Invite Caroline to come back on for a follow-up!! Selfishly, as an intelligent, single 34 year old in the dating scene myself, I want to know that (and if) she's found her happily ever after.. and how it all went down. I learned a lot from this podcast! I loved listening to her and you guys as well. Moving forward, I think I'll be more open to dating older guys.
Love this podcast so much! As a 22 year old it feels oddly grounding and comforting to hear from you guys- you have a great process of analyzing situations and asking the questions that need to be asked in order to get to the bottom of it! Thank you for unintentionally becoming my life coaches, can't wait for the next one :')
Thank you for saying this! Happy to provide any kind of grounding or comfort, especially in these times. And I really believe there is no answer without many, many questions first. :)
Really enjoying this new podcast venture! It's refreshing to listen to both of your perspectives. Most other podcasts talking about relationships and dating sound very juvenile and I love the maturity you bring to the table on specific topics. You can genuinely feel the realness and honesty and still keep the conversations lighthearted and enjoyable. I'm 37 and can relate to a lot of these common experiences women (and men) are facing in today's dating world. I find myself nodding at everything you say. Looking forward to future episodes!
I love your Shandy podcasts! However, based on my experience (I dated A LOT!), age doesn’t matter that much whether a guy is a “player” or not. It really depends on 1) where he is in his life currently and 2) how he views the relationship with you. I’ve dated guys ranging 34-40 years old, who were still playing the field and not ready to settle down. Then, I met my current boyfriend who is 28 years old, and everything clicked! I know it’s really hard when you have feelings for someone, but it’s fairly simple for men - if he wants you, he will move mountains to come and be with you! If he doesn’t do that, he’s not interested and he’s not worth your time, period.
And I will add that ypu need to DTR (determine the relationship) early on. With my husband on date #3 I casually asked him if he was seeing other people and then we decided to be exclusive. It's really about knowing whst you want and communicating that with him. If my husband back then would have said that he was dating other people then I would have reconsidered continuing dating him bc I knew I was dating for marriage and not to play around so I only went out with guys who clearly communicated what they were really looking for and made sure we were on the same page.
Loving this podcast! You guys are so cute and I loved how you managed to find a caller that seemed very much on your level, so to speak. And yes, we want the details 😂
I'm bringing Shandy-from-the-future into this one (I watch the episodes out of order): “This wasn’t a once-in-a-lifetime connection, because in a once-in-a-lifetime connection, the other party wouldn’t treat you so disposably.” - Sharleen
Gah even if I've never had that situation I still get the feeling of feeling "Crazy" for bringing up stuff like when really he specifically mentioned sleeping with the other woman to make you feel crazy for bringing it up OR force you leave it alone, and if you can't really leave it alone and you're holding it inside, you will also feel crazy. You'll also feel upset because holding it inside means that situation doesn't resolve for you or for the relationship. That feeling is SO REAL.
Well put! The way he brought it up bothered me almost more than anything. If he was going to tell her (in the context of not wanting to put an end to it), he should have sat her down and respectfully told her what was up. Not in that cowardly "... and this other girl I've been seeing", which puts the onus on HER to address it, when it's HIS situation to address!!
I waited to watch this till I got to know both of you better, and now I can say that I could fully indulge in your indulgence. Your story was adorable and so inspirational. I am a divorced 43 and have been single/dating for years. You could say I am jaded but I will forever be a hopeful romantic. Your story gave me hope to go out and do things I would never do. I think many people would give up at an obstacle like the rain, or a friend flaking, taking that as sign they weren’t meant or supposed to do something. Now I see that it’s a sign that you should do it all the more because there likely will be a sweeter reward for your perseverance. Thank you.
Great episode Sharleen and Andy! Loved your insight and honesty. I would love for you guys to do an episode with Andy’s reaction to your season of the bachelor, hope it’s in the works!
The matter-of-fact sleuthing and gathering of critical info added so much depth to this "diagnosis". Andy should feel no shame in getting into the sexual territory. Anything to add to painting the full pictures is worth diving into. Brilliant episode all around, I'm hooked. Can't wait for next week!
Yes! You can't give a worthwhile opinion if you don't have as much intel as possible. And we'll try to be braver about asking sex questions in the future. Thanks for tuning in! 😘
Thank you for this episode, Sharleen and Andy! I was going to write in to tell a similar story actually. The main differences are that my guy was 15 years older (in his 40s) and the turning point of our "relationship" was the night after he'd opened up about his divorce (a decade ago). I could only perceive the change of his tone overnight to be regret / embarrassment on his part because I wasn't put off by his past at all. I wanted to grovel but didn't because I didn't want to feel / look stupid and pathetic. I was surprised by Andy's uncompromising view of the girl being the chasee instead of the chaser because my girl friends have always told me to take the initiative to go after who I want... even though I really don't feel comfortable doing that, especially at the beginning of something new. I look forward to many more episodes from you guys! :)
Finally had a chance to listen to this episode. Hooray! You guys once again made me laugh and cry; the facial expressions and body language are priceless, and a joy to see & hear. I completely agree with both of you that Caroline will find the right man for her. She's worth 10,000x that jerk; she's got balls and he doesn't - and he knew it. Keep being YOU, Caroline. Now, onto the next episode! WOOT! WOOT!!
Sharleen I love watching your reactions so much during this xD great episode! I agree with another comment here, I appreciated how much you guys listened at the beginning instead of jumping in right away.
I kind of see there being a benefit to the first time having sex with a new partner not being out-of-this-world mind-blowing. If it is, it's either because you two are super intuitively well matched and it will result in a relationship, or it's a situation where it's a fling that you hold onto for too long because you keep coming back to "but the sex was always so good and it must be for a reason!". Whereas, if it's not perfect the first time and if both people come to the decision (whether it's a verbal discussion or purely physical) that it has the potential to get better with time and with learning about how the other person has sex, it's a powerful step in your intimacy and speaks volumes to how strongly you both feel for each other. I remember the first time my partner and I had sex, I was thinking "not great, but I'm happy and willing and excited for it to get better".
You’ve easily become my favorite podcast. The flow in conversation and how “easy” your relationship felt, especially in the beginning, reminds me of my boyfriend and me. We’re both fully Asian 💕
What I loved the most, is Sharleen's giggle when Andy cracks a joke. You can clearly tell from her demeanor that she is so totally in love with Andy. 100%!! 😉
as a guy, not all guys are like this; but this guy definitely isn't as mature when it comes to the dating game. if i wasn't interested in you, then i would've moved on; instead of going that seriousness. i am one of those people that wants a sapiosexual type of mature relationship, although i am not like other guys. i'm not in my 30's, i think some people can get relationships younger than 30. i think both parties have to chase each other, but sometimes i agree women should be chased when it makes sense from this story. i don't expect a reply from y'all, but if i do i'd love your take. also i'm that person that doesn't want to do sex, as to me i will only personally reserve that for marriage.
definitely one vote for asking details about sex as it is such an important part of figuring out relationships. Became a fan of Shandy. Two thumbs up from your NYC neighbor.
Haha, you guys are SO fun to watch together! "Sex with robots? The tin man?" ROFLMAO! I appreciate Andy's, um, delicate reticence to appear a creep, but the intel would have been useful, so I guess the question is in Sharleen's court...
No problem getting into graphic detail, maybe you ask the girls those questions and if there are any guys that call in he can ask the guys so no one feels uncomfortable if that's the issue
oh also i think both sexes are intellectual in the way they decide to date, we are not simple; but some MAYBE not as complex depending on the maturity/life experiences.
I don’t know how helpful it is for the caller to hear that the guy perhaps found his soulmate in the other woman. Also maybe hold back from saying you both are so happy you aren’t in the playing field any longer (Andy lol)!
You do not treat a man like a husband after not being in a serious commitment! Ladies, this isn’t right!!! Learn once and for all! Do not cook them or take care of them before a solid commitment. I wouldn’t even do this as a girlfriend! That is a sure-fire away of getting taken advantage of!
For the first girl (because she's a girl): They were not boyfriend and girlfriend nor did she give any indication that they had agreed to be exclusive. Second, lost in all of this, is the fact that she chose to stay (and conceivably bonk) the same night he told her about the other woman. She got her rocks off and THEN, she felt uncomfortable about him sleeping with someone else AFTER the fact. #yourwelcome
Yeah I thought that was not cool on her part that she still had sex with him after he told her about the other woman. She needs to identify why she still got physical with him despite finding out about the other woman, ignoring that it was bothering her (practically all day). I think there is something deeper there that needs to be unpacked.
You should look into John Gray Mars Venus. He would be amazing to have on as a guest! This was yet another talk I was glued to, it wakes you up to the dynamics in this current world. Also great advice🤍
I’ve been sent guys from paid dating sites who look like mass murderers and who have no qualities I’m looking for...they will send you anybody. Paid dating sites are not much better than free ones. But I’ve never tried the super elite/very expensive dating sites. Maybe they would work.
I used to work for amatchmaking companies. There is a difference between companies that just set up dates and those who actually do matchmaking and provide you with relationship coaching. Those who do proper matchmaking are definitely worth the investment and they can help you identify patterns in dating/relationships, knowing your values and dealbreakers, and you can gain confidence in knowing what you want and how to go for it.
I have a guy friend who did "It's Just lunch ".he said he was asked to go on many dates with women he wasn't interested in just so they coukd give the woman a date.. as they had too few men. This was in Portland.and I knew a woman in Palm Springs who paid and they had so few men I think she only got one date for something like $1500 or was it 2500 fee..
hate the way sharleen talks through the edge of laughter, the pitchiness is such an annoying vocal tick. interesting because she is a professional based on her singing voice, but she doesnt realise her voice modulation is important when she is talking.
Oh wow, I was shocked to see this comment-I know that perceived beauty in voices is subjective or in the ears of the beholder (lol), but I absolutely LOVE Sharleen’s voice and the overall cadence in how she talks & laughs; I just think she has a rather gorgeous speaking voice. (Not to mention singing voice, too!) I also think her laughter is just so contagious and musical. 😄
Invite Caroline to come back on for a follow-up!! Selfishly, as an intelligent, single 34 year old in the dating scene myself, I want to know that (and if) she's found her happily ever after.. and how it all went down. I learned a lot from this podcast! I loved listening to her and you guys as well. Moving forward, I think I'll be more open to dating older guys.
Love this podcast so much! As a 22 year old it feels oddly grounding and comforting to hear from you guys- you have a great process of analyzing situations and asking the questions that need to be asked in order to get to the bottom of it! Thank you for unintentionally becoming my life coaches, can't wait for the next one :')
Thank you for saying this! Happy to provide any kind of grounding or comfort, especially in these times. And I really believe there is no answer without many, many questions first. :)
Really enjoying this new podcast venture! It's refreshing to listen to both of your perspectives. Most other podcasts talking about relationships and dating sound very juvenile and I love the maturity you bring to the table on specific topics. You can genuinely feel the realness and honesty and still keep the conversations lighthearted and enjoyable. I'm 37 and can relate to a lot of these common experiences women (and men) are facing in today's dating world. I find myself nodding at everything you say. Looking forward to future episodes!
I love your Shandy podcasts! However, based on my experience (I dated A LOT!), age doesn’t matter that much whether a guy is a “player” or not. It really depends on 1) where he is in his life currently and 2) how he views the relationship with you. I’ve dated guys ranging 34-40 years old, who were still playing the field and not ready to settle down. Then, I met my current boyfriend who is 28 years old, and everything clicked! I know it’s really hard when you have feelings for someone, but it’s fairly simple for men - if he wants you, he will move mountains to come and be with you! If he doesn’t do that, he’s not interested and he’s not worth your time, period.
And I will add that ypu need to DTR (determine the relationship) early on. With my husband on date #3 I casually asked him if he was seeing other people and then we decided to be exclusive. It's really about knowing whst you want and communicating that with him. If my husband back then would have said that he was dating other people then I would have reconsidered continuing dating him bc I knew I was dating for marriage and not to play around so I only went out with guys who clearly communicated what they were really looking for and made sure we were on the same page.
@@Sdority905 Right! Dating should be "collecting data" in a fun and interesting way.
Ugh, I've dated the 40-YEAR-OLD who thought/insisted he wanted something serious, but clearly didn't.
This happened to me too...UGH.
The tangent about Bingo was priceless. Another great episode. Can’t wait for the next one.
Haha we're great at tangents, if nothing else. 😂 Thank you for tuning in, Susy!
Loving this podcast! You guys are so cute and I loved how you managed to find a caller that seemed very much on your level, so to speak. And yes, we want the details 😂
I'm bringing Shandy-from-the-future into this one (I watch the episodes out of order): “This wasn’t a once-in-a-lifetime connection, because in a once-in-a-lifetime connection, the other party wouldn’t treat you so disposably.” - Sharleen
This girl had a fun vocab
Yes and I think she's totally lile the character Hanna from "Girls"
Love how this was structured! And yes I think you could have asked about the sex, but maybe ask the caller prior the call if they’d be okay with it?
Gah even if I've never had that situation I still get the feeling of feeling "Crazy" for bringing up stuff like when really he specifically mentioned sleeping with the other woman to make you feel crazy for bringing it up OR force you leave it alone, and if you can't really leave it alone and you're holding it inside, you will also feel crazy. You'll also feel upset because holding it inside means that situation doesn't resolve for you or for the relationship. That feeling is SO REAL.
Well put! The way he brought it up bothered me almost more than anything. If he was going to tell her (in the context of not wanting to put an end to it), he should have sat her down and respectfully told her what was up. Not in that cowardly "... and this other girl I've been seeing", which puts the onus on HER to address it, when it's HIS situation to address!!
@@dearshandy YES! Gah I am so thrilled about you two podcasting.
@@dearshandy Why would he need to bring it up AT ALL if they were not exclusive nor boyfriend and girlfriend?
I waited to watch this till I got to know both of you better, and now I can say that I could fully indulge in your indulgence. Your story was adorable and so inspirational. I am a divorced 43 and have been single/dating for years. You could say I am jaded but I will forever be a hopeful romantic. Your story gave me hope to go out and do things I would never do. I think many people would give up at an obstacle like the rain, or a friend flaking, taking that as sign they weren’t meant or supposed to do something. Now I see that it’s a sign that you should do it all the more because there likely will be a sweeter reward for your perseverance. Thank you.
LOVE YOU, Sharleen! Admire how you carry yourself and articulate your ideas.
Thank you, Cassidy! I'm more confident in my writing than my speaking so this is really nice to read. :)
When a man is ready for marriage and wants you , you will know. Don’t battle with the details. Men are simple.
Great episode Sharleen and Andy! Loved your insight and honesty. I would love for you guys to do an episode with Andy’s reaction to your season of the bachelor, hope it’s in the works!
The matter-of-fact sleuthing and gathering of critical info added so much depth to this "diagnosis". Andy should feel no shame in getting into the sexual territory. Anything to add to painting the full pictures is worth diving into. Brilliant episode all around, I'm hooked. Can't wait for next week!
Yes! You can't give a worthwhile opinion if you don't have as much intel as possible. And we'll try to be braver about asking sex questions in the future. Thanks for tuning in! 😘
This episode was such a treat! 10/10 guest and analysis, can't wait for future episodes!
Thank you for this episode, Sharleen and Andy! I was going to write in to tell a similar story actually. The main differences are that my guy was 15 years older (in his 40s) and the turning point of our "relationship" was the night after he'd opened up about his divorce (a decade ago). I could only perceive the change of his tone overnight to be regret / embarrassment on his part because I wasn't put off by his past at all. I wanted to grovel but didn't because I didn't want to feel / look stupid and pathetic.
I was surprised by Andy's uncompromising view of the girl being the chasee instead of the chaser because my girl friends have always told me to take the initiative to go after who I want... even though I really don't feel comfortable doing that, especially at the beginning of something new.
I look forward to many more episodes from you guys! :)
omg.. the bingo segment at the end was again freakin' funny.. thanks.. great podcast!
Finally had a chance to listen to this episode. Hooray! You guys once again made me laugh and cry; the facial expressions and body language are priceless, and a joy to see & hear. I completely agree with both of you that Caroline will find the right man for her. She's worth 10,000x that jerk; she's got balls and he doesn't - and he knew it. Keep being YOU, Caroline.
Now, onto the next episode! WOOT! WOOT!!
Sharleen I love watching your reactions so much during this xD great episode! I agree with another comment here, I appreciated how much you guys listened at the beginning instead of jumping in right away.
Thank you for saying this, Mary! I hate assumptions and tend to think the more information, the better! 🤓
To the first caller: He's just not that into you. You think he was but he clearly wasn't.
Absolutely enjoy and appreciate you mature perspective!!
Love your podcast. You guys are great. The rapport between you is awesome. Looking forward to listening to more.
Is anyone else picturing Hanna from "Girls" (Lena Dunham) when you hear this girl telling her story?
Ahh I love this podcast so much. I love all the sleuthing you do before giving advice. Also, definitely should have asked about the sex!
Haha your vote has been duly noted! And thank you!
I'm loving your podcast! Keep em coming! Also, is it just me or does this caller sound like Lena Dunham sometimes?
No I literally felt like I was listening to her the entire time!
I kind of see there being a benefit to the first time having sex with a new partner not being out-of-this-world mind-blowing. If it is, it's either because you two are super intuitively well matched and it will result in a relationship, or it's a situation where it's a fling that you hold onto for too long because you keep coming back to "but the sex was always so good and it must be for a reason!". Whereas, if it's not perfect the first time and if both people come to the decision (whether it's a verbal discussion or purely physical) that it has the potential to get better with time and with learning about how the other person has sex, it's a powerful step in your intimacy and speaks volumes to how strongly you both feel for each other. I remember the first time my partner and I had sex, I was thinking "not great, but I'm happy and willing and excited for it to get better".
More Do's and Don'ts please❤
This story feels familiar. This is why I do not use dating apps
You’ve easily become my favorite podcast. The flow in conversation and how “easy” your relationship felt, especially in the beginning, reminds me of my boyfriend and me. We’re both fully Asian 💕
Definitely learn more about the sex/love making department.
Thank you for sharing 💗
This was great.
This girl has a great vocab and now I want to read moee
What I loved the most, is Sharleen's giggle when Andy cracks a joke. You can clearly tell from her demeanor that she is so totally in love with Andy. 100%!! 😉
as a guy, not all guys are like this; but this guy definitely isn't as mature when it comes to the dating game. if i wasn't interested in you, then i would've moved on; instead of going that seriousness. i am one of those people that wants a sapiosexual type of mature relationship, although i am not like other guys. i'm not in my 30's, i think some people can get relationships younger than 30. i think both parties have to chase each other, but sometimes i agree women should be chased when it makes sense from this story. i don't expect a reply from y'all, but if i do i'd love your take. also i'm that person that doesn't want to do sex, as to me i will only personally reserve that for marriage.
I prefer the newer podcasts where the hosts read the Dear Shandy letters and provide advice.
definitely one vote for asking details about sex as it is such an important part of figuring out relationships. Became a fan of Shandy. Two thumbs up from your NYC neighbor.
Haha, you guys are SO fun to watch together! "Sex with robots? The tin man?" ROFLMAO! I appreciate Andy's, um, delicate reticence to appear a creep, but the intel would have been useful, so I guess the question is in Sharleen's court...
Hahaha thank you, Tracy! And I am up for the challenge! I won't drop the ball next time it's in my court. :)
No problem getting into graphic detail, maybe you ask the girls those questions and if there are any guys that call in he can ask the guys so no one feels uncomfortable if that's the issue
I think this just shows once more that dating apps don’t really help educating people on how to date others with dignity.
oh also i think both sexes are intellectual in the way they decide to date, we are not simple; but some MAYBE not as complex depending on the maturity/life experiences.
I don’t know how helpful it is for the caller to hear that the guy perhaps found his soulmate in the other woman. Also maybe hold back from saying you both are so happy you aren’t in the playing field any longer (Andy lol)!
Sharleen your skin is so beautiful. Would love to know your beauty routine & what brand of foundation you wear? I appreciate your help.
Where was episode 1
I buy toothbrushes in bulk. Doesn't mean I'm a player.
Agree 100%
So do I! I was surprised to hear that as well. I never buy just one, therefore I always have extra.
No one:
Andy: "you could be a mollusk and play Bingo"
You do not treat a man like a husband after not being in a serious commitment! Ladies, this isn’t right!!! Learn once and for all! Do not cook them or take care of them before a solid commitment. I wouldn’t even do this as a girlfriend! That is a sure-fire away of getting taken advantage of!
She sounds like Lena Dunham
YES my 1st thought was that she was just like Hanna from "Girls".
Great cast! Yes on more sex intel & agree with Andy on what happened🙋🏼♀️
i don't think andy was a creep in the way he asked about that sex experiences, but i understand why he said that.
For the first girl (because she's a girl):
They were not boyfriend and girlfriend nor did she give any indication that they had agreed to be exclusive.
Second, lost in all of this, is the fact that she chose to stay (and conceivably bonk) the same night he told her about the other woman. She got her rocks off and THEN, she felt uncomfortable about him sleeping with someone else AFTER the fact.
#yourwelcome
Yeah I thought that was not cool on her part that she still had sex with him after he told her about the other woman. She needs to identify why she still got physical with him despite finding out about the other woman, ignoring that it was bothering her (practically all day). I think there is something deeper there that needs to be unpacked.
because she liked him more .
This woman puts WAY too much stock in his words than his actions. Stop over analyzing his words and reading into them. You don’t mean anything to him.
You should look into John Gray Mars Venus. He would be amazing to have on as a guest! This was yet another talk I was glued to, it wakes you up to the dynamics in this current world. Also great advice🤍
this had nothing to do with Caroline. The guy just can't do intimacy so he self satotages. He's afraid of closeness
I’ve been sent guys from paid dating sites who look like mass murderers and who have no qualities I’m looking for...they will send you anybody. Paid dating sites are not much better than free ones. But I’ve never tried the super elite/very expensive dating sites. Maybe they would work.
I used to work for amatchmaking companies. There is a difference between companies that just set up dates and those who actually do matchmaking and provide you with relationship coaching. Those who do proper matchmaking are definitely worth the investment and they can help you identify patterns in dating/relationships, knowing your values and dealbreakers, and you can gain confidence in knowing what you want and how to go for it.
I have a guy friend who did "It's Just lunch ".he said he was asked to go on many dates with women he wasn't interested in just so they coukd give the woman a date.. as they had too few men. This was in Portland.and I knew a woman in Palm Springs who paid and they had so few men I think she only got one date for something like $1500 or was it 2500 fee..
how old is andy?
I think 48.
Loving your podcast! And yes, ask the sex questions.
❤
I think the guy was feeling guilty about having sex with the other girl and had a hard time getting into it with her.
hate the way sharleen talks through the edge of laughter, the pitchiness is such an annoying vocal tick. interesting because she is a professional based on her singing voice, but she doesnt realise her voice modulation is important when she is talking.
Oh wow, I was shocked to see this comment-I know that perceived beauty in voices is subjective or in the ears of the beholder (lol), but I absolutely LOVE Sharleen’s voice and the overall cadence in how she talks & laughs; I just think she has a rather gorgeous speaking voice. (Not to mention singing voice, too!) I also think her laughter is just so contagious and musical. 😄
@@RachelOnAWhim agreed ... I feel like Andy fell in love with her voice on first listen...