This is so fascinating (as you can see Finn, I'm starting at the beginning of your youtube journey and watching straight through). I think about my own relationship with my husband, and this gives me so much insight into our communication differences. Bless his heart, he always tries very hard to attend to all my little stories even though he is naturally a factual, quiet guy. What he has told me, is he loves that I talk so much, because he is a listener. I often say "Oh my goodness, I'm babbling!" and he says "That's your role---I want you to babble." He does not say much while I'm babbling, but he seems to like it. So I've learned that even though he doesn't talk much, and when he does, it's pretty factual (except when we talk about science stuff, spirituality, or politics), he does enjoy my talkativeness. Of course, for you, now that Drew is transitioning, you are making new changes in communication. How is it going?
+friendoftherese1 Good question! We now dont talk at al!! LMAO! No seriously, we have had some issues with our roles and styles being thrown up into the air again but I think actually we are entering a new and better level of understanding each other again!
This vid was really useful and will has gave me something to think about when I start T. Think I will share this video with my better half so she can watch it. I am still waiting for my first GIC appnt it was going to be 6-8 weeks so psych said but that has changed to 4-6 months! Its a long wait but seeing you guys so further forward gives me something to look forward to. Thanks again for great vids Finn x
You guys are just great together. I think it's great that you are spending more time with other trans couples as it will give you great insight on how you can move on in your relationship. Also if any people that can sort this communication thing out its you two.
Cheers Robin. It does take a lot of awareness and honesty to deal with it, but if you are a strong couple, which I know you two are, then this can be worked through. Nat and I seem to be through the worst of it and I know we will be fine ....as will you both :)
Thanks John, I am indeed a very lucky chap. Fish pie is a mixture of salmon haddock and cod in a parsly sauce with leek, and then topped with mashed potatoe and put in the oven. Its amazing...well Nats is!!!
My partner is about to start T and I was just sobbing earlier about how worried I was about the physical changes and the unknown. This made me feel so much better, I am really glad to see I'm not the only one who has worried about it, I felt really terrible.
Don't feel terrible . It's such a hard thing to deal with and I know this all too well as I've been both sides of the fence. First with my transition and now with Drew's, if you've not seen my other vids, my partner is now living as male and is 5 months on t . We do go through a bit of a grieving period, for our partner as we knew them and for the relationship between us . The good thing is that it does get easier. Drew was so lost when I first came out but eventually he adapted and I have been the same with Drew too, I am finding some sadness in seeing the person I met and fell in love with disappear, at least in a visual sense anyway, but there is so much joy in seeing him find his peace and happiness. He's really still the same person, just a happier one. He found the exact same experience with my transition. Wishing you both all the best. Feel free to drop me a message anytime
That's really reassuring. Being Trans myself I guess I thought I would be immune to the grieving process. I'm just trying really hard to figure out how to grieve without making my partner feel hurt in the process. I didn't do very well at it today so it was a wake up call. Thank you so much for your kind reply.
+Kelly Draehn Ah I see, well I can relate to that, I thought , being that I knew this stuff quite well, that I too would be immune...completely not the case, I have found myself quite affected by Andrews transition. Its about each partner allowing the others feelings. As long as they are expressed in a considerate way we just have to each go through our own process alongside each other. We all react badly sometimes, its what we do after the bad reaction that counts :)
You're definitely right. I think now that I've accepted there is this grieving process, things are becoming easier. I can be excited for what is coming while still grieving. And by accepting that duality I think it made everything kind of settle in and helps me be supportive and available for my partner like I want to be.
This one is a hard one for me to comment on because breaking up with Joanne I thought it would have ended the same weather I was transitioning or not but looking back I see I haven't had more than a sentence or two to say to her through all this. If I wasn't transitioning I would have been a lot more emotional and felt the need to constantly explain to her. It is good to see the way you two are handling things though. Awesome vid Finn and always nice to see Nat, hope she does more with you!
Cheers fella :) We are laughing about it...despite the frustration...which is a good sign!!! Its just taking a lot of readjustment, to relate differently...its very surreal...but yes, we are as strong as ever and we will be ok.....as long as Nat doesnt wax me :D
Thanks my friend. And yes, that does seem to be whats happening to me....Im definately processing info diferently as the way Nat speaks is now quite frustrating to me...as is my new style of communicating to nat! It is so amazing to experience such a dramatic change like this. I know we will work it out, we are talking about it...as best we can! and we seem out of the worst, the last couple of months weve not been able to say more than a couple of sentences without frustrating each other!
Hey Andy! Its facinating..on a psychological level...not so much living it..lol!! I think we likely choose people and relate/connect with people, who have similar convo styles. I guess with Nat and I, we will have to treat it like stroke/brain injury and just be understanding and adapt. Its clear we still love each other...and can see the funny side...so with patience and understanding Im sure we will work it out in time. Love you too my good freind!
this is a great video! I love all of the eye contact you guys give one another.. Ive been trying to come out as trans for a few months now and unfortunately, it has been a horrible pill for my partner to have to swallow.. Im hoping this video might help her. Finn, Im enjoying all of your vlogs! Thanks so much for all the time an effort you've put into them!
Hi my friend. It is so very very hard on our partners, we just have to bare this in mind and be as patient as we can. Give her space to express how she feels and try not to get upset...I know its hard...but just being able to get out all she is feelings may help her a lot. remember we have had far longer to come to terms with it than our partners have. To them, it can feel like a huge emotional loss of the person the love and the life they lead. Im so glad my vlogs help and I really hope this helps your partner. All the best to the both of you,
Thanks my friend. I use a sony handycam. Nat and I have got closer during transition in general, as we have had to talk about difficult deep stuff, but this recent problem has caused us to drift away from each other a bit...though now we are talking about it we have got closer again. I think if you share the journey together, make it as much yr partners transition as yours, talk frequently and honestly, then it actually produces a closer more connected relationship. It has with Nat and I :)
Hey mate, thank you!!! I feel good and Im loving my new face!!! That sounds sooo vein...but Im sure you know what I mean!!! Glad you and Kari are doing ok...it is a constant reevaluation and shift isnt it! T is powerful stuff!!!
Great vid... pretty scary though. This is exactly what Sandy doesn't want from me going on T, and I'm really hoping that I'll find a way to continue communicating despite it. That said, I've always been pretty factual about my responses so maybe I'm already like you are now Finn, and won't get more so. Ho hum... at least, like you two, we're open for working things out together. Good luck to you both, I really hope you continue to work things out little by little. :-)
I really love seeing videos of you both, very helpful. My partner identified as a lesbian when we met (now pansexual), so hearing how Nat is experiencing the changes that T can bring is really helpful and comforting. Sometimes when i'm low, i wonder how my partner can still be attracted to me etc, i know she is it's just my own worries that get in the way. Your a great couple and the love is noticeable, you can work through anything. Since being on T i definitely fart more :P
Jasper! Cheers man :) Chin strap is a bit patchy as yet...but had to give it a try out :) Dont worry...Nat puts me in my place good and proper....shes the boss!!!! Fish pie is tasty! Its a mixture of fish and parsly sauce with a topping of mashed potato, then baked in the oven...yum!!! Thanks so much mate :)
Whoops...wasn't supposed to send so early. Anyway - thanks to you and Nat for making this video. I identified with A LOT of what you said regarding how you now communicate differently. I have found that I am very short with my responses as well and am less tolerant of others "details". Great video bud.
I can relate to the communication thing....I've been on t for 19 months now and still sometimes i tend to give angry sounding answers even though i'm not angry. she hates txting me half the time because I like to give short or one answer responses...but I am glad to see that you guys are doing well and working things out....btw I think you guys are great together....
Finn! Hope all is well with you...just had to tell you that your jawline is so much more dense and pronounced and your adams apple is larger. Looking good man! You and Nat seem so in love. I know what that communication breakdown feels like...Kari and i are reinventing ourselves in ways that are constanly evolving. Its really so interesting that a hormone can do so much. Take care, Quinn
Hey mate, I think things with Jo and you are slightly different, but yes, it does show that if you stop communicating, that the beginning of the end really. I agree with you though, the different way T makes you think has definately helped you to deal with your situation in a more balanced and less emotional way....which you have needed my friend! Wait till we get you over here...we'll find you a nice english girl that'll treat you right ;)
My thoughts exactly Bro!!! I mean its goooood fish pie...but seriously!!! I just used to rave about it more...whereas now I just grunt....inwardly Im still raving about it though!! LMAO!!!
This is hilarious, and very helpful of course. Please tell Nat that at 3:41 my wife said "I feel ya Nat!" I was just telling her the same about noticing my difficulty listening to women talking, especially voice wise. I'd just done the same with the chin hair try it out, but only for 2 days as she dislikes the stubble & it's too sparse yet.
It makes me wonder about men & women altogether? Are we meant to figure out the communication piece, or do we get our communication cravings through the same sex/someone with a similar style? Do we approach it as if a medical illness had changed the communication processing? Like a stroke or brain issue? I'm already a bit short with answers, so I can't imagine the change on T. Interesting, but challenging, huh? Love you two! I feel honored to watch as you work through it! #;>)
Thank you so much Jay :). Its a good idea for you both to be on the ball about this and be prepared....its quite something to have to adjust too!!! Bless you having to wait...its the hardest part my friend but before you know it youll be having that first jab in the ass!!!
Hahaha! Nat says thank you!! Yeah that glazed over look....I cant help it!! Im glad its not just me who finds female voices so strange now.....they sound so different...strange!! The chin hair is getting there...the rest of the face is patchy......but its progressing well! Nat seems to not mind it....might be different with a full beard!!! Thanks my friend, will email you tommorow!
LMAO!! She does...buts shes way too young for you! Interesting about your friend, she must prefer the conversation style you have now. Cheers for your comments mate!
Nat is awesome! Does she have a sister??? hahhahaha what's interesting to me is that my ex, who was really frustrating to deal with when we were together a few years ago (she always had to be right even if it was wrong and short tempered) is still frustrating as a friend BUT she seems to be wanting to interact with me in a way that she hasn't in years. She seems to be more into me. Very interesting. She started dating straight cismen after she dumped me. Hmmmmm
Hiya! So T does make you fart more then??! ha! ( Nat just said over my sholder...ha! I told you so!) Nat is still working through the label thing....its really annoys her...that she has to be labelled at all. Glad yr partner has worked that one out. I too was worried Nat may stop finding me attractive but thats not been the case at all, though I too do get paranoid at times. Thank you so much my friend :)
This is so fascinating (as you can see Finn, I'm starting at the beginning of your youtube journey and watching straight through). I think about my own relationship with my husband, and this gives me so much insight into our communication differences. Bless his heart, he always tries very hard to attend to all my little stories even though he is naturally a factual, quiet guy. What he has told me, is he loves that I talk so much, because he is a listener. I often say "Oh my goodness, I'm babbling!" and he says "That's your role---I want you to babble." He does not say much while I'm babbling, but he seems to like it. So I've learned that even though he doesn't talk much, and when he does, it's pretty factual (except when we talk about science stuff, spirituality, or politics), he does enjoy my talkativeness. Of course, for you, now that Drew is transitioning, you are making new changes in communication. How is it going?
+friendoftherese1 Good question! We now dont talk at al!! LMAO! No seriously, we have had some issues with our roles and styles being thrown up into the air again but I think actually we are entering a new and better level of understanding each other again!
This vid was really useful and will has gave me something to think about when I start T. Think I will share this video with my better half so she can watch it. I am still waiting for my first GIC appnt it was going to be 6-8 weeks so psych said but that has changed to 4-6 months! Its a long wait but seeing you guys so further forward gives me something to look forward to. Thanks again for great vids Finn x
You guys are just great together. I think it's great that you are spending more time with other trans couples as it will give you great insight on how you can move on in your relationship. Also if any people that can sort this communication thing out its you two.
I know this is the same every time, but I just love to watch you guys interact. I just love it...
I'm SO glad to know that the communication stuff isn't just me and my partner. Everything you've said is true for us (for the most part).
Cheers Robin. It does take a lot of awareness and honesty to deal with it, but if you are a strong couple, which I know you two are, then this can be worked through. Nat and I seem to be through the worst of it and I know we will be fine ....as will you both :)
Thanks John, I am indeed a very lucky chap. Fish pie is a mixture of salmon haddock and cod in a parsly sauce with leek, and then topped with mashed potatoe and put in the oven. Its amazing...well Nats is!!!
Thanks so much Ian! Im glad its not just me!!!
My partner is about to start T and I was just sobbing earlier about how worried I was about the physical changes and the unknown. This made me feel so much better, I am really glad to see I'm not the only one who has worried about it, I felt really terrible.
Don't feel terrible . It's such a hard thing to deal with and I know this all too well as I've been both sides of the fence. First with my transition and now with Drew's, if you've not seen my other vids, my partner is now living as male and is 5 months on t . We do go through a bit of a grieving period, for our partner as we knew them and for the relationship between us . The good thing is that it does get easier. Drew was so lost when I first came out but eventually he adapted and I have been the same with Drew too, I am finding some sadness in seeing the person I met and fell in love with disappear, at least in a visual sense anyway, but there is so much joy in seeing him find his peace and happiness. He's really still the same person, just a happier one. He found the exact same experience with my transition. Wishing you both all the best. Feel free to drop me a message anytime
That's really reassuring. Being Trans myself I guess I thought I would be immune to the grieving process. I'm just trying really hard to figure out how to grieve without making my partner feel hurt in the process. I didn't do very well at it today so it was a wake up call. Thank you so much for your kind reply.
+Kelly Draehn Ah I see, well I can relate to that, I thought , being that I knew this stuff quite well, that I too would be immune...completely not the case, I have found myself quite affected by Andrews transition. Its about each partner allowing the others feelings. As long as they are expressed in a considerate way we just have to each go through our own process alongside each other. We all react badly sometimes, its what we do after the bad reaction that counts :)
You're definitely right. I think now that I've accepted there is this grieving process, things are becoming easier. I can be excited for what is coming while still grieving. And by accepting that duality I think it made everything kind of settle in and helps me be supportive and available for my partner like I want to be.
+Kelly Draehn exactly that!!
This one is a hard one for me to comment on because breaking up with Joanne I thought it would have ended the same weather I was transitioning or not but looking back I see I haven't had more than a sentence or two to say to her through all this. If I wasn't transitioning I would have been a lot more emotional and felt the need to constantly explain to her.
It is good to see the way you two are handling things though. Awesome vid Finn and always nice to see Nat, hope she does more with you!
Cheers fella :) We are laughing about it...despite the frustration...which is a good sign!!! Its just taking a lot of readjustment, to relate differently...its very surreal...but yes, we are as strong as ever and we will be ok.....as long as Nat doesnt wax me :D
Mate, Im glad its not just me!!!! Our poor partners!!!! Yes, we have to put the effort in and sort this out! Thank so much :)
Thanks my friend. And yes, that does seem to be whats happening to me....Im definately processing info diferently as the way Nat speaks is now quite frustrating to me...as is my new style of communicating to nat! It is so amazing to experience such a dramatic change like this. I know we will work it out, we are talking about it...as best we can! and we seem out of the worst, the last couple of months weve not been able to say more than a couple of sentences without frustrating each other!
Hey Andy! Its facinating..on a psychological level...not so much living it..lol!! I think we likely choose people and relate/connect with people, who have similar convo styles. I guess with Nat and I, we will have to treat it like stroke/brain injury and just be understanding and adapt. Its clear we still love each other...and can see the funny side...so with patience and understanding Im sure we will work it out in time. Love you too my good freind!
this is a great video! I love all of the eye contact you guys give one another.. Ive been trying to come out as trans for a few months now and unfortunately, it has been a horrible pill for my partner to have to swallow.. Im hoping this video might help her. Finn, Im enjoying all of your vlogs! Thanks so much for all the time an effort you've put into them!
Hi my friend. It is so very very hard on our partners, we just have to bare this in mind and be as patient as we can. Give her space to express how she feels and try not to get upset...I know its hard...but just being able to get out all she is feelings may help her a lot. remember we have had far longer to come to terms with it than our partners have. To them, it can feel like a huge emotional loss of the person the love and the life they lead. Im so glad my vlogs help and I really hope this helps your partner. All the best to the both of you,
Thanks my friend. I use a sony handycam. Nat and I have got closer during transition in general, as we have had to talk about difficult deep stuff, but this recent problem has caused us to drift away from each other a bit...though now we are talking about it we have got closer again. I think if you share the journey together, make it as much yr partners transition as yours, talk frequently and honestly, then it actually produces a closer more connected relationship. It has with Nat and I :)
Hey mate, thank you!!! I feel good and Im loving my new face!!! That sounds sooo vein...but Im sure you know what I mean!!! Glad you and Kari are doing ok...it is a constant reevaluation and shift isnt it! T is powerful stuff!!!
ps. Regardless of the glazed looks and communication problems, it's evident from this video alone that you two love each other deeply!
Great vid... pretty scary though. This is exactly what Sandy doesn't want from me going on T, and I'm really hoping that I'll find a way to continue communicating despite it. That said, I've always been pretty factual about my responses so maybe I'm already like you are now Finn, and won't get more so. Ho hum... at least, like you two, we're open for working things out together. Good luck to you both, I really hope you continue to work things out little by little. :-)
I really love seeing videos of you both, very helpful. My partner identified as a lesbian when we met (now pansexual), so hearing how Nat is experiencing the changes that T can bring is really helpful and comforting. Sometimes when i'm low, i wonder how my partner can still be attracted to me etc, i know she is it's just my own worries that get in the way. Your a great couple and the love is noticeable, you can work through anything.
Since being on T i definitely fart more :P
Finn!!!! You look and sound amazing - first of all.
Ah!!! Thanks so much Ky! :)
Jasper! Cheers man :) Chin strap is a bit patchy as yet...but had to give it a try out :) Dont worry...Nat puts me in my place good and proper....shes the boss!!!! Fish pie is tasty! Its a mixture of fish and parsly sauce with a topping of mashed potato, then baked in the oven...yum!!! Thanks so much mate :)
Brilliant vid as usual :)
me too my friend! I hope you are managing to negotiate it all?
Whoops...wasn't supposed to send so early. Anyway - thanks to you and Nat for making this video. I identified with A LOT of what you said regarding how you now communicate differently. I have found that I am very short with my responses as well and am less tolerant of others "details". Great video bud.
Aw thank you!!! :)
Thanks fella :) Yes we really do, and I know thats what will make us sort this out. Its already so much better. laughter helps a lot too :)
I can relate to the communication thing....I've been on t for 19 months now and still sometimes i tend to give angry sounding answers even though i'm not angry. she hates txting me half the time because I like to give short or one answer responses...but I am glad to see that you guys are doing well and working things out....btw I think you guys are great together....
You two are adorable!!!
Finn! Hope all is well with you...just had to tell you that your jawline is so much more dense and pronounced and your adams apple is larger. Looking good man! You and Nat seem so in love. I know what that communication breakdown feels like...Kari and i are reinventing ourselves in ways that are constanly evolving. Its really so interesting that a hormone can do so much. Take care, Quinn
Thank you kind Sir!
Hey mate, I think things with Jo and you are slightly different, but yes, it does show that if you stop communicating, that the beginning of the end really. I agree with you though, the different way T makes you think has definately helped you to deal with your situation in a more balanced and less emotional way....which you have needed my friend! Wait till we get you over here...we'll find you a nice english girl that'll treat you right ;)
Yes you are completely right I think! So maybe in two years Nat might get a full sentence...poor Nat!!!!
My thoughts exactly Bro!!! I mean its goooood fish pie...but seriously!!! I just used to rave about it more...whereas now I just grunt....inwardly Im still raving about it though!! LMAO!!!
Aww, you two are wonderful together - great chemistry! :D
This is hilarious, and very helpful of course. Please tell Nat that at 3:41 my wife said "I feel ya Nat!" I was just telling her the same about noticing my difficulty listening to women talking, especially voice wise. I'd just done the same with the chin hair try it out, but only for 2 days as she dislikes the stubble & it's too sparse yet.
Nat says..... "Yay Maaaaaatttttt!" :)
It makes me wonder about men & women altogether? Are we meant to figure out the communication piece, or do we get our communication cravings through the same sex/someone with a similar style? Do we approach it as if a medical illness had changed the communication processing? Like a stroke or brain issue? I'm already a bit short with answers, so I can't imagine the change on T. Interesting, but challenging, huh? Love you two! I feel honored to watch as you work through it! #;>)
Thank you so much Jay :). Its a good idea for you both to be on the ball about this and be prepared....its quite something to have to adjust too!!! Bless you having to wait...its the hardest part my friend but before you know it youll be having that first jab in the ass!!!
How are you supposed to get emotional over fish pie?
:D :D thanks so much!!!
Lol thats kinda what Im finding!! Im working on it ;)
Hahahahaha!! yeah....she puts me in my place...i just like to push it at times :P
Yay Naaaaattt :)
Hahaha! Nat says thank you!! Yeah that glazed over look....I cant help it!! Im glad its not just me who finds female voices so strange now.....they sound so different...strange!! The chin hair is getting there...the rest of the face is patchy......but its progressing well! Nat seems to not mind it....might be different with a full beard!!! Thanks my friend, will email you tommorow!
LMAO!! She does...buts shes way too young for you! Interesting about your friend, she must prefer the conversation style you have now. Cheers for your comments mate!
Fun
that cheeky grin.. l o l
yeah she has that effect on me! lol!
Nat is awesome! Does she have a sister??? hahhahaha what's interesting to me is that my ex, who was really frustrating to deal with when we were together a few years ago (she always had to be right even if it was wrong and short tempered) is still frustrating as a friend BUT she seems to be wanting to interact with me in a way that she hasn't in years. She seems to be more into me. Very interesting. She started dating straight cismen after she dumped me. Hmmmmm
Hiya! So T does make you fart more then??! ha! ( Nat just said over my sholder...ha! I told you so!) Nat is still working through the label thing....its really annoys her...that she has to be labelled at all. Glad yr partner has worked that one out. I too was worried Nat may stop finding me attractive but thats not been the case at all, though I too do get paranoid at times. Thank you so much my friend :)
hmmm how do you know she's way too young for me??? If she's 25 or over she's just fine :)
Shes 13 mate!!!!
DAMMIT!!
Yeah but it's FISH PIE. Give me a record producer job and Girls Aloud + All Saint hungry for a comeback record.......................
At 2.14 it's like you're cruising for a smacked arse! Naggy voice!!?