Same... Just the thought that while everyone is living their lives, Spinel is still in that garden after thousands of years, waiting for someone who doesnt exist anymore... :c
Have you ever thought about a world where everything is exactly the same... Except you don't exist? Everything functions perfectly without you...Ha ha... The thought terrifies me.
I find that kind of comforting, actually. I get wanting to know people would miss you if you died or disappeared, but knowing that my loved ones wouldn't be in any pain is enough consolation for me.
I think it hits harder because she basically realizes that she went to live the rest of her (mostly) happy life without her That's why the music started to wind down when she mentioned "her brand new friends"
This is actually a depressing story for an antagonist, abandonment. This is why I don't consider Spinel a villain but rather an antagonist. She's not truly evil, but her actions are toxic due to no one in her life to give her meaning. And I'd totally be like that if the very person that gave me purpose left me all alone.
@Luke plays Games & Songs Yes. Pink Diamond is the Villain. The Diamond that made this story possible by abandoning the Diamond's toxic lifestyle and saving the Earth from complete destruction. She's definitely the villain because she made mistakes. Got it
I feel abandoned sometimes like that... like when my friends argue and I try To help but they ignore me. I do think I’m Autophobic cause I’m afraid to be alone and I know it’s not their faults when they are gone but I just feel so lonely... and it makes my heart to shatter like it seems my friends are gonna break apart sometimes and our soul is getting more cracked everyday and one day I will be alone with no friends.. And cause I suffer from Depression when my mom yells at me she isn’t mean she is just sorta strict..
The hardest part of this song for me was "Is this how it works, am I doing it right?" as it made Spinel think that it was her fault....a very relatable feeling....
“Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?” Her naivety is heartbreaking... And “you keep on turning pages for people who don’t care about you...” I think a lot of us can unfortunately relate to that.
It makes me so sad to think about how all of Spinel’s love and innocence was just slowly drained away. Like imagine being stuck in the same position in crumbing/dying garden on a rock in the middle of nowhere with no one to talk to for 6000 years. I want to sympathize with rose/pink but honestly there’s no way I can ever see her as a good person ever again. As someone who’s dealt with lots of toxic family and friends this hurt in such a personal level
I'm pretty certain Pink would agree with you. She was the product of a pretty abusive system and its my view she recognised that she wasn't able tae fix it, thus why she gave herself tae Stephen.
I'm no Steven Universe pro, but I think that location, it could only be accessed by Diamonds/gems accompanied with at least 1 Diamond, not by permission:"Hey, it s an off-limits warp point." but by accessibility"Hey, it's a warp point." In a Nutshell, If I' m right, Spinel could've left at anytime she wished to.
@@jcraft2805 She didn't leave because she is a 'servant' to pink diamond, so when pink told her to stand still and wait, she just followed the order until she found out the truth
That's so depressing... The fact she literally waited for her to come back for 6000 years and I don't blame her for being so upset and so enraged. Once I saw her cry that's when I started to really feel bad.
I keep seeing these people trying to justify Pink abandoning Spinel and it’s like no, there is no excuse for what she did at all. Don’t give me those stupid excuses like “oh she was just trying to protect her from the war” or “she couldn’t come back and get her because that would blow their cover”. No! She abandoned her before the war started, it was right after she got her colony and before she cared about the Earth. And if she was trying to protect then why didn’t she just tell her that she was leaving and wasn’t coming back? Or why didn’t she just tell her to stop being annoying or that she didn’t want to be friends if she didn’t want her around anymore? It’s kind of mean but not nearly as evil as tricking her into standing still for what could have been eternity if it wasn’t for Steven! And if she did start to regret leaving her, why didn’t she go back for her? Spinel was her best friend, she would have followed her anywhere and is an incredible fighter. She would have been a great crystal gem. Don’t try to tell me “Oh, she can’t go back for her because all the warp pads were broken” she has healing tears that we know could have fixed them. No matter what kind of reasoning you try to give for her, she could have done something much better then abandoning someone who loved her with all her heart and who just wanted to see her happy! I don’t care what anyone says, Pink Diamond was just horrible to her and if she just forgot about her then that’s even worse! It means she didn’t care about her enough to remember what an awful thing she did! Spinel did not deserve what Pink did to her.
Preach One thing that ticked me with the movie is after spinel makes a self deprecating joke about her abandonment., yellow diamond actually laughs at her.. Like how did the crew not think laughing at spinels trauma is really cruel..?!
Charlotte / I definitely agree with the fact that Pink did not deserve Spinel! As for Yellow, I honestly don’t think she laughed specifically at the abandonment joke of it all. What I got from it was, she found amusement in the head-stand bit because Spinel passed off 6000 years as ‘nothing’ in her self deprecating joke. Since Yellow was always perceived as the mighty and strong dictator Diamond, it makes sense that she’d agree with and find humor in standing on her own head for THAT long because at the end of the day, 6000 years IS nothing to a gem and that was incredibly funny to her. Haha
I wish she was alive. So she could see the consequences of her actions. Because it seems that, in her time on earth she became better. So, she would probably regret leaving Spinel, if she were to remember her. I would give everything to see her reaction to seeing Spinel like that.
This reminds me so much abandoned pets, especially dogs. People impulse buy them, then they get bored of them or can’t handle their energy and needs. So they just discard them off at a park or the middle of nowhere. And since the pets don’t know any better, they wait for their owners to come back for them.
That’s exactly how it was for Pink when she was given Spinel. She didn’t want to play in a garden she wanted a colony. Spinel was a gift to Pink from her family because they wanted to give her something to keep her out of the way. So in a way Spinel was just a toy or a pet she left behind.
Pink/Rose had so so many people deeply devoted to and in love with her and she abandoned, neglected, and hurt them over and over again and never tried to own up to her mistakes. The rebellion and making Steven were ultimately good things but she also used them to run away from her problems too.
That I see it Pink has always been the true villain of this show for despite, her geniun and compassionate desires, she merely kept caused bit more damage and help to her kind for her rebellion was what caused Lapis to get cracked and placed in a mirror, leave both Blue and Yellow in continuous quarrel and bubble Bismuth in lion’s mane while, entirely covering up the truth behind a giant wall of lies without even considering to reconcile or make right her wrongs
@@tobsonasanya4765White and the other diamonds were tyrants, yes, but gem society functioned under them; the gems had the solace of having purpose in their world. Pink's actions and decisions, however, had far-reaching consequences that got others hurt, killed, or worse, and she bore absolutely NONE of the responsibility of making things right or improving gem society. One could argue she was selfish to the very end, forcing Steven to have to bear the responsibility of righting her wrongs.
The thing about abandonment issues - that I haven't seen in ANY media that tried to cover it - is that it's incredibly humiliating for the sufferer, which is a very important detail for those who are trying to overcome it themselves or understand it in someone else. This is why I love this show so much, you can feel that the creators have respect for their audience and put real effort into the details. We need more children's show like this promoting the sort of courage that you need for talking openly about embarrassing feelings and traumas.
It really made me sad at the "see that no one's there" part. One moment, Pink Diamond was laughing her head off at Spinel's entertainment, another moment she was growing tired of it but still wanted to be polite, and the last...she barely looked at Spinel anymore.
It's ironic,pink left spinel in the garden because she was done playing with spinel,a child's toy in her eyes,and thought that by doing so she was being mature, putting aside her toy to go work on "grown up things",like the management of her new colony. But the mere act of abandoning someone in that way, especially someone as fun loving and kindhearted as spinel,was the most childish things she ever could've done...
No it wans't, we only saw a little piece of Pink and Spinel relationship and that was when Pink was already bored of Spinel, in the beggining they was having a lot of fun playing togheter.
@Hannah Becker Do tell: How should a person who never learned what friendship really is maintain a friendship with another person who's *entire purpose* is to be an entertainment machine? Neither Spinell nor Pink were in a right place here. What Pink did what horrible, no arguing that. Yet it happened because she didn't know any better. Or do you expect abuse victims and people who grew up learning nothing else but abuse to be better without ever having an idol for that?
If you think about it, Spinel was in the garden, the long years Spinel was in the garden, and before Steven was born, she was just.. waiting. Spinel is like the definition of a child on Homeworld. That's like knowing your parents are dead, without you knowing.
Me: Ohhh man Lapis is the saddest character yet man. Idk how they can make things sadder. *years later* Me: Spinel huh... MUST PROTECT HER HEART AT ALL COST
Standing still for six thousand years sounds like the greatest punishment ever, but to do it to someone so fun and thoughtful, that’s a horrible thing to do.
when spinel transforms and she's singing driiiiiift, i get chills. it was such a beautiful scene and the pink background while she was transforming was amazing. I haven't watched the movie in a while but ik that spinel is one of my favorite characters. it also sounded like her tone got a little more angry towards the end.
what if pink never left spinel in the garden? what if she had her current form, yet it didn’t seem so evil, like the heart being right side up and no mascara marks on her cheeks? would she take rose forming Steven as hard as pearl did? would she be a crystal gem? Would her weapon be the rejuvenator scythe, but only to use it in case of emergencies? would there have been a different villain in the movie if pink hadn’t left spinel? wow I just have so many questions
Well I mean, for Pink to have left her behind she would have needed to be a different person. If she wasn’t so selfish and therefore brought Spinel, I imagine things would all be VERY different in how the war went and everything, because Rose/Pink would have been very different.
@@Troubled_waters actually, my theory is that Yellow and Blue said that they would give Earth to Pink Diamond as a colony, *IF* she proved that she is mature enough and not childish. Pink Diamond said she would but she we have to leave behind the one thing that made her happy: Spinel.
This makes me cry because it reminds me of my ex friend . She just , left me without telling me she wanted to stop being friends . And Ignored me , I thought I was a horrible person. she made me go through 2 years of pain and sadness. I had to get therapy because of her.
Seems to be a lot of that going around. Not to make light of it, of course. I had a friend do the same to me for 4 years. Almost brought me to hurt myself. Luckily I had another friend to pull me out of that pit. Remember folks, actions can hurt people, but so can inaction.
@@WulfieZi dealing with the same dude 12 year friendship and we were secret lovers the best thing I can say is love yourself the way you want to be love the change comes when you choose what you want for yourself
My cat is fat :3 I went through the same experience as you. My ex-friend decided to end our friendship because he thinks I embarrassed him by talking shit about a kids show around his presence, which I didn’t. That pain has never gone away for 2 years and I have to go to therapy because of him.
Idk why but seeing her pry her shoes from the vines growing around her always gets me emotional. It really hits home just how long she's stayed there, waiting for someone who's never coming back...
my question is that she saw stevens message then literally the same day, builds an injector and gets a scythe to come fight them. HOW IS SHE THAT FAST??
@@chimestonks pink was a diamond, and they seem to be able to get whatever they want whenever they want. So if she impulsively said "I want a Class-M Total Biome Kill Injector!" Then she'd have one. And having a Rejuvenater makes sense for diamonds, have to keep tje rabble in like somehow.
Imagine waiting for someone you love to come back, having no idea that they essentially started a new life somewhere else without you around, and the only sign of life you get after thousands of years is that person's family claiming that person isn't alive anymore. No wonder Spinel snapped after finding out.
I’ll be honest, I can see why Pink felt no connection to Spinel; they were really different. But the complete abandonment, in isolation, was incredibly cruel. If Spinel were at least given other company or told the truth, it wouldn’t have been so bad, cuz then she could at least get a chance to grow the way Pink did. Anyway this made me cry so bad. I don’t know if it’s the “then she smiled, that’s what I’m after,” or the way the song crawled by with “happily ___,” or the “Am I doing it right?” or the way Spinel’s face is trembling at the end.
I think the worst part to me is that no one noticed that she wasn't around. Like none of the diamonds, or pearl. It would feel horrible to know that literally no one noticed or cared where you were.
This just goes for all gems. Nobody would care if you were a ruby, a hessonite or any other gem that wasn’t a diamond, you’re just a pawn amongst other gems and in the end the only purpose you shall ever serve is to pamper the diamonds until your shattering or the end of time.
2:41 - 3:00 You can notice her voice changing a bit which is a huge tone of sadness. This song makes sad because my dog died from an unknown cause in my arms, rest in peace ol'buddy. 😢
Pink may have saved earth, protected it just to live happily in harmony but how she did it just to have everything she wanted is completely out of line, unacceptable, and unforgivable she started a war, abandoned Spinel, ran away from all of her problems, dragged other gems down with her, and made the other diamonds believing that she was shattered when she knew that she wasn’t causing them to attack Earth and corrupt every single gem that lived on it when she could’ve simply ordered the kindergarten to stop the machines and abandoned the colonization instead of causing more trouble for herself and getting others involved with it
Rey Jhon Cuaresma yeah you were also abandoned for 6000 years without social contact only to find out that pink diamond is gone and succeeded by her son
@@chrisa5180 That's so rude. You don't know what type of abandonment this person went through and the fact that you even tried making fun of them like that, over a cartoon just goes to show what type of person you are.
Spinel has ever right to be mad, imagine being left somewhere for 6,000 years hoping someone comes back, but then after all that waiting you find out the one person you loved doesn’t exit anymore and abandoned you
I can’t imagine how spinel must’ve felt after she saw Steven living happily and finding out pink diamond is gone. She waited all those years for nothing. Imagine the feeling of knowing you waited for someone but no one knows you exist, everyone is living happily without you
I don't know how you gathered that. Pink knew more than anyone that Spinel was meant to be a distraction. Blue, Yellow, and White couldn't stand her and just made her a "friend" so she would be out of their way. That montage shows that at first Pink was entertained, then as time went by it was increasingly apparent she was miserable and couldn't hide it anymore. I know you want to justify attempted genocide so bad, but it doesn't work
I can relate to Spinel. I had “friends” i looked up to, but i wasn’t as special to them as they were to me. Eventually they abandoned me, they made it seem obvious how much they were annoyed by me and hated me. And that just shatters you. It gives you so much frustration when you realize how they threw away everything you gave them and how they will blame everything on you. And eventually when you try to move on, that frustration is still forever with you, you’re mad because you’ve been hurt, and because you’re hurt you hurt others, because it’s so normalized in your point of view to reject people’s appreciation for you because people did it to you. Eventually making friends just gets harder and harder, and that only because someone messed you up so badly.
Lyrics: *DRIFT AWAY* Here in the garden Let's play a game I'll show you how it's done Here in the garden Stand very still This'll be so much fun And then she smiled That's what I'm after A smile in her eyes The sound of her laughter Happy to listen Happy to play Happily watching her drift away Happily waiting All on my own Under the endless sky Counting the seconds Standing alone As thousands of years go by Happily wondering Night after night Is this how it works? Am I doing it right? Happy to listen Happy to stay Happily watching her drift away You keep on turning pages for people who don't care People who don't care about you And still, it takes you ages to see that no one's there See that no one's there See that no one's there Everyone's gone on without you Finally something Finally news About how the story ends She doesn't exist now Survived by her son And all of her brand new friends Isn't that lovely? Isn't that cool? And isn't that cruel? And aren't I a fool to have Happily listen Happy to stay Happily watching her drift Drift Drift away
Spinel's squeaks at 0:22 and 0:28 make me wish I had a Spinel or at least someone made an only SFX version of this song so I could hear the squeak better
This is a very depressing song, When i heard this story and this song it broke me this is why i dont see spinel as a villain but a broken and abandoned antagonist she deserved a better life. And props to the voice actor she did a very good job on voicing spinel its filled with true sadness emotions 😔
I don't know what's WORSE in my case, being abandoned by my best friend from childhood and being left to think highly of her, or reconnecting and getting closure for said abandonment issues, only to be emotionally abused and manipulated over time and left suicidal as a result while being forced to leave her behind after she turned into a monster behind my back and being left to HATE her for the rest of my life? She manipulated me into a situationship while she cheats on her boyfriend, emotionally abused me over Messenger while acting sweet to my face, and drove me to attempt suicide after the abuse was over and she blocked me.
“Forget-me-nots symbolize true love and respect. When you give someone these tiny blooms, it represents a promise that you will always remember them and will keep them in your thoughts. They are also considered a symbol of fidelity and faithfulness.” Idk, i think it’s appropriate to copy paste this-
The way the song just ends, how it cuts off right when Spinel turns to Steven with such a broken expression. The story ends with Spinel turning and her face just says "Look at what she did to me."
To me, Pink was Spinel’s mother figure. Their size of them( symbolic), spinel’s child-like predisposition, her playfulness and her neediness, her attachment to Pink, her absolute unquestionable idolisation of Pink ( as children do when they’re young), and the obeying to what Pink proposed… absolute devotion, dependence, and blind belief that Pink is perfect. Spinel is a little child here, through and through. Pink also had a blatant evil smirk for a second while coming up with the “game”, Spinel saw it and didn’t recognise it at all. Just like a toddler or 4-5 year old child wouldn’t. Pink, for me, is personification of emotionally damaged and above all immature person who happened to become a mother/best friend / lover ( depending on what other character we’re connecting her to). Pink had her own huge emotional baggage and instead of looking to protect people she (should have) loved, she chose to devote herself to another cause. Which was noble and great of course. But she left so many people hurt. She didn’t even apologise, she didn’t even leave a letter to any of them after her final decision to disappear. Maybe she was too young to admit to herself what she did wrong, or maybe she would never acknowledge she was, no matter what. We’ll never find out. As for Spinel, she was abandoned in the cruelest way possible. Because her mom/big, important best friend/ her everything, got finally tired and annoyed and decided to get rid of her. She had better things to do in her life than play with spinel, something she started herself in the first place and was fun for a while. That evil smile… is unforgivable. Spinel is damaged for life. And it’d be up to her to understand, to forgive ( or not), but most importantly to heal the very core of her very existence. The core that makes us secure in ourselves and others, that we can build upon as we grow up. It’s a hard and lonely journey of someone who was never responsible for it in the first place. And a reality of many of us.
It devours my soul and heart from inside watching her slowly switching from this cute, playful and happy girl who always wants her diamond to stay with her and make her happy, to this broken, hopeless, trustless, sad and depressed girl who doesn’t even want to hurt others but finishes to effectively hurt them because she’s been brutally betrayed by her only friend. She reminds me of how innocent and happy I used to be, and how of a horrible being I became now… I’ll never get to have those beautiful times back, and I don’t even know why I’m on Earth anymore.
I love how she reverted to how she was before she was reset. It shows the trauma she has and that's the new her. Pink Diamond leaving her broke her and changed her and nothing can reverse that.
this is really sad and i feel bad for her cause she has a mental breakdown and she probably wants other people to feel her pain and like the whole movies she forgotten cause she keeps following everyone around and they dont even see her like she's invisible
every time i wtch this i think, every time i laugh, every time pearl cries about rose.. spinel was waiting for pink. whilst the crystal gems have fun. spinel doesnt question. she just.. waits. pearl thinks she was treated badly, desserted, but spinels out there, hurting more and more every second. but she sill waits. and waits and waits.
I can't think of a song which hits in my heart in such sensitive way which cannot be described by words.I almost cried because spinel doesn't deserve this kind of a pain
I can't watch Steven Universe the same anymore, knowing that Spinel is still waiting in the garden
Same... Just the thought that while everyone is living their lives, Spinel is still in that garden after thousands of years, waiting for someone who doesnt exist anymore... :c
OHGOD
I didn’t think about that and oh no
Wait what!? I didnt watch future I only watched the movie. Are you really saying this is how they ended it for her in future?
@@nightshade2826 no they meant while the show is happening ...
Me:leaves the house for school
My dog:
Ya mean when you travel
Works both ways🤣
Your dog is really emotional then
Jajaja
And then the video is you waiting for school to end-
I remember seeing a quote from undertale, it was something like,
"Imagine living in a world where it functions perfectly without you existing."
Goner kid is spinel confirmed
Have you ever thought about a world where everything is exactly the same... Except you don't exist? Everything functions perfectly without you...Ha ha... The thought terrifies me.
@@puddlel1ama327 An umbrella..? But it’s not raining...
Damn that is heavy, when I consider that that was a portion of how Spinel felt her story just rips me apart
I find that kind of comforting, actually. I get wanting to know people would miss you if you died or disappeared, but knowing that my loved ones wouldn't be in any pain is enough consolation for me.
when she finds out that pink doesnt exist anymore that literally makes me cry everytime.
Taco God that’s also when she snapped ,Poor spinel 🥺
I think it hits harder because she basically realizes that she went to live the rest of her (mostly) happy life without her
That's why the music started to wind down when she mentioned "her brand new friends"
Taco God right dude it takes a lot for me to cry too
*This is why I have trust issues*
Just seeing pink leave kills me
This is actually a depressing story for an antagonist, abandonment. This is why I don't consider Spinel a villain but rather an antagonist. She's not truly evil, but her actions are toxic due to no one in her life to give her meaning. And I'd totally be like that if the very person that gave me purpose left me all alone.
I agree
Villians can be the antagonist
Banks I think Spinel is Autophobic and even Dementophobic. Autophobic is the fear of being alone and Dementophobia is the fear of being called crazy.
@Luke plays Games & Songs
Yes. Pink Diamond is the Villain. The Diamond that made this story possible by abandoning the Diamond's toxic lifestyle and saving the Earth from complete destruction. She's definitely the villain because she made mistakes. Got it
I feel abandoned sometimes like that... like when my friends argue and I try
To help but they ignore me. I do think I’m Autophobic cause I’m afraid to be alone and I know it’s not their faults when they are gone but I just feel so lonely... and it makes my heart to shatter like it seems my friends are gonna break apart sometimes and our soul is getting more cracked everyday and one day I will be alone with no friends.. And cause I suffer from Depression when my mom yells at me she isn’t mean she is just sorta strict..
I don't even watch this show but spinel alone has interested me into starting
Update I'm at ep 41 rn lol
leego- ace i knew you would get hooked to the show!!
Same
that's good but just know spinel is a new character in the movie so you wont get *anything* on spinel from the show not even a hint
Same
Song about being abandoned for thousands of years:
RUclips: fOr KiDs
He heh
Same
What about steven universe future, its on Cartoon Network, buts its like depressing-
@@glaceon2201 ye steven turned into a monster and they still made it for kids
Well, its for 10 years old which is good age for those cartoons
The hardest part of this song for me was "Is this how it works, am I doing it right?" as it made Spinel think that it was her fault....a very relatable feeling....
Omg yeah me too
It broke me to see myself thinking I was being rejected for doing something wrong
“Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?”
Her naivety is heartbreaking...
And “you keep on turning pages for people who don’t care about you...”
I think a lot of us can unfortunately relate to that.
Mannnnnnnn the heartbreak breaks me.....
she was blaming herself
I started crying at the am I doing it right
Because so much of my life I thought I had to do the right things for people to love me
Ah yes incognito life (when you're there but no one can see you when you're standing right next them)
“Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?”
The anthem of a victim in a toxic relationship.
It makes me so sad to think about how all of Spinel’s love and innocence was just slowly drained away. Like imagine being stuck in the same position in crumbing/dying garden on a rock in the middle of nowhere with no one to talk to for 6000 years. I want to sympathize with rose/pink but honestly there’s no way I can ever see her as a good person ever again. As someone who’s dealt with lots of toxic family and friends this hurt in such a personal level
*"cheers i'll drink to that bro"*
I'm pretty certain Pink would agree with you. She was the product of a pretty abusive system and its my view she recognised that she wasn't able tae fix it, thus why she gave herself tae Stephen.
I'm no Steven Universe pro, but I think that location, it could only be accessed by Diamonds/gems accompanied with at least 1 Diamond, not by permission:"Hey, it s an off-limits warp point." but by accessibility"Hey, it's a warp point."
In a Nutshell, If I' m right, Spinel could've left at anytime she wished to.
@@jcraft2805 She didn't leave because she is a 'servant' to pink diamond, so when pink told her to stand still and wait, she just followed the order until she found out the truth
@@junehogas7630 I see.
That's so depressing... The fact she literally waited for her to come back for 6000 years and I don't blame her for being so upset and so enraged. Once I saw her cry that's when I started to really feel bad.
I feel like that the waiting isn't the worst part, it's the fact that she doesn't exist anymore that bothers me
@@danielecogotti8394 "She'll come back, right?"
3,000*
@@Pinkmichboy no it's 6,000
Blinded by anger....and the last part when she overthink what's gonna happen to her next when she turned off her injector thingy..
I keep seeing these people trying to justify Pink abandoning Spinel and it’s like no, there is no excuse for what she did at all. Don’t give me those stupid excuses like “oh she was just trying to protect her from the war” or “she couldn’t come back and get her because that would blow their cover”. No! She abandoned her before the war started, it was right after she got her colony and before she cared about the Earth. And if she was trying to protect then why didn’t she just tell her that she was leaving and wasn’t coming back? Or why didn’t she just tell her to stop being annoying or that she didn’t want to be friends if she didn’t want her around anymore? It’s kind of mean but not nearly as evil as tricking her into standing still for what could have been eternity if it wasn’t for Steven! And if she did start to regret leaving her, why didn’t she go back for her? Spinel was her best friend, she would have followed her anywhere and is an incredible fighter. She would have been a great crystal gem. Don’t try to tell me “Oh, she can’t go back for her because all the warp pads were broken” she has healing tears that we know could have fixed them. No matter what kind of reasoning you try to give for her, she could have done something much better then abandoning someone who loved her with all her heart and who just wanted to see her happy! I don’t care what anyone says, Pink Diamond was just horrible to her and if she just forgot about her then that’s even worse! It means she didn’t care about her enough to remember what an awful thing she did! Spinel did not deserve what Pink did to her.
Preach
One thing that ticked me with the movie is after spinel makes a self deprecating joke about her abandonment., yellow diamond actually laughs at her..
Like how did the crew not think laughing at spinels trauma is really cruel..?!
YES, thank you
*respect*
Charlotte / I definitely agree with the fact that Pink did not deserve Spinel! As for Yellow, I honestly don’t think she laughed specifically at the abandonment joke of it all. What I got from it was, she found amusement in the head-stand bit because Spinel passed off 6000 years as ‘nothing’ in her self deprecating joke. Since Yellow was always perceived as the mighty and strong dictator Diamond, it makes sense that she’d agree with and find humor in standing on her own head for THAT long because at the end of the day, 6000 years IS nothing to a gem and that was incredibly funny to her. Haha
I like everything but healing tears can't heal warp pads
Pink diamond has ALOT to answer for
Early Morning Gray and she got away Scott free she’s dead
I wish she was alive. So she could see the consequences of her actions. Because it seems that, in her time on earth she became better. So, she would probably regret leaving Spinel, if she were to remember her. I would give everything to see her reaction to seeing Spinel like that.
@@idontexist2959 I’m gonna try to make an animation for that :>
@@rosepinkpearl6016 I'd like to see that
Immortals do terrible things and the rules for them are different. It's not fair, no, but neither is the infinite abyss of time.
My video game character waiting when I forgot to close the application
SO TRUE
You know, Spinal and Jessie from Toy Story have a similar story when it to being abandoned.
At least Jessie's girl didn't INTEND to abandon a sentient being, one's friend no less
Same
Jacob Bocaj was good
WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK
Well Jessie was not intentional abandoned, Emily just grew up like every child and stopped play with her toys, with Spinel was much worse :/
A detail I love about this part is that Spinel's voice tone gets more depressing as the song goes on
This reminds me so much abandoned pets, especially dogs. People impulse buy them, then they get bored of them or can’t handle their energy and needs. So they just discard them off at a park or the middle of nowhere. And since the pets don’t know any better, they wait for their owners to come back for them.
Most of people leave anything that has no longer benefits for them
Even their family members
That’s exactly how it was for Pink when she was given Spinel. She didn’t want to play in a garden she wanted a colony. Spinel was a gift to Pink from her family because they wanted to give her something to keep her out of the way. So in a way Spinel was just a toy or a pet she left behind.
and also reminds me of loved ones dying without giving any signs
People like that fills me with unbridled rage
Just think if Steven had never sent out that broadcast to the universe, spinel would’ve stayed in the garden forever
Hopefully something else would've happened instead, like some Gems on a ship passing by and noticing her.
Imagine that that would cause someny things
Waiting. And wondering if she's doing something wrong...
*_[oh, aw, the pain, the sadness, not again]_*
Ruby [Doc] Oh, it’s you.
Your everywhere-
Ruby [Doc] this is physically painful
Lol
i always see you!
Pink/Rose had so so many people deeply devoted to and in love with her and she abandoned, neglected, and hurt them over and over again and never tried to own up to her mistakes. The rebellion and making Steven were ultimately good things but she also used them to run away from her problems too.
Yeah, I’ve just realised. Volleyball, Spinel, Bismuth I think.
That I see it Pink has always been the true villain of this show for despite, her geniun and compassionate desires, she merely kept caused bit more damage and help to her kind for her rebellion was what caused Lapis to get cracked and placed in a mirror, leave both Blue and Yellow in continuous quarrel and bubble Bismuth in lion’s mane while, entirely covering up the truth behind a giant wall of lies without even considering to reconcile or make right her wrongs
@@agentzurg3592 white diamond was the true villain lol
After learning why she did those things I'd possibly forgive her if she didn't ditch into changing into her son making her problems his
@@tobsonasanya4765White and the other diamonds were tyrants, yes, but gem society functioned under them; the gems had the solace of having purpose in their world.
Pink's actions and decisions, however, had far-reaching consequences that got others hurt, killed, or worse, and she bore absolutely NONE of the responsibility of making things right or improving gem society. One could argue she was selfish to the very end, forcing Steven to have to bear the responsibility of righting her wrongs.
The way she says "Isn't that lovely?" just breaks my heart.
My boss: You made me wait for TEN MINUTES
Spinel: Really? How tragic...
Lapis: I've felt worse!
Pathetic
Hehehe, so pathetic!
The thing about abandonment issues - that I haven't seen in ANY media that tried to cover it - is that it's incredibly humiliating for the sufferer, which is a very important detail for those who are trying to overcome it themselves or understand it in someone else. This is why I love this show so much, you can feel that the creators have respect for their audience and put real effort into the details. We need more children's show like this promoting the sort of courage that you need for talking openly about embarrassing feelings and traumas.
It really made me sad at the "see that no one's there" part.
One moment, Pink Diamond was laughing her head off at Spinel's entertainment,
another moment she was growing tired of it but still wanted to be polite,
and the last...she barely looked at Spinel anymore.
This is depressing, a great song, and a great, non-stereotypical villain backstory.
Compressed into one word, This is a masterpiece.
It's ironic,pink left spinel in the garden because she was done playing with spinel,a child's toy in her eyes,and thought that by doing so she was being mature, putting aside her toy to go work on "grown up things",like the management of her new colony. But the mere act of abandoning someone in that way, especially someone as fun loving and kindhearted as spinel,was the most childish things she ever could've done...
*"And still it takes you ages, to see that no one's there.. Everyones gone on without..you.."* Hits different.
Spinel turning around with tears in her eyes will be one of the best and chilling scenes in SU. No doubt.
Her relationship with pink diamond is like harley quinn's relationship with the joker. They just want you when they need you
No it wans't, we only saw a little piece of Pink and Spinel relationship and that was when Pink was already bored of Spinel, in the beggining they was having a lot of fun playing togheter.
Not really
I don’t think it’s that type of relationship, but it’s definitely the kind that someone would want to avoid at all costs.
@Hannah Becker Do tell:
How should a person who never learned what friendship really is maintain a friendship with another person who's *entire purpose* is to be an entertainment machine?
Neither Spinell nor Pink were in a right place here. What Pink did what horrible, no arguing that. Yet it happened because she didn't know any better.
Or do you expect abuse victims and people who grew up learning nothing else but abuse to be better without ever having an idol for that?
@Hannah Becker what I meant:
Do you expect people to do better without them knowing how to be better?
I thought I was over it, then you repost it and the pains back
If you think about it, Spinel was in the garden, the long years Spinel was in the garden, and before Steven was born, she was just.. waiting. Spinel is like the definition of a child on Homeworld. That's like knowing your parents are dead, without you knowing.
Gems didn’t have children or families
Me: Ohhh man Lapis is the saddest character yet man. Idk how they can make things sadder.
*years later*
Me: Spinel huh... MUST PROTECT HER HEART AT ALL COST
Standing still for six thousand years sounds like the greatest punishment ever, but to do it to someone so fun and thoughtful, that’s a horrible thing to do.
This is why I do not like pink diamond
@@-metaknight-1135 she’s a spoiled brat
@@-metaknight-1135 she’s just… the worst
@@AsuraQin nah
@@-metaknight-1135 she didn't do it intentionally lol
when spinel transforms and she's singing driiiiiift, i get chills. it was such a beautiful scene and the pink background while she was transforming was amazing. I haven't watched the movie in a while but ik that spinel is one of my favorite characters. it also sounded like her tone got a little more angry towards the end.
as someone who has been neglected by close friends before I can relate to spinel. I could actually feel my heartbreak when I first saw this
Same here
I was always ignored by my classmates and friends
what if pink never left spinel in the garden? what if she had her current form, yet it didn’t seem so evil, like the heart being right side up and no mascara marks on her cheeks? would she take rose forming Steven as hard as pearl did? would she be a crystal gem? Would her weapon be the rejuvenator scythe, but only to use it in case of emergencies? would there have been a different villain in the movie if pink hadn’t left spinel? wow I just have so many questions
Nothing would change because fate said so
Well I mean, for Pink to have left her behind she would have needed to be a different person. If she wasn’t so selfish and therefore brought Spinel, I imagine things would all be VERY different in how the war went and everything, because Rose/Pink would have been very different.
@@Troubled_waters actually, my theory is that Yellow and Blue said that they would give Earth to Pink Diamond as a colony, *IF* she proved that she is mature enough and not childish. Pink Diamond said she would but she we have to leave behind the one thing that made her happy: Spinel.
People already made fanfic of that
imagine spinel was there in the war of the crystal
This makes me cry because it reminds me of my ex friend . She just , left me without telling me she wanted to stop being friends . And Ignored me , I thought I was a horrible person. she made me go through 2 years of pain and sadness. I had to get therapy because of her.
I can totally relate to this
Seems to be a lot of that going around. Not to make light of it, of course. I had a friend do the same to me for 4 years. Almost brought me to hurt myself. Luckily I had another friend to pull me out of that pit.
Remember folks, actions can hurt people, but so can inaction.
@@WulfieZi dealing with the same dude 12 year friendship and we were secret lovers the best thing I can say is love yourself the way you want to be love the change comes when you choose what you want for yourself
My cat is fat :3 I went through the same experience as you. My ex-friend decided to end our friendship because he thinks I embarrassed him by talking shit about a kids show around his presence, which I didn’t. That pain has never gone away for 2 years and I have to go to therapy because of him.
*This is why I have trust issues*
As someone with borderline personality disorder, this song (and whole character) hits hard…
Same. Everytime.
Idk why but seeing her pry her shoes from the vines growing around her always gets me emotional. It really hits home just how long she's stayed there, waiting for someone who's never coming back...
I feel pain to this song
¡Same!
Same!
Me too ;~;
We all do
Me to
My nintendogs since 2011:
wHYWDBYHERFUUREID
Daddy Wumbo My Animal Crossing Villagers when I left.
Do you mind if I make a comic about that? I won't be posting it anywhere but it's a cute idea!
Go back to them!
@Daddy Wumbo Omg😭💀💀 i totally forgot about them... Im a bad person
my question is that she saw stevens message then literally the same day, builds an injector and gets a scythe to come fight them. HOW IS SHE THAT FAST??
She got them from Pink's private inventory. And got there instantly by using the warp pad.
@@vilmublues752 Pink had a bio-organic injector in her inventory?
She had lots of different things in their own sections, like weapons of war in one spot.
I mean, if she can stand in the same exact spot for 6000 years, she can pretty much do anything else 🤷🏻♀️
@@chimestonks pink was a diamond, and they seem to be able to get whatever they want whenever they want. So if she impulsively said "I want a Class-M Total Biome Kill Injector!" Then she'd have one. And having a Rejuvenater makes sense for diamonds, have to keep tje rabble in like somehow.
Imagine waiting for someone you love to come back, having no idea that they essentially started a new life somewhere else without you around, and the only sign of life you get after thousands of years is that person's family claiming that person isn't alive anymore. No wonder Spinel snapped after finding out.
I’ll be honest, I can see why Pink felt no connection to Spinel; they were really different. But the complete abandonment, in isolation, was incredibly cruel. If Spinel were at least given other company or told the truth, it wouldn’t have been so bad, cuz then she could at least get a chance to grow the way Pink did.
Anyway this made me cry so bad. I don’t know if it’s the “then she smiled, that’s what I’m after,” or the way the song crawled by with “happily ___,” or the “Am I doing it right?” or the way Spinel’s face is trembling at the end.
The sad part in my perspective is wondering if Pink Diamond would have actually allowed Spinel to come along if she wasn't "childish."
i can't explain how much this makes me cry and how much I relate to spinel.
This is just the saddest story for a show that is meant for kids/tweens/teens
And I thought that the reveal of the DCFDTL is actually the missing Sector Z under mesmerization was sad enough.
This song makes me cry no matter what mood I’m in..... is that normal?
yes
Yes, yes it is
Most definitely
yes
Uh id say somewhat
The moment everyone considered pink diamond dead to them
Yup
Idc if this was a year ago
eh
I think the worst part to me is that no one noticed that she wasn't around. Like none of the diamonds, or pearl. It would feel horrible to know that literally no one noticed or cared where you were.
This just goes for all gems. Nobody would care if you were a ruby, a hessonite or any other gem that wasn’t a diamond, you’re just a pawn amongst other gems and in the end the only purpose you shall ever serve is to pamper the diamonds until your shattering or the end of time.
2:41 - 3:00
You can notice her voice changing a bit which is a huge tone of sadness.
This song makes sad because my dog died from an unknown cause in my arms, rest in peace ol'buddy. 😢
A friend of mine watched this together, and we both agreed that Pink was the true villian
She abandoned spinel and gave the original pink pearl her crack (which mind you is basically uncurable)
@@idunno6844 the diamonds can fix gems and also a potion can
The diamonds exist bud
Pink may have saved earth, protected it just to live happily in harmony but how she did it just to have everything she wanted is completely out of line, unacceptable, and unforgivable she started a war, abandoned Spinel, ran away from all of her problems, dragged other gems down with her, and made the other diamonds believing that she was shattered when she knew that she wasn’t causing them to attack Earth and corrupt every single gem that lived on it when she could’ve simply ordered the kindergarten to stop the machines and abandoned the colonization instead of causing more trouble for herself and getting others involved with it
@@sirstan4897 Pink Pearl's crack still present, as stated in future, is the result of her mental trauma
At 0:06, you can see red Spider Lilies, which represent last goodbyes.
Really
I think I can relate to Spinel's story which makes me cry
How? I need to hear this, please.
Rey Jhon Cuaresma yeah you were also abandoned for 6000 years without social contact only to find out that pink diamond is gone and succeeded by her son
@@chrisa5180 That's so rude. You don't know what type of abandonment this person went through and the fact that you even tried making fun of them like that, over a cartoon just goes to show what type of person you are.
@@competenttitan6978 As for you, you didn't need to hear it. It's none of your business.
cosmic child r/iamverysmart my comment was a joke get a life
I always cry when she gets to the verse "you keep on turning pages for people who dont care....." gets me everytime 😢😢
Spinel has ever right to be mad, imagine being left somewhere for 6,000 years hoping someone comes back, but then after all that waiting you find out the one person you loved doesn’t exit anymore and abandoned you
I can’t imagine how spinel must’ve felt after she saw Steven living happily and finding out pink diamond is gone. She waited all those years for nothing. Imagine the feeling of knowing you waited for someone but no one knows you exist, everyone is living happily without you
Spinel Face at the end. It's so Heartbreaking, so much pain.
Pink Pearl's grin at 2:01 really shows she doesn't and didn't love Spinel. Spinel had all the reason to be mad.
i was like pink Pearl? but it was diamond
Stop trying to justify Spinel's malicious actions!! She's not a innocent angel just like her Diamond.
I don't know how you gathered that. Pink knew more than anyone that Spinel was meant to be a distraction. Blue, Yellow, and White couldn't stand her and just made her a "friend" so she would be out of their way. That montage shows that at first Pink was entertained, then as time went by it was increasingly apparent she was miserable and couldn't hide it anymore. I know you want to justify attempted genocide so bad, but it doesn't work
@@laurenmungaray3912 STOP. TRYING. TO. RUIN. OUR. OPINIONS. OF. SPINEL.
She. deserves. sympathy.
She. Deserves. LOVE.
@@i_am_only_an_insane_person what about pink? Spinel was treated cruelly, and she is sympathic. But she ain't innocent.
*She is running in circles around us*
@Foxy Animates stuff _it really is her, but she cant be serious!_
@@stageofdazzling you know her pearl can you tell us who she is?
@Margaret Campbell Let's play another game,this time i have to win!
@@kiokychuwu8325 Life on the line, winner takes all, ready or not, LET'S BEGIN!
Rx no
i’ve never seen steven universe but this song is amazing and so heartbreaking
Watch it now or else I’ll go boom boom with a water gun in your eyes but I’ll fill it with chilli juice 😤 it’s so good and represents LGBT
Steven universe is so sad, every important gem has had a sad scene why do i love this show so much but i also cry so much at this show
I can relate to Spinel. I had “friends” i looked up to, but i wasn’t as special to them as they were to me. Eventually they abandoned me, they made it seem obvious how much they were annoyed by me and hated me. And that just shatters you. It gives you so much frustration when you realize how they threw away everything you gave them and how they will blame everything on you. And eventually when you try to move on, that frustration is still forever with you, you’re mad because you’ve been hurt, and because you’re hurt you hurt others, because it’s so normalized in your point of view to reject people’s appreciation for you because people did it to you. Eventually making friends just gets harder and harder, and that only because someone messed you up so badly.
the whole time the show goes on, she was waiting
0:00 - 0:15 Those are SpongeBob's shoe sounds, aren't they?
Squick
I bet
That’s exactly what I thought when I first watched this
0:03
wolfguy23 no one I’ve a hell su better 100 to 1
This is sad I feel very bad for spinel she doesn’t deserve that
Spinel and I have a lot in common. I know how she feels, so much. 😞
This still makes me cry 😭😭😭😭 i just want to hug her
_1:40__ That part_ 😢
Lyrics:
*DRIFT AWAY*
Here in the garden
Let's play a game
I'll show you how it's done
Here in the garden
Stand very still
This'll be so much fun
And then she smiled
That's what I'm after
A smile in her eyes
The sound of her laughter
Happy to listen
Happy to play
Happily watching her drift away
Happily waiting
All on my own
Under the endless sky
Counting the seconds
Standing alone
As thousands of years go by
Happily wondering
Night after night
Is this how it works?
Am I doing it right?
Happy to listen
Happy to stay
Happily watching her drift away
You keep on turning pages for people who don't care
People who don't care about you
And still, it takes you ages to see that no one's there
See that no one's there
See that no one's there
Everyone's gone on without you
Finally something
Finally news
About how the story ends
She doesn't exist now
Survived by her son
And all of her brand new friends
Isn't that lovely?
Isn't that cool?
And isn't that cruel?
And aren't I a fool to have
Happily listen
Happy to stay
Happily watching her drift
Drift
Drift away
:'(
😭
Found you
@@fnafaddict7555 lol hi again
Forgot I made this comment tbh
T-T
I’m crying
Spinel's squeaks at 0:22 and 0:28 make me wish I had a Spinel or at least someone made an only SFX version of this song so I could hear the squeak better
2:59 *the moment you realize that spinel is an anime character*
This is a very depressing song, When i heard this story and this song it broke me this is why i dont see spinel as a villain but a broken and abandoned antagonist she deserved a better life. And props to the voice actor she did a very good job on voicing spinel its filled with true sadness emotions 😔
Why is the audio quality and description exactly the same from cartoon network's version? Oh yeah forgot what download video was...
We can actually comment
I used to watch this show a few years ago, and seeing it become so popular after all this time makes me quite happy!
This song is so depressing..... too depressing
Exactly it's too much
Best song in the movie
Damn spinel and her entire backstory is incredibly relatable
This part is really sad tbh
The way the butterfly lands on spinels head and she giggles just breaks me
wait how did a butterfly get to space
@@nazbuchanana9704 i thought the same but it also looks like a cristal butterfly
The Redness in her eyes the Tear streaks POOR SPINEL 😭💔😭😭💔
When I heard this song the 2nd time I was shocked to realize that I basically went through the same trauma not too long before.
Gouda shark - Hello, I just wanted to give hugs to ANYONE who went through what she did, so: *Gives tight hug* 💗
I'm sorry bud 💖
I don't know what's WORSE in my case, being abandoned by my best friend from childhood and being left to think highly of her, or reconnecting and getting closure for said abandonment issues, only to be emotionally abused and manipulated over time and left suicidal as a result while being forced to leave her behind after she turned into a monster behind my back and being left to HATE her for the rest of my life?
She manipulated me into a situationship while she cheats on her boyfriend, emotionally abused me over Messenger while acting sweet to my face, and drove me to attempt suicide after the abuse was over and she blocked me.
Has anyone else noticed that the flowers next to Spinel at 1:07 are forget-me-not's?
Shimmer and shine?
NOOOO THAT MAKES THIS SHIT SADDER
“Forget-me-nots symbolize true love and respect. When you give someone these tiny blooms, it represents a promise that you will always remember them and will keep them in your thoughts. They are also considered a symbol of fidelity and faithfulness.”
Idk, i think it’s appropriate to copy paste this-
woah… that’s so cute and sad
The way the song just ends, how it cuts off right when Spinel turns to Steven with such a broken expression.
The story ends with Spinel turning and her face just says "Look at what she did to me."
“she dosen’t exist now.” idk why but that line hits so hard for me.
I love spinel she has an amazing voice and I love her singing so amazing
To me, Pink was Spinel’s mother figure. Their size of them( symbolic), spinel’s child-like predisposition, her playfulness and her neediness, her attachment to Pink, her absolute unquestionable idolisation of Pink ( as children do when they’re young), and the obeying to what Pink proposed… absolute devotion, dependence, and blind belief that Pink is perfect. Spinel is a little child here, through and through. Pink also had a blatant evil smirk for a second while coming up with the “game”, Spinel saw it and didn’t recognise it at all. Just like a toddler or 4-5 year old child wouldn’t.
Pink, for me, is personification of emotionally damaged and above all immature person who happened to become a mother/best friend / lover ( depending on what other character we’re connecting her to). Pink had her own huge emotional baggage and instead of looking to protect people she (should have) loved, she chose to devote herself to another cause. Which was noble and great of course. But she left so many people hurt. She didn’t even apologise, she didn’t even leave a letter to any of them after her final decision to disappear. Maybe she was too young to admit to herself what she did wrong, or maybe she would never acknowledge she was, no matter what. We’ll never find out.
As for Spinel, she was abandoned in the cruelest way possible. Because her mom/big, important best friend/ her everything, got finally tired and annoyed and decided to get rid of her. She had better things to do in her life than play with spinel, something she started herself in the first place and was fun for a while. That evil smile… is unforgivable. Spinel is damaged for life. And it’d be up to her to understand, to forgive ( or not), but most importantly to heal the very core of her very existence. The core that makes us secure in ourselves and others, that we can build upon as we grow up. It’s a hard and lonely journey of someone who was never responsible for it in the first place.
And a reality of many of us.
It devours my soul and heart from inside watching her slowly switching from this cute, playful and happy girl who always wants her diamond to stay with her and make her happy, to this broken, hopeless, trustless, sad and depressed girl who doesn’t even want to hurt others but finishes to effectively hurt them because she’s been brutally betrayed by her only friend.
She reminds me of how innocent and happy I used to be, and how of a horrible being I became now… I’ll never get to have those beautiful times back, and I don’t even know why I’m on Earth anymore.
My heart just breaker when I saw her shoes go out of the ground showing she been waiting for now decades it’s so heart breaking
Poor Spinel she always misses pink diamond but Steven universe always helping her to be loved, loyalty and friendship 😯😯😯😯😯😯😯🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️🎶❤️
I love how she reverted to how she was before she was reset. It shows the trauma she has and that's the new her. Pink Diamond leaving her broke her and changed her and nothing can reverse that.
this is really sad and i feel bad for her cause she has a mental breakdown and she probably wants other people to feel her pain and like the whole movies she forgotten cause she keeps following everyone around and they dont even see her like she's invisible
Finally watched the movie and I loved it so much! Thank you HBO Max !! Spinel was like a fusion of Harley Quinn & Popeye
every time i wtch this i think, every time i laugh, every time pearl cries about rose.. spinel was waiting for pink. whilst the crystal gems have fun. spinel doesnt question. she just.. waits. pearl thinks she was treated badly, desserted, but spinels out there, hurting more and more every second. but she sill waits. and waits and waits.
The fact that I was crying throughout the whole thing
0:21
Lyrics: ill show you how its done
captions: ill show you how dan very skin
Me seeing a happy Steven universe moment:😃
My Brain:spinel is still in the garden
Damnit now I can't look at the show knowing she's still there
I can't think of a song which hits in my heart in such sensitive way which cannot be described by words.I almost cried because spinel doesn't deserve this kind of a pain
Spinel is like a Minecraft dog that was never told to stand up
Moral lesson: don't leave your minecraft dog
Same
;u. it’s amazing
Okay..wow😂
the scary thing is, this time the dog decided to stand up and went crazy
That hit me hard for some reason :'(
Its so sad that she waited a bunch of years for her she just leaves her like that then she finds out she left her and died that just makes me cry