias tej teeb meem koj hais no muaj tseeb la2m yeej tsis muaj kev khaum rau koj li os, cov niag niam pog phem li no nyuam qhuav ntxim xwb los mas, hlub tej nyab tsis sib npaug tsis yuav nws los yeej tsis khaum li os.
You are such a sweet nyab. Yog kuv ces, there is so many guys out there whom can make me happy. I would have left the son already.
Yog kawg May koj lo lus uas hais ko mas Yog tshaj, peb cov laus na muaj nyiaj ces muab siv kom tag mam mus nyob tsev laus xwb
Ib cov niam pog yeej phem phem li. Yog koj tsis tau rau sab khau koj tsis paub txog kev nyuaj siab ua neeg rau ib tus niam pog phem li. It's easy for some to say this nyab is just selfish, but as a human being, we can only take so much especially when they treat you like poop and when no one else want her, everyone expect you to take her in. Love is a two way straight. Learn to love, respect and accept your nyab so she will learn to love, respect and take care of you too.
My shoes is very heavy like yours too!! Your story sounds almost just like mine.. till today I hold my breath till that day.
Me too. My MIL let everything to my sister in law who lives with a French man : all her money and her jewelry and her gold. Today she always live with my husband and I and she does'nt want to help us. She always makes excuses and she does like she can't hear anything. Although this situation my husband and I always feed her and take car of her in addition to ours kids. I'm just waiting for the D day... So disappointing
@@magnoliashine9330 I don’t want anything from my mil I couldn’t careless if she didn’t want to give me anything. I give I buy her kids whatever she wanted me and my husband to helped her with..all I wanted was for her to loved my kids.. ~her grandkids~ for which she didn’t.. everything I’ve ever done for my in-laws .. so now I’m à retired Nyab zoo.. I don’t cared anymore.. the way you treat me is how I’ll treat you back..let’s learned from in law’s like yours and my and we don’t do it to our future Nyabs and grandkids.what goes around on day it’ll come back to you.
Koj hais yog kawg lawm mas, in your shoes leej twg los yeej khib yeej chim tab sis yuav tau zam txim es hlub tej laus os mog. Kev zam txim kev hlub ces leej twg ua leej twg yeej yuav tau xwb mas mog.
Tus niam pog no coj tsis ncaj. Tau nyob tsev laus ces zoo kawg. Tus nyab hlob hais yog kawg. Thank you for sharing
Shame on the MIL and all her younger kids and the BILs wives. "Borrowed" their money without paying a dime along with not wanting to take care of her, too. The fault shoukd go to them and not you. I'm glad you held your ground. Your husband needs some balls to speak up to the younger siblings, too. If I was in your shoes, heck, I'd most likely do the same.
Leej twg tsis ntsib cov niam txiv yawg zoo li no ces yeej tsis paub tab sis yog leej twg ntsib lawm mas thiaj yuav to taub txoj kev mob siab
Tsi hais maum los kwv tig li nawb yog hlub leejtwg tshaj ces tus ntawm hlub nawb tsi hlub los npam cov ntawm xwb os.peb twb zoo li nej thb os .mob hlwb thb dhuav kawg li nb sister
When all your own kids dont even want you....that tells alot.....🤣
For real
Kv xav mas nej yuav tau txom nyem tshaj nej niam pog lawm os cov tub nyab aw kv xav kom nej hlub nej niam me me thiab os
Kj hais yog kawg os tus me viv ncau aw kuv tus niam pog kuj zoo li ntaw thiab tiag
Cas zaj neej neeg no yuav zoo li peb zaj thiab😭
Agree with nyab
Lawv tsis hlub yus e yus thiaj li tsi tshuav kev nyuaj siab
yog li koj haig lawm mag.koj hlub tsw tau log tsw npam cov niam pog khaug2 li kom
Xav yuam kev lawm kv tus kheej lawv yuav kv tsav kv yim xwb kv g tau ntshaw txog ib yam dab g los ntawm leej twg kv twb muaj tes muaj tw kv mam khwv thiaj yog kv li
Puas muaj npaum li tiag mas zoo li tsis tshua txaus ntseeg as , es koj twb hlub koj cov ib yam ne sawv daws yog niam yug ib yam nyaj yuav tsis tshaj npaum li pov!!!
The nyab should not have to pay for the younger bro’s weddings. If the sons can’t afford their own wedding and the parents don’t want to help them don’t get marry! It is only fair to love all the kids evenly but not everyone has this mindset. Therefore, whatever the in law do to their money and belongings is no one’s business. The in law has the right to give their properties to anyone they want. As for the funeral, all the kids need to contribute.
Niam thiab txiv qia dub siab tsis ncaj ces cov tub thiaj coj niag cwj pwm kaus niam thiab txiv noj
Tsis hais leej twg li yog cov laus muab nyiaj muab khoom rau Leej twg thaum tuag ces tus ntawv yuav tsum tau tuaj lawm xwb lau. Cov xav pab los mam pab tsis pab los kav liam xwb
Kuv lub neeg ce tus2 siab li thiab os vim niam pogtwb tsi hlub lo tseem niaj hnub foos thiab os
Mother and Father in law act like that don't feel sorry for, they deserve what they get and they do.
Tsis muaj txoj cais nyab yuav tsis muaj cais yuav lo thaj tsob cov kwv lub ntiaj teb no ua tsis tau
It's too bad this MIL wasn't too fair with her sons and nyabs
Muaj ntau tus tub ntau tus nya. Ces ua ua teeb meem ua ua yeeb ncuab li os hmoob tsis txhob yug me nyuam coob coob tug thiaj li tsis ua ua yeeb ncuab os hmoob vim cov tub cov nyab vov muam tdis sib hlub lwm
Kuv xa txawj nws foom los yeej yuav tsi npam nawb neb twb tsa cov yau yim lawm nej
Yog kawg mas
Wow. It's a shame
That you would go this far to an old lady. Speechless.
It’s a shame that an old lady would treat her kids and nyab this way. Some people are treated poorly for the reason they are a really bad person.
Every sons should pay for their own wedding. No one should have to be force to pay another people's wedding!!! If you want get marry then better save up for your wedding. Your mil is wrong to do that to you and your husband.
Txog txij cov menyuam yuav tsis taus lawm ces tias tsis phem los yeej phem lawm thiab os. qhov cov laus tsis txawj ua es ua cov menyuam sib ntxub tag ces yog qhov lawv coj tsis ncaj xwb...nyob rau peb hmoob tsev neeg ces qhov no yeej yog qhov ntau xwb. tim tej laus coj tsis ncaj xwb.
Kuv lub neej zoo nkaus li koj thiab os tab sis thaum niam Pog tuag kuv yog Tus nyab hlob ces kuv muab nyiaj Los ua kuv niam Pog lub ntees tag Los tsis tu siab tab sis thaum cov kwv tij Los Hais txog yuav hu kuv cov neej tsa tuaj ua cuas nyab rau ces kuv tu siab kuv quaj2 heev kuv tsis Kam vim ib txwm niam Pog tsis hlub kuv tsis Kam pab kuv tsis nrog kuv nyob tej kwv tij ho Hais Tias yuav hu kuv cov vim kuv yog Tus nyab hlob
Cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab cov nus tim nej niam tsis zoo rau tus nyab niam pog tsis nyiam es cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab vim cov muam lo twb yog nyab thiab ua neeg nyob tsis txhob mus ua ua kom cov nus cov nya. Tu siab ho tus niam pog no siab phem kawg li ces cia mus nyob tse. Laus zoo dua
Like my mama always say, it’s never way to be a good nyaab.
I would never have paid for their weddings. The in-laws can go borrow money and the son will repay. I can't believe you agreed to pay. The wife ain't for you, they can pay for their own or don't get married, PERIOD!
Tug viv ncaug aw, cas koj zaj neej yuav thooj kuv lub neej ua lj thiab ,
Koj niam pog nkawv yeej ua tsis yog li lawm. Tsis tsimnyog nkawv yuav khoo kom neb tsa cov kwv neej. Ntawv tsis yog neb teg num na. Nkawv muab nkawv lub neej tag rau cov yau tabsis nkawv ho kom neb pam nkawv. Yeej tsis ncaj ncees kiag rau neb. Peb ua neej nyob yus xav kom luag hlub yus, yus yuav tsum hlub lawv ib yam. Txhob xaiv ntsejmuag hlub.
Ntuj aw hmoob aw luag yug tau tej tug tub los puag yus sov tshaj es pub tsev luag nyob xwb twb g kam lam hos sib kib luag tej qub txeeg qub teg os tag nej niam ces nej 6leej tub koj yuav kaub huam lawm nawb mog
Me koj hais yog lawm yuav tau sib zam txim xwb vim tus laus yug tau sawv daws coob2 es yeej hlub ib yam tiamsis tus nws nrog nyob ces yeej tau ntau zog thaum muaj ib yam tseem ceeb ces tus tub hlob yeej yuav tau ua tus ntau thawj xwb
How about just stop borrowing money, stop expecting people to do stuff for you, worry about how much money someone have and what they decide to do with THEIR money. You’re literally asking for a “gift”. For parents: If you want an expensive funeral, save for it while you’re alive, that’s not anyone else’s job but your own, not your children!
Cov muam lo twb txawj ua nyab thiab tsis txjob mus mus loob kua mus ua ua niam rau niam yug os vov muam lo tsis coj zoo cov muam txhob cem cem cov nyab ua nej niam tsis nyiam cov muam no twb yog nyab thiab
Ua neeg nyob cas yuav ntshaw luag tug ua luaj es yuav xam khib xwb tsis muaj lub siab hlub tej laus li siab phem ua luaj os hmong
Tsis yog niam pog Tsis txawj ua niam yog tiam tub nyab ntshaw nyiaj xav siv tej laus nyiaj ntshaw luag tuag xwb lwm hnub nej cov yuav ua rau nej xwb mas nej tsis tha niam lwm nub nej cov yuav tsis tha nej ib yam nej tsis txawj mus khwb los cas nej ho ntshaw2 nyiaj na thaum nej yuav tawm hauv nej niam lub nceb los cas nej niam twb tsis mus ua plaub rau qhov twg sav.
Tus sister ko tu siab li kuv thiab kuv tus txiv wb sib yuav es kuv niam Pog txiv yawg pab $100 puas li pab tus qhua xwb thiab tab sis cov yau ces kom kuv pab thiab yog tsis tau nqa nyiaj xwb twb tso xov tuaj lawm ho nws tej nyiaj nws tsa cov yau cuab yig rag xwb ho yus ces pab li tus qhua xwb
No, mil could ask for help but not making the older son to them nqi nyab for the younger sibbling as.
Yog kuv los kuv yeej ua li koj ua thiab nawb. Kuv tsis nyiam cov leej niam leej txiv coj tsis ncaj li ntawd kiag li.
Cov muam niam siab loj loj cas ho tsis tuaj hlo es pheej cem koj xwb mas. Txhob khes yeej tsis npam vim yus twb tsis tau ua cas rau nws tsuas yog nws ua rau nws xwb!
Everyone in here is a qualified family therapist
Txhob ntshaw tej laus cov nyiaj os. Lawv tsis muab rau yus es yus thiaj tsis tshuav lawv nqi os.
Es tus niam pog no tias tus nyab no tshuav nws nqi yuav tsum pam nws no ne. Thiab tus niam pog no tseem khoo tus nyab no los tsa nws cov tub yim tagnrho.
My in laws hated me so much for the last 2 decades, they did not pay the dowry for me, hubby’s uncles whom he never met paid for me but I don’t feel this need for getting anything from them. What I have learned from people like this is to not lower my standards to treat them the same way they treat me cause that would definitely mean I am just like them. I am not like them and Yes it hurts but my hubby loves me, defended me and protected me all these decades from their insults and that is enough. I don’t need to entertain my mom in law about anything. I still continue to help her out when I can and these several years, I have seen transformation in both my in laws and I can see they are embarrassed to ask much from me since they treated me so bad for 2 decades. When we do the right thing, it’s not for the other person but rather it’s for ourselves, our conscience and it represents our character. Don’t allow anyone to change you into a bitter person due to their lack of integrity or love for you..
Ua cas cov neej neeg no mas tsuas yog cov nyab cem niam pog xwb ho tsis hnov niam pog hais cem nyab ib zaj li es yog cov nyab phem los zoo ne
Just let it go. Yog koj twb paub tias nws tsis hlub koj ces txhob hlub heev thiaj tsis khib koj siab ma. Koj pheej ntshaw2 es pab heev2 kom koj tau ib qhov nyiaj es thaum tsis tau koj thiaj khib2 ne.
Mothers and fathers are special, even animals know how to live their parents regardless. We as humans with intelligent minds should know how to love or parents and especially in laws. Turn the other cheek and love them because they have both and raised your spouse.
Naw Bro mistreatment kills stop playing the age card. elders were kids too they weren't born as a baby and became old today. stop with the bull s
Hurt people hurt people. Seems like healing needs to happen
Good for you...
I understand that she did paid for all the younger brother’s weddings but for her to be jealous about not getting anything is too much. It would make more sense if she said she paid for their wedding and the mil gave all her money away then she better have them cough up the money and put more into their funerals because it’s about the loan now more than her paying for the wedding.
To me I am a MIL I don't except anything from anyonebut I do love n care all my children as equal other than that you got to be who you are.
I like this tittle! 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
But I can’t even believe there are kids/siblings like these
Hell no! I will not pay for her son's wedding! It's your MIL responsibility. If she was dead, then its a different story, but if she is still living n breathing, no way!!
😂😂😢🎉🎉❤
Txoj kev no tsi yog leej twg yeej tsi paub txog
Tus me viv ncaus awd leej twg tsis rau koj nkawm khau ces tsis paub os. Kuv lub neej zoo ib yam li koj thiab ntshaw tus niam pog txiv yawg txoj kev hlub tabsis luag tsis nyiam yus ces yus ua zoo npaum cas los yeej tsis zoo os. Kuv hais rau koj nawb tus viv ncaus lawv tsis hlub yus ces yus tsis tshuav lawv nqi tsis hais tiam no los yog lwm tiam nawb. Lub ntuj thiab daim av yuav ua koj tus Pov thawj os.
Lawv aw ua nyab hlob ma nyuaj thiab mob hlwb tshaj phaj li os
don't expect anything from people
Yus ua li cas lwm nub yus tau li ntawv
This lady is so annoying. Your MIL doesn’t owe you anything . You need to stop being jealous. Yes it sucks that your in laws favorite other sons & nyabs but you shouldn’t live your life around that and hold a grudge. I know from first hand how it is being the least favorite nyab. It sad but it is what it is. But I don’t go around crying about it. You just gotta be the bigger and better person. Live your life and focus on yourself and your own family.
But when they gang and rumor lies about you and the whole inlaws talk shit in your face what do you do? when they move on to attack your kids what do you do? please stop with the bull
But did you paid for 5 of your bro in law's wife? Lol. She have the right to be jealous. She and her husband paid for all her husband's brothers' wife when supposedly it's not her responsibility. And at the end the mother in law gave all her money away to the other sister in laws and brother in laws, that's some kind of bullshit right there. So yes, the MIL does owe her.