Why Are South Sudanese Not Dating Each Other? The Men's Panel
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2023
- In this episode, the men respond to the women's panel and discuss the South Sudanese dating experience in the diaspora.
Please feel free to engage and challenge the perspectives, but please keep comments respectful.
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My mom always talks about the “younger generation of South Sudanese men” and how their views have changed. Man in The Beatles shirt is a prime example of how traditional mindsets and toxic views pass down to younger folks. This idea that we have to sacrifice happiness for a “ good marriage” is so flawed. A home filled with happiness creates a life that blossoms. We all know growing up that being physically present but not emotionally present does harm to our families. A father coming home after work and thinking his job is done is not enough. His contribution should be more than money. It’s emotional presence, it’s giving his time, and his love. Looking down on romance and flowers. Flowers are forms of showing appreciation, respect, and love. Imagine standing 10 toes down on thinking love and happiness are not important marriage. Haven’t you seen so many examples across the diaspora of unhappy marriages and dysfunctional families because of these beliefs.
Bless the man with the hat. He came with facts.
I don’t think you are understanding what he’s saying. Being married myself, I can tell you the fact women think in marriage you will be happy all the time is unrealistic. In a marriage there are seasons, just as humans we aren’t always going to be happy till the day we die. Stuff happened. Being in an unhappy marriage is different than being happy all the time in marriage. There will be times you won’t be necessarily happy all the time. In order to be in a long lasting marriage, respect and love and communication would be the top three in no order. Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes but if the marriage is rooted in this three things it will survive. I’m not saying be miserable, or if you’re in a toxic marriage stay. No, I’m saying women just because you’re in a season where everything isn’t great doesn’t mean you leave and give up. Now if it’s just a relationship, you have the right to leave. Marriage is between two people, if one feels unhappy COMMUNICATE how you feel and stay and see how it goes and carry each other as a crutch.
@@official_blackbeauty5874 I agree with you but I don’t agree with him. I think I understood him perfectly based on his words, actions, and general themes he was talking. This man literally said he would have “respect over love.” I don’t think his 3 pillars would be the same as yours. I doubt “Love” would be in his top 5. The way he scoffed at the idea of small gestures says a lot. Everyone with sense knows that marriage is not a constant state of happiness. Shoot, life in general has its ups and downs. I definitely think what you expressed was not at all what he was saying.
Very well said! Took the words straight out of my mouth.
@official_blackbeauty5874 bless you sir & wishing you all the best in your union 🙏🏿
@@arigodutI think what he (Beatles) guy was saying is, respect (and from my experience, women don't really love who they don't respect) and not like he doesn't want to be happy..but happiness is fleeting!
The high rate of divorce today is due to the chase of happiness, people give up on marriages today too easily (and when I say people here...I am talking women) women initiate divorce 70% & about 89% if they are college graduates.
Do a poll among men (of all races) love & respect, 70% will have respect as number 1
The women in the pervious episode have given South Sudanese men more grace than compared to what the men in this episode have given to South Sudanese women haha. Can’t wait for the mixed discussion!
I think it might be trauma from their moms tbh
I simply think that south Sudanese women have standards that south Sudanese men fail to meet, and will continue to fail to me so long as the ‘The Beetles’ shirt guy remains in that ‘traditionalist’ mindset. I hope likeminded people to him come to see the faults in this way of living. It is not *‘feminism’ that is deterring SSW, it is the SSM not providing what is wanted. We live in a time and place where a woman HAS to work ON TOP of doing things that are expected of her (cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc). If a south Sudanese man can not provide beyond that (the beyond being love, respect, compassion, companionship), why take him on? At the end of the day, we should all CHOOSE HAPPINESS
13:51 very sad to hear. Love and respect are not mutually exclusive; they can exist in the presence of one another. All my girls around me want love. I suspect that this is another source of the disconnect. Our parents grew up in a time where marriage was a necessity and is expected of you; it was no matter to think if you love the person you’re marrying because there were too many mouths to feed under one roof. Now, women are allowed to be picky and rightfully so. We should all choose partners that we feel the most with and I think that denying yourself love for whatever reason cannot be good for your soul and DEFINITELY not good for the children in the house.
Few things; (sorry I don’t remember names) but guy with the beanie was the most in tune with the conversation in terms of the questions he was asking. He identified the prejudices and the toxic androcentric perspectives expressed throughout the convo, especially by that of white cap. Shout out to the guy with the dreads who was honest about his experiences with colourism and self-love.
First let me say I am an American Black Woman with Roots in Southern North America and Jamaica.
This is such an interesting conversation... I am a fly on the wall and have nothing to add or take away. I'm just enjoying the conversations and I just subscribed because of this video.
Love the dialogue and the way how open hearted y’all was, truly beautiful.
Watching from Australia 🇦🇺 great conversation happy to see our men share their experiences 🥹
The happiness comment sent me over the edge……why be miserable in marriage when I can be happy single 😂
BECAUSE BITTER MALES WANT TO CONTROL YOUR CHOICES ! REMEMBER THAT! I DON'T CONTROL MY BLACK WIFE.
I LOVE HER!
His Mother did HER Role? But His Father isn't anywhere around to Raise His Children? That Telling!
The Dude who mentioned WW. Is a Red Flag! That's Gaslighting! Why did He choose A WW who wanted Him when He Built Nothing? What Did He Expect Her Family to think of Him? WP DON'T RESPECT FREELOADERS!...
I think a major point that doesn’t seem to come up is dowry. It’s a massive financial burden that girls and our elders seem to not see as an issue but it really is a big issue for young South Sudanese men when it comes to committing to South Sudanese women. And I think it’s because it doesn’t affect women and elders, as much as it affects us.
The colorism thing is more of USA South Sudanese problem, we don’t have that as an issue in Australia! Lol
A lot of women don’t support dowry because it also has negative implications on us. The elders are the ones who are pushing it on the youth and it’s doing more harm then they realize. When we speak up we’re told we’ve been “brainwashed” or “turning white.”
nah y’all do still based on the fact that i see how many women over there bleach there skin more so often then the north american ssd descended peoples for sure. The young women especially which is crazy to me
Don't lie about colourism being an issue in Australia, it is.
Yes there are younger gen now dating their own people and are proud but there is colourism.
@@neens8109 Perhaps, I should have been more precise with my words. From MY experience, colourism is not as big of an issue for South Sudanese Australians as it is for South Sudanese in America. A big reason, i think, is that we don't have african americans around to remind us of how dark skin we are and how light skin some of us might be. Our young people dating not dating their own are for many, many reasons. These are 2 seperate issues which do overlap at times, but again from MY experience, colourism is not a big issue for South Sudanese Australians.
@@Leekus13 Agreed. We don't seem to have that being so in our face as it is in the U.S. it's more of the vicarious lived experiences because of how talked about it is in social media and unless some take that on, it is less here.
Great convo folks . Just one feedback; next time allow each other to complete their thoughts out. This way, you’ve the time to synthesize what the other is saying. Now that aside,
Lineage Naming System:
I think we need to go back to why kids take their father lineage. Yes, one can argue it’s coz we are patriarchy society but I think there’s more than that. When a girl, say Nyaruach is married to Deng, she leaves her father lineage and move to Deng’s. She becomes part of Deng’s lineage and both have a task of continuing Deng household and so the naming is done consistent to preserving Deng’s lineage.
On the other hand, Nyaruach has a brother Duop who will marry Aluel. Since Nyaruach is gone, Duop is the one to preserve the lineage. So him and Aluel will have kids who then will be name after Duop’s lineage. Now someone is asking, would it be wrong to name few kids after Aluel Lineage? It was and is still happening, the family would agree and honor few members from Aluel side But remember, Aluel has brothers who will carry their lineage, it’s not necessary par se.
Remember the society had one goal; ensure continuity of life but with that they understood lineage is very important and one way of preserving was through naming. Ofcourse the problem here is not the preservation of lineage coz that arrangement could be arbitrary at all just like we can reverse Sun to set in the East and rise in the West, the real problem is why it was done that way?
One argument could to make things easier, since a lady would move to man house and they form one household, let her leave everything behind. our ancestors were solving a problem being solved by computer algorithm right now coz that family lineage is basically an algorithm. Assuming naming was overdone from Girls side(name her lineage in man’s household), it would have effects on the entire community interconnection. That’s why it was kept one way to ensure the algorithm works effectively.
But we are In 2023, why don’t we reverse that or mix? Few things we need to think of and keep in mind; society initial goal and how that would affect the entire lineage system.
I love listening to Garang. The aura about him.... Also, I loved Amanual's POVs in this episode. The other guy's a tad concerning. Love from the land down under
Garang talked good points about men leading
*sighs*
Sudanese culture. Dinka Culture is rich. However, please do your research on your ancestors. I wouldn't name my kids after certain family members unless I know their true character. For spiritual reasons of course.
Cheers 🥂
That is kalam farigh I am Dinka and we don't have such reasoning. Thats either stuff you got from West Africans or learned from hippies in the West. For spiritual reasons.. kinda shit is that.
@@72vince27lol
That’s straight cap that’s not no dinka tradition you on some new age Spirtuality stuff this is what living in the west does go read your Bible anything spiritual outside of Jesus is CAP The bible the only way you, just being ridiculous right now 😂😂
@@72vince27in west African countries there is not such as thing ,we don’t force women to have a name from one family member but we decide together to name the child .
21:49 same I moved to Utah in 2010
I honestly don’t like the lighting can y’all please fix it? ❤❤
Not blaming feminism..... that's the dumbest thing I've heard in a long time 😏
This is 2023 and some people really need to get with the times fr. I also find it interesting that the guy said he's in charge of marriage as a man. Bottom line is a woman still has to accept you. I also find it strange that some men think it's too much for a woman to expect basic romantic gestures lol...why would a woman want to marry a man who can't do that?
7:15 wow these deal breakers are so profound and unique, but mature 😊
Coz 3 years and nothing of knowing a thing? Damn. That's about to be 3 months That's it
KK onto something..happiness is fleeting
"We think fetishization is an appreciation and it's not" SNAP SNAP SNAPS!!
Other guys pretty open minded I respect that, even if they don’t prefer Sudanese girls, but at least they will respect the women they are with. The “Respect “ guy I pray for his woman lol. Such a close-minded person, ugh! I can’t argue with him.
The intro music was too loud😊
The guy in the Beatle Shirt is right about name and respect. I can’t love a man, I do not respect. Name is everything, you strip a man of his name, you left him without roots.
🔥🔥
Hi
You don’t need millions of dollars, just learn how to be adaptable, perform under pressure, and knowing how to be stable while being stable enough to take care of your lady and kids. Some of these men don’t even try and make it easier for players/fboys/bums to win competition
Koyom is right
It's true that men need respect, not love, because they interpret respect as love. Likewise, women need love(respect)
16:29 respect is big for us men. A woman who doesn't respect you can't even love you. So white hat guy..keep cooking! Lets freaking go! 😂
U need to come up with another topic next episode
i respect how koyom is so in tune/in love with his culture, african ppl love going to western countries and diluting every single thing that makes them unique for the sake of assimilation and “modernization” . are westerners taking up the names of your culture the way you do theirs?
You can have a marriage with happiness and everything else.
When you going to add niggas from Kakuma ?
We’re open to anyone in the community joining the discussion, however we record in Dallas, Texas. We’re going to figure out different ways to include the people who live in different states/countries.
You can email ladiesofsosa@gmail.com for further details 🇸🇸❤️
Hello
7:05 damn, south Sudanese folks down with that? 🤨
Guess we're different 🇳🇬
LADIEZ, DON'T SACRIFICE HAPPINESS FOR SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO "CONTROL" "YOUR "CHOICES! YOU DESERVE BETTER! That's A Red Flag.
A Husband
It's a sad self hate cycle. Idc what type of African you are it seems we all do it. Some body could be a slight shade darker and a fool got some bullsh!+ to say. We all need to start checkin our own a$$e$ over that shyt. I was checkin n!&&@$ in jr high and high school. I always knew yall were beautiful even when it wasn't popular. As far as im concerned we may have cultural differences but we are all Africans.
why do men keep saying they control marriage…unless the woman doesn’t have the choice to say no to your proposal? u can propose to 5 women. if they all tell u no, what have u controlled? your ability to embarrass yourself? 😂
I think most South Sudanese do date each other....But I think Equatorians, we are kinda all over, lol
Hello 🤩🤩🤩
The guy with a hat sounds so ignorant. There is no point of marriage if you’re not happy. That’s torture to build a life with someone you’re not happy with.
The host didn’t host adequately. Too much of her own opinion ad wouldn’t let the men speak
why aren't they in sudan making sudan great again?
😋 *PromoSM*
Self hatred
Man need respect and not love. Women need love and not respect. However, if you do one the latter will follow.
Why is the panel cosplaying black Americans? It sounds corny. It’s ok to be African!
What on earth are you talking about💀?
Less than 10 minutes in and i can't go on. I will leave with this: it seems you guys went abroad & trying to forget your culture..the fact that the world is changing doesn't mean every of our traditions need to change with the world.
Marriage isnt to make you happy. But even if that is what you going for, In the vows it says; to love & to hold'..love captures all.
Edit..
Let me keep going, i like what the guy with the while hat is spitting! Lets go bro