*“Whatever one has within oneself but does not live, grows against one."* Subscribe to newsletter: eternalisedofficial.com/subscribe Become a Patron (exclusive content): www.patreon.com/eternalised RUclips Member (exclusive content): ruclips.net/channel/UCqos1tl0RntucGGtPXNxkkAjoin Official Merch: eternalised.creator-spring.com Donate a Coffee: ko-fi.com/eternalised Transcript and artwork gallery: eternalisedofficial.com/2022/10/09/puer-aeternus-psychology *Special thanks to my Patrons* ♥ Jay B, icarium75, matevz drnovsek, Keller Dellinger, RhoBean, Mr X, Jessica Armstrong, Andrew Morisey, Spirit Gun, Ramunas Cepaitis, Justin Raper, Joshua, Emilee VerDuin, Kyle Schaffrick, Ryon Brashear, Joanne Durkin, Ronny Khalil, Franceso Marchesoni, Camille Guigon, Emmanuel Miller, OwainW, Matthew Keyes, Terra Bell, Abdullah Erkam Ak, Daniel Mureșan
Appreciate your videos and everything you do. I was wondering if you could do a video just about Carl June's mysterious red book and it's origins?? And your personal thoughts about it?? why was locked in a Swiss safe deposit box by the heirs to C.G. Jung’s estate for so many years? It took Jungian scholar Dr. Sonu Shamdasani three years to convince Jung's family to bring the book out of hiding. It took another 13 years to translate it.And still, the Red Book remains incomplete. The last word Jung wrote in the Red Book is "moglichkeit," or possibility.
@The Rooster Protocol I am sorry, if someone dear to you cannot get the help they need from psychology, or if you judge psychology as a wasted endeavor you have to support To explain the question: Psychology is an imperfect, growing and developing tool to understand humans, used by humans. Failure to provide help can either stem from inadequacy of the tool or the user. Sometimes understanding is not enough, oftentimes it is imprecise and fails. But like every science it becomes better over time and, hopefully, people will look at our psychology like we do on Newtonian Physics.
I think this is me. My therapist said something that’s stuck with me: “You’re so afraid of uncertainty that you subconsciously prefer to be certain of failure than to have a mere chance of success.”
Same here. My mind is often preoccupied with the thoughts of failure. I anticipate failure than any chance of success. I don't want to deal with the consequences even though they are the essence of all action and our life as well.
Same here, she plucked it out of a comment. I had 500$ in my stock account, along with big desire to experiment… but after shopping for 3 weeks and listening to my psych, I went ahead and have found something meaningful. The meaning hit me when the material refers to the two different types of play, so far as I stay ahead of those stocks it will be productive. For example
I wouldn’t say this defines you as a “man-child” there’s a phrase “paralyzation by over analyzation” “There’s someone out there making 10x what you make because they were too stupid to doubt themselves.”
@@Astrnauted Reminds me of a quote from a book I read awhile back, “I’ve witnessed men achieve incredible things for the simple fact that they were too inexperienced to understand that their goals were impossible.”
As someone who dreams too much, this was a wake up call. I have a habit of daydreaming about my future success, but the steps between now and then are foggy. This also made me realize how toxic it is to always give the impression of how put-together my life is. Deep down I know I'm behind in life and that the only person I'm fooling is myself
Hopefully the following is applicable. It’s not toxic to give the impression of “how together life is,” rather thank yourself for being in the position you’re in now versus when life wasn’t “together.” You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.. accept that because it’s written in stone. One last thing, NEVER compare yourself because you will not achieve pure joy, as president Theodore Roosevelt said “comparison is the thief of joy.”
Well spoken man, we must focus, be still and accept the Truth. Plant seeds of patience, stillness and persistence. The persistence of toiling, toiling behind the image and foundation of righteousness.
This kinda sucks if you ask me What i got from this is to dream but actually do something to make them happen dreaming of the future is apart of being human so dont stop doing it just do it right
You don’t find this video, it finds you. I nearly turned it off because of the feeling of almost overwhelming shame it evoked. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Listening to this video was like my ego was being forced to stare at its naked reflection. I feel violated and repulsed, though a glimmer of relief as well.
@@tj03297I feel upset at and repulsed by myself but it’s truly motivating. Repulsed In a liberating way, like okay pussy, here are the issues you cause/face and here’s why. You’ve known it, you’ve ignored it and deluded yourself to avoid it, shape up.
26, and I just had my car repossessed. I spent my days getting high and drinking, and now I’m facing homelessness. That is a huge wake up call. And this video is a huge wake up call. The future is uncertain, and certainly won’t be easy… but I must reap what I sew and make changes so that I can’t finally mature into the man I’m SUPPOSED to be.
Yeah…you seem on the right track by realizing that maybe frittering your 20s away is not a great plan, so that is on your favor….some don’t even reach that point. You don’t have to fit anyone else’s set plan, but….you do need to grow up and be responsible eventually. Staying as a perpetual 13 year old at a parents house just gets sadder and sadder each year, and each year it’s harder and harder to fix. The 20s are the foundation of your adult life….waste them and you will never quite be as well off later, you can’t catch up, but if you sacrifice and work during your 20s….you can set yourself up for a much easier life later. Pick a job that is the best compromise between what pays, what you are good at and what you can get. Start it….doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect…you can change, but much easer to change with experience getting you hired elsewhere. You won’t love your job and it won’t fulfill you…only a lucky few manage that, and as my dad says…there is a reason jobs pay you money. But….you have the rest of your week to devout to your likes and passions. Get an emergency fund, then put aside a couple thousand per year for retirement….you will likely get old like the rest of us, and being old and poor is WAY worse than young and poor. Best wishes, and almost anything is possible if you break it down into small steps. It’s never as much fun as childhood, but every stage of life is like each season of the year…,they all have their good and bad parts, and better to enjoy the fall than to be sad the Spring has gone.
Man. My mother coddled me as a small child but she had an undiagnosed mental break of some kind after her divorce when I was in 2nd grade and became wildly verbally/psychologically/physically abusive and just totally unhinged. There was no one to protect me from this person who used to be a maternal guardian angel who had suddenly turned into some kind of horrifying wraith. And I was a really good kid- I was uncommonly polite and smart for my age and never got in trouble. She quickly married another unhinged abuser and they moved me away from my family. I remember being around middle school age and very decisively thinking, “I am tired of being terrorized and harmed. I cannot endure this for a moment longer than I have to. When I grow up, all I want in the world is to be safe and comfortable.” I was considered a “gifted” kid and was usually way ahead of my peers in most areas. Now here I am, 36, and I’m struggling to keep a job I despise, alone and trying to manage suicidal depression that has haunted me since college. I’m no longer ahead of most of my peers- in adult life I am dragging far behind them, unable to afford to join them on excursions or return their generosity because of my chronic occupational underperformance. Only after 15 years of mental agony have I realized that the goal born out of my childhood abuse is inherently flawed- you cannot be completely comfortable while being completely safe and vice versa. They’re almost opposite concepts. Now I have to dig myself out of this trainwreck at an age where time has done away with much of my energy and enthusiasm. It’s more difficult than it had to be. In some ways, it’s fair to say I’ve burned half my life due to this refusal to deny that abused child of his well deserved comfort. If you are in your 20’s and you connect with this video at all, you must act now. Don’t wait until you’re alone and approaching middle age. Start taking steps, one at a time, toward liberating yourself. It’s not as scary as it seems.
My mum was similar in some ways. However after a particularly brutal argument with her, when I did the teenage thing of slamming the door and running up to my room. I was 13. My dad knocked quietly on the door sat with me and gently told me about my mother's earlier life - how hard it had been. She'd been orphaned very young she sexually abused and was then an unmarried teenage mum when that was considered a terrible sin for a convent educated girl. She clearly had an undiagnosed mental condition as well. There was much more which I can't go into here. After this I saw her as a damaged human being. It didn't stop her unstable behaviour ("all sugar and shite" as my dad described it with typical Lancashire honesty. However it founded my respect for how she had coped and eventually we became real friends which seemed to help her heal as a person. Sorry for going on !
Thank you so much for sharing. I was a similar child, minus the abuse. Unfortunately my mother never forced me to break out of my comfort. I was allowed to do whatever I pleased whenever I pleased, and would have great outbursts if I didn’t get what I want. I just turned 24 and have had suicidal depression since I was 12. I want to deeply thank you for the warning.
@@thedativecase9733 Thanks so much for sharing. It's always so cool to have a meaningful chat over the pond! I've heard no shortage of horrifying stuff about British orphanages. They're basically a staple of many movies and television shows here. And over the last decade or two it's seemed to be the case that life as an orphan in England was even worse than anyone thought. It's amazing she survived at all. My mom had a horrible childhood too. Crazy similarity- She lived in the very religious American South and had a child out of wedlock when she was like 17 that her family forced her to put up for adoption. The nurse took the child out of her arms right after delivery and when she got home, her parents kicked her out and sent her to live on the other side of the country with relatives. It broke her forever. I'm thankful you had a good dad who could help you understand it, at least. "All sugar and shite" is such a great and succinct way to put it. On a good day, she was the sweetest woman. On a bad day, she was the worst human being you could ever hope to meet. I thought she might chill out with age but she wound up getting more detached from reality and remained extremely manipulative and miserable. I had to sever contact with her completely to have any chance at healing. I'm sincerely thankful you two were able to mend the wound. And also that neither of you has to pay $1000 to get an x-ray, lol. Little envious over here, not gonna lie!
@@Joseph_Hamilton It was a pretty bipolar situation for me. I too had way more freedoms than some of my young friends and oftentimes after a very bad day, she would seem to recognize that she had some reason to feel guilty, and then she would spoil me to try and make it up to me. That cycle would repeat a lot- screaming verbal and physical abuse that went on for hours, then a couple days later I would get taken out shopping and told how great I was. It wound up being a real mindfk. 24 was one of my worst years. I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing anything like that. Do me a favor and try to keep your inner dialogues kind to yourself. It's very easy for us to cast harsh judgement on ourselves when we are coping with deep depression, but you did not choose your upbringing. And it's so impossibly hard, I know, but stay optimistic about your future. I mean, I really wish someone could have put this video in front of me at your age. As someone who can relate to you, and as described in the video, it is extremely hard for us mankids to turn our thoughts and realizations into action. However as I've gotten older, the more I've become wise to how the best way to take the actions I need to take is to do so without giving myself a chance to think. A good analogy I often hear is that the hardest part of going to the gym is getting through the front door. If you can make determinations on what actions you should take, position yourself strategically (sometimes so strategically it's actually funny) to take that action without thinking. I keep my walking shoes by my office door so the moment my shift is over, they go on my feet and I am going on my walk or jog. I've found what can help with this approach too is a more "Eastern" viewpoint. I'm not highly spiritual, but listening to some lectures on Zen Buddhism and Taoism and learning to meditate have been very useful in helping me not be paralyzed by thought loops and irrational concerns. The past is gone forever and can never be reached. The future doesn't exist and never arrives. There is only an ongoing now, and now, and now, and for me that is a very freeing concept. Hang in there, homie.
My guy. I’ve been in that position. Jesus Christ saved my life. My friend as well. Not here to debate. Take with those words what you will. I would be dead if not for it. Never saw a therapist either. Just met the right guys to explain what Jesus actually means for us. Peace and blessings my friend.
This made me tear up just listening, because it described my current state so well. The day dreaming of a successful career only to never really put any work into getting there. The constant fear of failure, the putting off of day to day chores. Escaping through drugs, alcohol and video games. The frame of mind described it something I know all too well and everything I struggle with now. Im so disappointed by who I am, and this video helped me see it from such a different light. If you relate, lets take this as the wake up call it should be, lets change this one day at a time, I wish you all the best.
What has helped me introduce some order in my life, despite lack of motivation, has been to set clear daily tasks that are productive towards my goals. I have 6 of them. For example "exercise", to achieve physical condition and aesthetic goals; "Illustration" and "music" to work on creative production; "Meditation" to work on the mind. I rarely feel like doing them, but the little whiteboard on my fridge pushes me to check the daily boxes. I add the total of tasks accomplished and tally them by week and month. I'm not as productive as I would like, but I definitely am getting more done than before. Actually finishing things. Afterwards, indulging in some tv and escaping into a videogame (we all need to escape once in a while) doesn't feel like avoiding life.
“I'm 27 and I feel like I'm stuck in a phase of not wanting to take on adult responsibilities. I don't have a job, I'm not in a relationship, and I rely on my family for financial support while living at home. I don't really have clear goals or ambitions, and I often doubt myself”😔
Remember not to lie to yourself and live in delusions of grandeur. That well will dry up and should be used as a benefit to drink from while searching for a new well.
I know how you feel. I am 35, been to prison(1yr in TN when I was 19, 1.5yrs in AZ when 24, and then 2.5yrs in AZ when I was 31),I've had severe Opioid Dependence since my sister (older than me by 8 yrs) introduced me to sniffing Xanax and percs to within 2 years(which I was 14 going on 15 at this time) she was shooting me up with Dilaudid-started out as a bribe so I would babysit her small village (eventually 7 kids altogether, one after the other,every other year like stairsteps) & I mean I loved my nieces & nephews but I'm talking babysitting ALL THE TIME . It didnt take but 2 or 3 times og doing those dilaudids and I got addicted right away. So much more happened but way too much to say here. Point is,I've had x2 boys myself,the first one is adopted,but he's 15 years old now,my second son(both have same father) he's 13 now,and he lives about an hour away with my mother who has custody. I have a good man,been with him 11 years but he's 25 years my senior. I don't have a job. Can't even get foodstuffs due to past mistakes. I feel like a loser. But I'm trying to pull out if the funk. That's all we can do. Happy to say that I'm 4 years sober from heroin and meth and free from shooting uo too. So miracles do happen . Just know your not alone
I was in a bad spot, and believe it or not the funeral industry saved me. I got a job through there and it turned my life around. It was definitely not easy at times, but it was certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.
It's crazy reading through these comments and seeing men admit that they are spoiled and coddled as children and as a result cannot face reality as an adult later on in life. They gaslight us so hard when we bring it up.
Don't assume this video has seen through you. Almost everyone will recognise aspects of it in themselves and think "yeah this is exactly me"! Just as someone else below mentioned, it's like a horoscope or séance; generalisations, some of which hit the spot and trick you into believing it is totally accurate. Don't let anyone tell you who you are! You are an individual and a complicated mix of personalities. Be yourself and find yourself! Too many unhappy people trying to fix their unhappiness by projecting it onto other people, and that includes the likes of Jung and Freud etc. As someone once sang....Whatever gets you through the night, it's all right.
This video is pretty much just a mirror. It gives you a clear look at what you really are. When you watch it, it will be immediately obvious which parts do and don't apply to you.
Sometimes that happens anyway. I chose math as a major in school, but my plans after school were pretty vague. Eventually accounting ended up choosing for me. But I'm really glad I did that math in school because it certainly prepared me a lot better than sitting around like a lump would have. Nothing is worse than wasting huge amounts of time just because you despise just doing a little extra work.
I think the saddest part about life is that, children are looked at with potential, but adults look at each other as one thing, making any type of charitable interpretations of your words impossible. As a kid, you are what you feel so there’s nothing to hide. But adulthood is a big game of poker and no one trusts anybody to show hands. That’s what makes me sad about people. People say I’m very good at making friends… but it’s just me not hiding my poker hand.
I used to kill people for a living. You’d think that would mess with my head but all it’s done is make me appreciate people because it’s a miracle that you survive every day that you do. So many things trying to do you harm. Well I live in Florida so literally everything here from the sun to the bugs want you dead.
This made me cry. Extremely sad as I have two parents who are like this. The effects of observing this disease on them was terrible. My mom has not had a job for 30+ years and my dad quit every job he got within a year. No amount of homelessness for either of them taught them the lesson… which is, very sadly, the epitome of what being a puer/puella will do to you. They’re both preoccupied with their own versions of the adolescent dreams that they never left… a disappointed shell of an adult. My mom was by far the worst, however. I spent much of my childhood and adolescence trying to convince my mom to do anything with her life, even a simple hobby. As insane as it sounds, she was consumed by watching Disney movies all day and drinking alcohol… In fact, I became homeless at the age of 11 because of her inability to pay rent and take responsibility for me. It was at that point that I started to learn about psychology and read all day. I taught myself everything I wanted to know and went to college at the age of 15, then a university at 18. You would hope that me moving on and away would inspire her? No… nothing changed for the better. She had a mental breakdown… couldn’t take the fact that I wasn’t a child anymore. I paid her rent for her when I was 19 until she one day abandoned her entire apartment and my old cat (I made sure he was okay). I couldn’t reach my mom for months until I one day received a call from a mental hospital. She had traveled hundreds of miles to my town and gotten hospitalized. She pleaded for me to help her by letting her stay at my house. At that moment, I realized that she would be like this forever… sucking the life out of me. Devouring me. I told her that I couldn’t take her in but that I love her… and that was the last thing we ever said to each other. I later learned that that she left the hospital and became lost to homelessness… she has been a ghost for years. What a sad and terrible fate that is. It takes a lot of power to not become a puer when subjected to that. In my childhood, I completely lost my personality due to the devouring mother. What makes me so fearful is that I do see an unhealthy part of myself in this archetype… and to a certain extent, I always will. The good news, however, is that I always knew a genuine passion is what saves me… When I was 11 and homeless, I pushed myself away from the person I knew mother was destined to be… and further into my passion of psychology, which stems from these experiences. I did the same years ago with that phone call I got from her. I knew both at those times and now that I have no choice but to sit with this reality… and continue to remind myself that these experiences will continue to fuel my love for, and therefore work in, psychology. Thank you.
You made a very difficult yet honorable decision. It sounds like you accepted the very likely and unhealthy consequence, had you accepted your mother. And instead choose to not subject yourself to that pain. You had to grow up with that same pain and realized that now you can make a choice. Thank you for sharing
You literally described me down to the last detail. I've had this realisation before. This, as you described it as thinking you are an artist without an art form was an exact thought that I had. As I said, I'm completely aware of this but I seem to not be able to escape it. I try to be more responsible and care more about external things but nothing seems genuine enough to make me act or feel in a passionate way. I only feel alive when experiencing the extreme. And even then, there is something unreal about it. I don't really know how to describe it and probably nobody is reading this but I just wanted to thank you for the video. Really made me think again.
“Life calls us forth to independence, and anyone who does not heed this call because of childish laziness or timidity is threatened with neurosis. And once this has broken out, it becomes an increasingly valid reason for running away from life and remaining forever in the morally poisonous atmosphere of infancy" - Carl Jung The condition of the Puer Aeternus can be easily described as a general fear of life and avoidance of responsibility. They are the child of the promise and are full of potential, however, they refuse their task. There’s a poignant illusion that the fantasy world is better than reality, even though they secretly know that this is just a maneuver to remain childish. However, having one foot in the eternal childhood paradise gives them a very youthful energy and fills them with creativity, inspiration, and a certain brightness. They tend to be full of ideals and know everything that’s wrong with society. When they look at adults all they can see are people trapped “in the system”.They are the ones that know better! Everything that resembles responsibilities and commitments seems terrifying. They feel trapped, but it’s only because this confronts their childishness. The result is a provisional life. There’s a constant longing for the perfect thing and waiting for the perfect conditions.They are constantly trying to build sand castles on a windy beach. And when everything falls apart they look for someone to blame, when in reality, they never commit to anything long enough and never go all in. Many fall on the perfectionism side, but this is only a protection against an imaginary failure. “If I never try I can’t ever fail”. This mingles with procrastination and so they are constantly stuck. While others expect to be great at something without even dedicating themselves to it. They refuse to pay the price to achieve any kind of greatness, and as soon as it gets difficult they abandon everything. But this shouldn’t matter, after all, they’re constantly substituting reality with their fantasies. And in fantasy land, they can continue dreaming about everything they want to achieve and never do anything. In the end, everything is a maneuver to remain in this stagnant endless loop and avoid dealing with reality. They are hostages to their own fantasies and little do they know that real life can set them free. Because it’s in reality that their fantasies must be given shape and be concretized. A lot of them are extremely smart and love “deep conversations”, but there’s a huge problem. They only understand things on an intellectual level. There’s no action and experience behind it. It’s a half-knowledge that has no life. And deep down, they are hypocrites, because their ideals do not hold up in reality and they’re too afraid to face the world and actually live by them. The Puer always chooses “the easy way out” and tends to create conditions where he can be perceived as a victim, so others take responsibility for him. But obviously, the problem is never in themselves, it’s always the parents that didn’t love them enough or weren’t able to give them everything they wanted. Or they blame “the system” and the inability of other people to see how amazing they are. “The perpetual hesitation of the neurotic to launch out into life is readily explained by his desire to stand aside so as not to get involved in the dangerous struggle for existence. But anyone who refuses to experience life must stifle his desire to live-in other words, he must commit partial suicide" Carl Jung The incessant search to maintaining his fantasies alive can also turn poisonous very quickly. And here we arrive at the most critical element: The one that refuses to live is already partially dead. The longing for paradise and eternal mother also mingles with a constant flirt with death. And here, vices, self destructing habits, reckless behaviors, and porn addiction can all be means to perpetuate this state of unconsciousness and avoidance. And when this is coupled with new-age beliefs or nihilism a whole new cluster arises and opens the door to psychosis. Beliefs like “we only have the now”, “everything is transient”, “the real world is an illusion”, “nothing matters”, “I must kill my ego”, You get the idea. Well, spirituality and philosophy can be great if you have roots in reality, they help you find meaning, but not for the Puer. These ideas can fuel an elaborate scheme that justifies their refusal to take responsibility for their lives. And even psychology can serve this purpose. The results are depression, anxiety, and even death fantasies. Sadly, many succumb to it. There’s a tendency of romanticizing death and suffering. Some use this as a means to call attention and manipulate, and some to reaffirm their state, because, in that way, they will never need to grow. "This sacrifice means giving up the connection with the mother, relinquishing all the ties and limitations which the psyche has taken over from childhood into adult life. It is not possible to live too long amid infantile surroundings, or in the bosom of the family, without endangering one’s psychic health” Carl Jung The Puer tells the story of an unrealized potential and a half-lived life. Healing lies in facing reality and fully committing to living life. But in order to do so, they must let go of their fantasies of being a misunderstood genius or a special snowflake. The internalized megalomania and sense of entitlement must be completely eradicated. Instead, they must learn to accept full responsibility for their actions and learn that everything has a price to be paid. Meaningful work and responsibility are the principles that can redeem their soul. Bringing their dreams to reality and fighting for them is what can revitalize their spirit. Realizing their potential and fulfilling their role as the child of the promise is what can bring meaning to their existence. The journey to redeem our souls ain’t easy, but it’s in this journey that lies what we’re truly seeking. Take your call to adventure. Don’t know where to start? “Where your fear is there’s your task” Carl Jung Written By: Rafael Kruger
@@theboxingbikerreading this is absolutely agonizing, makes me feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. brilliantly written and very compelling though… I had never considered the idea of a “partial suicide” but now that, I can already see that I’ve made “partial” attempts on my life over and over again, through self harm and a lack of conviction about my ability to live. Jesus christ what a condition.
If you have truly recognized the problem, then you have the power to correct them. The issue is seeing that there is a problem and not recognizing you have two hands and a mind
Imagine a neat made bed in the morning, and then make your bed neat. This is the first step every day to find a balance between your inner puer and senex.
The neglected childhood part hit like a truck. The most powerful aspect of childhood is the "eternally in the present" status of their perception of life. Bullying takes that state and forces the child to adopt a twisted and chronically pessimistic expectation on the future. Tomorrow is no more the gift-bearer inviting you to discovery, it's the torturer.
I agree. It's much worse if your mother was a narcissist and chose you to be the scapegoat. After you get bullied by your family, you are going to get bullied at school, work and mostly all the spheres of social engagements.
This might be the most impactful video I’ve ever listened to. Every single minute hits right at home in a cutting but awakening way. Every description is spot on of me. Maybe not wanting to be back in a womb but the daydreaming, the undue grandiosity that I know deep down isn’t warranted, avoidance of failure or effort, pursuing drugs and feeling detached. I’m lucky I have the support system I do because with bad parents or brothers who didn’t teach me and support me, I’d maybe had gone to college, likely would’ve failed out and currently would probably be either destitute or legitimately homeless. Thanks for making this video man. I need to stop being this way. This is ego cutting but in the most hopeful and constructive way possible. Here I was thinking I was so special because none of the people I know are like me but the only reason that’s the case is cause the people like me fade into obscurity. Turns out being unproductive and choosing to stay in a dreamworld of delusion doesn’t benefit those around you.
"The puer knows that everything goes wrong because he is lazy, but he cannot want not to be lazy, and so he remains in depression" that one hit home, especially to me, being son of a devouring mother married to a neglected child (12:46).
I spent a chunk of my adult life being fairly dysfunctional, more or less what this video characterizes as a man child. There were plenty of times I wanted to be less lazy. Hell, there were plenty of attempts towards it, some more successful than others. This video is largely just a bunch of generalizations about a reasonably diverse group of people with a reasonably diverse set of problems. I think it's mostly just counting on people noticing that one or two apply to them, along with some more general statements, and hoping they won't question anything else too hard, similar to cold reading.
I mean yes, it is generalization because in order to speak about a type of person you have to generalize, but everyone is different, including puer aeternus, just like a someone with schizophrenia is different from another a puer aeternus can be totally different to another puer because of their different lives and experiences.@@mrjoe5292
Dude just explained my existence. I think the only difference is that the reason I allowed the fear of engaging with the world to shut down my desire to go out into the world is because my father terrorized me as a child. So when I engage with something I fear in the world, I feel the level of fear I felt as a boy being screamed at and threatened by my father. I go around holding back an unbelievable amount of sadness and anger. I also have an extremely creative imagination and none of it has been manifested in the world.
I can relate to you.The same thing happened to me but with my mom. I never thought other people could relate to me I always felt so alone in this. Im working on myself because I also have an extremely creative imagination that I want to share with the world. You are a very special person and everyone has their own unique journeys. Some take longer then other to get to where they want to be and sometimes that's for the best:). Still working on myself but little by little I'll get there. So will you. Just give yourself patience and kindness. You deserve that so much.
@@abrianna9676 I know you're telling the pure truth by what you said at the end. I've found it so hard to be kind to myself in life. I think when the instinct to protect yourself is hindered you won't even fight for basic things that makes up a good life. The instinct to fight is unbelievably vital to success in life. I've finally gotten to the point that I can acknowledge my humanity and the parts in me worth fighting for. So this year I'm going back to try becoming a composer again and frankly I'm probably gonna fight a couple people in competition. Time to be a fucking man and make a life for myself. I hope you also fight to reach your potential and make a beautiful life. All the strength you need is inside of you.
If only I could get back all the energy spent and time occupied in fruitless loops of anger toward my Mother. I'm working on it, and vids like this really help become more aware.
This was really important and painfully difficult for me to hear. I fit the man-child archetype perfectly and it explains literally everything that has been happening inside of me and around me for many years. Thank u so much for this video
To grow up is an experience we grown-ups all share... for some it comes later and some even get stuck there somewhere. In a way it is important to understand its process, but on the other side it is dangerous and misleading to label it and to look down on this process of individuation with contempt, since it opens the gate for stereotypization, bigotry and hatred. One is never only the puer, since humans have many facets and the shadow as part of urself will always be what u deny of urself. If u see urself as purely puer the senex in ur shadow will grow and overcome u, without u noticing it. Please always see the archetypes as what they are: parts of our collective conscientious, part of our myths, sometimes just stories to illustrate a point, not single indiviuals who u can point at and say that they "are" the puer.
It's like astrology, horoscopes and personality tests. Makes you think of a certain scenario in your life where you were unsatisfied with the outcome and offers a cheap and easy answer why it worked out that way.byou feed selection bias into the confirmation machine and the machine feeds back a confirmation bias.
The central distinction between the first life and the second is choosing to avoid judging others. To compare is unavoidable and necessary. To judge should be considered to be forbidden. We should analyze ourselves. Dealing with childhood issues is necessary. We should judge only ourselves, gently, and only relative to who we were yesterday. This is doing well; just a bit better than yesterday. We lose ourselves eventually in our judgments. Refusing to compare oneself to others is the first step. One simply decides acceptance is preferable. This is why the second part of life is the second part of life. One must have an ego and basis of past judgment, good and bad, in personal experience. Then we must learn to give up the regular practice of judgment as a means to control others.
This isn't an educational video, this is distilled spiritual wisdom. I'm hanging onto every word like characters of the bible do when god talks to them. Incredible work - I will be revisiting this many times as it describes my life perfectly.
Childhood trauma made me disconnect from the world around me and emerge myself in elaborate and rich fantasy world that gave me a degree of peace from a very early age. Disconnection from the world around me was my coping mechanism, just like engaging with it in an agressive and conflicting manner was my sister's.. In my adult years i seak comfort at all costs from the world around me but that comfort comes at a great person sacrifice. It has taken me years to realize this but the pain of facing the hardships of life in the near future is nothing compared to the pain of having to face them later on when you're left with no other options.
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan.
@@talkoholic13 thank you for this. i appreciate it a lot. its hard but realizing that our past traumatic events scars us and eating away at our own individuality is very awful indeed. Alas, we shall not let these events makes us who we are today. Im absolutely here with you that the decisions we made everyday should be based on our values and ourselves alone. We have the power to determine our fate! chin up everyone!
I was raised by an overprotective, abusive mother and it definitely turned me into a man child. I'm not very child like in my behaviour, but I grew up being afraid of the world, anything that was unusual, outside the norm and outside my home was scary and unknown, including other people so I grew up a recluse. I'm 27 now and, I'm just starting to work out this anxiety I have been living with for so long, but it's a hard process with many ups and downs
I am 41 years old with the same type of mother. One would vomit. Abusive and overprotective..is that shit even going together for fuck sake? :D Many people will develop Borderline personality disorder from such chaotic parent. Especially "Quiet borderline" where they treat themselves like a last bag of shit and can be very angry with themselves. Sorry to hear about your struggle. It is normal to feel paranoid in the world when your closest caregiver been abusive to you. It scares the brain, and the brain will develop mechanisms to be hyper-vigilant all the time. I can also imagine that you struggle with "self-monitoring" and controlling your actions very much, so you can't really be yourself as you are worried about others judgment.
The fact that you recognize what is going on within is a very good foundation for going forward. Good-luck in your journey of self discovery. Be kind and honest to yourself.
As a 17 year old who has a done a lot of self reflecting in the past year or so, this hit me like a train it perfectly describes everything happening with my life. Thank you for this video, it might just be life changing for me.
It's so amazing it happened to you now and you realized it. Took me till I was 25 to even come close to figuring things out. I recommend you go to trade school, work get an understanding, then go to college when you are like 23-25. You are already light years ahead of most 17 years old.
Really mature mind to be investigating this stuff at 17 but everyone us on their own journey and I wish you all the best on your own personal journey my friend!
@@nothomelessonyoutubeso true! I’m 25 and I so wish I could’ve had this awareness then. No time like the present though, gotta make changes before it’s too late.
So I’m 5:30 in, and my God. I am the embodiment of this. I am constantly afraid if committing to something out of fear of it either going wrong or not being what I want it to be. I lack self discipline to push through sticky areas of interest, and instead I quit and start something new. This is terrifying but at least I am not alone in this if there is an entire archetype of these characteristics.
The fact that you can identify what you need to do is a fantastic start! Many would be reluctant to admit it to themselves let alone to others as you have. 👍
Dont usually comment on videos because i feel like im screaming into the void when I do. That being said, im 122 days clean as of writing this and just starting to turn things around again, and this hit home in all the right places. To anyone still struggling, hell really is what we make it, that self obsession and hyperfocus on internal thought...whereis im starting to find freedom through what I previously lauded as weakeness - that being the absence of thought, living in the moment, community, structure, routine, and faith that things might just get better if I stop only listening to myself. To anyone still struggling, its possible, and it starts with admitting your wrong and asking for help. Hardest thing ive ever done...and its increasingly becoming the most rewarding.
I just want to say thank you for changing my life. I am freshly 18 and this psychological archetype is not the only cause of my negligence towards my own life, but it is a great deal of it and I am so glad I found this before I wasted more time. Bless you for making this. I feel like someone just opened my eyes and slapped me. Seriously, thank you for helping so many people like me and making us realize we need to take action. to everyone struggling with this, you are not alone. I know your struggles since i've walked them myself. We will all overcome this, because we are determined to make better lives for ourselves. Please, this sounds cheesy but turn your fantasies into reality.
We ALL have. This is a trap anyone can fall into, and escape. Keep working on it. Do things you love, and educate yourself about all kinds of things. You got this!✌️♥️
notes: integration of the puer aeternus 1. Focus on the external world. Not just a one-sided view of the inner world. Thinking, listening, and understanding, but never acting. Or acting only in fantasy, never in reality. 2. The first half of life is strenghtening the ego through work, relationships and education. Second half is a focus on the inner world. A misalignment causes a midlife crisis. 3. Immerse yourself in the crowd. Socialize and experience the warmth of human beings and relatedness. 4. Collectivity is the antidote for the mother complex. Forming part of a community. Be careful not to lose your self in the crowd by balancing your spiritual life (solitary) and social life (group). 5. The Hero's Journey. Confront your dragons and experience a renewal of your self. Throw yourself into the fire of life. 6. Work is the most important to cure the puer. Routine, and hard-work. Follow the job that your instinctual energy drives you at. Don't speculate about how to live. Toil the soil right in front of you. 7. Discover your version of play: senex is tangible products: painting, cooking, building, puer is non tangible: movies, games, hanging out. 8. Bring dreams to life by writing and colouring like you did as a child. Enter the image through active imagination. When your ego changes, the unconscious changes too. 9. Sacrifice infantile shadow (laziness, infantile, dependant) into the Hero. The child god that presents renewal, life growing and expanding. 10. Integration of the puer brings one closer to the archetype of the Self and become an individuated person. If the doors of perception are opened, everything appears as it is, infinite. Bring heaven into earth. The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way. As a man is so he sees.
This one was a righteous slap to the face. Never have I felt more pointed out. At 38, I am finally trying to be productive and finish things. To work towards my goals. Little by little, day by day, I am doing the necessary things to achieve what I have settled on wanting. Define your goals, or you will lose yourself to the infinite possibilities and end up nowhere, indeed.
I feel like technology has changed so rapidly that your generation was bound to have difficulty to this ever changing world around. I wouldn't get too depressed and guilt ridden about things as that will not help in the slightest and only continue wallowing in self loathing delusions of grandeur... Instead treat your free time as work even if not getting paid. Learning is work, cleaning is work, just seeking opportunities is work... Life isn't easy for any species and can be quite harsh but start small, don't dream too big, and get a little more serious about this thing called life
Do you also sometimes, when you hear or read about a life (like, in a novel), have the feeling that some time, you too could lead that life - even if it is too late for such a life? (Hard to explain)
"This one was a righteous slap to the face. Never have I felt more pointed out." This isn't a coincidence, it's the point of these sort of ideologies. People with mental health issues are pretty much always the victims of the societies they live in. By that I don't mean they're necessarily caused by society (though they can be), I mean people are far _far_ too happy to point and jeer. It's not about helping, if that were the case they'd do things that helped. They'd be out there, doing what they can, or at least they'd be raising money, for whatever it may be worth. It's because it makes them feel better about themselves. Don't buy into this tripe. Ask yourself what you want from life, whether you're happy. If you are, great, don't worry about what others think (though try to make the world a better place too, because why the hell not). If you're not happy, then less great, but you can change. It's not easy, and yeah, sometimes it requires facing unpleasant truth about yourself. But those truths should come from yourself and your own desire to change, not from the sort of person who needs to compare themselves to you to pat themselves on the back. Allowing fear and ridicule to motivate you, well, if you ask me we've seen the end point of that ideology in the twentieth century. Which isn't to say there isn't any place for social norms or enforcing them. There's a subtle but important distinction between using criticism and using shame (which has its place too, just not here). To be really clear I'm not saying everything in this video is untrue. For example the idea that too much thinking can be poisonous, I've found that to be very true. My point is that by and large this isn't coming from a place of care or any kind of desire to help. You only have to look at the treatment of the mentally ill throghout history to understand this. It's probably fair to note that a lot of the people writing and quoted in this video didn't necessarily have the knowledge we have now, but if anything that's just a reason to not take them at face value and take them in their context. Responsibility is obviously a good ideology and a good idea in general, but nature doesn't care, it's a human construct. An important one. But that doesn't mean it should be used to punch down. It's entirely possible for there to be factors beyond a person's control that could cause them to be unable to function in society. That's not an excuse for fatalism, believing you can't help yourself ensures you can't. Free will isn't a universal constant, it's the result of a well raised and healthy mind. Best of luck, genuinely, I struggle too and it's not easy. Though I'm lucky enough to be able to see this sort of thing for what it is, I wasn't always strong enough, I used to eat this shit up. It didn't help me or make me stronger, it just damaged me. I don't think that's the goal, but I do think the sort of people who write this nonsense don't really care. It's about them.
@@mrjoe5292 I really enjoyed your reply to this post. If you feel like sharing, what has worked for you? Do you have favorite authors/channels/concepts/resources? I love a good deep dive and based on your comment I think you might, too 🤍
Man, im glad I found this video. Im 20 and definetely feel like this like this resonated with me. I definetly have alot of growing up to do, and Im glad I had this wake up call before I went on for much longer
Had this in my watch later tab for months now. I'm glad I'm seeing this now before I keep spiraling anymore. Had a jarring social experience recently where I was basically exposed for being a loser and all I could do was shut down and shrink into my imagination. I can't let fear of failure stop me from trying. Thank you
I feel this video "found" me, as the call to adventure. The way it almost called me out on my behaviour, in an almost personally offensive manner, really made me think about how I have been sabotaging my life by never truly commiting to anything but doubt. My childhood was a nightmare in some ways, but it is now my life is. And only my actions here and now, and only now, can define my life to come. Thank you for this video, and all your great work Eternalized!
I feel the same way. I’m not exactly sure why this popped into my recommended, but I am thankful that it did. I felt like I was being personally called out during the first half of the video. Gives me so much to think about.
Has anything changed for you since? I watched this two weeks ago as well, and I thought it through, played it out in my mind, and continued living as I did before. Though perhaps that's not quite true since I returned to this video, maybe change is still to come. I'll think about that.
Please educate yourself. The video was directed at you. The algorithm only feeds you what it wants. Check out the ads and subliminal messages 😂... EVERY ONE HERE exhibits a personality that Googles algorithm is trying to manipulate into taking action of some sort. Then again if you believe the garbage that came out of your mouth, without any deep consideration...maybe you are a man child. 🤯
@@YogSoth youre being manipulated. You exhibit traits based on your data consumption that puts you into a market segment. 😂😂😂. It's slowly on a mission to pull you away from the things you love and Into the things IT NEEDS, like cheap labor to fill Amazon and Walmart jobs . Keep chasing and fighting for your dreams and never let anyone make you feel bad for liking Pokemon and wearing silly hats in your twenties and thirties. 😤 Be your own boss and hero.
I'd like to say to this comment section: Be wary of diagnosing yourself. Remind yourself that you're looking for patterns everywhere. Many archetypes will resonate with a lot of people without necessarily qualifying for conclusion, and there are many paths to some of the typical consequences mentioned in this video. If you're really struggling and you think you spot fitting labels, find a solid professional to make a proper analysis and get them confirmed or refuted. This is not necessarily an easy task as there's a lot of practitioners in the relevant fields who for various reasons are incapable or unwilling to help you in this way, but they _do_ exist. Just know what you want from them and define it clearly. Evade blurry long term therapy plans as well as medication.
I spent my youth making art. I spent my younger days into my 40s working and raising my son. In my 50s? CREATING ART :) There is nothing more to do after hard work than delve into that inner child. Love, a Gen Xr.
I hope this video reaches whoever needs it at the right time, as it did for me. So powerful, and I am irreversibly changed because of it. The seed has been planted and whatever may flourish will be a gift, thank you.
I see a few problems with this concept. For example, like many psychological concepts it conflates the ideal of adulthood with the present day reality of it. In reality, the natural progression from passionate play to serious work gets interrupted the moment one senses that most of what we spend our time on as adults is empty and meaningless. I think Nietzsche got it right when he wrote: “The maturity of man - that means to have re-acquired the seriousness that one had as a child at play". The child aspires to become a man. That's what play is all about. Chopping wood, building huts, fighting battles. The child can't wait to become a man. And it's only when the reality of being a man is presenting itself to us as emotional numbness, as cynicism and brutal pragmatism, that many stop progressing. And that is very likely not a malfunction, but a warning sign that we need to take seriously if we want to stand a chance of surviving as a culture. Interestingly, Nietzsche also saw the child as the last developmental stage of man, preceded by the camel, doing as it's told without complaining, and the lion, doing as it wants without exception, the child in its playfulness transcends, according to Nietzsche, those one-sided approaches to life. When you are done seeking meaning in being abused and when you are done seeking meaning in abusing, all that's left is play. And he interestingly enough even has the Jesus on his side, who made it quite clear that no-one was to enter heaven unless he becomes like a child again first. And looking at our society, it seems to me that our freedom to choose is mostly limited to the first two options: lion or camel, servant or master, hammer or anvil as Goethe put it. I see a world of naked kings and wannabe adults who mistook submission for maturity and I see the child that cuts through the bullsh!t because it hasn't been conditioned yet. That child is our reason for hope. If you ask me.
It's about balance. Play is important as is resposibility. Living this balance and bringing it into the world (to the "submissive" people) will create wholeness. Also children and elderly are closer to the source and therefore (should) have a greater tendency to play.
@@Memwosh "responsibility". Please define responsibility. It seems rather arbitrary. If you are born a rich slaveowner your responsibility is to whip your slaves and have plenty of money for play but if you are born a slave your responsibility is to serve your master with hard labor all day and never play.
Thanks. It is the man children that change the world. I await the coming of another Alexander patiently, to destroy the current american hegemony and make things new again
I’m thankful that I’ve realized I was slowly sliding into only focusing on my inner fantasies and that not actually growing or changing within a year or so. I’m 23 and have plenty of life to live, no need to stagnate and let myself slide by.
The woman who realized what life is at the moment she shoots herself, having a pleasantly surprised look on her face reminds me of a Buddhist story where one of his monks 'drew the knife' and realized what he needed to know to enlighten in his next life as he lay there bleeding out. Another inspiring video. Thank you.
This video triggered me so painfully. I had started noticing that I've been stagnant for the last 4 years and couldn't understand what exactly the issue is. After watching this, i feel it has finally shed a light to my situation and as painful as it is to admit, i really needed this. I'm so grateful for your content. It is really helping me on this very confusing journey of adulthood. Thank you so much ❤
I'm a 35 year old man playing Minecraft waiting for my therapy session to start listening to this. I never really learned how to get and keep a job, I get frustrated at the slightest inconvenience, I am deeply envious of those doing better than I am, I'm a substance abuser, and I fill my time not spend in isolation babbling about useless crap. I used to flog myself with the notion of "man-child" but I suppose Puer Aeternus is a bit more elegant. edit: never mind, I am far too cynical to be Puer. I'm just a failure.
As a person who was taken to boarding school at the age of 8, i have lived in school for 12 years and now I’m 24 and i never got a real friend let alone boyfriend, i feel empty inside but with a strong determination and energy to meet my dream. I feel exactly how it is said in this video from 12:48-13:27. I’m now trying my best to connect with people and form real trusting relationships. Let’s all keep up the good work.
This is my baby cousin. Forever happy in reading the menu of life. Always critiquing what others ordered, laughing about it, and is dreadfully afraid of choice remorse. Needless to say he is over 40 now. He lives with his parents who continue to work in their 70's to ensure he has all he needs. We are all watching his life pass away right in front of him. Although he is happy and healthy, it is extremely tragic..
@Degen Rips his "happiness" is cultivated by the dependency of his parents. He's trapped in his own neurosis and he doesn't know because in his psyche, he "feels" happy. He's not living.
I'm in the same boat as a female at 29. I still have to learn how to drive. I was working a graveyard shift for six years at a supermarket but my parents didn't like me working there especially since I have a degree so I quit and have been unemployed for two years. I feel very unproductive but I'm not sure what to do. I'm extremely passive.
This will be the most important RUclips video I have ever watched. Thank you for making the undefinable thing in my life an apparent syndrome that I now see in myself.
What an eye opener. I wholeheartedly believe god led me to this video, the answer to my struggles. it wasn’t my mom, my past, my trauma, it wasn’t my life circumstances, and it wasn’t a lack of opportunity, but simply my inability to grow up and acknowledge the cruel world around me, to ‘face the fire’ .It was safest with my mother, it was easiest, deep down I knew my shortcomings and still put on a persona like I was as good or better than the people around me, having accomplished nothing. I am Peur aeternus, that is my answer, that’s who I am, just a boy who can’t grow up. And this is my first step forward, acknowledging that this is who i am, and that this is not who I want to be.
This was amazing, a masterpiece, it describes me very well, I’m at the stage where I’m taking action, trying to be part of the crowd, trying to accept the mundane, but I’m still caught up on putting things in boxes, and sticking with something long term, I still can’t get past accepting the mundane even though I know in my heart it’s what I need I’m basically in a cycle where I find a good job, do a good job for about three months, slowly spiral downwards for another 3 months, finally get fired or quit myself, spend the rest of the year just self loathing and being the creative genius I think I am, before finally hitting rock bottom and doing the whole thing again I’m a programmer by profession, and it earns good money, which is a curse because it enables me to spend a good 4 months of a year in my megalomaniac state I honestly don’t know how long o can keep doing it, the story of the girl shooting herself in the heart has kinda saved me, and reaffirmed something I always kinda knew too, I don’t think ill ever hit that fatal rock bottom, but for sure I am craving something along those lines. Anyway, thankyou for this video, this is true genius I can only aspire to. ❤
I think it's mostly a highly creative, intellectual personality, who thinks about everything too much. Add on top of that some too much coddling early on, that type might get trapped in the cycle of being afraid to fail on top of thinking too much. So they perfect an idea forever, etc. Force a person to act, to get a thing done, it ends up just fine. And they'll be surprised at how well and easy it turns out in the end.
It's nice to meditate on that over thinking wheel that is in constant motion 20 mins of meditation today brought a fresh new re invented me then I felt the surge of creativity along with the cogs taking in a way I could steer.
Failure is a compass for success. The more one experiences undesired results in a given pursuit the more opportunity te have to re-adjust, recalibrate, and adapt until they bring about their desired end. Failure is the blueprint of all invention and is never final unless one dies or chooses to stop persisting.
This video really helped a roadblock I’ve been feeling in life. Everyday has been the same, I’m too comfortable, I’m an adult but my parents take care of everything for me. I don’t see any good opportunities but I realize doing nothing isn’t gonna change anything. I have to try, I can’t let my past failures stop me from finding a better future. I’m probably gonna have to face hardship again, but at least I won’t perish in the bowels of comfort, this is no way to live out my life and see it end.
life is pain, you either deal with the life of working hard and risking failure to succeed, or you deal with the life of no responsibility no money no girlfriend no productivity.
@@presidential3228 it took me a while to learn this. Also I realize how much of a dark place I was in a couple years back. It’s better to fail than to not try at all, that comes with its own misery.
It’s funny how this video finds me. I’ve never been more embarrassed about relating to something so much at this time in my life. Though I’m grateful I’m here, because I’m sick of having potential and doing nothing with it. I find myself wishing I had come to these realizations years ago, because I feel I’m so behind in life. However, as they say, the best time to plant a tree is 50 years ago, but the second best time is now. Just looking at the comments it’s clear that I’m not the only one to think this way. I hope I, and you, can use this as a tool to finally find balance in life and truly live.
5 minutes in thinking, “this is me” doesn’t look like it from the outside (or maybe it does) but it is. I’m 31. As the video goes on it’s still resonates. Especially the part of intellectually understanding that I need change. Yet years go by and I’ve just imagined all the change. Or I start research in a new idea or career path, and don’t follow through due to lack of belief. This videos accuracy is strangely on point.
This video resonated with me more than I thought it would... It verbalised everything I have unfortunately realised about myself recently. My mother was overprotective. She wanted nothing but the best for me and I'm appreciative of all her love. However... Growing up I got too used to having her support and push so now I struggle with responsibility more than other people my age. It feels like I'm realising this way too late, being a final year university student, and it's embarassing but thank you for making this video!
Certainly Enuf responsibility to get through U. Many don't. You're already ahead and yet, a mere child. Stay tuned to your insights, your growing years are always before you. One PHASE, at a time. + More persistence.
Oh God your life isn't over drama queen. Sounds like you have a great privileged life, be grateful you have a Mum at all. Woe is me; complaining over first world problems. Nobody cares so get on with it.
This analysis is amazing. It really does make me want to tear up. As many times as I've heard these things about myself, I've never had it broken down so concretely
If you’re happy with being a man child just live your life if you’re not hurting anybody. You live and you die and in between are experiences. There is no one way to live life. If you’re happy and not causing pain to anyone, you do you. Don’t let anybody else tell you differently.
The thing is it does hurt people. Bet a lot of them depend on other people's sacrifices and time and eventually will need social welfare just to eat because someone told them... "It's okay not to have fruits from your labor..." Just relying in others for too long becomes selfish and will mentally eat away at any consciousness and moral person and eventually destroy your peace of mind
0:25 Diionysos & Eros 1:00 beauty, creativity 1:30 avoids individuation & wholeness 2:00 blue pill 2:35 Von Franz book on Puer Aeternus 4:20 always ready to say goodbye. Trains not to suffer by anticipating it. Isolated from life. 5:30 God complex. Artist without art. 7:10 escape from reality 10:00 human = earth 13:50 newness, potential, yes sayer 16:20 child dreams, senex works 18:00 Jung's aspiration through building 19:20 The little Prince 25:20 devouring mother : Kali 26:00 grow by exposing oneself to daily life & hard work 26:45 pull away from the mother via collectivity. Sacrifice megalomania without sacrificing the self. 29:35 cure to neurosis of the puer is work --> gain exceptionality in reality, not fantasy 30:30 Kierkegaard : lose oneself in the finite (imitation) or in the infinite (inaction) 30:50 child jumps from one work to another and quits when bored. Depressed because lazy. 32:30 Jung biased by body temple : don't think, act 33:57 child is driven by desire for safety or pleasure (Si child ?) 37:33 William Blake integrated the child
“Always ready to say goodbye” is a painful reality of any immigrant or even first gen but this has transpired into a lot of my life. For the rest nice to know I’m scoring as I should to change and grow. Competing with myself here anyway.
Reading the comments it worries me that people are so quick to blindly accept this philosophy. They see a name like CGJ and hear a story that sounds reasonable enough so they accept it without any critical thinking involved. I didn't come here to simply hate but every story deserves feedback that compels the listener to ask questions relative to their reality. Not being skeptical enough is just as bad as being too skeptical. If you are willing to question this philosophy instead of blindly capitulating then my advice is to start with asking yourself what adulthood or maturity really is. I know it's pretty tempting to listen to a 40 minute video and say yep that's me but I promise you there is a lot more to you. Please make sure you know something about the nature of the self by asking yourself some of the following questions: Do you know the difference between emotional, mental and physical maturity? Do you know the difference between morality and maturity? How does adulthood fit in with today's version of society and how is it different from the society that Jung lived in a hundred years ago? What does it mean when people say things like "grow up" or "act your age"? Have you been able to actively build your character without sacrificing valuable parts of your younger self? Does the way others see you match up with who you really are? 🍀🤍good luck finding yourself!
We "believe" in this because this just very relatable. Nothing too deep, we're man child after all what you gonna expect? Some hard thought critical thinking? Please...
It sounds like you don't get it and this doesn't really describe you personally. Other people understand this very well because they feel it and live it.
To add to your observation, which I think is a fair one delving deeper, I felt reading the comments that most stopped simply at the self-accusatory. There was more than the inability to grow-up expressed in the video, especially in the end. Positive aspects of the man-child as well as the puer contrasted with the senex provide interesting points. A balancing with different aspects taking the lead at different times in our life. I sense in some comments a desperation stalled within dualistic combative thinking--the addiction to good and evil and all its shameful self-destructive consequences. In fact, I would say to watch the video and identify with only the negative aspects would demonstrate man-child reactionary thinking. The overwhelming need to attack one's self, to suffer perpetual guilt and shame, the inability to deal with deeper issues gnawing at the subconscious--all backlash severely into isolation, substance-abuse, and obsessive thinking dissecting the world and one's self. One becomes locked down and demanding upon moments--tending to experience extremes of self-willed indulgence followed by penitent shameful confessing. Others are sought as authoritative problem solvers. Usually this only leads to another backlash inflicting further destruction. Your ending questions are phrased well, guiding toward a contemplative exploration, rather than an all-consuming emotional confession within a personal attack upon one's self. Unraveling yourself, efficaciously developing healthy self-awareness, does not need to be a dramatic upheaval.
I have no words to thank you for this enlightenment in my life. I feel tempted to say "if I knew this before..." but this is something immature to say. Now I have a long road to drive in order to become mature. Thank you so much for this!
More needs to be said about selfish, smothering/controlling mothers and the damage they do to their sons But so much depends upon how you were raised. If you were emotionally or physically abused or raised by psychopaths or narcissists (like me) you may tend to be detached and have an active fantasy life, but in addition be responsible, hard-working and face challenges. Traumatic scars callused over can make it next to impossible to connect to your spouse, children, or job yet a great job fulfilling those roles. Life isn't fair. Play the hand you're dealt.
The problem with single mother and a uncle who barely comes to care being with us too much is so severe I have a mood jump against my mother I'm very much screwed, I have a constant mindset of wanting to do good and not doing bad acts but it's so constant I hinder myself being a picky guy and too paranoid.
*I appreciate how you emphasize the importance of 'real work' for healing and integrating the eternal child! Learning to love LABOUR is truly the major archetypal task - it's about becoming rooted into reality rather than floating higher into delusional escapist fantasies.* During my own 1-1 work with clients struggling with their own Puer Aeternus immaturities, I've likewise found that they benefit from a robust combination of addiction restraint, everyday labour and patient Inner Child Work. Shadow exploration is also an absolute must for integration, but that's probably obvious for anybody reading this comment. Fantastic exploration, and I truly appreciate how you spend an extended amount of time talking about the healthy integration of the Puer Aeternus - also notice your extension of Marie Louise von Franz in 'Puer Aeternus'. Bravo!
@MimiBabe Appreciate your response here and see that these are important issues - although you seem to have missed the essence of my comment! I explicitly mention how eternal child healing involves loving everyday work as part of a holistic healing process including addiction recovery, shadow work and other mental health modalities. It’s not something to be engaged with as singular solution - that’s clearly dysfunctional 🌲
I believe the delusional escapist fantasies can serve as a path to unlocking creative opportunities in life as long as you remember that it is limited when you decide to incorporate this into reality. You gotta find that balance, if you can master combining these 2 states of mind into a productive real world model, a whole new world opens up for you. It's important to consider that the Puer aeternus is nuanced, not every individual should receive the same treatment. (in the case that it disrupts their life)
@@rabbychan I appreciate your addition here - nuance is truly the word, I agree. Great perspective to compliment and challenge, we all need different things and fantasy is of course massively useful when balanced with ‘reality’ 🌲
It would seem that an introduction to craftsmanship would be needed to achieve a balance. Creativity meets with productivity and a love for your creations and the results. I long worked with body shop people and I would argue it is a fine thing to finish repairs on something so needed in our times and yet there is a required imagination to recreate and rebuild something. To paint a car or guve it new and innovative pin striping. Etc.
I pray for the same level of self-realisation as you. I feel like I am stagnating but still struggling to find the underlying reason. Can I ask was it self realisation or that you could see it around you that made you cry?
I'm trying to recover from this after a long history of generational child abuse and neglect. My mother and grandmother were all puers like me, whos lives were destroyed at childhood, and i hope to be the last person to break this "curse". I hope to improve my life for the better, so that my future generations dont have to suffer the same damnations as my previous family members.
As a child, our family never lived in the same house for more than 3 years. I jumped from school to school my whole life and never made long term friends. Now as an adult, I find it extremely hard to stay in the same city / working environment for more than a few years. I always feel like I’m “missing out”, or that there’s something better out there. Im now I’m my early 30s and I really can’t imagine settling down in a 9 to 5 job, or even marrying someone. Even thinking about it there’s a weird feeling of constriction, like I’m being smothered and need to get away.
I got the same feeling when dating. I couldn't stick with a boyfriend, even tried a girlfriend because I wasn't sure if I was a lesbian or not, but ended up having the same smothered, constricted feeling. My family also moved a lot and only with a death in the family did we end up having a place for more than 3 years, but for me it made me crazy and only now, 10 years later I'm making serious plans to move again. I'll be 29 this year and I know there's more to see in the world, but commitments such as a spouse and/or kids make it hard, if not financially impossible for some. I don't want to be one of them.
@@TheVeryAngryShrimp this is a false dilemma you are creating. Who says people with kids or spouse can't see the world? I'm single in my 30s and don't go anywhere. My neighbors, married with kids (two incomes is better than one!!) take trips all the time. We tell ourselves the weirdest lies...good luck.
I know exactly how you feel. My family was military so we were constantly moving. It creates a detached feeling and the inability to ever truly think of a place as “home.” The notion of settling down somewhere is truly difficult to accept. :(
I think you need to take an extremely uncomfortable step into settling down. Pick up a couple hobbies that would require you to stay wherever you are currently. Go to places where you can practice these hobbies (Rock climbing, painting, literally anything that you can meet people doing. Then take another uncomfortable step in putting yourself out there for the people with similar interests as you. Go up and talk to people and be a nuisance a little. Once you start building connections with the people and places around you I think you’ll start to feel much more at home. I truly am thinking of you and hoping you can conquer the feeling of being lost that you have.
Amazing how this type of curriculum is not deemed important for the education system of our youth as they grow. The soul can turn against you out of sheer ignorance of understanding of how it is affected through internal environment via consciousness/subconscious and external environment via the world.
Theoretically, this can be taught in schools. However, since this is related to the psyche (hence the unconcious cognitive processing), there may not be factual research to prove this. According to my current knowledge of the education system, that is needed to be able to study this as a topic in school.
Most of us are the puer through our 20's. Moving beyond it is painful, and involves great internal loss. Yet it is necessary because the other stages of life are waiting. Those who can make peace with the loss, even if it feels too soon, can progress to the stage of life where responsibility and duty become paramount. Because in this stage of life you are needed. The adults are dying off, and you are now the adult. There is no one else to take their place. Accept the loss and move on to the next stage of life because it ks where you were meant to be. When you accept it, the treasures of the stage will come, slowly but surely. A spouse, a family, a sense of stability. You will lose a part of you that you think is you. But it is not you. You are what you are right now.
genuinely life changing video. It is time to stop worrying about what might happen and take action. Who cares if you want to study and it will take X amount of years more so than someone else?! Who cares if you don't want to do a PhD when everyone is doing them around you?! Pursue meaning! GO TO THERAPY! DISCUSS AND EXPLORE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
One thing I often observe of some common personality types especially on the job is that they are very much externally focused so not much of an inner world so are bored very easily requiring stimulation otherwise are crushed by boredom while those who are inner focused will just find something to think about and just automate whatever task to pass the time.
This depends very much on what work you are doing. I'm some one who is incredibly inwardly focused and I do mechanic work. This combination is terrible because there is a steep learning curve that requires intense focus and observation on the details around you. A failure to focus in my job can cause you death, injury, punishment, or just a failure to improve. That level of autopilot has to be earned, and is only doable to a certain level
@@Mr.hyde1886 Yes, I’ve got a job that could get me or others killed, or cause property damage if not performed correctly. I’ve come to the point generally that I’m never 100% focused on what I’m doing because I now do tasks automatically while my mind is on philosophy or psychology. Either way, I see a lot of negative aspects of myself in this video. Especially the part toward the end about basically waiting for your Hero function to activate and to feel like you’re truly experiencing life, and not just watching it as a spectator.
I feel like I'm gradually pulling myself out of this mentality. I started school again full-time, and I'm working on top of it. I'm forcing myself to take the necessary steps towards success. Still I am riddled with self doubt and it's very hard to find the will to keep going. I hear that the more you do it, the easier it gets, so I'll continue to steer my ship into the storm. I keep doing the things that scare me. Hope everyone else that's coming from this finds the will to do the same. And I hope I keep mine strong enough.
U got this. Don't do too much at once. Set attainable goals that you will really and can realistically accomplish. Ask just enough of yourself to spark motivation. Nothing glorious all the time please.
I relate to this a bit. I was raised in a household with two very overprotective parents, but both overprotective in different ways. My mother is very religious and kind of used it as a scapegoat for responsibilities and tells me to just pray or trust god with the situation. While my father was the opposite in a way , he would insult me for always not being able to face responsibilities in the way that he was able to he would always compare me to the way he was as a child and use that as a way to kill my confidence. If I had something I wanted to work toward, he would give me a reason why I'm not ready to pursue that thing, even if it was as simple as a drivers permit these things left me very conflicted and still do to this day. I often find myself blaming myself for everything that goes wrong around me, even if it's a common occurrence, and it's not that big of a deal I find it difficult to make long lasting relationships because I always feel like Im just being a burden or an annoyance to that person. Every time I try to convey this to them, I am met with the same responses.
I think I went through a mindset similar to this briefly as a teenager. I actively avoided hearing about adult classes for older teens because I wasn’t ready to grow up yet. With me still being in school, I was worried that I’d be stressed trying to balance schoolwork with the inevitability of adulthood. Then I went to therapy and learned more about myself. (Not initially for fear of adulthood, but we talked about it) My therapist was an older lady who shared that she enjoyed playing with legos as a hobby. She was a working woman close to retirement, married, had kids, and yet she still had time to indulge in ‘childlike’ things. She told me I was doing fine and was confident I’d be able to flourish under my own pace. And she was right! After graduating, I took a break from school and started getting into new hobbies and routines that were fulfilling. I found a college I liked and have a consistent workload, and I’m not scared to do things for myself now. I’m disabled, so there will always be some stuff I need help with and I don’t think I can live comfortably alone..but I always try to do things for myself when I can. I’m still young but..I’m surprised by how much I really like my life now compared to when I younger. It really does get better.
This is a very reasonable and healthy comment. Thanks for sharing. What is your opinion on "meaningful" work? My life is very functional on paper but I hate the sector I work in. It really is a bullshit job. I have a lot of hobbies but none I could monetise, and to be honest I don't like the idea of doing so.
This piece moved me immensely... my core excuse for my life has in a word been "procrastination" , knowing full well that the thought of true responsibility passes as if the idea is unrealistic.... but at the same time aware enough to know it's what has to happen now or find a spot to set up a tent. I made it 47 years in the middle class wanting nothing and doing everything that was entertaining or satisfying to me... now having hit crissis (as explained) I'm alone and have just a vehicle.. life has become survival... in turn i have been forced to acknowledge my age and the very difficult situation i have put myself in.... it's as if this piece was written about me, explaining me how I would explain myself if I was capable of putting the required effort in ... thank you for doing such a wonderful job and really touching the bases... I want to share it with the people who know me but at the same time, not sure if I want them to know...
This video has changed my perspective on everything. Undoubtedly the definition of Puer is the one that best suits me. I’ve been searching for so long, trying to put my finger on this growing existential struggle. I’ve found it. Thank you so much. My next task is to bridge the gap which feels impossible, but I know I have to do it. This is video is a sign I cannot ignore.
Take things one day at a time and make slow progress. Soon your improvements will compound and you’ll look back and see the changes you’ve made! Good luck
Holy fuck I relate to this. I don't exactly fit into these boxes but I relate to all aspects of these characters. I got a personal Ipad for Christmas when I was 8 and it was all downhill from there, effectively ending my childhood. I became so absorbed in it I lost all social connections, developing severe social anxiety and defaulting to extreme emotional immaturity around 10 and 11. Not to mention with unrestricted access I was on it all the time developing severe porn addiction while also gaining a lot of weight when I was 10. Over the years I've slowly rebuilt social networks but I've always found it difficult. I also have a weird mix of the puer aeternus and the senex. People comment how I never have a smile on my face, and all my goals are pretty results oriented. But I also fantasize about those goals instead of completing them. I've wanted to date but despite being 19 I never have. For 4 years I've thought about losing weight but even when I managed to lose 80 lbs I stayed inconsistent and gained it back. I think about goals but don't work towards them. My social immaturity has also led to me being hurtful emotionally to people, which is something I deeply regret, and in my coping I ultimately lost the positive aspects of myself. I used to be a wisecrack but in my guilt I lost my sense of humor and wittiness, something I am also trying to rebuild. I keep thinking about some hypothetical future where all of these are resolved and in the past, but I almost never put in the consistent effort to solve them. I've never seen something so relatable.
This is a masterful piece of work, as a man in my 30s coming into terms with my childhood trauma and trails of tribulation in my 20s, this has summarized my struggle, and I'm sure the struggle of many many just perfectly. Thank you so much.
There were parts in this video where it felt like I was lookinf at my image in a mirror, I'm 23 and identify so much of myself in this archerype unfortunately
26, and me too. Lately I've been doing the bare minimum to get by. And spending the rest of the time getting high, watching movies, and day dreaming of my coming success. Yet I don't remember the last time I passionately engaged with hobbies, talents, and works. I feel like I lost myself while trying to find myself, hope that makes sense. But I'm trying to move past that fear, I don't know exactly how but I know I have to change to figure that out.
@@1wrisksthis was a year ago but I’m guessing I felt convicted in the sense that I resonated with the man child mentality of not wanting to confront the reality of adulthood
I am so grateful that you are bringing light to such a powerful phenomenon. This video helped to explain to a lot of my upbringing. It brought out many deep-seated emotions within me - both incredible fear and inspiration. Thank you.
The human experience. It's crazy. The content and art of this channel is really great, especially for one who has been unwittingly hiding from these questions, behind some substance, only to awaken and start ponderance in mid-life, feeling everything at once. This channel has been so helpful. Even the voice of the narrator invokes to me that I am not alone, someone else understands. That we all subconsciously know that we will have to face that which ails us; the questions of existence, ourselves, and our quests for meaning and love.
Honestly, this was me for thr longest time. I would go from job to job, trying to find myself, not really know what I wanted in life. I left a marriage I was unhappy in. Looking back, I was mostly to blame for my happiness. However, I'm glad to say I've course corrected since then. About to get my Masters in Education, and I'm committed to becoming a teacher, as well as developing my skills as an artist. Great video. Everyone should watch 😊
Sadly had to have a break up with a long time love that woke me up from this state. Hearing this really hit me hard bc during the tail end I found myself so unhappy with myself bc I felt like I wanted to grow up already and be a man but I couldn’t quite understand the magnitude of that feeling until it took a hard fall from my world. But “without a fall, one cannot have a redemption” 👑 🙏🏽 embrace the journey, pain can be your clarity, pain can become armor, pain can become growth
Incredibly powerful and moving, that last section hit me hard. I see so much of myself in this concept. Thank you for making such a beautiful and well-done video on the puer aeternus. It really nails a lot of things down all at once. That story about the girl shooting herself, fuck, that was disturbing and poignant. "And we don't have to worry when we don't understand our dreams, because our *dreams* understand *us*." What a line!
This was just amazing. I watched it 2 days ago and kept getting constant conscious reminders. These people were/are brilliant yet recognised and accepted their shortcomings. They constantly grew and accepted the bad but looked for the good in all things. God bless you friend
This is me. I was a good kid until I saw the carnage of alcoholism on my mother and how it damaged me wholeheartedly. Until the age of 14 I was on the straight and narrow then it all went south. Partying, fighting, jail, and dropping out at 15. My mother did nothing but enable me as she was a alcoholic who I grew up despising because of it. There was no repercussions for my lifestyle and no tools given as how to grow up with life skills. I didn’t move out until 22 and that was because my ex stepfather left my mother after marrying her which devastated me and her and her drinking became worse. I’ll just skip to my present day after 9 months of sobriety at the age of 46 I am only now beginning to come out of the fantasy world and into reality to face life on life’s terms. Through my AA meetings, church and living one day at a time, I am learning survival skills to life. I’m jobless at the moment live out my car but I’m grateful and live for the moment and continue to be hungry to learn how to deal with situations as a adult which is not easy for me. I do look forward to lies ahead though.
Thank you for posting and sharing. I know it's hard and sometime situations seem impossible. I've been there and I know things will change for the better for you. I wasnt able to grow until I was able to let myself be vulnerable and reach out. The growth and happiness grew exponentially after realizing I couldn't do it by myself. I feel for you. Please keep going. It does get better and you deserve happiness.
I like this answer. The Eternal Child is not all negative. Most of the comments trend toward self-accusing attacks. Which is understandable. However, it stops short of penetrating insight. Self-criticism alone does not hold a key. There is more to be understood. I admire your courage to say wait a second. I am convinced I am on to something. Though I am choosing the more difficult path, a dark path in which many do not find their way--failure while not imminent lurks about--I am not just going to throw my hands in the air and surrender to a defeat that will crush me. I am going to trust myself while becoming malleable. Vultures are usually the ones who first respond to those blindly surrendering.
Finishing the video, this Jung quote further added to my reflection upon your comment: “There is no single, definite way for the individual…if you want to go on your individual way, it is the way you make for yourself, which is never prescribed, which you do not know in advance, and which simply comes into being of itself when you put one foot in front of the other. If you always do the next thing that needs to be done, you will go most safely and sure-footedly along the path prescribed by your unconscious. Then it is naturally no help at all to speculate about how you ought to live.” Jung’s Letter to Frau V. I think it is important to watch the entire video.
Wonderfully well put. I felt very represented by this puer aeternus archetype. More often than not I've daydreamed far too much, not puting my thoughts into action. However, an awfully cold bucket of iced water was dropped on me some time ago, and since then, I've been slowly yet steadily transforming into a better, and more mature person. I only hope my evolution bears proper fruit before it's too late. Thanks for this video. The whole list is wonderful and a treat to the thought. I believe I grow a little bit with every video of yours I watch, and I'm pretty sure I'll rewatch the whole list after I'm done with it. I also bought Jung's Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious recently, so I'm stoked to dive in this most incredible mind.
I'm in my 30s and experiencing the most severe crisis of my entire life thus far. I went to therapy for 5 months and discovered I am very likely on the autism spectrum. I was a gifted child and led a very priviledged, spoiled life because my parents gave me whatever I wanted as long as I was good in school, worked hard and treated other people well. I have had huge ego problems and was only going to be satisfied by achieving the highest threshold of success imaginable. I feel I am on a better path now but it is painful and my depression is the worst it's ever been. I never learned to work hard because school was very easy for me. I was just recently accepted to an adult autism clinic and will hopefully have my first meeting there soon. I know my diagnosis will make my life more difficult than those not on the spectrum but it's not an excuse to not work hard or do my best. This will be the hardest thing I ever do but in this moment I am hopeful that I will still have a good life.
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan. This war inside you maybe the will that wants a better life fighting what the world has diagnosed you with. No matter who you are or where you were from or how you were raised you are absolutely capable of changing your life. Therapy will only diagnose you. Therapy will not tell you how to live your life better. Therapy can get you trapped in a loop where you feel completely hopeless to your circumstances and even your own brain. You were created and raised as you were intended to be so that you became the person that you are today and can become the potential great person in the future. I hope and pray that one day you will really believe in yourself and your own agency and take charge of your life as I am taking charge of my own❤
Atleast now you know you have autism. The sooner you know, they more you can take action to accommodate yourself. There are unfortunately people going through their lives not knowing their undiagnosed autism/adhd.
I'm in almost the exact same situation, diagnosed with autism at 24, also very gifted but I wasn't really coddled as a kid I was just kind of left alone which was also pretty bad. I don't care that I'm autistic it honestly was very liberating that I could stop blaming myself for not socializing and never feeling good at parties etc, I can just accept I'm different and find my enjoyment elsewhere without guilt. I tried my whole life so far to just fit in with the rest of society and it was really hard and I never knew why.
The thing that sucks about this is that to me and to Nietzsche this is one of the most admirable archetypes, but it is also one of if not the most dangerous and hardest to balance. One can not be only the puer aeternus, and as Nietzsche puts it this should be the final destination, not the starting point. If you are always the child you will be stuck as the child forever, never growing, never succeeding, and never gaining any true depth or understanding of anything. So in a sense the child should be locked away, and this is the most difficult and painful part for many such as myself because we think if we lock it away it may never surface again or that it will die, which it very well may do. And thus upon locking it away it should be important to still feed it and give into it every once in awhile, but to keep it locked away until it can finally fully rejoin you once you've grown enough as a person, learned about the rational and true nature of the world that it's insights are useful and beneficial to you, and not a burden or a trap to get lost in. In other words, you need to learn to tell it no, before you can say yes
Your videos hit like no other. I really enjoy and appreciate how you bring all these amazing minds together and share their thoughts and words. Thank you for your videos, it's a guiding light we need.
Oh man, this really struck a few chords with me. My siblings and I are all survivors of a brutal traumatic upbringing. At 63 I’m still dealing with the many issues that resulted from all that. Recently had another nervous breakdown and was unable to work. Dealing with major anxiety and depression.
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan.
This was a very inciteful and difficult essay to swallow. Realizing I'm a puer myself is harsh. Lots of it is spot on. However, I also can't help but feel like our shitty world is what produces more and more puers amongst us, not necessarily some self-inflicted flaw or mother complex. With that, I can't help but feel like the "cure" to being a puer is exactly what the people who own the world want: "Get back to work and smile about it. Stop complaining. Be a man! Anyone can do it if you do it the way we tell you." --- the carrot-on-a-stick lie our culture feeds us
I see what you mean about becoming what our productivity-driven society wants us to be and how that can suck. but the way I see it the cure isn't killing the puer at all. it's about finding balance and being able to cherish the positive puer attributes while negating some of the worse symptoms. it's not about becoming mindless workaholics
As a fifty year old who's now just accepting abuse as a kid... I can attest to this first hand.. 30 years of Peter Pan Here... Dealing with the depression and possibly resentment and bitterness cause all my Peter Pan Plans Disappointed me when they neglected to come...live NOW
I had a period like this where it became clear to me that I had to go through some kind of removal from Society and become my own person so I went and spent 3 days alone in the wilderness surviving on fish building fires and even though 3 days does not sound like a lot, it was enough for me to experience that kind of tribal initiation and I felt like a new man when I came home
I admire and respect how many men are in these comments being so vulnerable about their experiences with this. As a woman, I have been a child, partner, and friend of men with this issue. Though that's my own cross to bear, it brings me comfort and joy knowing ppl will watch this and feel seen/heard and maybe even find the courage to break the patterns that hold you back. Wishing everyone here in the comments peace love and growth!
@@egglordsasuke8532 for sure, the channel that posted this video actually has a few separate videos on this. Namely the negative animus/anima. This video just happens to concern one side of it
I’m 18 years old. I am everything you described. I have no friends, no ambition, always drifting from interest to interest but never committing, always with ideas but never able to flesh them out. I have always hoped that life would run and whisk me away. I just don’t know what to say now.
It's ok to have time that you don't know. That's the journey of life. Learn and seek different things and with time and small steps you will find your purpose.
Frankly - so many of these comments are really just young people coming to the realization that life is full of mystery. You may never find your perfect “calling” - so pick a profession that you can tolerate and will pay your bills. Don’t invest too much into this content my friend - just be nice to yourself and try SOMETHING- learn a trade or go to a community college - join the military - just do something and see where it takes you. The algorithms suggest videos like this because the internet likes us miserable. Obviously if you are wasting each day of the week it’s time to get your affairs in order - but if you are wasting 1-2 days a week, yea that’s called healthy balance.
Just 3 tips I wish I had at 18 1. physical exercise. use your testosterone for one purpose: mens sana in corpore sano (healthy mind in healthy body) 2. study. like being a carpenter or a surgeon, it doesn't matter: learn a trade 3. life for better or for worse is done in cycles: if you are stuck in a negative cycle, fortify yourself and wait for it to improve.
Listen to YOUR inner voice and it will lead you to the path meant for you. Our problem has always been listening to everyone else's voice but our own. Nevermind what everyone or society tells you you should do or be. No one knows that but you. But you have to be willing to stand strong with your voice and be prepared for a lot of naysayers, but also surround yourself with people who support you in your life journey. True friends are people who make you feel safe and heard. You haven't committed because those ideas and ambitions aren't coming from within. When you truly want to do something, you will do it. No excuses. No doubts. There will be a fire in you to do it. Trust me on that. Trust your voice!! No one ever said life would always be easy. As my granny said, "nothing in life worthwhile and meaningful is easy." Sometimes adversity is necessary for growth and to reach the beautiful things in life.
*“Whatever one has within oneself but does not live, grows against one."*
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Appreciate your videos and everything you do. I was wondering if you could do a video just about Carl June's mysterious red book and it's origins?? And your personal thoughts about it??
why was locked in a Swiss safe deposit box by the heirs to C.G. Jung’s estate for so many years? It took Jungian scholar Dr. Sonu Shamdasani three years to convince Jung's family to bring the book out of hiding. It took another 13 years to translate it.And still, the Red Book remains incomplete. The last word Jung wrote in the Red Book is "moglichkeit," or possibility.
@The Rooster Protocol I am sorry, if someone dear to you cannot get the help they need from psychology, or if you judge psychology as a wasted endeavor you have to support
To explain the question: Psychology is an imperfect, growing and developing tool to understand humans, used by humans. Failure to provide help can either stem from inadequacy of the tool or the user.
Sometimes understanding is not enough, oftentimes it is imprecise and fails. But like every science it becomes better over time and, hopefully, people will look at our psychology like we do on Newtonian Physics.
Krishna in hindu loves to play. He likes playing pranks on people (in a non harmful way)
10;36
1982 Athens greece Europe
40 old man child
🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
yes I'm man child
whats the problem ???,,
⭐⭐⭐⭐
I think this is me. My therapist said something that’s stuck with me: “You’re so afraid of uncertainty that you subconsciously prefer to be certain of failure than to have a mere chance of success.”
Same here. My mind is often preoccupied with the thoughts of failure. I anticipate failure than any chance of success. I don't want to deal with the consequences even though they are the essence of all action and our life as well.
Man, this really hits home
Same here, she plucked it out of a comment. I had 500$ in my stock account, along with big desire to experiment… but after shopping for 3 weeks and listening to my psych, I went ahead and have found something meaningful.
The meaning hit me when the material refers to the two different types of play, so far as I stay ahead of those stocks it will be productive. For example
I wouldn’t say this defines you as a “man-child” there’s a phrase “paralyzation by over analyzation”
“There’s someone out there making 10x what you make because they were too stupid to doubt themselves.”
@@Astrnauted Reminds me of a quote from a book I read awhile back, “I’ve witnessed men achieve incredible things for the simple fact that they were too inexperienced to understand that their goals were impossible.”
As someone who dreams too much, this was a wake up call. I have a habit of daydreaming about my future success, but the steps between now and then are foggy. This also made me realize how toxic it is to always give the impression of how put-together my life is. Deep down I know I'm behind in life and that the only person I'm fooling is myself
Hopefully the following is applicable. It’s not toxic to give the impression of “how together life is,” rather thank yourself for being in the position you’re in now versus when life wasn’t “together.” You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.. accept that because it’s written in stone. One last thing, NEVER compare yourself because you will not achieve pure joy, as president Theodore Roosevelt said “comparison is the thief of joy.”
Well spoken man, we must focus, be still and accept the Truth. Plant seeds of patience, stillness and persistence. The persistence of toiling, toiling behind the image and foundation of righteousness.
This kinda sucks if you ask me What i got from this is to dream but actually do something to make them happen dreaming of the future is apart of being human so dont stop doing it just do it right
"Behind in life" in what sense? I'm really not sure what is meant when I hear someone say this.
Same
You don’t find this video, it finds you. I nearly turned it off because of the feeling of almost overwhelming shame it evoked. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Listening to this video was like my ego was being forced to stare at its naked reflection. I feel violated and repulsed, though a glimmer of relief as well.
@@tj03297I feel upset at and repulsed by myself but it’s truly motivating. Repulsed In a liberating way, like okay pussy, here are the issues you cause/face and here’s why. You’ve known it, you’ve ignored it and deluded yourself to avoid it, shape up.
Im a 28 year old junkie, watched my dreams crumble in my hands. Let’s get to work
How are you doing now?
Agreed. But only when you grow older and the Sennex arrives. Hopefully soon enough before it's too late.
26, and I just had my car repossessed. I spent my days getting high and drinking, and now I’m facing homelessness. That is a huge wake up call. And this video is a huge wake up call. The future is uncertain, and certainly won’t be easy… but I must reap what I sew and make changes so that I can’t finally mature into the man I’m SUPPOSED to be.
Wish you well man.
Be encouraged 😊
Yeah…you seem on the right track by realizing that maybe frittering your 20s away is not a great plan, so that is on your favor….some don’t even reach that point.
You don’t have to fit anyone else’s set plan, but….you do need to grow up and be responsible eventually. Staying as a perpetual 13 year old at a parents house just gets sadder and sadder each year, and each year it’s harder and harder to fix. The 20s are the foundation of your adult life….waste them and you will never quite be as well off later, you can’t catch up, but if you sacrifice and work during your 20s….you can set yourself up for a much easier life later.
Pick a job that is the best compromise between what pays, what you are good at and what you can get. Start it….doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect…you can change, but much easer to change with experience getting you hired elsewhere. You won’t love your job and it won’t fulfill you…only a lucky few manage that, and as my dad says…there is a reason jobs pay you money. But….you have the rest of your week to devout to your likes and passions. Get an emergency fund, then put aside a couple thousand per year for retirement….you will likely get old like the rest of us, and being old and poor is WAY worse than young and poor.
Best wishes, and almost anything is possible if you break it down into small steps.
It’s never as much fun as childhood, but every stage of life is like each season of the year…,they all have their good and bad parts, and better to enjoy the fall than to be sad the Spring has gone.
So you got your car repossessed and you thought getting drunk and High was the best thing to do
@@great4ever845you were given education in reading comprehension as a child and you thought dumbing around was the best thing to di
Man. My mother coddled me as a small child but she had an undiagnosed mental break of some kind after her divorce when I was in 2nd grade and became wildly verbally/psychologically/physically abusive and just totally unhinged. There was no one to protect me from this person who used to be a maternal guardian angel who had suddenly turned into some kind of horrifying wraith. And I was a really good kid- I was uncommonly polite and smart for my age and never got in trouble. She quickly married another unhinged abuser and they moved me away from my family. I remember being around middle school age and very decisively thinking, “I am tired of being terrorized and harmed. I cannot endure this for a moment longer than I have to. When I grow up, all I want in the world is to be safe and comfortable.” I was considered a “gifted” kid and was usually way ahead of my peers in most areas. Now here I am, 36, and I’m struggling to keep a job I despise, alone and trying to manage suicidal depression that has haunted me since college. I’m no longer ahead of most of my peers- in adult life I am dragging far behind them, unable to afford to join them on excursions or return their generosity because of my chronic occupational underperformance. Only after 15 years of mental agony have I realized that the goal born out of my childhood abuse is inherently flawed- you cannot be completely comfortable while being completely safe and vice versa. They’re almost opposite concepts. Now I have to dig myself out of this trainwreck at an age where time has done away with much of my energy and enthusiasm. It’s more difficult than it had to be. In some ways, it’s fair to say I’ve burned half my life due to this refusal to deny that abused child of his well deserved comfort. If you are in your 20’s and you connect with this video at all, you must act now. Don’t wait until you’re alone and approaching middle age. Start taking steps, one at a time, toward liberating yourself. It’s not as scary as it seems.
My mum was similar in some ways. However after a particularly brutal argument with her, when I did the teenage thing of slamming the door and running up to my room. I was 13. My dad knocked quietly on the door sat with me and gently told me about my mother's earlier life - how hard it had been. She'd been orphaned very young she sexually abused and was then an unmarried teenage mum when that was considered a terrible sin for a convent educated girl. She clearly had an undiagnosed mental condition as well. There was much more which I can't go into here. After this I saw her as a damaged human being. It didn't stop her unstable behaviour ("all sugar and shite" as my dad described it with typical Lancashire honesty. However it founded my respect for how she had coped and eventually we became real friends which seemed to help her heal as a person. Sorry for going on !
Thank you so much for sharing. I was a similar child, minus the abuse. Unfortunately my mother never forced me to break out of my comfort. I was allowed to do whatever I pleased whenever I pleased, and would have great outbursts if I didn’t get what I want. I just turned 24 and have had suicidal depression since I was 12. I want to deeply thank you for the warning.
@@thedativecase9733 Thanks so much for sharing. It's always so cool to have a meaningful chat over the pond! I've heard no shortage of horrifying stuff about British orphanages. They're basically a staple of many movies and television shows here. And over the last decade or two it's seemed to be the case that life as an orphan in England was even worse than anyone thought. It's amazing she survived at all. My mom had a horrible childhood too. Crazy similarity- She lived in the very religious American South and had a child out of wedlock when she was like 17 that her family forced her to put up for adoption. The nurse took the child out of her arms right after delivery and when she got home, her parents kicked her out and sent her to live on the other side of the country with relatives. It broke her forever. I'm thankful you had a good dad who could help you understand it, at least. "All sugar and shite" is such a great and succinct way to put it. On a good day, she was the sweetest woman. On a bad day, she was the worst human being you could ever hope to meet. I thought she might chill out with age but she wound up getting more detached from reality and remained extremely manipulative and miserable. I had to sever contact with her completely to have any chance at healing. I'm sincerely thankful you two were able to mend the wound. And also that neither of you has to pay $1000 to get an x-ray, lol. Little envious over here, not gonna lie!
@@Joseph_Hamilton It was a pretty bipolar situation for me. I too had way more freedoms than some of my young friends and oftentimes after a very bad day, she would seem to recognize that she had some reason to feel guilty, and then she would spoil me to try and make it up to me. That cycle would repeat a lot- screaming verbal and physical abuse that went on for hours, then a couple days later I would get taken out shopping and told how great I was. It wound up being a real mindfk. 24 was one of my worst years. I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing anything like that. Do me a favor and try to keep your inner dialogues kind to yourself. It's very easy for us to cast harsh judgement on ourselves when we are coping with deep depression, but you did not choose your upbringing. And it's so impossibly hard, I know, but stay optimistic about your future. I mean, I really wish someone could have put this video in front of me at your age. As someone who can relate to you, and as described in the video, it is extremely hard for us mankids to turn our thoughts and realizations into action. However as I've gotten older, the more I've become wise to how the best way to take the actions I need to take is to do so without giving myself a chance to think. A good analogy I often hear is that the hardest part of going to the gym is getting through the front door. If you can make determinations on what actions you should take, position yourself strategically (sometimes so strategically it's actually funny) to take that action without thinking. I keep my walking shoes by my office door so the moment my shift is over, they go on my feet and I am going on my walk or jog. I've found what can help with this approach too is a more "Eastern" viewpoint. I'm not highly spiritual, but listening to some lectures on Zen Buddhism and Taoism and learning to meditate have been very useful in helping me not be paralyzed by thought loops and irrational concerns. The past is gone forever and can never be reached. The future doesn't exist and never arrives. There is only an ongoing now, and now, and now, and for me that is a very freeing concept. Hang in there, homie.
My guy. I’ve been in that position. Jesus Christ saved my life. My friend as well.
Not here to debate. Take with those words what you will. I would be dead if not for it. Never saw a therapist either. Just met the right guys to explain what Jesus actually means for us.
Peace and blessings my friend.
This made me tear up just listening, because it described my current state so well. The day dreaming of a successful career only to never really put any work into getting there. The constant fear of failure, the putting off of day to day chores. Escaping through drugs, alcohol and video games. The frame of mind described it something I know all too well and everything I struggle with now. Im so disappointed by who I am, and this video helped me see it from such a different light. If you relate, lets take this as the wake up call it should be, lets change this one day at a time, I wish you all the best.
🙏🏻
What has helped me introduce some order in my life, despite lack of motivation, has been to set clear daily tasks that are productive towards my goals. I have 6 of them. For example "exercise", to achieve physical condition and aesthetic goals; "Illustration" and "music" to work on creative production; "Meditation" to work on the mind.
I rarely feel like doing them, but the little whiteboard on my fridge pushes me to check the daily boxes. I add the total of tasks accomplished and tally them by week and month. I'm not as productive as I would like, but I definitely am getting more done than before. Actually finishing things. Afterwards, indulging in some tv and escaping into a videogame (we all need to escape once in a while) doesn't feel like avoiding life.
Wish you all the best
I do the same I'm not able to get over it
@@shiromk1689 Maybe you make progress in the direction of wholeness? That is something!
“I'm 27 and I feel like I'm stuck in a phase of not wanting to take on adult responsibilities. I don't have a job, I'm not in a relationship, and I rely on my family for financial support while living at home. I don't really have clear goals or ambitions, and I often doubt myself”😔
Remember not to lie to yourself and live in delusions of grandeur. That well will dry up and should be used as a benefit to drink from while searching for a new well.
I know how you feel. I am 35, been to prison(1yr in TN when I was 19, 1.5yrs in AZ when 24, and then 2.5yrs in AZ when I was 31),I've had severe Opioid Dependence since my sister (older than me by 8 yrs) introduced me to sniffing Xanax and percs to within 2 years(which I was 14 going on 15 at this time) she was shooting me up with Dilaudid-started out as a bribe so I would babysit her small village (eventually 7 kids altogether, one after the other,every other year like stairsteps) & I mean I loved my nieces & nephews but I'm talking babysitting ALL THE TIME . It didnt take but 2 or 3 times og doing those dilaudids and I got addicted right away. So much more happened but way too much to say here. Point is,I've had x2 boys myself,the first one is adopted,but he's 15 years old now,my second son(both have same father) he's 13 now,and he lives about an hour away with my mother who has custody. I have a good man,been with him 11 years but he's 25 years my senior. I don't have a job. Can't even get foodstuffs due to past mistakes. I feel like a loser. But I'm trying to pull out if the funk. That's all we can do. Happy to say that I'm 4 years sober from heroin and meth and free from shooting uo too. So miracles do happen . Just know your not alone
I was in a bad spot, and believe it or not the funeral industry saved me. I got a job through there and it turned my life around. It was definitely not easy at times, but it was certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.
@@michelleconley5871congratulations on your sobriety ❤ what a wild story with an evolving ending. I pray you find fulfillment and comfort
It's crazy reading through these comments and seeing men admit that they are spoiled and coddled as children and as a result cannot face reality as an adult later on in life. They gaslight us so hard when we bring it up.
Don't assume this video has seen through you. Almost everyone will recognise aspects of it in themselves and think "yeah this is exactly me"! Just as someone else below mentioned, it's like a horoscope or séance; generalisations, some of which hit the spot and trick you into believing it is totally accurate. Don't let anyone tell you who you are!
You are an individual and a complicated mix of personalities. Be yourself and find yourself! Too many unhappy people trying to fix their unhappiness by projecting it onto other people, and that includes the likes of Jung and Freud etc.
As someone once sang....Whatever gets you through the night, it's all right.
Exactly
Thank you! I was looking for something, anything like this.
This comment should be the disclaimer for this video.
Glad to see I'm not the only one seeing this video for what it is. Keep fighting.
This video is pretty much just a mirror. It gives you a clear look at what you really are. When you watch it, it will be immediately obvious which parts do and don't apply to you.
A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance. - Hunter S. Thompson
Sometimes that happens anyway. I chose math as a major in school, but my plans after school were pretty vague. Eventually accounting ended up choosing for me. But I'm really glad I did that math in school because it certainly prepared me a lot better than sitting around like a lump would have. Nothing is worse than wasting huge amounts of time just because you despise just doing a little extra work.
If you don't make your own plan, you will become part of the plan of someone else.
And what choices they make for you, pure fucking beauty
Yap
That's a Hunter S. Thompson quote?? That didn't age all that well did it lol
I think the saddest part about life is that, children are looked at with potential, but adults look at each other as one thing, making any type of charitable interpretations of your words impossible. As a kid, you are what you feel so there’s nothing to hide. But adulthood is a big game of poker and no one trusts anybody to show hands. That’s what makes me sad about people. People say I’m very good at making friends… but it’s just me not hiding my poker hand.
We’re all too scared of getting hurt
I used to kill people for a living. You’d think that would mess with my head but all it’s done is make me appreciate people because it’s a miracle that you survive every day that you do. So many things trying to do you harm. Well I live in Florida so literally everything here from the sun to the bugs want you dead.
@@TheCrapOnYourStrapOnhow do you cope with everyday life?
@@A1_Amir florida is great, what do you mean?
@@TheCrapOnYourStrapOn Deaths gonna love taking your throat soldierboy scout
This made me cry. Extremely sad as I have two parents who are like this. The effects of observing this disease on them was terrible. My mom has not had a job for 30+ years and my dad quit every job he got within a year. No amount of homelessness for either of them taught them the lesson… which is, very sadly, the epitome of what being a puer/puella will do to you. They’re both preoccupied with their own versions of the adolescent dreams that they never left… a disappointed shell of an adult.
My mom was by far the worst, however. I spent much of my childhood and adolescence trying to convince my mom to do anything with her life, even a simple hobby. As insane as it sounds, she was consumed by watching Disney movies all day and drinking alcohol… In fact, I became homeless at the age of 11 because of her inability to pay rent and take responsibility for me. It was at that point that I started to learn about psychology and read all day. I taught myself everything I wanted to know and went to college at the age of 15, then a university at 18.
You would hope that me moving on and away would inspire her? No… nothing changed for the better. She had a mental breakdown… couldn’t take the fact that I wasn’t a child anymore. I paid her rent for her when I was 19 until she one day abandoned her entire apartment and my old cat (I made sure he was okay). I couldn’t reach my mom for months until I one day received a call from a mental hospital. She had traveled hundreds of miles to my town and gotten hospitalized. She pleaded for me to help her by letting her stay at my house. At that moment, I realized that she would be like this forever… sucking the life out of me. Devouring me. I told her that I couldn’t take her in but that I love her… and that was the last thing we ever said to each other. I later learned that that she left the hospital and became lost to homelessness… she has been a ghost for years. What a sad and terrible fate that is.
It takes a lot of power to not become a puer when subjected to that. In my childhood, I completely lost my personality due to the devouring mother. What makes me so fearful is that I do see an unhealthy part of myself in this archetype… and to a certain extent, I always will. The good news, however, is that I always knew a genuine passion is what saves me… When I was 11 and homeless, I pushed myself away from the person I knew mother was destined to be… and further into my passion of psychology, which stems from these experiences. I did the same years ago with that phone call I got from her. I knew both at those times and now that I have no choice but to sit with this reality… and continue to remind myself that these experiences will continue to fuel my love for, and therefore work in, psychology.
Thank you.
What a deeply profound and beautiful story. As I figure this out, I’d love to help others with these issues.
dude this is insane i have so so so many questions but its your personal life and i do not wish to invade. dam.
I hope life is kind to you. All the best for the future
You made a very difficult yet honorable decision. It sounds like you accepted the very likely and unhealthy consequence, had you accepted your mother. And instead choose to not subject yourself to that pain. You had to grow up with that same pain and realized that now you can make a choice. Thank you for sharing
@@Shahzad-KhanThere is nothing beautiful about it. It’s like a horrific prophecy of failure, and it destroys people.
You literally described me down to the last detail. I've had this realisation before. This, as you described it as thinking you are an artist without an art form was an exact thought that I had.
As I said, I'm completely aware of this but I seem to not be able to escape it. I try to be more responsible and care more about external things but nothing seems genuine enough to make me act or feel in a passionate way.
I only feel alive when experiencing the extreme. And even then, there is something unreal about it.
I don't really know how to describe it and probably nobody is reading this but I just wanted to thank you for the video. Really made me think again.
“Life calls us forth to independence, and anyone who does not heed this call because of childish laziness or timidity is threatened with neurosis. And once this has broken out, it becomes an increasingly valid reason for running away from life and remaining forever in the morally poisonous atmosphere of infancy" - Carl Jung
The condition of the Puer Aeternus can be easily described as a general fear of life and avoidance of responsibility. They are the child of the promise and are full of potential, however, they refuse their task. There’s a poignant illusion that the fantasy world is better than reality, even though they secretly know that this is just a maneuver to remain childish. However, having one foot in the eternal childhood paradise gives them a very youthful energy and fills them with creativity, inspiration, and a certain brightness. They tend to be full of ideals and know everything that’s wrong with society. When they look at adults all they can see are people trapped “in the system”.They are the ones that know better! Everything that resembles responsibilities and commitments seems terrifying. They feel trapped, but it’s only because this confronts their childishness. The result is a provisional life. There’s a constant longing for the perfect thing and waiting for the perfect conditions.They are constantly trying to build sand castles on a windy beach. And when everything falls apart they look for someone to blame, when in reality, they never commit to anything long enough and never go all in. Many fall on the perfectionism side, but this is only a protection against an imaginary failure. “If I never try I can’t ever fail”. This mingles with procrastination and so they are constantly stuck.
While others expect to be great at something without even dedicating themselves to it. They refuse to pay the price to achieve any kind of greatness, and as soon as it gets difficult they abandon everything. But this shouldn’t matter, after all, they’re constantly substituting reality with their fantasies. And in fantasy land, they can continue dreaming about everything they want to achieve and never do anything. In the end, everything is a maneuver to remain in this stagnant endless loop and avoid dealing with reality. They are hostages to their own fantasies and little do they know that real life can set them free. Because it’s in reality that their fantasies must be given shape and be concretized. A lot of them are extremely smart and love “deep conversations”, but there’s a huge problem. They only understand things on an intellectual level. There’s no action and experience behind it. It’s a half-knowledge that has no life. And deep down, they are hypocrites, because their ideals do not hold up in reality and they’re too afraid to face the world and actually live by them. The Puer always chooses “the easy way out” and tends to create conditions where he can be perceived as a victim, so others take responsibility for him. But obviously, the problem is never in themselves, it’s always the parents that didn’t love them enough or weren’t able to give them everything they wanted. Or they blame “the system” and the inability of other people to see how amazing they are.
“The perpetual hesitation of the neurotic to launch out into life is readily explained by his desire to stand aside so as not to get involved in the dangerous struggle for existence. But anyone who refuses to experience life must stifle his desire to live-in other words, he must commit partial suicide" Carl Jung
The incessant search to maintaining his fantasies alive can also turn poisonous very quickly. And here we arrive at the most critical element: The one that refuses to live is already partially dead. The longing for paradise and eternal mother also mingles with a constant flirt with death. And here, vices, self destructing habits, reckless behaviors, and porn addiction can all be means to perpetuate this state of unconsciousness and avoidance. And when this is coupled with new-age beliefs or nihilism a whole new cluster arises and opens the door to psychosis. Beliefs like “we only have the now”, “everything is transient”, “the real world is an illusion”, “nothing matters”, “I must kill my ego”, You get the idea. Well, spirituality and philosophy can be great if you have roots in reality, they help you find meaning, but not for the Puer. These ideas can fuel an elaborate scheme that justifies their refusal to take responsibility for their lives. And even psychology can serve this purpose. The results are depression, anxiety, and even death fantasies. Sadly, many succumb to it. There’s a tendency of romanticizing death and suffering. Some use this as a means to call attention and manipulate, and some to reaffirm their state, because, in that way, they will never need to grow.
"This sacrifice means giving up the connection with the mother, relinquishing all the ties and limitations which the psyche has taken over from childhood
into adult life. It is not possible to live too long amid infantile surroundings, or in the bosom of the family, without endangering one’s psychic health” Carl Jung
The Puer tells the story of an unrealized potential and a half-lived life. Healing lies in facing reality and fully committing to living life. But in order to do so, they must let go of their fantasies of being a misunderstood genius or a special snowflake. The internalized megalomania and sense of entitlement must be completely eradicated. Instead, they must learn to accept full responsibility for their actions and learn that everything has a price to be paid. Meaningful work and responsibility are the principles that can redeem their soul. Bringing their dreams to reality and fighting for them is what can revitalize their spirit. Realizing their potential and fulfilling their role as the child of the promise is what can bring meaning to their existence. The journey to redeem our souls ain’t easy, but it’s in this journey that lies what we’re truly seeking. Take your call to adventure. Don’t know where to start?
“Where your fear is there’s your task” Carl Jung
Written By: Rafael Kruger
@@theboxingbiker this is fantastic, well written, and thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing ❤
@@theboxingbiker man, I just see myself so much in these words, can't even describe how crazy it is...
@@theboxingbikerthanks for inspiring a spark of change and redemption in all of us who suffer on the daily and seek to become what we need to be
@@theboxingbikerreading this is absolutely agonizing, makes me feel like an ant under a magnifying glass. brilliantly written and very compelling though… I had never considered the idea of a “partial suicide” but now that, I can already see that I’ve made “partial” attempts on my life over and over again, through self harm and a lack of conviction about my ability to live. Jesus christ what a condition.
The difficult part is recognizing the problems yet feeling powerless to correct them.
That’s where the devil lies.
If you have truly recognized the problem, then you have the power to correct them.
The issue is seeing that there is a problem and not recognizing you have two hands and a mind
Imagine a neat made bed in the morning, and then make your bed neat. This is the first step every day to find a balance between your inner puer and senex.
@@spencermannan6075 you underestimate the importance of drive. We’re all not much without it.
@@pebblepicassos damn, you’ve got some talent! Congratulations!
That kid must make you some good money.
The neglected childhood part hit like a truck. The most powerful aspect of childhood is the "eternally in the present" status of their perception of life. Bullying takes that state and forces the child to adopt a twisted and chronically pessimistic expectation on the future. Tomorrow is no more the gift-bearer inviting you to discovery, it's the torturer.
I'm sorry to see that you have trapped yourself into your childhood. You can find your path out, yet this requires courage and persistence.
Very well said
I agree. It's much worse if your mother was a narcissist and chose you to be the scapegoat. After you get bullied by your family, you are going to get bullied at school, work and mostly all the spheres of social engagements.
@@LyrielonwindI'm so sorry
@@bellakrinkle9381🙏
This might be the most impactful video I’ve ever listened to. Every single minute hits right at home in a cutting but awakening way. Every description is spot on of me. Maybe not wanting to be back in a womb but the daydreaming, the undue grandiosity that I know deep down isn’t warranted, avoidance of failure or effort, pursuing drugs and feeling detached.
I’m lucky I have the support system I do because with bad parents or brothers who didn’t teach me and support me, I’d maybe had gone to college, likely would’ve failed out and currently would probably be either destitute or legitimately homeless.
Thanks for making this video man. I need to stop being this way. This is ego cutting but in the most hopeful and constructive way possible. Here I was thinking I was so special because none of the people I know are like me but the only reason that’s the case is cause the people like me fade into obscurity. Turns out being unproductive and choosing to stay in a dreamworld of delusion doesn’t benefit those around you.
"The puer knows that everything goes wrong because he is lazy, but he cannot want not to be lazy, and so he remains in depression" that one hit home, especially to me, being son of a devouring mother married to a neglected child (12:46).
I spent a chunk of my adult life being fairly dysfunctional, more or less what this video characterizes as a man child. There were plenty of times I wanted to be less lazy. Hell, there were plenty of attempts towards it, some more successful than others.
This video is largely just a bunch of generalizations about a reasonably diverse group of people with a reasonably diverse set of problems. I think it's mostly just counting on people noticing that one or two apply to them, along with some more general statements, and hoping they won't question anything else too hard, similar to cold reading.
I mean yes, it is generalization because in order to speak about a type of person you have to generalize, but everyone is different, including puer aeternus, just like a someone with schizophrenia is different from another a puer aeternus can be totally different to another puer because of their different lives and experiences.@@mrjoe5292
Dude just explained my existence. I think the only difference is that the reason I allowed the fear of engaging with the world to shut down my desire to go out into the world is because my father terrorized me as a child. So when I engage with something I fear in the world, I feel the level of fear I felt as a boy being screamed at and threatened by my father. I go around holding back an unbelievable amount of sadness and anger. I also have an extremely creative imagination and none of it has been manifested in the world.
I can relate to you.The same thing happened to me but with my mom. I never thought other people could relate to me I always felt so alone in this. Im working on myself because I also have an extremely creative imagination that I want to share with the world. You are a very special person and everyone has their own unique journeys. Some take longer then other to get to where they want to be and sometimes that's for the best:). Still working on myself but little by little I'll get there. So will you. Just give yourself patience and kindness. You deserve that so much.
@@abrianna9676 I know you're telling the pure truth by what you said at the end. I've found it so hard to be kind to myself in life. I think when the instinct to protect yourself is hindered you won't even fight for basic things that makes up a good life. The instinct to fight is unbelievably vital to success in life. I've finally gotten to the point that I can acknowledge my humanity and the parts in me worth fighting for. So this year I'm going back to try becoming a composer again and frankly I'm probably gonna fight a couple people in competition. Time to be a fucking man and make a life for myself. I hope you also fight to reach your potential and make a beautiful life. All the strength you need is inside of you.
Hugs
Same here
If only I could get back all the energy spent and time occupied in fruitless loops of anger toward my Mother. I'm working on it, and vids like this really help become more aware.
This was really important and painfully difficult for me to hear. I fit the man-child archetype perfectly and it explains literally everything that has been happening inside of me and around me for many years. Thank u so much for this video
Ikr the more he spoke the more I understood myself
Where you guys from?
10;36
1982 Athens greece Europe
40 old man child
🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
yes I'm man child
whats the problem ???,,
⭐⭐⭐⭐
To grow up is an experience we grown-ups all share... for some it comes later and some even get stuck there somewhere. In a way it is important to understand its process, but on the other side it is dangerous and misleading to label it and to look down on this process of individuation with contempt, since it opens the gate for stereotypization, bigotry and hatred. One is never only the puer, since humans have many facets and the shadow as part of urself will always be what u deny of urself. If u see urself as purely puer the senex in ur shadow will grow and overcome u, without u noticing it. Please always see the archetypes as what they are: parts of our collective conscientious, part of our myths, sometimes just stories to illustrate a point, not single indiviuals who u can point at and say that they "are" the puer.
It's like astrology, horoscopes and personality tests. Makes you think of a certain scenario in your life where you were unsatisfied with the outcome and offers a cheap and easy answer why it worked out that way.byou feed selection bias into the confirmation machine and the machine feeds back a confirmation bias.
The fact so many people spend this much time analyzing and judging others when they're currently living their first life is utterly bizarre
The central distinction between the first life and the second is choosing to avoid judging others. To compare is unavoidable and necessary. To judge should be considered to be forbidden.
We should analyze ourselves. Dealing with childhood issues is necessary. We should judge only ourselves, gently, and only relative to who we were yesterday. This is doing well; just a bit better than yesterday.
We lose ourselves eventually in our judgments. Refusing to compare oneself to others is the first step. One simply decides acceptance is preferable.
This is why the second part of life is the second part of life. One must have an ego and basis of past judgment, good and bad, in personal experience. Then we must learn to give up the regular practice of judgment as a means to control others.
This isn't an educational video, this is distilled spiritual wisdom. I'm hanging onto every word like characters of the bible do when god talks to them. Incredible work - I will be revisiting this many times as it describes my life perfectly.
Childhood trauma made me disconnect from the world around me and emerge myself in elaborate and rich fantasy world that gave me a degree of peace from a very early age. Disconnection from the world around me was my coping mechanism, just like engaging with it in an agressive and conflicting manner was my sister's.. In my adult years i seak comfort at all costs from the world around me but that comfort comes at a great person sacrifice. It has taken me years to realize this but the pain of facing the hardships of life in the near future is nothing compared to the pain of having to face them later on when you're left with no other options.
I feel the same, I’m 28 years old.
Feel the same. I daydream to escape from the bad things in life...
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan.
@@talkoholic13 thank you for this. i appreciate it a lot. its hard but realizing that our past traumatic events scars us and eating away at our own individuality is very awful indeed. Alas, we shall not let these events makes us who we are today. Im absolutely here with you that the decisions we made everyday should be based on our values and ourselves alone. We have the power to determine our fate! chin up everyone!
I was raised by an overprotective, abusive mother and it definitely turned me into a man child. I'm not very child like in my behaviour, but I grew up being afraid of the world, anything that was unusual, outside the norm and outside my home was scary and unknown, including other people so I grew up a recluse.
I'm 27 now and, I'm just starting to work out this anxiety I have been living with for so long, but it's a hard process with many ups and downs
I am 41 years old with the same type of mother. One would vomit. Abusive and overprotective..is that shit even going together for fuck sake? :D Many people will develop Borderline personality disorder from such chaotic parent. Especially "Quiet borderline" where they treat themselves like a last bag of shit and can be very angry with themselves. Sorry to hear about your struggle. It is normal to feel paranoid in the world when your closest caregiver been abusive to you. It scares the brain, and the brain will develop mechanisms to be hyper-vigilant all the time. I can also imagine that you struggle with "self-monitoring" and controlling your actions very much, so you can't really be yourself as you are worried about others judgment.
I give this story 5 bags of popcorn and a Xanax
I’m 19 and terrified that will live the life of a recluse
The fact that you recognize what is going on within is a very good foundation for going forward. Good-luck in your journey of self discovery. Be kind and honest to yourself.
Omg super random but love ur pfp , i too am a bit of a "movie buff"
As a 17 year old who has a done a lot of self reflecting in the past year or so, this hit me like a train it perfectly describes everything happening with my life. Thank you for this video, it might just be life changing for me.
You're only 17. You still haven't even reached young adulthood. However, keep on doing what you are doing and good will come out of it.
It's so amazing it happened to you now and you realized it. Took me till I was 25 to even come close to figuring things out. I recommend you go to trade school, work get an understanding, then go to college when you are like 23-25. You are already light years ahead of most 17 years old.
Really mature mind to be investigating this stuff at 17 but everyone us on their own journey and I wish you all the best on your own personal journey my friend!
@@nothomelessonyoutubeso true! I’m 25 and I so wish I could’ve had this awareness then. No time like the present though, gotta make changes before it’s too late.
@@Tek_777 it's never too late, it's our turn to shine.
As a Puer Aeternus myself, this is possibly the most illuminating and important RUclips video I have every watched. Thank you.
“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”
- Pablo Picasso.
Wonderful...
Picasso was an artist and a predator. Look for what he did to his lovers; he destroyed them.
Yes, he was a child and a very malignant one.
Raphael was so gifted
Dementia does take its toll with age
@@mneech609What do you mean? Children paint for joy. “Adults” paint for recognition, respect and other alterior motives.
So I’m 5:30 in, and my God. I am the embodiment of this. I am constantly afraid if committing to something out of fear of it either going wrong or not being what I want it to be. I lack self discipline to push through sticky areas of interest, and instead I quit and start something new. This is terrifying but at least I am not alone in this if there is an entire archetype of these characteristics.
Fully agree I was laughing to myself how accurate it was
I believe our the modern first world American has a lot of people suffering from this or at least I see plenty of them on the internet
@@bill5478 oh same here. I was teetering between laughing and crying because it hurt but at least it could be diagnosed.
The fact that you can identify what you need to do is a fantastic start! Many would be reluctant to admit it to themselves let alone to others as you have. 👍
💯❕
Dont usually comment on videos because i feel like im screaming into the void when I do. That being said, im 122 days clean as of writing this and just starting to turn things around again, and this hit home in all the right places. To anyone still struggling, hell really is what we make it, that self obsession and hyperfocus on internal thought...whereis im starting to find freedom through what I previously lauded as weakeness - that being the absence of thought, living in the moment, community, structure, routine, and faith that things might just get better if I stop only listening to myself. To anyone still struggling, its possible, and it starts with admitting your wrong and asking for help. Hardest thing ive ever done...and its increasingly becoming the most rewarding.
Add God almighty/ Gospel to that picture.
I hear you
I just want to say thank you for changing my life. I am freshly 18 and this psychological archetype is not the only cause of my negligence towards my own life, but it is a great deal of it and I am so glad I found this before I wasted more time. Bless you for making this. I feel like someone just opened my eyes and slapped me. Seriously, thank you for helping so many people like me and making us realize we need to take action.
to everyone struggling with this, you are not alone. I know your struggles since i've walked them myself. We will all overcome this, because we are determined to make better lives for ourselves. Please, this sounds cheesy but turn your fantasies into reality.
We ALL have. This is a trap anyone can fall into, and escape. Keep working on it. Do things you love, and educate yourself about all kinds of things. You got this!✌️♥️
notes: integration of the puer aeternus
1. Focus on the external world. Not just a one-sided view of the inner world. Thinking, listening, and understanding, but never acting. Or acting only in fantasy, never in reality.
2. The first half of life is strenghtening the ego through work, relationships and education. Second half is a focus on the inner world. A misalignment causes a midlife crisis.
3. Immerse yourself in the crowd. Socialize and experience the warmth of human beings and relatedness.
4. Collectivity is the antidote for the mother complex. Forming part of a community. Be careful not to lose your self in the crowd by balancing your spiritual life (solitary) and social life (group).
5. The Hero's Journey. Confront your dragons and experience a renewal of your self. Throw yourself into the fire of life.
6. Work is the most important to cure the puer. Routine, and hard-work. Follow the job that your instinctual energy drives you at. Don't speculate about how to live. Toil the soil right in front of you.
7. Discover your version of play: senex is tangible products: painting, cooking, building, puer is non tangible: movies, games, hanging out.
8. Bring dreams to life by writing and colouring like you did as a child. Enter the image through active imagination. When your ego changes, the unconscious changes too.
9. Sacrifice infantile shadow (laziness, infantile, dependant) into the Hero. The child god that presents renewal, life growing and expanding.
10. Integration of the puer brings one closer to the archetype of the Self and become an individuated person.
If the doors of perception are opened, everything appears as it is, infinite. Bring heaven into earth. The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way. As a man is so he sees.
Thanks
Well explained 🔥
Thank you for this wisdom.
/clap
Thanks
This one was a righteous slap to the face. Never have I felt more pointed out. At 38, I am finally trying to be productive and finish things. To work towards my goals. Little by little, day by day, I am doing the necessary things to achieve what I have settled on wanting. Define your goals, or you will lose yourself to the infinite possibilities and end up nowhere, indeed.
I like how you phrased that; "to achieve what I have settled on wanting"
I feel like technology has changed so rapidly that your generation was bound to have difficulty to this ever changing world around. I wouldn't get too depressed and guilt ridden about things as that will not help in the slightest and only continue wallowing in self loathing delusions of grandeur... Instead treat your free time as work even if not getting paid. Learning is work, cleaning is work, just seeking opportunities is work... Life isn't easy for any species and can be quite harsh but start small, don't dream too big, and get a little more serious about this thing called life
Do you also sometimes, when you hear or read about a life (like, in a novel), have the feeling that some time, you too could lead that life - even if it is too late for such a life? (Hard to explain)
"This one was a righteous slap to the face. Never have I felt more pointed out."
This isn't a coincidence, it's the point of these sort of ideologies. People with mental health issues are pretty much always the victims of the societies they live in. By that I don't mean they're necessarily caused by society (though they can be), I mean people are far _far_ too happy to point and jeer. It's not about helping, if that were the case they'd do things that helped. They'd be out there, doing what they can, or at least they'd be raising money, for whatever it may be worth. It's because it makes them feel better about themselves.
Don't buy into this tripe. Ask yourself what you want from life, whether you're happy. If you are, great, don't worry about what others think (though try to make the world a better place too, because why the hell not). If you're not happy, then less great, but you can change. It's not easy, and yeah, sometimes it requires facing unpleasant truth about yourself. But those truths should come from yourself and your own desire to change, not from the sort of person who needs to compare themselves to you to pat themselves on the back. Allowing fear and ridicule to motivate you, well, if you ask me we've seen the end point of that ideology in the twentieth century. Which isn't to say there isn't any place for social norms or enforcing them. There's a subtle but important distinction between using criticism and using shame (which has its place too, just not here).
To be really clear I'm not saying everything in this video is untrue. For example the idea that too much thinking can be poisonous, I've found that to be very true. My point is that by and large this isn't coming from a place of care or any kind of desire to help. You only have to look at the treatment of the mentally ill throghout history to understand this.
It's probably fair to note that a lot of the people writing and quoted in this video didn't necessarily have the knowledge we have now, but if anything that's just a reason to not take them at face value and take them in their context. Responsibility is obviously a good ideology and a good idea in general, but nature doesn't care, it's a human construct. An important one. But that doesn't mean it should be used to punch down. It's entirely possible for there to be factors beyond a person's control that could cause them to be unable to function in society. That's not an excuse for fatalism, believing you can't help yourself ensures you can't. Free will isn't a universal constant, it's the result of a well raised and healthy mind.
Best of luck, genuinely, I struggle too and it's not easy. Though I'm lucky enough to be able to see this sort of thing for what it is, I wasn't always strong enough, I used to eat this shit up. It didn't help me or make me stronger, it just damaged me. I don't think that's the goal, but I do think the sort of people who write this nonsense don't really care. It's about them.
@@mrjoe5292 I really enjoyed your reply to this post. If you feel like sharing, what has worked for you? Do you have favorite authors/channels/concepts/resources?
I love a good deep dive and based on your comment I think you might, too 🤍
Man, im glad I found this video. Im 20 and definetely feel like this like this resonated with me. I definetly have alot of growing up to do, and Im glad I had this wake up call before I went on for much longer
Had this in my watch later tab for months now. I'm glad I'm seeing this now before I keep spiraling anymore. Had a jarring social experience recently where I was basically exposed for being a loser and all I could do was shut down and shrink into my imagination. I can't let fear of failure stop me from trying. Thank you
I feel this video "found" me, as the call to adventure. The way it almost called me out on my behaviour, in an almost personally offensive manner, really made me think about how I have been sabotaging my life by never truly commiting to anything but doubt. My childhood was a nightmare in some ways, but it is now my life is. And only my actions here and now, and only now, can define my life to come. Thank you for this video, and all your great work Eternalized!
I feel the same way. I’m not exactly sure why this popped into my recommended, but I am thankful that it did. I felt like I was being personally called out during the first half of the video. Gives me so much to think about.
Has anything changed for you since? I watched this two weeks ago as well, and I thought it through, played it out in my mind, and continued living as I did before. Though perhaps that's not quite true since I returned to this video, maybe change is still to come. I'll think about that.
Please educate yourself. The video was directed at you. The algorithm only feeds you what it wants. Check out the ads and subliminal messages 😂... EVERY ONE HERE exhibits a personality that Googles algorithm is trying to manipulate into taking action of some sort.
Then again if you believe the garbage that came out of your mouth, without any deep consideration...maybe you are a man child. 🤯
@@YogSoth youre being manipulated. You exhibit traits based on your data consumption that puts you into a market segment. 😂😂😂. It's slowly on a mission to pull you away from the things you love and Into the things IT NEEDS, like cheap labor to fill Amazon and Walmart jobs . Keep chasing and fighting for your dreams and never let anyone make you feel bad for liking Pokemon and wearing silly hats in your twenties and thirties. 😤 Be your own boss and hero.
Nah you're the same
I'd like to say to this comment section: Be wary of diagnosing yourself. Remind yourself that you're looking for patterns everywhere. Many archetypes will resonate with a lot of people without necessarily qualifying for conclusion, and there are many paths to some of the typical consequences mentioned in this video. If you're really struggling and you think you spot fitting labels, find a solid professional to make a proper analysis and get them confirmed or refuted. This is not necessarily an easy task as there's a lot of practitioners in the relevant fields who for various reasons are incapable or unwilling to help you in this way, but they _do_ exist. Just know what you want from them and define it clearly. Evade blurry long term therapy plans as well as medication.
But it's literally me
More importantly. Self fulfilling prophecy will seal your fate.
@@kevinlow69420As you say. Life will give
Sound advice 👌
oh my
I spent my youth making art. I spent my younger days into my 40s working and raising my son. In my 50s? CREATING ART :) There is nothing more to do after hard work than delve into that inner child. Love, a Gen Xr.
I hope this video reaches whoever needs it at the right time, as it did for me. So powerful, and I am irreversibly changed because of it. The seed has been planted and whatever may flourish will be a gift, thank you.
I see a few problems with this concept. For example, like many psychological concepts it conflates the ideal of adulthood with the present day reality of it. In reality, the natural progression from passionate play to serious work gets interrupted the moment one senses that most of what we spend our time on as adults is empty and meaningless. I think Nietzsche got it right when he wrote: “The maturity of man - that means to have re-acquired the seriousness that one had as a child at play". The child aspires to become a man. That's what play is all about. Chopping wood, building huts, fighting battles. The child can't wait to become a man. And it's only when the reality of being a man is presenting itself to us as emotional numbness, as cynicism and brutal pragmatism, that many stop progressing. And that is very likely not a malfunction, but a warning sign that we need to take seriously if we want to stand a chance of surviving as a culture.
Interestingly, Nietzsche also saw the child as the last developmental stage of man, preceded by the camel, doing as it's told without complaining, and the lion, doing as it wants without exception, the child in its playfulness transcends, according to Nietzsche, those one-sided approaches to life. When you are done seeking meaning in being abused and when you are done seeking meaning in abusing, all that's left is play. And he interestingly enough even has the Jesus on his side, who made it quite clear that no-one was to enter heaven unless he becomes like a child again first. And looking at our society, it seems to me that our freedom to choose is mostly limited to the first two options: lion or camel, servant or master, hammer or anvil as Goethe put it. I see a world of naked kings and wannabe adults who mistook submission for maturity and I see the child that cuts through the bullsh!t because it hasn't been conditioned yet. That child is our reason for hope. If you ask me.
This exactly.
I couldn't have put my thoughts into words better than that
Yes, this video is twisted
It's about balance. Play is important as is resposibility. Living this balance and bringing it into the world (to the "submissive" people) will create wholeness. Also children and elderly are closer to the source and therefore (should) have a greater tendency to play.
@@Memwosh "responsibility". Please define responsibility. It seems rather arbitrary. If you are born a rich slaveowner your responsibility is to whip your slaves and have plenty of money for play but if you are born a slave your responsibility is to serve your master with hard labor all day and never play.
Thanks. It is the man children that change the world. I await the coming of another Alexander patiently, to destroy the current american hegemony and make things new again
Your work has been invaluable to my personal development. You are helping thousands of people change their lives. Thank you for all your hard work.
U said invaluable to my personal development
@@itslittttttt7111 what
@@itslittttttt7111 that means important
@@itslittttttt7111 lol it's litttttttt wasssssuuuuppppppppp lol
Martin with the 5
I’m thankful that I’ve realized I was slowly sliding into only focusing on my inner fantasies and that not actually growing or changing within a year or so. I’m 23 and have plenty of life to live, no need to stagnate and let myself slide by.
I'm the same age, let's keep growing tgt! 🙌
The woman who realized what life is at the moment she shoots herself, having a pleasantly surprised look on her face reminds me of a Buddhist story where one of his monks 'drew the knife' and realized what he needed to know to enlighten in his next life as he lay there bleeding out.
Another inspiring video. Thank you.
she had a wound and was dying. "surprise look", lol. she couldn't even pass away in peace without that freak staring at her with interest
I feel like it’s kinda nice knowing that the DMT, either way, is gonna make you all like, “ooooooh I get it now! Dang. Welp…”
@@kiernanmooney6210 what dmt? They one in death?
You're one egoist
@@scorpious1117DMT is released in the brain at some point during death
This video triggered me so painfully. I had started noticing that I've been stagnant for the last 4 years and couldn't understand what exactly the issue is. After watching this, i feel it has finally shed a light to my situation and as painful as it is to admit, i really needed this. I'm so grateful for your content. It is really helping me on this very confusing journey of adulthood. Thank you so much ❤
You've got this friend! Go forth
My son is definitely a man-child and basically said he expects me to raise him. He’s age 40.
@@obedirect5491 you gotta cut him off. Its the only way he'll grow up
He was offered 50 grand for 2 hours of work. Guy was a neckbeard.
@@HansLiu23???
I'm a 35 year old man playing Minecraft waiting for my therapy session to start listening to this. I never really learned how to get and keep a job, I get frustrated at the slightest inconvenience, I am deeply envious of those doing better than I am, I'm a substance abuser, and I fill my time not spend in isolation babbling about useless crap. I used to flog myself with the notion of "man-child" but I suppose Puer Aeternus is a bit more elegant.
edit: never mind, I am far too cynical to be Puer. I'm just a failure.
You're not a failure. You have self awareness and that's the key to any personal growth.
As a person who was taken to boarding school at the age of 8, i have lived in school for 12 years and now I’m 24 and i never got a real friend let alone boyfriend, i feel empty inside but with a strong determination and energy to meet my dream. I feel exactly how it is said in this video from 12:48-13:27. I’m now trying my best to connect with people and form real trusting relationships. Let’s all keep up the good work.
This is my baby cousin. Forever happy in reading the menu of life. Always critiquing what others ordered, laughing about it, and is dreadfully afraid of choice remorse. Needless to say he is over 40 now. He lives with his parents who continue to work in their 70's to ensure he has all he needs. We are all watching his life pass away right in front of him. Although he is happy and healthy, it is extremely tragic..
Get a rope!
Sounds like a narcissist
@Degen Rips his "happiness" is cultivated by the dependency of his parents. He's trapped in his own neurosis and he doesn't know because in his psyche, he "feels" happy. He's not living.
@@bananas4077 exactly right 👍
I'm in the same boat as a female at 29. I still have to learn how to drive. I was working a graveyard shift for six years at a supermarket but my parents didn't like me working there especially since I have a degree so I quit and have been unemployed for two years. I feel very unproductive but I'm not sure what to do. I'm extremely passive.
This will be the most important RUclips video I have ever watched. Thank you for making the undefinable thing in my life an apparent syndrome that I now see in myself.
YAy❤
Lmao did you just reduce this to a syndrome
What an eye opener. I wholeheartedly believe god led me to this video, the answer to my struggles. it wasn’t my mom, my past, my trauma, it wasn’t my life circumstances, and it wasn’t a lack of opportunity, but simply my inability to grow up and acknowledge the cruel world around me, to ‘face the fire’ .It was safest with my mother, it was easiest, deep down I knew my shortcomings and still put on a persona like I was as good or better than the people around me, having accomplished nothing. I am Peur aeternus, that is my answer, that’s who I am, just a boy who can’t grow up. And this is my first step forward, acknowledging that this is who i am, and that this is not who I want to be.
This was amazing, a masterpiece, it describes me very well, I’m at the stage where I’m taking action, trying to be part of the crowd, trying to accept the mundane, but I’m still caught up on putting things in boxes, and sticking with something long term, I still can’t get past accepting the mundane even though I know in my heart it’s what I need
I’m basically in a cycle where I find a good job, do a good job for about three months, slowly spiral downwards for another 3 months, finally get fired or quit myself, spend the rest of the year just self loathing and being the creative genius I think I am, before finally hitting rock bottom and doing the whole thing again
I’m a programmer by profession, and it earns good money, which is a curse because it enables me to spend a good 4 months of a year in my megalomaniac state
I honestly don’t know how long o can keep doing it, the story of the girl shooting herself in the heart has kinda saved me, and reaffirmed something I always kinda knew too, I don’t think ill ever hit that fatal rock bottom, but for sure I am craving something along those lines.
Anyway, thankyou for this video, this is true genius I can only aspire to. ❤
I think it's mostly a highly creative, intellectual personality, who thinks about everything too much. Add on top of that some too much coddling early on, that type might get trapped in the cycle of being afraid to fail on top of thinking too much. So they perfect an idea forever, etc. Force a person to act, to get a thing done, it ends up just fine. And they'll be surprised at how well and easy it turns out in the end.
Caught in this loop
It's nice to meditate on that over thinking wheel that is in constant motion 20 mins of meditation today brought a fresh new re invented me then I felt the surge of creativity along with the cogs taking in a way I could steer.
Child is not born afraid of life, it is curious, if it feels safe it dares to explore. Being afraid to fail is something parents impose.
@@alexxx4434 A sentence that hits way too close to home
Failure is a compass for success. The more one experiences undesired results in a given pursuit the more opportunity te have to re-adjust, recalibrate, and adapt until they bring about their desired end. Failure is the blueprint of all invention and is never final unless one dies or chooses to stop persisting.
This video really helped a roadblock I’ve been feeling in life. Everyday has been the same, I’m too comfortable, I’m an adult but my parents take care of everything for me. I don’t see any good opportunities but I realize doing nothing isn’t gonna change anything. I have to try, I can’t let my past failures stop me from finding a better future. I’m probably gonna have to face hardship again, but at least I won’t perish in the bowels of comfort, this is no way to live out my life and see it end.
Same
Believe me I feel the same way
life is pain, you either deal with the life of working hard and risking failure to succeed, or you deal with the life of no responsibility no money no girlfriend no productivity.
@@presidential3228 it took me a while to learn this. Also I realize how much of a dark place I was in a couple years back. It’s better to fail than to not try at all, that comes with its own misery.
It’s funny how this video finds me. I’ve never been more embarrassed about relating to something so much at this time in my life. Though I’m grateful I’m here, because I’m sick of having potential and doing nothing with it. I find myself wishing I had come to these realizations years ago, because I feel I’m so behind in life. However, as they say, the best time to plant a tree is 50 years ago, but the second best time is now. Just looking at the comments it’s clear that I’m not the only one to think this way. I hope I, and you, can use this as a tool to finally find balance in life and truly live.
The beginning is the hardest . More power to you for the introspection ahead
5 minutes in thinking, “this is me” doesn’t look like it from the outside (or maybe it does) but it is. I’m 31. As the video goes on it’s still resonates. Especially the part of intellectually understanding that I need change. Yet years go by and I’ve just imagined all the change. Or I start research in a new idea or career path, and don’t follow through due to lack of belief. This videos accuracy is strangely on point.
This video understands me, I'm impressed, I'm speechless, I will rewatch it thousands of times
For real, I'm truly beside myself
But then you'll overthink everything even more 😱😭
@@kevinbaconwasntinfootloose1742 And still make no decisions
Infp
This video resonated with me more than I thought it would... It verbalised everything I have unfortunately realised about myself recently. My mother was overprotective. She wanted nothing but the best for me and I'm appreciative of all her love. However... Growing up I got too used to having her support and push so now I struggle with responsibility more than other people my age. It feels like I'm realising this way too late, being a final year university student, and it's embarassing but thank you for making this video!
You don't realize how young you are...certainly young enough to discover your inner feelings, and true self
Certainly Enuf responsibility to get through U. Many don't. You're already ahead and yet, a mere child.
Stay tuned to your insights, your growing years are always before you.
One PHASE, at a time. + More persistence.
The beauty of it is.
If you choose.
This could be the beginning.
Of the greatest time ever.
Oh God your life isn't over drama queen. Sounds like you have a great privileged life, be grateful you have a Mum at all. Woe is me; complaining over first world problems. Nobody cares so get on with it.
This analysis is amazing. It really does make me want to tear up. As many times as I've heard these things about myself, I've never had it broken down so concretely
If you’re happy with being a man child just live your life if you’re not hurting anybody. You live and you die and in between are experiences. There is no one way to live life. If you’re happy and not causing pain to anyone, you do you. Don’t let anybody else tell you differently.
The thing is it does hurt people. Bet a lot of them depend on other people's sacrifices and time and eventually will need social welfare just to eat because someone told them... "It's okay not to have fruits from your labor..." Just relying in others for too long becomes selfish and will mentally eat away at any consciousness and moral person and eventually destroy your peace of mind
0:25 Diionysos & Eros
1:00 beauty, creativity
1:30 avoids individuation & wholeness
2:00 blue pill
2:35 Von Franz book on Puer Aeternus
4:20 always ready to say goodbye. Trains not to suffer by anticipating it. Isolated from life.
5:30 God complex. Artist without art.
7:10 escape from reality
10:00 human = earth
13:50 newness, potential, yes sayer
16:20 child dreams, senex works
18:00 Jung's aspiration through building
19:20 The little Prince
25:20 devouring mother : Kali
26:00 grow by exposing oneself to daily life & hard work
26:45 pull away from the mother via collectivity. Sacrifice megalomania without sacrificing the self.
29:35 cure to neurosis of the puer is work --> gain exceptionality in reality, not fantasy
30:30 Kierkegaard : lose oneself in the finite (imitation) or in the infinite (inaction)
30:50 child jumps from one work to another and quits when bored. Depressed because lazy.
32:30 Jung biased by body temple : don't think, act
33:57 child is driven by desire for safety or pleasure (Si child ?)
37:33 William Blake integrated the child
Thank u, this video is so hard to follow what’s going on
Thank you
Tysm
“Always ready to say goodbye” is a painful reality of any immigrant or even first gen but this has transpired into a lot of my life. For the rest nice to know I’m scoring as I should to change and grow. Competing with myself here anyway.
Si hero also seeks safety
"Who looks outside, dreams; Who looks inside, awakes."
- Carl Gustav Jung
Well said and extremely synchronistic.
Cheers.
Reading the comments it worries me that people are so quick to blindly accept this philosophy. They see a name like CGJ and hear a story that sounds reasonable enough so they accept it without any critical thinking involved. I didn't come here to simply hate but every story deserves feedback that compels the listener to ask questions relative to their reality. Not being skeptical enough is just as bad as being too skeptical.
If you are willing to question this philosophy instead of blindly capitulating then my advice is to start with asking yourself what adulthood or maturity really is. I know it's pretty tempting to listen to a 40 minute video and say yep that's me but I promise you there is a lot more to you. Please make sure you know something about the nature of the self by asking yourself some of the following questions:
Do you know the difference between emotional, mental and physical maturity?
Do you know the difference between morality and maturity?
How does adulthood fit in with today's version of society and how is it different from the society that Jung lived in a hundred years ago?
What does it mean when people say things like "grow up" or "act your age"?
Have you been able to actively build your character without sacrificing valuable parts of your younger self?
Does the way others see you match up with who you really are?
🍀🤍good luck finding yourself!
We "believe" in this because this just very relatable. Nothing too deep, we're man child after all what you gonna expect? Some hard thought critical thinking? Please...
It sounds like you don't get it and this doesn't really describe you personally. Other people understand this very well because they feel it and live it.
To add to your observation, which I think is a fair one delving deeper, I felt reading the comments that most stopped simply at the self-accusatory. There was more than the inability to grow-up expressed in the video, especially in the end. Positive aspects of the man-child as well as the puer contrasted with the senex provide interesting points. A balancing with different aspects taking the lead at different times in our life. I sense in some comments a desperation stalled within dualistic combative thinking--the addiction to good and evil and all its shameful self-destructive consequences. In fact, I would say to watch the video and identify with only the negative aspects would demonstrate man-child reactionary thinking. The overwhelming need to attack one's self, to suffer perpetual guilt and shame, the inability to deal with deeper issues gnawing at the subconscious--all backlash severely into isolation, substance-abuse, and obsessive thinking dissecting the world and one's self. One becomes locked down and demanding upon moments--tending to experience extremes of self-willed indulgence followed by penitent shameful confessing. Others are sought as authoritative problem solvers. Usually this only leads to another backlash inflicting further destruction. Your ending questions are phrased well, guiding toward a contemplative exploration, rather than an all-consuming emotional confession within a personal attack upon one's self. Unraveling yourself, efficaciously developing healthy self-awareness, does not need to be a dramatic upheaval.
I have no words to thank you for this enlightenment in my life. I feel tempted to say "if I knew this before..." but this is something immature to say. Now I have a long road to drive in order to become mature.
Thank you so much for this!
More needs to be said about selfish, smothering/controlling mothers and the damage they do to their sons
But so much depends upon how you were raised. If you were emotionally or physically abused or raised by psychopaths or narcissists (like me) you may tend to be detached and have an active fantasy life, but in addition be responsible, hard-working and face challenges. Traumatic scars callused over can make it next to impossible to connect to your spouse, children, or job yet a great job fulfilling those roles.
Life isn't fair. Play the hand you're dealt.
💅
The problem with single mother and a uncle who barely comes to care being with us too much is so severe I have a mood jump against my mother I'm very much screwed, I have a constant mindset of wanting to do good and not doing bad acts but it's so constant I hinder myself being a picky guy and too paranoid.
*I appreciate how you emphasize the importance of 'real work' for healing and integrating the eternal child! Learning to love LABOUR is truly the major archetypal task - it's about becoming rooted into reality rather than floating higher into delusional escapist fantasies.*
During my own 1-1 work with clients struggling with their own Puer Aeternus immaturities, I've likewise found that they benefit from a robust combination of addiction restraint, everyday labour and patient Inner Child Work. Shadow exploration is also an absolute must for integration, but that's probably obvious for anybody reading this comment.
Fantastic exploration, and I truly appreciate how you spend an extended amount of time talking about the healthy integration of the Puer Aeternus - also notice your extension of Marie Louise von Franz in 'Puer Aeternus'. Bravo!
@MimiBabe Appreciate your response here and see that these are important issues - although you seem to have missed the essence of my comment!
I explicitly mention how eternal child healing involves loving everyday work as part of a holistic healing process including addiction recovery, shadow work and other mental health modalities. It’s not something to be engaged with as singular solution - that’s clearly dysfunctional 🌲
I believe the delusional escapist fantasies can serve as a path to unlocking creative opportunities in life as long as you remember that it is limited when you decide to incorporate this into reality.
You gotta find that balance, if you can master combining these 2 states of mind into a productive real world model, a whole new world opens up for you.
It's important to consider that the Puer aeternus is nuanced, not every individual should receive the same treatment. (in the case that it disrupts their life)
@@rabbychan I appreciate your addition here - nuance is truly the word, I agree. Great perspective to compliment and challenge, we all need different things and fantasy is of course massively useful when balanced with ‘reality’ 🌲
It would seem that an introduction to craftsmanship would be needed to achieve a balance. Creativity meets with productivity and a love for your creations and the results. I long worked with body shop people and I would argue it is a fine thing to finish repairs on something so needed in our times and yet there is a required imagination to recreate and rebuild something. To paint a car or guve it new and innovative pin striping. Etc.
@@Krathify Agreed, beautiful comment. Intentional Apprenticeship & manual creative labours are sorely lacking today.
I broke down emotionally multiple times throuought this. It was profoundly enlightening.
I pray for the same level of self-realisation as you. I feel like I am stagnating but still struggling to find the underlying reason. Can I ask was it self realisation or that you could see it around you that made you cry?
I'm trying to recover from this after a long history of generational child abuse and neglect. My mother and grandmother were all puers like me, whos lives were destroyed at childhood, and i hope to be the last person to break this "curse". I hope to improve my life for the better, so that my future generations dont have to suffer the same damnations as my previous family members.
As a child, our family never lived in the same house for more than 3 years. I jumped from school to school my whole life and never made long term friends. Now as an adult, I find it extremely hard to stay in the same city / working environment for more than a few years. I always feel like I’m “missing out”, or that there’s something better out there. Im now I’m my early 30s and I really can’t imagine settling down in a 9 to 5 job, or even marrying someone.
Even thinking about it there’s a weird feeling of constriction, like I’m being smothered and need to get away.
I got the same feeling when dating. I couldn't stick with a boyfriend, even tried a girlfriend because I wasn't sure if I was a lesbian or not, but ended up having the same smothered, constricted feeling. My family also moved a lot and only with a death in the family did we end up having a place for more than 3 years, but for me it made me crazy and only now, 10 years later I'm making serious plans to move again. I'll be 29 this year and I know there's more to see in the world, but commitments such as a spouse and/or kids make it hard, if not financially impossible for some. I don't want to be one of them.
Me too
@@TheVeryAngryShrimp this is a false dilemma you are creating. Who says people with kids or spouse can't see the world? I'm single in my 30s and don't go anywhere. My neighbors, married with kids (two incomes is better than one!!) take trips all the time. We tell ourselves the weirdest lies...good luck.
I know exactly how you feel. My family was military so we were constantly moving. It creates a detached feeling and the inability to ever truly think of a place as “home.” The notion of settling down somewhere is truly difficult to accept. :(
I think you need to take an extremely uncomfortable step into settling down. Pick up a couple hobbies that would require you to stay wherever you are currently. Go to places where you can practice these hobbies (Rock climbing, painting, literally anything that you can meet people doing. Then take another uncomfortable step in putting yourself out there for the people with similar interests as you. Go up and talk to people and be a nuisance a little. Once you start building connections with the people and places around you I think you’ll start to feel much more at home. I truly am thinking of you and hoping you can conquer the feeling of being lost that you have.
Amazing how this type of curriculum is not deemed important for the education system of our youth as they grow. The soul can turn against you out of sheer ignorance of understanding of how it is affected through internal environment via consciousness/subconscious and external environment via the world.
We need someone with money and influence to feel the same way. And change the system
We're at a time in history where most kids are living in single mother homes. School system has never had to think about this
Theoretically, this can be taught in schools. However, since this is related to the psyche (hence the unconcious cognitive processing), there may not be factual research to prove this. According to my current knowledge of the education system, that is needed to be able to study this as a topic in school.
@@timarmesto9602 Maybe in the US lol.
ironically if they taught this in school i wouldn't have payed attention to it anyway
Most of us are the puer through our 20's. Moving beyond it is painful, and involves great internal loss. Yet it is necessary because the other stages of life are waiting. Those who can make peace with the loss, even if it feels too soon, can progress to the stage of life where responsibility and duty become paramount. Because in this stage of life you are needed. The adults are dying off, and you are now the adult. There is no one else to take their place. Accept the loss and move on to the next stage of life because it ks where you were meant to be. When you accept it, the treasures of the stage will come, slowly but surely. A spouse, a family, a sense of stability. You will lose a part of you that you think is you. But it is not you. You are what you are right now.
genuinely life changing video. It is time to stop worrying about what might happen and take action. Who cares if you want to study and it will take X amount of years more so than someone else?! Who cares if you don't want to do a PhD when everyone is doing them around you?! Pursue meaning! GO TO THERAPY! DISCUSS AND EXPLORE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
One thing I often observe of some common personality types especially on the job is that they are very much externally focused so not much of an inner world so are bored very easily requiring stimulation otherwise are crushed by boredom while those who are inner focused will just find something to think about and just automate whatever task to pass the time.
This depends very much on what work you are doing. I'm some one who is incredibly inwardly focused and I do mechanic work.
This combination is terrible because there is a steep learning curve that requires intense focus and observation on the details around you. A failure to focus in my job can cause you death, injury, punishment, or just a failure to improve.
That level of autopilot has to be earned, and is only doable to a certain level
@@Mr.hyde1886 Yes, I’ve got a job that could get me or others killed, or cause property damage if not performed correctly. I’ve come to the point generally that I’m never 100% focused on what I’m doing because I now do tasks automatically while my mind is on philosophy or psychology. Either way, I see a lot of negative aspects of myself in this video. Especially the part toward the end about basically waiting for your Hero function to activate and to feel like you’re truly experiencing life, and not just watching it as a spectator.
I feel like I'm gradually pulling myself out of this mentality. I started school again full-time, and I'm working on top of it. I'm forcing myself to take the necessary steps towards success. Still I am riddled with self doubt and it's very hard to find the will to keep going. I hear that the more you do it, the easier it gets, so I'll continue to steer my ship into the storm. I keep doing the things that scare me. Hope everyone else that's coming from this finds the will to do the same. And I hope I keep mine strong enough.
U got this. Don't do too much at once. Set attainable goals that you will really and can realistically accomplish. Ask just enough of yourself to spark motivation. Nothing glorious all the time please.
I relate to this a bit. I was raised in a household with two very overprotective parents, but both overprotective in different ways. My mother is very religious and kind of used it as a scapegoat for responsibilities and tells me to just pray or trust god with the situation. While my father was the opposite in a way , he would insult me for always not being able to face responsibilities in the way that he was able to he would always compare me to the way he was as a child and use that as a way to kill my confidence. If I had something I wanted to work toward, he would give me a reason why I'm not ready to pursue that thing, even if it was as simple as a drivers permit these things left me very conflicted and still do to this day. I often find myself blaming myself for everything that goes wrong around me, even if it's a common occurrence, and it's not that big of a deal I find it difficult to make long lasting relationships because I always feel like Im just being a burden or an annoyance to that person. Every time I try to convey this to them, I am met with the same responses.
This is really a generalization that really could apply to most everybody. It’s like a horoscope , this video can mean the same thing to many.
I think I went through a mindset similar to this briefly as a teenager. I actively avoided hearing about adult classes for older teens because I wasn’t ready to grow up yet. With me still being in school, I was worried that I’d be stressed trying to balance schoolwork with the inevitability of adulthood.
Then I went to therapy and learned more about myself. (Not initially for fear of adulthood, but we talked about it) My therapist was an older lady who shared that she enjoyed playing with legos as a hobby. She was a working woman close to retirement, married, had kids, and yet she still had time to indulge in ‘childlike’ things. She told me I was doing fine and was confident I’d be able to flourish under my own pace.
And she was right! After graduating, I took a break from school and started getting into new hobbies and routines that were fulfilling. I found a college I liked and have a consistent workload, and I’m not scared to do things for myself now. I’m disabled, so there will always be some stuff I need help with and I don’t think I can live comfortably alone..but I always try to do things for myself when I can. I’m still young but..I’m surprised by how much I really like my life now compared to when I younger. It really does get better.
This is a very reasonable and healthy comment. Thanks for sharing. What is your opinion on "meaningful" work? My life is very functional on paper but I hate the sector I work in. It really is a bullshit job. I have a lot of hobbies but none I could monetise, and to be honest I don't like the idea of doing so.
that's awesome to hear :)
This piece moved me immensely... my core excuse for my life has in a word been "procrastination" , knowing full well that the thought of true responsibility passes as if the idea is unrealistic.... but at the same time aware enough to know it's what has to happen now or find a spot to set up a tent. I made it 47 years in the middle class wanting nothing and doing everything that was entertaining or satisfying to me... now having hit crissis (as explained) I'm alone and have just a vehicle.. life has become survival... in turn i have been forced to acknowledge my age and the very difficult situation i have put myself in.... it's as if this piece was written about me, explaining me how I would explain myself if I was capable of putting the required effort in ... thank you for doing such a wonderful job and really touching the bases... I want to share it with the people who know me but at the same time, not sure if I want them to know...
what is some advice you would recommened
This video has changed my perspective on everything. Undoubtedly the definition of Puer is the one that best suits me. I’ve been searching for so long, trying to put my finger on this growing existential struggle. I’ve found it. Thank you so much. My next task is to bridge the gap which feels impossible, but I know I have to do it. This is video is a sign I cannot ignore.
Take things one day at a time and make slow progress. Soon your improvements will compound and you’ll look back and see the changes you’ve made! Good luck
It’s simple. You should marry and take care of a single mom
@@rickysampson8759LOL
Holy fuck I relate to this. I don't exactly fit into these boxes but I relate to all aspects of these characters. I got a personal Ipad for Christmas when I was 8 and it was all downhill from there, effectively ending my childhood. I became so absorbed in it I lost all social connections, developing severe social anxiety and defaulting to extreme emotional immaturity around 10 and 11. Not to mention with unrestricted access I was on it all the time developing severe porn addiction while also gaining a lot of weight when I was 10. Over the years I've slowly rebuilt social networks but I've always found it difficult. I also have a weird mix of the puer aeternus and the senex. People comment how I never have a smile on my face, and all my goals are pretty results oriented. But I also fantasize about those goals instead of completing them. I've wanted to date but despite being 19 I never have. For 4 years I've thought about losing weight but even when I managed to lose 80 lbs I stayed inconsistent and gained it back. I think about goals but don't work towards them. My social immaturity has also led to me being hurtful emotionally to people, which is something I deeply regret, and in my coping I ultimately lost the positive aspects of myself. I used to be a wisecrack but in my guilt I lost my sense of humor and wittiness, something I am also trying to rebuild. I keep thinking about some hypothetical future where all of these are resolved and in the past, but I almost never put in the consistent effort to solve them.
I've never seen something so relatable.
This is a masterful piece of work, as a man in my 30s coming into terms with my childhood trauma and trails of tribulation in my 20s, this has summarized my struggle, and I'm sure the struggle of many many just perfectly. Thank you so much.
I know exactly how you feel.
There were parts in this video where it felt like I was lookinf at my image in a mirror, I'm 23 and identify so much of myself in this archerype unfortunately
Me too
@@miguelpereira9859you have so much time, friend. but time passes fast. im 29 now, 23 feels like 3 weeks ago. you still have opportunity to change
26, and me too. Lately I've been doing the bare minimum to get by. And spending the rest of the time getting high, watching movies, and day dreaming of my coming success. Yet I don't remember the last time I passionately engaged with hobbies, talents, and works. I feel like I lost myself while trying to find myself, hope that makes sense. But I'm trying to move past that fear, I don't know exactly how but I know I have to change to figure that out.
This is both extremely convicting and comforting that I’m not alone
Yea at least we’re not alone 😢
Wdym by convicting? I'm curious
@@1wrisksthis was a year ago but I’m guessing I felt convicted in the sense that I resonated with the man child mentality of not wanting to confront the reality of adulthood
I am so grateful that you are bringing light to such a powerful phenomenon. This video helped to explain to a lot of my upbringing. It brought out many deep-seated emotions within me - both incredible fear and inspiration. Thank you.
The human experience. It's crazy. The content and art of this channel is really great, especially for one who has been unwittingly hiding from these questions, behind some substance, only to awaken and start ponderance in mid-life, feeling everything at once. This channel has been so helpful. Even the voice of the narrator invokes to me that I am not alone, someone else understands. That we all subconsciously know that we will have to face that which ails us; the questions of existence, ourselves, and our quests for meaning and love.
Bro... I feel like I just walked into an intervention
Honestly, this was me for thr longest time. I would go from job to job, trying to find myself, not really know what I wanted in life. I left a marriage I was unhappy in. Looking back, I was mostly to blame for my happiness.
However, I'm glad to say I've course corrected since then. About to get my Masters in Education, and I'm committed to becoming a teacher, as well as developing my skills as an artist. Great video. Everyone should watch 😊
Sadly had to have a break up with a long time love that woke me up from this state. Hearing this really hit me hard bc during the tail end I found myself so unhappy with myself bc I felt like I wanted to grow up already and be a man but I couldn’t quite understand the magnitude of that feeling until it took a hard fall from my world. But “without a fall, one cannot have a redemption” 👑 🙏🏽 embrace the journey, pain can be your clarity, pain can become armor, pain can become growth
Incredibly powerful and moving, that last section hit me hard. I see so much of myself in this concept. Thank you for making such a beautiful and well-done video on the puer aeternus. It really nails a lot of things down all at once. That story about the girl shooting herself, fuck, that was disturbing and poignant.
"And we don't have to worry when we don't understand our dreams, because our *dreams* understand *us*." What a line!
I find it interesting how this experience seems to become more common generation after generation
yes!!
Look at the society we're in compared to just 50 years ago
Reminds me of The Logical Song by Supertramp
Absolutely!
This was just amazing. I watched it 2 days ago and kept getting constant conscious reminders. These people were/are brilliant yet recognised and accepted their shortcomings. They constantly grew and accepted the bad but looked for the good in all things. God bless you friend
This is me. I was a good kid until I saw the carnage of alcoholism on my mother and how it damaged me wholeheartedly. Until the age of 14 I was on the straight and narrow then it all went south. Partying, fighting, jail, and dropping out at 15. My mother did nothing but enable me as she was a alcoholic who I grew up despising because of it. There was no repercussions for my lifestyle and no tools given as how to grow up with life skills. I didn’t move out until 22 and that was because my ex stepfather left my mother after marrying her which devastated me and her and her drinking became worse. I’ll just skip to my present day after 9 months of sobriety at the age of 46 I am only now beginning to come out of the fantasy world and into reality to face life on life’s terms. Through my AA meetings, church and living one day at a time, I am learning survival skills to life. I’m jobless at the moment live out my car but I’m grateful and live for the moment and continue to be hungry to learn how to deal with situations as a adult which is not easy for me. I do look forward to lies ahead though.
Wishing you the very best brother 💗 may light and love follow you.
Thank you for posting and sharing. I know it's hard and sometime situations seem impossible. I've been there and I know things will change for the better for you. I wasnt able to grow until I was able to let myself be vulnerable and reach out. The growth and happiness grew exponentially after realizing I couldn't do it by myself. I feel for you. Please keep going. It does get better and you deserve happiness.
Stay Strong friend
Best of luck man it seem like we had similar upbringings sad but gotta keep pushing 💪🏽
We don't all get it easy in life... But those that get it too easy never manage to actually grow.
Stay strong, bro
Maybe they just don't want to be slaves to corporations, politicians, other humans in general.
Then start your own business
@@brigittecoursonnot everyone wants to own a business. also, are we born just to work and find identity in how much we produce? no.
I like this answer. The Eternal Child is not all negative. Most of the comments trend toward self-accusing attacks. Which is understandable. However, it stops short of penetrating insight. Self-criticism alone does not hold a key. There is more to be understood. I admire your courage to say wait a second. I am convinced I am on to something. Though I am choosing the more difficult path, a dark path in which many do not find their way--failure while not imminent lurks about--I am not just going to throw my hands in the air and surrender to a defeat that will crush me. I am going to trust myself while becoming malleable. Vultures are usually the ones who first respond to those blindly surrendering.
Finishing the video, this Jung quote further added to my reflection upon your comment: “There is no single, definite way for the individual…if you want to go on your individual way, it is the way you make for yourself, which is never prescribed, which you do not know in advance, and which simply comes into being of itself when you put one foot in front of the other. If you always do the next thing that needs to be done, you will go most safely and sure-footedly along the path prescribed by your unconscious. Then it is naturally no help at all to speculate about how you ought to live.” Jung’s Letter to Frau V. I think it is important to watch the entire video.
Wonderfully well put.
I felt very represented by this puer aeternus archetype. More often than not I've daydreamed far too much, not puting my thoughts into action. However, an awfully cold bucket of iced water was dropped on me some time ago, and since then, I've been slowly yet steadily transforming into a better, and more mature person. I only hope my evolution bears proper fruit before it's too late.
Thanks for this video. The whole list is wonderful and a treat to the thought. I believe I grow a little bit with every video of yours I watch, and I'm pretty sure I'll rewatch the whole list after I'm done with it.
I also bought Jung's Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious recently, so I'm stoked to dive in this most incredible mind.
I'm in my 30s and experiencing the most severe crisis of my entire life thus far. I went to therapy for 5 months and discovered I am very likely on the autism spectrum. I was a gifted child and led a very priviledged, spoiled life because my parents gave me whatever I wanted as long as I was good in school, worked hard and treated other people well. I have had huge ego problems and was only going to be satisfied by achieving the highest threshold of success imaginable. I feel I am on a better path now but it is painful and my depression is the worst it's ever been. I never learned to work hard because school was very easy for me. I was just recently accepted to an adult autism clinic and will hopefully have my first meeting there soon. I know my diagnosis will make my life more difficult than those not on the spectrum but it's not an excuse to not work hard or do my best. This will be the hardest thing I ever do but in this moment I am hopeful that I will still have a good life.
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan.
This war inside you maybe the will that wants a better life fighting what the world has diagnosed you with. No matter who you are or where you were from or how you were raised you are absolutely capable of changing your life. Therapy will only diagnose you. Therapy will not tell you how to live your life better. Therapy can get you trapped in a loop where you feel completely hopeless to your circumstances and even your own brain. You were created and raised as you were intended to be so that you became the person that you are today and can become the potential great person in the future. I hope and pray that one day you will really believe in yourself and your own agency and take charge of your life as I am taking charge of my own❤
everyone has autism
@@talkoholic13 what a beautiful reply. Thank you friend.
Atleast now you know you have autism. The sooner you know, they more you can take action to accommodate yourself. There are unfortunately people going through their lives not knowing their undiagnosed autism/adhd.
I'm in almost the exact same situation, diagnosed with autism at 24, also very gifted but I wasn't really coddled as a kid I was just kind of left alone which was also pretty bad. I don't care that I'm autistic it honestly was very liberating that I could stop blaming myself for not socializing and never feeling good at parties etc, I can just accept I'm different and find my enjoyment elsewhere without guilt. I tried my whole life so far to just fit in with the rest of society and it was really hard and I never knew why.
The thing that sucks about this is that to me and to Nietzsche this is one of the most admirable archetypes, but it is also one of if not the most dangerous and hardest to balance. One can not be only the puer aeternus, and as Nietzsche puts it this should be the final destination, not the starting point. If you are always the child you will be stuck as the child forever, never growing, never succeeding, and never gaining any true depth or understanding of anything. So in a sense the child should be locked away, and this is the most difficult and painful part for many such as myself because we think if we lock it away it may never surface again or that it will die, which it very well may do. And thus upon locking it away it should be important to still feed it and give into it every once in awhile, but to keep it locked away until it can finally fully rejoin you once you've grown enough as a person, learned about the rational and true nature of the world that it's insights are useful and beneficial to you, and not a burden or a trap to get lost in. In other words, you need to learn to tell it no, before you can say yes
That last point is profound as!
'Tried living in the real world instead of a dream, but I was bored before I even began'.
Smiths. Great band.
Your videos hit like no other. I really enjoy and appreciate how you bring all these amazing minds together and share their thoughts and words. Thank you for your videos, it's a guiding light we need.
Oh man, this really struck a few chords with me. My siblings and I are all survivors of a brutal traumatic upbringing. At 63 I’m still dealing with the many issues that resulted from all that. Recently had another nervous breakdown and was unable to work. Dealing with major anxiety and depression.
Look to mushroom for help. Start with micro dosing. Cold showers and meditation. I had many panic attacks due to anxiety.
Try accepting what happened to you and recognizing that it did not scar you or damage you for the rest of your life. Accept that who you are is not what happens to you, but the decisions you choose to make everyday. And, that you are totally capable, no matter what age or what stage in life, to change for the better if you desire❤ anxiety and depression are based in fear. Fear of the unknown. Accept that you are powerless to the unknown, but the most powerful of yourself, whom you know better than anyone else. Better decisions everyday add up to life change. You have more control over your life than anyone or anything, no matter how it may seem. It is fact that only you know your inner thoughts. These inner thoughts create our reality. Control them, and control your reality, while allowing for the unknown and accepting what comes with it. You can do it. Be your own #1 fan.
@@talkoholic13
Hey, thanks for your thoughtful reply. I certainly appreciate it.
Doing what I can . . .
All the best to you.
@@talkoholic13very wise words man, thanks for explaining that
I love you ❤
This was a very inciteful and difficult essay to swallow. Realizing I'm a puer myself is harsh. Lots of it is spot on. However, I also can't help but feel like our shitty world is what produces more and more puers amongst us, not necessarily some self-inflicted flaw or mother complex. With that, I can't help but feel like the "cure" to being a puer is exactly what the people who own the world want: "Get back to work and smile about it. Stop complaining. Be a man! Anyone can do it if you do it the way we tell you." --- the carrot-on-a-stick lie our culture feeds us
I see what you mean about becoming what our productivity-driven society wants us to be and how that can suck. but the way I see it the cure isn't killing the puer at all. it's about finding balance and being able to cherish the positive puer attributes while negating some of the worse symptoms. it's not about becoming mindless workaholics
As a fifty year old who's now just accepting abuse as a kid...
I can attest to this first hand..
30 years of Peter Pan Here...
Dealing with the depression and possibly resentment and bitterness cause all my Peter Pan Plans Disappointed me when they neglected to come...live NOW
I had a period like this where it became clear to me that I had to go through some kind of removal from Society and become my own person so I went and spent 3 days alone in the wilderness surviving on fish building fires and even though 3 days does not sound like a lot, it was enough for me to experience that kind of tribal initiation and I felt like a new man when I came home
I admire and respect how many men are in these comments being so vulnerable about their experiences with this. As a woman, I have been a child, partner, and friend of men with this issue. Though that's my own cross to bear, it brings me comfort and joy knowing ppl will watch this and feel seen/heard and maybe even find the courage to break the patterns that hold you back. Wishing everyone here in the comments peace love and growth!
Notice you did not stay with these men. This being said men ...let this sink in.
@@jamisonbernhardt3310No one with an ounce of self-respect would, male or female. Unless you enjoy being dominant.
@@jamisonbernhardt3310do you enjoy having a partner with pathological behavioural issues?
There are plenty of women like this too, they just don't get singled out.
@@egglordsasuke8532 for sure, the channel that posted this video actually has a few separate videos on this. Namely the negative animus/anima. This video just happens to concern one side of it
I’m 18 years old. I am everything you described. I have no friends, no ambition, always drifting from interest to interest but never committing, always with ideas but never able to flesh them out. I have always hoped that life would run and whisk me away. I just don’t know what to say now.
It's ok to have time that you don't know. That's the journey of life. Learn and seek different things and with time and small steps you will find your purpose.
Frankly - so many of these comments are really just young people coming to the realization that life is full of mystery. You may never find your perfect “calling” - so pick a profession that you can tolerate and will pay your bills. Don’t invest too much into this content my friend - just be nice to yourself and try SOMETHING- learn a trade or go to a community college - join the military - just do something and see where it takes you. The algorithms suggest videos like this because the internet likes us miserable. Obviously if you are wasting each day of the week it’s time to get your affairs in order - but if you are wasting 1-2 days a week, yea that’s called healthy balance.
Just 3 tips I wish I had at 18 1. physical exercise. use your testosterone for one purpose: mens sana in corpore sano (healthy mind in healthy body) 2. study. like being a carpenter or a surgeon, it doesn't matter: learn a trade 3. life for better or for worse is done in cycles: if you are stuck in a negative cycle, fortify yourself and wait for it to improve.
No one is coming to save you.
Lay down and wait to be slaughtered like sheep.
That is the easy route or live life like a Demon or a God.
Listen to YOUR inner voice and it will lead you to the path meant for you. Our problem has always been listening to everyone else's voice but our own. Nevermind what everyone or society tells you you should do or be. No one knows that but you. But you have to be willing to stand strong with your voice and be prepared for a lot of naysayers, but also surround yourself with people who support you in your life journey. True friends are people who make you feel safe and heard. You haven't committed because those ideas and ambitions aren't coming from within. When you truly want to do something, you will do it. No excuses. No doubts. There will be a fire in you to do it. Trust me on that. Trust your voice!! No one ever said life would always be easy. As my granny said, "nothing in life worthwhile and meaningful is easy." Sometimes adversity is necessary for growth and to reach the beautiful things in life.