The wife focused on Brie because the wife was consoling Brie. He focused on the kids cause he was the one with the kids at that moment and was worried about them
Yeah I agree with that. And I don't think anything that happens or doesn't happen in the future is his fault. I think he handled it as well as anyone could have.
3:28 What? Every sane person i met, always put their kids first. My mom had attention from other men but she put me and brother first because she didn't want to hurt us and the fact she called another person kids collateral damage is baffling.
He cheated for a stupid reason, not *no* reason. Brie is *not* the most wronged partner, it actually *is* the kids. If she was pushing him away, his feelings were valid but his behavior was not. He should've talked to her, and if she wouldn't budge, he should have divorced her. Cheating is never the answer
8:28 HOLY CRAP Op's wife is so dumb. NEWS FLASH. Kids also suffer from stuff like this. Parent and kids. Brie feelings shouldn't be placed above the kids. At the end everyone is hurt. If Brie decided to go back. Thats on her, its not Op or the Kids fault. Then again, collateral damage am i right?
“My wife feels that my comments about their daughters may have guilted Brie into taking Jason back.” And who exactly told Brie about these comments? You don’t get to blame the OP when it’s his wife who told Brie what he said. OP was just telling his (still ex?) friend why he would never cheat, his wife’s the one that relayed that message to Brie and guilted her into getting back with her cheating ex
The wife is making it all about her. This isn't about her or even any other woman. A man can lose all love for his wife, but stay for the kids. Same can be true the other way around. That's why the strongest argument is about the kids. You don't ruin the family. If you stopped loving your wife, talk to her. See how you can improve that. If nothing works, including marriage counseling, stay until the kids are at least in school and then divorce and make sure you co-parent well. Its not a difficult idea. Just do what is morally correct in the western society.
(Posting before the update) Honestly, I have used the "but what about the bystanders" argument to get me out of some pretty dark times, as it becomes so easy to convince ourselves to fall simply by falsely accusing those involved. (In my case, accusing the world for not caring when I wanted to leave it). However, by focusing on the innocent who will be caught in our decisions, like the children in this case, it makes it harder and harder to hide from the truth. That said, I am surprised that the wife took this stance, as I have too often heard mothers say "my children are more important to me than my husband."
This is gray area. If I found out that my partner wouldn’t cheat b/c of just the kids themselves I’d be pissed tf off b/c the person is essentially saying that if they didn’t have kids then they’ll freely cheat, but the kids are the only thing making them stay loyal. That’s disgusting & weird af
That's an impressive chunk of mental gymnastics. The question was OR, not And/or. Very important distinction. "Which is more important?" Yes, the kids are more important. He said himself he wouldn't cheat due to morality, but to play her stupid OR game, he would choose the kids. Which is the correct answer. Kids > spouse.
dude what? if you have kids, THEY ARE NUMBER 1, she needs to take a step back and understand that, i get her feeling sad and getting mad but those kids NEED their parents, their parents dont NEED one another.
(Post after the update) wow, the wife through her husband under the bus. She was the one who told Brie about what OP said towards the kids, and now is blaming him for guilting her into reconciliation. Something tells me the wife would abandon her kids for a week too, if the same situation arose.
I'm personally not one for kids and think OP should've stuck to morals as his main reason for not cheating but his wife was dead wrong for trying to relate their marriage to their friends' and I would be incredibly angry with her for a day or two for doing that.
Yes cheaters do have a universal bible. It's not what it looks like, I was drunk, you were distant to me, we can work through this, we can have couple counselling/ marriage counselling, we can start fresh, I would never ever do that again.
The wife focused on Brie because the wife was consoling Brie. He focused on the kids cause he was the one with the kids at that moment and was worried about them
Yeah I agree with that. And I don't think anything that happens or doesn't happen in the future is his fault. I think he handled it as well as anyone could have.
Anon got gaslit into being sorry for having an opinion, that's scary as fuck.
3:28 What? Every sane person i met, always put their kids first. My mom had attention from other men but she put me and brother first because she didn't want to hurt us and the fact she called another person kids collateral damage is baffling.
He cheated for a stupid reason, not *no* reason. Brie is *not* the most wronged partner, it actually *is* the kids. If she was pushing him away, his feelings were valid but his behavior was not. He should've talked to her, and if she wouldn't budge, he should have divorced her. Cheating is never the answer
Exactly
"Would u date me if i was a worm" type situation
Ask your wife if she would put you first instead of the kids
I mean, he’s not wrong. If you’re married, then you’re not just betraying your spouse, but your family as well.
NTA if Brea takes him back, she knows what she’s signing up for. Anything after that is on her.
8:28 HOLY CRAP Op's wife is so dumb. NEWS FLASH. Kids also suffer from stuff like this. Parent and kids. Brie feelings shouldn't be placed above the kids. At the end everyone is hurt. If Brie decided to go back. Thats on her, its not Op or the Kids fault. Then again, collateral damage am i right?
This sounds more like a school yard spate than adult people who are responsible for children
“My wife feels that my comments about their daughters may have guilted Brie into taking Jason back.”
And who exactly told Brie about these comments? You don’t get to blame the OP when it’s his wife who told Brie what he said. OP was just telling his (still ex?) friend why he would never cheat, his wife’s the one that relayed that message to Brie and guilted her into getting back with her cheating ex
Why didnt you ask them if they thought they were more important than their children? Could shut them up
The wife is making it all about her. This isn't about her or even any other woman. A man can lose all love for his wife, but stay for the kids. Same can be true the other way around. That's why the strongest argument is about the kids. You don't ruin the family. If you stopped loving your wife, talk to her. See how you can improve that. If nothing works, including marriage counseling, stay until the kids are at least in school and then divorce and make sure you co-parent well. Its not a difficult idea. Just do what is morally correct in the western society.
I hate that op got gaslit into apologize for nothing.
COLLATERAL DAMAGE? WTF
This guy and his wife are way too involved in someone else's marriage.
(Posting before the update) Honestly, I have used the "but what about the bystanders" argument to get me out of some pretty dark times, as it becomes so easy to convince ourselves to fall simply by falsely accusing those involved. (In my case, accusing the world for not caring when I wanted to leave it). However, by focusing on the innocent who will be caught in our decisions, like the children in this case, it makes it harder and harder to hide from the truth.
That said, I am surprised that the wife took this stance, as I have too often heard mothers say "my children are more important to me than my husband."
This is gray area. If I found out that my partner wouldn’t cheat b/c of just the kids themselves I’d be pissed tf off b/c the person is essentially saying that if they didn’t have kids then they’ll freely cheat, but the kids are the only thing making them stay loyal. That’s disgusting & weird af
That's an impressive chunk of mental gymnastics.
The question was OR, not And/or. Very important distinction. "Which is more important?"
Yes, the kids are more important.
He said himself he wouldn't cheat due to morality, but to play her stupid OR game, he would choose the kids. Which is the correct answer. Kids > spouse.
dude what? if you have kids, THEY ARE NUMBER 1, she needs to take a step back and understand that, i get her feeling sad and getting mad but those kids NEED their parents, their parents dont NEED one another.
This the type of behavior that leads to bad parents using their kids as weapons. It's despicable.
@ which part?
(Post after the update) wow, the wife through her husband under the bus. She was the one who told Brie about what OP said towards the kids, and now is blaming him for guilting her into reconciliation. Something tells me the wife would abandon her kids for a week too, if the same situation arose.
I'm personally not one for kids and think OP should've stuck to morals as his main reason for not cheating but his wife was dead wrong for trying to relate their marriage to their friends' and I would be incredibly angry with her for a day or two for doing that.
NTA
This is why i dont want kids lol you do kinda stop mattering..
?! Wow 1st world nothing problem.
Yes cheaters do have a universal bible. It's not what it looks like, I was drunk, you were distant to me, we can work through this, we can have couple counselling/ marriage counselling, we can start fresh, I would never ever do that again.
@F4AltplusF4 😂
You two are way too involved in someone else's marriage. Get a life, ffs.
The people in the marriage brought OP and his wife into this 🤦♂️
NTA! My belief is once you have children they become your #1 priority.
She's the one that stopped putting out of course he's going to cheat