Completely agree. Very few people are their authentic selves in the early stages of a relationship which is what causes problems, the other side aren’t seeing the real version of their potential partners and things can fizzle out quickly because of this
I WAS my authentic self. I loved openly and deeply. All it takes is one selfish asshole that uses you and you change. Now I see these open people as naive. They don’t yet know what people are really like. I’m glad I’m no longer easy to fool.
I'm actually an avoidant, but trying to be more secure. People shouldn't be like me on purpose. I tell people I'm an avoidant on the first date to warn them.
Sometimes people are not prepared to date....when they are in transformation mode. ,like getting rid of old programs, from family programs, school programs, that were deeply put in them.. they want to find new healthy program through a meditation, or hypnosis, metacognition. but it may take 3 or 6 months ...because at the beginning these people may be very vulnerable emotionally, because they are just testing new better healthier programs, ....which meands they are not prepared yet to get into real relationhip. It is semilar when someone is learning to drive car, at beginning the student is very fragile, because he she ios just testing their "driving" skills.....so it takes few months as they feel good enough in their shows. The families, fčriends, schools, media....úput in the peopel such strong , chaotic programs that when the person wants to unlearn the old programs, beliefs, he she has to meditate foor few months to create new better and healthy programs.... the person is fragile and wants alone time, until he/she is sure the new better programs beliefs work for them.
You can be a bit avoidant but not too much if you want relationhsip. Its like you are busy.... Or maybe say I am more available on weekend. Then you have plenty time to decide whether you want to date or not.
Go in with a positive mindset but realistic expectations. If you bring a negative aura into meeting new people that is going to bring a negative outcome. People have traumas, issues, problems, but there are people who you can heal with, grow with, learn from & create something beautiful together, it's more than possible
Yeah trust me, you're not gonna heal with anyone if they're not already healed. One of you has to be solid or neither of you are gonna make it. After my girlfriend died, it's pretty safe to say I needed some "healing". So I started dating a girl who was pretty broken herself. We thought we could help each other, but neither of us had it in us to forget about ourselves and help the other lol. That's a beautiful romantic fantasy, but it's just not reality. Sadly, I ended up (as the man) being more of a rock for her. And her "trauma" was peanuts compared to the absolute horror I went through finding my girl without a forehead
I am a giver. I give a lot first. The moment I realise that you take it for granted, you act disinterested and I feel emotionally not secure anymore, I disappear totally. The number of guys who came back begging after I brutally stopped interacting is just crazy. Why cant people value something good from the start?
Unfortunately, I believe a lot of people are into sensation and chasing unavailable people than actually wanting finding dating success and awesome people
I can relate a lot to what you've shared. On both sides but I'm now more on the giving end. Some of us haven't met a lot of givers and where you come from certain places (I'm from a Detroit suburb) or had certain experiences and seen certain things.... the giving can unfortunately look like an act or an agenda. Not saying that you've done that but unfortunately a lot of people put here pulling bait and switch tactics. I'm matured and more in tune with all of that now, and can appropriately match and give that appreciation at any point without thinking too much about it now. That However doesnt prevent attracting the bait & switch type of people or the takers. However, I always had strong boundaries but they've gotten stronger or more visible now I believe people who actually have that aim know how hard it us to manipulate that more often than not and just don't waste much time. But at the end of the deal everyone is looking for extracting or exchanging value... so that just results in either more or less genuine people coming into your sphere of influence. People want to extract what they want. Some people think they may be getting one over on you too at times and in reality, you're just not playing a silly game with them, may be aware of what they're doing but not showing it because they haven't accurately pinpointed a boundary or something you care to even speak up about.
I’ll text someone after a date when I’ve had a great time at the end of the night. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable. If you don’t show your intent no one can read your mind. That’s how most of my relationships begin ❤
I have no problem putting in effort, but when the people I date never reciprocate any level of effort, then I will not continue chasing them. That's my problem with dating. I have never found anyone who reciprocates.
that's normal. you have to continue meeting people until you find someone that gives back the same or similar energy. Consider if you are overlooking someone who has shown you those signs.
I’m 33 and I feel like dating is tough. I hate dating apps and this year I really wanted to meet someone. My confidence in general isn’t great which I’m working on but I become intense to show someone I’m interested in them and I know I should probably take things slow. I often get scared as soon I think things might not go well and shut down. If I’m out, I just assume most girls are with someone and I try and keep work and my personal life separate. The dating game becomes very overwhelming at times.
@@iRRichiee think there a lots of people that are similar mate. I think what’s important is to keep focusing on yourself, don’t compare yourself to others that are in relationships and let’s face it, it’s generally hard dating in todays world.
if you have social media clean it up and have it showcase what your hobbies are and what you enjoy. women that relate will comment or like your post. that will be the start to the type of date you can invite a woman on. same for dating apps. in person find a social group that enjoys your activities you like you will find similar women.
It sounds like you're really self-aware of your challenges, and taking it slow while focusing on building confidence could help ease the pressure and make dating less overwhelming
I really like this perspective and would just add a caveat. For people who consider themselves to be givers, it's really important to also know when to lean back. Just as important as it is to give and to lead, we also need to learn when and how to receive. If you feel called to put this into practice, I'd just be aware of how often you're leading and make sure to balance that with an equal amount of allowing others to do the same. Allowing ourselves to rest in moments and be poured into helps prevent burnout. We can't *always* be the ones responsible for making others feel comfortable/safe. And if we only ever find ourselves around people who need us to model, that's also worth thinking about 🌸
That's a great addition! Finding balance between giving and receiving is key to healthy relationships. It’s important to create space for others to step up, allowing yourself to rest and be nurtured t
This is so spot on ! I have attributed this very uncomfortable change to the Covid pandemic . I have said repeatedly that it changed people in the most horrible ways. The person below who commented , 'everyone dates like an avoidant now ' is 100 percent correct!
Idk I remember before covid being at the gym and it was a sea of people all with their heads down in their phones scrolling instead of potentially connecting with other singles right in their proximity … smart phones have destroyed social interaction and dating for awhile now
Because many men and women refuse to resist the urge to finding a distraction from working on their past wounds and baggages, money, health..etc., and as a result most people end up being with projects instead of partners.
that is so true. as someone that was born in narcist abusing home, been into the spiritual i can say. energy works, law of attraction work, samw with attachment, what we feel, think belive, how attached we are or not, what we want and what we focus on two diffent things, boudries, fears, blame, quilt. we dont attract what we want, but what we are, insecurites and the wonds we have. the sooner we realise that the faster we can work with ourselves to attract the right person. its not external but internal. when we are awake we understand the meaning of everything. relationships are lessons. we reapet thedm until we understand the lessons. let go of old belives, start thinking and feel diffrently.
I love how Matthew gets to the point. Is about being authentic as you are. Never thought about reciprocity, now I feel like it can give me a better way to look at dating with a different mindset. Thanks Matthew you're a savior!
I watched your videos as a teenager, back when your content (as i remember it ) was more literal on how we can improve how we flirt etc whereas now it seems like a more wise approach to dating, not focusing so much on the details of flirting techniques and what not, more so on the importance of being ourselves and how we should approach dating in a way that even when it doesn't work out we still learn something, we come out knowing we gave it our all and that just wasn't our person, without holding grudges but just moving on to find the right person for us. It's cool to see how both I and this content you put out matured!
I'm struggling in how to be proactive without looking needy and this is exactly my feeling. However, I'm scared of me taking the first steps, makes me feel I'm not good enough for a man to claim me. And honestly I've dated men which I have to tell them and even guide them, and with men that claim me and being proactive seems much more smooth. It's happening right now and this guy isn't texting or calling, he acts aloof as well. I'm gonna pass, my person wouldn't give up so easily. I want to be pursued, but I don't know where it's the correct balance
it does take vulnerability to find someone. if you have social media. a heart response on someone's post can mean interest but not look needy. commenting on someone's story is a good way to start a conversation online. in-person you want to find a way to "drop your handkerchief" in front of the guy you're interested to see if they take the lead from there.
I do think people sit and over-analyse what they're saying to each other, instead of just doing/saying what comes naturally! If you're face-to-face you don't have 15 mins to ponder what's the right thing to say back. You just answer! Do the same over text. Just say what you feel, and answer genuinely. If you've over-thought your answer it won't come over as natural, and give the other person the wrong sense of who you are as person. Jmo.
@@lindatannock my problem with that is that I don't want to be the one who wants more the other. I believe a man should love and be more interested than me. With this guy I had orbiting, he fell short and didn't give any sign of interest, not one "you look beautiful" or never asked me if I had a boyfriend. I've met men that always find a way to compliment me and ask me if I'm available. I think your person wouldn't fall short and give up so easily. I guess it's a matter of discernment but my rule has been: if a man can't give me the world, he doesn't exist
Guys nowadays don't want to lead or always be the initiator. It seems many are looking for women to chase & put in equal effort. That can be hard too. Then, on the other hand, you have some guys that are clingy, over bearing & you just can't get rid of them. It's like it's a no win scenario out there.
@@Michelle-o9z7h I don't know. I think if the man likes you he will put the effort. Either way, come correct or don't come at all. The guy I was seeing wasn't consistent so I no need to come forward, he's showing me everything I need to know. We shape their behaviour by allowing or not their advances or absences
I’m so happy that you (and Audrey) exist on this planet ❤ Great positive video!! Matthew AI has just made my grief and failed hopes over someone very special that I’ve lost (bc he died) a little not so heavy and that’s wow, like an advice from a good older brother. Thank you ❤ I’m also reading your book “Love Life” and I’m loving the wisdom in it!!! Thank you many times for what you do❤
Its like a testing new car.... first week you may feel overly fragile and careful, because its new car, and you learn new healthier better rules for yourself. Its similar when you try to change some of your habits, at begining you are bit fragile.... because your brain is just testing the new better rules, ...as your brain gets enough feedback, you become more confident.
Great video, you nailed it dead on, exactly what is happening out there. One major reason, simple manners are "Gone", that adds to this dilemma. I have called out people who take forever to reply, as their reply may depend on my future plans and time. Do it once is understood, do it again, its disrespectful, move on from these people, simple reply is not difficult, ego centric people who think the world revolves around them.Sad times we live in. Aloof narciistics everywhere.
You are so right! When I bring the energy, and they do not reciprocate, that tells me everything I need to know. In the past, I would feel rejected. But I no longer need to feel that way. I can just say that they are not the person for me, and move on.
Last night I had a date with a girl. She was looking the whole time to a different man at the bar. I got tired of it and ask her about it. She told me that she liked the man and find him very handsome. I offered her to introduce that man to her. She said it will make her feel uncomfortable. The man was walking close by, I talked to him and still introduced him to her. She got mad at me and left. My point is, why a woman will go out and start looking to another man during the date. If she doesn’t like me, she should mention and she ca leave. I don’t mind being shut down in a first date. But when you encounter this kind of women, is hard to have respect for them or even empathy. Seemed that she just wanted free drinks and a free meal, which she got. Just one more example of the reality of the dating world nowadays.
OK, that’s on you. You saw the red flag🚩🚩🚩 that was your clue to get up pay for your drink and then leave Many years ago I ended a first date when the dude kept going on about how pretty he thought a girl was. I agreed with him that she was beautiful, but he kept going on. I told him he should give it a rest and then he told me I can’t tell him what to say. That was it . I stood up and I left with no drama. and it’s so funny. He tried to come back and send me an email and be friends. I said why would I be friends with you? Enjoy your life
Wow, that is terrible! Ridiculous… That was bold that you introduced her to him; should have opened her eyes to how rude she was. Wow… Nice that you were a gentleman, but… You’ll find much much better! You stood up for yourself in a sense I think and were the bigger person.
I vigorously hate dating apps & sites. Most people look for FWB, ONS, the rest need therapy. Maybe one rare person looks for the same that you do. Or not. It's shallow. And nobody cares about anyone.
I spent my 20's building up, healing traumas, learning valuable skills, practicing interpersonal relationship skills, etc.. I did everything I needed to do to have a solid life, but nothing seems to be good enough to keep a woman around long enough for marriage and building a healthy family.
Hi Matthew, thank u so much for this video! I've been following you for a while and I really love your contents. I have to expose here my experience, cause I wanna share something.. in dating I've NEVER ever played games, ever. For me it has always been about being myself, transparent, truly giving, enthusiast and all that good intention... good hearted... generosity as you said.. But also with a hint of assertiveness which is essential (to protect our own energy).. well, I realized in years that men seem to respect more those women who are not giving too much... it's so sad! The wonderful energy displayed doesn't seem to be so valued by them... I tend to give my light and my energy from my heart, but that doesn't seem to be enough for many of the men out there.. not talking about all the men in the world, I'm talking about my experience ... and my experience has taught me to be less available, less trustful, more cautious, and a little more sad cause I love so much being generous, really! But it's dangerous nowadays....
Looking at my elders (RIP), and my generation, I realise that we were never enabled to play, mix with others, to play pranks, or have frivolity. I am now elderly, and live a life of a hermit reacting to false allegations. But it may be seen that the culture and rules we experience as children, can infect one's entire life. All so RESPONSIBLE, always TRUTHFUL, and so SERIOUS. Such a person is socially inept, but also a crushing Bore. Its crazy though, this late in years, I gave up, and spit at the world, only to be rewarded with others who seem to like THAT ME. Pranks, jokes, fun, spontaneity, kisses, hugs, and caring others through their hard times are all vitally important, for those who don't want my life. We never kissed, hugged, had pranks etc. We were all genetic family - but strangers in the same home. Never being allowed to touch or be near even a sister, kisses were deviant, hugs unwelcome, and no happy times celebrated. Take care.
I strongly believe I am rare in an awesome way. I had a beautiful relationship with the most amazing (but unhealed) man. He discarded me and my world is rocked. I am truly DONE with dating. I cannot even move on from him and never will. I’ve made peace that I’ll just be an unmarried cat woman.
Same. Well minus the cats lol I am content that I gave up on intentional dating. I embrace being single after such a toxic ending to my marriage. I have never felt more complete and full than after I made this decision. I am happy enough with my friends, hobbies, and my own company. If someone comes along in some normal way, I am open and willing to entertain it (normal= without apps, matchmaking, speed dating, etc.). “Modern dating” has dehumanized the process of connecting with others to such a level I just can’t engage in it any longer. Living my life in a purposeful and positive way is enough for me. Best wishes to us all!
I would say don’t stop yourself to bestow that awesomeness that someone that truly deserves you because you were discarded by someone who didn’t deserve you ❤ why allow someone so much power over you to stop living the life you deserve?
@@heyu123 it is something I will not seek in anyway. I have so much healing to do that it will be a long time before I even consider. Maybe only if Mr. Perfect showed up but nobody is perfect. Nobody will compare to my person. Im hoping he heals and comes back. Until then I plan on living a full life. I have been through a few abusive and poor relationships so when I found my dream human to build with and it got ripped away from me, I just have no trust. I would rather pour my love into my parents and pets. I just learned that I cannot trust anybody.
@@roberts7873 never. Absolutely not. To anyone reading this comment - never ever lower your standards. I require what I do because I can provide what i require too. If that intimidates anyone then they can stay out of my life.
This video is something i didn't know i needed so much, this year i wanted to find someone to have a serious relationship, and my strategy was: focus 100% on myself and on myself only and the person will just be attracted to me naturally. I was never more wrong in my entire life 😂 this year i learned that people don't like people who focus too much on themselves in anything, gym, work, college. People want someone that will be selfless and pay attention to them.
❤ exactly, in some way love is a numbers game. Try, have dates and much as you can, you'll get more practice and become so good at discarding fast and focus on what you really want until eventually you find someone. The hard thing here is stay consistent. Like not giving it your whole attention but working proactively in getting love
I first heard about you years ago, but never watched any of your videos. Recently stumbled upon you again, and oh god, I wish I had watched your videos before. Anyways, gonna apply some things from this at university next tomorrow ;)
I like the idea of taking about what you’re doing for the week instead of just saying “I’m ok” or “I’m good” .. but I would put my reply all in one text not 5 separate messages so I’m not “in the blue” and looking like I’m blowing up their phone
Hi Matt, it's very important to me that you understand this. When we step forward, when we take the initiative, three situations occur. An offer for a bed with all the recordings and the like, total ignoring or they perceive us as poor, hopeless, we are immediately idpod or reserve. 🤷
As a man myself if u have no money , no bike , no car , no financially well to do family , ur basically losing money and time which is more precious than money , and women mostly want a well financially well to do man to support them , while 1% women don't need all fancy things but 99% do so , better do something for urself rather than date
You can show all the energy you want or just text a one word message, as a guy you will most likely be ignored and make a fool out yourself for even trying. Its like going to the grand canyon and howling only to hear back your own voice. If you are it, then whoever wants to chase might show up when all you are trying to do is just live your life without bothering anyone but most of the time you will just go through life without ever being bothered by some stranger who secretly admires you but dates and marries someone else. That is the reality of most guys.
the moment i find the perfect person with so much in common, same energy, close with, i feel seen, understood, but they are in a 8 year relationship, i feel in love with this friend, i feel so good and terrible at the same time, i thought i knew what love was but i was wrong, she is the one but is unavailable...
Go ask MHAI & what he’ll likely say….”If that person is unavailable right now then they’re not your person right now. “ I also urge you to consider how that person’s partner would feel. How would YOU feel in their shoes? Having your feelings is one thing but letting it go down the rabbit hole of fantasy will block yourself from finding the person who IS available for you NOW. Also ask yourself if you have a pattern for falling for people who are somewhat unavailable in some way, like long distance etc. I’ve been EXACTLY where you are & that’s why I felt compelled to respond. I had to heal my attachment wounds to get on the other side of this. You can too! Stay strong & focus all that love on yourself for now 🤍✌️
I am past middle age. Have not found him yet nor do i think i will. Have met some real tools along the way. Not worth the pain i think but then loneliness hits and above all not being able to survive in a coupled world.
@@GUITARTIME2024 i have thought about it yes. I am sure my low self esteem plays a huge role but I think the number of problematic people has increased in general making dating and relationships harder. I was lied to and taken advantage in my first relationship and abused in several others.
Keep a positive mindset. put out good energy and do your best to enjoy the experience! only way you will get a great result. Some people forget to enjoy themselves while dating. Gotta give something great to get something worth having.
So after the first date I sent my match a text passage from 'how to be in an adult relationship' chapter' qualified candidates for a relationship' and he asked me cheekily if I thought he would be a qualified candidate after my impression of the first date. And I wrote to him: I find you attractive, interesting and I'd like to get to know you better. So let's find out if our vision of life aligns before we deepen the topic of a relationship.
Matthew makes it sound so easy. I'm not dating because despite being a happy kind genuine loyal and respectful person giving my best, I usually end up in the role of carer and therapist instead of a partner. Also guilty of giving too many chances and looking for the best in others when often it's just not there. Happy not dating, spending time with family and friends, staying single and loving life for now.
It’s getting impossible when you realise a new date is using AI to help him generate great message replies. Figured it out when I was like “hang on, his answer is too good he sounds like Matthew Hussey!”…. Checked it out and yes it was an AI answer. lol at least the guy was honest when called out. But sorry, NEXT! Edit: Except I’m allowed to used MatthewAI lol 😏😏😝 (to clarify, the guy was using AI to generate every single reply via text. Then in person couldn’t string a sentence together….)
Except I’m allowed to used MatthewAI lol 😏😏😝 (the guy was using AI to generate every single reply via text. Then in person couldn’t string a sentence together….
@@melcee22 It's a tough one because dating for women is a greater (and more dangerous) investment of their time and energy. What comes out in a text message could be a good sign not to meet up. In fact if a guy is using AI to respond that should be considered a red flag and end it there.
I think that 'still smiling' text after the date, is cute. However, I feel that it's very intense. Intense in a way of: If the person liked you? Texting it will get a positive response and send that 'electricity' that was mentioned. If that person is unsure if they like you or not? I think it'll make them be even more reassured that this ain't it. I really don't think there is a lot of in-between with something like that, especially if it's send as one of the first things to stir up a conversation after your first date via text.
Knowing how challenging it is to date, let’s think of new ways to meet the person that suits who we are, but don’t be too difficult. Smile, wink 😅, show that you are available 😊. Wear brighter clothes, funny hat, little joke, kindness and love ❤️. You will meet the right person for you if you rise up to the challenge. Make it a challenge !!! Like a game towards together ! 😊❤❤❤❤❤
I'm a leader by nature. I have approached dating in this way for the past 3 years. To be honest someone who is looking for someone rare like me is like winning the lottery. We all know what those odds are. So learn first to create an extraordinary single life for yourself. Give people your absolute best self, but when they show signs of taking advantage or not being able to handle and want you to lower your standards. Drop em! Not everyone deserves access to you for a second time so express that upfront. Warn people how amazing you are so that you when they circle back around with regret in losing you you smile to yourself and say to yourself "You were warned."
"someone who is looking for someone rare like me is like winning the lottery' Darling you are not a prize, you are just a liability. Stop thinking of your self that way..
I hate dating apps. I realized i'am the person that is aloop. And I feel like I'm a genuinely good gf. I was in a lot of abusive relationships so I shut myself off into my current relationship. And I realize I got into playing games with my current husband because I was afraid of getting hurt again. I've apologized to him and didn't realize how wrong I was. And I'm currently healing that with him and myself.
I have flirted with people in the past, but it came off as too forward (for them). Perhaps because I am a woman? Also, I have been told that I come off as standoffish when first dating, but in reality, I'm a little anxious. Lol.
It's just hard... I am still learning not to expend a lot of energy into dates and people who just go into conversations like it's a game of poker and they don't want to show too much.
5:40 very well intentioned advice but Im afraid none of it works anymore. People do not spend time on thoughts like those anymore. Anyone is replaceable.
When a man says “wyd” i come up with theeeeee most absurd funny action I can think of (in a playful way)…example “im switching out all the shoe laces to wash them and color coordinate them” lmao That sorts them out real quick 😂
I actually am aloof in person because I am afraid of having a pool of men attracted to me LOL, I get nervous when they start talking to me out of nowhere, but I am working on my self-esteem simultaneously and I hope I can learn to gently reject.
The problem with uninteresting texts is that women expect men like me to be interesting from the very first text, before we really get to know them. We literally have to be the most interesting man in the world to get them to even respond to the first text, let alone get to the point of an actual date. And since women basically tell you everywhere except bars/clubs and online dating apps are totally off limits, this makes life that much harder.
This man is SPITTING so many facts its making my head spin. He's nailed it RIGHT on the head. No one wants to give so no one receives what they're looking for. Such a simple concept.
Yes! This is great and I have experienced this as a man first hand. I am 43, but in excellent shape and put effort into how I look and feel each day. I am always putting out a nice outgoing personality and I can always tell who can receive it well and who just can't and are "cold". This is actually one of the main reasons I don't fear approaching the most beautiful women (and have had good luck too), is because so much is mental / how you present and articulate yourself. The women that work for me are always the ones where I feel like a better version of myself inside and its amazing. That's when you know you could totally fall in love down the line.
Yes it is nearly impossible, Matthew. Just recently met a gal claiming to be wanting an LTR. Invited her to dozens of things for dates. It took almost 2 months just to get her to come out twice. Seemed too busy for a relationship to me. Finally got her to agree to come out on a third date and she brought two other guys with her and one of their young daughters. And then she had the nerve to complain about guys playing games and not being honest about what they want! LMAO, PEACE OUT!!
I really feel like it’s possible but since I’m older no one has time for dating because dating just seems like” let me see”. I don’t have time for just let me see. Maybe in my 20s but if we are older than after a few months you should know what you want
I really appreciate this video. It will help me be more playful, flirtatious, & fun. If I do meet someone again, I'll understand what I can do to create a fun, great start. It takes two to Tango. I like the fun texts to send & tips. Thanks Matthew! 😃🙏🏻
I consider myself as this awesome dater and most men like that about me. However, I realized that it is actually very dangerous since it provokes limerence in men super fast and as soon I share my boundaries, needs and wishes they are gone. People just want the good part of dating/relationships but they don't want to put actual work in it.
Never had any fun dating. Online im treated like an option get the one word replies ghosted etc.. I'm tall, fit, good looking, outgoing, good family lots of friends.. And I just gave up dating years ago , most men I know haven't dated in years, only players are dating, decent men don't have the stomach for it .
@@DeadCat-42Well at 34 and going through a divorce from my wife/first girlfriend after 17 years being together I am absolutely terrified of the thought of getting back into the dating world. It was easy for her since she was apparently dating while we were still married. All I want is a faithful woman who will prioritize “us” over herself. Boundaries are good because they show us who who truly cares about us, I am worried my desire to not have sex before marriage will really hurt me in today’s environment. Keep being yourself and someone will choose you, I can’t believe you’re having trouble though if everything you said was true.
I’d be interested in seeing your approach to 2 issues when using dating apps, especially for older people. First, the breakdown of someone’s profile. I’m trying to figure out the motivation behind men’s profiles (sincere or hookup). Second, and somewhat related to the first, the stories I tell myself so that I won’t “like” or “swipe right” on someone, such as…this guy is too good looking to be on this app, so he’s probably a player or a narcissist or a scammer. Or he doesn’t have kids, so he won’t want to date a single mom. Or he talks too much about what he’s looking for in a woman, so he’s probably very controlling. I’m not sure if I am protecting myself or self-sabotaging.
Hello Matthew, For most men, myself included, we fear the approach. Fear that we'll come across as creepy. And, there's the dreaded "R" or being rejected. Let face it, after the me too movement, men are playing it safe. I could bet what's left in my 401K, that nobody meets at the office anymore.
IDK…my wife met two married men at work and had another get fired for propositioning her (apparently she didn’t find him attractive like the other two)….so I would say the office is at least still a place to meet immoral adulterers 😂
38. 8 years Celibate. Outside of sex, women have nothing to offer. Everything else is a net negative to a man's life. I biologically can't have kids so that chases off 30s women. I'm not rich nor attractive so that chases off sub 30s women. Not attracted to single moms or large women. That chases off the remainder. I have friends and hobbies, and I'm addicted to peace. It's what it is, plan on getting myself a ring when I hit 10 years of celibacy to celebrate.
This is so cool. Be rare and be awesome. I always liked being the friend/classmate/teammate who replied quickly (when I see it) with something cool are compliment there accomplishment or send them my thanks for the snacks. I always felt it lame to wait and drag it out. And thinking about it as being brave and positive rather than desperate is so enjoyable. I missed connecting with my friend over lunch and he texted me later if I was still there and hour late. I just replied nope I'm at home working now but I'll catch u soon. No sticking around and burning my time but also no uneeded ignoring or coldness. Time tables didn't align. That's fine
It is very challenging, im jjst taking a break cuz id rather date someone who has their life together, eho knows what they want. Im currently focusing on myself. Im gonna trust god to see if he'll send someone when im readu
So many people are broken lately, but there are people that do want to heal and do want to self improve and those are the people you should gravitate towards everyone has issues.We shouldn't shove people away just because they might have a few problems.Everyone has something they are dealing with on a daily basis
@@sbeth82sc thats a very good point. But im not saying im against dating cuz of problems. I dont want to date a perosn whos not mentally ready, and i have to always do the constant reassureance. Thats alot of mental strain/mentally draining. Ive done it before. Its not fun. But yes i would still like to have a loving relationship. Im building a rrlationship with god, snd if someone comes into my life, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Another great video Matthew. I myself would prefer to talk to the real Matthew and not an AI but that's just me. I was rejected by someone and it hurt because it wasn't a normal typical thing. Because previous before that I was in love with somebody for 13 years that I actually never dated and no one understood my love they doubtedy love because it was one sided and it was toxic. I realized that he wasn't really good for me because he didn't care for me after 13th yes I figured maybe I should have someone that does so I asked out a guy I previously knew and it didn't go so well and asking them out was a big step for me to even ask because I was in love with someone else and I thought I would never talk to anyone ever again, and to get rejected right off the bat after being in love with someone else and it hurt .it was hard for me to even get to that point in general makes me scared to try again. So now I'm trying to let the guy come to me but he doesn't know I'm alive so I said hi to him a few times and make small talk but he doesn't make the effort and come up and talk to me after I go up to him. I can't tell if he's not interested in me because I've come up to him a bunch of times he doesn't really respond to me
My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 9 months, but we’re in a long-distance relationship now. I want to get engaged and married soon, but she wants to finish college first. I suggested we work it out while she’s studying, but she insists on waiting. I’m thinking of ending the relationship because by 2028, I’ll be 28 and she’ll just be finishing college?
Defo agree on the how are you answer, I always get an answer of good. What is good? It doesn't make any sense nor give me anything else. So as Matthew points out say more of what is good about your day. If nothing transpires then....he's just boring 😝
I like the video, but i disagree with some things u mentioned. I think Being an initiator and a leader is a must but it shouldnt be the default. 😘 I just broke up with someone. I was a leader and an initiator most of the time (it is natural to me to be this way), but unfortunately my ex was only reciprocating when i did something that they liked. Otherwise, there was no initiating. Once i stop being an initiator, i was labeled as toxic and changed even though i was really tired of giving this energy to the wrong person. It is like i was on a test every day, if i give, i am good, if not? I am a bad partner!! I am still healing, i think my ex was still stuck on their old patterns and past toxic relationships and traumas. They just couldn’t give without any reassurance… Unfortunately i gave alot to someone who was not deserving of that love. i now feel very aloof too. I will heal, but this relationship took a toll on me for sure.
I say this not because I want this to be the case, but dating in 2024 is mich more difficult for most men. Even getting to a stage where your getting dates regularly is extremely difficult for most men, whereas this isnt the case for most women, which makes you realise that most women are dating the same men, which leads a sizeable portion of men, and many of them are not necessarily unnatractive, completely alone.
It seems to me that after a certain age, if you haven’t met “the one” yet, you never will. The good ones have already been taken and what’s left is only problematic, womanizer ou narcissistic men. I’d rather be alone cause I’m sick of trying.
I don’t think there are “good ones” or “problematic ones.” We are all on the same plane and we’ve all got baggage, whether we are sitting in first class, business or coach, whether we are sitting alone or with a partner or a whole group. We can only control how we packed and how we handle turbulence. And the best thing to look for are other people who also packed well, treat the plane crew with respect and know how to put on the oxygen mask properly. I also happen to think people who have gone through things are much more interesting.
I prefer being mistaken by availability than to be stone cold and play games. My life is finally happy and full of joy and I feel I can be with someone to make them happy, not to just make me happy.
If we all showed up authentic and open like this to dating, to work and to all our relationships, this world would be a much better place for everyone
yep and if we are authentic regardless of everyone else, we would feel much ,much better despite some disadvantages
Completely agree. Very few people are their authentic selves in the early stages of a relationship which is what causes problems, the other side aren’t seeing the real version of their potential partners and things can fizzle out quickly because of this
I WAS my authentic self. I loved openly and deeply. All it takes is one selfish asshole that uses you and you change. Now I see these open people as naive. They don’t yet know what people are really like. I’m glad I’m no longer easy to fool.
This video is so necessary! Everyone dates like an avoidant nowadays
100 percent !!
Exactly! Fed up dealing with avoidants who only show their true self after 6months. Tired of hearing the infamous *pressure* word
I'm actually an avoidant, but trying to be more secure. People shouldn't be like me on purpose. I tell people I'm an avoidant on the first date to warn them.
Sometimes people are not prepared to date....when they are in transformation mode.
,like getting rid of old programs, from family programs, school programs, that were deeply put in them..
they want to find new healthy program through a meditation, or hypnosis, metacognition.
but it may take 3 or 6 months ...because at the beginning these people may be very vulnerable emotionally,
because they are just testing new better healthier programs, ....which meands they are not prepared yet to get into real relationhip.
It is semilar when someone is learning to drive car, at beginning the student is very fragile,
because he she ios just testing their "driving" skills.....so it takes few months as they feel good enough in their shows.
The families, fčriends, schools, media....úput in the peopel such strong , chaotic programs
that when the person wants to unlearn the old programs, beliefs, he she has to meditate foor few months to create new better and healthy programs....
the person is fragile and wants alone time, until he/she is sure the new better programs beliefs work for them.
You can be a bit avoidant but not too much if you want relationhsip.
Its like you are busy....
Or maybe say I am more available on weekend. Then you have plenty time to decide whether you want to date or not.
Go in with a positive mindset but realistic expectations. If you bring a negative aura into meeting new people that is going to bring a negative outcome. People have traumas, issues, problems, but there are people who you can heal with, grow with, learn from & create something beautiful together, it's more than possible
Yeah trust me, you're not gonna heal with anyone if they're not already healed. One of you has to be solid or neither of you are gonna make it.
After my girlfriend died, it's pretty safe to say I needed some "healing". So I started dating a girl who was pretty broken herself. We thought we could help each other, but neither of us had it in us to forget about ourselves and help the other lol.
That's a beautiful romantic fantasy, but it's just not reality.
Sadly, I ended up (as the man) being more of a rock for her. And her "trauma" was peanuts compared to the absolute horror I went through finding my girl without a forehead
yep be moindset and realistic
@@JohnnyAllan-vj7sjI’m sorry to hear about your loss, hope you will be able to heal and find peace
Too real. Aloof is a great word to describe the dating scene.
I am aloof! I don’t need a flawed dating platform to make me even more aloof GAH!
I am a giver. I give a lot first. The moment I realise that you take it for granted, you act disinterested and I feel emotionally not secure anymore, I disappear totally. The number of guys who came back begging after I brutally stopped interacting is just crazy. Why cant people value something good from the start?
❤ I relate to your comment, but am working on the disappearing part after being taken for granted, hugs
Exactly
You have healthy self-esteem and that’s what you’re supposed to do and you’re smart enough to never take them back
Unfortunately, I believe a lot of people are into sensation and chasing unavailable people than actually wanting finding dating success and awesome people
I can relate a lot to what you've shared. On both sides but I'm now more on the giving end. Some of us haven't met a lot of givers and where you come from certain places (I'm from a Detroit suburb) or had certain experiences and seen certain things.... the giving can unfortunately look like an act or an agenda. Not saying that you've done that but unfortunately a lot of people put here pulling bait and switch tactics.
I'm matured and more in tune with all of that now, and can appropriately match and give that appreciation at any point without thinking too much about it now. That However doesnt prevent attracting the bait & switch type of people or the takers. However, I always had strong boundaries but they've gotten stronger or more visible now I believe people who actually have that aim know how hard it us to manipulate that more often than not and just don't waste much time. But at the end of the deal everyone is looking for extracting or exchanging value... so that just results in either more or less genuine people coming into your sphere of influence. People want to extract what they want.
Some people think they may be getting one over on you too at times and in reality, you're just not playing a silly game with them, may be aware of what they're doing but not showing it because they haven't accurately pinpointed a boundary or something you care to even speak up about.
I’ll text someone after a date when I’ve had a great time at the end of the night. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable. If you don’t show your intent no one can read your mind. That’s how most of my relationships begin ❤
it is powerful when it comes from a place authenticity and not weakness
@@heyu123 relationships, plural. Meaning none led to marriage?
Yep. Didn't work for me. From now on I let the guy lead and be proactive
@@enonz761 because you dated out of your ieague. I'm a dude. We ain't complicated.
@@GUITARTIME2024 it does not contradict. If the dude isn't interested, his behavior will show it. So if he's acting weird, drop him
I have no problem putting in effort, but when the people I date never reciprocate any level of effort, then I will not continue chasing them. That's my problem with dating. I have never found anyone who reciprocates.
that's normal. you have to continue meeting people until you find someone that gives back the same or similar energy. Consider if you are overlooking someone who has shown you those signs.
Get the line!😂
They don't see value in dating you.
I have the same issue or completely no responses at all doesn’t matter how great my message/energy is, this isn’t helpful to me at all.
Exactly, dating is like a job interview where the women is hr and they are just looking for a reason to reject. Real or imaginary.
I’m 33 and I feel like dating is tough. I hate dating apps and this year I really wanted to meet someone. My confidence in general isn’t great which I’m working on but I become intense to show someone I’m interested in them and I know I should probably take things slow. I often get scared as soon I think things might not go well and shut down. If I’m out, I just assume most girls are with someone and I try and keep work and my personal life separate. The dating game becomes very overwhelming at times.
Are you me bro? I dont know how to navigate this shit anymore honestly…
@@iRRichiee think there a lots of people that are similar mate. I think what’s important is to keep focusing on yourself, don’t compare yourself to others that are in relationships and let’s face it, it’s generally hard dating in todays world.
if you have social media clean it up and have it showcase what your hobbies are and what you enjoy. women that relate will comment or like your post. that will be the start to the type of date you can invite a woman on. same for dating apps. in person find a social group that enjoys your activities you like you will find similar women.
It sounds like you're really self-aware of your challenges, and taking it slow while focusing on building confidence could help ease the pressure and make dating less overwhelming
@@raypurchase1239 exctly, run your own race
I really like this perspective and would just add a caveat. For people who consider themselves to be givers, it's really important to also know when to lean back. Just as important as it is to give and to lead, we also need to learn when and how to receive. If you feel called to put this into practice, I'd just be aware of how often you're leading and make sure to balance that with an equal amount of allowing others to do the same. Allowing ourselves to rest in moments and be poured into helps prevent burnout. We can't *always* be the ones responsible for making others feel comfortable/safe. And if we only ever find ourselves around people who need us to model, that's also worth thinking about 🌸
Yes. Thank you for this perspective.
That's a great addition! Finding balance between giving and receiving is key to healthy relationships. It’s important to create space for others to step up, allowing yourself to rest and be nurtured t
This is so spot on ! I have attributed this very uncomfortable change to the Covid pandemic . I have said repeatedly that it changed people in the most horrible ways. The person below who commented , 'everyone dates like an avoidant now ' is 100 percent correct!
Idk I remember before covid being at the gym and it was a sea of people all with their heads down in their phones scrolling instead of potentially connecting with other singles right in their proximity … smart phones have destroyed social interaction and dating for awhile now
Thats so true! People don't know how to connect with each other on a personal level anymore! They struggle even with small-talk! @Emmm-ii6tx
@@lindatannock Small talk is overrated, anyway. I'd rather have deep conversations.
Because many men and women refuse to resist the urge to finding a distraction from working on their past wounds and baggages, money, health..etc., and as a result most people end up being with projects instead of partners.
that is so true. as someone that was born in narcist abusing home, been into the spiritual i can say. energy works, law of attraction work, samw with attachment, what we feel, think belive, how attached we are or not, what we want and what we focus on two diffent things, boudries, fears, blame, quilt. we dont attract what we want, but what we are, insecurites and the wonds we have. the sooner we realise that the faster we can work with ourselves to attract the right person. its not external but internal. when we are awake we understand the meaning of everything. relationships are lessons. we reapet thedm until we understand the lessons. let go of old belives, start thinking and feel diffrently.
yep workoholism is aweful
This is such a beautiful valueable point Matthew! You're content is just getting better and better❤. Love this mindset shift.
I love how Matthew gets to the point. Is about being authentic as you are. Never thought about reciprocity, now I feel like it can give me a better way to look at dating with a different mindset. Thanks Matthew you're a savior!
I watched your videos as a teenager, back when your content (as i remember it ) was more literal on how we can improve how we flirt etc
whereas now it seems like a more wise approach to dating, not focusing so much on the details of flirting techniques and what not, more so on the importance of being ourselves and how we should approach dating in a way that even when it doesn't work out we still learn something, we come out knowing we gave it our all and that just wasn't our person, without holding grudges but just moving on to find the right person for us.
It's cool to see how both I and this content you put out matured!
I'm struggling in how to be proactive without looking needy and this is exactly my feeling. However, I'm scared of me taking the first steps, makes me feel I'm not good enough for a man to claim me. And honestly I've dated men which I have to tell them and even guide them, and with men that claim me and being proactive seems much more smooth.
It's happening right now and this guy isn't texting or calling, he acts aloof as well. I'm gonna pass, my person wouldn't give up so easily. I want to be pursued, but I don't know where it's the correct balance
it does take vulnerability to find someone. if you have social media. a heart response on someone's post can mean interest but not look needy. commenting on someone's story is a good way to start a conversation online. in-person you want to find a way to "drop your handkerchief" in front of the guy you're interested to see if they take the lead from there.
I do think people sit and over-analyse what they're saying to each other, instead of just doing/saying what comes naturally! If you're face-to-face you don't have 15 mins to ponder what's the right thing to say back. You just answer! Do the same over text. Just say what you feel, and answer genuinely. If you've over-thought your answer it won't come over as natural, and give the other person the wrong sense of who you are as person. Jmo.
@@lindatannock my problem with that is that I don't want to be the one who wants more the other. I believe a man should love and be more interested than me.
With this guy I had orbiting, he fell short and didn't give any sign of interest, not one "you look beautiful" or never asked me if I had a boyfriend. I've met men that always find a way to compliment me and ask me if I'm available. I think your person wouldn't fall short and give up so easily. I guess it's a matter of discernment but my rule has been: if a man can't give me the world, he doesn't exist
Guys nowadays don't want to lead or always be the initiator. It seems many are looking for women to chase & put in equal effort. That can be hard too. Then, on the other hand, you have some guys that are clingy, over bearing & you just can't get rid of them. It's like it's a no win scenario out there.
@@Michelle-o9z7h I don't know. I think if the man likes you he will put the effort. Either way, come correct or don't come at all. The guy I was seeing wasn't consistent so I no need to come forward, he's showing me everything I need to know. We shape their behaviour by allowing or not their advances or absences
I’m so happy that you (and Audrey) exist on this planet ❤ Great positive video!!
Matthew AI has just made my grief and failed hopes over someone very special that I’ve lost (bc he died) a little not so heavy and that’s wow, like an advice from a good older brother. Thank you ❤
I’m also reading your book “Love Life” and I’m loving the wisdom in it!!!
Thank you many times for what you do❤
AUTHenticity is so key. Not necessarily for who we date but also for ourselves
Its like a testing new car.... first week you may feel overly fragile and careful,
because its new car, and you learn new healthier better rules for yourself.
Its similar when you try to change some of your habits, at begining you are bit fragile....
because your brain is just testing the new better rules, ...as your brain gets enough feedback, you become more confident.
@@alaalfa8839 excellent point, resilience is build with time and pressevierence
Great video, you nailed it dead on, exactly what is happening out there. One major reason, simple manners are "Gone", that adds to this dilemma. I have called out people who take forever to reply, as their reply may depend on my future plans and time. Do it once is understood, do it again, its disrespectful, move on from these people, simple reply is not difficult, ego centric people who think the world revolves around them.Sad times we live in. Aloof narciistics everywhere.
You are so right! When I bring the energy, and they do not reciprocate, that tells me everything I need to know. In the past, I would feel rejected. But I no longer need to feel that way. I can just say that they are not the person for me, and move on.
Last night I had a date with a girl. She was looking the whole time to a different man at the bar. I got tired of it and ask her about it. She told me that she liked the man and find him very handsome. I offered her to introduce that man to her. She said it will make her feel uncomfortable. The man was walking close by, I talked to him and still introduced him to her.
She got mad at me and left.
My point is, why a woman will go out and start looking to another man during the date. If she doesn’t like me, she should mention and she ca leave. I don’t mind being shut down in a first date.
But when you encounter this kind of women, is hard to have respect for them or even empathy.
Seemed that she just wanted free drinks and a free meal, which she got. Just one more example of the reality of the dating world nowadays.
Sorry you had that experience.
You messed up. As soon as you noticed weird behavior, it's your job to leave. Never tolerate such things.
OK, that’s on you. You saw the red flag🚩🚩🚩 that was your clue to get up pay for your drink and then leave
Many years ago I ended a first date when the dude kept going on about how pretty he thought a girl was.
I agreed with him that she was beautiful, but he kept going on. I told him he should give it a rest and then he told me I can’t tell him what to say. That was it .
I stood up and I left with no drama. and it’s so funny. He tried to come back and send me an email and be friends. I said why would I be friends with you? Enjoy your life
Sorry to hear that man
Wow, that is terrible! Ridiculous… That was bold that you introduced her to him; should have opened her eyes to how rude she was. Wow… Nice that you were a gentleman, but…
You’ll find much much better! You stood up for yourself in a sense I think and were the bigger person.
I feel like being authentic happens naturally too when you really like the person, because it’ll be obvious if that playful energy is forced
I wish that online dating had never happened, people looking for too many options these days 😑
Yes, it is impossible. So many messed up and narcissistic people put there with unrealistic expectations.
And they are mainly women.
I vigorously hate dating apps & sites. Most people look for FWB, ONS, the rest need therapy. Maybe one rare person looks for the same that you do. Or not. It's shallow. And nobody cares about anyone.
I would say that many men do want relationships. But those guys are usually overlooked by women on dating apps.
I spent my 20's building up, healing traumas, learning valuable skills, practicing interpersonal relationship skills, etc.. I did everything I needed to do to have a solid life, but nothing seems to be good enough to keep a woman around long enough for marriage and building a healthy family.
Hi Matthew, thank u so much for this video! I've been following you for a while and I really love your contents. I have to expose here my experience, cause I wanna share something.. in dating I've NEVER ever played games, ever. For me it has always been about being myself, transparent, truly giving, enthusiast and all that good intention... good hearted... generosity as you said.. But also with a hint of assertiveness which is essential (to protect our own energy).. well, I realized in years that men seem to respect more those women who are not giving too much... it's so sad! The wonderful energy displayed doesn't seem to be so valued by them... I tend to give my light and my energy from my heart, but that doesn't seem to be enough for many of the men out there.. not talking about all the men in the world, I'm talking about my experience ... and my experience has taught me to be less available, less trustful, more cautious, and a little more sad cause I love so much being generous, really! But it's dangerous nowadays....
Looking at my elders (RIP), and my generation, I realise that we were never enabled to play, mix with others, to play pranks, or have frivolity. I am now elderly, and live a life of a hermit reacting to false allegations. But it may be seen that the culture and rules we experience as children, can infect one's entire life. All so RESPONSIBLE, always TRUTHFUL, and so SERIOUS. Such a person is socially inept, but also a crushing Bore. Its crazy though, this late in years, I gave up, and spit at the world, only to be rewarded with others who seem to like THAT ME. Pranks, jokes, fun, spontaneity, kisses, hugs, and caring others through their hard times are all vitally important, for those who don't want my life. We never kissed, hugged, had pranks etc. We were all genetic family - but strangers in the same home. Never being allowed to touch or be near even a sister, kisses were deviant, hugs unwelcome, and no happy times celebrated. Take care.
I strongly believe I am rare in an awesome way.
I had a beautiful relationship with the most amazing (but unhealed) man. He discarded me and my world is rocked.
I am truly DONE with dating. I cannot even move on from him and never will. I’ve made peace that I’ll just be an unmarried cat woman.
Same. Well minus the cats lol
I am content that I gave up on intentional dating. I embrace being single after such a toxic ending to my marriage. I have never felt more complete and full than after I made this decision.
I am happy enough with my friends, hobbies, and my own company.
If someone comes along in some normal way, I am open and willing to entertain it (normal= without apps, matchmaking, speed dating, etc.). “Modern dating” has dehumanized the process of connecting with others to such a level I just can’t engage in it any longer.
Living my life in a purposeful and positive way is enough for me.
Best wishes to us all!
I would say don’t stop yourself to bestow that awesomeness that someone that truly deserves you because you were discarded by someone who didn’t deserve you ❤ why allow someone so much power over you to stop living the life you deserve?
@@heyu123 it is something I will not seek in anyway. I have so much healing to do that it will be a long time before I even consider. Maybe only if Mr. Perfect showed up but nobody is perfect. Nobody will compare to my person. Im hoping he heals and comes back. Until then I plan on living a full life. I have been through a few abusive and poor relationships so when I found my dream human to build with and it got ripped away from me, I just have no trust. I would rather pour my love into my parents and pets. I just learned that I cannot trust anybody.
Sounds like you got Alpha Widowed.
Lower your standards and grab a man.
@@roberts7873 never. Absolutely not. To anyone reading this comment - never ever lower your standards. I require what I do because I can provide what i require too. If that intimidates anyone then they can stay out of my life.
This video is something i didn't know i needed so much, this year i wanted to find someone to have a serious relationship, and my strategy was: focus 100% on myself and on myself only and the person will just be attracted to me naturally. I was never more wrong in my entire life 😂 this year i learned that people don't like people who focus too much on themselves in anything, gym, work, college. People want someone that will be selfless and pay attention to them.
No, just needs more work, don’t give up, learn, you’ll get there
❤ exactly, in some way love is a numbers game. Try, have dates and much as you can, you'll get more practice and become so good at discarding fast and focus on what you really want until eventually you find someone.
The hard thing here is stay consistent. Like not giving it your whole attention but working proactively in getting love
I first heard about you years ago, but never watched any of your videos. Recently stumbled upon you again, and oh god, I wish I had watched your videos before. Anyways, gonna apply some things from this at university next tomorrow ;)
Imagine era's where there was no provision like this, people like matthew guiding us is like god sent. I feel lucky!!
I like the idea of taking about what you’re doing for the week instead of just saying “I’m ok” or “I’m good” .. but I would put my reply all in one text not 5 separate messages so I’m not “in the blue” and looking like I’m blowing up their phone
This is exactly the thing I needed to hear and have been struggling with!!! I love this message so much, Matthew!
Hi Matt, it's very important to me that you understand this. When we step forward, when we take the initiative, three situations occur. An offer for a bed with all the recordings and the like, total ignoring or they perceive us as poor, hopeless, we are immediately idpod or reserve. 🤷
As a man myself if u have no money , no bike , no car , no financially well to do family , ur basically losing money and time which is more precious than money , and women mostly want a well financially well to do man to support them , while 1% women don't need all fancy things but 99% do so , better do something for urself rather than date
it really triggers me when I get vulnerable and the other person doesn´t it hurts me, so i tend to stay safe
I hear you
You can show all the energy you want or just text a one word message, as a guy you will most likely be ignored and make a fool out yourself for even trying. Its like going to the grand canyon and howling only to hear back your own voice. If you are it, then whoever wants to chase might show up when all you are trying to do is just live your life without bothering anyone but most of the time you will just go through life without ever being bothered by some stranger who secretly admires you but dates and marries someone else. That is the reality of most guys.
This is truly excellent, keep it up man, your content has reached a whole new level lately
It takes two to tango!!
the moment i find the perfect person with so much in common, same energy, close with, i feel seen, understood, but they are in a 8 year relationship, i feel in love with this friend, i feel so good and terrible at the same time, i thought i knew what love was but i was wrong, she is the one but is unavailable...
Go ask MHAI & what he’ll likely say….”If that person is unavailable right now then they’re not your person right now. “
I also urge you to consider how that person’s partner would feel. How would YOU feel in their shoes?
Having your feelings is one thing but letting it go down the rabbit hole of fantasy will block yourself from finding the person who IS available for you NOW.
Also ask yourself if you have a pattern for falling for people who are somewhat unavailable in some way, like long distance etc.
I’ve been EXACTLY where you are & that’s why I felt compelled to respond.
I had to heal my attachment wounds to get on the other side of this.
You can too! Stay strong & focus all that love on yourself for now 🤍✌️
I am past middle age. Have not found him yet nor do i think i will. Have met some real tools along the way. Not worth the pain i think but then loneliness hits and above all not being able to survive in a coupled world.
What "coupled world " everyone I know is single !
I completely understand how you feel. Been in the same boat for many years. Much respect to you
Never occurred to you to see how YOU might be coming across? How YOU might be attracting tools?
@@GUITARTIME2024 i have thought about it yes. I am sure my low self esteem plays a huge role but I think the number of problematic people has increased in general making dating and relationships harder. I was lied to and taken advantage in my first relationship and abused in several others.
@@juliafisher5844 not in my world..
Keep a positive mindset. put out good energy and do your best to enjoy the experience! only way you will get a great result. Some people forget to enjoy themselves while dating. Gotta give something great to get something worth having.
So after the first date I sent my match a text passage from 'how to be in an adult relationship' chapter' qualified candidates for a relationship' and he asked me cheekily if I thought he would be a qualified candidate after my impression of the first date. And I wrote to him: I find you attractive, interesting and I'd like to get to know you better. So let's find out if our vision of life aligns before we deepen the topic of a relationship.
Absolutely LOVE this video. What a great reminder for us all, and I am starting from today showing up like this! ThanksMH 🥰
Matthew makes it sound so easy. I'm not dating because despite being a happy kind genuine loyal and respectful person giving my best, I usually end up in the role of carer and therapist instead of a partner. Also guilty of giving too many chances and looking for the best in others when often it's just not there. Happy not dating, spending time with family and friends, staying single and loving life for now.
You should date Mathew. He might consider you as his life partner. Or Partner in crime you ladies say.
@@richardv9648 I don't date married men.
Personal leadership. Absolutely brilliant message Matthew. Thank you!!!❤
It’s getting impossible when you realise a new date is using AI to help him generate great message replies. Figured it out when I was like “hang on, his answer is too good he sounds like Matthew Hussey!”…. Checked it out and yes it was an AI answer. lol at least the guy was honest when called out. But sorry, NEXT!
Edit: Except I’m allowed to used MatthewAI lol 😏😏😝 (to clarify, the guy was using AI to generate every single reply via text. Then in person couldn’t string a sentence together….)
Oh wow! This'll become more and more common.....at least you had the discernment to realise it; others won't.
Except I’m allowed to used MatthewAI lol 😏😏😝 (the guy was using AI to generate every single reply via text. Then in person couldn’t string a sentence together….
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 yeh so now I tell people straight up that I won’t text any “getting to know you messages” until AFTER meeting
@@melcee22 It's a tough one because dating for women is a greater (and more dangerous) investment of their time and energy. What comes out in a text message could be a good sign not to meet up.
In fact if a guy is using AI to respond that should be considered a red flag and end it there.
Where did you find the AI generator?
Unfortunately one never knows if they are being vulnerable with a Covert narcissist 😢…
I think that 'still smiling' text after the date, is cute.
However, I feel that it's very intense.
Intense in a way of: If the person liked you? Texting it will get a positive response and send that 'electricity' that was mentioned.
If that person is unsure if they like you or not? I think it'll make them be even more reassured that this ain't it.
I really don't think there is a lot of in-between with something like that, especially if it's send as one of the first things to stir up a conversation after your first date via text.
Knowing how challenging it is to date, let’s think of new ways to meet the person that suits who we are, but don’t be too difficult. Smile, wink 😅, show that you are available 😊. Wear brighter clothes, funny hat, little joke, kindness and love ❤️. You will meet the right person for you if you rise up to the challenge. Make it a challenge !!! Like a game towards together ! 😊❤❤❤❤❤
I keep with dating leadership, that's powerful
You know society is in trouble when you have to teach people how to communicate
I'm a leader by nature. I have approached dating in this way for the past 3 years. To be honest someone who is looking for someone rare like me is like winning the lottery. We all know what those odds are. So learn first to create an extraordinary single life for yourself. Give people your absolute best self, but when they show signs of taking advantage or not being able to handle and want you to lower your standards. Drop em! Not everyone deserves access to you for a second time so express that upfront. Warn people how amazing you are so that you when they circle back around with regret in losing you you smile to yourself and say to yourself "You were warned."
"Warn people how amazing you are". Lol. I'm a dude and I'd run fast away from that nonsense. We want Fun, Feminine, Fit. Thats it. Not some boss babe.
@@GUITARTIME2024yeah….to tell someone they won the lottery by finding you is a bit much for my palate
2 dollar lottery?
"someone who is looking for someone rare like me is like winning the lottery' Darling you are not a prize, you are just a liability. Stop thinking of your self that way..
thank you so much, you are such a beautiful soul ❤
all the years of your videos, those helped me a lot
I hate dating apps. I realized i'am the person that is aloop. And I feel like I'm a genuinely good gf. I was in a lot of abusive relationships so I shut myself off into my current relationship. And I realize I got into playing games with my current husband because I was afraid of getting hurt again. I've apologized to him and didn't realize how wrong I was. And I'm currently healing that with him and myself.
I have flirted with people in the past, but it came off as too forward (for them). Perhaps because I am a woman?
Also, I have been told that I come off as standoffish when first dating, but in reality, I'm a little anxious. Lol.
a man enjoys flirtatious behavior from a woman they are attracted to. if you flirt with someone attracted to you they will reciprocate the energy.
Lord i think this video makes your a BETTER person, it'snot just about dating.
LOL I try to be the energy and intellect I want and it’s like shaking a limp hand.. so tired of the lack of reciprocity.
Matthew, I love your content.
It has helped me so much ❤
Thanks a million!
Open people open people.
It's just hard... I am still learning not to expend a lot of energy into dates and people who just go into conversations like it's a game of poker and they don't want to show too much.
Brilliant! Love your work Matthew Hussey ❤
I was homeschooled, and one of the many things I don't get about “normal” people, is dating.
5:40 very well intentioned advice but Im afraid none of it works anymore. People do not spend time on thoughts like those anymore. Anyone is replaceable.
13:25 dude wtf i thought of opening a coffee shop before i saw the video than this massage pops up in your video
When a man says “wyd” i come up with theeeeee most absurd funny action I can think of (in a playful way)…example “im switching out all the shoe laces to wash them and color coordinate them” lmao
That sorts them out real quick 😂
I actually am aloof in person because I am afraid of having a pool of men attracted to me LOL, I get nervous when they start talking to me out of nowhere, but I am working on my self-esteem simultaneously and I hope I can learn to gently reject.
Great video
Totally agree I have tried this and found this behaviour it's such a challenge 😊
The problem with uninteresting texts is that women expect men like me to be interesting from the very first text, before we really get to know them. We literally have to be the most interesting man in the world to get them to even respond to the first text, let alone get to the point of an actual date.
And since women basically tell you everywhere except bars/clubs and online dating apps are totally off limits, this makes life that much harder.
This man is SPITTING so many facts its making my head spin. He's nailed it RIGHT on the head. No one wants to give so no one receives what they're looking for. Such a simple concept.
i rather to stay away from dating and bloody drama after that ...and live my life and enjoy my self
Yes! This is great and I have experienced this as a man first hand. I am 43, but in excellent shape and put effort into how I look and feel each day. I am always putting out a nice outgoing personality and I can always tell who can receive it well and who just can't and are "cold". This is actually one of the main reasons I don't fear approaching the most beautiful women (and have had good luck too), is because so much is mental / how you present and articulate yourself. The women that work for me are always the ones where I feel like a better version of myself inside and its amazing. That's when you know you could totally fall in love down the line.
I am defo in this space and agree it feels great and know will find my person 😊
Yes it is nearly impossible, Matthew. Just recently met a gal claiming to be wanting an LTR. Invited her to dozens of things for dates. It took almost 2 months just to get her to come out twice. Seemed too busy for a relationship to me. Finally got her to agree to come out on a third date and she brought two other guys with her and one of their young daughters. And then she had the nerve to complain about guys playing games and not being honest about what they want! LMAO, PEACE OUT!!
Just book escorts dude. They are much easier. Less Drama. And more importanly make you feel like a king.
I love the way he says rare 💛💚 super cute
I really feel like it’s possible but since I’m older no one has time for dating because dating just seems like” let me see”. I don’t have time for just let me see. Maybe in my 20s but if we are older than after a few months you should know what you want
Epiphany stage
34 never been happier being single than dealing with Narcissists, predators, stupid jokes which mask insults, criticism. Love my life and my plants 💓
Cope.
@@justinfay3011 no.
this is sad and true
@@GodiscomingBhappy this is new normal
@@justinfay3011 no.
I really appreciate this video. It will help me be more playful, flirtatious, & fun. If I do meet someone again, I'll understand what I can do to create a fun, great start. It takes two to Tango. I like the fun texts to send & tips. Thanks Matthew! 😃🙏🏻
I consider myself as this awesome dater and most men like that about me. However, I realized that it is actually very dangerous since it provokes limerence in men super fast and as soon I share my boundaries, needs and wishes they are gone. People just want the good part of dating/relationships but they don't want to put actual work in it.
Never had any fun dating. Online im treated like an option get the one word replies ghosted etc..
I'm tall, fit, good looking, outgoing, good family lots of friends..
And I just gave up dating years ago , most men I know haven't dated in years, only players are dating, decent men don't have the stomach for it .
@@DeadCat-42Well at 34 and going through a divorce from my wife/first girlfriend after 17 years being together I am absolutely terrified of the thought of getting back into the dating world. It was easy for her since she was apparently dating while we were still married. All I want is a faithful woman who will prioritize “us” over herself. Boundaries are good because they show us who who truly cares about us, I am worried my desire to not have sex before marriage will really hurt me in today’s environment. Keep being yourself and someone will choose you, I can’t believe you’re having trouble though if everything you said was true.
I’d be interested in seeing your approach to 2 issues when using dating apps, especially for older people. First, the breakdown of someone’s profile. I’m trying to figure out the motivation behind men’s profiles (sincere or hookup). Second, and somewhat related to the first, the stories I tell myself so that I won’t “like” or “swipe right” on someone, such as…this guy is too good looking to be on this app, so he’s probably a player or a narcissist or a scammer. Or he doesn’t have kids, so he won’t want to date a single mom. Or he talks too much about what he’s looking for in a woman, so he’s probably very controlling. I’m not sure if I am protecting myself or self-sabotaging.
Hello Matthew, For most men, myself included, we fear the approach. Fear that we'll come across as creepy. And, there's the dreaded "R" or being rejected. Let face it, after the me too movement, men are playing it safe. I could bet what's left in my 401K, that nobody meets at the office anymore.
IDK…my wife met two married men at work and had another get fired for propositioning her (apparently she didn’t find him attractive like the other two)….so I would say the office is at least still a place to meet immoral adulterers 😂
Thanks Matthew! That is very helpful
The truth is .. I'm.self partnered. I am wayyy more than happy than putting up with the BS .. ❤️🥂
I’m glad your happy but self partnered is not a real thing
Cheers 🥂
@@awsambdamanIt seems the only real thing unfortunately...
@@agatawska8456not to normal people
Modernity cope.
38. 8 years Celibate. Outside of sex, women have nothing to offer. Everything else is a net negative to a man's life.
I biologically can't have kids so that chases off 30s women.
I'm not rich nor attractive so that chases off sub 30s women.
Not attracted to single moms or large women. That chases off the remainder.
I have friends and hobbies, and I'm addicted to peace.
It's what it is, plan on getting myself a ring when I hit 10 years of celibacy to celebrate.
I feel that I'm ready to communicate and share and be a lover, but no one is signing up for this love boat .... Guess I'll just have to sail alone...
This is so cool.
Be rare and be awesome. I always liked being the friend/classmate/teammate who replied quickly (when I see it) with something cool are compliment there accomplishment or send them my thanks for the snacks. I always felt it lame to wait and drag it out. And thinking about it as being brave and positive rather than desperate is so enjoyable.
I missed connecting with my friend over lunch and he texted me later if I was still there and hour late. I just replied nope I'm at home working now but I'll catch u soon. No sticking around and burning my time but also no uneeded ignoring or coldness. Time tables didn't align. That's fine
I'm only 35 and i'm too old for this shit xD. Good messages tho Matt.
this format really suits me
It is very challenging, im jjst taking a break cuz id rather date someone who has their life together, eho knows what they want. Im currently focusing on myself. Im gonna trust god to see if he'll send someone when im readu
So many people are broken lately, but there are people that do want to heal and do want to self improve and those are the people you should gravitate towards everyone has issues.We shouldn't shove people away just because they might have a few problems.Everyone has something they are dealing with on a daily basis
@@sbeth82sc thats a very good point. But im not saying im against dating cuz of problems. I dont want to date a perosn whos not mentally ready, and i have to always do the constant reassureance. Thats alot of mental strain/mentally draining. Ive done it before. Its not fun. But yes i would still like to have a loving relationship. Im building a rrlationship with god, snd if someone comes into my life, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Another great video Matthew. I myself would prefer to talk to the real Matthew and not an AI but that's just me. I was rejected by someone and it hurt because it wasn't a normal typical thing. Because previous before that I was in love with somebody for 13 years that I actually never dated and no one understood my love they doubtedy love because it was one sided and it was toxic. I realized that he wasn't really good for me because he didn't care for me after 13th yes I figured maybe I should have someone that does so I asked out a guy I previously knew and it didn't go so well and asking them out was a big step for me to even ask because I was in love with someone else and I thought I would never talk to anyone ever again, and to get rejected right off the bat after being in love with someone else and it hurt .it was hard for me to even get to that point in general makes me scared to try again. So now I'm trying to let the guy come to me but he doesn't know I'm alive so I said hi to him a few times and make small talk but he doesn't make the effort and come up and talk to me after I go up to him. I can't tell if he's not interested in me because I've come up to him a bunch of times he doesn't really respond to me
I have to bring my life together, before I date another man.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 9 months, but we’re in a long-distance relationship now. I want to get engaged and married soon, but she wants to finish college first. I suggested we work it out while she’s studying, but she insists on waiting. I’m thinking of ending the relationship because by 2028, I’ll be 28 and she’ll just be finishing college?
This video just blew my mind🤯
Defo agree on the how are you answer, I always get an answer of good. What is good? It doesn't make any sense nor give me anything else. So as Matthew points out say more of what is good about your day. If nothing transpires then....he's just boring 😝
I like the video, but i disagree with some things u mentioned. I think Being an initiator and a leader is a must but it shouldnt be the default. 😘
I just broke up with someone. I was a leader and an initiator most of the time (it is natural to me to be this way), but unfortunately my ex was only reciprocating when i did something that they liked. Otherwise, there was no initiating. Once i stop being an initiator, i was labeled as toxic and changed even though i was really tired of giving this energy to the wrong person. It is like i was on a test every day, if i give, i am good, if not? I am a bad partner!!
I am still healing, i think my ex was still stuck on their old patterns and past toxic relationships and traumas. They just couldn’t give without any reassurance… Unfortunately i gave alot to someone who was not deserving of that love. i now feel very aloof too. I will heal, but this relationship took a toll on me for sure.
Say she or he. Not "them".
I say this not because I want this to be the case, but dating in 2024 is mich more difficult for most men. Even getting to a stage where your getting dates regularly is extremely difficult for most men, whereas this isnt the case for most women, which makes you realise that most women are dating the same men, which leads a sizeable portion of men, and many of them are not necessarily unnatractive, completely alone.
Love it!!
It seems to me that after a certain age, if you haven’t met “the one” yet, you never will. The good ones have already been taken and what’s left is only problematic, womanizer ou narcissistic men.
I’d rather be alone cause I’m sick of trying.
@MarryRed-r3s that doesn’t sound very Law of Attraction like, won’t you manifest negativity or some 💩 with that attitude
@MarryRed-r3schill out? He's allowed to only want to date a Christian woman?
Except divorces continuously rise. So...are the "good ones" actually already taken?
I don’t think there are “good ones” or “problematic ones.” We are all on the same plane and we’ve all got baggage, whether we are sitting in first class, business or coach, whether we are sitting alone or with a partner or a whole group. We can only control how we packed and how we handle turbulence. And the best thing to look for are other people who also packed well, treat the plane crew with respect and know how to put on the oxygen mask properly.
I also happen to think people who have gone through things are much more interesting.
What if we lost 100lbs later in life
I prefer being mistaken by availability than to be stone cold and play games. My life is finally happy and full of joy and I feel I can be with someone to make them happy, not to just make me happy.