I'm glad I saw more of a reaction than an analysis today. Don't get me wrong, I like both, but this song requires a reaction more than anything, and you delivered. Thanks for that.
When I jumped to the premiere of Constance, I was excited because Courtney was in the chat and I had no idea what this song was about. Towards the end of the song, man, that was when this grown-ass man cry for the first time in 2020. I lost my grandpa due to alzheimer's almost 10 years ago. He was a superstar. The pain is still there and we continue to work through it. Thank you for doing this.
First time ever hearing this song or this band. Good lord, this is gonna hit even harder without the pauses, isn’t it 😳😖 “If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces” -Shane Koyczan
@@allenhuling598 thank you. All credit goes to Mr Koyczan. He’s an ABSOLUTELY brilliant spoken word artist I highly recommend looking up. If chase did reactions other than music, I’d probably be on every video requesting it 😅
Beautiful reaction my friend. The heavy distorted guitars slowing down towards the end marks the deterioration of memories. My grandpa suffered from Dementia, had series of harrowing sundowning episodes and finally, a stroke took his life a couple of years ago. He was able to join his beloved daughter- my mom, who passed a year prior to his death. I always tell those who experienced loss of their loved ones to be strong and not be overtly emotional when thoughts of them surged by, and think of all the good or funny memories of them. But deep inside, I'm not as strong as I think I am even after all these years. I'm broken at times. This song is meaningful to me by how much it hits close to home, so thank you for getting to this. I always adore you when you let your guards down. The power of an emotional song can truly humble us. I hope Spiritbox will see your genuine, heartfelt and thoughtful commentary to this.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The ending reminds me from what I have learned and know of "The Caretaker - Everywhere At The End Of Time" which from what I understand is a 6 hours auditory experience of dementia. I never dared to sit through it as I am scared to subject myself to that experience and really sit through it. The ending of this song is how I expect that experience to be and why I tend to not even begin to try to go through a full sit through of it. I'm quite scared of experiencing my parents going through that deterioration and I can only pray to whatever ethereal entity exists to spare us that experience. Please remember we're all broken in some form, and some of us are better at hiding it then others.
To be strong is not to keep emotions in, but to let them out, let them move. Emotion - E-nergy in Motion. By that in don't mean that you should stay there, acknowledge it, accept it and know it's a part of you.
When someone you love suffers from dementia, you lose them every day all over again. The body and face you know remains but the mind you love is distorted, scrambled, even replaced with something else, something that doesn't fit. like a shape jammed into the wrong space on a shape finder. And when the body joins the mind and they are finally gone. You're not left with the comfort of who they were when they were truly them, but this new broken image of terror and confusion where there was once strength and kindness. Love you brother.
I'm aware of the conflicting info on some of the details around the story. The power and message is the same. For reference this was the article I saw: www.deadpress.co.uk/news-spiritbox-share-emotive-new-single-constance/
People don't understand that we go off of the information available at the time when we do our reactions. These were OFFICIAL press releases that everyone saw. It wasn't until Dylan's dad commented on the official video that we got the real story around Constance. Funny enough, the people trying to correct us didn't know it until they saw it either.
@@TankTheTech Hi Tank, I was one of those in the comments who wrote that Constance was still alive. I personally didn't write that to "correct" Chase. I was aware that the information that was put out in the press release said that. I saw the comment on the video by Dylan's father who wanted to clarify that, hence why I mentioned it. Of course that doesn't change anything in terms of the power of both the song and video, and dementia is utterly cruel and devastating. This song and video are both heartbreaking and beautiful.
@@TankTheTech hey Tank, Chase - when are we getting a Chase-Tank joint reaction? Would love to have your combined might and insight on a single track, perhaps a live show to maximise the tech on show 😉
I know I said on discord please don't pause but I didn't really expect you not to totally not pause!! ... Music is kind of 2 things, it's technical and it's feelings, this is totally aimed at the feelings no matter the technical side of it. Thank you for doing it right!! ... I've watched my mum slowly almost become a shell of who she was over the last 3 years. Seen her twice since the first lockdown this year. It's not easy in any way shape or form!! Thanks again Chase.
"There is no technical explanation for the ability to turn pain and experience into art" Wow man. This quote right here is exactly what I have been in search of for such a long time and it's such a raw truth to humanity.
The dissonance in this piece is just as beautiful as the melodious parts. I really love the way Spiritbox can project beauty and brutality at the same time.
This song is like a warm hug everyone needed during 2020, a hug that everyone who listens to it can just ugly cry during. I lost my grandma to Dementia a few years ago and watching people react to this song and video is like therapy and for that I’m thankful.
Oh boy. Where’s my hoodie....? 💔 Edited to add: I see my Grammy's face when I see this. The tremors, the confusion, the struggle....it just cuts to the core. What a piece of art this video is. Oh my heart.
"Pain demands to be felt" Really got me thinking about how I became very good at avoiding pain directly and basically ignoring it, and with that the people who might need my support. That's not a good thing and at some point that emotion will come out, like it demands to be felt. Thanks for the mirror Chase.
My father had the displeasure of watching both of his parents lose their memories, and forget who he was. There was a point where he was so upset after a visit with them that went home and put a golfclub through the windshield of his truck. It wasnt until later that my mother would tell me about how devastated he was, and that he tried to shield us kids from it. At some point he just simply broke. Alzheimer's is ugly, and painful... I think this song does a pretty good job capturing that feeling.
Chase, I had to pause this few times, skipped the song bits and went straight to your comments, but then you went speechless and I saw you shed tears again...I lost it, mate. The Voice of My Father didn't effect me much because the man disowned me, but my heart breaks every time I hear this song. My 82 year old nan who played a major role in raising me, is still alive and suffering from dementia. My mum is her sole caregiver. It's been an excruciating, whirlwind journey battling with things that are not worth fighting for because there's no cure for it. The distressed son represents all of us who are experiencing the same occurence. We live 2 hours-drive apart and everyday I worry about nan. I worry about my mum's health too. At least that tadpole behind you made me smile.
I've never seen you so speechless before. This is a masterclass level in art no doubt. I've never had a family member with alzheimer's / dementia but I know what it feels like losing someone who means so much to you. My girlfriend works as a caregiver and I understand her frustration and sadness, it requires high degree of patience when taking care of an elderly with such condition. What a powerful message to raise awareness of Alzheimer's / Dementia this was.
The tears on her face, and that hard swallow at the end. That's when it comes to the fact that this is real. The emotion is there. Hard to be real, but...just to see that...real sadness...it's all on display. It's absolutely art, and just...ugh...
This one hits hard, like you said pain demands to be felt. Although I was adopted, my adoptive grandmother was an MVP. She loved me like her true bloodline. RIP Nana 🙏
A lot of music has given me chills, Constance was the first to reduce me to some semblance of anger, sadness and a longing for the ones I've lost, the artistic creation that went into this is flawless.
The way things blur, then vanish. No longer in her mind. With the music. My gran is far gone down this journey, and it is horrible. The entire track is amazing for harnessing that reality. Also; you’re such a decent guy reacting in the manner you do.
No matter how many times I've seen it I can't get through this video without crying. My Nan went through dementia and Dylan captures what it's like for family members and those going through it themselves. As for the song this is for me one of the most beautiful but heavy songs I think Spiritbox has ever recorded. Courtney's voice on this is incredible
For those who have seen how hard it can be on the family this video hits so close to home. The frustration and anger than it can cause between the siblings trying to figure out how to handle the situation is so hard. My grandmother is in the final stages of dementia and it’s has created a huge divide in our family. I’ve watched this video and listened to the song so many times almost to help bring that emotion out instead of keeping it in.
The pain that the music and video emote was beautiful and exquisitely visceral. Before you even started the track... the tears began... before you finished I was literally bawling...lost all three (I was adopted) of my grandmothers to dementia... this music comes nearest to the sadness, loss and PAIN of that, relived three times. It's gonna be a rough day. But thank you for the reaction and proper context.
This is the reaction I've been waiting for. I've always admired and respected your honesty and ability to pick apart music the way that you do. Thank you, Chase
This song really does bring the feels and I haven't met anyone that can't relate. You feel the struggle, the pain, the grief, the relief, the memories, everything.
“For your own sanity, always perform about ‘scars’ not ‘open wounds’ “. Props to both of them to tell us of their pain, so fresh in their personal lives ❤️
I watched your reaction. Listened immediately after to this song again....My eyes still tearing while am writing this comment. This song hit me like bomb
I lost my grandparents 11 years ago, a few months apart, while I was pregnant with my first child. It turns out there was so much else going on in my life that I never really fully processed that loss. This song, this video...my heart is breaking all over again. Thank you for this. It's the release that I didn't know I needed.
That chugging change style towards the end, was like a heartbeat slowing down from anger or anxiety that had been resolved. Thanks for doing this reaction my brother. 🙏🏼
I do not know why, but I have been avoiding any video about this band until now... OH WTF! I will need more, but not just yet! Good stuff! Jeez! I need to get over this one first.
I don't know if I've ever heard another song that simultaneously brings me so much joy from how beautiful it is and also deep sadness and pain from the subject matter. It's truly a remarkable piece of art. It hits me pretty hard having had both of my grandparents on my dad's side go through dementia. My grandfather died from Parkinson's in 2008 and also had dementia. He didn't even recognize me or my wife the last time we visited him before he died. It was really hard to see him like that. My grandmother is still alive, but the grandmother I grew up with and loved so much is no longer there. My dad is the only person in the family she still recogizes and that's not even all the time. I'm so thankful for Spiritbox and everyone involved in making the video. It brought back these feelings that I had buried years ago and never fully processed. This song is helping me to do that now.
"Sometimes music is more than just melody and this is it" couldn't agree more. There's so much significance to the movement and intricacies of this song and it rips me to shreds every time.
Truly beautiful. Hit home, as my uncle passed 2 wks ago. My Dad is 90 & Don, his little brother, 84. I wasn't able to attend the funeral. This song helped me to cry. For me, I get the feeling that at the end, in her black dress & pearls, she's seeing her husband waiting for her. So beautiful.
This one hits very hard. I watched the video at least 30 times and now I'm out of tissues 😭🤧 Spiritbox only dropped two songs this year and each one of them is heavy on his own way. Now I need some BAND-MAID to help me regain cheerfulness 😀 Thanks for all your reactions Mr Chase 💪🏻✌🏻
I lost my mema a year ago on the 9th. The last time I saw her was on the day she passed away, she was doing better and she was going to get to go home and I was going to get to come stay a few nights with her. Sadly that same night she passed away. This song has help me to be able to finally grieve and cry because it's has just been a shock. Thank you for doing a reaction to this song.
When I heard the song for the first time and gave it my full attention, I thought there were no words how this song could be described in words. It brought out feelings in me that I had never felt before from listening to music - and it still does. I can add nothing more to your words. This is true and honest art.
I love the last change in the end (10:55). Listening to the music getting darker and lower and then... blissfulness and relief. It still shows the others in their grief afterward but she is now free from the pain, chaos, and destruction of her own mind. As the listener, hearing that last part I had all of this tension built up leading to it, and then hear that change just took all the weight off my shoulders. Such a rollercoaster.
The craziest part about your reaction is we could see your emotion flip at 5:26. You immediately either confirmed what you were already thinking was happening in the video, or the concept hit you all at once. Either way, this was so awesome. Bands like these are hard to come by. From the heaviness of Holy Roller to the heaviness of Constance. Keep doing your thing.
Three years ago, when my grandfather passed, I didn’t allow myself time to grieve because I wanted to emotionally support my family. Three years on, I see this video and see that same confused expression my grandpa had on his face every single time I saw him, due to his Alzheimer’s not letting him remember anyone from my family, not even my grandma. I see that I’m not alone in what I experienced and felt. For the first time, I had some release and cried for my grandpa. I’ll forever be grateful to Spiritbox for that.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." This song just threw me off my guard completely and unlocked a lot of uncomfortable and underlying feelings and in a way has communicated to me that I should prepare and try to brace for what could be coming in my life. Thank you for another great, real reaction. On a bit of a technical note, I feel like the switch to 7/4 in the outro riff (or dropping a beat from a two bar pattern) really fits the theme of the song, almost like that final beat is forgotten. Sometimes with riffs in 7 (or other odd time sigs) it might resolve over two bars so you end up with a riff going over an even number of beats and it doesn't feel disjointed but they choose to play the riff in 7 and accent the 1 again, pushing the rhythm and throwing you off. (I've definitely read too much into it but there you go).
Thank you Chase, for your respectful and honoring reaction. The fading face on the picture of her in young years is always the emotional breakpoint for me ... I don't know how I would react, if my mom maybe one day don't remember me as her son ... or she staring at a picture of her asking 'who is that woman ?'. I don't try to think about that, but it's not easy after that song, hoping it will never happen.
Wow i haven't cried like this for sometime. My grandmother passed away with Alzheimer's and my grandfather committed suicide due to the suffering of not being recognized by his companion of a lifetime. This one hit deep. It's a nice change of pace to see you feel the music and not just analyzing it. I am sure you do feel as well most times but to fulfill your audience you end up becoming more technical which is also great, but it's much more relatable if you also express what the music is making you feel. Thanks for that, i could see you almost thanking for that last distorted part to be able to step a bit away from the pain but in the end and like you said, pain is to be felt, period. Cheere mate, keep it up.
This is a very special song. You knocked it out of the park with your reaction man...thanks for that. Dealing with this myself with my Mom right now...it sucks, but this makes it a little more bearable.
Chase you're such a good soul, you really are. Also a bit of a genius with picking stuff out of a song. My Nan raised me for the first few years of my life. I moved away from her because my partner at the time had a sick parent. When I hugged her I felt like I needed to absorb as much of it as I could cos I thought I wouldn't see her again. I was right. 3 years later she ended up in hospital after a big stroke so mum & her son went to see her. Mum was back home a day when we got the news so it was basically turn around & go back. I'm glad I went but cleaning out her house was one of the hardest things I've done. I miss her every day. If she were still alive on Dec 24th she'd be 100. Here's to you Merle, I love you & miss you & hope you're proud of me
Heavier than Holy Roller. It destroys me because it hits verrry close to home but it's also my favourite song of theirs now, what a masterpiece. I look forward to the day I can listen to it without breaking down.
I am in absolute shambles after watching this. I was impacted emotionally very deeply when the Constance video first debuted as well. But there’s something about the shared experience of emotion, watching you have the same sort of reaction, not to mention your words, that really broke me again. Thanks as always for what you do with this channel.
I've been watching so many reactions to this piece just to help myself deal with the emotions it is stirring up. I lost my mother in law 2 years ago suddenly and she was the only real mom I ever had. I just feel this so deeply in my heart.
Thanks for a real reaction once again. I was moved by the theme of the video but didn't really feel the song. I'm sure all that echo on the vocals were a conscious decision but it removed me from feeling her pain in the vocals. They were almost cold and distant. The music were layered nicely and followed the emotional theme. So I will sure listen again. It wasn't bad in any sense.
I hate this song. And love it. I hate it because the violent shifts catch me off guard because it's beauty lulls me into such a warm place, and makes me vulnerable, and then the violent shift tears into me. This is art. It's been 11 years since I lost the last of my parents, and I thought I had a certain control over my grief. I think I still do. But this song is so raw, as you say. I want you to give Dirty Loops a reaction, it's just something you have to do. It feels weird giving this an almost demanding tone, but you deserve something like that, as a musical Xmas gift. I recommend "Work Shit Out". It's just so damn good, at every level. And your ears will thank you, and hopefully your heart too ❤️ Thank you for being you, Chase, you give the interwebs some much needed heart and humanity ❤️
I loved how you started nodding yes at the end when the guitars started chugging 0's and then again when they went to another level and made it dissonant. I felt exactly the same way. It felt so bad but also musically felt so right for the story. It's so perfectly done.
Hearing your intro, I'm terrified to listen to this because of my own situation. Yeah. Beautiful, but... real. The message of this song doesn't depend on someone dying, the loss doesn't have to be death. When you have close relatives going through this, there's a dull agony to it. It's the deterioration of the mind, from one of the sharpest people you know to completely unable to function or commonly becoming unable to recognize people they love, until an actual death is an afterthought. Anyway, thumbs up for Chase.
We honor those we've lost when we shed tears born from our pain of missing them. We keep them alive in our hearts far beyond their physical passing. I've lost both sets of grandparents and my father. Except with my father circumstances prevented me from being with my grandparents as they passed which haunts me with guilt constantly, but I survive because I don't doubt they knew how much I loved them. I have been slob crying since I first watched the video, decided that wasn't enough and went directly to watch your reaction. The pain and sorrow it brings is painful but it is also joyous because it reminds my how much I love them and what amazing and beautiful human beings they were. My heart goes out to all of you who this video similarly touched.
Just listened to Tank’s and your reaction of this song. I had been avoiding it based on the thumbnails knowing it was going to be a rough one. It’s been some time since I lost someone but it still gets you. I’m going through my own shit dealing with the aftermath of COVID. Not wanting to fall asleep because I’m afraid I won’t wake up and see my little grandkids again. Gasping for air while just talking to someone. Then hearing people be so dismissive about this illness like it was nothing. I’m a relatively young and healthy guy who had a mild case a month ago. Sorry for the rant. Love whoever you can now. No guarantees later. Thanks for the reaction Chase.
I lost all my grandparents in these recent years. I’m also lost my uncle 2 months ago. This song its been a journey to me because I face the feelings and the pain that I was hiding for so long. This song open my heart again to feel emotions that I though that were missing in me.
I listened to this song/watched video on repeat Sunday evening and each time, it punched me in the gut. I watched/watching my grandmothers suffer through Alzheimer’s/Dementia. To say I sobbed for hours...I guess that’s an understatement. Like you said, pain demands to be felt. And oh boy...my soul hurt. This is a beautiful tribute and lament. Spiritbox is by far my favorite artist find of 2020. That’s all I’m going to say because I’ll start crying again. Thank you. And have a damn good and beautiful day.
Great song, great video, great reaction. I've already thanked the band and Dylan multiple times for their wonderful work, but I want to thank you for this reaction too. This song/video is a catharsis I didn't realize I needed so badly until I woke up, watched it, and then watched it over and over as I bawled my eyes out for a couple hours.
I realize that this might come across as a backhanded compliment, but i keep forgetting about this channel, and then i come back and im blow away by how good you are! Keep up the great work, mr Carneson!
dude you did better than me here i was a wreck after this! the feeling and story of the music mixed with the video is just the biggest awareness to Dementia ive ever came across and people should see this to see the effects of this illness! Well done buddy
Chase, It's just beatiful to see you emotinal. And never ever apoligize for your emotions, since no one in this channel will ever hold them against you. I for one can't go through this song without welling up. Lost my mother to cancer two years ago. She was my world and the decline of her condition was just horrible. Now my father in law has dementia and doesn't even remember my wife. I can just see the pain in wife's eyes when she realises her own father doesn't recognize her and I can't really do anything about it. So this hits in so many ways. The way that the end of this song's heavy bars dont really resolve just so perfectly describes the issue with dementia.
Great reaction Chase - it's an emotional video and everytime I watch it I keep picking up on more bits, like the artists having tear streams on cheeks, pieces of furniture disappearing from the very first scene (not just the end), I think the boy whispers 'I love you' just before he disappears (filmed in reverse of course), snippets of the deceased Husband becoming more prominent during the video, her face becoming blurred during the final breakdown just before she disappears/dies, her the clothes becoming less colourful throughout the video... Just a very, very well directed video to accompany a great song. They did their grandmothers proud.
This is the most scariest song I've ever heard. 💔 It hurts to lose someone you love forever. Especially when they started to forget everything due to this kind of illness as they are getting older and older. Honestly I'm breaking down just by watching and hearing this song while thinking that someday it will happen to me too. 😭 Sometimes we always argue, quarrel and disagree with our elderly. But when we think back, if they're gone forever, who will be there for us when we need them in the future.. No one to talk to, no one to advice you, no one to hear your complaints about life, no one.. It is too much to bear. 😢 To those who have gone through this, love and hugs to all of you. To those who still have their elderly with them, please please please spend more time with them. You will never know when their time will come. Cherish them with all your heart no matter what.. Love them like how you want to be loved. ❤️ Stay strong, stay kind and always spread the loves.
Apologies. My comments are like your analyses ( or worse). Thank you once again for having the courage to bare your soul to the world, so that all of us who are not so bold can live out our feelings through you. This was unexpected and very poignant. As some others have commented, it was the video more than the music which struck most closely for me, although the music certainly created the atmosphere for the images to strike home. I had to quit my career for several years to care for my father when his dementia became too severe for him to look after himself. I looked after him as his sole carer for three years, until I was completely drained and had to get counsellors to help expedite his placement into care, just so I didn't beat him to the finish line. The carers' support counsellor told me most sole carers end up with depression, and they usually try to persevere too long before they surrender the responsibility to professionals. Check, and check. At the end, I was the only member of my family, who my father remembered. He didn't recognise any other family members or friends, photos of my mother, who had passed away almost twenty years earlier, or even his own reflection in the mirror. He always asked me why there was some old guy in the mirror who kept copying what he did. He couldn't accept that it was him. "But he's so old That's not me!" Even when I had to put him into care, I had to go to the nursing home every day, because I was the only one he trusted, and would listen to. I was the only one who could calm him down, or could get him to do anything. He wouldn't mix with the other residents or talk to the staff, and he was always getting into fights (no changes there - family tradition on his side). The crazy thing was, it was just his memory that disappeared, but in every other way, he was still exactly the same person he had always been, in my memory (both the good and the bad), and he could still cook (well), use his tools (better than I ever will) and perform complex mathematical calculations (as long as they took less than about five minutes), but just that one aspect made it impossible for him to care for himself, and made him incredibly frustrating and draining for anyone who spoke with him, so much so, that everyone began to avoid him. He cheerfully initiated the same mundane, monotonous conversation, every five minutes, every day, every week, every month, every year and had absolutely no idea where (or when) he was, or who he was speaking to. The images moving in reverse and people disappearing, the inability to recognise the face in the photo, the inability to remember how to perform simple tasks or that you had to perform them, all struck familiar chords with me. It has been ten years since my father passed away. I was holding his hand in the nursing home, when he took his last breath, and for some time afterwards, just in case he was still trapped in there, somewhere. I wanted to be sure I was there for him for as long as he was able to recognise my presence, so he knew that he wasn't alone, and that as he fought for his final breaths, there was someone who he knew beside him, someone who he knew loved him. I never really had a chance to mourn him. It was more a relief that his ordeal was over, and I could start to rebuild my own life. Looking after him had totally trainwrecked my career and personal life, and it took me about five or six years to get myself sorted out again. This song and ths video capture that sense of inescapable doom, the slow, inevitable descent, relentlessly spiralling down into oblivion, not just for the sufferer, but for all of those around them, who care for them and spend all of their strength trying to slow that descent and doggedly preserve the fraying remnants of the person they love. The helplessness, frustration, and the pervading sense of loss, even when the person is still right in front of you. Thank you once again for understanding what this song means, and for bringing it to us, so we can reaffirm the journey that we have travelled. Thank you for giving it the reverence and respect it deserves, and for spreading the understanding of how that journey, which so many of us must take, leaves its indelible mark upon our souls. Than you for putting up with my verbosity and please accept my condolences for your own losses. Cherish the memories of those who have passed and left their own mark upon you. Without them, we would not be who we are.
I really appreciate how in depth you approach and experience the song. Often times people only focus on the song when it comes to rhythm, melody or how the beats make them feel. This song has been build around an emotion from the ground up and you can hear it and experience it clearly. You explain that in a way that I would not be able to and I really apricate that in that way that you convey that.
wow, just wow. This song and reaction really hit me harder than I thought it would, I have lost four people I care about this year to covid19, my grandfather and three amazing friends. I figured it would be hard for me to watch this and it was but as usual, amazing reaction to a wonderful song. Keep up the good work you are doing.
This song and video really does hit home. I’ve got a grandma who has Alzheimer’s, she’s had it for a few years now and she’s at the point where she doesn’t really know who anyone is now, she can recognise that’s her family are people she knows but doesn’t know names or who we are or anything. I don’t get to see her much and it’s depressing as fuck any time I do, there’s no upside to any of it it’s just sad. The song and video is sad and hauntingly beautiful. Seeing you cry made cry 😂
I was absolutely terrified of this song and video after hearing what it's about, because I really, really miss my grandparents. I only got to know one of them, but I know I love them all. I didn't know I needed this. Thank you.
"That's the thing about pain, It demands to be felt."
That is the truest thing I have ever heard anyone say..
I thought; and more importantly, felt this.
As someone whos been having problems with pain for years. Absolutely.
Sooner of later, it will knock on your door...
Yep. Clicked sub when I heard that one.
Super late to this video... but with in 10 seconds I came to the comments to make sure someone paid honor to how true that line was
Just a simple note: Thank you.
Thank YOU! 🙏🙏🙏
I'm glad I saw more of a reaction than an analysis today. Don't get me wrong, I like both, but this song requires a reaction more than anything, and you delivered. Thanks for that.
Thank you for saying that! 🙏
@@ChaseCarneson Agree completely, well done Chase!
Right... never saw u that "speechless". Great reaction!
When I jumped to the premiere of Constance, I was excited because Courtney was in the chat and I had no idea what this song was about. Towards the end of the song, man, that was when this grown-ass man cry for the first time in 2020. I lost my grandpa due to alzheimer's almost 10 years ago. He was a superstar. The pain is still there and we continue to work through it. Thank you for doing this.
I love that you're doing your best to not take away from the fact that Courtney did this coming from a place of grief.
I really did my best. Tough one but thank you
First time ever hearing this song or this band. Good lord, this is gonna hit even harder without the pauses, isn’t it 😳😖
“If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces” -Shane Koyczan
i highly recommend to listen to their whole back catalogue, this band is sooo good.!!!
@@godscoldhands77 absolutely am going to! 🙏🏼😍
I had never heard that saying, it's very well put....thanks!
@@allenhuling598 thank you. All credit goes to Mr Koyczan. He’s an ABSOLUTELY brilliant spoken word artist I highly recommend looking up.
If chase did reactions other than music, I’d probably be on every video requesting it 😅
Beautiful reaction my friend. The heavy distorted guitars slowing down towards the end marks the deterioration of memories. My grandpa suffered from Dementia, had series of harrowing sundowning episodes and finally, a stroke took his life a couple of years ago. He was able to join his beloved daughter- my mom, who passed a year prior to his death.
I always tell those who experienced loss of their loved ones to be strong and not be overtly emotional when thoughts of them surged by, and think of all the good or funny memories of them. But deep inside, I'm not as strong as I think I am even after all these years. I'm broken at times.
This song is meaningful to me by how much it hits close to home, so thank you for getting to this. I always adore you when you let your guards down. The power of an emotional song can truly humble us. I hope Spiritbox will see your genuine, heartfelt and thoughtful commentary to this.
I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. Thank you for the support and sending all the good vibes your way.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The ending reminds me from what I have learned and know of "The Caretaker - Everywhere At The End Of Time" which from what I understand is a 6 hours auditory experience of dementia. I never dared to sit through it as I am scared to subject myself to that experience and really sit through it. The ending of this song is how I expect that experience to be and why I tend to not even begin to try to go through a full sit through of it. I'm quite scared of experiencing my parents going through that deterioration and I can only pray to whatever ethereal entity exists to spare us that experience.
Please remember we're all broken in some form, and some of us are better at hiding it then others.
To be strong is not to keep emotions in, but to let them out, let them move. Emotion - E-nergy in Motion. By that in don't mean that you should stay there, acknowledge it, accept it and know it's a part of you.
When someone you love suffers from dementia, you lose them every day all over again. The body and face you know remains but the mind you love is distorted, scrambled, even replaced with something else, something that doesn't fit. like a shape jammed into the wrong space on a shape finder. And when the body joins the mind and they are finally gone. You're not left with the comfort of who they were when they were truly them, but this new broken image of terror and confusion where there was once strength and kindness. Love you brother.
Love you very very much bro. Always and miss you loads.
I'm aware of the conflicting info on some of the details around the story. The power and message is the same. For reference this was the article I saw: www.deadpress.co.uk/news-spiritbox-share-emotive-new-single-constance/
People don't understand that we go off of the information available at the time when we do our reactions. These were OFFICIAL press releases that everyone saw. It wasn't until Dylan's dad commented on the official video that we got the real story around Constance. Funny enough, the people trying to correct us didn't know it until they saw it either.
@@TankTheTech Hi Tank, I was one of those in the comments who wrote that Constance was still alive. I personally didn't write that to "correct" Chase. I was aware that the information that was put out in the press release said that. I saw the comment on the video by Dylan's father who wanted to clarify that, hence why I mentioned it. Of course that doesn't change anything in terms of the power of both the song and video, and dementia is utterly cruel and devastating. This song and video are both heartbreaking and beautiful.
@@TankTheTech hey Tank, Chase - when are we getting a Chase-Tank joint reaction? Would love to have your combined might and insight on a single track, perhaps a live show to maximise the tech on show 😉
I know I said on discord please don't pause but I didn't really expect you not to totally not pause!! ... Music is kind of 2 things, it's technical and it's feelings, this is totally aimed at the feelings no matter the technical side of it. Thank you for doing it right!! ... I've watched my mum slowly almost become a shell of who she was over the last 3 years. Seen her twice since the first lockdown this year. It's not easy in any way shape or form!! Thanks again Chase.
"There is no technical explanation for the ability to turn pain and experience into art"
Wow man. This quote right here is exactly what I have been in search of for such a long time and it's such a raw truth to humanity.
Thank you, Lucas. Just felt right to say.
The dissonance in this piece is just as beautiful as the melodious parts. I really love the way Spiritbox can project beauty and brutality at the same time.
This song is like a warm hug everyone needed during 2020, a hug that everyone who listens to it can just ugly cry during. I lost my grandma to Dementia a few years ago and watching people react to this song and video is like therapy and for that I’m thankful.
I’ve literally ugly cried several times thanks to this song
@@terogates1same. Beautiful song and video that hurts every time I watch it... but I can't stop.
Sobbing, I've not heard this before. My Nan passed 16 years ago I still miss her
I lost my Nan this year from Dementia, she was 90 years old, and was a second mum at one stage in my life. God Rest Her Soul.
I didn't wake up expecting to ugly cry within 30 minutes of opening my eyes when this song came out, but I'm better for it.
i couldn't stop myself from crying for the first 5 times i heard the song and video, it's a masterpiece
Oh boy. Where’s my hoodie....? 💔
Edited to add: I see my Grammy's face when I see this. The tremors, the confusion, the struggle....it just cuts to the core. What a piece of art this video is. Oh my heart.
"Pain demands to be felt" Really got me thinking about how I became very good at avoiding pain directly and basically ignoring it, and with that the people who might need my support. That's not a good thing and at some point that emotion will come out, like it demands to be felt. Thanks for the mirror Chase.
The song and the music video are absolutely special.
I'm at 5:09 and I swear to God if Chase starts crying I will too. I've already heard the song and seen the video. Jesus H.
Edit: Dammit.
Every time I hear it... bawling.
"Sometimes music becomes more than melody and structure" - There is nothing better than seeing music arouse emotions. Thank you
My father had the displeasure of watching both of his parents lose their memories, and forget who he was. There was a point where he was so upset after a visit with them that went home and put a golfclub through the windshield of his truck. It wasnt until later that my mother would tell me about how devastated he was, and that he tried to shield us kids from it. At some point he just simply broke. Alzheimer's is ugly, and painful... I think this song does a pretty good job capturing that feeling.
I still haven't seen this video once without crying
Chase, I had to pause this few times, skipped the song bits and went straight to your comments, but then you went speechless and I saw you shed tears again...I lost it, mate. The Voice of My Father didn't effect me much because the man disowned me, but my heart breaks every time I hear this song. My 82 year old nan who played a major role in raising me, is still alive and suffering from dementia. My mum is her sole caregiver. It's been an excruciating, whirlwind journey battling with things that are not worth fighting for because there's no cure for it. The distressed son represents all of us who are experiencing the same occurence. We live 2 hours-drive apart and everyday I worry about nan. I worry about my mum's health too.
At least that tadpole behind you made me smile.
I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with that. Honestly sucks. Here if ever you wanna chat. Also tadpole in good health and thriving.
I've never seen you so speechless before. This is a masterclass level in art no doubt. I've never had a family member with alzheimer's / dementia but I know what it feels like losing someone who means so much to you. My girlfriend works as a caregiver and I understand her frustration and sadness, it requires high degree of patience when taking care of an elderly with such condition. What a powerful message to raise awareness of Alzheimer's / Dementia this was.
The tears on her face, and that hard swallow at the end. That's when it comes to the fact that this is real. The emotion is there. Hard to be real, but...just to see that...real sadness...it's all on display. It's absolutely art, and just...ugh...
This one hits hard, like you said pain demands to be felt. Although I was adopted, my adoptive grandmother was an MVP. She loved me like her true bloodline. RIP Nana 🙏
A lot of music has given me chills, Constance was the first to reduce me to some semblance of anger, sadness and a longing for the ones I've lost, the artistic creation that went into this is flawless.
This song is honestly so beautiful and sad at the same time. We lost 3 grandparents in a space of a year and a half.
The way things blur, then vanish. No longer in her mind. With the music.
My gran is far gone down this journey, and it is horrible. The entire track is amazing for harnessing that reality.
Also; you’re such a decent guy reacting in the manner you do.
I'm so sorry Matthew. Sending strength and good vibes your way 🙏
No matter how many times I've seen it I can't get through this video without crying. My Nan went through dementia and Dylan captures what it's like for family members and those going through it themselves. As for the song this is for me one of the most beautiful but heavy songs I think Spiritbox has ever recorded. Courtney's voice on this is incredible
For those who have seen how hard it can be on the family this video hits so close to home. The frustration and anger than it can cause between the siblings trying to figure out how to handle the situation is so hard. My grandmother is in the final stages of dementia and it’s has created a huge divide in our family. I’ve watched this video and listened to the song so many times almost to help bring that emotion out instead of keeping it in.
Art heals by release...Thank you for the Feels...and Thanks for sharing it with Us...Big Love.
The pain that the music and video emote was beautiful and exquisitely visceral.
Before you even started the track... the tears began... before you finished I was literally bawling...lost all three (I was adopted) of my grandmothers to dementia... this music comes nearest to the sadness, loss and PAIN of that, relived three times.
It's gonna be a rough day. But thank you for the reaction and proper context.
This is the reaction I've been waiting for. I've always admired and respected your honesty and ability to pick apart music the way that you do. Thank you, Chase
Thank You! 🙏🙏🙏
This was a tragically beautiful song.
This song really does bring the feels and I haven't met anyone that can't relate. You feel the struggle, the pain, the grief, the relief, the memories, everything.
I cry every time I watch the music video. Then, I watch reactions and cry with the people reacting to the music video.
“For your own sanity, always perform about ‘scars’ not ‘open wounds’ “.
Props to both of them to tell us of their pain, so fresh in their personal lives ❤️
It's been a while since I cried to song. This is gorgeous, confronting, emotional, and hits so close to home. Thanks for sharing this Chase.
I watched your reaction. Listened immediately after to this song again....My eyes still tearing while am writing this comment.
This song hit me like bomb
I lost my grandparents 11 years ago, a few months apart, while I was pregnant with my first child. It turns out there was so much else going on in my life that I never really fully processed that loss. This song, this video...my heart is breaking all over again. Thank you for this. It's the release that I didn't know I needed.
That chugging change style towards the end, was like a heartbeat slowing down from anger or anxiety that had been resolved. Thanks for doing this reaction my brother. 🙏🏼
I do not know why, but I have been avoiding any video about this band until now... OH WTF! I will need more, but not just yet! Good stuff! Jeez! I need to get over this one first.
I don't know if I've ever heard another song that simultaneously brings me so much joy from how beautiful it is and also deep sadness and pain from the subject matter. It's truly a remarkable piece of art. It hits me pretty hard having had both of my grandparents on my dad's side go through dementia. My grandfather died from Parkinson's in 2008 and also had dementia. He didn't even recognize me or my wife the last time we visited him before he died. It was really hard to see him like that. My grandmother is still alive, but the grandmother I grew up with and loved so much is no longer there. My dad is the only person in the family she still recogizes and that's not even all the time.
I'm so thankful for Spiritbox and everyone involved in making the video. It brought back these feelings that I had buried years ago and never fully processed. This song is helping me to do that now.
"Sometimes music is more than just melody and this is it" couldn't agree more. There's so much significance to the movement and intricacies of this song and it rips me to shreds every time.
The atmospheric ambiance in the chorus kills me, idk if it's a minor tone or what exactly but that detail gets me.
Truly beautiful. Hit home, as my uncle passed 2 wks ago. My Dad is 90 & Don, his little brother, 84. I wasn't able to attend the funeral. This song helped me to cry.
For me, I get the feeling that at the end, in her black dress & pearls, she's seeing her husband waiting for her. So beautiful.
This one hits very hard. I watched the video at least 30 times and now I'm out of tissues 😭🤧
Spiritbox only dropped two songs this year and each one of them is heavy on his own way.
Now I need some BAND-MAID to help me regain cheerfulness 😀
Thanks for all your reactions Mr Chase 💪🏻✌🏻
Actually 3 songs..Blessed be, Holly Roller and now Constance
@@cooltechnician exactly! I forgot about "Blessed Be". Maybe because I didn’t like it that much 😅
Thank you for correcting me
Thank you for kind words though. 🙏🙏🙏
Very emotional song,lost my grandma 2009, memories just came flooding back. Crying at the end.😢😢
I lost my mema a year ago on the 9th. The last time I saw her was on the day she passed away, she was doing better and she was going to get to go home and I was going to get to come stay a few nights with her. Sadly that same night she passed away. This song has help me to be able to finally grieve and cry because it's has just been a shock. Thank you for doing a reaction to this song.
Dammit who is chopping onions! totally agree with all your points dude! such beautiful song! and strong story
When I heard the song for the first time and gave it my full attention, I thought there were no words how this song could be described in words. It brought out feelings in me that I had never felt before from listening to music - and it still does. I can add nothing more to your words. This is true and honest art.
I love the last change in the end (10:55). Listening to the music getting darker and lower and then... blissfulness and relief. It still shows the others in their grief afterward but she is now free from the pain, chaos, and destruction of her own mind. As the listener, hearing that last part I had all of this tension built up leading to it, and then hear that change just took all the weight off my shoulders. Such a rollercoaster.
The craziest part about your reaction is we could see your emotion flip at 5:26. You immediately either confirmed what you were already thinking was happening in the video, or the concept hit you all at once. Either way, this was so awesome. Bands like these are hard to come by. From the heaviness of Holy Roller to the heaviness of Constance. Keep doing your thing.
And ouch. Yup. Totally wanted to cry today. 😢 "demands to be felt." Spot on wording. Brilliant.
Three years ago, when my grandfather passed, I didn’t allow myself time to grieve because I wanted to emotionally support my family.
Three years on, I see this video and see that same confused expression my grandpa had on his face every single time I saw him, due to his Alzheimer’s not letting him remember anyone from my family, not even my grandma. I see that I’m not alone in what I experienced and felt. For the first time, I had some release and cried for my grandpa.
I’ll forever be grateful to Spiritbox for that.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." This song just threw me off my guard completely and unlocked a lot of uncomfortable and underlying feelings and in a way has communicated to me that I should prepare and try to brace for what could be coming in my life. Thank you for another great, real reaction.
On a bit of a technical note, I feel like the switch to 7/4 in the outro riff (or dropping a beat from a two bar pattern) really fits the theme of the song, almost like that final beat is forgotten. Sometimes with riffs in 7 (or other odd time sigs) it might resolve over two bars so you end up with a riff going over an even number of beats and it doesn't feel disjointed but they choose to play the riff in 7 and accent the 1 again, pushing the rhythm and throwing you off. (I've definitely read too much into it but there you go).
Thank you Chase, for your respectful and honoring reaction.
The fading face on the picture of her in young years is always the emotional breakpoint for me ... I don't know how I would react, if my mom maybe one day don't remember me as her son ... or she staring at a picture of her asking 'who is that woman ?'. I don't try to think about that, but it's not easy after that song, hoping it will never happen.
I guess I'll click like, since there's no love button XD
Wow i haven't cried like this for sometime. My grandmother passed away with Alzheimer's and my grandfather committed suicide due to the suffering of not being recognized by his companion of a lifetime. This one hit deep. It's a nice change of pace to see you feel the music and not just analyzing it. I am sure you do feel as well most times but to fulfill your audience you end up becoming more technical which is also great, but it's much more relatable if you also express what the music is making you feel. Thanks for that, i could see you almost thanking for that last distorted part to be able to step a bit away from the pain but in the end and like you said, pain is to be felt, period. Cheere mate, keep it up.
This is a very special song. You knocked it out of the park with your reaction man...thanks for that. Dealing with this myself with my Mom right now...it sucks, but this makes it a little more bearable.
I am glad that this helps you. Stay strong. 🙏
Chase you're such a good soul, you really are. Also a bit of a genius with picking stuff out of a song.
My Nan raised me for the first few years of my life. I moved away from her because my partner at the time had a sick parent. When I hugged her I felt like I needed to absorb as much of it as I could cos I thought I wouldn't see her again. I was right. 3 years later she ended up in hospital after a big stroke so mum & her son went to see her. Mum was back home a day when we got the news so it was basically turn around & go back. I'm glad I went but cleaning out her house was one of the hardest things I've done. I miss her every day. If she were still alive on Dec 24th she'd be 100. Here's to you Merle, I love you & miss you & hope you're proud of me
there aren't words, chase. thanks.
Heavier than Holy Roller. It destroys me because it hits verrry close to home but it's also my favourite song of theirs now, what a masterpiece. I look forward to the day I can listen to it without breaking down.
Wow....I very honestly don't have the words right now......Thank you Chase, this will take some digesting.
I am in absolute shambles after watching this. I was impacted emotionally very deeply when the Constance video first debuted as well. But there’s something about the shared experience of emotion, watching you have the same sort of reaction, not to mention your words, that really broke me again. Thanks as always for what you do with this channel.
Just that freezeframe alone is getting to me , stoked for this one!
Thank you for sharing, and make the song and you even more beautiful...
I've been watching so many reactions to this piece just to help myself deal with the emotions it is stirring up. I lost my mother in law 2 years ago suddenly and she was the only real mom I ever had. I just feel this so deeply in my heart.
Thanks for a real reaction once again. I was moved by the theme of the video but didn't really feel the song. I'm sure all that echo on the vocals were a conscious decision but it removed me from feeling her pain in the vocals. They were almost cold and distant. The music were layered nicely and followed the emotional theme. So I will sure listen again. It wasn't bad in any sense.
Thank you Chase for not destroying your reaction with technical analysis. Sometimes it's more effective to let ones heart and face speak.
I hate this song. And love it. I hate it because the violent shifts catch me off guard because it's beauty lulls me into such a warm place, and makes me vulnerable, and then the violent shift tears into me. This is art. It's been 11 years since I lost the last of my parents, and I thought I had a certain control over my grief. I think I still do. But this song is so raw, as you say.
I want you to give Dirty Loops a reaction, it's just something you have to do. It feels weird giving this an almost demanding tone, but you deserve something like that, as a musical Xmas gift. I recommend "Work Shit Out". It's just so damn good, at every level. And your ears will thank you, and hopefully your heart too ❤️
Thank you for being you, Chase, you give the interwebs some much needed heart and humanity ❤️
Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
My favorite Constance reaction. Thank you
That ending...seeing the tears on her face, and the hard swallow...you can tell...how much this means to her 😓😓😭😣
I loved how you started nodding yes at the end when the guitars started chugging 0's and then again when they went to another level and made it dissonant. I felt exactly the same way. It felt so bad but also musically felt so right for the story. It's so perfectly done.
Right in the feels. So relateable. Really appreciate how you handled the content and how they handled the music and story.
Thanks for the support. Tough one this and it still gets me.
Hearing your intro, I'm terrified to listen to this because of my own situation. Yeah. Beautiful, but... real. The message of this song doesn't depend on someone dying, the loss doesn't have to be death. When you have close relatives going through this, there's a dull agony to it. It's the deterioration of the mind, from one of the sharpest people you know to completely unable to function or commonly becoming unable to recognize people they love, until an actual death is an afterthought. Anyway, thumbs up for Chase.
We honor those we've lost when we shed tears born from our pain of missing them. We keep them alive in our hearts far beyond their physical passing. I've lost both sets of grandparents and my father. Except with my father circumstances prevented me from being with my grandparents as they passed which haunts me with guilt constantly, but I survive because I don't doubt they knew how much I loved them.
I have been slob crying since I first watched the video, decided that wasn't enough and went directly to watch your reaction. The pain and sorrow it brings is painful but it is also joyous because it reminds my how much I love them and what amazing and beautiful human beings they were. My heart goes out to all of you who this video similarly touched.
The most emotional song I've heard in this genre of music in many years.
...Thank you for what you do. Truly, thank you.
And thanks to Spiritbox for creating such art...
Thank you, though! 🙏🙏🙏
Just listened to Tank’s and your reaction of this song. I had been avoiding it based on the thumbnails knowing it was going to be a rough one. It’s been some time since I lost someone but it still gets you. I’m going through my own shit dealing with the aftermath of COVID. Not wanting to fall asleep because I’m afraid I won’t wake up and see my little grandkids again. Gasping for air while just talking to someone. Then hearing people be so dismissive about this illness like it was nothing. I’m a relatively young and healthy guy who had a mild case a month ago.
Sorry for the rant. Love whoever you can now. No guarantees later. Thanks for the reaction Chase.
Gods love ya mate. Thanks for the raw emotion in this.
I lost all my grandparents in these recent years. I’m also lost my uncle 2 months ago. This song its been a journey to me because I face the feelings and the pain that I was hiding for so long. This song open my heart again to feel emotions that I though that were missing in me.
Weirdly been waiting for you to review this... as hard as it may be for you, all my love to you brother!
🙏
I listened to this song/watched video on repeat Sunday evening and each time, it punched me in the gut. I watched/watching my grandmothers suffer through Alzheimer’s/Dementia.
To say I sobbed for hours...I guess that’s an understatement. Like you said, pain demands to be felt. And oh boy...my soul hurt.
This is a beautiful tribute and lament. Spiritbox is by far my favorite artist find of 2020.
That’s all I’m going to say because I’ll start crying again.
Thank you. And have a damn good and beautiful day.
Thank you, Candace. 🙏 It will get better.
Great song, great video, great reaction. I've already thanked the band and Dylan multiple times for their wonderful work, but I want to thank you for this reaction too. This song/video is a catharsis I didn't realize I needed so badly until I woke up, watched it, and then watched it over and over as I bawled my eyes out for a couple hours.
I realize that this might come across as a backhanded compliment, but i keep forgetting about this channel, and then i come back and im blow away by how good you are!
Keep up the great work, mr Carneson!
Excited for this one. Looks like we gonna take a trip to Feeltown. Hope you been keeping well Chase. Cheers from Cape Town.
🇿🇦❤️
dude you did better than me here i was a wreck after this! the feeling and story of the music mixed with the video is just the biggest awareness to Dementia ive ever came across and people should see this to see the effects of this illness! Well done buddy
Chase, It's just beatiful to see you emotinal. And never ever apoligize for your emotions, since no one in this channel will ever hold them against you.
I for one can't go through this song without welling up. Lost my mother to cancer two years ago. She was my world and the decline of her condition was just horrible.
Now my father in law has dementia and doesn't even remember my wife. I can just see the pain in wife's eyes when she realises her own father doesn't recognize her and I can't really do anything about it. So this hits in so many ways.
The way that the end of this song's heavy bars dont really resolve just so perfectly describes the issue with dementia.
Great reaction Chase - it's an emotional video and everytime I watch it I keep picking up on more bits, like the artists having tear streams on cheeks, pieces of furniture disappearing from the very first scene (not just the end), I think the boy whispers 'I love you' just before he disappears (filmed in reverse of course), snippets of the deceased Husband becoming more prominent during the video, her face becoming blurred during the final breakdown just before she disappears/dies, her the clothes becoming less colourful throughout the video...
Just a very, very well directed video to accompany a great song. They did their grandmothers proud.
Thanks Chase, great comments overlaying an absolutely beautiful song ❤️
This is the most scariest song I've ever heard. 💔 It hurts to lose someone you love forever. Especially when they started to forget everything due to this kind of illness as they are getting older and older. Honestly I'm breaking down just by watching and hearing this song while thinking that someday it will happen to me too. 😭
Sometimes we always argue, quarrel and disagree with our elderly. But when we think back, if they're gone forever, who will be there for us when we need them in the future.. No one to talk to, no one to advice you, no one to hear your complaints about life, no one.. It is too much to bear. 😢
To those who have gone through this, love and hugs to all of you. To those who still have their elderly with them, please please please spend more time with them. You will never know when their time will come. Cherish them with all your heart no matter what.. Love them like how you want to be loved. ❤️
Stay strong, stay kind and always spread the loves.
Apologies. My comments are like your analyses ( or worse). Thank you once again for having the courage to bare your soul to the world, so that all of us who are not so bold can live out our feelings through you. This was unexpected and very poignant. As some others have commented, it was the video more than the music which struck most closely for me, although the music certainly created the atmosphere for the images to strike home.
I had to quit my career for several years to care for my father when his dementia became too severe for him to look after himself. I looked after him as his sole carer for three years, until I was completely drained and had to get counsellors to help expedite his placement into care, just so I didn't beat him to the finish line. The carers' support counsellor told me most sole carers end up with depression, and they usually try to persevere too long before they surrender the responsibility to professionals. Check, and check.
At the end, I was the only member of my family, who my father remembered. He didn't recognise any other family members or friends, photos of my mother, who had passed away almost twenty years earlier, or even his own reflection in the mirror. He always asked me why there was some old guy in the mirror who kept copying what he did. He couldn't accept that it was him. "But he's so old That's not me!"
Even when I had to put him into care, I had to go to the nursing home every day, because I was the only one he trusted, and would listen to. I was the only one who could calm him down, or could get him to do anything. He wouldn't mix with the other residents or talk to the staff, and he was always getting into fights (no changes there - family tradition on his side).
The crazy thing was, it was just his memory that disappeared, but in every other way, he was still exactly the same person he had always been, in my memory (both the good and the bad), and he could still cook (well), use his tools (better than I ever will) and perform complex mathematical calculations (as long as they took less than about five minutes), but just that one aspect made it impossible for him to care for himself, and made him incredibly frustrating and draining for anyone who spoke with him, so much so, that everyone began to avoid him. He cheerfully initiated the same mundane, monotonous conversation, every five minutes, every day, every week, every month, every year and had absolutely no idea where (or when) he was, or who he was speaking to.
The images moving in reverse and people disappearing, the inability to recognise the face in the photo, the inability to remember how to perform simple tasks or that you had to perform them, all struck familiar chords with me. It has been ten years since my father passed away. I was holding his hand in the nursing home, when he took his last breath, and for some time afterwards, just in case he was still trapped in there, somewhere. I wanted to be sure I was there for him for as long as he was able to recognise my presence, so he knew that he wasn't alone, and that as he fought for his final breaths, there was someone who he knew beside him, someone who he knew loved him.
I never really had a chance to mourn him. It was more a relief that his ordeal was over, and I could start to rebuild my own life. Looking after him had totally trainwrecked my career and personal life, and it took me about five or six years to get myself sorted out again. This song and ths video capture that sense of inescapable doom, the slow, inevitable descent, relentlessly spiralling down into oblivion, not just for the sufferer, but for all of those around them, who care for them and spend all of their strength trying to slow that descent and doggedly preserve the fraying remnants of the person they love. The helplessness, frustration, and the pervading sense of loss, even when the person is still right in front of you.
Thank you once again for understanding what this song means, and for bringing it to us, so we can reaffirm the journey that we have travelled. Thank you for giving it the reverence and respect it deserves, and for spreading the understanding of how that journey, which so many of us must take, leaves its indelible mark upon our souls. Than you for putting up with my verbosity and please accept my condolences for your own losses. Cherish the memories of those who have passed and left their own mark upon you. Without them, we would not be who we are.
What a finishing sentece you should copyright that =) true art
I really appreciate how in depth you approach and experience the song. Often times people only focus on the song when it comes to rhythm, melody or how the beats make them feel. This song has been build around an emotion from the ground up and you can hear it and experience it clearly. You explain that in a way that I would not be able to and I really apricate that in that way that you convey that.
wow, just wow. This song and reaction really hit me harder than I thought it would, I have lost four people I care about this year to covid19, my grandfather and three amazing friends. I figured it would be hard for me to watch this and it was but as usual, amazing reaction to a wonderful song. Keep up the good work you are doing.
This song is so beautiful! I love it! Great reaction!
This song and video really does hit home. I’ve got a grandma who has Alzheimer’s, she’s had it for a few years now and she’s at the point where she doesn’t really know who anyone is now, she can recognise that’s her family are people she knows but doesn’t know names or who we are or anything. I don’t get to see her much and it’s depressing as fuck any time I do, there’s no upside to any of it it’s just sad. The song and video is sad and hauntingly beautiful. Seeing you cry made cry 😂
I was absolutely terrified of this song and video after hearing what it's about, because I really, really miss my grandparents. I only got to know one of them, but I know I love them all. I didn't know I needed this. Thank you.
What a wonderful reaction video. Well done and thank you
Glad you enjoyed it