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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- Codependents and narcissists are always drawn to each other. Narcissists need someone to admire them, bow down to them, put their needs first, give them what they want without question, and generally kiss their butts 24/7.
Codependents are only too happy to comply since they have a horror of abandonment, serious issues with boundaries, difficulty making decisions, and serious needs for approval recognition and validation. Codependents feel guilty and ashamed when they take care of THEMSELVES, and the narcissist loves to exploit that guilt.
Narcissists are the epitome of selfishness and make really poor partners in relationships where both partners are required to give selflessly to each other. Unfortunately, the majority of men demonstrate at least some narcissistic traits which single women must learn to recognize. Whether you opt to continue the relationship is your choice, but at least this way you'll understand what you're working with.
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Invested 16 years off and on to a Narcissist, and couldn't quite put my finger on his issues until very recently. I studied psychology in college and it never occurred to me that this man whom I have two children by was suffering from a mental illness. I was raised by a loving father who adored my mother and adored my step mother and a mother who was strong minded and self sufficient. I took on these characters as an adult and it always seemed to irritate my now ex. He demeans me in front of our children, berates me, devalues me, has physically abused me before, he's a pathological liar and a habitual cheater. He constantly sleeps around and uses women for change and trinkets then has compared them to me whenever I've ever confronted him about his infidelity. I finally got the strength to tell him who he really is and that I am not going to invest anymore of my energy into him. I am done and I will never take him back! He's been a sleeping monster to me for the past 16 years and I can't imagine any woman being genuinely happy with him! He's one fucked up asshole.
@Destinee Williams Mcpherson-Let me get this straight: he berated you, devalued you, PHYSICALLY ABUSED you, constantly lied & cheated on you for SIXTEEN YEARS?! And you did not realize you were being mistreated?! I believe that we as Black women have broken SURVIVAL INSTINCTS. I find it incredibly sad (& scary) that so many women are enduring abuse of all kinds & they don't seem to understand the DANGER they are in. We need emotional education & self-esteem, which is EXACTLY WHY I FOLLOW THIS CHANNEL!
Debborah Cooper!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I dated a narcissistic black man for about a month. When I insisted on putting the brakes on the relationship because I did not like where it was heading he became as you said: irate, irritated and began being disrespectful and putting me down. When he could not control the relationship he ended it which was what I wanted. I feel so much relief and powerful. Thank you!!
"It's not a good day for me unless I hurt some man's feelings."
Most epic quote ever!
Hahaha!
Narcissist will also make you feel unprotected. He won't protect you at all .
How in the world would you even IMAGINE that the one victimizing and hurting you would magically lmorph into your protector???? Girl you are confused about what a narcissist is if you think that. 😕
@@Debsterism I didn't know about narcissist till now . I'm know now. Some times you have to learn what one is before knowing. I was raised with a narcissist mother and saw this behavior and thought it was normal. Just learning on behaviors of people .
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay. That makes sense. Well we all welcome you here so you can get up on the games these men play with women's hearts and minds. Narcissistic abuse is a very common one. :)
The worst kind of narcissist is the Covert Narcissist which is a subset and much more difficult to deal with than a general "obvious" narcissist (overt narcissist). The Covert ones are much trickier to identify and can leave one feeling like they're losing their own mind.
So true!
Narcissists love to make you feel insecure, they love to Triangulate at all times.
EVERYTHING WILL BE YOUR FAULT...EVERYTHING...HE WONT TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HIS TOXIC BEHAVIOR...THEY REQUIRE YOU TO BE ALL OF THIS YET GIVE YOU NONE OF WHAT THEY REQUIRE...ITS ALOT OF THEM OUT HERE...
I was codependent until I figured it out and got help.
WOW! That's it in a nutshell! I was groomed by a narcissistic father and took his behaviour as normal. Every man I met and dated was charming and funny but plain spiteful. I was attracted to the fact that they cared for their mothers. I naively thought the love bombing was love. Then came the lying the cheating and complaints about lack of money and being guilt tripped into paying for dates. It wasn't until I googled the behaviour of my last partner that I came came across narcissism. I wish I'd seen your video years ago, it would have saved me a lot of heartache! I no longer date or trust men with my heart. The funny thing is that narcs always feel entitled and when the opportunity arises they will try to re enter your life! Thanks for this video which I'm sure will help anyone sidestep narcs. Thank you.
all true...my father is narcissistic and my mother is codependent. She was trained to be and so was he! Talk about how these people treat their children. i was was expected, as a child, to tip-toe around my father's emotions...his feelings mattered more than my 8 year old thinking. He would scream at me like i was a grown man. At 5 years old i KNEW i was going to have a tough childhood with these two! i finally left the circus at 15 years old to live with a reasonable relative.
Ladies please stop saying you are a help meet! That is the code word for codependent
It's also code for "I'm a dummy!"
A wife is to be a PARTNER in her MARRIAGE to her husband. She is not to be shit else designed to make him be better than she is. Secondly, all that nonsense requires that you believe in magical beings that tell you what to do and how to do it. In my world I am the God and the only one that I should ever listen to. I will never help a man do shit unless he pays me.
Girl, I been said the same thing. A lot of these women praising these men are not attractive and would never be given the time of the day by those men. Also many of them have multiple kids out of wedlock yet have the nerve to tell black women how to act. SMH
Having a convo with a Narc..is like opening a empty can. Empty souls..sad.
Damn! The visual I got in my mind from reading that. LOLOL
You are right that Black women have been raised to be co-dependents by our mothers. Which we don't realize until we are adults doing too much in a relationship or marriage of our own. I agree that it's important to test men and know whether they are Narcissists before you marry and have children by him. A woman who doesn't realize that she is a co-dependent won't do a good job of Narc testing in the beginning.
This message is NOT received solely from mothers. Pastors, friends, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, fathers, older siblings, neighbors, etc all tell young black girls this codependent shit. I know this for a fact because I (a) witnessed it happening to school mates; and (b) because it happened to me.
My next video on mate selection is processing and will be uploaded within the hour. Please watch it.
That's true however my extended family members didn't live near by. I didn't see them enough growing up for them to influence my behavior. I learned codependent behavior from my mother who learned it from her mother.
How sad. Does she understand where she messed up?
I don't know if she really understood that she was a codependent but she had invested so much time into the marriage that she didn't want to end it. My father eventually caught pneumonia after receiving a head injury due to a fall and passed away. I learned from my sister that my mother spent the last 5 years of her life being manipulated into serving as a codependent for two of my children. They have tried to use the gaslighting strategy to manipulate me into assuming the codependent role but I said No.
Deborrah Cooper Thank you so much!! I am just now realizing after watching your video how much of a extreme codependent I was. I've only dated three men whom all were narcissistic and all ended negatively and abruptly. I have had family members mainly my mom úse me financially to point of no return. I am just now healing and setting boundaries. Your advice has been helping me approach dating and my personal relationships. For the first time in my life I am taking care of myself and saying no! 😊
Your dad was a smart man to equip you with a bullshit radar. I wish I was equipped with that sooner. My dad did say a few things but not enough otherwise I would have never become a codependent to a narcissist. Now I just want to get out with my life and the little sanity that I have left.
Been there!!!! Broke me all the way down. Wow.
Me too . Having a narcissist parent, I was thinking it was normal. I hate that I walked right into it .
We live and learn. Now we know better... Do better. The fact that you are listening to this video or others, pertaining to this subject, is a step forward to knowing better. Practice mindfulness and love to yourself and the rest will follow.
I think everybody has dealt with a narcissist man or woman, whether they know it or not. ANY man who expects a woman to submit to him is a narcissist, as far as I'm concerned. I thought all women were socialized to be co dependent. I can only envision a narcissistic man with a codependent woman. Would any other kind of woman even put up with him?
this behavior is rampant among bm especially the being ignored part, an bm that's constantly ignored is a ticking time bomb #blackmalerageisREAL
if they acted like they had sense, manners and class, they wouldn't get ignored. The fact that they are is their problem, one ONLY thry can solve.
Im sitting here shaking my head..cause you named every singls bit of my kids dad whom I got the courage to leave a year ago...I admitt I was/am a codependant...but the farther I am away from him the better I can find myself..thank you soooooo much for this. This helped tremendously....
+mina Jau , Awww you are very welcome. I wish you a speedy and complete recovery.
You're welcome.
My ex and I had issues because he was lazy as hell and I'm an extreme go getter. He expected me to solve all his problems and couldn't achieve anything he wanted to do without me giving him the blueprint. Even then he was too lazy to carry it out. I had an issue with this and unfortunately asked him to get his mom's take on the situation. She told him that I had no room to tell him anything because we aren't married yet! This was 4 years into our relationship! Everyone in that immediate family is a loser and his father/her husband doesn't work or contribute to the house and she pays all the bills. SMH!!!
I got involved with a 60 year old Narcissist and I didn't understand his behavior in the end and he literally tried to destroy me.
just for laughs, when i'm at parties i like to see how long i can get a person to talk about themselves.
i'd say the narcissism rate is slightly higher in males than females. in general, men have more mental illness than women. Narcissism is no different than other forms of mental illness.
I recall my ex narc stating early on in the relationship “There are no more long suffering women” quoting Bible babble (at the time he was perpetrating as a Christian). Now he jumped his manipulation tactics and is a hotep nigga. So sick
LOLOL
Spot on. And it made me laugh out loud a couple of times, guess that means I’m healing. I wish I found this earlier. But hey it’s never too late. Thank you so much.
My ex was like this, just like my mom. I cut them both out. It was a weird dynamic cause I have the skills to cut an N as much as they try to cut me but what a waste of time.
You are a very encouraging caring coach, and hilarious. Thank you for your videos. I really get alot out of them. You demonstrate well what healthy self love is supposed to look like.
I’ve been a codependent for a long time my ex situationship was the end of it for me my mom was one too stayed with an abusive man and put up with it cause that’s just the way it is she was an enabler and abusive that’s why my siblings are messed up and I’m trying to repair myself
Great start Maggie! Stay strong girlfriend... you can do this!
You talking about my exhusband ain't you!?!?!?! This shit is scary! That situation you said about him calling over the manager and making a big out of nothing was spot on! Damn! You either a genius or physic!
A lil of both maybe?
Excellent video and it has helped me tremendously. Thanks Deb❤️
Excellent as usual . I am around a couple in my personal life right now who has the narcissistic/co-dependent relationship exactly as you describe it only it's the man who is co-dependent . As I observe this situation I see a man whose self esteem is so low , who is so color struck that when he met this biracial woman he didn't care about her behavior or character he didn't care that she had two children that she lost custody of and that she was a very heartless dependent person who leeches off of men all he cared about is she was mixed with "good hair " now I see this guy being pulled down to bum status despite the fact that he had been on a job for 16 years. Co-dependency is a real sickness . The co dependent cares nothing about themselves. They think falling on the sword and sacrificing yourself for others makes you a hero . Most co dependents come from families that were very dysfunctional and the co dependent has a need to "fix" other people . These people don't need therapy , they need to develop self preservation and boundaries .
+Blindianswirl Two the narcissists have liw self esteem, dont get it twisted. Thats why they hate rejection, need constant validation, are overly emotional, whine, etc. From what you wrote I'm not convinced he's still not the narcissist. His need is the biracial thing...he feels that makes him more or better. You also describe her as dependent, which codependents are. I'd have to see these two together.
Thank you. I just walked away froma narcissist relationship, I wish I would have known about this sooner but thank you!
+Kimberly Rutherford . Better late than never!
@@Debsterism thank you
Girl....if you ain't serving up realness by the pound.....YES!! We raise our daughters and love pour sons. This is courtesy of the Black church. You can't melt me and pour my black ass into another black Baptist church!
Your videos and articles are so helpful, thank you for what you do! I'm gonna check out your books too, gotta support a sistah 💵👏🏾
Appreciate it!
Deborrah Cooper how do you find the strength to leave? I am currently married to a narcissist and we have one child. He's abusive emotionally,mentally, and have abused me physically. My confidence has suffered greatly. I have had issues with self- esteem for years after being raped throughout my childhood and watching my mother be abused by my father and step- father. I'm afraid to leave even though I have a great support system. It's not the physical I am afraid of, but the void I will feel. My heart is so heavy and my soul is depleted. Five and half years and I have been cheated on, devalued, embarrassed, etc and that's my husband.
+Priceless Beauty I have three questions.
#1: have you ever participated in therapy?
#2: what is the void you are afraid of?
#3: are you okay with subjecting your daughter to these behaviors, knowing how you suffered growing up.
Wowww-- every point is dead ONNNNN!! So much info-- THANK U
You about to have me in tears GIRL!!! I left my husband almost a decade ago but I still struggle with the shit I went through with him. I was with him from high school till I was thirty and he was my first boyfriend. I don't think I'll ever really get over that shit. Especially since the nigga ain't dead yet. he's older than me and he raggedy as hell now that I left him, so he'll be dead before me. I hope...
Imma hope right along with you. Sistahood!!! lololol
😀 I love this!!! I'm teaching a co dependency group right now and most of my clients are in these type of relationships. Melody Beattie's book Co dependent no more is one of the best books I've ever read. It's helped me as well.
+cns7404 Oh how interesting.
I had to watch this again because I had an encounter with one recently! Thanks again Deb ❤️
Dam Deb your head on! My ex narc displayed every one of these attributes.
:-\
This description of narcissistic men sounds like one of our presidential candidates this year. We don't need men like this in our Oval Office, let alone our personal dating lives.
This is a list of the Person I dropped!!! To a Teeeeeeeeeeewee!!!! And yes he exposed himself very early. His Behaviors Were All of the above!!! WOW!!!! You called it!!!! And the funny thing is just when I was telling myself something is up with this BOZO…. I found your posts. Started listening to them and Bingo this gave me all the ammunition to say, I think we should go our seperate ways.
+ZhanaZee Another great lady saved from a knucklehead! I LOVE these types of comments.
You are telling the 1000000% truth!!!!!!!! 💯💯💯💯💯
Codependents and narcissists go together just like a jigsaw puzzle. A narcissist has difficulty dealing with ppl who are not codependent. Blk women and women in general have been socialized to b codependent in a lot of cases
This is so true I see a lot of these pastors push chauvinism through the bible as well.
My personal opinion is all of these "prosperity gospel" preachers are narcissistic sociopaths.
Deborrah Cooper Point on Miss Debborrah. Could you please do a Video on Muslim , Hoptep narcisists? For example trying to control what you wear?
Thank you, I appreciate you.
omg this is my husband, my daughter stop talking to him, shes talks to me now. Because hes a dictator cant talk to.
Love the music in the background .. Can u lower it a little for the next video?
+KiKi Carr im five videos past that
Listened more of the video and can't believe I now have realized he's got this trait after a month he's gone/we're ended. A lot of times I noticed a lot of the individual traits of narcissistic in him but I never thought bundling all those annoying or bad traits is what narcissism is. Just sucks, wish I know about this video before. The older guy I had dated before that was definitely a narcissistic like 99% of what you said and shown on the screen exactly fits him, he's not black but he is Croatian (European/Mediterranean) businessmen name Hrvoje Steve Prpic, who also seems like a social media junkie. He has 2 teenage kids but left them alone at home while he's on business trips. Unfortunately I didn't get chance to know him will enough at all before anything happened, but from start he was not my type, regret that I never said that to him in beginning. He would act politely and more nice to fool me. He 100% has all the traits that were shown on screen, only not violent or didn't show anger in person, not a angry guy at all I think. He never gave a f about any of my opinions or advice on certain things like health, would all be judgmental, say something back to say whatever he believes is right, didn't care about my needs, difficult to get along with him unless I don't say much about myself only listen to whatever he says, be very aggressive with his opinions but I still wouldn't agree with most things he said, 100% he interpersonally exploited my trust few times by befriending me just for attention, admiration and sex >:-(. That little quote shown by Don Draper shown at 5:15 is exactly how I am, something that would worry me about trusting someone and it's really the big reason why at first I trusted this narcissistic guy in the beginning. He said things that were huge red flag before ever meeting him but I stupidly ignored it, didn't take seriously, I remember something like "great salesmen can get whoever they want" and also his bs critical comments about me waiting until marriage etc. :-( thinking it over what he had said before another ex girlfriend exactly was what end up happening to me. So quickly all this happened when I didn't know him in personally or his personality, nothing, he was all private and wanted to keep things secret. I remember times I would think positive of that bastard I would say nice things to him, but he mostly never ever mention something nice to me or anything to make me feel appreciated, never gave compliments, only pick on me about somethings to lower my self esteem as time went by, thought it was odd. Times that I was very upset and mad at him of many things such as rushing me to sex, lying, ignoring me, talking to me only for sex, etc. that would mention to him he would do blame game and bring up things about me to make me feel bad, like I don't have a job, grab my waist pinched me to make me feel fat or over weight when I'm not fat, said stuff or questions to test my intelligence like how many yards are in a miles so if I don't know it that means I'm dumb, also made many comments about me living with my family. It was so weird things I heard from him it would just shock me. Obviously it was things I already know for a long time that I wanted to change before I ever date. Now since dating that arrogant jerk and it ended, obviously I didn't change anything in positive way but trusted a bastard lowered my standards and lost my virginity carelessly, lost piece of mind and confused why all this happened way it did when I know better. I tried breakfast by up with him much sooner after about 2 weeks was gone dating him, didn't even meet him much didn't do nothing with him but my fear of abandonment and attachment I had towards him, it was reason I was chatting with him again, and we start dating again and again he was nice and charming towards me to get sex and attention from me for a while longer while he lived here during business trip. During last time chatting, I said to him over text how upset I am, feeling used and tossed aside just like that, he never said a word, nothing, didn't at all give a f. So pushy from start to finish to get sex but doesn't give a f that I have feelings and obviously that I'm hurt that I was virgin never wanted this guy or expected anything from him but only trust and respect, I wanted to wait as long as possible until I find my match, all changed as soon as I met this manipulating bastard. Didn't deserve nothing of me and used me and left me feeling gross and disgusted, just like that. He was a weak wussy if I just showed some aggressiveness, I wish was more aggressive towards him than nice from start and none of this would happened. He even seemed like he was into porn and would tell me to watch that garbage. Most of the times I felt like whatever concern or opinions I had towards things, he always ignored it or criticizing me about it. I really felt like a confused fool through out whole time if I did something his way and that was the worst feeling ever. Usually I don't like to do things someone tells me to do, this experience was very unusual, dating that jerk who's total opposite of me. Because I was a total clueless in the beginning, basically sacrificed my virginity, my needs and wants, sense of self during time I chatted with him, piece of mind, mental healthy, emotional and for no reason because I had no feeling no attraction , expected nothing from him but his honesty. Whole experience was very unusual and yes I hated it a lot because we just were 100 % not a match and made me disappointed I let him near me and I had to be nice to him for no reason. Always would tell myself I don't want to rush or anything, date a guy near my age, be best friends first and wait until marriage but this selfish bastard ruined it. Wish I had known about narcissistic traits in men sooner. I never had thought I'll end up being with one and I think I never known one before until this guy. Now this regret is obsessively on my mind. Now I know why I kept feeling like attracted to him when he was nothing like what type of guy I wanted as partner,mostly hated his personality at times but ignored it, i hated how annoying he is with with his smart ass sarcastic comments, criticizing my opinions, show fake sympathy act like he cared about me, manipulate me. Always when we met to go for lunch or eat out, he would Only want to go to places He wanted to eat at or watch a movie he wanted to see. All the things about co defendant is how I am I many ways that was shown on screen. I'm dealing with self esteem and low confidence issues since I was 12, but as I got older I was okay with being a loner and proud being single and virgin before because I didn't want to deal with bad relationship drama heart ache etc. my parents always had issues and are divorced. I'm Iranian and my dad has a lot of narcissistic traits and my mom I noticed she can be at times self centered. I can be self centered but I can be very Thoughtful and giving, but get hurt easily when I'm used unappreciated and criticized. I wish much sooner I had researched on RUclips to learn more about spotting a narcissistic man. So upsetting this is. So easily none of it could've happened if I hadn't been so nice and ignoring red flags :-(. I basically bent myself backwards for him because what I gave up I would've never done it if I was more couscous, wasn't thinking that what I'm doing or putting myself into later Soon I'll deeply regret my mistake but I became a fool all of sudden, i could've told him to F off but instead I'm submitting to his f needs and ignored my needs. Of course mistakes happen that way for everyone. This was just very unusual experience and not what I ever imagined my first relationship experience would be like. Just sucks :-( I feel used, feel guilty and ashamed of my mistake, more depressed, my excitement for dating is gone for now. 26 and half virgin wasted on a old trash. So upset I was nice and giving of myself to someone that's 100% wrong for me and I knew he wasn't the one but I didn't open my mouth and stop him. He's out and about enjoying life but I'm left feeling like a big fool. Upset that i kept all this mostly secret, covered his ass for he's got me into. So bad for women to be nice to stranger men. Don't want to make anyone sorry for me but it's so weird majority of men are like this.
Never be nice to men. They don't deserve it. Even if they are nice to you, trust me he's been a jerk or worst to many other women, so he STILL doesn't deserve it
Ya mama boys I got 1 he has brothers but he's only 1 who stayed w their mom and wow he's 33 and ain't shit.
U nailed this ✊🏾👨🏽
Thanks for another gem!
I'm sure the guy went on to become a hotep or something of the like. Smh.
He'd take his full blown hardcore frustrations out on you. Sometimes their own mother's is partly their first victim. Oh, I am not trying to be funny but they are actually that factually ugly. *Green disgusted emoji*
Wow great dating advice and very true. This terrible wishy wasn't dating experience I had for 3 months this year until ended when his ass left to go back to Croatia recently, throughout whole time he's a bastard older guy that was exactly this way :-( obviously in the beginning I didn't notice but I knew he seemed like being "know it all " stuck up, "I'm right your wrong" towards me. I hate those type of people but unfortunately got fooled by one. I'm codependent and he's total narcissistic. I definitely felt very upset and unappreciated for how much I gave up to him throughout whole time I dated or chatted with that jerk. I wish I had known these videos 5 months ago to save myself from this bad experience :-(
NARCISSIST, huh;......when in a disagreement with them, they're point is "NO POINT".
😁😂Lol you are so funny and telling the truth about them
Lol been there done that and when i first tried to break up with him he threatened to commit suicide
Lol
I had a guy pull that on me. I told him to do what he thought he had to do, but I was out!
YES,YES##!!!! MS. Goddess ZsaZa. that is so true,, and a lot of old ASS MEN are doing this low money, low budget pimp thing a lot ,, I mean these men are old enough to be there grandfather's, and using young women, to survive off of them,,,,,some of them think,, they been in jail. Theyso long,,that someone suppose to take care of them!! because they are Cowardly ,and weak!! But not all !! there is Black Chief who came out of jail,, and became a famous chief!! who helped other jail mates to be Chiefs!!
Men need to stop crying, and be men!! And men need to get jobs, and take care of themselves Man!!
Stop looking for women, with benefits,, benefit your Dame self!! We are talking about Narcissistic Men!! Who thinks the world is about them!! Ok!
You are on Tango with no face!! What are you hiding Man!! Ms. Deb is right!! Do you know what we talking about Man!!
I run into these type of men all the time!! They bore me!!
+West Adams -- that is not true. Nationwide employment stats of gender are completely different region to city to county. That may be true in the small part of the world you live in, but nationally more black women are employed than black males.
This video helped me in many ways. Thank you for being real and putting this content out. #newsubscriberalert
+Tieesha Essex -- happy to have you! Please spread the word
I went out with but was never serious with a narcissist black male who at one time carried a brief case of videos of him performing in sporting events.
+deva190 Why did that make me chuckle!!
deva190 what! 😂😂
Awesome, much needed wisdom. You're the best!! Thank You!
Learned alot thank you so much!!💖💖
You are very welcome.
Girl you are too on it. Keep preaching to these clueless chicks.
Real talk..love it!
This shit is deep!!!
Brooklyn Mermaid VERY!!!
What they say and what they do, Don't add up.
💯
I love you girl 👍🏽
I like that diagram of the spectrum of unhealthy and healthy behaviors. Did you create that? It is a very useful reminder. :-)
+Plague and Dystopia yes, a long time ago for a presentation I did.
I know this is probably off topic and must preface my statement by saying that I am not racist, prejudice or a bigot. I love everybody and as a Christian I am commanded to love everybody. But as a black man its a special kind of hurt/pain when the woman you married with 3 kids that are not yours is now having an affair with an older white man and when confronted about it she says and I quote "That's why I can't stand "N-Word" like you" just let that sink in for a minute and tell me if you wouldn't feel a tremendous of weight low self esteem.
Was she White?
I want to know that as well.
@@aliasno.4andover644 No she was not white. Matter of fact both of us are very dark complexion people. But she is a narcissist believing that she has a right to indulge in every pleasure that comes her way. Because I was steady, righteous, responsible and careful with my money I was deemed boring. We all know that boredom is kryptonite to a narcissists so while I was sitting in Church with her Children she was out screwing a white man. Just let that sink in for a minute.
Great advice that I'll be following!
i absolutely love the voice...yet, dislike the message. im so torn, lol. And the jazz music in the background was amazing.
+andsanp what about the message do you not like? Is it not true?
I believe you were really describing the average modern woman and slapping a male gender label on it.
+andsanp oh well if you bieve that youre crazy
andsanp what! Are you brain fogged? Go and do s spinach detox for a week, you come back better...
Re: 4:22 To answer how your dad and mom got together. Your mom although church going, didn't want those types of dudes you talked about in your article "The Black Church: Why it keeps black women single and lonely." Your mom knew better than to choose a mate from church. 😀
Afraid to commit? Proposed 4 days into relationship.
I wouldn't recommend accepting such a proposal. Sounds like a love bomb situation. Whether it is or not, you cannot possibly have had time to properly vet a man in just 4 days.
So true...it just horrible
DC do u have a vid I can share with a woman who found out a dude as a gf or is married? I swear I listened to some thing like that from u.
+eveningbreeze either episode 23 ir dating tips #4. Not sure exactly, but those two includes discussion on cheaters
thank you!
Its nice video with a good social interest
Can a woman be a narcissist too?
+Cejuan25 absolutely. However due to female socialization with religion, patriarchy and misogyny, women are 90% codependent, men the narcissists. And od course there is a range of both on a scale with some being only lightly affected and others neck deep in the bullshit.
Hey I was told by an ex that I don t want anyone cos I don t want him is that narcissism??
+Debbie B No, that is nigga bullshit. All you had to say is you want anything BUT him.
Thank you Deborrah for this I have admittedly suffered from low esteem and thinking I need to be in a relationship to be happy but things are definitely turning a corner I am approaching 50 but not going to let that stop me from improving
+Debbie B You should register for the Self Esteem and Confidence webinar taking place 4/27. Log onto my blog, www.survivingdating.com to find out more information.
Thank you Deborrah I have been proactive in this area and I will at details
kinda bad advice if u do this to a real man too much it'll make you seem like a problem.
Do what?
Erik Murray - And if he was a 'real man' then he wouldn't be doing 'that' in the first place, so problem solved !
omg i figured this out by the time i was 15, *that you have too get them mad before your totally committed, so you can learn whether you can live with their anger, timing is everything on that one.
"It's not a good day till I hurt a motherf@$#er's feelings" True Deb style! Love ya, Deb, that sentence made my day and it's only 10:30 am.
LOLOL!
I don't recommend messing with a violent N. I was dating one about 10 yrs older than me and I slept over at his place. We'd been seeing each other for months. Anyway we're in the bed and as soon as he sees I'm passing out, he starts to bitch about me not washing my plate or something I said I would do in the morning. Well he didn't like that, I said I'm tired so he started to terrorize me, I think I just got up and left. He blocked the door and carrying me back in. So that man was crazy. When I broke it off he started stalking me. N's are more likely to stalk you than sociopaths. lol They're fckn mental, power tripping and I'm stubborn as fuck. I date them cause my mom is like that growing up and my Grandma was worse. So I'm working out my issues. Just wanted to say make sure they won't kill you. lol
correct
My ex covert narcissistic left me after eleven year of marriage for 22 year old girl while he is 57 year old... he brought her car, treating her like she the wife, and this little girl told me, if I know how treat my man she would not have him... if only she know but she will! I put up with lies, moving out and coming back, manipulation, deceit, blame me for his several cheating and I still want to love him... he has played the victim especially to his girlfriend and family by lying on me. I was faithful to this man to be thrown away like trash! Now... I have to start healing from this senseless abuse. His excuse for being with her was our problems... our problems was not that bad for a third party to come in the mixes.
+Lisa Rollins-Carter dude is straight tripping! When he has a stroke and is all bent up in a wheelchair, she'll see
you are saving my life..thank you so much for these videos queen!!
You are very welcome.
This was very informative. Thank you
Is there a correlation between narcissism and sociopaths?
In that they are both mentally ill and suffer from Antisocial Personality Disorder (which there is a video on here about it). Most narcissists are not sociopaths, but it's difficult to find a sociopath who does not possess at least some narcissistic traits. The two have a lot of similarities that you will see in a relationship: very charming, but unreliable and dishonest. May be very intelligent but they use it to get over on people, not to progress anyone even themselves in an appropriate socially acceptable manner. They both tend to be very controlling since they are about getting what they want no matter how it impacts or hurts others. Selfish is a great word to use here. They also tend to have some outlandish and unrealistic views of their greatness, ego up the ying yang, and an unbelievable sense of entitlement. And when they hurt others they blame you for it and twist words (gaslight) you to believe it is your fault and that they are justified for treating you badly or abusing you in some way. They NEVER take responsibility for their actions and they are never sorry for hurting you. Even if they say they are, you know it's just empty words full of insincere hot air. They aren't worried about you at all. You know this because even if their mouth is saying the "right" things, there is a different in both language or voice inflection or expression, and there is an inappropriate emotional response like laughing at your fear or tears or shock or pain.
Both of these types are ridiculous. Sadly most men are narcissists though. All they think about is themselves and that is why the world is so fucked up, women are disappearing or being killed, the planet is dying, programs to help old and poor and children being cut left and right. They don't give a shit and have exactly ZERO empathy for others suffering.
I love you girl...man...I feel like I know this..but I break my own rules...so easy to get fooled
Thank you 👍 Mrs. Deb. You are 💯 PERCENT CORRECT AGREED 👍
Excellent as always Deb
A bit off topic, but how can one tell the difference between playful teasing and rude teasing/behavior? A guy at work told me I had "too much pep in my step and then made a comment on how I answered the phone?
Advice questions need to be submitted as instructed.
ms deborrah I really wish I could email you omg you should see how I'm being eaten alive on Facebook😂😂😂😂😂😂
+Misha Pisha friend me! Deborrahxcooper
Have you heard of Narc's ghosting, hoovering, deflecting, triangulation..etc? When I do have (limited contact) with my ex Narc..it's me making mental notes of his BS!..ha
Interesting topic, but the music is too much and it is hard to focus.
You complain too much.
Should men hold woman to this same standard?
I am not here to advise men unless you see a video specifically directed towards the male population. Which I have one coming up next week.
do you have an email address?
Contact information is at the top of the channel and in every show description.