@ak237757 a few years. I struggled with binge purge behaviour as part of anorexia for a few years but as I allowed myself to eat more, my binging and purging stopped. Eating disorder recovery was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was unpleasant and painful but oh so worth it xx
Running for me really helps keep me on track. I have to eat enough to go on really long runs and have to to eat after to help to recover from the run. I find it more difficult when I’m injured and can’t run. Makes it harder to eat as much as I should. I have found running really helps me stay on track because it’s something I truly love. Not for any other reason.
I don't have an eating disorder but I am extremely reluctant to give up my depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. but mostly my depression. I can't give them names, though. Not only is it ridiculous and silly to me, but it's a step toward letting go of my depression, so it's way too hard/scary/upsetting to do so. I think I really do believe it's part of myself, or that I NEED it to survive and feel full.
Sublimation! That's it. I understand this feeling of running from or through a bottled emotion. It's easier to sonic boom than it is to slow down and be comfortable. Also, the romantic transference thing. I think my mind does this unconsciously! I've really had some breakthroughs on this, thankfully. 😢
Kati you are an angel. I discovered you recently. When i saw this video title i bursted in tears. It s so painful to have such disorder. I syruggle with it and wanna change
I came to youtube to check you're ok - I'm glad you are! I was worried because this ep hasn't arrived in the podcast feed where I normally listen. I hope you can fix it =)
Needed this, struggling to recover and using my higher weight as an excuse. I wonder if Im just not ready to change yet, but Im afraid Ill be forced to or worse. I also have no family or friends so my support system is only providers which makes it even more difficult.
Mine was self esteem,lack of any real care from adults and trying to control something in my crappy life, it became an addiction and I had to really use self control to stop it, it was 10 yrs, YOU CAN STOP IT and learn to eat normal, it takes concentrated steps and a desire to live. ITIS WORTH IT TO overcome it. I harmed my body inside that later has given me probs, decades later and needed an operation, the sooner you can just say no and stop it, and love yourself more than the underlying mind lies, and earth lies, the better.
Social anxiety and my ptsd plays a big role in me not going out to exercise. I tried to ski today and I couldn't do it. I was too out of breath and not steady on my legs. I dissappointed my friend. Yoga sounds nice. I like to meditate. Music calms my eating dissorder. I starve myself out of guilt then I eat too much if I get the foods I like.
I just needed this video. I strugle with eating disorder and I can't take the med that hepls with ot because of the side effects. So it's being really hard.
I just wanted to know if I'm the only one who does this. Hi Kati. Two years ago I heard life altering negative news regarding my education, and as a result I began reverting back to my old symptomology and began having to fight myself to take medication because I wanted a break from reality. I knew intellectually what I was doing would not help but emotionally I wanted the one consistent thing in my life before the news, the illness, to be more present as a comfort. Is it always masochism when you need to wrap yourself in your own problems to cope with other problems or do other people do this? Do other people use the presence of their mental illnesses to cope with crises that are life altering? I do not want to share my Dx's for fear of it becoming a competition, but I also wanted others to possibly weigh in to see if this pattern is "a thing".
Aaaah, yoga…***shudder***…LOL. I was in residential back in 2013. I was new to using a wheelchair full time. (My ED started in 2007). I HATE(D) the way my body felt, both internally and externally. My chronic pain began in 2009/2010. TWICE now, first in res., then again nearly a decade later, I had horrible crying meltdowns in Tx during yoga. While I was included, I still felt “different” “awkward”, and “not good enough…
a bit late, but the idea about exercises like Yoga and meditation is that they are sort of like "weightlifting" exercises for the part of your brain that is responsible for self-control (mostly the prefrontal cortex iirc.), while also allowing us to gradually increase our self-awareness. But of course, doing exercises like that that take a non-insignificant time of our lives are also supposed to be at least somewhat interesting. So what I would recommend is: try out different types of Yoga, Meditation. Try single-point focus, try out mindfulness, try to focus on different things (breath, chanting, listening to your environment) and maybe switch it up a bit. Also, what is important to understand. Meditation and Yoga are not about results. It is about redirecting your attention. Yes, your mind WILL slip away. A LOT. That is normal and actually what you kind of WANT to happen in a sense. The idea is to repeatedly direct your attention back to what you are focussing on without judging the thoughts that emerge. (ideally, you will end up judging some of the thoughts a bit, that is okay. Once you realize that you do, just stop and redirect your attention. If some other thought emerges, just redirect your attention ... I think, you get the idea.) You will realize that a lot of thoughts are emerging, quite a few of which may be negative like "I can't do this", "this is embarrassing", "I want to play video games" etc. It is absolutely okay to have these thoughts. I guess, in your case, there will probably be a lot of thoughts like "I do not belong here", "they probably secretly hate me" or "I am so bad at this, it must be embarrassing for them to watch." (yes, our thoughts can often be that extreme). So, acknlowledge that these thoughs are there and then redirect your attention back to what you are focussing on. Chances are that you will start to realize patterns in your thoughts. Take some time to explore these thought lines. Where do they come from? What do they really mean? How do they interact with other thoughts? As you keep doing that, you will most likely realize that your understanding of your inner self will improve over time. You will start to "understand things". This part is a bit hard to explain, but you will know when it happens.
Hi Kati! I have a question. My therapist says that I am resisting therapy, as if refusing to get better. It’s debilitating to hear, especially because my previous therapist of 5 years also said that to me (I am 26). She at least understands it’s not entirely a conscious decision of mine and also brought to light that I have issues with emotion regulation and awareness. I also battle with undiagnosed anxiety and depression (hence the emotional numbness), though undiagnosed. Can you recommend any practices/thought patterns on how to overcome these obstacles, so that I can reap the therapy benefits and actually become a better version of myself? Thanks for everything!
I have a question, is it possible to be overly validated? Im struggling so hard because of it that I relapse nssi and yet validation felt really good. Please I need to know.
Hi katy, I have lots of questions but I'll try to limit myself. How do I use knowledge to helo myself? By which I mean, I know my issues with self worth and anxious attachment come from my childhood trauma of abuse and neglect, but knowing why it happens doesn't help me with the feelings and behaviors! Im in a really tough financial place so I cant afford consistent therapy (trust me, I've done my research on sliding scales and such) so im feeling extra hopeless since I end up exhausting my friends with no therapist to turn to!
also random question but are ur youtube and patreon memberships the same? do ur members on youtube get links to your patreon livestreams or are they seperate? i wanna be in on it all! im only on ur patreon at the moment and i have ur $20 package
@@reemky17 They are actually separate :) On Patreon you get to send in a question ahead of time for that one livestream each month and on YT you just get to pop into as many livestreams (4 total at the top tier) and ask as many questions as you'd like :) xoxo
Hey Katie ... I don't know how I'm feeling sometimes I don't understand what's happening to me what I am ..... How to love myself can you tell me and how to stop over sharing
Hi Kati, I am wondering if you’ve ever had a patient who chose palliative care. I know that sounds extreme. I ask this because I have been in treatment for anorexia since the age of 15. Although been dealing with this since the age of 12. I don’t want to die however I have been in countless programs and end up relapsing. I feel that every time I have gained knowledge and somewhat improved but then the relapse comes and it starts all over again. I have to add, I also have lupus and the meds make it difficult for the treatment centers to manage which has been frustrating. It’s hard to manage weight gain when you’re on steroids that makes your weight fluctuate drastically depending on the dosage. I am at the point where the fight has become so exhausting I am 44 years old and I wonder is it time to just stop treatment? Did you ever treat a patient that was so close to the end that it kick started something and they got better? Thankyou for your knowledge. There are not many people who want to deal with us because of the difficulty of these disorders so you are so appreciated.
It’s probably about actioning your recovery rather than gaining any more knowledge about your illness. If treatment centres don’t work for you, try something else..there are many ways to recover..I recovered at 40, after a thirty year struggle from a life threatening bmi..I don’t believe anyone with anorexia is palliative..i didn’t have any treatment until I was 26 and had mostly medical hospitalisation and worked with therapists as an outpatient rather than having too many inpatient stays at treatment centres..the individual approach suited me and helped me to heal better than being in a sub culture of other Ed patients…try something new if what you are doing isn’t working..see different professionals, try different approaches and most of all commit to change and do everything to make it happen
Is it an eating disorder when you stop eating because you have no money… but continue that behaviour even thou you could buy food now? (Sorry for my bad english)
Your podcast is so good Momma Kinnion (O.G follower here:') I attend the Alliance's support group online on Tuesdays Johanna Kendall(the CEO) is a sweetheart and super patient. Glad to see you brought them up in this episode. Im gonna tell my therapist about what you mentioned>>transference. I was scared of opening up to him but your output kinda convinced me to do so. I'm scared AF though. Thank you for all your work all these years while also taking care of yourself. We love you and are ALSO proud of you. Te quiero mucho🌹🌷💕🫦❤️💜🫶🦋😘🇩🇴 P.S: I always love how you use/speak WE so it makes us feel less weird/less of a cold case. 💜
I really like the tip at the end, I'm eager to try it as well now
It's 100% possible. I'm living proof and would say I'm pretty much fully recovered from anorexia and eating disorders. Don't give up hope!!
How, how long, did you ever struggle with binge eating?
@ak237757 a few years. I struggled with binge purge behaviour as part of anorexia for a few years but as I allowed myself to eat more, my binging and purging stopped. Eating disorder recovery was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was unpleasant and painful but oh so worth it xx
Running for me really helps keep me on track. I have to eat enough to go on really long runs and have to to eat after to help to recover from the run. I find it more difficult when I’m injured and can’t run. Makes it harder to eat as much as I should. I have found running really helps me stay on track because it’s something I truly love. Not for any other reason.
So engaging in the same behavior helps you get better. Lol makes perfect sense. I see this a lot by supposedly recovered people.
It’s been a while since I’ve listened to you! My algorithm might be messed up. But this came at the right time ❤
Welcome back!
I don't have an eating disorder but I am extremely reluctant to give up my depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. but mostly my depression. I can't give them names, though. Not only is it ridiculous and silly to me, but it's a step toward letting go of my depression, so it's way too hard/scary/upsetting to do so. I think I really do believe it's part of myself, or that I NEED it to survive and feel full.
Thank you for giving this channel. So helpful knowing others are feeling these ways.
Sublimation! That's it. I understand this feeling of running from or through a bottled emotion. It's easier to sonic boom than it is to slow down and be comfortable. Also, the romantic transference thing. I think my mind does this unconsciously! I've really had some breakthroughs on this, thankfully. 😢
Thank you for making these videos.I know they help me and many other people.
You are so welcome!
Kati you are an angel. I discovered you recently. When i saw this video title i bursted in tears. It s so painful to have such disorder. I syruggle with it and wanna change
Sending hugs 😢
@@MidlifeEdit thank you, hugs back! 🤗🤗🤗
I hope to feel this hope of recovery one day. As a mom, the body has changed and it is so hard to make peace with.
I came to youtube to check you're ok - I'm glad you are! I was worried because this ep hasn't arrived in the podcast feed where I normally listen. I hope you can fix it =)
Kati, your reponse to my question really is so helpful. I've replayed that section many times now, just letting it sink in. Thank you
Needed this, struggling to recover and using my higher weight as an excuse. I wonder if Im just not ready to change yet, but Im afraid Ill be forced to or worse. I also have no family or friends so my support system is only providers which makes it even more difficult.
Mine was self esteem,lack of any real care from adults and trying to control something in my crappy life, it became an addiction and I had to really use self control to stop it, it was 10 yrs, YOU CAN STOP IT and learn to eat normal, it takes concentrated steps and a desire to live. ITIS WORTH IT TO overcome it. I harmed my body inside that later has given me probs, decades later and needed an operation, the sooner you can just say no and stop it, and love yourself more than the underlying mind lies, and earth lies, the better.
And when they put s in your food because you have no camera at home to see their what they do on your back ?
You do not always have to live with a bad home family,but in time,get on your own,I hope it works out for you,it is hard.@@nadegenazaire4356
Social anxiety and my ptsd plays a big role in me not going out to exercise. I tried to ski today and I couldn't do it. I was too out of breath and not steady on my legs. I dissappointed my friend. Yoga sounds nice. I like to meditate. Music calms my eating dissorder. I starve myself out of guilt then I eat too much if I get the foods I like.
I just needed this video. I strugle with eating disorder and I can't take the med that hepls with ot because of the side effects. So it's being really hard.
Katie you are always an oasis in the middle of the dessert…, wishing you are going through a good time ❤
I just wanted to know if I'm the only one who does this. Hi Kati. Two years ago I heard life altering negative news regarding my education, and as a result I began reverting back to my old symptomology and began having to fight myself to take medication because I wanted a break from reality. I knew intellectually what I was doing would not help but emotionally I wanted the one consistent thing in my life before the news, the illness, to be more present as a comfort. Is it always masochism when you need to wrap yourself in your own problems to cope with other problems or do other people do this? Do other people use the presence of their mental illnesses to cope with crises that are life altering? I do not want to share my Dx's for fear of it becoming a competition, but I also wanted others to possibly weigh in to see if this pattern is "a thing".
Aaaah, yoga…***shudder***…LOL. I was in residential back in 2013. I was new to using a wheelchair full time. (My ED started in 2007). I HATE(D) the way my body felt, both internally and externally. My chronic pain began in 2009/2010. TWICE now, first in res., then again nearly a decade later, I had horrible crying meltdowns in Tx during yoga. While I was included, I still felt “different” “awkward”, and “not good enough…
a bit late, but the idea about exercises like Yoga and meditation is that they are sort of like "weightlifting" exercises for the part of your brain that is responsible for self-control (mostly the prefrontal cortex iirc.), while also allowing us to gradually increase our self-awareness. But of course, doing exercises like that that take a non-insignificant time of our lives are also supposed to be at least somewhat interesting. So what I would recommend is: try out different types of Yoga, Meditation. Try single-point focus, try out mindfulness, try to focus on different things (breath, chanting, listening to your environment) and maybe switch it up a bit.
Also, what is important to understand. Meditation and Yoga are not about results. It is about redirecting your attention. Yes, your mind WILL slip away. A LOT. That is normal and actually what you kind of WANT to happen in a sense. The idea is to repeatedly direct your attention back to what you are focussing on without judging the thoughts that emerge. (ideally, you will end up judging some of the thoughts a bit, that is okay. Once you realize that you do, just stop and redirect your attention. If some other thought emerges, just redirect your attention ... I think, you get the idea.)
You will realize that a lot of thoughts are emerging, quite a few of which may be negative like "I can't do this", "this is embarrassing", "I want to play video games" etc. It is absolutely okay to have these thoughts. I guess, in your case, there will probably be a lot of thoughts like "I do not belong here", "they probably secretly hate me" or "I am so bad at this, it must be embarrassing for them to watch." (yes, our thoughts can often be that extreme). So, acknlowledge that these thoughs are there and then redirect your attention back to what you are focussing on. Chances are that you will start to realize patterns in your thoughts. Take some time to explore these thought lines. Where do they come from? What do they really mean? How do they interact with other thoughts?
As you keep doing that, you will most likely realize that your understanding of your inner self will improve over time. You will start to "understand things". This part is a bit hard to explain, but you will know when it happens.
I have made my ed my identity, as well.
Hey there, thanks for posting so many informative videos! do you mind posting about hair pulling disorder?
Hi Kati! I have a question.
My therapist says that I am resisting therapy, as if refusing to get better. It’s debilitating to hear, especially because my previous therapist of 5 years also said that to me (I am 26). She at least understands it’s not entirely a conscious decision of mine and also brought to light that I have issues with emotion regulation and awareness. I also battle with undiagnosed anxiety and depression (hence the emotional numbness), though undiagnosed. Can you recommend any practices/thought patterns on how to overcome these obstacles, so that I can reap the therapy benefits and actually become a better version of myself? Thanks for everything!
I only wonder those who become therapist esp if it’s something you have experienced may be like a thrill even if the best intention.
I have a question, is it possible to be overly validated? Im struggling so hard because of it that I relapse nssi and yet validation felt really good. Please I need to know.
Hi katy, I have lots of questions but I'll try to limit myself.
How do I use knowledge to helo myself? By which I mean, I know my issues with self worth and anxious attachment come from my childhood trauma of abuse and neglect, but knowing why it happens doesn't help me with the feelings and behaviors! Im in a really tough financial place so I cant afford consistent therapy (trust me, I've done my research on sliding scales and such) so im feeling extra hopeless since I end up exhausting my friends with no therapist to turn to!
KATI IM ALWAYS FIRST NOW 😭😭 this is so exciting i can't wait to listen!!
also random question but are ur youtube and patreon memberships the same? do ur members on youtube get links to your patreon livestreams or are they seperate? i wanna be in on it all! im only on ur patreon at the moment and i have ur $20 package
@@reemky17 They are actually separate :) On Patreon you get to send in a question ahead of time for that one livestream each month and on YT you just get to pop into as many livestreams (4 total at the top tier) and ask as many questions as you'd like :) xoxo
Hi Katie, and how would you know if someone's experiencing romantic transference? Would their behavior be that obvious?
Hey Katie ... I don't know how I'm feeling sometimes I don't understand what's happening to me what I am ..... How to love myself can you tell me and how to stop over sharing
Hi Kati, I am wondering if you’ve ever had a patient who chose palliative care. I know that sounds extreme. I ask this because I have been in treatment for anorexia since the age of 15. Although been dealing with this since the age of 12. I don’t want to die however I have been in countless programs and end up relapsing. I feel that every time I have gained knowledge and somewhat improved but then the relapse comes and it starts all over again. I have to add, I also have lupus and the meds make it difficult for the treatment centers to manage which has been frustrating. It’s hard to manage weight gain when you’re on steroids that makes your weight fluctuate drastically depending on the dosage. I am at the point where the fight has become so exhausting I am 44 years old and I wonder is it time to just stop treatment? Did you ever treat a patient that was so close to the end that it kick started something and they got better? Thankyou for your knowledge. There are not many people who want to deal with us because of the difficulty of these disorders so you are so appreciated.
It’s probably about actioning your recovery rather than gaining any more knowledge about your illness. If treatment centres don’t work for you, try something else..there are many ways to recover..I recovered at 40, after a thirty year struggle from a life threatening bmi..I don’t believe anyone with anorexia is palliative..i didn’t have any treatment until I was 26 and had mostly medical hospitalisation and worked with therapists as an outpatient rather than having too many inpatient stays at treatment centres..the individual approach suited me and helped me to heal better than being in a sub culture of other Ed patients…try something new if what you are doing isn’t working..see different professionals, try different approaches and most of all commit to change and do everything to make it happen
Thankyou. I am happy you have achieved recovery. It gives me hope.
where can u ask questions?
Kati posts a community tab on her channel every Sunday I think asking for questions
Why I cry in any argument ? How to get over it .... ?
Is it an eating disorder when you stop eating because you have no money… but continue that behaviour even thou you could buy food now? (Sorry for my bad english)
my therapist says im developing an eating disorder but i know i cant stop because i just wont lose the weight
Recovery isn’t cure..it’s just recovery which means better management
❤❤
💝💝💝💝
I imagine iatrogensis is rife in today's society.
Your podcast is so good Momma Kinnion (O.G follower here:')
I attend the Alliance's support group online on Tuesdays
Johanna Kendall(the CEO) is a sweetheart and super patient. Glad to see you brought them up in this episode.
Im gonna tell my therapist about what you mentioned>>transference. I was scared of opening up to him but your output kinda convinced me to do so. I'm scared AF though.
Thank you for all your work all these years while also taking care of yourself. We love you and are ALSO proud of you.
Te quiero mucho🌹🌷💕🫦❤️💜🫶🦋😘🇩🇴
P.S: I always love how you use/speak WE so it makes us feel less weird/less of a cold case. 💜