The last commenter in the 1st story who said "treat yourself and your daughter will improve" really, really needs to go through all the psychiatric training necessary to judge how to fix this type of problem BEFORE making statements like theirs based on reading a Reddit post.
@@tmm6884honest question: why do 4 year olds need therapy? My first thought was some traumatic event or abuse. But I’m guessing there are other things..?
@stephanien6237 Trama and abuse rank high on the list of reasons, unfortunately. Other reasons could be autism spectrum disorder as ASD is often diagnosed quite early. I have ASD patients as young as two. Serious behavioral issues is a reason. But, to be honest, with the exception of Oppositional Defiance Disorder (OPP), at 4 years old, behavioral issues are often the result of poor parenting. Major life changes like divorce or moving away from family. But, honestly that's rare. In this case, I am thinking a combo of OPP and early exposure to a traumatic event based on where the girl is at emotionally at 16.
"Those programs are a scam" Says the person with not enough information to know what sort of program OP's kid is in or anything about it. "YOU need therapy" okay so we aren't treating the kid anymore? Dump the kid with no support and treat OP instead? What is wrong with that commenter?!
Cuz it's putting the blame on the parent and not the kid. Reddit advice subs are comprised of immature people so ofc they will side against accountability
I think the daughter needs help but I also feel OP will regret using her funds for the treatment. This child will always be left behind and the other children will have a leg up on her. OP has now set her daughter up for failure because of the student loans she will need if she decides to go to college. The grandparents are only concerned about the future of their grandchildren. Op maybe the AH or EAH.
@@dlc563 Did you miss the part where OP says that the account still has enough money for Elena to go to a community college and then transfer to a state school? She can also get a job and/or apply for scholarships or grants to cover financial gaps, all before she applies for a single student loan.
NTA. The siblings should be not be punished for their sister’s screw up. And she can still attend college. It just won’t be her dream college. Should’ve thought about that before stealing daddy’s car.
and if they want her to go to a dream college they can foot the bill but they should also take her in if she ends up knocked up or just drops out and gives up.
And screw the YTA comparing Elena’s issue with someone with cancer. They aren’t the same. Cancer is unfortunate and can happen. Elena chose to steal and crash a car
Reddit hypocrisy again. If OP had drained the other kids account for the one child, they would have said she was playing favorites or neglecting her other children.
RE: College Fund "If your daughter had cancer would you use her fund to pay for Chemotherapy?" YES, Absolutely! And only after her fund was empty would I start to look at the other 2 children's funds, and only with their input before using their funds.
Story 3: the comments that op doesn't get to dictate how his ex spends child support are extremely obtuse. He sent the child support. He isn't upset about its expenditure. He IS upset that the extra $400 belonging exclusively to his son and earmarked for a specific purpose was stolen/misappropriated by his son's own mother. She had no right to that money, but she stole it anyways. She just thought it was bonus money she could use however she wanted. She was very, very wrong.
Also, she specifically told him she would buy the costume and light saber their son was asking for. Then didn't. At the very least she needs to return the $400.
@@krn2683 just remove $400 from the next child support payment, she can't raise a fuss, she's already had it, it was paid in advance. No way will she return it otherwise.
@@krn2683even worse, she lied to their son and put the blame on OP. She told their son that OP was getting costume, meaning if OP didn’t get the costume on time their son would blame him. She’s a horrible person on multiple levels
ESH. Did the mom use that $400 inappropriately? Most likely since there was no costume but she could have used it on food, rent or some other expense for the child. OP is here because they already have a shakey relationship when it comes to money and the ex from past interactions. He has learned a hard lesson far too many co-parents do and that is too pay for any extracurriculars, toys, electronics, or any extra they want for their child directly themselves. Thanks to online billing and payment this is far easier than it use to be.
@@MrJpaynebb and that logic right there is why most men in his situation will only send what’s legally specified and have a difficult relationship with the mother. Tbh he could easily get vicious with it, send only the child support, wait for her to be in financial trouble, reapply for shared custody 50/50, stop having to pay child support, wait for her lifestyle to drastically suffer, then go for primary custody, then put her on child support, wait some more, either she returns to teaching, or watches as her rights slowly diminish, it’s happened before, it’ll happen again A hundred years ago men would automatically get full custody, around fifty years ago the pendulum swung the other way and women generally began to get full custody, and now the pendulum is beginning to swing back again; the question is will we be able to balance it, to stop it exactly in the middle? Or will we do as we always have in human nature, and watch the pendulum of society swing back and forth, left to right, right to left?
The child support one.. how's the ex wife not the idiot here? He explicitly gave her money for the costume, she took the money, and then didn't buy what she was supposed to buy.. So many female commenters still believe child support is theirs, and that level of entitlement is disgusting
My suggestion for op would be, in the future, to order from Amazon and have it delivered so that the greedy ex can't get her grubby paws on the money to spend on herself.
Agree ... so many stupid comment here . He pay extra for halloween costume she stole the money and he is the AH to dare ask why ? And yes a lot of people dont understand the purpuse of child support ... that not the same as alimony
Everyone saying he’s making her do the labor for him to enjoy Halloween is ridiculous. She works retail, she’s probably 2 blocks from a spirit Halloween. The only thing this holiday season proves is that she can’t be trusted.
Yeah, wasn't impressed with the reading comprehension on those commenters. OP sent money specifically for this, and his ex is not using it for purpose. He needs to quit handing his wife extra cash and just directly get his kid whatever the extra needs/wants are. Cut out the middleman!
I honestly don’t understand the logic behind it. If someone could explain it, I would greatly appreciate it because I heard that comment, the only thing I could think of was…..wait what😵💫😵💫😵💫
Kids costume story, the yta comments are really doing too much and are showing their own red flags in the process. Op gave extra money for the sons costume, which she agreed to previously. It should have been spent as discussed.
@@robertx8020hold on there, OP actually has the Senate, House, and Governor majority on his side. Everyone keeps forgetting, that the Child Support isn't even court mandated, he chooses to send funds. Not just that, is everyone skipping that the Mother isn't caring for the kids at her full potential; as in, what excuse is anyone going to come up with that she isn't working in the field that she has a degree in. Add in that OPs parents are capable enough to take care of a kid with OPs funds going to them instead of the Ex, would be more beneficial to the child with having a more secure home. The Ex can get weekend visitation instead, and that will allow her to work more. Don't forget, if OP takes the Ex to court, she has to prove where and why the funds were spent as they were, because the funds weren't mandatory, there's a good chance that if OP is forced to start CS, that it would be far less than expected if he can prove how much he sends. Finally, if this is the US, the only thing against OP is Court Systems itself. People really need to start realizing that the Courts aren't on the Kid's side 50% of the time. 50% off the time, they give the kid to the Parent that will force the other to pay Child Support. That way, they can tax it, and either increase their own budgets or fill their own pockets.
On the story about the dad and the Star Wars costume. All those commenters taking jabs at the dad either can't read, have daddy issues, or stupid. The dad said he sent the money for the costume because he was afraid he might not be able to get on time when he came back. That's legit a reasonable reason. I get things in advance for similar reasons. Examples, Christmas and birthdays. BTW I know some moms like the ex and take it from me, that money went to her personal use, not the kid.
What is wrong with these comments on supporting the wife misusing the funds Op specifically gave her for a costume for other reasons? they had a discussion that the money will be used for the costume not her own personal expenses and he’s wrong for that? Let me guess OP is a man, and according to Reddit men are always wrong right?
Story 3. Nta. I cannot get over the yta judgments. He is traveling for work she tells him she will go out and get his costume for him so he sends her an extra $400 to get it and she screws them out of it. Then she's mad because he asked about it, yeah she is the a-hole
OP didn't even throw her under the bus when he could have. She lied to her kid so that OP would be on the hook if he didn't find the costume and he just said he forgot he'd ordered it. I'd have told him the truth about his lying mom and bought the costume.
Holy crap, people nowdays, I swear that some of those commenters would see a woman laughting over the corpse of the father that she shoot for not buying her a Lamborghini and they would blame the man.
So redditor's solution to the kid's behavior issues is to take the kid out of the recommended program and put the parent into treatment. And magically this kid who has had problems all her life is going to get better without the help she needs.
It can be helpful for the parents to get counseling to better manage a difficult kid, but that doesn't mean that the kid should be taken out of treatment.
That or the kind of person that honestly believes that children are infallible…. (Generally the same kind of person who trash talks the ‘adult’ who just turned 18, for not being more mature)
Yes. I understand that tough love wilderness programs are scams & cause long lasting harm to kids. But it sounds more like the daughter has an actual diagnosis for her behavioral issue & mom found what is basically a treatment facility that specializes in her daughter condition that can provide the more intense therapy she needs, while still providing an education.
First time I'm early. Story 1, NTA. Those relatives are trying to enable her psycho behavior. What she did with the car and escalating after that are *NOT* mistakes. Not to mention that she wrecked the car out of anger when told no about going with her friends and that is not something a kid should be doing. Plus since it's all her actions that got her into that mess it should come out of her fund, it's a suitable punishment. Plus like op said, it's not like she would be destitute, she would just have to work a few jobs just like all other college kids to help get by.
Kid fucked around and found out 🤷♀️ I think OP is being a very responsible parent trying to teach their wayward child that actions have consequences. Kudos for not enabling the behaviour and penalizing the other children.
Going into a facility isn't a punishment. OP wisely knows that her daughter is no longer able to live in the home and do out-patient therapy because she's becoming a threat to herself and others. A facility that has the proper treatment, medical staff and educational resources is for her benefit, and seriously not a punishment. In your own life, please don't punish children should they have mental health issues. I am saying this as a child and adolescent Psychotherapist. Period.
Extra Money for HW costume Story: OP is NTA here. He made a deal with his ex and spent the money on something else. She is being horrible. I don't understand why so many redditors are applying all these mental gymnastics to call OP an AH for something that he is clearly not. I don't even understand why OP thinks that he might be wrong here. You had an agreement OP about the extra money.
Story 4: NTA. She is a bigot and has no standing in this matter. Good for OP for making this a deal breaker. Good for the friend too for noping out. OP didn't choose his roommate overhis GF, he chose not to support a transphobe.
Story 2: Wife has issues and is taking it out on her husband for having a healthy relationship. If the roles were reverse they would be accusing the husband of alienating his wife. Story 3: Mom is the AH for knowing that extra money was for her son's costume. She just saw a chance to stick it to the father.
It also doesn't k*ll pedestrians, cyclists or occupants of other cars when a reckless driver loses control of their vehicle and slams into the previously mentioned.
Story 3 yta comments are wild! I’m a divorced mom and I think op is not the AH. There have been times my ex sent money to get the kids specific things (he lives in another state) and I spent it on exactly what he asked. Being deceitful builds an unhealthy co-parenting relationship
How dare OP expect his ex to take time out of her busy schedule, to do the thing she said she would do, with the money he gave her during the 4 weeks she had to do it. She also, lied to her son’s face about it. If the ex really needed that money for her son’s basic needs, she would have explained it to him, “ I understand the money is for your Halloween costume, but…”
The fact that in the last story where OP was with a girl at 17 while she was 23 and was encouraged by their parents was a big red flag. The mom wanted a girl exactly like her as her son’s girlfriend. It’s sickening that the parents let that happen. Hope OP and his roommate become best friends forever.
Story 4: NTA, it is none of your or anyone else's (other than a romantic partner's) business if he is trans or not. Your Ex (and the friends that agree) wanting you to violate his privacy is insane. On top of that like you said there are many surgeries that could lead to scars on his chest.
Wow Reddit... Did ya'll miss dude say at the start of post that he travels for work a lot? He's not dumping his parenting duties like a deadbeat. Also he has every right, morally and maybe even legally, to know what his child support is being spent on. How do we know it was a legit spenditure and not the wife getting herself a "little treat"? She told him she'd get the costume, he sent the money, and she didn't get the costume OR tell him she didn't get it. He had to learn that from his son. Dude needs to stop sending her anything besides what is mandated. If his son needs extra he needs to buy it, cause this ex clearly can't be trusted to use the extra as intended.
Yes they missed it-DELIBERATELY! They're Reddit misandrists who believe that man equals bad and woman equals good, and no one will convince them otherwise!
How is the dad TA? He gave her the money and extra money for the kid. These morons are just damned if you do damed if don't for men in divorced situations. Ex wife is TA and so are these morons
Story 2: NTA, checking what your mom is already making, is standard when planning to bring something over for a holiday meal, otherwise everyone might bring the same thing.. The last thing you need is 10 plates of cranberry sauce, and no yams, corn, biscuits, etc. Your wife needs therapy to veal with her weird contorted family trauma.
Your wife is projecting her own issues. Some people have strong relationships with their parents and others wish they had that bond. The wife needs some therapy. Checking you don't make a dish already being made is just common sense unless you have time, money and food to waste needlessly. You have a healthy relationship with your mother that respects both her and your wife. Your wife's issues are her own.
Your ex-wife owes you the money for for the costume. Don’t listen to your mother. Did she use your child support for herself too? Stop giving that woman extra money. Get the stuff yourself don’t rely on her to do it for you. She’ll just keep the money.
schrödinger's trans roommate: it is entirely possible to live with people in a roommate situation without wanting to fuck them, no matter what plumbing they have! jesus fuck, that girlfriend was deranged.
Yeah I’m glad OP didn’t play her games. If someone is being that wildly unreasonable it’s better to cut the cord. If OP had caved the girlfriend would have escalated her demands over time. You see it it many relationships, in men and women and it’s not a trait you want in any kind of relationship be it romantic or platonic
Costume story: NTA and there should be a requirement for the primary parent to show how EVERY CENT of child support is spent on the CHILD, not their own housing or car. Why? Because if the child wasn't around, they'd still need to pay that. The money isn't for the ex, it's for the child.
I gave you this money to buy this specific thing for our child- Comments - How dare you!! Disgusting!! That's HER MONEY! 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿 Just because your own family was garbage doesn't mean you can blame it on OP 🙃
Costume story child support is for the child. And don't even bring up the bills and the rent nonsense because she would have had to pay for them herself whether the child existed or not.
Did you not listen.???? She said she would get the costume....Don't anyone listen, or is this for male bashing. He sent the child support plus money for the costume, and he can't ask about where that money went?
And when she did not provide the answer, YTA commenters spun a take of a mom trying to make ends meet with an ex who hardly contributes to their son. If she spent the money towards something that could help the household, she would’ve said so to try and guilt OP. By not answering, she proved that she spent the money on her.
Just because your wife’s relationship with her parents is toxic doesn’t mean your relationship with your mother is. Is she jealous? Does she project her families problems onto yours or does she just want control?
1st story, OP is NTA. That daughter is on a path of not even going to college. She would have to work really hard ( therapy etc) to even handle college life.
Exactly. The parents are supposed to take away from their other children for the SLIGHT chance that Elena might be able to go to college? Talk about playing favorites. She may very well NEVER be able to go to college. Her siblings shouldn't have to give up their futue and/or chance to go to their dream college just because Elena has a mental health crisis.
Story 4: OP's girlfriend Sarah sounds like someone who will make a big deal out of nothing. If Sarah has issues, she shouldn't take them out on OP, who has demonstrated zero attraction to Alex in this post. Also, why is Sarah staring at Alex so hard she noticed his scars? Weird behavior. Also, a 23 year old dating a 17 year old is sus as hell. When i was 26, I dated a 23 year old and that was too big of an age gap for me, why would a 23 year old be interested in an actual, literal child? Sarah is a creep and a weirdo.
The Maybe Trans Roommate Story: OP should give Alex a cake or something as thanks for accidentally revealing what a psycho his girlfriend is and letting him get away from her. GF was dating her when he was underage and she was over 20? And their mothers supported that? Yeah I can see why OP's previous roommates were awful. OP was surrounded by creeps all his life and probably has a skewed perception of what "abusive" is.
@@halbouma6720 She may very well not be able to go to college for a long time. IF EVER. Are the parents supposed to take away from and make her siblings suffer because their sister MAY want to go to college and therefore should get the opportunity to go to her dream college debt free? What if she goes to her dream college, has another breakdown/mental health crisis and drops out? Then the parents would've screwed over Elena's siblings for NOTHING. That would be playing favorites and completely unfair to the other children.
Story 3: NTA, you sent money for the costume and she misappropriated it. As the person paying child support, you can go to court and demand a full accounting of how she spends the money. Especially now with her pulling this crap. Oh and do not give her extra money anymore, only what the court ordered.
And all the YTA commenters saying that OP has no right to say where the money goes? Guaranteed they are also thieving exes defending one of their own. They should also be taken to court over misused funds!
It is not the grandparents right to enforce their opinions on handling the OP’s daughter’s behavior and mental health crisis. The funds that OP is using is proceeds left to her as a result of the death of her spouse. The money is not “hers” meaning the daughter. The funds are to be used to raise and care for her and the children. OP is fortunate enough to be able to set aside the funds for their future. Most widow/widower use the life insurance proceeds to care for the every day or supplement the daily expenses. Here is the bottom line, everyone thinks that they have the perfect solution for someone else’s life yet they don’t have the full picture. However they INSIST they are right. They are not.
Story 1 - Wow, which cereal box did that last commenter get their psychiatry degree and certification? I have never heard of the "proven science" that a cihld's behavior issues are only "fixed" by having the PARENTS go through therapy! THAT assertion is the scam! The ILs need to stay in their lane, unless they want to foot the bill for the special school. Sounds like she's their favorite grand. Story 2 - FFS, asking what dish to bring is common courtesy, not being a "mama's boy"! OP's wife needs therapy to deal with her issues with her family, and how she keeps taking it out on OP the way she does. While she doesn't know what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like, that doesn't mean she can be toxic and disrespectful to OP. Story 3 - OP's ex stole money that was earmarked for a specific purpose, beyond the normal child support amount. OP has every right to question her to find out where it went, especially since she had agreed to buy the costume! Those YTA commenters are probably bitter single mothers who think they're not getting enough from their exes. So much projection there! Story 4 - Wow, OP's GF has some serious issues. The roommate's sexuality is none of her business, unless they're hitting on OP. OP's not getting into his roommate's business for her is a "violation of trust"? Sounds like she's waving her own red flags in his face, and it's good that OP recognized that. Giving in to the GF to "keep the peace" would have only destroyed his relationship with his roommate, because, I repeat, it's none of her business! UPDATE - so OP was in an abusive relationship with his ex? That explains a lot. I'm glad he got out and that he's seeking therapy.
Last story: "our mom's encouraged it." I'd bet my left testicle that if OP in therapy starts looking back at his youth, he will find that he had a lot of "play dates" with his exGF as a child or maybe the exGF was a babysitter at one point and that their mother's made a lot of comments like "oh you guys will look so cute together. How is you and your 'girrrrl'friend doing, etc." and eventually when she asked him out, he just autopiloted I to "sure, we already hang out everyday anyway", meanwhile the moms was going "you will be the cutest couple ever, we support you". 17 is probably the Age of Consent wherever he lives, but I doubt he had a choice regardless. Anyway, what I'm saying is, I think the Mom groomed him to being the exGFs future husband, which is why she just thinks this is a break and not a break up. Also, exGFs mask slipped and she revealed the bigotry and transphobia.
Story 1: Oooh so Op holding her daughter accountable is “showing favouritism” …but forcing the other children to pay for HER mistake is perfectly acceptable… ya no Op NTA you sound like a good mother.
Yeah. Elena is mighty lucky she didn't get arrested and CHARGED and hauled off to jail. But NOO, her siblings are supposed to give up their chance to go to their dream college because Elena 'made a mistake'?! That's playing favorites and will only breed resentment between the kids. And it's a sure way for the parents to make sure that their other kids will go full NC with them the moment they turn 18.
@@nancyomalley6286 Exactly. Elena May very well never get well and stable enough to Go to college. From the sounds of it, college is a loooong way of for Her. Her siblings shouldn't have to put THEIR future at stake for the slight chance Elena might make it into college. That's ridiculous and unfair. If grandparents are so concerned about the "golden grandchild", THEY can put aside money for a college fund for her. That might Cost them a relationship with the other kids though because you're right, they are playing favorites,
"If she got cancer and needed chemo, would you drain only her funds." Is OP supposed to let her die? And make her other children pay for her illness? That risk breeding resentment between the children. Daughter needs help, OP is getting that help.
I had a somewhat similar issue issue. My oldest had the start of a college fund. In first & second grave she had challenge with reading so I used some of her college funds for tutiioning. My though was if she had issues reading how was she going to college. The issue with teens stealing cars how could she NOT hide the keys ? ? The issue with child related money is to pay funds directly to the store or service or event. If you want an item buy it directly otherwise she buys a new purse. That's the only way you can be sure the money goes where it is intended.
Health care absolutely takes priority over a college fund in this case. It would be different if she was using the other kids' money for this one child, but early intervention might be this girl's only shot at a normal life. No way 'saving' that money for future education will do her any good if she is not healthy and stable enough to attend, and the longer you wait, the worse it will be. What I wouldn't give to be able to go back and get help as a 16-year-old! It might be her only shot at an actual, meaningful education in the future. There's nothing to say you can't help her with those college costs when they come up, but this money is better spent on making sure she's actually here to GET an education!
No, you should absolutely NOT have asked your room mate if they are trans, and you absolutely did the right thing by dumping the nosy girlfriend. It's not about 'picking' Alex over her, it's about you choosing NOT to be with a bigot!
I truly don't understand the rationale of transphobes. "Why are you living with a woman? Alex is obviously trans" okay... then Alex ISN'T a woman... like, what part of transition don't they get?
Story one nope Nta it’s not a right, it is a luxury to go to college debt free. Tell granny to back off, she doesn’t like it she can pay for college. And yes if she had cancer I would use the fund to pay for. Who but a few are made of money for this stuff.
Halloween Costume. You should have learned by now that you cannot trust your wife to pay any bills with money sent. You need to pay things directly. Buy the costume via the internet or mail and arrange for it to be sent directly to her. School tuition? Pay the school directly. Need new clothes? Send a gift card for the clothing store. Etc.
Story#2: The girlfriend is HORRIBLE! She is transphobic and she needs to learn to MIND HER BUSINESS! Trans people need a place to live too! Why should it affect the girlfriend if the boyfriend has a roommate who is trans if the boyfriend is faithful? She is crazy.
The costume story……Did I miss something??? He gave her money to buy the costume, she didn’t use it to buy the costume. How is wrong to feel a slighted about it??? If I was him, I would be pissed too🤷🏾♀️
Kids costume NTA) He is paying his plus some extra how is he a idiot. Sending extra money for a costume is just that for the costume if she needs extra money maybe she should get a job in her field instead of trying to mooch of her kid. These commenters are delusional he could be doing nothing and the commenters was be ripping him a new one because they hate men.
The costume story: OP is NTA. He sent money for costume. The wife should have bought a costume or returned the money. OPs mom, ex-wife, and ALL the YTA commenters are major Idiots.
he does not get a say in the base child support, but all the extra money he sends he does get a say. my suggestion is that he just spend the money himself to make sure the kid gets what he needs.
When people ask about funding for any alternative school they don't need to know but if they continue pushing you should say "it's grants" no other info at all
I love the YTA comments on the costume story when literally him working that amount funded her lifestyle when she was not awarded spousal support. She didn’t have a job. And also, she said that she wanted to get the costume so he sent the money. He didn’t make her do it, he offered to get it. She probably did it because she saw how much he was gonna send. I would not be sending her extra money and in this day and age if she claims the son needs some thing he can just buy it out right. She can’t just spend the money how she wants, especially if it’s on herself and not her son.
3rd story... Oh, he can very much dictate to be shown receipts of anything and everything the child support is used for! And this case demands for it, $400 specifically meant for a child's Halloween costume aren't peanuts.
Story 3 - The Ex sounds like one of those moms who think it is OK to use the child support for drinking/dining/spa/mani-pedi/luxury goods/ext... instead of you know for the kid. I would have my lawyer send her letter saying that due to her lying about buying the child a Halloween costume and refuse to explain where the money went I would no longer be giving her money beyond the court mandated child support, but that I was willing to directly pay for things and reimburse her after being provided with recipes.
1.- That last just screams "I don't understand shit". 3.- NTA, SHE! STOLE! THE! MONEY! 4.- NTA, OP didn't chose his roommate, he chose his human decency. No matter what those scars were, you don't ask about those things.
Op sent extra money for the costume specifically, but the costume was not bought. If it was spent on something else for the child, I think mom would have just said "x thing came up" and op sounds like he would have sent more money if it was something for the son. I think he has every right to know where the money he sent went, and to say that the money is for the son not the mother.
First OP made the mistake of splitting all of the money directly after paying off the house. She should have put some of it into the kids funds and kept the rest of it for emergencies that may happen before the kids go to uni. She wouldn’t have the problem she has now. And if something else happens, unrelated to the kids I mean, and she will be forced to dip into the (other) kids accounts she will look like a thief to her kids. They won’t care that it was necessary for keeping a roof over their heads or one of the 4 family members alive.
Jedi costume story: NTA. OP gave that money for a specific purpose with the understanding it would be used for that purpose. He could legally sue her in small claims court to get it back if he wanted and he could win because she used it for a purpose other than it was intended. The ex was going to make the child suffer because she's a petty a-hole. Glad OP got the kid a costume in time.
NTA, your child is not only mentally ill, but also is a juvenile delinquent. She will get therapy in the behavior school. This girl stole a care, even if was a family car. OP could have pressed charges on her, behavior school is a whole lot better than juvie.
The Halloween costume story, he is nta. She told him she would get it, he sent 400 dollars for the costume. She intentionally didn't get it, hoping he wouldn't know, and it would make him look terrible when the son wouldn't have a costume for Halloween.
Story 3 (I think?): I had a cis male friend, who was shorter than me (I’m 5’2 1/2”). He was 4’6” I think. He had a wife who was 5’6” or taller. So the idea that a man must be trans if they are short is absolutely ridiculous. Also, there are many medical reasons someone may have scars on their chests. Granted, that, yes, Alex is trans. But that won’t always be the case. Also, just because Alex is a trans man doesn’t mean he will immediately try to seduce OP or that he is attracted to OP or that OP is attracted to him. I’m glad OP is cutting out the toxic bigots, and is staying friends with Alex.
Yes, paying for other things perhaps like the rent are more important than buying a costume, even if it is a cool light sabre. Do you know what I don't have? A two bedroom apartment, because I can't afford one. Child support pays for naff all sometimes, and I don't even be grudge primary carers occasionally spending a little of it on themselves to help alleviate the stress of being a single parent.
The 'Alex' story: The girlfriend may be looking for an excuse to break up without general condemnation. She may be regretting her decision but doubling down is a bad strategy. If OP prefers to live without 'drama' then 'losing; this girlfriend may be in his best interests. IMO.
If Alec is living as a male and presents male then she has no basis for jealousy. Her attitude is truly disgusting and transphobic. You were right to get rid of her. It's none of your ..ir her...business to ask Alex that.
BS: I am still upset over the Brittany Spears child support situation. Child support is for the child not for the parent to live off of. The parent is a parent and it is their responsibility to provide support also not just 1 parent paying for everything.
Story 1: NTA, it is not favoritism, it is the result of her actions. And the money was yours, that you had intended to use for her college, now you have to use it to fix the car and pay for this program. Story 1 (last comment read): Wow what an uninformed idiot. "Your insane and troubled daughter doesn't need therapy... You do"... That is some next level insane logic.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
The last commenter in the 1st story who said "treat yourself and your daughter will improve" really, really needs to go through all the psychiatric training necessary to judge how to fix this type of problem BEFORE making statements like theirs based on reading a Reddit post.
Yeah it was a brain dead comment.
Yep. I'm a Psychotherapist and I was baffled at that argument.
I’m guess that commenter “dId HiS rEsEaRcH” at trust-me-bro university. 😂😂😂
@@tmm6884honest question: why do 4 year olds need therapy? My first thought was some traumatic event or abuse. But I’m guessing there are other things..?
@stephanien6237 Trama and abuse rank high on the list of reasons, unfortunately. Other reasons could be autism spectrum disorder as ASD is often diagnosed quite early. I have ASD patients as young as two. Serious behavioral issues is a reason. But, to be honest, with the exception of Oppositional Defiance Disorder (OPP),
at 4 years old, behavioral issues are often the result of poor parenting. Major life changes like divorce or moving away from family. But, honestly that's rare. In this case, I am thinking a combo of OPP and early exposure to a traumatic event based on where the girl is at emotionally at 16.
"Those programs are a scam" Says the person with not enough information to know what sort of program OP's kid is in or anything about it. "YOU need therapy" okay so we aren't treating the kid anymore? Dump the kid with no support and treat OP instead? What is wrong with that commenter?!
Considering the girl's therapist recommended them, that's really stretching it.
Cuz it's putting the blame on the parent and not the kid. Reddit advice subs are comprised of immature people so ofc they will side against accountability
I think the daughter needs help but I also feel OP will regret using her funds for the treatment. This child will always be left behind and the other children will have a leg up on her. OP has now set her daughter up for failure because of the student loans she will need if she decides to go to college. The grandparents are only concerned about the future of their grandchildren. Op maybe the AH or EAH.
@@dlc563 Did you miss the part where OP says that the account still has enough money for Elena to go to a community college and then transfer to a state school? She can also get a job and/or apply for scholarships or grants to cover financial gaps, all before she applies for a single student loan.
Treat yourself for mental health and your kid will be healed lol sound Legit to me! 😂
NTA. The siblings should be not be punished for their sister’s screw up. And she can still attend college. It just won’t be her dream college. Should’ve thought about that before stealing daddy’s car.
That's exactly right, you know if she had to take in some out of all of their funds then she would have been an a-hole
and if they want her to go to a dream college they can foot the bill but they should also take her in if she ends up knocked up or just drops out and gives up.
And screw the YTA comparing Elena’s issue with someone with cancer. They aren’t the same. Cancer is unfortunate and can happen. Elena chose to steal and crash a car
@@lorilancaster5917 Not even remotely close. They completely pulled that one out of their butt.
She's lucky she wasn't charged with stealing the car.
Reddit hypocrisy again. If OP had drained the other kids account for the one child, they would have said she was playing favorites or neglecting her other children.
...? Where is the hypocrisy? Most agreed she shouldn't take from the other kids to fund one child, which is consistent with what you said.
@@AllenB-ji9rmthe ones who didn’t agree is the hypocrite.
RE: College Fund
"If your daughter had cancer would you use her fund to pay for Chemotherapy?"
YES, Absolutely! And only after her fund was empty would I start to look at the other 2 children's funds, and only with their input before using their funds.
Story 3: the comments that op doesn't get to dictate how his ex spends child support are extremely obtuse. He sent the child support. He isn't upset about its expenditure. He IS upset that the extra $400 belonging exclusively to his son and earmarked for a specific purpose was stolen/misappropriated by his son's own mother.
She had no right to that money, but she stole it anyways. She just thought it was bonus money she could use however she wanted. She was very, very wrong.
Also, she specifically told him she would buy the costume and light saber their son was asking for. Then didn't. At the very least she needs to return the $400.
@@krn2683 just remove $400 from the next child support payment, she can't raise a fuss, she's already had it, it was paid in advance. No way will she return it otherwise.
@@krn2683even worse, she lied to their son and put the blame on OP. She told their son that OP was getting costume, meaning if OP didn’t get the costume on time their son would blame him. She’s a horrible person on multiple levels
ESH. Did the mom use that $400 inappropriately? Most likely since there was no costume but she could have used it on food, rent or some other expense for the child. OP is here because they already have a shakey relationship when it comes to money and the ex from past interactions. He has learned a hard lesson far too many co-parents do and that is too pay for any extracurriculars, toys, electronics, or any extra they want for their child directly themselves. Thanks to online billing and payment this is far easier than it use to be.
@@MrJpaynebb and that logic right there is why most men in his situation will only send what’s legally specified and have a difficult relationship with the mother.
Tbh he could easily get vicious with it, send only the child support, wait for her to be in financial trouble, reapply for shared custody 50/50, stop having to pay child support, wait for her lifestyle to drastically suffer, then go for primary custody, then put her on child support, wait some more, either she returns to teaching, or watches as her rights slowly diminish, it’s happened before, it’ll happen again
A hundred years ago men would automatically get full custody, around fifty years ago the pendulum swung the other way and women generally began to get full custody, and now the pendulum is beginning to swing back again; the question is will we be able to balance it, to stop it exactly in the middle? Or will we do as we always have in human nature, and watch the pendulum of society swing back and forth, left to right, right to left?
The child support one.. how's the ex wife not the idiot here? He explicitly gave her money for the costume, she took the money, and then didn't buy what she was supposed to buy..
So many female commenters still believe child support is theirs, and that level of entitlement is disgusting
My suggestion for op would be, in the future, to order from Amazon and have it delivered so that the greedy ex can't get her grubby paws on the money to spend on herself.
@@Procrastinator1948 That can still fail - the ex can sell the costume and keep the cash.
Agree ... so many stupid comment here .
He pay extra for halloween costume she stole the money and he is the AH to dare ask why ?
And yes a lot of people dont understand the purpuse of child support ... that not the same as alimony
Everyone saying he’s making her do the labor for him to enjoy Halloween is ridiculous. She works retail, she’s probably 2 blocks from a spirit Halloween. The only thing this holiday season proves is that she can’t be trusted.
Yeah, wasn't impressed with the reading comprehension on those commenters. OP sent money specifically for this, and his ex is not using it for purpose. He needs to quit handing his wife extra cash and just directly get his kid whatever the extra needs/wants are. Cut out the middleman!
OP: “My daughter stole and crashed a car.”
Commenter: _“You_ must need therapy!”
Wut.
That commenter is TA
@@RagingWoody74 especially for the 'if she needed chemo would you use the money for that too?" uh....YES
I honestly don’t understand the logic behind it. If someone could explain it, I would greatly appreciate it because I heard that comment, the only thing I could think of was…..wait what😵💫😵💫😵💫
@@natashahenry5044 spoiled brat who thinks parents should pay for their kid's lives and then leave only them a nice inheritance?
@@natashahenry5044There isn't, that person just needs to be deleted
Kids costume story, the yta comments are really doing too much and are showing their own red flags in the process. Op gave extra money for the sons costume, which she agreed to previously. It should have been spent as discussed.
He is a man, therefore he is TA by default. But if the genders were reversed...
Facts
mom should use her degree and get a better paying job
@@Arylwren1retail probably pays better than teaching. A lot of places teachers are treated poorly with awful pay and worse benefits.
I really wonder what she spent that extra money on, if not their child.
Story 3: NTA. Take this to family court and don't give her another cent above what's required.
The problem with that (eventhough I get you) is that it would also harm his child!
e.g. If they have to move to a crappy apartment
@@robertx8020hold on there, OP actually has the Senate, House, and Governor majority on his side. Everyone keeps forgetting, that the Child Support isn't even court mandated, he chooses to send funds. Not just that, is everyone skipping that the Mother isn't caring for the kids at her full potential; as in, what excuse is anyone going to come up with that she isn't working in the field that she has a degree in. Add in that OPs parents are capable enough to take care of a kid with OPs funds going to them instead of the Ex, would be more beneficial to the child with having a more secure home. The Ex can get weekend visitation instead, and that will allow her to work more. Don't forget, if OP takes the Ex to court, she has to prove where and why the funds were spent as they were, because the funds weren't mandatory, there's a good chance that if OP is forced to start CS, that it would be far less than expected if he can prove how much he sends.
Finally, if this is the US, the only thing against OP is Court Systems itself. People really need to start realizing that the Courts aren't on the Kid's side 50% of the time. 50% off the time, they give the kid to the Parent that will force the other to pay Child Support. That way, they can tax it, and either increase their own budgets or fill their own pockets.
On the story about the dad and the Star Wars costume. All those commenters taking jabs at the dad either can't read, have daddy issues, or stupid. The dad said he sent the money for the costume because he was afraid he might not be able to get on time when he came back. That's legit a reasonable reason. I get things in advance for similar reasons. Examples, Christmas and birthdays. BTW I know some moms like the ex and take it from me, that money went to her personal use, not the kid.
Or is a Reddit Misandrist!
"a violation of trust"? Ex-gf is both nuts AND vile, while his mother is just filth.
She is not nuts, she is a predator and abusive.
What is wrong with these comments on supporting the wife misusing the funds Op specifically gave her for a costume for other reasons? they had a discussion that the money will be used for the costume not her own personal expenses and he’s wrong for that? Let me guess OP is a man, and according to Reddit men are always wrong right?
Reddit brain, women can do no wrong
It's Reddit, where the Y chromosome is proof of guilt.
probably because he is not giving her enough money to not have to work and buy stuff she does not need
Right. It annoying and it don’t like using this card but, sexist.
@@velvety2006 ... he said he covers other things.... she is TA. She is not entitled and irresponsible.
Besides being a quiet, respectful roommate, it appears Alex has also helped OP dodge a bullet, and Alex wasn't even trying to.
Story 3. Nta. I cannot get over the yta judgments.
He is traveling for work she tells him she will go out and get his costume for him so he sends her an extra $400 to get it and she screws them out of it.
Then she's mad because he asked about it, yeah she is the a-hole
It's because OP is a man.
OP didn't even throw her under the bus when he could have. She lied to her kid so that OP would be on the hook if he didn't find the costume and he just said he forgot he'd ordered it. I'd have told him the truth about his lying mom and bought the costume.
@@juliearmfield2634 OP is a man lol. ATM's shouldn't talk back, according to Reddit
@@laargboolag9147 true. Lol
Holy crap, people nowdays, I swear that some of those commenters would see a woman laughting over the corpse of the father that she shoot for not buying her a Lamborghini and they would blame the man.
"we know she can't be wrong, so what did you do to deserve it?" Every.single.time.
So redditor's solution to the kid's behavior issues is to take the kid out of the recommended program and put the parent into treatment. And magically this kid who has had problems all her life is going to get better without the help she needs.
It can be helpful for the parents to get counseling to better manage a difficult kid, but that doesn't mean that the kid should be taken out of treatment.
Story 1, last comment. Found the grandparents
That or the kind of person that honestly believes that children are infallible…. (Generally the same kind of person who trash talks the ‘adult’ who just turned 18, for not being more mature)
Yes. I understand that tough love wilderness programs are scams & cause long lasting harm to kids. But it sounds more like the daughter has an actual diagnosis for her behavioral issue & mom found what is basically a treatment facility that specializes in her daughter condition that can provide the more intense therapy she needs, while still providing an education.
First time I'm early.
Story 1, NTA. Those relatives are trying to enable her psycho behavior. What she did with the car and escalating after that are *NOT* mistakes. Not to mention that she wrecked the car out of anger when told no about going with her friends and that is not something a kid should be doing. Plus since it's all her actions that got her into that mess it should come out of her fund, it's a suitable punishment. Plus like op said, it's not like she would be destitute, she would just have to work a few jobs just like all other college kids to help get by.
Kid fucked around and found out 🤷♀️ I think OP is being a very responsible parent trying to teach their wayward child that actions have consequences. Kudos for not enabling the behaviour and penalizing the other children.
I want to ask if it's still a mistake if she ends up ending someone's life, because honestly she just got lucky this time.
@vlionheart for real, like would they still try to enable her? Like I understand that she lost her dad but that doesn't excuse what she's doing.
Going into a facility isn't a punishment. OP wisely knows that her daughter is no longer able to live in the home and do out-patient therapy because she's becoming a threat to herself and others. A facility that has the proper treatment, medical staff and educational resources is for her benefit, and seriously not a punishment.
In your own life, please don't punish children should they have mental health issues. I am saying this as a child and adolescent Psychotherapist. Period.
@tmm6884 I was talking about using the kid's college fund. That was actually obvious if you read everything.
OP's girlfriend is a special level of toxic. It's not her business if the roommate is trans or not.
Extra Money for HW costume Story: OP is NTA here. He made a deal with his ex and spent the money on something else. She is being horrible. I don't understand why so many redditors are applying all these mental gymnastics to call OP an AH for something that he is clearly not. I don't even understand why OP thinks that he might be wrong here. You had an agreement OP about the extra money.
Because OP is an ATM - I mean man.
S1. NTA. She knew what she was doing when she stole the car. Behavior equals consequences. That last commentor is an idiot.
Story 4: NTA. She is a bigot and has no standing in this matter. Good for OP for making this a deal breaker. Good for the friend too for noping out. OP didn't choose his roommate overhis GF, he chose not to support a transphobe.
Story 2: Wife has issues and is taking it out on her husband for having a healthy relationship. If the roles were reverse they would be accusing the husband of alienating his wife.
Story 3: Mom is the AH for knowing that extra money was for her son's costume. She just saw a chance to stick it to the father.
3:12 cancer doesn't wreck a stranger's car.
It also doesn't k*ll pedestrians, cyclists or occupants of other cars when a reckless driver loses control of their vehicle and slams into the previously mentioned.
You can tell the commenter is an entitled brat from the way they twist reality to excuse the daughter endangering her life and the lives of others.
Why do you need to check with your Mom? Shows up for dinner and 5 people brought mashed potatoes and gravy 😮
Story 3 yta comments are wild! I’m a divorced mom and I think op is not the AH. There have been times my ex sent money to get the kids specific things (he lives in another state) and I spent it on exactly what he asked. Being deceitful builds an unhealthy co-parenting relationship
I swear to God, the comments in Story 3 (kid's dad sent an extra $400 on the 1st of October for a Halloween costume) must be rage bait.
How dare OP expect his ex to take time out of her busy schedule, to do the thing she said she would do, with the money he gave her during the 4 weeks she had to do it.
She also, lied to her son’s face about it. If the ex really needed that money for her son’s basic needs, she would have explained it to him, “ I understand the money is for your Halloween costume, but…”
The fact that in the last story where OP was with a girl at 17 while she was 23 and was encouraged by their parents was a big red flag. The mom wanted a girl exactly like her as her son’s girlfriend. It’s sickening that the parents let that happen. Hope OP and his roommate become best friends forever.
Last story: Alex sounds like a good friend. Good for OP for ditching the psycho girlfriend. He can do better.
Story 4: NTA, it is none of your or anyone else's (other than a romantic partner's) business if he is trans or not. Your Ex (and the friends that agree) wanting you to violate his privacy is insane.
On top of that like you said there are many surgeries that could lead to scars on his chest.
Wow Reddit... Did ya'll miss dude say at the start of post that he travels for work a lot? He's not dumping his parenting duties like a deadbeat. Also he has every right, morally and maybe even legally, to know what his child support is being spent on. How do we know it was a legit spenditure and not the wife getting herself a "little treat"? She told him she'd get the costume, he sent the money, and she didn't get the costume OR tell him she didn't get it. He had to learn that from his son.
Dude needs to stop sending her anything besides what is mandated. If his son needs extra he needs to buy it, cause this ex clearly can't be trusted to use the extra as intended.
Yes they missed it-DELIBERATELY! They're Reddit misandrists who believe that man equals bad and woman equals good, and no one will convince them otherwise!
How is the dad TA? He gave her the money and extra money for the kid. These morons are just damned if you do damed if don't for men in divorced situations. Ex wife is TA and so are these morons
Story 2: NTA, checking what your mom is already making, is standard when planning to bring something over for a holiday meal, otherwise everyone might bring the same thing.. The last thing you need is 10 plates of cranberry sauce, and no yams, corn, biscuits, etc. Your wife needs therapy to veal with her weird contorted family trauma.
Your wife is projecting her own issues. Some people have strong relationships with their parents and others wish they had that bond. The wife needs some therapy. Checking you don't make a dish already being made is just common sense unless you have time, money and food to waste needlessly.
You have a healthy relationship with your mother that respects both her and your wife. Your wife's issues are her own.
Your ex-wife owes you the money for for the costume. Don’t listen to your mother. Did she use your child support for herself too? Stop giving that woman extra money. Get the stuff yourself don’t rely on her to do it for you. She’ll just keep the money.
schrödinger's trans roommate: it is entirely possible to live with people in a roommate situation without wanting to fuck them, no matter what plumbing they have! jesus fuck, that girlfriend was deranged.
Facts I have had roommates of every flavor of the spectrum and not once felt te urge to know their plumping situ 😂
Ultimatum is a relationship ending event. Put that up, good bye! Hope you enjoyed the relationship, but learn from this for future relationships.
Yeah I’m glad OP didn’t play her games. If someone is being that wildly unreasonable it’s better to cut the cord. If OP had caved the girlfriend would have escalated her demands over time. You see it it many relationships, in men and women and it’s not a trait you want in any kind of relationship be it romantic or platonic
Costume story: NTA and there should be a requirement for the primary parent to show how EVERY CENT of child support is spent on the CHILD, not their own housing or car. Why? Because if the child wasn't around, they'd still need to pay that. The money isn't for the ex, it's for the child.
I gave you this money to buy this specific thing for our child-
Comments - How dare you!! Disgusting!! That's HER MONEY! 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿 Just because your own family was garbage doesn't mean you can blame it on OP 🙃
Costume story child support is for the child. And don't even bring up the bills and the rent nonsense because she would have had to pay for them herself whether the child existed or not.
Did you not listen.???? She said she would get the costume....Don't anyone listen, or is this for male bashing. He sent the child support plus money for the costume, and he can't ask about where that money went?
And when she did not provide the answer, YTA commenters spun a take of a mom trying to make ends meet with an ex who hardly contributes to their son. If she spent the money towards something that could help the household, she would’ve said so to try and guilt OP. By not answering, she proved that she spent the money on her.
OP: explains why he didn't just get the costume himself
Commenter: bUt wHy diDn'T YoU gEt tHe cOstUmE?
Yeah, imagine if she spent the money on illicit substances. Somehow, these commenters would still make OP the bad guy.
Just because your wife’s relationship with her parents is toxic doesn’t mean your relationship with your mother is. Is she jealous? Does she project her families problems onto yours or does she just want control?
Probably both!
1st story, OP is NTA. That daughter is on a path of not even going to college. She would have to work really hard ( therapy etc) to even handle college life.
Exactly. The parents are supposed to take away from their other children for the SLIGHT chance that Elena might be able to go to college? Talk about playing favorites. She may very well NEVER be able to go to college. Her siblings shouldn't have to give up their futue and/or chance to go to their dream college just because Elena has a mental health crisis.
Story 4: OP's girlfriend Sarah sounds like someone who will make a big deal out of nothing. If Sarah has issues, she shouldn't take them out on OP, who has demonstrated zero attraction to Alex in this post. Also, why is Sarah staring at Alex so hard she noticed his scars? Weird behavior.
Also, a 23 year old dating a 17 year old is sus as hell. When i was 26, I dated a 23 year old and that was too big of an age gap for me, why would a 23 year old be interested in an actual, literal child?
Sarah is a creep and a weirdo.
The Maybe Trans Roommate Story: OP should give Alex a cake or something as thanks for accidentally revealing what a psycho his girlfriend is and letting him get away from her.
GF was dating her when he was underage and she was over 20? And their mothers supported that? Yeah I can see why OP's previous roommates were awful. OP was surrounded by creeps all his life and probably has a skewed perception of what "abusive" is.
Story 1: NTA. She could’ve unalived several people including herself and didn’t feel remorse about it.
You didn't screw over your daughter. Her school fund simply became a bail fund spent on her.
Daughter has to be able to make it to college too in order to use any college fund...
@@halbouma6720 She may very well not be able to go to college for a long time. IF EVER. Are the parents supposed to take away from and make her siblings suffer because their sister MAY want to go to college and therefore should get the opportunity to go to her dream college debt free? What if she goes to her dream college, has another breakdown/mental health crisis and drops out? Then the parents would've screwed over Elena's siblings for NOTHING. That would be playing favorites and completely unfair to the other children.
First story, Mom set the money aside for education. It is being used for education. Tell grandparents it's either that or jail.
Story 3: NTA, you sent money for the costume and she misappropriated it. As the person paying child support, you can go to court and demand a full accounting of how she spends the money. Especially now with her pulling this crap. Oh and do not give her extra money anymore, only what the court ordered.
And all the YTA commenters saying that OP has no right to say where the money goes? Guaranteed they are also thieving exes defending one of their own. They should also be taken to court over misused funds!
Encouraging your 23 year old to date my 17 year old would end badly for you and our friendship.
The grandparents are welcome to replenish the girl's money
Story 1 She lucky a smaller college fund is all she has to worry about...dangerous driving can have very serious and long term consequences.
It is not the grandparents right to enforce their opinions on handling the OP’s daughter’s behavior and mental health crisis. The funds that OP is using is proceeds left to her as a result of the death of her spouse. The money is not “hers” meaning the daughter. The funds are to be used to raise and care for her and the children. OP is fortunate enough to be able to set aside the funds for their future. Most widow/widower use the life insurance proceeds to care for the every day or supplement the daily expenses. Here is the bottom line, everyone thinks that they have the perfect solution for someone else’s life yet they don’t have the full picture. However they INSIST they are right. They are not.
Story 2: NTA. She's an emotional abuser.
she sounds jealous because she wants the relation op has with his mom with hers but cant
Story 1 - Wow, which cereal box did that last commenter get their psychiatry degree and certification? I have never heard of the "proven science" that a cihld's behavior issues are only "fixed" by having the PARENTS go through therapy! THAT assertion is the scam! The ILs need to stay in their lane, unless they want to foot the bill for the special school. Sounds like she's their favorite grand.
Story 2 - FFS, asking what dish to bring is common courtesy, not being a "mama's boy"! OP's wife needs therapy to deal with her issues with her family, and how she keeps taking it out on OP the way she does. While she doesn't know what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like, that doesn't mean she can be toxic and disrespectful to OP.
Story 3 - OP's ex stole money that was earmarked for a specific purpose, beyond the normal child support amount. OP has every right to question her to find out where it went, especially since she had agreed to buy the costume! Those YTA commenters are probably bitter single mothers who think they're not getting enough from their exes. So much projection there!
Story 4 - Wow, OP's GF has some serious issues. The roommate's sexuality is none of her business, unless they're hitting on OP. OP's not getting into his roommate's business for her is a "violation of trust"? Sounds like she's waving her own red flags in his face, and it's good that OP recognized that. Giving in to the GF to "keep the peace" would have only destroyed his relationship with his roommate, because, I repeat, it's none of her business! UPDATE - so OP was in an abusive relationship with his ex? That explains a lot. I'm glad he got out and that he's seeking therapy.
Last story: "our mom's encouraged it."
I'd bet my left testicle that if OP in therapy starts looking back at his youth, he will find that he had a lot of "play dates" with his exGF as a child or maybe the exGF was a babysitter at one point and that their mother's made a lot of comments like "oh you guys will look so cute together. How is you and your 'girrrrl'friend doing, etc." and eventually when she asked him out, he just autopiloted I to "sure, we already hang out everyday anyway", meanwhile the moms was going "you will be the cutest couple ever, we support you".
17 is probably the Age of Consent wherever he lives, but I doubt he had a choice regardless.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, I think the Mom groomed him to being the exGFs future husband, which is why she just thinks this is a break and not a break up.
Also, exGFs mask slipped and she revealed the bigotry and transphobia.
Story 1: Oooh so Op holding her daughter accountable is “showing favouritism” …but forcing the other children to pay for HER mistake is perfectly acceptable…
ya no Op NTA you sound like a good mother.
Yeah. Elena is mighty lucky she didn't get arrested and CHARGED and hauled off to jail. But NOO, her siblings are supposed to give up their chance to go to their dream college because Elena 'made a mistake'?! That's playing favorites and will only breed resentment between the kids. And it's a sure way for the parents to make sure that their other kids will go full NC with them the moment they turn 18.
What the grandparents are doing is projecting! They're favoring Elena, and turning around to accuse OP of favoring the other two kids!
@@nancyomalley6286 Exactly. Elena May very well never get well and stable enough to Go to college. From the sounds of it, college is a loooong way of for Her. Her siblings shouldn't have to put THEIR future at stake for the slight chance Elena might make it into college. That's ridiculous and unfair. If grandparents are so concerned about the "golden grandchild", THEY can put aside money for a college fund for her. That might Cost them a relationship with the other kids though because you're right, they are playing favorites,
"If she got cancer and needed chemo, would you drain only her funds."
Is OP supposed to let her die? And make her other children pay for her illness? That risk breeding resentment between the children.
Daughter needs help, OP is getting that help.
1ST story NTA group homes ARE NOT SCAMS! They are needed otherwise the ASYLUMS will return WORSE THAN EVER!
I had a somewhat similar issue issue. My oldest had the start of a college fund. In first & second grave she had challenge with reading so I used some of her college funds for tutiioning. My though was if she had issues reading how was she going to college. The issue with teens stealing cars how could she NOT hide the keys ? ? The issue with child related money is to pay funds directly to the store or service or event. If you want an item buy it directly otherwise she buys a new purse. That's the only way you can be sure the money goes where it is intended.
Relatives, none of your business!!
Health care absolutely takes priority over a college fund in this case. It would be different if she was using the other kids' money for this one child, but early intervention might be this girl's only shot at a normal life. No way 'saving' that money for future education will do her any good if she is not healthy and stable enough to attend, and the longer you wait, the worse it will be. What I wouldn't give to be able to go back and get help as a 16-year-old! It might be her only shot at an actual, meaningful education in the future. There's nothing to say you can't help her with those college costs when they come up, but this money is better spent on making sure she's actually here to GET an education!
No, you should absolutely NOT have asked your room mate if they are trans, and you absolutely did the right thing by dumping the nosy girlfriend. It's not about 'picking' Alex over her, it's about you choosing NOT to be with a bigot!
And an unhinged bigot at that
Along with grooming him as a teen, she is all sorts of twisted. I couldnt believe that both mother's pushed for that relationship. How fricken warped.
And a groomer picked out by his bigoted mother.
I truly don't understand the rationale of transphobes. "Why are you living with a woman? Alex is obviously trans" okay... then Alex ISN'T a woman... like, what part of transition don't they get?
S4 good on op for ditching that psycho groomer
Story one nope Nta it’s not a right, it is a luxury to go to college debt free. Tell granny to back off, she doesn’t like it she can pay for college. And yes if she had cancer I would use the fund to pay for. Who but a few are made of money for this stuff.
Mom in s3 is abusing the kid
Halloween Costume. You should have learned by now that you cannot trust your wife to pay any bills with money sent. You need to pay things directly.
Buy the costume via the internet or mail and arrange for it to be sent directly to her. School tuition? Pay the school directly. Need new clothes? Send a gift card for the clothing store. Etc.
Those comments are crazy he sent extra money for the costume. She agreed and then spent the costume money on who knows what. She is the ah.
He specifically gave money for child support AND THE COSTUME. I h8te redditors. They are so onesidedly dumb.
Story#2: The girlfriend is HORRIBLE! She is transphobic and she needs to learn to MIND HER BUSINESS! Trans people need a place to live too! Why should it affect the girlfriend if the boyfriend has a roommate who is trans if the boyfriend is faithful? She is crazy.
That's not Story 2. That's the last story of the video, so story 4 or 5.
The costume story……Did I miss something??? He gave her money to buy the costume, she didn’t use it to buy the costume. How is wrong to feel a slighted about it??? If I was him, I would be pissed too🤷🏾♀️
Nope, it's just Reddit being misandrist Reddit again!
The last commenter on the 1st story is the AH
Story 2 it sounds like she hates her own parents and expects you to hate yours as well
Kids costume NTA) He is paying his plus some extra how is he a idiot. Sending extra money for a costume is just that for the costume if she needs extra money maybe she should get a job in her field instead of trying to mooch of her kid. These commenters are delusional he could be doing nothing and the commenters was be ripping him a new one because they hate men.
The costume story: OP is NTA. He sent money for costume. The wife should have bought a costume or returned the money. OPs mom, ex-wife, and ALL the YTA commenters are major Idiots.
I love the last story. Based OP got himself out of an abusive relationship by being an ally and friend to Alex!
1 minute!!! New PB! Yay!
he does not get a say in the base child support, but all the extra money he sends he does get a say. my suggestion is that he just spend the money himself to make sure the kid gets what he needs.
When people ask about funding for any alternative school they don't need to know but if they continue pushing you should say "it's grants" no other info at all
The last story was sad. What is wrong with that mom to encourage him to get with an adult. Gross!
I love the YTA comments on the costume story when literally him working that amount funded her lifestyle when she was not awarded spousal support. She didn’t have a job. And also, she said that she wanted to get the costume so he sent the money. He didn’t make her do it, he offered to get it.
She probably did it because she saw how much he was gonna send. I would not be sending her extra money and in this day and age if she claims the son needs some thing he can just buy it out right. She can’t just spend the money how she wants, especially if it’s on herself and not her son.
Treat herself??? The other kids don't have a problem - is not her, it's the child.
3rd story... Oh, he can very much dictate to be shown receipts of anything and everything the child support is used for! And this case demands for it, $400 specifically meant for a child's Halloween costume aren't peanuts.
Guy sends $400 for a specific purpose
Mum doesn’t buy that thing
Mum stole the money and people call him the idiot ridiculous
Story 3 - The Ex sounds like one of those moms who think it is OK to use the child support for drinking/dining/spa/mani-pedi/luxury goods/ext... instead of you know for the kid. I would have my lawyer send her letter saying that due to her lying about buying the child a Halloween costume and refuse to explain where the money went I would no longer be giving her money beyond the court mandated child support, but that I was willing to directly pay for things and reimburse her after being provided with recipes.
1.- That last just screams "I don't understand shit".
3.- NTA, SHE! STOLE! THE! MONEY!
4.- NTA, OP didn't chose his roommate, he chose his human decency. No matter what those scars were, you don't ask about those things.
Op sent extra money for the costume specifically, but the costume was not bought. If it was spent on something else for the child, I think mom would have just said "x thing came up" and op sounds like he would have sent more money if it was something for the son. I think he has every right to know where the money he sent went, and to say that the money is for the son not the mother.
First OP made the mistake of splitting all of the money directly after paying off the house. She should have put some of it into the kids funds and kept the rest of it for emergencies that may happen before the kids go to uni. She wouldn’t have the problem she has now. And if something else happens, unrelated to the kids I mean, and she will be forced to dip into the (other) kids accounts she will look like a thief to her kids. They won’t care that it was necessary for keeping a roof over their heads or one of the 4 family members alive.
Jedi costume story: NTA. OP gave that money for a specific purpose with the understanding it would be used for that purpose. He could legally sue her in small claims court to get it back if he wanted and he could win because she used it for a purpose other than it was intended. The ex was going to make the child suffer because she's a petty a-hole. Glad OP got the kid a costume in time.
The YTA commenter is a typical Reddit misandrist!
NTA, your child is not only mentally ill, but also is a juvenile delinquent. She will get therapy in the behavior school. This girl stole a care, even if was a family car. OP could have pressed charges on her, behavior school is a whole lot better than juvie.
Wanna bet the YTA are the interfering in-laws?
OMG. Daughter is a reject.
The Halloween costume story, he is nta. She told him she would get it, he sent 400 dollars for the costume. She intentionally didn't get it, hoping he wouldn't know, and it would make him look terrible when the son wouldn't have a costume for Halloween.
Story 3 (I think?): I had a cis male friend, who was shorter than me (I’m 5’2 1/2”). He was 4’6” I think. He had a wife who was 5’6” or taller.
So the idea that a man must be trans if they are short is absolutely ridiculous. Also, there are many medical reasons someone may have scars on their chests.
Granted, that, yes, Alex is trans. But that won’t always be the case.
Also, just because Alex is a trans man doesn’t mean he will immediately try to seduce OP or that he is attracted to OP or that OP is attracted to him.
I’m glad OP is cutting out the toxic bigots, and is staying friends with Alex.
I wouldn’t question anyone about if they are trans. If OP is the landlord, it might be illegal to ask. If it leads to any form of discrimination.
Yes, paying for other things perhaps like the rent are more important than buying a costume, even if it is a cool light sabre. Do you know what I don't have? A two bedroom apartment, because I can't afford one. Child support pays for naff all sometimes, and I don't even be grudge primary carers occasionally spending a little of it on themselves to help alleviate the stress of being a single parent.
The 'Alex' story: The girlfriend may be looking for an excuse to break up without general condemnation. She may be regretting her decision but doubling down is a bad strategy. If OP prefers to live without 'drama' then 'losing; this girlfriend may be in his best interests. IMO.
If Alec is living as a male and presents male then she has no basis for jealousy. Her attitude is truly disgusting and transphobic. You were right to get rid of her. It's none of your ..ir her...business to ask Alex that.
Aw Alex sounds cool
BS: I am still upset over the Brittany Spears child support situation. Child support is for the child not for the parent to live off of. The parent is a parent and it is their responsibility to provide support also not just 1 parent paying for everything.
Story 1: NTA, it is not favoritism, it is the result of her actions. And the money was yours, that you had intended to use for her college, now you have to use it to fix the car and pay for this program.
Story 1 (last comment read): Wow what an uninformed idiot. "Your insane and troubled daughter doesn't need therapy... You do"... That is some next level insane logic.