How Crazy-Making Narcissists Use PLAUSIBILITY to Suck You In
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Most people want to believe the stories of others. You want to be able to trust, right? So, you're inclined to be sucked in by plausible stories, excuses, reasons, etc.. Also, you don't want the hassle of their endless denials and turning things on you. Learn how plausibility is the key to turning this into healthier interactions to stop the crazy-making. Listen in and get away.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- plausible = seeming reasonable, probable, or persuasive...or NOT!
- How a plausible story is a slippery story: could be equally true or untrue
- "Plausible Deniability" = the sneaky way to deny knowledge of a responsibility or to be accountable for something
- Why Hijackals like things that have no evidence
- And, why Hijackals HATE EVIDENCE!
- Your best antidote to plausible deniability: the personal weather report personalweather...
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships?
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on RUclips to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics..
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#boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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Dr, Rhoberta. I want to tell you that you matter, and you are precious as well. Your videos helped me find clarity and make sense of my years of experience with a covert passive-aggressive narcissist. You also helped me find the strength to walk away, endure homelessness, survive CPTSD, and continue to learn about the behaviors of these people, so I can be alert when I encounter them. I am still healing, finding my true self, gradually letting her shine. I want you to know you have been a giant part of my journey. I love and salute you for you being you, and your effort in saving people like me. Please take good care of yourself, be healthy, get plenty of rest so you can heal! 10 thousand hugs and 10 thousand salutes to you.
I wish I had known this 10 years ago. I’m rebuilding. Don’t ever give up.
Do not let them harden you is very good advice. It keeps you you. Hardened is defensive and wounded. Self love and self respect is step one. Forgiveness prevents hardness. It takes a lot of introspection, take the time. You are worth it. My narc husband has Lewy Body dementia, so I will not abandon him. But I am ascending.
Hello Dr. Rhoberta😊The mental gymnastics are exhausting and infuriating.
One of your best, Dr. Get well soon - our world needs you.
I think these people are psychically lazy. They function from the space of a 3-4yr old, pre-reversibility, stuck souls. Unfortunately this routine seems to work well in corporate America. Thank you.
My ex-husband would use words like maybe, I guess and I’d like to think so or I don’t know. The most crazy making phrase he would ask me what he should say for example if I was holding him accountable for something he would ask me “what do you want me to say”.
My apartment floor neighbors didn't start off this way. They're very insecure individuals.. their behavior is evident there's no plausibility. They keep mimicking me and having me hear them mocking things I say and how I say things. They mock any and everything. They'll even poke out their heads to talk, whether to each or to theirselves right after I hang up the phone with my mom. It's happened several times there's no plausible deniability. They need a life but instead they've taken my life since now I'm too cautious of going out anymore and I'm isolating... I know it sounds counterproductive. Hopefully it's temporary and I can move somewhere where it's better. Because these people are insufferable they have no redeeming qualities whatsoever and I'm not overexaggerating. This was all done on purpose against me I know it sounds out there. Why would I allow them to do such a thing and put me in a corner? Simply because I don't want to be homeless 😢 it's a longer story
Plausible deniability. That’s the term I’ve been looking for. My relationship was for the most part, long distance, and it afforded her a lot of plausible deniability. Because of her arrogance, she made a mistake and I found out about her cheating. She completely disappeared from my life after I presented her with unquestionable proof. I don’t think it was the shame of what she did, but the shame of others viewing her in such a way, which was entirely contrary to the persona she maintained.
Thanks _You may or maynot recognize that the way you teach, is very integrating for us struggling in the quicksand.
I have been told I was not being assertive enough, because I would stop talking as soon as they tried to gaslight me. I just stopped immediately and became quiet. They were still able to trigger me into crying, so as soon as I spotted a DARVO, I disengaged. Basically, the complaint was that I stopped debating my reality with them. Boo hoo. 😂
On specifics, hijackels dislike when you have specific, solid, evidence. However, they will *not always gloss over a situation* to dodge accountability. They also rely on your inability to specifically nail down what was wrong. They are often indirect and vague while in the moment, so that when it gets down to specifics in argument, you know they never did specifically say xyz. BUT they did allow you to believe that they were being agreeable at that time! That's the part they'll deny. They allow you to believe you are both on the same page, and withhold the information that would indicate they are not in agreement.
So if you are too overarching in a complaint, they will ask for more details, more specifics. It can seem as if they are very into specifics, it does not always appear as if they are "hating specifics," as mentioned about 15 minutes into this video. They will press you for specifics, and pick those details apart to distract from the actual issue you are attempting to discuss, or to undermine your evidence. Every single example is dissected and they'll tell you why that situation is not *actually* supportive of your argument.
I highly recommend a book by Marshall B. Rosenberg (PhD) for anyone dealing with friends or family or relationships with this crazy making dynamic; the book is "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life."
I first listened to it on audio via my library; I ended up trying to highlight the entire book. 😅
In my family of origin, I was the "identified patient," it took me thirty years to figure out that my mom's avoidant attachment style isn't my fault. If you grew up in a home where a caregiver was emotionally unavailable, absent, or addicted in some way, I highly recommend spending the money for the physical book to hold in your hands. There are charts in the back that are phenomenally helpful! I couldn't pinpoint what my mom did that made me feel so unsafe, until I learned what healthy communication can look like. I was astounded. This year's Christmas gift for all the siblings 😂🤣
Good one!!!
Dear kitty cats, Watch out for them! 💚💚💚💚
More like plausible deniability
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5:12
PLEASE hear those words…play it again!
31:27 I too have used the word daunting to describe this type of behavior 😢 because it is, that it is, it is that!
32:20 wish I knew then what I know now when I was younger 😮
Dr Roberta, thank you. You've saved my sanity many times while trying to break free from the hijackle. You really understand these types of people, and it helps me to feel like I'm not as crazy as he claims. I know my truth, but the gaslighting, consistently lying, and bullying wears me out. I am exhausted. No equality, reciprocity, or mutuality, Amen.
Dr. Roberta, I notice the oxygen. I worry about your sweet soul. Please tell us that you'll be ok, at least?😢 you have a lot of people who appreciate you and care deeply ❤
It s just story telling , thank you kind soul
You look and sound like you have the flu or a bad cold. I hope you’re ok!
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