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Your Daily Dose of Vitamin Jay: Fun Is Not Love
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- www.MrJayRelationshipCoach.com
Your Daily Dose of Vitamin Jay: Fun Is Not Love
#betrayal #love #trauma #ptsd #boundaries #broken #safety
"Love is selfless...Affairs are selfish" sums things up so succinctly.
Thank you for this. It resonates with what's happening in my relationship + 1.
So glad it resonates/helps. - Mr. Jay
In a marriage there are several tests to see if it will last the ultimate test which is the test of TIME.
In an affair there are no tests to the element of time ...an affair is just fun...and fun is just a moment .
Affairs are not the only 'distraction' from the difficulties of "ADULTING". Porn destroys love. Instead of an affair with one (or even two or three women) porn is an affair with hundreds of thousands of women. Of course the lies and deception that are required to keep a huge (30+ year) secret are soul crushing.
Watching porn is not even in the same league as an actual affair. I’d take somoene with a porn addiction over a love and physical affair every single day of the week!
@@kerrymillar1267 No, porn is not in the same league as an affair. It's in a whole different league of its own.
While I completely recognize the devastation of an affair, please understand that my experience has been 30+ years long. What porn does to the brain of its addict/user is literally life changing. Their brain changes, physically. They begin to have mental issues, inability to focus, anxiety, anger, hostility and withdrawal. They become mentally unable--or unwilling--to deal with life. No matter what their partner is actually like, they come to see them as "less than, unlikeable, unattractive, unappealing, unsexy, undesirable", and probably even worse: unnecessary.
That is what happened to me/our family beginning in 1996. Complete rejection; no physical contact, no intimacy, no love, no connection at all. We went DECADES without a single kiss. I was miserable. I knew something was terribly wrong, of course, and would confront him. "Are you having an affair?" All I got was lies, more lies and gaslighting. I began to distrust my own instincts.
His behaviors also effected our daughter. Kids sense everything. They can sense anger, hostility and when a parent is "not there". She was a kid at home for more than 10 years of this and became an adult with severe anxiety and is essentially agoraphobic.
I'm absolutely *NOT* minimizing the devastation of an affair, but no one should fool themselves into thinking that porn is a 'harmless' past time. Porn literally KILLS love. I'm living proof of it. And its damaging effects on a family and the partner's self esteem and self image is horrific.
If you've suffered through an affair, I'm very, very sorry. I hope you can heal.