The Truth About the Five Stages of Grief
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- The Five Stages of Grief show up in media everywhere from The Simpsons to Robot Chicken, but scientists have long been working on better ways to think about grief.
Hosted by: Olivia Gordon
For more like this, check out our sister channel, SciShow Psych: / scishowpsych
----------
Support SciShow by becoming a patron on Patreon: / scishow
----------
Dooblydoo thanks go to the following Patreon supporters: Lazarus G, Kelly Landrum Jones, Sam Lutfi, Kevin Knupp, Nicholas Smith, D.A. Noe, alexander wadsworth, سلطان الخليفي, Piya Shedden, KatieMarie Magnone, Scott Satovsky Jr, Charles Southerland, Bader AlGhamdi, James Harshaw, Patrick Merrithew, Patrick D. Ashmore, Candy, Tim Curwick, charles george, Saul, Mark Terrio-Cameron, Viraansh Bhanushali, Kevin Bealer, Philippe von Bergen, Chris Peters, Justin Lentz
----------
Looking for SciShow elsewhere on the internet?
Facebook: / scishow
Twitter: / scishow
Tumblr: / scishow
Instagram: / thescishow
----------
Sources:
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
journals.sagepu...
www.psychology...
www.scientific...
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
grief.com/the-...
www.psycom.net...
www.nhpco.org/...
www.hindshospic...
content.time.co...
www.nytimes.com...
www.psychology...
therapychanges....
www.psychology...
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
ideas.ted.com/...
theconversation...
www.counseling...
jamanetwork.co...
www.researchga...
It took me three years to get over losing my son, 2 years to get over losing my best friend. 5 years losing my husband and I'm two years into the loss of my mother still grieving pretty heavily monthly. It is beginning to get better
watching Sci Show is a way i keep a lasting relationship with someone I lost. I always feel closer to him whenever I watch this channel.
there's nothing worse than grieving someone and thinking that you aren't really grieving them because you haven't experienced all the stages. Thank you for this video, I hope more people see it
0:40: "It's a totally normal process... and it's different fir everyone." THANK you!
There is no 'one way to grieve'! Take your own time, and get help (if you need it).💓
I have a friend that definitely has Persistent Complex Bereavement Dissorder. After 5 years she still regularly breaks down when thinking of her mother's death and has regular dreams about it. To top it off, her father died recently.
I'm glad that even though my own loss of my brother was hard, it gives me a good knowledge to talk to other people who have lost love one's. I love hearing stories about her mom and dad, because I know how lonely it can be when people don't want to ask or listen because they're scared you'll just cry immediately or act awkward when you mention them.
But, even after 16 years I still have bad days where I just cry, when missing my brother and the potential of who he could have been just rushes over me. Grief is weird
I only know the 5 stages of SWOLE!
wut🤔
try again!
Is that,Hank? Hank is on steroids!
I thought you got your muscle naturally you traitor
Im just waiting for hank and john to adress you in a video
It feels like it never ends because it never ends.
So Trueee
Yeah
@@EdwardMongillo I shared my experiences here
ruclips.net/video/ZHR1zfGx788/видео.html
My working definition of love is
“a deep or profound longing affection or appreciation toward something or someone without which your life is incomplete.”
When you lose something or someone you love, you lose a part of yourself. You can heal, you can grieve, you can experience something akin to recovery, but you’re never whole again. So no. It never ends.
Unfortunately true.
when i lost my best friend i feel like i got a bit angry at first, but then i was just really depressed. i still am, it's been a little more than a year, i haven't gotten to the acceptance stage yet i think.
I deal with premature grief... Where i feel grief for things that just where born because just knowing mortality is a thing pushes me to think about what it will be like when everything I care about is gone..
Her face when talking about Freud - the disdain basically leaps off the screen!
I've found that grief works differently for me. I sort of just get angry until apathy takes over and I find something else to think about.
In the past four days since my loss, I've jumped around from denial, anger, bargaining, and depression in no particular order. Sometimes I feel a mixture of more than one at the same time. The different stages seem accurate to me, but I think the order is different for everyone and based on the nature of the loss itself.
I grieved 2 years before my mom's death. Her lifestyle of hoarding and being hospitalized for declining health as a result. I felt more at peace when she died. I cried more when she was alive. All the pain. The only hauntings are dream that I have a lot. Otherwise, I moved on well. Maybe a stage or 2. That was all.
I hope those "Ask me about my cigar" hats show up in your merch store soon! Great video!
Thank you for being such an awesome host, Olivia!
I'm on the 4th stage right now. But sometimes, I still have the feeling of having 1st. 2nd and 3rd. Idk. But thanks a lot for this video.
Interesting as currently grieving my dad who passed last summer. Ajahn Brahm has some great talks about grief
This hit me way too close to home. Having lost 2 grandparents and a friend/coworker over the course of 2 years about 2 years ago, and then afterwards suffering from stress and depression caused by it.
I have a question. Have you recently gone through that yourself. I felt it by the way you were talking. And if so....I'm proud of the strength you had. You shot the video and posted. I know it may be something we all go through, but the resiliency and strength despite of..thats special. Love the show. Love your specific episodes as Well. See you next time.
I've never really experienced the whole 5 stage thing for any of the people or pets close to me that passed away. I felt sad, and moved on, but never denied it, was angry about it, or bargained about it.
hellcat1988 same here, really felt bad about it too. Stupid when i look back at that weird time after she passed. Was feeling like a disconnect between what my brain was expecting and what i actually felt like. The dangers in generalization i guess
hellcat1988 yes, which is why majority of the video explains it depends on the circumstance and the individual. Discounting the Kübler-Ross models application to grief.
Me too. I was sad but moved on. I have never experienced the 5 stages. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me, but as I grew older, I came to the realization that the 5 stages were a bunch of nonsense.
It has been argued that this even applies to relationships. I was told I would go through grief when I finally got divorced from my x-wife. In reality I was extaticaly happy.
It took me a while ( 7-8 years) to get over the loss of a significant other. I guess I worked thru my greif, but stayed stuck on it too long. I am over it know. Thanks for talking of the inevitable for us all!
I've accepted death a long time ago. When a loved one dies, I only experience depression at the definite state. How long I'm depressed depends on the bond I had with the person.
It's like y'all made this video for me. Two years ago on the 21st, my grandmother passed away. It was my first time dealing with real loss.
Time really does heal all wounds. Sometimes it just takes a considerable amount of time.
I've lost a few loved ones, but each time I went directly into the 5th stage. I lost them all to lung cancer (yay for smoking) so I knew they were going to die and about when it would happen. I got to accept it before they died and I got to say goodbye.
A sudden death like a heart attack or car crash isn't something one can prepare for, which probably makes it harder to cope with
DABDA. Denial, Anger, Barga- holr up. Dab? DABDA ON 'EM
I read the comments and not many people commented on the actual video and the nice lady delivering it. I just wanted to say BRAVO! EXCELLENT! Very well done. It was hard for me to keep up only because everything that you said made me think and I had to keep rewinding, but that's on me. I'll just rewatch it. Very good job. Thank you.
Who would've thought that Freud would've studied something without relating it to sex?
Thanatos and Libido were both joined, according to Freud. You don't think he'd have left sex out of death, do you?😒
This made me think of a really good book I discovered last year in the wake of a personal loss, by Lucy Hone. It was called "Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything."
And I do recommend it. She talks about stuff like identifying your character strengths and finding out how they could be used to help you in your grieving. Managing your energy levels. And taking the time to notice and foster positive feelings (such as gratitude and humor).
I do feel like it helped me through the more acute state of grief. Largely by keeping it all in perspective and having the vocabulary to describe how I was handling it.
It was very well elaborated. If you replaced death with loss of someone close. I would gather the physiological processes would be coherently equivalent though again it all depends how close the lost person was or how mentally resilient the griever is. Anyways, great stuff! Thanks for the sum up.
I really really REALLY liked this video. It is very helpful to understand the various ideas and theories concerning grief and that there is no one-size-fits-all model. Thank you very much for doing this one. Cheers, Russ
Oliva and Hank are my favourite presentors of sci show, keep up the great work
If you've seen All That Jazz, you know well enough abut the Kuebler-Ross model.
In 1980 I was 7 months pregnant with my son when my mate was run down by a drunk driver...I was standing beside him at the time!
I still feel grief ... every day!
beth98362 R condolences. I am wondering when they will do some kind of study of long-term grief. My situation is not same but not too dissimilar from yours. Feel mostly stuck in rage for the last 6 years. I don't feel like mental health people properly acknowledge that some situations don't allow for the regular 5-stage greeting card write-off. Nor do friends or family always, even if they share the family member who passed.
You can trust me when I say there wasn't a single part of me that "denied" I was seeing what I was seeing.
Everyone watched while my loved one was dying, because they were showing it on the news as it was happening.
The only thing we DIDN'T know is if he'd gone out on a business run, like he did sometimes, so we didn't know if he was inside the building or out somewhere and couldn't get in touch with us because the plane smashing into Tower 1 knocked down communication all over Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and Northern New Jersey.
But we know now he was in the building.
Anyway, I never felt a sense of denial but the anger has never stopped; it's just that it's cold ire instead of burning rage.
These videos have been quite ironic... I lost someone recently... this video helps though.
Thanks scishow for these videos explaining these topics.
I’m dying inside
matrices are really annoying o
matrices are really annoying I'm dead inside
i'm dead outside
I am schroedinger's cat.
And outside, too.
I’m on the depression one.....and I still never got to acceptance😢
Brace yourself edgy jokes are coming.
By the way I am a hypocrite
Dang.
I thought winter was coming
From my own experience of grieving, I can say that the dual process model is much more accurate that the ridiculous five stages thing.
This is so interesting! Most I've enjoyed from Scishow recently. Go team ft. Olivia!
3:20
That's the face of a true skeptic. Proud of you, Olivia !
Thanks for the slower, more serious tone of this episode. I wasn't a fan of Olivia at first but she's slowly growing on me.
*googling "robot chicken giraffe"*
actually where I first learned it....
My beautiful cousin lost her battle with leukemia and passed away today. I love her so much and will miss her always!
Having a more flexible model seems to make sense , even though as a foundation, Kubler-Ross’s five stages is a great place to start. Grief is very different from person to person, and yes, the context, the unique relationship, the other dynamics surrounding the loss. Grieving is work, so , although I don’t care for Freud’s perversions and world view, the idea of working through grief, rings true.
A very well done video for such a delicate subject. I really couldn't see Hank doing this video on such a sensitive issue. Good job Olivia. I'm grieving at the moment at the loss of my best friend and this video although not the answer to grief, it certainly helped.
I think that the factor that changes how humans deal with grief that is hardly discussed is the underlying way we narrate that which infront of us. How our minds percieve that which is infront of us comes from what we have projected from the past onto the present moment. If a person does not understand projection and perception adiquetly, they will most likely come from the mind set of fear. This is the game changer in recovery.
Animals grief too, I had 2 dogs and 1 of them died and the 1 left was so sad and didn't want to eat and he was depressed and cried a lot, it took him 7 days to get over his dead buddy.
It's not grief.It's horrific trauma when you have promised your husband of 39 years not to allow him kept going by machines..having to be there alone, being stronger than you ever imagined and watch that finality of that last breath when it happens.....having those memories for years never stop that movie in your head...I just miss my mind joined best friend.
The truth is that grief is a completely individual matter. This standard might true for many, but a lot of people go through their grief in a completely irregular way. It’s not so much a set of stages as it is a rollercoaster of emotions. One thing we all have in common- sooner or later each of us may have to face losing someone we love.
I observe in my clients that it’s really important first of all to let yourself feel. Feel whatever you are feeling. Whether it’s anger, sadness, being depressed or feeling absolutely nothing! All of these are completely natural for you. If someone else did not feel the same, doesn’t matter. You are feeling it now. Don’t let anyone tell you that there are some compulsory stages to go through or that ‘it’s time to move on’. Only you will ‘now when to move on. And when you are ready, you will. But not sooner than that.
Be strong and be safe.
This is interesting timing, I have three friends who had a grandparent die this week.
This video perpetuates a common misunderstanding. The Kubler-Ross model a) isn't meant to be sequential (subjects move in and out of various stages) and b) isn't prescriptive. This latter point also means that not everyone goes through every stage. This is how Kubler-Ross is currently used. Finally, non-psychiatric medical doctors rarely do very much for the grieving process (nor should they necessarily), much of this, in a hospital, is handled by the chaplain's office. (And not just for those who are religious)
My cat died this morning on the steps. He had cat coronavirus and at night I could here him gasping for air and hissing. However, when I went to check on him he was dead with throw up everywhere. I’m so said right now and I think I am on depression.
This was a really incredible episode, I love how much detail you guys went into, very well done! Thanks SciShow, for such an informative video! :)
This is so well written and researched.
I have seen some horrible, dogmatic interventions from unskilled social workers 'helping' children deal with grief. Working through a program from a book (!), they proceed doggedly and brutally, regardless of how the child wants to deal with it. It can be inhuman!
My mom passed this morning. I've spent all day crying or making plans with my family. It does go back and forth
That double theory is a nail on the head
I get mesmerized when she speaks
The dual process model seems to be similar to coping with divorce. While divorce is objectively viewed as less deserving of the feelings that grief from death evokes, what they both share is a certain sense of separation, which can leave one sort of lost and searching for a way out of the woods. That vulnerability can sometimes lead to poor decisions, but it can also to leave a person convinced that an aggressive campaign to 'get back on the bike' will rid them of the confusion and loneliness.
Good video, SciShow.
My dog died eight days ago. Thank you so much for making this video!
I have been grieving for 8 years, there is no right or wrong way, or how long it takes, each person is individual and we all grieve in different ways....Big love....Coping With Loss - RUclips
Don't forget grief isn't just about death it can be about a break up etc I think they are bang on the 5 stages.
Very good content. That's one common sense I had never questioned
I like the way this lady speaks. Her voice and words are clear and she is not as rushed as others. Just my opinion.
I love Olivia Gordon! She's compelling to listen to and explains things so well.
The Legion of hanks have returned x'D ahh well, not sure if I am the only one but do I feel like I only go through the last two.
-Depression.
-Acceptance.
Not sure why. Am I the only one?
7+ billion ppl on earth and you are the only one, yes
Wasn't meant literal smarty, more as a metaphor to ask "who else?" it's asked like this more often than not if you pay attention in the world.
You sir, don't understand sarkasm
Ahh ok - fair enough if it was sarcasm.
With some people today on the internet, you never know when things are meant sarcastic or not.
I usually make sure to leave some for of extra mark if things are meant sarcastic.
No, i usually feel just these two too. I think it may have to do with being more inclined to have a rational perspective on things. Anger is destructive and irrational, denial is purely irrational, bargaining as well. Depression on the other hand can come from overthinking, or being true to your own feelings and place in the world. And acceptance is just... acceptance, and as such, is the most rational outcome of these 5.
The five stages are about people who are dying, and studies try replicating results of people's reactions to dead family members? What?
Blizzard Kiehn Yeah, people sorta forgot what the model was originally supposed to be about. \_(“/)_/
Heres a good question, now can you experience the 5 stages of Grief before someone dies, so probably when someone dies you won't go thru the 5 stages !
Sometimes people who have time to grieve before the actual death feel a sense of “relief” when it actually happens, like with chronic illness indicating death in a certain time frame.
I think another thing to think about on how someone deals with grief and the passing of a loved one is if the death was sudden or not. Someone might react differently to someone dying when they knew it was going to happen long before it did compared to an unexpected death like an accident or suicide.
The steps aren't supposed to be experienced sequentially. People will bounce between different stages at different times, and some people will not experience every stage. All of this is normal. As you stated, everyone experiences grief in their own individualistic way.
I just thought that these were common stages but the stages can be in different orders or even have multiple stages at the sane time. This is true for me. I've been dealing with guilt due to some last choices i made that impacted my dear cats comfort during his last days. He was the one who helped me with ptsd. But I've been trying new tactics to get through them and I'm going to foster more at risk kittens to pay forward what he did for me
I learned it as "The 5 Stages of Receiving Catastrophic News," with the example of what you'd do if your car didn't start.
First you try it again. Then you get angry at it. Then you beg it to start. Then you bemoan being late to work. Then you finally deal with the reality.
As someone in the 4-5 month grieving range for a lost spouse, I'm in the acute stage pretty hard core. I'm in the phase where it all just feels hard. Everything. What's for dinner? Hard. Responding to an e-mail? Overwhelming. Maintaining social relationships? Crippling. Worst of all, though, it's the stage where a lot of things have to be done, too. Moving investment accounts, for example. Oh, and don't check the wrong box or you just lost 20% of their life's savings to a tax penalty! Getting probate finalized, etc. There are so many things we have to do, many on strict timelines, while trying to grieve. I know the world can't stop for grief, but there is something to be said for the old ways where people were expected to have grief for a year or more and things were allowed to happen on a slower timeline.
My grief experiences have been the first 4/5 stages of grief, then instead acceptance, I fluctuate between looking at old photos of my lost loved one and trying to get my life in order.
Awesome job editing Josef! Thanks for taking a break from your hard work to welcome me back to MT and for sushi with Bridget and I... ☺
I *still* have periods of minor depression grieving over the death of my chinchilla named Simba in June of 2016 who passed away from old age in his sleep. I *still remember* where his corpse is buried behind my old house despite moving from there in March 1, 2017. Rest In Peace Simba, you were like a son to me for 8 years (or *half my life* at the time of his passing).
Love the facts here! Most people don’t know this about the Kubler Ross Model. Grief is in no way linear....don’t be fooled. All sorts of different emotions come and go at different times! “The only cure for grief is to grieve.” Earl Grollman
And many/most of us no longer fixate on "grief" per se and more so loss. These same stages are observed whenever a great personal loss is suffered, such as with divorce, not just loss related to death. We also don't consider the order as valid or that people will experience every stage. The best thing people can do for people experiencing loss is just listen, even if it's the 8th time hearing something, and be willing to take the lead to keep them engaged socially. If you're unwilling to do that for someone, that's totally ok, but there is still something you can do to help. The recommended procedure is to exit the grieving person's vicinity, crawl back into the dumpster you came from, and light it on fire. No one needs the secondary victimization of unsupportive "friends."
Empty Cradle supports miscarriage loss in San Diego. I experienced a miscarriage and an infant loss...they are both immensely painful and cause real acute grief! 3-6 wasn’t long enough for sure.
You can just accept it on the highest level and avoid the whole process
You can deny it first and go through the Kubler Ross process which leads to acceptance anyway.
You can accept it, but think about it too often and still let it depress you.
In the end It really all depends on how close you were to the person and how sensitive you are.
I went through almost all stages of grief, but no one died I just had to move to a different country, and barging was so hard because I kept looking for any way to stay, and depression was almost 2 months of my life
Loved the end, love to see you smile Olivia, my sweet gorgon.
This is one of my new favorite episodes.
I’ve gone through these stages back and forth tell I reach acceptance.
Much love from New Mexico :) -Tony Devois
This would seem a perfect fit for Sci show Psych...
Been mourning my soul for years...
I love this. When i was in college i took many course on death and dying. I have a certificate in thanatology.
Yeah, I never thought the Kubler-Ross method made much sense, especially the Anger/Bargaining stages. I guess I sorts thought about it in five stages, but more like this:
1: Suspension (Denial)
2: Disintegration (something like Anger or Bargaining, where you can’t deny something has gone wrong but are floundering and starting to fall apart trying to find a way to respond to it)
3: Depression
4: Reorientation (basically Restoration from the dual process model, where you’re pulling your life back together and finding a way to live on)
5: Continuation (Acceptance)
I guess this makes more sense to me as a more symmetric falling-rising pattern (*\_/*) compared to Kubler-Ross, with those weird Anger and Bargaining stages and no acknowledgement of how hard it is to pull your life back together after the worst is over (*-_*).
I feel like the three first stages can be felt before the death itself finds place if you lose a person close to you over a longer period of time - like a slow sickness(those comes in various shapes and sizes). I lost my father november 2017, and even though I have a young age to part with him, I knew for a long time that I had to let him go early in my life. My denial was "simply" not thinking about his timely death as I literally couldn't imagine that it would happen at some point in my youth - it also wasn't certain, but everyone sort of knew that it would happen if he didn't turn his life around. I have been angry about it and angry at him, have tried to "bargain" my way out of the situation by trying to solve the problems that I knew would essentially lead to his death. At times I feel like I still deal with all the stages still, but I belive it's because I never really stopped fighting for him and our time together. It's hard to acknowledge that all that hard work, all what you went through alone and together - in the end it didn't really matter, because I lost him anyway. And now I have to sort out our problems, his problems, on my own and without his help. It does feel rather pointless at times - and you do feel helpless. But I hope that one day I will be able to find peace with him and myself - at least I'm still fighting for that hope.
So, this applies to extreme heartbreak? Because the worst grief I have had, is from horrible human actions, not natural or otherwise unpreventable causes.
A659 Let me guess, you were with a girl who you indescribably loved, but you ended up breaking up?
Pretty much. The breakup was something that really helped me develop as a human being, I can really acknowledge my own mistakes there. But the actions from your significant other, that were macabre and against every cell of your being, really dissolves a part of you. My grief is that we are only human.
A659 That form of grief seems to change people even more than a loss by death. It's often harder to get past because the person you're grieving about is still around and that gets in the way of closure. You're not only grieving them, but the relationship and your hopes and dreams. The scab is constantly getting pulled off so the wound won't heal. I hope it becomes a barely-remembered piece of ancient history for you soon.
Same. Heart break is way worse. Its more of a wound.
CrankyPants Really didn't need to read this 2 days after ending a serious relationship...
I heard we go through these stages even when minor things, like losing keys or being late for work or break ups.
ever since I heard about the 5 stages of grief, I always thought they were just the main, not necessarily sequential, responses to grief, and I have personally seen a few varieties of these stages (anger before bargaining, depression before denial, etc.) , though I only saw family member, since the only dying person I ever talked to had dementia/alzheimers
What about stage 6? The guilt of living with it. Or stage seven forgetting the pain of it? Really, I guess it becomes less about me and more about the one that is gone.
If I kill an ant will other ants feel grief too?
Not if it’s Stan. The whole colony hates Stan.
Ants are not Mentaly capable to feel/express Emotions or any Intelligence over a Basic Automaton/Robot if looked at Individualy. Colony like behaviour can be seen in actual Ant Colonies but Emotions do not exist.
Paul Drake 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Stan will be missed...
only if you kill antman
The 5 stages is reverse for me.
At first im fine, feeling nothing really.
Then i feel depressed, mostly because a sort of "guilt" from not feeling much while everybody else clearly did.
Then i bargain, that its totally fine and i shouldn't think too much of it.
Before i know it, its almost as if it didn't happen and that kinda makes me angry.
With that anger, the thoughts of the diseased values starts to fill my mind.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the 5 stages are a little too uniform for everyone to go through them. Interesting video :)
We need to be able to have more open dialogue on miscarriages. For some women it doesn't affect them but for others it's intensely stressful and that should be okay and acknowledged. My mom had four miscarriages before me and it was so hard because nobody would accept that she was grieving. My dad tried to understand but it was very difficult for him to.
I'm going though depression too it's even worse since she died on Halloween and got Ill on Christmas and when I told people nobody believe me since its 'impossible to get dangerously ill and die on events' and that still hurts I still think about what I could of done to stop it but only my parents got to say bye and it was a year ago but... Yea grief