All heroes don’t wear capes. Sometimes they’re “innocent” women who have to do love scenes with a fat, heavily bearded, mouth breathing, self-absorbed, narcissistic, megalomaniac. These movies are gems. Straight gems.
This is the moment in Seagal lore when he just hires younger, more athletic martial artists to do all the action sequences, while he just hangs out in the background.
@@johnynoway9127 With that said, it still can't be that much given the sheer volume of movies he's put out over the last 10 or so years. That usually means each one pays well enough to buy a few weeks of butter for him to eat.
How dare you. Seagal does NOT just hang out in the background. He hangs out in the background and eats hoagie after hoagie after hoagie after Asian stripper. Get it right!
Our man ,Stevie, needs only a sword that's as good as he is; no pets allowed! I'd love to see him pledge loyalty to the sword: "Without me my sword is useless!." (That's it, just this one sentence!)
@@larryh502 hahahaha he could probably soldier through. The deal breaker would probably be if he can't go to a strip club and if there's no 20 something year old lady pretending to be into him
maybe it's just me, but the "lemme tac' up." at the beginning absolutely KILLS me. It was SO ridiculous that I actually started using the phrase near the end of my *actual* military career just on principle. Also: 500 extra points for you for the machine speech section. Spat out my drink.
Either way you look at it Seagal loves this outfit. It hides his neck meat very well and smooths out the jiggles. He was probably filming this movie at the same time and likely same place as the broken-handed ninja movie.
Tzi Ma is Mr. Chen here, and also appears as just "Chen" in Seagal's True Justice. (Seagal voice) "what? Oh yeah just hire that guy again, we'll name him Chen. Come on, lunch break" "Mr Seagal is ten AM" "I've been eating lunch at 10 AM for forty seven years"
The fun thing is that the characters Seagal play in his movies a little bit too often can be categorized as serial killers and Seagal himself seems not to get that.
I can't even lie, even with all the Seagal trash talking this is by far your most entertaining upload to date. I genuinely laughed out loud when you added in the voice audio clip in the strip club scene.
He's like an 8 year old with his denial of reality, 13 year old who found a pair of nunchuku in the woods, and a 18 year old who thinks he's a gift to women and also James Bond.
I believe that the birthday line means that him killing someone removes their ability to celebrate birthdays.. aka when he kills someone he snatches all future birthdays.
These are some of the best reviews I’ve seen in a while. I hope in the near future you watch classics like “City Dragon” and “Showdown In Little Tokyo”
They hired Tommy Wiseau to voice the bald bouncer?? He took a briefcase full of cheese and beef, not cash. Then ate it all. Seagal should be a unit of measurement for absolute zero, as he is so low energy.
“Hey beach, are you work here or what? Hey, where are you going honey? I want a lap dance. I want that bar bitch to dance for me, so fuck you.” *gets wrist broken* The look on Seagals face before the dude randomly swings had me laughing. And the talk to text thing was the cherry on top. Probably my favorite moment out of these reviews 😂
8:56 "I will snatch every motherf***ing birthday!" Dude forgot what he was supposed to say mid-line and thought, "Ah, f**k it, I'm not doing another take. They'll get the idea." Please make an entire video on that line! 12:22 So he couldn't be bothered to name his dog, but his freakin' sword, now _that's_ something he just needed to name! Priorities, Steve, priorities.
At 8:00 that Russian cop steals it - he's like that guy from the Andy Griffith Show (Don Knotts?) 9:20 "snatch every mofo birthday" - maybe he means he's going to kill them, taking away all their future birthdays because they're dead? But I think we're giving it too much thought - he's just being himself. The ending - eww, he's gonna squash her! I'd love to hear the voices done by "Daniel" the snarky British-accented TTS bot that narrates a lot of Reddit channels.
Right?! The Cop is amazing. He does remind me of the Andy Griffith show! I think he means he will take away the rest of their birthdays, but good God does he mess the line up haha. I need a good bot for that British voice! I couldn't find one
Maybe it refers to the scenario when he takes their birthday so they are never born so they cant exist anymore (Shrek forever had this idea also), in other way it of course means he kills all of them. He likes using metaphores so maybe thats what he thought. Or you are just right that he may have just forgotten the line and said only what he remembered.
The movie was filmed in Romania. I recognise the police uniforms, the flag (blue, yellow and red) and the credits at the end also have a lot of Romanian names. I don't say this with pride, kinda cringe to see Seagal movies filmed in Romania but I guess it would be cheaper than other countries.
I have a theory that all his Eastern European movies (there are at least two filmed in Poland) are made because of people who used to be his fans back in the early 1990s.
I swear to god I about spit my drink out when he said that line about birthdays . That line HIT DIFFERENTLY. 🤣🤣 And then the end when you said “ how many muthafcuka birthdays .” Bro I’m dying right now
The actor who plays Mr. Chin Made several appearences on the hit show nypd blue. Just a side note these movies are always the same,retired cía guys saves a young lady. Has all the creative juices simply dried up.
He needs his own avengers style movie where all his characters from different films come together. He uses body doubles so much im sure people wouldn’t notice the difference!
4:46 No Tommy Wiseau reference?! Denied! 8:08 Rowan Atkinson actually did play a cop in 'The Thin blue Line'. 8:24 Stylish boots! 8:25 Pretty sure that exact same dog sound effect is used in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. games. 11:25 That IS gross! He's old enough to be her fa...her GRANDfather! 12:30 Would be better if it had a guard. 13:25 Finger tip of the support hand's index finger on the trigger guard?! Does it take place in 1988?! That "technique" is long obsolete.
I cant not believe that Seagal watch Tropic Thunder and saw Robert Downey Jr's character and was like "yup! thats my new voice" and walks around with the equivalent with a black face voice.
I didn't plan ahead and I was actually eating when I watched this video and I damn near choked to fucking death when you played that computer voice for that terrible actor. Like legitimately got shit down the wrong way couldn't breathe had to get out of the chair damn near died choked. Worth it.
Also the "Russian" police uniforms say "Politia"... which is Romanian, not Russian. Actual Russian police uniforms say "Полиция" , which translated into English is "Politsiya". (Although no Russian police uniforms use the English variant "Politsiya"... because, well... they are in Russia).
I don't know, i think "I will shoot your fucking dog" is the best Seagal line. I have no idea which interchangeable direct-to-dvd movie that's from, but i love it. Also that "What's happenin'?" was pretty great too.
@@RedEyeReviews I wish i knew but i'll be happy to wait and see it whenever it (hopefully) pops up in one of your videos. Loving these things, keep it up!
Minor correction:it's not in Russia, it's in Romania. I am Romanian and J recognized the police uniforms and where they filmed it.I think it was in Bucharest
The tactical scarf, Racistflute, Mr Chen seems more like a Mister Takanaka to me. Are we sure he was Chinese and not Japanese? Less Steven more of the goodest Boy.
All I know is Mr Chen was the dad from the movie Rush Hour. And I loves him in that, and somehow Seagal tricked him into doing this movie lol. The Goodest Boy would make for such a better movie!
@@RedEyeReviews Yea, a family friendly movie that would bring joy to our hearts and tears to our eyes. Allthough I have to admitte that Steven allso brings tears to our eyes...tears of laughter. And 4 that we thank you sir.
The blood on the ground says "鬼佬" in Cantonese I believe it means foreigner.But since Seagal's nickname in this movie is Ghost which in Chinese "鬼" So I guess it point to him directly.
Why would he bother to take off his thick leather jacket to have sex with a woman too young and too attractive for him? A) It's not going take that long and B) it would take too much effort on his part and you just know that he isn't gonna do any kind of exertion.
Seagal doesnt get into fight scenes, he just beats people up. It shows he's a very insecure person when he won't even allow himself to take a single punch in any movie.
Can we get an award to all these woman who have to pretend that they find him attractive and have to act that way?
They are the real heroes of our story
All heroes don’t wear capes. Sometimes they’re “innocent” women who have to do love scenes with a fat, heavily bearded, mouth breathing, self-absorbed, narcissistic, megalomaniac. These movies are gems. Straight gems.
They take the paycheck. They know what it entails.
@@blaxpoitation8528 Innocent huh...🤣 Don't know bout all that
😂😂😂 true hero’s ! Thank you ladies for your sacrifice
This is the moment in Seagal lore when he just hires younger, more athletic martial artists to do all the action sequences, while he just hangs out in the background.
It's not a bad idea lol. But you are right. He did it in Maximum Conviction as well.
too bad he gets most of the money out of all the actors lol
@@johnynoway9127 With that said, it still can't be that much given the sheer volume of movies he's put out over the last 10 or so years. That usually means each one pays well enough to buy a few weeks of butter for him to eat.
How dare you. Seagal does NOT just hang out in the background.
He hangs out in the background and eats hoagie after hoagie after hoagie after Asian stripper. Get it right!
Don't disrespect martial arts by calling him a martial artist
He names his sword but not his dog. Perfection.
That does seem like something Seagal would 100% do.
Right 😂
He loves his hot dogs tho
Our man ,Stevie, needs only a sword that's as good as he is; no pets allowed!
I'd love to see him pledge loyalty to the sword:
"Without me my sword is useless!."
(That's it, just this one sentence!)
The fact that he has a fully clothed sex scene in this film tells me that he’s 100% self aware of what he looks like
Or the producer asked him nicely to keep his clothes on bc of reasons
No, he is not self aware. The director is and just told Steven that the woman would climax too fast if he was naked.
We desperately need shirtless Seagal.
🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣💀💀💀
Good God tell me he doesnt...
This was so good. Would totally love to see him in a movie with a black, Chinese and Russian person and see which accent he goes with
Thank you! Oh it would be a horrible accent that came out of a blender lol
Also throw in an Italian and a Cajun to really confuse him!
@@larryh502 hahahaha he could probably soldier through. The deal breaker would probably be if he can't go to a strip club and if there's no 20 something year old lady pretending to be into him
Ha ha ha
@@larryh502 Throw in a mexican accent for quite a spice.
maybe it's just me, but the "lemme tac' up." at the beginning absolutely KILLS me. It was SO ridiculous that I actually started using the phrase near the end of my *actual* military career just on principle. Also: 500 extra points for you for the machine speech section. Spat out my drink.
Steven Seagal is so badass he leaves his leather jacket on during sex. Never know if he’ll have to karate chop a fool mid-coitus.
Omg at 2:57 it looks like Steven became superman and just flew away with the girl ha ha ha.
Just found the channel. Been binging for a few days. This is gold, the text to speech joke was...*chef's kiss*
So glad you liked it!
Either way you look at it Seagal loves this outfit. It hides his neck meat very well and smooths out the jiggles. He was probably filming this movie at the same time and likely same place as the broken-handed ninja movie.
Tzi Ma is Mr. Chen here, and also appears as just "Chen" in Seagal's True Justice.
(Seagal voice) "what? Oh yeah just hire that guy again, we'll name him Chen. Come on, lunch break"
"Mr Seagal is ten AM"
"I've been eating lunch at 10 AM for forty seven years"
The fun thing is that the characters Seagal play in his movies a little bit too often can be categorized as serial killers and Seagal himself seems not to get that.
"They call him ghost" okay, now I'm expecting a pottery scene with some romantic music as Seagal also fights a room full of dudes in slow motion.
Leaving a bowl of hot, steaming white rice next to dead bodies would be hysterical.
I can't even lie, even with all the Seagal trash talking this is by far your most entertaining upload to date. I genuinely laughed out loud when you added in the voice audio clip in the strip club scene.
Awesome! I am so glad you enjoyed it :) I have been trying to work on my writing and timing, so this means alot to hear this. Thank you!
@@RedEyeReviews You're only getting better!
Mr. Ghost named his sword but not his dog :D I love these vids.
Lol right?! Monster.
Thank you so much!
He's like an 8 year old with his denial of reality, 13 year old who found a pair of nunchuku in the woods, and a 18 year old who thinks he's a gift to women and also James Bond.
That guy in the club sounded just like Tommy Wiseau 😂. Keep up the great work 👍
He literally could not have done any worse. Lol
Thanks friend! Glad you enjoyed the video.
He didnt act that bad....he did naaaaaaht
Well, I guess I wasn't the only one. Lol.
@@oldManJenkins0x Oh, hi Mark
@@avon13-x8s you're tearing me apart lisaaaa
I believe that the birthday line means that him killing someone removes their ability to celebrate birthdays.. aka when he kills someone he snatches all future birthdays.
Get a look at your future, Vin Diesel
Hahah ouch
*Seagal sees little girl*
"Hey what's up bro?"
Lol exactly this
Lmao! The dubbed "Hey Beach! Are you work here or what?" is classic!
Oh my God, it's so bad.
LOLOL dude i am dying at the text to speech part hahaha
Lol so glad you like it
@@RedEyeReviews let’s just say your channel has officially snatched my MF birthday
@@raymondstantz3069 haha that is the best compliment you could ever give me.
I can't believe he named his f'n sword but not his dog.....wtf
if I'm ever unsure on how to be a good man, I just watch this movie and it reminds me how to be a good man..he's such a good man..
These are some of the best reviews I’ve seen in a while. I hope in the near future you watch classics like “City Dragon” and “Showdown In Little Tokyo”
So glad you like them! I totally plan on doing these movies.
Great commentary. You have me cracking up! Plus I don't have to subject myself to a whole Seagal movie because he has way too many out there.
Haha thank you so much! The only way I can survive watching these, is to pretend he meant to be funny lol
I been watching a lot of your reviews. Puts a smile on my face
I'm glad to hear it :)
The Walking Couch Buffet Eating Monster that is Steven Seagal,love it
They hired Tommy Wiseau to voice the bald bouncer??
He took a briefcase full of cheese and beef, not cash. Then ate it all.
Seagal should be a unit of measurement for absolute zero, as he is so low energy.
Bro your commentary is absolutely legendary don't stop these vids
Thank you so much! So glad you are enjoying it :)
Every time I see Seagal I just think of the phrase "fatly going around corners."
My favorite channel reviewing one of my favorite Seagal movies. Life doesn't get any better than this...
@4:46 His voice has clearly been dubbed by Tommy Wiseau
Haha. Oh hi Mark!
I can’t wait for the sequel, A Gooder Man.
As the song might have gone, “I’ve lived in Eastern Europe with a dog with no name…”
Haha brilliant
Beat line maybe? But I still think when he said “I’m gonna take every mothafuckas birthday” is comedy gold lol
“Hey beach, are you work here or what? Hey, where are you going honey? I want a lap dance. I want that bar bitch to dance for me, so fuck you.”
*gets wrist broken*
The look on Seagals face before the dude randomly swings had me laughing. And the talk to text thing was the cherry on top. Probably my favorite moment out of these reviews 😂
Racial stereotype and racism are different things. It may be dumb, but they're not trying to intentionally harm someone.
This is comedy gold. Love your videos. The racist chinese flute, bowl of rice and fortune cookie 😂😂😂
8:56 "I will snatch every motherf***ing birthday!" Dude forgot what he was supposed to say mid-line and thought, "Ah, f**k it, I'm not doing another take. They'll get the idea." Please make an entire video on that line!
12:22 So he couldn't be bothered to name his dog, but his freakin' sword, now _that's_ something he just needed to name! Priorities, Steve, priorities.
At 8:00 that Russian cop steals it - he's like that guy from the Andy Griffith Show (Don Knotts?)
9:20 "snatch every mofo birthday" - maybe he means he's going to kill them, taking away all their future birthdays because they're dead? But I think we're giving it too much thought - he's just being himself.
The ending - eww, he's gonna squash her!
I'd love to hear the voices done by "Daniel" the snarky British-accented TTS bot that narrates a lot of Reddit channels.
Right?! The Cop is amazing. He does remind me of the Andy Griffith show!
I think he means he will take away the rest of their birthdays, but good God does he mess the line up haha.
I need a good bot for that British voice! I couldn't find one
Maybe it refers to the scenario when he takes their birthday so they are never born so they cant exist anymore (Shrek forever had this idea also), in other way it of course means he kills all of them. He likes using metaphores so maybe thats what he thought. Or you are just right that he may have just forgotten the line and said only what he remembered.
The scene @ 2:55 snaps me out of it. No way Seagal gets airborne.
Can we talk about how he named his sword but not his dog?
2:58 when a missile launches Seagal you know its a badass misile 😀
Truth! We've never seen it before. And might not ever see it again lol. A rare event for sure.
Love the content broski, thank ya
So glad you enjoy it :)
He named his sword but not his dog 😂 classic steve😂
Can we all admit that this is the best Steven Seagal sex scene in his career? Though if you know of a better one, please let me know.
The movie was filmed in Romania.
I recognise the police uniforms, the flag (blue, yellow and red) and the credits at the end also have a lot of Romanian names.
I don't say this with pride, kinda cringe to see Seagal movies filmed in Romania but I guess it would be cheaper than other countries.
Do you live in Romania? I would apologize on his American side, but I think he's technically a Russian citizen now...so not out problem lol
I have a theory that all his Eastern European movies (there are at least two filmed in Poland) are made because of people who used to be his fans back in the early 1990s.
Hahahah He said, "men of honor, by the sword" while he has a gun to a childs head 😄 😆
Having the cap backwards not only hides that flourishing Mane,but make him COOL bro
I swear to god I about spit my drink out when he said that line about birthdays .
That line HIT DIFFERENTLY. 🤣🤣
And then the end when you said “ how many muthafcuka birthdays .” Bro I’m dying right now
Lol it's my favorite thing he has ever said!
So glad you enjoyed it friend :)
@@RedEyeReviews you definitely get a subscribe from me bro 😎
@@Hermes_The_Sage thank you friend!
The actor who plays Mr. Chin Made several appearences on the hit show nypd blue. Just a side note these movies are always the same,retired cía guys saves a young lady. Has all the creative juices simply dried up.
I'll have to watch those episodes because I think he is a great actor. Love him in Rush Hour.
3:05 that wasn't the explosion doing that, Seagal just briefly became superman and flew that girl to safety. 😂🤣😂😂
He needs his own avengers style movie where all his characters from different films come together. He uses body doubles so much im sure people wouldn’t notice the difference!
I absolutely love this idea. Dude if I was rich, these are the kind of ideas I would finance lol
@@RedEyeReviews it would be the best/ worst film ever!. At least the costumes wouldn’t cost much since he only wears one outfit.
@@pawnpure123 so true. Alright everyone come get your black baseball cap. Yellow tinted sunglasses . Neck scarf thingy and some XL body armor.
@@RedEyeReviews don’t forget the XL martial arts garb he likes to wear when he pretends to be all spiritual.
7.40
"ahhhh,... turns out Seagal's first mission, ..... that dude that got away. That was Mr Chen! ....... yeah" 😆😆😆😆😆
4:46 No Tommy Wiseau reference?! Denied!
8:08 Rowan Atkinson actually did play a cop in 'The Thin blue Line'.
8:24 Stylish boots!
8:25 Pretty sure that exact same dog sound effect is used in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. games.
11:25 That IS gross! He's old enough to be her fa...her GRANDfather!
12:30 Would be better if it had a guard.
13:25 Finger tip of the support hand's index finger on the trigger guard?! Does it take place in 1988?! That "technique" is long obsolete.
I love The Thin Blue Line! Inspector Fowler was brilliant! I got the DVD.
He means he's gonna cap their asses before their next birthday, obviously. Good line wasted in a bad movie.
These videos are comedy gold 😂😂😂
I appreciate it! So glad you are enjoying it.
I'm still baffled by the mofu birthday 😂
I hate it when a movie lies in its title. He is the greatest unintentionally funny actor in history
just a fun fact there is a show with rowan atckinson as a cop is called the thin blue line lol
I cant not believe that Seagal watch Tropic Thunder and saw Robert Downey Jr's character and was like "yup! thats my new voice" and walks around with the equivalent with a black face voice.
The text to speech bit sent my sides to orbit lmaoooooo
Dude these are so funny!
So glad you liked it
I didn't plan ahead and I was actually eating when I watched this video and I damn near choked to fucking death when you played that computer voice for that terrible actor. Like legitimately got shit down the wrong way couldn't breathe had to get out of the chair damn near died choked.
Worth it.
Haha im glad I didn't kill you
1 dislike from Steven Seagal 😂😂
Does Tommy Wiseu have acting classes now cuz they legit have the same acting style 🤣
His stealing birthdays line sounds like a magruber saying
The crowd sound effects at the end, i'm pretty sure, is from Super Smash Brothers lol
RedEye thanks for the great series on Sensei Seagal's filmography. Is there any chance of a review of "Attrition"?
Of course! Yes we are working up through ALL of his movies and TV shows
@@RedEyeReviews 🙏
I admire the blast of any missile that can lift seagal off the ground
the IMDB page for this movie has three quote... and this is hilarious
I love to imagine that all his Characters from his Movies are the same Person, and Steven just keeps getting into Trouble.
Iv been watching this playlist I'm on day 2 I'm really enjoying the adventures of Steven saboomboom
I'm loving it! I've been reading your journey through the comments lol. Much appreciated my friend :)
I love tweaker mugillicutty backing Steven up on that first mission.
Totally agree, thats the best line.
I thought I didn't understand that line because I'm not a native English speaker, but it turns out it was an actual Seagal speech malfunction.
Thank you for making me spit my drink out with the strip club voiceover.
Hahaha. Glad I can help clean your keyboard.
Also the "Russian" police uniforms say "Politia"... which is Romanian, not Russian. Actual Russian police uniforms say "Полиция" , which translated into English is "Politsiya". (Although no Russian police uniforms use the English variant "Politsiya"... because, well... they are in Russia).
Can’t believe nobody’s suggested any Arnie flicks for review. Commando, Raw Deal, The Running Man would be awesome.
Oh Arnie needs to be soon! Good suggestions
5:53 Soo Young wishes Juntao would have pushed the goddamn button
That bald guy in strip bar channeling Tommy Wiseau there.....beautiful
"A Good Man" is not what Steven Seagal is. Not by a long shot.
Where do you find these movies 😆? Sure glad you do tho
I don't know, i think "I will shoot your fucking dog" is the best Seagal line. I have no idea which interchangeable direct-to-dvd movie that's from, but i love it. Also that "What's happenin'?" was pretty great too.
I have forgotten about that line! I have to see what movie he says that in.
@@RedEyeReviews I wish i knew but i'll be happy to wait and see it whenever it (hopefully) pops up in one of your videos. Loving these things, keep it up!
@@theradiobox5965 I'm sure it will stick out when I find it. For sure I will clip it
Just to ruin the suspense, it’s in General Commander.
@@michaelmyers3709 thank you thank you. I'll find it for sure
Doesn’t name the dog but does name the sword.
Minor correction:it's not in Russia, it's in Romania. I am Romanian and J recognized the police uniforms and where they filmed it.I think it was in Bucharest
And also the cars,Dacia Logan is a Romanian brand. And let's not forget the pay phones Lmao.They've been there since the 90s
Oh thank you. Yeah he films aLOT in Romania
The tactical scarf, Racistflute, Mr Chen seems more like a Mister Takanaka to me. Are we sure he was Chinese and not Japanese? Less Steven more of the goodest Boy.
All I know is Mr Chen was the dad from the movie Rush Hour. And I loves him in that, and somehow Seagal tricked him into doing this movie lol.
The Goodest Boy would make for such a better movie!
@@RedEyeReviews Yea, a family friendly movie that would bring joy to our hearts and tears to our eyes. Allthough I have to admitte that Steven allso brings tears to our eyes...tears of laughter. And 4 that we thank you sir.
@@Gracitagouv lol very different kinds of tears
His Sword had a name but no his dog?
Yeah that is exactly the kind of thing he would do
4:47 Tommy Wiseau called...
He's asking where his bald brother is?
Tommy Wiseau called...
He's asking where his voice dubbing is?
The blood on the ground says "鬼佬" in Cantonese I believe it means foreigner.But since Seagal's nickname in this movie is Ghost which in Chinese "鬼" So I guess it point to him directly.
Thank you! I needed that translated. I just assumed it was something Ghost or White. You rock
That Chinese guy is Chinese ambassador in Rush Hour
He can name his weopanss but not the dog🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's SO Seagal it hurts
"What's happening?" LOL. What a freak.
...he names the sword, but not the dog😆😆😆...Classic Seagul
"Karatay of korners"
😂😂😂
Why would he bother to take off his thick leather jacket to have sex with a woman too young and too attractive for him? A) It's not going take that long and B) it would take too much effort on his part and you just know that he isn't gonna do any kind of exertion.
I see someone mock segal, I subscribe
Hahaha I'm so glad to have you! Welcome:)
Seagal doesnt get into fight scenes, he just beats people up. It shows he's a very insecure person when he won't even allow himself to take a single punch in any movie.