Yup, I've been married almost 5 years and I dropped the ball. I picked that ish back up though and I'm back on my way to being the prize that I am. If he can't fall in line again...he sure can get the boot!!!
Only If you are walking away with something. Women have the power only when they realize they are the gatekeepers of reproduction. Not every woman's absence is felt if they don't bring value to begin with. I think after playing the field and learnt from my mistakes I realized that, humility, kindness, innocence are looked down on until they absent.
Precisely. Men are wired to be opportunistic and do things in order to benefit them first. So why would it be wrong for women to look out for her own interests? She is branded negatively as a gold digger and sadly done so more often by women. I am baffled when women degrade other woman for living a life of hypergamy.
I used to hang on to men's words "oh you're the full package, I wanna marry you blah blah blah" wasted years of my life hanging onto words. It literally got me nowhere! Now I'm about action! Thank you chloe for putting us on!
I think if women started keeping their goodies off limits until marriage, then the proposals will go up fast. Lot less single parents, situation ships, and general bull crap.
"Cassie was a financially kept woman" YESSSSS you always know how to word things. Cassie staying with Diddy does not compare to those of you staying with your dusty boyfriends and getting NOTHING in return. Cassie stayed for 10 years and built a bigger brand. And when she was ready to leave she did.
Wut brand? Wut is Cassie know 4 besides being Diddy's gf? She comes 4rm a wealthy family 2. Her family might not have as much Money as Diddy but they do have money 2.
Pos dem well what I'm saying is with most wealthy men you'll get all kinds of gifts cars, jewelry, fancy vacations credit cards to buy what you want but in terms of chunks of cash to just set aside in your account that doesn't always happen. Your vacations and shopping may be limitless when you're with them but several millions to just sit in your account may not be an option because they'll always say I'll buy you whatever you want but not give you money that'll allow you to walk away and live well without then. Part of the transaction is to keep you " needing" them. Your independence is a huge risk to them because you can flee to a younger man who you actually love for who he is. In this case Alex Fine 😉
@@MinaMina-nb5tl lol Cassie is a model, and has acted in movies, as well as been the faces for many products. All of these things came with the status of being Diddy's girlfriend and even have people interested in her after the breakup. Hence why she is receiving so much positivity and people are thoroughly invested in her pregnancy and marriage. Kinda like how karreuche branded herself after Chris Brown.
I hate when other women be like I am not starting over don't nobody want be dating. Well I would rather start over then continue to waste time being unhappy NO thank you YEARS do not mean anything especially when most of them are miserable.
Ikr??! I literally don’t get women with this pathetic ass defeatist mentality..it’s like...Just be single then????? You just gonna continue donating your mind and body to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you or respect you enough to even break up with you or treat you right in front of your friends???? So fuckin weird and I DONT feel sorry for sad ass women like that. Clearly the momma didn’t love herself or wasn’t in the picture to have raised a daughter to think this way.
The absolute best advice I got was, "never listen to what a man says, just watch what he does." Another great video. These are life lessons young women actually need.
Listen ladies, Chloe is stating nothing but facts. When I DECIDED I wanted to settle down and get married I cut ties with all dusties (men who were a waste of time or not marriage material) and started dating with a new mission, plan and attitude. I made it clear to any man who approached me that I wanted to be married (not engaged or still thinking about it) within 2 years of us meeting. One year to date, 6 months to propose, and 6 months to plan a wedding. Of course that ran a lot of men off but I didn't care because I knew the right man would be down. We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary in July and I have no regrets (and yes it happened within two years). My feelings about dating and marriage didn't scare him one bit and he loves married life and being a husband. Im not saying that you have to go about it as I did but you MUST set your intentions for dating and make them very clear. And dont be afraid to move on when a guy is not on the same page as you.
Shelby Steele you almost DO have to go about it this way. It’ll be a year for my man and I in October and we started discussing marriage around month 3 and are looking at rings currently. Being unmoved in your boundaries accomplishes so much!
A lot of women are honest and some men take advantage of that and use that “carrot” to manipulate women. Now, I wouldn’t sleep with a guy right away so that helps but some men pretend that they want marriage, are good to the woman, offer boyfriend/ girlfriend (for now), sleep with her for a bit. Of course, now, she’ll get hooked no matter how much she meant well and gives him more time. And he may tire of her after a few months and bounce. This can be painful, especially if she is trying to be direct but many men know how to play this game because most women want marriage, you almost don’t have to say it. Does rotational dating solve this issue? No sex until marriage solve this issue?
Shelby Steele you are absolutely correct. I’m so ready to date someone that’s looking to move in the same direction as me. Like you I don’t care if some get scared off, oh well, I don’t do scary=men anyhow. I’m not wasting another day with any guy that still is UNSURE.!
2 years is kinda quick, though. I would say if marriage is your thing, be married by 5 years. Date for 2, live together for 3. See what's really in that closet of his.
Chloe_ who raised you? They did such a great job with imparting wisdom in you. Now, you’re such a blessing teaching and letting women know their worth.
@Wise4Sure yes you are absolutely right, sadly my parents indoctrinated some useless thoughts in my head when i was younger, my mom would legit tell me 'dont have high standards and just marry a good enough guy' i mean.. wtf is that haha im glad i broke out of that mindset now, even tho i am already 27 but better late than never!
Well my dear you nailed this one. My husband of 21 years who passed away. Told me he knew the first 4 months I was the one. We dated, got engaged and married within a 2 year span.
I can relate to your story Nessa....the same happened to me ...my husband and I were dating for 5 Months then he proposed and then after a year of marriage he passed away unexpectedly. It’s been 2 1/2 yrs now.
I am so glad you clarified the Cassie situation, she wasn't wasting time she traveled the world, gained businesses & expense accounts. Its definitely not the like the average women wasting their time!!
Also Cassie was *so* young when she got with Diddy, it was ten years but she's still only 33 years old and is going to be able to have a baby with her partner. Like ultimately Cassie lost nothing in her time of being with Diddy. She gained all the access to fame, to travel, and luxury homes. And when she got ready to settle down she left her sugar daddy for an equally youthful life partner with whom she can grow.
I loved the the way Cassie left as soon as she turned 30, she got the ring and baby and is happy! She knew what she wanted and she knew how to walk away!
I think one of the worse mistakes a woman can make is moving in with a man before marriage. The notion that you have to live with someone to know if you want to be together is one is the biggest lie women have been told and never works to her advantage. When you give a man unlimited access to your body he has no incentive to wife you up. You are also playing wife before the right time.
I've been saying this for years. Women MUST start taking responsibility for what we ALLOW men to do. I'm talking about mamas, sisters, aunts girlfriends, daughters etc. It's gotten to the point that most men don't even wanna be men anymore. l
Jachimma same I’m 19 and was never taught this or how man are and crazy thing is my mom been through this and ain’t tell me shit and my dad well he plays woman
She didnt lie though. Living a decade in luxury, private jets, mansions, luxury cars and vacations, designer clothes, and private chefs doesnt look like a waste of time from where I'm sitting.
Thank you ladies! I recently broke up with someone who I thought was “the one”. The relationship was such a blow to my self esteem and I knew if I had stayed, it would reflect something I do not feel about myself. I love myself, my mind, body and soul and staying with him was a contradiction to those beliefs. After a few months, I let it go and the happiness I feel that I chose myself and my life is unlike any other. Chose yourself ladies, chose your life, whether you’re 23, 33 or 73, your life is yours! Men compartmentalize and put themselves first all the time, we can and should do the same. Love and blessings to this sisterhood ♥️
This channel is so empowering, especially to us black women. Thank you for giving us a safety net to allow us to deconstruct a set of ideals that have been instilled within us. We have so much more power as women than the world gives us credit for 💕🗣
@@SagRising19 YESSSSSS!!! White women and other races train their daughters in this. If you are an older African American woman you were trained in this.
I’ve been there. Young ladies PLEASE walk away when it no longer feels right. You can’t get time back and I suffered from the shoulda coulda woulda‘s for a few years. Breaking your own heart by giving too much time to the wrong person is a hard thing to get over.
Give Cassie and Ciara credit because they got out. You only get what you believe you deserve. If you believe that you are not deserving of a stable respectful loving relationship you will settle for rubbish. Simple as that. My husband proposed to me after a year of dating and he did all the chasing.
Yep agreed. I was guilty of this and I was more mad at myself for being plain stupid lol I was mad because I knew I was smarter than that but leaned on my heart more than I did my brain. Once I figured out I was on a merry go round of hopes dreams and promises I smartened up real quick and made a promise to myself that I would never be stupid again. I made a plan and dated with intent and purpose and now I’m getting married. If a mans actions were not falling in line with their words they would be dismissed in about 4-6 months and sometimes sooner depending on the offenses committed without a public service announcement. Men know from the gate and quickly which bucket they put you in don’t be fooled. And don’t be afraid to dismiss these dummies ladies they always holla back lol 😂 women we have more feminine power than we think use it.
But if we're being honest, Diddy played more of a husband role to Cassie than most husbands out there who sit back comfortably while their wives work 2 to 3 jobs and contribute half and even most or almost all of their income to the bills. A lot of women are married only in theory.
And to all the women who say “marriage isn’t for everybody” we both know that if a man was to propose to you, you would say yes but since you’re a low hanging fruit you switch the narrative.
My husband of 10 years now said he loved me after 3 weeks, but didn't want to tell me because he was afraid of sounding crazy. We were an official couple with the titles at 3 months. And he said he was ready to become official at 2 weeks, but didn't want to scare me off and wanted things to go at my pace out of respect. And we were married a little under 2 years from becoming official but I wanted to be sure. He said he wanted to marry me after about 2 months, but didn't want to sound crazy. He told me when he saw me he knew I was the one. But I know how good I look and how taken men are with looks so that didn't mean much to me. After you discover someone's moral code, see how well they maintain there lives alone,is career oriented,see if they're actually trying to accomplish their goals,has good fitness, good hygiene, discover if they're a person of their word, desires the same family structure you want, has no diseases, and has a respectful family, or if the family is crazy, they keeps their drama from affecting them, you can consider this person a catch.
That part... My grandfather and all of my older uncles stayed PREACHING to us girls.... "It doesn't take a Man ALL damn day to know if YOU are who he wants to marry! He already knows within months if not days...don't piddle your life away..."
“Men will usually know if you are the one within the first six months” -- Ladies PLEASE don’t let any man string you along as a girlfriend for 10 or 15 years, He DOES NOT need 10 years to figure out if he wants to be with you AND only you. I say tops should be 2 years, if he can’t make up his mind in two years then he is not husband material.
I played the waiting game for five years just for the guy to leave and marry another woman immediately after we broke up. I can vouch for this when I say it's not worth it. Move on! I honestly felt it was something about me passed on from my mother. She did the same with several men. I thought I was cursed! Meanwhile, it was a lack of boundaries and low self-esteem. These days I waste no time. If you seem unsure in the gate....NEXT! Chloe is right people only do to you what you allow, especially men. You have to come in knowing exactly what you want and who you are.
Thank you so much for this!! I wish I heard this 10 years ago. I am so ready to finally leave a 10 year situationship. A marriage that scarred me for life. I am 39 now and hope to never do this to myself again.
Had a "friend" propose to his wife after 6 months of dating. Like a friend's mother said, if you're not getting engaged within 1 year ( 2 years max) then he's not interested. A lot of men like to play the long con by proposing with what I call a "shut up ring" and drag on an "engagement" for years, till you give up and leave. I am willing to forgo a huge wedding just to drag your ass to the courthouse to sign the certificate just to see how serious you are, Can always have a reception afterwards lol.
Ummmmm. I think that Cassie had a *contractual agreement* with Diddy. A lot of people in the industry have whispered about this for years. She just wanted the career and level up, she got out just in time to spend her *best* years in a real relationship.
I have standards & I like the finer things/experiences in life. I refuse to lower my standards or apologize for that. My oldest friend dates dusty after dusty after dusty. It’s sad that she is wasting her time but she doesn’t listen to me. It’s a sad state to stay in. Cassie wised up finally. It’s funny that she barely released any music when she was with Diddy but now she’s back to making music. Wasting time with the wrong can affect so many areas in a woman’s life.
Outstanding!!!! Keep saying it! Hopefully, women will be honest, think, and listen. We are the prize not the man. If we're not happy with what he's dishing out, then move on and praise ourselves for walking away!!!!!
You're right, I wasted 4 years with a narcisstic dusty, cheater and abuser all in one, thinking that I could change him and shit. Smh. Btw I didn't know Serena dated Common.
My husband said he knew the moment he saw me that i was his wife. He makes me feel like the prize everyday too. This is something ive never felt with anyone before him. What changed was my feelings about myself. I used to not know my worth and when you dont know your worth neither will anyone else. Once i learned i was excellence i attracted a man who knew as well. Your esteem for your self is the most important factor in who you attract and what you accept.
I hate myself so much for doing just that, wasted my valuable time with a man that never changed and leveled up. I can never get that time back and I’m 33 now...
Preach!! Pay attention to the signs ladies: men waste the time you allow them to. And will date around while you stay "loyal". Don't stay around because of energy given or history. Walk away and watch how you level up!!
Or the social justice warrior women. All of that “mule walkin” that still doesn’t result in a ring. I’ve seen the biggest pick me tweet on Twitter that made me roll my eyes so hard. The dusties loved and retweeted it.
Tina Beauvil I copied and paste the tweet below “I’ve learned that men are very easy to understand.. they will dead ass tell you everything in the most simplest way.. it’s the women who twist the words into something they wanna hear, trying to figure shit out when he already told you 🤷🏽♀️” This tweet received a lot of retweets and likes from the men. But let’s be real, a lot of men lie and manipulate women and call them crazy for calling it out. Not trying to bash her, but I felt she was pandering.
Chloe, you have helped me out so much. I’ve always had these feelings but I just didn’t know how to verbalize it and you do that perfectly. Which is why I’m subscribed to this channel. Lol
Chloe, thanks for this video. I wish there were RUclipsrs like you when I was wasting my time with a dustie 10yrs ago. I really can identify with Cassie’s story, except I wasn’t dealing with a multi millionaire. I believed in loyalty, and building with a man. And now I’m only regretful that I stayed for so long. I obviously can’t get those years back. Not all men deserve your loyalty, ladies. Now, I’m more assertive, and the moment I don’t like how I’m being treated, I walk away.
Never treat a BF like a husband nor be some long term GF; It’s certain things you just don’t do for BF’s. I was guilty of it when I was younger but never would I attempt to do that again. It’s just not a wise investment.
You are a breath of fresh air... ❤ I've recently started watching your channel... I've exposed my sister to the truth you're telling... I wish that I knew then what I know now...
Thank you for this video! This gives me encouragement! I'm still learning how to leave when something does not serve me and to speak up about why I'm leaving (because I hate ghosting) and to not be afraid to leave. I'd come from a lot of time-wasting relationships and started changing my mindset to get better quality guys to date. Found a man within a few months of deciding to do better. He had a provider mindset. Paid for all of our dates and weekend trips. Was buying me gifts as well. Never made me feel lesser because I didn't earn as much as him. Was supportive of my goals by giving me ideas and showing up to my events. And he embodied everything I love and want physically in a man!!! We established exclusivity in 2 months. I noticed he drew back and wasn't as consistent with spending time with me between 3 and 4 months in. I asked him what had changed. After confronting him about not keeping consistency, he ghosted me. . . It's been 2 months since we stopped dating and talking, but I'm still not over it. He was treating me so well, way better than any situation I'd been in before. I thank you for this video because it's made me realize that even when getting the treatment I want from the man I want, I still cannot be afraid to walk away when noticing things that I don't like or don't align with how I envision my mate to be. So, still looking haha, but I think, before the ghosting, he was a pretty damn good start! (I'm 25 by the way.)
"Self-sacrificial situationships" wow, I love how you coin these words to really put hypergamy and self worth in to context and perspective. Salute to you sis Chloe_ for having the intelligence, empathy and mental fortitude to share this crucial information with the masses. You are a true influencer, keep up the great work. 😊
You are definitely right about one thing ... I did get mad at this post (video) because the everything you said was the “TRUTH”. So Thank You !!!I needed to hear this, I’m 30 yrs old and I had a hard time letting someone go but not anymore. Completely my goals and moving on for myself
So true! I’m not afraid to walk away from guys who don’t want same things as me or don’t appreciate me and what I have to offer now. I’ve let guys walk all over me or just have me there and it doesn’t feel good and it didn’t do anything for me. When a guy doesn’t want to commit after a certain amount of time or wants to walk out of my life, I hold the door open
🗣 Yes!! SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!!! I say the same thing to all my lady friends IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR OWN WORTH THEY WONT EITHER & THEY WILL TRY TO BARGAIN & YOU WILL SELL UR SELF CHEAP! 🔑💁🏽♀️💡
That’s why leave the first year especially when your not seeing any progress always look at the. Bigger picture/time being spent and is he worth the time. YOU GET ON LIFE YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE. Every minute every second every year ✅✅✅
i agree with this. yes, men do not have the best track record but at some point we have to take accountability for what we allow in our lives as women!!! period!
A lot of the times they marry you to waste your time as well, cause women take longer to leave marriages than relationships. I am going to keep listening to your videos Chloe until I act accordingly, naturally. #ThankYou
Ive seen females around me get strung along for years and getting depressed over dudes. However If I start dating a man and things are going well...I usually give it six weeks. If at that point hes not claiming me for a LTR I quit dealing with him!!!
Love your videos. You speak the truth. Women often do not realize their own God given beauty and power. I wish you were around when I was a young woman to head this advice. Now in my early 50s, I have gotten very comfortable being single and enjoying my life without the complexities of men. I keep them all at arms length now. I wasted enough time, energy and resources. I am done.
PLEASE ladies, No wife benefits to boyfriends...make a plan, stick to it and you first!!! It is essential and important, lots of women have lost so much neglecting themselves! #hypergamylife
Whether or not I want children or not...you speaking truth. But you have to understand Chloe...a lot of women are in this role & cannot swallow that reality pill! So they're going to be pissed hearing this. A lot of women do not know their worth...or they have already wasted their time & are now bitter because they have been pouring every bit of themselves into a boy that has not poured anything back into them! & now that woman feels empty & doesn't even know who they are anymore! & before you come @ me ladies, yes I've been there and done that! Had my time wasted& then I grew up & took responsibility & became FREE of needing the validation of a man or really a human period. Thank you Jesus for freedom! & you shed your blood for me to be the apple of someone's eye...not a object he toys around with. I pray that if someone does read this you are delivered from this type of situation if you are in it, I pray you know your worth starting this very moment! In Jesus name, Amen!
When your intuition tells you to leave .... RUN !!!
Lol....
@Bumblebee 👏🏾👏🏾
Preachhh
Cassie should had ran long time ago
Don't walk away run away 😂 😂
Situationships are a waste of time.
Sis they are such a waste of time, they really wreck havoc on your soul.
Indeed!
sona mathabathi yes
@@jacquesdeseingalt2699 explain
@@jacquesdeseingalt2699 explain
My mom always told me "time waits for no man and neither should any women"
Wise Woman your Mom!!😊
💗
smart mama
Stealing this snd I'm going to tell myself this everyday...please tell your mom thanks i love this!
Love It. 💖💯💖
Even when you get the ring, STILL see yourself as the prize. Dont get too comfortable and keep your husband on his toes!
Agreed
So true....the REAL work starts after the wedding😣. You've got him. Now work on keeping him.
Yup, I've been married almost 5 years and I dropped the ball. I picked that ish back up though and I'm back on my way to being the prize that I am. If he can't fall in line again...he sure can get the boot!!!
🙌🏾💯
Yees
Always remember ladies your value is in your willingness to walk away.
Jessica Mappless PREACH
One of The most valuable comments here.
Jessica Mappless I needed to hear this
Such a powerful statement
Only If you are walking away with something. Women have the power only when they realize they are the gatekeepers of reproduction. Not every woman's absence is felt if they don't bring value to begin with. I think after playing the field and learnt from my mistakes I realized that, humility, kindness, innocence are looked down on until they absent.
"Whatever you give a man he will take it without a second thought." Facts on facts on facts.
Krystal Elaine then later will be like “I never asked you to _____” 🤬🤬🤬 completely predictable!!!
Precisely. Men are wired to be opportunistic and do things in order to benefit them first. So why would it be wrong for women to look out for her own interests? She is branded negatively as a gold digger and sadly done so more often by women. I am baffled when women degrade other woman for living a life of hypergamy.
@@LoVe1online pppp
omg I needed this intensely
Ladies You are a gift and present. Stop letting everyone unwrap you.
That is so good. A great analogy 👏
Hallelujah lol
Gifts of value costs money 💰 🎁
Deep!
Dizzam! Well said!
Every woman ages 18-30 should hear this daily.💯💯
PREACH
Yes
@tag line at age 30 is when most women realize the guy wasted her time and youth.
@@ShevetteJackson I'm not gonna touch that one.😥
@@ShevetteJackson 43 over here sis...lol
I used to hang on to men's words "oh you're the full package, I wanna marry you blah blah blah" wasted years of my life hanging onto words. It literally got me nowhere! Now I'm about action! Thank you chloe for putting us on!
😭
🙌🏾💯
Them dudes know how to FINESSE booyyyy lol
Yes girl I hate that line, I used to always play the "wife material" role & be the "pick me" I had to stop that quick
🗣
I think if women started keeping their goodies off limits until marriage, then the proposals will go up fast. Lot less single parents, situation ships, and general bull crap.
You will be getting a call from my Attorney for reading my mind without permission! Lol
So true
Amen!! Excuse my language ladies, but eliminate alot these fuckboys and all these casual relationships, women are getting into today. Smh
Help me, I do love sex how can I control myself? Does she have a video about that?
Loll she doesn’t unfortunately I’m the same I just take the risk but I’m always willing to walk away if I’m not pleased I hope that helped 🤷🏾♀️
"Cassie was a financially kept woman" YESSSSS you always know how to word things. Cassie staying with Diddy does not compare to those of you staying with your dusty boyfriends and getting NOTHING in return. Cassie stayed for 10 years and built a bigger brand. And when she was ready to leave she did.
I hope she took a couple of millions
Wut brand? Wut is Cassie know 4 besides being Diddy's gf? She comes 4rm a wealthy family 2. Her family might not have as much Money as Diddy but they do have money 2.
Pos dem well what I'm saying is with most wealthy men you'll get all kinds of gifts cars, jewelry, fancy vacations credit cards to buy what you want but in terms of chunks of cash to just set aside in your account that doesn't always happen. Your vacations and shopping may be limitless when you're with them but several millions to just sit in your account may not be an option because they'll always say I'll buy you whatever you want but not give you money that'll allow you to walk away and live well without then. Part of the transaction is to keep you " needing" them. Your independence is a huge risk to them because you can flee to a younger man who you actually love for who he is. In this case Alex Fine 😉
@@carolellamuch9571 Exactly. They know what they are doing.
@@MinaMina-nb5tl lol Cassie is a model, and has acted in movies, as well as been the faces for many products. All of these things came with the status of being Diddy's girlfriend and even have people interested in her after the breakup. Hence why she is receiving so much positivity and people are thoroughly invested in her pregnancy and marriage. Kinda like how karreuche branded herself after Chris Brown.
I hate when other women be like I am not starting over don't nobody want be dating. Well I would rather start over then continue to waste time being unhappy NO thank you YEARS do not mean anything especially when most of them are miserable.
EXACTLY
WIGAHOLIC 14 shoot they still just stuck "dating" lol
WIGAHOLIC 14 THANK YOU!
or you have a problem with being alone and would marry anything.
Ikr??! I literally don’t get women with this pathetic ass defeatist mentality..it’s like...Just be single then????? You just gonna continue donating your mind and body to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you or respect you enough to even break up with you or treat you right in front of your friends???? So fuckin weird and I DONT feel sorry for sad ass women like that. Clearly the momma didn’t love herself or wasn’t in the picture to have raised a daughter to think this way.
The absolute best advice I got was, "never listen to what a man says, just watch what he does." Another great video. These are life lessons young women actually need.
Listen ladies, Chloe is stating nothing but facts. When I DECIDED I wanted to settle down and get married I cut ties with all dusties (men who were a waste of time or not marriage material) and started dating with a new mission, plan and attitude. I made it clear to any man who approached me that I wanted to be married (not engaged or still thinking about it) within 2 years of us meeting. One year to date, 6 months to propose, and 6 months to plan a wedding. Of course that ran a lot of men off but I didn't care because I knew the right man would be down. We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary in July and I have no regrets (and yes it happened within two years). My feelings about dating and marriage didn't scare him one bit and he loves married life and being a husband. Im not saying that you have to go about it as I did but you MUST set your intentions for dating and make them very clear. And dont be afraid to move on when a guy is not on the same page as you.
Shelby Steele you almost DO have to go about it this way. It’ll be a year for my man and I in October and we started discussing marriage around month 3 and are looking at rings currently. Being unmoved in your boundaries accomplishes so much!
@@jadegemsss That's great! Grown, mature men are NOT afraid of marriage.
A lot of women are honest and some
men take advantage of that and use that “carrot” to manipulate women. Now, I wouldn’t sleep with a guy right away so that helps but some men pretend that they want marriage, are good to the woman, offer boyfriend/ girlfriend (for now), sleep with her for a bit. Of course, now, she’ll get hooked no matter how much she meant well and gives him more time. And he may tire of her after a few months and bounce. This can be painful, especially if she is trying to be direct but many men know how to play this game because most women want marriage, you almost don’t have to say it. Does rotational dating solve this issue? No sex until marriage solve this issue?
Shelby Steele you are absolutely correct. I’m so ready to date someone that’s looking to move in the same direction as me. Like you I don’t care if some get scared off, oh well, I don’t do scary=men anyhow. I’m not wasting another day with any guy that still is UNSURE.!
2 years is kinda quick, though. I would say if marriage is your thing, be married by 5 years. Date for 2, live together for 3. See what's really in that closet of his.
Chloe_ who raised you? They did such a great job with imparting wisdom in you. Now, you’re such a blessing teaching and letting women know their worth.
I agree 💯
Doesn't have to have anything to do with her parents or who raised her!! Cause I am self taught n natural
She’s literally such a godsend
@Wise4Sure yes you are absolutely right, sadly my parents indoctrinated some useless thoughts in my head when i was younger, my mom would legit tell me 'dont have high standards and just marry a good enough guy' i mean.. wtf is that haha im glad i broke out of that mindset now, even tho i am already 27 but better late than never!
That’s true and her daughter will be very well equipped in the dating game
Well my dear you nailed this one. My husband of 21 years who passed away. Told me he knew the first 4 months I was the one. We dated, got engaged and married within a 2 year span.
Nessa Love sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
@@najahmatthews8279 Thank you lady bug. It's been a minute now.
Same
True, my husband knew with 3vto 4 months and we were married after 10 months.
I can relate to your story Nessa....the same happened to me ...my husband and I were dating for 5 Months then he proposed and then after a year of marriage he passed away unexpectedly. It’s been 2 1/2 yrs now.
I am so glad you clarified the Cassie situation, she wasn't wasting time she traveled the world, gained businesses & expense accounts. Its definitely not the like the average women wasting their time!!
@Kristy Smith yes she did!!
She uses a user. Well done.
Also Cassie was *so* young when she got with Diddy, it was ten years but she's still only 33 years old and is going to be able to have a baby with her partner. Like ultimately Cassie lost nothing in her time of being with Diddy. She gained all the access to fame, to travel, and luxury homes. And when she got ready to settle down she left her sugar daddy for an equally youthful life partner with whom she can grow.
The Little Blerdmaid smart woman
I loved the the way Cassie left as soon as she turned 30, she got the ring and baby and is happy! She knew what she wanted and she knew how to walk away!
After 2 years of dating, if you don't have a ring, move on.
prettylyricsmarie that’s what my mom told me.
prettylyricsmarie yesss
That’s too long for me lmao
@@lunalipsb Maybe 1 year?
People will be engaged for years and still don’t get married
Lol if you’re dating a man for more than 2 years he’s wasting your time.
This is what I always say! 2 years is enough...then I hear of "we've been together for 12 years" and no plan, no ways😭👎✋
Sarafina Bralo 2 years I’ll say if your between 30-35 years , 1 year over 35
I would say a year. A man knows within a year if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or not. Indecision is a decision.
Mikaya Moorleghen No, actually you’re wasting your own time. After 6 months you should be asking what is the goal for this relationship.
Knightwell true
I think one of the worse mistakes a woman can make is moving in with a man before marriage. The notion that you have to live with someone to know if you want to be together is one is the biggest lie women have been told and never works to her advantage. When you give a man unlimited access to your body he has no incentive to wife you up. You are also playing wife before the right time.
I've been saying this for years. Women MUST start taking responsibility for what we ALLOW men to do. I'm talking about mamas, sisters, aunts girlfriends, daughters etc. It's gotten to the point that most men don't even wanna be men anymore.
l
I wish I was taught this a long time ago. Making the best of my situation now, BUT determined to teach my daughter ALL I was never taught.
Jachimma same I’m 19 and was never taught this or how man are and crazy thing is my mom been through this and ain’t tell me shit and my dad well he plays woman
You still have choices, Sis take your time.
Yo the way I just screamed when she said diddy cannot be compared to your time wasting dusty. Hilarious! I totally agree with this.
She didnt lie though. Living a decade in luxury, private jets, mansions, luxury cars and vacations, designer clothes, and private chefs doesnt look like a waste of time from where I'm sitting.
So happy that I’m 23 years old and understanding this. Love your channel keep it up ♥️♥️♥️
Esmeralda Solano we’re in the same boat
Lucky you!
Esmeralda Solano lol okurrrrrr I couldn’t imagine being 35+ going through this lawddddd shoot me
I am 21 and been knowing this because my mom preaches this
Thank you ladies! I recently broke up with someone who I thought was “the one”. The relationship was such a blow to my self esteem and I knew if I had stayed, it would reflect something I do not feel about myself. I love myself, my mind, body and soul and staying with him was a contradiction to those beliefs. After a few months, I let it go and the happiness I feel that I chose myself and my life is unlike any other.
Chose yourself ladies, chose your life, whether you’re 23, 33 or 73, your life is yours! Men compartmentalize and put themselves first all the time, we can and should do the same.
Love and blessings to this sisterhood ♥️
This channel is so empowering, especially to us black women. Thank you for giving us a safety net to allow us to deconstruct a set of ideals that have been instilled within us. We have so much more power as women than the world gives us credit for 💕🗣
@Deona Jackson yes, we really do need it the most.
@@SagRising19 YESSSSSS!!! White women and other races train their daughters in this. If you are an older African American woman you were trained in this.
You have been hitting every nerve in my life with these videos and I thank you for everyone of them ❤️
Gurrrrrl, you aint never lied! Lol
factssss! best channel I've found in a while
I’ve been there. Young ladies PLEASE walk away when it no longer feels right. You can’t get time back and I suffered from the shoulda coulda woulda‘s for a few years. Breaking your own heart by giving too much time to the wrong person is a hard thing to get over.
kay w so true👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yes ma’am. Unfortunately this is me and what brought me to your channel.
You are not alone. We are many.
Teopistor Sind Thanks
Same here hun😫
Teopistor Sind sure is
“A man will only do what you allow” 😢
💯
Give Cassie and Ciara credit because they got out. You only get what you believe you deserve. If you believe that you are not deserving of a stable respectful loving relationship you will settle for rubbish. Simple as that. My husband proposed to me after a year of dating and he did all the chasing.
Yep agreed. I was guilty of this and I was more mad at myself for being plain stupid lol I was mad because I knew I was smarter than that but leaned on my heart more than I did my brain. Once I figured out I was on a merry go round of hopes dreams and promises I smartened up real quick and made a promise to myself that I would never be stupid again. I made a plan and dated with intent and purpose and now I’m getting married. If a mans actions were not falling in line with their words they would be dismissed in about 4-6 months and sometimes sooner depending on the offenses committed without a public service announcement. Men know from the gate and quickly which bucket they put you in don’t be fooled. And don’t be afraid to dismiss these dummies ladies they always holla back lol 😂 women we have more feminine power than we think use it.
#Truth
Truth
But if we're being honest, Diddy played more of a husband role to Cassie than most husbands out there who sit back comfortably while their wives work 2 to 3 jobs and contribute half and even most or almost all of their income to the bills. A lot of women are married only in theory.
@soul sessions tv Bdhrh Do you know what gaslighting means or do you just like the sound of that word?
Damn! Preach.
soul sessions tv Bdhrh he’s not a rapper, he’s a mogul. What are you talking about?
"The walking fist fights" *inserts Arthur fist* 🤣
And to all the women who say “marriage isn’t for everybody” we both know that if a man was to propose to you, you would say yes but since you’re a low hanging fruit you switch the narrative.
They reject what they can’t get. It’s the sour grapes approach. Most women aren’t turning down proposals left and right.
Mikaya Moorleghen its called wgtow women going their own way lol
sooo true lmao
Wow 💣💣👌
My cousin have been married 5 time ,I think marriage is not for her😩
You are absolutely correct in the fact that men know early on. I would even say they know way earlier than 6 months. It’s more like 3-4 weeks.
Melissa Bell.
.by the first or second date.
Every married man i asked, knew from the beginning . i have 5 married brothers.
Thank you Chloe_ that pill got stuck in my throat. I got it now!
Lol i agree. I had to grab two bottles of water to swallow it!
My husband of 10 years now said he loved me after 3 weeks, but didn't want to tell me because he was afraid of sounding crazy. We were an official couple with the titles at 3 months. And he said he was ready to become official at 2 weeks, but didn't want to scare me off and wanted things to go at my pace out of respect. And we were married a little under 2 years from becoming official but I wanted to be sure. He said he wanted to marry me after about 2 months, but didn't want to sound crazy. He told me when he saw me he knew I was the one. But I know how good I look and how taken men are with looks so that didn't mean much to me. After you discover someone's moral code, see how well they maintain there lives alone,is career oriented,see if they're actually trying to accomplish their goals,has good fitness, good hygiene, discover if they're a person of their word, desires the same family structure you want, has no diseases, and has a respectful family, or if the family is crazy, they keeps their drama from affecting them, you can consider this person a catch.
This is everything. Do not play with your life ladies.
That part...
My grandfather and all of my older uncles stayed PREACHING to us girls.... "It doesn't take a Man ALL damn day to know if YOU are who he wants to marry! He already knows within months if not days...don't piddle your life away..."
Not Ike Turner 3.0 !! 🤦🏽♀️😂
GodsRUs 🤣🤣🤣!!!
😹🤣
walking fist fights 😂 😂
... I love this video!
“Men will usually know if you are the one within the first six months” -- Ladies PLEASE don’t let any man string you along as a girlfriend for 10 or 15 years, He DOES NOT need 10 years to figure out if he wants to be with you AND only you.
I say tops should be 2 years, if he can’t make up his mind in two years then he is not husband material.
I love what you're saying. Blaming people is a way of avoiding responsibilities....we need to value ourselves more in relationship.
I played the waiting game for five years just for the guy to leave and marry another woman immediately after we broke up. I can vouch for this when I say it's not worth it. Move on!
I honestly felt it was something about me passed on from my mother. She did the same with several men. I thought I was cursed! Meanwhile, it was a lack of boundaries and low self-esteem. These days I waste no time. If you seem unsure in the gate....NEXT!
Chloe is right people only do to you what you allow, especially men. You have to come in knowing exactly what you want and who you are.
Omgggggg she said zero dollars and zero cents!!!!! Smh 🤦🏾♀️
Thank you so much for this!! I wish I heard this 10 years ago. I am so ready to finally leave a 10 year situationship. A marriage that scarred me for life. I am 39 now and hope to never do this to myself again.
Had a "friend" propose to his wife after 6 months of dating. Like a friend's mother said, if you're not getting engaged within 1 year ( 2 years max) then he's not interested. A lot of men like to play the long con by proposing with what I call a "shut up ring" and drag on an "engagement" for years, till you give up and leave. I am willing to forgo a huge wedding just to drag your ass to the courthouse to sign the certificate just to see how serious you are, Can always have a reception afterwards lol.
@Kristy Smith Truth and i have seen a LOT of women have their time wasted because ....we're engaged! nothing is guaranteed until that paper is signed.
Drag his ass...sounds like a shotgun wedding
Chloe: Hey everyone Chloe here...
Me: FACTS!!!
I clicked this too fast 😂😂😂😂
😂😂❤
Lol.
😂👏🏾
Ummmmm. I think that Cassie had a *contractual agreement* with Diddy. A lot of people in the industry have whispered about this for years. She just wanted the career and level up, she got out just in time to spend her *best* years in a real relationship.
Do not give the P.
You will get emotionally attached and you wont be able to leave as easy.
Dont let them use you.
Lol Chloe! The close up of Arthur's clenched fist at 3:43 sends me every time I see it!!! Lol 😂🤣 You spoke a true word here as per usual. Great video.
Common getting ready to waste Angela's time
bridgettedenise This! I totally believe!
bridgettedenise dag...... you think so... smh.
bridgettedenise he said he’s been to therapy....so she needs to set a deadline and not invest too much. He may have only had 1 appointment!!!
black princess lolllll. Do you know why they broke up initially?
Chiiiile you ain’t neva lied
I have standards & I like the finer things/experiences in life. I refuse to lower my standards or apologize for that. My oldest friend dates dusty after dusty after dusty. It’s sad that she is wasting her time but she doesn’t listen to me. It’s a sad state to stay in. Cassie wised up finally. It’s funny that she barely released any music when she was with Diddy but now she’s back to making music. Wasting time with the wrong can affect so many areas in a woman’s life.
This needs to be a prerequisite lessons for every woman as she enters womanhood, seriously!!!
Outstanding!!!! Keep saying it! Hopefully, women will be honest, think, and listen. We are the prize not the man. If we're not happy with what he's dishing out, then move on and praise ourselves for walking away!!!!!
The saddest part, is a man will not step up without manipulation and force. They will gladly waste your time with no regrets. Where are the kings?
You're right, I wasted 4 years with a narcisstic dusty, cheater and abuser all in one, thinking that I could change him and shit. Smh. Btw I didn't know Serena dated Common.
My husband said he knew the moment he saw me that i was his wife. He makes me feel like the prize everyday too. This is something ive never felt with anyone before him. What changed was my feelings about myself. I used to not know my worth and when you dont know your worth neither will anyone else. Once i learned i was excellence i attracted a man who knew as well. Your esteem for your self is the most important factor in who you attract and what you accept.
Walking Fist fights, is hilarious. I Agree completely with your message.
This is a powerful and necessary message. I recall telling myself this very thing about a year ago. My life is so much better for it.
Chloe you speaking nothing but facts!!! Level up ladies.
I hate myself so much for doing just that, wasted my valuable time with a man that never changed and leveled up. I can never get that time back and I’m 33 now...
Yes Chloe! Keep doing what you do. Your videos keep me on track. I will never allow a man to waste my precious time.
Preach!! Pay attention to the signs ladies: men waste the time you allow them to. And will date around while you stay "loyal". Don't stay around because of energy given or history. Walk away and watch how you level up!!
Or the social justice warrior women. All of that “mule walkin” that still doesn’t result in a ring. I’ve seen the biggest pick me tweet on Twitter that made me roll my eyes so hard. The dusties loved and retweeted it.
What was it ?
Tina Beauvil
I copied and paste the tweet below
“I’ve learned that men are very easy to understand.. they will dead ass tell you everything in the most simplest way.. it’s the women who twist the words into something they wanna hear, trying to figure shit out when he already told you 🤷🏽♀️”
This tweet received a lot of retweets and likes from the men. But let’s be real, a lot of men lie and manipulate women and call them crazy for calling it out. Not trying to bash her, but I felt she was pandering.
Goes to show how things can change in a year. Cassie is lucky she’s still young & hasn’t wasted all of her good years 💛💛
Chloe, you have helped me out so much. I’ve always had these feelings but I just didn’t know how to verbalize it and you do that perfectly.
Which is why I’m subscribed to this channel. Lol
Ike Turner 3.0 ----------------- HOLLA GIRL!!!!!!!!!! Love it!
Chloe, thanks for this video. I wish there were RUclipsrs like you when I was wasting my time with a dustie 10yrs ago. I really can identify with Cassie’s story, except I wasn’t dealing with a multi millionaire. I believed in loyalty, and building with a man. And now I’m only regretful that I stayed for so long. I obviously can’t get those years back. Not all men deserve your loyalty, ladies. Now, I’m more assertive, and the moment I don’t like how I’m being treated, I walk away.
Same girl same. When thru the same bs back in the early 2000’s. Don’t sweat it tho. God STILL has plenty blessings for us. 💯💯🙏🏾
Never treat a BF like a husband nor be some long term GF; It’s certain things you just don’t do for BF’s. I was guilty of it when I was younger but never would I attempt to do that again. It’s just not a wise investment.
Things like what?
You are a breath of fresh air... ❤ I've recently started watching your channel... I've exposed my sister to the truth you're telling... I wish that I knew then what I know now...
oooo weee, Chloe! tell the truth and shame the devil!
Guuurrrlll, I learned the hard way. Making a vision board as we speak. I need at LEAST a year to myself 💯
Thank you for this video! This gives me encouragement! I'm still learning how to leave when something does not serve me and to speak up about why I'm leaving (because I hate ghosting) and to not be afraid to leave.
I'd come from a lot of time-wasting relationships and started changing my mindset to get better quality guys to date. Found a man within a few months of deciding to do better. He had a provider mindset. Paid for all of our dates and weekend trips. Was buying me gifts as well. Never made me feel lesser because I didn't earn as much as him. Was supportive of my goals by giving me ideas and showing up to my events. And he embodied everything I love and want physically in a man!!! We established exclusivity in 2 months. I noticed he drew back and wasn't as consistent with spending time with me between 3 and 4 months in. I asked him what had changed. After confronting him about not keeping consistency, he ghosted me. . .
It's been 2 months since we stopped dating and talking, but I'm still not over it. He was treating me so well, way better than any situation I'd been in before. I thank you for this video because it's made me realize that even when getting the treatment I want from the man I want, I still cannot be afraid to walk away when noticing things that I don't like or don't align with how I envision my mate to be. So, still looking haha, but I think, before the ghosting, he was a pretty damn good start! (I'm 25 by the way.)
My husband told me he knew in one month that he was going to marry me.
Stop wasting time ladies!!
I'm 22 years old.. Chloe has really changed my life.
Sameee
"Self-sacrificial situationships" wow, I love how you coin these words to really put hypergamy and self worth in to context and perspective. Salute to you sis Chloe_ for having the intelligence, empathy and mental fortitude to share this crucial information with the masses. You are a true influencer, keep up the great work. 😊
You are definitely right about one thing ... I did get mad at this post (video) because the everything you said was the “TRUTH”. So Thank You !!!I needed to hear this, I’m 30 yrs old and I had a hard time letting someone go but not anymore. Completely my goals and moving on for myself
So true! I’m not afraid to walk away from guys who don’t want same things as me or don’t appreciate me and what I have to offer now. I’ve let guys walk all over me or just have me there and it doesn’t feel good and it didn’t do anything for me. When a guy doesn’t want to commit after a certain amount of time or wants to walk out of my life, I hold the door open
You had me rollin’ at “walking fist fights” 🤣🤣🤣🤣!!!! Thank you 🌟
I have shared widely this video because it has everything children need to know growing up but most parents never share.
🗣 Yes!! SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!!! I say the same thing to all my lady friends IF YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR OWN WORTH THEY WONT EITHER & THEY WILL TRY TO BARGAIN & YOU WILL SELL UR SELF CHEAP! 🔑💁🏽♀️💡
Im still not sold on Cassie's relationship...they moving super fast..which can be a red flag too🤷🏾♀️
I respect the way you think!!! The truth is uncomfortable!!!
That’s why leave the first year especially when your not seeing any progress always look at the. Bigger picture/time being spent and is he worth the time. YOU GET ON LIFE YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE. Every minute every second every year ✅✅✅
Stop playing house without the full benefits...this is why you all should subscribe to this channel!!
Yes yes. This needs to be said. Be encouraged and continue your encouragement
i agree with this. yes, men do not have the best track record but at some point we have to take accountability for what we allow in our lives as women!!! period!
Build a bear energy...you're cracking me up x
A lot of the times they marry you to waste your time as well, cause women take longer to leave marriages than relationships. I am going to keep listening to your videos Chloe until I act accordingly, naturally. #ThankYou
Ive seen females around me get strung along for years and getting depressed over dudes. However If I start dating a man and things are going well...I usually give it six weeks. If at that point hes not claiming me for a LTR I quit dealing with him!!!
Ok Chloé you’ve worn me out, let me get out of this situation lol
Just dumped him, I'm not sad, we only dated for two years thank God, I'm ready to move on with my life and leave him behind
Love your videos. You speak the truth. Women often do not realize their own God given beauty and power. I wish you were around when I was a young woman to head this advice. Now in my early 50s, I have gotten very comfortable being single and enjoying my life without the complexities of men. I keep them all at arms length now. I wasted enough time, energy and resources. I am done.
Great lesson for my teenagers!
Yes ma’am! Your messages are gold. Wish I heard this in my 20’s.
PLEASE ladies, No wife benefits to boyfriends...make a plan, stick to it and you first!!! It is essential and important, lots of women have lost so much neglecting themselves! #hypergamylife
Whether or not I want children or not...you speaking truth. But you have to understand Chloe...a lot of women are in this role & cannot swallow that reality pill! So they're going to be pissed hearing this. A lot of women do not know their worth...or they have already wasted their time & are now bitter because they have been pouring every bit of themselves into a boy that has not poured anything back into them! & now that woman feels empty & doesn't even know who they are anymore! & before you come @ me ladies, yes I've been there and done that! Had my time wasted& then I grew up & took responsibility & became FREE of needing the validation of a man or really a human period. Thank you Jesus for freedom! & you shed your blood for me to be the apple of someone's eye...not a object he toys around with. I pray that if someone does read this you are delivered from this type of situation if you are in it, I pray you know your worth starting this very moment! In Jesus name, Amen!