@@MadeItOutPodcast Hmmmmmm........🤔Definitely necessary for a couple or the individual to have. It's an opportunity to grow and expand on many levels of intimacy if they choose 😊💫
I think that long term relationships of a kinds (inlcuding lots of hetero couples) all the time and that there is usually other relational factors at play. I think its valid no matter how frequently or infrequently partners want to engage and theres no one size fits all as long as there is communication
It doesn't exist.. check hetero couples.. how often do you hear about the woman not wanting to have intercourse after they've been with their boyfriend/husband for a while? VERY OFTEN. It just doesn't have a term 😂
This was a great episode as qlways Mal. As a queer woman raised in an islamic country where sex ed is nonexistant, I cried when you were talking about childhood sexual trauma and feeling lonely in that. Thank you Mal 🫶
I'm gonna copy my comment from another video I commented on with the same topic: My wife and I had a period of the so-called "bed death". It lasted about 6 or 7 months where none of us where into it, none of us initiated anything, and about 2 months in I was freaked out. I was so scared that I wasn't gonna want sex with her again or that she didn't want me. We talked about it after about 3 months, and we where just in a place where sex was not a thing. We still loved each other and we still wanted to be togehter, but our "sex-drive" was just not present at that time. After a while it just clicked. We casually had sex one night without any build-up or anything, it just happened. Just give it a bit of time, talk about it, check in with each other, and most of all; don't put ANY pressure on it or on each other. It happens to many couples, especially in long-term relationships. After 12 years together we are still going strong ❤
It's so great to hear about high+low sex drive relationships because it's so often that there's such an extreme on how women shouldn't want sex that much and be called a slut for wanting it, and on the other spectrum, when one partner has lower sex drive they have "issues". This is not the case! Healthy communication is key 💯
im a new subscriber. Mal, this is one of the BEST podcasts out. You are so respectful to all of your guests. You allow them to fully elaborate and interject so appropriately, allowing your stories to intertwine naturally. This podcast helps me find a community and support. Thank you.
The division of sex education between boys and girls was honestly mind blowing. Is it still like that in schools now? Side note: when Casey ended with “my pleasure” I giggled
#4:18 I wholeheartedly agree with this part of the interview. I was sexually assaulted twice & so whenever I’m on a date or even romantically involved with another woman, I don’t go out of my way to kiss them or start any form of sex because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or pressure but then my “exs” said it seems like I’m not sexually interested in them & it made them sad. 😕☹️
Ill have to order this book another amazing episode and important issues talking about helping alot of people out and educational too ❤👏👏👏 thsnk you mal also love the cap 🧢
Even in straight relationships it’s almost always the women who withholds sex. Claiming lack of emotional support or because their partner doesn’t help with the kids/chores etc. which results in alot of married men just cheating.
Really good episode. Especially the explaining quality instead of quantity. So much culture is patriarchy and what the patriarchy wants. I really like the explanations of lesbian death bed. I always thought of it in a negative way. This episode has me seeing it in a new, different way.
I struggle to see how Lesbian Death Bed differs in any way from hetro sex death. I enjoyed your talk with Casey and I have to agree that quality over quantity is far more important. I think Western culture is far more sex centered than most of the rest of the world. With forty years of marriage, I don't know any loving relationships that are still sex centered, and I know people from most walks of life. I think sex has been marketed like a product within Western culture.
Without getting into the grayace/demi experience, I feel wildly seen by this. The fear of people pleasers, creativity in decentering sex, responsive desire, the tiny traumas that matter, sex ed that doesn't include pleasure... honestly feeling more optimistic that i could find someone with a compatible relationship to sex besides my ex
Re: Fear of coming across like a man - As a trans woman, even approaching someone I’m interested in to flirt brings up a fear of being toxically masculine and triggers an inner misandry.
Wow I've never thought to sort through all my early experiences of when I was exposed to the idea of sex as a child as part of healing my sexuality. I just sort of thought "ugh purity culture" and didn't go beyond that.
I think the differential isn't necessarily vulva vs penis, but estrogen vs testosterone for many experiencing LBD. T is an extraordinarily powerful hormone lol
thank you both for this podcast episode! Also, not to womansplain but the blurry background feels kinds off and catches certain parts which isn't supposed to.
On the contrary Im loving this discussion, lesbian bed death was actually the reason why my ex and i ended things, we stared to fight a lot about the lack of sex. It made me feel like she was not attracted to me anymore, so its interesting now looking back at that relationship and listening in to this podcast. Thank you very much for the useful insights!
It’s simple, men have on average 17-23 times the testosterone levels of women. This causes them to be the initiators of sex ( most times). Female sexuality is very often passive and responsive. Why do you think most men in heterosexual relationships often complain of lack of sex/ are more likely to be unsatisfied with the frequency of sex in their relationships? This is also observed in trans men who very often start seeking sexual relationships with men due to the effects of testosterone in them, after transitioning . This is despite the fact that they had been lesbians before transitioning. When interviewed they very often state that due to their recent heightened libido, they no longer have the patience to pursue women sexually and found men more willing to engage in intimacy .
you can’t compare lesbian and straight relationships. straight relationships also fizzle out sexually over time but the woman is usually either pressured into or just accepts giving “maintenance sex” to the husband. there’s rarely focus on the womens pleasure in straight sex. straight people will stay married for years and hate each other at the same time. as lesbians we respect ourselves and our time and dip if we are not compatible with a person anymore. we shouldn’t be judging our own relationships by straight male standards
many can't afford to consult a therapist. We're in a world where psychological care is not recognized as a normal necessity. Insurance can cover physical illness but very few sessions for psy therapy. It's no wonder we don't learn about the communication between lesbians. We're also taught not to express about our sexual needs as females. Add to this the enmeshment of the lesbian community where everyone has dated somebody's gf at some point. Some group support might help some as well if only to deal with the drama that some lesbians create for whatever quirky trauma they're dealing with. Women have had complicated life experiences and trying to navigate the differences can be challenging. I prefer to stay single rather than deal with the lesbian diaspora of issues. Friends will suffice. This way I avoid it all and keep my sanity and peace. 😊
It starts with watching no porn for a healthy brain not connecting nerves to novel over intimacy and a partner not being your age or too similar. Actually sex is not most important, intimacy on all areas and breath, room to be and share life with or feeling together stronger and more rich
I really appreciate the guests efforts to be progressive and inclusive, but if we’re talking about lesbians that’s a woman on woman relationship and it’s not people with vulvas It’s just women. Uplifting trans women doesn’t mean erasing biological women from our minds and vernacular.( opinion of bi woman )
I wish someone would explain the would explain the word sex. What does it involve. Seems like that word is thrown around so much. I had penetration by a man. Is that sex. Even through I disassociated the whole time. Is it sex when i bring my partner to organism but I am to stressed to go the other way. Just what the hell is sex
I hope we can work towards ranked choice voting and expand beyond the two party system eventually. Not possible in the next one month or so but hopefully something we can all work towards between election cycles
@@Raddiebaddie thank you for your reply. Yes I agree there should be a reform but those reforms need to be pushed harder with the state of our world, there's no more time. I know this podcast is not political in the journalistic sense but it is morally bankrupt to talk about mental health of a minority meanwhile wearing a hat endorsing a party committing genocide or doing nothing to prevent Marcellus Williams execution. Honestly these blue-maga white cis LA lesbians are definitely NOT my community and I feel appalled for how clueless they appear, specifically bc they KNOW discrimination, brainwashing and gaslighting. What else do they do with their lives to not be aware of it all? smh
I think that is a very fair criticism I don’t think they can see themselves in the Palestinians which is a shame because oppression anywhere is oppression everything for all. I do however think multiple things can be true at once.I think there is a lot of shoulds when it comes to third party voting and other initiatives and not a whole lot of actual plans of action. There isn’t much done to convince those who feel like they have no choice in a two party system.A lot of people agree that Biden’s admin is aiding in genocide but there are many problems that people face here and they are afraid. a lot of leftists have not done a great job at standing behind someone and showing people why they should vote for someone like Jill Stein especially when 3rd party never wins. Also a lot of leftists talk about Jill Stein and community and changing things & spend a lot of time giving theoretical steps but never any steps that actually exist or can exist in the timespan until this election. If the campaigning had started long ago I think more people would have been convinced but Jill Stein does not sound like a viable option and she will not win which is a given and might take votes in essential states. Our system needs to change there is no doubt about that but there is no organization and when people are scared they will act accordingly.
What are your thoughts on lesbian bed death?
@@MadeItOutPodcast Hmmmmmm........🤔Definitely necessary for a couple or the individual to have. It's an opportunity to grow and expand on many levels of intimacy if they choose 😊💫
I think that long term relationships of a kinds (inlcuding lots of hetero couples) all the time and that there is usually other relational factors at play. I think its valid no matter how frequently or infrequently partners want to engage and theres no one size fits all as long as there is communication
It doesn't exist.. check hetero couples.. how often do you hear about the woman not wanting to have intercourse after they've been with their boyfriend/husband for a while? VERY OFTEN. It just doesn't have a term 😂
@@timtam39tw 🥲
i am sad to hear is there anything a friend can try and do
This was a great episode as qlways Mal. As a queer woman raised in an islamic country where sex ed is nonexistant, I cried when you were talking about childhood sexual trauma and feeling lonely in that. Thank you Mal 🫶
I'm gonna copy my comment from another video I commented on with the same topic:
My wife and I had a period of the so-called "bed death". It lasted about 6 or 7 months where none of us where into it, none of us initiated anything, and about 2 months in I was freaked out. I was so scared that I wasn't gonna want sex with her again or that she didn't want me. We talked about it after about 3 months, and we where just in a place where sex was not a thing. We still loved each other and we still wanted to be togehter, but our "sex-drive" was just not present at that time. After a while it just clicked. We casually had sex one night without any build-up or anything, it just happened.
Just give it a bit of time, talk about it, check in with each other, and most of all; don't put ANY pressure on it or on each other. It happens to many couples, especially in long-term relationships.
After 12 years together we are still going strong ❤
thank you for sharing your experience and for watching!! congratulations on 12 years!!!
I say it every week, the interviews keep getting better and better. Book ordered!
yay!! thank you for supporting each week. you're going to love the book!!! come back and let us know your thoughts !
You know you need therapy when an episode like this one makes you cry every 5 minutes.
But it was healing and I thank you both for that !
It's so great to hear about high+low sex drive relationships because it's so often that there's such an extreme on how women shouldn't want sex that much and be called a slut for wanting it, and on the other spectrum, when one partner has lower sex drive they have "issues". This is not the case! Healthy communication is key 💯
wow. These conversations are getting better and better. Not that I'm surprised, but at the same time I AM. Amazing!
im a new subscriber. Mal, this is one of the BEST podcasts out. You are so respectful to all of your guests. You allow them to fully elaborate and interject so appropriately, allowing your stories to intertwine naturally. This podcast helps me find a community and support. Thank you.
Interesting conversation, wonderful compassionate energy around this tender subject.
Glad you enjoyed it!
The division of sex education between boys and girls was honestly mind blowing. Is it still like that in schools now? Side note: when Casey ended with “my pleasure” I giggled
Wowwww the speed at which my blood boiled realizing, what Casey pointed out around 18 min mark, is sooooo true and common and how messsed up it is.
SERIOUSLY!!! its crazy when we look back- we didn't even realize what was happening to us!
Thank you for having her on, she was so lovely and this is so important!
Oh my god it feels illegal to be this early :)) I have followed Casey for so long and always resonated with her words, been waiting for this episode 😍
#4:18 I wholeheartedly agree with this part of the interview.
I was sexually assaulted twice & so whenever I’m on a date or even romantically involved with another woman, I don’t go out of my way to kiss them or start any form of sex because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable or pressure but then my “exs” said it seems like I’m not sexually interested in them & it made them sad. 😕☹️
Casey is wonderful. She should have a podcast herself.
She used to! I think she's taking a break but you should check it out and listen to old episodes!
Ill have to order this book another amazing episode and important issues talking about helping alot of people out and educational too ❤👏👏👏 thsnk you mal also love the cap 🧢
So much helpful info. Casey was great. Episode was terrific.
This was so needed! Thank you so much for conversation ❤
I think straight bed death is more prevalent in certain cultures than lesbian bed death
Even in straight relationships it’s almost always the women who withholds sex. Claiming lack of emotional support or because their partner doesn’t help with the kids/chores etc. which results in alot of married men just cheating.
Always wanted to listen to a therapist... Thank you so much
Really good episode. Especially the explaining quality instead of quantity. So much culture is patriarchy and what the patriarchy wants. I really like the explanations of lesbian death bed. I always thought of it in a negative way. This episode has me seeing it in a new, different way.
This episode is everything!!!!
literally the best ‘made it out’ podcast!
Felt restoration of sanity listening. Thank you both. Ordered the book immediately 🙏
Many thanks for the podcast!! Best wishes from Madrid :)
Also I'm so curious about her own upbringing and how sex therapists have so much clarity about these intertwined concepts.
Love learning from Casey
ME TOO!!!
Love Casey! Glad you were able to get her on the pod! Now, please get Katie Gavin (from MUNA) on the pod please!
(Um. Am I the only person who thinks a U-Haul or You Ghost deck would be a fun?)
👀
Great episode as always! 🥰🤗
Fantastic episode!
I struggle to see how Lesbian Death Bed differs in any way from hetro sex death. I enjoyed your talk with Casey and I have to agree that quality over quantity is far more important. I think Western culture is far more sex centered than most of the rest of the world. With forty years of marriage, I don't know any loving relationships that are still sex centered, and I know people from most walks of life. I think sex has been marketed like a product within Western culture.
Thank you for this. So enlightening.
Again! Awesome convo!!
The ad was so random 😂. This a was a great episode.
Without getting into the grayace/demi experience, I feel wildly seen by this. The fear of people pleasers, creativity in decentering sex, responsive desire, the tiny traumas that matter, sex ed that doesn't include pleasure... honestly feeling more optimistic that i could find someone with a compatible relationship to sex besides my ex
this makes me so happy! thank you for watching!
Re: Fear of coming across like a man - As a trans woman, even approaching someone I’m interested in to flirt brings up a fear of being toxically masculine and triggers an inner misandry.
Casey is very well spoken.
This was a great episode❤
Rocking the Harris Walz camp hat!
Love the hat Mal! 👏
Outstanding pod.
I LOVED this episode
Wow I've never thought to sort through all my early experiences of when I was exposed to the idea of sex as a child as part of healing my sexuality. I just sort of thought "ugh purity culture" and didn't go beyond that.
I’ve never liked an ad before this much
hahahahah gotta keep it interesting. but for real OSEA is a must try!
I think the differential isn't necessarily vulva vs penis, but estrogen vs testosterone for many experiencing LBD. T is an extraordinarily powerful hormone lol
I love Casey Tanner!!!!!!!!!
Setting sexual education separating boys from girls, it's the most "American" way to teach sexual education. It just blowed my mind 😂
thank you both for this podcast episode! Also, not to womansplain but the blurry background feels kinds off and catches certain parts which isn't supposed to.
Not gonna lie, i thought a sex therapist was someone that touched /massaged you when someone told me they were going. I was definitely wrong lmfao
Great episod..as usual !
Resume @28:30
When is Vicky's video coming out? beeeeeeennn anticipating it since Pride
On the contrary Im loving this discussion, lesbian bed death was actually the reason why my ex and i ended things, we stared to fight a lot about the lack of sex. It made me feel like she was not attracted to me anymore, so its interesting now looking back at that relationship and listening in to this podcast. Thank you very much for the useful insights!
This was a really good episode
Great hat! 💙💙
It’s simple, men have on average 17-23 times the testosterone levels of women. This causes them to be the initiators of sex ( most times). Female sexuality is very often passive and responsive. Why do you think most men in heterosexual relationships often complain of lack of sex/ are more likely to be unsatisfied with the frequency of sex in their relationships?
This is also observed in trans men who very often start seeking sexual relationships with men due to the effects of testosterone in them, after transitioning . This is despite the fact that they had been lesbians before transitioning. When interviewed they very often state that due to their recent heightened libido, they no longer have the patience to pursue women sexually and found men more willing to engage in intimacy .
you can’t compare lesbian and straight relationships. straight relationships also fizzle out sexually over time but the woman is usually either pressured into or just accepts giving “maintenance sex” to the husband. there’s rarely focus on the womens pleasure in straight sex. straight people will stay married for years and hate each other at the same time. as lesbians we respect ourselves and our time and dip if we are not compatible with a person anymore. we shouldn’t be judging our own relationships by straight male standards
"Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you make love ." Speeches, another wonderful episode ordering the book. Blessings 💫🙏🏾❤😊
Ps you can the girl out of Texas but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl! Loving the camo
yeehaw!
many can't afford to consult a therapist. We're in a world where psychological care is not recognized as a normal necessity. Insurance can cover physical illness but very few sessions for psy therapy. It's no wonder we don't learn about the communication between lesbians. We're also taught not to express about our sexual needs as females. Add to this the enmeshment of the lesbian community where everyone has dated somebody's gf at some point. Some group support might help some as well if only to deal with the drama that some lesbians create for whatever quirky trauma they're dealing with. Women have had complicated life experiences and trying to navigate the differences can be challenging. I prefer to stay single rather than deal with the lesbian diaspora of issues. Friends will suffice. This way I avoid it all and keep my sanity and peace. 😊
👏👏👍👍 as always!
It starts with watching no porn for a healthy brain not connecting nerves to novel over intimacy and a partner not being your age or too similar. Actually sex is not most important, intimacy on all areas and breath, room to be and share life with or feeling together stronger and more rich
I really appreciate the guests efforts to be progressive and inclusive, but if we’re talking about lesbians that’s a woman on woman relationship and it’s not people with vulvas It’s just women. Uplifting trans women doesn’t mean erasing biological women from our minds and vernacular.( opinion of bi woman )
I was struggling with the same and I think you put it very well. Thank-you.
اريد ان اواعدها 😭😭❤
Mal is so beautiful😅❤Love Always
I wish someone would explain the would explain the word sex. What does it involve. Seems like that word is thrown around so much. I had penetration by a man. Is that sex. Even through I disassociated the whole time. Is it sex when i bring my partner to organism but I am to stressed to go the other way. Just what the hell is sex
💚 jill stein all the way 💚 free palestine. Land back
I hope we can work towards ranked choice voting and expand beyond the two party system eventually. Not possible in the next one month or so but hopefully something we can all work towards between election cycles
@@Raddiebaddie thank you for your reply. Yes I agree there should be a reform but those reforms need to be pushed harder with the state of our world, there's no more time. I know this podcast is not political in the journalistic sense but it is morally bankrupt to talk about mental health of a minority meanwhile wearing a hat endorsing a party committing genocide or doing nothing to prevent Marcellus Williams execution. Honestly these blue-maga white cis LA lesbians are definitely NOT my community and I feel appalled for how clueless they appear, specifically bc they KNOW discrimination, brainwashing and gaslighting. What else do they do with their lives to not be aware of it all? smh
I think that is a very fair criticism I don’t think they can see themselves in the Palestinians which is a shame because oppression anywhere is oppression everything for all. I do however think multiple things can be true at once.I think there is a lot of shoulds when it comes to third party voting and other initiatives and not a whole lot of actual plans of action. There isn’t much done to convince those who feel like they have no choice in a two party system.A lot of people agree that Biden’s admin is aiding in genocide but there are many problems that people face here and they are afraid. a lot of leftists have not done a great job at standing behind someone and showing people why they should vote for someone like Jill Stein especially when 3rd party never wins. Also a lot of leftists talk about Jill Stein and community and changing things & spend a lot of time giving theoretical steps but never any steps that actually exist or can exist in the timespan until this election. If the campaigning had started long ago I think more people would have been convinced but Jill Stein does not sound like a viable option and she will not win which is a given and might take votes in essential states. Our system needs to change there is no doubt about that but there is no organization and when people are scared they will act accordingly.
Really wish she didn't say the word rape, wasn't necessary and triggered me badly
it might take me the rest of my life to absorb this 38:40.