My default is assuming I am wrong, even if later my perception is proven right. Also, not thinking in words doesn't help because I find it hard to explain what's wrong.
I have that too, I've improved a lot, I needed to inform myself like crazy, I feel like I've built this moral and knowledge internal system to sustain my opinions and decisions. I recommend reading a lot, watching videos like this, watching series or movies that move your feelings because they feel right, or reading about someone you admire, and little by little build your principles and morals. I think the main reason we think we are wrong all the time is because we do not have a strong foundation to defend our truth, it's normal because of our past and history, but it's never too late to build one. Let's build! ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
I'm excited to be on the path to being a real grown up as well. How'd you grow your trust? Can you recommend any books, activities, etc that helped you?
I grew up in an environment where no one was allowed to have feelings except for mom. Us kids were always overridden by mom, every time. If we were happy and excited she was angry. If. We were mad about something she was even more angry. It would escalate to where she was out in the yard screaming at us. We learned to keep everything undercover and control the younger kid’s outbursts for fear of being publicly embarrassed. We also learned to distrust everyone and not talk to anyone about how we felt, “Because what happens in this house is no one’s business!”
@@ashleyhartadams3939 Traumatizing families have three main rules; Don’t talk, Don’t trust and Don’t feel. So yeah, I’m a brother from a different mothers/families.
I’m 34 codependent woman living with a narcissistic mother who invalidates every interaction past and present I’ve ever had. She had me so scared of living I hid away for years cut off my friends and I’m now relearning and adulting with no support thank you for your videos I feel less alone in this world ❤
Thanks for the reply and also I am working with kids and teaching them independence and autonomy so in a weird way I’m learning through their learning. I’m slowly detaching from her anxiety and influence but it’s been a painful slow transition.
This one sure hits a nerve for me. The psychological abuse, manipulation and gaslighting was in some ways worse than all the abuse I suffered in childhood. Still healing. But life is still good.
I've been told I'm wrong my entire life...even knowing within I'm right so I've lived with such confusion. My mother refused to see the family that abused me and she is always demeaning of me and tells me to deal with it because that's just the way she is.
I disagree, it is quite even on both genders. In my experience in counseling others for various abuse. Gender matters not, only getting help should be the focus. Peace, o__O
Everything you explained so simply in this video describes my life. Now, at 67, I'm wondering how to heal when these coping behaviors are so ingrained. I am so appreciative of your helping to understand and begin, Anna!
Same here. But it's so scary. Today I understand that I substituted my limerence behaviors for weed daily usage. At first, it made me feel free...able to express myself, not caring that much about people's opinions on me, and connect spiritually. But it definitely blurs my perception and also makes me more lonely ("if only I got some weed everything will be fine, I don't need anyone"), since I often get the feeling that I am enough for myself. Because, yeah, I enjoy my inner world, and I'm deeply introspective...but now I know how much it's been a substitute to real connection. Real connection feels way more powerful. I don't need to push people away anymore, don't need to feel so scary. It's very weird the understanding that I'm now an adult and have the power to change my situation. Sorry for the rambling in your comment!! Best of luck
Yes, this is one way where the crappy childhood keeps on giving. Even when you’re on a healing path and intuition speaks to you, you start doubting your intuition rather than the situation or person. It’s a terrible and dragging feeling. Mine went away when I decided to trust myself first. Confusion was replaced by peace, and even if I was doubtful I perceived the situation right, I decided to trust that peace.
Good Lord. This is so me. I tell People that I HAVE to tell the truth otherwise I can't keep a grip on reality. If I start lying I honestly can't remember what is real and what I made up.😢
You explain things so well…every single scenario and response is right on…all the relationship experiences…perceptional distortions…and everything I’ve managed to accomplished and not until late in life was achieved excruciatingly painful and left me feeling inadequate still…and yes…I am alone…
My mom didn't gaslight me, she just did what she wanted. From birth I was exposed to her hedonistic lifestyle. On the other side, her family, my Grandparents, Aunts, uncles, and cousins were all conservative Christians... not perfect, but most of them really loved the Lord and followed Christ. I would spend a lot of time with them too and it was a weird contrast. Around them, my mom showed that she could behave. She has actually always been a very intelligent person who could exercise decorum when she needed to. She always held down a good job, paid her bills and led an outwardly upright lifestyle. But, she was also bipolar and at night and on the weekends the weed would come out and heroin addict bad boy boyfriends would turn up to party. This was very confusing to me. At 50, I'm still not able to judge social situations properly. One area I struggle with is always wondering if I've inadvertently offended someone with things I say. I'm pretty direct, so this feels necessary but also harsh to me Kind of tired of it. Now, I'm learning to sit with this discomfort rather then fawning. Then if the right time comes, I might broach the subject. I feel misunderstood a lot, but i wonder if that's mostly me projecting that on others? Confusing. Fortunately my mom now denounces her wayward lifestyle and has apologized to me for it. I've forgiven her and we have a good relationship now. Unfortunately, I'm still socially awkward due to things that happened to me from 0-10 years old. Once you're baked, you're baked. Now it's just a matter of "learning and knowing" correct behavior and trying imperfectly to implement it when I can. No wonder we all want to isolate.
I'm having problems with accepting this distorted perception, when I read this kind of video titles, I feel how I automatically reject the idea. But I force myself to watch the video because of what I know now, and yeah I have a distorted perception, my god, this improvement path sometimes is difficult, the truths are difficult to swallow.
There just seems to be continued layers of discovering painful truths. Let's hope these coming years will be more of like minded people. And little to no abusers! It's just too much at this point
Most abusers were abused themselves. So the abusers need help healing too, in order to prevent others from being hurt. It's a big cycle and I know there's a big argument about whether people are born like that. And not everyone who's abused becomes abusive. But like everything else, different people are affected in different ways. That doesn't mean we should tolerate abuse, I'm just saying that in order to prevent the abuse, the abusers need to stop and most won't seek help, but if they do they need to be helped.
00:00 🧠 Recognizing damaged perception is challenging in ourselves, especially with childhood PTSD. 0:44 🚸 Childhood trauma, chaos, alcoholism, or depression can lead to damaged perception in adulthood. 2:06 💔 Trauma-induced damaged perception can make one susceptible to manipulation, affecting relationships and decision-making. 4:02 🚫 Adults lying about the reality of traumatic situations can scramble perception and lead to self-doubt. 6:28 🔄 Steps to heal perception: Recognize distorted thinking, discern the truth, and express it even when difficult. 8:46 🌟 Advanced healing involves discerning when and how to express the truth for positive changes. 10:38 🛑 Temporary cessation of mind-altering substances aids focus on improving perception and seeing reality clearly. 12:00 🔄 Daily practices like writing fears, resentments, and meditation help unclutter the mind, improving mental state. 14:36 🤝 Seeking honest feedback from trusted friends can provide valuable insights into personal patterns and blind spots. 16:05 🔄 Embracing truth, facing problems, and changing behaviors are crucial for personal growth and positive life changes. 17:38 ⏸ Taking pauses when stressed in conversations allows for reflection on perception and improves communication.
This is why I choose not to be around relatives. They do not want to live in or acknowledge the truth. They want to be in a relationship lie and not acknowledge the traumatic past and their damaging dangerous unhealthy behaviors.
I'm all about that honesty. Truth builds healthy relationships and trust. I had to learn the hard way to become conscious of that being a strong value of mine. I spoke up often as a child when I was uncomfortable and was just as often told to not let it get to me, to ignore it, to get over it, or that I was too sensitive. My father would periodically walk around in an inappropriate manner and when I got older I finally said something in the context of wanting to bring friends in from the neighborhood and his behavior made that impossible to do, only to have it met with defensiveness and righteous attitude. "My house my way" kind of thing. (The image that brings to mind now is an unreasonable man-boy pounding his chest in response). I've never been good at ignoring 'the elephants in the room' but the rest of my family seems to have no issue with it at all as well as be able to live in denial as to how crappy things actually were. I couldn't tolerate the denial or their scapegoating of me so I bowed out and went NC. Tried LC with the mother but it was me reaching out most of the time in a friendly way. Lines are still open but it's become rare that she initiates contact.
@@peterbuckley9731 Thanks. I don't feel too strong lol. It is difficult to essentially not have family. But my sanity, well-being and safety is what became more important. It's sad that some of us have to choose NC with family in order to have those things.
Where were you when I first started therapy?! Your descriptions, insights, and explanations of solutions are invaluable to the recovery process. I have only started watching your videos recently, and already am seeing changes in my awareness and perception. I began the recovery process 11 months ago with a 12-step program and intensive therapy. Thank you, for lighting a fire in my recovery journey! ❤ 🙏
Oh my!!! less then 2 min in and it feels like you are speaking right to me!!! We are not helpless but we are injured. ❤❤❤ I knew this but felt crazy for believing. Thank you for confirming ❤
Thanks for this video. I'm learning to trust myself, put myself first, and not abandon myself are my new keys to life. So that I can be myself, I am now in a new friendship dynamic with someone who values me. It's great, and important to not go for the guys that give me the butterflies that signal something is familiar and bad about those. I've also working on boundaries that are healthy.
So many red flags in my family. There’s no reason why my siblings and I should have been naked for such a long time. My friends said it was weird but I always wrote it off
Thank you. I really appreciate your words and couldn't agree more about removing substances from your life. I would offer that 12 step programs are not safe for everyone and not all 12 step groups are the same (healthy / safe). For example, I did ACOA and I just went into severe trauma through constant shaming. It's really hard to try to heal when people who are in shame and think they are helping, use shame to try to help without awareness. Some people think they are healers but all they've done is spiritual bypassing.
Yes, I have also experienced this in 12-Step programs (certain people/meetings), and also other types of spiritual groups. We have to be discerning whenever interacting with anyone, regardless of if it seems to be a "healthy and safe" space/group. After many years in a particular 12-Step fellowship, I decided to quietly leave, and I stopped going to meetings. I knew it was time to leave when I realized I dreaded going to meetings and talking to the people there, rather than feeling accepted and loved.
Well. This is s lot to do. Thank you so much. My perception is off, things are out of proportion, plus or minus. I'm usually the minus. Childhood and ongoing trauma including drugs from doctors, iatrogenesis is big part of my resume. I'm all over the road but it's clearer. Takes time to process. Radical honesty. Kindness. Step back from the world. Maybe 12 step is something to look into. Many many thanks.
i totally feel like this today....my parents told me everything was ok with their relationship...but i knew the difference...and bang all of a sudden my mom and dad separate...so i'm sure it skewed my way of seeing things thru out my life ,,,,this happened when i was 12 years old...i'm now 50 ....
Gosh, Crappy Childhood Fairy you have truly been a rock in my life over the past few months. Your messages of kindness and strength have been overwhelmingly positive and helpful during a very stressful time in my life. Thank you so much for producing this content! I must also say your Daily Practice was exactly what I needed at a time when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and doing the writing and meditation, even just for a little bit, made a world of difference. You are truly an inspiration in my life and I’m so grateful for everything that you do!!! ❤🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤🎉🎉 I’m feeling worlds better nowadays and so much of it is thanks to your work. Sending bundles and bundles of love. ❤❤❤❤
Wow, I'm so glad the channel and practice have been helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I love your videos & content; I have been binge watching since I found your channel. thanks for you're doing to help others. For someone that doesn't like to shop, you look great in your choice of clothing. Wishing you a great day.
Just wanna say that I've started listening to your Spotify podcast as well. But I still visit your website cuz sometimes I miss to see your expressions and gesture 😄 - from a limerent 20-something guy who is trying to heal and see the reality
This was like watching a video made exactly for me, as if the Crappy Childhood Fairy had watched every moment of my life. Scarily accurate! I guess I know what I need to do next.
So often those lies we are told as young children...make us insane!young kids DO INDEED have instinct. When were told our instincts are wrong, and we don't follow em, we learn to ignore it! Next thing u no, ur targeted by a predator. What's ur response?? Ignore it! We've been....well I'll say I HAD been taught to ignore it or minimize it smh I tried real hard to reverse that while raising my own family. Irdk my kids to dismiss their instinct or gut feelings. I told them the times they ignored or dismissed their instinct...they were wrong. It's pretty important to listen to our gut instinct. It never fails us. Never!
This is such an eye opening podcast. Thank you so much 💜 It also made me wonder if OCD, which I have, may also have the same source. In general it's just questioning my own senses, which forces me to repeat over and over all the checking before I leave the house, and still not being sure if everything is turned off and safe. I am very curious about your opinion about that.
Oh my. This really hits the nails on the head perfect for the nightmare I am in. QUESTION: You described taking feedback and said not to defend yourself, but accept their input and maybe cry it out by yourself later. You had shared a personal story of when you were accepting feedback and that you admitted that all but one part was true. What did you do when you knew you had other poor behaviors, but the part of their feedback regarding you not caring for them was absolutely NOT true? Did you tell them or were you able to carry on in the relationship with knowing the truth yourself? I have been in this situation so many times with gaslighters and struggle with just accepting it when the false belief is quite detrimental and threatens my own experience, so my truth and validity also-especially discerning what is accurate and needing further attention versus I’m exaggerating. It makes it impossible to move forward authentically in relationship with them, let alone give myself the care and trust I need. Unfortunately, this is a common practice with two close family members I desperately don’t want to have to cut ties with, but has taken a severe toll on me. Any clarity and/or advice would be greatly appreciated😊
Conviction. Conviction knocks an knocks but what brings so much shame upon me. Contacting and hopefully a chance for me to apologize. Fear Fear chains me but finding an asking for power to break them chains? Money? Another Confronting new wave of life? I've sincerely felt my own uglyness of stained shame dating back from childhood. Alone an Knowing I've tried. I've lost I've borrowed I've Loved and Built. My daughter an granddaughter and son in-law continue growing as a family. Both ment awhile in college. I need to stop. Anna Peace Out
I always feel like what I have in mind or my opinions are wrong and immediately changeable and I've been going through horrible times I'm experiencing a break up of a relationship that was actually a good one and a good man but It was not meant to work out because I decided to ditch my life and live with him in a different city of my own..and all the way I could not tell what's wrong and right and whatever he says just makes sense more than whatever I have in mind..abd now after we separated I've been struggling with literal identity crisis and I can't even stop thinking about him.. you talk about in CPTSD is relatable in some cases because i lived with badly tempered parents that are impossible to predict and overreact and verbally abuse us.. I wish i could get some advice on how to accept the break up and start healing or at least start and learn to handle the triggers
My issue is over reacting to things... I was planning on going on vacation to Florida last winter but did not go because of an issue with the apartment complex that could have been easily dealt with after I got back from my vacation...
I grew up watching my mother piss herself at restaurants, passing out on her food, calling me names and locking me in my room. My dad split I couldn’t blame him. She is still a drunk at 75. A goddamn multimillionaire and she’s seen me succeed in business and was never kind. She damn sure pushed away all the loves in my life by getting drunk around them. Filthy rich drunk parents are the absolute worst. I suffer now with trauma, tinnitus and resentment. Lost my entire portfolio, savings and equity in just two years. She convinced me not to marry my ex gf bc deep down my mother wants me single and miserable because she ultimately hates men. Wtf And I hate myself for being in this financial, mental and spiritual position at 46.
You can turn it around! It's all just a good lesson. Once I divorced myself from my mother and family's lies about and toward me, I have begun to prosper as an adult. Still working on it every day. Now experiencing some actual Happiness. Gain confidence in your real self.
I have heard that 'the program' is better in some places than others. In my city, MANY ppl in the 12 step groups are on the "marijuana maintenance program"; it is very cliquish and, yeah, abusive. I mean, Bill W. really wasn't the guy he is made out to be anyway... Having said that, i did get some good things around those tables. You know what they say; "Take what you need, and leave the rest". So I did.
Thank you Anna for changing lives❤. Please can you tell me what should I do if I don't have resentments to write about twice a day every day? Should I repeat resentments that I have already ' let go of '? Sorry for being so stupid 😢
You don't have to repeat old resentments if they are no longer bothering you, it's okay to just focus on your fears when no resentments come to mind! -Calista@TeamFairy
~This video has made me tempted to try the 12 step CODA meeting that is quite a distance from me~I first need to find a way to politely deflect the constant questions about where exactly i live~I have no idea why this aways happens, but its a boundary i need to learn how to deal with, politely~Any suggestions would be most appreciated~♡~
The same thing has been an issue for me!! I say " I live in rural _____(state) or on a farm about an hour from here" they don't need to know and you need to feel safe. I thought I was the only one!
@@indigoigloo Anxiety and PTSD can cause distorted thinking for some people. And when you've been gaslit from childhood from narcissistic and otherwise abusive parents, it can be difficult to trust others in any situation.
1:20 - ok, I have this.. but none of the things you listed there actually happened in my family. But this isn't me arguing with you. I think both my parents were Simply... emotionally immature... or Something like that anyway. I'm frankly not sure.
Anybody go from pathological naivete to being a reader of almost all things human/psychological???? Not saying it's an impressive or necessarily good thing.
Yes ! - And then having to drop the accumulated information as well and go with guidance / intuition which gets clearer and stronger when you trust it and follow through...
How do we judge what’s truthful moral ethical when the absurd , the distortions in todays politics gets traction, becomes a normal for representing truth , a normal against the practical legal reasonable self aligning internal knowing ..
for years I wanted to write a book about my life because it truly is incredible the things that happened to me growing up and forever been alone with no family..friends or support system of any kind and in the last four years lost everything I own from marrying a man with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER..NARCISSIST AND SOCIOPATH..A MALIGNANT Borderline personality disorder..but I am strong and smart enough to realize that something was seriously wrong in 5months and planned and was divorced a month later..but the damage and the suffering has lasted more than 2 years
![Quando Rondo - Grow Up [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8zFnCg3BO4Q/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much for your insights. You are so amazing and intelligent and perceptive. Outstanding therapy.
My default is assuming I am wrong, even if later my perception is proven right. Also, not thinking in words doesn't help because I find it hard to explain what's wrong.
Sounds like you have the fawn response.
I have that too, I've improved a lot, I needed to inform myself like crazy, I feel like I've built this moral and knowledge internal system to sustain my opinions and decisions.
I recommend reading a lot, watching videos like this, watching series or movies that move your feelings because they feel right, or reading about someone you admire, and little by little build your principles and morals.
I think the main reason we think we are wrong all the time is because we do not have a strong foundation to defend our truth, it's normal because of our past and history, but it's never too late to build one. Let's build! ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
I also do this…
Interesting how've you formulate words. Cool don't doubt yourself
Me , too.Because I am surrender by unhealthy family people andcrelatives
Damaged perception was my main problem. Now that it's healed...I totally trust myself. I'm a real grown up now.
Short and Very powerful. Thanks for sharing… I think my trust is slowly coming online
I love that for you. So powerful.
I'm excited to be on the path to being a real grown up as well. How'd you grow your trust? Can you recommend any books, activities, etc that helped you?
How did you do it?
I grew up in an environment where no one was allowed to have feelings except for mom. Us kids were always overridden by mom, every time. If we were happy and excited she was angry. If. We were mad about something she was even more angry. It would escalate to where she was out in the yard screaming at us. We learned to keep everything undercover and control the younger kid’s outbursts for fear of being publicly embarrassed. We also learned to distrust everyone and not talk to anyone about how we felt, “Because what happens in this house is no one’s business!”
Kinda same in my childhood.
Bahaha ya and my mom wonders why I don’t tell her anything
Did we grow up in the same house???
@@ashleyhartadams3939 Traumatizing families have three main rules; Don’t talk, Don’t trust and Don’t feel. So yeah, I’m a brother from a different mothers/families.
did we have the same Mom 😢
I’m 34 codependent woman living with a narcissistic mother who invalidates every interaction past and present I’ve ever had. She had me so scared of living I hid away for years cut off my friends and I’m now relearning and adulting with no support thank you for your videos I feel less alone in this world ❤
You aren't alone and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I can definitely relate ..
Now you can start making friends and develop a support community!
Thanks for the reply and also I am working with kids and teaching them independence and autonomy so in a weird way I’m learning through their learning. I’m slowly detaching from her anxiety and influence but it’s been a painful slow transition.
@meaghenstandlee6644 I love when this happens! We get to re-experience in a new and different way when raising children. So sweet! Empowering.
“when you speak the truth the spell is broken” wow 🤯
This one sure hits a nerve for me. The psychological abuse, manipulation and gaslighting was in some ways worse than all the abuse I suffered in childhood. Still healing. But life is still good.
I've been told I'm wrong my entire life...even knowing within I'm right so I've lived with such confusion. My mother refused to see the family that abused me and she is always demeaning of me and tells me to deal with it because that's just the way she is.
I disagree, it is quite even on both genders. In my experience in counseling others for various abuse. Gender matters not, only getting help should be the focus.
Peace,
o__O
Everything you explained so simply in this video describes my life. Now, at 67, I'm wondering how to heal when these coping behaviors are so ingrained. I am so appreciative of your helping to understand and begin, Anna!
"Sexually off" is a huge lightbulb moment for me. I'm so grateful to hear that today, it makes a lot of my experiences make sense. Thank you
Im gonna try to stop smoking weed to get back to reality. Thank you
So far, so good 24 hrs in 🥲🙏
Same here. But it's so scary. Today I understand that I substituted my limerence behaviors for weed daily usage. At first, it made me feel free...able to express myself, not caring that much about people's opinions on me, and connect spiritually. But it definitely blurs my perception and also makes me more lonely ("if only I got some weed everything will be fine, I don't need anyone"), since I often get the feeling that I am enough for myself. Because, yeah, I enjoy my inner world, and I'm deeply introspective...but now I know how much it's been a substitute to real connection. Real connection feels way more powerful. I don't need to push people away anymore, don't need to feel so scary. It's very weird the understanding that I'm now an adult and have the power to change my situation.
Sorry for the rambling in your comment!! Best of luck
@thaiismmag thank you for sharing!! I'm 4 days strong 💪
(Edit) still going strong. It's been difficult but so worth it
Your videos are more helpful than years of therapy
Yes, this is one way where the crappy childhood keeps on giving. Even when you’re on a healing path and intuition speaks to you, you start doubting your intuition rather than the situation or person. It’s a terrible and dragging feeling.
Mine went away when I decided to trust myself first. Confusion was replaced by peace, and even if I was doubtful I perceived the situation right, I decided to trust that peace.
This is what makes it hard to find a therapist!!
Good Lord. This is so me. I tell People that I HAVE to tell the truth otherwise I can't keep a grip on reality. If I start lying I honestly can't remember what is real and what I made up.😢
You explain things so well…every single scenario and response is right on…all the relationship experiences…perceptional distortions…and everything I’ve managed to accomplished and not until late in life was achieved excruciatingly painful and left me feeling inadequate still…and yes…I am alone…
Quitting drinking catapulted my healing and now I'm not even remotely interested in alcohol. It creates a prison of the brain.
My mom didn't gaslight me, she just did what she wanted. From birth I was exposed to her hedonistic lifestyle. On the other side, her family, my Grandparents, Aunts, uncles, and cousins were all conservative Christians... not perfect, but most of them really loved the Lord and followed Christ. I would spend a lot of time with them too and it was a weird contrast. Around them, my mom showed that she could behave. She has actually always been a very intelligent person who could exercise decorum when she needed to. She always held down a good job, paid her bills and led an outwardly upright lifestyle. But, she was also bipolar and at night and on the weekends the weed would come out and heroin addict bad boy boyfriends would turn up to party. This was very confusing to me. At 50, I'm still not able to judge social situations properly. One area I struggle with is always wondering if I've inadvertently offended someone with things I say. I'm pretty direct, so this feels necessary but also harsh to me Kind of tired of it. Now, I'm learning to sit with this discomfort rather then fawning. Then if the right time comes, I might broach the subject. I feel misunderstood a lot, but i wonder if that's mostly me projecting that on others? Confusing. Fortunately my mom now denounces her wayward lifestyle and has apologized to me for it. I've forgiven her and we have a good relationship now. Unfortunately, I'm still socially awkward due to things that happened to me from 0-10 years old. Once you're baked, you're baked. Now it's just a matter of "learning and knowing" correct behavior and trying imperfectly to implement it when I can. No wonder we all want to isolate.
I'm having problems with accepting this distorted perception, when I read this kind of video titles, I feel how I automatically reject the idea. But I force myself to watch the video because of what I know now, and yeah I have a distorted perception, my god, this improvement path sometimes is difficult, the truths are difficult to swallow.
There just seems to be continued layers of discovering painful truths.
Let's hope these coming years will be more of like minded people.
And little to no abusers! It's just too much at this point
I feel the same. The layers are sooooooooo much.
Most abusers were abused themselves. So the abusers need help healing too, in order to prevent others from being hurt. It's a big cycle and I know there's a big argument about whether people are born like that. And not everyone who's abused becomes abusive. But like everything else, different people are affected in different ways. That doesn't mean we should tolerate abuse, I'm just saying that in order to prevent the abuse, the abusers need to stop and most won't seek help, but if they do they need to be helped.
00:00 🧠 Recognizing damaged perception is challenging in ourselves, especially with childhood PTSD.
0:44 🚸 Childhood trauma, chaos, alcoholism, or depression can lead to damaged perception in adulthood.
2:06 💔 Trauma-induced damaged perception can make one susceptible to manipulation, affecting relationships and decision-making.
4:02 🚫 Adults lying about the reality of traumatic situations can scramble perception and lead to self-doubt.
6:28 🔄 Steps to heal perception: Recognize distorted thinking, discern the truth, and express it even when difficult.
8:46 🌟 Advanced healing involves discerning when and how to express the truth for positive changes.
10:38 🛑 Temporary cessation of mind-altering substances aids focus on improving perception and seeing reality clearly.
12:00 🔄 Daily practices like writing fears, resentments, and meditation help unclutter the mind, improving mental state.
14:36 🤝 Seeking honest feedback from trusted friends can provide valuable insights into personal patterns and blind spots.
16:05 🔄 Embracing truth, facing problems, and changing behaviors are crucial for personal growth and positive life changes.
17:38 ⏸ Taking pauses when stressed in conversations allows for reflection on perception and improves communication.
This is why I choose not to be around relatives. They do not want to live in or acknowledge the truth. They want to be in a relationship lie and not acknowledge the traumatic past and their damaging dangerous unhealthy behaviors.
Oh, absolutely!
☝🏼💯
I'm all about that honesty. Truth builds healthy relationships and trust. I had to learn the hard way to become conscious of that being a strong value of mine.
I spoke up often as a child when I was uncomfortable and was just as often told to not let it get to me, to ignore it, to get over it, or that I was too sensitive.
My father would periodically walk around in an inappropriate manner and when I got older I finally said something in the context of wanting to bring friends in from the neighborhood and his behavior made that impossible to do, only to have it met with defensiveness and righteous attitude. "My house my way" kind of thing. (The image that brings to mind now is an unreasonable man-boy pounding his chest in response).
I've never been good at ignoring 'the elephants in the room' but the rest of my family seems to have no issue with it at all as well as be able to live in denial as to how crappy things actually were. I couldn't tolerate the denial or their scapegoating of me so I bowed out and went NC. Tried LC with the mother but it was me reaching out most of the time in a friendly way. Lines are still open but it's become rare that she initiates contact.
How strong of you. I’ve gone no contact to… it’s been very difficult … stories like yours help. ❤️
@@peterbuckley9731 Thanks. I don't feel too strong lol. It is difficult to essentially not have family. But my sanity, well-being and safety is what became more important. It's sad that some of us have to choose NC with family in order to have those things.
Where were you when I first started therapy?! Your descriptions, insights, and explanations of solutions are invaluable to the recovery process. I have only started watching your videos recently, and already am seeing changes in my awareness and perception.
I began the recovery process 11 months ago with a 12-step program and intensive therapy. Thank you, for lighting a fire in my recovery journey! ❤ 🙏
Oh my!!! less then 2 min in and it feels like you are speaking right to me!!! We are not helpless but we are injured. ❤❤❤ I knew this but felt crazy for believing. Thank you for confirming ❤
Thanks for this video. I'm learning to trust myself, put myself first, and not abandon myself are my new keys to life. So that I can be myself, I am now in a new friendship dynamic with someone who values me. It's great, and important to not go for the guys that give me the butterflies that signal something is familiar and bad about those. I've also working on boundaries that are healthy.
We're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
So many red flags in my family. There’s no reason why my siblings and I should have been naked for such a long time. My friends said it was weird but I always wrote it off
Thank you. I really appreciate your words and couldn't agree more about removing substances from your life. I would offer that 12 step programs are not safe for everyone and not all 12 step groups are the same (healthy / safe). For example, I did ACOA and I just went into severe trauma through constant shaming. It's really hard to try to heal when people who are in shame and think they are helping, use shame to try to help without awareness. Some people think they are healers but all they've done is spiritual bypassing.
Yes, I have also experienced this in 12-Step programs (certain people/meetings), and also other types of spiritual groups. We have to be discerning whenever interacting with anyone, regardless of if it seems to be a "healthy and safe" space/group. After many years in a particular 12-Step fellowship, I decided to quietly leave, and I stopped going to meetings. I knew it was time to leave when I realized I dreaded going to meetings and talking to the people there, rather than feeling accepted and loved.
Thank you Anna
That exactly describes me...
Yes my household growing up was total toxic and on edge
Well. This is s lot to do. Thank you so much. My perception is off, things are out of proportion, plus or minus. I'm usually the minus. Childhood and ongoing trauma including drugs from doctors, iatrogenesis is big part of my resume. I'm all over the road but it's clearer. Takes time to process. Radical honesty. Kindness. Step back from the world. Maybe 12 step is something to look into. Many many thanks.
i totally feel like this today....my parents told me everything was ok with their relationship...but i knew the difference...and bang all of a sudden my mom and dad separate...so i'm sure it skewed my way of seeing things thru out my life ,,,,this happened when i was 12 years old...i'm now 50 ....
This is incredible. You are doing so much good to so many people.❤
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
Gosh, Crappy Childhood Fairy you have truly been a rock in my life over the past few months. Your messages of kindness and strength have been overwhelmingly positive and helpful during a very stressful time in my life. Thank you so much for producing this content! I must also say your Daily Practice was exactly what I needed at a time when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and doing the writing and meditation, even just for a little bit, made a world of difference. You are truly an inspiration in my life and I’m so grateful for everything that you do!!! ❤🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤🎉🎉 I’m feeling worlds better nowadays and so much of it is thanks to your work. Sending bundles and bundles of love. ❤❤❤❤
Wow, I'm so glad the channel and practice have been helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I can't believe how much of what you said in this video is ME!
😮 DAMAGE perception
Omg did you just read my diary?! This explains so much. Thanks!
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I found a gem channel
This was powerful
She's awesome ❤!!!!
Hi Anna, I love your videos & content; I have been binge watching since I found your channel. thanks for you're doing to help others. For someone that doesn't like to shop, you look great in your choice of clothing. Wishing you a great day.
Thank you so much for another great vid, Ms. Anna. Always outstanding info at just the right time!
Just wanna say that I've started listening to your Spotify podcast as well. But I still visit your website cuz sometimes I miss to see your expressions and gesture 😄
- from a limerent 20-something guy who is trying to heal and see the reality
thank you
This was like watching a video made exactly for me, as if the Crappy Childhood Fairy had watched every moment of my life. Scarily accurate! I guess I know what I need to do next.
Thank you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You're brave asking your friends critique. My partner thinks I'm great but I don't think so.
You've helped me so much! I love your videos
Anna, this was wonderful. Thank you. Would you be open to elaborating on this topic? It's the most difficult issue of CPTSD.
So often those lies we are told as young children...make us insane!young kids DO INDEED have instinct. When were told our instincts are wrong, and we don't follow em, we learn to ignore it! Next thing u no, ur targeted by a predator. What's ur response?? Ignore it! We've been....well I'll say I HAD been taught to ignore it or minimize it smh
I tried real hard to reverse that while raising my own family. Irdk my kids to dismiss their instinct or gut feelings. I told them the times they ignored or dismissed their instinct...they were wrong. It's pretty important to listen to our gut instinct. It never fails us. Never!
I just wanna be able to move through the world and feel less but simultaneously feel peace 😢🤍
This is such an eye opening podcast. Thank you so much 💜
It also made me wonder if OCD, which I have, may also have the same source. In general it's just questioning my own senses, which forces me to repeat over and over all the checking before I leave the house, and still not being sure if everything is turned off and safe. I am very curious about your opinion about that.
Oh my. This really hits the nails on the head perfect for the nightmare I am in.
QUESTION: You described taking feedback and said not to defend yourself, but accept their input and maybe cry it out by yourself later. You had shared a personal story of when you were accepting feedback and that you admitted that all but one part was true. What did you do when you knew you had other poor behaviors, but the part of their feedback regarding you not caring for them was absolutely NOT true? Did you tell them or were you able to carry on in the relationship with knowing the truth yourself?
I have been in this situation so many times with gaslighters and struggle with just accepting it when the false belief is quite detrimental and threatens my own experience, so my truth and validity also-especially discerning what is accurate and needing further attention versus I’m exaggerating. It makes it impossible to move forward authentically in relationship with them, let alone give myself the care and trust I need. Unfortunately, this is a common practice with two close family members I desperately don’t want to have to cut ties with, but has taken a severe toll on me.
Any clarity and/or advice would be greatly appreciated😊
Conviction. Conviction knocks an knocks but what brings so much shame upon me. Contacting and hopefully a chance for me to apologize. Fear Fear chains me but finding an asking for power to break them chains? Money? Another Confronting new wave of life? I've sincerely felt my own uglyness of stained shame dating back from childhood. Alone an Knowing I've tried. I've lost I've borrowed I've Loved and Built. My daughter an granddaughter and son in-law continue growing as a family. Both ment awhile in college. I need to stop. Anna Peace Out
Very powerful video. Thank you 🙏
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I recognize this.
Love your videos, thank you
Thanks for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
I always feel like what I have in mind or my opinions are wrong and immediately changeable and I've been going through horrible times I'm experiencing a break up of a relationship that was actually a good one and a good man but It was not meant to work out because I decided to ditch my life and live with him in a different city of my own..and all the way I could not tell what's wrong and right and whatever he says just makes sense more than whatever I have in mind..abd now after we separated I've been struggling with literal identity crisis and I can't even stop thinking about him.. you talk about in CPTSD is relatable in some cases because i lived with badly tempered parents that are impossible to predict and overreact and verbally abuse us.. I wish i could get some advice on how to accept the break up and start healing or at least start and learn to handle the triggers
Watched it 10 times❤So true.
Thank you! This is a great video ❤
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
@vigneshdevraj , how can Ayurveda help with this?
My issue is over reacting to things... I was planning on going on vacation to Florida last winter but did not go because of an issue with the apartment complex that could have been easily dealt with after I got back from my vacation...
❤ Love your channel ❤
I grew up watching my mother piss herself at restaurants, passing out on her food, calling me names and locking me in my room. My dad split I couldn’t blame him. She is still a drunk at 75. A goddamn multimillionaire and she’s seen me succeed in business and was never kind. She damn sure pushed away all the loves in my life by getting drunk around them. Filthy rich drunk parents are the absolute worst. I suffer now with trauma, tinnitus and resentment. Lost my entire portfolio, savings and equity in just two years. She convinced me not to marry my ex gf bc deep down my mother wants me single and miserable because she ultimately hates men. Wtf
And I hate myself for being in this financial, mental and spiritual position at 46.
You can turn it around! It's all just a good lesson. Once I divorced myself from my mother and family's lies about and toward me, I have begun to prosper as an adult. Still working on it every day. Now experiencing some actual Happiness. Gain confidence in your real self.
I don't share your affinity for twelve step programs. I've encountered some horribly abusive people outside of them.
Outside? what about getting inside where the healing is? There's often a fringe of folks skirting the issues around 12-step.
I have heard that 'the program' is better in some places than others. In my city, MANY ppl in the 12 step groups are on the "marijuana maintenance program"; it is very cliquish and, yeah, abusive. I mean, Bill W. really wasn't the guy he is made out to be anyway...
Having said that, i did get some good things around those tables. You know what they say; "Take what you need, and leave the rest". So I did.
Thank you
Thank you Anna for changing lives❤. Please can you tell me what should I do if I don't have resentments to write about twice a day every day? Should I repeat resentments that I have already ' let go of '? Sorry for being so stupid 😢
You don't have to repeat old resentments if they are no longer bothering you, it's okay to just focus on your fears when no resentments come to mind! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, I'd like to suggest a topic: mother/daughter emotional incest. Would love to hear your thoughts on it. x
Thank you 🤍
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
~This video has made me tempted to try the 12 step CODA meeting that is quite a distance from me~I first need to find a way to politely deflect the constant questions about where exactly i live~I have no idea why this aways happens, but its a boundary i need to learn how to deal with, politely~Any suggestions would be most appreciated~♡~
The same thing has been an issue for me!! I say " I live in rural _____(state) or on a farm about an hour from here" they don't need to know and you need to feel safe. I thought I was the only one!
@@mollystranlund2412 ~Really?!~What do you say when that happens?~
But how do I know it's childhood trauma telling me that and not my OCD / anxiety?
Srsly just curious… why is that distinction important to you?
OCD and anxiety are symptoms.
@@indigoigloo Anxiety and PTSD can cause distorted thinking for some people. And when you've been gaslit from childhood from narcissistic and otherwise abusive parents, it can be difficult to trust others in any situation.
@@indigoigloo so I don't blame my mother for nothing
I love my crappy childhood fairy!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
1:20 - ok, I have this.. but none of the things you listed there actually happened in my family.
But this isn't me arguing with you.
I think both my parents were Simply... emotionally immature... or Something like that anyway.
I'm frankly not sure.
14:14
Anybody go from pathological naivete to being a reader of almost all things human/psychological???? Not saying it's an impressive or necessarily good thing.
But it is an upgrade in the survival mechanisms.
Yes ! - And then having to drop the accumulated information as well and go with guidance / intuition which gets clearer and stronger when you trust it and follow through...
💟
How do we judge what’s truthful moral ethical when the absurd , the distortions in todays politics gets traction, becomes a normal for representing truth , a normal against the practical legal reasonable self aligning internal knowing ..
I do it through my Daily Practice techniques. Fills me with clarity and inner power.
Promo SM
❤❤❤❤❤
Getting high on purpose is ridiculous anyway
for years I wanted to write a book about my life because it truly is incredible the things that happened to me growing up and forever been alone with no family..friends or support system of any kind and in the last four years lost everything I own from marrying a man with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER..NARCISSIST AND SOCIOPATH..A MALIGNANT Borderline personality disorder..but I am strong and smart enough to realize that something was seriously wrong in 5months and planned and was divorced a month later..but the damage and the suffering has lasted more than 2 years