Catching Yourself in Self-Defeating Behaviour Before You Sabotage
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2025
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One of the most powerful strategies for healing and catching yourself in self-destructive, self-defeating, and self-sabotaging behaviours is self-awareness. Tim goes over some of the most common cues to look out for when monitoring yourself for this harmful behaviour.
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Chapters
00:00 How do we change self-sabotage?
00:27 Self-awareness
01:18 Avoid slipping back into old habits
05:05 Mindfulness & self-care
06:17 Be aware that your brain is lying
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DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are in crisis, please contact your local crisis hotline at 988.ca/, 988lifeline.org/, dial 988, or call your local emergency services.
This guy is absolute gold.
Complex behaviours explained in simple terms, with achievable solutions that we can relate to. All delivered with clarity, compassion, and without judgement. These videos are a generous gift for those that need to heal ❤
I just have to say, when listening to these psychological videos that explain so much of what I’ve gone through and now how to honestly deal with myself at 44 years, gives me the same feeling I got when I finally found a Pastor who could explain the Bible in laymen terms 15 year ago. And I am grateful for that ❤
The thing is, if you self sabotage that is because you don't feel safe in your body and staying present here and now feeling the uncomfortable or paifull emotion feels overwhelming.
So you try to escape yourself by going to avoidance and emotional numbing behaviours just in order to soothe yourself. This is not your fault, it just means that your nervous system is disregulated and that you don't yet know better tools to help yourself in an effective way.
It is your responsibility now to learn how to do this for yourself and how to create a bodily felt sense of safety, which you can totally do by somatic experiencing type of exercises. Being aware of your patterns of behaviour and triggers is an important part of recovery. But first your body has to feel safe or it will pull you back into hard wired disfunctional attempts at self soothing.
This is not a strong will and need to apply effort kind of thing. In fact self sabotage gets worse as you try to fight it or as you try to make sense of it and of your life trauma story, simply because all of that makes you feel even more unsafe. Creating the feeling of safety in the body really is the key here.
Excellent insight
Thank you
Wise words
Thank you , I needed this
Thanks
Love this. You have a site ?
Self pity is my worst one. I operated from this place for so long, judg8ng others, blaming only external things for my continued misery. It's hard to resist, but admitting it to myself, really accepting it as something i was doing to myself has given me some strength to resist it. I hope to reach a place of not blaming anyone ever, of taking full responsibility for my healing. Its much harder than i thought, especially when i refused to even see it.
Amen! Amen! 🎉
I’m confronting my childhood with a narc mother once again because I’m blaming her for my flaws like crazy lately after a relahip breakup. It’s an opportunity for growth. The thing I’m realizing is it’s given me a new awareness of all damaged people and narcissists in general. I see how I attract them. I think I have a lot to give re helping others. Helping others gives so much back to yourself, and may be the key in my case at least.
I’ve had this video saved in my ‘Watch Later’ list and it kept popping up on my Home feed so I finally watched it. I want to say, it was what I most needed to hear in this moment because I’ve noticed myself sliding back into old habits and patterns and am having a hard time getting them under control. I’m gonna take a look at why I’ve been doing this. 🙏🏼
I recently met a woman who was almost everything I’d ever dreamed of in a girlfriend
I sabotaged it completely, out of fear, panic, anxiety. I still can’t believe I ruined that
😢 So sorry
I’ve done that with my past 3! All seemingly amazing. Lessons to be learned for sure.
Are you in therapy?
I did too and it’s soul crushing, you’re not alone
think we all learn that lesson at least twice ❤
After watching Tim Fletcher I don't need to write a biography of myself anymore. He already did.
Thank you
Really great
I got what the trigger is
Never knew it was self sabotage!
Self sabotage: doing for others that can do for themselves and eliminating my own self care .
yup me. thank you for clearing my head! my old behaviors; instant gratification. stop exercising, drinking, no yoga, never get perfection, risky sex, eating too well, neglecting self and children, procrastinating, isolated purpose, mindless things, nothingness, criticism self then sabatoges yourself 😮
This man is an amazing blessing
Yes...right on time 🙏 this is the most important lesson of my life. Thanks Mr Fletcher 🙏
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
I find something about those subjects i am doing actually well but sometimes when you watch those vidéos you just overthink about it i discover that im doing very well i advice you to have patience with yourself and not overthink things
You’re such a fantastic lecturer🙏
Yes. This is the one, and I had to share it with an acquaintance. Emotional support is mine, I've begun to place boundaries; I'm done with playing small to people's fragile ego.
Yep
WOW!! Thank you, Tim. I will be more mindful of self-defeating behaviors. Prior to working on my inner self, which is a process, I was self sabotaging on a daily basis. I've come a long way. This video is a great reminder for me to continue to stop self sabotaging. Many thanks.❤❤
Thank you Tim Fletcher. Sending LOVE to you and everyone who needs it💖💖💖
Thank you so much 🙏
This is the theme of my therapy this week. I'm halfway between sessions and back-sliding so this is so incredibly helpful. I've watched it 3 times and taken notes. Thank you so much Tim.
I always take notes when I watch his videos. 😊
You can be the best you but if there is no light at the end of the tunnel and you continue to fail and fail over and over even though you had put in your best efforts it becomes hopeles. Conclusion is that you are nothing without your environment. If the environment is toxic then nothing will work. And as long as people keep having this false belief that we are all individuals that control our own future this problem continues to exist.
Thank you for your gift for me
Thank you Tim ❤️
Wonderfully pin pointed the self-sabotaging habits, thank you sir for this video 😊
Always illuminating the rock chipping project my personality requires. Grateful. Thank you always.
Great message, thank you!!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart❤
Love this video! Thank you! Is not easy to heal but is possible!
Thank you 😊
Thank you Tim..
Thank you, Tim. ❤😊
Wow I needed this
Yes, I recognize most of those behaviors.😊
God blessed u Tim. TY for ur help and wisdom.
Truth ❤
Thank you. This helped me.
So accurate. It's not so obvious that you're slipping up, when you're slipping up.
Thanks Tim 🙏
Thanks🕊
So good!!!! ❤
This was helpful
I can to relate to mostly everything you have said. I am self-sabotaging myself. And I’m curious as to why. Why do I keep doing this?
Why do I have to catch myself? Why do I have to parent myself? And what is a “shame-thing” and how do I know if I have one? #cepv #IMustWin
Example, I want to be in a relationship, but when I like a guy and Im about to meet him, I dress badly, don't do my hair or make up etc. When it's any other man I don't care about I am perfectly put together. It goes for any other things too, the way I speak to sb I like vs others.
I’m completely opposite and think it’s a problem 😂 simply because I want to look better when in contact with a man I really like, but it’s too much pressure and the standard that I usually don’t maintain in my real life. Why do you think you do the opposite? Maybe you want to be liked when you are not “the best self”, in a way show them not the perfect cover which can be smart because if they stick around then they really like you and not just for your looks!
@@alimay967Well I can't be sure, but I don't think it is what you described, because I would just dress consistently for everybody being self-confident that no matter how I look they would like/accept me. But with this is different I put effort when I dress for work or parties with friends, but not for the crashes. I usually start dressing up nicely then I criticize it in my head, sth like 'why borher, I'm ugly anyway' and then I change back into sth worse or don't do my hair etc. @alimay967
Overwhelming
I see I've come a long way. Yet, I could see alot... 🥰
Geez i have all those self sabotage habits😅 . Katrina.......
@UCRB3M8O-4PegtLmGfgjAo9A I'm working hard on being in the moment.
You have taught me so much and it's all coming together.
One step after the other.
I recognize what your saying and putting the puzzle pieces together for a better NOW and future. Your so insightful, very deep .
Thank you for acknowledging my feelings in my CPTSD so I can practice CBT , God bless you as I'm sure you have and are saving many minds as mine and lives. Katrina
How do I know if it's self defeating behaviour or the opposite? Like if I relax how do I know it's self care and not slacking?
DAMN... i felt this 💯👌🤯😲😬🤦♀️ Lord help me! Lol 🙏😩
The weird thing is... sometimes get feelings or perceptions of superiority... and other times, I get feelings of inferiority. Is this due to insecurity?
Making false confessions is easier when they won't stop accusing you.
❤❤❤
What the title of the full video? This video is extracted from which lecture?
I think he started making shorter videos.
💫
Why is it always the self-sabotage we have to focus on, instead of the constant narcissistic sabotage that still impedes us, and started the self sabotage to begin with.
The Beastie Boys, “Sabotage”.🤟🏻
thank you so so much