I married my ex, but it was a great thing. We were the right people at the wrong time... when we reconnected we were very different people from the first time. We had matured greatly, and we've been back together 10 years in July and married 9 years in October and our relationship has only gotten better with time. He's my best friend.
Wonderful...nothing like "finding the right timing", like banging other people before you realized your ex was who you "really loved all along".....give me a break
Tried getting back with an ex, but as soon as I found out she slept with someone after two weeks, that was my deal breaker. It sucks, but it happens. Thank you, Emily. Always putting out top tier content!
I'm in a very similar situation. We were breaking up like 3 times for a short amount of time - we alternately initiated the breakups, then I finally decided that it's enough. She tried to contact me a few times, but I didn't respond. After two months I finally responded. We met just for a short walk and some talk. After a week we started to meet each other again, but I never regained the trust and had the feeling she must have been with someone else already. It came out true. For the first time I let everything out that bothered me with her - to my surprise she didn't go into passive defensive aggression like she used to, but was just apologizing... and this really got me into confusion. She told me that she only did this because she thought I'll never talk to her again, was super drunk and she needed someone... and here the confusion deepens even more, as cheating is a deal breaker for me, but can this be considered as cheating...? I loved her like I loved no one before, but her actions made me lose that beautiful feeling towards her - not sure if entirely, but for sure I'd like to have her over anyone else. Then at the same time, when back then I struggled after not talking to her for an hour, now I don't feel the need to talk to her for entire days and if I do her previous actions just push me off from contacting her. Not to mention that all the signs in the world, including the start tell me to leave her behind...
@barthez_ She only considered you because the people she cheated on you with didn't work out. Never sell yourself short by believing the lies. It's good your gut feeling and intuition led you to the right path about her. It would have been disastrous hooking up again.
yea that’s a red flag. having a 2 week later-rebound by sleeping with them is completely evil when ur literally still stuck on ur ex. i feel bad for both guys in that situation.
I’m not against getting back with your ex if you know/understand the reasons you broke up, AND you both have done the necessary work to make yourselves better humans. I’ve been divorced almost 2 years now and I’m hoping one day I can get back with my ex. I’ll admit I was not a good husband to her and didn’t treat her right, mainly because I never addressed the trauma I suffered as a child. Since my divorce, I’ve done nothing but work on myself and I’m hoping one day it’ll help me get back with her. That being said, I am fully aware that the odds are not in my favor. However, that’s not going to stop me from continuing to better myself and put myself in a position for an amazing relationship, regardless if it’s with my ex or someone new. I’ll be honest though, a relationship with someone new (was with my ex for almost 15 years) is pretty scary to me.
good for u. most women don’t deal with men that are willing to change because of them and put in the effort. a lot of guys just want to find a woman that’ll “put up with them”. imagine how lucky a woman would be for a guy to change for her, a lot of women envy and are jealous of that when they see a man change like that for her.
I didn’t marry my ex but Engagement was planned. Together 10 years seperated once 6 years again and again 2 months ago. She ended both times. I really love her and would do anything to bring her back into my life. I’m working on myself, dealing with my issues, although right now she’s certain of her decision. I’m hoping in time we can try again, I’m currently in no contact. Her birthday is coming up, she got me a card and chocolates for my birthday which confused Me. I feel it’s only right to get her something too. I’ve made her something personal. It may seem a weak attempt to change her mind, but I know she appreciates thoughtful gifts, I’ll hand her gift wish her happy birthday and leave straight back to silence if this has an effect I’m sure I’ll hear from her
Nice video. Went 10 months of no contact. She came out of the blue. We got back together for 90 days. On Thanksgiving day she said I need to distance myself from you. That was 3 years ago and she has ghosted ever since. Sure I miss her but it isn't worth the drama. We were married for 8 years and dated for 8 years. Hope she is happy being an alcoholic and diagnosed with BPD. One thing have learned whatever the issues were to break up these all resurface and its best to move on.
Yeah cause who wouldnt be Happy beeing diagnosed with BPD😍 i can See why she gosted you and i Hope she never start to have any contact with you ever again🥰
An ex wants you back when she realizes nobody else wants her and her options have left the chat. She will be bitter and feel she settled for you. I’ve done it and never will again. When I’m gone I’m GONE.
This is just my anecdotal experience but in my past relationships from a male perspective I found that getting back with an ex is a terrible idea 100% of the time. First, you have that if the relationship has degraded to the point you imagine life better without them, then it's time to move on. And unfortunately a bigger issue for men is that almost always when a woman breaks up it's because she has another man on the side who she thinks could potentially be better than you. She will always try to hide this fact but if you pay attention you can pick up on the signs. I have had girlfriends try to re enter my life sometimes after 2 weeks, sometimes after years and what I always discovered was that the man she dumped me for never panned out which is why she came back, not because she loved me or cared about me but because her ego couldn't accept being rejected so she goes back to someone to make her feel good about herself again. Know your worth as a person and don't take someone back who treats you as disposable and only comes back when they feel lonely.
I agree . While men and women do it, I think women are more likely to have that other relationship they are building or managed to park some how... so they can dump you when they think its a go. Smart Guys know it can happen to them too. .. no guy is immune.
This, this, this. Also, this is why bodycount and past relationships matter -- a woman who always keeps an ex around will never love her current pick; and so long as there are orbiters, even if she attempts to get back with the ex, there are always options around from her past.
Turns out your a pro. Shit happens. You owned it. All good. We all want to be perfect, but it's a tough job that most ppl don't appreciate it. Thanks for your openness
A month?! Ahhh, it takes much longer than that to really reflect deeply on something, come up with ideas on how to address problems and implement the solutions to become habits that display real personal growth in areas that were lacking in the relationship. I’m not against getting back together with an ex but in my situation there was alcoholism involved and it’ll probably take her years to sort out the issues that have led to her drinking. I’m thinking a six month minimum of no contact before I would be open to a conversation. In that conversation, I need to hear the mind of a lot of changed perspectives and a more positive view on the things from her past that tormented her throughout our relationship. I’m expecting it to be a few years before I would consider giving it a second chance.
Definitely agree! Unless it’s a silly little argument, a month, never mind a week, will do nothing! Everything you’ve listed here is correct and time is an essential part of growth. I’ve had multiple experiences of this and every time, reflection is needed for any sort of shift😊
Men have no problem moving on with sleeping with someone else after a break up. So if they can't get their ex back it's probably because they moved on like that. No one likes being immediately replaced. The body count is both people's responsibility. I think before considering going back you need to ask yourself if you are friends or can be friends again. Timing and working on yourselves is crucial. Personally, I give the relationship every chance, every ability to do the work to fix things before it's time to let go. Both people need to work together at it because all relationships take work. If the other person gives up before ever trying healthy methods to get through stress and communication issues, then they will keep giving up. It's a bad habit people develop early on to never have accountability or to stay the victim. Quitters are cowards and will not fight with you to save something. They will run and leave you to carry it by yourself. That's not love. Love is a choice we make everyday to accept the person, warts and all.
I have been having difficulties with my marriage for sometimes now but with the help of this Sorceress, I have been able to put my marriage back together.
I like the fact that you said self reflection is key and that even a short time apart, a pause if you will, is not a bad thing. That gave me permission to have space without losing the relationship and the person I love. My whole outlook has changed because of that one statement. I always thought that if you need space the relationship is doomed if not at the moment but in the future as well. ❤❤❤ I honestly wasn’t sure what to surmise about you in the beginning but I feel you have some rock solid advice!! Thank you!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
And this is probably why she left you. If you're this lost and needy without her then u probably were like this in the relationship She most likely lost respect for u. It sucks homie...but you gotta get your spine back. Magical spiritual counseling isn't going to help you homie. You need to qirk on yourself
Excellent content, super real as always. Your compassion, candor, and openness are incredibly rare on the Internet. Appreciate you helping everyone and exposing yourself to the negative side of the Internet. Positive thoughts for everyone close to you and you.
Each situation has its own commonalities and it's own uniqueness. Generalizations are not a good idea. I'm only a few minutes into this vide but am Thrilled that Emily is back with her ex. Personally I have never un-loved anyone I've loved. I've never thought "What was I thinkin????!!" when looking back on past loves. Regardless of hard times and eventual partings, my fondness for the him remains. Thank you Emily for all your wonderful shorts and videos. I am a white female elder who's been a defender of the male all my life. Discovering you was the Eureka! I'd longed for. Understanding men, and holding my entitled sisters accountable is very high in value and interest.
I think it's unhealthy to go no contact in a relationship where you love someone. You talk and work through problems instead of separating because of a problem, don't talk about it, and come back without fixing the original problem. Communication is vital. If it gets to the point where there is no contact, just leave it alone and move forward
Some relationships have poor communication tho, and usually one person wants to talk, and that is the person that wants to work on the relationship and fix issues, all while other person either disregards issues, tells the other person they are taking it too seriously or are making a bear out of a mouse. In that case, after trying to communicate MULTIPLE and I mean 20+ times, and no change is being made, just go no contact.
Every relationship is different. A girl broke up with me, and a month or so later i dropped her stuff off that was at my house. That began a very enjoyable casual relationship for 6 months or so, because we had no hard feelings against each other. When my most recent ex broke up with me, i knew we would never get back together because of her steadfastness with decisions and because I knew i would never trust her again. Its really a case-by-case basis. Really enjoy your videos, keep it up!
I recently experienced love at first sight, which I wasn't sure I believed in before it happened to me. It was like a drug experience. The amount of Oxytocin my brain released was more than ever in my life. The feeling of walking away from her was like I had just experienced a break up with a year or longer girlfriend. The Oxytocin withdrawl hit me immediately as I left. I think now love is a drug, and sometimes we just want our fix. Which is why we'll try and get back with an ex because sometimes it's all about that chemical addiction.
@@Apo12345 the second time I saw her we had another moment where we both started talking and then stopped so the other could talk, and just stood there looking into each others eyes. I finally asked her out later but she said no. Missed my moment.
I think I have experienced love at first sight too…he was not sexy as he was wearing a halloween costume and his face was covered completely by painting
I'm currently in a situation. My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. Together for 5 years. I genuinely believed the relationship was bad and wanted it to end. I'm telling you, I was releived when she left and it was over. I was okay knowing I would never see her again. I was indifferent to the breakup. Suddenly, she calls me 2 years later. We have sex, we talked about all our issues, and we are suddenly hanging out and talking like it was just yesterday. Except this time, it's better. All the toxicity and negative feelings faded away, so it was like we were back in the honeymoon stage. I have no idea what Im doing or if it's right. I just know that it feels good. It's like the relationship that should've been. I swear, I thought I hated this woman, but Im suddenly falling for her again. 😂
I met my ex for the first time in a long time last week. It was like she'd never left. Wanting her back is what the heart wants, but the head says it would be easier to become an astronaut
What I have seen in my life is, women who break up the relationship already has someone they are pursuing. When men and women spend more time together in the workplace than with their partner, the woman starts thinking she might be able to do better than her partner. In today's world, after a breakup, most women have at least one sexual encounter in less than a month.
Most women, who? The ones you go after? Sounds like a you problem. I know plenty of women like myself that stay single for years after a break up. Maybe go after different options.
I just broke up with my boyfriend and there is absolutely NO one else in the picture. No chats, no ig likes, no workplace relationship with anybody else. Just plain "This is not the relationship I want"
Women are the only ones who talk about "finding yourself". For the most part, it's only to see if you can do better. Gentlemen, remember PN Clarity. If she splits, set her free. Never take back the rental car that has been driven by other men since you were with her. Have some self-respect bro, brah, bruh. You gave your power away once. Don't do it again. There's 4 billion women in the world, and and you're worried about one? Move on brosky.
When you open the fridge to get that nice cold drink of milk only to find it’s gone sour, putting it back in the fridge for 1 week or 6 months is not going to change the fact that it’s sour. I’ve gotten back into several broken relationships only to find out in the 1st 20 minutes why I broke up with them in the 1st place. Lastly, WADR, I can’t see how someone can “change” in only 1 week… true change will take years and it comes in 3 stages: 1) Pain … enough pain that know that there needs to be a change. 2) Awareness… you have to take the time to get enough awareness of what needs changing 3) Courage.. This is the big one. So many get to (1) and (2), but just never have the courage to change. After all, whatever needs changing is just as a much a part of you as your right arm. And then there is the fact that maybe YOU are not the one that needs to change. 🤔
Ugh, after 23 years-long relationship, we have been in no contact for 2 months... yes, I still want her back and have been focusing on improving myself so that when I do start dating not only will she think twice about it, but I will bring some serious value to my next relationship. Whether that be a future her or a new person entirely. Her biggest complaint was that I didn't deliver on my promises for our future goals. That... is an easy thing to fix. Also, it really depends statistics-wise because I know someone who broke up with their ex for four years and now they have a kid together and bought a house. Marriage being the next stop. The reason why the "get back together" crowd is so low is because typically speaking most people learn to outgrow their ex and in the end decide they no longer want their ex back, not because the majority of them failed to get their ex back.
My ex broke up with me because she started meeting with someone else.. After 3 days no talking she asked me "how am I".. I didn't respond nothing.. She get angry and she "why I need to be like that".. For me is a big red flag of narcissistic behavior.. And after few weeks she started telling storys to everyone around how bad I am.. She jump already to another relationship when I am still trying to heal myself and figure it out what actually happened.. And try to understand it.. To move on and not make the same mistakes in future..
I got back together with my college sweetheart because she asked to have me back, about three months after she broke up with me. The second time around was fine for about five months, but then she ended up leaving me again. I think that she was simply lonely and felt unloved, and I was available. So, there it went. Looking back, I wish with all my heart that the second try had never happened. It cost me other opportunities, particularly one that I had just started to see when she took me back. So, what could I do except end things with that new gal and end the possibility of being with someone that I was really starting to like. But, I can't date two people at once, so I had to made a choice and I took the "safe" one. And the second break up pretty much ruined me. It certainly ruined my senior year of college. And all in all, that second time took more than two years to get over at all. And in some ways, I never did. It certainly ended my belief in "true love," and I became more than a little cynical about relationships.
Never got through the trash after you have taken it to the curb. It's messy, The neighbors see you do it, and whatever you were looking for is never worth it - Rollo Tomassi.
Excellent convo. A great video to reference. 💯 about the reasons and stats. I’ve heard about no contact, but only in context of toxic, narcissistic or abusive relationships.
Don’t you ever take anyone back after he/she treated you poorly. It was insulting to even hear that suggestion from my ex. He/she thinks you are the “perfect idiot” or believes his/her behavior shouldn’t have any consequences.
Went no contact for 4 months, hit her up to "bury a hatchet" from the relationship, starting catching up, then talking a little. Went on a date, scheduled another one for a Saturday night and she flaked last minute for a night out with someone else. Called her out for the flaking, she said I was acting like a prick and we ended it right there. Lesson learned: Never try again with an ex.
@@vlad_gromov_2023that’s true, but if you really want to try again maybe you should reach out. What if she/he is waiting for you to reach out? Tough situation
After 22 years of marriage I left my wife. No kids. We are separated now and getting a divorce. We haven't been living together for about 2 months, but we see each other very regularly. One thing that I will say is that I definitely do miss the routine and our life together, but there is no way I could ever get back with her. And I think she feels the same way. I love her and I adore her, but she and I are not a good married couple. And she is realizing this now as well. We had a lot of good times, but the lows.....welll....that is between me and her. And we are both way happier now and have no issues hanging out every once in a while. It's great!
My ex and I were going down a toxic path. Passion and fire is how I often define it. We broke up. THen I failed her at her darkest hour by not being there for her. She will never forgive me. But after 2 years, my feelings have never weakened. I met her again for the first time in a long time recently and I just want to fight for the love we once had. My head though, tells another story. It's sad and depressing. Hope that one day I can find this again, lost on the youtube void, and know that I proved it wrong.
Pretty certain my ex won’t reach out. What was messed up. She ended the relationship a week prior to my birthday. Then sends me a Happy Birthday message on my birthday. It’s been 9 months now. Prior to ending it. She had been talking about visiting a so called friend several states away. Well, she did that a month after the ending. I was either a rebound for her. Or she wanted to have her cake and eat it also. Who knows what the actual reason was. But there were warnings near the end. Almost like she wanted me to dump her. Small lies to her friends in front of me. Nothing huge. Saying she had found someone’s phone when I actually found it. Stuff like that. Snapping at me for simple things like where I left my keys. Or for letting the dogs out. Belittling what interested me. Then when I confronted her about anything bothering her. She would say nothing particular. Leaving me to wonder what else I could be doing to irritate her. Was I perfect?? Nope! Could I have done a few things differently?? Absolutely. I’m finally seeing her for what she really is. And it’s not pretty anymore.
I was married 34 years, she pulled the plug because I could never be the spiritual leader of the family like her father was. We've been divorced 17 years now, I'm currently single, but I've had a couple of LTRs, she has not had any. We communicate often, mostly about our kids and grandkids, we live on opposite coasts, the last time we saw each other was at our oldest grandchild's wedding 18 months ago. I've dropped hints ever since that wedding that I'd be interested in getting back together, but she either doesn't pick up on them, or simply ignores them. I've loved her since the day I met her, and I still do - she's a wonderful woman. But, as much as I would love to get back together with her, I'm also terribly afraid of rejection.
Sorry, but she sounds like a crazy lady to me. Maybe a wonderful crazy lady but a crazy lady. There are a lot of people like that in the world and half of them are crazy men.
It depends why you split up. I have had long distance relationships where only logistics go in the way and made it impractical. However, I would recommend you write down why you split up wiht someone - hence, if you do feel sentimental, you can take a reality check as it is very unlikely they will have changed if you get back together and you must have reasons that are clearly resolved, e.g. they now live closer to you!
would love to hear you're thoughts on moving on. Just gone through our second breakup in six months after being together for two years. There is faults on both sides I'm old enough to accept that. But the trust is gone and I do not want to get hurt again even though I still have feelings for her.
My wife left me on the eve of the millennia, I'd retired from the Marines, she'd got "the post office job she'd chased" for years. She was out of the house for a week and came back to me in tears. Our daughter wanted no return, our son supported the return and I ultimately accepted her back. We stayed together to her death four years ago, from long term multiple sclerosis. I'm glad we did despite the pain and difficulty. I miss her now, lonely, but no regrets for taking her back. We had a good marriage, overall. She expressed real sorrow and worked to regain my trust in the end.
Your voice sounds like Lillie Kane. She's another RUclipsr. She's a high energy, upbeat health and nutrition influencer. When I first saw your clips, I thought you were her. You have a great channel. Keep up the good work.
Dated for 6 months. Broke up. Got back together one year later. Now married 22 years. My husband wanted space to figure out marriage since he was divorced before. That sound crazy to me (I’m 16 years younger). After the breakup joined the army, was injured in trainning, and medically discharged. We got married 14 days after I flew home. It worked out for me - but my more mature self still Understands the disaster it could have been. 😂❤
Mine constantly accused me of infidelity, while we were together, and accused me of a lot of different, despicable stuff in her protective order. So she will never get the consideration of ever having me back. She could apologize every morning and night, and she'll never have my forgiveness or have closure
Thank you for this video I was thinking about getting back together with her until this video. She has been with multiple men and you have given me clarity for why not to❤
My ex left me bc she thought I wasn't putting in enough effort in the relationship, not only did I put I effort for her and her family (2 kids) I actively stepped in for her family when I knew I didn't have to. We didn't have a perfect relationship but after 6 years I thought we could handle most things together, but I guess her limit was being reached and she left me, devastated not only me but her kids.... they still keep in touch, but not her
I know that our relationship is fixable, and I know who I am and what I can give to her, and I obviously still love her and the kids, I just wished that she saw how much I tried for her
Similar situation with me. Women that aren’t willing to understand what it takes from a man to support another man’s kids aren’t worth investing into. Please believe me, you dodged a bullet and are better off without that in your life.
She's probably never going to be in a healthy relationship until she grows up - she's not an adult. Children shouldn't be raising children. The kids are going to need you to be there for them when she screws up worse.
In my adult experience, the default option for failed and/or interrupted relationships has been, and always will be, not to reengage with an ex. For me personally, it has everything to do with self-respect, common sense, dignity and self-preservation. That said, there are exceptions to every rule. I did briefly make the effort to rekindle an interrupted relationship with a wonderful young woman because the physical attraction was strong. In that post-college relationship, I was the "other guy" so my "ex-pectations" (pun intended) were relatively low and held in check by her inability/unwillingness to choose. She was genuinely conflicted, so I eventually tried to make her heart grow fonder with an absence. Didn't happen, so I gracefully bowed-out.
haven't watched the vid yet, just gonna dump my opinion her prior and see what you have to say, and wondering if you will agree...it fully depends on the issues and what they were and when. I fully believe that meeting the right person at the wrong time is nearly the same as meeting the wrong person. if you were just not I the right place mentally, physically, emotionally, and you BOTH have grown since then. no issue trying again. if they broke your trust in any way move on and don't look back. A woman that didn't respect you will NEVER learn to. A man wont either BTW.
One issue you left out that I think is an important issue to address is that if one or both problems had alcohol or addiction issues... that can be a trecherous path with serious red flags that must be addressed! First of all you BOTH need to be sober at least one year, no if ands or buts!!!
For me, one of the main purposes to get into a relationship is to be with them and create as many common grounds as possible. I can be alone and will be alone by default. Getting into a relationship literally means the lifestyle is totally the opposite - to do and create more things together. I hate people who think getting into a relationship means they will still have (even remotely) the same amount of personal space or not be attached - compared to when they were actually alone. These people are delusional.
I sent my ex a letter on New Years eve apologising for the things I did wrong in the relationship (she emotionally abused me, but still I felt the need to put things rigjt, because we all fuck up every now and then). She was not amused. Reminded me with just one message, why we didn't work out. Manipulation, guilt tripping and belittling all in one message. Amazing feat, really, if you think about it.
I value my sanity. I didn't want to be married to her when I was married to her. I had a carpentry teacher when I was in school. He made a statement that not only fits in construction but, also in marriage. The old homes in the area have hand dug basements which makes the cellars low. Walking down the stairs into the basement you could hit your head on the above floor header. He said " If you hit your head once you should learn. If you hit your head a second time, you're stupid. ". That pretty much sums up remarrying or remarrying your ex
Together 10 years, separated for about 3 months, then together for another 12 years. Divorced for 3 years now, and I have put a hard pause on dating. Getting back together was a real mixed bag. I cannot say I would discourage or recommend it for others. It is very complex and I think a person's values have an outsized impact on the decision. I do think now, it is incredibly unlikely for me to ever get back with an ex. I am however far more thoughtful and purposeful about who I am dating and the why and when to end a relationship.
Never go back to an abuser, cheater, drug user or drunk. (You need to decide if you are willing to go back to someone who is now sober). Neber go back to an ex unless you know you can live without them. Don't go back out of need. Find your independence. No contact for a lot longer than a month. Unless there is a death in the family? No contact.
Before we married my wife and I were broken up for over three years. Both of us had serious relationships with other people. Neither of us regarded it as infidelity. And it was no contact. It was over. And then magic happened. 1969-2016 it was a marriage, not a walk in the park.
@@CallsItLikeISeizeIts It wasn’t infidelity by either of us because we thought it was over. We weren’t married and we each went our own way. I guess I wasn’t clear that we had courted for over a year and then broke up. Neither of us expected to meet each other three years later walking down the street and end up married.
I went back to an ex. Overtime, he became so furious about the fact that we once broke up that he began vowing to make me pay for this. I had no choice but to break off all contact with him, for my safety,
I learned a lot she only was around cause she needed me emotionally cause she was lonely and had nobody she didn’t want me she wanted attention I feel better now I know it was all about money and what I had once I lost that she left for good it shows u a lot of who somebody rly is
Dating is like an audition. Within about 1-5 minutes of conversation, I know enough about a girl/woman if I should make a cut or not. Same goes to the men if they are worthy to be friends with me. It's a dreadful waste of time to have meaningless conversations that go nowhere, or if I am along someone who is not right for me.
I was married for 21 years and lost my wife to cancer. I wish cancer was a beast that I could kill. Lord knows I'd tak my time and make it painful. When she passed we had 4 children. 2 sons, one was starting his career in the Air Force and the other in metal fabrication and my daughters were just about to graduate from high school. And wasn't I wasn't quite 45 yet. In college one of my daughters would meet the young man to who she's now married. This young man has an big sister who was a bar tender and i began frequenting that bar. I hadn't even considered starting to date again and i surely never thought about her like that. She did have a boyfriend when I first met her and they did seem happy. I'd even go over to their place (that she actually owned) and help him with home projects and car maintenance. But it turns out that he was the controlling andabusive type. It would be her father and I that put him out of her house. Her brother was away on his honeymoon with my daughter. On the 7th of July 2018 my dog passed away. She invited me to the bar and after closing she'd lock us in and we could drink until 11:00 am the next morning if we wanted to. We were playing the jukebox, drinking and dancing to the occasional songs. The jukebox would play The Dance by Garth Brooks. The line in this song " I could've missed the pain, but I'd have to miss the dance" gave the song special meaning to me since my wife died. When the song started she pulled in close and tightly to me and I really don't know if I was terrified or excited at that point. Just after 9:00am she asks me if I want breakfast and goes to the kitchen. She came back telling me that she has better food at home. I texted my son for a ride home. Well her place. I remember arriving in her driveway. As we're exiting his truck, she tells my son "Thanks for the ride, now get lost, scram, no offense luv ya byee". What happened next wasn't any surprise to me. We spent that day together and the night, then the next night. A little over 3 months later it's almost October and I find myself calling her as I'm about to get off work to see if she wanted me to stop and pick anything up. She said "no just get home by midnight if you want your dinner hot". The realization hit me. Home??? That's her place. Ive got a girlfriend and i didn't even notice it happening. But i have not spent a night in my house in 6 weeks. We lived together for almost 3 years. I moved out the day after my 51st birthday she has substance abuse issues and tried to control it on her own. She did it well enough to hide it, or at least the extent, of her problems from me for two years. A few months after I moved back to my house she found her rock bottom and started rehab. On the 17th of September 2022 she celebrated a year of sobriety. I took her fishing and cooked out steak and crayfish gumbo for her to celebrate. The conversation that day did lead to resuming our relationship. I finally gave her the ring 💍 I bought for her in 2019 on the 17th of September 2023 and we plan to marry on the 17th of September 2024 and our child should be born in mid March 2024. I don't know if this counts as an official break up story. I never called her my ex. There were at least 2 or 3 weeks maybe a month of no contact, because she was really pissed at me when I moved out. Of course she wasn't taking to most of her family and friends at that point.
I LOL'd majority of your video! It was like you were holding in a major outburst during your recording, what was so funny!?😅 Great advice... i think. I can't stop laughing!
I am currently separated from my wife of 21 years. I have tried for the last 5 months to come back together. I am giving up on this and just moving on with my life.
After watching this and thinking back through my past relationships, I've never thought of getting back with ex's. The break ups are for a reason. However, been in situations with some of them where we've ended sleeping together months or even years post break up and then go our separate ways again with no dramas. These were the ex's I had amicable splits with. Bizarrely we tended to get on well apart than as a couple back together.
Late twenties, more than six months apart, she already with a rebound for about 4-5 of those. We were six years together, but have all odds against. It’s over boys
Cheating is not cut and dry. Talking or going out with another man or woman is wrong to me but not cheating. Unless they sleep with them. Unless I find out or catch them in bed or a friend tells me, then I trust their word. Because I can care less a man or woman gets lonely and talks to someone else due to lack of compassion and desire at times. Now going off and screwing another man or woman that’s a deal breaker for me. But if you are a high value man and want to talk to ladies or go out then you better make sure your woman is okay with that and is confident in her self to know she is yours and you always come home to her.
Girl l seriously can't see how you could find your self in a situation where you aren't loved, l wish all women were like you and decent like my Mother, she is perfect in my eyes..
The short answer is 'never'. If someone leaves you, never spend one second trying to get them back. And never take them back. They chose someone or something else once, they will again. Don't even waste time talking to them, and definitely don't help them in any way. Your feelings toward them are irrelevant, and dangerous.
I had a front row seat to a couple friends of mine who kept breaking up and getting back together. Neither cheated, as far as I know. He wanted kids and she didn't, and neither was willing to compromise. The difficult part was they owned a business together, so they couldn't avoid each other. He tried forcing her out a number of times. Eventually he met someone else and sold his half to her when he moved out of state. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 🤣
Got back with my ex who I dated 8 years ago. We had no contact for about 5 years. Still in the early days and I think things are much better now than they ever were.
Don't know how old you are but I'm 59. I thoroughly loved all the things you said. I've been there and done that. I've lost my last 2 attempts to death. No one seems to care and all are willing to leave me alone. Can you help?
Great video, and a most marvelous subject. Please talk to us more about "ghosting", please. Thank you, thank you, ma'am, if you hold it is relative here.
A friend of mine married the same guy twice. They were together for a long time and had kids together, broke up for a long time but stayed in contact, got married again for a short time and got divorced quickly. What was wrong the first time was still wrong.
My cousin’s husband left her for someone else, or what he hoped would be someone else but ended up after all that, the other girl wasn’t interested in him. They were divorced for a year but their scheming 8 year old daughter got them talking again. They remarried - that second marriage was in 1989. They’re still married so… it’s different for everyone
Life is all about relationships and how you learn and grow in your relationships might determine the future of those relationships. You and your X might be less compatible, or not.
My thoughts on this is, if you were not good enough the first time around the second time around is not any better. She is just gonna clean up what she didnt get the first time.
I married my ex, but it was a great thing. We were the right people at the wrong time... when we reconnected we were very different people from the first time. We had matured greatly, and we've been back together 10 years in July and married 9 years in October and our relationship has only gotten better with time. He's my best friend.
I have always been on the side of "you broke up for a reason," but never considered that the reason could simply be timing
How long did you need to grow as individuals before you were able to work on things again?
People can grow and change as they age, and depending on how long it's been since the break, you both might have changed towards each other.
Wonderful...nothing like "finding the right timing", like banging other people before you realized your ex was who you "really loved all along".....give me a break
I love your story. The last sentence is vital.
Tried getting back with an ex, but as soon as I found out she slept with someone after two weeks, that was my deal breaker. It sucks, but it happens. Thank you, Emily. Always putting out top tier content!
I'm in a very similar situation. We were breaking up like 3 times for a short amount of time - we alternately initiated the breakups, then I finally decided that it's enough. She tried to contact me a few times, but I didn't respond. After two months I finally responded. We met just for a short walk and some talk. After a week we started to meet each other again, but I never regained the trust and had the feeling she must have been with someone else already. It came out true. For the first time I let everything out that bothered me with her - to my surprise she didn't go into passive defensive aggression like she used to, but was just apologizing... and this really got me into confusion. She told me that she only did this because she thought I'll never talk to her again, was super drunk and she needed someone... and here the confusion deepens even more, as cheating is a deal breaker for me, but can this be considered as cheating...?
I loved her like I loved no one before, but her actions made me lose that beautiful feeling towards her - not sure if entirely, but for sure I'd like to have her over anyone else. Then at the same time, when back then I struggled after not talking to her for an hour, now I don't feel the need to talk to her for entire days and if I do her previous actions just push me off from contacting her. Not to mention that all the signs in the world, including the start tell me to leave her behind...
@@barthez_sounds like the veil of idealism was lifted off your face. Now maybe you can make a well thought out, mature decision
@barthez_ She only considered you because the people she cheated on you with didn't work out. Never sell yourself short by believing the lies. It's good your gut feeling and intuition led you to the right path about her. It would have been disastrous hooking up again.
yea that’s a red flag. having a 2 week later-rebound by sleeping with them is completely evil when ur literally still stuck on ur ex. i feel bad for both guys in that situation.
I swear most women do this immediately after a breakup. It's cruel
I always figure we broke up for a reason...and you get reminded of that reason eventually
you always get reminded
That’s exactly what I told her when she tried getting back with me.
Sometimes that reason is just that you made a mistake because you were young and dumb.
@@Milehighsnake98 yea, and sometimes you both improve and can give it another shot, dont think all negative guys, improve
100%
I’m not against getting back with your ex if you know/understand the reasons you broke up, AND you both have done the necessary work to make yourselves better humans.
I’ve been divorced almost 2 years now and I’m hoping one day I can get back with my ex. I’ll admit I was not a good husband to her and didn’t treat her right, mainly because I never addressed the trauma I suffered as a child. Since my divorce, I’ve done nothing but work on myself and I’m hoping one day it’ll help me get back with her.
That being said, I am fully aware that the odds are not in my favor. However, that’s not going to stop me from continuing to better myself and put myself in a position for an amazing relationship, regardless if it’s with my ex or someone new. I’ll be honest though, a relationship with someone new (was with my ex for almost 15 years) is pretty scary to me.
good for u. most women don’t deal with men that are willing to change because of them and put in the effort. a lot of guys just want to find a woman that’ll “put up with them”. imagine how lucky a woman would be for a guy to change for her, a lot of women envy and are jealous of that when they see a man change like that for her.
I didn’t marry my ex but Engagement was planned. Together 10 years seperated once 6 years again and again 2 months ago. She ended both times. I really love her and would do anything to bring her back into my life. I’m working on myself, dealing with my issues, although right now she’s certain of her decision. I’m hoping in time we can try again, I’m currently in no contact. Her birthday is coming up, she got me a card and chocolates for my birthday which confused Me. I feel it’s only right to get her something too. I’ve made her something personal. It may seem a weak attempt to change her mind, but I know she appreciates thoughtful gifts, I’ll hand her gift wish her happy birthday and leave straight back to silence if this has an effect I’m sure I’ll hear from her
Nice video. Went 10 months of no contact. She came out of the blue. We got back together for 90 days. On Thanksgiving day she said I need to distance myself from you. That was 3 years ago and she has ghosted ever since. Sure I miss her but it isn't worth the drama. We were married for 8 years and dated for 8 years. Hope she is happy being an alcoholic and diagnosed with BPD. One thing have learned whatever the issues were to break up these all resurface and its best to move on.
Jesus christ man, congrats on the divorce.
Hope you all the best, and that you find someone better.
Yeah cause who wouldnt be Happy beeing diagnosed with BPD😍 i can See why she gosted you and i Hope she never start to have any contact with you ever again🥰
@@lisa3341 Brainlet comment tbh. Dude gets ghosted but it's somehow it's fault?
I too hope she never talks to him again, leave the man in peace ffs.
An ex wants you back when she realizes nobody else wants her and her options have left the chat. She will be bitter and feel she settled for you. I’ve done it and never will again. When I’m gone I’m GONE.
Good man.
Lol, projecting much xD
@@whfh178 nope. Back to dating foreign women
@@theaspiecoach5934 oh...well idk where you're from, but im not from the usa and we're not like that in my country so 🤷🏻♀️
@@whfh178 precisely why I won't marry in the USA
This is just my anecdotal experience but in my past relationships from a male perspective I found that getting back with an ex is a terrible idea 100% of the time. First, you have that if the relationship has degraded to the point you imagine life better without them, then it's time to move on. And unfortunately a bigger issue for men is that almost always when a woman breaks up it's because she has another man on the side who she thinks could potentially be better than you. She will always try to hide this fact but if you pay attention you can pick up on the signs. I have had girlfriends try to re enter my life sometimes after 2 weeks, sometimes after years and what I always discovered was that the man she dumped me for never panned out which is why she came back, not because she loved me or cared about me but because her ego couldn't accept being rejected so she goes back to someone to make her feel good about herself again.
Know your worth as a person and don't take someone back who treats you as disposable and only comes back when they feel lonely.
This is where I’m weighing in as well. Once you align yourself with some other person then I see no point in rekindling things
"in my past relationships" yeah looks like you are the problem
I agree . While men and women do it, I think women are more likely to have that other relationship they are building or managed to park some how... so they can dump you when they think its a go. Smart Guys know it can happen to them too. .. no guy is immune.
I think this is the exact scenario I went thru
This, this, this. Also, this is why bodycount and past relationships matter -- a woman who always keeps an ex around will never love her current pick; and so long as there are orbiters, even if she attempts to get back with the ex, there are always options around from her past.
Turns out your a pro. Shit happens. You owned it. All good. We all want to be perfect, but it's a tough job that most ppl don't appreciate it. Thanks for your openness
A month?! Ahhh, it takes much longer than that to really reflect deeply on something, come up with ideas on how to address problems and implement the solutions to become habits that display real personal growth in areas that were lacking in the relationship. I’m not against getting back together with an ex but in my situation there was alcoholism involved and it’ll probably take her years to sort out the issues that have led to her drinking. I’m thinking a six month minimum of no contact before I would be open to a conversation. In that conversation, I need to hear the mind of a lot of changed perspectives and a more positive view on the things from her past that tormented her throughout our relationship. I’m expecting it to be a few years before I would consider giving it a second chance.
Definitely agree! Unless it’s a silly little argument, a month, never mind a week, will do nothing! Everything you’ve listed here is correct and time is an essential part of growth. I’ve had multiple experiences of this and every time, reflection is needed for any sort of shift😊
Men have no problem moving on with sleeping with someone else after a break up. So if they can't get their ex back it's probably because they moved on like that. No one likes being immediately replaced. The body count is both people's responsibility.
I think before considering going back you need to ask yourself if you are friends or can be friends again. Timing and working on yourselves is crucial.
Personally, I give the relationship every chance, every ability to do the work to fix things before it's time to let go. Both people need to work together at it because all relationships take work. If the other person gives up before ever trying healthy methods to get through stress and communication issues, then they will keep giving up. It's a bad habit people develop early on to never have accountability or to stay the victim. Quitters are cowards and will not fight with you to save something. They will run and leave you to carry it by yourself. That's not love.
Love is a choice we make everyday to accept the person, warts and all.
I have been having difficulties with my marriage for sometimes now but with the help of this Sorceress, I have been able to put my marriage back together.
@Casey Muller Her name is Luana Kae Branigan.
I did..We've been married for 23 years now...gets better everyday. Truly
Wow ❤
I like the fact that you said self reflection is key and that even a short time apart, a pause if you will, is not a bad thing. That gave me permission to have space without losing the relationship and the person I love. My whole outlook has changed because of that one statement. I always thought that if you need space the relationship is doomed if not at the moment but in the future as well. ❤❤❤
I honestly wasn’t sure what to surmise about you in the beginning but I feel you have some rock solid advice!! Thank you!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
@@grotmg Wow, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
@@MargieM.Jamison Her name is Chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
@@grotmg Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
And this is probably why she left you. If you're this lost and needy without her then u probably were like this in the relationship
She most likely lost respect for u. It sucks homie...but you gotta get your spine back.
Magical spiritual counseling isn't going to help you homie. You need to qirk on yourself
Excellent content, super real as always. Your compassion, candor, and openness are incredibly rare on the Internet. Appreciate you helping everyone and exposing yourself to the negative side of the Internet. Positive thoughts for everyone close to you and you.
Each situation has its own commonalities and it's own uniqueness. Generalizations are not a good idea. I'm only a few minutes into this vide
but am Thrilled that Emily is back with her ex. Personally I have never un-loved anyone I've loved. I've never thought "What was I thinkin????!!" when looking
back on past loves. Regardless of hard times and eventual partings, my fondness for the him remains.
Thank you Emily for all your wonderful shorts and videos. I am a white female elder who's been a defender of the male all my life. Discovering you
was the Eureka! I'd longed for. Understanding men, and holding my entitled sisters accountable is very high in value and interest.
I think it's unhealthy to go no contact in a relationship where you love someone. You talk and work through problems instead of separating because of a problem, don't talk about it, and come back without fixing the original problem. Communication is vital. If it gets to the point where there is no contact, just leave it alone and move forward
Some relationships have poor communication tho, and usually one person wants to talk, and that is the person that wants to work on the relationship and fix issues, all while other person either disregards issues, tells the other person they are taking it too seriously or are making a bear out of a mouse.
In that case, after trying to communicate MULTIPLE and I mean 20+ times, and no change is being made, just go no contact.
Every relationship is different. A girl broke up with me, and a month or so later i dropped her stuff off that was at my house. That began a very enjoyable casual relationship for 6 months or so, because we had no hard feelings against each other. When my most recent ex broke up with me, i knew we would never get back together because of her steadfastness with decisions and because I knew i would never trust her again. Its really a case-by-case basis. Really enjoy your videos, keep it up!
Agreed, it all depends on persons core values, and those usually cant be changed.
I love the concept of "no contact" after a break-up, especially if it's permanent. 😸
I recently experienced love at first sight, which I wasn't sure I believed in before it happened to me. It was like a drug experience. The amount of Oxytocin my brain released was more than ever in my life. The feeling of walking away from her was like I had just experienced a break up with a year or longer girlfriend. The Oxytocin withdrawl hit me immediately as I left. I think now love is a drug, and sometimes we just want our fix. Which is why we'll try and get back with an ex because sometimes it's all about that chemical addiction.
Might she feel the same? Did you guys get to talk?
@@Apo12345 the second time I saw her we had another moment where we both started talking and then stopped so the other could talk, and just stood there looking into each others eyes. I finally asked her out later but she said no. Missed my moment.
I think I have experienced love at first sight too…he was not sexy as he was wearing a halloween costume and his face was covered completely by painting
I'm currently in a situation. My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. Together for 5 years. I genuinely believed the relationship was bad and wanted it to end. I'm telling you, I was releived when she left and it was over. I was okay knowing I would never see her again. I was indifferent to the breakup. Suddenly, she calls me 2 years later. We have sex, we talked about all our issues, and we are suddenly hanging out and talking like it was just yesterday. Except this time, it's better. All the toxicity and negative feelings faded away, so it was like we were back in the honeymoon stage. I have no idea what Im doing or if it's right. I just know that it feels good. It's like the relationship that should've been. I swear, I thought I hated this woman, but Im suddenly falling for her again. 😂
Love and hate aren’t so dissimilar after all
I met my ex for the first time in a long time last week. It was like she'd never left.
Wanting her back is what the heart wants, but the head says it would be easier to become an astronaut
What I have seen in my life is, women who break up the relationship already has someone they are pursuing. When men and women spend more time together in the workplace than with their partner, the woman starts thinking she might be able to do better than her partner. In today's world, after a breakup, most women have at least one sexual encounter in less than a month.
Yessir.
I disagree, a low or mid quality woman will do this. A quality woman will go fins herself again instead of redirecting the pain.
What??
Most women, who? The ones you go after?
Sounds like a you problem. I know plenty of women like myself that stay single for years after a break up. Maybe go after different options.
I just broke up with my boyfriend and there is absolutely NO one else in the picture. No chats, no ig likes, no workplace relationship with anybody else. Just plain "This is not the relationship I want"
Women are the only ones who talk about "finding yourself". For the most part, it's only to see if you can do better. Gentlemen, remember PN Clarity. If she splits, set her free. Never take back the rental car that has been driven by other men since you were with her. Have some self-respect bro, brah, bruh. You gave your power away once. Don't do it again. There's 4 billion women in the world, and and you're worried about one? Move on brosky.
When you open the fridge to get that nice cold drink of milk only to find it’s gone sour, putting it back in the fridge for 1 week or 6 months is not going to change the fact that it’s sour.
I’ve gotten back into several broken relationships only to find out in the 1st 20 minutes why I broke up with them in the 1st place.
Lastly, WADR, I can’t see how someone can “change” in only 1 week… true change will take years and it comes in 3 stages:
1) Pain … enough pain that know that there needs to be a change.
2) Awareness… you have to take the time to get enough awareness of what needs changing
3) Courage.. This is the big one. So many get to (1) and (2), but just never have the courage to change.
After all, whatever needs changing is just as a much a part of you as your right arm.
And then there is the fact that maybe YOU are not the one that needs to change. 🤔
Never reach back to an ex. NEVER. Heal, suffer and move on. Re-rig your fishing pole and cast again.
Yes. There is plenty of fish in the sea and if you're not willing to go fishing again you'll never now what great fish you could be missing out on.
Ugh, after 23 years-long relationship, we have been in no contact for 2 months... yes, I still want her back and have been focusing on improving myself so that when I do start dating not only will she think twice about it, but I will bring some serious value to my next relationship. Whether that be a future her or a new person entirely. Her biggest complaint was that I didn't deliver on my promises for our future goals. That... is an easy thing to fix. Also, it really depends statistics-wise because I know someone who broke up with their ex for four years and now they have a kid together and bought a house. Marriage being the next stop. The reason why the "get back together" crowd is so low is because typically speaking most people learn to outgrow their ex and in the end decide they no longer want their ex back, not because the majority of them failed to get their ex back.
My ex broke up with me because she started meeting with someone else.. After 3 days no talking she asked me "how am I".. I didn't respond nothing.. She get angry and she "why I need to be like that".. For me is a big red flag of narcissistic behavior.. And after few weeks she started telling storys to everyone around how bad I am.. She jump already to another relationship when I am still trying to heal myself and figure it out what actually happened.. And try to understand it.. To move on and not make the same mistakes in future..
I got back together with my college sweetheart because she asked to have me back, about three months after she broke up with me.
The second time around was fine for about five months, but then she ended up leaving me again.
I think that she was simply lonely and felt unloved, and I was available. So, there it went.
Looking back, I wish with all my heart that the second try had never happened. It cost me other opportunities, particularly one that I had just started to see when she took me back. So, what could I do except end things with that new gal and end the possibility of being with someone that I was really starting to like. But, I can't date two people at once, so I had to made a choice and I took the "safe" one.
And the second break up pretty much ruined me. It certainly ruined my senior year of college. And all in all, that second time took more than two years to get over at all. And in some ways, I never did. It certainly ended my belief in "true love," and I became more than a little cynical about relationships.
People don’t change. Remember this, a snake sheds its skin not to change, but to become a bigger snake.
This hits hard
Are you a snake?
Never got through the trash after you have taken it to the curb. It's messy, The neighbors see you do it, and whatever you were looking for is never worth it - Rollo Tomassi.
Excellent convo. A great video to reference. 💯 about the reasons and stats. I’ve heard about no contact, but only in context of toxic, narcissistic or abusive relationships.
Don’t you ever take anyone back after he/she treated you poorly. It was insulting to even hear that suggestion from my ex. He/she thinks you are the “perfect idiot” or believes his/her behavior shouldn’t have any consequences.
it took a year to get over my ex. But after seeing your videos, I was 100% correct and glad it's over.
Many get back with an ex because of familiarity. They are an ex for a reason.
Have I told you the definition of insanity?
There is a reason it’s called a “break up”, because it’s broken. Never go back.
100%
Went no contact for 4 months, hit her up to "bury a hatchet" from the relationship, starting catching up, then talking a little. Went on a date, scheduled another one for a Saturday night and she flaked last minute for a night out with someone else. Called her out for the flaking, she said I was acting like a prick and we ended it right there.
Lesson learned: Never try again with an ex.
You shouldn’t break no contact. She should contact you
@@vlad_gromov_2023thankful she did
@@vlad_gromov_2023that’s true, but if you really want to try again maybe you should reach out. What if she/he is waiting for you to reach out? Tough situation
I support it, if the things that caused a split are being worked out and both miss each other, why not?
To each their own. For me once it is over it is over forever.
After 22 years of marriage I left my wife. No kids. We are separated now and getting a divorce. We haven't been living together for about 2 months, but we see each other very regularly. One thing that I will say is that I definitely do miss the routine and our life together, but there is no way I could ever get back with her. And I think she feels the same way.
I love her and I adore her, but she and I are not a good married couple. And she is realizing this now as well. We had a lot of good times, but the lows.....welll....that is between me and her. And we are both way happier now and have no issues hanging out every once in a while. It's great!
My ex and I were going down a toxic path. Passion and fire is how I often define it.
We broke up. THen I failed her at her darkest hour by not being there for her.
She will never forgive me. But after 2 years, my feelings have never weakened.
I met her again for the first time in a long time recently and I just want to fight for the love we once had.
My head though, tells another story. It's sad and depressing.
Hope that one day I can find this again, lost on the youtube void, and know that I proved it wrong.
Nice video! Can you maybe put the study in the description? Its always nice to just skimm trough a mentioned study aswell. :)
Pretty certain my ex won’t reach out. What was messed up. She ended the relationship a week prior to my birthday. Then sends me a Happy Birthday message on my birthday.
It’s been 9 months now. Prior to ending it. She had been talking about visiting a so called friend several states away. Well, she did that a month after the ending. I was either a rebound for her. Or she wanted to have her cake and eat it also.
Who knows what the actual reason was. But there were warnings near the end. Almost like she wanted me to dump her. Small lies to her friends in front of me. Nothing huge. Saying she had found someone’s phone when I actually found it. Stuff like that. Snapping at me for simple things like where I left my keys. Or for letting the dogs out. Belittling what interested me. Then when I confronted her about anything bothering her. She would say nothing particular. Leaving me to wonder what else I could be doing to irritate her. Was I perfect?? Nope! Could I have done a few things differently?? Absolutely. I’m finally seeing her for what she really is. And it’s not pretty anymore.
I was married 34 years, she pulled the plug because I could never be the spiritual leader of the family like her father was. We've been divorced 17 years now, I'm currently single, but I've had a couple of LTRs, she has not had any. We communicate often, mostly about our kids and grandkids, we live on opposite coasts, the last time we saw each other was at our oldest grandchild's wedding 18 months ago. I've dropped hints ever since that wedding that I'd be interested in getting back together, but she either doesn't pick up on them, or simply ignores them. I've loved her since the day I met her, and I still do - she's a wonderful woman. But, as much as I would love to get back together with her, I'm also terribly afraid of rejection.
Could be best to move on. There's a better girl out there for you!
Take the rejection ! Risk and ask ! We are different people at diff stages of life … time is running out !!!
@@georgeelder8415No there isnt 😂😂😂😂
Sorry, but she sounds like a crazy lady to me. Maybe a wonderful crazy lady but a crazy lady. There are a lot of people like that in the world and half of them are crazy men.
It depends why you split up. I have had long distance relationships where only logistics go in the way and made it impractical. However, I would recommend you write down why you split up wiht someone - hence, if you do feel sentimental, you can take a reality check as it is very unlikely they will have changed if you get back together and you must have reasons that are clearly resolved, e.g. they now live closer to you!
would love to hear you're thoughts on moving on. Just gone through our second breakup in six months after being together for two years. There is faults on both sides I'm old enough to accept that. But the trust is gone and I do not want to get hurt again even though I still have feelings for her.
If the trust is gone, there's no point in thinking it can come back. It's the biggest sign that your mind can give you that it will never work.
My wife left me on the eve of the millennia, I'd retired from the Marines, she'd got "the post office job she'd chased" for years. She was out of the house for a week and came back to me in tears. Our daughter wanted no return, our son supported the return and I ultimately accepted her back. We stayed together to her death four years ago, from long term multiple sclerosis. I'm glad we did despite the pain and difficulty. I miss her now, lonely, but no regrets for taking her back. We had a good marriage, overall. She expressed real sorrow and worked to regain my trust in the end.
I’d say getting back with an ex depends what the reason was for the breakup, how long it’s been, and if both parties have matured to know better.
Your voice sounds like Lillie Kane. She's another RUclipsr. She's a high energy, upbeat health and nutrition influencer. When I first saw your clips, I thought you were her. You have a great channel. Keep up the good work.
Dated for 6 months. Broke up. Got back together one year later. Now married 22 years. My husband wanted space to figure out marriage since he was divorced before. That sound crazy to me (I’m 16 years younger). After the breakup joined the army, was injured in trainning, and medically discharged. We got married 14 days after I flew home. It worked out for me - but my more mature self still
Understands the disaster it could have been. 😂❤
Mine constantly accused me of infidelity, while we were together, and accused me of a lot of different, despicable stuff in her protective order. So she will never get the consideration of ever having me back. She could apologize every morning and night, and she'll never have my forgiveness or have closure
On rebuilding trust: The question I've yet to have answered adequately... How do you trust someone you don't trust?
Yessss
Emily... Rule #1... There are NO RE-DOs... Period.
Damn skippy
Thank you for this video I was thinking about getting back together with her until this video. She has been with multiple men and you have given me clarity for why not to❤
My ex left me bc she thought I wasn't putting in enough effort in the relationship, not only did I put I effort for her and her family (2 kids) I actively stepped in for her family when I knew I didn't have to. We didn't have a perfect relationship but after 6 years I thought we could handle most things together, but I guess her limit was being reached and she left me, devastated not only me but her kids.... they still keep in touch, but not her
I know that our relationship is fixable, and I know who I am and what I can give to her, and I obviously still love her and the kids, I just wished that she saw how much I tried for her
Similar situation with me.
Women that aren’t willing to understand what it takes from a man to support another man’s kids aren’t worth investing into.
Please believe me, you dodged a bullet and are better off without that in your life.
She's probably never going to be in a healthy relationship until she grows up - she's not an adult. Children shouldn't be raising children. The kids are going to need you to be there for them when she screws up worse.
You have lovely feminine energy and beautiful hair. Thanks for this great upload.
There’s many channels with advice on how to heal and breakup advice.
My favorite is heal with Darlene.
In my adult experience, the default option for failed and/or interrupted relationships has been, and always will be, not to reengage with an ex. For me personally, it has everything to do with self-respect, common sense, dignity and self-preservation.
That said, there are exceptions to every rule. I did briefly make the effort to rekindle an interrupted relationship with a wonderful young woman because the physical attraction was strong. In that post-college relationship, I was the "other guy" so my "ex-pectations" (pun intended) were relatively low and held in check by her inability/unwillingness to choose. She was genuinely conflicted, so I eventually tried to make her heart grow fonder with an absence. Didn't happen, so I gracefully bowed-out.
just to saying, when a girl break up with you and you know that isnt ur fault, never ever comeback neverrrrrrrr !
haven't watched the vid yet, just gonna dump my opinion her prior and see what you have to say, and wondering if you will agree...it fully depends on the issues and what they were and when. I fully believe that meeting the right person at the wrong time is nearly the same as meeting the wrong person. if you were just not I the right place mentally, physically, emotionally, and you BOTH have grown since then. no issue trying again. if they broke your trust in any way move on and don't look back. A woman that didn't respect you will NEVER learn to. A man wont either BTW.
I love your videos on good men. Thank you for seeing the heart of a man.
At first when you first started talking about this, I thought you were talking about getting revenge on your ex.
One issue you left out that I think is an important issue to address is that if one or both problems had alcohol or addiction issues... that can be a trecherous path with serious red flags that must be addressed!
First of all you BOTH need to be sober at least one year, no if ands or buts!!!
These can be potentially good relationships, but all the issues that were masked by the addiction MUST be addressed first!
For me, one of the main purposes to get into a relationship is to be with them and create as many common grounds as possible. I can be alone and will be alone by default. Getting into a relationship literally means the lifestyle is totally the opposite - to do and create more things together. I hate people who think getting into a relationship means they will still have (even remotely) the same amount of personal space or not be attached - compared to when they were actually alone. These people are delusional.
I really like your attitude. Follow your heart. We are responsible for our actions and appreciate your advice. Thank you
I sent my ex a letter on New Years eve apologising for the things I did wrong in the relationship (she emotionally abused me, but still I felt the need to put things rigjt, because we all fuck up every now and then). She was not amused. Reminded me with just one message, why we didn't work out. Manipulation, guilt tripping and belittling all in one message. Amazing feat, really, if you think about it.
I value my sanity. I didn't want to be married to her when I was married to her. I had a carpentry teacher when I was in school. He made a statement that not only fits in construction but, also in marriage. The old homes in the area have hand dug basements which makes the cellars low. Walking down the stairs into the basement you could hit your head on the above floor header. He said " If you hit your head once you should learn. If you hit your head a second time, you're stupid. ". That pretty much sums up remarrying or remarrying your ex
Together 10 years, separated for about 3 months, then together for another 12 years. Divorced for 3 years now, and I have put a hard pause on dating.
Getting back together was a real mixed bag. I cannot say I would discourage or recommend it for others. It is very complex and I think a person's values have an outsized impact on the decision.
I do think now, it is incredibly unlikely for me to ever get back with an ex. I am however far more thoughtful and purposeful about who I am dating and the why and when to end a relationship.
Never go back to an abuser, cheater, drug user or drunk. (You need to decide if you are willing to go back to someone who is now sober).
Neber go back to an ex unless you know you can live without them. Don't go back out of need. Find your independence.
No contact for a lot longer than a month. Unless there is a death in the family? No contact.
Before we married my wife and I were broken up for over three years. Both of us had serious relationships with other people. Neither of us regarded it as infidelity. And it was no contact. It was over. And then magic happened. 1969-2016 it was a marriage, not a walk in the park.
Why not the regard for infidelity?
@@CallsItLikeISeizeIts
It wasn’t infidelity by either of us because we thought it was over. We weren’t married and we each went our own way. I guess I wasn’t clear that we had courted for over a year and then broke up. Neither of us expected to meet each other three years later walking down the street and end up married.
Got it, crazy story 😊
I went back to an ex. Overtime, he became so furious about the fact that we once broke up that he began vowing to make me pay for this. I had no choice but to break off all contact with him, for my safety,
Dated in our early twenties. Dated two years. Got back together 12 and 1/2 years later. Married more than 21 years.
I learned a lot she only was around cause she needed me emotionally cause she was lonely and had nobody she didn’t want me she wanted attention I feel better now I know it was all about money and what I had once I lost that she left for good it shows u a lot of who somebody rly is
i've probably hung on for too long but when i do make that decision its final
Dating is like an audition. Within about 1-5 minutes of conversation, I know enough about a girl/woman if I should make a cut or not. Same goes to the men if they are worthy to be friends with me. It's a dreadful waste of time to have meaningless conversations that go nowhere, or if I am along someone who is not right for me.
I was married for 21 years and lost my wife to cancer. I wish cancer was a beast that I could kill. Lord knows I'd tak my time and make it painful. When she passed we had 4 children. 2 sons, one was starting his career in the Air Force and the other in metal fabrication and my daughters were just about to graduate from high school. And wasn't I wasn't quite 45 yet. In college one of my daughters would meet the young man to who she's now married. This young man has an big sister who was a bar tender and i began frequenting that bar. I hadn't even considered starting to date again and i surely never thought about her like that. She did have a boyfriend when I first met her and they did seem happy. I'd even go over to their place (that she actually owned) and help him with home projects and car maintenance. But it turns out that he was the controlling andabusive type. It would be her father and I that put him out of her house. Her brother was away on his honeymoon with my daughter. On the 7th of July 2018 my dog passed away. She invited me to the bar and after closing she'd lock us in and we could drink until 11:00 am the next morning if we wanted to. We were playing the jukebox, drinking and dancing to the occasional songs. The jukebox would play The Dance by Garth Brooks. The line in this song " I could've missed the pain, but I'd have to miss the dance" gave the song special meaning to me since my wife died. When the song started she pulled in close and tightly to me and I really don't know if I was terrified or excited at that point. Just after 9:00am she asks me if I want breakfast and goes to the kitchen. She came back telling me that she has better food at home. I texted my son for a ride home. Well her place. I remember arriving in her driveway. As we're exiting his truck, she tells my son "Thanks for the ride, now get lost, scram, no offense luv ya byee". What happened next wasn't any surprise to me. We spent that day together and the night, then the next night. A little over 3 months later it's almost October and I find myself calling her as I'm about to get off work to see if she wanted me to stop and pick anything up. She said "no just get home by midnight if you want your dinner hot". The realization hit me. Home??? That's her place. Ive got a girlfriend and i didn't even notice it happening. But i have not spent a night in my house in 6 weeks. We lived together for almost 3 years. I moved out the day after my 51st birthday she has substance abuse issues and tried to control it on her own. She did it well enough to hide it, or at least the extent, of her problems from me for two years. A few months after I moved back to my house she found her rock bottom and started rehab. On the 17th of September 2022 she celebrated a year of sobriety. I took her fishing and cooked out steak and crayfish gumbo for her to celebrate. The conversation that day did lead to resuming our relationship. I finally gave her the ring 💍 I bought for her in 2019 on the 17th of September 2023 and we plan to marry on the 17th of September 2024 and our child should be born in mid March 2024. I don't know if this counts as an official break up story. I never called her my ex. There were at least 2 or 3 weeks maybe a month of no contact, because she was really pissed at me when I moved out. Of course she wasn't taking to most of her family and friends at that point.
I LOL'd majority of your video! It was like you were holding in a major outburst during your recording, what was so funny!?😅 Great advice... i think. I can't stop laughing!
I am currently separated from my wife of 21 years. I have tried for the last 5 months to come back together. I am giving up on this and just moving on with my life.
After watching this and thinking back through my past relationships, I've never thought of getting back with ex's. The break ups are for a reason. However, been in situations with some of them where we've ended sleeping together months or even years post break up and then go our separate ways again with no dramas. These were the ex's I had amicable splits with. Bizarrely we tended to get on well apart than as a couple back together.
Late twenties, more than six months apart, she already with a rebound for about 4-5 of those. We were six years together, but have all odds against. It’s over boys
Thanks for sharing.
I'm not one for emotion-fueled rash decisions of that magnitude.
I'm a firm nay.
Cheating is not cut and dry. Talking or going out with another man or woman is wrong to me but not cheating. Unless they sleep with them. Unless I find out or catch them in bed or a friend tells me, then I trust their word. Because I can care less a man or woman gets lonely and talks to someone else due to lack of compassion and desire at times.
Now going off and screwing another man or woman that’s a deal breaker for me. But if you are a high value man and want to talk to ladies or go out then you better make sure your woman is okay with that and is confident in her self to know she is yours and you always come home to her.
Girl l seriously can't see how you could find your self in a situation where you aren't loved, l wish all women were like you and decent like my Mother, she is perfect in my eyes..
One month to improve yourself isn't very long at all. Improving yourself takes far longer then a month
NEVER, stop listening to this woman. Do as I say not as I do… I’ll base you of your actions and this lady’s crazy!!!!
The short answer is 'never'. If someone leaves you, never spend one second trying to get them back. And never take them back. They chose someone or something else once, they will again. Don't even waste time talking to them, and definitely don't help them in any way. Your feelings toward them are irrelevant, and dangerous.
Yes long time is good with no contract
I'm not even sure what will happen but it's worth the effort if you put in the work
Stay away from ex at all costs. No hope for anyone else. Staying single is much better.
Honestly, staying single is not healthy
@@ErinBoyce i wish someone could love me 😢❤️
I had a front row seat to a couple friends of mine who kept breaking up and getting back together. Neither cheated, as far as I know. He wanted kids and she didn't, and neither was willing to compromise. The difficult part was they owned a business together, so they couldn't avoid each other. He tried forcing her out a number of times. Eventually he met someone else and sold his half to her when he moved out of state.
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. 🤣
Got back with my ex who I dated 8 years ago. We had no contact for about 5 years. Still in the early days and I think things are much better now than they ever were.
Just some ⛽⛽⛽ for the algorithm!
I just got out of a narcissistic relationship super toxic an draining he was extremely codependent
Don't know how old you are but I'm 59. I thoroughly loved all the things you said. I've been there and done that. I've lost my last 2 attempts to death. No one seems to care and all are willing to leave me alone. Can you help?
i dumped a violent girl, she messaged me years later about how i hurt her... NEVER GO BACK, ITS NOT FIXABLE. NEVER FIXABLE!!!!!!
Great video, and a most marvelous subject. Please talk to us more about "ghosting", please. Thank you, thank you, ma'am, if you hold it is relative here.
A friend of mine married the same guy twice. They were together for a long time and had kids together, broke up for a long time but stayed in contact, got married again for a short time and got divorced quickly. What was wrong the first time was still wrong.
My cousin’s husband left her for someone else, or what he hoped would be someone else but ended up after all that, the other girl wasn’t interested in him. They were divorced for a year but their scheming 8 year old daughter got them talking again. They remarried - that second marriage was in 1989. They’re still married so… it’s different for everyone
Everyone has their own situation. Painting with a wide brush, or even a brush that extends beyond your own circumstance is simply absurd.
Life is all about relationships and how you learn and grow in your relationships might determine the future of those relationships. You and your X might be less compatible, or not.
There's no way you can really find yourself or improve yourself in just a week... It takes at least three months.
My thoughts on this is, if you were not good enough the first time around the second time around is not any better. She is just gonna clean up what she didnt get the first time.