A SQUISH. Oh my god I've been confused about the way I feel about a friend for so long and I'm so glad there's a word for that. It describes it perfectly. I thought I was just being weird and unhealthy about a friend! I wish these were more widespread so everyone would understand the concept better.
I love learning about Asexuality/Aromanticism in such depth! I've really not found anywhere that explains it so well. I consider myself to be on the asexuality spectrum somewhere and I think having all these definitions will really help me place myself :)
spoopydumpling or instead of "I have a huge crush on you/you are my crush" "I HAVE A HUGE SQUISH ON YOU/YOU ARE MY SQUISH" it's so amazing i love it I realize I have so many squishes
SQUISH! Oh my god, thank you, I've been calling it "friend crush" all this time, and I've always hated calling it that because it makes it sound like I have a romantic crush on someone I'm already friends with, and it just really doesn't fit. But squish is such the perfect word, it sounds so cute and describes the feeling perfectly just by the way it sounds. Also, this whole video series has been really informative, I never knew much about the ace community aside from just asexual and aromantic, and it's really great to learn.
same but i call it "admiration" but then again squish perfectly fits how i felt about these people i admire and want to be friends with (so glad there's someone like me who feel the same)
Thank you so much for making these videos, Ashley. As somebody who identifies as an asexual themselves (I'm an homoromantic asexual/asexual lesbian with an indifference to sex.) It's really hard to find positive asexual videos that actually go into depth on what it actually is. It really means a lot to me.
as someone who's only recently started to identify as aro-ace (seriously, it's so difficult to notice the lack of feeling like ugh) these videos are really /really/ helpful to me :) the more i learn the more i feel like i've found my identity :)
Thank you for this. I have looked it up but you got into what I needed to hear. I've felt a lot of these feelings I couldn't place before and now I understand them better. Thank you! ILYSM! Your haircut looks awesome! It's super cool! Anyways, notice me senpai! -Lexi
same it sounds so cute! Half of the time I don't know what I feel though, that includes feelings for others. I am always figuring out if I want to be in a platonic/romantic(&sexual I guess but I'm not experienced on that yet) relationship with someone.
+Tais Grim I'm bi. So I technically could have a crush on someone of any gender. At first I thought this word would never be useful to me. But when I heard what it means, I realized I had some squishes in the past ! I'm going to use this word in the future ! Thank you Ace community !
I really appreciate this exploration. my best friend is a form of ace and lately she's been feeling sort of confused about it in relation to somebody she's taken interest in. I stupidly said some stuff i shouldn't have (due to being a very sexual person) and these videos help me be a better friend.
BOOM. Ace and Aro video part 2 :) ALSO, I cut my hair off =] head over to insta (ashleymardell) to see if you're curious ^_^ Comment question: What is your favorite thing that you've learn in this series so far?
I'm just thrilled that you're coving this SO thoroughly! Being celibate is a really difficult sometimes given the kind of discrimination that *does* happen to those of use who *don't* want to have sex, and I've found a kind of inclusion and comfort in the asexual community. Because though I feel sexual attraction, and maybe they don't, they still *get* that not everyone thinks of sex as the end-all-be-all of life, not everyone thinks it's the most wonderful, beautiful, complete feeling ever. And it means a TON to me to find people who understand after so long of being doubted, talked down to, or just disbelieved. Thank you SO much, Ashley for giving this reality the attention it deserves!!!
+Ashley Mardell Love your hair!! From the videos everything you feel is normal and ok, and not to let someone else try and define you. From the comments alot of people are really accepting of the ace/aro spectrums and that the videos are helping alot of people be more comfortable in themselves :D
Omg there is actually a word for "having a crush" on someone platonically, how awesome :D I have experienced that so many times, like reeeaaally wanting to be friends with someone because I really found them cool or liked them, and it's almost funny how the feelings are similar to having a romantic crush on someone, just not romantically. Like you also get nervous around them sometimes. Most of the time, friendships just sort of happen, you slide into them somehow, but it can be hard when you admire a person platonically but don't know how to approach them or "ask" them if they wanna be friends with you.
i've been so conflicted with what my sexual/romantic attraction is and it's been really bringing me down. just learning about it more from this video makes me more at peace and i feel so much better :)))thxx
Well thanks to this video my feelings have been confirmed that I'm in fact Asexual. For once I feel comfortable saying that. Thank you for helping me feeling more valid.
This was so great, Ashley, thank you for making and posting this series! I just have one gripe with the section on QPRs... the only thing that defines QPRs is that basically they're emotionally intimate non-romantic relationships. But contrary to what the guest said, they absolutely can be sexual. They don't have to be, of course. But they CAN involve sexual attraction and/or sexual interaction. This is especially applicable to people on the aro spectrum who are not asexual. Not to mention they can involve alterous attraction. Also, although as you say, QPRs can be incredibly strong relationships that involve things like living together and raising a child, they don't have to involve that level of commitment. QPRs are really just defined by the people who are in them, and they can absolutely look like a 'normal' friendship or best friendship. One of the reasons many people call these relationships QPRs instead of friendships is because friendships are so devalued in society and seen as inferior to romantic relationships, that they're not taken seriously. Moving across the country to support a friend, for example, would be seen really strangely by most people. Whereas doing the same for your partner is more socially acceptable. By calling your relationship a QPR, you're removing it from the confines of societal expectations, so you're essentially throwing out the script and making your own rules...I would have loved to make a vid for you, but I don't have a nice camera, I'm sorry! Hope this makes sense though :)
I've been questioning my own sexual identity as of late and questioning if an identity on the ace spectrum might fit my experiences and all these confusions I've been having and this series is so so so wonderful. The timing could not have been better in my life. It's so helpful to have all these terms explained and laid out in an easy to understand way by a variety of people who identify in these ways. And its also really validating to all my confused feelings to see terms for them and have people talking about it and being all "Yes yes this is a way you can be and a way people are you're not wrong or broken at all!" Just thank you so much for all the hard work you've put into this series to be inclusive and a good ally and to educate people. I really look up to you.
oh my god i think all i want in life is a QPR it sounds literally perfect to me. i've read a story about a couple that are like this and it wasn't specified as this but i loved the concept of it and now that i finally know what it really is and that it's a thing... it's all i want ;-;
I LEARNED NEW THINGS!! I always wondered what a qpr really was but now I realize I've had it as a life goal for a long time, I value it over everything else and it's exactly what I'm looking for but I never knew the word and now I do and I'm esthetic omg thank you! I'm also somewhere inbetween indifferent and repulsed, both sexually and romantically but maybe it'll fade with age. I know what I feel (I do experience romantic attraction and I do want to act upon it but not in a relationship way) and why so it's okay, but I'm having a hard time understanding the sexual part of it, though that may be because I'm too young. It's good to know there's a difference between sex drive and attraction because that was problematic but now it's easier. I knew everything from the last video and the types of attractions too, but this is new and I'm really happy. Thank you, Ash!
I love this series so much! I have a hard enough time getting my fiance to understand my asexual/demisexual-ness that I barely mention the aesthetics or sensual side for fear of causing further confusion. These videos are a wonderful resource to help show all the different nuances that exist.
This, this is everything that I've been meaning to tell the world. This is like the result of all the conclusions I've come to when I was questioning my asexuality. There are so many different concepts that need to be understood and separated (sexual attraction VS aesthetic attraction, libido VS sexual attraction, etc...). I spent two years trying to make sense of it all, and I've spent so many months basically talking to myself, trying to find the right words, trying to make it clear. The guests in this video are literally saying all the things I've been explaining, both to myself and to others. And it makes me so incredibly happy? For some weird reason, I feel so fulfilled. Each time they explained a word, I was raising my hands in the air and loudly whispering "YES!". So, thank you so much. To you Ashley, and to all of the wonderful people who have participated (and many of whom I recognize, because I watched their videos about asexuality back when I was looking for answers). I am certain this will help many people in the future.
This series has helped me so much already, I identify as an Ace person and trying to figure things out and this series has helped me not feel so alone. A lot of people in my life don't understand and some of the things said in you videos helped put word to what I was feeling. Thank you so much co connecting communities and letting me know I'm not alone! :)
Thank you, Ashley. Your old videos about asexuality are what clarified a lot of my life and are the reason I subbed to you. And now you're doing this. Thank you so much for drawing attention to the ace community and helping out those who are just as confused as I was way back when I started watching you. -Aidan
Ashley, you have helped me so much this past year to really understand sexuality and romance and all of the different ways you can feel (or not feel) toward other people. A few months ago I had a huge, happy realization that I'm pan. I used to put off thinking about my sexuality and romantic attractions because I was just confused by it all, and I defected to "oh yeah! I'm straight." Even thought I knew there was more to it. Now, with your help again, I'm able to wipe away some of the confusion and realize that I fall somewhere on the line of asexual. There's so much stigma and misinformation about it that I really didn't understand what aces and aros actually were or how they felt. This series has helped me so incredibly much. Especially about knowing there is a difference between libido and attraction. I'm a 23 year old virgin who has never ever be in a situation where I wanted to be touched sexually, but my libido is crazy high and I definitely feel like in the right situation, with the right person, the right mood, I could have amazing sex. I'm not quite sure which term that falls under asexual fits me best, but thanks to you, I'm now excited to find out!
Oh, wow! I'm very impressed by the difference these videos are making for me. I've discovered lots of differences I've never thought existed and it really helped to understand some of my feelings. Thanks, great work!
I am loving these!! There is so much that I did not know!! Thank you to all of the people collaborating on this! You all have clearly put a lot of work into it! I look forward to next weeks video! :-)
11:09 I was incredibly confused about how I felt about someone. I loved being around them and every time I was around them I felt amazing, her even being around me always made my day. I didn't feel like I liked her romantically though, but it seemed to go farther than just a normal desire for friendship. I just found out about the term, and it seems like she's my squish! Thanks for clearing up that confusion
I literally just discovered your channel an hour ago, and within that time I've actually started crying because this video helped me solve the missing piece of my sexuality that had been confusing me for a very long time, alterous attraction! I don't even know how to say thank you enough IM SO HAPPY
Thank God for this video! I've been having a platonic crush on my friend for days but had no clue what it was. Nearly went insane trying to figure it out but then I saw this and suddenly understood. I have a squish! This channel is the best! I've been able to understand so much about myself through these videos. Thank you!
Thank you for posting these perspectives with respectful and compassionate explanations. I especially like the speaker around 4mins. The speaker could have chosen to cast blame and judgement for others' perceived ignorance, but instead chose to differentiate using examples many people can appreciate. This is illuminating. By having discussions like this, we can begin to understand each other. Thanks again for making it educational, not critical. :)
From someone who has been seriously questioning all of this, thank you for making this. It's explaining a lot of the things I've been feeling all my life.
Thank you Ashley for making this series! It's so wonderful to see such an informative, positive video series! I've learned so many new terms, including a squish which I've definitely experienced before and it's great to have a name for it now.
This whole series is absolutely fantastic, Ashley. Wonderful work! I work at the GLBT Services center at my university and being able to direct people to your videos to help explain concepts and identities to them is awesome. :)
Thank you for bringing up sex positivity the way you did! Discrimination against not wanting to have sex is something I've come up against a TON being celibate. People just don't believe anyone could NOT want to get laid. It's such a socially foreign thing that sex can be traumatic, or emotionally negative, or just uncomfortable for others. And I've often had people not believe I've never had sex simply because I'm not naive about it - as if choosing not to have sex means I can't learn about it or know what being turned on feels like or what I find attractive or enjoyable. Just because I'm celibate doesn't mean I don't masturbate, but that's REALLY not something I talk about in civilized conversion BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL AND PRIVATE! The best inquiry I ever got from a friend about being celibate was a curious question about how I was making a 5 year relationship work. And she asked very kindly and it was clear she wanted to know either just because she wanted to learn, or even for her own benefit. So, THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking about how sex positivity needs to be more inclusive! Also, I was amazed at how many of the attractions I've actually experienced somewhat separate from one another. I wasn't expecting that. ^_^ Ha! Learn something new every day! ...As well as the idea that I could totally have a QPR with my best friend... what a head trip...
I know when I would say I am asexual someone genuinely thought I was choosing to be. I explained it to her as I just don’t find anyone attractive which is not the best way to describe it but I have found many aces understand better so that’s when you use all the fancy names. Blew the girls mind though.
Basically, the answer is... Ask her. Of you're totally fine with being in a sexless relationship, then there really isn't any problem. But if you have a high sex drive and find the lack of sex to be frustrating or unsatisfying, then you may want to talk to your girlfriend about maybe having an open relationship where you can have sex with other people, or possibly ending the romantic relationship if it's a big deal for you. Whatever you feel will best suite your needs, and also your partner's wants.
You should also ask her how she feels about having sex/doing partly sexual acts with/for you. Some asexual people are okay with some things, maybe she could pleasure you without you touching her. It's different for everyone, some aces are sex repulsed. Talk to her. It might work out just fine!
Once again amazing! Very well explained. This also gives me a lot of insight into the aromantic spectrum, which is sometimes difficult for me to understand. I've also decided that once the series is finished, I'll show them all to my mum, because these people explain it so much better than me. I'm so excited for that! :D
Great job, Ashley. Love the info that everybody has to share. Helps to understand better each of these categories better. It's also great to share what you know with others. So that those who don't know can learn and be better prepared and understand more about all the different things each individual experiences because none of us experiences the exact same things. Similar but there are always a few differences. If it weren't for the internet I still wouldn't know what was what. I'm glad for that and for people like you who are willing to share with others to be better informed about things and that you are also willing to learn new things that others have to share when you don't know something. It's all good when we do that instead of ignoring what we don't understand. Me and my rambling. Have a lovely day.
These videos mean so much to me. I'm an ace and alterous attraction just fits so well with how I feel - thank you, to Ashley and all the creators (that I'm now subbed to)
im so happy alterous attraction was mentioned!! i'm in an alterous relationship right now & this is the first time i've seen it mentioned anywhere more mainstream :) thank you!!!
I'm so grateful that this video was made! I enjoyed it a lot, and I realized that a lot of these labels describe me perfectly. From now on if anyone asks me about my sexuality, I finally can say that I'm ace.
Thank you so much for making your videos! Over the last year, your videos have really helped me to find myself and understand who I am. Videos on youtube about asexuality were really scarce at the time so yours really helped me. Until I saw your videos I was really confused and thought maybe I just had commitment issues, little did I know I was asexual. It's really comforting to know that other asexuals who are with a heterosexual individual are able to make it work and that I'm not crazy for hoping my relationship could work out. :)
I love love love this! I love it even more than the first part! thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! *cries tears of happiness* You are the best and there are not enough words in this world to express my gratitude to you for making this series
honestly i can't wait to see the next one because i am learning so much about myself with these!!! like, i knew i fit somewhere in the ace spectrum but wasn't sure and felt weird and unsure calling myself that but now that i know there are so many more orientations and types of attraction, i feel much much much better knowing that i am not weird or alone or messed up. so thank you for making these, to you, ashley, and everyone that helped out
I've only recently found your vlog starting with this series, and I'm super happy about it. I identify as a pansexual aromantic, and from this second installment learned the term Alterous attraction. Really though not enough people understand the Ace/Aro part of the community and brush it off. So thank you for addressing and bringing more light to it.
Thank you so much for posting this series it helps a lot to understand on where you fit in this large spectrum and that everything is ok ! Thank youuuu I feel so revealed
I absolutely love this series! I knew most of these terms but these videos explain each term clearly and I'm learning so much! Thank you for making this video series, Ashley
as an ace person myself I'm so glad this series is going out :) it's really nice to see such a comprehensive and inclusive set of videos about the asexual spectrum!
I love looking back at these videos and see people who where like me learning all of these new terms and finding new words that they can now identify with.
I just wanted to say that I've struggled for YEARS with my sexuality and this video helped me a lot! I've never been interested in sex at all, and have realized recently that I'm not interested in dating either, at least in the romantic phrasing of the word. This video made me realize I've been experiencing aesthetic and platonic attraction, and that it's totally normal to find people attractive without wanting to sleep with them. Thank you so much for helping me discover something about myself. I've been having such a hard time dealing with trying to find how, where, or even IF I fit into the ace spectrum, and I'm so so so happy I watched this. I feel so relieved that I'm not somehow broken. :)
That song at the end is so great. Also, I had no idea sensual attraction was a thing, but now that I do, I realize I have felt it quite strongly before, and I'm so glad to have a word to go with the feeling. :)
AHHHH this video defined so many parts of me, and made me feel better for having a word to describe what I was feeling! Thank you so much! These videos are amazing so far :))))
OMG Ashley thank you. I am a homoromantic ace gal and I showed these to my rather sex-positive sister...now she's slinging out terms like "zucchini" and "zedsexual" more naturally than I do. You and your collaborators on this series seriously rock!
I love that this video is helping me figure out the terms that describe things I've experienced. As a grey-ace who's never participated in sex, I consider myself sex indifferent right now but I can see myself being sex favorable with an intimate partner in the future (that's why i consider myself grey-ace instead of completely ace). and I absolutely have a squish right now! I love expanding my lexicon, especially when it helps me figure out what's going on in my messy brain. :) love this series - so glad you're making a resource out of it! and I'm sooooo glad to see some ace love
Thank you so much Ashley (and everyone else involved!) for making this video series! I commented a similar thing on the first video and now i'm saying it on this one and i'll say it on the next one too - these videos are helping me so much! This videos cleared up a lot of things for me in my mind and learning all these terms that i'm like 'oh yeah, I can identify with that!' is really great. so THANKS AND KEEP BEING AWESOME! :D
i watxhed this about a year ago. i was already questioning and this made me understand ace/aro and helped me alot in realising who i am. now i identify as asexual and watching this again is helping me understanding things that makes me unsure. thank you ash for doing this series. its awesome and helps
Thank you for this! This video has definitely helped me understand more about myself and other people. I'm happy you're putting this information out there!
Thank you for all of these videos, Ash. Like I am so confused about my sexuality.... and I'm very grateful that I can go on youtube to learn about all different genders, sexualities and attractions. It's so helpful to so easily access easy to understand explanations to these words. Thank you so much for that. You probably won't even see this comment but if you do then I hope that you understand how great and important all of your videos are for us. Stay awesome :)
Thank you so much for doing this video series. Because there is close to no media representation of Aces/Aros, I need this kind of video to help me validate my sexual and romantic orientation and to feel like I am not the only one on the world, who is are or ace.
I literally can't wait for the rest of these videos. They're so interesting. I had no idea about most of these things and I'm having a lot of self realization
Wow I've leaned so much from these videos, and a lot about myself as well! I've experienced squishes on people, where I want to impress them and be cool and funny around them, but I didn't have any desire to be with the, romantically. I just thought this was a weird crush, but now I know. Thanks Ashley and everyone else who helped make this fantastic video!
Plus I love these videos as I am a student hoping to study nursing from September, after working in hospitals in A&E and perhaps as a frontline medic for a few years I want to get into sexual health. I want to change the syllabus in the UK to improve gender and sexuality education, to give and honest and open education to those in need and promote the need for healthy relationships. These videos are SO important for me in increasing my current knowledge and understanding and awareness so that I can stay aware and I aim to stay educated so that I can pass my knowledge on to the next generation! May even be using these videos as an educational resource! I love them!
I have already known I am asexual/possibly pan romantic, however this has made me realize something about myself. I am VERY prone to have what i now realize is QPR crushes. This has cleared up something i have been confused about for awhile now, thank you and everyone involved with this project! Also, I really looked forward to the next installment!!!
Holy shit. I just had a "Oh wait, that's me! There is a word for this??" moment. Just realized aesthetic attraction can have no bearing on sexual attraction. Great series Ashley!
You are such an amazing filmmaker/video editor, Ashley! I love how you have the on screen text along with the audio because I am a visual learner. I'm also super passionate about learning more about the "A" in LGBTQIA+, so this makes it a bit easier to understand an already complicated topic :) Thank you! (and I love your new haircut btw!)
These vids are so great! You always make me feel so validated and there isnt a ton out there on the A identities and that makes it so much better. Can't wait for part two! PS I am so in love with the song
this video has helped heaps and been so interesting! seeing people and thinking theyre attractive but not wanting to do anything sexual with them - i never new what this was and how i could describe what i was feeling - never knew this was described as an actual thing or that it had a name, aesthetic attraction
OMG THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! I thought I was so weird for seeing people and just really really wanting to be their friend. I thought it was some weird form of jealousy, or because I have rubbish friends to begin with. I’m aroace but always got confused about this. Same with aesthetic attraction, I find people pretty or handsome very often, but it never goes beyond that.
Your new hair cut is so so perfect! Love. :) Also thanks for the series from a mostly aromantic asexual who's sex-positive and supa squishy for all the genders. :) Oh and asensual, yeah they shouldn't touch me.
So, my crush is aromantic (I completely respect them and I’m willing to learn more about attractions and aromantic and etc) this helped a lot! My crush apparently has a squish on me, i first didn’t know what a squish was so I looked it up, I stumbled upon this video and of course learned of it! I have a sensual and romantic attraction to them, but I’m trying to keep it chill lmao, i didn’t even knew that sensual attraction existed and it explained a lot why I have the desire to hug, kiss or hold hands with them or touching in general without it being sexual or without having it to be romantic. I’m so happy I stumbled upon this, thank you so much!
As someone who was always really confused by my sensual attraction since I am a bi-gray-ace and quoiromantic. I always struggle to express the difference to people, especially since I do not have many friends on the ace spectrum. Sensual attraction is a huge deal to me, and seeing it talked about, really helped, so thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn I'm finding out so much in these videos, there are so many terms I didn't know existed! I identify with some of the topics discussed in the past couple of videos and feel as though I understand myself better as a consequence which I'm so happy about! Thank you so much for this series, I'd still be uber confused without it so thank you Ashley :) can't wait for the next one x
I have been identifying as ace since I started college but I didn't how true it was. Thank you so much for this video! I feel so validated and I'm in tears!
SQUISH.
THERES A WORD FOR IT
OH THANK GODS!
OH THANK GODS!
Amy Pond figured out the term for my stance on this. at last. and how is the doctor doing?
@@egghaver It sounds so cute!
OMG I FEEL THE SAME
I love it!
platonic attraction. so i'm not just weird, this exists, it's great to know.
A SQUISH. Oh my god I've been confused about the way I feel about a friend for so long and I'm so glad there's a word for that. It describes it perfectly. I thought I was just being weird and unhealthy about a friend! I wish these were more widespread so everyone would understand the concept better.
same
I love learning about Asexuality/Aromanticism in such depth! I've really not found anywhere that explains it so well. I consider myself to be on the asexuality spectrum somewhere and I think having all these definitions will really help me place myself :)
Same
love squish as both a noun and a verb.
actoutgames It’s also adorable to say. “I squish you.”
spoopydumpling or instead of "I have a huge crush on you/you are my crush" "I HAVE A HUGE SQUISH ON YOU/YOU ARE MY SQUISH" it's so amazing i love it I realize I have so many squishes
spoopydumpling That just made me SO EXCITED!
SQUISH! Oh my god, thank you, I've been calling it "friend crush" all this time, and I've always hated calling it that because it makes it sound like I have a romantic crush on someone I'm already friends with, and it just really doesn't fit. But squish is such the perfect word, it sounds so cute and describes the feeling perfectly just by the way it sounds. Also, this whole video series has been really informative, I never knew much about the ace community aside from just asexual and aromantic, and it's really great to learn.
same but i call it "admiration" but then again squish perfectly fits how i felt about these people i admire and want to be friends with (so glad there's someone like me who feel the same)
Thank you so much for making these videos, Ashley. As somebody who identifies as an asexual themselves (I'm an homoromantic asexual/asexual lesbian with an indifference to sex.) It's really hard to find positive asexual videos that actually go into depth on what it actually is. It really means a lot to me.
Homoromantic grey-asexual here, and my name is also Lindsey!
And I'm (mostly) indifferent towards sex
+Carsen Darling I'm a panromantic autochroissexual and I too love these videos. It's so nice to finally be able to feel included
+Tianna Violette (Ultraviolette) I don't mean to be rude at all, but what is autochroisexual ? I probably spelled that wrong 😂 sry
+Emily Corneail it's where you get aroused from stuff like porn but you don't have the desire to actually do the things you see in the porn 😂
as someone who's only recently started to identify as aro-ace (seriously, it's so difficult to notice the lack of feeling like ugh) these videos are really /really/ helpful to me :) the more i learn the more i feel like i've found my identity :)
Make sure to give this video a like if you dig it! :D
+Ashley Mardell
sure will!
Thank you for this. I have looked it up but you got into what I needed to hear. I've felt a lot of these feelings I couldn't place before and now I understand them better. Thank you! ILYSM!
Your haircut looks awesome! It's super cool!
Anyways,
notice me senpai!
-Lexi
Love your video. Incredibly informative. :)
+Ashley Mardell can you add this to the ABCs of LGBT+ playlist please?
+Ashley Mardell what's the song that plays at the beginning and end of the video? It's awesome!!
I definetly have squishes, also, love the word!
same it sounds so cute! Half of the time I don't know what I feel though, that includes feelings for others. I am always figuring out if I want to be in a platonic/romantic(&sexual I guess but I'm not experienced on that yet) relationship with someone.
+Tais Grim I'm bi. So I technically could have a crush on someone of any gender. At first I thought this word would never be useful to me. But when I heard what it means, I realized I had some squishes in the past !
I'm going to use this word in the future ! Thank you Ace community !
I have squishes all the time :3
hopefully you get a zucchini
Does anybody know if a squish can be based on physical appearance? I am confusion
I really appreciate this exploration. my best friend is a form of ace and lately she's been feeling sort of confused about it in relation to somebody she's taken interest in. I stupidly said some stuff i shouldn't have (due to being a very sexual person) and these videos help me be a better friend.
At least you tried to help them! How did it go?
BOOM. Ace and Aro video part 2 :)
ALSO, I cut my hair off =] head over to insta (ashleymardell) to see if you're curious ^_^
Comment question: What is your favorite thing that you've learn in this series so far?
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC AS FUCK! YOUR SHORT HAIR LOOK PERFECT ON YOU
Youre hair looks FANTASTIC
I'm just thrilled that you're coving this SO thoroughly!
Being celibate is a really difficult sometimes given the kind of discrimination that *does* happen to those of use who *don't* want to have sex, and I've found a kind of inclusion and comfort in the asexual community. Because though I feel sexual attraction, and maybe they don't, they still *get* that not everyone thinks of sex as the end-all-be-all of life, not everyone thinks it's the most wonderful, beautiful, complete feeling ever. And it means a TON to me to find people who understand after so long of being doubted, talked down to, or just disbelieved.
Thank you SO much, Ashley for giving this reality the attention it deserves!!!
+Ashley Mardell Love your hair!!
From the videos everything you feel is normal and ok, and not to let someone else try and define you.
From the comments alot of people are really accepting of the ace/aro spectrums and that the videos are helping alot of people be more comfortable in themselves :D
+Sydd Linden I'm glad you found comfort with us aces. :)
Omg there is actually a word for "having a crush" on someone platonically, how awesome :D I have experienced that so many times, like reeeaaally wanting to be friends with someone because I really found them cool or liked them, and it's almost funny how the feelings are similar to having a romantic crush on someone, just not romantically. Like you also get nervous around them sometimes. Most of the time, friendships just sort of happen, you slide into them somehow, but it can be hard when you admire a person platonically but don't know how to approach them or "ask" them if they wanna be friends with you.
SQUISH!! Oh my gosh, I've had so many squishes on people when I look back. I'm so happy there's a word for that.
i've been so conflicted with what my sexual/romantic attraction is and it's been really bringing me down. just learning about it more from this video makes me more at peace and i feel so much better :)))thxx
So glad more people are making videos for us asexuals, so people understand. I also realize I'm not alone. Thanks for making this!!
"Aesthetic attraction is not some kind of attraction where you're attracted to tumblr."
_it's not new_
Well thanks to this video my feelings have been confirmed that I'm in fact Asexual. For once I feel comfortable saying that. Thank you for helping me feeling more valid.
This was so great, Ashley, thank you for making and posting this series! I just have one gripe with the section on QPRs... the only thing that defines QPRs is that basically they're emotionally intimate non-romantic relationships. But contrary to what the guest said, they absolutely can be sexual. They don't have to be, of course. But they CAN involve sexual attraction and/or sexual interaction. This is especially applicable to people on the aro spectrum who are not asexual. Not to mention they can involve alterous attraction. Also, although as you say, QPRs can be incredibly strong relationships that involve things like living together and raising a child, they don't have to involve that level of commitment. QPRs are really just defined by the people who are in them, and they can absolutely look like a 'normal' friendship or best friendship. One of the reasons many people call these relationships QPRs instead of friendships is because friendships are so devalued in society and seen as inferior to romantic relationships, that they're not taken seriously. Moving across the country to support a friend, for example, would be seen really strangely by most people. Whereas doing the same for your partner is more socially acceptable. By calling your relationship a QPR, you're removing it from the confines of societal expectations, so you're essentially throwing out the script and making your own rules...I would have loved to make a vid for you, but I don't have a nice camera, I'm sorry! Hope this makes sense though :)
I've been questioning my own sexual identity as of late and questioning if an identity on the ace spectrum might fit my experiences and all these confusions I've been having and this series is so so so wonderful. The timing could not have been better in my life. It's so helpful to have all these terms explained and laid out in an easy to understand way by a variety of people who identify in these ways. And its also really validating to all my confused feelings to see terms for them and have people talking about it and being all "Yes yes this is a way you can be and a way people are you're not wrong or broken at all!"
Just thank you so much for all the hard work you've put into this series to be inclusive and a good ally and to educate people. I really look up to you.
I love the term squish, it's so cute
I like having a word For Squishes.
oh my god i think all i want in life is a QPR it sounds literally perfect to me. i've read a story about a couple that are like this and it wasn't specified as this but i loved the concept of it and now that i finally know what it really is and that it's a thing... it's all i want ;-;
I LEARNED NEW THINGS!! I always wondered what a qpr really was but now I realize I've had it as a life goal for a long time, I value it over everything else and it's exactly what I'm looking for but I never knew the word and now I do and I'm esthetic omg thank you! I'm also somewhere inbetween indifferent and repulsed, both sexually and romantically but maybe it'll fade with age. I know what I feel (I do experience romantic attraction and I do want to act upon it but not in a relationship way) and why so it's okay, but I'm having a hard time understanding the sexual part of it, though that may be because I'm too young. It's good to know there's a difference between sex drive and attraction because that was problematic but now it's easier. I knew everything from the last video and the types of attractions too, but this is new and I'm really happy. Thank you, Ash!
I love this series so much! I have a hard enough time getting my fiance to understand my asexual/demisexual-ness that I barely mention the aesthetics or sensual side for fear of causing further confusion. These videos are a wonderful resource to help show all the different nuances that exist.
This, this is everything that I've been meaning to tell the world. This is like the result of all the conclusions I've come to when I was questioning my asexuality.
There are so many different concepts that need to be understood and separated (sexual attraction VS aesthetic attraction, libido VS sexual attraction, etc...).
I spent two years trying to make sense of it all, and I've spent so many months basically talking to myself, trying to find the right words, trying to make it clear. The guests in this video are literally saying all the things I've been explaining, both to myself and to others.
And it makes me so incredibly happy? For some weird reason, I feel so fulfilled. Each time they explained a word, I was raising my hands in the air and loudly whispering "YES!".
So, thank you so much. To you Ashley, and to all of the wonderful people who have participated (and many of whom I recognize, because I watched their videos about asexuality back when I was looking for answers). I am certain this will help many people in the future.
This series has helped me so much already, I identify as an Ace person and trying to figure things out and this series has helped me not feel so alone. A lot of people in my life don't understand and some of the things said in you videos helped put word to what I was feeling. Thank you so much co connecting communities and letting me know I'm not alone! :)
I'm gonna be sad when this trilogy is over.
Thank you, Ashley. Your old videos about asexuality are what clarified a lot of my life and are the reason I subbed to you.
And now you're doing this.
Thank you so much for drawing attention to the ace community and helping out those who are just as confused as I was way back when I started watching you.
-Aidan
Ashley, you have helped me so much this past year to really understand sexuality and romance and all of the different ways you can feel (or not feel) toward other people. A few months ago I had a huge, happy realization that I'm pan. I used to put off thinking about my sexuality and romantic attractions because I was just confused by it all, and I defected to "oh yeah! I'm straight." Even thought I knew there was more to it. Now, with your help again, I'm able to wipe away some of the confusion and realize that I fall somewhere on the line of asexual. There's so much stigma and misinformation about it that I really didn't understand what aces and aros actually were or how they felt. This series has helped me so incredibly much. Especially about knowing there is a difference between libido and attraction. I'm a 23 year old virgin who has never ever be in a situation where I wanted to be touched sexually, but my libido is crazy high and I definitely feel like in the right situation, with the right person, the right mood, I could have amazing sex. I'm not quite sure which term that falls under asexual fits me best, but thanks to you, I'm now excited to find out!
Oh, wow! I'm very impressed by the difference these videos are making for me. I've discovered lots of differences I've never thought existed and it really helped to understand some of my feelings. Thanks, great work!
hahaha I'm like the guy who experiences aesthetic attraction but doesn't want anyone to touch them. "go away" haha. same!
I am loving these!! There is so much that I did not know!! Thank you to all of the people collaborating on this! You all have clearly put a lot of work into it! I look forward to next weeks video! :-)
11:09 I was incredibly confused about how I felt about someone. I loved being around them and every time I was around them I felt amazing, her even being around me always made my day. I didn't feel like I liked her romantically though, but it seemed to go farther than just a normal desire for friendship.
I just found out about the term, and it seems like she's my squish! Thanks for clearing up that confusion
I literally just discovered your channel an hour ago, and within that time I've actually started crying because this video helped me solve the missing piece of my sexuality that had been confusing me for a very long time, alterous attraction! I don't even know how to say thank you enough IM SO HAPPY
Thank God for this video! I've been having a platonic crush on my friend for days but had no clue what it was. Nearly went insane trying to figure it out but then I saw this and suddenly understood. I have a squish!
This channel is the best! I've been able to understand so much about myself through these videos. Thank you!
Thank you for this Ace and Aro video series Ashley, and everyone who has spoken in them, this is incredible!
Thank you for posting these perspectives with respectful and compassionate explanations. I especially like the speaker around 4mins. The speaker could have chosen to cast blame and judgement for others' perceived ignorance, but instead chose to differentiate using examples many people can appreciate. This is illuminating. By having discussions like this, we can begin to understand each other. Thanks again for making it educational, not critical. :)
From someone who has been seriously questioning all of this, thank you for making this. It's explaining a lot of the things I've been feeling all my life.
Thank you Ashley for making this series! It's so wonderful to see such an informative, positive video series! I've learned so many new terms, including a squish which I've definitely experienced before and it's great to have a name for it now.
This whole series is absolutely fantastic, Ashley. Wonderful work! I work at the GLBT Services center at my university and being able to direct people to your videos to help explain concepts and identities to them is awesome. :)
Thank you for bringing up sex positivity the way you did! Discrimination against not wanting to have sex is something I've come up against a TON being celibate. People just don't believe anyone could NOT want to get laid. It's such a socially foreign thing that sex can be traumatic, or emotionally negative, or just uncomfortable for others.
And I've often had people not believe I've never had sex simply because I'm not naive about it - as if choosing not to have sex means I can't learn about it or know what being turned on feels like or what I find attractive or enjoyable. Just because I'm celibate doesn't mean I don't masturbate, but that's REALLY not something I talk about in civilized conversion BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL AND PRIVATE!
The best inquiry I ever got from a friend about being celibate was a curious question about how I was making a 5 year relationship work. And she asked very kindly and it was clear she wanted to know either just because she wanted to learn, or even for her own benefit.
So, THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking about how sex positivity needs to be more inclusive!
Also, I was amazed at how many of the attractions I've actually experienced somewhat separate from one another. I wasn't expecting that. ^_^ Ha! Learn something new every day! ...As well as the idea that I could totally have a QPR with my best friend... what a head trip...
I know when I would say I am asexual someone genuinely thought I was choosing to be. I explained it to her as I just don’t find anyone attractive which is not the best way to describe it but I have found many aces understand better so that’s when you use all the fancy names. Blew the girls mind though.
Absolutely LOVING this series, it's really helping me think over and clarify my identity/labels, thank you Ashley et all :)
My girlfriend is asexual and thanks for uploading this video! Anyone got tips for me? (I am not asexual)
Basically, the answer is... Ask her. Of you're totally fine with being in a sexless relationship, then there really isn't any problem. But if you have a high sex drive and find the lack of sex to be frustrating or unsatisfying, then you may want to talk to your girlfriend about maybe having an open relationship where you can have sex with other people, or possibly ending the romantic relationship if it's a big deal for you. Whatever you feel will best suite your needs, and also your partner's wants.
You should also ask her how she feels about having sex/doing partly sexual acts with/for you. Some asexual people are okay with some things, maybe she could pleasure you without you touching her. It's different for everyone, some aces are sex repulsed. Talk to her. It might work out just fine!
Once again amazing! Very well explained. This also gives me a lot of insight into the aromantic spectrum, which is sometimes difficult for me to understand.
I've also decided that once the series is finished, I'll show them all to my mum, because these people explain it so much better than me. I'm so excited for that! :D
Great job, Ashley. Love the info that everybody has to share. Helps to understand better each of these categories better. It's also great to share what you know with others. So that those who don't know can learn and be better prepared and understand more about all the different things each individual experiences because none of us experiences the exact same things. Similar but there are always a few differences. If it weren't for the internet I still wouldn't know what was what. I'm glad for that and for people like you who are willing to share with others to be better informed about things and that you are also willing to learn new things that others have to share when you don't know something. It's all good when we do that instead of ignoring what we don't understand. Me and my rambling. Have a lovely day.
These videos mean so much to me. I'm an ace and alterous attraction just fits so well with how I feel - thank you, to Ashley and all the creators (that I'm now subbed to)
im so happy alterous attraction was mentioned!! i'm in an alterous relationship right now & this is the first time i've seen it mentioned anywhere more mainstream :) thank you!!!
Even after 6 years this is part of the best videos on ace education, thank you so much for it!
I'm so grateful that this video was made! I enjoyed it a lot, and I realized that a lot of these labels describe me perfectly. From now on if anyone asks me about my sexuality, I finally can say that I'm ace.
Thank you so much for making your videos! Over the last year, your videos have really helped me to find myself and understand who I am. Videos on youtube about asexuality were really scarce at the time so yours really helped me. Until I saw your videos I was really confused and thought maybe I just had commitment issues, little did I know I was asexual. It's really comforting to know that other asexuals who are with a heterosexual individual are able to make it work and that I'm not crazy for hoping my relationship could work out. :)
I love love love this! I love it even more than the first part! thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! *cries tears of happiness* You are the best and there are not enough words in this world to express my gratitude to you for making this series
honestly i can't wait to see the next one because i am learning so much about myself with these!!! like, i knew i fit somewhere in the ace spectrum but wasn't sure and felt weird and unsure calling myself that but now that i know there are so many more orientations and types of attraction, i feel much much much better knowing that i am not weird or alone or messed up. so thank you for making these, to you, ashley, and everyone that helped out
I've only recently found your vlog starting with this series, and I'm super happy about it. I identify as a pansexual aromantic, and from this second installment learned the term Alterous attraction. Really though not enough people understand the Ace/Aro part of the community and brush it off. So thank you for addressing and bringing more light to it.
Thank you so much for posting this series it helps a lot to understand on where you fit in this large spectrum and that everything is ok ! Thank youuuu I feel so revealed
I'm an ace and I'm so glad you're doing this series! ^_^ It's especially awesome to see Kai, since ey is also one of my favorite RUclipsrs.
I absolutely love this series! I knew most of these terms but these videos explain each term clearly and I'm learning so much! Thank you for making this video series, Ashley
as an ace person myself I'm so glad this series is going out :) it's really nice to see such a comprehensive and inclusive set of videos about the asexual spectrum!
I love looking back at these videos and see people who where like me learning all of these new terms and finding new words that they can now identify with.
I just wanted to say that I've struggled for YEARS with my sexuality and this video helped me a lot! I've never been interested in sex at all, and have realized recently that I'm not interested in dating either, at least in the romantic phrasing of the word. This video made me realize I've been experiencing aesthetic and platonic attraction, and that it's totally normal to find people attractive without wanting to sleep with them. Thank you so much for helping me discover something about myself. I've been having such a hard time dealing with trying to find how, where, or even IF I fit into the ace spectrum, and I'm so so so happy I watched this. I feel so relieved that I'm not somehow broken. :)
That song at the end is so great. Also, I had no idea sensual attraction was a thing, but now that I do, I realize I have felt it quite strongly before, and I'm so glad to have a word to go with the feeling. :)
AHHHH this video defined so many parts of me, and made me feel better for having a word to describe what I was feeling! Thank you so much! These videos are amazing so far :))))
Thank you for doing this series, Ashley. It's super important and helpful, and I really appreciate the effort you're putting into it.
OMG Ashley thank you. I am a homoromantic ace gal and I showed these to my rather sex-positive sister...now she's slinging out terms like "zucchini" and "zedsexual" more naturally than I do. You and your collaborators on this series seriously rock!
I love that this video is helping me figure out the terms that describe things I've experienced. As a grey-ace who's never participated in sex, I consider myself sex indifferent right now but I can see myself being sex favorable with an intimate partner in the future (that's why i consider myself grey-ace instead of completely ace). and I absolutely have a squish right now! I love expanding my lexicon, especially when it helps me figure out what's going on in my messy brain. :)
love this series - so glad you're making a resource out of it! and I'm sooooo glad to see some ace love
I love those videos so much, they're so educational and now all these terms seem way easier to understand!
Thank you so much Ashley (and everyone else involved!) for making this video series! I commented a similar thing on the first video and now i'm saying it on this one and i'll say it on the next one too - these videos are helping me so much! This videos cleared up a lot of things for me in my mind and learning all these terms that i'm like 'oh yeah, I can identify with that!' is really great. so THANKS AND KEEP BEING AWESOME! :D
i watxhed this about a year ago. i was already questioning and this made me understand ace/aro and helped me alot in realising who i am. now i identify as asexual and watching this again is helping me understanding things that makes me unsure. thank you ash for doing this series. its awesome and helps
Thank you for this! This video has definitely helped me understand more about myself and other people. I'm happy you're putting this information out there!
Thank you for all of these videos, Ash. Like I am so confused about my sexuality.... and I'm very grateful that I can go on youtube to learn about all different genders, sexualities and attractions. It's so helpful to so easily access easy to understand explanations to these words. Thank you so much for that. You probably won't even see this comment but if you do then I hope that you understand how great and important all of your videos are for us. Stay awesome :)
Thank you so much for doing this video series.
Because there is close to no media representation of Aces/Aros, I need this kind of video to help me validate my sexual and romantic orientation and to feel like I am not the only one on the world, who is are or ace.
I literally can't wait for the rest of these videos. They're so interesting. I had no idea about most of these things and I'm having a lot of self realization
Wow I've leaned so much from these videos, and a lot about myself as well! I've experienced squishes on people, where I want to impress them and be cool and funny around them, but I didn't have any desire to be with the, romantically. I just thought this was a weird crush, but now I know. Thanks Ashley and everyone else who helped make this fantastic video!
There are so many words for describing how we relate to other people and I love that.
I LOVED the platonic attraction explanation. It's REALLY helpful.
I'm so excited for your book. I want to learn more about different sexualities. It's so interesting!
This video has potentially just changed my life, thank you so much!!!!!!
I love this so much. This conversation is so important.
I am so happy that you are making this series. This means so much to me :) thank you
Plus I love these videos as I am a student hoping to study nursing from September, after working in hospitals in A&E and perhaps as a frontline medic for a few years I want to get into sexual health. I want to change the syllabus in the UK to improve gender and sexuality education, to give and honest and open education to those in need and promote the need for healthy relationships. These videos are SO important for me in increasing my current knowledge and understanding and awareness so that I can stay aware and I aim to stay educated so that I can pass my knowledge on to the next generation! May even be using these videos as an educational resource! I love them!
I have already known I am asexual/possibly pan romantic, however this has made me realize something about myself. I am VERY prone to have what i now realize is QPR crushes. This has cleared up something i have been confused about for awhile now, thank you and everyone involved with this project!
Also, I really looked forward to the next installment!!!
Holy shit. I just had a "Oh wait, that's me! There is a word for this??" moment. Just realized aesthetic attraction can have no bearing on sexual attraction. Great series Ashley!
You are such an amazing filmmaker/video editor, Ashley! I love how you have the on screen text along with the audio because I am a visual learner. I'm also super passionate about learning more about the "A" in LGBTQIA+, so this makes it a bit easier to understand an already complicated topic :) Thank you! (and I love your new haircut btw!)
These vids are so great! You always make me feel so validated and there isnt a ton out there on the A identities and that makes it so much better. Can't wait for part two! PS I am so in love with the song
this video has helped heaps and been so interesting! seeing people and thinking theyre attractive but not wanting to do anything sexual with them - i never new what this was and how i could describe what i was feeling - never knew this was described as an actual thing or that it had a name, aesthetic attraction
I'm still really happy with how you're handling this topic. Great job
Thank you for making these videos, Ash, they've helped me quite a lot with discovering my sexual orientation.
Ashley this is so amazing I'm just so happy that this exists and that there's all this great information in one place now and just... :) thank you
The info on sensual attraction blew my mind! Thank you for educating me!
OMG THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! I thought I was so weird for seeing people and just really really wanting to be their friend. I thought it was some weird form of jealousy, or because I have rubbish friends to begin with. I’m aroace but always got confused about this. Same with aesthetic attraction, I find people pretty or handsome very often, but it never goes beyond that.
This is SUCH an amazingly done series, so compact, I think I can send this to my friends who don't understand asexuality well yet... :)
Your new hair cut is so so perfect! Love. :) Also thanks for the series from a mostly aromantic asexual who's sex-positive and supa squishy for all the genders. :) Oh and asensual, yeah they shouldn't touch me.
So, my crush is aromantic (I completely respect them and I’m willing to learn more about attractions and aromantic and etc) this helped a lot! My crush apparently has a squish on me, i first didn’t know what a squish was so I looked it up, I stumbled upon this video and of course learned of it! I have a sensual and romantic attraction to them, but I’m trying to keep it chill lmao, i didn’t even knew that sensual attraction existed and it explained a lot why I have the desire to hug, kiss or hold hands with them or touching in general without it being sexual or without having it to be romantic. I’m so happy I stumbled upon this, thank you so much!
AAHHHHH THANK GOD FOR THIS VIDEO I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT ALL OF THIS ARO/ACE ATTRACTION STUFF THANK YOU I UNDERSTAND MY ROMANTIC ORIENTATION BETTER NOW
I LOVE THAT THESE VIDEOS EXIST SO MUCH.
It makes me really happy :)
As someone who was always really confused by my sensual attraction since I am a bi-gray-ace and quoiromantic. I always struggle to express the difference to people, especially since I do not have many friends on the ace spectrum. Sensual attraction is a huge deal to me, and seeing it talked about, really helped, so thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn I'm finding out so much in these videos, there are so many terms I didn't know existed! I identify with some of the topics discussed in the past couple of videos and feel as though I understand myself better as a consequence which I'm so happy about! Thank you so much for this series, I'd still be uber confused without it so thank you Ashley :) can't wait for the next one x
I have been identifying as ace since I started college but I didn't how true it was. Thank you so much for this video! I feel so validated and I'm in tears!
Thanks so much for making videos like this Ashley, they're always so super helpful and informative!
Another great video. Thanks Ashley, I really appreciate all the work you put into these.