Here are the articles I read to help me make this video. psych2go.net/9-signs-you-have-a-lone-wolf-personality/ lonerwolf.com/lone-wolf/ goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/your-lone-wolf-mentality-is-killing-you-wcz/
I think you did a good job on this video, overall. But, if I may add some (hopefully) constructive criticism, there are some aspects being attributed to developing a Lone Wolf personality as a defense mechanism after suffering narcissistic abuse, that are really simply traits of an introvert. While there are definitely some areas where they overlap a bit, the main difference is those points that are based in strength and natural independence and love of solitude are primarily introvert traits. The Lone Wolf may develop the ability to draw strength from those traits, but, it takes a lot of trauma therapy to get there. The Lone Wolf personality is trauma based, so it's one of mistrust and isolation. Isolation is the dark side of solitude. Introverts gain strength from time in solitude. The Lone Wolf doesn't gain strength or recharge from being alone, they just feel safer that way. Once you were attributing positive qualities to being a Lone Wolf, thats when you started conflating it with being introverted. Being introverted is not caused by trauma or narcissistic parents. Being a Lone Wolf, is. As you said, wolves are pack animals... so the analogy is correct because being the lone wolf is an indication that its unhealthy.
@@dancroitoru364 lol thanks! I've had it for literally 30 years. 😆 I used to make lots of goofy screen names using my name. Like, yuriine, yuriika, yuriinemybed, yuriinemypants, yuriinelove, and yuriitarded (which of course, I wouldn't use now). And, so many others. lol I still use yuriika and yuriine. I let the others go though. Looking back I think it was me, taking my power back because, as a kid, in grade school, I was teased, mercilessly. They'd call me Urine or Yoyo or Yamaha. I didnt mind the other names but the urine one bothered me. When I got older, I embraced it. And now you know way more about my screen name history than you probably care to know. lol 😆 🙃
@@dancroitoru364 the Yamaha one developed the day I wore pigtails and they would grab them and make motorcycle noises. lol just the letter 'Y' in my name was enough to carry the joke. 4th grade was rough! G-D little hooligans! lol
This is a logical explanation for why so many people, myself included, have checked out of society. We just don't have time, patience or energy for the stupidity and nonsense anymore.
Ive been a loner my entire life, never had real friends or fit in. Im 32 now and accepting that i will probably be alone the rest of my life is sometimes hard but, I dont have the energy, patience or willingness to interact with people. Maybe one day i will meet someone likeminded and that will change but for now it holds true.
@@Kevin97587 .I'm 56 and that's been my story. I was married but was still alone that whole time. All you can do is strive to be the best you can be at all you do. Never try to do anything to please someone else. Be the best you can be for yourself and yourself only.
@@Kevin97587 I guess it depends on if you’ve tried to meet women and it just goes nowhere? I’ve been a lone wolf for many years and I’ve found it does change our brain - like you I have such little patience for people at this point. I just can’t be bothered for what appears to be little if any reward
Oh yes... I've always been a "lone wolf." When the majority of people were complaining of the isolation during the pandemic, I was like... I've been preparing for this my whole life. It's business as usual for me! Edited for grammar. I'm also a perfectionist.
A big thing that pushes me away from close relationships is the weird power struggle that tends to crop up. When I sense it, I usually withdraw from the relationship or situation and let the other person be king over whatever they thought they were competing with me over.
Omg! I do this as well, but it’s been doing me a huge disservice at work. How would you navigate issues like taking ownership of things and demanding respect? It gets tiring.
Yes I completely agree, I used to be very social , but it gradually dawned on me the majority of people including some family are only interested if there is something tangible like me paying some form of financial support, if you withdraw that they disappear , I gradually realised that I was the one making the phone calls , hosting the lunches , checking up when they were unwell, close family are fine , it’s the outer fringes or acquaintances that seem to evaporate if I am not consistently putting in the energy and resources.
Alone was the only safe place to be as a child. It was the only place I didn’t have to manage my narcissistic parent’s emotions or deal with the blame shifting. Alone was the only time I could be myself. Solitude was my savior.
@Rhea The word "resonate" is being used inappropriately by a lot of people online and it makes them sound both silly and illiterate. Resonate means: "to produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound." "to produce electrical or mechanical resonance." The correct word is RELATE.
This woman basically just described my entire life. Constant feeling of exhaustion physically, mentally and emotionally. Also being completely honest with oneself, no victim mentality, trying to be the best version of myself, hate drama, gossiping, two faced people, liars, manipulative people, cruelty. Overt narcissist for a father and a covert narcissist for a mother who for years played the victim and acted more like an empath. I'ma need years of therapy and spiritual healing lol. Also the feeling of nobody having your back or being able to trust others.
@@simonmorris746 It's a joke dude lol. Plus therapy does not make someone a victim. It takes self awareness and courage to seek help. We are in an age where people don't need to feel ashamed or stigmatized for seeing a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Better than being depressed and anxious or even ending up killing themselves or other people.
@@nostalgicbliss5547 I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who went through this. I had the exact same parental structure, my mom still plays the victim to this day, covert narc but pretending to be an empath. My YT bio is literally become the best version of yourself. Also, it's not victimizing yourself to understand part of your improvement journey may require lots of therapy. Honestly assessing our weaknesses is what makes us stronger than the narcissists.
This video hit the bullseye 🎯. I grew up having been sexually molested, bullied, physical and mentally/psychologically abused verbally, etc. My personal life's motto is, " the less people I need/have to interact with, the less likely I am to have trouble come my way." I treasure my solitude!
Yup. I got my wife and consequently my kids. Beyond that I have absolutely no friends, speak to absolutely nobody in my family, and am perfectly happy that way.
Walked a similar path & found peace by improving myself so as to never be at the mercy of another person. I share a house with three dogs & a cat. That's more than enough company. Ask the cat.
Boy can I relate to what you're saying! I have a similar childhood background to what you describe. I love my solitude! I abhor too many people, too much noise, and things being too busy - and most of all, the drama that comes with people. I have a partner, and no "friends" to speak of, but have acquaintances. Attempts to change that with therapy "worked", but I found that I really didn't want an "ordinary" social life.
The problem with therapy is that by the third session if not earlier the therapist starts to encourage “socializing” like I didn’t try before and that’s the reason that landed me in therapy in the first place. Dear therapists: it’s ok to say you don’t specialize in complex ptsd and refer out if you don’t know what you’re doing. Normalize lone wolves. I didn’t come to therapy to learn to socialize. I’m coming to therapy to heal from it.
Thank you for saying that, that’s been my experience too. I really like Jay Reid, he has helped me massively and seems to really know what he’s talking about. He says to find safe people to be around but I can’t do that. This dynamic has followed me around like a curse. I like being a “lone wolf” and I don’t have the energy to put into other relationships anymore. I’m no contact with my family and have no friends. I’m actually at peace now though and fully focused on my own healing and my children. I’m actually in the process of moving to the country too. I’ve found I’m safer away from people.
This, 100%. I'm looking to fix me, not to socialize. I really consider the ability to spend long periods alone, and be perfectly happy, to be a gift, not a curse.
I am 63 yrs old,a loner and I have lived on my own for the last 40 yrs but I dont think my parents(who divorced) were narcissistic abusers.One of the benefits of being a loner is that I dont have to put up with or listen to other peoples B.S.The pandemic just came and went and made no difference to my life style.
Same here. I don't think they pandemic changed my life at all. It is amazing how well she described me. I'm 57 now, and one thing that I've noticed happening to me is I get afraid if a woman were actually to like me. I become convinced that once she gets to know me, she will change her mind. My mom fit that abusive parent she described pretty much to a tee. I mention this because you said your parents weren't abusive... and I replied here because of your pandemic statement.
Same, we are the same age too. I think that a lot of what she's describing happens to people with outlying high IQs as well. I've known a few such folk and they don't tend to feel like they fit in anywhere or can relate to others well.
One of my parents was a violent narcissist, the other covert and enabler, but I grew to be the opposite of this description. I wanted so badly to have a family, a fun and functional family and unfortunately I haven’t succeeded fully, but I haven’t failed either. I extended my good will to my parents as well and they accepted it gladly, but sadly never respected it. In fact, they behaved as if it was given that they must be part of everything I do with (now) my nuclear family. But, that’s another story. Despite battling to have a family, I enjoy solitude as well and I don’t think is always related to narcissistic abuse. I think is actually quite abnormal not to seek solitude. How can anyone read, think … do stuff if someone is always around?! Now, pandemic - no! I can’t understand that people can live without cafes, concerts, theaters, bookstores, museums, restaurants….But, for a little twist in this narrative of people abused by narcissists enjoying pandemic, I noticed that two of my friends who are quite self absorbed (and narcissistic), they enjoyed pandemic too; I saw that as a bit of narcissistic nastiness in them, in a sense I am unhappy (narcissists are never happy) and have no life, so let the others feel a bit of that pain too!
Wow, I had no idea how many people felt the way I did. My life didn’t change, I continued living like I normally do. Honestly thought those that were freaking out were just being over the top. Didn’t understand what was the big deal🤷🏻♀️
Most of the jobs I've had usually involved working by myself in a quiet environment. When I was a pre-teen I took a written exam that was supposed to determine your ideal job. Mine was night watchman. Decades later and I'm a guard who works the off hours at a museum. It suits my personality, that of the lone wolf. I had a narcissistic mother who specialized in devaluing any emotion/opinion that I had. From early on I found my greatest peace being alone in my room with a book or the radio. I married late in life to a woman who was raised by a narcissistic father. Like me, she had no children or previous marriages. I believe we have both helped each other in the healing process. I've read many of the comments here and many strike hard because I know exactly how that writer felt. Good luck and healing to you all.
Narcissistic abuse is worst than "the hell week" of navy "seals" "Hell week" is just a week nothing more. It will pass. Narcissistic abuse continues with years and years and years(from parents) To all lone wolfs: we passed the narcissistic abuse and believe me we can pass ALL!
I'm not even sure why this came up on my feed but was surprised how well she described my childhood. AND my parents are in their 90s and the dynamic is still the same.
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert agreed I survived a childhood of that. My books were my shelter. I was lucky as I think that more people turn to drugs now as a way to escape from a aspd spectrum parent or sibling or spouse
@billyb4790 It works. Her assessment was creepy accurate. Right down to the depression/suicidal garbage. Once you figure out what doesn't belong to you, and who you are, the depression, etc., evaporates. The truth really does set you free. (Still a lone wolf trying to balance compassion with severe 🐂💩 allergies. Just a far happier and more secure one. Lol) Hope this helps. Be well. 😊
I think this family dynamic is why we're seeing a lot of fearful avoidants, avoidants and hyper independence/no faith in humanity sentiments in younger people. Isolation can be a big part of (c)ptsd.
It is absolutely terrifying to think that I may have CPTSD.. my behaviors reflect that and I never once thought I may be suffering from trauma.. I look around at all the normal folks, happy and social and then there's me in perpetual fear
@@wesley6442 The good news is that once you’ve identified the issue you can begin to heal. I have CPTSD and have come a long way with the help of a trauma informed therapist. You can heal, it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
This is me. Being alone seems natural to me because I've "been alone" literally my entire life. Close relationships were always negative things during my childhood, problematic if not outright dangerous, so for many years I avoided ever getting close to anyone because I had the subconscious belief being close to someone would only ever result in agony, never in anything positive. I have since moved on from those beliefs and am much closer to normal now, but it's impossible to break entirely. I still spend way more time by myself than most people, am comfortable doing things on my own, etc. One of the things I really hate about this is that it takes me a really strong, conscious effort to care about other people a lot of times because caring about another person was something that I never experienced growing up, so it's like that part of my brain just never really developed right. I understand intellectually people matter, and I want to treat them well and care about them, but it just feels like I have to make a strong effort in this area that comes so naturally to most people. Also, to anyone reading this, if you have a narc in your life, single best piece of advice anyone can give you is to get away from them, even if it's your parents. The only reason I'm even alive today is because I moved 800 miles away from my parents so that I could heal and break habits created by their toxic influence. You cannot get better in the same environment that made you sick. Remove yourself from the dysfunction, find healthy people to spend time with. Things will get better. Love.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! So glad you were able to move away from them. I love the last paragraph as well “ you cannot get better in the same environment that made you sick“ love this. Sending you love and healing light.💜
Yikes, unfortunately, I can't run away. I don't know how you guys managed to do anything with your life if you've been told you're worthless your whole lives, that is some serious strength. Personally, I've lost, to be frank I don't even think I had a chance to fight for it. I mean sure, you could just get up study and do the work, but we're complex multi-dimensional psychological creatures and there is always an underlying story moving the direction of your life. I have no desire to change things, maybe I don't even feel deserving. I don't even have the confidence to change things, so I wonder if I should wait for a revelation to come? That seems unironically the only solution, because the movement that is currently occuring is painful and destructive, and I could more or less predict how it'd play out in the end.
@@rightcliquegod7653 you gotta break away from them soon or later, you are NOT them. You are your own person and should associate yourself with ONLY good people.
Yes. Loneliness is the only way to feel emotional secure. No B.S., no drama, no blame, no shame, no walking on egg shells. We are also hyper independent because we learned that dependence on others makes us weak and we risk being controlled. We hate being controlled and this is why it’s very hard to have a LTR with a woman: they all try to control a man sooner or later. We also learned early to self soothe ourselves, to process our emotions without others. Being lonely is how we recharge our energy.
Quite a generalization about women... thanks, but no thanks.... O.k., I try to take your critissism on board, and I think you might be right to a certain extent. Have you ever thought about it this way: maybe it's due to the fact almost all men cannot keep their weewee in their pants when they get too much 'freedom'. And it hurts!!
@@CalinGilea I understand being lost. But blaming it all on women? That's rude. You deserve what you get. A penis isn't nearly as valuable as you believe it to be.
Wow. You described my childhood to a tee. Staying locked away in my room was my only form of security. Definitely a lone wolf. I prefer nature and animals over people.
I hid from my parents by staying in my room which was in the attic. They were physically & verbally abusive. My father an alcoholic & mother who was mentally ill, she swallowed a bottle of pills when I was 5 bc she said she didn’t want to be my mother, I was a mistake & wanted to abort me. She tortured me & I lived in constant fear so I kept to myself until I was able to get away from them. The fear & memories never goes away & haunts me, therapy never helped. To this day I don’t trust anyone, I prefer animals to ppl bc they give u unconditional love
@@AngelBlu7 so sad to hear they undermined your right to exist and blossom....and good to hear you persisted and prevailed so bravely. I also love the non human beings who are so kind Don't worry you're not alone
I pretty much shed tears watching this because I grew up in a Narcissistic household. For years I thought there was something wrong with me and eventually started hating everyone. As a 40yr old I'm going through counseling but I'm already damaged. I don't even want to interact with people. People think I'm cold but it's a defense mechanism with all the pain I've experienced and being ignored. Thank You for this video. 🙏❤
I cried watching this vid too. Amy described my childhood, teen years, and young adult years. As a kiddo, I retreated to reading books to escape the chaos, abuse, and drama going on in my house. Anytime I showed emotions, it was used against me. I was called a baby or too sensitive. My dad was the abuser, but my mom sided with him and put his needs before my needs and my younger brother's needs. I enjoy being alone. I love going camping and hiking alone. It gives me joy to take in nature by myself. I, too, am in counseling (and have been for years). This year, I found a therapist who specializes in CPTSD. We have been peeling back the layers of pain and abuse. I also thought I was damaged but I realized that I am bruised and cautious. I use an array of coping mechanisms to keep people away. Trusting who to let in, well, is a work in progress. @oOR3stlessOo I wish you the best in your therapy journey.
I hate this. When being with people is more a perceived negative than positive. It’s scary when we realize what we’re really thinking. My parents don’t validate me-- still… and part of it is they don’t get me- or want to? Or maybe I’m weird and add and add and a dreamer But the combination makes me feel never heard… and I worry that I don’t hear them too. I’m learning now when my mom asks me about something and I tell her, she gets worked up, cuts me off, redirects and I start to lose energy and try harder, then become despondent. Each time, I do t know…. I want to communicate, but it ends up so sad and I end up being the bad guy and “hurting” them. This is at 50 even. My feeling and thoughts are still a threat to my family???
I declined to attend by office's end of year holiday happy hour party, and so glad I did. These people talk smack behind each others backs all year, sabotaging each other, being toxic and then want to drink and be merry together? I don't know how to do that. I don't have those fake hypocrite skills. Very difficult for me to be around fake toxic people, and not even alcohol makes it easier.
@@101gitfit are you my twin, lol ... this was exactly my childhood - retreating into books, my mum would sometimes grab the book off me and hit me over the head with it because I wasn't showing her attention!
Story of my life. People often underestimate how much I love being on my own, but like the video describes, being alone gives people like us a sense of freedom and security.
The worst part of that is some people would never understand you, and you don't have to explain it to them. Thriving alone is something that they will never comprehend. We are too different.
I believe this Lone Wolf personality type is what me and my Sweetheart have in common. We have both been in horrible relationships. We get together to solve problems and talk about our day but kind of go to our corners and we love it. We are absolutely loyal to one another. I'm blessed to have someone like her in my life.
This video nailed it, but I am content as a lone-ish wolf with a very small pack and have zero desire to change. No therapist will restore my faith in humanity, not after what I've seen from the lot of them.
I'm a Lone Wolf due to the issues you did a excellent job of presenting. I'm 71 and live next to a beautiful park. I ended up in a place I could have never imagined as a child while laying in a grassy field staring at the clouds and letting the sun warm me. Good luck on your journey to heal yourself.
It's like you read my soul. Another point from anyone who has suffered such abuse is that it takes a long time to realize that you've had an abusive childhood. Especially if you're from Gen X where most families were messed up. There is a certain element of gaslighting that comes with the narcissistic abuse and because you grow up thinking that's the norm, that just becomes all you know. So you can understand why it takes years for this realization to take place. Thank god for RUclips. The only social media I can handle
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
I am a 59 year old man that had and still have a Narcissistic Mother (my dad has pasts away) I still struggle to find a purpose and relationships never last long.Years ago I competed in the Hawaiian Ironman when I came home all my parents said to me was that I probably was dead last.Your video is 100% correct.I finally now know who I am Thank you.
Darn man. I’m sorry Doing the iron man is amazing!!! Even if you did finish last, you had the courage to dream, discipline to train, fortitude to finish. There is GREAT honor in that
She is very cruel and jealous of you I dated a guy who was a covert narcissist. His mother was a crazy narcissist. We all met up on a trip to California. The three of us walked around for awhile at Venice beach. I have serious neck & foot injuries, so after spending some time with both of them, I said I needed to stay at the beach, to stretch for an hour or so, to relieve my neck pain from traveling. I found out later from my boyfriend (also with zero boundaries sexually, morally), that his mom was upset that I didn't walk back with them. People, it was so crazy. She had no concept of what others were thinking, feeling, or someone else's point of view. I was hurting physically, but instead of respecting my boundaries, and need to work out pain from flying, she got mad because I wasn't able to walk back together. I know that everyone has some narcissistic tendencies, but wow! He now is an ex-boyfriend (thank God) and I am so happy that I saw the mask slip with him, and luckily we only dated for a year. He moved through a bunch of women, one that died of cancer (he moved in with her right away) probably because he couldn't afford his own place. The poor girls family was annoyed by his attempts after her death, to muddle in their own personal grieving process trying to "help". While we were broken up, for years he tried to contact me to triangulate between us two, and other hook ups. I had to go completely "grey rock". It was the most damaging, horrific, traumatizing, humiliating, and demoralizing experience of my entire life. He also displayed the the dupers delight "smirk" when he knew he got something from me. This loser wasted my time. Because of his covert narcissism, I spend years of on-line therapy learning about how these people operate & how to heal from their damaging actions. Not a shred of morals. So fake and phony. I really wished I had seen it coming, but I had never dated anyone like this before in my entire life!!! Dear God, for all the people out there that have suffered from these monsters, just know that you did not deserve to be manipulated and treated like dirt. "Hurt people, hurt people". That is what is has come down to for me. Know not to be angry, or pulled into their unending cycle of drama. In the end, it is all just a massive humiliation ritual, they will do over and over and over, until you are questioning your own sanity, and you are feeling worthless. They are the emotional vampires that will suck you dry.
from a narcissistic family, my whole goal in life can be summarized as "please leave me alone" - now at 40, I see how damaging that has been, and am trying to change and find purpose. not taking on narcissist's wants and emotions is all well and good, but not taking on ANYONE's is a recipe for disaster...
Covert Narc is worse. For me there was "unconditional love" but with a cost. Fed, loved, taken care of but totally controlled. I can't number the amount of times my mother has said "we don't know why you lack self esteem".....and now I realize she know exactly and has a laugh to herself. She has a sophisticated way of control, where she "helps" and uses that to her advantage.
@@ThruTheMatrix Yes, backstabbing, disingenuous, creepily inauthentic. To subject an innocent child to that level of deceit, without an ounce of a conscience. It’s grotesque.
"I have been lucky enough to avoid women my entire life" wrote Henry Thoreau. I have not been that lucky...but a close second! I have peace and quiet, and, being alone, assures me of intelligent conversation, and the ability to accomplish my goals. To avoid all relatives, I concocted a tale that I perished in a storm while trying to sail around the world in a rowboat! Holidays are spent in the workshop, or at a museum, or even a beach. Wonderful.
It's not particularly about women. It's men all the same. Heterosexual just are bound to experience relationships as a couple with the other sex. Men and women alike in all other kind of relationships can be toxic as well. That's not really a consolation, but makes it worse as even in friendships you can be used or in work or business relationships.
My parents weren't narcissists, but they were both emotionally immature and were emotionally and verbally abusive as well as neglectful. I was isolated and developed a lot of the tendencies discussed in the video. I am also a Meyers Briggs INTJ, so solitude comes pretty easily to me. While I can be bubbly, animated and vivacious I do tend to keep people at arm's length and at the end of the day, I require a LOT of alone time to process things. I am working with my therapist to balance that.
Thanks for this video. I'm 63 and just learning how narcissistic people have upset my life. I'm completely isolated now, retired onto disability, and in a state where I don't know anyone. But to me this isn't sad... I feel safe. I miss people, but I'm just incapable of dealing with drama anymore. Thanks again, I think knowing all this may help me reach outside myself again.
You've described me almost perfectly. I was the scapegoat third child of a covert narcissist. I consider myself recovered, but some days I still have to work on it. I've been no contact for over 30 years. I would note that one trait you didn't mention is that the lone wolf is very susceptible to stress and strain. Especially healthwise, I have to be vigilant not to over do. Thank you for a good video!
Hello Jeanette! I deeply relate to your comment, and was wondering if you could maybe elaborate a little about the susceptibility to stress and strain?? I find it very interesting bcs I feel like as soon as I'm stressed out I can't function, I lose my patience, yell at people and overall kind of disassociate from myself in order to cope until I'm back to normal. How does it feel for you? (or anyone else who reads this, happy to read about your experience(s)).
I love being alone. I love solitude. My childhood was amazing. I'm just intelligent, think for myself, and have good, strong traditional values. These 3 traits make me unable to find almost anyone that I don't strongly dislike.
You make it sound like being a lone wolf is a bad thing or sad place to end up. I couldn't disagree more. I have plenty of time for hobbies and interests, a few friends who I actually enjoy spending meaningful time with, and space to myself. I don't think RUclips therapists realise the shame and guilt they saddle people with when making videos like these. There's nothing wrong with being a lone wolf. I find companionship in nature and silence and my interests, and I my social needs are met, if minimal (which is how I like it). if anything, I'm grateful to my parents for showing me I don't need to be saddled with a relationship and offspring and other all-consuming responsibilities that create instability and emotional turmoil. A simple, minimalist yet fulfilling life is fine, thanks.
Oh no, that wasn’t my intention at all! I did mention that the Lonewolf tends to be at peace, and have serenity and enjoy their alone time and don’t tend to feel alone. They are truth fighters and love friendships that are genuine and authentic. There’s a lot of traits to the Lonewolf that I admire and sometimes I wish I had more of. I did include the downsides that some people can experience being a Lonewolf to try to include everyone in the general population as much as I could. My intention is to bring awareness around it to be able to move through it for the people who are suffering. 💜
@@INFJparadox I agree! Especially by people who don’t understand it, or think that people need to be social with many friends, to be happy. Which is not the case.
I’ve been a lone wolf my entire life; I’m 62. I chose not to have children in order to break the cycle shown to me by both parents and brother. Thru the years, I have noticed that I keep choosing friends or men that are narcissistic. Thruout my lifetime, I let these people go as I finally allow myself to see them for who they are. I’m still learning about people and myself and enjoy being solitary as well. I am strong mentally and can stand up to anyone, and can think on my feet; I take no prisoners either. My unconditional feelings of love are towards and from my animals and nature.
This totally described my childhood completely. My mother was awful and totally into herself. I don’t even understand why she had children. My sister is just like her. They’re just consumed with their own thoughts and feelings and pretend to care about other people so they end up looking good. They don’t really care. I am a caring person but I find too often people take advantage of your concern. So I retreated to myself but I remain friendly and respectful To everyone that is nice to me. I like being alone because I don’t meet many people like me. I really want to find a life partner but people are just toxic sometimes and you can’t really let people close to you because you don’t know their intentions. This video totally explains everything. What gives me peace is that I know other people went through this too. For all of us who are survivors of narcissistic parents just know that God loves you and you’re going to be OK. We have to learn from it and leave it in the past. After all we are better than that. We are great people even though our parents didn’t tell us that. We are loved and appreciated.❤❤❤
Solitude is a great way of life! When it is a choice. Not an escape from the world. I have been all over the spectrum! I have never being happier than living as a lone wolf!😍🤩😎
I've watched 100s of videos around this subject and boy did this one touch all the raw nerves and make me sob like a baby. I was raised by 2 violent and cruel narcissists and I FINALLY walked away from my family in my late 40s. There isnt any help available for people like me so I am now a total loner and avoid people. I'm too broken to trust anyone and like you said, too scared to allow others to see just how damaged and broken and vulnerable I am as it only makes me a target for narcissists. Everything you said is so accurate. Thankyou and good luck to anyone else who is a victim of narcissism as they are the WORST relationships to emotionally recover from 🙏🙏❤
Don't worry.... you have a new life awaiting... your astute awareness is a first step. I too had to break away from the family in mid 40s....new light comes at the end of the tunnel
Bud you gotta start hanging out with folks. Dont gotta be anything special just some backyard frontporch outside park chillin, nothin personal at all. Most people are fragile and vulnerable beyond so theres not too much to be afraid of. Friends go as deep or shallow as you want; want em shallow then great, want em deep then go for deeper. Ease your way into deeper relationships through gettin back in touch with humanity thru shallow relationships. Only invest the level of trust equal to the kind of friendship or relationship you want with that specific person and go from there, and you should be alright.
Wrong you are about being terminally broken. Continue to say no to things and people you dont want in your life, all the while making an effort to meet new folks. Gradually you will see that many people are seeking the very same things you value.
Lone Wolf who found his way back to the pack here!!! This is a great summary of my life experience. It feels very validating and comforting to know that I'm not alone. To the Lone Wolfs who desire to find their way back to intimacy there is hope, it happened in my life when I found a partner and group of people who loved me back into loving myself. Also, getting and nurturing a dog really helped me too.
❤❤❤❤ I hope I can get my way back too, I dealt with a group of friends who are narcissistic too after studying abroad and leaving my own family I thought I finally made connection but them was the worst and my es was narcasstic too, I was happy I did noticed and survived the Trauma again now I left to another country in a hope to heal from all that
At heart I know I am a “relationship person,” but I have chosen to focus on strengthening family bonds and on enjoying better daily relationships with workmates. Recovery from a narcissistic upbringing is a lifelong process. You can do as much or as little as you want. But if you do want, keep working on it! There are rewards.
wow, this sounds like me 100%. my father is a malignant narcissist and I was bullied and criticized my entire life. All I want is my own safe space, alone, where I feel my happiest. People stress me out.
Yup 💯 also because that family set up then attracts you to narcissists in friendships and relationships so you just end up in many abusive relationships... at some point you have to self prioritize and often through solitude because that is the only time you're really safe.
It's spot on Amy, Thankyou, in this Lifetime I at almost 51 Years of age am now grateful for the lessons I learned and the place I have arrived at, at this point, I see my past experiences through very different eyes, now with every life experience I turn inward and ask what did or can I learn from this 🤍⭐️🤍
Wow, thanks for making a video that wasn't just "your parents sucked and now you're messed up" and actually highlighted the strengths that we can develop through our more trying experience. Much respect & gratitude
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
That is exactly me and INFJ. Narcissistic mother (never knew father), daily mental, emotional, and physical abuse since I was a baby. Sexual abuse due to mother's boyfriends. Adulthood narcissist boyfriends, every kind of abuse, should have been six feet under many times. So yes, I'm a lone wolf and now at 52, that's how I rather live the rest of my life. My shattered heart will not be torn apart again and I'm at peace 💜💜💜
Oh my God, this is 100% me! Both my parents were narcissists. Father grandiose and mother covert. Every point you made about the lone wolf was 100% accurate for me. I have researched narcissism and it's effects for years, but this is the first time I've heard a connection between being raised by narcissists and being a lone wolf.
I share the same parental profile combo, and agree that this description fits me almost completely, happy loner connecting with nature. i have retired from socialising, as my tolerance for the social games are zero. Blessings 🌈
@@natashavanzyl2815 It is a blessing. People ask me, “How can you live like that?” I respond, “How can you not?” Separating from (most) people has been the greatest peace and joy of my entire life. I was finally able to retire and cut out all the toxic corporate robots.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
I just discovered you and am shocked that someone describes me. I am constantly criticized for wanting to be alone. Alone is the only way I can survive and be protected from the pain inflicted upon me by others. I am safe. Thank you - thank you for showing me I am normal in my behavior having been so abused in childhood, in marriage, in friendships and other relationships. I am so happy being alone or with a good book❤️❤️👏👏🌈
I'm in tears. Thank you, I feel so seen. I used to be ridiculed in college for how much of a "loner" I was. And a part of it always felt like a necessity that superseded my need to connect. I couldn't explain it then, but now I get it. Thank you for this profound understanding.
This is so accurate. Exactly how I live and deal with people. I’ve had narcissistic abuse since I was very young small, a total of 55years in all. I trust no one. Everything said here is how I deal with it.
2020 was the best year of my life. I felt completely disconnected when people yearned for social events, like going to beaches, bars, and parties. I felt bad for them, but felt far better than I usually did, since I had less reasons to be out in the social sphere. Working from home, even got rewards for my online briefs. Not to brag, but this video really hit me in the heart. Thank you. 💜
Pretty much described my personality in a nutshell and my experiences as a child. Thank you for the acknowledgement and shining light on the fact that I am not the only one put there.
I have seen hundreds of videos on narcs, but this is the closest I have come to relating to any info on how their behaviour can affect our personality and our lives. You described my personality perfectly! I have lived alone since I was 35. I'm now 65. I love my own company, adored lockdown and get incredibly tired after a day's work in retail.- I feel like all the blood has drained out of me and I need to sleep, to regroup my energy. I can't believe how spot on uou are.
Retail (and really any kind of customer service) can be incredibly tiring even for people with good mental health. For those of us who grew up being mistreated, it's doubly awful.
Been a lone wolf since I was a small child. This video explains me perfectly. I’m actually shocked that it’s so accurate. Here I was thinking I was unique. 😂
I like being alone. I have no problem with it. The only people that have an issue with it is my father and sister. They make me feel abnormal for wanting to be alone and being okay with solitude.
I've healed most of my childhood traumas caused by my parents using different spiritual processes and is peaceful, happy and fulfilled from inside. I'm so grateful that I broke this cycle of unending suffering and was so self aware from childhood. But still this video kind of made me cry because all of these are like universal truth for me. Nobody would understand how manipulative they are unless they see their real face. Even though I've forgiven them, I still know their real face no matter how nice act because I'm successful in life now. Guess I need to work a little more still. I don't want to provoke any kind of negative emotions. Wish me luck and I'm leaving this house very soon.
This is so accurate for my situation. I am seriously considering cutting all ties with my narcissistic mother. What has helped me with always being alone has been spirituality and my dogs. These two have brought me so much joy, even though I'm often alone. I'm also very involved with animal rescues and helping animals. I highly recommend this.
My cousin cut off his narc mother several years ago and I finally finally hit my limit and cut off my mother and sister about 2 months ago. I did it once in my 20s was drawn back in because my parents groomed me as the golden child and I was responsible for maintaining “normal” in the family. I am finally free at 56 when I could no longer survive in the sick dynamic which was just on repeat for decades of my life. I have no regrets. I tried everything, did all I could, was dutiful and dependable so I have nothing to feel bad about and I also realized I do not owe anyone anything except to pay myself back for lost time with a new life that nurtures me. I am free knowing that I do not have what they need and they do not have what I need. I encourage you not to waste any more time. If you feel almost ready to cut off your mother, trust yourself and realize that you are right. It’s probably time. Cutting them off is the only cure for the insanity and abuse. All the best to you.
When my mom and dad would blow up yelling at each other I would hide in my closet, knowing if they found me I was their next target. I was small enough to sit on the shelf and allow the clothes to hide me behind them. I spent so much time there it started to feel safe because I couldn’t be found, I added lights I could switch on and off and had brought in a few toys. I remember crying when I read Harry Potter and how he lived in a cupboard under the stairs 😢 I want to find that little girl and give her a hug 🫂
Wow! I never heard anyone describe my life and beliefs with such accuracy! It feels very down to earth and bullshit-less. I never knew I could be understood or that there were others like me. Thank you.
There are quite a lot like you... I am one. A total loner, I live alone, work alone and am about to go off for a couple of years - alone. Frightened? No. Safe. Very safe.
@@spuriouseffect Hi, no I don't. This is the odd thing. And I meet the most wonderful people along the way so I don't get lonely. I can, though, only stay in their company for half an hour or so then I have to leave. I am odd, I know, hence the video being me.
This describes me perfectly. I only feel truly safe when alone. My mother would insult me by calling me a lone wolf, but although it stung I preferred it.
4:53-YES. Drama, gossip, shallowness and negativity exhaust me. I avoid it like the plague and have happily ended relationships, etc. because of it. I’m in my 50s and just recently associated the narcissist label with one of my parents. I thank God that I love myself and my own company. This video is so appreciated. Blessings to everyone struggling with this.
You just described my childhood to a tee. I used to hide in a cupboard for days at a time because I was afraid to get noticed by my parents. In summer, I hid in the garden, up a tree. As a result, although, I long for connection, my issues with trust and my crippling social anxiety leave me isolated. And when I am ok, that is fine, but those last years, I have been very depressed, to the point where I went to hospital and now am unable to work or just function in daily life.
I've always described myself as a lone wolf, and what you've described here is 100% me. I thought a significant part of it had to do with being autistic, but lately, I've come to realize that it also has a lot to do with being raised by narcissistic parents. I feel that growing up like this made some of my natural autistic traits develop in an unhealthy way while adding some other trauma-related traits as well. Thanks for sharing this, it's been really helpful and clarifying!
Check up on Reactive Attachment Disorder, I think it's the proper medical term for the 'Lone Wolf' behavior, it gets confused with autistic spectrum disorders sometimes, as they got some similar traits - but the causes are different.
As a child one of my favorite places to be was reading on my bed, in my room. I loved reading about Greek mythology, space exploration, and history. The books made me feel so safe and free from all of my mom and stepdad’s anger.
But for me the love was overwhelming and one-sided, ie when my mother felt loving I had to respond to her. But she didn't respond to my feelings. So I'm a loner because to me love is something I have to do for others.
I beat the narcissist and left. The narcissist was my sister. Started from 13 to 22. My parents did nothing to reign her in. Let her control everything around the house. After leaving I realized nobody was like that. I now can spot a narc, socio and psyco the moment I see them.They act differently than others. Even through their BS lies and fake engagement I can see it.
I got someone at my work like this. You never seem them not smiling, it's all a front for manipulation. I've heard from others how they are behind the scenes and even observed them recruiting others to harass people at work. One you see it, you can't unsee it
Yup me in a nutshell. I tended to overlook it because my parents’ abuse made me dissociate so much but now it’s plain as day and I am grateful to be on my own and not bogged down with their BS. Life is good when you can depend on yourself and start to trust those that really got your back. Sometimes you gotta build your own wolf pack! 🐺🌺💕
I am 46 and one year ago I found out my mother is a covert narcisist. It was easy then for me to put two and two together. But now I have developed a quite deep feeling of hate towards her that only hurts me. I am a lone wolf, I have always been, but that feels amazing. I can even say that all my life I had a strong phobia to snakes. I came to the conclusion that the snake symbolizes my mother and I can tell that after that epiphany I can think of snakes without getting goosebumps.
You described my childhood, my parents, my upbringing and my current life to a tee. Amazing. I'm married to a wonderful man and have no friends and I am so fine with it. Every now and then I wish I had a friend or two to chat with but for the most part I am perfectly fine being on my own. Too many bad experiences and mistreatment from people have me seeing them as nothing but a liability. Cheers to the other lone wolves out there! We are just fine on our own.
Certain types of people will abuse you as they recognise the traits of someone who has been abused. You have been conditioned by your narcissist parent without even knowing it to accept the blame and abuse. You are likely quiet and hate drama and conflict, your body language and the way you act in social situations or at work will give you away to these abusibe types without yourself being aware. I know because I am similar to yourself.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
Wow this was the nicest take on this I’ve ever seen, thank you. So used to (cough, usually codependent) people blaming avoidants and “lone wolves” for not attaching to them as if we’re some kind of cancer on society and not just fully aware of how they’re trying to manipulate us into being dependent on them. 😂 We’re just people who have been around the block before, that’s all.
as a guy i see how many women will shame a man for wanting to be a lone wolf ie your an incel etc cos they need someone to come look after them or children they have been left with from another guy. they will shame men in to not being real men for not wanting to do this or take responsibility for her bad choices. it seems many women cant accept that many men have walked away from dating or approaching due to past bad experiences which has led them to being the lone wolf and preferring solitude over being with them ans their drama. all this does is make lone wolf men walk further away ya cant shame a man into being with you. this comment isnt about u or targeting you im just sharing. if ya get triggered thats on u but its not aimed at u
I'm overwhelmed by how much into detail this reenacts. Nobody was having back then my back not even in disease and now 40 years later either. I'm programmed to keep attracting rejections, blames, insults and drama toxic people. Although I stay away from friends, even interactions once a week are so tremendous triggering that I feel so depleted that I need to withdraw 2 weeks to just recover from that. Let's face it, libe wolfs are lonely not because they want to, rather because all the chaos drama and toxicity they go on attracting that pushes them to withdraw from the society to save their powers, to prevent social fatigue and burnouts, to set boundaries. Loneliness so hard as it might sound is protection and peace of mind I don't get outside but I tend to get it from inside. I also think lone wolfs tend to go into social works and help others on a regular base, it's their way to compensate the loneliness in their life to performing a good job and giving to others that they simply don't get
So much. I have known for years and been to therapy and emdr and then years ago came across the book “The Emotionally Absent Mother.” Woaaaah, I cannot recommend that book enough. It was validating and allowed me to dig deep(er), to let go and really begin to heal in a new way.
I'm a born loner who grew up in an environment that pretty much enforced that side of me just so I could mentally survive. I've been almost completely alone since I was 15 and now at 31 it's getting extremely difficult to find motivation to continue. I want to connect with someone on a deep level so badly but I have major trust issues and I push them away as soon as anything begins to advance in an attempt to protect myself from hurt. I tried to find a therapist (multiple times) they simply don't get it. None of them seem to have any life experience at all, their answers could all be found in a text book. Any advice would help, I am seriously tired of being alone...
Thank you for sharing and my heart goes out to you! I am not a psychologist or therapist, I’m a life coach with some life experience and my purpose for making these videos is to help bring some awareness around these situations. Awareness and wisdom can have a part in the healing process. Try finding a psychologist who specializes in narcissism. I hope that’s helpful, I’m sorry this has been your life experience 💜 sending you love and light!
Both of my parents fit into this category and have gotten even worse. I’m now 56 and realize I may never have the experience of loving parents. I’m in the process of letting it go and wading through the sorrow. Thank you for the validation ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for showing me the silver lining to growing up with two narcissistic parents and three narcissistic step parents. I never realized how much they did for me, forcing my self reliance. I have been busy being angry about the way I was treated, it's not easy to know what to do with the rage but I'm practicing in imaginative ways. Now I get to be me, and I enjoy being me! I appreciate things so much now, because of the contrast.
Same here. My narcissistic father treated his wife and kids as if we were dead weight (even though my mom was the main breadwinner). I've always valued independence more than anything. It's always been clear to me that I will not allow anyone to treat me like that again, and I'm so grateful.
@@dolores2716 Maybe we'd be bored if we all had perfect childhoods? Maybe the world needs independent types like us? My mom skipped the pill to have me. Even though she was not really ready to be the mom I needed, if she had waited for my dad to be ready for a kid then I would not be here at all. Thank you mom!
Wow this sounds like me in a nutshell. When I was 16 and started waitressing I was forced to become extroverted- which I’m very grateful for. But now that I’m older and finding myself I’m going back to my old introverted ways and what you said I completely relate to. Great video ☺️
I did the same thing! Became very extroverted and now I live what I call, "cave life", and I'm happy with it. People seems nuts right now besides...thanks for sharing, it's so interesting to me how much we have in common throughout this thread of replies! We should start a group, hahaaa, Lone Wolf Pack
Because of my upbringing with a narcissistic father, I was very introverted, even though I spent 3 years in the Army. I got out when I realised I didn't belong. At the age of 30, I joined my local Morris Dancers - I live in the UK and Morris Dancing is part of our heritage - which brought me out of my shell and gave me an Alter Ego, as you can't be an Introvert and a Morris Dancer at the same time. When I'm in Morris Kit and dancing in public, I become a 'Wild Child' and can really let my hair down. Being a Morris Dancer has gained me many girlfriends, with whom I attend Barn Dances, Ceilidhs and Folk Festivals. Those relationships died the death, when said ladies started talking Marriage and babies, as I'm too mentally damaged to be able to cope with the obligations of marriage and child rearing; not helped by the fact I can never hold down a job for long. Introversion has its benefits; especially during the past 2 years, with the Covid Lock-downs.
@@russbetts1467 Not being from the UK, I had to find out about this Morris dancing, it looks like an excellent activity, high energy, but without moves that take a lifetime to learn. And it looks cooperative rather than competitive. I grew up in contests I didn't enter, narc mom and sister. So lots of shots taken to keep me in my place, and hiding any actual successes so I didn't activate the green eyed monster. It was exhausting. I've reached the point where I don't even want to date, though I'd love a partner. I know you have to be willing to kiss a lot of toads, but I'm not willing to go through that part of it any more. Seems most toads are actually toads, and if you ever let them kiss you they want more. I'm not ugly, I'm bright and financially secure, just what a toad wants. I've had bad reactions when I've gently declined advances, some have even been frightening, so I find it easier to avoid situations that might attract fellas. Anyhow, good for you! It looks like you've worked it out well. Cheers!
If you wonder what happened to humanity that the society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life; watch this documentary on RUclips: 💖The Connections (2021) [Short documentary] 💖
I have been married 3 times but spent most of my adult life on my own, i dont get lonely and i feel secure on my own. This lady just explained my mother to a "T"
This is a good description of who and what I am. Luckily, I'm happy and I do just fine in social situations. Still, I tend to avoid them, preferring to limit my associations to close family. I view this as a strength many do not possess. The ability to be alone is powerful in my view. So, in a way, it was a gift.
It's incredible how accurate your description of my experience and feelings is. Jaw-dropping, it's like you wrote a character and I embody it. Thank you so much for this video. I feel seen ❤
Hit the nail on the head with this one. Growing up with a malignant covert narcissist mother and a mostly absent enabling narcissist father. Comparisons between myself and ideal kids were often made. Which compounded on my insecurities of never being able to lead a normal life. I’ve gone no contact and have been living free for 8 months and I am working on my self with my therapist and my breakdancing teacher. Better days came years too late, but it’s never too late to find your best self. I push to believe these words more everyday.
Wow! Malignant narcissist mother here too, as well as a mostly absent, enabling (possibly covert narcissist, or maybe just tendencies) father! I was the scapegoat too, and my twin sisters the "golden children". Love these communities where we can share our experiences, I just wish there were more support groups where we could meet in person, and support each other! I went no contact with my mom basically a few days before I turned 18, and ran away and never came back, and I've been no contact with my dad for a year or so, although have yet to really explain what ultimately led to me cutting ties with him as well. I think that conversation, whenever it happens, will provide me with some more closure, but other than that it has been a good decision for me, and I feel better about myself than I ever did when they were in my life. I wish you peace and true happiness, and all of the things you have always deserved, but never received. ❤
Yep, that's me. You described me from first to last word in this video. One of my parents is ultra narcissistic. Another parent was too weak to defend me from that selfish/narcissistic beast. I just watched what's happening, but couldn't change anything. I was too small to change anything. Now... After so many years spent in that home I developed The Lone Wolf type of personality. I cannot say I'm satisfied with my situation. I am not proud cos I become The Lone Wolf, but it's better than hell of life I spent in my home. I have several friends from my childhood and several from university. It's less than ten people in total. Part of me would like to connect with other, new people, bring them to my life, develop some kind of relationship, but another part of me immediately become tired of dealing with them. They drain me after I need to meet them under that superficial level. I chose to live my life like this cos I'm peaceful now and I got used to be The Lone Wolf.
Yep.. 100% spot on! I would add what I read bellow. I’m also a perfectionist (to please my parents, but something that naturally extends to absolutely everyone and everything else in life) and competition from others feels like a joke. Lone wolves have their own path, what others do doesn’t matter, just don’t block our path. As an ancient oriental saying goes: “No one can compete with me, because I’m not competing”.
I have been a "lone wolf" which I enjoyed being a lone so much. It is natural for me. Plus, I got tired having to deal with siblings that do things to upset me where they push my boundaries so I prefer being alone a lot.
You just described my life! Cut off contact with my parents at 30 years and never connected with them again. I’m in contact with my siblings though and it hurts me to see how our parents have left such strong effects on their behaviour and feelings.
Yes you’re describing me. Self aware. Self actualized. Intellectual. I don’t have time for shallow small talk. Yup… I think you hit on all my personality points … proverbs says bad company corrupts good character….
Wow, you just described my whole life. How are you able to specify exact details of someones life. Everything you said, I resonate with. Crazy, that Im a male, but have always felt like something is missing inside of me, even to this day. What a shame
Wow. So true and insightful. Exactly what happened to me. Now I understand it better. Thank you. I pray all of us success on our healing journey. It continues to be painful, but so very liberating.
Thank you for acknowledging us lone wolfs. Your description of my kind was close. A college professor, the department head with a degree in psychology once said to me that if she had one word to describe me it would be gregarious. That I am, but she did not know me well enough to know I am also very much a lone wolf who is content in my alone space. I can become a warrior. I dislike saying this and but I'm not someone I'd start a fight with. I don't go off often or quickly, I pick my battles and when I do, watch out. I would never do anything illegal, I'm smart and fairly fearless, but not crazy. I have a few good friends and solid acquaintances who I view as sages, wise, but also lone wolfs. Something I'm most perplexed about myself is my resilience. I have trust issues and I have gotten badly burned because I've let my guard down. I am an empath, hungry wolfs love to take a bite out of my kind. Depression is not my thing. I'm rarely board. I believe I was put on earth to serve a purpose.
Being alone will save you alot of money👍I used to be super nice and help everyone but the day came I was gonna get kicked off my lot due to never having enough money by the 5th I took a honest hard look at why.I was ALWAYS giving money and helping all my cousins and fake friends,aunts,siblings,watching kids for free always for neighbors always helping my single mother friends out etc.I finaly realized that none of them once gave me a ride anywhere or gave me any money to help me pay my bills,never gave me gas money to drive 3 towns over to give them a free hair cut NOTHING.So I decided to stop being their doormat.Guess what ,very few still come around and it's ONLY when they are going through drama and need money🤔Pritty convenient if you ask me😂
I am my happiest alone! And regarding giving people handouts, next time, they ask, tell them you don't loan or give money away, but you do have some work and they will need to work for it, and then watch em cringe! Its what I tell em and they leave you alone
As a lone wolf, the only think I fear is becoming a narcissist myself, like my parents. As I grow older I noticed I've become increasingly similar to them that frightens the heck out of me. Their nature has rubbed off on me and I'm certain I can not have a positive influence in this world.
I can relate, although I came to the understanding that someone who is viewed as being overly narcissistic would not have this fear, they wouldn't have the self awareness and if they were aware they simply wouldn't care, I moved through the fear of it eventually once I came to this realisation, we all have some narcissistic traits being aware of it can support us in our growth and capacity to overcome and move through it and forward 🤍
So long as empathy kindness and sympathy exist within you, this will never happen. But do not fret, everyone is allowed to be little selfish just not overly so
My fear as well, I think seeing it and catching it now is a good step in breaking the cycle. It's a choice. It's like a program in my mind that needs to be re-coded, it can be it just takes time!
@@ashleykathryn9038 You cannot "catch" narcissistic personality disorder. It's an impossibility. If you were going to be a narcissist, you would have made those adaptations before your started school at the age of 5. No, I am not kidding. Every personality disorder is both an attachment disorder AND a developmental disorder...as in early childhood coping mechanisms.
@Abby🌷Survivor I also feel being a lone wolf also sets you down a path of narcissism but it's the only way I know how to live. As you isolate and detach yourself from the rest of humanity, you gradually lose a lot of empathy for fellow humans. Your ego is the only thing you have.
This is unfortunately very relatable for me. The way I was treated by my family as a child made me see interactions with other people as nothing but a detriment to myself and the only way to not lose in this game was to refuse to play i.e. stay alone as much as possible. This was also reinforced by my experiences in the kindergarten and even with the pop culture to an extent. I've always truly felt like no one has my back or will ever have and the only way not to feel abused or unworthy was to disengage from society altogether. This is definetely not healthy but I've never managed to learn how to deal with this in any other way.
This talk describes me quite accurately. I was the middle child, constantly overlooked, belittled, and always in that grey, cold zone while others had all the attention and love. My overwhelming dad didn't bother hiding this. No wonder I've become a solitary adult. I trust no one when they approach me. I tend to think their attention to me is fake or just interested. I've become to a point where I don't want people to get close to me. I don't want their love or affection, it's just fake. I have myself and that's it.
I was raised in a home very similar to your description. The funniest thing is that my parents ended up disliking me because i didnt know how to show love to my mother over the course of her life (she has passed). My parents hated the disfunctions that they created in me…what a cycle. I used to have a lot of « friends » but now i prefer to be left alone. I only kept a few very special close friends and a wife that replaces the love i didnt get from my mother. I guess im ok even lucky, but its hard to live inside me.
This resonates with me, so much. I feel that my dad was a narcissist, he was very physically, mentally, emotionally cruel. He never apologized or acknowledged the treatment. I'm a grown adult, and I've always been an extreme introvert and recluse socially. I have friends, but they are friends that understand my nature and thankfully accept me as I am, and I try my best to keep up..as my friends are a huge joy to me and being there for them gives me joy. I think part of it, there was times I needed counseling when I was younger and I pushed the hurt down and tried on my own to resolve it. I'm now working on getting a therapist and healing things that have hurt me for decades..that may have contributed to some things I struggle with now. I want to let those things go, and forgive. My dad has passed away and I don't want to be angry at him anymore..but it's hard
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story! This is a hard and complex journey that we’re on and you are so courageous for being on it! Sending you love and light💜
Wow, never have heard or read so precise description of feelings I have had all my life and all that how I coped with it. Didn't know my parents were narcissistic.Its like algorithms have read my thoughts today, because I said to myself that I am the lonely wolf. I am very grateful for this video and information given.
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![Growing up with a lack of love [ Recovering from narcissistic tendencies ]](/img/1.gif)
Here are the articles I read to help me make this video.
psych2go.net/9-signs-you-have-a-lone-wolf-personality/
lonerwolf.com/lone-wolf/
goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/your-lone-wolf-mentality-is-killing-you-wcz/
I think you did a good job on this video, overall. But, if I may add some (hopefully) constructive criticism, there are some aspects being attributed to developing a Lone Wolf personality as a defense mechanism after suffering narcissistic abuse, that are really simply traits of an introvert. While there are definitely some areas where they overlap a bit, the main difference is those points that are based in strength and natural independence and love of solitude are primarily introvert traits. The Lone Wolf may develop the ability to draw strength from those traits, but, it takes a lot of trauma therapy to get there. The Lone Wolf personality is trauma based, so it's one of mistrust and isolation. Isolation is the dark side of solitude. Introverts gain strength from time in solitude. The Lone Wolf doesn't gain strength or recharge from being alone, they just feel safer that way.
Once you were attributing positive qualities to being a Lone Wolf, thats when you started conflating it with being introverted.
Being introverted is not caused by trauma or narcissistic parents.
Being a Lone Wolf, is. As you said, wolves are pack animals... so the analogy is correct because being the lone wolf is an indication that its unhealthy.
@@yuriination lol ... nice alias "yuriination"
@@dancroitoru364 lol thanks! I've had it for literally 30 years. 😆 I used to make lots of goofy screen names using my name. Like, yuriine, yuriika, yuriinemybed, yuriinemypants, yuriinelove, and yuriitarded (which of course, I wouldn't use now). And, so many others. lol I still use yuriika and yuriine. I let the others go though.
Looking back I think it was me, taking my power back because, as a kid, in grade school, I was teased, mercilessly. They'd call me Urine or Yoyo or Yamaha. I didnt mind the other names but the urine one bothered me. When I got older, I embraced it.
And now you know way more about my screen name history than you probably care to know. lol 😆 🙃
@@yuriination interesting .. I mean Miss Pipi or Urinella sounds related but Yamaha?? That's unfair -)
@@dancroitoru364 the Yamaha one developed the day I wore pigtails and they would grab them and make motorcycle noises. lol just the letter 'Y' in my name was enough to carry the joke. 4th grade was rough! G-D little hooligans! lol
This is a logical explanation for why so many people, myself included, have checked out of society. We just don't have time, patience or energy for the stupidity and nonsense anymore.
True. So much BS and I despise it.
Ive been a loner my entire life, never had real friends or fit in. Im 32 now and accepting that i will probably be alone the rest of my life is sometimes hard but, I dont have the energy, patience or willingness to interact with people. Maybe one day i will meet someone likeminded and that will change but for now it holds true.
@@Kevin97587 .I'm 56 and that's been my story. I was married but was still alone that whole time. All you can do is strive to be the best you can be at all you do. Never try to do anything to please someone else. Be the best you can be for yourself and yourself only.
I’m not going to say that everyone is an asshole but I’ve found that people are just too needy, emotional
Or self absorbed for my taste.
@@Kevin97587 I guess it depends on if you’ve tried to meet women and it just goes nowhere? I’ve been a lone wolf for many years and I’ve found it does change our brain - like you I have such little patience for people at this point. I just can’t be bothered for what appears to be little if any reward
Oh yes... I've always been a "lone wolf." When the majority of people were complaining of the isolation during the pandemic, I was like... I've been preparing for this my whole life. It's business as usual for me! Edited for grammar. I'm also a perfectionist.
Lol, Facts!! 💯💯👍🏾
Lol 💜
I disagreed on the premise of lockdowns, but personally enjoyed it for all the same reason you stated.
Same, was just thinking the other day I wouldn’t mind another lock 🔒 down
@@user-ph4mg1mh9c 😂💜
A big thing that pushes me away from close relationships is the weird power struggle that tends to crop up. When I sense it, I usually withdraw from the relationship or situation and let the other person be king over whatever they thought they were competing with me over.
Omg! I do this as well, but it’s been doing me a huge disservice at work. How would you navigate issues like taking ownership of things and demanding respect? It gets tiring.
Yes I completely agree, I used to be very social , but it gradually dawned on me the majority of people including some family are only interested if there is something tangible like me paying some form of financial support, if you withdraw that they disappear , I gradually realised that I was the one making the phone calls , hosting the lunches , checking up when they were unwell, close family are fine , it’s the outer fringes or acquaintances that seem to evaporate if I am not consistently putting in the energy and resources.
lol. Right. Not worth it
YESS… I hate power dynamics so much. Why can’t we all just be people…
Yes I have felt the same thing..at first I thought I was just too sensitive...but then it would be revealed..
Alone was the only safe place to be as a child. It was the only place I didn’t have to manage my narcissistic parent’s emotions or deal with the blame shifting. Alone was the only time I could be myself. Solitude was my savior.
Thank you for sharing this! Sending you love and light💜
This! Only when I was alone I was safe and didn’t had to be alert.
Being alone is now the only time I’m fully relaxed.
@Rhea The word "resonate" is being used inappropriately by a lot of people online and it makes them sound both silly and illiterate. Resonate means: "to produce or be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound." "to produce electrical or mechanical resonance." The correct word is RELATE.
Hmm I think that hits home
@@reesedaniel5835 That explanation doesn't resonate with me.
This woman basically just described my entire life. Constant feeling of exhaustion physically, mentally and emotionally. Also being completely honest with oneself, no victim mentality, trying to be the best version of myself, hate drama, gossiping, two faced people, liars, manipulative people, cruelty. Overt narcissist for a father and a covert narcissist for a mother who for years played the victim and acted more like an empath. I'ma need years of therapy and spiritual healing lol. Also the feeling of nobody having your back or being able to trust others.
Good to hear others share the same thoughts as me. This sort of information was never available to me, it's really hard figuring it out on your own.
@@hipsonsogbo You're not alone. I am also INFP from the personality test. So it makes everything make sense.
You're not acting the victim, but claim you need years of therapy? Lol.
@@simonmorris746 It's a joke dude lol. Plus therapy does not make someone a victim. It takes self awareness and courage to seek help. We are in an age where people don't need to feel ashamed or stigmatized for seeing a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Better than being depressed and anxious or even ending up killing themselves or other people.
@@nostalgicbliss5547 I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who went through this. I had the exact same parental structure, my mom still plays the victim to this day, covert narc but pretending to be an empath. My YT bio is literally become the best version of yourself. Also, it's not victimizing yourself to understand part of your improvement journey may require lots of therapy. Honestly assessing our weaknesses is what makes us stronger than the narcissists.
This video hit the bullseye 🎯. I grew up having been sexually molested, bullied, physical and mentally/psychologically abused verbally, etc. My personal life's motto is, " the less people I need/have to interact with, the less likely I am to have trouble come my way." I treasure my solitude!
Especially as you get older. Less people around is better.
Yup. I got my wife and consequently my kids. Beyond that I have absolutely no friends, speak to absolutely nobody in my family, and am perfectly happy that way.
Walked a similar path & found peace by improving myself so as to never be at the mercy of another person. I share a house with three dogs & a cat. That's more than enough company. Ask the cat.
I’m so sorry! Like I literally couldn’t imagine that, I’m glad you’re here
Boy can I relate to what you're saying! I have a similar childhood background to what you describe. I love my solitude! I abhor too many people, too much noise, and things being too busy - and most of all, the drama that comes with people. I have a partner, and no "friends" to speak of, but have acquaintances. Attempts to change that with therapy "worked", but I found that I really didn't want an "ordinary" social life.
The problem with therapy is that by the third session if not earlier the therapist starts to encourage “socializing” like I didn’t try before and that’s the reason that landed me in therapy in the first place. Dear therapists: it’s ok to say you don’t specialize in complex ptsd and refer out if you don’t know what you’re doing. Normalize lone wolves. I didn’t come to therapy to learn to socialize. I’m coming to therapy to heal from it.
💯
Thank you for saying that, that’s been my experience too. I really like Jay Reid, he has helped me massively and seems to really know what he’s talking about. He says to find safe people to be around but I can’t do that. This dynamic has followed me around like a curse. I like being a “lone wolf” and I don’t have the energy to put into other relationships anymore. I’m no contact with my family and have no friends. I’m actually at peace now though and fully focused on my own healing and my children. I’m actually in the process of moving to the country too. I’ve found I’m safer away from people.
THIS
Thank you for saying this.
This, 100%. I'm looking to fix me, not to socialize. I really consider the ability to spend long periods alone, and be perfectly happy, to be a gift, not a curse.
I am 63 yrs old,a loner and I have lived on my own for the last 40 yrs but I dont think my parents(who divorced) were narcissistic abusers.One of the benefits of being a loner is that I dont have to put up with or listen to other peoples B.S.The pandemic just came and went and made no difference to my life style.
Yes, it was curious to see people getting mental health problems while I just went on like always.
Same here. I don't think they pandemic changed my life at all. It is amazing how well she described me. I'm 57 now, and one thing that I've noticed happening to me is I get afraid if a woman were actually to like me. I become convinced that once she gets to know me, she will change her mind.
My mom fit that abusive parent she described pretty much to a tee. I mention this because you said your parents weren't abusive... and I replied here because of your pandemic statement.
Same, we are the same age too. I think that a lot of what she's describing happens to people with outlying high IQs as well. I've known a few such folk and they don't tend to feel like they fit in anywhere or can relate to others well.
One of my parents was a violent narcissist, the other covert and enabler, but I grew to be the opposite of this description. I wanted so badly to have a family, a fun and functional family and unfortunately I haven’t succeeded fully, but I haven’t failed either. I extended my good will to my parents as well and they accepted it gladly, but sadly never respected it. In fact, they behaved as if it was given that they must be part of everything I do with (now) my nuclear family. But, that’s another story. Despite battling to have a family, I enjoy solitude as well and I don’t think is always related to narcissistic abuse. I think is actually quite abnormal not to seek solitude. How can anyone read, think … do stuff if someone is always around?! Now, pandemic - no! I can’t understand that people can live without cafes, concerts, theaters, bookstores, museums, restaurants….But, for a little twist in this narrative of people abused by narcissists enjoying pandemic, I noticed that two of my friends who are quite self absorbed (and narcissistic), they enjoyed pandemic too; I saw that as a bit of narcissistic nastiness in them, in a sense I am unhappy (narcissists are never happy) and have no life, so let the others feel a bit of that pain too!
Wow, I had no idea how many people felt the way I did. My life didn’t change, I continued living like I normally do. Honestly thought those that were freaking out were just being over the top. Didn’t understand what was the big deal🤷🏻♀️
Most of the jobs I've had usually involved working by myself in a quiet environment. When I was a pre-teen I took a written exam that was supposed to determine your ideal job. Mine was night watchman. Decades later and I'm a guard who works the off hours at a museum. It suits my personality, that of the lone wolf. I had a narcissistic mother who specialized in devaluing any emotion/opinion that I had. From early on I found my greatest peace being alone in my room with a book or the radio. I married late in life to a woman who was raised by a narcissistic father. Like me, she had no children or previous marriages. I believe we have both helped each other in the healing process. I've read many of the comments here and many strike hard because I know exactly how that writer felt. Good luck and healing to you all.
Glad you found a woman to resonate with.
Narcissistic abuse is worst than "the hell week" of navy "seals" "Hell week" is just a week nothing more. It will pass. Narcissistic abuse continues with years and years and years(from parents) To all lone wolfs: we passed the narcissistic abuse and believe me we can pass ALL!
Love this! 💜
I'm not even sure why this came up on my feed but was surprised how well she described my childhood. AND my parents are in their 90s and the dynamic is still the same.
You got a really good point.
@@Blk_N_Bleu Thank you
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert agreed I survived a childhood of that. My books were my shelter. I was lucky as I think that more people turn to drugs now as a way to escape from a aspd spectrum parent or sibling or spouse
"Not having to feel responsible for other peoples' emotions" 💯
Ye. Saying what you mean sometimes breaks a couple eggshells...
"Focus on the positive traits you hid from your parents, relearn who you are"
That hit a real truth in me,
Thanks for the video
Yeah I love this. It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do lately so it’s good to hear someone validate it.
@billyb4790 It works. Her assessment was creepy accurate. Right down to the depression/suicidal garbage. Once you figure out what doesn't belong to you, and who you are, the depression, etc., evaporates. The truth really does set you free.
(Still a lone wolf trying to balance compassion with severe 🐂💩 allergies. Just a far happier and more secure one. Lol)
Hope this helps. Be well. 😊
@@MaryDunford God bless you Mary
I think this family dynamic is why we're seeing a lot of fearful avoidants, avoidants and hyper independence/no faith in humanity sentiments in younger people. Isolation can be a big part of (c)ptsd.
yup.
I prefer the word solitude.
It is absolutely terrifying to think that I may have CPTSD.. my behaviors reflect that and I never once thought I may be suffering from trauma.. I look around at all the normal folks, happy and social and then there's me in perpetual fear
@@wesley6442 The good news is that once you’ve identified the issue you can begin to heal.
I have CPTSD and have come a long way with the help of a trauma informed therapist. You can heal, it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
This is me. Being alone seems natural to me because I've "been alone" literally my entire life. Close relationships were always negative things during my childhood, problematic if not outright dangerous, so for many years I avoided ever getting close to anyone because I had the subconscious belief being close to someone would only ever result in agony, never in anything positive. I have since moved on from those beliefs and am much closer to normal now, but it's impossible to break entirely. I still spend way more time by myself than most people, am comfortable doing things on my own, etc. One of the things I really hate about this is that it takes me a really strong, conscious effort to care about other people a lot of times because caring about another person was something that I never experienced growing up, so it's like that part of my brain just never really developed right. I understand intellectually people matter, and I want to treat them well and care about them, but it just feels like I have to make a strong effort in this area that comes so naturally to most people.
Also, to anyone reading this, if you have a narc in your life, single best piece of advice anyone can give you is to get away from them, even if it's your parents. The only reason I'm even alive today is because I moved 800 miles away from my parents so that I could heal and break habits created by their toxic influence. You cannot get better in the same environment that made you sick. Remove yourself from the dysfunction, find healthy people to spend time with. Things will get better. Love.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! So glad you were able to move away from them. I love the last paragraph as well “ you cannot get better in the same environment that made you sick“ love this. Sending you love and healing light.💜
I joined the militarty instinctively, I think. Thank God!
And don't spend Christmas, birthdays, etc with them either! Not even phone calls, texts, letters, emails, NOTHING! Go no contact!
Yikes, unfortunately, I can't run away. I don't know how you guys managed to do anything with your life if you've been told you're worthless your whole lives, that is some serious strength. Personally, I've lost, to be frank I don't even think I had a chance to fight for it. I mean sure, you could just get up study and do the work, but we're complex multi-dimensional psychological creatures and there is always an underlying story moving the direction of your life. I have no desire to change things, maybe I don't even feel deserving. I don't even have the confidence to change things, so I wonder if I should wait for a revelation to come? That seems unironically the only solution, because the movement that is currently occuring is painful and destructive, and I could more or less predict how it'd play out in the end.
@@rightcliquegod7653 you gotta break away from them soon or later, you are NOT them. You are your own person and should associate yourself with ONLY good people.
Yes. Loneliness is the only way to feel emotional secure. No B.S., no drama, no blame, no shame, no walking on egg shells. We are also hyper independent because we learned that dependence on others makes us weak and we risk being controlled. We hate being controlled and this is why it’s very hard to have a LTR with a woman: they all try to control a man sooner or later. We also learned early to self soothe ourselves, to process our emotions without others. Being lonely is how we recharge our energy.
Exactly. Even many men have wanted to control me. What, am I your puppet!?! We seem to live in a highly controlling society. Why?
Quite a generalization about women... thanks, but no thanks.... O.k., I try to take your critissism on board, and I think you might be right to a certain extent. Have you ever thought about it this way: maybe it's due to the fact almost all men cannot keep their weewee in their pants when they get too much 'freedom'. And it hurts!!
Misogynist?
@@Lucy-f2o Go use your shaming techniques on someone else. They don't work on me.
@@CalinGilea I understand being lost. But blaming it all on women? That's rude. You deserve what you get. A penis isn't nearly as valuable as you believe it to be.
Wow. You described my childhood to a tee. Staying locked away in my room was my only form of security. Definitely a lone wolf. I prefer nature and animals over people.
I was outside and away as much as I could be.
Me too
@@Jeweli. Me too! From morning to night, snow, rain, sleet, sun. And by myself.
I hid from my parents by staying in my room which was in the attic. They were physically & verbally abusive. My father an alcoholic & mother who was mentally ill, she swallowed a bottle of pills when I was 5 bc she said she didn’t want to be my mother, I was a mistake & wanted to abort me. She tortured me & I lived in constant fear so I kept to myself until I was able to get away from them. The fear & memories never goes away & haunts me, therapy never helped. To this day I don’t trust anyone, I prefer animals to ppl bc they give u unconditional love
@@AngelBlu7 so sad to hear they undermined your right to exist and blossom....and good to hear you persisted and prevailed so bravely. I also love the non human beings who are so kind
Don't worry you're not alone
I pretty much shed tears watching this because I grew up in a Narcissistic household. For years I thought there was something wrong with me and eventually started hating everyone. As a 40yr old I'm going through counseling but I'm already damaged. I don't even want to interact with people. People think I'm cold but it's a defense mechanism with all the pain I've experienced and being ignored. Thank You for this video. 🙏❤
I cried watching this vid too. Amy described my childhood, teen years, and young adult years. As a kiddo, I retreated to reading books to escape the chaos, abuse, and drama going on in my house. Anytime I showed emotions, it was used against me. I was called a baby or too sensitive. My dad was the abuser, but my mom sided with him and put his needs before my needs and my younger brother's needs. I enjoy being alone. I love going camping and hiking alone. It gives me joy to take in nature by myself. I, too, am in counseling (and have been for years). This year, I found a therapist who specializes in CPTSD. We have been peeling back the layers of pain and abuse. I also thought I was damaged but I realized that I am bruised and cautious. I use an array of coping mechanisms to keep people away. Trusting who to let in, well, is a work in progress. @oOR3stlessOo I wish you the best in your therapy journey.
I hate this. When being with people is more a perceived negative than positive. It’s scary when we realize what we’re really thinking.
My parents don’t validate me-- still… and part of it is they don’t get me- or want to?
Or maybe I’m weird and add and add and a dreamer
But the combination makes me feel never heard… and I worry that I don’t hear them too.
I’m learning now when my mom asks me about something and I tell her, she gets worked up, cuts me off, redirects and I start to lose energy and try harder, then become despondent.
Each time, I do t know…. I want to communicate, but it ends up so sad and I end up being the bad guy and “hurting” them. This is at 50 even.
My feeling and thoughts are still a threat to my family???
@@visionvixxen🎯
I declined to attend by office's end of year holiday happy hour party, and so glad I did. These people talk smack behind each others backs all year, sabotaging each other, being toxic and then want to drink and be merry together? I don't know how to do that. I don't have those fake hypocrite skills. Very difficult for me to be around fake toxic people, and not even alcohol makes it easier.
@@101gitfit are you my twin, lol ... this was exactly my childhood - retreating into books, my mum would sometimes grab the book off me and hit me over the head with it because I wasn't showing her attention!
Story of my life. People often underestimate how much I love being on my own, but like the video describes, being alone gives people like us a sense of freedom and security.
The freedom from aggravation is priceless. Lonely sometimes. 20%
The worst part of that is some people would never understand you, and you don't have to explain it to them. Thriving alone is something that they will never comprehend. We are too different.
Yeah. I’m amazed how people want to be together. I don’t understand it.
I believe this Lone Wolf personality type is what me and my Sweetheart have in common. We have both been in horrible relationships. We get together to solve problems and talk about our day but kind of go to our corners and we love it. We are absolutely loyal to one another. I'm blessed to have someone like her in my life.
I would like to find someone who understands.
Not a true lone wolf.
This video nailed it, but I am content as a lone-ish wolf with a very small pack and have zero desire to change. No therapist will restore my faith in humanity, not after what I've seen from the lot of them.
I'm a Lone Wolf due to the issues you did a excellent job of presenting. I'm 71 and live next to a beautiful park. I ended up in a place I could have never imagined as a child while laying in a grassy field staring at the clouds and letting the sun warm me.
Good luck on your journey to heal yourself.
It's like you read my soul. Another point from anyone who has suffered such abuse is that it takes a long time to realize that you've had an abusive childhood. Especially if you're from Gen X where most families were messed up. There is a certain element of gaslighting that comes with the narcissistic abuse and because you grow up thinking that's the norm, that just becomes all you know. So you can understand why it takes years for this realization to take place. Thank god for RUclips. The only social media I can handle
💜💜💜
Fantastic point
Yep. Didn't realize it until age 42-44! 😐
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
It took me 24 years to realize the dysfunctionality.
I am a 59 year old man that had and still have a Narcissistic Mother (my dad has pasts away) I still struggle to find a purpose and relationships never last long.Years ago I competed in the Hawaiian Ironman when I came home all my parents said to me was that I probably was dead last.Your video is 100% correct.I finally now know who I am Thank you.
Darn man. I’m sorry
Doing the iron man is amazing!!!
Even if you did finish last, you had the courage to dream, discipline to train, fortitude to finish. There is GREAT honor in that
Would it really matter if you were dead last? Props to you for staying in shape and taking responsibility for your life.
not the point....@@sundancer7381
She is very cruel and jealous of you I dated a guy who was a covert narcissist. His mother was a crazy narcissist. We all met up on a trip to California. The three of us walked around for awhile at Venice beach. I have serious neck & foot injuries, so after spending some time with both of them, I said I needed to stay at the beach, to stretch for an hour or so, to relieve my neck pain from traveling. I found out later from my boyfriend (also with zero boundaries sexually, morally), that his mom was upset that I didn't walk back with them. People, it was so crazy. She had no concept of what others were thinking, feeling, or someone else's point of view. I was hurting physically, but instead of respecting my boundaries, and need to work out pain from flying, she got mad because I wasn't able to walk back together. I know that everyone has some narcissistic tendencies, but wow! He now is an ex-boyfriend (thank God) and I am so happy that I saw the mask slip with him, and luckily we only dated for a year. He moved through a bunch of women, one that died of cancer (he moved in with her right away) probably because he couldn't afford his own place. The poor girls family was annoyed by his attempts after her death, to muddle in their own personal grieving process trying to "help". While we were broken up, for years he tried to contact me to triangulate between us two, and other hook ups. I had to go completely "grey rock". It was the most damaging, horrific, traumatizing, humiliating, and demoralizing experience of my entire life. He also displayed the the dupers delight "smirk" when he knew he got something from me. This loser wasted my time. Because of his covert narcissism, I spend years of on-line therapy learning about how these people operate & how to heal from their damaging actions. Not a shred of morals. So fake and phony. I really wished I had seen it coming, but I had never dated anyone like this before in my entire life!!! Dear God, for all the people out there that have suffered from these monsters, just know that you did not deserve to be manipulated and treated like dirt. "Hurt people, hurt people". That is what is has come down to for me. Know not to be angry, or pulled into their unending cycle of drama. In the end, it is all just a massive humiliation ritual, they will do over and over and over, until you are questioning your own sanity, and you are feeling worthless. They are the emotional vampires that will suck you dry.
from a narcissistic family, my whole goal in life can be summarized as "please leave me alone" - now at 40, I see how damaging that has been, and am trying to change and find purpose. not taking on narcissist's wants and emotions is all well and good, but not taking on ANYONE's is a recipe for disaster...
Wow you described my parents and me to a tee. Yes, I am a lone wolf. I prefer to be alone and I view everyone as hurtful
Thank you for sharing this! 💜 I hope you find peace on your journey 🙏🏻
Too scared to be out there, for fear of another one entrapping me.
Yikes!
Ditto. I don't even let my son have all of me bc when he's mean I'm just not interested. I've been abused enough.
Same. I'm safer alone.
Covert Narc is worse. For me there was "unconditional love" but with a cost. Fed, loved, taken care of but totally controlled.
I can't number the amount of times my mother has said "we don't know why you lack self esteem".....and now I realize she know exactly and has a laugh to herself. She has a sophisticated way of control, where she "helps" and uses that to her advantage.
Sounds so familiar, ugh
I wouldn't call it worse. Just a different form. Imagine being an infant with a parent openly terrorizing you.
Exactly like my excuse-for-a-mother. She’s got the innocent, indirectly evil thing down pat 🙄😏
@@LittleLulubee I've told my therapist I'd much rather an all out obvious narc than this covert and conspicuous type. They really disgust me....
@@ThruTheMatrix Yes, backstabbing, disingenuous, creepily inauthentic. To subject an innocent child to that level of deceit, without an ounce of a conscience. It’s grotesque.
"I have been lucky enough to avoid women my entire life" wrote Henry Thoreau. I have not been that lucky...but a close second!
I have peace and quiet, and, being alone, assures me of intelligent conversation, and the ability to accomplish my goals.
To avoid all relatives, I concocted a tale that I perished in a storm while trying to sail around the world in a rowboat! Holidays are spent in the workshop, or at a museum, or even a beach. Wonderful.
Thomas Mulhali
It's not particularly about women. It's men all the same. Heterosexual just are bound to experience relationships as a couple with the other sex. Men and women alike in all other kind of relationships can be toxic as well. That's not really a consolation, but makes it worse as even in friendships you can be used or in work or business relationships.
My parents weren't narcissists, but they were both emotionally immature and were emotionally and verbally abusive as well as neglectful. I was isolated and developed a lot of the tendencies discussed in the video. I am also a Meyers Briggs INTJ, so solitude comes pretty easily to me. While I can be bubbly, animated and vivacious I do tend to keep people at arm's length and at the end of the day, I require a LOT of alone time to process things. I am working with my therapist to balance that.
Sames! It’s hard being a female INTJ unicorn, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! 😆🦄❤
I completely relate to this.
I feel seen
Thanks for this video. I'm 63 and just learning how narcissistic people have upset my life. I'm completely isolated now, retired onto disability, and in a state where I don't know anyone. But to me this isn't sad... I feel safe. I miss people, but I'm just incapable of dealing with drama anymore. Thanks again, I think knowing all this may help me reach outside myself again.
You nailed it. From a CPTSD daughter of a sadistic narcissist. Thank you for the validation, it gives me strength.
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Hello fellow cptsd affected human ❤️ hope you live a full and happy life ❤️🙏😊
Ditto
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You've described me almost perfectly. I was the scapegoat third child of a covert narcissist. I consider myself recovered, but some days I still have to work on it. I've been no contact for over 30 years. I would note that one trait you didn't mention is that the lone wolf is very susceptible to stress and strain. Especially healthwise, I have to be vigilant not to over do. Thank you for a good video!
Thank you for your comment and your feedback!💜 sending you love and light on your journey!
Yes - susceptible to stress and strain. A very, very hard thing to explain simply to others and to engineer life around.
Ditto Jeanette
Hello Jeanette! I deeply relate to your comment, and was wondering if you could maybe elaborate a little about the susceptibility to stress and strain?? I find it very interesting bcs I feel like as soon as I'm stressed out I can't function, I lose my patience, yell at people and overall kind of disassociate from myself in order to cope until I'm back to normal. How does it feel for you? (or anyone else who reads this, happy to read about your experience(s)).
Wow, "scapegoat third child" - never heard that said before, but, boy, can I relate.
I love being alone. I love solitude. My childhood was amazing. I'm just intelligent, think for myself, and have good, strong traditional values. These 3 traits make me unable to find almost anyone that I don't strongly dislike.
You make it sound like being a lone wolf is a bad thing or sad place to end up. I couldn't disagree more. I have plenty of time for hobbies and interests, a few friends who I actually enjoy spending meaningful time with, and space to myself. I don't think RUclips therapists realise the shame and guilt they saddle people with when making videos like these. There's nothing wrong with being a lone wolf. I find companionship in nature and silence and my interests, and I my social needs are met, if minimal (which is how I like it). if anything, I'm grateful to my parents for showing me I don't need to be saddled with a relationship and offspring and other all-consuming responsibilities that create instability and emotional turmoil. A simple, minimalist yet fulfilling life is fine, thanks.
Oh no, that wasn’t my intention at all! I did mention that the Lonewolf tends to be at peace, and have serenity and enjoy their alone time and don’t tend to feel alone. They are truth fighters and love friendships that are genuine and authentic. There’s a lot of traits to the Lonewolf that I admire and sometimes I wish I had more of. I did include the downsides that some people can experience being a Lonewolf to try to include everyone in the general population as much as I could. My intention is to bring awareness around it to be able to move through it for the people who are suffering. 💜
Agreed! It's like a stigma, which is so not deserved
@@INFJparadox I agree! Especially by people who don’t understand it, or think that people need to be social with many friends, to be happy. Which is not the case.
I’ve been a lone wolf my entire life; I’m 62. I chose not to have children in order to break the cycle shown to me by both parents and brother. Thru the years, I have noticed that I keep choosing friends or men that are narcissistic. Thruout my lifetime, I let these people go as I finally allow myself to see them for who they are. I’m still learning about people and myself and enjoy being solitary as well. I am strong mentally and can stand up to anyone, and can think on my feet; I take no prisoners either. My unconditional feelings of love are towards and from my animals and nature.
@@katieking8830 love this, thank you for sharing!💜
This totally described my childhood completely. My mother was awful and totally into herself. I don’t even understand why she had children. My sister is just like her. They’re just consumed with their own thoughts and feelings and pretend to care about other people so they end up looking good. They don’t really care. I am a caring person but I find too often people take advantage of your concern. So I retreated to myself but I remain friendly and respectful To everyone that is nice to me. I like being alone because I don’t meet many people like me. I really want to find a life partner but people are just toxic sometimes and you can’t really let people close to you because you don’t know their intentions. This video totally explains everything. What gives me peace is that I know other people went through this too. For all of us who are survivors of narcissistic parents just know that God loves you and you’re going to be OK. We have to learn from it and leave it in the past. After all we are better than that. We are great people even though our parents didn’t tell us that. We are loved and appreciated.❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this, sending you love and healing light💜
Melanie- I totally relate to everything you said! Thank you 💗☺
I'm an atheist, so I don't believe there's love from any god.
Beautiful comment. Thank you.
Solitude is a great way of life! When it is a choice. Not an escape from the world. I have been all over the spectrum! I have never being happier than living as a lone wolf!😍🤩😎
As someone who was constantly told (as a child) that he was a unwanted pregnancy, this video really struck close to home.
That’s terrible I’m sorry! 💜 sending you love and light
Oh my God! Same here. Mum told me I was to be aborted, and gave me a hellish upbringing.
@@twhitney4093 UGG! I’m so sorry! Sending you love and light and healing 💜
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert Thank you ❤️
Me too
I've watched 100s of videos around this subject and boy did this one touch all the raw nerves and make me sob like a baby. I was raised by 2 violent and cruel narcissists and I FINALLY walked away from my family in my late 40s. There isnt any help available for people like me so I am now a total loner and avoid people. I'm too broken to trust anyone and like you said, too scared to allow others to see just how damaged and broken and vulnerable I am as it only makes me a target for narcissists. Everything you said is so accurate. Thankyou and good luck to anyone else who is a victim of narcissism as they are the WORST relationships to emotionally recover from 🙏🙏❤
Thank you so much for sharing my heart goes out to you! Sending you love and healing light💜
Don't worry.... you have a new life awaiting... your astute awareness is a first step. I too had to break away from the family in mid 40s....new light comes at the end of the tunnel
Bud you gotta start hanging out with folks. Dont gotta be anything special just some backyard frontporch outside park chillin, nothin personal at all. Most people are fragile and vulnerable beyond so theres not too much to be afraid of. Friends go as deep or shallow as you want; want em shallow then great, want em deep then go for deeper. Ease your way into deeper relationships through gettin back in touch with humanity thru shallow relationships. Only invest the level of trust equal to the kind of friendship or relationship you want with that specific person and go from there, and you should be alright.
Wrong you are about being terminally broken. Continue to say no to things and people you dont want in your life, all the while making an effort to meet new folks. Gradually you will see that many people are seeking the very same things you value.
I tried to talk to a therapist, and it was a total waste of time. I've got more out of RUclips.
Lone Wolf who found his way back to the pack here!!! This is a great summary of my life experience. It feels very validating and comforting to know that I'm not alone. To the Lone Wolfs who desire to find their way back to intimacy there is hope, it happened in my life when I found a partner and group of people who loved me back into loving myself. Also, getting and nurturing a dog really helped me too.
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❤❤❤❤ I hope I can get my way back too, I dealt with a group of friends who are narcissistic too after studying abroad and leaving my own family I thought I finally made connection but them was the worst and my es was narcasstic too, I was happy I did noticed and survived the Trauma again now I left to another country in a hope to heal from all that
At heart I know I am a “relationship person,” but I have chosen to focus on strengthening family bonds and on enjoying better daily relationships with workmates. Recovery from a narcissistic upbringing is a lifelong process. You can do as much or as little as you want. But if you do want, keep working on it! There are rewards.
Lone wolf here. Having a dog helped me a lot as well.
wow, this sounds like me 100%. my father is a malignant narcissist and I was bullied and criticized my entire life. All I want is my own safe space, alone, where I feel my happiest. People stress me out.
Yup 💯 also because that family set up then attracts you to narcissists in friendships and relationships so you just end up in many abusive relationships... at some point you have to self prioritize and often through solitude because that is the only time you're really safe.
This is honestly the most straightforward and precise description of being raised this way.
Thank you 💜💜💜
Totally... It's so spot on I have listened to it a few times 👊🏻👍🏻🤍⭐️
It's spot on Amy, Thankyou, in this
Lifetime I at almost 51
Years of age am now grateful for the lessons I learned and the place I have arrived at, at this point, I see my past experiences through very different eyes, now with every life experience I turn inward and ask what did or can I learn from this 🤍⭐️🤍
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert Extremely accurate indeed... you are very good... I'm impressed
Wow, thanks for making a video that wasn't just "your parents sucked and now you're messed up" and actually highlighted the strengths that we can develop through our more trying experience. Much respect & gratitude
Thank you!💜
Good point, good and bad with everything methinks.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
I find peace, and energy being alone, and I'm tired of dealing with other people. People I interact with are temporary, and expendable.
That is exactly me and INFJ. Narcissistic mother (never knew father), daily mental, emotional, and physical abuse since I was a baby. Sexual abuse due to mother's boyfriends. Adulthood narcissist boyfriends, every kind of abuse, should have been six feet under many times. So yes, I'm a lone wolf and now at 52, that's how I rather live the rest of my life. My shattered heart will not be torn apart again and I'm at peace 💜💜💜
I’m so sorry! Thank you for sharing your story! I am so glad you are at peace, sending you love and light💜
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert Thank you so much and really appreciate your video 🥰
@@INFJparadox thank you! I appreciate you!💜
well done getting through all that & God Bless You !
I'm also an INFJ.T, male, raised by covert narc mother and overt narc father . Mid fifties and totally alone now, scarred for life 🇬🇧
Oh my God, this is 100% me! Both my parents were narcissists. Father grandiose and mother covert. Every point you made about the lone wolf was 100% accurate for me. I have researched narcissism and it's effects for years, but this is the first time I've heard a connection between being raised by narcissists and being a lone wolf.
I share the same parental profile combo, and agree that this description fits me almost completely, happy loner connecting with nature. i have retired from socialising, as my tolerance for the social games are zero. Blessings 🌈
@@natashavanzyl2815 It is a blessing. People ask me, “How can you live like that?” I respond, “How can you not?” Separating from (most) people has been the greatest peace and joy of my entire life. I was finally able to retire and cut out all the toxic corporate robots.
It’s truly unlocking so much. I’m in lone wolf mode just trying to process it all lol
@@jessieadore Amazing isn't it, when all the pieces fall into place and you can see what it is?
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
She just described my life. Im 55 and still alone.
I just discovered you and am shocked that someone describes me. I am constantly criticized for wanting to be alone. Alone is the only way I can survive and be protected from the pain inflicted upon me by others. I am safe. Thank you - thank you for showing me I am normal in my behavior having been so abused in childhood, in marriage, in friendships and other relationships. I am so happy being alone or with a good book❤️❤️👏👏🌈
I’m so glad you’re happy with being alone and I’m sorry that others have a hard time understanding it! Sending you love and healing light💜
I'm in tears. Thank you, I feel so seen. I used to be ridiculed in college for how much of a "loner" I was. And a part of it always felt like a necessity that superseded my need to connect. I couldn't explain it then, but now I get it. Thank you for this profound understanding.
I’m so glad this video helps! Sending you love and healing light💜
This is so accurate. Exactly how I live and deal with people. I’ve had narcissistic abuse since I was very young small, a total of 55years in all. I trust no one. Everything said here is how I deal with it.
This lady described my entire life in 8 minutes...
2020 was the best year of my life. I felt completely disconnected when people yearned for social events, like going to beaches, bars, and parties. I felt bad for them, but felt far better than I usually did, since I had less reasons to be out in the social sphere. Working from home, even got rewards for my online briefs. Not to brag, but this video really hit me in the heart. Thank you. 💜
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Pretty much described my personality in a nutshell and my experiences as a child. Thank you for the acknowledgement and shining light on the fact that I am not the only one put there.
I have seen hundreds of videos on narcs, but this is the closest I have come to relating to any info on how their behaviour can affect our personality and our lives. You described my personality perfectly! I have lived alone since I was 35. I'm now 65. I love my own company, adored lockdown and get incredibly tired after a day's work in retail.- I feel like all the blood has drained out of me and I need to sleep, to regroup my energy. I can't believe how spot on uou are.
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Retail (and really any kind of customer service) can be incredibly tiring even for people with good mental health. For those of us who grew up being mistreated, it's doubly awful.
Been a lone wolf since I was a small child. This video explains me perfectly. I’m actually shocked that it’s so accurate. Here I was thinking I was unique. 😂
I like being alone. I have no problem with it. The only people that have an issue with it is my father and sister. They make me feel abnormal for wanting to be alone and being okay with solitude.
I've healed most of my childhood traumas caused by my parents using different spiritual processes and is peaceful, happy and fulfilled from inside. I'm so grateful that I broke this cycle of unending suffering and was so self aware from childhood. But still this video kind of made me cry because all of these are like universal truth for me. Nobody would understand how manipulative they are unless they see their real face. Even though I've forgiven them, I still know their real face no matter how nice act because I'm successful in life now. Guess I need to work a little more still. I don't want to provoke any kind of negative emotions. Wish me luck and I'm leaving this house very soon.
This is so accurate for my situation. I am seriously considering cutting all ties with my narcissistic mother. What has helped me with always being alone has been spirituality and my dogs. These two have brought me so much joy, even though I'm often alone. I'm also very involved with animal rescues and helping animals. I highly recommend this.
My cousin cut off his narc mother several years ago and I finally finally hit my limit and cut off my mother and sister about 2 months ago. I did it once in my 20s was drawn back in because my parents groomed me as the golden child and I was responsible for maintaining “normal” in the family. I am finally free at 56 when I could no longer survive in the sick dynamic which was just on repeat for decades of my life. I have no regrets. I tried everything, did all I could, was dutiful and dependable so I have nothing to feel bad about and I also realized I do not owe anyone anything except to pay myself back for lost time with a new life that nurtures me. I am free knowing that I do not have what they need and they do not have what I need. I encourage you not to waste any more time. If you feel almost ready to cut off your mother, trust yourself and realize that you are right. It’s probably time. Cutting them off is the only cure for the insanity and abuse. All the best to you.
When my mom and dad would blow up yelling at each other I would hide in my closet, knowing if they found me I was their next target. I was small enough to sit on the shelf and allow the clothes to hide me behind them. I spent so much time there it started to feel safe because I couldn’t be found, I added lights I could switch on and off and had brought in a few toys. I remember crying when I read Harry Potter and how he lived in a cupboard under the stairs 😢 I want to find that little girl and give her a hug 🫂
Wow! I never heard anyone describe my life and beliefs with such accuracy! It feels very down to earth and bullshit-less. I never knew I could be understood or that there were others like me. Thank you.
I’m so glad this helps!! Thank you for sharing! Sending you love and light💜
@intheshadows yes, there are others like you! I am so glad that this has helped you to feel seen, and not alone!
There are quite a lot like you... I am one. A total loner, I live alone, work alone and am about to go off for a couple of years - alone. Frightened? No. Safe. Very safe.
@@brendaprice665 Don't you get lonely? Don't you long for someone to love you?
@@spuriouseffect Hi, no I don't. This is the odd thing. And I meet the most wonderful people along the way so I don't get lonely. I can, though, only stay in their company for half an hour or so then I have to leave. I am odd, I know, hence the video being me.
This describes me perfectly. I only feel truly safe when alone. My mother would insult me by calling me a lone wolf, but although it stung I preferred it.
4:53-YES. Drama, gossip, shallowness and negativity exhaust me. I avoid it like the plague and have happily ended relationships, etc. because of it. I’m in my 50s and just recently associated the narcissist label with one of my parents. I thank God that I love myself and my own company. This video is so appreciated. Blessings to everyone struggling with this.
You just described my childhood to a tee. I used to hide in a cupboard for days at a time because I was afraid to get noticed by my parents. In summer, I hid in the garden, up a tree. As a result, although, I long for connection, my issues with trust and my crippling social anxiety leave me isolated. And when I am ok, that is fine, but those last years, I have been very depressed, to the point where I went to hospital and now am unable to work or just function in daily life.
I’m so sorry you grew up this way! Sending you love and healing light💜
How are you now?
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert Thank you!
I've always described myself as a lone wolf, and what you've described here is 100% me. I thought a significant part of it had to do with being autistic, but lately, I've come to realize that it also has a lot to do with being raised by narcissistic parents. I feel that growing up like this made some of my natural autistic traits develop in an unhealthy way while adding some other trauma-related traits as well.
Thanks for sharing this, it's been really helpful and clarifying!
Check up on Reactive Attachment Disorder, I think it's the proper medical term for the 'Lone Wolf' behavior, it gets confused with autistic spectrum disorders sometimes, as they got some similar traits - but the causes are different.
Theres some great new research on developmental trauma and autism. Theres quite a bit of crossover.
As a child one of my favorite places to be was reading on my bed, in my room. I loved reading about Greek mythology, space exploration, and history. The books made me feel so safe and free from all of my mom and stepdad’s anger.
I couldn’t have had a more loving mother or grandmother yet I am a loner. I was showered with love growing up yet I love being alone.
But for me the love was overwhelming and one-sided, ie when my mother felt loving I had to respond to her. But she didn't respond to my feelings. So I'm a loner because to me love is something I have to do for others.
I beat the narcissist and left. The narcissist was my sister. Started from 13 to 22. My parents did nothing to reign her in. Let her control everything around the house. After leaving I realized nobody was like that. I now can spot a narc, socio and psyco the moment I see them.They act differently than others. Even through their BS lies and fake engagement I can see it.
I got someone at my work like this. You never seem them not smiling, it's all a front for manipulation. I've heard from others how they are behind the scenes and even observed them recruiting others to harass people at work. One you see it, you can't unsee it
Same . I can see them too .
Yup me in a nutshell. I tended to overlook it because my parents’ abuse made me dissociate so much but now it’s plain as day and I am grateful to be on my own and not bogged down with their BS. Life is good when you can depend on yourself and start to trust those that really got your back. Sometimes you gotta build your own wolf pack! 🐺🌺💕
I was that child and you described my mother to a tee. Now in late 50s being alone all my life has been a blessing, no dramas.
I am 46 and one year ago I found out my mother is a covert narcisist. It was easy then for me to put two and two together. But now I have developed a quite deep feeling of hate towards her that only hurts me. I am a lone wolf, I have always been, but that feels amazing. I can even say that all my life I had a strong phobia to snakes. I came to the conclusion that the snake symbolizes my mother and I can tell that after that epiphany I can think of snakes without getting goosebumps.
You described my father to a tee. I'm 68 with a string of failed relationships and marriages. I now live alone.
You described my childhood, my parents, my upbringing and my current life to a tee. Amazing. I'm married to a wonderful man and have no friends and I am so fine with it. Every now and then I wish I had a friend or two to chat with but for the most part I am perfectly fine being on my own. Too many bad experiences and mistreatment from people have me seeing them as nothing but a liability. Cheers to the other lone wolves out there! We are just fine on our own.
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Certain types of people will abuse you as they recognise the traits of someone who has been abused. You have been conditioned by your narcissist parent without even knowing it to accept the blame and abuse. You are likely quiet and hate drama and conflict, your body language and the way you act in social situations or at work will give you away to these abusibe types without yourself being aware. I know because I am similar to yourself.
No faith in humanity comes from the fact that society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life. Objectively, considering all these, most people suck.
Wow this was the nicest take on this I’ve ever seen, thank you. So used to (cough, usually codependent) people blaming avoidants and “lone wolves” for not attaching to them as if we’re some kind of cancer on society and not just fully aware of how they’re trying to manipulate us into being dependent on them. 😂 We’re just people who have been around the block before, that’s all.
I’m so glad this helps! Thank you for your comment! Sending you love and healing light💜
@@Self-Discovery_Amy_Lambert Thank you for your thoughtful video! Much love and light to you as well.
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as a guy i see how many women will shame a man for wanting to be a lone wolf ie your an incel etc cos they need someone to come look after them or children they have been left with from another guy. they will shame men in to not being real men for not wanting to do this or take responsibility for her bad choices. it seems many women cant accept that many men have walked away from dating or approaching due to past bad experiences which has led them to being the lone wolf and preferring solitude over being with them ans their drama. all this does is make lone wolf men walk further away ya cant shame a man into being with you. this comment isnt about u or targeting you im just sharing. if ya get triggered thats on u but its not aimed at u
I watched this from start to finish twice and...my gawd, this describes me nearly to a T...except I don't feel at all depressed or lonely...yet.
I'm overwhelmed by how much into detail this reenacts. Nobody was having back then my back not even in disease and now 40 years later either. I'm programmed to keep attracting rejections, blames, insults and drama toxic people. Although I stay away from friends, even interactions once a week are so tremendous triggering that I feel so depleted that I need to withdraw 2 weeks to just recover from that. Let's face it, libe wolfs are lonely not because they want to, rather because all the chaos drama and toxicity they go on attracting that pushes them to withdraw from the society to save their powers, to prevent social fatigue and burnouts, to set boundaries. Loneliness so hard as it might sound is protection and peace of mind I don't get outside but I tend to get it from inside. I also think lone wolfs tend to go into social works and help others on a regular base, it's their way to compensate the loneliness in their life to performing a good job and giving to others that they simply don't get
Wow, I'm a child of a narcissistic mother and this is SO accurate... I recognize myself in a solid 80% of this portrait.
So much. I have known for years and been to therapy and emdr and then years ago came across the book “The Emotionally Absent Mother.” Woaaaah, I cannot recommend that book enough. It was validating and allowed me to dig deep(er), to let go and really begin to heal in a new way.
@@kimberquirky thank you for the recommendation, I'll try to find this book 🙏🙂
I'm a born loner who grew up in an environment that pretty much enforced that side of me just so I could mentally survive. I've been almost completely alone since I was 15 and now at 31 it's getting extremely difficult to find motivation to continue. I want to connect with someone on a deep level so badly but I have major trust issues and I push them away as soon as anything begins to advance in an attempt to protect myself from hurt.
I tried to find a therapist (multiple times) they simply don't get it. None of them seem to have any life experience at all, their answers could all be found in a text book. Any advice would help, I am seriously tired of being alone...
Thank you for sharing and my heart goes out to you! I am not a psychologist or therapist, I’m a life coach with some life experience and my purpose for making these videos is to help bring some awareness around these situations. Awareness and wisdom can have a part in the healing process. Try finding a psychologist who specializes in narcissism. I hope that’s helpful, I’m sorry this has been your life experience 💜 sending you love and light!
I can relate to this. I'm in my late 50's. I've pretty much given up on ever finding any meaningful connections.
I know the therapists are useless!!!!!!
I relate exactly same age too. Maybe we can connect.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Looking into attachment styles might be helpful. Pets can also help with loneliness.
Both of my parents fit into this category and have gotten even worse. I’m now 56 and realize I may never have the experience of loving parents. I’m in the process of letting it go and wading through the sorrow. Thank you for the validation ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for showing me the silver lining to growing up with two narcissistic parents and three narcissistic step parents. I never realized how much they did for me, forcing my self reliance. I have been busy being angry about the way I was treated, it's not easy to know what to do with the rage but I'm practicing in imaginative ways. Now I get to be me, and I enjoy being me! I appreciate things so much now, because of the contrast.
Same here. My narcissistic father treated his wife and kids as if we were dead weight (even though my mom was the main breadwinner). I've always valued independence more than anything. It's always been clear to me that I will not allow anyone to treat me like that again, and I'm so grateful.
@@dolores2716 Maybe we'd be bored if we all had perfect childhoods? Maybe the world needs independent types like us? My mom skipped the pill to have me. Even though she was not really ready to be the mom I needed, if she had waited for my dad to be ready for a kid then I would not be here at all. Thank you mom!
@@VeganSemihCyprus33 Thank you.
Wow this sounds like me in a nutshell. When I was 16 and started waitressing I was forced to become extroverted- which I’m very grateful for. But now that I’m older and finding myself I’m going back to my old introverted ways and what you said I completely relate to. Great video ☺️
Thank you! And thank you for sharing!💜
I did the same thing! Became very extroverted and now I live what I call, "cave life", and I'm happy with it. People seems nuts right now besides...thanks for sharing, it's so interesting to me how much we have in common throughout this thread of replies! We should start a group, hahaaa, Lone Wolf Pack
Because of my upbringing with a narcissistic father, I was very introverted, even though I spent 3 years in the Army. I got out when I realised I didn't belong. At the age of 30, I joined my local Morris Dancers - I live in the UK and Morris Dancing is part of our heritage - which brought me out of my shell and gave me an Alter Ego, as you can't be an Introvert and a Morris Dancer at the same time. When I'm in Morris Kit and dancing in public, I become a 'Wild Child' and can really let my hair down. Being a Morris Dancer has gained me many girlfriends, with whom I attend Barn Dances, Ceilidhs and Folk Festivals. Those relationships died the death, when said ladies started talking Marriage and babies, as I'm too mentally damaged to be able to cope with the obligations of marriage and child rearing; not helped by the fact I can never hold down a job for long. Introversion has its benefits; especially during the past 2 years, with the Covid Lock-downs.
@@russbetts1467 Not being from the UK, I had to find out about this Morris dancing, it looks like an excellent activity, high energy, but without moves that take a lifetime to learn. And it looks cooperative rather than competitive. I grew up in contests I didn't enter, narc mom and sister. So lots of shots taken to keep me in my place, and hiding any actual successes so I didn't activate the green eyed monster. It was exhausting.
I've reached the point where I don't even want to date, though I'd love a partner. I know you have to be willing to kiss a lot of toads, but I'm not willing to go through that part of it any more. Seems most toads are actually toads, and if you ever let them kiss you they want more. I'm not ugly, I'm bright and financially secure, just what a toad wants. I've had bad reactions when I've gently declined advances, some have even been frightening, so I find it easier to avoid situations that might attract fellas.
Anyhow, good for you! It looks like you've worked it out well. Cheers!
If you wonder what happened to humanity that the society massively produces such dysfunctional families, abuses and murders animals (each year 70 billion animals go through this: Dominion (2018)) and prioritizes superficiality over nature and life; watch this documentary on RUclips: 💖The Connections (2021) [Short documentary] 💖
I'm 50 and I almost fell to tears listening to this. So accurate...
I have been married 3 times but spent most of my adult life on my own, i dont get lonely and i feel secure on my own.
This lady just explained my mother to a "T"
I’m glad you aren’t lonely and you are secure! 💜thank you for comment!
This is a good description of who and what I am. Luckily, I'm happy and I do just fine in social situations. Still, I tend to avoid them, preferring to limit my associations to close family. I view this as a strength many do not possess. The ability to be alone is powerful in my view. So, in a way, it was a gift.
I agree it definitely is a gift!! Sending you love and light💜
It's incredible how accurate your description of my experience and feelings is. Jaw-dropping, it's like you wrote a character and I embody it. Thank you so much for this video. I feel seen ❤
I’m so glad you feel seen!! Thank you for sharing! Sending you love and light.💜
Hit the nail on the head with this one. Growing up with a malignant covert narcissist mother and a mostly absent enabling narcissist father. Comparisons between myself and ideal kids were often made. Which compounded on my insecurities of never being able to lead a normal life. I’ve gone no contact and have been living free for 8 months and I am working on my self with my therapist and my breakdancing teacher. Better days came years too late, but it’s never too late to find your best self. I push to believe these words more everyday.
It’s never too late! Thank you for sharing this! Sending you love and healing light 💜
Wow! Malignant narcissist mother here too, as well as a mostly absent, enabling (possibly covert narcissist, or maybe just tendencies) father! I was the scapegoat too, and my twin sisters the "golden children". Love these communities where we can share our experiences, I just wish there were more support groups where we could meet in person, and support each other!
I went no contact with my mom basically a few days before I turned 18, and ran away and never came back, and I've been no contact with my dad for a year or so, although have yet to really explain what ultimately led to me cutting ties with him as well. I think that conversation, whenever it happens, will provide me with some more closure, but other than that it has been a good decision for me, and I feel better about myself than I ever did when they were in my life.
I wish you peace and true happiness, and all of the things you have always deserved, but never received. ❤
Yep, that's me. You described me from first to last word in this video.
One of my parents is ultra narcissistic. Another parent was too weak to defend me from that selfish/narcissistic beast. I just watched what's happening, but couldn't change anything. I was too small to change anything.
Now... After so many years spent in that home I developed The Lone Wolf type of personality.
I cannot say I'm satisfied with my situation. I am not proud cos I become The Lone Wolf, but it's better than hell of life I spent in my home.
I have several friends from my childhood and several from university. It's less than ten people in total.
Part of me would like to connect with other, new people, bring them to my life, develop some kind of relationship, but another part of me immediately become tired of dealing with them. They drain me after I need to meet them under that superficial level.
I chose to live my life like this cos I'm peaceful now and I got used to be The Lone Wolf.
Thank you for sharing!💜
Yep.. 100% spot on! I would add what I read bellow. I’m also a perfectionist (to please my parents, but something that naturally extends to absolutely everyone and everything else in life) and competition from others feels like a joke. Lone wolves have their own path, what others do doesn’t matter, just don’t block our path. As an ancient oriental saying goes: “No one can compete with me, because I’m not competing”.
I have been a "lone wolf" which I enjoyed being a lone so much. It is natural for me. Plus, I got tired having to deal with siblings that do things to upset me where they push my boundaries so I prefer being alone a lot.
You just described my life! Cut off contact with my parents at 30 years and never connected with them again. I’m in contact with my siblings though and it hurts me to see how our parents have left such strong effects on their behaviour and feelings.
Especially saddening seeing your siblings perpetuating the parent's model...
Good for you. I had to do the same
Yes you’re describing me. Self aware. Self actualized. Intellectual. I don’t have time for shallow small talk. Yup… I think you hit on all my personality points … proverbs says bad company corrupts good character….
Thank you for sharing, that is so true!💜
Wow, you just described my whole life.
How are you able to specify exact details of someones life.
Everything you said, I resonate with.
Crazy, that Im a male, but have always felt like something is missing inside of me, even to this day. What a shame
Wow. So true and insightful. Exactly what happened to me. Now I understand it better. Thank you. I pray all of us success on our healing journey. It continues to be painful, but so very liberating.
I’m so glad this video with help able to help you understand and give you wisdom! 💜 sending you love and light on your journey🙏🏻
Well said!
THIS.
Thank you for acknowledging us lone wolfs. Your description of my kind was close. A college professor, the department head with a degree in psychology once said to me that if she had one word to describe me it would be gregarious. That I am, but she did not know me well enough to know I am also very much a lone wolf who is content in my alone space. I can become a warrior. I dislike saying this and but I'm not someone I'd start a fight with. I don't go off often or quickly, I pick my battles and when I do, watch out. I would never do anything illegal, I'm smart and fairly fearless, but not crazy. I have a few good friends and solid acquaintances who I view as sages, wise, but also lone wolfs. Something I'm most perplexed about myself is my resilience. I have trust issues and I have gotten badly burned because I've let my guard down. I am an empath, hungry wolfs love to take a bite out of my kind. Depression is not my thing. I'm rarely board. I believe I was put on earth to serve a purpose.
Thank you for sharing your story! 💜
Being alone will save you alot of money👍I used to be super nice and help everyone but the day came I was gonna get kicked off my lot due to never having enough money by the 5th I took a honest hard look at why.I was ALWAYS giving money and helping all my cousins and fake friends,aunts,siblings,watching kids for free always for neighbors always helping my single mother friends out etc.I finaly realized that none of them once gave me a ride anywhere or gave me any money to help me pay my bills,never gave me gas money to drive 3 towns over to give them a free hair cut NOTHING.So I decided to stop being their doormat.Guess what ,very few still come around and it's ONLY when they are going through drama and need money🤔Pritty convenient if you ask me😂
This is so true, the majority of people are like that..but you know your worth now good for you!!
I am my happiest alone! And regarding giving people handouts, next time, they ask, tell them you don't loan or give money away, but you do have some work and they will need to work for it, and then watch em cringe! Its what I tell em and they leave you alone
Trish 💯
As a lone wolf, the only think I fear is becoming a narcissist myself, like my parents. As I grow older I noticed I've become increasingly similar to them that frightens the heck out of me. Their nature has rubbed off on me and I'm certain I can not have a positive influence in this world.
I can relate, although I came to the understanding that someone who is viewed as being overly narcissistic would not have this fear, they wouldn't have the self awareness and if they were aware they simply wouldn't care, I moved through the fear of it eventually once I came to this realisation, we all have some narcissistic traits being aware of it can support us in our growth and capacity to overcome and move through it and forward 🤍
So long as empathy kindness and sympathy exist within you, this will never happen. But do not fret, everyone is allowed to be little selfish just not overly so
My fear as well, I think seeing it and catching it now is a good step in breaking the cycle. It's a choice. It's like a program in my mind that needs to be re-coded, it can be it just takes time!
@@ashleykathryn9038 You cannot "catch" narcissistic personality disorder. It's an impossibility. If you were going to be a narcissist, you would have made those adaptations before your started school at the age of 5.
No, I am not kidding. Every personality disorder is both an attachment disorder AND a developmental disorder...as in early childhood coping mechanisms.
@Abby🌷Survivor I also feel being a lone wolf also sets you down a path of narcissism but it's the only way I know how to live. As you isolate and detach yourself from the rest of humanity, you gradually lose a lot of empathy for fellow humans. Your ego is the only thing you have.
This is unfortunately very relatable for me. The way I was treated by my family as a child made me see interactions with other people as nothing but a detriment to myself and the only way to not lose in this game was to refuse to play i.e. stay alone as much as possible. This was also reinforced by my experiences in the kindergarten and even with the pop culture to an extent. I've always truly felt like no one has my back or will ever have and the only way not to feel abused or unworthy was to disengage from society altogether. This is definetely not healthy but I've never managed to learn how to deal with this in any other way.
Thank you for sharing! Sending you love and healing light💜
This talk describes me quite accurately. I was the middle child, constantly overlooked, belittled, and always in that grey, cold zone while others had all the attention and love. My overwhelming dad didn't bother hiding this. No wonder I've become a solitary adult. I trust no one when they approach me. I tend to think their attention to me is fake or just interested. I've become to a point where I don't want people to get close to me. I don't want their love or affection, it's just fake. I have myself and that's it.
I was raised in a home very similar to your description. The funniest thing is that my parents ended up disliking me because i didnt know how to show love to my mother over the course of her life (she has passed). My parents hated the disfunctions that they created in me…what a cycle. I used to have a lot of « friends » but now i prefer to be left alone. I only kept a few very special close friends and a wife that replaces the love i didnt get from my mother. I guess im ok even lucky, but its hard to live inside me.
This resonates with me, so much. I feel that my dad was a narcissist, he was very physically, mentally, emotionally cruel. He never apologized or acknowledged the treatment. I'm a grown adult, and I've always been an extreme introvert and recluse socially. I have friends, but they are friends that understand my nature and thankfully accept me as I am, and I try my best to keep up..as my friends are a huge joy to me and being there for them gives me joy.
I think part of it, there was times I needed counseling when I was younger and I pushed the hurt down and tried on my own to resolve it. I'm now working on getting a therapist and healing things that have hurt me for decades..that may have contributed to some things I struggle with now. I want to let those things go, and forgive. My dad has passed away and I don't want to be angry at him anymore..but it's hard
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story! This is a hard and complex journey that we’re on and you are so courageous for being on it! Sending you love and light💜
Wow, never have heard or read so precise description of feelings I have had all my life and all that how I coped with it. Didn't know my parents were narcissistic.Its like algorithms have read my thoughts today, because I said to myself that I am the lonely wolf. I am very grateful for this video and information given.