Unravelling Autistic Shutdowns
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the topic of Autistic Shutdowns. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike
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Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (RUclipsr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about providing validation and support for Autistic people and their loved ones.
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Sometimes I feel I need to cry but can't cry, sometimes I want to scream but I can't scream. It's like I'm scare of emitting sounds.
I scream inside myself. Often.
Somebody else understands!
I've been feeling the same for many years now, I feel like I wanna cry but I can't 😭
😢 Especially when I was in public school, I would get so stressed, and overwhelmed, I would do what I called (inside my thoughts) a silent scream. I did everything to perfectly mime doing a blood-curdling scream, but would at same time so tighten my throat muscles, no sound escaped me. It seemed to help, slightly. Of course, I always tried to do this out of sight of other people!! It would be too embarrassing otherwise.
Yeah, I cry when I don't want to and then can't cry when I actually need to.
My brain is bullshit.
You know how many jobs I’ve lost because of shutdowns? All of them.
Thank you for highlighting this issue.
Same for me - all except one.
It's funny, because it's true.
It's not funny, because it's true.
Yep, that one was a meltdown.
I hope, if working is good for y'all, that y'all find jobs wherein your autistic traits and needs (your very self!) are accepted. The other week at work I had a shutdown (realized it was a shutdown after the fact) due to others liking the music loud in the kitchen and me having to tell them to turn it down repeatedly despite my earplugs. It was exhausting, because they would always eventually turn it back up, if not immediately after the song I said something during ended. Anyway, I went nonverbal, and I wrote an explanation of why I need it quiet down on receipt paper -- because it is an irritation, and irritations accumulate into meltdowns, and I am constantly doing my best to minimize irritations to lessen the chance of having a meltdown so my work doesn't suffer or I need to go home, and I gave the papers to my kitchen manager, also explaining thereon that I was nonverbal at the moment, and she imparted the information to the general manager who had the music shut off entirely. It was so bueno. I later had a meltdown because that whole thing left me one irritant away from meltdown, and I went and rocked and stimmed outside, then came back in. After that, there was only too-loud music for a few nights, but then it became consistently quiet enough to where my mind is peaceful, and has been since. People at my job understand that I am autistic and have sensory needs, and have my own system of working that is not to be altered lest I get confused, but with the loud music factor gone I can more easily figure mix-arounds out on the fly -- I put some sandwiches in the wrong order last night, haha! It wasn't very busy last night which was another factor in this not being a dire circumstance, the mix-around. Anyway, my workplace is good. It is possible to have good and accommodating workplaces.
Same for me
Autistic heavy comment sections seem to be the most supportive and understanding. I appreciate the channel and the delivery of information.
Very ironic, and also very true...
I like your screen name, and yeah so nice to b among autists
A bit overwhelming I imagine, but I'm also craving it to be honest (for my comments sections). Right now they are only the random people that have no club about anything I'm talking about.
@@Passing_for_Neurotypical You'll grow your audience... be patient...
@@jazzdirt Maybe or maybe not. I have to admit that at 50+ it's a little harder to be patient.
Thank you for this! This video is a much better description of shut down than I've seen before, and makes me realize how often I do shut down. I think I probably shut down 10 times more often than melt down, which is more "socially acceptable," but also means I'm often in severe emotional/mental distress and no one notices.
That is awfull. I hoping and praying for you doing better in the future
I genuinely 💯 related to this as well.
I agree as well. It's like a mini burnout.
Yes , very clear.
I'm having one today. Not fun. I always find it difficult to speak, but it's damn near impossible when having a shutdown. Having to leave my house and do something in public for a couple days in a row usually is what causes my shutdowns. This past week I had something to do Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, so it has caught up to me today. Plus, I have hypersomnia and was up half the night last night. I CANNOT function without sleep, and I need more sleep than most people.
Damn having to leave your house and do something public for just two days causes shut downs for you? No wonder like 90 percent of autistic people or whatever the figure is are unemployed
Leaving home can be stressful for anyone... Does it necessarily mean autism
@@tpshsahoo7 If you are almost completely unable to speak and function, because you had to go out for a few days in a row then probably yes.
It's different from being tired and not wanting to talk, it is physically straining to talk during shutdown if not impossible.
Leaving home can be stressful for anyone yeah, but most people are stressed or exhausted maybe still from the night before and not constantly overwhelmed by the sounds of moving cars, chirping birds, talking people and the sun shining bright to the point that they can't handle it on a daily basis.
I'm hypersensitive.
It sucks. I can't shut it off. I can't control it. I will black out sometimes if I'm overwhelmed enough. Other times my brain will scream "ENOUGH!" and I will literally drop everything, go to a quiet place and not emerge until I'm better. Sometimes for days or weeks at a time.
Idk if that's a shutdown, but it happens pretty often as of late.
I end up closing myself in the closet. Quiet and dark. Then sitting on the edge of my bed for weeks or longer!!! I’m married 44 yrs and this channel has helped me and spouse to understand what the world is happening to me. 😢 thank you for sharing your experience. Im not alone. We are not alone.
I think what I experience most of the time in response to stressful environment is dissociation. I've been doing it since childhood. I basically step outside of myself mentally to get away from it all. It's not distressing, though, it's calming for me to the point where I often don't want to leave that state because it's become comfortable compared to my environment and overwhelming feelings. Not sure if any other autistics can relate to this.
Yes, it's just that "stepping back" doesn't actually solve the problem... It usually just adds.. It's comfortable for the moment, but you also know stuff is gonna hit the fan afterwards..
Exactly. You withdraw from stressors that are necessary for you to function in society, but in the back of your mind you know you still have to go to your job, walk the dog, take care of your children. For me, this has often lead to (fortunately often short) periods of depression. The answer seems to be monitoring you emotional state cognitively, balancing out stress and relaxation as best you can and asking for help where needed from friends, colleagues and sometimes professional.
Absolutely. It’s survival for me. Being in a particular environment is too much to bare and I cannot physically escape.
I can relate. Around the time I got to be a teenager, I had clutter around me. I would keep my room so messy, and I just remembered that I would scream as loud as I could if someone came in to my room that wasn't my sister. We lived in our room together until I was like 15. Then my older sister moved out, and my mom made her old room so nice for me. Then she moved back home... and I just slept on the sofa for about a year, refusing to move back in the room with my younger sister. We didn't have a lot of discipline with homework or being on time. Now I struggle to do daily chores, or ever do any chores, and I ignore the clutter everywhere. I can't seem to be on time even when my well being depends on it. I just shut down and go to my bed. Then I fill my bed with self help books and whatever else I want next to me. It's the worst. It just looks like laziness. I've been so mean to myself about it. It's taken a long time to try not to be mean to myself. Now I am still looking for a balance. No other way??!! Ahhh!!
@@WeepingWillow422 I can relate. When I was little, my parents often argued. I was so stressed, listening, that I started putting my mind inside my favorite toy at the time, a pull toy in shape of a turtle. It had a chime that sounded when it rolled on it's wheels. I pretended the turtle was alive, and understood what I said to it. When I got scared like that, I would whisper a request to the turtle to share it's shell. This was always granted. Then a tiny version of me would climb down my human body, run across to the turtle and snuggle in alongside the turtle's neck. This was all my imagination, but it calmed me to picture being warm and safe inside the turtle shell, where the argument would seem muffled. I would reverse the scene when it seemed safe to go back to my body. I would be still sitting in an improvised high chair arrangement, physically unable to squirm out and run for real. If I Could do that, I did.
Yes, I used to believe that I simply found other people boring and dull and just took myself to the toilet, or broke into my special interest.
Problem is many of them say they understand, but when it comes to it, they simply lose patience.
I really have big big problems with dealing with NT's.
The lack of sleep thing is extremely bad because the light seems even brighter and the noises sound even louder and thats on top of everything else.
The comment about lack of sleep and everything being harder is so true. When I don’t get enough sleep on a particular day, I am on the edge of meltdown for the entire day. Needing to catch an early flight is a sure way to make sure i I have a bad day at the airport, which is already a difficult place to be.
As I recently commented on another channel covering a similar topic: The worst place for a shutdown is at work, where people still expect you to interact with them. I start garbling my words and sometimes end up being unable to form even the most basic sentences.
I tell people, "Sorry, I just powered down" and then I ask for a break from the conversation. Thankfully my colleagues understand. We are all so overwhelmed at work that I think they need to be accommodated at times, too.
Cognitive/executive overload resulting in shutdown/dissociation, is a big one for me. I have high iq, higher education pretigious job etc and so everyone just assumes that they can dump a shi*t ton of verbal or written info on me and I'll be fine. But I get utterly overwhelmed and become completely unable to act or think, my brain just burns down and shuts off, to the point that I cannot act on anything and completely lose my overview.
And don't even get me started on sleep....
The loss of a special interest thing blew my mind! It makes so much sense and every time I’ve had an extremely difficult patch in my life I always question why I’m not interested in my topic anymore. It makes me sad when it happens but now that I know that it goes with my Autism I can treat it. I’ve always suppressed my stims, tried to fit in, make friends etc. More recently I’ve allowed myself to stim and I don’t get to that mute, looking down, feeling detached level as often. Don’t get me wrong it still happens a lot (at least 4 times a week), I’m in my first year of uni and I really didn’t think I’d get here, but if I allow myself to stim, don’t force eye contact then it’s more manageable
I’m gonna try using “hold please” or wear my Orion Kelly “processing…standby “ shirt to doctors appointments and other social situations.
I’ve definitely experienced in school if I’m not keeping up with the information I just stop, or when a teacher comes by to see how you’re doing I’d cover my paper and put on a fake smile so they would walk away and if they ask if I’ve got it I’d say yes so I wouldn’t feel like a spotlight was put on me.
I like what you said about having barrier in developing executive function skills. I definitely feel the instant STOP when I can no longer deal with executive functions.
Shut downs feel kind of like an inflatable,deflating. I’ve developed insomnia as I’ve gotten older. Great video Orion
i would contemplate on your words...but ....processing..........processing.....processing...
I have little question: Did you ever experience the feeling, like you have to break down an huge wall, just to use your voice again? For example you think and try to say something, but it feels very uncomfortable.
Can’t get out of burnout. Correction. Other people keep shutting me down and I’m in perpetual burnout. That’s easy 18 months now and I reckon my heart will just stop soon 🤯😢
These videos help process it all though. Fight another day eh?
Thanks Orion. 💙🏴
I got lost in Orion Kelly's world,
A journey through Autistic shutdowns unfurled.
His insight and experiences laid bare,
Help us understand, empathize, and care.
From sensory triggers to emotional floods,
Each shutdown manifests in unique studs.
A disconnect from the world around,
Yet a way to find peace, somewhat profound.
Orion's words shed light on the unseen,
A guide through a storm, calm and serene.
Autism's challenges we now embrace,
Thanks to his wisdom, woven with grace.
Beautifully written! ..please don’t tell me it’s ChatGPT lol
@@animal_person_we just really like to rhyme
@@animal_person_ Goodness no. I tried Using Copilot and it too doesn't understand what I am on about.
wonderful job of explaining dysregulation and what I call "autistic crisis management" without any ableism or misleading simplification. I've been diagnosed very late so I have experienced many social and personal failures, traumatic events, and many shutdowns and meltdowns without even knowing. Therapy and shrinks were useless until I got diagnosed. Then after the diagnosis I fell into the autism rabbit hole for 5y, talked or exchanged with many other autistic people and I can confirm EVERY SINGLE THING in this vid is accurate and well-told.
Thank you so much for this video! It's been so difficult to find good explanations of shutdowns, I've been under the impression I just don't experience meltdowns or shutdowns. But what you describe I feel almost every day and now I can share this video with my family and hopefully it will be easier for them to understand also what's happening to me when I go into avoidance mode
Same. Wow. Every single thing he mentioned I was like '✔️yup, ✔️yup, ✔️yup 😳 Exactly my daily experience since like, forever.
I've never been diagnosed as autistic but this is me. In fact I keep saying I'm done. It's all too much
So I shut down. My husband thinks I'm lazy. He doesn't understand me. Everything you said I do, I'm shocked. I can't process instructions. I can't believe someone gets it. Thank you. It's a nightmare and I get blamed. I keep saying I want to go home.
Thank you Orion. I'm going through this right now.
O.M.G⚠️‼️‼️‼️✅️‼️‼️‼️⚠️
"Hold, please."
BRILLIANT - THIS COULD SOLVE SO FREAKING MUCH IN MY LIFE!!!!!!
My 18 year old son hasn't spoken a single word or communicated even by gesture with me for 15 months now. Thank you Orion for helping me understand.
When I was 6 I got a bus home from school with a group of kids who thought it was funny to bully me on the way home. One boy tripped me up getting off me off the bus, i broke my nose. I ran away and eventually my mum called the police. I was found by the police in a haystack shacking and shivering in terror. After that my mum picked me up from the school even though she’d just given birth to my brother x
More light bulbs, thanks again. So many memories making sense. Think my totem animal might be a turtle
My first word was "turtle." I also had lightbulb moments watching this. Loss of appetite/interest in food as a sign of shutdown - have often been confused about why there are times (and in phases which looking back correspond to increased frequency of shutdowns, and burnout) when as opposed my usual sensory craving food behavior, I feel apathy or even repulsion around food.
@@anotheranybody58 looooove turtle being your first word 😍 and yes to all you said. Similar experiences here
wow. Its hard to find words to thank you. Thank you.
I never truly realized that POSITIVE emotional flooding can lead to shutdown as well! This helps me further understand my spouse. Thanks again Orion!
I can relate to that. Sometimes really big positive emotions make me feel just as overwhelmed as negative ones. And then I start worrying whether I seem happy or appreciative enough because I’m in the middle of rebooting…
Yay!!! I don’t have autistic meltdowns. I grew up in a home where I was the target of people’s bad moods and meltdowns, so I have dedicated everything in myself to not be like that.
I used to lock myself in my room and stay in bed, sometimes sleeping for several days at a time. I was told it was depressions, but it felt more like complete exhaustion, usually after having to mask excessively, and feeling extreme need to "recharge."
Yes- I keep getting told I’m Bipolar. Nope- Not a mood change. It’s fatigue from overwhelm unrelated to depression for me.
I’m very curious about apathy and Autism - or even apathy and burnout for people with asd. I have seen a therapist in the past because I felt completely detached from my emotions, couldn’t even tell if I loved my partner or anyone close to me. So he organised for me to see a therapist thru his work, and she helped me work thru the things going on in my life at the time, and we got to the root of it. I spoke to my partner about how I felt apathy and the root cause, and gradually the emotions returned. We came close to breaking up but thankfully didn’t 😅
However I still struggle to connect and understand my emotions, and still end up struggling with apathy from time to time.
I'm in the middle of an emotional explosion right now and found your videos, they help. Thank you for existing and making me feel less alone.
I am in that place. Six months ago I was 'downsized' AGAIN. No reason provided, no bad review, nothing I can improve on for future roles. I am not mean, I never raise my voice, I try to add value with every thing I do, and I am extremely gifted at the analysis I do. I paint pictures WITH numbers while I am surrounded by people painting BY number. The only thing I lack is the ability to build the needed social connections. For 40 years I have been stepped over or stepped on for my coworkers' own personal benefit. Now on top of yet another rejection I am expected to put on the neuro-typical face so that someone new can offer me another chance to start the whole vicious cycle over again. 'Hard work will be rewarded' is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. I wish someone had just been honest and told that the popularity and beauty contests never end. The only thing worse than being rejected is the hope that the same thing won't happen again. At least I don't feel alone... 💞
I always felt like a bad person because this would happen to me at the end of relationships. I'd reach a point of stress where I'd just go robotic and coldly end things without feeling anything about it, even though I'd been in love with that person the week before. It still happens during arguments or fights, and it makes others mad when I can no longer match their energy level. Thank you for this. I didn't really consider that a shutdown could last more than a couple hours or something, but this explains a lot of my life and makes me feel more human tbh.
Absolutely my experience too, friend. I feel bad about it. 😢
This is a really important video, and EXTREMELY relateable.
Last year I went through autistic burnout and I was in shutdown for much of that time. Where normally I can handle eye contact, background noise and generally the responsibilities of adult life perfectly fine, all these things became unbearably harsh stimuli. I also declined cognitively, couldn't speak or speak properly, I couldn't find words and would sound like I was confused, sound like a garbling idiot. Certainly retreated from everyone around me even loved ones. As for the appetite, well, let's just say food was a main part of that burnout, to put it mildly. It's still a tricky thing. I am doing better now, even had some weight recovery, but if I am in a situation where I don't identify any safe foods I still feel anxious, but it's manageable anxiety. When I was at my worst I would feel an intense need to go home where I had everything I needed, where everything was according to standard.
Also, I DID have that attitude of "got to burn through it, got to get stuff done, I can't just not do the things", until I ground myself physically and mentally down to a point where I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't do anything. It put me out of work for months and even still I'm not fully back up to my old hours. For real, autistic burnout and shutdown is not to be taken lightly, and chronic stress in autistic people is not something to poo-poo or just "get over". Tried that, didn't get me anywhere good.
I'm in the middle of a shut down. No longer scared of it. Thank you!
I feel like I have experienced this more that I have realised- especially when I can't relate to others in a social situation. This is why I attend hobby groups specified to my interests.
My mind in private- Oh my gosh, I have so many subjects I can talk about to others!
My mind in public- Error 404: Subjects not found.
You just gave me the ability to accurately describe so much of my experience as someone in the stage of convincing those around me that I am autistic. I'm mostly done with my assessment so I should have a formal diagnosis this summer but even the tiny bit of doubt I had is gone. Thank you so much for this video ♥
I have been slowly heading toward full blown burn out since 2011. Just after the return to work part of the pandemic in the US, I completely shut down and cannot seem to pull myself out. I lost my only full blood sibling to a stroke 2yrs ago, timed with the return to work event. I am stuck. We failed all IVF cycles, and that has made it worse. I feel like I need rescued. Thanks for taking the time to read my message.
I feel very seen right now. Lately I've been in the hide and stim and hyperfocus on everything that gives dopamine and it's kicking my butt. Thank you for the knowledge 🧡
As a high masker, I can have an inner meltdown, an implosion, it causes ibs-d and fibromyalgia flares.
I thought I was the only one who has it come through in physical forms. I get bloated and migraines.
@@chloepekel I often eat alone as I can eat slowly and not get too excited while I eat. It helps with the bloating. Definitely don't eat right after a meltdown, internal meltdown or external (unless is was brought on by being hangry). A lot of Autistic people have co-occuring health issues. I am assuming a good part of that is the stress a meltdown puts on the body, but a masked meldown is even worse.
I imagine that I am calling for tech support on my brain...
SUPPORT AGENT: Thank you for calling Neurotix support. Your call is very important to us and may be recorded for your excruciatingly self-critical review when you are trying to get to sleep. How can I help you today?
ME: Oh, uh, I was trying to run Witty Conversationalist at a party and it kept crashing. By the end I could only get my brain to boot into safe mode.
SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that sounds unpleasant. I'd like to get some info for troubleshooting. What version of HumanNT are you running?
ME: I'm not running HumanNT. I use HumanND.
SUPPORT AGENT: Uh, Witty Conversationalist isn't supported on HumanND.
ME: I know. I run it in an NT Emulator.
SUPPORT AGENT: Emulators are resource heavy. Do you have enough memory?
ME: Maybe? I have ADHD installed, so my working memory isn't great.
SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that's your problem right there. You are trying to run Witty Conversationalist in an NT Emulator with low memory, in a chaotic sensory environment, among new people, with no established role to play in the interaction? I'm surprised smoke wasn't coming out of your ears.
ME: Okay, is there anything I can do to fix it?
SUPPORT AGENT: I mean, if you could install more memory maybe...
ME: Oh great! How do I install more memory?
SUPPORT AGENT: That's a hardware question. I dunno, maybe try yoga?
Lol. I just normal people would slow down. And try to understand us
Absolutely awesome! I totally get the self-deprecating witty humor! I have the same coping mechanism.
For me personally, a shutdown is not "equally" distressing as a meltdown. Instead it's like a meltdown on steroids and does much more damage as well.
The danger about it is if others do not recognize what is happening (especially if you're not even diagnosed and even you don't understand) and are very much inclined to make the situation worse. Seeing an unresponsive adult in a situation where he or she needs to be relied on, can trigger others to shout at you, hit you, treating you like a little child who has a tantrum, fire you from your job, publicly ridicule you and I could go on for a while.
It's a very traumatic experience because while we're not responsive, it's not like we're unconscious ... we do hear and see what goes on but we simply can't process the information at the time, nor respond. Don't even ask us to "nod our head".
For me the only things that help at such time are people who are silent but willing to give a heartfelt hug, having a support pet around and otherwise, just leave us the bloody hell alone. But please do make sure there is nothing around us that we can use to self-harm ourselves. We go very, very deep during a shutdown.
Same. Frequently, during shutdowns, I have considered whether the world would be better without me... if anyone even noticed I was gone.
@@angieturner3928 Wish I could give you a hug ... it's so bloody hard to find someone who understands what it's like and to give the support that is needed.
For me personally, it doesn't help knowing that I'm not alone. Knowing that others go through the same pain doesn't make it hurt less, it actually makes me more sad. In any case, I wish you a lot of love, strength and I hope you find the support that you need and deserve.
I love photography and music for eg (they are my passions, amongst others), but they go out the window when I shut down. I also isolate and I’m currently in a cycle of isolation which has been going on for over a month and half, and I’m worried sick that those around me will misread it as me being “funny”, cold, doing it on purpose to hurt. I say doing it on purpose, because one of my brothers has accused me of doing things deliberately to hurt….im not at all, but to hear it off him was really hurting to me. I get overwhelmed a lot these days after experiencing a narcissistic abusive relationship for 13yrs. I ended it 3 years ago but the damage to my coping mechanisms has been immense, and I’m not afraid to say I’m not coping at all with it. It’s bloody hard
It's very frustrating going into shutdown mode, staring off, feeling overwhelmed, your mind racing and slowing down at the same time and nobody understands. People don't realize how much pain you could be in when you're that silent and that unresponsive.
cognitive overload is a huge shutdown trigger for me
Autistic shutdowns are part of the sympathetic nervous system, correct? Shutdowns are basically the freeze response, eg. dissociation. Exactly like dorsal vagal shutdown?
Wow.
:::chef's kiss:::
Thank you for the very sharable-to-NTs video.
I feel seen.
❤
I feel a strong urge to share this with my apartment management refusing to accommodate my sensory needs.
This video explaining meltdowns and shutdowns, I wanna show to people who dont know.
Not much new things for me to learn in this video but listening relatable stories is pure gold. Thank you for landing on the same planet with me dear aliens 😉
Thank you! Ill be sending this to partner now
Your explanation of "internal for shutdowns and external for meltdowns" is spot on for me... I understand the difference now. Thank you!!!
Right now I’m going through a long period of shutdown and just realized it thanks to your video. I stopped using my cpap machine and recognize now that is part of it, amongst many of the other reasons you explained. But oh how I hate it! Must stop and not think too much about it and convince myself that to get out of this funk I have to get back to using it, it’s a necessary evil for me.
I have got no idea how but it literally feels like you live in my head. Everything you say makes sense to me.
Autistic shutdown. I may have experienced these a few times.
I literally have frozen still and been unable to do anything but they seem to happen when there’s too much information to process.
It’s only happened 3-4 times and usually it’s triggered for some reason in extreme stress situations. Like a fight or flight response but extreme.
I really enjoyed this video, I can say as an adult I experience shutdowns more often than when I was younger. I found that often times you can have multiple shutdowns for various reasons that create a bigger shutdown and can be even more taxing. I have found that by having a great support structure around you really helps to bring you back faster than when you have to do it yourself.
I used to have more meltdowns, but I've just grown tired of living life like I am Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. I can't even muster the energy for a respectable meltdown anymore. 😂
Thank you! I have found my people after 71 years!
I haven't been able to feel much of anything for 2 days. Figured maybe it was a shutdown. I wanted to say thanks for making me genuinely smile and laugh. It feels nice. I've had a lot of triggers back to back, and life won't slow down, but it's always reassuring to hear this is totally normal. Personally, I'll take the meltdown. Mine don't last super long, especially compared to the shutdowns
Sweet Baby Jesus you literally just described the last 5 years of my life! 😧😧😧
This video really nailed what I've been going through lately. I thought maybe it was just me, but it seems it happens with others as well. It's nice not to feel like the only one.
Emails, phone calls, schedules, paperwork... some of the things that trigger my shutdowns.
I thought I had no shutdowns. But I realize with your explaination I got about 7 a week. Gosh, thank you, I better understand.
Yes...actually I am much more prone to shutdown than meltdown overall. Distress is certainly there coming from every corner of life but there is something about folding it all within to the point I can feel almost nonexistent. There are times I simply must do this.
Thanks for sharing very helpful stuff 😀 👍
I numbed out by a decision to numbing
feeling emotions and physical pain
Aged 10 years old .
It helped me cope with bullying at school to stay strong enough.
I never have turned it off .
I’m working a burnout job. The kind of work I do right would be overwhelming for a neurotypical person. I have ADHD, but the ways I’ve started cognitively responding to the stress, mixed with the occasionally sensory overload I get at work, I am wondering whether I might be on the spectrum. Whether or not that turns out to be the case, this might help me get closer to the truth. Thank you.
Orion, I just wanted to say Thank You for all your video's basically. I'm currently waiting for a professional diagnosis. I'm a 40y old woman, coming from an extremely dysfunctional and also abusive home/childhood. Because of that I was sure most of my problems were rooted there. That CPTSD was the main culprit of my struggles. My best friend (a late diagnosed autistic woman herself) has been saying for 10 years that she thinks I'm autistic. But back then the PTSD was at its worst time. I knew I had to deal with that first. I did, multiple rounds of therapy, but I came to a point where I didn't feel like I was fighting trauma anymore, but just fighting myself. When COVID hit and the lockdowns came, I was living my best life. It was the best time for me. All the subconscious masking I did wasn't needed, so I stopped doing it. When life returned to "normal" I came to find I just couldn't do what I had always done. I couldn't get the masks working again. After struggling for a while I went back to therapy and finally asked for all the personality tests possible, so I could calculate my abilities in life (that sentence was already telling, I guess) and it resulted in an assessment for ASD. The therapist said there's a comorbidity of disorders and its extremely complex in my case, so I can only go to a handful of places for a proper diagnosis. So now I've been stuck in this waiting mode where I do know I'm probably autistic and then some, which obviously makes me look at my whole crappy life with different eyes. But I can't let that get to me yet, because I definitely need a professional to help process that and help me go through the new pain and grief it gives me. It feels like I'm in a constant shutdown. I feel very lonely in the process, even though I'm married. My wife and her family really struggle to understand, or even accept I guess. My wife is definitely making an effort, but I'm still being punished whenever I have a meltdown or say something in a "wrong" way. There's a huge lack of effort from everyone else in trying to understand me. I have been sending them your video's to help them with it, but no one ever gets back to me about them. It's hurtful and adds to the I'm worthless feelings I already have from childhood and fought so hard to overcome. But at the very least they help my wife understand me better. I'm not sure we'll make it through this journey together, but if we do, it's definitely also partly because of your video's. So thank you ❤
❤ My heart goes out to you and your wife. I understand what you are going through even down to the CPTSD and trying to educate your family with enlightening info only to be ignored or worse receive criticism. ❤ All the best to you and your wife- At this point even a semi-aware and supportive partner sounds wonderful to me as I am trying to navigate this storm on my own. ❤ All the best
My grandson is autistic. This is helping me to understand different moods.
Try remembering shutdowns, meltdowns, and much of what Orion talks about are reactions to stimuli. It will help you remember patience. Feeling seen and heard are two of the greatest gifts you can give your Autistic loved ones. Good luck ❤
A series of repeated shutdowns among other traits killed my relationship of 6 years. It ended just this morning. The fact that I dissociate under stress and cant meet her expectations doomed it. My personality quirks were too much for her to handle to the point she legitimately suffered for it, and told me straight to my face that I would not ever be a good husband or father. Im inclined to believe she was right. In no uncertain terms is this a curse.
We need help. I think I understand, now. These shut-downs - sometimes they go on for many years. By the time we realise that we've been fermenting a serious problem we're already a long way gone. And serious time distortion (things that happened years ago, at the start of the problem, feel like they happened days ago like we're in stasis or something) means that we can be a very long way down the line before we notice. So, I think it's urgent that health professionals and neuroscientists start talking about the phenomenon. If it's not the same as a deep, long depression - it needs a specialised therapy.
Maybe, we need somebody who can tell us that a major change has taken place in such a way that it properly registers before we stray too wildly from reality. Somebody who can help us adjust as quickly as possible.
Anxiety attack vs panic attack ;)
Anxiety attacks I internalize. When I'm not allowed to recover / escape the situation is when I blow up as it becomes a panic attack ;)
I know general anxiety well and have a lot of experiences in the anxiety - panic transition.
Anxiety attack is running late after parking in a disabled spot but can still make the appointment.
Panic attack is the realization that you got off on 3 instead of 4, the other elevator is broken.... still extremely bad anxiety attack.
Where's the stairwell?
:Kicks broken elevator and melts down
There's the panic attack. But it's not over yet, still gotta escape the facility. You go back down and security is dressed for downtown Iraq and heading up ....
F f f f f
For me:
Anxiety attack- knowing that I have to do something/be somewhere and over thinking it and thinking of all the bad things that could happen or how will I say something wrong or do the wrong thing before the event.
Panic attack: something that happens out of the blue that stresses me out. Such as I have asked to do something and when I go to do it I realize I'm not sure what I'm doing and panic as everyone seems to be able to do it why can't I...then I stress that they will think I'm useless or stupid and have a panic attack.
What a ridiculously validating video. I never knew this was an autism thing!
I have always referred to these episodes as "my brain broke". Most commonly, I get the ones you call "cognitive overwhelm". It usually happens if i'm trying to learn something new that is very complex, or doing something else that requires a lot of brainpower, and there are any external stimuli splitting my attention. There have been times where I had to just gently tell my partner or friends to leave me be and not interact at all for a little while so I can tunnel-vision what i'm working on and work through it. Other times when that's not feasible, such as out in public when strangers are the external stimuli, i'll need to just abandon what I was trying to say or do to avoid the shutdown turning into a meltdown. It's caused me a lot of trouble and I always wondered where it came from.
The hold please has been my worst stumble with humanity. I have had so many hearing tests in my youth because i was asked a question and said "What?" because i needed a moment. My brain was not translating the thing said.
ill be working on line at taco bell and well bve super busy for a while and ill just stop talking and stop listening. just look at the screen and make the food. because somehow the thing stressing me also helps with the stress
I've been in a shutdown after years long battle with benzodiazepine abuse after being bullied in school everyday for 5 years, the withdrawal lasted years. When the withdrawal was over, i thought i could move on with my life. But then the looping thoughts began two things that happened when i was 19 and 20, these two things loop in my mind every day and sometimes convince me im the sick and most depraved person alive. That i am lesser of a human and i deserve to be treated as such. Other times it's the opposite, i think to myself, how did i not end up worse?, all the trauma that i was put through, being bullied, drug abuse, being manipulated and taken advantage of, getting put in vulnerable situations by my manipulative friend and trying my hardest to avert disasters. I believe no one will ever understand my story and it pains me so much.
Hard to swallow. I’m undiagnosed high masking, high performance and completely burned out and shut down much of the time …. Ugh.
I have to say shutdowns are extremely stressful. I feel like I end my day like this everyday. I am under so much stress it's ridiculous. I'm in the middle of getting disability, having 3 kids and a divorce. Absolutely nuts ! ! !
Thank you Orion ❤️
yes yes and yes...all of it! Love you Orion! - weird 47 y.o. late diagnosed autistic girl
Thank you so much so enlightening. You are a legend 😊
happened to me after having to do a presentation at my kid's school. I had meltdowns before and afterwards I basically just shut down. Stuff that usually makes me happy I didn't want anything to do with. I just wanted to be alone on the couch watching mindless tv...
Thank you. This is a very helpful video for me. I never realised how much I do shut down. I've always run away from and avoided things when they get too overwhelming. I never realised that this was part of shutting down. I'm always seeking quiet time alone. This is especially important for me, being a single parent of two young boys who I suspect may be autistic and or adhd too.
Thanks for your help.
Thank you so much for explaining the topic of autistic shutdowns that well, Orion. Not only am I learning to understand myself better and better, this video really helps me to get what my daughter is struggeling with right now. This world is not made for us and the sheer existence in it costs that much energy that I sometimes wonder if it‘s all worth it … Sorry, don‘t want to give depressed vibes, I am just still looking for a place where living might be a little bit more easy and natural for me and my family. Hang in there my fellow neurodivergent people, it might be somewhere … 🌈❤
You have it so right. I am like a computer, i shut down and take ages to reboot. I wish people would understand this. Thanks Orion
Insightful yet again. You’ve described this 48 yr old undiagnosed person perfectly. This ep and your prior one on Hidden Austic traits (2-2). Countless moments in my life (as child & an adult) where it’s like my brain shuts down, leaving me stuck, seemingly frozen. When the signals start to re-fire or the “buffer” catches up I’m back to normal, however often the moments past and you then get criticised for not paying attention, being withdrawn or detached or my favourites - lacking self awareness and emotion. Clearly it’s quite the opposite in fact!
Even worse when a trigger causes another. Imagine social gatherings not being already enough stress. But then try to follow a discussion with many backs and forths while you are weighing the arguments exchanged. No way you'll be able play an active role. I think, lots of decisions neurotypicals make during such situations are subconscious while autistic people do the same thing consciously. That's similar to comparing a compiler language with libraries to a purely script-based process.
You are a hero
.............wow diagnosed at 39 looking back with this info it explains SO much!!! Even now!
My son, who 34 and on the spectrum lives with me and his stepfather. Is there anything that I can do to help him when he shuts down. I usually just leave him be until he's ready to interact. This can take days and I worry that backing off just makes matters worse.
My son is 13 and autistic, I'm 33 and autistic, and my 31 year old husband might be autistic.
Best thing you can do is get him something to absorb into, sit next to him, tell him that it's not okay now, but it will be. Don't worry about talking to make him feel better, get him a video or movie or something he can fully immerse into to help pull him out. Good luck!
You can ask him when he’s not in shutdown or meltdown, what might help. For some, deep pressure can help, others don’t want to be touched. Certain textures might help. Usually low inputs are generally good - reduce light, sound, conversation and mental processing.
Every time I "reboot", I get confused / pissed and reboot again..
It's a BAD circle... Damn near everything to me is black and white, wish everyone worked that way.
💯
Shirt tags are the bane of my existence. I hate when they brush up on my neck, giving me a shiver.
Hubby had a shut down today and I had a meltdown yesterday. It's been a rough year. 😅
Shutdowns suck because other people can't usually see how distressed I am and I can't verbally communicate it to them, like words won't compute. And since the outwardly strong emotions of a meltdown are usually too much for others and also make it harder for me to get my needs met, it feels like a terrible situation either way.
Same. I literally almost hyperventilated while trying to have a conversation yesterday.
It makes so much sense to me now. I used to have frequent meltdowns before I got enrolled in school. But once I got into school they abruptly stopped. I can only remember two instances since school where I had a meltdown. Great right? WRONG. The reason why they stopped is because whenever I had a meltdown then people would flock around me. Especially if they didn’t know me. Either screaming at me or trying to console me. Everything that was making me even more stressed out. So I instead had lots of shutdowns once I got into school. I withdrew myself as often as I could. Would go to the bathroom really frequently to escape whatever stressful situation. But bottling up all those feelings wasn‘t making it any easier. Oh no absolutely not easier. It got much worse. Shutdowns are more dangerous imo. If you can‘t let those feelings of severe distress out somewhere then you‘ll eventually burst and break. Happened to me. And cleaning up the mess takes a really long time.
Yeah, I would run to the bathroom in school so no one could see me cry.
Thanks Orion !!! 💙👊
Thank you! 😃❤️🖖
You are always an amazing source for information for & about our community
Can you please do a video about autistic shutOUTs? My husband had shut me out for a solid month now and its maddening.
Your examples of shutdown tell me i spend a lot of time in a shutdown state. I always knew i had a bunch of meltdowns as they are a no brainer.
You just explained my son, perfectly.
He is in shutdown. He is in high school. And he can’t go anymore. It’s all too much for him. I want to help him but he doesn’t relate to autism. He is always using the word stressed or upset. If he watched this, it might give him some relief.. but I can’t even ask him or suggest it. And then to get him to actual do something he doesn’t want to.
Thank you for sharing on this subject; it’s exactly what I was hoping you would delve into more so I can help my loved ones understand it better. Another spin off of this one could be ways to go into meltdown to re-regulate yourself that are helpful. I find just going to my safe space, being cozy with a book or phone to watch a show, or even just sleeping when it’s that bad, is what helps me most. Im usually right as rain after a half day to a full day.
I'm just coming out of a week long shutdown. It has been horrible but videos like this help me to process and understand what is happening in my brain.
Unfortunately it was brought about by being basically abused and bullied by the boss in a new workplace. Quitting the job has got me out of the situation but I'm now, again, looking for a job.
Thank you for making these videos.
I can relate to 90% of these. All I want right now is to stay consistently regulated. Not happening these days. When I can’t regulate, I always remove myself and isolate. Umph!!!!!
I got diagnosed about year ago and I still can’t get many things, but I understand my behaviour more. Now I know I mostly have autistic shoutdowns.
Once I got a situation when I was on a meeting with my friends, because one of them had birthday. Everyone was laughing of my story that I was talking about and they didn’t let me end. Because of that I started to shake my hands and couldn’t say a word. This friend told me I am not okay that I behave badly, but I really couldn’t say I word. I was wondering, why I am so terrible friend, but now I understand that. Thank you for that channel, it really helps me understand myself.
Before my therapist told me I am autistic, my psychologist said, I have depression, anxiety and OCD. Now I know it was because of the late diagnosis (I was diagnosed when I was almost 20 years old)
I am curious, how my parents haven’t noticed that?